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<b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</b></font>

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DANA: <i>Gary, are you working
on the night of our eighth month-iversary?</i>

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Please don't tell me you're doing that face.

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DANA: I am doing that face.

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- Come on. And do you know...
- (PHONE RINGING)

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(SIGHS)

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Hold on.

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Hey, Gary, honeymoons rule.

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The <i>Dirty Dozen</i> is on and we're eating chips

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from bowls perched on each other's bellies.

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Sounds great, Mike.

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We put a penny in ajar
every time we have sex.

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We've already got like 15 in there.

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Did you call me
to talk dirty about your honeymoon?
14
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- DANA: I can talk dirty.
- That's okay.

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Wendy got the heads up,
POTUS's body man is quitting.

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- Marty? What, did he get sick or something?
- Mmm-mmm.

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Law school. You gonna go for it?

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I don't wanna be a guy
in his 40s carrying a bag.

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I've got ideas. I could advise Selina on stuff.

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I've got plenty of things that I could tell her.

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Hey, gotta go.
Telly Savalas is gonna kill some Nazis.

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When did you get your dads face?

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(SIRENS WAILING)

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AMY: <i>The world only just heard
POTUS isn't running again,</i>

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<i>so obviously we're not here
and this doesn't exist.</i>

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Your campaign office.
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What are these? These are the stables?

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Well, it's gonna get spruced up.

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Hello, hello, this is it, this is it. (LAUGHS)

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It is. How are you?

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- Hi.
- I'm afraid I don't know who you are.

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- I'm Kelly.
- SELINA: Hi, Kelly.

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- I'm working on your campaign.
- Great.

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And I'll be taking photographs today.

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AMY: Amy Brookheimer.
You've been in touch with my...

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The men's toilet is busted, so...

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Here we are. (CHUCKLES)

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Wow, here you are. See, now, I thought

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that I had left you 750 miles ago.

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Ma'am, I'm going to follow you
wherever you go.

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I'm going to be like a Disney animal.

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Uh, is there a space set aside
for the campaign manager?

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Uh, not yet.

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Could I have two seconds of your time?

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Sure thing.

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I don't know why Richard is here.

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You said he was really good on the book tour.

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(GARY CHUCKLES)

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No, I was trying to keep you
from worrying about me.

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Oh...

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You're welcome.

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- I'll ditch him.
- Yeah, right.

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SELINA: Are you going
on the coast guard boat?
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Well, I learned to swim especially.

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No, I meant...

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Oh, my God.
What is your name? I'm so sorry.

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- It starts with a K.
- No, could you just tell me?

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- It's Kelly.
- Kelly, right.

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So, you're coming on the boat,
that's why you have the camera.

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So, then, Richard,
you're gonna need to stay here.

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RICHARD: Okay, well, you're in good hands.

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Kelly and I go way back.
She's like another me.

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This doesn't work. Good.

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This is a night patrol with the coast guard,

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so it's great pre-campaign campaigning.

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- I need a wipe.
- No, no. Hey.
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Hey, ma'am. I've actually got a few ideas...

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You know, ma'am, I was thinking...

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- I might skip the boat.
- What?

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Yeah, and just hang back here,
do a little pre-prep.

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Why would that be, Dan?
Is that a pre-stabbing in my pre-back?

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I think I'm gonna need you

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just in case we make a drug bust
or something and I need some sort of

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- snappy one-liners.
- Uh...

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"The only laundering you're gonna be doing
from now on is gonna be prison blankets."

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That's kind of clever.

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"The only crack you're going to see
belongs to some guy in a shower."

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- Don't be cute.
- Oh, my God.

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So, here, it begins here,
80
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"In this Polish dungeon."

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(ALL LAUGHING)

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Hey, ma'am, about the campaign,
I had an idea.

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- Here you go.
- Instead of doing all this pre-campaigning,

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sometime in the next 24 hours,
you grab a mic,

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you say, "I'm Selina Meyer and I'm running
for President of the United States."

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I'm just gonna use the bathroom really quick.

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It's way too early.
You don't announce your candidacy

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while the incumbent is still warm.

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- (DOOR SLAMS)
- AMY: The basic thing...

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That's like trying
to bang the widow at the funeral.

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There's a little trick to it.

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- The trick would be to move it.
- You're right, and I sure will.

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You would have her start her campaign

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with no strategy, no money, no staff,

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except for Superman
and Wonder Woman over there,

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just, "I wanna be president."

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Ma'am, I don't know
if you heard what he was saying...

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No, I didn't hear what he was saying.
But I agree with Dan, okay?

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And I completely appreciate your ideas, Gary.

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DAN: No matter how dumb they are.
AMY: So, let's go.

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The coasts won't guard themselves.

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Let me tell you what we need to do.

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They intercepted an individual
untracked vessel, suspicious cargo.

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They're requesting backup.

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- Oh, is it a drug boat?
- We're looking into it, ma'am.
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AMY: That's a stroke of luck.

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SELINA: I'm gonna do
a short, little video thing.

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- Okay.
- The drugs stop here.

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GARY: Oh!

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No, no, don't say anything right after,
'cause it ruins it.

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- Got it.
- The drugs stop here.

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- We need to go, ma'am.
- Yes, yes.

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- Just one second.
- "They stop here," firm.

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- The drugs stop here.
- GARY: Nice.

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- Thank you.
- One thing, this definitely does not do video.

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- SELINA: I'm sorry?
- Then what were you doing?

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Perfect.

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Use your common sense next time.

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You just gonna sit there, SpongeBob?

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Just got to take a seat for a second, okay?

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- We haven't even shoved off.
- I know, I know.

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I'm not great on boats, okay?

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Are you getting pre-sick?

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- Get downstairs.
- (BELCHES)

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- GARY: It's below deck.
- Come on, Egan, God damn it.

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Oh!

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Mikey, honey,

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look who I found in a basket at our front door.

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- Jonah, what are you doing here?
- JONAH: What's up, Mike?

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You gonna introduce me?

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Yeah. Walt, Randall, this is Sasquatch.
132
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The edible garbage is out back in the alley.

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What's up, y'all punk-ass bitches?
I'm Jonah Ryan.

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Wow. "Bitches."
All right, we're gonna have dinner soon.

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And then I taped The Great Escape for later.

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- Oh. 17?
- 17.

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So wrap it up soon.

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So, you're probably bumming you can't be

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out on that boat in Baltimore Harbor
with the Veep, huh?

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- Honeymoon.
- Yeah.

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Is she going to her campaign headquarters
in Maryland after?

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Yeah, but it's not a campaign office.

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It's a real estate acquisition.

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Oh, yeah. Of course, right.

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- Keep it quiet.
- A PAC-quisition, huh?

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Big man, up top. For the win.

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Hey, Mike, serious talk.

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The reason I'm here
is because I'm opening up a consulting firm

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and I want you on board.

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Consulting on what?
How to delete your Internet search history?

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So, Jonah, heard you got canned.

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Yeah. But you know what? It was for the best.

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I was telling Mike about it.
It's gonna be called Ryantology.

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DC insider turns DC outlaw,

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energizing democracy,

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taking from the powerful
and giving to the pitiful.

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- Know what I'm saying?
- Why are you at our house, then?

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Maybe he needs a start-up.

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Remember that random dude
who used to hang out on our street

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asking Mom for money?

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- That was Mike.
-(BOTH LAUGHING)

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Very funny. Good ones, guys.

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You know what, honey? I am gonna replace

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your lemonade with an ice-cold beer.

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<i>- Grazie.</i>
- Mmm-hmm.

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You've got her well trained already, Mike.

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MIKE: Your business model sucks. I'm out.

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Hey, Wendy, if you're grabbing beers,
would you mind grabbing...

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Okay, that's fine.

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(SIREN WAILING)

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OFFICER: Remain still, sir.
Hands where we can see them.
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SELINA: Wow. We need to get a photo
of me with him surrendering.

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Is that wrong to do that?

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No, it's just a shame they couldn't arrest
someone a little more photogenic.

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We can just pixelate him, the face.

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- That's fine.
- I have no idea how to do that.

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Hey, I voted for you!

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SELINA: Thank you very much, sir,

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but I'm afraid you have to go to prison!

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Ma'am, we need to get back.
POTUS has made a statement.

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What? What now?

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OFFICER: Sir, can you explain this?

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SELINA: Gary.
GARY: You gotta get a shot of this.

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- Ma'am...
- GARY: Swords. He's got swords.

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Fuck the swords.
POTUS just announced that he's now pro-life.

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- What?
- Our POTUS? The POTUS?

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Institute of Medical Ethics,
after-dinner speech, 20-week cutoff!

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He's pro-choice!
Now all of a sudden, he's pro-life?

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They're already calling him PRO-TUS,

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which is stupid because
both sides have pro at the start.

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- SELINA: Gary!
- Yeah.

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- SELINA: Go get Dan!
- He's downstairs.

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Below deck, Amy. You gotta say below deck.

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AMY: He says, "Maybe it's time we give back

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"a little freedom to those
who cannot choose."

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Okay, Amy, I do not mean to sound paranoid,

197
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but he is trying to kill me.
198
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BOTH: We need to turn this boat around.
SELINA: Right, exactly.

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SELINA: We gotta figure out
what I'm gonna say.

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Yeah, I just gotta... (BELCHES)

201
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We are pro-choice,
but we're not controversial, right?

202
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Yeah, they got first trimester,
second trimester, third trimester...

203
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:54,078
You're listing trimesters. Stop it!

204
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Let's go downstairs
and figure out what we're gonna say.

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It's below deck! We gotta go below deck!

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SELINA: We've got to figure this out.
Come on.

207
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:05,126
Hi, Sue. Is the vice president around?

208
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,665
She is not, sir. She's on a coast guard boat

209
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meeting and greeting fish.

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Ah, the salty sea.

211
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Sue, forgive me,
but have you altered your hair, perhaps?

212
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I got it chemically relaxed.
It <i>was</i> enormously painful.

213
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,207
Well, it seems to be working for you.

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Thank you.

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Damn it. The president's gone rogue.

216
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Sue, apologies. We will continue
our pleasant chat at a later date.

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Abortion calls.

218
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BEN: <i>Ma'am, I swear to God,</i>

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we all thought he was
gonna just eat some shrimp,

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rattle off a few platitudes, go home,

221
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watch Full Meta! Jacket
for the millionth time and fall asleep.

222
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Kelly, tell Mike to climb off his wife
and get on the speakerphone, now.

223
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Do you know what this is?

224
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Let me explain something to you.

225
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This is POTUS trying to screw me, okay?

226
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This is the unflushable turd

227
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that is left in the can for the next person,
e.g. me.

228
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The toilet's still broken, FYI.

229
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Has POTUS gone nuts?

230
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,215
We can't have a crazy president.

231
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,548
- In Italy they do.
- (SELINA EXHALES)

232
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,555
We have to get
all of the special interest groups in.

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00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,148
Right, we have to bring them all in,

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00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,491
and I'll listen the shit out of
every one of those morons.

235
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,562
BEN: <i>This issue is toxic.
So keep the groups apart.</i>

236
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,725
<i>Pro-choice in the morning,
pro-life in the afternoon</i>

237
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,358
so nobody shoots any doctors.
238
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,164
Ma'am, listen,
you're going to end up pissing somebody off.

239
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,865
It's better to just take a stand now.

240
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:24,067
Putting through Mike.

241
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,542
MIKE ON SPEAKER: <i>Hi, guys.
How was that coast guard boat, huh?</i>

242
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,078
- That's my bad.
- Just put it through on this one.

243
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,705
Incompatibility issues.

244
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,373
Just bring it over here, please.

245
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,884
- Hang on, Mike.
- MIKE: Hello?

246
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,918
- It doesn't reach.
- SELINA: Would you please move?

247
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,181
- KELLY: Yes.
- You hold this here.

248
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,723
<i>Were you on an RB-M or an RB-S II?</i>

249
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,520
We really can't talk about the boat right now,

250
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,427
because, Mike, we're trying to figure out
how I think about this issue.
251
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,519
<i>Okay-</i>

252
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,862
<i>The Post wants to know
if you've changed your stance on abortion...</i>

253
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,128
- Re POTUS.
- Yeah.

254
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,260
<i>So you could say, "As a woman I believe..."</i>

255
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,531
No, no, no! No, no, no!

256
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,596
I can't identify myself as a woman.

257
00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:59,267
People can't know that. Men hate that.

258
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,239
And women who hate women hate that,

259
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,542
which, I believe, is most women,
don't you agree with that?

260
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,607
Yes, and, ma'am,
we should bag this up and take it back to DC.

261
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,049
- Good idea.
- Yeah. Right.

262
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,645
<i>Oh. Uh, Jonah knows
we opened a campaign office.</i>

263
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,745
<i>He came by my house, Wendy's house.</i>
264
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,792
You let that unstable

265
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,122
piece of human scaffolding into your house?

266
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,252
BEN: <i>And you didn't shoot him?</i>

267
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,956
MIKE: <i>Oh, hey, Ben,
I didn't know you were on the phone.</i>

268
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,964
I swear to God,
I felt better on the fucking boat.

269
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:25,228
Ma'am, didn't you write
something about abortion in your book?

270
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,292
Oh!

271
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,065
- Good point. Good point.
- Yeah. Good, Gary.

272
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,233
SELINA: Good. Where's the book?
Does anybody have a copy of the book here?

273
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,798
- Guys, who has a copy?
- What did she write?

274
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,003
You know what?
I have a bunch of unsold ones in my car.

275
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,077
MIKE: <i>Honey, is Selina's book
in the bathroom?</i>

276
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,979
Okay, here we go.
Abbey Road, abolition, Aboriginal mask...

277
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,779
- MIKE: <i>Page 135.</i>
- This is it.

278
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,455
"Freedom is what this nation is built on"
blah, blah, blah...

279
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,320
"And freedom means the freedom to choose

280
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,757
"how to use that freedom
to protect the freedom of others."

281
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,489
Sorry, that's just pastel-colored shit.

282
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,197
It's gotta be more clear than that.

283
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,998
(CHUCKLES) You make it very clear
you're pro-choice.

284
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,092
MIKE: <i>Okay, I got it,
"Freedom is what this nation... "</i>

285
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,537
Done it, Mike.
It's gonna come down to the cutoff week.

286
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,767
- It always does.
- DAN: There's two doors, okay?

287
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,467
- Pro-choice' pro-life.
- Yeah.

288
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,478
There's no point
in rattling the handles on either one of them.
289
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,343
You just gotta pick a door
and walk through it.

290
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,039
Ma'am, Kent Davison called.

291
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,118
There was an issue with the patch-through,
it doesn't matter.

292
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,952
Message, "Urgent, have booked you
to appear on <i>GMA</i> at 7:00."

293
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,490
I'm sorry, what did you just say?

294
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,122
Give me this, God damn it.

295
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,458
- He said 7:00 a.m.?
- It's <i>Good Morning America,</i> Amy.

296
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,724
- The clue is in the title.
- Ame, can we...

297
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:31,301
- We can't unbook you.
- No, no. That would look bad.

298
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,801
- BEN: Jesus. Fucking Kent.
- (BEEPS)

299
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,669
I can't listen to that Joan Crawford
bitch about Bette Davis any longer.

300
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:39,141
Well, this is POTUS, you know?

301
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,475
This is the president
trying to tell me what to do.

302
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,571
He can't do that.
I'm the Vice President of the United States.

303
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,707
DAN: That's right. That's right.
And as vice president,

304
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:47,512
here's your choice, two doors,

305
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,815
pro-choice, pro-life. That's it.

306
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,554
Is there a third door?

307
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,318
- What, like a woman's door?
- A back door? No.

308
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,519
A trapdoor?

309
00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,522
<i>This is Jonah Ryan</i>

310
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,692
<i>and you are witnessing
the birth of Ryantology.</i>

311
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,234
Old media like <i>The Washington Toast,</i>

312
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:09,102
better go run and hide in the bathroom
and join <i>The Poo York Times.</i>

313
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:10,833
Because we are cutting in.

314
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,901
I'm going to be updating
more than I'm actually dating,
315
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,840
which is a shitload.

316
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,413
First up, abortion.

317
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,542
And now that the president's given
his State of the Uterus address,

318
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,554
where will the others fall in?

319
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,553
<i>We have Maddox. He's conservative.</i>

320
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:26,782
<i>Chung, he's liberal.</i>

321
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,359
<i>But where does Selina Meyer stand?</i>

322
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,926
The first call could rule them all.

323
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,391
- So how do I turn this off?
- You just hit the red button.

324
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,398
- There are two. There's one on the side.
- Just the one in the middle.

325
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:42,097
Why do I gotta deal with this pile of ass
in the middle of the night?

326
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,573
Because we need to get
first dibs on a statement.

327
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,440
Well, you know what I think. I'm a Christian.

328
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:49,877
- I'm not going to deny that.
- Please, do not go religious.

329
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,212
- Go ambiguous.
- By saying what?

330
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:55,377
"Blah, blah, blah, blah abortion,
blah, blah, blah, blah"?

331
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,580
- Sounds good to me.
- Well, you fill in the blahs.

332
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,817
- I'm going back to bed.
- (SIGHS)

333
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:04,788
Okay, ma'am, you have the AMA/ACOG,
West Wing, 1:30 a.m.

334
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:08,797
Planned Parenthood at 2:30 a.m.
in the EEOB to avoid a clash.

335
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,424
Unflabby precision. Excellent.

336
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:15,733
Okay, how about this,
"A woman has autonomy over her own body.

337
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,238
"But the rights of an unborn..."

338
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,078
Uh, I thought I had it there.

339
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,777
Maybe I should just say,

340
00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:26,749
"Get the government
out of my fuckin' snatch,“ you know?
341
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,016
How many pressure groups
do we have in all, Sue?

342
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,587
Pro-life, 45.

343
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,122
Pro-choice, about the same.

344
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,987
Is there a "pro-I don't give a shit" lobby?

345
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,252
Yeah. You're looking at him.

346
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,261
- I got posters, buttons...
- (SCOFFS)

347
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,691
Not really, 'cause I don't give a shit.

348
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:42,494
If men got pregnant,
you could get an abortion at an ATM.

349
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:44,158
Let's state the obvious.

350
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,831
If I say that I am pro-life,

351
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,269
then I'm a traitor to my sex.

352
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,932
If I say that I'm pro-choice,

353
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,703
then I'm a traitor to the president.

354
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,505
Which makes me an actual traitor, by the way.
355
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,601
- You know that?
- Yeah, but it already happened, okay?

356
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,308
I can't get POTUS to wave
his transvaginal wand

357
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,372
and make it all go away.

358
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:02,146
Ma'am, your gender is worth
at least double on this issue.

359
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,484
The data's right.
As a woman, you can really kick ass.

360
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,452
As a woman... (CHUCKLES)

361
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,959
I am not gonna put in a fuckin' sentence
"as a woman."

362
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,859
I'm not putting my eggs in that basket.

363
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,955
All right, I'll start polling. Nice dress.

364
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,358
- It's a skirt and top.
- Even better.

365
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,802
Okay, so are we gonna say screw polling
and just pick a number

366
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,965
or both, or what?

367
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,339
God, it's not that simple, Dan.
368
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,173
DAN: Yes, Gary, it is.

369
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,802
- Have you seen the graph?
- Yeah.

370
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,508
How could we get it all on the graph, Gary,
if it wasn't that simple?

371
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,676
It isn't that simple, all right?

372
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:37,413
This is about access to safe abortions

373
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,853
for vulnerable women.

374
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:41,152
- It is a serious issue.
- Yeah.

375
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,820
- Ma'am, I've laid out a line of fruit for you.
- What is this?

376
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:47,692
It's the size of the baby
in different stages during pregnancy.

377
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,733
It would take a brain about this size

378
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,495
to think that this shit's useful.

379
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,730
This is not helpful at all.

380
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,033
And you need to stop
calling these things babies.
381
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,405
Okay, I was thinking
we need to get the number of weeks

382
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,171
and the interest groups up on a...

383
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,107
Oh, good. Nice job.

384
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,881
Holy shit.
Maddox is about to issue a statement in five.

385
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,349
At 1:00 in the morning?
Whats his statement gonna be?

386
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,682
"I have to go to the bathroom"?

387
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,619
REGGIE: <i>Rachel Hortenthall
from Planned Parenthood</i>

388
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,351
is heading to EEOB at 2:30 a.

389
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:17,519
Boom, boom, shake-shake the womb!

390
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,893
Selina's calling in the contraceptistas!

391
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,396
We're gonna blog this shit to fuck.

392
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:24,230
Mark, get a screen grab
of that fetus from the end of 2001, all right?

393
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,462
Send it to me.

394
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,970
- Maddox has just made a statement.
- What is it?

395
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:31,701
"Science may give us the map,
but we are lost without morality's compass."

396
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,879
"The right to free speech
includes the right to free thought."

397
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:38,208
"I can't in all conscience
politicize this <i>as</i> an issue."

398
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,748
- Ah.
- Jesus, what a talking gas giant.

399
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,443
It's like listening to Jupiter.

400
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,112
SELINA: Well, he fucking fudged it.

401
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,224
So now we know he's running for president.
That stupid bastard.

402
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,556
Ma'am, Maddox said nothing,
but at least he said something.

403
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,721
We've literally said nothing.

404
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,789
Meanwhile, that shit
shovel-faced fuckin' Jonah is out there

405
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,731
telling people you're feeling out options.

406
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,292
We need to pick a number.

407
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:03,272
- No, I know, but I need to get clarity here.
- (GROANS)

408
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,307
- I'm not feeling it.
- DAN: I was clear.

409
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,068
I was clear.
We just need to pick a fucking number,

410
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,237
any fucking number.

411
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,111
Give that fucking number
to the fucking press,

412
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,513
and go to fucking bed!

413
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,312
How much more clarity do you need?

414
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,683
You want to put it on a T-shin? Come on!

415
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,354
(WHISTLES)

416
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:25,024
I'm so sorry.
I did not mean to blow up like that.

417
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,793
SELINA: Well...

418
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,502
I accept your apology

419
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,670
while retaining the right

420
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,532
to fire the fuck out of you.
421
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:41,704
Shall I print that up
on a T-shirt that I could give to you?

422
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,641
This whole thing has got me on edge.

423
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,183
I was puking my brains out
on that boat for hours.

424
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,309
Jonah's got me absolutely homicidal.

425
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:49,609
- (STUTTERING} I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.

426
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,780
- You need to apologize.
- He did apologize.

427
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,355
You need it in writing!

428
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,016
- Look, I love abortion, okay?
- Oh.

429
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,788
I am an abortionado.

430
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,192
But I would go pro-life

431
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,287
in a fetal fucking heartbeat
if it meant winning.

432
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:04,732
You're suggesting that you would like me
to be a hypocrite like Maddox?

433
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,371
Okay, so you need to go home.
434
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,837
Yes, ma'am.

435
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,901
Moving on and Dan may be quite soon,

436
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,304
someone needs to go get Cardinal Branzini.

437
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,540
Oh, my God. The Catholics next.

438
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,809
Madam Vice President, Cardinal Branzini.

439
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,080
- Madam Vice President.
- Oh, Cardinal.

440
00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:26,322
- Am I in the right room?
-Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

441
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,722
- Oh! Excuse you. (LAUGHS)
- Sorry. Excuse me.

442
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,217
I'd love to take you into the inner sanctum.

443
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:33,263
How very Dan Brown. (CHUCKLES)

444
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,888
This way, Cardinal, thank you.

445
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:37,226
SELINA: Come on in.

446
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,929
Here's something else
to sew into your giant fucking crazy quilt.

447
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:43,368
Jonah is now telling people that
Selina's meeting with Planned Parenthood.

448
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,668
Go home. Take an Ambien. Take 50.

449
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,541
She's talking to everyone.
I think the Amish are coming in next.

450
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,912
I'm going home. And if anybody needs me,

451
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,548
- I don't care.
- Night.

452
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,382
We need to get in Rachel
what's-her-face from Planned Parenthood.

453
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,384
- Gary, could you finesse that for me?
- Yes, yes.

454
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,057
Ooh! I thought you were going to say Sue.

455
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,525
I don't need an enhanced role
to know my worth, Gary.

456
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,256
AMY: Mike, I need you to
steer in Cunningham.

457
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:07,729
He's pro-life,
so keep him away from Rachel or he'll kill her.

458
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:10,356
- Copy.
- AMY: Sue, help Kent finish polling now.

459
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:14,268
Okay, but if he touches my hair,
I'm calling the police.
460
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,566
- Okay.
- GARY: I don't need my bag.

461
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,273
I don't need my bag.

462
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,204
(LAUGHING) I don't need my bag.

463
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:25,071
SELINA: I really did want to see you first,
Your Excellency,

464
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,047
because I wanted to get
a little extra time with you.

465
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,644
Let me just do one quick thing, excuse me.

466
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,452
Make sure you cancel everything, please,

467
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,390
so I can get plenty of time with the cardinal.

468
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,122
Okay? Yeah.

469
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:43,426
Okay, so now the phones
have taken a vow of silence.

470
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,229
(SELINA LAUGHING)

471
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:47,665
Okay, we're right this way.

472
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,739
That is a gorgeous color on you, by the way.

473
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,401
Thank you.
So where is the VP's thinking on this?

474
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,745
Thinking...
There's a lot of numbers being thrown out.

475
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,974
Speaking of numbers,
there's over 30,000 tiles...

476
00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,947
That's not really the kind of numbers
that I'm talking about.

477
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,111
Okay, you know what? It's actually this way.

478
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,244
Did you find the place okay?

479
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:07,118
- Are you lost?
- No. This is what we call the grub hub.

480
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,490
I'll see you at St. Stephen's on Sunday.

481
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,788
- Excellent.
- Great.

482
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,925
(WHISPERS) on, my God.

483
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,826
Uh, thank you for your service.

484
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,526
Of course, yes.
I have the vice president right here.

485
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,862
Ma'am, I have the ACCDP on the line.

486
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,300
I'm gonna put you on speaker.

487
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,030
- WOMAN: Hello?
- Hello.

488
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,006
- (WHISPERING) Who are they?
- Oh, the Anti...

489
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,474
No, the Anti-abortion...

490
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:30,010
No, the Association <i>of...</i> It's in my phone.

491
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,106
<i>- Can you hear me?</i>
- Yes, I can. I can.

492
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,550
<i>Madam Vice President. it's such an honor.</i>

493
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,177
Thank you so, so much.

494
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:40,046
You know,
I really did want to speak with you first

495
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,524
because I wanted to make sure

496
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:46,791
that we got a little extra time to talk together.

497
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,020
(MOUTHING)

498
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,964
<i>Frankly, ma'am,
our position hasn't changed one inch.</i>

499
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:53,793
Well, you know what?
500
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,968
It's a matter of conviction for me, too.

501
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,006
- Pro-life.
- They're pro-choice.

502
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,474
<i>I think our position 's pretty clear
from the title of our organization.</i>

503
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:03,911
Yeah, of course.

504
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,977
- ACCDP.
- Oh, my God.

505
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,710
God, the lighting is so unflattering.

506
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,688
Can I ask you a question?
Are you hiding from someone?

507
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:13,847
(GARY CHUCKLES)

508
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,654
Aren't we all hiding from somebody?

509
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,058
I'm gonna make a quick call.

510
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,594
Really quick, just really quick.

511
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:19,719
(CHUCKLES)

512
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,264
One second. So sorry.

513
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,001
God!
514
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,337
(WHISPERS) Get your shit together, Gary.

515
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,708
You can do this. You can do this.

516
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:32,832
(CLEARS THROAT)

517
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,537
- Excuse me for just a minute.
- Uh...

518
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,948
I realize that life is precious.

519
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:43,347
"And so are the hard-won freedoms..."

520
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,688
- Oh, thank God.
- WOMAN: <i>Thank</i> you, ma 'am.

521
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,883
- SELINA: Thank you. Bye-bye.
- Good-bye.

522
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,286
She was from the ADCCP. Sorry.

523
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,624
- And who are they?
- I'm not quite sure.

524
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,392
- Ah.
- It's in my phone.

525
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,894
See that, ma'am?

526
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,636
I've got Cunningham. I know, he's pro-choice.

527
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,028
- BOTH: Life!
- Got it.

528
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,639
- Okay, we're good. Yeah.
- Good?

529
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:09,576
- Okay, that's good. I don't need any help.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

530
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,704
- You like music?
- I suppose. Why?

531
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,746
Oh, the new McCartney is worth checking out.

532
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,149
- Right now, or can it wait?
- It can wait.

533
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:17,380
You're in here.

534
00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:19,412
(SIGHS)

535
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,389
The vice president will see you now...

536
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,061
Uh, it's probably better if we go in separately,
wouldn't you think?

537
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,630
Your right to choose, Amy.

538
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:30,231
The vice president will see you now,
Mr. Cunningham.

539
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,265
Pleasure to meet you.

540
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:36,336
I've got some free lunch passes if you'd like...

541
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:40,069
Listen. I've worked in DC for 10 years,
and I've never been treated like this.

542
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,975
- Bundled around like a refugee?
- I'm sorry.

543
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:43,341
I'm gonna back your boss, I always have.

544
00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:44,846
- But you need to quit this job...
- I know.

545
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,746
And find something you're halfway decent at.

546
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,150
Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much.

547
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,311
(SIGHS)

548
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:52,821
<i>If this footage looks kind of like Cloverfield,</i>

549
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:54,653
it's not because my hands shaking,

550
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:57,660
it's because a fucking earthquake just hit DC!

551
00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:59,923
You feeling the heat, old media?

552
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,929
<i>Because it's three strikes and you're out.</i>

553
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:05,591
Tell them I'm coming in for 50.

554
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:09,034
- They hung up.
- You know what? Fuck <i>Huff Po.</i>

555
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:12,132
They should be called <i>Puff Ho</i>
'cause Arianna Huffington is a straight-up ho

556
00:22:12,198 --> 00:22:13,438
and all they do is puff pieces.

557
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,945
Wait, request from MSNBC.

558
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:19,048
They want you on at 7:00 a.m.
They're gonna send a car.

559
00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:21,315
Ha-ha. Got it!

560
00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:23,683
Ma'am, Chung's statement. 10 minutes early.

561
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:25,312
Pulled a few strings
from my buddies down at...

562
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:27,618
Please tell us about the strings, Mike,
don't tell us what's in it.

563
00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:31,525
Oh, sarcasm. That's an interesting strategy
for a potential campaign manager, Amy.

564
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:33,362
Apologies. Rewind.

565
00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:35,329
Get the fuck on with it, Mike.
She's got a point. Let's go.

566
00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:37,025
Oh. Sorry. Just printed it. Haven't read it.

567
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,658
Literally was trying to read it
when I was running over,

568
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:39,862
so I couldn't do either.

569
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:42,906
Okay, here we go. "First let me say
that I commend the president's clarity..."

570
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:44,030
Skip that part.

571
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:47,144
"Advances in science
have brought us to a moral conundrum..."

572
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:51,141
"I believe a 22-week cutoff is appropriate."

573
00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:53,809
Has anyone ever come up
with that number before?

574
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:54,977
Never.

575
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:56,686
We're going to need a bigger melon.

576
00:22:56,742 --> 00:22:58,722
SELINA: Dan was right.
I've got to pick a number.

577
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:01,723
Okay, well, obviously
we can just go anywhere now

578
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,191
without going over 40.

579
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:04,990
Half weeks? 22 and a half weeks.

580
00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:07,086
22 and a half weeks,
sounds like an erotic thriller.

581
00:23:07,353 --> 00:23:10,823
- What about days?
- Yes, like 140 days.

582
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:14,336
- Which is in weeks...
- Divide by seven, Mike.

583
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,234
- Two. .. 20.
- Yeah.

584
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,741
I can't stick to 24 weeks now

585
00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:22,676
because that's gonna make me
the most liberal

586
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,210
and the most female.

587
00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:27,547
Chung the Merciless did this, right?

588
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:29,914
Why don't we double bluff him?
Just choose the same number.

589
00:23:30,009 --> 00:23:32,114
It's not like sharing a toothbrush.

590
00:23:32,444 --> 00:23:35,015
Mmm-mmm. Copycat Selina.
That's what they'll say.

591
00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:37,524
Me-Too Meyer, shit for brains...

592
00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:40,857
No, I'm sorry, they won't say that.
I'm just really tired.

593
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,524
Should we all quit and go home

594
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,090
and go to bed 'cause you're so tired?

595
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:46,635
Oh, no, we can't. Because I have to go do

596
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:48,966
<i>Good Morning America</i> thanks to you, Kent.

597
00:23:49,061 --> 00:23:51,940
I know, I'm sorry, ma'am.
I thought you could be first on air.

598
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:54,705
I didn't realize Chung and Maddox
would attack at night.

599
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:55,973
Must be their military training.

600
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:58,446
Let me see this. What is this spike right here?

601
00:23:58,537 --> 00:23:59,777
The I Don't Knows.

602
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:02,484
Okay, so I am looking at a page

603
00:24:02,574 --> 00:24:06,784
and I am seeing most of America
standing up proudly

604
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,984
and saying, "I don't know."

605
00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:10,389
We were shocked ourselves.

606
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,222
I wonder who should be

607
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:15,390
my campaign strategist in the next election.

608
00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:18,626
- "I don't know."
- (CHUCKLES)

609
00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:21,833
I will redouble my efforts to win your support.

610
00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:23,963
The man's obsessed with me.

611
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,407
Issue a version of what you said in the book,

612
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,910
just better than what Dan wrote.

613
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,742
Okay, Mike, you draft me a new version

614
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,749
of my existing position, okay?

615
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,580
- Love it.
- And I'm gonna need something to wear,

616
00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:36,686
'cause I'm going on <i>Good Morning America.</i>

617
00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:39,984
Pink. I got you pink. Let's do pink.

618
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:42,281
<i>I believe that life is precious.</i>

619
00:24:42,348 --> 00:24:45,454
<i>And so are the hard-won freedoms</i>

620
00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:47,929
that women throughout America enjoy today.

621
00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:51,533
<i>Uh, as a woman myself,</i>

622
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,134
I know that freedom means the freedom...

623
00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:55,704
Thank you, sir.

624
00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:57,364
Did you get all the free water from the car?

625
00:24:57,463 --> 00:24:58,601
- Yeah.
- Nice.

626
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:01,110
See, I told you, man.
Two days up and we're already big.

627
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,669
This is what happens
when talent meets opportunity.

628
00:25:03,936 --> 00:25:05,438
Let's blow this thing wide open.

629
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,847
DAN: Hey, Jo-nad.

630
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,646
Dan, what the fuck are you doing here?

631
00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:11,483
You shouldn't tweet your location
to someone who wants to kill you, Jonah.

632
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:13,113
Oh, so you do follow me.

633
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:14,851
You know what?
I swear to God, I'm gonna rip your guts out

634
00:25:14,947 --> 00:25:17,120
through your tiny, shriveled,
little Chihuahua cock.
635
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,560
What, nothing?
You're gonna let your boss get pasted?

636
00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:21,289
You're not my boss. We're copartners.

637
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,457
I don't give a fuck.

638
00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:25,196
You're looking kind of hungry, Jonah.

639
00:25:25,624 --> 00:25:26,898
You want some of that burrito?

640
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:30,500
No? Yeah? Hey, you, Ugly Betty,
give me that burrito.

641
00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:33,068
Don’t just give it to him, dude.

642
00:25:33,165 --> 00:25:34,200
- You see this, Jonah?
- Yeah.

643
00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:37,644
This is what happens
when you fuck with my office.

644
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:40,080
If you say anything on-air about the Veep,

645
00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:43,250
I will break your legs so severely,
you'll end up normal height.

646
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,752
Jake's on you, Dan,

647
00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:46,720
because I fucking love burritos.

648
00:25:46,812 --> 00:25:49,190
Yeah? Good luck with
your interview, handsome.

649
00:25:49,848 --> 00:25:51,850
- That's right, walk away, bitch.
- What did you say?

650
00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:53,260
- Nothing, nothing.
- DAN: What? Yeah.

651
00:25:53,485 --> 00:25:55,692
Joining us in studio is Jonah Ryan.

652
00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:58,667
<i>He was the former
White House liaison to the vice president.</i>

653
00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:01,033
<i>- Hi, Jonah. Nice to see you.
- Hello.</i>

654
00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:02,401
<i>What do you think is gonna happen here?</i>

655
00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:04,167
<i>Will the Veep go with POTUS,</i>

656
00:26:04,263 --> 00:26:06,834
<i>or could this
really be a defining moment for her?</i>

657
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:11,943
(EXHALES) <i>Well, at Ryantology.net,
we have a saying,</i>

658
00:26:12,037 --> 00:26:16,417
<i>which is that these issues are like a prism.</i>

659
00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:18,415
<i>They have many sides.</i>

660
00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:20,450
<i>Would you care to pick one?</i>

661
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:22,190
Of course. Um...

662
00:26:23,015 --> 00:26:26,553
<i>This is an issue
that has plagued politics for far too long.</i>

663
00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:27,959
And...

664
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:32,625
<i>- Thanks for coming in, Jonah.
- Yeah, great.</i>

665
00:26:34,126 --> 00:26:36,629
Planned Parenthoods
Rachel Hortenthall is on the line.

666
00:26:36,728 --> 00:26:38,537
Hi, Rachel. Thanks so much for being here.

667
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:40,270
Okay, you heard the Veep's statement.

668
00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:43,437
What do you at Planned Parenthood
have to say about it?

669
00:26:43,535 --> 00:26:46,607
RACHEL: <i>Unlike your previous guest,
we have a very clear take on this.</i>

670
00:26:46,705 --> 00:26:48,378
Well, I said nothing.

671
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,217
A big, fat, morbidly obese nothing.

672
00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:53,951
At least you mentioned the book, ma'am.

673
00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:55,992
Your publisher is gonna be stoked.

674
00:26:56,081 --> 00:26:58,493
And I'm not wearing a flag pin.
675
00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:00,291
Whose fault is that, by the way?

676
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,293
Look what I got. Look what I got.

677
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:04,230
I got a special treat for you.

678
00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:05,625
Mmm!

679
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:08,728
Gary, you are my angel of baked goods.

680
00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:10,966
Well, every angel needs an archangel.

681
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:13,733
- Hey, Gary, come here.
- Oh, okay. Yes' ma'am.

682
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:18,240
- Yeah? Mmm-hmm.
- You are always gonna be my body man.

683
00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:20,806
Yeah.

684
00:27:20,906 --> 00:27:23,079
(WHISPERS) Especially when I'm president.

685
00:27:23,575 --> 00:27:25,816
And I've got eight years
of treats planned for you.

686
00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:26,912
Yes, I do.

687
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:27,980
(BOTH LAUGHING)

688
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,650
I value you so much.
689
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,987
- Go clear up the fruit out there.
- Yeah, okay.

690
00:27:43,295 --> 00:27:45,206
I can put this in balls.

691
00:27:45,297 --> 00:27:47,470
Little watermelon balls in a bowl?

692
00:27:47,533 --> 00:27:49,638
- Definitely not.
- No? Okay.

693
00:27:50,936 --> 00:27:54,713
I can't watch myself anymore.

694
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,210
GARY: Oh, um...

695
00:27:58,544 --> 00:28:00,956
- Don't put Oprah on. You don't like that.
- Mmm-mmm.

696
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,226
- You wanna watch Top Chef?
- No.

697
00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:04,850
How about <i>Project Runway?</i>

698
00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:06,719
- No.
<i>- Survivor?</i>

699
00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:08,297
- Yeah.
- Okay.

700
00:28:12,300 --> 00:28:22,300
<b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</font></b>