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Subs by Traff and Raceman
www.forom.com

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Wow, this is an honor.

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I am friends with number four
on Maxim's list comedy.

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Thanks.

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At first I was mad that Jessica Simpson
was ahead of me.

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But then I saw the Dukes of Hazzard.

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Funny!

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What is that, baby oil?

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Actually, they use salad dressing,
'cause it gets a better sheen.

10
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This is ridiculous.

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What does any of this have to do with comedy?

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Ya burnt!

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Listen, I just...

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I wanna make sure you're not
gonna regret this, you know?

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Because it's not just cute guys
that buy these magazines,

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it's teenage boys with weird rashes

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and old guys that live at the Y.

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Liz, posing in Maxim is a great career move.

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There's no shame in it.

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I'm laughin', I'm horny,
let's do this!

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Put the chicken near your mouth.

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Awesome.

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Oh!

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Well, you look happy.

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Somebody just have
a root beer float?

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No, Josh's contract is up, which means

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it's time for my favorite thing
in the world, negotiation.

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The essence of capitalism.
There's nothing like it.

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God, I wish there was something
I could negotiate with right now.

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Hey, Jack?

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Just a reminder, I need a couple minutes
to go over breakage today-- how's noon?

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Can't do that.
Make it 4:00 AM.

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That's no good.

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What about after rehearsal?

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10:00.

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Stop insulting me.

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3:00 AM.

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Midnight.

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You bring the coffee.

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2:30, you bring the coffee.

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That's my final.
42
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Done.

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Wow, you do have a talent.

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I can't wait to go mano a mano with Josh.

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Right, I think you mean mano a toddler.

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Josh is a very sweet,
very dumb kid.

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Please go easy on him.

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I'll try to remember that when you
and I meet with him later.

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What, me? No.

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Don't make me be part of this.

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Lemon, I would like to teach you something.

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I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer
to your angry black kid

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who learns that poetry
is just another way to rap.

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No, Jack, I don't wanna learn
about negotiation.

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I just want Josh to stay.
The show needs him.

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Lesson number one,
you don't need anyone.

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Sure, Josh tests well
with female viewers 12 to 24,

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which is important to advertisers,

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because young women will buy
just about anything.

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These sunglasses have a chip in them
that makes the lenses change color

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as my iPod loses power.

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But whatever Josh brings to the show,
he's still replaceable.

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He's not replaceable as my friend.

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He's not your friend now,
he's your opponent.

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He's going to try to grab all the marbles,
and it's our job to hide them.

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That's not how you play marbles, Jack.

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But that's how you keep them.

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Yo, remember that email we got
from those Nigerians

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that needed our help gettin'
all that money out of Africa?

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We did it!

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I got the check today.

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Say word?

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Word is bond.

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I would have been happy
if our only reward was just helping

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that dethroned prince of Nigeria,
but this is great!

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We should treat ourselves.

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Want to go to Vegas
and buy a bunch of sarcophagi?

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Nah.

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I don't even use
the ones I have.

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We could add someone else to the entourage.

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That's a good idea.

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Yo, what's young Larry doing these days?

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He's in Jay-Z's entourage.

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What about Cheese?

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He's rolling
with Ghostface Killer now.

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Fatballz?

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Studying hotel administration at Cornell.

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Well, go ahead, Fatballz!

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That's a good program.

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Hello there, Mr. Jordan.

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Mr. Slattery, Mr. Griswold.

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I picked up your lunch from Sylvia's.

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Extra cornbread
because I know you like it.

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Like it?

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I love it!
96
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I love this cornbread so much
I wanna take it

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behind a middle school
and get it pregnant.

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Pregnant cornbread.

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K, you like doing stuff for me, right?

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How would you like to be in my entourage?

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Well, that sounds like fun!

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What would I do?

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Well, let's see.

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Dotcom does the driving
and the cooking.

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Grizz is in charge of sitting on me
when I get over stimulated.

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But I have been looking for someone
to harmonize with me.

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The sun'll come out

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Tomorrow

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Tomorrow

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Bet your bottom dollar

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that tomorrow

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Fa la la la

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There'll be sun

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This is a really special day.

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Just thinking about to--

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Nice.

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Yowza.

118
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Isn't it great?

119
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These are the sexiest women in comedy?

120
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Where's Jack�e?

121
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Jenna, have you read your interview yet?

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Oh, no.

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Did I come across as interesting?
124
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'Cause I tried to mention Bono
as much as possible.

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No, you come across as crazy.

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Why did you tell the reporter
that you hate the troops?

127
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What?

128
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I didn't say
I hate the troops.

129
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but it's just
a bunch of gay guys

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that like to get in silly costumes
and prance around.

131
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No, Liz, he heard me wrong.

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You know
that I love the troops.

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Do you remember that fleet week
after I broke up with David?

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Oh, God, this is bad.

135
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Nobody reads the articles
in these things, right?

136
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Maybe no one'll pick it up?
137
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These Hollyweirdos from La La Land
like Jenna Moron-ey are just un-American!

138
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So we are calling for a boycott of NBC,
General Electric,

139
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and their parent company
the Sheinhardt Wig Corporation.

140
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Jack, I was misquoted.

141
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This is my fault.

142
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I never should have let her do
this Maxim thing in the first place.

143
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We're going to nip this thing in the bud.

144
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Jenna is going to make a public apology
tomorrow on Hardball.

145
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You know what that is, don't you?

146
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Yes.

147
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Should I prepare a song?

148
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I really can't wait
to renegotiate your contract.

149
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Thank you, sir.
150
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What?

151
00:06:03,785 --> 00:06:04,280
Hey.

152
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Does my vulva look swollen?

153
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Come here.

154
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I just wanna warn you as a friend
about this contract thing.

155
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Jack is gunning for you.

156
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Really?

157
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Don't worry, you're not going anywhere.

158
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Jack said advertisers love you,
because you test great with women 12 to 24.

159
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Which advertisers?

160
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Could I get free Choco Sticks?

161
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Just don't be pushy about your contract,
and I promise we will get through this.

162
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Yeah, um...

163
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Alan actually told me
not to talk to anybody about this.
164
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Alan?

165
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Who's Alan?

166
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Jacuzzi, the whole nine yards.

167
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Jack.

168
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Jack Donaghy.

169
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Alan Steiner.

170
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Good to see ya.
I'm Josh Gerard's agent.

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Oh, really?

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Listen, I'd love to grab
a little face time with you

173
00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:50,492
re: Josh's contract offer.

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We've got some serious troubs, my friend.

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We are not smiles-times.

176
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I'm sorry to hear that, Alan.

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What your skedge ma�ana?
178
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'Cause this is gonna be one serious negosh.

179
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My skedge is wide open, Alan.

180
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Hasta ma�ana.

181
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What a man, what a man

182
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what a mighty good man

183
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Mighty mighty good man

184
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Yeah!

185
00:07:16,316 --> 00:07:19,061
So, entourage, what's
on the schedule for today?

186
00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:20,442
I have us penciled in for Halo.

187
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,852
I love Halo!

188
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:23,980
I love Halo so much,
I wanna take it out

189
00:07:24,155 --> 00:07:28,742
behind a middle school
and get it pregnant!

190
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,740
Why are you guys laughing so hard?

191
00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:33,070
That's the same joke
Mr. Jordan said earlier.
192
00:07:33,247 --> 00:07:34,620
I don't think so, K.

193
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,743
'Cause I like
to keep my material fresh.

194
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I like to keep things fresh so much,
that I wanna take it out

195
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:44,463
behind the middle school
and get it pregnant.

196
00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:49,340
Whoa, who just killed me?

197
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:50,471
That's never happened before.

198
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I did, Mr. Jordan!

199
00:07:51,726 --> 00:07:52,971
That's impossible!

200
00:07:53,146 --> 00:07:54,893
I've beat all the world's best players.

201
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:58,350
Grizz, Dotcom, my publicist,
my stylist...

202
00:07:58,525 --> 00:07:59,643
Oh, well...

203
00:07:59,815 --> 00:08:00,891
I just killed you again!

204
00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:02,021
You're cheating!

205
00:08:02,195 --> 00:08:03,401
And I don't wanna play no more!

206
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,860
I hate this!

207
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:06,611
Grizz!

208
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:10,993
I think it's best
you come sit on me.

209
00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:17,661
And I just want the troops to kill everyone
and come on home.

210
00:08:17,836 --> 00:08:18,992
Pretty good.

211
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,662
But this is Hardball, Jenna,
so you might wanna be more specific.

212
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,132
You could say
that you support the troops,

213
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,883
but you feel that the war was poorly planned

214
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,673
and started under false pretenses.

215
00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:32,050
And that we should have used those resources
to hunt down Osama Bin Laden.

216
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:33,342
Liz, I'm just worried
that I'm gonna

217
00:08:33,518 --> 00:08:35,143
sound like I don't know
what I'm talking about.

218
00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:37,970
Hey, would Sharon Stone worry about that?

219
00:08:38,146 --> 00:08:38,932
Mm-mm.

220
00:08:39,108 --> 00:08:40,432
Would Richard Gere?

221
00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:41,602
No.

222
00:08:41,775 --> 00:08:46,563
Then you go out there
and you voice your opinions like a star.

223
00:08:46,736 --> 00:08:48,480
Okay, what are you gonna do
if they ask about '08?

224
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,033
Well, of course I want Hillary
to be the first woman president.

225
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:51,612
Ugh.

226
00:08:51,785 --> 00:08:52,442
No, Obama.

227
00:08:52,617 --> 00:08:54,153
You support Barrack Obama.

228
00:08:54,328 --> 00:08:56,491
Remember, you liked those pictures
of him at the beach?

229
00:08:56,668 --> 00:08:57,870
Oh, right.

230
00:08:58,035 --> 00:09:00,080
Obama, what is he, Hispanic?

231
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:00,953
No, he's black.

232
00:09:01,128 --> 00:09:02,542
And he's running for President?

233
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,292
Good luck.

234
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,171
Is this new furniture?

235
00:09:11,348 --> 00:09:13,631
This is my negotiation set.

236
00:09:13,808 --> 00:09:15,433
What?

237
00:09:15,595 --> 00:09:19,223
Gentlemen, please sit down.

238
00:09:25,108 --> 00:09:29,061
All right, let's skip the foreplay
and get right to the penetraish.

239
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:33,363
Josh is looking for a 15% raise,
a two-pic guarantee from Universal,

240
00:09:33,537 --> 00:09:36,702
and time off for every Jewish holiday
no matter how ridiculous.

241
00:09:36,866 --> 00:09:38,411
I mean, Yaznach is coming up.

242
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,160
That seems pretty reasonable, right, Jack?

243
00:09:40,337 --> 00:09:43,703
Here's my counteroffer.

244
00:09:44,088 --> 00:09:46,002
One dollar.

245
00:09:46,176 --> 00:09:46,830
What?

246
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:47,623
Oh, boy.

247
00:09:47,798 --> 00:09:48,542
That's absurd.

248
00:09:48,717 --> 00:09:49,543
You know what's absurd?

249
00:09:49,807 --> 00:09:55,920
These photos I found of Josh
roughhousing with Lance Bass at SeaWorld.

250
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:57,631
What, we were just being silly.

251
00:09:57,807 --> 00:09:59,140
My offer is now 75 cents.

252
00:09:59,305 --> 00:10:01,891
Tic toc tic toc tic toc.

253
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:03,223
It keeps getting lower.

254
00:10:03,398 --> 00:10:04,430
I think we should take it.

255
00:10:04,607 --> 00:10:06,312
Relax.

256
00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:08,192
Look, Jack...

257
00:10:08,355 --> 00:10:09,771
we know about the testing.

258
00:10:09,946 --> 00:10:13,400
Women from 12 to 24...
love my guy.

259
00:10:13,575 --> 00:10:16,032
Who told you that?

260
00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:16,860
Oh, Liz did.

261
00:10:17,036 --> 00:10:17,822
Shut up.

262
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:18,611
What?

263
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,450
That was privileged information.

264
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:21,951
That's what I thought.

265
00:10:22,128 --> 00:10:23,332
Awse.

266
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:26,913
We are back in the game.

267
00:10:27,468 --> 00:10:31,922
I knew you weren't ready for a big chair.

268
00:10:36,557 --> 00:10:39,092
Yo, Kenneth,
we need to talk, man.

269
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,510
Oh, I've had this conversation before.

270
00:10:41,685 --> 00:10:43,433
You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

271
00:10:43,606 --> 00:10:44,431
No.

272
00:10:44,605 --> 00:10:46,643
It's about how you're treating Tracy.

273
00:10:46,816 --> 00:10:49,652
You're beating him at Halo,
you're not laughing at his jokes.

274
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:52,483
He's the king around here.
You gotta respect that.

275
00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:53,402
Oh, my gosh.

276
00:10:53,576 --> 00:10:56,150
I had no idea
I was causing a problem.

277
00:10:56,326 --> 00:10:58,823
Hey, I got next game.

278
00:10:58,995 --> 00:11:00,861
Hold up.

279
00:11:01,037 --> 00:11:02,910
How are you beating Kenneth, Grizz?

280
00:11:03,086 --> 00:11:04,032
I don't know.

281
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:06,501
If Kenneth can beat me,
and you can beat Kenneth,

282
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,871
then by the transitive property,
you should beat me too!

283
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,381
Have you been letting me win?

284
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,171
Just at some things.

285
00:11:14,345 --> 00:11:15,130
Things?

286
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,710
Plural?

287
00:11:18,348 --> 00:11:22,893
What is the world's
only egg-laying mammal?

288
00:11:23,055 --> 00:11:24,220
The Easter bunny!

289
00:11:24,398 --> 00:11:25,973
Right again!

290
00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:27,811
That's a green pie piece.

291
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:29,773
Amazed.

292
00:11:29,948 --> 00:11:32,310
Raaah!

293
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:33,980
Yeah, what, cat?

294
00:11:34,157 --> 00:11:34,940
Yeah, Dotcom!

295
00:11:35,115 --> 00:11:36,482
Yeah, Grizz!

296
00:11:36,657 --> 00:11:39,151
Have you two been treating me
like this all this time?

297
00:11:39,328 --> 00:11:40,363
Like a child?

298
00:11:40,538 --> 00:11:42,701
No no no, I won't stand for this.

299
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:46,081
Entourage disbanded!

300
00:11:50,508 --> 00:11:51,793
Oh, my.

301
00:11:51,965 --> 00:11:53,961
Tucker Carlson, you heard
what Jenna Maroney had to say.

302
00:11:54,138 --> 00:11:55,133
She supports the troops.

303
00:11:55,295 --> 00:11:56,093
Well, here's a question, Chris.

304
00:11:56,256 --> 00:11:57,803
Why do we care
what she thinks about anything?

305
00:11:57,965 --> 00:11:59,761
This woman strikes me
as another empty-headed

306
00:11:59,925 --> 00:12:02,382
self-involved member
of the Hollywood ignorati.

307
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,512
You know, for someone
who's super super hot,

308
00:12:04,686 --> 00:12:05,801
you're really cranky.

309
00:12:05,977 --> 00:12:09,350
I have just as much right
to my opinion as you or Chris.

310
00:12:09,526 --> 00:12:10,270
I'm not sure you do.

311
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:12,020
You've been on the show
for 20 minutes now.

312
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:14,901
You sang six bars of something
called Muffin Top.

313
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:15,481
Thank you.

314
00:12:15,656 --> 00:12:18,360
And then told a disgusting story
about Fleet Week.

315
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:21,033
I guess this is the state
of political
discourse in this country nowadays.

316
00:12:21,205 --> 00:12:22,362
And that's fine,
let's just embrace it.

317
00:12:22,538 --> 00:12:26,031
Let's have our policies determined
by former Cable Ace Award nominees.

318
00:12:26,207 --> 00:12:28,791
First, I was great in that Arliss.

319
00:12:28,958 --> 00:12:32,411
Second of all, if they president is so serious
about the war of terror,

320
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:36,463
why doesn't he hunt down and capture
Barrack Obama before he strikes again?

321
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,251
It's time for a change, America.

322
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,803
That's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008.

323
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:45,971
Oh, no comeback?

324
00:12:46,146 --> 00:12:48,681
Ya burnt!

325
00:12:55,238 --> 00:12:57,311
Hey, Jack, I was totally gonna call you.

326
00:12:57,488 --> 00:12:59,941
Which of your massive screw-ups
should we discuss first?

327
00:13:00,115 --> 00:13:02,113
How about the Jenna situation?

328
00:13:02,285 --> 00:13:03,451
That is taken care of.

329
00:13:03,707 --> 00:13:05,821
I have written an op ed piece
for the New York Times

330
00:13:05,998 --> 00:13:09,622
under Jenna's name
in which I put the media on trial.

331
00:13:09,798 --> 00:13:10,953
Boo!
Here's the plan.

332
00:13:11,126 --> 00:13:12,661
We're gonna take Jenna,
put some flags behind her,

333
00:13:12,837 --> 00:13:15,422
have her sing a song that rhymes USA
with "Make them pay,"

334
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,331
dress her in an eagle costume,
and we're gonna call it

335
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:18,631
a salute to the troops episode.

336
00:13:18,796 --> 00:13:19,251
Okay.

337
00:13:19,426 --> 00:13:20,842
Moving on, Josh Gerard.

338
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:22,593
I had him right where I wanted him.

339
00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:25,510
Until my partner
stabbed me in the back.

340
00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:26,932
I didn't mean to do that.
I'm sorry.
341
00:13:27,096 --> 00:13:28,892
I was just trying
to give my friend a head's up.

342
00:13:29,056 --> 00:13:34,851
Why can't we all just sit down
in normal chairs and figure this out?

343
00:13:35,026 --> 00:13:36,981
Suri, is Josh in yet?

344
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:38,401
Josh isn't coming in today.

345
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,191
He's sick.

346
00:13:39,365 --> 00:13:40,572
He said he was throwing up all night.

347
00:13:40,735 --> 00:13:42,232
A sick out?

348
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,611
I didn't think
he had it in him.

349
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:44,861
What are you talking about?

350
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:45,573
He's faking.

351
00:13:45,745 --> 00:13:47,611
He's gonna stay home
until we give in to his demands.

352
00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:51,121
No, Josh could not come up
with a sneaky plan like that.

353
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,331
He told me he was a pallbearer
at his brother's wedding.

354
00:13:54,506 --> 00:13:57,170
He's probably just sick
because he's stressed out about his job.

355
00:13:57,336 --> 00:14:00,092
Lemon, what happened in your childhood
to make you believe that people are good?

356
00:14:00,255 --> 00:14:00,922
You know what?

357
00:14:01,096 --> 00:14:03,592
If my friendships
and my job are in compatible,

358
00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:05,303
I choose my friends.

359
00:14:05,476 --> 00:14:07,633
And right now, I am going
to get some chicken soup

360
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:10,101
from Josh's favorite place
and take it to him

361
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:14,432
and say that
I hope he feels better.

362
00:14:14,817 --> 00:14:17,141
Do you ever get any emails
other than from match.com?

363
00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:20,730
No no, don't look at that.

364
00:14:20,906 --> 00:14:22,820
Aaah!

365
00:14:22,985 --> 00:14:25,283
Damn it!

366
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,530
Close, right?

367
00:14:26,706 --> 00:14:28,161
Feel like I'm above the rim.

368
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,911
Can't palm the ball.

369
00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:33,541
Sir, I think you made a mistake
firing Grizz and Dotcom.

370
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,663
They just wanna make you
feel better about yourself.

371
00:14:35,835 --> 00:14:37,292
They disrespected me.

372
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:38,672
But don't you miss them?

373
00:14:38,838 --> 00:14:40,710
You're the only one
I can trust, K.

374
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:42,213
You're my whole entourage now.

375
00:14:42,385 --> 00:14:44,551
Oh, I'm not so sure
I can handle that.

376
00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:45,762
Yes, you can.

377
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,973
Because you were honest with me.

378
00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:48,763
I don't need a couple of yes-men.

379
00:14:48,936 --> 00:14:50,390
I need the truth.

380
00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:54,011
Well, if that's the case...
then you should know
381
00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:56,432
that you're never gonna dunk this basketball.

382
00:14:56,607 --> 00:14:58,773
Also, that Oscar you have
is made of chocolate.

383
00:14:58,945 --> 00:15:00,771
And that lady
you European kissed last night

384
00:15:00,948 --> 00:15:01,613
was actually a gentleman...

385
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:04,983
Okay, that's enough.

386
00:15:06,076 --> 00:15:07,531
Oh, here comes one right now.

387
00:15:07,696 --> 00:15:09,613
Excuse me, do you work for NBC?

388
00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:12,203
Oh, no, I was just passing through
there on my way to church.

389
00:15:12,377 --> 00:15:14,491
Well, are you interested
in taking back your country?

390
00:15:14,668 --> 00:15:15,240
Am I!

391
00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:22,132
Then join here tomorrow night
for a protest against the freedom-hating
Jenna Maroney and TGS!

392
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,502
There will be snacks!

393
00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:27,301
I will definitely be there.
394
00:15:27,518 --> 00:15:29,093
Large chicken soup to go, please.

395
00:15:29,265 --> 00:15:30,262
John and I saw your tape.

396
00:15:30,436 --> 00:15:31,393
Very very impressed.

397
00:15:31,558 --> 00:15:34,432
You seem like a perfect match
for The Daily Show.

398
00:15:34,607 --> 00:15:36,722
We are always looking for new correspondents.

399
00:15:36,898 --> 00:15:40,230
Josh? You stupid turd.

400
00:15:41,485 --> 00:15:43,020
Hey!

401
00:15:43,198 --> 00:15:44,613
Liz.

402
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:45,522
This is...

403
00:15:45,698 --> 00:15:46,650
Yeah, I can guess who this is.

404
00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:50,400
Are you trying to get on another show?
Behind my back?

405
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,741
Look, Liz, I'm sorry.
It's just business.

406
00:15:52,916 --> 00:15:54,660
No, it's not business.

407
00:15:54,835 --> 00:15:55,913
I stood up for you.
408
00:15:56,086 --> 00:15:59,041
You were opening for a puppet
when I found you.

409
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,463
How could you
betray me like this?

410
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,250
You know, that's not even
the worst part.

411
00:16:03,428 --> 00:16:04,422
You know what
the worst part is?

412
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:08,052
You proved Jack Donaghy right!

413
00:16:08,215 --> 00:16:10,591
Again!

414
00:16:11,015 --> 00:16:13,011
And by the way,
what kind of moron

415
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,723
calls out sick
and then comes to work to have a meeting?

416
00:16:15,898 --> 00:16:17,103
I get an NBC discount here.

417
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,681
Idiot!

418
00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:22,481
I'm a big fan of your show.

419
00:16:27,326 --> 00:16:28,901
I want you to crush Josh.

420
00:16:29,078 --> 00:16:32,490
I want you to crush him.

421
00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:37,622
Mr. Jordan, Keith called on your cell.

422
00:16:37,787 --> 00:16:40,702
He said they were "at the thing,
and Lil' Zay just end up running."

423
00:16:40,878 --> 00:16:41,830
What did you tell him?

424
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:44,581
Well, he wanted Dwayne Jr.'s number,
so I gave it to him.

425
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:45,670
You did what?

426
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:49,762
Damn it, K, now I have to hear
from Tanisha's mom on how
they both mad at the twins.

427
00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,383
You have to handle this stuff better.

428
00:16:51,558 --> 00:16:53,592
Mr. Jordan, I don't know
any of these people.

429
00:16:53,767 --> 00:16:55,892
But Grizz would have...

430
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:58,510
Damn it, turn on the TV for me.

431
00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,471
Dotcom set this up.

432
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:03,692
I don't know how it works.

433
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,813
Television on!

434
00:17:05,987 --> 00:17:08,692
Pornography!
435
00:17:10,406 --> 00:17:11,073
Good, you're here.

436
00:17:11,245 --> 00:17:13,073
Josh and his agent
are on their way up.

437
00:17:13,248 --> 00:17:14,033
Ha ha, yeah.

438
00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:16,701
Then they're gonna be on their way down.

439
00:17:16,876 --> 00:17:18,083
Um, you know,
that was weak.

440
00:17:18,247 --> 00:17:19,453
But you're in the mix,
you're having fun.

441
00:17:19,626 --> 00:17:20,663
I like that.

442
00:17:20,836 --> 00:17:22,040
Gentlemen!

443
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,872
Make yourselves comfortable.

444
00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:30,670
What are all these headshots for?

445
00:17:30,845 --> 00:17:31,262
Nothing.

446
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,473
Just some meetings we're taking.

447
00:17:33,638 --> 00:17:34,173
Meetings?

448
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,262
And if...
449
00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:39,012
Look, Jack, I think I should tell you,
Josh has an offer from The Daily Show.

450
00:17:39,186 --> 00:17:40,223
Yes, Liz mentioned that.

451
00:17:40,396 --> 00:17:42,023
I don't think that's gonna pan out.

452
00:17:42,188 --> 00:17:43,023
What, are you kidding?

453
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:43,523
What happened?

454
00:17:43,685 --> 00:17:44,732
What'd you do to our offer?

455
00:17:44,896 --> 00:17:46,063
I called my friend
Saul Sheinhardt

456
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:49,153
at our parent company Sheinhardt Wigs
who called his nephew Morty Sheinhardt

457
00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:51,822
who called his son, John Stewart.

458
00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:53,190
Ah ha

459
00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,281
Ya burnt!

460
00:17:54,446 --> 00:17:55,201
Let's get down to brass tacks.

461
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,033
Josh can stay.

462
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:56,823
Thank God!
463
00:17:56,997 --> 00:17:58,413
But no raise, no movies.

464
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,620
And only one Jewish holiday.

465
00:17:59,786 --> 00:18:00,663
What's the one
where they go into the tent?

466
00:18:00,838 --> 00:18:01,330
Sukkot.

467
00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:02,411
That's the one.
We have a deal?

468
00:18:02,586 --> 00:18:04,660
Deal, thank you.
I need this money.

469
00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:07,211
I have a really bad sex addiction.

470
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,002
Sorry.

471
00:18:08,176 --> 00:18:08,881
That's it?

472
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,212
I thought you said
we could crush him.

473
00:18:11,387 --> 00:18:12,210
What are you talking about?

474
00:18:12,385 --> 00:18:13,262
I took away everything.

475
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,012
That's crushing.

476
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,260
No, do more stuff!

477
00:18:16,438 --> 00:18:17,803
You made me look like an idiot.

478
00:18:17,978 --> 00:18:18,932
You have to pay.

479
00:18:19,095 --> 00:18:20,393
Liz, he's not getting a raise.

480
00:18:20,556 --> 00:18:23,270
Do the worm!

481
00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,442
Do the worm!

482
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,521
Good Lord, the worm!

483
00:18:30,697 --> 00:18:31,902
That's so degrading.

484
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,571
Are its origins German?

485
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,112
Now say five reasons
I'm better than you!

486
00:18:36,287 --> 00:18:36,900
Smarter than me.

487
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:37,702
One!

488
00:18:37,865 --> 00:18:38,823
You can beat me
in arm wrestling.

489
00:18:38,996 --> 00:18:39,781
Two!

490
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:40,910
You read the paper.
491
00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:42,581
Yeah, suck it,
I do read the paper.

492
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:43,490
You want me to do anything?

493
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:44,243
Be a crab!

494
00:18:44,418 --> 00:18:46,710
Crab.

495
00:18:47,046 --> 00:18:48,000
Fight the worm!

496
00:18:48,176 --> 00:18:49,420
Wow!

497
00:18:49,588 --> 00:18:51,460
Liz, you took to this
like a natural.

498
00:18:51,635 --> 00:18:52,670
More than I ever...

499
00:18:52,847 --> 00:18:54,842
Okay, now, the crab
is getting aroused.

500
00:18:55,015 --> 00:18:56,300
Shut it down.

501
00:18:56,475 --> 00:18:57,972
Shut it down.

502
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,263
Small town worn fatigues

503
00:19:00,436 --> 00:19:02,801
Big dreams and little leagues

504
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,893
Gigantic star-spangled
505
00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:06,060
fireworks

506
00:19:06,235 --> 00:19:09,310
Light up the night

507
00:19:09,656 --> 00:19:11,811
You know, you actually
did a good job on this.

508
00:19:11,987 --> 00:19:13,021
Why do you sound so surprised?

509
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,070
I love America.

510
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:16,691
Just because I think gay dudes
should be allowed to adopt kids

511
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:21,201
and we should all have hybrid cars,
doesn't mean I don't love America.

512
00:19:21,378 --> 00:19:23,661
I said America

513
00:19:23,835 --> 00:19:26,833
She said America.

514
00:19:30,257 --> 00:19:32,843
And cue the pinwheels.

515
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,422
Okay, the pinwheels are lit,
but they're not spinning.

516
00:19:35,595 --> 00:19:38,802
When they're not spinning,
they look exactly like...

517
00:19:38,975 --> 00:19:41,550
Swastikas.

518
00:19:51,408 --> 00:19:54,820
TGS, Totally Godless Suckers.

519
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:55,863
Or Satanists.

520
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:57,732
Ooh, that's even better.

521
00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,071
Hi!

522
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:06,291
Entourage...

523
00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,540
Oh!

524
00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:09,791
You gotta get me out of here!

525
00:20:09,968 --> 00:20:12,623
Make a path, please!

526
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:15,091
Help!

527
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,102
Wow, Tray, you really saved us
from that crowd, yo.

528
00:20:33,278 --> 00:20:34,233
You sure did, man.

529
00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:35,402
You sure did.

530
00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:36,193
Yeah.

531
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:37,861
Of course I did!

532
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,612
I love you guys.
533
00:20:39,787 --> 00:20:41,741
I love you so much,
I'm gonna take you

534
00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:45,870
behind the middle school
and get you pregnant.

535
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,202
I love you, Dotcom.

536
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:49,790
I love you, Grizz.

537
00:20:49,955 --> 00:20:53,502
And I will always love you

538
00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:59,000
And I will always love you

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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