Everyone Hates

By Cody Lyans
Ever sleep with a new girl, only to end up feeling empty inside once all is said and done?
Ever struggle with seeing yourself as a victim, blaming the world for not giving you what it
owes you?
Ever start taking successes and failures far too personally, and letting them mess with and
control your emotions?
Ever let your own false sense of superiority lead you to treat other people in ways you later
wish you hadn’t?
Sometimes it feels like you might never win. Everyone seems to have their game together
except you. You feel like you are always trying to “catch up”. It eats away at you
subconsciously until you seek the lows you are used to. You rationalize away fleeting
successes. You feel overwhelmed and, worst of all, you aren’t sure you enjoyed it all that
much.

Recently I have been afforded a window of opportunity to study this feeling in myself
again. It has been a long time since I have felt like this with women, but now as I reflect
upon it I think it is a topic worthy of getting into for you guys.
ACCIDENTALLY BECOMING THE GUY NO ONE LIKES
Everyone feels this way at some point. It is normal. I say that because often when you feel
this way you start to think you are abnormal and an outlier. Thinking you are behind you
start to NEED success, you start wanting momentum, ANY momentum, even if it is based
on fear or negativity. It draws you into a selfish battle for survival amidst a desert of
meagre results. In short, it sucks!
You go out at night, you feel good in a conversation with a receptive girl, she’s not totally
your type but you welcome the attention, and a few hours later she gives you signals you
can’t ignore and so you “go with it”. At first you celebrate because you got laid, but then it
hits you: not only can you not repeat this, but you only were able to do it with a
girl that wasn’t exactly your type, and then you feel hyper and paranoid.
If you’ve ever had a night work out that way, don’t freak out and say “OMG I thought it
was only me that felt that way”, because it’s normal, it’s treatable, and we are going to talk
through it a bit.
Now first off, I want to get the obvious out of the way and illustrate how it affects your
results. I know you don’t really need to be further convinced that it sucks, but it pays to
look over the negative results just for reference.
 You become very dismissive of women, leading to the “jerk” phenomenon, which is
where girls talk about how guys get cold, act cruel, don’t know what they want, and
are just superficial and out for “sex”.
 You lose all joy in sex and the pursuit of women by making it into a “win or die”
game that leads to depression and huge crashes, as well as short lasting thrills.
 It forces you to survive on short-lived thrills that boost your ego and push you
STRONGLY away from open-minded exploration, making you seek “answers” and
“fixes” that will titillate you. This sabotages your long term success because growth
requires subtle observation of very common experiences, not obvious takeaways
from very rare experiences.
 You prioritize yourself subconsciously out of fear and will inevitably betray, connive,
and offend women at the expense of your integrity, leading you into a vicious circle
where girls don’t trust you and you blame them.
 And finally, if you bite into this phenomenon hook, line, and sinker, it will
dominate you, as you attempt to FORCE your successes by marginalizing other
people’s interests. You will become callus, irredeemable, monstrous.
 And worst of all, you won’t see how far you’ve fallen, mix all these bad things with
your spritely personality, and essentially you confuse women to a point of distress,
where they WOULD like you, IF you weren’t dismissive about you flaws and tried
HARD to fix these flaws.
  You become proficient at blaming self-sabotage on others, and become
OVERWHELMINGLY AVERAGE, and get overwhelmingly average results as a
consequence, which leads to a huge existential crisis.
Obviously, none of you guys WANT that, your subconscious just tricks you into being that
way because you “fear success” while simultaneously idolizing it as unattainable. So how do
we address it?

COMING TO GRIPS WITH ONE’S OWN UNEXCEPTIONALISM

I can’t exactly remember how I addressed it myself the first time I experienced it. Getting
better and growing out of things can be funny like that, it can happen mostly
subconsciously while you are doing other things.
If I had to guess I probably removed it when I was heartbroken by this one girl, and I
vowed I wouldn’t do what she did and screw with people’s emotions. I think I wound up
talking to girls and noticing that my behaviors were manipulative and I was horrified by it
and shut it down.
If I remember correctly, it left me in a tough spot where I had no WAY of getting girls to
like me unless I was manipulative, so eventually I decided “well, if I can’t get you to like
me, I might as well have fun”.
I ended up just playing around and enjoying the back and forth because secretly I refused
to partake in creating emotional distress. It just wound up happening that girls liked me
better that way anyways.
So if I was to give you an immediate lesson from how it went my first time
getting over it, I would say that it is okay to just QUIT doing negatives, so long as
it’s sincere and creates conflict in you (the conflict is important because necessity is the
mother of invention).
Ultimately, that isn’t very good advice, so from my new point of perspective I can give you
some better advice.
The second time I faced down the jerk vortex I did it CONSCIOUSLY, which is what we ALL
struggle with. It just never seems the “right time” to sincerely cut the tie to our fear of
success, so we just keep sticking with it forever. I managed to cut that tie by forcing myself
to do a few things.
 Every time I sneered or rejoiced at a success or failure I stopped myself.
 Every time I was punished and offended, I tried to see myself as the punisher and
the victim.
 Every time I was sneered at, ridiculed, sabotaged and felt weakened by others, I
stopped and took a few breaths, trying to remain focused. I believed that I was
causing the distress and that it was my responsibility to take the beating I was
giving to myself and others.
 I tried to understand from what I was feeling, what effect I was causing, and I tried
to tone it down, and not freak out when it hit me in a dramatic way.
 I tried to avoid bolstering my self-esteem with egotistical statements, which I
located by observing my level of excitement (if I was excited it was probably ego).
I tried to move more towards handling things that might seem to suck (not chase
new women, but do better with the ones you talk to is a good example here).
 I attempted to avoid ANSWERS and FIXES (this was incredibly difficult and
confusing, even for me, a guy who is typically flexible). What I ended up doing was
putting ideas on a scale of one to ten, then I dialed each rating down a few notches
 to leave room for a new idea to fill its shoes. Once that became a habit I then
consistently tried to “take a leap of faith” and do things before I had answers with a
positive outlook. Once I leapt in I then developed a subtle approach, trying to avoid
domination from myself and others.
 I stopped rejoicing in the effect I had on others or in how much closer I was getting
to my goals, and I started opting to control and deal with my emotions without
“answers and proofs”. I emphasized the root causes of my problems, fears, and
excitements, and reflected upon them honestly.
 I started to see myself as imperfect, stopped talking about my vast potential, and
faced my crippling fear of being average and all of my dreams it would crush. I
did not rush this, I waited until I could handle it. I then found strength in the
acceptance of possibly average performance, and I looked back upon my
experiences good and bad, remembering times of joy and sadness, and recognized
all I had done and enjoyed.
 I allowed success to no longer be what I clung to, and let myself experience both
failure and joy upon reflection.
These behaviors led me to eventual calm conscientiousness and developed my
sincerity to a point that I believed that I no longer needed luck or success to
prove my way to “success”.
This second method was very difficult, and I imagine it is the only real option most of us
have unless we are the “chosen few” who get around it subconsciously on the first try. It
was very humbling for me to go from success earlier in life to moderation and a wiser
approach later on. I cannot really say that either approach is superior, and I imagine that
blends of both are possible.

BECOMING THE GUY WHO FLESHES OUT OPPORTUNITY

What I want you to take away from this is that you have to stop seeking success at all
costs, and whether you sincerely come to the right beliefs or WORK THROUGH a process to
wisely attain the appropriate perspective, both paths are about slowing and HALTING the
“momentum” you initially depend upon in a way that doesn’t actually cripple you.
You have to take opportunities to get OFF of a momentum based mindset, but never go so
far that you slip into hopelessness.
Your STRENGTH will be determined by how many opportunities YOU can see or feel and
work with.
 If you feel so fearful of success that you dismiss every opportunity, that is you at
you absolute weakest, and no one can help you until you tone it down
 If you feel like your behaviors are invisible, but you can recognize they are insecure,
you are on the road to recovery
  If you feel like you can accept subtle views and stop arguing about big obvious
things, you are getting strong
 If you are able to completely stop, observe, consider, reconsider, and fully flesh out
opportunities to improve in everything around you, then you are at your strongest
In order to get better at this part of seduction, you must realize that the reason
why you believe you deserve so little is because you take for granted your ability
to handle a lot.
Stress, pain, anguish: do not run from these wrenching emotions, because they are the
very core of sincerity, and as a result (so long as they do not push you towards corruption
and violence) will be a key towards true fulfilment that lasts.
I enjoy women like I do not because of the power I have, but because of the sincerity of
the moments and the clarity it affords me on who I am as a man.

Clarity doesn’t come from the sky, it comes from your conflict with your ordinary nature
and mortality.
Breathe, be calm, and hold it together. It takes a lot to handle who you are, and you have
to be prepared to be up to that task no matter how much it at first seems implausible.
Once you get the hard stuff done, it will open right up, and the world is right out there to
enjoy. It’s tough, but worth it.
Good luck.
Cody Lyan

Commitment Points: Why You Must

Avoid
By Chase Amante

Women have a thirst for the untameable man. That’s why the rugged, hard-living, macho
guy who’s a bit of a loner and whom no one seems to understand is so exciting for women,
and why the sensitive, attentive nice guy that society seems to keep wanting to shepherd
men into being is so boring.
Just like men don’t want a woman who’s easy too easy to bed, women don’t
want a man who’s too easy to wrassle into a relationship. If he’s so easy to get into
a relationship, women figure about the quick-to-commit man, he must not have a whole lot
of options.

And chances are, they’re probably right. Men with lots of options naturally are difficult to
pin down. Getting them to quit the bachelor’s life and give up those freedoms they’re so
used to enjoying requires a woman more exceptional than they are accustomed to having,
or a tiring of the playboy lifestyle – or perhaps a combination of the two. But sooner or
later, most men settle down.
And then things go fine for a while. The lucky girl who convinces that untameable man to
be saddled is ecstatic at her prize; she got the guy every other girl couldn’t get. She was
the one who was good enough to get him.
Because believe it, just like men tend to take things personally and resent women who
won’t sleep with them as judging them unworthy for intimacy, so do women tend to feel
slighted by men who won’t have relationships with them, feeling as though they’ve been
told they’re not good enough for the man to give up pursuing other women. So when a
woman gets a man to settle whom other women failed to, she feels especially accomplished
and victorious.
But just like all victories, with time this one fades in importance and exuberance.
Eventually, it becomes an accepted fact: “Well, of course we’re together. How else would
it be?”
And when the dust settles, and the excitement slips away, we’re left with one chilling
scenario:
The man has passed a commitment point.

COMMITMENT POINTS
A commitment point is any act, deed, or moment where a man pledges exclusivity and
lasting commitment to a woman. It doesn’t even need to necessarily be explicit; even if he
never commits, if he gradually begins acting and behaving like a man committed (e.g., he
stops going out, loses contact with his friends, gradually makes his girl the center of his life,
etc.), he will have effectively passed a commitment point.
Commitment points are funny things. Men know, instinctively, that they shouldn’t pass
them; for the vast majority of men out there, committing is a difficult thing to do. But, in
Western society, there’s not really much of a question as to whether or not commitment
points should be passed; well, of course they should be! Or so society tells us.
Men who won’t commit are labeled commitment-phobes; it’s treated as some kind of
problem in need of a solution. For something so universal, however, it’s surprising
there aren’t more people trying to figure out why men might possibly not be
quite so gung-ho about committing as women are.
What I’ve come to believe is there’s a perfectly rational reason why men don’t want to
commit, and it’s embedded deep in their genes. It’s an inborn predisposition, if you will – a
kind of natural calling to resist domestication. Now a lot of people cringe at the notion that
human beings are subject to the whims of genetic evolution; that they might possibly not
be fully 100% in control of their own wants, desires, and behavior patterns. To those
people, I say get over it. Your wants, desires, and behavior patterns will still be the same,
whether you think you’re consciously in complete control of them, or whether you think
your genes are pulling a lot of the strings.
So, in the light of evolutionary psychology, let’s compare how men and women differ once
past a commitment point.
If you’re a man, committing and pledging undying loyalty and devotion and
exclusivity means a lot of things change for you. It means you stop chasing tail, and
you stop bringing new women into your life. It means that, over time, you will gradually
become rustier and rustier at meeting new women and progressing your interactions
toward intimacy, and eventually largely forget how to do so altogether. If you’re a man,
commitment means you lose your ability to get girls.
Now, how about if you’re a woman?
If you’re a woman, committing and pledging undying loyalty and devotion and exclusivity
doesn’t actually create much change. Most women tend toward natural monogamy with a
man they really like anyway, so it’s already a natural default state, regardless of how the
man is living his life. And, even more importantly, a woman in a devoted, loyal,
committed relationship still has men flirt with her, hit on her, and make plays for
her regularly, at least some of the time. The more attractive the woman, the more of
this she sees, too.
So what’s the difference? The difference is options. In an exclusive, monogamous,
committed relationship, women are still surrounded by men, and still retain their options
should they have occasion to need them. But men give theirs up. When a man commits
himself, he cuts himself off from other women and nixes his ability to get new women. His
options are gone.
And the power shift has big consequences for the relationship.

WHO’S THE BOSS?

Prior to a commitment point, in the vast majority of relationships, men are clearly the
leaders of their relationships. They call most of the shots, and women are crazy about
them. Look at a new relationship and you see lots of sex, all the time. Men and women in
new relationships can’t get enough of each other.
Now compare that with a couple that’s passed a commitment point. Let’s say a
couple who’ve been in a committed monogamous relationship for two years. How often do
they sleep together? Now let’s say a committed monogamous relationship at year
five. Now how often? Year ten?
Sex dries up and largely disappears in most committed monogamous relationships. And it’s
not usually because the man has lost interest; the man is quite often nearly as horny for his
woman as always (though some men do tire of their girlfriends / wives). But the woman
has lost interest.
Why do women lose interest in their committed male companions? It’s because of
that shift in power we just mentioned.
When a man severs himself from all his options, and loses with time his ability to
get replacement women, he becomes firmly attached to and dependent upon his
woman. If she leaves, his life is destroyed.
Women, meanwhile, retain their options, and begin feeling trapped as the option-less man
becomes increasingly dependent on them. Dependence, especially coming from a man, is
an attraction killer, and women typically fail to understand why their men are now acting so
differently than they did while they were dating. “Why is he now so possessive, jealous,
and insecure?” a woman might ask herself. “He never used to be that way.” She doesn’t
know though, and just assumes it’s because he’s mysteriously somehow weakened and
become almost pathetic, and she starts to resent him for trapping her in a relationship with
a weak, pathetic man.
Things take a negative downward spiral from there. The more a woman pushes back, trying
to assert her independence against a man she resents, the more her man chases and gets
desperate and does desperate things. The more he does those things, the she’ll push back
even more, and the more he chases and makes huge mistakes that sink attraction.
The woman becomes the boss of the relationship as the man works to subordinate himself.

AVOIDING COMMITMENT POINTS

So how to you avoid the folly of crossing a commitment point, and tanking all attraction a
woman has for you? Certainly, there are men out there who’d prefer to remain unattached
forever, moving from woman to woman, but what of the men who would like to settle
down? Continually meeting and seducing new women is work (although, as you get better
and better, it becomes very fun work. If it isn’t fun, you haven’t reached that point yet).
The secret is this: she must know you retain options. That’s where most men drop the
ball. They commit, and instantly drop all their other options and let their skills rust over.
Women don’t need to maintain skills on getting men. All they need to do is be women. The
“getting men” part is taken care of by the men themselves.
Men though, we need to maintain our ability to get new women, or that ability disappears.
Just think of a male friend of yours who’s been in a committed monogamous relationship
for a few years. How fast do you think he’d be able to meet a new girl to get over his old
wounds if he found out his girlfriend was screwing around on him?
Tell you a story: I went through some drama with my old girlfriend a year ago, and we got
back together again briefly at the beginning of this year. I knew we shouldn’t have been
together, and the relationship needed to be over. I’ve seen lots of people get back together
again, and it’s never a good idea. If it failed the first time around, there’s a reason
why it failed the first time around. The failure was entirely my fault, caused by
missteps I’d taken, but it led my girlfriend to feel very bitter and do some debatably nasty
things to get revenge, and that’s not something you want hanging over your head in a
long-term relationship. Chances for us having a future together were nil.
But my girlfriend was still an amazing gal – still beautiful, vivacious, charming, smart,
professionally successful, and incredibly socially adept and fun to be around. A weaker
man who’d lost his options would feel trapped, unable to let go of this seemingly
great girl all the while knowing deep in his gut that the relationship has passed
the point of no return.
Me? I had a girlfriend prospect I was spending time with at the time. We fooled around a
bit, but didn’t do much because I wasn’t prepared to take on another girlfriend at the same
time I was managing a full-time one already, but I knew I had options. And eventually,
when I decided it would be unwise to continue on with my old girlfriend any longer, we
parted ways, and I went out and slept with a new girl I met in a lounge a week later. And
because I knew I had that ability, I was able to make the right decision.
Had I pledged myself to a committed, monogamous relationship when I first began seeing
my old girlfriend, then when things went south I would’ve been up a creek. And if we got
back together, my inability to get new women would’ve likely led to me staying with her
despite pain and nastiness and mishandling of the relationship on my part in the past. And
things would have, I promise, not magically become better as the years wore on.
If you want to have a long-term, one-man-one-woman relationship, I really,
firmly, deeply believe at this point that the only way to really make it work is if
the woman still believes subconsciously that you still see other women, but just
keep it very much on the down-low. Otherwise, she knows she has you by the balls,
and attraction takes a nosedive. There are two ways you could do this, I suppose: the easy
way – actually just go and see other women, but keep it very much on the down-low; and
the less easy way – meet enough women that you can at least feel like you still retain some
options, then play it a little mysterious so your woman is never 100% certain that she has
you faithfully hers.
Of course, while you’re doing this, you need to manage your relationship properly and
make her feel cherished and respected. This is a must, but it’s a must in all relationships.
~~~~~~~~~~
Whether you want to be a bachelor for life, traveling the world seducing beautiful women
everywhere you go, or whether you’d really just like to buy a home somewhere and settle
in with a pretty girl you like a lot, I will say this: avoid real commitment like the plague. It’s
advice that’s going to fall on deaf ears 99% of the time; a man can say this to himself over
and over again, until he meets a girl who’s more incredible than any he’s been with before,
and he starts to fear losing her. Then, suddenly – voila, commitment point!
You can, I believe, marry a woman, provided it’s done appropriately and she understands
what to expect going into it. Marriage isn’t the best deal for men these days in the West –
in fact, it’s quite a raw deal – but if you want to go that route, I believe it’s still doable. But
you mustn’t get trapped or domesticated, or you’re doomed. Doing what traditional society
holds in high esteem as the noble thing to do – settling down and stopping your chasing of
women and getting girls to chase you and getting intimate with different girls and having
different girlfriends – is absolutely death for attraction and romance.
So don’t commit 100%. Ever. Be the rugged, hard-living, macho guy who’s a bit of a loner
and whom no one seems to understand; let other men out there be the sensitive, attentive
nice guys who promise undying fealty and faithfulness.
Real men know nothing lasts forever, and don’t try to force things or lock women down
with commitment. And women – they positively love this.
Always,
Chase Amante

The Dark Side of Hedonism and the

Party Lifestyle
By Hector Castillo

Sometimes the party ends too soon… the booze ran dry,
the music stopped, the cops were called, or the darkness
gobbled you up and swallowed you whole.
Pleasure is beautiful. It fills us with rapture and excitement. Even the prospect of pleasure
imbues us with energy. We want to feel.
Pleasure wasn’t demonized by the Buddha, only the attachment to it, which is why he
recommended the pleasures that come from meditation instead. Jhanas (meditative
states) don’t have a double-edged structure like the pleasures of the flesh and mind do –
yes, thinking and day-dreaming are in the same category as bodily pleasures, at least with
respect to their addictive qualities.

Contents
1. Raving in Hell
2. The Danger of Success
3. Be Smart with Your Hedonism
4. The Hedonistic Treadmill
5. The Devil and the Blacksmith
They come and go, but they’re propped up on nothing but concentration and discernment.
When they go, they don’t crash. Pleasures of the mind and flesh, however, can bring
crashes – minor and grand.
Too many drinks can turn into a fight, a car accident, or drowning in your own vomit. Too
much sex can turn into an unwanted pregnancy, a disease, or a hurtful situation (e.g.,
ruining a relationship). Too many hard drugs can kill you by their own hand or tempt you
into taking yourself out of the game.
Every action has consequences. Many times, you will be safe, but it only takes one situation
to end it all. What I want to do with this article is open your mind to the dark side
of hedonism. There is a light side, and it is beautiful, but that part is easy to see. The
hard part is facing the darkness and still smiling.

RAVING IN HELL
A few years back, I attended one of the biggest electronic dance music festivals in the
world, Electronic Daisy Carnival (or EDC) in Las Vegas, Nevada. I’d got a random call from
one of my coworkers at a club, saying his buddy had a free ticket for me if I wanted to go.
I didn’t have much money, but I wasn’t about to turn down a highly-discounted trip to Las
Vegas. “Put it on the credit card,” I thought. A few hours later, I jumped into his car and
we drove. Once we got there, we met up with some friends of his, then got in contact with
some other peeps and grabbed some pills.
Before we go any further, I want to make clear I’m not advocating illicit drugs or
anything else illegal. In fact, quite the opposite. Any decisions you make are your own,
and you are liable for your actions. As I said, every action has consequences.
I took the first one on the way to the festival grounds. As we walked up to the first stage, it
hit me. I had a beer in my hand. I was well hydrated and wanted something to sip on.
There was dark trance music playing. I’ve been to plenty of dark places in my life, so I sank
comfortably into the murky waterfall.
I was dancing, enjoying myself. After a few minutes, I got a weird feeling. Uh oh.

Dark side of the roll. Remember, these pleasures have

edges.
I looked to my right and saw a girl who was not in a good place. She looked sick. She was
reeling over and coughing. Her friends crowded around her, wondering what was wrong.
I felt her pain. Drugs and empathy do that to you. She didn’t throw up, but she did spit a
few times, then stood back up and assured her friends she was okay. She was probably
dehydrated. It was the desert after all – and she was absolutely on MDMA.
I looked towards the stage. I took it all in. The music. The girl. The drugs. The fear. I
thought to myself, “This is hell.” It was. Hell is a concept often misunderstood. Might
it be an actual realm of life, like this one? Perhaps it is. I’m not sure. I have my suspicions
such dimensions exist.
But hell on earth is very real. It can be a physical, visual environment or a state
of mind. Pain. Depression. Anxiety. Fear. At that moment, I realized it – I was in hell. I
closed my eyes and tried to meditate. It worked. A little. I turned to my friend and told him
about the girl.
“Don’t worry about her,” he said. “She’s dumb with this stuff. Just ride it. You’re fine.”
His confidence reassured me. I’d never done pills before this point. So I rode it out and
proceeded to have one of the greatest experiences of my life. I met some hot girls and
even made out with a decently famous porn star after randomly cold-approaching her (I
didn’t know who she was until she told me her porn name and I Googled her after the
festival).
It was an enjoyable event of great hedonism and horror – and an integral part of my
growth as a human.

THE DANGER OF SUCCESS

How many celebrities have died this year from drugs? Suicide? Success comes too quick to
some. A while back, I was having a rough time mentally. I was struggling to find my place
in the world and with women. Yes, I had some trouble with women. Maybe not the same
problems many men have, but I was experiencing a lack of success, and I wasn’t where I
thought I should be.
You see, success sometimes opens too many doors. You begin to see that, while
you’ve had a lot, there are levels out there you’ve only just discovered. The problem is,
you’re not always ready for those levels. My suggestion is that you be smart about where
you’re at and enjoy your pleasures wisely.

BE SMART WITH YOUR HEDONISM

Different tools have different uses. Hedonism is no different. We seek pleasure in many
things; food, sex, alcohol, drugs – you name it. We are addicted. That’s why we’re in this
dream. It’s your choice whether you have a good dream or a bad one. Let’s go through
how a few pleasures affect us.
Weed: One of the safer pleasures in life, at least with respect to its potential to kill you.
You can’t overdose on marijuana. However, it does have short- and long-term
consequences. It yellows your teeth. It can inhibit ambition by making you too lazy or
sleepy for work. It also can make you dumb. You need to learn how to handle it and not
misuse it (though I’ve been guilty of that), or you will face the consequences. However, as
I said, it is safe with regards to your immediate health.
Alcohol: Relatively safe as well. It’s not too difficult to be responsible with it, even in
excess. I’ve blacked out more times than I can count and thought I was going to die a few
times, but it’s safe unless you’re a complete idiot. Your relationships and intense
experiences like a fight or a car accident are where the biggest dangers lie. Extensive
drinking, which I’ve also had a problem with and occasionally still deal with, can hurt your
health. It’s more of a long-term health problem if you listen to your liver, but many people
can consistently drink hard and still function well. I’d say it’s also a safe hedonism and can
help you with girls, but take it too far too frequently, and you’re in trouble.
Cigarettes: I don’t know how cancer works. The research is conclusive that smoking
increases your chances by a lot, but I know many, many smokers who are fine. My best
advice is to do it socially, if at all. It can help with pickup in many situations if you’re doing
a lot of night game. “Let’s go smoke outside,” is a great way to pull a girl. Many lays
have come from this type of pull. Also, it creates similarity with a lot of party girls. They
smoke, you smoke. Similarity helps amplify attraction. Again, I’m not advocating you take
up smoking. I’m simply saying there are benefits to it. The great negative consequences
seem to be longer term, and only if you seriously abuse it.
Women: One of the more dangerous pleasures. Yes, I said it. I’m obsessed with girls, I
always have been, but they can be very dangerous for your mental and physical health.
The pursuit of women can entice us down dangerous paths, and the allure of hot, sexy
party girls can turn us on to unhealthy lifestyles. We find success but also pain. Even
without the party lifestyle, the pain of failure with women can lead us to dangerous mental
spaces. Nietzsche called women “the most dangerous plaything” for a good reason.
Beware, lest you get lost to the sirens. Of course, this entire website is dedicated to taking
you on a safe and fun journey into the land of women, so take our advice.
Hard party drugs: This is a diverse list, and each item has its pros and cons. Cocaine is
expensive and dangerous if you’re an idiot or accidentally sniff white heroin, but for the
most part, it’s safe. Most people you meet are down to do it, even if they’re only slightly
into the party lifestyle. MDMA and ecstasy are relatively safe if you’re not a complete moron
and buy from reliable dealers. MDMA is safer, since it’s pure. Ketamine is also relatively
safe, if you make sure the dumbasses around you try it first, so you know they’re not
screwing with you (luckily, my first experience with K was positive).
Hallucinogens: If you’re trying to pick up girls, hallucinogens are the dumbest decision
you can make. On the third day of my EDC trip, one of the boys picked up a random bag
and found a few tabs of acid. I did get one number while on it, but I also had some
hilariously stupid “I don’t even know what reality is, so I don’t know what to say to you”
moments happen as well. Shrooms? Done it. Ayahuasca? Done it. They were interesting
experiences, but they’re not in any way helpful with girls. However, me and one very big
PUA guru I know have brought about some positive life changes with Ayahuasca. I would
be careful, though. They open a lot of doors very fast, and you might not be ready. Venture
forth at your own risk.
Music and dance: There’s a reason the Buddha forbade monks from both. He didn’t forbid
it for laymen (non-monks), but there is still something addictive and dream-ensnaring
about music and dance. It’s obviously a safe and long-term pleasure, but be careful what
you put into your ears… and your mind.

THE HEDONISTIC TREADMILL

Usually, the metaphor of the Hedonistic Treadmill is something along the lines of “You get
lots of pleasure but don’t go anywhere.” I intend to communicate something different. You
will get tired. Running is exhausting. I have been partying non-stop for almost a month and
a half now. It’s taking a toll on me. There is a beauty to it – the truth of the lie that
surrounds me, the truth of how women and men work towards a common goal (e.g., sex,
relationships, children).

But there’s also a dark side, and you need to be careful when walking in the
dark, especially as you get more successful. I’m heading very quickly towards some
new, higher levels, and I need to be prepared for them. As Jed McKenna says, prayer won’t
bring you success overnight – but it will begin a series of events that will mold you into a
person who can earn success.
Make sure you’re also prepared to handle that success. The higher you go, the more
treacherous the path. Listen to us and to your body and mind. They might lie, but some
lies are better than others.

THE DEVIL AND THE BLACKSMITH

I recently watched a movie called Errementari: The Blacksmith and the Devil. Go and watch
it on Netflix. It’s a beautiful movie that takes an ancient fable and makes it its own. At its
heart is a struggle between a blacksmith and hell. In the end, the blacksmith ventures into
hell and the devil himself comes to fear the blacksmith. Be that blacksmith, and you
will see that we view the devil and his various cultural forms in the wrong
light. We either demonize him or glorify him.
I suggest you do both. High-five him for the beautiful lie he convinced you of. Then look
him in the eyes and tell him, “You lie.” Once he believes you, he’ll wink at you. And then
he’ll leave you alone.
Navigate hedonism intelligently and with awareness, and you’ll find some interesting places.
To darkness.
Hector

8 Simple Habits that Can Get You Laid

By William Gupta
I have written about the realm of opportunity in some of my other posts. “Whenever
there is a girl present, there is a chance you might have sex with her.”
I have structured both my interactions and my schedule as to always put myself in a place
where sex with a beautiful girl is possible. In this post I will share both the theory behind
how I structure my life and also go into some practical habits to optimize your lifestyle, so
you can build a lifestyle designed to get you laid.

THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND THE “REALM OF

OPPORTUNITIES”
Many of the men I know who are bad with women don’t know how to look at mundane
events in a productive way.
Their inner dialogue sounds like this: “What is the likelihood that this will work out?” rather
than “If I put myself in a position to succeed often enough I will succeed.”
People who try and predict their success are generally “risk” averse. The reason I put the
word risk in quotes is because when it comes down to talking to a pretty woman there is
close to zero actual risk. The reason why people who forecast are typically more risk
averse is because it is easier to imagine something going wrong than it is to imagine
something going well. The cure for this is to embrace uncertainty.
You must know that you are incapable of predicting everything that will happen. You must
also believe in the law of averages. If you put yourself out there enough, and build habits
in your life that put you out there, you will increase the possibility for your success.
Now that I have established some of the theory, here is the practical application guide.

HABIT #1: MINIATURE INVESTMENT PRINCIPLE

I was writing the first draft of this piece in a coffee shop. I saw a beautiful blonde sitting
across the room. She looked like a model: high cheekbones, long legs, and a stern but
relaxed face. I was considering not approaching her, but I told myself to just go up and say
hi. So I walked up and did exactly that and from there I was charming, I got her
number, and we went on a midday date today that ended with us making out in the
middle of the street before I had to run back to class.
This was a perfect example of what I call the “miniature investment
principle.” Sometimes when we try to calculate the odds of our success, we tend to be
pessimists, which will lead to us not trying. But when you invest just a little bit (”I’m just
going to go say hi”) there is no end goal in mind, which allows you to take the risks without
worrying about the success.
This is a fundamental part of the realm of opportunity because a miniature investment still
allows something to potentially happen, rather than non-investment, which makes sex an
impossibility.
So next time you are wagering with yourself, debating whether you should approach, just
tell yourself all you’re going to do is say hi.
The reason this works is because it keeps you present in the interaction. You aren’t thinking
of what you are going to say or do next. If you think about how many steps it’s going to
take to get to the finish line you can freak yourself out and not finish. Much like a
marathon, you concentrate on putting one foot ahead of the other and eventually you will
make it to the finish line.

HABIT #2: SUNDAY MASS TEXT

Every Sunday I will send a mass text to all the numbers I got that week. The text will
include something noteworthy that happened to me that week. It might be a picture with a
witty comment or a small funny story.
I will adjust the grammar based on the girl I’m sending it to and I will send them off. Out of
20 numbers, I usually get from 12-18 responses. I will engage in a little banter with girls
and then start trying to set up dates for the week.
This may sound like a very mechanical process, but it allows you to test all your
options for the week in a non-needy way. Even if the girl responds but is busy that
week, you can at least open up the lines of communication for a date in the future.
The mass text allows you to plan your week early and also not have to use brainpower to
think of something to say. I do this with cold numbers as well because every now and then
it will open back up the lines of communication.

HABIT #3: WALKING

I was in New York a month ago. I was by myself and was going out on the town. After a
day of great day game, I was getting blown out left and right at night. I decided at
around 1:30 AM to walk back to my hotel. It was three miles away, but I was just taking in
the city.
That’s when I saw a sexy Latin woman walking her dog. She’s dancing as she walks
through the street. We make eye contact and I smirked at her and she smiled. I turned
around and start walking with her. After ten minutes of walking together talking about life
and art, she invited me back to her apartment. That whole event would have never
happened if I took a cab.
A friend of mine told me “Always walk in the direction of pretty girls.” When I see a pretty
girl walking and it isn’t too far out of my way, I adjust my walking path to cross paths with
her. Many times I don’t say anything, and maybe just smile. But there are also a lot times I
talk to the pretty girl and some of those conversations lead to her ending up in my
bedroom.
Check out Ethan’s recent post on walking, too. Walking’s just a good habit to get into if
you want to meet more girls.

HABIT #4: SCHOOL ORGANIZATIONS

My one biggest regret was not getting more involved on campus in undergrad. I
was president of the chess society but there weren’t too many girls in our organization.
Joining school organizations gives you face time with a lot of attractive girls outside of a
structured class environment. Chase has discussed how difficult it can be to get a girl
out from your class.
When you join organizations it is easy to get the girl out under the pretense of doing work
for the organization. From there you can quickly evolve organization work into a date.
Asking a girl out for drinks puts a lot of pressure on her if you guys have never hung out
outside of class. She might be thinking about how awkward it might be if things don’t work
out. She will worry about whether you are thinking about being exclusive. These worries
cause her to refuse or flake. But if you’re already out at an event and it gets out around 7
PM, it’s easy to say “hey let’s grab something to eat” and from there go for drinks.
This also works well if there is a certain type of girl you’re interested in. Joining the Modern
Art Society will work well if you like hipster girls, joining the East Asian Student Group will
work well if you like Asian women. There are far more opportunities to meet girls that you
want in an area that is half a step away from being a date.

HABIT #5: DOING WORK IN COFFEE SHOPS

Many of my friends like getting their school work and work done in their homes. They will
put on Netflix or watch sports and finish their work. Me? I go to coffee shops and libraries.
Why? Because there are more girls there.
When I arrive, I try to sit next to the most attractive girl in there and open her. If there are
none, I will just do work and survey the room every fifteen or so minutes. Once I see a girl
I like, I’ll take a break, chat for fifteen minutes, and set up a date.
On top of fishing for new dates when I go to coffee shops, I text girls who I know live in
that area, telling them I am in their part of town. This allows me to have a casual date
setup for whenever I leave the coffee shop. I am already in their area so it’s convenient for
them to get out and visit me.

HABIT #6: TAKING PUBLIC TRANSIT

Driving a car in a city that has good public transit is bad for the environment, your wallet,
and your love life. I wrote a piece last week about subway game – I can’t count how
many girls I have met on the subway or the bus. This translates to more than a couple
dates a month.
Once again, always stand next to the pretty girl. Sit next to the pretty girl. Little acts
like this add up in the aggregate of experience. My father met my mom on a bus. You
never know who you might end up sitting next to.

HABIT #7: EATING AT LATE NIGHT DINERS

If I don’t take a girl home on a night out with friends, I go to a late night diner to eat.
Why? Because there will be tons of girls who show up there to eat, laugh, and
have fun.
So what I do is just hang out and make friends with everyone there; I find a group of
girls that I like and sit with them. Worst case scenario: they blow me off. Best case: they
invite me to wherever they are going next.
With these diners, try and pick a place that has communal seating, like where there
is a bar or where there are long benches. This will force people to sit with people they don’t
know and will also open up the lines of the communication. You always have an easy
opening by making a comment about the food.

HABIT #8: TAGGING ALONG

Okay, if you’re out and a girl is out with her friends and she can’t leave them because it’s
Suzie’s birthday and they are going to get food at McDonalds, tag along. If she can’t leave
with you because her group is going somewhere, go with the group.
A few weeks ago I was walking back after getting blown out. I was talking to my friend on
the phone when I saw a group of girls in a taxi at a stoplight. I shout “Eyyy!!!” and point at
them. The girl in the front smiles and waves back. I see the back door of the taxi open. I
hang up on my friend and get in the taxi. It was a bachelorette party. They brought me
back to their hotel on the stipulation that I don’t kill them. In the taxi, I realize that the only
girl I’m interested in is the bride. I went with them back into the hotel room and nothing
happened.
I couldn’t isolate the bride successfully; I just sat around and talked to them in their five-
star hotel. Did I walk home upset? No, because I followed principles of tagging along and
seeing where things would lead. I was way more likely to have sex with a hot girl in
a hotel room with a hot girl than I would have been in my apartment.
Too many guys want things to line up completely linearly. They want a guarantee that the
night will always end in sex, but there are no guarantees in seduction, just the game. So
tag along and go for the ride.

HABITS THAT GET YOU LAID: A CONCLUSION

Half of the battle is putting yourself in a place where you can succeed. By looking at every
moment of your life as an opportunity for sex to eventually happen, you will begin to
optimize your schedule.
Use some of my suggestions to get started, but also look for your own way to maximize
your lifestyle for sex. And see what simple habits you can develop.
William

How Naturals Meet Girls and Get Laid

By Chase Amante
One of the big mysteries for a lot of guys who are new to pickup is just how, exactly, men
who are ‘naturals’ with women meet enough women to have the partner volume they do.
If you’ve ever had a talented natural friend, you’ll notice it seems like he never does a cold
approach, and spends most of his time just hanging around and socializing, and yet,
somehow, unless you’re doing huge volumes of cold approaches yourself, he just runs laps
around you lay-count-wise.
You stop by to grab him for lunch and he’s walking yet another girl out of his place, hair
disheveled and a wistful look in her eye.
Where do guys who are genuine naturals with women meet all the girls they
sleep with?

VOLUME OR INSTINCTS REQUIRED

There are, in effect, only two (2) primary ways to meet lots of willing women:

1. Approach lots of them, or

2. Have really good instincts

The former is your basic “go talk to lots of girls” routine. The latter is a combination of
the ability to recognize approach invitations, the knowhow to address them effectively,
and the motivation to do so. This often comes from formerly having approached lots of
girls.
There’s a third option, which is “Have lots of girls throwing themselves at you.” It’s pretty
rare for this to be the case for even a good-looking, highly skilled natural; it’s more the
result of holding some kind of position of authority that women find attractive. The well-
known disc jockey or the captain of the sports team, for instance. These guys usually get
the volume first, and developed the instincts after (as they take girl after girl throwing
herself at them).
Lots of guys want to jump over the volume part and take a shortcut right to great instincts,
but that’s kind of like saying, “I’d like to be an elite tennis player, but I don’t want to spend
hours on the court missing shots first. How do I go straight to elite without all the extra
work?”
The answer, unfortunately, is, “If you want it, and you don’t already got it, you’re
gonna have to work for it.”
However, what that work looks like can be somewhat different.

“HE’S SO SOCIABLE!”
I recently attended a wedding where an uncle of mine, who’s always been a major charmer
and playboy, made his mark, continually working the room and talking to everyone,
laughing, telling jokes, catching up, and meeting new people. Someone commented to me
on how active he was, and how youthful and charming. He’s 65, but could easily pass as
somewhere in his mid-to-late-40s if he cared to. My own father, who’s only a few years this
uncle’s junior, and nearly as much of a charmer, was equally active and equally sociable.
And it occurred to me, when I read this thread on the boards from our forum member
Sub-Zero, especially when I read these comments:

“I’m getting like one partner a year and I have been trying like crazy. I’m
getting older and am paranoid I will never have a lot of partners, I’d what else
to do. It’s killing me how my body count is so low and I have been having sex
since I was in my early teens. What else can I do guys?
...
I do cold approach about 3 girls a week. I approach social circle whenever there
is a new attractive girl that comes in, it includes school, work, etc.
...
Yeah I understand the 100 approaching part, but there are regular guys out
there getting laid like crazy, that is what makes me annoyed. They are not cold
approaching.

I will stop complaining about it, but these regular dudes are not cold
approaching because when I tell them I picked a girl up today that I didn’t know
they are in shock that I pick em up like that.”
... that it isn’t clear to him how guys who aren’t (seemingly) cold approaching, yet manage
to get a lot of lays, are getting their lays.
The simple answer?
They’re sociable guys.

Being sociable is one of the first things you tell new guys seeking to learn pickup: “Talk to
everybody. Flirt with every girl. Even if she’s old enough to be your grandma, still flirt with
her.”
Most guys say eww, I don’t want to flirt with my grandma. And I don’t want to talk to guys;
I just want to talk to hot girls.
But what ends up happening is that when you view meeting women as this separate thing,
different from just being a social person in general, is you make the whole thing
significantly harder than it is for, say, a guy who just really likes schmoozing.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A “NATURAL”

Here’s what a day-in-the-life of a fairly typical natural who takes maybe a couple of new
girls a month to bed may look like:
 He chats up the guy at the desk on his way out of his building. Asks him how his day
his, what’s new, etc.
 He greets and makes a few comments to several other residents of the building as
they’re walking in or walking out. Some of these residents he knows and has talked
to before; several of them it’s his first time seeing them.
 He walks outside and waits to cross the street. He compliments a guy waiting at the
corner with him on his tie and chats with him about where he’s going.
 He heads down the stairs to the subway, and ends up fiddling around in his wallet
for a moment trying to find his subway card. He makes a few jokes at his own
expense while he does so to a few of the people who are streaming around him: an
old man, a fat girl, a pretty girl.
 On the train, he spaces out for a bit, but at one point he gets into a conversation
with a guy in a sharp business suit. Turns out the business guy works in an industry
related to our hero’s line of work; he trades business cards with him and says they’ll
get lunch.
 Off the train, he heads into the Starbucks right outside his work. At this point, he’s
already talked to around 8 or 9 people so far today and he’s only been out of his
building 30 minutes. A pretty girl gets in line behind him at Starbucks. He jokingly
complains about the wait and how he has to endure it everyday because Starbucks
has made him addicted. She laughs and agrees; pretty soon they’re chatting. He
keeps on eye on the line and quickly has her agree to a lunch date later this week
and trades numbers with her when it’s almost his turn to order.
 He heads into work, flirting lightly and harmlessly with his boss’s elderly secretary as
he heads to his desk. He’ll never put it on too strong – he doesn’t want her to get
the wrong impression (or accuse him of sexual harassment!), of course, but a
little office flirting makes the day more fun for everyone
We’ll cut it off there. Though on a good day, he may go on to get a phone number from a
girl at the restaurant he has lunch at, and another when he swings through the grocery
store after work.
At no point does he have to deal with approach anxiety, because he isn’t working
anything up into some big giant approach. Nothing’s a big production with him. Everything
is natural and effortless... he’s just a sociable guy. He just talks to people.
Now, he does this STRATEGICALLY – he doesn’t just talk to whomever. How does he
choose whom to talk to? We’ll have a look below.

CONVERSATION PARTNER TARGET SELECTION

Guys who are new to pickup very often take an eminently practical yet well nigh
unworkable approach of, “I’m only going to talk to hot girls.”
So what ends up happening is they circle around for lengthy periods of time, talking to no
one, until finally they spot a girl who meets their physical criteria, and now it’s ‘go’ time.
Only, because they haven’t been socializing, what ‘go time’ means is it’s actually “time to go
from quiet to extraverted in 3 seconds.”
On your marks... get set... pickup!
The natural also has it in his mind to talk to strangers, just like the pickup guy does, with
this exception: the natural has a broader diet. That said, he doesn’t just talk to anyone. He
is strategic in his choice of interlocutors.
Here’s a sample of people a natural will chat up, and when and why he does so:

 Staff: these are a favorite of naturals, for good reason: the guy who’s in with the
staff, where that’s the building reception or the waiter or the head bouncer,
immediately has some local position power and status. Most people there are faces
in the crowd, but he can pull strings if needed. This both makes him more attractive
to women who see him socializing with the staff, and gives him support in the event
he needs something (so he doesn’t just get treated like a nobody right at whatever
critical moment he most needs help, like trying to get a girl into his building
without getting cockblocked or asking for something special from the waiter or
bartender).

 Potential friends: while guys who are into pickup will often focus on women to
the exclusion of men, naturals are guys who are very often interested in accruing all
the social advantages they can, and if a guy looks cool or interesting, a natural will
often strike up a conversation with him to feel him out and see if the guy’s worth
getting to know further. Not only this but, again, when a girl sees two cute/cool
guys talking, it’s doubly as interesting to her as just one of those guys. Also, even if
the natural isn’t her first pick and she likes the other guy better, she’ll still talk to
him in hope of meeting his friend (and usually, even if she likes the look of the other
guy more, once our natural friend is talking to her and begins to work his charms,
his odds of getting her go up quite a bit).

 People who can make him look good: attraction goes up when a woman
witnesses a man she likes give money to a beggar or a charity, and engaging in
conversation with someone in need can have the same effect, especially if the
natural himself is clearly no homeless person. An additional reason for talking to
such people, beyond the charity/status boost, is that folks who spend their time in
one area working the passersby tend to know their environment well and can clue
the natural into what’s going on in ways most passersby cannot. Most talented
naturals keep their eyes open for people who can fill in the blanks for them about a
social environment, whether those people be staff, beggars, layabouts, or
whomever.
  Those who won’t be a social burden: this one’s crucial to pay attention
to. Guys who are sociable quickly learn that sometimes you’ll meet someone who
sinks his claws in and doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t want the conversation to
end. People like this need to be avoided because they’re a burden. They can include
staff, men, women, whoever; if it seems like the person will be a nuisance, the
natural avoids him. It’s not personal... he just isn’t interested in a codependent
relationship with someone he’s just met.

 All kinds of women: sociable naturals just like flirting. It’s fun. And they do it
every chance they get. This lets them

a. Hone their skills and improve

b. Practice and stay warmed up
c. Easily flirt with beautiful women without it feeling like some weird thing they
never do (because, in fact, they just do it all the time)

Now, of course, this isn’t every natural. Not all guys who are naturally good with women
are super social.
However, of the guys you’ll meet with triple digit lay counts (who aren’t relying on
something like being the hottest DJ in town, or the quarterback of the local university
football team), this is more the norm than the exception.
They’re just social, social guys.
LOW APPROACHES? NO, THEY JUST INTEGRATE THEM
The goal of learning pickup (or at least the one I recommend to men) is to integrate the
strategies behind it into your general life.
So, for instance, the natural doesn’t usually do street stops. But he does meet a variety of
people as he goes about his day, some of them beautiful women. And sometimes he hits it
off with those women.
In fact, because he’s been so social for so long and his instincts are so honed, he’s pretty
good at mostly talking to people he’s got a feeling will want to talk to him too. He isn’t
100% and he still chats up plenty of people who really don’t want to meet him, but overall
he’s pretty good at being able to target his compliments and conversations.
Naturals who get a lot of action typically DO do a lot of approaches. They just
don’t think about them as “approaches” because all they’re really doing is chit-chatting with
the people around them.
They chit-chat with everyone, and they chit-chat with pretty girls. And when one of the
pretty girls they chit-chat with bites, they tug the fishing line a little harder. And if she
doesn’t let go, they give it another big tug. And if she still doesn’t let go, they start
to reel her in.
If you stay at cold approach long enough, you’ll usually end up transitioning to a style of
game like this. It’s much lower stress, since you’re not pushing yourself to go from
introspective to extraverted at the push of a button, and the approaches you are doing are
far more casual, and far less impactful when they fall flat (e.g., you compliment a
woman and get a cold response; the natural doesn’t care, because he delivered his
compliment and will move on. If he senses it’s just an act, he’ll push forward and get her
laughing and talking; if it’s sincere, he’ll just drop it and talk to someone else).
Don’t think the guys who get laid ‘naturally’ don’t approach; they do. They just
don’t ‘count’ most of their approaches, because those ‘approaches’ are simply them being
sociable.
And when they meet a girl, it’s always an, “Oh, we were standing in line at the Starbucks
and couldn’t believe how slow it was, and then we compared notes, and...” or an, “I saw
this girl buying a bunch of bananas at Trader Joe’s, and I don’t know where she learned to
check for bruised bananas, but she had the biggest, most bruised bunch in the entire store
and I had no choice but to save her from herself.”
This is natural game. It’s just taking everything you learn to do with cold approach, and
integrating it seamlessly into your lifestyle, instead of treating approaching as a big
production where you string together a bunch of high pressure one-off approaches. Not
that there’s anything wrong with those – some of the most effective approaches are high
pressure street stops and the like! However, if you’re wondering how the natural does it,
even though you never see him ‘approach’... look harder. You’ll notice he’s approaching
people all the time; he simply does it more under-the-radar than what you were looking for.
 an you have career success and still live
the playboy life?
Search this topic… Search

Post a reply
28 posts • Page 1 of 1


Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Toby » Sun Oct 28, 2018 12:41 am

I mean career success in white collar professions and the kinds of professions that ask for a good
education and life.

Everytime I hear of a guy living the life of sleeping with randoms and hot women, it is either some DJ
at a nightclub, a model photographer or some guy working as a bartender or in nightlife. Rarely do I
hear of a guy working for a prestigious software company, big corporation or anything white collar that
would make your parents proud living this sort of a life. On one hand you have the money and
everything handled but on the other, it seems like you rarely get guys from these sorts of backgrounds
living that kind of a life.

Now it makes more sense to me why so many guys leave their cushy corporate job and I cannot help
but wonder if women are one of the reasons.

Toby

Tool-Bearing Hominid

Posts: 271

Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2016 4:52 pm

T
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
Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by ZacAdam » Sun Oct 28, 2018 5:20 am

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-new ... e-13157366

:)

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Seppuku » Sun Oct 28, 2018 7:04 am

PF,

When we tried to explain why your ethnic background doesn't matter much when you become good at
seduction, this was your concluding remark:

PeachFrustration wrote:I'll give in right there, exceptions do exist. I do think that in some circumstances, you
can get hot Latina girls and darker featured white girls as a Middle Eastern looking guy or a swarthy guy in
general. Its just that throughout my life I noticed this trend to where a lot of hot blondes went with swarthy
dudes (white or not) while I saw a ton of hot Latina and darker featured white women with the Hitler ideal.

My closing thoughts are that you are just playing in a market you're not really meant to do well in. Blond
guys are meant to slay and do well with swarthy women and dark haired tanned women, darker guys are
meant to clean up with hot blondes and redheads.

As always you'll face a lot more hostility if you are going after hot girls from crowds that don't idolize your
look but if you have a type, well I guess when there is a will there is a way. Some Indian dude can do well
with hot girls that are Latinas and Mediterranean white women who have that Monica Bellucci type of ethnic
look, you're just going to have a much tougher time than if you went after Scandinavian girls and the all
American blonde type.

Which, basically, says you decided that guys with such and such background can't do well with [hot
blondes or whatever], and when we pointed to evidence otherwise, you concluded that this must be an
exception.

Now you have decided that career success is incompatible with playboy life. And yes, even if you didn't
say that explicitly, you strongly implied it.

So, whatever evidence we will write here, you can always dismiss it again as "exception".

Being a Seducer is about being the exception, in the first place.

The principal obstacle to learning being that guy, are your limiting beliefs. Beliefs can be changed, but
you would need to have an open mind for that.

Seppuku

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:04 am

PeachFrustration wrote:Rarely do I hear of a guy working for a prestigious software company, big corporation
or anything white collar that would make your parents proud living this sort of a life. On one hand you have
the money and everything handled but on the other, it seems like you rarely get guys from these sorts of
backgrounds living that kind of a life.

The creator of the website you are posting on started out in the white collar world...Chase himself...

Another example that comes to mind is Lexington Steele, the porn star - he started his career in wall
street for several years before shifting to porn on the suggestion of one of his girlfriends.

I could list a dozen other examples, but you still wouldn't be convinced. Ban incoming.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Oh Pry » Mon Oct 29, 2018 6:32 pm

Not sure where we want to go with the dude's ban but I can relate to that concern for sure. Dudes like
Chase and the pornstar had to leave their white collar jobs to get to where they wanted to get to. I do
think that there are limitations for white collar guys in terms of living that playboy life. My success has
come from dating apps and leveraging my hobbies.

One piece of advice I will give to anyone is that if you are trying to focus on your career and grow that
paycheck, then getting laid better be your only other investment. I am in this situation right now and I
am literally working to grow in my career on one hand while investing everything on the weekend on
dating apps, nice photos and a photography hobby which is geared towards getting laid. There really
isn't time to do much else like browse forums, start a personal blog or join professional groups to
network in my industry.

It is literally just work from 8 to 6 on weekdays and then after that spend the rest of the time trying to
stay in good shape and doing everything to get laid. I have not talked to my family in forever, grown
apart from most of my old friends and do not have time to really think and reflect on other hobbies
outside of those that get me laid. The shit is most definitely an investment.

Number of lays since joining GC: 98

Thank you Chase and Franco!

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by The Emerald Archer » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:44 pm
Dude just make a move already Peach. Either get a job in the nightlife industry or don't and stop
complaining about it. I don't know why you think you have to outright quit your job in order to get one
at a bar or wherever else there's plenty of other options you could do to engineer a lower cost of
failure:

1. Get a gig on the weekends while still working a 9-5 to test the waters. Some bars might not want you
to start off at weekends as a beginner and won't hire you but better to keep trying and play the
numbers game until you find one that does hire you than quit.

2. Get a part-time nightlife job starting off on weeknights and get less sleep. Yes it will suck but better
to get less sleep while getting your feet wet than outright leave your job and career when you don't
even know if you'll like working in nightlife

3. Negotiate later start times at your job so that you can have more flexibility to stay up late during
weeknights and increase your hireability in the eyes of nightlife businesses and not be sleep deprived.
Yes it might be an uncomfortable conversation to have with your boss and might make you nervous but
once again better that than outright quitting.

So make a decision and take action dude. You're assuming that bartending and nightlife work is
something you would enjoy based on nothing but theorizing and reading on the internet. Engineer a low
cost of failure first and get some data before you outright quit or just sack up and make the leap if you
really think you want this. I would strongly suggest you try some other methods to engineer a lower
cost of failure first, but it's your life. Just like people tell you not to quit your job to start a business
until you've built it up on the side in your free time first, same philosophy applies here.

Formerly BBeyond

"I hated every minute of training. But I said: don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as
champion." - Muhammad Ali

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Tue Oct 30, 2018 6:03 am

Seppuku wrote:PF,

When we tried to explain why your ethnic background doesn't matter much when you become good at
seduction, this was your concluding remark:

PeachFrustration wrote:I'll give in right there, exceptions do exist. I do think that in some circumstances, you
can get hot Latina girls and darker featured white girls as a Middle Eastern looking guy or a swarthy guy in
general. Its just that throughout my life I noticed this trend to where a lot of hot blondes went with swarthy
dudes (white or not) while I saw a ton of hot Latina and darker featured white women with the Hitler ideal.

My closing thoughts are that you are just playing in a market you're not really meant to do well in. Blond
guys are meant to slay and do well with swarthy women and dark haired tanned women, darker guys are
meant to clean up with hot blondes and redheads.

As always you'll face a lot more hostility if you are going after hot girls from crowds that don't idolize your
look but if you have a type, well I guess when there is a will there is a way. Some Indian dude can do well
with hot girls that are Latinas and Mediterranean white women who have that Monica Bellucci type of ethnic
look, you're just going to have a much tougher time than if you went after Scandinavian girls and the all
American blonde type.

Which, basically, says you decided that guys with such and such background can't do well with [hot blondes
or whatever], and when we pointed to evidence otherwise, you concluded that this must be an exception.

Now you have decided that career success is incompatible with playboy life. And yes, even if you didn't say
that explicitly, you strongly implied it.
So, whatever evidence we will write here, you can always dismiss it again as "exception".

Being a Seducer is about being the exception, in the first place.

The principal obstacle to learning being that guy, are your limiting beliefs. Beliefs can be changed, but you
would need to have an open mind for that.

Seppuku

Adding to Seppuku's comment:

I like to sit with a delicious thought that a great friend of mine told me once whenever I catch myself
sitting in the middle of a limiting belief castle.

"You'll see it when you believe it."

Try that out for a little while in all aspects of your life. And if the 'you' reading this doesn't believe it,
well, then you know you're certainly living with a heavy dose of 'I'll believe it when I see it.'.

Good luck.

Doc

“Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.”

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:16 pm

Oh Pry wrote:Not sure where we want to go with the dude's ban but I can relate to that concern for sure.
Dudes like Chase and the pornstar had to leave their white collar jobs to get to where they wanted to get to.
I do think that there are limitations for white collar guys in terms of living that playboy life. My success has
come from dating apps and leveraging my hobbies.

One piece of advice I will give to anyone is that if you are trying to focus on your career and grow that
paycheck, then getting laid better be your only other investment. I am in this situation right now and I am
literally working to grow in my career on one hand while investing everything on the weekend on dating
apps, nice photos and a photography hobby which is geared towards getting laid. There really isn't time to
do much else like browse forums, start a personal blog or join professional groups to network in my industry.

It is literally just work from 8 to 6 on weekdays and then after that spend the rest of the time trying to stay
in good shape and doing everything to get laid. I have not talked to my family in forever, grown apart from
most of my old friends and do not have time to really think and reflect on other hobbies outside of those
that get me laid. The shit is most definitely an investment.

For what its worth this is my life right now as well. Except my work hours are something like 5-9, and i
travel on some weekends. But the rest of the time is just spent on working out or girls. I dont have
much of a social life, and i also only go to bars once a week specifically to game...

Also - neither Chase nor Lex left the white collar life to live the playboy lifestyle, they were doing that
better while they had jobs. They went the business roue for the sake of business building, not because
of the playboy lifestyle...
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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Seppuku » Wed Oct 31, 2018 1:51 am

Grand Pooba wrote:For what its worth this is my life right now as well. Except my work hours are something
like 5-9, and i travel on some weekends. But the rest of the time is just spent on working out or girls. I dont
have much of a social life, and i also only go to bars once a week specifically to game...

Confirmed here. I was doing best when I was devoting 100% of my off-work time to getting girls. As
soon as I started adding extra activities (in my case, weightlifting plus getting started with my blog) my
volume of dating dropped. The solution to getting back on track, is to spend more time on getting girls,
at the expense of something else.

Also - neither Chase nor Lex left the white collar life to live the playboy lifestyle, they were doing that
better while they had jobs. They went the business roue for the sake of business building, not because of the
playboy lifestyle...
 Men derive their value from building their empire, in the first place. That's what men do. Getting girls
and harems should never be a long term top priority. You've got to have a higher mission in life beyond
just "I want to fuck girls". And the girls will respect you for that.

So that's why I think this career vs girls discussion doesn't make much sense. Dropping a promising
corporate career to become bartender, just in the hope of getting girls? Really? Ultimately, your work
on your career will pay off.

Seppuku

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Wed Oct 31, 2018 8:46 am

Seppuku wrote:Men derive their value from building their empire, in the first place. That's what men do.
Getting girls and harems should never be a long term top priority. You've got to have a higher mission in life
beyond just "I want to fuck girls". And the girls will respect you for that.
Agreed, and you're right that girls love this.
Honestly this year I feel like I've gotten more interest from women in general, even when I'm not
trying, simply because 90% of my headspace right now is on business building and career stuff. Dating
and women are the #2 priority, and they exist below the #1 mission, which right now is work....
However, when women meet me now, they perk up and the whole seduction process has ironically
become a lot easier, even though I'm less focused on it. Now it's more about looking out for the right
signs, and then taking the correct appropriate actions to close a deal...

Seppuku wrote:Dropping a promising corporate career to become bartender, just in the hope of getting girls?
Really? Ultimately, your work on your career will pay off.

Agreed. Even as a bartender, you'll have very high lover value (which is great for drunk ONSs), but very
little of anything else....

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:14 am

It's a bit of a mind-wrapper.

Do all these things to get girls, that's why you're here.

Realize that getting girls isn't everything and focus on other things.

Get more girls because you're a man on a mission with passive value bumps from your initial hard work.

“Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.”

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:45 am

Dr. Manhattan wrote:It's a bit of a mind-wrapper.

Do all these things to get girls, that's why you're here.

Realize that getting girls isn't everything and focus on other things.

Get more girls because you're a man on a mission with passive value bumps from your initial hard work.
 I'd revise this slightly, but overall it's a great summary Dr. M:

1. Do all these things to learn how to get girls and understand what they want, that's why you're here.

2. Realize that getting girls isn't everything and focus on other things.

3. Get more girls because you're a man on a mission with passive value bumps from your initial hard
work, and you know how to see/act on opportunities with women.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Mr.Rob » Thu Nov 01, 2018 1:06 pm

Grand Pooba wrote:1. Do all these things to learn how to get girls and understand what they want, that's why
you're here.

2. Realize that getting girls isn't everything and focus on other things.
 3. Get more girls because you're a man on a mission with passive value bumps from your initial hard work,
and you know how to see/act on opportunities with women

+100

Its always silly when I see guys stuck in the PUA mold always going out and never progressing past that
stage and they make that one silo of their life the main event.

Men doing gangster shit with their lives have many silo's that they're excited about that make up a
holistic interesting and purposeful life.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Thu Nov 01, 2018 7:00 pm

Grand Pooba wrote:. Get more girls because you're a man on a mission with passive value bumps from your
initial hard work, and you know how to see/act on opportunities with women.
 Love this edition.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Toby » Fri Nov 02, 2018 4:07 pm

Its not just about getting girls, the bartender lifestyle is about a lot more than that, the access to a
party life and the opportunity to be a part of a nightlife scene you cannot otherwise be without
working there. I have tried and looked so far and it is extremely tough to even get a chance at a decent
bar.

I honestly do see the reasoning in throwing away a nice corporate career for a player lifestyle because
a corporate career does not grant that lifestyle. In fact I would argue that rarely do you see the
corporate types living that kind of a life. I think we should be more transparent and honest with
ourselves about what we want. A guy working in nightlife or similar scenes has access to a lot of hot
women who are party hungry and want to have fun, a guy not working in nightlife lacks that access.
The issue for the corporate guys is access, that is the big issue that we have to work to solve.

So yes, I do want to find a way to break into nightlife part time.

Toby
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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by The Emerald Archer » Fri Nov 02, 2018 5:41 pm

PeachFrustration wrote:Its not just about getting girls, the bartender lifestyle is about a lot more than that,
the access to a party life and the opportunity to be a part of a nightlife scene you cannot otherwise be
without working there. I have tried and looked so far and it is extremely tough to even get a chance at a
decent bar.

I honestly do see the reasoning in throwing away a nice corporate career for a player lifestyle because a
corporate career does not grant that lifestyle. In fact I would argue that rarely do you see the corporate
types living that kind of a life. I think we should be more transparent and honest with ourselves about what
we want. A guy working in nightlife or similar scenes has access to a lot of hot women who are party hungry
and want to have fun, a guy not working in nightlife lacks that access. The issue for the corporate guys is
access, that is the big issue that we have to work to solve.

So yes, I do want to find a way to break into nightlife part time.

Ok man you're clearly very rigid in your way of thinking to the point that nothing anybody says over the
internet is going to change your mind. If you really think that the only way to have a party lifestyle and
to be popular in the nightlife scene is to be working in it then why do you make these posts...

Clearly nothing we say is going to change your mind so I don't see the sense in asking questions like "is
it possible blah blah blah" when you already think it's not and refuse to open your mind to other ways
of thinking about it. You're just wasting everyone's time.

If you think the only way to live the party lifestyle after college is to work in the nightlife industry and
not the corporate world then why don't you get on with it and make the leap already...
 Formerly BBeyond

"I hated every minute of training. But I said: don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as
champion." - Muhammad Ali

“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” ― MJ

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:35 am

I can relate to thinking very rigidly like OP.

You have two options:

1. Figure out how to break through that mold through various techniques.
2. Use the rigid thinking to create a rigid outcome and with the new understandings you see through
the rigidity and enhance upon your lifestyle.

I had to use number 2.

It's tough to know how to do something without naturally experiencing it...

 Doc

“Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.”

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Toby » Sat Nov 03, 2018 2:19 am

Sometimes I post a thread like this in the hopes that someone who has managed to pull this shit off
comes in and tells me how they did it. I wish we had some nightlife guidance on this thread or at least
some sort of feedback from guys who have worked in that industry, it is driving me insane not being
able to get a job in there.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Sat Nov 03, 2018 3:32 am

Woah.

I'm your guy...

Ill write up a post on what you seek. Helps me practice writing content (something I'm pursuing now).

What would you like to learn? Give me a title to this post.

Doc

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by The Emerald Archer » Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:18 pm

Doc,

Everytime I hear of a guy living the life of sleeping with randoms and hot women, it is either some DJ at a
nightclub, a model photographer or some guy working as a bartender or in nightlife. Rarely do I hear of a guy
working for a prestigious software company, big corporation or anything white collar that would make your
parents proud living this sort of a life. On one hand you have the money and everything handled but on the
other, it seems like you rarely get guys from these sorts of backgrounds living that kind of a life.

First op posts this, clearly stating that it's about women and sleeping with lots of them and thinks the
only way to do so is to not be in the corporate world. After a bunch of responses from guys whose
personal experiences directly contradict that way of thinking he then posts this:

Its not just about getting girls, the bartender lifestyle is about a lot more than that, the access to a party
life and the opportunity to be a part of a nightlife scene you cannot otherwise be without working there. I
have tried and looked so far and it is extremely tough to even get a chance at a decent bar.

then..

Sometimes I post a thread like this in the hopes that someone who has managed to pull this shit off comes in
and tells me how they did it. I wish we had some nightlife guidance on this thread or at least some sort of
feedback from guys who have worked in that industry, it is driving me insane not being able to get a job in
there.

Op now says it's not just about banging hot chicks but now it's about being a part of the nightlife scene
as a worker directly contradicting what he originally said... then talks about seeing if someone has
pulled off having a corporate career and living life a as playboy after people already weighed in and
said yes contradicting himself once more... how is that type of thinking useful Doc?

It's tough to know how to do something without naturally experiencing it...

I'm not sure I get what you're trying to say here... The purpose of my responses was to get him to
acquire experience by taking actionable steps so that he wouldn't have to outright quit his job first
without having acquired the experience of working in nightlife to even see if it's everything he thinks it
is in line with what he originally posted. In order to acquire experience you have to take action. OP
 hasn't done that he's posted the same topic repeatedly with different thread titles and has just
complained about things...

Anyways I'm out. I don't think anything I post can help op seeing as how he doesn't seem to want help,
only to confirm his existing biases and beliefs.

Formerly BBeyond

"I hated every minute of training. But I said: don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as
champion." - Muhammad Ali

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Richard » Sat Nov 03, 2018 6:38 pm

PeachFrustration wrote:Sometimes I post a thread like this in the hopes that someone who has managed to
pull this shit off comes in and tells me how they did it. I wish we had some nightlife guidance on this thread
or at least some sort of feedback from guys who have worked in that industry, it is driving me insane not
being able to get a job in there.
 You're so misguided, my friend =/

Not a day in my existence did I experience life until I stepped out of my comfort zones.

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Dr. Manhattan » Sun Nov 04, 2018 1:36 am

I tried.

Good luck, OP.

“Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.”

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Rain » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:49 am

Grand Pooba wrote:

Seppuku wrote:Men derive their value from building their empire, in the first place. That's what men do.
Getting girls and harems should never be a long term top priority. You've got to have a higher mission in life
beyond just "I want to fuck girls". And the girls will respect you for that.

Agreed, and you're right that girls love this.

Honestly this year I feel like I've gotten more interest from women in general, even when I'm not trying,
simply because 90% of my headspace right now is on business building and career stuff. Dating and women
are the #2 priority, and they exist below the #1 mission, which right now is work....
However, when women meet me now, they perk up and the whole seduction process has ironically become a
lot easier, even though I'm less focused on it. Now it's more about looking out for the right signs, and then
taking the correct appropriate actions to close a deal...

Seppuku wrote:Dropping a promising corporate career to become bartender, just in the hope of getting girls?
Really? Ultimately, your work on your career will pay off.

Agreed. Even as a bartender, you'll have very high lover value (which is great for drunk ONSs), but very little
of anything else....

I watched a video by Hector where he talked about how even if you work at maccas and women don't
want to date you but would sleep with you, guys like that still get tons of girls. That could help you
with women if you're a loser by society standard[eg working at maccas because you're dumb]. So does
he mean that, as Grand Pooba says have lots of lover value but not much else... isn't that the idea to
 start out as lovers and then it turns into a relationship, or is that not possible if you work at
maccas/bartending forever?

Here's the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_0Ud5W2WOk
Talks about what I said from 26:40 to 27:40

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Mon Nov 05, 2018 2:01 pm

Rain wrote:I watched a video by Hector where he talked about how even if you work at maccas and women
don't want to date you but would sleep with you, guys like that still get tons of girls. That could help you
with women if you're a loser by society standard[eg working at maccas because you're dumb]. So does he
mean that, as Grand Pooba says have lots of lover value but not much else... isn't that the idea to start out
as lovers and then it turns into a relationship, or is that not possible if you work at maccas/bartending
forever?

Here's the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_0Ud5W2WOk
Talks about what I said from 26:40 to 27:40

Remember that women see men as generally fitting into three (four?) categories: "Lover," "Provider,"
"Friend," and #4 is "nothing."

The guys that Hector is talking about, as well as me, have very high lover value in general, and women
see them as lovers. So women still want to sleep with those guys and they get tons of girls.
However, unless they have something to offer as providers (and show it), women don't see them that
way, and consequently move on as quickly as they get into bed with these guys, most of the time
anyway.

If you want to transition from a "lover" to a "provider" then you have to present this value to a girl. If
you don't, she doesn't see you as an option for that category. So if you're one of these guys and you can
successfully present Provider value, then great, you've got a shot at something more than just a one
night thing...

The lover to provider transition is different - you're still presenting some provider value, but will
behave like a lover for the sake of making the courtship process longer.

Simple Analogy:

You want to buy a car. To do this, you decide a test drive an Acura and a Lexus and a Porsche. You're
looking for a luxury car on the lower end of the market and you want to keep this car for the next 5-10
years, but you've thrown the Porsche in there just for fun, because you've always wanted to try driving
a Porsche, even though you've determined it's a terrible model for you to buy (too expensive, too
maintenance heavy, and doesn't hold resale as well over time). But, you know the Acura and Lexus,
either one, would fit all your requirements, so the test drive is both fun and for a purpose; but for the
Porsche, it's just for fun.

The Porsche dealer is hoping that you test drive the car in hopes of buying it, but you're already
decided that it's not feasible for you and you don't want the car in that capacity - you just want to have
fun driving it once, not be stuck with it forever. The Acura or Lexus is a better choice for that...

However, it is also possible that you discover something about the Porsche during your test drive that
makes it feasible to buy as well. Maybe the dealer is willing to match the price of the Acura. Maybe
you've learned that they've revamped their engine to a super reliable one. Now you're viewing the car
through the "maybe buy" lens rather than "test drive only" lens...

Grand Pooba
 Tribal Elder

Posts: 1218

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:44 pm

Location: Northeast USA

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Sub-Zero » Mon Nov 05, 2018 2:52 pm

Hey Pooba,

What are some kind of jobs where you think it's OK for your game where you don't look like a complete
loser like the one guy said about you saying something about working at macca?

I need an entry level job that is cool enough for me to feel confident about while I pursue other skills.

Grand Pooba wrote:

Rain wrote:I watched a video by Hector where he talked about how even if you work at maccas and women
don't want to date you but would sleep with you, guys like that still get tons of girls. That could help you
with women if you're a loser by society standard[eg working at maccas because you're dumb]. So does he
mean that, as Grand Pooba says have lots of lover value but not much else... isn't that the idea to start out
as lovers and then it turns into a relationship, or is that not possible if you work at maccas/bartending
forever?

Here's the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_0Ud5W2WOk
Talks about what I said from 26:40 to 27:40
Remember that women see men as generally fitting into three (four?) categories: "Lover," "Provider,"
"Friend," and #4 is "nothing."

The guys that Hector is talking about, as well as me, have very high lover value in general, and women see
them as lovers. So women still want to sleep with those guys and they get tons of girls.
However, unless they have something to offer as providers (and show it), women don't see them that way,
and consequently move on as quickly as they get into bed with these guys, most of the time anyway.

If you want to transition from a "lover" to a "provider" then you have to present this value to a girl. If you
don't, she doesn't see you as an option for that category. So if you're one of these guys and you can
successfully present Provider value, then great, you've got a shot at something more than just a one night
thing...

The lover to provider transition is different - you're still presenting some provider value, but will behave like
a lover for the sake of making the courtship process longer.

Simple Analogy:

You want to buy a car. To do this, you decide a test drive an Acura and a Lexus and a Porsche. You're looking
for a luxury car on the lower end of the market and you want to keep this car for the next 5-10 years, but
you've thrown the Porsche in there just for fun, because you've always wanted to try driving a Porsche, even
though you've determined it's a terrible model for you to buy (too expensive, too maintenance heavy, and
doesn't hold resale as well over time). But, you know the Acura and Lexus, either one, would fit all your
requirements, so the test drive is both fun and for a purpose; but for the Porsche, it's just for fun.

The Porsche dealer is hoping that you test drive the car in hopes of buying it, but you're already decided that
it's not feasible for you and you don't want the car in that capacity - you just want to have fun driving it
once, not be stuck with it forever. The Acura or Lexus is a better choice for that...

However, it is also possible that you discover something about the Porsche during your test drive that makes
it feasible to buy as well. Maybe the dealer is willing to match the price of the Acura. Maybe you've learned
that they've revamped their engine to a super reliable one. Now you're viewing the car through the "maybe
buy" lens rather than "test drive only" lens...

Sub-Zero
 Space Monkey

Posts: 546

Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:25 am

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Toby » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:11 am

I feel like that is the catch 22 of a nice paying job such as a software engineer, banker, doctor or any
sort of job that requires a lot of critical thinking and education. It is so tough for guys in that situation
to escape the provider label that I think your best bet is to lie religiously about your profession. On one
hand I am proud of the job I had and in the industry I am in, it pays well and I love a lot of the people I
run into but to think that as soon as I talk about my job it makes me a walking ATM. To think that a
club promoter or bartender can easily escape that label and be a test drive while I am stuck in a
relationship just makes my skin crawl.

For me, it is critical to avoid an LTR or any sort of relationship like the plague, like she needs to be out
the next morning no exceptions. I just wonder how some of the guys here who are in nice paying jobs
that require college degrees and have the geeky label associated with them have managed to escape
the prospect of an LTR and stick to the test drive stage.

Toby

Tool-Bearing Hominid

Posts: 271

Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2016 4:52 pm

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 Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by ZacAdam » Tue Nov 06, 2018 9:58 am

PF,

PeachFrustration wrote:have the geeky label associated with them have managed to escape the prospect of
an LTR and stick to the test drive stage.

Mindset problem: Thinking that you have to answer every girl's question.
Practical/Skill: Just don't tell em.

:)

But really, stop thinking about it. Go do something. You can store your concerns in a notebook like
Chase noted. When you somewhat intermediate, then you can go back to your concerns and work it.

Zac

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man

Posts: 4341

Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2012 11:14 am

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Re: Can you have career success and still live the playboy life?
by Grand Pooba » Tue Nov 06, 2018 3:11 pm

PeachFrustration wrote:For me, it is critical to avoid an LTR or any sort of relationship like the plague, like
she needs to be out the next morning no exceptions.
Hahaha, man you are funny...
So you're complaining that you can't get any girls, especially not the white girls that everyone else is
getting; but if you did get a girl, you also need to avoid being intimate with her at all costs - in other
words, she's only good for one night of sex and that's it, and she might not even get to sleep over.

PF - what exactly do you have to offer to women?

PeachFrustration wrote:I feel like that is the catch 22 of a nice paying job such as a software engineer,
banker, doctor or any sort of job that requires a lot of critical thinking and education. It is so tough for guys
in that situation to escape the provider label that I think your best bet is to lie religiously about your
profession. On one hand I am proud of the job I had and in the industry I am in, it pays well and I love a lot
of the people I run into but to think that as soon as I talk about my job it makes me a walking ATM. To think
that a club promoter or bartender can easily escape that label and be a test drive while I am stuck in a
relationship just makes my skin crawl.

Yeah, you're looking at this the wrong away without thinking of the other side (as usual, lol). You could
also be that successful banker/doctor/engineer guy who is that prize that women want to test drive.
Women love high value men, period. A club bartender might have sky high value inside the club, but
outside it he doesn't have much. Whereas, the successful career guy, he's going to have some value in
the club, and massive value outside the club.

Just like a girl in a club might want to take the sexy bartender out for a spin, there are also women in
cities who look for and enjoy the thrill of being with a high value career guy, even just for a night. I've
seen this a lot and have also experienced it - a girl will sleep quickly with a career guy because she
wants that adventure/fantasy.

This LR is a great example: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=18973

Now, what is true is that you might face the Investment-Attainability double bind pretty often because
a girl will BF zone you, but there are also lots of ways to avoid this that Chase has covered all
throughout GirlsChase
Be the Lightbringer: Dating and the
Sublime Benefits of Positivity
By Chase Amante

Jadedness and cynicism can go hand-in-hand with the

playboy lifestyle. But they don’t need to; it’s more
effective to bring light.

Sometimes I encounter a funny problem with guys.

Their fundamentals are in good shape. They have reams of passive value and are all
around attractive men, if you go by appearances.
And they’re great on the technical / social aspect of meeting women. Their game is tight,
they move confidently through the seduction process, and they have great technique.
Yet they have this nagging issue where they consistently fail to get results they want.
Maybe they get laid, but not with the girls they want. Or they get the girls they want, but
they won’t hang around. Or maybe they do everything right, they think, but women reject
them far too much.
It’s bizarre, because everything looks good on paper with the guy. But he just isn’t doing all
that great.
Then you get to know the guy a bit better and you figure it out: oh. He’s negative.
It’s just a little mindset difference. Negative vs. positive. Wouldn’t think it’d have much
impact on your dating success, right? But it does – it has a large influence.
Today we’re going to examine why.

LIGHT POWER VS. DARK POWER

Forceful personalities are magnetic, regardless of their alignment. This is how you will at
times encounter deeply cynical, pessimistic, negative men who nevertheless manage to
sleep with a steady stream of new women and maneuver themselves into positions of
power. On both the light side and the dark side, confidence and forcefulness of one’s
person breed success.
When I was still pretty rough with girls, I had a cynical friend who did great with them. He
masked his cynicism with humor, and would mock and reject things he did not agree with.
It lent him a certain degree of ‘dark power’, which is attractive. Yet dark power has dark
sides. It attracted broken, clingy, or unstable women to him... and it also made
him poisonous to be around too long.
When I first met him, I’d often wonder, “Wow. How have I, this guy with pretty mediocre
social and dating skills, ended up with a cool player friend like this?” After a few months of
friendship, I figured it out: this guy burned his friendships out fast with his cynicism. He
probably would’ve had cooler, higher status friends than me at the time if he could’ve hung
onto them, but his negativity was just draining. I learned a lot being around him, but
eventually it was too emotionally punishing to be around this guy, and when I got fed up
with it and pointed it out to him the friendship ended.
This friend of mine was not all bad – he did genuinely want to help people, and viewed
himself as more or less a good person. However, he had this cloak of jaded cynicism that
hung about him and overshadowed even the good things he did. This affected his social
and romantic relationships... especially over the longer term.
Another friend I’d known before this ‘dark side’ friend stands as an example of a guy who
possessed a steady supply of what I’d call ‘light power’. This was a guy with fantastic
fundamentals: he dressed well, he was in great shape, he carried himself well, he’d
developed an attractive voice. His personality however was the warmest, most
unassuming “aw shucks” kind of down-in-the-country friendliness. It created a marked
distinction, between this attractive, even intimidating appearance, versus this warm, open
personality. He received some of the most powerful instant attraction I’ve ever seen from
girls, and he had it with all sorts of women.
WHY LIGHT POWER BEATS DARK
I’ve found that among players and playboys, there are many more dark, cynical, jaded men
than there are lightbringers. If you’ve been single and active in the dating world a while,
you’ve likely noticed this too. Your first question might be, “Well, doesn’t that mean dark
beats light, if more guys opt to use it?” But what you’re actually seeing is selection bias.
The cynical guys tend to be bigger playboys because they have harder times holding onto
women they want. The girls they want for relationships burn out on their darkness, and
leave. This forces them back into the field, to go meet new women, and amass more lays.
At any one time, given an equal number of light and dark power men, you’re more likely to
find many more dark power men who are single... usually because they don’t get the girls
they ultimately want, or the girls they want just leave.
For attracting and holding onto the most desirable women, light power beats
dark. But why?
A 1978 study found the more positively someone evaluates you, the more you like him...
and that this is true regardless whether you think his evaluation of you is accurate or not.

Even if she knows she’s a devilish imp, if you think well of

 her she likes you more.

So for example, say you’re an attractive, confident woman, and you meet a man who
clearly thinks highly of you. You like him more than a man who likes you less.
But now let’s say you’re an insecure, unconfident woman who is skeptical about her looks
and isn’t living the life she wants. You meet a man who clearly thinks highly of you.
You also like him more than a man who likes you less.
Another study discovered this pattern only holds true for early on in the getting-to-know-
you evaluation period. Once she feels like you know her better, she expects your
evaluations of her to be more accurate, and if you rate her positively when she thinks you
should rate her negatively, she likes you less for this. Once you know her well, she more
respects accurate evaluations from you than always-sunny ones. Yet, during the initial
courtship, when she doesn’t yet know you well, a positive evaluation of her
trumps a negative one pretty much across the board.
One problem ‘dark power’ guys run into is dark power individuals tend to be negatively
opinionated; that is, they spend a lot of time talking about what they don’t like. Light power
individuals are the opposite – talk to them, and they spend their time telling you what
they do like.
For instance, a dark power guy may tell you:
 “Oh God, I hate how they change what food is in which aisle in the supermarket all
the time. You know? I know they do it to make you walk around more and buy more
shit, but it’s really annoying.”
 “The worst thing ever is a girl who snores. You get this girl who’s all hot, and so
cute, and then you get her in bed and it’s like sleeping next to a lawn mower.”
 “Don’t tell me you’re a vegetarian. You know vegetarians have more mental
disorders, right?”
These things are funny, and get laughs, but they are dark. They’re focused on things this
guy doesn’t like, or things he judges unfavorably. Compare that to light power
conversation:
 “Oh man, you know what I love? You ever have a taquito? It’s like a taco, but it’s
wrapped up super tight like a little food flute. You can get them soft or crispy.
They’re completely amazing.”
 “The best thing ever is a girl who’s great at massages. I had this girlfriend who used
to give me foot massages every now and then. I was never into massages at all until
I had that girlfriend, but man, let me tell you, she converted me.”
 “Ever go skiing? The wind hitting your face, the snow whipping up all around you...
it’s an incredible experience. It’s the closest you can get to flying without leaving the
ground.”
Many people are in the middle of the spectrum, so will tell you some things they love, and
some things they hate. But most lean more toward one side or the other: more toward
light, or more toward dark.
Why would dark power men do well at all, though, if positive evaluations increase liking?
Another study from 1978 discovered the same thing we talked about in my article on
eliciting values: the more a girl thinks your preferences match her behavior and
attributes, the more she thinks you give her a good evaluation. That is to say:

1. People like people they think like them

2. If she thinks she matches what you want, she thinks you like her
3. Because she thinks you like her, she likes you more

While dark power cynical opinions can alienate, they also attract – because if you tell her
you don’t like “X”, she can assume you do like “opposite of X”, and if she is “opposite of X”,
she assumes she matches what you like.
However, if you inadvertently dismiss attributes or behavior she possesses, you cause her
to like you less (because she presumes you would not like her). Light power gets around
this once she realizes you are positive about most things – she’s able to relax and say,
“Okay, this guy is super positive, which means he’s likely to judge me in a positive light
almost no matter what.”
Brief caveat: as always, you don’t need her to like you to date or sleep with her.
However, in general, you’re more likely to succeed with a girl if she likes you, and you’ll get
more leeway with her (i.e., it’s easier to recover when you make mistakes). Just don’t make
being liked your ‘mission’.

Light Power in Long-Term Relationships

That’s not all though. Remember we noted dark power men have to play the field more,
because they’re less able to attract or hang onto the women they want?
A 1996 study found the most enduring relationships are the ones where the partners
idealize each other the most. Not only do these relationships endure, but they actually
experience increases in relationship satisfaction and decreases in conflict over time. And, in
the end, individuals even alter themselves to match their partners’ idealized images of
them. A follow-up study in 1997 of the same individuals from the 1996 study found the
stronger the individuals’ initial positive illusions, the more likely the relationship was to last
and the more satisfied the couple grew with time.
If you’re a jaded, cynical man, with skeptical views of a girl you start to date, needless to
say, the effects will tend to be the opposite: less enduring relationships, where satisfaction
decreases over time, and conflicts rise.
Is it any wonder those on the dark side are more often single... And that you tend to meet
a lot more dark side individuals in bars and nightlife areas than you do light side folk?
The light side folks are in happier relationships that endure longer and are single and
looking less.
The dark side folks are perpetually in and out of relationships, one disappointment after the
other.
Best of all for those on the light side (and worst of all for those in the dark), you create
the outcomes you receive – because your attitude drives your actions, and your
actions drive your results.

BE THE LIGHTBRINGER
How do you break this spell and become a font of positivity... if you’re presently not?
I suggest you start with these articles:
 How to Overcome Depression (on reprogramming the mind)
 How Victim Mentality Can Stifle Your Life – and Luck with Women (on not
seeing yourself as the victim)
 Protecting Yourself from Psychic Vampires (and Not Turning, Either) (on
not being a negative drain on the people around you)
 Stop Being So Judgmental: It’s All Actor-Observer Bias (on freeing yourself
from judging others [don’t worry, you can still be as picky as you like... it’s the self-
poisoning harmful/hateful judgments you’re ridding yourself of here])
 Student of the Game: How to Succeed with Women (on being inspirational)
I’d also recommend William W. Hewitt’s book Psychic Development for Beginners. Whether
you buy into the psychic stuff or not, the book itself overflows with positivity and teaches a
number of visualization exercises aimed at training the mind to be positive and action-
oriented. This book was highly influential in giving me the tools to stop negative thought
loops and bust my 10-year-long depression back in my early 20s.
Too much negativity falls into the ‘wrong vibe’ category among our eight major walls
men hit where they struggle to get the results they want, too.
A few ground rules for ‘bringing light’ or operating on the light side of the equation:

1. Share constructive opinions. “You’ve got to see this neat little park I found
over on Hanlon Ave, it’s fantastic,” has a very different impact on people than, “This
city has no good parks. Every park here sucks.” The former opens up the
imagination, teases an adventure, novelty, good things, excitement; the latter just
rags on something un-fun. Be conscious of the opinions you share and work to share
more constructive ones, and fewer complaints.
 “Think the next guy will be positive?”

2. Balance complaints with recommendations. We’re all human, and

most of us have complaints. And usually we want to share those complaints. If
you’re going to do it, I suggest you balance it out with a constructive
recommendation. For instance: “X city is the worst city ever. All the people there are
fat and miserable. Y city and Z city are great though. There are so many gorgeous,
friendly women in both towns and the lifestyle in each is wonderful. Incredible
scenery in Y city, too.” Much more positive than were you to simply say “X city is the
worst city ever. All the people there are fat and miserable,” then stop and wait for
the other person to react.
That said, do try to limit your complaints as much as possible. There’s nearly always
a way to communicate what you’d like to communicate without dipping into
negativity.

3. Careful with cynical humor. Cynical humor can be laugh-out-loud funny,

but that kind of makes it even worse. Humor is an easy way to get under people’s
skin and slip in ideas and emotions they might otherwise be closed to. Sarcasm and
cynicism is easier to make funny than happy, constructive humor, but if you’re
already good at sarcasm/cynicism, it isn’t that hard to learn happy, constructive
humor, and the benefits are huge. The primary risk of cynical humor is it functions
 to make both target and listeners less secure; that is, it serves a similar purpose as
a neg. For instance:
o “Oh boy. Here comes that angry troll girl again.”
It’s funny, but carries a negative weight with it. Even though you’re joking to her
about someone else, she knows you’re judgmental, and knows you’ll say things like
this about her too if she strikes the wrong chords with you. Puts her on edge and
makes her walk on egg shells, which does increase dominance/compliance, but
at a major cost to attainability. You can just as easily use cooperative humor in
the same scenario:
o “Oh boy. Here she comes. Think we’ll get yelled at again?”
This humor is better all the way around. You create an ‘us vs. them’ frame with the
girl you’re talking with (“Think we’ll get yelled at again?”) while at the same time not
passing explicit judgment on the agitated girl. Instead you make light of the
situation itself, and not so much the people involved.

4. Switch the tone, not the content. One of the reasons some men think
being positive doesn’t work that well is because when they switch from negative to
positive, they leave their fun/sexy content behind and go with neutral vanilla content
instead. “I hate girls who suck at massages,” while somewhat cynical, is sexual and
gets her thinking about giving you a massage; if you trade that for “There’s this
restaurant in Old Town that is absolutely fantastic”, while it’s positive, it has none of
the visual/sexual benefits.
The goal is not to become positive-yet-vanilla; it’s to be positive-yet-saucy. “Nothing
beats a girl who gives a good massage” wins here. It also makes her more
comfortable admitting she doesn’t know how to give a good massage, if she doesn’t,
since she doesn’t fear being judged... At which point you can simply say, “Oh, don’t
you? It’s simple to learn. There are really just a few key techniques. Here, give me
your hands, I’ll show you.”

5. Use great visuals. Another too-neutral positivity problem guys run into is
crummy visuals. Contrast “I love a great pizza”, which is positive, but pretty neutral.
Versus “I love a great pizza... biting into it and you get hot tomato sauce squirting
all over your mouth, and the crunchy crust between your teeth, and the soft, molten
cheese on your tongue. It’s delicious.” With good visuals, you can use a positive
statement to paint sensual, pleasurable images in her mind and get her to think in a
primal way. Try doing that with “Terrible pizza sucks” – unless you switch to the
positive after the complaint, there’s no way to reach good visuals.
Let me note here: there are some women who run away from lightbringers. These are the
most jaded, cynical, dark-hearted girls out there. They shy away from a man who brings
light the way vampires shrink from sunshine. If you switch from dark to light, you may find
these girls stop liking you.
However, the women you miss out on from making this switch tend to be the ones who
have the worst, most negative effects upon your life. These are the girls most likely to suck
you into the whirlwind of chaos or cause other (major) headaches for you. They’re
chicks with major personality defects, abusive pasts, etc.
So, while it’s a loss, it is, in my opinion, overall an acceptable loss. And by and large
actually not a loss at all, but rather a net gain. Even if the only change from switching from
dark to light was less troublesome women (and it’s not the only change; we’ll cover a big
woman boon in just a second), screening out the women most likely to make your
life miserable is a coup, if you ask me.
On the upside of making this switch, you gain much more success with positive-leaning
girls. And even a lot of dark side girls will like you more, since, while the darkest of the dark
want to remain hidden in shadow, girls who are only somewhat dark tend to instinctually
seek out light-side men to help bring them out of the darkness. Except for those in the
absolute pits, most people do not want to stay in the dark, and if they’re there they are
there only because they don’t know how to get out.
The benefits of going ‘light side’ stretch far beyond dating and women, of course. A can-do
spirit that better enables you to achieve the outcomes you desire, better relationships with
friends and family, and a large degree of mental resilience that lets you deflect life’s slings
and arrows rather than taking them to the torso (or knee). Going light side is life altering; I
attribute much of what I’ve done for myself since 2004 with the work I did to shed my dark
side aspects. I still have some dark bits that linger around the corners, and poke their
heads up at inopportune moments, but being mostly darkness-free is liberating.
Still worthwhile to be able to leverage the dark side when needed, in my opinion.
Sometimes you must fight fire with fire. You can’t always (or even all that often) Gandhi
your way to victory.
But for dating, most of the time, with most women, a strong bringer of light
beats a strong bringer of dark.
Of course, should you make the switch, be careful not to go neutral/vanilla – it’s the biggest
common mistake of men who seek to shed their darker sides. The key is to be the
lightbringer who is also confident and sexy; that’s where you climb the highest mountains
of women, achieve the best quality women, and get the women who’ll stick around with
you, long term.
Chase

Abo

The Natural Mindset:

Taking More Pleasure from
Hook Ups
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By Chase Amante
a1
Note before we get started: this one’s more for intermediate and up guys who are
running into this issue. For guys who are beginners, stick with treating your interactions
with women more “mechanistically” and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and
goals you’re trying to accomplish and milestones you’re trying to pass – you’ll learn a lot
faster that way. Think of this article as “switching to natural... once you’re already fairly
good.”

A reader named Robert writes in:

“I have a question, hope you guys can

answer it for me!

I have pretty solid game, can get girls,

move things forwards etc.. etc...

Where I stumble is in my own experience of

the whole interaction- MY attraction to
HER! Is it because I’m not going for hot
enough girls? I’ll get super turned on when
the situation is still unclear, and sex is not
guaranteed. But then once I am pretty sure
it’s gonna happen, I will lead her to it, but
my arousal is wayyy less than
earlier/before the interaction.

My thoughts are I should try to escalate as

I feel the tension, in slow, somewhat intense
and subtle ways... focusing more on the
vibe and staying with it. Or perhaps
convince myself that sex is not guaranteed yet? Or is this a sign that I am simply
trying to pump my own ego, and the attraction isn’t real to begin with?”
Ah, yes. An all too common issue of the developing seducer: why does reaching the point
where she’s ready to go to bed with you kill all your interest in the sex?
The instant it’s unequivocally clear that yes, she DOES want to go to bed with you, and
WILL go to bed with you – POOF! All the crazy desire you had to go to bed with her up
until that point just vanishes.
Where did it go, and why does this happen?

IN IT TO WIN IT
Many of the men who get good with women are hedonists to the extreme; they live in the
moment, they live for right now, and there is nothing they love more than pleasure.
For such a man, this issue does not normally manifest, because the pleasure itself is the
goal; no pleasure, no happy. His motivation carries him through to intimacy nearly every
time.
However, there is another sort of man who pursues superior aptitude with women as well,
and that is the achievement-focused man. This man is not as responsive to pleasure –
maybe his brain is just wired differently, or his nerve endings are not as sensitive – and so
gets more enjoyment out of ticking achievements off of his list than he does burying
himself in sensation.
The problem that this man encounters is if his internal “scoring system” is set up in a way
that “she wants it and I could get it” is almost equal to “I got it.”
In this case, opportunity cost calculations kick in, the man looks at the scenario, and says,
“I could have it, so I get the achievement. And besides the achievement, there isn’t really
anything else here I’m interested in.”
Then he eases up on the accelerator, hits the off-ramp from the sexual highway, and turns
off the road to call it a night and go head back home.
Only later does he reassess and say to himself, “Man, I had that girl and I let her go
because I figured I had her already and then I just didn’t bother pursuing it anymore. And
as a result, I didn’t get her! What is wrong with me?”
What’s wrong is that his rational priorities and his emotional priorities are not inline, and
until they are, he’ll continue to have these frustrating episodes.

DECISION TIME
When you notice this happening to yourself, you’ve effectively come upon a moment in
need of a decision. Your rational objectives and emotional objectives are mismatched, and
you’re going to keep running into the frustrating disconnect of part of you wanting you to
do one thing while another part compels you to do another.
So do you want to:
1. Change your rational objective to match your emotional one (e.g.: I only care about
sleeping with women I’m really into, so I’m going to leave off going for women I’m
less into from here on out)
 2. Change your emotional objective to match your rational one (e.g.: I’m going to shift
my emotions to really enjoy sleeping with women even if they aren’t exactly my
ideal)
This is a “different strokes for different folks” moment. Also depends on where you are and
what you’re trying to do.
Personally, for personal growth reasons, I’d recommend the second path, because it
opens you up to a lot more experiences and isn’t going to negatively affect the caliber of
girlfriend you end up with anyway (as confidence and sexual success goes up, standards for
casual flings go down while girlfriend criteria remain the same) – if anything, the range of
experiences will continue to help you refine your skill set with women while making those
women you do really click with stand in contrast to the more everyday gals you sleep with
all the more clearly.
However, maybe you’re satisfied your abilities with women are sufficient, and reaching a
point where you honestly enjoy casual flings even with girls who are just marginally cute to
you instead of only going for girls you’re really excited about isn’t something you have
much real desire to attain when you sit down and think about it.
If that’s the case, the way forward’s pretty clear – just focus your energies in life on
something else and quit worrying about trying to pick up every girl you see. Don’t break
those skills out until you cross paths with a woman who really excites you.
You’ll probably have a wind-down period where your old mental programming is still telling
you to go for girls who aren’t your ideal and maybe you’ll feel a little bad if you don’t –
don’t try to talk yourself out of it, since that only breeds mental blowback; instead just say
something like, “Well if I’m that excited about that girl, maybe next time I should go for
girls like her,” and either you will resolve to do so next time, or you’ll realize that actually,
no, I don’t really want girls like her, and it’ll bother you no more.

BECOMING THE SOMETIMES-HEDONIST

Let’s say you’d like to bring your emotional objectives more inline with your rational ones,
though.
You don’t want to be emotionally satisfied at “knowing you could have her” anymore, but
instead you want to become the man who truly is in it for the sex – he’s in it for the woman
herself; having her, enjoying her, experiencing her... not for the satisfaction of knowing
that she wants him bad enough that he “could have her” if he wanted to, while in real life
he just walks away from her.
How do you do this?
The biggest factors in this, so far as I can tell, are:

1. Freeing yourself from a mechanical approach to

seduction. You’re much better able to enjoy everything when it’s a seamless,
natural progression for you rather than a series of steps you are consciously trying
to navigate.

2. Freeing yourself from a “she reflects on me” view. The other one is
viewing the women you sleep with as reflecting upon you, which I think is
something all non-naturally hedonistic men tend to do at the outset. It might be
because of spending one’s formative adolescent years without an abundance of
women perhaps, or it might just be a lack of absolute abundance and a fear of
being sucked into a relationship with a woman who isn’t your ideal. Either way, once
you reach absolute abundance and you know you can go out and get a girlfriend-
caliber girl pretty much whenever you want, you quit worrying about a girl you just
wanted to share a night with “trapping” you, because that stops being able to
happen if you don’t want it to.

3. Viewing women more sexually. Here’s another one that I think contributes
to the mentality, or at least contributed to my personal formation of it. One of the
first articles on this site was “Picture the Conquest”, a post I made when I was in
 the middle of making this transition myself. I started spending more time imagining
the women around me with their clothes off when I was out and about, to sexualize
women much more. I realized that, at the time, I was viewing most of the women I
interacted with as this sexless “people”, and only getting turned on automatically by
women I clicked with extremely well. What if you could train myself to click that way
with almost every girl? That’s where “Picture the Conquest” came from, and the
mindset shift for me was a big help.
So. Of these, focusing on really sexualizing all the women around you that you run into
mentally is the most easily actionable. Moving from a mechanistic view of seduction to a
fluid one is a fair bit harder, because you’ve actually got to more or less master the
meeting-to-mating process before you can make that switch; and absolute abundance is of
course arguably just as hard, though you don’t necessarily need one to get the other (don’t
need a fluid, natural seduction process to get absolute abundance, nor do you need
absolute abundance to get a fully fluid process down).
Oh, and, there’s one other one that’s quite possibly the most actionable of the bunch, and
can get you at least sleeping with women instead of passing up encounters because you
get lazy and don’t want it anymore once you’ve “won” (of course, we both know that
thinking you could get a girl if you just closed things out and actually getting the girl are
worlds apart). That actionable item is:

4. Invite her home.

If she’s ready to go, invite her home.

You indifferent about it at this point? Doesn’t matter – invite her home.
You get into this habit, you start to do it automatically. You don’t even think about it
anymore.
Then, once she’s home, you get into the habit of making a move within 10 minutes. That
prevents you from going, “Eh, I don’t really want it, so I’ll just sit here and chicken out and
not make a move and tell myself it’s because I’m not really feeling it when actually I’m just
afraid I’ll go for it and she’ll say ‘no’.”
Once those habits are in place, you are at least racking up more experiences and beating
yourself up less for passing up girls you could have had but got indifferent once you
thought you had them.
Something else happens too – you realize that some of those girls you thought you “had”
maybe you didn’t really have after all... because once you start inviting women home and
inviting them to bed with you you realize that, at least before you’re razor sharp at this,
you’ll still fumble a lot of lays anyway, and maybe some of those layups weren’t the layups
you thought. Only experience can truly tell you.

BENEFITS OF THE SOMETIMES-HEDONIST

 Well, anyway – why would you want to be a
“sometimes hedonist” like this who honestly
enjoys sleeping with all kinds of women purely for
the sex and connection itself, and not the winning
or achievement?
For me, I think it’s freeing. Knowing that you can
go out and meet some cute girl and legitimately
fully enjoy immersing yourself into a fresh sexual
experience with her, and give her an equally
enjoyable time – it feels good. The world feels
like a much warmer, friendlier place when you
can do this.
Also, it makes you a far
more empathetic person. When you’re dealing
with seduction mechanistically and becoming
indifferent to women once you’ve “won”, you’re
stuck in a paradigm where you’re viewing things
from a totally piecemeal perspective... it’s not
actually about the fusion of you and this girl, it’s
about beating the levels of the game, and once
you feel like you’ve got the “W” if you keep
playing, you get bored and leave. If you transition
to a mentality where it’s not a series of levels or milestones but, rather, a coming together
of two souls and two bodies (and a heck of a lot of pleasure), you start seeing women as
women; as these individual people with their wants and needs and insecurities and fears a
lot more, and you care about them more and you want to make them feel good about
themselves... with your attention and your sex.
Finally, it makes you just a looser, cooler, less uptight individual. I mean, who’s more
badass: the guy who says, “I can only enjoy myself when having sex with my equal,” or the
guy who says, “I enjoy intimacy with all kinds of women; so long as I find her pretty... or
find something about her I find pretty... for me, that’s enough.” No contest, right?
That “coolness” factor is because we sense something about these two guys; one has made
his peace with himself and womankind, while the other still needs to protect himself by
constructing mental walls to guard against something he can’t quite articulate.
Learning to become a sometimes-hedonist with women isn’t like becoming a full-on
hedonist whose life revolves around getting laid either. It just means you can enjoy it a
lot more when you choose to indulge.
The real advantage is just the freedom: to be able to get together with a girl and fully
enjoy it, even if she’s more average-girl-on-the-street material than she is girl-of-your-
dreams material. That’s a nice feeling.
Chase
 The 7 Unspoken Rules of
Casual Sex
Whether it’s a friends-with-benefits situation or a Tinder date gone right,
here’s how to ensure everyone wakes up happy the next morning.
BY

SOPHI A BENOIT

August 12, 2019

Simon Abranowicz


While it goes against conventional wisdom, I’m a staunch opponent of the idea that
sex is always better with someone you love. To me, sex is like basketball: a pleasurable
activity you can do with alone or with others, with varying degrees of formality. And
pickup basketball can be quite invigorating.

After four years with an exclusive, committed partner, they usually know at least four to
six things that you reliably like doing. You’ve likely brought up your kinks and turn offs.
You’re unafraid to say “one inch to the left.” But sex with the same person, with whom
you currently have a minor standoff going over who’s going to call the landlord about
the water spot in the ceiling in the kitchen, can also become rote in a way casual sex
cannot.

Casual sex, of course, can suffer from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion—we all
have lackluster one night stand stories. But casual sex offers novelty. In the same way
that it’s fun to stay in a hotel, even if you have no desire to live there, there’s something
inherently sexy about getting down and dirty with a new person.

WATCH

Roman Reigns Goes Undercover on Reddit, Twitter and Quora

Because the delicate bubble of casual sex is very easily burst, here are some guidelines
for making casual sex… well, casual.

Make like the Boy Scouts and be prepared.

If you’re in the market for casual hookups, always operate under the assumption that
you two will be heading back to your place at the end of the night. Even though you’ll
inevitably end up staying elsewhere from time-to-time, casualness is something that you
should exude through your attitude, not your apartment’s cleanliness level, so best to
just be prepared. Own more than one towel. Own at least as many pillows as there are
sex participants. The amenities don’t need to be expensive or luxurious—you’re not
opening a spa—but you definitely want your guests to feel comfortable. Perhaps the
most important thing to have on hand? Condoms. You’re definitely going to need a stash
of those. None of this hemming and hawing about how it feels better without one—if
that’s you, then do yourself a favor and buy some better ones. Buy 17 different kinds so
you can switch it up every night! I don’t care. If you’re having casual sex, accept that
condoms will always be part of that equation.

Keep it light.

Casual sex, like a delicate mousse, is deceptively complex to get right, easily ruined by
over-mixing, and—most importantly—best enjoyed when it’s light and fluffy. The point
is, this isn’t the time nor the place for conversations about how you’re coping with your
dad’s new girlfriend post your mom’s abrupt move to Barbados. Casual hookups can be
militantly Sex-Only, or they can involve a drink or two at a nice bar with some Michelob
Light-grade conversation. This is an occasion in which normally-lackluster topics like
“Where did you grow up?” and “What do you do?” really shine. Now, this isn’t an
invitation to be boring or taciturn, it’s just a plea for you to keep it easy-breezy. Ask
about movies, books, or music if you want, but don’t try to peacock about your Bitcoin
investment or SAT scores. Smoke a bowl. Invite someone over and tell them a little too
much about red wine flavor profiles, which you learned from YouTube videos. Show
them a video of your dog trying to climb a tree to get a squirrel. Avoid digging deeper.

This goes for activities as well as conversation. Don’t suggest hangs that can be easily
misconstrued as a date—sit-down meals, movies, museums, and the like. That’s not
keeping it casual. That’s a non-exclusive relationship. Or, more likely, one person
gearing up to want more than casual sex.

Don’t get fancy with the spices.

There is a scene in Ratatouille that no one outside of my family remembers, in which

Linguini accuses Remy (the rat chef) of “getting fancy with the spices.” In familial
parlance it’s become shorthand for going overboard out of desperation to do well. Casual
sex is not the place to try things with which you don’t already have a baseline comfort
level. There’s a huge difference between, “I’ve never had sex in a car, wanna help me
out?” and “Let’s dabble in BDSM tonight.” Being up for anything—a good outlook when
it comes to casual sex—really means, “up for fairly common sex acts that we’re both
comfortable with, perhaps with minor, fun twists.” It doesn’t mean you need to test
drive your kinkiest fantasies.

Ask the hard questions after hookup #2

If you hook up with someone one time—say from a dating app, or a tipsy make out with
a long-time acquaintance after your mutual friend’s house party—you don't need to
debrief the next day. The sine qua non of one-time sex is that it requires so little of us. If,
however, you two fall into the horny pattern of repeating your no-strings boning, you
need to establish some boundaries, especially if you ever see one another outside of the
bedroom. At this point, you need to say something like, “Are you cool with keeping this
casual? No big deal if you aren’t, I just want to be on the same page because that’s what
I’m looking for.” And then if you crazy kids continue to engage in unattached
sexcapades, set more specific rules from there, and accept that it won’t be the last time
you talk about them. Casual sex does require some work after all.

Don’t linger.

Prolonged proximity leads to intimacy, whether you like it or not. If you hang out with
someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly
sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam! The next
thing you know, you’re at CVS getting them a cheesy Valentine's Day card. I’m not
suggesting you grab your pants and do a Mission Impossible dive out the nearest 5-story
window the moment you’re finished coming. I’m just saying that breakfast is intimate,
as is cuddling together for hours watching Tuca & Bertie, and intimacy and casualness
tend to extinguish one another.
Read the room.

Most hookups don’t start with someone coming up to another person and asking,
“Would you be down to have some sex tonight with no expectations for the future and
no commitment whatsoever? I’m thinking we do it for about 4-6 months and let slowly
let it taper out as we find other people that we’re actually into.” That’s not to discourage
you from being open or direct, but to warn you of what casual sex requires. (Like all sex,
it requires full, enthusiastic consent). In a casual relationship, however, someone may
never explicitly end things with you. They may never tell you that they don’t want you to
stay over after sex. If they’re a friend or acquaintance, you both may have to renegotiate
your friendship a bit after you’ve slept together. You may need to navigate weird
situations like what role you play at their birthday. Part of the agreement is
that because things are so casual, a lot of communication is done with broad strokes and
surface-level emotions, rather than long, sit-down, emotional conversations. Don’t ask
for that, and don’t expect it.

Don’t make it weird.

This is the number one rule actually. You two aren’t dating, you don’t get a say on what
they do or what they wear or who else they have relationships with. (I mean, you don’t
get a say on what your partner wears when you’re dating, either). You only get to
set your boundaries, and hopefully that meshes with their expectations too. Don’t get
possesive. Don’t religiously stalk their Instagram. Don’t publicize that you two are
hooking up. Don’t start going the extra mile by offering to pick up their parents from the
airport, which sets up a dynamic that once again replicates dating. Just be cool, put in a
moderate amount of effort, and have fun.
Are You Anxiousexual?
When you are too stressed to even think about sex.

BY

LAUREN L ARSON

ASK DR. NERDLOVE

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Can I

Have More Casual Hookups?

Harris O'Malley

8/25/17 1:00pm

162.0K
20910

Image via Shutterstock

Hello all you Twitternet meat hordes, and welcome to Ask Dr. NerdLove, the only dating
advice column whose pre-orders are only available at 1 AM.

This week, it’s all about sex: who wants it, who doesn’t, where to find it and whether
deciding to wait on it is a losing proposition when it comes to dating. What are the best
practices when it comes to finding a no-strings attached hook-up? (We’ve covered this
ground in the past, but it’s a common question.) Is deciding to wait until marriage going
to make it harder to find dates?

You’re going to be waiting in line at GameStop anyway, so it’s time to shine up the old
brown shoes and put on a brand new shirt. Let’s do this thing:

Dear Doc,

I would like to get laid more often, but I don’t know how.
I didn’t have sex in high school, I barely had sex in college, and while I’m
more active now, it’s not nearly as frequent as I would like it to be. I have a
high sex drive which makes it tough to deal. I “take care” of myself as much
as I can within reason, but sometimes you just need to tango with a partner.

Here’s my real problem though: I’m terrible at casual sex, by which I mean
I’m terrible at making it happen. I suck at Tinder and Bumble (I didn’t know
guys could even suck at Bumble but I found a way), and I can’t ever seem to
seal the deal in clubs or parties. I’m not really eye candy, and I have trouble
standing out and making an impression in those scenarios. I’m a
conversationalist, and I usually come across better in talking scenarios.
Problem is, the type of people who are into one night stands or casual sex
typically hang out in clubs or on Tinder, where my game is wack. I’ve
thought about taking to Craigslist but I’ve had very little luck there finding
casual situations that don’t require a “donation”.

Meanwhile I need it bad and I have no idea what to do about it. Am I just
going to have to get better at standing out in clubs? Do I need to boost my
Tinder profile? Or is there a way for me to meet like minded people where
I’m in my element?

Sincerely,
Needs it bad

Alright, NIB, I have a question for you: are you looking for a no-strings attached hook-
up (or series of hook-ups), or are you hoping for something tonight? Because right now
it seems like you’re conflating the two and that’s a mistake.

There’s a difference between casual sex in general and one-night stands. Casual sex is
just sex without the expectation of a committed relationship. Women who’re up for a
casual hook-up aren’t necessarily going to be up for a one-night stand and people who’re
up for one-night stands may want relationships.

The mistake you’re making is that you’re asking about “where”, when you
should really be asking “why.” Specifically: why would a woman be interested in
hooking up with you? Because, quite frankly, women who’re interested in casual sex—
whether it’s a one-off hook-up or a fuckbuddy relationship—are everywhere. They’re
not just on Tinder or at the club or at singles bars. They’re on OKCupid. They’re at
Barnes and Noble. They’re at that subdued house-party with the red wine and hummus.
They’re standing in line with you for your morning latte. Women are just as into casual
sex as men are. It’s just that most of the time, their potential partners are turning them
off.

Everyone’s heard of the Clarke/Hatfield study—the one that had attractive research
assistants approaching members of the opposite sex on college campuses and asking
“Would you like to go to bed with me?” Almost every guy approached by women would
say “hell yes,” because this is how pornos start. Almost every woman approached by
men said “hell NO”... not because they, as a gender, are averse to foolin’ around but
because dick coming out of the clear blue sky—or out of a dating app—is generally not
dick they’re going to want.

Sex has risks for women that it simply doesn’t have for men, from pregnancy to an
increased risk of sexually-transmitted infections and sexual assault to old-fashioned
slut-shaming. When you control for those risks, then women’s interest in maybe
banging out with a stranger rise. Scientists at the University of Mainz found that when
their physical safety and privacy was assured, women were far more interested in some
NSA nookie.

But it’s more than just being safe — the sex needs to be worth it. Dr. Terri Conley found
that the more skilled a woman perceived her potential paramour to be, the more likely
she would be to hook up with him. Guys, after all, are almost guaranteed to orgasm
during sex. Hetero women… aren’t. In fact, less than 68% of straight women achieve
orgasm during penetrative sex and that number goes down during one-night stands.
There are a lot of guys who see sex with a stranger and think “well, since I’m not going to
see her again, there’s no need to put in any effort.” And then, just to add the lime kiss of
“fuck you” to offset the bottom-shelf jug tequila of lousy sex, some guys will turn around
and call her a whore for letting him sleep with her.

Small wonder why a lot of women aren’t that inclined to fuck Johnny Rando. The sex
just isn’t going to be good enough to make it worth taking the chance. And frankly, a lot
of dudes advertise that they suck at sex. Guys who “flirt” by turning every conversation
sexual, who use high-pressure tactics from whatever dodgy subreddit they turned to,
even the fedora-tipping M’lady-ing Nice Guys are all proudly displaying their lack of
bedroom skills like the tail of the saddest peacock in the word.

Apps like OKCupid and Tinder aren’t much better. Allow me to illustrate the common
experience that women have as soon as they open an online dating app:

Whether it’s in person or online, those are all great indicators that the guy couldn’t care
less about the person they’re trying to hook up with; they just see her as a convenient
hole for their pole. And while there will be times when people are cool with being
objectified, having somebody signal “I see you as an animated Real Doll” is a pretty good
indication that the sex is going to be fucking awful.

Considering how many of those same dudes will immediately turn around and yell about
how she’s old/fat/ugly/a whore and they wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick… well,
that’s less of a the offer of a hook-up and more 5 minutes that she’ll never get back.

This brings us back to you, NIB. Now that you know a little about why women do — and
don’t — say yes to casual sex, let’s make an action plan for you. The first thing is that you
need to change your focus a little. You’re going to find women who’re up for a casual
relationship… but you’re going to do it differently than you had been before.
Start with ditching clubs and bars. Yeah, there’re people who’re open to hooking up
there, but if you aren’t comfortable in that environment, you’re gonna have a miserable
time and that’s going to salt your game. You’ll do better at parties — not raging keggers,
but lower key get-togethers that’ll play to your strengths. You know you do better when
you can talk, so prioritize meeting women in places where you can have conversations.

You should also prioritize OKCupid over Tinder. While Tinder may have the reputation
of a hook-up app, OKCupid also has plenty of people who are interested in casual sex
and is structured in a way that lets you connect with people over more than just your
pictures.

The next thing that you’re going to do is focus less on getting laid right then and there.
Yeah, I know you’re horny and your junk is screaming “nownownownow” but a little
time and care is going to serve you far better than rushing things, especially if you’re not
experienced with getting same-night hook-ups.

A woman may well be up for hooking up with someone without wanting to date, but that
doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to bone within an hour of meeting. Even
someone who is openly and explicitly looking for casual sex isn’t going to appreciate
somebody who treats her like a sex ATM. The dudes who open a Tinder conversation
with “Can I fuck your tits?”, the ones who slide into DMs asking for nudes and the
grabby bros at bars are all trying to speed-run getting laid and that’s part of what’s
turning women off.

You need to give her a little time to feel comfortable with you and decide that she’s
interested in going to bed with you. Sometimes that can take as little as 20 minutes.
Sometimes that can take a day or two—or a couple dates.

So you need to slow your roll a bit. Going on a date or two and getting to know her as
a person is going to work a lot better for you than trying to glitch your way to the final
stage right from the jump. Date, flirt in a low-key manner, have an amazing date (or
dates) and let her get to know you as an awesome, fun guy. The guy who makes her feel
good in general is going to be someone who she’s going to want to spend time with…
including naked time.

(Just remember: exciting beats pleasant when it comes to dates. This means that
“dinner and a movie” is not on the table. Go for a bike ride. Race go-karts. Do something
fun that gets your heart-rate up.)

And while you’re at it: put some effort into yourself. There is a lot of surprisingly simple
things that you can do that make you sexier. A guy who dresses like he just got off work
at Best Buy isn’t going to be sending up the Studly GoodNight signal, nor is someone
who’s doused himself in Axe. Presentation is a big part of showing that you’re worth
banging.

TL;DR: a little less focus on “Take Me Home Tonight” and a little more on connecting
with people. It may not be as immediate as trying to get a hook-up in a dingy club
bathroom, but you’ll have a better success rate… and better sex overall.

Good luck.

Hey Doc Nerdlove,

First off, let me say I’m a fan of your column. I read it whenever it posts,
and you usually have good information and alternate perspectives I
wouldn’t have considered on my own. I think you do a good job, and if
nothing else, it’s entertaining.

With regard to that, I think I have a problem, and I’m wondering if you
could provide some insight to help me out. Some pertinent information
about me: I’m your standard heterosexual dude, in my late 20s. I have a
good job and career outlook, am financially comfortable, own my home,
and have a couple of nice vehicles. I was raised as a Southern gentleman, do
my utmost to always present myself as such, and I consider myself
reasonably attractive, at least as far as mainstream conventions would have
you think. I’m happy with who I am, and near as I can tell I’m the textbook
definition of mental health.

All sounds good and well in order, right? Here’s the thing: I’m still a virgin,
and I’m almost positive it’s crippling my love life, to the point of killing it
outright. I don’t have a problem getting a date (I do the online thing). I have
a problem with maintaining a woman’s interest, and after careful
introspection of every other facet of my personality, life situation, and
mannerisms, I have to conclude my lack of sexual experience is the issue.
Shortly after the subject of sex is broached with someone, whenever that
may be, and I talk about myself, things always taper off one way or another.
Most often all contact will simply drop off, which is preceded by the woman
expressing discomfort or disbelief about my status. I’ve never had someone
tell me explicitly “I won’t date you because you’re a virgin”, but that’s the
only conclusion I can make.

I’ve been single for about 7 years now, alternating between periods of
actively trying to date and putting romance aside for my job or hobbies.
Lately I’ve been feeling pretty self conscious about it, what with 30 not too
far away, and friends/family asking questions and making comments.

As to why I’m a virgin, my ideas and opinions have changed over the years,
but the most prevalent driving thought has always been that when (if?) I do
get married, I want my wife to have everything I have to offer, including
that small, special piece of me that is my first time. When I dredge up that
memory in the future, I want to think about the woman I married, and no
one else. I want to add a very clear caveat here in that I don’t think less of
anyone who is sexually active, regardless of circumstance. That’s your life,
and I’m not going to judge. A woman’s “history”, which is most certainly not
my business anyway, is irrelevant to me, so long as she’s genuinely
interested in me.

My question to you, Doc, is what do you think about my perceived problem?

Am I missing something about myself? Am I simply going about looking for
someone the wrong way? Do I have a problem at all? I think empirical data
would prove as much, but maybe it’s just all in my head?

Should I give up on the idea of saving myself altogether, and simply yield to
the cultural norm in order to improve my odds? How would you say most
people contextualize sex anyway; is it a legitimate physical need, or a means
of emotional bonding, an expression of feeling, or perhaps something else?
I’d appreciate any help you’d be willing to provide, and in any case, if you
actually read this, thanks for your time.

Yours Most Sincerely,

Lonely and Wondering

The issue isn’t that you’re a virgin, LaW, the issue is why you’re a virgin. There are
plenty of women out there who’re ok with a guy who’s a virgin - hell, there are some
who’re turned on by it. The fact that you’re wanting to wait until marriage that’s the
most likely culprit.

The first issue is that, frankly, dudes who’re focused on waiting until marriage tend to
have less than desirable attitudes about women and women’s sexuality. Yeah, that’s not
you… but most women have encountered slut-shaming assholes or gone through
“abstinence-only” educational seminars and the association is going to turn them off
faster than a cold sewage shower.
The second issue is that most people aren’t going to want to wait. Sex and sexual
compatibility are vital parts of a relationship. You ask if sex is a physical need, emotional
bonding or an expression of emotion or something more; the answer is “yes”. It’s any
single one of those and all of the above and more. Most people want to have sex with the
person they’re in a relationship with and they’re going to see artificial limitations on it as
a deal breaker.

Should you give up on your ideals? That’s up to you man. Literally every man I’ve ever
known, only two were virgins until marriage (and frankly, one of them only squeaked in
under a technicality).

If you want my strict opinion, I think it’s a poor decision to choose to wait. There is
a lot about yourself, sexually, that you simply aren’t going to know until you’ve
experienced it, and that knowledge is going to affect your relationship with your partner
or partners. Neither will waiting until marriage ensure that this will be
your only partner. You can’t divorce-proof your relationship by waiting, nor does having
sex before marriage (or engagement, for that matter) doom things. Plus: waiting until
after your break-up requires lawyers is a bad time to find out that the two of you don’t
sync sexually.

Just as importantly: the fact that someone is your only partner or your hundredth isn’t
going to make them any more or less special, nor will it make you less special to them.
There will be a lifetime of experiences that’ll make them stand out in your mind.

At the end of the day, choices have consequences, and only you can decide if those
consequences are worth it. In your case, choosing to wait until marriage is going
to drastically reduce your dating pool… like, to single digits. Fewer than 10% of women
have not had premarital sex, and while their virginity may not matter to you, it’s also an
indicator of how they’re going to feel about your waiting.
If you want to stick to it, then you’re going to want to focus on women who share your
views about virginity. Meeting women at church, religiously affiliated meet-ups and sites
like Christian Mingle are going to be your best options; you’re far more likely to find
women who’ll be OK with waiting than if you’re trying to shotgun your way through the
general population.

But like I said, that’s all up to you. I’m not gonna lie: waiting until marriage means that
you’re likely to be waiting a long time, my dude. If that’s a price you’re willing to pay,
then more power to you.

Good luck.

Do you have a one-night stand story to share? Were you a virgin until marriage?
Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. And meanwhile, we’ll be back
with more of your questions in two weeks.

Ask Dr. Nerdlove is Kotaku’s bi-weekly dating column, hosted by the one and only Harris O’Malley, AKA

Dr. NerdLove. Got a question you’d like answered? Writedoc@doctornerdlove.com and put “Kotaku” in

the subject line

Harris O’Malley is a writer and dating coach who provides geek dating advice at his blogPaging Dr.

NerdLove and the Dr. NerdLove podcast. His new dating guide New Game+: The Geek’s Guide to Love,

Sex and Dating is out now from Amazon, iTunes and everywhere fine books are sold He is also a regular

guest at One Of Us.

He can be found dispensing snark and advice on Facebook and on Twitter at @DrNerdLove.
0 Steps to Getting Casual Sex Right
09/30/2015 06:08 pm ET Updated Sep 30, 2016

Couple making love in bed with white sheets



At least half of all problems associated with casual sex can be traced back to
its name: People think that “casual” means the sex takes no thought and fits
as comfortably as sweatpants. But the truth is, you have to date for years
before sex gets like that. (Monogamy does have a few benefits, after all!)

In fact, this is one of the reasons why the two of us often refer to casual sex
as recreational sex instead — or rec sex for short. It’s a kinder, gentler term,
making us think of sex on a picnic blanket — as opposed to the term casual,
which makes us think of people being sloppy-drunk and mean.

REAL LIFE. REAL NEWS. REAL VOICES.

Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain
unheard.
Support HuffPost
Here are ten steps to getting recreational sex right:
1. Be Nice
Just because you’re never going to see someone again doesn’t mean that
your manners should fly out the window.

2. Don’t Worry So Much About Inner Beauty

One of the best things about casual sex is that you can forget all about soul-
mates and long-term compatibility and just focus on a pure, chemical
connection: You can sleep with someone just because you like their accent,
for example. Or you can sleep with someone who is far too young — or too
old — for you. And you can enjoy a guilt-free rendezvous with someone who
has a surplus of outer beauty but is somewhat lacking in other departments.

3. Be Honest
Just because you’re doing away with guilt, doesn’t mean you should do away
with honesty, too. Don’t ever lie about your intentions to get someone into
bed. Man up — or woman up — and admit you’re just looking for a roll in the
hay. And never give a fake number or ask for a number you have no intention
of calling.

4. Be a Decent Host...Or At Least a Polite Guest

We don’t care how casual the hookup, it’s just plain rude to kick someone to
the curb at 5 a.m. Let them sleep over. And make them a decent cup of
coffee in the morning. That said, be aware that snuggling for more than 15
minutes may send a mixed message — but that said, don’t be confused if
your one-night stand wants to spoon all night. Some people like a little casual
intimacy on the side. If you hate to spoon strangers, then go back to your
hook-up’s place instead, so you can sneak out at 5 a.m. And be sure to leave
a cheery note; phone number not required.

5. Be Safe
Always always always use protection correctly. And know that condoms may
not always protect you from everything (herpes, HPV...), so ask questions too
(e.g. “Do you always use protection?” and “When’s the last time you were
tested?”). Oh, yeah, and don’t let a complete stranger tie you up during sex,
either!

6. Don’t Be Yourself (Unless You Feel Like It)

Your one-night stand has no idea what you’re usually like in bed... so take
advantage of this and don’t be your usual self! Casual sex is the perfect
excuse to reinvent yourself sexually — to be extra dirty or to try something
new. In other words, to potentially make an ass of yourself, because your
flavor of the moment has no idea what you’re usually like in bed and will
probably never see you again. Remember, too much missionary is missing
the point. Women especially may relish this freedom.

7. Hold the Romance

The following activities are not appropriate foreplay during casual sex:
drawing a bubble bath in a candle-lit bathroom; reciting your poetry; playing
love songs on your guitar. Remember, a casual encounter is too fleeting and
flimsy to bear the weight of such romance-laden activities — save those for
your monogamous partner, who has no choice but to listen to your “modern
take” on Extreme’s “More Than Words.”

8. Keep Things Light

Don’t talk about any prescription drugs you may be hooked on or what your
therapist thinks of casual sex or how your parents’ divorce affects your ability
to sustain a relationship.

9. Be a Grownup
When it comes to the sex, don’t sulk if you don’t get everything you asked
Santa for — only people in relationships are allowed to complain when things
don’t go their way in bed (and even then they should stop focusing on the
negative and just be grateful someone puts up with them). Just because
casual sex is supposed to be fun, doesn’t mean it comes with a money-back
guarantee—nor is it necessarily consequence-free (especially if you don’t
wrap up). In fact, it can often be just as complicated as a relationship, if more
fleeting: the heartache, the jealousy, the awkward brunches, the unreturned
phone calls, the bloopers, the bad pick-up lines, the hangovers, the STDs,
and the earnest attempts to stave off soul-sucking loneliness by simply
connecting with another human being.

10. Have Fun, Goddammit!

Enjoying casual sex doesn’t mean you don’t take sex seriously—it just means
you enjoy a romp in multiple contexts. If you’re not having a laugh, then you’re
missing the point.

Want your next casual encounter to be dirtier?

5 Ways to Spice Up a One-Night Stand

photo via Pixabay

How to Hookup on Tinder (A

Woman’s Guide)
Maria MontgomeryJuly 10, 2019
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Do you want to get laid on Tinder?

Hooking up on Tinder is not a rocket science, but there are dos and don’ts if you
want to up your game, or have any game at all.

But, who am I to tell you how to hookup on Tinder?

Someone who has written more dating advice articles than you’d ever care to
read. OK, but still, who am I to do that?

I’ve used Tinder, on and off, for about two years. I got a message a few days back
saying that I’ve had 25k likes on my profile. Granted I’ve traveled a lot, so I guess
I have the opportunity to get more likes than most.

Now, I’ve used Tinder for different reasons over the years. I’ve also had all sorts of
men approach me on there.
 And I know what makes me stop in my tracks and read a profile, answer a
message, or run for the hills. I have also read about other people’s advice and
experiences on Tinder and it turns out, their thoughts are very similar to mine.

The Ultimate Guide To Getting Laid On Tinder

1. Your Tinder Photos
Before people even read your profile, they’ll look at your pictures. They won’t
read the dating profile unless they like them. Photos are there to show who you
are. That means it’s not just about your face, or your physique. Shocker.
A woman wants to know who she’s going home with. So, if you’re going to get
laid using Tinder then you need to have a good tinder photo.

Example of aGood Tinder Photo.

A picture with your dog, or niece, shows you’ve got a heart. Wonderful.

If you have a shot with you and your friends, it shows you have friends. Great.
You’re probably not a complete nutcase then.
If you’re out playing sports, you show you’re taking care of yourself and you’re
enjoying yourself. You’re happy and healthy.

A full body shot (with your clothes on), shows you don’t secretly have the body of
a Sumo wrestler.

A pic of you dressed up in a nicely fitted suit, or cool outfit, shows you’ve got
style. You know how to dress. That’s sexy.

In general, shots of you having fun, shows you’ve got a life. Shots where you
travel, cook, ride a bike, paint…do whatever it is that makes you happy.

If you have as much artistic sense as none at all, get someone good with a
camera to help you pick the photos for your profile.

Inside Scoop: 10 Tinder Profile Examples For Men

Example of Bad Tinder Photos

Source: SimpleTexting

A picture of you cruising down the PCH with in a Porsche with the roof
down…sure, that can be fun. A pic of you posing next to a Maserati…that’s what’s
called the small d*ck complex. You’re trying to make up for something.
The same goes for pictures of your expensive mansion, or Rolex. Seriously?

There’s a huge difference between men who enjoy their lifestyle and look
comfortable doing things they enjoy, and those who take pictures to prove
something. If you have something prove, see a psychologist, instead of using
Tinder to prove it.

This goes for close-ups of your abs, your crotch and gym pics too. Knowing
you’re a gym rat is impressive because…? If you want to show off your body, take
a shot of you surfing, or playing beach volleyball, or something of the sort.

Avoid Group Pics, and shirtless pics.

Extreme close ups of your face where you look insane. Why? It’s off-putting.

Likewise, bathroom selfies. Really? Like, you’ve no friends who can take pictures
of you.

A few selfies are fine, especially ones with friends in them, but selfie obsessed
people often have a broken ego, or you have to assume they have no friends who
can take their photo.

Also, one shot of you and your niece, or one shot of you and your dog, fine. All
shots with you and the dog…this is looking like you have a dog obsession. Not
sexy.

How Many Tinder Photos Should You Use?

Male Tinder profiles with three pictures got more likes over those with only one.
This is specifically pronounced for the male Tinder users, for whom matches
frequencies increased more than five-fold.

2. Your Bio Matters

Sure, you’re only looking for sex. So photos should be enough, right?!

No.
You need to have a good bio to hookup on tinder.

You need to show you’re not some douchebag. You need to show a girl can be
confident you’ll treat her well before, during and after sex. You need to show you
have character.

When looking for flings, as contrary as it may seem, writing a few lines to
establish that you aren’t a whack job is really important.

No, you don’t need an essay. Absolutely not. But two, or three lines, to establish
that you are a decent guy and have a sense of humor…yes.

Oh, and writing something also shows you’re willing to work for it.

Examples of Good Bio

“I like ice cream, surfing and cuddling on Sunday mornings. I’m terrible at
cooking, but great at take-outs by the fire in winter, and by the beach in
summer.”

“Your mother would like me because I’m a mean cook and polite gentleman.

“I know how to polish my shoes, clean the house and do the laundry. Just so we
have that out of the way. As for the interesting stuff: I like adventure, I’m a sucker
for days on the beach, I love a great bottle of red and even greater cuddles, I
have a thing for fireplaces in winter and I’m so totally down for spontaneous
experiences.”

“I never did the nine-to-five and I’m a terrible cook, but I’m great with adventure,
cuddles and sharing pints of ice cream.”

“I’d like to think gran did well with teaching me to be a gentleman, but I have an
adventurous soul, a naughty mind and love good banter.”

“Midwest gentleman come to live in NYC. Run a creative agency by day, explore
the city by night. Love a good hike in the mountains, as much as I love a get-
together with friends in the city. I also love my mother, but if you ever meet her,
don’t hold it against me.”

“I like intellectual conversation and bottles of wine. I provide bear hugs and
fireside chats. I am prone to adventure and pillow fights. I have a ridiculous love
for poodles, but promise I’m quite manly in other ways.”

Inside Scoop: Example of Tinder Bios to Get Laid

3. Your Opening Messages
You need communication skills. Otherwise, you’re bound to fail.

As you will meet people you contact on Tinder, you won’t get laid unless you can
talk to them in real life, too.

The First Message Mistakes

“Hey.”

“Hey, how are you?”

““You’re so hot/beautiful/cute.”

“Let’s Smash?”

Do those sound like interesting opening lines?

No. Really? No. They’re not.

If a woman has a decent profile, she’ll get a lot of men approaching her on
Tinder. Like, a lot. If you want her to answer to your message, say something
interesting.

The easiest way to show you cared enough to actually look at her profile, is to
mention something about it, whether something you have in common, or
something you liked about it.

Example of Good Openers

“That ice cream you’ve got in one of your pics looks delicious. Can I have
some? ;)”

“You moved to NYC from LA? Let me guess: the eternal sunshine and pretty
beaches just got too much for you? ;)”

“I see you visited Paris. Me too. What was your fav thing in the city? :)”

“I love the shot of you in Paris. Have a bit of a taste for globetrotting, do you? :)”

If you’re in a hurry (and you have a decent enough profile to back up you aren’t a
complete douche) a “Name!” can also work. Why? It’s their name. It’s a lot more
personal than “Hey.”
“Hey,” sort of indicates you have no clue what to say, or don’t care enough to say
anything more interesting. Using their name is personal and confident.

TIP: GIFs works great…if they are well thought out. One with red roses…no.
Strangers giving you red roses is strange. In fact, an experiment showed
you’re 30% more likely to get a response by opening with a GIF, and
conversations including GIFS last on average 2x longer.
Inside Scoop: Example of Sexy Tinder Openers
4. Ask her out
After a few back and forth, you want to make things happen. While you might
have great online chemistry, it doesn’t always translate. Communicate for long
enough to show you can hold a conversation (that really only takes a few lines
back and forth), then move it to WhatsApp (or similar) and schedule a date.

You can even tell them you prefer meeting in person to chatting online. (Read
another of my articles about great first dates.)

And if someone drops out of the conversation, move on. Tinder is filled with
people. I don’t know how many people you meet that stop talking to you and
vice versa.

You realized they aren’t your cup of tea, someone else came up that was more
interesting, you got busy with life and didn’t have time to flirt…oh and the people
who just use it for an ego boost and never intended to meet up with you in the
first place… If it happens, just move on.

If someone sounded really, really cool, shoot them a message after a day, or two.
If they don’t reply, leave it. You don’t have to unmatch them, as something really
could have happened that means they aren’t on Tinder, but don’t hold your
breath.

Inside Scoop: How to ask a Girl Out On Tinder

Bonus: Be Honest

Based on Lendedhu
study, 22.22 percent of Tinder users surveyed answered that they are looking
for hookups,

People use Tinder for different things. Many use it for getting laid using Tinder,
some use it for casual dating, some for finding love.

Most use it for a mix of the three, or, rather: even if you’re looking for true love,
you don’t know what will happen when you meet someone.

It all starts with dating. Maybe you’ll end up casually dating them for a while,
hooking up a few times and then ending it.

On the other hand, you might develop feelings for your hookup buddy.
Point being, be honest about what you are looking for and what you’re open to.
There’s no point wasting time talking to a girl who’s looking for a relationship,
take her out for a date, only to be told she absolutely won’t consider casual
dating.
So, if you want more Tinder hookups then you need to be REAL.

Good Examples:
“I’m looking to date and have fun, but if I happen to meet someone I fall in love
with…great.”

“I’m looking for fun and naughtiness.”

“Looking to meet people, have fun, see where it takes us.”

“Looking for fun and play.”

You DON’T have to state it in your profile, but you do have to establish it once
you start chatting to someone and feel like there’s chemistry.

Bonus: Do Looks Matter?

Based on
SimpleTexting survey, humorous personality is the most effective.

We were all born with different looks. Sex appeal has a lot to do with style, not
looks. If you dress nicely, have great hygiene, take care of your body and are
confident in yourself (i.e. you’re comfortable being who you are), it shows.

If you want to score on Tinder, you first have to see to that. No matter what you
put in your profile, your personality shines through.
Living from the heart means you’re neither shy, nor an ego show off. It means
you’ve decided to take charge of your life and say bye to the wounds your ego
inflicted upon you. It means you’re comfortable — you aren’t above, or below,
anyone else. You are. It’s the most confident anyone can be.

If you’re looking for just one night stands then I recommend you checking out
these Apps For Hookups & Sites for Hookups.

ow do hookups and random sex happen?

I have only had sex twice with a girl from tinder. But i see stories on reddit and obviously else where
of girls having sex/bj with guys in club/bar bathrooms or hooking up in some other way... how does
that happen?
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level 1
agent_of_entropy

149 points·3 years ago

Alcohol.
level 1
v-tanabata

130 points·3 years ago

and more alcohol

level 1
platinum92

17 points·3 years ago

I'll be a little more descriptive than "alcohol". I've had about 15 casual sex partners all from Internet
dating.
First, ditch Tinder for Plenty of Fish. A lot of folks on Tinder are either playing around our looking for
super random one time hookups. On POF, I found plenty of longtime hookups. Just tell the girl that
you're not looking for anything serious, and if she isn't interested just move on.
Aim lower. Adjust your standards and build your confidence. I'm not saying go after a girl that
repulses you, but if you're not considering some girls over small stuff like being blonde or being a
size 2, you may want to reconsider.
Alcohol does help the situation, especially in clubs, but the key is confidence. Go to a club, get on the
dance floor, and dance with some girls. If you can't dance, 2 step (literally step side to side in rhythm
to the song). Eventually you'll find someone who thinks you're cool, and while you may not hook up
in the bathroom, you can probably get her number to hook up later.
Also, random hookups are just that, random. If it doesn't happen, don't worry.
level 2
[deleted]

4 points·3 years ago

POF?
Continue this thread

level 1
[deleted]

28 points·3 years ago·edited 2 years ago

[deleted]
0.6363

What is this?
level 1
AllChiefsNoIndians

53 points·3 years ago

A lot of people are saying alcohol but cocaine helps even more!
level 2
until0

12 points·3 years ago

Really? She'd have to get my dick up first. If she succeeded, which is unlikely, she'd have the
challenge of keeping it up...
Continue this thread

level 1
tennantsmith

21 points·3 years ago

Grindr
level 1
LarryMahnken

30 points·3 years ago

As many people have said, alcohol is part of the reason. Not enough alcohol that someone loses
their ability to give consent (that's rape), but enough for them to overcome the anxiety of their
inhibitions. Contrary to what you hear, women generally want to have sex, just like men.
So if a man and a woman meet at a bar or a club, and they are both turned on by each other, and
their inhibitions are relaxed, sometimes the basic human instinct to have sex takes over and they get
it on.
level 1
Comment deleted by user3 years ago(More than 5 children)

level 1
aop42

3 points·3 years ago

Amulet of Mara.
Seriously though, probably people are just good at expressing their interest in each other, and if they
both are into it and want it to happen, sex happens.
level 1
gore4208

8 points·3 years ago

I've looked at your history OP and I think you really need some love in your life, for real
peace out homie
level 1
gooberfaced

8 points·3 years ago

how does that happen?

The woman pulls her panties down and bends over while the guy unzips his fly and unleashes the
beast. Normal sex follows.
level 1
AmericanFatPincher

2 points·3 years ago

For me, personally, I used to do that stuff but I also had more self - confidence back then. You gotta
be down.
level 1
Pidgey_OP

2 points·3 years ago

I see a lot of alcohol answers, but nobody has said OKCupid, where 90% of my hookups have come
from.
Also, alcohol and (if you're into it) drugs
level 1
Micokerts

1 point·3 years ago

I'll take "can I buy you a drink?" for 800 Alex.

level 1
guruchild

1 point·3 years ago

In case no one said this one yet, it's alcohol.

level 1
derpblepderp

-15 points·3 years ago(More than 6 children)

level 1
TreyWalker

-2 points·3 years ago

Money. Just say you have a shitload of money. This works on all women.
level 1
umphish41

-2 points·3 years ago

be good looking, fun, confident, and act like the girl you're into isn't the best thing you have going
for you at the moment.
clearly the girl being drunk helps, but you shouldn't need to drug a girl to fuck her.
i fuck a different girl off tinder every week though, so save yourself the hassle of going to clubs and
wasting money on drinks -- online dating is the answer.
also try: bumble, okcupid, hinge
don't reveal too much info. make your pics limited and make them of you having fun/doing stuff, not
just smiling at the camera. don't immediately ask for numbers or dates, just let it flow.
shit is easy as hell in 2015. if you aren't super ugly/live in your parent's basement.