I have used the word ‘flow’ at many places without really

elaborating its meaning. What is this flow? And what are

these joys? I could call them moments of magic. I see an
analogy between these moments and the high that you
experience when you play badminton or go jogging. Flow is
a sensation we experience when we act with total
involvement. During flow, action follows action according to
an internal logic that seems to need no conscious
intervention on the part of the worker. There is no hurry;
there are no distracting demands on one’s attention. The
past and the future disappear. So does the distinction
between self and the activity. We had all come under the
current of the SLV flow. Although we were working very
hard we were very relaxed, energetic and fresh. How did it
happen? Who had created this flow?
Perhaps it was the meaningful organization of the
purposes we sought to achieve. We would identify the
broadest possible purpose level and then work towards
developing a feasible target solution from a variety of
alternatives. It was this working backwards to develop a
creative change in the problem solution, that used to put us
in ‘flow’.
When the SLV-3 hardware started emerging, our ability
to concentrate increased markedly. I felt a tremendous
surge of confidence; in complete control over myself and
over the SLV-3 project. Flow is a by-product of controlled
creativity. The first requirement is to work as hard as you
can at something that presents a challenge and is
approved by your heart. It may not be an overwhelming
challenge, but one that stretches you a little, something that
makes you realise that you are performing a task better
today than you did yesterday, or the last time you tried to do
it. Another prerequisite for being in flow is the availability of
a significant span of uninterrupted time. In my experience, it
is difficult to switch into the flow state in less than half an
hour. And it is almost impossible if you are bedevilled by
interruptions.
Is it possible to switch yourself into flow by using some
sort of a conditioning device in much the same way that we
condition ourselves to learn effectively? The answer is yes,
and the secret is to analyse previous occasions when you
have been in flow, because each person has his or her
unique natural frequency which responds to a particular
stimulus. You alone can identify the common denominator
in your case. Once you have isolated this common
denominator, you can set the stage for flow.
I have experienced this state many times, almost every
day of the SLV mission. There have been days in the
laboratory when I have looked up to find the laboratory
empty and realised that it was way past the quitting time.
On other days, my team members and I have been so
caught up in our work that the lunch hour slipped by without
our even being conscious that we were hungry.
Analysing such occasions in retrospect, I find them
similar in the sense that this flow was experienced when the
project was nearing completion, or when the project had
reached that phase when all the necessary data had been
gathered and we were ready to start summing up the
problem, outlining the demands made by conflicting criteria
and the various positions presented by opposing interests
and making our recommendations for action. I also realised
that this tended to happen on days that were relatively quiet
in the office, with no crises or meetings. Such spells
increased steadily in frequency, and the SLV-3 dream was
finally realised in the middle of 1979.
We had scheduled the first experimental flight trial of
SLV-3 for 10 August 1979. The primary goals of the
mission were to realise a fully integrated launch vehicle; to
evaluate on-board systems like stage motors, guidance
and control systems and electronic subsystems; and to
evaluate ground systems, like checkout, tracking, telemetry
and real-time data facilities in launch operations built at the
Sriharikota launch complex. The 23 metre-long, four-stage
SLV rocket weighing 17 tonnes finally took off elegantly at
0758 hours and immediately started following its
programmed trajectory.
Stage I performed to perfection. There was a smooth
transition from this stage to the second stage. We were
spellbound to see our hopes flying in the form of the SLV-3.
Suddenly, the spell was broken. The second stage went out
of control. The flight was terminated after 317 seconds and
the vehicle’s remains, including my favourite fourth stage
with the payload splashed into the sea, 560 km off
Sriharikota.
The incident caused us profound disappointment. I felt a
strange mix of anger and frustration. Suddenly, I felt my legs
become so stiff that they ached. The problem was not with
my body; something was happening in my mind.
The premature death of my hovercraft Nandi, the
abandoning of the RATO, the abortion of the SLV-Diamont
fourth stage—all came alive in a flash, like a long-buried
Phoenix rising from its ashes. Over the years, I had
somehow learned to absorb these aborted endeavours,
had come to terms with them and pursued fresh dreams.
That day, I re-lived each of those setbacks in my deep
despondency.
“What do you suppose could be the cause of it?”
somebody asked me in the Block House. I tried to find an
answer, but I was too tired to try and think it out, and gave
up the effort as futile. The launch was conducted in the early
morning, preceded by a full night’s count-down. Moreover, I
had hardly had any sleep in the past week. Completely
drained—mentally as well as physically—I went straight to
my room and slumped onto the bed.
A gentle touch on my shoulder woke me up. It was late
in the afternoon, almost approaching evening. I saw Dr
Brahm Prakash sitting by my bedside. “What about going
for lunch?” he asked. I was deeply touched by his affection
and concern. I found out later that Dr Brahm Prakash had
come to my room twice before that but had gone away on
finding me asleep. He had waited all that time for me to get
up and have lunch with him. I was sad, but not alone. The
company of Dr Brahm Prakash filled me with a new
confidence. He made light conversation during the meal,
carefully avoiding the SLV-3, but gently providing me
solace.
The same year, I received an honorary degree of
Doctor of Science from the IIT, Bombay. In the citation read
by Prof. B Nag on the occasion, I was described as “an
inspiration behind the creation of a solid technological
base from which India’s future aerospace programmes can
be launched to meet the challenges of the twenty-first
century”. Well, perhaps Prof. Nag was only being polite, but
I do believe that India will enter the next century with its own
satellite in geo-stationary orbit 36,000 km away in space,
positioned by its own launch vehicle. India will also become
a missile power. Ours is a country with tremendous vitality.
Even though the world may not see its full potential or feel
its full power, no one dare ignore it any more.
On 15 October, I turned sixty. I looked forward to
retirement and planned to open a school for the less
privileged children. My friend, Prof. P Rama Rao, who was
heading the Department of Science and Technology in the
Government of India, even struck up a partnership with me
to establish what he called the Rao-Kalam school. We were
unanimous in our opinion that carrying out certain missions
and reaching certain milestones, however important they
may be or however impressive they might appear to be, is
not all there is to life. But we had to postpone our plan as
neither of us was relieved from our post by the Government
of India.
It was during this period that I decided to put down my
memoirs and express my observations and opinions on
certain issues.
The biggest problem Indian youth faced, I felt, was a
lack of clarity of vision, a lack of direction. It was then that I
decided to write about the circumstances and people who
made me what I am today; the idea was not merely to pay
tribute to some individuals or highlight certain aspects of
my life. What I wanted to say was that no one, however
poor, underprivileged or small, need feel disheartened
about life. Problems are a part of life. Suffering is the
essence of success. As someone said:
God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our life through;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
I will not be presumptuous enough to say that my life can
be a role model for anybody; but some poor child living in
an obscure place, in an underprivileged social setting may
find a little solace in the way my destiny has been shaped. It
could perhaps help such children liberate themselves from
the bondage of their illusory backwardness and
hopelessness. Irrespective of where they are right now, they
should be aware that God is with them and when He is with
them, who can be against them?
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labour
Light for the way.
It has been my observation that most Indians suffer
unnecessary misery all their lives because they do not know
how to manage their emotions. They are paralysed by
some sort of a psychological inertia. Phrases like ‘the next
best alternative’, ‘the only feasible option or solution’, and
‘till things take a turn for the better’ are commonplace in our
business conversations. Why not write about the deeprooted
character traits which manifest themselves in such
widespread, selfdefeatist thought patterns and negative
behaviour? I have worked with many people and
organizations and have had to deal with people who were
so full of their own limitations that they had no other way to
prove their self-worth than by intimidating me. Why not write
about the victimization which is a hallmark of the tragedy of
Indian science and technology? And about the pathways to
organizational success? Let the latent fire in the heart of
every Indian acquire wings, and the glory of this great
country light up the sky.