PALOMERA, JOSHUA CARL L.

4LM2
SCL 9 HOMEWORK (3/29/19)

1. What is the difference between dating and courtship?

Modern dating is mostly done for recreational purposes. Examples of these are spending
time with someone for fun, and to engage in sexual pleasure then see where it leads.
On the other hand, courtship is a purposeful action carried out with the intent towards
marriage as the ultimate goal. Courtship is done to primarily to see if the person who is courting
has sufficient virtue to be a good husband and/or a father; and vice versa.
2. What are the two main prerequisites of courtship? Explain its importance.
There are two main pre-requisites, to wit:
(a) You must be prepared financially, spiritually, and mentally.
● Courtship is preparation for marriage, hence it is a testament to what a married
life may be. Furthermore, those partaking in courtship should be prepared in all
aspects in order to avoid sin.
(b) A man must be in gainful employment and financially able to fulfill his prospective
obligations s a husband and providing for his family.
● This importance lies in the idea that the true man of virtue has to ensure that he
has the capacity to properly care for his prospective wife and family. Hence a man
who is unemployed has no business in courting.
3. What are the stages of a traditional Catholic Courtship? Explain each stage.
There are three stages of a traditional Catholic Courtship, namely:
(a) Friendship Stage
● The primary purpose of this stage is to see if there are things you both share, there is
physical attraction, and i s able to take care of his marital obligations. There should be no
emotional nor physical intimacy or affection between you. Ideally, this stage should last
no more than 1 - 2 months.
 (b) Courtship Stage
● The purpose of this stage see his virtues and ability to withstand sacrifice. Ideally, this
stage lasts 3 - 6 months, and that physical affection should be avoided. This is the stage
where the families meet the parties in the courtship.
(c) Engagement/Betrothal Stage
● This is where couples decide to get married. Ideally, this also lasts between 3 - 5 months,
beginning with permission from parents, family elders, or any authority. Any sign of
affection should be moderated into limited and small doses.
4. Differentiate modesty from purity.
Modesty is a virtue that bestows the man an ability to moderate himself in all things, in
actions and in dress, and to govern and dominate his passions, especially his desires for pleasure.
On the other hand, purity is being free from all sins. Hence, one’s modesty affects one’s purity.
5. What is Pope Alexander VII say about the dangers of kissing while unmarried?
Pope Alexander VII states that it is wrong to say that a venial sin arises when people kiss for the
pleasure that comes from it, even if there is no danger of it going further. In other words, a
mortal sin is committed when you kiss for carnal pleasure before marriage.
6. Enumerate and expound on the Red Flags in Dating.
1. THEY ARE CHARMING AND ‘VIRTUOUS’
Predators can put on a facade through charm. It can be used by abusive and dangerous people to
lure people into a toxic relationship.
2. THEY JUST LOVE THE INTERNET/TECHNOLOGY
Predators frequently use social media. It gives them the ability to charm and groom several
victims at once. They are also given the ability to hide their true character.
3. THEY MAKE INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS OR LEWD JOKES
If they make inappropriate comments or lewd jokes, it would mean they have zero respect
towards you. Often, they are only aiming for sexual gratification.
4. THEY REACT BADLY WHEN YOU SET A BOUNDARY
Some predators react negatively when boundaries are set, or when they are called out. It is their
effort to make you chase after them, and trap you in a way.
 5. THERE IS CONFUSION
If confusion arises with regard to one’s behaviour, he is most likely to be a predator. Oftentimes
this would mean you are being manipulated.
6. THEY PROTEST TOO MUCH
Predators and abusers will try to convince you the opposite of virtue through constant repetition.
It is a form of grooming. Observe his actions and behaviour, if they match with his words.
7. THEY HAVE A SKETCHY PAST
Predators have a sketchy history. Some histories fail to add up, some exes want nothing to do
with them, etc. This would mean that he has issues.
8. THEY PLAY VICTIM
Predators use sympathy to trap victims into a relationship. Hence they choose sweet, and caring
women as victims; those who will excuse their bad behaviour.
9. THEY LOVE-BOMB YOU
Predators make other people feel flattered by attention. This is a common method for grooming.
10. THEY BLOW HOT AND COLD
Otherwise known as intermittent reinforcement, they are inconsistent towards their prey. It is
design to make one addicted to them, making you accepting of their abuse or bad behaviour.
11. LITTLE TO NO TALK ABOUT THE FAITH
The subjects of your conversations tell another’s intentions. Hence, the lack of conversations
about the faith would mean they have other intentions for you.
12. HE IMMEDIATELY DEVALUES YOU
Predators or abusers will degrade you. They will destroy your sense of self-worth, making you
feel grateful for his attention, and to make himself feel better. It leads to further abuse and
manipulation.
13. THEY PRY INTO YOUR LIFE
Predators share their personal subjects in order to trick one into sharing personal things about
you; hence they want to know so much about you to manipulate you.
14. THEY HAVE A TEMPER
People who have a temper would foreshadow the fact that in marriage, they will physically
abuse, control, and kill you.
15. THEY ARE CONTROLLING AND/OR POSSESSIVE
This is a common tactic to isolate you from people that could warn you about them. It also
makes it easier to manipulate you.
16. HUGE AGE DIFFERENCE
Predators and abusers deliberately choose younger women. This is because they can longer
manipulate people from their own age group. However, this is not always the case.
17. THEY CONTRADICT THEMSELVES
Predators and abusers would contradict themselves. They will state one thing, then state another
that contradicts the former. Despite evidence, they will have excuses in order to manipulate you.
18. THEY FUTURE-FAKE
Predators and abusers give you a false hope about the future. May it be the promise of a
marriage, or an engagement, they are deliberately delaying themselves from commitment.
19. THEY ARE HYPOCRITES
Predators or abusers usually spout on how women should act properly. However, they do little
effort to change themselves.
20. QUESTIONABLE EXES AND FRIENDS
Social groups of one can tell about the person. Despite, all denials or lies, he is probably the
same.
21. YOU JUST FEEL SOMETHING IS NOT QUITE RIGHT
If one has a gut feeling, one should follow it. Hearts lie, minds deceive, but the gut cannot.