1

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Subs by Traff and Raceman
www.forom.com

2
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No, Jack, I'm not blaming you
but everybody got food poisoning.

3
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Food poisoning?
That isn't possible.

4
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That seafood was a gift from my friend,
the owner of the Cleveland Browns.

5
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They're very expensive freshwater clams
from the Cuyahoga River.

6
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My whole staff has been blorching

7
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for three days, so if there's any way

8
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that we could show a rerun--

9
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I wish I could help you, Lemon,
but I've already sold the ad time to the army.

10
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Now, do the best you can,
I need a live show from you in two days.

11
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Uh, no, no, no, no.

12
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That's not for you.
Bianca's coming.

13
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Crazy Bianca is coming here?
14
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You make me wanna vomit.

15
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Why?

16
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Because she wants something.

17
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She only contacts me when she wants something,
and she's bringing her lawyer.

18
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Which means she's gonna try to bleed something else
out of me in our divorce proceedings.

19
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You're not all the way divorced?

20
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Well, we've been legally separated since 1989.

21
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It's been a nightmare, Lemon.

22
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I mean, one minute you're newlyweds
making love on the floor of the Concorde,

23
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and the next your lawyers are fighting
over who gets to keep the box your dog defecates in.

24
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You taught your dog to poop in a box?

25
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Bianca did, but I want that box.

26
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Ugh.

27
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It's gonna take all day and into the night
to deal with that crazy woman.

28
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Fighting, conniving,
clawing at each other.

29
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Are you angry or excited right now?

30
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I can't tell.

31
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Mrs. Donaghy and her lawyer are here.

32
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I'm sorry, Johnny.
I'm a little early.

33
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This would work on Ugly Betty.

34
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Hey, guys.

35
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I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to work
all night tonight till we get caught up.

36
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What? Liz...

37
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I can't believe you're gonna make us work
all night on Valentine's Day.

38
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Is it Valentine's Day?

39
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Oh, I totally forgot.

40
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Hells, yes, Liz Lemon.
41
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And I had plans.

42
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Me and Angie rented the penthouse
at the SoHo Grand where we will drink wine
and pleasure each other.

43
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Gross.

44
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When you been married 17 years,
you have to keep it spicy.

45
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That's why me and my wife role-play.

46
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She put on a Girl Scout outfit
with a box of cookies,

47
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and I answer the door in my boxers.

48
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Or I rent out a wheelchair,
and she pretends to be my caseworker.

49
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And in a way, she is.

50
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,770
Well, what about me?

51
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I just took a whole bunch of Cialis
'cause I have big Valentine's plans tonight.

52
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With who?

53
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Uh, nobody.

54
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:41,702
Okay, you know, I'm sorry, you guys,
but we have to get this done.

55
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Let's order some dinner.

56
00:02:43,917 --> 00:02:46,332
Cerie, do you mind working late
on Valentine's Day?

57
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No, I don't care.

58
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Aris and I are in a huge fight anyway.

59
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:52,633
Well--Aris? Is that your fianc�, Aris?

60
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Yeah, he keeps sending me
all these flowers to apologize,

61
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but he's still insisting on having
a Greek Orthodox wedding,

62
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but I really disagree
with the church's stance on Cyprus.

63
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Mm, so, um, Chinese?
Or not?

64
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Liz, these are actually for you.

65
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Who are they from?

66
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I don't know, it doesn't say.

67
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Secret admirer!

68
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Too bad you gotta work all night!

69
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Johnny, thank you for speaking
to me in person.

70
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If this is about the dog box,
I'm not giving in.

71
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Oh, no, Johnny.

72
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I feel so terrible for what happened
at Gerhardt's party.

73
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Really? I had a fabulous time at that party.

74
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I want our divorce to be final.

75
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All right.

76
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I want back all the jewelry
I ever bought you.

77
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Fine.

78
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I want the art supplies
that I gave you on your 40th birthday

79
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and any subsequent art projects
you made with them.

80
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Fine.
81
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I want all of our love letters.

82
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Fine.

83
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I want all of your parents' love letters.

84
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Fine.

85
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I want full stake in the Arby's franchise
we bought outside of Telluride.

86
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:05,870
Oh, damn it, Johnny, you know I love
my big beef and cheddar.

87
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Take it all.

88
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Take the Arby's, take the house in Amagansett,
take the Otto Dix paintings.

89
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,252
I don't care anymore.
I wanna move on.

90
00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:17,130
Mrs. Donaghy intends to relinquish
all communal property.

91
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We should have the papers for you
to sign tomorrow.

92
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Then I suppose we're done.

93
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We're done.
94
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Break out a bottle of champagne,
but not the one that came with the shellfish.

95
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Get some other bottle of champagne.

96
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Hey.

97
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Hey.

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Did you send me these to be nice?

99
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Why would I send you flowers?

100
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Because it's Valentine's Day--

101
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Oh, no! It's what?

102
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It's Valentine's Day?

103
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Again?

104
00:04:53,757 --> 00:04:55,173
Oh, did you blow it with your wife?

105
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It's too late,
it's too late, I blew it.

106
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Well, who cares, you know,
it's just Valentine's Day.

107
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It's also her birthday.
108
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Ah.

109
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Oh, I got the turkey club.

110
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Hey.

111
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Hey, what's up?

112
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Did you just come from a Suzanne Somers
look-alike contest?

113
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Hilarious, Frank.

114
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Actually, I just came from
performing at Vagina Day.

115
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Is that an off-shoot
of The Vagina Monologues?

116
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No, we are in no way affiliated
with The Vagina Monologues.

117
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Vagina Day is a charity event

118
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founded by a group of celebrities

119
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who have, for whatever reason, never been asked

120
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to participate in The Vagina Monologues.

121
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Every February 14, we improvise monologues
about our lady parts for the homeless.

122
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Oh, to benefit the homeless?

123
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No, just for them.

124
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My vagina is a flower.

125
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A weird ugly flower.

126
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I remember the night
I lost my virginity.

127
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It was 1968,
during the Democratic Convention.

128
00:05:48,728 --> 00:05:49,641
Lemon, it's done.

129
00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:50,393
What's done?

130
00:05:50,557 --> 00:05:52,973
My divorce, it's final.

131
00:05:53,148 --> 00:05:55,103
[laughter] Mwah!

132
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I'm divorced, everyone!

133
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Who wants to grab a drink?

134
00:05:57,817 --> 00:05:59,062
Yeah, I really can't, Jack.

135
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You're making us work all night, remember?
136
00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:02,323
Oh.

137
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Hey, did you send me these
because you feel bad?

138
00:06:05,078 --> 00:06:08,453
I did not and I do not.

139
00:06:09,498 --> 00:06:11,161
Hey, Pete, you up
for a quick cocktail?

140
00:06:11,336 --> 00:06:12,992
Sorry, I gotta duck out,
I just found a Hallmark store

141
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open 70 blocks from here!

142
00:06:15,258 --> 00:06:17,330
Oh, Tracy, what do you say?

143
00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:18,790
A quick drink to celebrate my freedom?

144
00:06:18,964 --> 00:06:22,250
Aw, Jackie D.,
any other time, but I made plans
with my wife tonight.

145
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,635
Just one quick one.

146
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This is the best night of my life!

147
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:27,170
All right-- just one!

148
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I gotta be downtown dressed
as a ninja by 10:00.
149
00:06:29,978 --> 00:06:32,511
Let's go.

150
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,563
Hey, Frank, marry, boff, kill.

151
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:38,813
Beyonc�, Paula Abdul, and Oprah.

152
00:06:38,986 --> 00:06:40,060
Dude, that's beyond easy.

153
00:06:40,237 --> 00:06:43,233
Boff Beyonc�, kill Paula, marry Oprah.

154
00:06:43,408 --> 00:06:45,532
Okay, marry, boff, kill.

155
00:06:45,698 --> 00:06:47,900
Cerie, Liz, and Jenna.

156
00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:49,072
Once again, no-brainer.

157
00:06:49,246 --> 00:06:51,990
Marry Liz, get with Cerie, kill Jenna.

158
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,581
I can hear you!

159
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,662
(Liz) Frank, knock it off.

160
00:06:54,838 --> 00:06:56,703
Don't play that game about people
who are in the room.

161
00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:57,582
Why not?

162
00:06:57,755 --> 00:07:00,923
Because it always starts out fun
and then it gets weird.

163
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:04,960
But thank you for saying
that you would marry me.

164
00:07:05,138 --> 00:07:06,380
You didn't send me these, right?

165
00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:09,930
No. Are you kidding me?

166
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:14,051
Hi, um, my name is Liz Lemon,
and I received flowers from your shop tonight.

167
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,471
And I can't tell who they're from.

168
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:21,733
No, no, I did read the card,
but it's not signed.

169
00:07:21,906 --> 00:07:26,440
No, I'm not with so many men
that it's impossible for me to guess.

170
00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:29,570
Well, that is just--
oh, oh, well, you know what?

171
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:31,822
I found the card, actually,
they're from your mom.

172
00:07:31,997 --> 00:07:36,450
Yeah, so tell your gay mom
I said thanks.

173
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:42,173
We gotta order some more champagne,
go and jump on my helicopter,

174
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,842
and buzz Trump Tower until Don comes out
on the roof and begs us to stop.

175
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:48,382
Yeah, sounds good!
176
00:07:48,556 --> 00:07:52,430
I just gotta call my wife,
let her know I'm gonna be late.

177
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,803
Hey, Angie, listen, I'm gonna be--

178
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:56,222
Right.

179
00:07:56,395 --> 00:07:57,311
I have to go.

180
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:58,682
No, no, no, no, no, no.

181
00:07:58,857 --> 00:08:01,892
That is the weak married man
inside you talking.

182
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:03,022
I used to be like you.

183
00:08:03,197 --> 00:08:08,030
Always remember, marriage is a competition,
and after 18 years of overtime,

184
00:08:08,195 --> 00:08:11,491
I am finally going to claim victory!

185
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,242
You live it up, J.D.

186
00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:17,240
You know where to find me
if you need me.

187
00:08:17,416 --> 00:08:18,742
Okay, I got a hard one.

188
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:22,870
Osama bin Laden, Martha Stewart, Jenna.

189
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:26,631
Bone Osama bin Laden, it'd shame him,
and then his own people would murder him.

190
00:08:26,795 --> 00:08:30,092
Marry Martha Stewart 'cause, you know,
she seems like a dirty bird.

191
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:31,921
And kill Jenna.

192
00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:35,142
Cerie, marry, boff, kill.

193
00:08:35,305 --> 00:08:38,812
Lutz, Toofer, or Kenneth.

194
00:08:40,976 --> 00:08:43,521
I'd marry Toofer
'cause he's classy.

195
00:08:43,698 --> 00:08:46,482
I'd kill Lutz. Sorry, Lutz.

196
00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:48,903
The thought that you would do
anything to me is awesome.

197
00:08:49,078 --> 00:08:49,982
And I'd boff Kenneth.

198
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:51,241
What?

199
00:08:51,407 --> 00:08:52,613
Really?

200
00:08:52,786 --> 00:08:54,113
Okay, what's your problem with me?

201
00:08:54,287 --> 00:08:54,860
What?

202
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,201
You're always making rudeomments.

203
00:08:56,377 --> 00:08:57,323
You never wanna work with me.

204
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:58,660
Why don't you like me?

205
00:08:58,838 --> 00:08:59,873
'Cause you're a big phony.

206
00:09:00,045 --> 00:09:00,492
What?

207
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:01,952
Everything about you is fake.

208
00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:03,961
Your tan's fake, your hair's fake.

209
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,123
Not the front!

210
00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:09,380
You've never done or said anything real or genuine
the whole time I've known you.

211
00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:10,213
Oh, really?

212
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:12,763
And does a phony bare her soul
for the homeless?

213
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:15,092
Because that comes from in here.

214
00:09:15,266 --> 00:09:17,093
My vagina is a convenience store.

215
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:18,392
Clean and reliable.

216
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:20,683
And closed on Christmas.

217
00:09:20,856 --> 00:09:23,430
Fake...and weird.

218
00:09:23,607 --> 00:09:28,521
Now I would like to propose a toast to my ex-wife
who tomorrow I'm going to be saying good-bye to

219
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,271
for the very last time.

220
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,650
(women) Aww.

221
00:09:31,825 --> 00:09:32,732
No, no. No, no, no.

222
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,533
She is very, very mentally sick.

223
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:40,082
I mean, if you met her, you might think
she's wonderful, but believe me,

224
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,453
she is the succubus from the bowels of hell.

225
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,501
I mean, if I were forced to remember her

226
00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:48,040
as I first met her,
when I first fell in love with her,

227
00:09:48,218 --> 00:09:50,671
then, yes, I-I, you know,
suppose empirically

228
00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:54,171
she is very, very beautiful, but, uh...

229
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:59,930
But it's what's inside her
that really makes her disgusting.

230
00:10:00,555 --> 00:10:03,391
I wish I could touch her boobs again.
231
00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:05,932
She really had a fabulous pair of boobs.

232
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,272
Ah.

233
00:10:09,156 --> 00:10:11,190
I admit...

234
00:10:11,368 --> 00:10:15,690
Sometimes I would fantasize about her getting
various terminal illnesses, and...

235
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:19,780
I would nurse her.
To her death.

236
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:25,750
And she would say, "Johnny,
I'm in so much pain!"

237
00:10:26,628 --> 00:10:32,343
And I would say, "Just hang in there
a little longer, Bianca."

238
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,250
Love.

239
00:10:34,427 --> 00:10:37,013
They say that lightning never strikes twice.

240
00:10:37,176 --> 00:10:40,052
But I know that I will love again.

241
00:10:40,226 --> 00:10:45,393
And I'm never gonna be happy
until I find that woman.

242
00:10:47,278 --> 00:10:50,981
I think what
I'm saying to you is...

243
00:10:51,155 --> 00:10:54,781
what are you doing tonight?

244
00:10:56,078 --> 00:10:58,322
Shh.

245
00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:02,781
[whispering] Kenneth.

246
00:11:02,958 --> 00:11:04,033
This is your chance.

247
00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:07,121
Cerie digs you.

248
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:09,751
Excuse me?

249
00:11:09,925 --> 00:11:11,691
And she's upset with her fianc�.

250
00:11:11,968 --> 00:11:14,131
Cerie said she would do it with you.

251
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:16,633
Well, that just makes me perspire.

252
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:22,391
In fact, I think we need you and Cerie
to go on a candy run.

253
00:11:22,555 --> 00:11:24,143
Okay.

254
00:11:24,307 --> 00:11:24,853
[quietly] But I need to--

255
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,311
(Lutz) She can't go by herself.

256
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,981
It's 1:00 in the morning.

257
00:11:41,115 --> 00:11:41,992
Can I help you?

258
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:42,781
Yes, sir.
259
00:11:42,957 --> 00:11:45,623
We have reports of a nitrogen leak
on this floor.

260
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:46,910
Oh, no, our room is fine.

261
00:11:47,087 --> 00:11:48,202
I mean, we don't smell it.

262
00:11:48,377 --> 00:11:50,122
Oh, it's odorless, sir.

263
00:11:50,297 --> 00:11:52,503
I really need to check this room.

264
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:53,500
Well, could you hurry up?

265
00:11:53,676 --> 00:11:56,132
Because my wife and I are planning
a really special night tonight.

266
00:11:56,306 --> 00:11:58,300
Oh, it's for your own safety, sir.

267
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,223
Mm.

268
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,553
I'm detecting a lot of heat over here.

269
00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:03,930
Is it dangerous?

270
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,353
I don't know.

271
00:12:05,515 --> 00:12:08,142
I think it's coming...

272
00:12:08,316 --> 00:12:10,233
from my butt.
273
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,103
Oh, no, I'm married!

274
00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:13,403
That's how I like 'em.

275
00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:14,153
Ah!

276
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,862
What? Oh! Role-play, baby!

277
00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,571
Give it to me, baby!

278
00:12:19,747 --> 00:12:22,531
Oh, oh, yeah.

279
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:25,662
Okay.

280
00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:29,581
I don't know who that is, but we done
'cause I'm not velcro-ing up again.

281
00:12:29,756 --> 00:12:31,871
Just be cool.
Just be...be cool.

282
00:12:32,046 --> 00:12:33,080
Hold on tight.

283
00:12:33,257 --> 00:12:35,130
Who is it?

284
00:12:35,295 --> 00:12:36,671
Oh, Tracy.

285
00:12:36,848 --> 00:12:38,422
We couldn't find a hotel room anywhere.

286
00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:39,840
The whole city is booked.

287
00:12:40,015 --> 00:12:43,223
We were hoping we could come here
and party with you.

288
00:12:43,385 --> 00:12:47,553
[heavily accented] Happy Valentimes!

289
00:12:53,066 --> 00:12:56,233
Baby, I'm sorry.
But he's going through some stuff.

290
00:12:56,405 --> 00:12:57,650
Angie, do you like champagne?

291
00:12:57,815 --> 00:12:59,531
No, it gives me a headache.

292
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,320
This is a Krug Clos de Mesnil.

293
00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:03,490
I was saving it for a special occasion.

294
00:13:03,655 --> 00:13:06,491
And I thought to myself,
my God, this is it, am I right?

295
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:07,950
Good news, good friends.

296
00:13:08,127 --> 00:13:10,701
I clean this too,
or, uh, just the sex?

297
00:13:10,876 --> 00:13:11,662
Isn't she precious?

298
00:13:11,835 --> 00:13:13,410
Hey, fun fact about Vlem,

299
00:13:13,588 --> 00:13:15,671
she originally came here
to study engineering.

300
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,673
Come on, doll.
301
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:23,841
You tell GE light bulb man
I want Sophie's Choice out of my suite!

302
00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:26,300
Babe!

303
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:36,312
Lemon!

304
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:44,862
Are you coming?

305
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,202
Let's stall for a minute.

306
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,911
It's so boring up there anyway.

307
00:13:49,076 --> 00:13:52,490
You know, Aris is just so immature sometimes.

308
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,951
That's why I like you, Kenneth.

309
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:55,330
You're an old soul.

310
00:13:55,507 --> 00:13:56,500
Thank you.

311
00:13:56,677 --> 00:13:58,133
My momma thinks so too.

312
00:13:58,298 --> 00:14:01,882
In fact, she's pretty sure
I'm the reincarnated soul of Adren Twyford.

313
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:05,010
He was our town minister
who died in an organ fire.

314
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:05,630
[beeping] Ugh.
315
00:14:05,806 --> 00:14:10,682
He keeps texting me to meet him downtown
at his club, even though he knows I'm working.

316
00:14:10,856 --> 00:14:13,351
Well, it's like Dr. Laura Schlessinger says,

317
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:17,642
"Women should be more accommodating to their men
for the health of the marriage."

318
00:14:17,817 --> 00:14:19,153
She sounds smart.

319
00:14:19,318 --> 00:14:20,772
Is she really a doctor?

320
00:14:20,946 --> 00:14:23,441
No, I think she's kinda like Dr. Pepper.

321
00:14:23,617 --> 00:14:24,320
Well.

322
00:14:24,486 --> 00:14:26,862
I'm gonna go meet him downtown then.

323
00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,072
Thanks, Kenneth.

324
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:31,911
You give really good advice.

325
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,411
Kenneth.

326
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:38,082
What? How dare you?

327
00:14:38,257 --> 00:14:40,333
You're so weird.

328
00:14:40,508 --> 00:14:41,792
Tell Liz I left, okay?
329
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:42,591
All right.

330
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:50,012
Oh, and if you wanna tell those guys upstairs
that we made out, it's all right with me.

331
00:15:05,908 --> 00:15:06,781
Ooh, video games.

332
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:10,490
We could play video games.

333
00:15:11,957 --> 00:15:16,701
This is the second-worst
Valentine's Day we ever had.

334
00:15:16,878 --> 00:15:20,080
Hi, is Mr. Donaghy here?

335
00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:23,253
Another prostitute?

336
00:15:23,428 --> 00:15:24,923
Lemon, what do you say?

337
00:15:25,096 --> 00:15:26,962
You and me, Atlantic City.

338
00:15:27,136 --> 00:15:29,802
We can be in the crepe line
at The Borgata by dawn.

339
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:30,932
No, Jack.

340
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,222
What are you doing?

341
00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:37,023
I'm celebrating.

342
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,733
I want Bianca to see that I'm moving on.
343
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,693
Well then maybe you should call
Bianca to help you carry

344
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:45,190
your prostitute out of the hotel
you were just ejected from.

345
00:15:45,367 --> 00:15:45,773
You think I should?

346
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,862
She'd probably come right down here.

347
00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:48,943
You two are sick!

348
00:15:49,118 --> 00:15:50,823
This relationship is sick!

349
00:15:50,995 --> 00:15:53,243
You just don't understand,
it's complicated!

350
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:54,622
No, I don't understand!

351
00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:55,833
Let me ask you a question.

352
00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:58,202
Marry, boff, kill. Bianca.

353
00:15:58,378 --> 00:16:00,160
Which do you wanna do?

354
00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:02,831
All of them.

355
00:16:03,006 --> 00:16:05,000
All of them.

356
00:16:05,178 --> 00:16:08,880
You've gotta get out of each other's lives,
Jack, or you wilnever be happy.
357
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,631
Between the two of you,
you are 100 years old,

358
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:15,721
and this is not a dignified way
for a 100-year-old couple to behave.

359
00:16:15,898 --> 00:16:17,262
I know.

360
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,643
I know.

361
00:16:19,817 --> 00:16:22,063
Uh, oh, leave her there.

362
00:16:22,238 --> 00:16:24,860
It's nicer than where I found her.

363
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,111
Come on.

364
00:16:27,276 --> 00:16:30,280
Happy Valentimes!

365
00:16:30,787 --> 00:16:31,780
You know what, friend?

366
00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:33,782
You got a loof nerve,
calling me a fake.

367
00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:36,912
You wear your thrift store T-shirts
and your big weird glasses,

368
00:16:37,088 --> 00:16:39,201
and everybody says,
"Oh, look at Frank, he's so cool.

369
00:16:39,376 --> 00:16:41,960
He has a hat that says Extra Cheese."

370
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,212
What does that even mean?

371
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,881
It's pretty self-explanatory.

372
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:51,840
Admit it, you spend just as much time and energy
trying to look weird as I do trying to look beautiful.

373
00:16:52,018 --> 00:16:55,093
And you can act like you hate me,
but if I tried to kiss you right now,

374
00:16:55,268 --> 00:16:56,261
you would totally do it.

375
00:16:56,437 --> 00:17:00,312
'Cause you're a big phony jerk!

376
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:07,311
And I just wanted to tell you that.

377
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,860
Okay, fine!

378
00:17:09,025 --> 00:17:09,820
I pooted.

379
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:10,731
It's 3:00 in the morning.

380
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:11,942
Are you happy?

381
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:15,822
Yeah, I'm happy, because that's the first time
you've ever done something like a real person.

382
00:17:15,996 --> 00:17:17,371
It's pretty cool.

383
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:22,291
I-I could do it again,
but I wouldn't wanna show off.
384
00:17:22,456 --> 00:17:24,502
Jenna.

385
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:26,080
I'm sorry I said I would kill you.

386
00:17:26,256 --> 00:17:28,841
Thank you.

387
00:17:29,558 --> 00:17:31,460
Snacks!

388
00:17:31,638 --> 00:17:32,260
What happened?

389
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:33,303
So? Tell us?

390
00:17:33,478 --> 00:17:35,591
None of your beeswax.

391
00:17:35,766 --> 00:17:36,513
He blew it.

392
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:37,802
Way to go, loser.

393
00:17:37,976 --> 00:17:38,680
Oh, yeah?

394
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:43,730
If I blew it,
then how did I get her underpants?

395
00:17:51,115 --> 00:17:54,953
Just this last one, and then your marriage
is officially dissolved.

396
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,161
It's almost like it never happened.

397
00:17:57,328 --> 00:18:02,330
I wouldn't be surprised if that five-inch scar
across my abdomen was suddenly gone.
398
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,582
Johnny.

399
00:18:04,758 --> 00:18:06,920
Promise me you won't sell the Arby's.

400
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,630
No, I won't.

401
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,341
I'm gonna shut it down.

402
00:18:10,505 --> 00:18:11,843
Leave it vacant.

403
00:18:12,005 --> 00:18:14,262
Open the windows
and let nature have at it.

404
00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,512
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

405
00:18:16,685 --> 00:18:19,302
That's prime property on Highway 145.

406
00:18:19,477 --> 00:18:21,563
Yes, there's not a thing
you can do about it.

407
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:24,141
But it is irresponsible to the community.

408
00:18:24,316 --> 00:18:25,141
They should sue you.

409
00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:26,272
I hope they do.

410
00:18:26,448 --> 00:18:27,602
Oh, I'll see to it.

411
00:18:27,776 --> 00:18:31,230
I'll go right to the
Telluride Chamber of Commerce.
412
00:18:31,408 --> 00:18:32,150
Do it.

413
00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:33,943
The case could be in court for months.

414
00:18:34,118 --> 00:18:36,571
Maybe years.

415
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,700
Damn it, Johnny!

416
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:02,222
Whoops. Hello.

417
00:19:02,398 --> 00:19:03,930
I'm sorry.
Can I help you?

418
00:19:04,106 --> 00:19:05,561
Hey, that's cool?

419
00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:07,522
Is that a French Planet of the Apes poster?

420
00:19:07,687 --> 00:19:09,233
- Yeah.
- Wow.

421
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:12,110
You know, I've heard that in Greece
they have to change Charlton Heston's name

422
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,481
on movie posters to Charlton Easton.

423
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:17,610
Because in Greek the word "Heston" means
to poop yourself.

424
00:19:17,785 --> 00:19:18,991
I'm sorry, do I know you?

425
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:20,321
No, I don't think so.

426
00:19:20,496 --> 00:19:21,491
Uh, you're Liz Lemon, right?

427
00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:22,870
- Yeah.
- Okay.

428
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:28,410
Uh, this is super awkward, but did you get
two dozen pink roses last night?

429
00:19:28,586 --> 00:19:30,003
Yep, there they are.

430
00:19:30,175 --> 00:19:31,080
Those are from you?

431
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,383
Yes.

432
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:33,790
Uh, I work up in legal, and--

433
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:34,882
You're a lawyer?

434
00:19:35,056 --> 00:19:38,301
I prefer law stylist.

435
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,351
Uh, anyway, I meant to send these to my girlfriend,
Liz Lemler, who works in accounting.

436
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,262
[softly] Oh.

437
00:19:44,437 --> 00:19:45,222
Yeah.

438
00:19:45,398 --> 00:19:47,890
There's actually supposed to be a box
of chocolate-covered cherries with this, did you--

439
00:19:48,065 --> 00:19:49,691
I don't know anything about that.

440
00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:51,140
Fair enough.

441
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,772
She pouted all night
because she thought I forgot to send her something.

442
00:19:53,946 --> 00:19:56,192
I told her I did,
but she didn't believe me.

443
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:59,363
She sounds great.

444
00:20:00,205 --> 00:20:02,491
Yeah, she is.

445
00:20:02,665 --> 00:20:05,162
Well...good for you.

446
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,832
Here you go.

447
00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:07,870
Sorry about the mix up.

448
00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:08,912
N-no, no!

449
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:12,292
They were delivered to you,
they're yours now.

450
00:20:12,465 --> 00:20:12,921
Thank you.

451
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:14,460
You're welcome.

452
00:20:14,635 --> 00:20:16,922
But could I possibly get a photo?

453
00:20:17,098 --> 00:20:18,382
Of you with the flowers?

454
00:20:18,558 --> 00:20:19,593
Like with your ID?

455
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:20,631
Oh, okay.

456
00:20:20,805 --> 00:20:21,553
Is that all right?

457
00:20:21,726 --> 00:20:25,142
You know, just as proof.

458
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:27,640
All right.

459
00:20:27,817 --> 00:20:30,520
There we go.

460
00:20:31,486 --> 00:20:33,231
Aw, that's a cute one.

461
00:20:33,408 --> 00:20:35,811
Thanks.

462
00:20:37,826 --> 00:20:40,943
Sorry to bother you.

463
00:20:41,117 --> 00:20:44,451
Happy Valentine's Day.

464
00:20:55,965 --> 00:20:58,962
Happy Valentimes!

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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