Some people say that animals can be used for food and research, others argue that animal

exploitation should be banned,discuss both views and give opinion??

People have different opinions as to whether or not animals should be used by humans for various

purposes .Although animal testing may result in some positive outcomes, in my opinion ,I believe

that animal exploitation should be prohibited all over the world. Commented [AB1]: You could paraphrase this – ‘animal
mistreatment’ or ‘the abuse of animals’

There are numerous reasons why people might argue that there is no harm to utilize Commented [AB2]: ‘no harm in utilizing’
e.g. There’s no harm in asking.

https://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/there-s-
animals for food and research .Firstly, experimentation trials on animals can result in the production no-harm-in-doing-something

of a variety of life-saving drugs. In fact, environmental changes have increased the incidence of

various infectious diseases, genetic defects and hereditary disorders .Unfortunately, the majority of

these health conditions seem to be incurable and animal testing would be the only option to find a

cure for these debilitating illnesses .Secondly ,red meat has a huge content of iron and high quality Commented [AB3]: More natural sounding here would be –
‘has a huge iron content’ / ‘has a huge amount of iron’

proteins which are essential for fetal development. Therefore, a pregnant woman should eat red Commented [AB4]: The spelling here is – ‘foetal’

meat because all the important nutrient can not be obtained from plant- based alternatives. Commented [AB5]: ‘nutrients’ – you need plural here as you
have used ‘all’ which uses plural nouns.
 However, despite all the arguments above, I argue that animals should not be misused

and animal exploitation should be banned .The first main argument is that animals are living

creatures and they have their own rights; therefore nobody should be allowed to exploit them. To Commented [AB6]: You could use ‘abused or maltreated’ here
as you have used ‘exploitation’ already.

illustrate, many animal species such as guinea pigs and rats may be used by certain cosmetic

companies for experiments. Such type of animal exploitation should not be allowed because this is
unnecessary. Another important reason is that animals should not be slaughtered for sustenance
because all the vital nutrients can be derived from vegetables .According to recent research, a
vegetarian diet is healthier than meat and protects from chronic diseases as well.
Commented [AB7]: ‘in experiments’ – ‘used in experiments for
the purpose of ….’
Commented [AB8]: ‘Such a type of ….’ – you need ‘a’ as
‘exploitation’ is an uncountable noun , therefore ‘it’.
Commented [AB9]: You could use ‘ill-treatment’ or ‘cruelty’
here as a synonym.
Commented [AB10]: ‘gratuitous’ maybe a more accurate word
here.
Commented [AB11]: ‘all the vital nutrients’ – don’t use ‘the’
with plural nouns.
Commented [AB12]: ‘a carnivorous one’ – this is better – you
use ‘vegetarian’ which is an adjective and ‘carnivorous’ is also one.
Commented [AB13]: ‘protects us / the body from ..’ – usually
protect smb from sth.

In conclusion, while aniamls can be used for several reasons, I would argue that animals should Commented [AB14]: ‘animals’ – spelling.

not be utilised for unnecessary purposes. Commented [AB15]: ‘benefited from / taken advantage of /
made use of’ are all synonyms that you can use here.

Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment Addresses all parts of the task.

Cohesion and Coherence
Presents a relevant position
throughout the text. You have 8.0
identified very clear reasons for
and against animal exploitation.
A very complete answer with a
lot of relevant information.
Sequences information and 7.5
ideas logically – all information
 follows a logical pattern where
ideas are exemplified and
supported. Manages cohesion
well. Uses paragraphing
sufficiently and appropriately–
each paragraph is well
supported and each idea builds
on the previous sentence.
Lexical resource Uses a wide range of vocabulary
fluently and flexibly to convey
precise meanings skilfully uses
uncommon lexical items but 8.0
there may be occasional
inaccuracies in word choice and
collocation, for example with
‘unnecessary’ and the need for
synonyms for ‘use’ and ‘exploit/
exploitation’.
Grammatical Range Uses a variety of complex 7.5
and accuracy structure and some sentences
are error-free. Makes
occasional errors but they do
repeat through the text – the
most common being ‘articles’,
plural +s and prepositions.

Overall Score: 7.5 / 8.0 – as usual, a superb answer to the question. A well – answered question with
good structure. A weakness was the lack of synonyms for ‘use’ and ‘exploit’.