For Everything or For Nothing?

By Christina Jean Lui

She was, once again, let down. The words ‘I told you so,’ repeat like an echo in
her mind. With a heavy heart, she sighs, shifting her position so that she faced the wall.
The girl tries to keep out the thoughts and have a good night’s rest, but it was fruitless. A
thousand what if’s and aches were plaguing her. ‘What was it all for?’ she thought,
closing her eyes. ‘For nothing?’
A recognition in sports were one of her goals she wanted to attain. She didn’t
want to be the tall girl who wasted her height over studying. Finally, after many
arguments and convincing words, her guardians consented her to join her school’s
volleyball team. She had to reschedule her after-school plans, risked a yelling from her
aunt if she ever arrived home late, and had to binge a few times just to finish assignments
and projects. She could not afford to have a failing grade, or else the dreams of being not
only an honor student but being also good at something else, will be destroyed. The girl
was set back for a month due to a sprained ankle. Even if she was only a sub, she had to
work hard just to prove that she deserved a place in the team.
The girl’s guardians would give her doubts. “With a team like yours, playing
individually seems more pleasing,” her aunt’s friend would say. Her aunt agreed. “Your
team members have pride like rising skyscrapers, racing amongst each other, not ever
bowing to another. In the end, the biggest loss will be yours,” Her brother would joke
about them ending up on eighth place, and her uncle looked disappointed as they
practiced. She, herself, knew her team’s weaknesses, her team mates flaws. But despite
all that, she chose to believe in them, to trust them, even if the ugly truth in its glory was
thrust upon her. Just for her friends, she will ignore her reasonable mind.
The day had finally arrived, and they would play the first match, after the men’s
volleyballs games. After a lunch out, it was finally their time. Their opponent was a
formidable one, the back-to-back champion of the sport. The game was held in an open
court which was exposed to the heat and the glare of the afternoon sun. Her teammates
have confessed feeling nervous, but she and many other people had reassured them, for
they had the skills and experience. But despite all the encouragement and support from
their own schoolmates, teachers, and the other spectators, the game ended in their
opponents’ favor, and it was wrapped up rather quicker than her tastes. The opponent
didn’t even dish out their special course, their terrifying spikes. They just served them a
good one, and all the training and strategies were thrown out the window. Their
opponent’s teacher had mentioned that they had a chance to beat them but no! where was
the confidence they had? Where was their determination? Her teammates said that there
was a second chance but wasn’t the first game wasted? Then what was the match all for?
They left to observe the elementary basketball team’s game, and left her and the
libero to observe the next games, hoping to see the other schools’ strategies, strengths,
and weaknesses. The girl looked at the bracket for the next games, seeing their do or die
game was against a school her teammates had practice games with. She breathed a sigh of
relief when the libero mentioned they always won in the practice game, meaning that
they already knew their opponent. This was their last chance, their last game if they lost.
She looked at the dark heavy clouds gathering and thought, ‘This game is for everything,’

The whistle blew, signaling the end of the first set, with the scales tipped in their
favor. As they changed courts, she joked, saying, “You guys better win this, or else we’ll
have classes to attend to tomorrow,” A few of her companions cracked up at that. The
referee signaled the start of the second set, and she stood at the court’s sides, cheering on
for them like many others. Ball after ball. Their opponent was five points ahead. Every
time, the girl would shout, “We don’t want to have classes tomorrow!” Yet point after
point was a mistake that followed. She couldn’t believe it. Her earlier assumptions were
apparently wrong, seeing her teammates in a disarray were full proof of that. She was
frustrated, and so were their coaches, their teachers, their schoolmates, and their
spectators. The yaya of a teammate who was also her classmate asked her why she didn’t
play and replace one of the players. She shook her head. Her receives weren’t good at all
and her forte was not useful in this game of receive and receive. Eve n if she was
frustrated and itching to play, she had to keep herself calm and controlled because she
had her weaknesses, and she could not afford to drag them even further. Thus, the
frustration at the loss of the second set.
The girl continued to repeat what she had said, they didn’t want to have classes
tomorrow. The third set was their last game if they lost. There will be no games
tomorrow. Yet as the match progressed, all the training and strategies were thrown out
the window! Sets weren’t good, spikes not going through, even the receives! Where was
the cover and the running? Despite all this, the sub clenched her jaw, keeping her silence.
Maybe if she hadn’t sprained her foot, then she would be confident enough to join
in. Maybe if she trained harder, the she’d be better. Maybe if they told their coach to be
strict, to not be lenient on them, then the first match would be their win. And maybe, a
part of her regrets joining the team, for she already saw, she knew, she was warned, that
this sports thing wasn’t worth all the trouble she went through. But regrets weren’t her
style, so she chose to see the already predicted outcome.
24-19, match point for their opponent. Her captain will serve. Nervousness rolls
off her like the sea waves during a storm. The girl closes her eyes, seeing the outcome.
They were going to lose.
The referee whistles. They were going to lose.

Her captain dribbles the ball. They were going to lose.

She serves, and the sub opens her eyes. The serve hits the net, toppling back to
their own court.
 Cheers erupt from the other side of the court, her teammates are still frozen, and
so are their school’s supporters. The girl just wants to laugh at it all.

They lost and they’ll have to attend classes tomorrow.

Her teammates comfort each other, the tears starting to roll down. The sub’s thoughts
were screaming a thousand I-told-you-so’s. she wants to laugh at the whole situation,
maybe she was hysterical. All her troubles, her efforts, and her time, thrown all to the
drain, all for nothing. The universe, perhaps, was telling her, “This was and always will
be, for nothing,” Her vision blurs as the tears well up, but she doesn’t sob. The reality
was there, in the opponent’s court were cheers, in theirs was sobs of sorrow and regret.
What they did, what they worked for, wasn’t for everything. It was for nothing.

The sky was orange and clouds turned blue by the time they were on their way
home, the ride full of “It was because of the weather,”, “It’s not our time yet,”, and
probably many more excuses. She kept her thoughts to herself, knowing their real
problem was arrogance and zero teamwork. ‘It was always pride,’ she thought as her
mind tuned everything out, dreading the never-ending lecture of her guardians that hey
always give after she was being disappointed by someone.

As she lay down on her bed, the day’s recollections fresh on her mind, she sighed.
There was, perhaps, no hope for them at all, due to arrogance and zero teamwork. There
was no hope for her sports dream, just another spiral of disappointment waiting. This was
not an empty-handed experience. She learned that with her current circumstances, there
was no light for an award. The things she went through just to join this event was not for
everything. It was all for nothing.

Now if she’ll only listen to her reasonable brain and not her stubborn heart.