1

00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,243

SUE: No, Rachel, I'm sorry.

2
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,523
But the VP's schedule
has skyrocketed since the interview.

3
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:26,251
Actually, I'm not sorry.
I'm not sure why I just said that.

4
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,206
Boy, I'll tell you something.

5
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,363
That TV interview was a big gamble,
but it really paid off.

6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,044
- Look at this.
- What is it?

7
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,361
They're calling you the no-BS VP.

8
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,204
- Damn right they are.
- (LAUGHS)

9
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,805
I mean, I lied and everything,

10
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,644
- but it sounded true, at least.
- Uh-huh.

11
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:41,926
DAN: Mood is good.

12
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,447
Just need six more years like today,
and they will vote us POTUS.

13
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,410
Hey, ma'am, remember tomorrow
you've got that Get Moving Fun Run.
14
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:49,481
SELINAI Yeah.

15
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,607
You probably should prepare,
don't you think?

16
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,409
- It's a 1 OK.
- Yeah.

17
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,721
- I can run that thing in a suit of armor.
- Okay.

18
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,920
Ma'am, I shouldn't go with you
to this donors' brunch.

19
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,008
We don't want to set off any alarm bells.

20
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,770
Oh, yeah. You know what? Me neither.

21
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,401
Okay, I'll go kiss some hateful
billionaire ass on my own.

22
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:05,720
Give them all donor boners.

23
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,882
- Everyone wants a piece of you, ma'am.
- Yeah.

24
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,007
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Via me.

25
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,730
I need to go talk to Ben right now.

26
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,161
<i>Andale!</i>
27
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,765
Let's go.

28
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,571
MALE <i>REPORTER: We haven't heard
anything from the President so far.</i>

29
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,366
<i>We've got rumors of a whistleblower
high up in the State Department.</i>

30
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:22,767
What? What are you doing?

31
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,480
- I don't want people to see that.
- Okay.

32
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,444
They should put those in a dispenser

33
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,090
- outside Ben's office, right?
- Yeah.

34
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,448
MALE <i>REPORTER: White House staff
are lawyering up in case of subpoenas...</i>

35
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,761
Ben. Ben?

36
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,684
<i>We've got the President's own party
talking of a potential challenger...</i>

37
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,445
Hey, why doesn't POTUS
just make an apology?

38
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,603
I mean, I did and I was only,
like, suicidal for a week. Huh?

39
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,604
Oh, because he's a mess, all right?

40
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,286
He's got a cave full of bats in his skull.

41
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,283
I took the heat for the spy.

42
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,409
- Don't I get any credit for that at all?
- Yeah.

43
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,281
So now we've got the House Judiciary
Committee subpoenaing us senseless.

44
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,360
And on top of that,

45
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,964
we got a rumor going around that says
that there's a challenger inside the party.

46
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,042
- What? Who?
- I don't know.

47
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,805
One of Gaddafi's sons.
They're polling better.

48
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,484
So thank you very much for your help,

49
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,086
but would you quit
being so goddamned proactive?

50
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,571
What are you going to do for an encore?

51
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,802
Blow the opening day pitch out of your ass?

52
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,325
Ah, that's lovely.
53
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,006
Is this what this is going to be like
for the next two years?

54
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,246
Oh, my, yes.

55
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,644
We are at DEFCON fuck.

56
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,449
(SIRENS BLARING)

57
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,120
GARY: Hey, ma'am,
I got flash cards on the donors.

58
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,571
No, thanks. I got it.

59
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,884
Peter Spiddock sleeps with his gun,
Sandra O'Neill fricking hates fracking,

60
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,887
Sidney Purcell, talking to him, it's like being
stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats.

61
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,803
He's got money to burn.

62
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,281
Not that donating to your campaign
is burning money.

63
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,001
I know what this is all about.
This is a political prick tease today.

64
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,082
Yeah, and we're about to
meet a bunch of pricks.

65
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,401
SELINA: Yeah. Challenger schmallenger.
66
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,891
I mean, if this brunch goes well,

67
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,204
my campaign launchpad
is going to be made of solid fucking gold.

68
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,770
(ALL LAUGHING)

69
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,251
And then in six years,

70
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,006
- it's gonna be Ms. President.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

71
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,765
- Yeah!
- We're gonna need a bigger bag!

72
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,161
- Ovaries in the Oval Office!
- (LAUGHS)

73
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,130
The West Womb! (LAUGHS)

74
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,361
What?

75
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,851
- What?
- You know, like a womb.

76
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:20,729
Like a woman has a womb
that the baby comes...

77
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:21,800
MIKE: Oh, pathetic.

78
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,524
<i>Politico</i> is announcing that Danny Chung
79
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:27,326
has just uploaded his "What I'm
Listening To" playlist on Spotify.

80
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,209
Hmm, we need to do a playlist.

81
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,567
- No, we don't.
- Oh, we absolutely do.

82
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,483
- Get Dan.
- No, I can help with the songs.

83
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,767
You know, my niece loves Katy Perry.

84
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,171
Just like I said, get Dan.

85
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,721
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

86
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,882
- There he is.
- DJ Dan.

87
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,564
- Thanks for the playlist.
- Oh, my pleasure.

88
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,849
Seems like it's playing pretty well, too,
with the oldies and the Young Chungers.

89
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,570
The Young Chungers.

90
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,642
- It's like you think in hashtags.
- You like that?

91
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:54,362
All right, maybe we can call the over 65ers
the Granny Chungs.
92
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,887
- Something. No, I'll keep working on that one.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

93
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:58,961
Oh, shit.

94
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,805
- You need to take that. Keep her happy.
- Tall order.

95
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,326
- You smell that? Money.
- (LAUGHS)

96
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:05,966
- Hey, Dan?
- Ma'am.

97
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,281
Have you heard anything about
this Danny Chung playlist?

98
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,361
<i>DAN". I just caught that, actually.</i>

99
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,965
Some smart stuff on there, too.

100
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,771
Nas for the young folks,
some Dean Martin for the retirees.

101
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:19,244
He just got one of his butt droids to do it,
which is why I want you to do it for me, okay?

102
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,488
Your mix is my command.

103
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,006
Come on, Sue, help me out with this, okay?
You're good at this stuff.

104
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,684
You're young, you're hip, you're hop.

105
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,444
<i>What</i> about Jimmy <i>Cliff?
The Harder They Come?</i>

106
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,520
No.

107
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,688
Look, I have no idea who that is, so, no.

108
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,081
<i>Uh,</i> Elvis <i>Costello,
Peace, Love And Understanding?</i>

109
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,764
- What?
- No, no, and no.

110
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,524
Are you getting these all from your iPod?

111
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,285
- No. I think it's in a cloud.
- Oh.

112
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,000
You know, do you think that Danny Chung's

113
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,771
the one who's getting ready
to bust a move in two years?

114
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:47,481
Well, the way POTUS is going, he'll probably
stumble into a war sooner or later.

115
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,642
Chung will reenlist
and hopefully get himself killed.

116
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,326
I don't understand why I don't get
the same respect as he does, you know?

117
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,847
- Shit!
- Oh, what about that? <i>Respect.</i>

118
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,600
- Sue?
- You know, the Aretha Franklin song?

119
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:58,971
- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

120
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,441
- That would be great.
- Hey, Mike. Mike.

121
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,882
- Oh! Oh, my God.
- Duchess is down.

122
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,007
- Oh.
- MARTIN: Duchess is down. Yellow, yellow.

123
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,242
- I repeat, duchess is down. Go, Rick.
- MAN: Go, go, go, go!

124
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,288
(GASPS) Oh, God, your face!

125
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,964
- MAN: We're gonna need a medic.
- Is it bad?

126
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,241
- No.
- Yes!

127
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:13,651
You're fine, ma'am. You're fine.

128
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,007
Madam Vice President,
if you'd just stand still, please.

129
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,081
Just calm down, Martin. Okay?

130
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,286
- She's fine. It's not a terrorist.
- I'm fine.

131
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,727
- Just lock up the hallway, guys. It's all fine.
- Lock it up. Lock it up.

132
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:21,841
- Ma'am.
- Yes?

133
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:22,921
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

134
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,843
Don't move. We're gonna have
to cut your clothes off you.

135
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,565
- Huh?
- I walked through a glass door before.

136
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,720
This is what you do, okay?

137
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,728
- You're kidding.
- No, I was fine because I was drunk.

138
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,131
- You're gonna be okay.
- Oh.

139
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,326
Shit, the donors.

140
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,480
Just go tell them
I'm gonna be a couple minutes late.

141
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,844
- Go tell them that, okay?
- Okay, okay.
142
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,321
- All right. What are you... No! Mike!
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

143
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,930
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, my God!

144
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,240
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Don't... Don't...

145
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,169
- Go another way, Mike.
- Okay. Okay.

146
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:47,523
- Ma'am, are you hurting? Are you in pain?
- Uh...

147
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,840
I don't know.

148
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,206
Do you have a mirror?

149
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,249
- No.
- Yes, you do.

150
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,846
I've got some St. John's wort
for pain relief if you want it.

151
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,206
I don't want to take medication.

152
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,247
It's herbal. It's from the earth.

153
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,049
- You can take six, it won't affect you.
- (BOTH GASP)

154
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,361
- (BOTH WHIMPER)
- Look at that.

155
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,289
Ah! OW!

156
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,610
Hiya. HeY-

157
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,409
Uh, the Vice President apologizes,
but she's slightly delayed.

158
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,882
She's stuck on a call
with the Australian ambassador.

159
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,849
The Australian ambassador?

160
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,285
Oh, that's good.
I've never heard that one before.

161
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,482
Sidney Purcell, always a pleasure, sir.

162
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,722
No, it's not, actually,
but you get marks for trying.

163
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:31,364
But the Vice President is in great spirits.
She's buoyantly waiting to meet you all.

164
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,807
And I will go check,
see if I can interrupt that call.

165
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,882
Like I said, it's a call.

166
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,927
Strength is being flexible and steadfast.

167
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,970
The living willow, not the dead oak.

168
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:47,841
I learned in Iraq that the road to respect
between me and my men ran two ways.

169
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,562
In order to get respect,
you have to give respect.

170
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:57,005
When I look out, I see many faces, but I
see only one nation with one aspiration,

171
00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:01,688
and that aspiration
is to one day hope to dream together.

172
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,366
- I met a young woman...
- No.

173
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,249
Named Juanita in Saint
Paul the other day.

174
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,169
- Oh, crap.
- DAN NY: And I asked...

175
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,726
<i>- You know what she said to me?</i>
- Oh.

176
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,882
- Dan.
- This is awkward.

177
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,689
Like catching your sister's eye at an orgy.

178
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,206
Well, my sister would never be at an orgy.
Too uptight.

179
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,320
She would want health records from everyone
and just kill the momentum and...

180
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:22,361
Okay. I'm disappointed in you.

181
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,965
This is the kind of behavior
I would expect from myself.

182
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,041
But from you? Uh-huh.

183
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,960
Let's cut the crap. We're
both here for Chung.

184
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,685
So we both jump together.
You know, Butch and Sundance.

185
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:30,961
Don't they both die?

186
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,202
- No, not when theyjump. They die at the end.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

187
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,646
- Oh.
- (BEEPS)

188
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,161
Hey, Sue.

189
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,289
Dan, the Vice President
just walked through a glass door.

190
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,840
She walked through a glass door?
What is that, code?

191
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,809
No, unfortunately, it is not, Dan.

192
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,006
<i>It is a literal description</i>

193
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,127
<i>- of what just happened-
- (MOUTHING)</i>

194
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,202
And she's not too badly hurt.
Thanks for asking.

195
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,448
She walked through a glass door?

196
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,040
Yeah, that woman has become
a living metaphor of her own career.

197
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,406
(GRUNTING)

198
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,164
Just make sure you rest today, okay?

199
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,925
I feel like one of those old used footballs

200
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,040
that they fixed up

201
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,241
- for the kids at an orphanage.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

202
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,446
- (LAUGHING)
- (DOOR OPENS)

203
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,444
Good to see you've calmed down.

204
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,921
Ma'am, plenty of rest
and no 1 OK run tomorrow.

205
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,650
- Okay?
- Well, I don't know about that.

206
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,331
- Hey.
- Hi.

207
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,164
Uh, we told everyone you were delayed.

208
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,129
Um, but we're gonna have to
cancel this thing, okay?

209
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,680
No. Mike, what are you talking about?

210
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,085
I can't cancel my destiny.

211
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,525
Ma'am, look at you. You're wearing a robe.

212
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:22,601
Unless you want to go down there

213
00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,523
and sing them a chorus of
Look <i>At</i> Me, I'm Sandra Dee,

214
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,726
you can't go downstairs.

215
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,167
Okay, um, I'll go ahead and go.

216
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,924
- Mmm-hmm.
- Thank you very much for your help.

217
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,365
- Mum's the word?
- Oh, yes.

218
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,602
- Good.
- What would I even say?
219
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,921
We'll just tell them
what happened and reschedule.

220
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,451
Oh! Ooh!

221
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,161
- Jesus.
- Oh, God.

222
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,526
I'm canceling. I'm canceling.

223
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,284
(PANTING)

224
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,444
- Okay, where is she?
- I don't know.

225
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,683
I guess we just follow
the trail of her blood and Gary's tears.

226
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,529
- Oh, hey.
- How bad is she?

227
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,443
She's fine. It's just superficial cuts.

228
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,409
Did you give her any painkillers or...

229
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,131
I didn't want to do that
because she's already on St. John's wort.

230
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,884
I think I got that off
a Catholic schoolgirl once.

231
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,405
So why can't she take anything else?
232
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,329
Well, uh, it can react badly with the body

233
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,609
if she's already on immunosuppressants,
beta-blockers, or antidepressants.

234
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,728
- Oh, okay, fine. She's not on any of those.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

235
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,883
- I've really got to go. Catch you guys later.
- Yep, thank you.

236
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,201
AMY: Well, she is on antidepressants.
DAN: Yep.

237
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,884
After you.

238
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,849
See? You made that look so easy.

239
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,208
Hey, I'm sorry this isn't
the presidential suite, ma'am. (CHUCKLES)

240
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,965
Oh, it doesn't matter, Gary.

241
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,963
Who has the presidential suite?

242
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,650
I heard Russell Crowe.

243
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,451
- Russell Crowe, Gladiator.
- Yeah.

244
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,329
- "I'll be back."
- (LAUGHING)
245
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,843
- You know who would love this robe?
- Mmm. Who?

246
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,081
- Ben.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

247
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,322
Can you imagine him in this
with his big mug?

248
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,845
- Yep, Yep-
- Walking around?

249
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:41,967
He'd love that.

250
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,769
(BOTH LAUGHING)

251
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,928
- Come on, sit here.
- Okay, that's nice.

252
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,331
- Yeah.
- Thank you, ma'am.

253
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,687
I don't really know anything
about you, you know?

254
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,444
You're kind of a mystery man.

255
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,522
Ooh. (CHUCKLES) Hmm.

256
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,329
- Where'd you grow up?
- Birmingham, Alabama.

257
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,244
- You did not.
- (IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) I did too! I did!

258
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,286
- Are you close to your parents?
- (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Close to my mom.

259
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,443
- My dad always wanted a man for a son, so...
- Oh, yeah.

260
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,251
- But it's a different generation.
- It is a different generation. It's true.

261
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,369
They're about to celebrate
their 40th wedding anniversary.

262
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,965
- (GASPS) Oh.
- Four-O.

263
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,963
They're gonna have a huge blowout.

264
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,121
What do you mean? Like a party?

265
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,646
- Massive party. Massive.
- (GASPS) Oh.

266
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,688
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really...
- Can I come?

267
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,130
- What?
- Could... Can I come?

268
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,486
Are you serious?

269
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,800
Is that completely inappropriate
for me to invite myself?
270
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,330
Oh, my God, no.

271
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,164
No. They...

272
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,481
- I would love that. Are you kidding?
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

273
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,289
- Really?
- Yes.

274
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:48,126
That would solve
all of my validation issues with my dad.

275
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,009
Ma'am. Uh, how are you?

276
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,206
Look, Amy, watch this.

277
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,647
Look how tiny I can make myself.
Watch this.

278
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:54,926
(GIGGLING)

279
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,244
But the donor meeting
has been canceled, yes?

280
00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,640
SELINA: I'm not doing that thing.

281
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,324
Seriously, screw all those people.

282
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,643
God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on DC.

283
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,882
- GARY: Ooh.
- Wouldn't that solve a lot of issues?

284
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,201
Except Kent wouldn't go anywhere.
He'd still be around.

285
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,647
- He's like an undead cockroach with his...
- (LAUGHING)

286
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,131
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- it's true.

287
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,285
He's got that blank look.
I bet he doesn't even have a come face.

288
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,641
- Can you imagine fucking that guy?
- Whoa.

289
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,286
Amy, you have such pretty blonde hair.

290
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,441
Doesn't she?

291
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,489
SQ pretty.

292
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,290
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

293
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,849
Uh, hi, everyone. Good morning again.

294
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:37,010
Unfortunately, the Vice President is still
stuck on a phone call with Australia,

295
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,323
so she's going to have to postpone this
morning's meet and greet breakfast, okay?
296
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,640
We're very sorry.

297
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,920
Mike, you know, in the southern hemisphere,
the bullshit actually flows the other way.

298
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,047
Did you know that?

299
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:48,724
- The Australia thing is real.
- Yeah.

300
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,087
- What the fuck?
- Okay, listen to me.

301
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,003
There's been an incident
with the Vice President.

302
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,606
- Can you keep this under wraps?
- Yeah. What?

303
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,205
She's walked through a glass door.

304
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,924
- She walked through a glass door?
- Shh.

305
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,048
What, she just stumbled into
a solid piece of glass?

306
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,326
- Yes.
- (LAUGHING)

307
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,002
That's amazing.

308
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,723
I guess it's funny
because we've all done it at one point.

309
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,290
MAN: I haven't.

310
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,089
I pushed someone through
a plate glass door once.

311
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,810
That was fucking hilarious.

312
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,160
Stop laughing-

313
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,843
- Is she okay?
- Mmm-hmm.

314
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,166
Just cuts.

315
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,490
You are liaison to the VP, right?
That's your liaison d'étre?

316
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,244
Uh, I was born to liaise, sir.

317
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,563
Then why can't you tell me
about what the VP was doing

318
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,007
when she walked into a glass fucking door?

319
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,607
Okay, well, the VP's office
can be very insubordinate.

320
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:40,605
I mean, they insubord me all the time.
You know that they call me Jonad?

321
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,445
I mean, that is tantamount
to calling the President Jonad.

322
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,726
No, it's not.

323
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,848
He's the President, you're Jonad.

324
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,207
Now get in there
and liaise the truth out of Sue,

325
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,124
or I'll make sure that name sticks so hard,
it ends up on your gravestone.

326
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,486
Yes, sir.

327
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,404
Hello there, Susan.

328
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,687
Name's not Susan, it's Sue, Jonad.

329
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,444
Okay, and my name isn't Jonad!

330
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,603
- It's Jonah. Do not disrespect me on this, Sue.
- BEN: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

331
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,441
No one here is disrespecting you, Jonad.

332
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,045
Now go earn your name change.

333
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,764
- Sue.
- Sir.

334
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,241
What was the Vice President
doing at that hotel this morning?
335
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:21,045
Meet and greet
with the American Teachers Association.

336
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:26,206
If I call the ATA, they would confirm that
she was meeting and greeting them?

337
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,485
Uh, couldn't say.

338
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:34,567
If you can't tell me what she was doing,
maybe you can tell me what she wasn't doing.

339
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,451
The Vice President
was not at a brunch with campaign donors.

340
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,761
I would hope that she was not.

341
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,564
Otherwise, I'm not sure

342
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:48,322
if I wouldn't be within my rights
not to launch a drone strike right now.

343
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,290
I got lost in the double
negative, sir. What?

344
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,010
I'm fuckin' furious.

345
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:54,801
Jonad!

346
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,962
- Yes, sir.
- Get over to that hotel.

347
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,646
Cut your face off
and give it to the VP if you have to.
348
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,165
Just get her to talk to the press.

349
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,844
Say she is not the challenger.

350
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,960
I won't let you down, sir.

351
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,361
- Hey.
- Yeah.

352
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:10,207
- I'm really excited for that party.
- I am, too. We'll dance. We'll get our dance on.

353
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,248
(BOTH VOCALIZING)

354
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,249
- Dance on.
- (LAUGHING)

355
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,804
(PANTING)

356
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,689
Why are you guys so tense?
She's completely chilled.

357
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,285
She's out of her fucking mind.

358
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,601
She's coming to my parents'
40th wedding anniversary.

359
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,966
- Yeah, exactly, Gary.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

360
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,646
She's out of her fucking mind.
361
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,728
Hey, ma'am. I canceled the donor breakfast,

362
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,087
but I did have to come clean about
you walking through the glass door.

363
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,046
Great job, asshat.
Now everyone's gonna know.

364
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,202
Everyone's gonna find out
she walked through a glass door, Dan,

365
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,648
because she looks like
she walked through a fucking glass door.

366
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,529
- Yeah, check this out.
- (MIKE LAUGHS)

367
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,040
- What's his problem?
- I don't know.

368
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,411
Get over here, gingerbread.

369
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,040
You know what?
That St. John's wort that you gave her

370
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,003
is reacting to her antidepressants.

371
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,527
What are you talking about?
It's herbal. It's from the earth.

372
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,171
- So are mushrooms, dipshit.
- Okay, that's illegal drugs.

373
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:56,446
- Feel this. Feel this.
- The guns?

374
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,646
- Jesus.
- Argh.

375
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,848
- Okay. Hey!
<i>- I'll</i> hurt ya.

376
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,367
- You're in a good mood.
- (LAUGHS) I am.

377
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,408
- How are you doing?
- So-so, you know?

378
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,086
Not great, but trying
to keep things on an even keel.

379
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,687
- Hey, what about that boat of yours?
- I can't sell it. Nobody wants to buy her.

380
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,683
How much do you want for her?

381
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,843
Honestly, I would take half
just to get rid of the damn thing.

382
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,285
I'll give you all of it.

383
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,604
- You really want to buy my boat?
- Yeah.

384
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,091
Shake on it, Magic Mikey.

385
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,480
- You're gonna buy my boat?
- I am.
386
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,761
- Congratulations!
- Congratulations to you.

387
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:25,841
You just got a boat.

388
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,320
- And I just got a vote.
- AMY: Mike!

389
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,480
Mike, you're needed in here.

390
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,851
I'm coming, I'm coming.

391
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,241
There's fucking press vans outside, Mike.

392
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,129
You better hope
Russell Crowe is threatening to jump.

393
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,760
All right, look, we're gonna have to
get her downstairs for an appearance.

394
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,366
- Otherwise, they're gonna start speculating.
- (STUTTERS)

395
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,968
Look, she is fuckin' high right now.

396
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,530
(SELINA URINATING)

397
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,050
(SELINA LAUGHING)

398
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,765
Yeah, yeah.

399
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,200
You didn't happen to notice that
the Veep is tripping balls?

400
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,560
Gary gave her something

401
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,962
that is reacting with her antidepressants
and turning her into Julie Andrews.

402
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,485
No, that's not doing it.

403
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,841
DAN: We just need to keep her
here till this thing passes.

404
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,484
What if we pump her stomach?

405
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,846
I've had my stomach pumped before.

406
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,365
- I think I can figure it out.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

407
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,602
- JONAH: Knock, knock, J Rock o'clock!
- Christ.

408
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,120
Yeah, somebody ordered boom service?

409
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,243
As a senior White House official,
I am commandeering this situation, Mike.

410
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,810
All right, what do you guys got for me?

411
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,644
Okay, she just walked through a glass door,

412
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,326
which is somewhat ironic
building up to an invisible primary,

413
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,880
and she is temporarily insane
on a cocktail of happy pills.

414
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,928
Over to you, Captain.

415
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,485
You just broke his brain, Amy.

416
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,848
Jesus, look at his stupid gaping mouth.
Let's put stuff in it.

417
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,802
Okay, decision. Listen up.

418
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,245
The Veep will make a statement.

419
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,163
She will make this statement on camera,

420
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,687
and she will make this statement
as soon as humanly fucking possible.

421
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:44,807
Ca-fuckin'-pisce?

422
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,690
What in the hell is your problem, Andrew?

423
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,368
What?
What are you looking at me like that for?

424
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,602
- Your...
- Huh?

425
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,886
You called me Andrew.
426
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,689
No, I did not.

427
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,046
I know who you are.

428
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,766
I can even say your name the other way...

429
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,202
<i>Haney.</i>

430
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,241
(YAWN S)

431
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,280
All right, academically, Amy,
what's your first move here?

432
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,125
- Mike, go talk to the press.
- Yeah, Mike, go talk to the press.

433
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,044
- I'll tag team with you.
- Gary, go get her some clothes.

434
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,441
Yeah, Gary, go get her
some fucking clothes.

435
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,680
Come on, it's time to dress up and fess up.
Go, go, go.

436
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,882
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

437
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,608
Gotta say, I think I
handled that pretty well.

438
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,525
(SNORING)
439
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,721
There's something so sexy about being
in a hotel in the middle of the day, right?

440
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,929
Yep, four people to one toilet. You can
hear everything that hits the water.

441
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,650
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

442
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,643
Where the fuck are you?
Picking cotton to weave?

443
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,131
Amy, I can't find anything to cover her up.

444
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,326
She doesn't have any turtlenecks.

445
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,686
I've narrowed it down to four looks.

446
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,000
Just get back here.

447
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,208
Amy, Amy, Amy. Give me a number
between one and four, please.

448
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,089
- Four.
- I think I prefer three.

449
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,162
- Fucking three, then.
- Actually, four's good.

450
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,410
<i>FEMALE REPORTER:
So, who could challenge this president?</i>

451
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,120
<i>At the moment, the names we're hearing...</i>
452
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,609
Okay, it has been three hours.
I need her on television now.

453
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,843
Do I need to draw you a line graph, Jonah?
More time equals less cuckoo.

454
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,764
We need to take a cold dump
on the speculation.

455
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,171
Is she the mystery challenger

456
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,403
who's going to throw her hat into the ring
to challenge POTUS in two years?

457
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,848
We need to send the message
that the ring is a hat-free zone.

458
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,446
No berets, no Stetsons, no beanies...

459
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,204
Why are you just listing hats?

460
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,361
Jonah's right.

461
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,842
(CLEARS THROAT) I've gotta put my face
out there, my fucked-up face.

462
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,368
I feel so good. I had such a deep sleep.

463
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,081
Looks like I'll just be
sitting over here being right.

464
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,811
Yeah, in 700 days of working with us,
you've been right once.
465
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,282
- Sit like a gentleman, please?
- Oh, my God.

466
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,010
You like the view, Mike?

467
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,128
- Okay, everyone. The Vice President.
- Madam Vice President.

468
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,130
- Please, give her some space.
- Hi. Hi, guys.

469
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,680
I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.
I'm fine.

470
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:53,766
I didn't want you to think I'm hiding anything.
'Cause that's not my style. (CHUCKLES)

471
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:59,331
Um, what happened is that
I, um, walked through a glass door.

472
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,927
And, um, the only thing that's really hurt
is my pride.

473
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,050
Were there any mitigating circumstances?
Was there carpeting or...

474
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,281
- Was there carpeting there, Mike?
- Yes.

475
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,360
There was.

476
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,681
Yes, it has been confirmed
that there was carpeting there.
477
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:13,404
You will be doing
the Get Moving Run tomorrow, correct?

478
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,081
I fully intend to run.

479
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:21,327
Oh, no, that's a fucking wire brush
to my hemorrhoids.

480
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,081
PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you, ma'am.

481
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,448
So she's either crazy
or she's starting a presidential campaign.

482
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,050
Yeah, I'd say the two are synonymous.

483
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,565
- "I intend to run"?
- JONAH: No, no, no.

484
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,211
She was talking about
running the race, sir, the 10K.

485
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,250
Fix it, or I'll liaise
your balls to your desk.

486
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,840
Yes, sir. And thank you for
your continued... He's gone.

487
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,491
Amy, Amy, Amy. Okay, Amy.

488
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,565
Uh, she needs to run tomorrow to magic away
any presidential speculation, okay?

489
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:45,846
She can't do the Fun Run.
490
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,684
She can barely do
a convincing walk at the moment.

491
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,366
- Okay, can and will.
- Can't and won't.

492
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,522
Now go up and screw a pillow.
The room's paid for.

493
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,761
Oh.

494
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,050
MIKE: And this just in from Taiwan.

495
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,326
- So good.
- What?

496
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,084
- Come here.
- What?

497
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,242
(WOMAN SPEAKING MAN DARIN)

498
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,328
(ALL LAUGHING)

499
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,931
- DAN: (SNORTS) Oh.
- What the fuck?

500
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,411
- (SNORTS)
- Why are you laughing?

501
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,204
I love cartoons.

502
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,611
(LAUGHING)
503
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,489
AMY: Jesus.

504
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,370
- That's you, Gary.
- Shut up.

505
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,408
That doesn't even look like the Leviathan.

506
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,731
What else you got?
Is there anything else out there?

507
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:26,249
Your delay in facing the press has raised
speculation on your long-term health.

508
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,288
- What?
- They're asking if you're up to the job, ma'am.

509
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,170
Am I up to the job?
Ooh, jeez.

510
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,486
- Oh.
- The leg thing?

511
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,686
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

512
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,969
Seriously, I am totally overqualified
for this job.

513
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,166
- Stop it!
- You know...

514
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,571
- Stop what?
- Nothing.
515
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,167
These flowers came for you
from the Secretary of Defense Maddox.

516
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,401
Oh, let's see.

517
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,811
"Good luck with your Fun Run.

518
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,042
"Try not to swear
when the starter pistol goes off."

519
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,121
Come on.

520
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,601
He's just a varicose dick vein.
I can't stand that guy.

521
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,045
All right, let's go, guys.

522
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:58,843
Oh, I went to a Mexican karaoke restaurant,
and I did Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.

523
00:20:58,920 --> 00:20:59,921
Oh, no, you didn't.

524
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,971
I did, and I changed the
"hallelujah" to "jalapefio."

525
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,886
(LAUGHS)
I can imagine that was very funny, sir.

526
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,610
Oh, Christ. It's the Committee.

527
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,843
They're gonna vote
on the POTUS investigation.
528
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,048
Yeah, I think that's gonna be fine, sir.

529
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,486
Yeah, of course you do, Jonah.

530
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,050
You don't get the complexity.

531
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,362
You're the world's biggest
single-cell organism.

532
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,683
Hey, Amy,
you know Schmidt at the State Department?

533
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,848
He's the whistleblower. Yeah.

534
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,082
POTUS is gonna be up shit's creek

535
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,845
and I am not hanging around
to be his fucking paddle.

536
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,640
- I'm not.
- It's not coming to that, ma'am.

537
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,681
We don't know.

538
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,650
All I'm saying is that there are going to
be difficult choices to make, you know?

539
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,722
<i>Like Sophie's Choice choices,</i>

540
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,451
except more important
because it's gonna be about me.

541
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,609
- Well, hey there!
- (CROWD CHEERING)

542
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,171
All right. Great!

543
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,321
- All right, ma'am.
- Okay.

544
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,880
She is definitely wearing too much makeup.

545
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,207
- She looks like Marcel Marceau.
- BOTH: Yeah.

546
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,046
He couldn't tell the difference between
real glass and air either.

547
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,364
Come on, that's fuckin' funny.

548
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,364
- MAN OVER PA: On your marks...
- Wait.

549
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,441
- Yeah.
- I'm scared.

550
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,807
<i>- Get set, go!
- Yeah. Okay.</i>

551
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,769
- Oh, shit.
- Let's do it!

552
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,125
Yeah, I see you!

553
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,725
I see you.
554
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,165
Let's get moving!

555
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,240
MIKE: Oh, Christ.

556
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,887
Did we warn her one of the Get Moving
ambassadors was a one-legged veteran?

557
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,167
DAN: He's behind her.
She's never gonna see him.

558
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,851
But wait, does it look good,
her beating a one-legged guy like that?

559
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:28,921
No, it doesn't look good.

560
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,080
The alternative is a little worse,
don't you think?

561
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:35,051
The key is we make it look like she could
beat the guy, but then she lets him win.

562
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,880
DAN: Yeah, a win-win by losing.
That's good.

563
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,649
Yeah?

564
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,001
Hello?

565
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,208
Gary, you need to get her to slow down.

566
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:43,645
Oh, thank God.

567
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,929
- It looks bad if she's beating the disabled guy.
- Okay.

568
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,209
Hey, ma'am. You gotta slow down.

569
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,044
- Why?
- It looks bad.

570
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,724
Oh, God, what? My face?

571
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,929
No, your face looks fine.
You're beating a disabled guy.

572
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,049
Oh, come on.
Don't be so hard on yourself, Gary.

573
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:03,727
Oh, God. I can't stop her.
She's unstoppable.

574
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:04,881
(PHONE RINGING)

575
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,803
BEN: Dep Sec Schmidt is testifying.

576
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,724
House Judiciary Committee
is discussing an impeachment vote.

577
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,246
Burn everything incriminating,
including this building.

578
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,561
Burn all the White House pets
and then yourselves.

579
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,085
Burn yourselves first.
580
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,322
Jonah, you go down to the race site,

581
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,926
make sure the Vice President
says she stands by POTUS.

582
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,600
Mr. Ryan, ensure that the Vice President

583
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,881
does not respond to any questions
about the impeachment vote.

584
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,371
Those are contradictory orders.

585
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,807
No. You make sure that
she stands up and she shits back.

586
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,928
- Refuses to engage at all.
- JONAH: Okay, so I should...

587
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,684
- Pick a fucking side.
- Use yourjudgment.

588
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,008
Sir, that's not my strongest suit.

589
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,491
DAN: AW, Christ.

590
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,648
Schmidt at the State Department
just pushed the button.

591
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,769
The Judiciary Committee
says he's agreed to testify.

592
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,490
AMY: Okay, get me Gary again.
593
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,642
- Please, get me Gary again.
- You know what? Pull over here.

594
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,085
MIKE: Could this go to an impeachment vote?

595
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,446
(TIRES SCREECH)

596
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,329
All right, look, you guys go ahead.

597
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,129
We're gonna make sure
Gary keeps up with her. Okay, okay.

598
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,925
- Gary! Gary, come here!
- Gary! Gary!

599
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,322
As soon as she crosses the finish line,
the press is gonna be all over her.

600
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,209
- All right, so what do we say?
- Hang on, hang on.

601
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,240
- No, no, fuck it. We gotta go.
- No, come on, man.

602
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,361
- Come on!
- Fuck!

603
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,204
DAN: Gary!
AMY: Gary.

604
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,291
What? What?

605
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:09,442
The Judiciary Committee
is talking impeachment vote.

606
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:10,886
We need to give her a response.

607
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,531
I'm way behind.
If I keep talking, I'm gonna vomit.

608
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:15,521
Jonah?

609
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,404
Yeah. What's up, you fuckin' Lorax?

610
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,927
Hey, Dan, if you're trying to
get a statement to the Veep, it's this...

611
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,810
Full commitment to the President,
total backing.

612
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,121
No, no, no, no. She will support him,
but she will not back him.

613
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,124
- He's too toxic.
- No, full backing, full support.

614
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,249
Oh, God, this zipper is like
a cheese grater on my dick.

615
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,367
(MIKE LAUGHS)

616
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,283
Lorax. (HUFFING)

617
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:40,651
So which one of us do you think
Andre the Giant Jagoff is gonna obey?

618
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,211
- Jonah?
- Yeah.

619
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,282
- 100 bucks says you.
- Really?

620
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:45,407
He's an idiot.

621
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,848
I'm surprised he gets to work without being
hit by a car or punched in the mouth.

622
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,321
- Hi!
- Excuse me.

623
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,486
Ma'am, Amy says, "I give my support to the
President in this very challenging time."

624
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,040
Emphasize it's important
to respect the process of the hearing.

625
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,127
She needs a get-out.

626
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,931
Cut to the chase, Amy.
I'm being overtaken by a banana.

627
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,446
(PANTING) I can't breathe. Oh,
I can't breathe. Oh, Jesus.

628
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,727
Ma'am.
Ma'am, I need you to speed up or slow down.

629
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,760
We can't have you
in a photo finish with a banana.

630
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,929
- Yeah.
- It's a caption contest waiting to happen.

631
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,968
Yeah, I'm not gonna get beaten by a banana.

632
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:17,362
(CROWD CHEERING)

633
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,160
REPORTER 1: Madam Vice President!
Madam Vice President!

634
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,571
- REPORTER 2: Well done.
- Thank you.

635
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:24,846
- REPORTER 2: Nice job.
- Thank you.

636
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,928
- Not bad, considering, huh?
- Yeah.

637
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,365
Feels good to get moving, guys.

638
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,284
Oh, my God, it gets the blood pumping.

639
00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:37,641
You know, the key really, folks,
to a healthy lifestyle is exercising well.

640
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,800
- Thank you.
- Any comment on the impeachment rumors?

641
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:44,209
I have, of course,
given my full account of what I knew,

642
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,888
and now I'm sure
the President will do the same.

643
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,280
- Yeah, that's all you get. That's it, that's it.
- (REPORTERS CONTINUE QUESTIONING)

644
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,525
Come on, put your hands above your head.

645
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:55,761
- Put your... Get them up.
- (WHEEZING)

646
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,251
DAN: Come on, buddy. Let's go.

647
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,890
- Mike, come on.
- Well done, ma'am.

648
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,849
(SIGHS) I am done.

649
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,604
Mmm-hmm. Yes, ma'am, you're all done.

650
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,160
I mean, I am done. I am
done with all of it.

651
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,720
The vice presidency... I mean, forget it.

652
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,131
Seriously, Amy.

653
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,846
You can see what's coming, can't you?

654
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,526
He's gonna implicate me in all of this.

655
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,568
All of it. (EXHALES DEEPLY)

656
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:22,124
And then it's gonna be two years
of standing next to this man that I loathe.
657
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,647
- Is this just the St. John's wort talking?
- Look at me.

658
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,121
I'm covered in scabs. (SNIFFS)

659
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,806
I smell like a hobo's craphole.

660
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,848
Forget it. Forget it.

661
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,244
I'm not gonna run with him in two years.
I'm not gonna be his Vice President.

662
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,606
I'm finished.

663
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,162
I'll come back in six years
and I'll save the party from itself.

664
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,241
Hey, do you know what my time was,
by the way?

665
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,482
- What's good?
- Like an eight-minute mile.

666
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,050
- That.
- Yeah?

667
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:51,645
Yeah, let's get moving...

668
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,810
Oh.

669
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,609
- (COUGHING) on, my God.
- (SIRENS WAILING)
670
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,444
That was really rough.

671
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:00,121
(SIGHS)

672
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,921
Hey, Mike, I have some sort of hazy memory

673
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,204
of me promising to buy your boat.

674
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,408
Yeah, you did. Well remembered.

675
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,245
That's not gonna happen.
You can't hold me to that, right?

676
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,603
Yeah, no. Sure. Of course.

677
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,601
Man, that is low.

678
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,490
That's like trying to have sex
with somebody who's passed out.

679
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:24,971
Hey, ma'am. (CLEARS THROAT)

680
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,245
About my parents' party...

681
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,209
What? I thought your parents were dead.

682
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,527
No.

683
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:33,931
- No?
- No.
684
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:35,371
Um...

685
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,526
It's their 40th wedding anniversary,

686
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,002
and you wanted to come,
and we were gonna go dancing.

687
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,844
You know, it's gonna be a big blowout.

688
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,366
Okay, I'm the Vice President
of the United States.

689
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:47,930
- Uh-huh, yeah.
- You know.

690
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:53,086
I can't be running off to shindigs put
on by the parents of people on my staff.

691
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,730
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean? That's completely...

692
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,485
- Yeah, sure.
- Absurd, you know?

693
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,291
I mean, you've never even
mentioned your parents before.

694
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,601
- I've just always assumed that they were dead.
- Great.

695
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,250
I mean, why wouldn't I
make that assumption?

696
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,368
Why wouldn't... Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

697
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,283
All right, let's back up for a second here.

698
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:09,767
Your parents are not dead.

699
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,365
Nope. Mmm-mmm.

700
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,046
It's so funny
that you thought that they were, too.

701
00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:15,963
MIKE: I thought you were adopted.