YOUR VOICE WAS ALL I HEARD

Summary: Bella is hiding from the same past that Edward can't forget. Sout mates lost. "You
don't understand, Jasper, I can't let her go. I still feel her." Love, Loss, Sex, Lies & an
unbreakable bond. Rockerward.

BY TWINMAMMA
PROLOGUE

Bella's POV – September, 2010

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to welcome the three Cullen brothers you've all been waiting
to see. Straight from their Twilight World Tour - put your hands together for Midnight Sun! "
MTV talk show host Jay David O'Brien's deep radio voice bellowed into the microphone
amidst a cacophony of shrill screams and applause, which had quickly erupted in the studio.

No, no, no, no, no! I thought to myself in sudden panic.

"Alice Brandon, what have you done?" I yelled over the noise into Alice's shocked face and
grabbed her arms tightly with my now trembling hands. Every muscle in my body was
tightening as my instincts raised my defenses to high alert.

"Calm down, Bella. This is your birthday present. I brought you to see your favorite band."
She looked at me expectantly, but I refused to remove the glower I was currently focusing on
her annoyingly perky face. I knew Alice's intentions had been good, but that didn't change the
fact that this was a serious situation.

"One would think you'd be grateful to your best friend for being so considerate and well-
connected," she said sarcastically before pulling out of my grasp. When I didn't laugh, she
continued, "Come on, Bella. Would you please relax? Just try to have some fun for once,
okay? Seriously, you don't always have to be so responsible. It's not like I asked you to shave
your head," she nipped patronizingly. "Though, I will say you have a few split ends that could
definitely use some attention."

I rolled my eyes at Alice and sucked in a calming breath. I knew Alice had been up to
something. She said it was a birthday surprise. It didn't really matter at the time. This was just
supposed to be a fun night out for a change. I was now kicking myself for my apparent
shortsightedness. I hated surprises, especially birthday surprises.
"Alice, you don't understand. I can't be here. You have to get me out of here before he…" I
stopped mid-sentence, paralyzed by the familiar tug I suddenly felt in my chest. I had always
felt a strange connection to him. Goose bumps and heart palpitations were generally the first
signs of his proximity. My skin began to redden with a familiar tingle even before he
appeared as a stunning vision before me. He was here. My legs felt like lead weights, so I
stood petrified, watching my heart and soul move across the stage. He was flanked on either
side by his brothers, Jasper and Emmett. They were my brothers, too.

It had been eight long and difficult years since I had last seen Edward Cullen in person. Now,
here I was again, not fifty feet away from the most strikingly beautiful man I had ever known.
I kept my eyes planted firmly on him, watching as he stepped up to the microphone to begin
his performance.

He was older now. His skin was still pale, but rougher and more haggard. His reddish brown
hair was as disheveled as always and falling sexily into his penetrating emerald eyes. His
body was more tone and fit than I remembered. While still lean, his muscles were more
defined and clearly visible beneath his tight black and gray t-shirt. I was still pissed at Alice,
but seeing Edward again made me somewhat grateful for whatever forces brought us to this
moment.

The band began to play behind Edward, and I inhaled deeply, unable to ignore the growing
sensation inside me. His essence was palpable to me. I could feel him coursing through my
veins as surely as I would have had he been holding me in his strong arms.

My nerves rumbled more when Edward missed his mark. His eyes were searching the crowd,
seeking something out. Can he feel me too? He turned to look over his shoulder at Jazz, who
shook his head subtly at Edward and replayed the last few chords. Fear should have sent me
running, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Edward.

I studied every inch of the man whom I had always loved as he curled his long fingers
through his hair. He took one final calming breath and began to sing. I watched the muscles in
his forearms flex while he gripped the microphone intensely. In predictable Edward fashion,
he cocked his head slightly to the side when the first crescendo of the song began to build. I
lusted to skim my lips along the tendons in his broad neck, which were twitching slightly as
his angular jaw moved with the passing lyrics. Everything about this man called to me.
I allowed my eyes to travel along the curve of his collarbone until a shiny silver disc caught
my eye. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw it.

Charlie's amulet, which was suspended from a thinly braided, black leather chain, was calling
to me like a beacon from Edward's perfectly sculpted neck. The amulet was a small platinum
disc, embossed with the Swan family crest. The moment I realized what it was, I thought back
to the day it passed from my father to me. Charlie had been fighting valiantly, but he knew his
time was limited. He pulled me closer and spoke the words I would never forget.

"I don't have much to give you Bells, but know that even when I'm gone, I will still look after
you," Charlie's frail voice mumbled through the words as salty tears stained my cheeks. I was
fifteen at the time. My mother had died giving birth to me, so it had always just been the two
of us. With no other family to speak of, I would be alone once he closed his eyes for the final
time.

"I want you to take this." He pushed the amulet into my hand and carefully closed my palm
around it. "Let it be a reminder of where you come from and who you are. Let it be a reminder
that, even if you can't see me, I am always looking out for you from heaven. You've made me
so proud, baby girl." He took several more shallow ragged breaths before he uttered his very
last thoughts in a raspy whisper. "I'm so sorry that I have to go. I love you, Bells. Promise me
you'll be happy. Please, promise me." His words broke my heart. I would miss him terribly,
and I honestly wasn't sure if I would survive it, but I had to put on a strong face for him.

"I promise Daddy. I'll be okay," I lied. "I love you."

"Love you for eternity, daughter." My father died with the echo of his words still hanging in
the air around us.

I wore Charlie's necklace every single day until the accident. When I awoke in the hospital, it
was missing. I had always assumed it had been lost on the highway, violently ripped from me
like everything else in my life. Now that it obviously had been found, I only had one question
in my mind: How in the hell did Edward get it?

"Bella, come on, please smile!" Alice's now agitated voice tore me from my paralysis, and the
panic instantly returned. The music was beginning to fade as Jasper and Emmett played the
last few notes of Shadow of the Day, the latest Midnight Sun single. Once the music died out
completely, the audience would settle into their seats, and I wouldn't be hidden anymore. We
had to leave, and we had to do it immediately.

"Alice, you have to get me out of here; Edward can't see me. Please, please!" I begged.

"What?" her perplexed voice replied, and I instantly knew I had said too much. "What do you
mean 'Edward can't see you'? How in the hell do you know Edward, and why don't I know
anything about this? I'm your best friend, Bella," she said, dismissing my panic and gesturing
adamantly toward the stage. I knew it wouldn't take her long to put the pieces together, and I
was right on the mark. About three seconds after the words left her mouth, Alice turned back
to me with wild, fiery eyes.

"No. Effing. Way!" she said, enunciating each word. "The eyes…he's…Tony." His name was
only a quiet murmur on her lips. It wasn't a question.

"It's not what you think, Alice. Please, get me out of here, and I'll explain everything, I
promise." I knew it was too late. I could already see the wheels turning in Alice's head. She
was putting more and more of the puzzle together.

"The hell you say!" she snapped at me. "I've been trying to get this out of you for years. It
ends, now." Alice started looking around, her eyes finally landing on a teenage girl in the row
in front of us. Alice tapped on her shoulder. The girl turned with a smile.

"Excuse me," Alice started in her most chipper voice. "My friend and I can't remember. What
is Edward's full name?"

"That's an easy one," the young girl beamed back at us. Here it comes, I cringed to myself.
"It's Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." And there it was. All of Alice's suspicions and
questions were just answered in those four beautiful words.

"Thanks, you're a doll," Alice chirped as she turned back to glare at me menacingly. "Isabella
Marie Swan, I can't believe you!" she snarled at me through clenched teeth. "How many times
did we talk about him? You never once so much as even hinted. This is a pretty major detail
you left out, don't you think?" My mind was a flurry of emotions. I wasn't entirely sure how to
respond to Alice, but I had to give her something.
"Alice, please," I begged. "I promise that I'll answer any question you have, but we can't be
here anymore. You don't understand. This is complicated. It's not what you think." The
problem was that I really didn't want to leave, and I knew she could see right through me. For
the first time in years, the gaping hole in my stomach had closed. Being in the same room as
Edward brought me home again, and I wasn't ready to give that up. I was so torn. Staying
could be devastating to both of our lives, but going would be excruciating, if not impossible at
this point. I wasn't sure if I had the strength to walk away twice in the same lifetime.

"Look, its dark in the audience," she reasoned. "He won't be able to see you with the lights
shining on him anyway. We're not leaving, Bella. Not now. You don't really want to leave
anyway. Your words might be telling me to help you run, but I know you. Your eyes are
telling me not to let you go. I'm not going to let you run from him," she assured me, gripping
my hand. "I'm here Bella. You can do this." Alice practically bounced as we stood there.
"Edward freaking Cullen. I just can't believe it. We will have words about this, and you will
explain everything - with vivid details," she concluded with a wink and a devilishly playful
smirk.

I smiled. She was right. I was playing with fire, but I could do this if she was next to me.
"Okay, but no loitering around after the show," I compromised. "We'll sit here in the dark, and
when the show ends, you get me the hell out of here. He can't know I'm here. I can't talk to
him. Deal?"

"Deal!" She hugged me tightly as the band sounded the last note, and we took our seats.
"Does he…?" she whispered tentatively into my ear. She didn't need to finish her thought. I
knew what she was asking, and this wasn't the time.

"Alice, please not here." I gave her my most pitiful eyes to help convince her.

"That's what I thought," she responded knowingly.

I said nothing. There was no need to hide from her. She sat pensively for a moment, and we
both watched as Edward, Jasper and Emmett took their respective seats next to Jay on the set.
Alice had always been very adept at reading situations. While there were several pieces of this
story that even her freakishly keen intuition couldn't guess, I knew it wouldn't be long before
she figured out the broad strokes. That didn't mean I was going to help, at least not here,
sitting in a television studio.
The interview was underway, and I listened intently, allowing his warm velvet voice to
envelop me. It had always been soothing to me. I often listened to Midnight Sun through my
iPod at night to fall asleep, letting his music cover me like a security blanket. Edward's voice
had carried me through most of the important moments of my life, and he didn't even know it.

"Let's see if we have any audience questions, shall we?" Jay's voice boomed into the crowd.
The audience consisted of probably one hundred-fifty people or so, and dozens of their hands
shot up for a chance to talk to the band. We listened to the questions and answers for a
moment before Alice's eyes went wide again. She had figured something out. I braced myself,
waiting for her next move.

"Oh my God, the bells!" she spoke excitedly. "Sweetie, he still loves you. I know it." Alice's
tone was naively hopeful and supportive. She had no idea what Edward and I were up against.

"No Alice, he doesn't. It was a long time ago. It's the past. You're reading too much into
things." I knew it was bullshit. He wouldn't be wearing Charlie's amulet if he didn't still care
about me. He wouldn't have sent me hundreds of emails to a dead account, if he wasn't still as
irrevocably drawn to me as I was to him. I knew without question that we would always love
one another.

"I can think of one very important reason why it is most definitely not the past," she said
sternly. "Plus, he does love you, Bella. It's obvious, and sweetheart, I know you love him, too,
so drop the act. You have to talk to him."

"It's not obvious at all, and you promised. I can't talk to him. You have no idea what you're
messing with, Alice. We're just going to sit here, and then, when the show ends, we'll go." I'm
sure she did not miss the fact that I didn't deny my own feelings for Edward. How could I?

"I'll prove it to you, watch," she said, sending off warning sirens in my mind. She cut me off
as I opened my mouth to argue with her. "I only promised that you didn't have to talk to him,"
she said, pressing her small hand against my rigid lips. "I didn't say anything about myself."
She stood up to move toward the aisle with a Cheshire cat's grin plastered on her face.

"Alice, get back here!" I growled toward her as loudly as I dared.

"It's fine. He won't see you," she shot back. "I can be subtle." Right. Alice being subtle was
not likely.

Damn, Damn, Damn! Alice was second in line at the microphone in our section. I had no idea
what she was going to say, but I had begun scouting the nearest exit just in case I needed to
make a run for it. I prayed they would run out of time before she had a chance to ask a
question, but I knew my luck wasn't that good. Within minutes, it was her turn.

"Let's see. How about you there, in the red shirt," Jay said, pointing toward Alice. "What's
your question, darlin'?"

"Hi, I'm Alice." I slouched down in my chair trying to hide myself more, but never taking my
eyes off of Edward, who was still determinedly scanning the crowd. I held my breath and
waited.

"I've noticed that a number of your songs either reference bells or have bells ringing in them.
There are also many references to"-she paused and peeked at me for a brief moment, but it
wasn't overly conspicuous—"to birds. Is there any particular significance to bells and birds?"

Oh my God! Damn you, Alice Brandon! Could you be anymore fucking obvious?

I had to admit, though, I was impressed. That was an astute observation, even for Alice. I
stared at Edward as his eyes grew wide, and he began shifting uncomfortably in his seat.
Before a single word left his lips, Jasper patted him on the leg to interrupt him with his own
response.

"Nice, that's pretty observant. We don't get too many questions about that." Alice was clearly
thrilled by his response. "The answer to your question is, yes. Both are significant to us." I
couldn't help but notice that Jasper used the word 'us'. Jay stepped in, clearly excited to reveal
a bit of dirt on his show.

"I know we are all dying to know. Let's hear it. What's up with the birds and the bells?" Jay
asked pointedly.

Jasper continued. "They are just a reference to an old friend of the band. This friend inspired a
lot of our early work, so the references are a tribute of sorts, a thank you."
"Wow, that's quite a tribute," Jay broke in again. "Is it anybody we would know?"

"Nah, just an old friend," Jasper replied calmly.

"And where is this friend now?" Jay probed again, not wanting to let the line of questioning
drop. I couldn't believe they were talking about me. It was as if I was living in an episode of
the Twilight Zone.

"She's dead," Edward finally spoke up in a clipped voice. His hand was gripped tightly around
Charlie's amulet and his eyes were glaring angrily at a tall figure standing in the shadows just
off the left side of the set.

"She died several years ago in a car accident," Jasper finished more reverently. Jasper was
always good at diffusing tense situations. It was a gift, but it sure as hell wasn't working on
me.

A sudden fog had filled my head, leaving only muffled voices drifting in the background
when I saw the outline of the recipient of Edward's fierce look. Waves of Edward's pain were
slamming against my chest, tightening around my heart. I followed Edward's gaze to focus on
the figure who had captured his attention. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I was in panic-
mode when Jay's strong voice finally broke through my consciousness.

"I'm very sorry to hear that. What a nice way to pay homage to an old friend," Jay said before
moving to the next audience question.

"What the hell did you do?" Alice's voice snipped quietly in my ear after she retook her seat
next to me. "Why does he think you're dead?"

My panic had escalated into full-blown fear. I needed to get out of the studio before I was
seen, but I couldn't will my body to move away from Edward.

"Bella, what's wrong. Answer me!" Alice was frantically trying to get my attention now.

"I just..." I couldn't force the words out of my mouth. The pain and dread were consuming me
like a scalding hot bullet through my chest. Alice's eyes were begging me to speak. All I
could utter was a single word: "Carlisle."
CHAPTER 1:
MEMORIES LEFT ABANDONED

Bella's POV - 1998

I could hardly breathe after Charlie died. I remember the first day of my sophomore year of
high school. It was August 1998. Charlie had passed four months earlier, leaving me
orphaned. He had been the Chief of Police in Forks, Washington where we had lived my
entire life. He was working late one evening when he and two other officers responded to a
domestic dispute. Forks was a small town, and Charlie was often out in the field despite his
illustrious rank as Chief. He ended up being shot in the back three times that night while
trying to protect an eight year old boy from errant gunfire. He lived three days after the
incident. One day for each bullet, I always surmised.

Charlie died a hero, but I couldn't help but resent the child he had saved. It made me feel like
shit of course, but I didn't have perspective back then. Knowing the things I knew now, it only
made me love Charlie more.

After Charlie was gone, Billy Black, Charlie's best friend, volunteered to look after me. The
local District Attorney was an old friend of Charlie's, and he was able to pull a few strings for
me with the Washington Department of Social and Health Services to get Billy's foster parent
paperwork pushed through the system. Nobody really objected. Dealing with an orphaned
teen wasn't high on anybody's priority list. Other than a handful of mandated visits from a
state social worker, I was essentially forgotten by the powers that be.

Billy was a good guardian, and I tried not to be a burden, but he always knew I was miserable.
I think it put a lot of extra stress on Billy to have me around, but he never verbalized his
frustrations. Billy gallantly stepped up to the plate for me out of sense of loyalty to Charlie.
When he couldn't make me whole again, I think he felt like he had failed his best friend. My
presence also caused a significant financial drain on Billy's household. While I received rather
generous survivor benefits after my father's death, a great deal of the money was used to pay
for his funeral expenses and the repairs necessary to list and sell the house we had shared. I
had enough remaining for one or two years of college, and Billy wouldn't let me touch the
money for any other purpose. I didn't ask him for much. I got a job at Newton's General Store
in town to help pay for the necessities, but I was fifteen, so there wasn't too much I could
contribute. Billy never complained, but I wasn't blind. My presence was financially,
physically, and emotionally taxing on him.

Jacob Black, Billy's son, was two years younger than I was, and we went to different schools.
He tried to distract me, but I wasn't a big fan of fixing old car engines or jumping off cliffs.
As those were his primary pastimes, we never developed much of a friendship. I pushed Jacob
away like I did everybody else. I shut myself off emotionally after Charlie died. For the most
part, people left me alone. My theory was that if I didn't get close to anybody again, I would
never have to feel the hurt that would come with inevitable separation.

I intended to remain shut off as I walked through the linoleum clad hallways that first day
back to school after Charlie died. I built walls up around myself, ready to block out the "poor
girl" sentiments, which would unavoidably be sent my way. My classmates certainly didn't
fail my pessimistic expectations. Looking back, I think perhaps it was a self-fulfilling
prophecy. They sensed the "stay the hell away from me" vibe I was projecting, and so they
did. They still stared at me though. Clearly, most of them were afraid to talk to me.

Angela Webber, who had been one of my closest friends since childhood, tried to talk to me a
few times over the months since Charlie's death, but I wasn't up for much conversation, so she
just hugged me and went on her way when she saw me at school that first day. It was better
that way. I didn't need her pity. People noticed that I was acting distant, but nobody came out
and said anything about it. At least they didn't say it to my face. I didn't really care what they
said behind my back. It wouldn't change anything.

By fifth period, I had built up quite a tolerance to the whispers. In all honesty, they were
probably whispering more about my attitude than what happened to Charlie, but I didn't care.
I just needed to bide my time until graduation. Once freed from the parochial hell hole that
was Forks High, I would get out of Washington and away from all of the torturous memories.
Fifth period was biology. I walked into Mr. Melina's classroom and found my assigned seat at
the rear lab table closest to the window. I silently thanked the gods of high school biology
seating charts for the gracious assignment in the back of the room. I much preferred to watch
than to be watched.

A boy I had never met before was already seated at the table as I approached my assigned
spot. Even in my depressed state, I could appreciate that he was the most beautiful boy I had
ever seen. I was instantly mesmerized by his bronze locks, which seemed alive in their
haphazard placement atop his perfect head. Beneath them lay the most penetrating pair of
deep, sea-green eyes. They were striking and animalistic, and I knew instantly that Crayola
could make a mint marketing the "Hot-ass guy's fucktastic eyes" green crayon. Girls would by
them by the truck load, and I would be right there in line with them. Everything about this
new boy enraptured me. From his girly-part-melting eyes, angular jawbone and lean physique,
he was perfection personified in a high school boy.

He grinned at me as I sat, but didn't speak. I couldn't. I gave him a quick smile in return and
then averted my eyes, allowing my own unkempt hair to fashion a curtain between us. I stole
a few glances of him out of the corner of my eyes, but otherwise, I studied my doodles on the
notebook in front of me. I prayed to the aforementioned gods of "high school biology seating
charts" that they still had enough magic left to prevent me from making a total ass of myself
in front of the green-eyed demigod. My psyche knew that if I allowed myself to gaze upon
him for too long, I would never be able to look away again. So keeping my elbow on the
black resin table top and resting my chin in my hand, I let my inner coward shine and forced
my attention to my sketch.

Mid-way through Mr. Melina's explanation of the syllabus, the gorgeous boy made
unexpected contact. As if trying to break through my defensive armor, he slipped a small
scrap of paper behind my carefully placed elbow. I unfolded the note with trepidation, and
then I processed the first words to make me smile in four months.

Hi there. I'm Edward. Whatcha drawing? PS: You shouldn't frown so much! Didn't anybody
ever tell you your face might freeze like that?

I looked up at Edward, unable to hide my amusement. This kid might be more than just a pair
of hot eyes. Without thinking, I scribbled a note below his.
Hi back. I'm Bella. It's Garfield. PS: Yep, I've heard that one. The 'old wives' and I go way
back.

I folded the paper back up and flicked it at Edward with my finger. He caught it mid-flight,
and after a quick cautionary glimpse up toward Mr. Melina, he read it and scribbled a
response. In moments, I found myself reading another note from a guy that didn't know me,
but had me giddier than I had ever been. I felt as if a thousand tiny butterflies were fluttering
away in my belly, telling me that he was the one for me. My entire body was tingling. It was
new and amazing.

You've got talent, but Garfield? Come on. What are you, 10? You can do better than that. PS:
'old wives', huh? Are they hot?

He was such a guy. My inner coward reared her ugly head again, warning me not to engage
him further, but I was becoming too absorbed in him to stop myself. He was a fresh slate. No
pity. I liked it.

Hey, don't hate on the cat, bud. There is nothing wrong with cantankerous, gluttonous felines,
and I don't see you drawing anything better, Picasso. PS: Nah, they're hags mostly. Not a
single Mrs. Robinson in the bunch. Sorry to disappoint!

Edward grinned and bit his lip to suppress a chuckle, but he didn't send me anymore notes. He
just sat back with his notebook and listened to the lecture. I wasn't sure if I had done
something to piss him off. I didn't think so, but he had stopped being an interested pen pal,
and that was more bothersome than any whisper or pitying stare I had received all day. I
figured it was just as well. I didn't need Edward or any other person getting close to me.

When the bell rang, Edward nonchalantly stuffed his things into his backpack and walked
behind me into the aisle between the two rows of lab tables. I thought he was going to leave
without saying anything, but instead, he flopped a folded piece of paper down on the desk. He
leaned in toward me, and with the creamiest voice I had ever heard, he looked me in the eyes
and spoke. "Garfield is cute, but he doesn't have anything on this." Then he winked and
walked away from me.

I sat dumb-founded for a moment and then opened the paper with trembling fingers. There in
front of me was a penciled sketch of a girl resting her cheek against her hand. She had sad
eyes and messy hair. The sketch wasn't a caricature. It was precise, detailed and real. It was
frightening because it was the perfect likeness of me. I think my heart actually stopped for
several seconds as I absorbed it all. After regaining my faculties, I hustled my ass out the door
and down the hall to gym.

I took one last peek at the paper before stuffing my things in my gym locker. When I did, I
noticed a detail I had missed the first time I had looked at the drawing. He had signed it for
me.

"Guarded Bella" By Edward Cullen 8/28/98

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

As I sprawled across my bed that night, clutching Edward's sketch in my hand, I was able to
relax for the first time since Charlie's death. The sense of peace that I had been missing finally
came over me, and I slept soundly dreaming of the handsome green-eyed boy who had helped
me to breathe again. For the first time in four months, my memories of Charlie dying as I held
his cold hand were left momentarily abandoned for the hope of Edward Cullen's warm hands
caressing my face.

I knew it was silly to be so taken with somebody I had only just met, but the next day at
school, I found myself counting down the moments until I could sit shoulder to shoulder with
Edward again. I even smiled at Angela in the hall and said hello to Jessica. My mood was
definitely shifting. I felt of twinge of guilt for my improved disposition, but I knew that my
new frame of mind had to do with more than just Edward. I had spent so many nights afraid to
close my eyes for fear of thinking about Charlie's broken body. Today, I was able to
remember his smile instead. In that moment, I also remembered my promise to Charlie. I
would be okay. For him, I would be happy. I knew deep down that Charlie wouldn't want me
to be miserable, so I was willing to do whatever it would take to keep my word.

The reality of my second meeting with Edward Cullen proved better than I had hoped.

"Hi," he said with a sexy half-grin when I plopped my bag on our lab table.
"Hi back. Thanks for the sketch. Your subject matter leaves a bit to be desired, but you've got
skill," I said in a snarky voice. My goal was to keep things light-hearted and playful, so he
wouldn't see right through me. I wasn't ready for him to know how much I liked him.

"Hmm, well I'd say my choice of subject left me desiring more than a bit," he countered with
an exaggerated wink and a double bounce of his eyebrows. I felt my cheeks flame red at his
deliberate twist of my words. "Relax, Bella," he said, laughing at my reaction. "I was just
kidding. Sit down already."

I pulled my stool out with my foot and quickly took my place beside Edward. We didn't say
anything else during class, but when I stepped out of the locker room after gym, Edward was
waiting for me. "Got any plans this afternoon?" he asked without as much as a hello. He
pushed off the wall and kept in step with me as I exited the building into the parking lot.

"Um, well, I was headed back to Billy's to do my homework, why?"

"Billy?" he questioned cautiously as his scruffy tennis shoes slowed to a stop. I had forgotten
that Edward was new in town, and he probably wasn't well versed in the finer details of my
life like remaining population of the Forks High student body was.

"Um, yeah. Billy is my guardian. I live with him down on the reservation."

"Oh, okay, that's good I guess." He started walking again and the faintest hint of a smile
graced his beautiful face. "So, you think you can put off homework and hang out with me for
a little while? Do you think Billy would care?"

"Sure, I don't think Billy will have a problem with that. What did you have in mind?" The
idea of being alone with Edward made me anxious. I wasn't entirely sure what he wanted
from me, but I was willing to try anything if meant another night without nightmares and
more time with the boy that made my heart sing.

"How does pizza sound?"

I agreed to the invitation and Edward and I spent the next two hours eating and talking as if
we had known one another for years. He didn't ask about Charlie, for which I was grateful. I
was sure he had heard rumors, but it was clear that he knew better than to push. He would
wait for me to tell him when I was ready. Instead we talked about the little things. The silly
insignificant details that formed the broad strokes of our lives. I told him which movies and
music I liked, and he challenged and questioned my selections. He wasn't a jerk about it. He
wasn't controlling. He was mostly playful and flirtatious, which actually made me quite
grateful for our differences. Of course I debated him at every turn. I think maybe that is why
he teased me so much. I appreciated his honesty and his coyness. Unlike everybody else left
in my life, he wasn't trying to placate me. He seemed more interested in learning about the
true Bella.

That was the day I began to live again. Edward and I became fast friends, and in time, I did
open up to him about Charlie being shot and my mother dying while giving birth to me. I even
told him how much I resented the innocent boy Charlie saved and my concerns that perhaps
Charlie had resented me for killing my mother. I had never told anybody that. I was so
frightened to tell him all of the horrible things in my mind. I thought he would think I was
sick, but he didn't. He seemed to understand and never questioned my feelings. Edward made
me comfortable enough to open up to him, and that spoke volumes about my growing feelings
for him.

As it turned out, Edward and I actually had a lot in common when it came to our dark pasts.
He was an orphan, too. That was what initially made him so protective of me. He understood
my loss, but he didn't pity me for it. Edward and I were more than just best friends; we were
soul mates.

Edward never knew his biological parents. In the system from birth, he bounced from one
foster home to the next until Carlisle and Esme Cullen adopted him at the age of five. They
had two other sons, Emmett and Jasper, who they also adopted along the way. The Cullens
had been living in Seattle before moving to Forks that year. I always believed that my father
sent Edward to me. I don't necessarily consider myself a spiritual person, but even now, after
all that has happened, it's still the only explanation that makes sense to me.

Edward just got me. He was the only person with whom I could talk about Charlie. Edward
was my sanctuary and I was his. We shared everything, and by Halloween, Edward and I were
inseparable. We frequently flirted and playfully danced around intimacy, but it was Christmas
before either of us found the nerve to finally act on our true feelings for one another and the
electric pull between us. I fell in love with Edward the day I met him in biology class, but I
was broken then. He had to help me to rebuild myself before we could truly love one another.
Our love was passionate and intense. I shared all of my firsts with Edward as he did with me.
We shared our first kiss together. It was in the first aid aisle of Newton's General Store after I
cut my arm on a fishing tackle kit I had just sold to Mr. Clearwater. He touched my breast for
the first time in his car before school one day in January. We had been waiting for the rain to
lighten enough to make a mad dash to class before the first bell, and one thing led to another. I
gave him a hand job that same afternoon after school. Of course we couldn't blame that
incident on the rain. We dry humped several times and then one day in March, Edward took
me to one of his favorite places, and we made love for the first time outside in the secluded
grass of his meadow.

"Bella, I want to show you something. Will you come with me?" he asked that fateful
Saturday afternoon.

"Of course, where are we going?" I would have gone anywhere with Edward, but I was still
curious. We drove to the outskirts of town before pulling off onto an isolated dirt road. We
drove another mile or so and then parked at the entrance to a nearly overgrown path.

"I found this place a few months ago," he explained. "I come here sometimes when I want to
think."

"Why haven't you ever mentioned it before?" I questioned.

"I don't know really. I think maybe I was waiting for something." Somehow I understood his
meaning without needing him to verbalize his explanation. He was waiting for me to be ready,
for us to be ready. We hiked the path for about ten minutes until we came into a clearing in
the center of the woods. It was untouched and quiet.

"It's beautiful, Edward." I squeezed his hand as he led me to a small patch of grass that wasn't
overgrown by the weeds and brush that surrounded us.

"I thought you would like this." He smiled and pulled me down to his lap. We talked and
kissed for what seemed like hours, but once the sun began to set, the intensity of the moment
overtook us.

"Bella, I need to tell you something," Edward spoke softly.

"You know you can tell me anything, Edward."

"I've never felt this way about anybody. Until I met you, I didn't think it was possible. I care
about the guys and my folks, but with you - it's just different. I don't know what I would do
without you Bella. I have fallen in love with you and the idea of that…well frankly, it scares
the shit out of me. I don't know what I would do without you. I wouldn't survive it, but I can't
hide my feelings from you anymore. Bella, you don't have to say it back, but you have to
know that I love you more than my own life."

Tears were streaming down my face. I knew I loved Edward, but like him, I was scared of
saying it out loud. If I said it, it would be more real. Once it was real, it would hurt that much
more if I lost him. I knew Edward was worth the risk, so I looked into his eyes and opened my
heart to the man I loved.

"I love you too, Edward. Always. I'm not going anywhere. You are my home. You're my only
family. I love you so damn much it hurts." I wanted to continue, but he crashed his mouth into
mine before I could get it all out.

"I love you," he said between kisses. "I love you." Kiss. "I love you." Kiss. "So much Bella."
Kiss. "Always."

Slowly, he pushed me back into the grass. Our kisses became more passionate. Our hands
grasped feverishly at each other's bodies. He pulled my shirt over my head, allowing the cool
evening air to cover me. "Are you cold?" he asked, concerned by the goose bumps on my
chest.

"No, Edward," I paused trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling. "I feel a million things
right now, but God…um, no, cold is not one of them." Edward sat up and straddled me. After
a looking at me hungrily, he reached behind his neck to pull off his own shirt, and then he
lowered back down to pull me into his arms. He paused and looked at me with questioning
eyes. I knew what he was asking me. Was I ready? Did I really want to do this? I knew what
was going to come next, and I wanted it. Biting my lip slightly, I nodded an affirmation and
snuggled into him.

His shaking hands fumbled behind my back as he struggled to unclasp my bra. He grinned
proudly when the toggles finally slipped apart. His smirk turned to wonder, however, when he
tugged the offending fabric down, exposing my bare chest.
"You're exquisite, Bella." He kissed down my neck and over the rise of my breast before
taking my nipple into his warm, moist mouth. The contrast between his warm tongue swirling
around my puckered flesh and the cool air swirling around our heated bodies sent shivers
down my spine as I arched into his touch. His kisses and caresses continued down over my
stomach. He licked the skin along the waistband of my jeans and then looked at me for
permission one last time. This is it.

"Please," I responded. I didn't have the words to say more.

Edwards's normally agile fingers took an extra few seconds to release the button of my
favorite jeans. Still slightly trembling, he then pulled the rigid fabric down over my hips,
underwear in tow. The stiff denim became hung up on my knees, but after a bit more work, he
finally worked the fabric off my body and discarded it to the side. "Will you let me taste you,
Bella?" His husky words pushed his warm breath against my thighs and sent chills down my
legs. I could tell he was nervous by the slight tremor in his voice, and that comforted me. We
can do this together.

"Yes, Edward." I closed my eyes and allowed myself to become lost in the sensation of
Edward's tongue slowly dipping into my moist folds. His long fingers pushed into me, and I
thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. "Unnngh, Edward that feels…unnngh."

"Is this okay, Bella?" I could only moan a response, which he correctly interpreted as sign that
I was more than just okay. His tongue and fingers moved in rhythm, and I quickly felt myself
falling over the edge. I screamed out his name as I came, lost in the amazing sensation he had
just created inside of me. He slowed his movements and then crawled up my body, kissing me
along the way. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward. That was…that was incredible." Edward smiled and then stared into
my eyes for what seemed like a full minute before he spoke.

"Bella, can I make love to you?" My heart was thundering inside me, and my body was
trembling from the electric current between us. I nodded and pulled him down to kiss me. I
could taste myself on his lips, but it didn't bother me as much as I thought it might. I wanted
Edward. We were ready.
Slowly, he released himself from his jeans and then fumbled to grab a foil packet from his
wallet. I grinned and watched as he rolled a condom onto his hard length. He was spectacular.
He then repositioned himself over me. The head of his arousal was at my entrance. "Are you
sure, Bella?"

"Yes, please Edward." Before the sentiment was out of my mouth, I could feel Edward slowly
pushing into me. He paused for a moment, searching my face for any signs that his intrusion
was painful. In all honesty, I think he needed the stillness as much as I did. Once he saw me
relax, he began to move again. The feeling of Edward moving inside me was tremendous. His
movements were slow and cautious at first. As Edward's movements quickened, he held eye
contact with me. Hours could have passed for the numerous thoughts and emotions flying
through my mind, but in reality it probably only took Edward a few strokes before he was
collapsing above me after his powerful release. He held me tightly without pulling out and in
that moment, we were one.

I can't say that I felt physical pleasure that first time, but our emotional bond intensified
exponentially from the experience. I would forever be linked to Edward Cullen. I had never
felt so close to another person in my entire life. The sex got better each time, and we naturally
took great care to practice as frequently as possible. Of course, our new physical relationship
also made us more dependent on one another. My entire happiness was wrapped up in Edward
Cullen.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Emmett and Jasper always seemed a bit jealous of the connection that Edward and I shared,
but I loved them, too. Jasper was our age, and Emmett was a year older. They each dated
casually, but neither of them ever had a girlfriend that I could recall. Em and Jazz were the
brothers I had never had. Edward was always close to them, and in the fall of our junior year
of high school, they started a garage band.

They named themselves Midnight Sun. Edward said he thought it sounded sexy. At first, they
were casual about their music. Emmett played the drums and Jasper played the guitar while
Edward sang and played piano. I sometimes wondered if Carlisle and Esme somehow had a
sense for picking musicians. Certainly none of them had been formally trained in any sort of
musical field by the time they were adopted and neither Esme nor Carlisle were particularly
musical as far as I knew.

As fall turned into winter, the boys became more serious about the band, and Saturdays
quickly became the official practice day. Practices moved from the garage to the Cullen's
basement, where the four of us would lock ourselves away for hours. I listened and would
help write when I could, but I was mostly just an observer. Edward was the writer in the
group. He wrote most of their music, often including subtle references to me and our
relationship, which his brothers didn't always notice. I enjoyed watching them play, of course,
and I think they liked having an audience, even if I wasn't objective. After all, I had a pretty
big thing for the lead singer. Emmett and Jasper seemed to like having me around, too. We
were a family, or at least we were the closest thing any of us could get to family.

Midnight Sun played mostly small gigs until they entered the Port Angeles Battle of the
Bands during the summer before our senior year of high school. They placed first out of
twenty-two groups and won ten thousand dollars. After that, Carlisle offered to become their
manager, though it was clear that there wasn't really a choice. He told them that if they were
serious about their music, he would help fund a demo, and he would try to get them heard.
Carlisle was a highly respected doctor and the son of a well-known politician. He had
resources and connections across the country that would happily lend a hand to help the
Cullens. The Battle of the Bands brought a lot of attention to Midnight Sun. Carlisle assured
them that he could help them capitalize on the attention. Obedience was his demanded form
of payment.

Edward and I had been practically inseparable from the moment we met, but if I had to
pinpoint a single turning point when things in our life together began to change, the Port
Angeles Battle of the Bands would be it. Carlisle had never been an overly affectionate
parent, but after Midnight Sun earned a bit of notoriety, he became down-right territorial. He
sat in on every practice and set strict dietary, exercise and social guidelines for the boys.

Carlisle banished me from their practices. Edward protested, but Carlisle chastised him,
reminding him that if he was truly serious about making a go of things, he needed to
concentrate. Carlisle also began enforcing a strict curfew for Edward. He wasn't allowed out
on school nights, and he was to be home by ten o'clock on weekends unless he was playing a
gig. I missed Edward tremendously in our time apart. He was the best part of me, but I didn't
want to push. He needed my support, and I could never deny him.

The new restrictions didn't leave much time for Edward and me to be together, but we made it
work. Edward frequently snuck out of his house to meet me, so that we could escape to our
meadow. "I'm doing this for us baby. One day I'll make enough money, and I will take us both
away from here. Maybe we can move to North Carolina and live in the same town where your
mom grew up. We could create a new life for ourselves and for our family. I love music, but it
is only a means to an end. I'm not going to do this forever. It's not what I want in life. You'll
see, Bella, we will be together. Always." His pleading became more fervent as we spent more
and more time apart.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward, Jazz and I were proud members of the Forks High class of 2001, and after
graduation, we were all ready to get the hell out of Forks. Emmett, who had graduated the
year before us, never went to college. When it was our turn, Edward and Jasper had no
intentions of going to college right away either. I was accepted to the University of
Washington in Seattle. Midnight Sun had been signed to a Seattle label with Carlisle's help, so
UW made sense. Edward and I had foolishly believed that getting out of Forks would be what
we needed to really start our lives together. We hoped that Seattle would be the answer to our
problems. Nobody would look at us like orphans there and Carlisle would hopefully have less
control over our day to day lives.

Billy died just after Thanksgiving my freshman year at UW. He had a stroke in the middle of
the night and never woke up again. Jacob didn't take his father's death well and ceased all
communication with me. Billy's funeral was the last time I ever returned to Forks and the last
time I spoke to Jacob. After that, Edward and the boys were all I had left. Two more people
had been stripped from my life. At the time, I had no clue that the remaining three people
would disappear sooner than I could have imagined.
CHAPTER 2:
I'D GIVE IT ALL AWAY

Edward's POV – May 2002:

"Baby, are you sure you're okay? You don't look so hot." I pushed the hair behind Bella's ear
and let my hand linger on her clammy neck. Bella pulled her legs up onto the couch and
curled her body gingerly into my side.

"I'll be fine, Edward," she responded in a resigned voice. "Things are just so stressful right
now with exams and your tour. I haven't been sleeping well, you know?" She looked so
pitiful. I couldn't believe I ever contemplated leaving her for seven months.

When Aro brought us into his office three months ago to tell us that he wanted us to go on the
road with Linkin Park, we were completely shocked. Neophyte bands usually weren't selected
for such high profile gigs, but according to Aro, we had a fresh sound that trended well with
Linkin Park fans, or so said the focus groups. The initial idea of touring with one of my
favorite bands was thrilling, but as my time with Bella began to tick away, the idea became
more maddening than anything else.

I wanted Bella on tour with us, but Carlisle wouldn't hear of it. I wanted to tell him that I
wouldn't go if she didn't, but Bella wouldn't hear of that. Naturally, the executives from the
label were backing Carlisle. They were spewing some shit about the liability of having people
unaffiliated with the label on the bus and limited funding for such a new band. Bands brought
girlfriends on the road all the time, and it wasn't like having Bella around would be a huge
added expenditure. I could pay for her food, and she would stay in my bunk anyway. The
whole thing sounded like horse shit, and my guess was that Carlisle was pulling the strings on
this particular issue. I just couldn't prove it yet.
"I don't think I should go, love. I can't be without you, and the idea of me leaving clearly isn't
sitting too well with you either. The guys will understand." I kissed her forehead and looked
at her pale face again, trying not to let my ever increasing worry show. "I just can't leave you
here alone. I won't do it." Jazz and Em had worked as hard as anybody on the record, and they
deserved to go on the road with Linkin Park, but becoming cogs in the industry machine had
never been the goal for any of us. Having a life and a real family with Bella was my dream.
Jasper wanted to go to business school, and Emmett was mostly a "go with the flow" type of
guy. He would be happy as long as we all stuck together.

Music had always inspired me, and it was a way to earn money, but at this point, I would be
happier to get a job and enroll at UW with Bella. To be honest, even Em and Jazz were
becoming disenchanted by what we had become. We no longer had control over our music.
We were merely marionettes singing and dancing at the hands of industry vultures. Midnight
Sun didn't belong to us anymore. It belonged to Carlisle and the puppet masters at the label. I
found it ironic that the same unique sound and original lyrics that initially made the label
executives take notice of us, now weren't good enough. I wouldn't speak for the guys, but I
would be more content to have a life again, with music as a pastime instead of a full blown
career at nineteen. At least the music would be ours again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward." Bella was looking at me crossly, and I could almost picture her
inner grade school teacher shaking a ruler in my direction. "You guys have worked so hard.
You can't walk away after everything you've done to make it this far. That wouldn't be fair to
Em and Jazz. Then there is Carlisle."

"What about Carlisle," I asked curtly. I pushed away from Bella and stood to pace the floor in
frustration as she spoke to me.

"Look at what he has given up for you, Edward." Bella kept her voice soft as she spoke to me.
"He left his medical practice to help you and your brothers grow your careers. That was a
huge sacrifice on his part."

"He could go back to it, Bella. He hasn't been gone that long." I knew my response was
selfish. Carlisle had given up a lot for us. I might hate the man, but I had to give him credit for
risking so much for us.
"Yes, he could, but it probably wouldn't be as easy as you think. Forks is a small town. I'm
sure his position at the hospital has been filled by now. Plus, look at what he has done for
your music." Bella reached out to me and pulled me to sit beside her again. Her compassion
was one of the things I loved most about her, but in this instance, it was frustrating. "While I
don't like his methods, and while I think he has been an unnecessarily harsh parent, he is a
good manager. You guys sound better than you ever have. He's given you focus. He's also
worked really hard to get your name out to powerful people. I think growing up in the
political arena really positioned him to be able to help you guys promote yourselves. I don't
think you would have made it this far without his help, at least not this quickly. You can't just
spit in his face now because I'm not going on tour with you."

"I know, Bella, but I can't leave you." I rested my head on her shoulder and tried to calm my
nerves. "It is really hard for me to show compassion for Carlisle when he has been so shitty to
us as a father," I spoke into her neck. I loved Bella for being a modern-day Pollyanna, but she
was too trusting, especially of Carlisle.

Carlisle had become a domineering drill sergeant since taking on the role of our band
manager. Where he was once concerned about our daily activities, he now dictated them. His
criticisms were no longer constructive. They were offensive and patronizing. He hadn't shown
any of us any love in a very long time. Bella was right that he was good as a manager. He had
a keen sense for the business side of things and our sound had improved tremendously with
the extra time he forced us to practice. The problem was that I felt more like his slave than his
son. I didn't want to give him that sort of power for the rest of my life.

Bella could see the angst on my face, so she rubbed gentle circles into my back and did her
best to soothe me. "Okay, so think about Esme," she said calmly, trying to take her argument
in a new direction. "If you quit, you're essentially firing her husband and leaving her without
an income. After the love and support she has consistently given you, can you do that to her?"
Bella kissed my temple softly and then continued, "Most importantly, what about you,
Edward? You have written so many beautiful songs, and you deserve the chance to play them
for the world. You will be back in seven months, and in the meantime, I will take summer
classes and then get through another semester this fall. We'll talk every single day. We will
make it through this." I'm not sure whether Bella was trying to convince herself or me. She
knew this wasn't my main passion anymore, so my assumption was that her rant was a little
bit of both.
"Bella, I'd give it all away just to have a real life with you, and frankly, my music isn't being
heard anymore anyway. Two-thirds of our album consists of songs written by other people.
Fuck, I don't even think we can really call it ours." She nodded her head, but said nothing as
she let me continue my rant. "I do love Esme, but Carlisle is a son of a bitch who doesn't
deserve an ounce of my consideration or yours. He cares more about the fame and the money
than he does about us. If this was about us, he would insist that you be on that bus with me.
He's trying to control me, Bella. He's always doing this kind of shit, and I'm so sick of it. He
is a smart man. He can get a new job that doesn't involve controlling my life." I was being
petulant, but I didn't give a damn. Bella was my life.

"I think there is more to Carlisle than we know. I don't trust him. He isn't the type of man to
give up a career for his children. There has to be more to it than that. I just wish I could figure
out his endgame." I had so many questions about Carlisle. He probably was just in it for the
money, but something deep in my gut kept poking away at me and telling me that there was
more to his interest in our band.

"Okay, seriously Edward?" Bella cupped my face and kissed my nose with care and
understanding. I just bowed my forehead against hers. "Baby, I'm going to miss you so much,
but Carlisle doesn't have some nefarious ulterior motive. Sure, I don't like his methods, but I
think he has your best interests at heart, and this time, he's probably right. I'll just be a
distraction on that bus."

"Bella, I'm telling you," I sat back, gripping her arms gently and pleading to her with my eyes
as I spoke. "Something is off with him. I just don't know what it is."

"Edward just stop, sweetheart. We won't be apart that long. Plus, the sooner I get through
school, the sooner we can be together forever. I can get a job, and we can fall back on that if
we need money. Everything will work out as we've always planned. We could even move to
North Carolina if that is something you still want to do. I know my mother's family isn't there
anymore, but maybe we could still move there and start our own family away from all of this.
We just have to get through this small setback first. Seven months are nothing in the grand
scheme of things."

"Damnit, Bella! Being without you and worrying about you being all alone here in Seattle will
be a hell of a lot more distracting than having you in my arms every day on the tour bus." I
tugged her tightly to me, unwilling to let her go. "I'm sorry that I'm yelling. I just can't take
the idea of being without you. I wouldn't survive it," I spoke the last few words gently and
cradled her lovingly in my arms. We just held one another in silence for the next hour. I knew
I would have to go, but somehow, I needed to convince Carlisle that Bella should be there
with us. I wasn't sure if I could even sing without her anymore. She was my muse. I had two
weeks to figure it out, but come hell or high water, I wasn't going to leave Bella. If she didn't
get on that bus, neither would I, Carlisle be damned.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

The next four days were a blur of meetings and professional preparations. Luckily, there
wasn't too much to do on a personal level. The guys and I had been sharing an apartment
since we moved to Seattle, and Bella was in the dorms. Carlisle had suggested that Bella
move into the apartment once her semester ended, so we didn't have to pack our stuff into
storage. She didn't own much in the way of personal items since everything had been sold
with Charlie's house. Her things would fit perfectly into my room, where they should have
been all along.

Carlisle had insisted that Bella live in the dorms when we first moved to Seattle, but now he
was the biggest proponent of her taking over our apartment while we were gone. I figured it
was his not so subtle manipulation of the situation. He likely figured that if he had her tucked
away in our apartment in Seattle, I wouldn't bug him about having her on the bus. He wouldn't
be too happy when he learned of my true intentions.

Bella's last exam was at two o'clock, so I was expecting her arrival for dinner any minute. The
guys had agreed to give us a night to ourselves, for which I was much obliged. I was making
her favorite, mushroom ravioli. With full bellies, we would then have the entire night to come
up with a final plan of action and to enjoy a few other more sensual activities perhaps.

I knew Bella had arrived before I ever heard her gentle rapping at my door. The intense
symbiotic connection we shared sent chills through my body like a Bella beacon alerting me
to her presence. I could sense her in my bones, and when we were apart, my chest would
literally ache for her. The dulling of that ache was the only confirmation I needed that she
would be in my arms in mere moments.
"Hi beautiful," I said as I opened the door and reached out to her. Her skin was slightly paled,
and she had deep purple bags under her eyes. Something was very wrong.

"Hey yourself. It smells so good in here. You made my favorite didn't you?" She wrapped her
arms tightly around my waist and smiled up at me from under her long lashes.

"That I did, love. Come in and sit down. You look exhausted." I ushered her in and brought
her to the sofa. "So how'd it go? Are you glad to be finished with your freshman year of
college? I'm so proud of you, baby."

"I haven't passed yet, babe, don't jinx me." Bella tugged at Charlie's amulet as she always did
when she was anxious. It hung from a simple silver chain that I hadn't seen her remove a
single time since I had known her.

"Silly girl. As if there is any question that you are going to pass."

"I've just…I've been so drained lately, and I don't know how I did."

"I know baby. I was hoping you would have felt better by now. You're really starting to worry
me. Maybe you should go to the doctor." I reached my hand up to feel her forehead. She
didn't feel feverish, but her complexion wasn't a rosy as it normally was. She just looks so
sickly.

"No, it should be better now that school is over, and I can get some rest. I pulled three all-
nighters this week, and my body just needs to recoup, you know?" With a sudden surge of
energy, she pushed herself up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen. "Anyway, I'm
starving. Are you going to feed your ailing girlfriend or what?" Her words were exaggerated
as she threw the back of her hand against her forehead before smirking away her "woe is me"
face with a giggle. She was mocking my concern.

"Nice, Bella," I commented sourly.

"Come on, feed me Seymour!"

She tried to change the subject by acting coy, but I could tell she was hiding how she really
felt. This was more than just being tired. Something wasn't right here.
I allowed myself to be placated, for the time being, and plated the ravioli so that we could eat.
We sat at the small dinette table in the kitchen and started our meal in silence. She smiled
sweetly at me and raised the fork to her mouth. I watched as she sensually closed her lips
around it, winking at me. Consider the subject successfully changed, I thought to myself as I
shifted in my seat.

The tightening in my jeans quickly abated when I noticed her face beginning to contort.
Before I knew what was happening, Bella urgently stood up from the table, sending her chair
crashing violently to the floor.

"Oh my God, baby! Are you okay? What's wrong? Are you choking?" I tried to lunge for her,
but she was down the hall before I even made it to her side of the table. She slammed through
the bathroom door and began viciously retching into the toilet. I came up behind her and
gently pulled her hair back behind her head to hold it out of her way. I wanted so badly to
soothe her, but I didn't know how to do it.

"It's okay, love. I'm here. You're okay." Still holding her hair, I knelt beside her and stoked
her forehead lightly as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. When she
finished, she carefully sat back against me, and I flushed the toilet for her. I held her in my
arms and hummed to her for a few minutes until her breathing regulated and her body relaxed.

"Do you think you're still just tired? I think you're really sick. Bella, something is wrong here.
I can feel it."

"No Edward, I don't think I'm sick at all actually." Is she insane?

"Sweetheart, I don't mean to be contrary when you aren't feeling well, but I'd say your recent
affection for regurgitation suggests otherwise."

"What's your damage? Are you seriously quoting Heathers to me right now, Edward?" She
giggled back at me sarcastically and pulled herself away from me to stand up. I had no idea
how she could go from heaving one minute to laughing the next. I was nonplussed by the
sudden shift in her demeanor. Why is she trying so hard to distract me from this?

"Stop trying to change the subject, Bella. You're sick, so I'm taking you to the doctor." I rose
from behind her and followed her out of the bathroom and over to the bed.
"Your hypocrisy knows no bounds, Mr. Cullen." She smirked. "You're the one who started
quoting late eighties black comedies." I glared at her reproach of my poorly chosen words.
The quote had just slipped out; I hadn't meant to make light of the situation. "Okay, let's 'talk
hard', Edward." She giggled again as I rolled my eyes at her attempt at levity.

"Actually, 'Doc', I'm pretty sure you started the movie quoting this time, but I did perpetuate
it. Let's call a truce, shall we? Tell me what's happening, because it's pretty evident that you
are sick." Bella was silent for a few moments and then began to speak.

"Edward, I don't think I'm sick. I think. Oh shit, Edward." Bella stopped and looked down at
her hands. I simply waited for her to continue. "I think I might be pregnant." All of the joking
suddenly left the room, and I choked slightly on the air I was trying so desperately to breathe.

I clearly heard the words she had just spoken, but I couldn't get my mouth to create an audible
response. My brain was trying to catch up and comprehend what the hell she had just said.
Pregnant? My Bella is pregnant? Oh my God! Bella is pregnant…with our baby. My love is
carrying our little baby girl or boy in her belly. HOLY FUCK! I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!

"Edward, baby, I'm sorry. I don't know how this could have happened; we're always so
careful. I'm so sorry Edward. Please don't be mad at me, I didn't do this on purpose." She was
panicking, clearly misinterpreting my shock for anger. I had to pull myself together and man-
up, pronto.

"Love, no, don't say you're sorry. There's no reason at all for you to be sorry. Baby, this is
amazing. Oh my God, Bella! We are going to have a little baby with your beautiful brown
eyes and my hair." I gently moved my hand to her belly and kissed her shoulder. I was
smiling so wide I thought I was going to hurt myself. "Bella, this is the most amazing news I
think I've ever heard."

"Whoa, slow down sailor. We don't even know for sure. I need to get a pregnancy test."

"Okay, that makes sense, but Bella, I know you're pregnant. The sickness, the lethargy…all of
it fits."
"Would you be okay with that? I mean, truly Edward, you're about to leave for seven months.
How would this even work? I don't think I can do it alone." Where is my Pollyanna now? Shit,
she must be really scared.

"Bella, love, you won't be alone, I promise. I will be there at every doctor's appointment, and I
will run to the store for you at three am when you start craving pickles and ice cream. I will
hold your hand and coach you through your breathing as you deliver our beautiful baby. I'm
not going to be some absentee dad. I will be there, and we will raise our baby together. God
Bella, I don't care what we have to do, but you won't be alone. I will be by your side every
step of the way."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Bella and I sat nervously at the table, waiting for Emmett and Jasper to arrive at the diner. We
had confirmed Bella was what we guessed to be about six weeks pregnant and then had
formulated a plan. Now we just needed the guys to be on board to make it all work. I knew
they wouldn't let me down, but I was still anxious about telling them.

"Alright Eddikins, we're here! What's with the urgent pow-wow, brother?" Emmett's booming
voice bombarded my senses as he slammed into the booth across from me, Jasper right on his
heels.

"Ok, first, don't ever call me Eddikins again, or I will beat the ever loving piss out of you, got
it?"

"Whatever Eddie, I've got a good forty pounds on your scrawny ass. There's no way you
could even put so much as a dent in me, and you know it." He flexed his arm muscle as a
macho testament to his strength.

"You may be bigger, but I'm faster and I've got better skills. I'm pretty sure I could take you."
I winked at Bella, playfully requesting her support.

"Okay, okay, you two, enough. What's this about Edward? I have a ton of shit to get done."
Jasper looked intently at me and then to Bella. I knew we couldn't wait anymore. This is it.

"Okay. So... um...…okay, this is hard, but I need to ask you guys a question, and I need a
really honest answer. Please, no bullshit. Tell me the truth. Can you guys do that?"
"We'd never lie to you Edward, you know that." Jazz's response was reassuring, and Em just
nodded and waved his hand indicating he wanted me to get on with it.

"Are you guys happy? I don't mean in the general life sense. I mean specifically with
Midnight Sun and the tour and the label?"

"Is this about leaving Bella?" Em's tone was uncharacteristically serious, and I was suddenly
fearful that the conversation wouldn't go as well as I had hoped. "Because I don't really see
that we have a whole lot of choices here. Do you?"

"No, this isn't about Bella. I mean, yes, of course it's about Bella, but not just about her." I
squeezed her hand under the table. "I think I would feel this way whether Bella was going on
tour with us or not. It's just that none of this happened the way I had pictured it. The band was
always about our bond as brothers and about expressing ourselves. It wasn't supposed to be so
bureaucratic. Now, it just seems to be about what a bunch of suits and fucking focus groups
think the masses will like. I feel like we've sold our souls, you know?"

"Look, you know how I feel about it Edward," Jasper started reverently. "I never intended for
Midnight Sun to be my entire life. I want to go to college, and I would love to play small gigs
to make a few bucks and have some fun, but I don't need the rest of it. I never wanted that.
I've just been going along with it because of Carlisle and you guys." Jazz seemed to be on the
same page with me, and I was hoping the next words from Em would be the same.
Unfortunately, Jasper continued, and my heart sank a bit. "I'm not going to lie though, man.
I'm kind of excited about the tour. I mean, shit, we're opening for Linkin Park! I'm hoping it
will help us get back to what we really enjoyed about playing."

"Fuck that, do you know how many women are going to throw themselves at us on tour?
Being famous has some serious perks, boys." Emmett laughed and waggled his eyebrows at
us jovially.

"Not helpful, Emmett," I admonished.

"Sorry, Bells. You know I don't mean Eddie, of course. He's too pussy-whipped to care about
groupies anyway." Em winked at us, trying to hold back his snicker.
"That's okay, Em. I know what you're saying." Bella was always so gracious, and she knew I
was one hundred percent loyal to her, but I was really going to have to talk to my brother
about his mouth.

"Edward, I'm just kidding, man. Okay, I'm not kidding about ladies for me, but really, I know
what you guys are saying, but isn't it a bit late now? It's not like we can back out, we leave in
a week. You're not trying to back out of the tour are you?"

"Emmett's right, Edward." Jasper put down his glass of water and looked at me seriously.
"Carlisle would never let us back out, and we have a contract. We have to go. I'm not saying
I'm excited about the way things have gone down, but we can't just bail on our obligations."

"No, no guys," I interrupted quickly. "I just needed to make sure we were on the same page
and that I have your support. I have a bit of news and a plan to run past you." Bella leaned
into my arm as I steeled myself for what I was about to tell them.

"Okay, here goes. See, umm. Well, the thing is..."

"Bells, do you think you could help this schmuck out? He doesn't seem to be able to form a
coherent sentence this afternoon," Emmett interrupted me.

"I'm pregnant," she said, barely above a whisper. I smiled hearing her say the words again.

"And we're getting married this weekend," I added before my brothers had time to react.

"Hot damn, you're a stud Eddie! Congratulations, that's fantastic news!" Emmett stood up and
grabbed Bella from my arms to pull her into a huge bear hug.

"That's wonderful man. I'm really happy for both of you." Jasper's response was still
encouraging, but far more guarded than Emmett's. I could tell he had already started thinking
about the logistics of the situation.

"Okay do you think you could put me down, Em? You're kind of crushing me…I mean us."
Bella giggled into Emmett's chest.

"Ah Bells, you're going to be my sister for real now. This is awesome." He sat her back down
in her chair and then retook his seat.
"Okay, so when are you due?" Jasper looked at us expectantly.

"Bella hasn't been to a doctor yet. She just took one of those home pregnancy test thingies.
The best we can tell from the timing is that she should be due around Christmas or New
Year's."

"That is terrific guys. A Christmas baby. We can carry it around in a Christmas stocking."
Emmett grinned at himself, thinking he was clever.

"That's awesome, guys, so what's this plan?" Jasper once again brought us back to the
seriousness of the moment.

"Actually, that is where you guys come into play." I took a deep breath and continued. "I love
you guys, and I don't want to abandon you if you want to keep going with Midnight Sun, but I
also have a responsibility to Bells and the baby." They nodded at me, but said nothing.

"I'm thinking that once Bells and I are married, the label and Carlisle won't have a legitimate
reason to keep her off the bus anymore. They are allowing Esme to go because she is married
to our manager and she is our mother, so Bella should be no different." This was the hard part.
"After the tour though, I think I'm done. Our contract was for two years. Once we get back, I
will finish out the last few months doing what they want and then, with your blessing, I want
out." I looked between Jasper and Emmett to see if they had any sort of reaction my blunt
statement, but neither one of them seemed surprised, so I continued. "I don't want to raise my
kid on the road," I said as I turned to look at Bella in the eyes and sincerely kissed the back of
her soft hand. "I want a real life."

"Edward, I think that sounds perfect, actually." Emmett's mature response shocked the hell
out of me. "You know Jasper and I haven't been happy with the way things have been
anyway."

"I agree man. I think this is a good exit strategy for all of us. The band doesn't even have to
break up. We just won't do it formally anymore. I think you are overlooking one major
problem though."

"What's that?" I asked puzzled.

"There is no way in hell that Carlisle is going to let you guys get married this weekend, and
even if you do, he will still do everything he can to keep us in this thing. He has given up a lot
to get us to this point. He won't just let us throw it all away."

"I know Jazz. Trust me, I have thought of little else. That is why we aren't going to tell him."

"Wait, what?" Bella looked at me like I was crazy. I turned to look at her seriously and just
squeezed her hand to let her know it was going to be okay. If I was being honest with myself,
I would have to admit that I would likely not be as ready to quit if it weren't for Bella. That
being said, she wasn't the only reason I had for feeling like I was on the wrong path. But Bella
was part of my life, and she inspired me to fight for myself and for us. I would die without
her, so for me, there was no other choice. We had to do this, and we couldn't let Carlisle know
until it was done.

I kissed Bella on the cheek to let her know that we were on the same side. "We have to do it
this way, Bella." She still looked unconvinced, but I needed to tell everybody he full plan
before I argued the point further.

"Look, Bella and I picked up a marriage license this morning," I said turning my attention
back to the guys. "There is a three-day waiting period, and then we are good to go. We want
to get married on Saturday, and we would like you two to be there to stand up for us, but we
can't tell Carlisle and Esme."

"Edward, are you sure you don't want your mom and dad to be there?" Bella had concern
etched across her face. We had agreed on the wedding, but I hadn't told her, until this minute,
that I intended to do it without Esme and Carlisle.

"Bells, they will try to stop us, sweetheart, and I'm not going to let that happen. Once we're
married, there is nothing they can do about it."

"He's right Bella. You know Carlisle. He'd do everything in his power to stop you. He has
never approved of your relationship, and he has spent the past two years trying to push you
out of our lives."

Jasper was right. From banning Bella from practices, the curfews, the insane schedule here in
Seattle and now the bus, everything pointed to his intention to get me away from Bella. He
had told us both, on a number of occasions that this was just a silly teen romance and that she
was a distraction. I wasn't going to let him do it this time. We were legally adults, and he
couldn't tell us what to do. Bella Swan would be my wife by week's end.

"Well, I for one would be honored to stand of for you, Bro, and you too, Bells." Emmett
reached across the table to give me a knuckle bump.

"I agree, man. It would be an honor. You all know we're going to have to keep quitting the
label a secret too though, right? We are going to need a serious plan if we are going to carry
this thing off."

"I have thought about that too, and I agree," I said in acknowledgement of Jasper. "If he knew
we were planning to quit the label at the end of the contract, he would probably do just about
anything to scuttle our plans. I think the best thing to do is to keep all of this between the four
of us until we have a clearly defined exit strategy."

"Agreed," Emmett and Jazz said simultaneously. "What about Saturday? How do we work
that?" Emmett asked.

"Well, we spoke to a justice of the peace who is willing to marry us on Saturday afternoon at
2 pm. We have practice that morning. Bells will stay behind at the apartment and will take her
car to meet us there. The three of us can leave from the studio. Carlisle won't suspect a thing
because she won't even be with us."

"I think that sounds perfect, man. Congratulations you guys." Jasper clapped me on the
shoulder, and for the first time since we sat down, I saw hope in his eyes.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Carlisle's POV

When I saw Edward walk into the diner with that stupid Swan bitch, I pushed myself against
the back of the booth and surreptitiously raised my menu to obscure my face. She'd been
fucking with my plan from the start and today was no different. The boys were supposed to be
practicing, but here she was dragging him to distraction in the middle of the afternoon. I
couldn't wait to get out on the road and get Edward away from her. I smirked, knowing I
would be able to break them up for good once I got a bit of geography between them. A few
well staged pictures in high profile magazines and she'd leave him. He would be hurt, but the
angst would probably help him play the part of the brooding rock star all the better. He'd
probably even thank me for it one day, not that I was doing any of this for him.

They passed by my booth without noticing me and took a seat at a four-top table just behind
where I was seated. A few minutes later Emmett and Jasper walked in to join them.
Apparently, Edward had called a "pow-wow". I smiled to myself, knowing I was close
enough to hear every word of their clandestine meeting without revealing my presence.

A few minutes later, I dug my nails into the edge of the table as I listened to those stupid kids
congratulating that little slut on her pregnancy and her "secret" wedding to my son. If she
thought this was her happily ever after, she had another thing coming. There would be no
wedding under my watch.

That silly bitch had no idea of the shit storm I was about to bring down upon her. A break up
wouldn't be enough anymore. Not with a baby in the picture. Bella Swan and the baby needed
to die.
CHAPTER 3:
YOUR VOICE WAS ALL I HEARD

Edward's POV: May 4, 2002

"Today is our big day, love. Wake up." I nudged Bella lightly in the neck with my nose,
trying to wake her gently. We had had quite a long, passionate night, and I knew she was
probably wiped out, but this was our wedding day, and I couldn't leave without telling her
how much I adored her.

"Mmm… Jasper, that feels so good," she moaned with a slight smile on her lips.

"Hey, woman! Not funny!" I tickled her gently in the side, and she tried to squirm away from
me. "Oh, no. There will be none of that little girl. You don't get to pull away from me. Not
today."

"I love you so much, Edward," Bella sighed, nuzzling back into me. "I can't believe we're
getting married in a few hours. I'm finally going to have a family again."

"Love, you've always been my family. I don't need a legal document to make that true," I said
as I leaned in for a smooch. I only intended to steal a loving and gentle kiss on the lips, but
she pulled me closer to deepen it. That's my girl.

"You are my family"—she pulled out of our kiss to look me in the eyes— "but the idea of
making you my husband…it just means more, you know?"

"Of course I do, love. I've wanted to make you my wife for a long time." I wanted her to know
how sincere I was. I had loved Bella from the day I met her, and I wanted her to be my wife
above all else. I had no question about that.
"Really? But we're so young. Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like I expect you to marry
me just because we're pregnant. I love you, and I want to do this, but we don't have to if you
aren't sure."

"Bella, no. I love you, and I would want to marry you, pregnant or not. Sure, I hadn't planned
on proposing quite this soon, but with the situation, it just makes sense to do it right away.
Age is just a number. Love shouldn't be restricted to time periods and arbitrary age limits.
Plus, baby or no baby, I want you forever."

"That's just it, Edward. You weren't even planning to propose, and now we're getting married
in a few hours. I just want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons." I knew Bella
didn't doubt her own feelings; this was just typical Bella. She was making sure that I had what
I needed. Bella was always good at reading people and seeing what made them happy or
brought out the best in them, but when it came to me – and how she made me feel - she was
far less self-assured. It was nonsense, but I found it sweet all the same. She was selfless.

"Love, listen to me. I talked to Jasper a month ago about marrying you. I told him that I was
going to propose to you this Christmas. He said he would help me pick out a ring and
everything. So yes, my timetable was moved up a few months by the circumstances, but this
is absolutely what I want. You are my world, sweet girl, and I will love you for the rest of my
life."

Bella swiped a tear from her cheek and gazed up at me, looking totally surprised. "You were
really planning to propose at Christmas?" Her voice was a delicate whisper.

"Yes. I was." I leaned in and kissed her temple. "I knew the tour would be ending, and it
would be the right time for us. I mean, I know we're still young, but I can't imagine ever
loving anybody but you, Bella. I've known you were it for me from the first time I saw you
sketching that stupid cat and talking about 'old wives'." I laughed at the amused expression on
her face. She was so cute when she was giddy.

"I love you, too, Edward, and I absolutely would have said yes to your proposal. It would've
been the best Christmas present I could have imagined."

"No, this is the best Christmas present," I said softly as I bent down to kiss her belly.
"Our little peanut," she sighed sweetly.

"Indeed." I slowly rolled on top of her, being careful not to allow the full weight of my body
to press against her belly. She brought her arms around my neck and pulled me to her more
fully. Our kiss started softly, but before long, it became fevered, picking up where our
previous kiss had left off.

"I want you, Edward. Make love to me before you go?" she asked in a panting breath between
kisses.

"You know I would love nothing more, baby, but I've got to get to the studio if we're going to
get out of there in time to get to the park by two."

Bella and I had planned to get married in a small park just outside of Seattle. We found it the
first weekend we moved to the city when we went exploring, seeking respite from band and
school preparations. The park was in a quiet suburb of Seattle, and there was a small pond
where Bella liked to feed the ducks. We'd spent several lazy afternoons loving one another on
a blanket next to that pond, and today, I would make her my wife there.

"Please," she pouted. "I know you want to. I can be really quick." She arched her eyebrow at
me in challenge. "Are you going to deny me on our wedding day of all days?" She bit her
lower lip waiting for my answer, and I knew I was done. When did my sweet innocent Bella
become a master manipulator?

"You're no fair, woman." I pressed into her, letting her know that I was acquiescing to her
will.

"Oh, poor baby has to make love to his bride," she snickered as she bucked her hips toward
me.

"I guess I'll just have to endure it," I quipped back, playing along.

"Make me yours, Edward." The playfulness was gone from her voice. She meant her words
literally and figuratively. I had no choice but to comply with her wishes.

"You already are, love, but I don't mind showing you again." There was no more talking after
that. I pushed into her, and we spent the next half hour exploring, touching, and caressing
until our bodies were fully sated and our hearts full. I was the luckiest man in the world to get
to spend the rest of my life with this exquisite creature. I held Bella for several minutes as we
came back down from our high, just breathing her into my lungs. Unfortunately, reality came
slamming back to me when I noticed the clock across the room.

"Shit, baby, I'm totally going to be late. I don't want Carlisle throwing a shit fit on me today.
I've got to go." I kissed her one last time and then jumped out of the bed. I took a super fast
shower, wishing that I had time to take Bella again up against the shower wall. Bella had
asked me not to shave today, so once I finished my very lonely shower, I was ready to go in
under ten minutes. I pulled her into my arms for a final hug. It would be the last time I saw
her before she would walk down the aisle to become my wife.

"This is it, baby," I whispered as I buried my nose into her soft hair. "Next time I see you, I
plan on making you Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

"I can't wait, Mr. Cullen," She cooed into my chest as she squeezed her arms tightly around
my waist, returning the embrace I was giving her. "I still can't believe this is really happening.
I've never felt this way."

"I love you more than life itself, Bella." I pulled back to look her in the eyes. I wanted to
make sure she could feel my sincerity. "You've made me the happiest man in the world."

"I love you too, Edward. Always."

We kissed one last time before I rushed out the door to meet the guys at the studio.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Carlisle POV

"Speak," I barked brusquely into cell phone, offering no salutations, only a curt command to
provide information. I pulled my car into the studio parking lot and waited for the voice on
the other end of the line to give me the confirmation that everything was ready.

"Sir, everything is set according to your instructions," he replied in a professional and

confident voice. I knew his intent was to garner future business from me. Even thugs have to
have aspirations, right?
"And the girl?" I was following my own safety protocol and keeping our phone interactions
cryptic.

"The target is alone in the apartment. She's taking a shower." Ah, Isabella in the shower. I
thought back to the frequent occasions I had watched Isabella changing and showering in my
home when the kids were still in high school. The stupid bitch didn't know how to lock a door
to save her life. Not that I ever complained; her lack of self-preservation only helped to satisfy
my more primal needs. That little slut had served as visual stimulus for some of my best
orgasms. My son was a lucky man to have had his hands on her delectable breasts and
luscious ass. Of course, I'll be putting an end to that soon enough.

"Very well…and the components?" I kept my questioning succinct and forceful.

"Placed just as you indicated, motion activated with a fifteen minute timer."

"Good. Follow her, but keep your distance," I directed. "Report back once it is done."

"Yes, sir." I clicked the line dead and sat back, grinning to myself, pleased that my plan was
in motion. Perfect.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward POV

"Nice of you to show up, Edward," Carlisle spit his words at me angrily, his terse tone
resonating in my ears and threatening to piss me off. Not today. I wasn't going to let him fuck
with my wedding day, so I just brushed him off. "I certainly hope you can act more
responsibly once we're on the road. You might think the old time is money adage is just some
cliché, but if you continue on in this disrespectful, adolescent manner, it will surely come
back to haunt you. You need to grow up, little boy."

"Look, I'm sorry I'm late. I had to take care of a few things. Can we get started now, or do you
want to lecture me some more while even more time ticks away?" My words were clipped. I
wanted to end the tirade and get to work. I had places to be.

"You'd do well to watch how you speak to me, boy. I won't tolerate your ungrateful,
insubordinate attitude. You'd be sitting in a ditch somewhere if Esme and I hadn't taken you in
when you were young. You certainly wouldn't be in a recording studio, signed with one of the
most influential labels in the industry. Sometimes I wonder why I ever bothered with you,"
Carlisle pelted me with his venomous words. It was true; Carlisle was a savvy business
manager, and we wouldn't have been recording a record and preparing for a tour without him.
But that didn't change the fact that the man was a shitty father, lacking even an ounce of
human compassion. I balled my fists together, trying to control in my anger. This wasn't the
time to fight with my father. I needed to get through rehearsal and back to my Bella.

An overwhelming sense of gratitude washed over me as I thought about the glorious woman
who had agreed to marry me in a few hours. Isabella Swan would be doing more than just
making me her husband; she would be rescuing me from my tyrannical father and a life I had
grown to resent. If she hadn't come into my life, I probably would have allowed Carlisle to
hold me under his thumb for the rest of my life. Without her, I would have had no hope for
true happiness, and there would have been no reason to fight him. But Bella was part of my
life, and our relationship gave me an opportunity to have a real family. Because of her, I
knew I would have the courage to stand up to Carlisle when our contract was up. With Bella
by my side, I would have the strength to leave my father and my music career behind.

"We'll discuss this later," my father barked again. "Your brothers are inside. Go." I didn't look
back at him before entering the sound proof recording booth. One day I would get back at
Carlisle for all of his shit, but for today, I was bound and determined to be happy.

Emmett and Jasper were already inside when I entered. They both gave me knowing looks,
confirming instantly that they knew why I had been late. I tried not to be smug about it, but
fuck if I wasn't the happiest man alive, Carlisle's tirade notwithstanding.

"Weren't you supposed to be saving that for later?" Emmett joked at me. "It's bad enough luck
to see her on your… um, today, but you're going to need a leprechaun and a rainbow to get
around the bad luck you just racked up with your sexual romp before… well, you know." I
gave him a pointed look, telling him silently that we could be heard easily over the sound
system in the next room. He just smiled back with a shrug. I looked over my shoulder and saw
that nobody seemed to be paying attention to our conversation.

"Let's do this thing, boys." Jasper nodded toward Carlisle and our producer in the next room
to engage them and let them know we were ready.
 X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

We finished up a few minutes early-at quarter after one. Perfect timing, I thought to myself
with excitement. We said our farewells to the crew and Carlisle as nonchalantly as possible so
as to avoid raising any suspicions, but when we made it out to the car, I realized that I had a
major problem.

"Shit! I forgot my other clothes." In my haste this morning, I had totally forgotten a major
piece of my plan. I looked at my watch and hoped that I would have enough time to take a
detour by the apartment.

"Why don't you just call Bella and ask her to bring them, man?" Emmett tried to help.

"Nah, she has enough to think about, and I need to change. I'll just run home and catch a ride
with her. You guys go ahead to meet the justice of the peace. His name is Martin."

"You got it. No funny business, though, we don't have much time," Jasper scolded teasingly.

"Good deal. I'll be good, promise." If I honestly thought there was enough time, I probably
would try to sneak one in with my girl, but we were going to be rushed as it was, so our
playtime would have to wait. "Thanks, guys. Really, I love you both so much, and I'm
honored that you're going to be there with me today."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world. Now get the hell out of here before Carlisle comes out and
starts asking questions you can't answer."

"Right, see you all in a few." I jumped in my car and called Bella to let her know I'd be riding
with her. That worked just as well for me. The idea of walking into our future together made
me happy.

I arrived home ten minutes later to find Bella standing before me in a flowing white sundress
that hit just below her knees. She was wearing the pearl earrings I purchased for her our first
Christmas together. As expected, Charlie's amulet rested around her neck. I had never seen
her look so beautiful. "You're stunning, Bella."

"Why thank you, Mr. Cullen. I wanted to look nice for my new husband." Her eyes were
bright and her cheeks rosy.
"I love you so much, Mrs. Cullen." I pulled her into an embrace and began planting soft kisses
along her bare shoulders.

"Alright, alright. If you don't stop that we're going to miss our wedding, and I won't be Mrs.
Cullen." She didn't pull away.

"Hmm, we can't have that, can we?"

"No, sir. Now go get ready, quickly. I've been waiting to marry you for the last four years. I
don't want to wait anymore." After a final kiss, I rushed into my room to change as fast as I
could. We were out the door and in the car in no time, heading toward our future together.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I looked over at Bella as we drove. She looked oddly sad, and my heart began to constrict
with fear. "Baby, is everything okay?" I asked with trepidation.

"I was just thinking about Charlie." Her eyes glistened with un-shed tears. I wanted to pull
over and sweep her into my arms to take away the pain.

"I know, baby. I'm so sorry."

"I guess I knew intellectually that he wouldn't be with me today, but I forgot to prepare my
heart." I squeezed her hand firmly in mine. "When I was a little girl, I would play dress up
and imagine Charlie walking me down the aisle to meet my prince. I'll never have that, and it
just makes me sad, I guess."

"Charlie's amulet looks beautiful with that dress," I mentioned as I pulled out onto the
interstate heading out of town. "You know he's with us today, Bella? Just because he won't
literally walk you down the aisle doesn't mean that he won't be by your side; your mother,
too. I am sure they're both so proud of you, baby." I laced my fingers through hers and pulled
her hand up to kiss it.

"Emmett might be the one on your arm, but your dad will be on the other, even if you can't
see him. Just feel him in your heart."

"You're going to make me cry," she said, holding my hand tightly.

"It's okay to cry, love," I spoke to her with what I hoped was a soothing tone. I couldn't stand
to see her sad, especially on a day that was so special for us. "This is a happy day, and
memories of your dad make you happy."

"I love you so much Edward. Thank you for saving me." Her words meant so much to me.
She had no idea how much she had brought into my life. I couldn't wait to spend the next
eighty years showing her just how much I loved her.

"We saved each other, baby," I affirmed confidently, squeezing her small hand in mine.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I found this a few days ago, and I thought it would be special to carry
it with me today." Bella raised her hips off the seat slightly and pulled a folded piece of paper
out of the pocket that was hidden in the pleats of her dress. I couldn't imagine what she would
have brought with her.

"What do you have there?" I asked, trying to glance at the paper without taking my eyes off
the road for too long.

"Guarded Bella by Edward Cullen, 8/28/98," she spoke gently. My eyes widened with
amazement when I saw her holding out the sketch I had done of her that first day at Forks
High School. "It's my something old," she said, smiling brightly at me.

"I can't believe you still have that." My girl would never cease to amaze me. That she had
kept my sketch all of these years, was more touching than I could express to her.

"Of course I have it. This is the first thing you ever gave me. I treasure it. I'll treasure it
forever." Bella folded the paper up and tucked it back into her pocket.

"You're my forever love. Remember that," I said, smiling at her. I pulled onto the exit, and my
heart began to race. We were only a few miles away now. Soon I would make Bella my wife.
I looked over at my bride and just beamed. "I love you more than life itself, Mrs. Cullen."

"You know, that is the second time you've said that to me today."

"What's that?" I knew I had said I loved her more than twice today. I made it a point to tell her
often.
"That you love me 'more than life itself'. I like hearing that. I love you more than life itself
too, baby." I looked over at her just in time to see a tear falling from her eye. I captured it with
my finger.

"Always," was my simple reply as I turned my gaze back to the road. Before I could fully
regain my concentration, I heard a loud pop that sounded like a tire blowing, and then the car
jerked violently.

"Oh my God, Edward! What was that? What's happening?" I heard Bella screech from the
passenger seat as the car started swerving dangerously on the road.

"Hold on, baby, I think we blew a tire!" I yelled back. I jammed on the brakes, but they didn't
work. The car was suddenly pulling out of my control, but there was nothing I could do to
stop it. I tried to turn the wheel, but it wouldn't respond to any of my corrective measures as
the swerve turned into a spin. Before I knew what was happening, the trees blurred around the
car and the road disappeared beneath us. I was instantly filled with a panic, the likes of which
I had never known. Bella, Bella, Bella.

"Edward, look out!" Bella's frightened scream was all I heard before my world turned black.
CHAPTER 4:
THE ASHES FELL LIKE SNOW

Edward's POV: May, 2002

"He's going to need time. I think we should cancel." Jasper's whispered voice broke through
the cadence of the irritating mechanical beeping, which was echoing in my cobweb-filled
head. I strained to open my eyes, but they wouldn't budge. Where the fuck am I, and why can't
I open my damn eyes?

"I think you're wrong. He'll drown if we don't keep him engaged. I think the best thing is to
move forward as planned. I've already discussed everything with Aro, and he's in agreement.
Assuming his doctors give him the all clear, we'll leave in two weeks. We'll try to make up the
Nevada shows at the end of the tour." I recognized the authoritative voice as Carlisle's.
Though, nothing he said was making any sense. Will somebody please tell me what the fuck is
going on here? I tried to scream, but my attempts were futile. My vocal cords wouldn't
respond to the messages my brain was sending.

"He won't do it, and I can't believe you'd force him. He almost died out there, and when he
wakes up, he'll wish he had. Can't you act like his father, and not his manager, for one
minute?" Jasper's normally calm demeanor was now fading in favor of angered tones. My
mind began to grapple with the nonsensical words I was hearing. What are they talking
about? What does he mean, "almost died"? Why can't I see anything?

"I think you should leave until you calm down, Jasper. This isn't good for him." Even through
my deep fog, I could recognize the patronizing, controlling tone that was quintessential
Carlisle.
"Please, you clearly don't care about what's good for him. I'm staying until he wakes up."
Jasper was trying to protect me, but I still couldn't understand why. I need Bella. Where is
Bella?

I slowly tried to open my eyes again. My lids were heavy and my lashes were stuck together
by something entirely unsettling. I concentrated my movements and finally willed them open,
allowing a blinding sliver of light to reach my retinas. I quickly shut them back again and
turned my stiff neck away from the source of the light, a window on the opposite wall.

"Bella," I finally pushed her name from my lips in a painful whisper. Bella would explain
everything. I needed her. I loved her. She was my savior. "Bella," I croaked out again. I
needed my Bella.

"Thank God, Edward. You're awake. Don't try to move, man." Jasper was at my side in a
minute squeezing my hand. "It's going to be okay, Edward." His voice sounded so strained to
me, so I tried to squeeze his hand back to reassure him. I needed him to calm down, so that I
could get some answers.

"Son, how are you feeling?" I turned my head toward Carlisle, who was looking down at me
with something that seemed more like spectator interest than fatherly concern. "Here, drink
some water." He stiffly held a straw to my lips, encouraging me to take a sip. I pursed my lips
for a moment and gently sucked in the cool liquid. It felt divine against my cotton tongue, and
I greedily gulped down as much as I could before Carlisle removed it from my reach. "Not too
much, you'll get sick," he admonished. Carlisle always made sure I knew that he held all of
the power even if it was over something as simple as a cup of water.

I turned from Carlisle's cool glare and searched out my brother. "Where am I, Jazz? Where's
Bella?" Jasper rubbed my shoulder lovingly and then looked at Carlisle with a pained,
imploring face. Something wasn't right, but I couldn't get my mind to focus. Fuck, why won't
they just tell me what the hell is happening to me?"

"Man, I'm so sor…" Jasper began, but Carlisle cut him off abruptly.

"What do you remember, Edward?" I tried to concentrate, but I couldn't get my mind to focus
on any particular memory. I was forgetting something. I took a few deep breaths and thought
back to my most recent memories. The images in my head were still so cloudy, but they
slowly began to give way to beautiful snapshots of Bella.

Bella, her white dress, Charlie's amulet on a chain, our wedding, our baby, but then nothing.

"Please! Where is she?" The incessant beeping beside my bed became more rapid and
pronounced in my ears as I felt my body clench with anxiousness. "Jazz, where's Bella?" I
tried to raise myself up to reach for Jasper, but he stopped me with his hands, gently pushing
me back into my pillow.

"It's okay, man. Just lay down and take it easy. I'm right here." Jasper was trying to be calm,
but I could tell something was very wrong. They were hiding something from me. My
instincts were screeching at me trying to get me to focus on some important detail that I still
couldn't quite mentally grasp. I needed my Bella. She would explain everything to me. She
always seemed to know instinctively what I needed. She would make everything better and
then I would be able to put the pieces of this mental puzzle back together.

"Where is she? Jazz, please just tell me. Where is she?" Jasper looked at me with a broken
expression and I knew something was seriously wrong. Bella should have been here at my
side waiting for me to wake up. She would never leave me alone like this of her own free will.
I could feel my heart racing in my chest, and my entire body was beginning to tremble with
panic.

"Bella!" I called as loudly as I could muster. "Where the fuck is Bella?" I was screaming now.

"Edward, you have to calm down, okay? You were in an accident. Do you remember that?"
Jasper asked, the panic evident in his tense voice. I searched through my foggy mind, once
again trying to reconnect the dots that had been scattered about. Flashes of horrific images
were suddenly reappearing before me.

Bella smiling and squeezing my hand…

A loud pop and the smell of burning rubber…

Bella desperately screaming my name…

The world spinning around the car in a uncontrollable blur of green and brown…
The tree…

Darkness…

"NO! Oh God, Jasper, the tire blew and I lost control of the car." My heart was thundering in
my chest as I connected all of the flashes into a cohesive picture. "Shit, Jasper, the car
wouldn't respond to me. I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop us. We swerved off the road.
Bella was yelling. I heard her, Jasper. She was yelling. I don't remember what happened after
that." My panic had now escalated to abject terror. I twisted the bed sheet in my fisted hands,
pulling at it like a lifeline. I needed something, any sign of hope that she was okay.

"Where is she Jasper? Please. Where is Bella? I need to see her, please, you have to tell me."
The details were still foggy in my mind, but the flashing images painted a gruesome reality I
couldn't ignore. Everything happened so quickly, but it would be okay once I had Bella in my
arms. I needed to know she was okay, that our baby was okay. My mind was racing a million
miles per hour and my breathing was accelerating to an unhealthy level; I was starting to
hyperventilate. I needed Bella. Dear God, please tell me they are okay. I will do anything!

"Edward, you need to calm down. I've called the doctor. He'll be here in just a minute and will
go over your injuries with you," Carlisle's clinical tone only served to anger me further. His
lack of compassion was like a violent slap in my weary face. He was being intentionally
evasive.

"Is Bella okay? Is she in another room? I need to see her. Can you take me to see her please?
She might need me." I was begging now. The truth was that I needed her too. I couldn't
understand why they were dodging my questions. Don't they hear me asking about her?

"Edward, you need to calm down. Let's worry about you for now." Carlisle ignored Jasper's
pleading eyes as he spoke. Carlisle had never been a compassionate man. His concern for my
well-being made no sense. He was a selfish son-of-a-bitch and I knew he was trying to
distract me from something very serious. I wouldn't let him do that to me - not with this.

"No, damn it! Jazz, talk to me."

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Jasper mumbled through tears that had begun falling down his pale
cheeks. "I'm so very sorry." I couldn't breathe watching Jasper fall apart. I'd never seen my
brother cry before. Not ever. This wasn't making sense.

"What are you talking about, Jasper? Why are you sorry?" I was trying to get out of bed
again. Going around in circles with them was stupid. "Bella needs me. I need to go to her.
Help me get up." Jasper just looked at me, but he didn't move to help me. "Come on, man," I
implored again. Jasper remained motionless, so I took matters into my own hands, and I tried
to use the rails on the bed to pull myself up. My chest started to constrict as I began to move,
and sharp ripping pain surged through my chest, pushing me back as if I had been staked
against the bed. I screamed out in agony against the piercing pain. A sudden flurry of doctors
and nurses burst into the room and began tugging at me.

"Edward, I'm Dr. Alec Denali. I need you to calm down," he commanded as he placed a
gentle hand on my chest. "Can you do that for me, please?" I couldn't breathe. It felt like a
large boulder was on my chest and then for the second time, my world went dark.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I heard shuffling around me and the sound of papers being shifted in somebody's hands. I
slowly opened my eyes to take in my surroundings. A man in a white lab coat stood at my
bedside, reading a chart over the edge of his glasses.

"Ah, there you are." I took a second to focus on his face; he looked familiar. "Take a sip,
Edward." The man extended a cup towards my mouth. After a moment, recognition dawned
on me. He was the doctor I had seen before I had passed out. He was holding a mauve colored
cup out to me with a straw angled toward my very dry lips. I took a small sip and swished the
cool water around in my mouth before swallowing it in a painful gulp. Unlike Carlisle, he
didn't pull away until I was sated.

"What did you give me?" I stuttered wondering how I had managed to fall asleep so easily. I
remembered Jasper crying and apologizing to me, but nobody would tell me about Bella.

"I'm sorry, Edward. We had to give you a sedative to calm you. I'm Dr. Denali. Do you
remember meeting me before you fell asleep?" He moved closer and flashed a small pen light
into my eyes. I blinked against it for a moment, but then was able to follow it as he moved it
from side to side.

"Yes. I remember. Can you please tell me what's going on?" Stay calm and get your answers.
"Where is she? What happened?" I managed to speak more clearly now that the fog had risen
from my brain.

"You were in a car accident. You wrapped your car around a tree and sustained several
broken ribs, a laceration to your sternum, a dislocated shoulder and significant head trauma.
When you arrived here, there was significant swelling on your brain, so we had no choice but
to put you into a chemically-induced coma while it subsided. You were out for five days. You
woke up for a few minutes yesterday before you became agitated, and we had to sedate you."

I studied his face, silently trying to interpret his words as he continued in a soothing voice.
Nothing he said was resonating with me. It felt like he was discussing some other patient
instead of talking about me. "Your latest scans show that the swelling has decreased. I think
it's safe to say that you will make a full recovery. You may still have headaches for a few
weeks, and some confusion would not be uncommon, but all and all, I think the worst has
passed. I know this is a lot to take in all at once, but I can assure you that you are receiving
the best care possible. Do you have any questions?"

"Only about a million, doc," I joked at his ridiculous question. I looked around the room, but
we were alone. She should have been here by now. "Please," I started again. "My fian…er, my
girlfriend was in the car with me. Where is she?"

"I'm afraid I can't give you any information about other patients. Let me get your father for
you." He made to move away from me, but I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket to stop him.

"Please. I just need to know. Please, tell me how she is." I had a sinking feeling in my heart.
Oh God, he called her a patient. Why won't anybody tell me how she is? Please don't let her
be hurt, too. Oh God, the baby. She must have lost the baby, and they don't want to tell me.

"Your father is just outside, Edward. Let me just step out and let him know that you are
awake." Dr. Denali gently pulled out of my weak grasp and left before I could argue. I was
only alone for a moment before Carlisle entered my room, looking fully rested and controlled
as always.
"Hello Edward. How are you feeling today?" Carlisle was cold showing no emotions
whatsoever. I didn't give a shit about his fake pleasantries. I just wanted answers.

"Carlisle, please. Where is Bella?" He said nothing, but took a moment to pull a chair up to
the side of the bed. He sat down before he began speaking to me in a collected voice.

"I'm sorry Edward. Bella didn't make it." I heard his words, but they didn't compute.
Apparently, I damaged my brain more than they originally thought. There was no way Bella
was dead. Hurt maybe, but not dead. I would know it. I would feel it. She can't be dead.

"Carlisle, you're wrong. She can't be dead. I would know it if she had died. I would feel it.
She can't be dead. Why are you doing this to me? You never liked her." I was desperate to call
him out on his fuckery, so I kept throwing out questions and accusations. He sat in his chair
and just let me berate him.

"You're just trying to keep us apart. You need to tell me where she is, and I mean now!" I was
getting angry, and had I more strength, I would have shoved Carlisle and his fucking Armani
tie up against the wall. He just sat there with a calm demeanor. The fucker looked like he was
trying to suppress a smile. I wanted to kill him.

"Edward, I'm very truly sorry, but she died before the ambulance even got to the scene. She
had severe internal injuries. I'm sorry, but there was nothing they could do." I tried to kick the
covers down off of my legs in frustration. I wanted to free myself from the hospital bed, so
that I get to her and prove him wrong.

"I don't believe you, Carlisle. Dr. Denali said she was a patient here. You're lying to me. She
is so strong. This doesn't make sense."

"I so wish I was Edward," he placed his hand over mine, but I yanked it out of his hollow
touch. He continued speaking, though I really didn't want to listen to his lies anymore. "They
tried to resuscitate her in the ambulance and once they arrived back at the hospital, but to no
avail. They classified her as a patient because her body was in the morgue, but Bella was dead
on arrival." I sucked in a deep breath trying to figure out what he was telling me. I just
couldn't fathom that his story was true. It didn't make any damn sense.
"I have to ask you a difficult question now, Edward." Carlisle paused briefly, and I braced
myself. "Did you know that Bella was pregnant?" Carlisle words stunned me. Oh God. She is
hurt. He wouldn't have known about the baby unless they had brought her in after the
accident. I said nothing and turned away from him like a petulant child.

"I will take that as a yes." I didn't acknowledge his assumption. It was none of his business.
"Son, I know this is difficult, but when a woman is pregnant, the blood flow through the body
increases. Bella's um…condition likely contributed to the increased internal bleeding and the
rate at which she bled out from her injuries. Perhaps if she hadn't been pregnant, she would
have had more time, and the paramedics could have done something to save her. I'm afraid
your carelessness and failure to wear a condom contributed to the death of your girlfriend. I'd
yell at you for being so incredibly stupid, but I think the pain you are facing now is more
punishment than any admonishment I could give you."

"Why are you saying this to me?" I couldn't breathe, stunned by the heartless words I was
hearing. They were registering in my brain, but I needed them to be a lie. I killed her. If I had
been more careful, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant, and she would have survived the
accident. We wouldn't have even been in the car. This couldn't be real. I needed him to be the
asshole keeping us apart, but in my heart, I knew he was right. I did this, and I deserved every
nasty word that Carlisle would speak to me for the rest of my life. "I need to see her, Carlisle.
Please."

"Son, she's dead. You can't see her." He tried to take my hand, but I yanked it away before he
could make contact. I wouldn't accept comfort. Not from Carlisle. It would only come with
stipulations and conditions. Carlisle didn't love me. He was probably amused by this.

But I knew in my mind that he was telling me the truth. He knew too much. I just couldn't get
my heart to believe it. I could still feel her. Since the day I met Bella, I had a sense of her
inside of me whether we were together or not. It was like our souls were connected. Certainly
that would be gone if she were. Carlisle was playing a game with me and I needed to make it
stop.

"You're lying. I would know Carlisle. I swear it. I would know if she were gone. She's not
dead. They made a mistake." My skin was crawling as I pleaded with Carlisle to tell me he
was just fucking with me.
"Son, I'm very sorry," he spoke blankly. In contrast to the words he was using, his tone was
void of all emotion. Waves of nausea were hitting me with each word that came from his
wretched mouth. He was saying the right things, but he clearly didn't really give a shit. I
wondered why he would even bother. It wasn't like him to give a shit about how others were
feeling. If I had to hazard a guess, this was all just a show for him. He was playing into my
emotions; he was manipulating me. I didn't trust him. He was lying. I had no idea why he
would do such a thing, but he had to be lying to me. That was the only explanation for any of
this.

"I want to see her body then. Show it to me," I demanded, wanting him to prove to me that he
was telling the truth.

"Son, she died six days ago. She had no next of kin, so they asked us what to do. Your
brothers and I—well, we had her cremated, like Charlie. We thought that was what you would
both want." Red hot flames of fury exploded in my gut as I digested his words. Motherfucker!

"What? You cremated her? You didn't think I might need to see her? You didn't think I
deserved that?" The hole in my chest was deepening with every word. "Where are Jasper and
Emmett? I need to see them. Right now!" I yelled angrily. I wanted Carlisle out of my sight. I
couldn't stomach seeing him sitting there, that smug look on his face. He wanted her out of
my life. He was probably happy she was dead.

My God! She's really dead, and I'm the one that killed her. The realization was crippling. I
had killed my Bella.

"They're outside," Carlisle replied. "I'll go get them for you." I just nodded as he left, unable
to muster any sort of real emotion. I felt numb. I was supposed to be getting married and
having a baby. Now my world was ending because of my own carelessness. This was my fault
on every level. I got her pregnant. I sprang a secret wedding on her. I made us late. I forgot
my clothes. I couldn't control the car. I killed my Bella.

"Hey man, how are you? You scared the shit out of us," Emmett exclaimed as he bounded
into the room and toward my bed. I wasn't sure what there was to be so enthusiastic about. I
should have been the one to die.
"Hey Edward, I'm glad you're back," Jasper spoke calmly, his words laced with genuine
concern. His face was the first comforting thing I had seen since my eyes opened. "Emmett,
back the fuck up and give the man some breathing room would you?" Jasper came up around
the opposite side of the bed and gripped my shoulder supportively.

"Please, guys," I begged. "Please tell me it's not true. Please tell me this is some twisted joke.
Please tell me that I didn't kill her." Hot tears spilled down my cheeks, but I couldn't bring
myself to wipe them away. I needed to taste their saltiness and feel the pain I caused her.

"Don't say that. This isn't your fault, Edward. It was just and accident." Jaspers words were
meaningless. If she really was dead, then it was absolutely my fault. "I'm so sorry," he
continued, holding out his hand to me. "Here, this is yours now." I extended my open hand
toward his, and he carefully dropped something small into my palm. I felt the bile rise in my
throat. She never took this off. Ever. No, no, no, no. Please God, don't let this be what I think
it is. I opened my eyes to the heartbreaking object in my hand–Charlie's amulet.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

The sun was out today, shining in the sky and mocking me. I sunk further down into the
Adirondack chair that had been my perch for the last two hours. An untouched sandwich and
a glass of melted iced tea sat on the small table beside me. It had been an offering from Esme,
but there was no reason to eat. Without Bella, there was no reason for anything. I killed my
soul mate. I didn't deserve Esme's kindness, or anybody else's for that matter.

Carlisle had given me a small nondescript box containing Bella's ashes when I left the
hospital, insisting that I should be the one to care for them. I didn't deserve that honor after
what I had done to my innocent girl. I had hesitated before taking them in my hands. I had
expected to feel moved by them. I expected a sense of possessiveness and love to overtake
me–to absolve me from my sins against her– but the emotion elicited by the metallic box in
my hand was none of those things. I felt empty and disconnected from them. I felt only guilt
and shame. My Bella was now nothing more than ashes in a box because I hadn't been strong
enough to save her and our baby. I placed the box on the counter when I arrived home and
hadn't touched it in the week since.

"Hey." I looked up to see Jasper standing in the sliding glass doorway leading out to our deck.
"Esme left a little while ago. She said you haven't eaten anything today."
I motioned to the sandwich. "Help yourself; I don't really feel like eating."

"I gathered." Jasper pulled up another chair and sat down resting his elbows atop his jean clad
legs. "You have to eat something, brother. Getting sick isn't going to help things." So what?

"I don't give a shit, Jasper. My life is over anyway. Why does it matter if I eat a fucking
sandwich?" I turned away from him and took a drag off my cigarette. I couldn't stand to look
anybody in the eye anymore.

"When did you start smoking again?" he inquired unhelpfully.

"About an hour after I got home from the hospital," I responded with a snarky edge in my
voice. "There were a few old packs in the freezer." I had smoked occasionally after we started
playing gigs in high school. Bella hated it, and when we moved to Seattle, she asked me to
quit. She was worried about lung cancer, and she didn't like the way I tasted when I smoked.
But that didn't matter anymore. Smoking could just be added to the long list of ways I'd let her
down.

"Can I have one?" Jasper reached for the pack on the table, and I didn't stop him. "So, can I
talk to you about something?" Jasper's tone was calm.

"Why not?" I took another drag off of my cigarette and waited for my brother to speak.
Nothing he had to say would change anything, so it didn't hurt to let him unburden himself.

"I loved her too, man. You know I did. Bella was like a sister to me." He paused to gauge my
reaction. I didn't have one so he continued. "Look, you've been a zombie, and I totally get it. I
do, but I can't lose you, too." Jaspers words struck me. Of course, I'm hurting him too. That's
what I do.

"Emmett and I love you. You're our family, and we need you. What happened to Bella is
tragic, but it isn't your fault. It was an accident–a fucking tire blew. You couldn't control that."

"Fuck that shit, Jasper!" I raged at him, kicking an old flower pot in the corner for good
measure. "A tire blowing is a cop-out and you know it." I steeled myself for my next words.
The truth hurt, but I needed to verbalize it out loud. "We were in that car because I knocked
her up. She bled out because she was pregnant with my child. I was the one who drove her
fragile body into a damn tree. I did this to her. I did this to our baby. I did this to you, to all of
us." I couldn't look my brother in the eye anymore.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Edward?" Jasper stood up and pulled me out of the
chair to face him. "You loved that girl like nothing I've ever seen. Do you know how much
Em and I wished every God-damned day to have something like that in our lives? You gave
her the world, and she adored you. Don't blame yourself. This was an accident. You were
doing right by Bella. She loved you and the baby. You were both beaming about it. Don't turn
the baby into a bad thing. Don't turn yourself into something you're not. This was a tragic
accident, and that is all. You were as much a victim in this as Bella was."

I fell to my battered knees as a sob left my chest. I grabbed my hair with both of my hands
and pulled as hard as I could. I needed the pain. I needed to suffer for what I had done. I knew
Bella loved me and the baby, but I killed them both. I let my emotions govern my actions
instead of my brain. I was careless, and my love killed them.

"I killed them, Jasper. I killed Bella and my child."

"No, Edward. You didn't. Please. You have to listen to me. I love you, Edward. We all do.
You have to know this wasn't your fault. There is absolutely nothing that you could have done
to prevent this. You could have been killed too, but you weren't. You have to be thankful for
that. Be thankful for the time you had with her. You made her so happy." I knew his words
were all lies meant to comfort me, but I wasn't going to let myself off the hook so easily.

"No Jasper. I should have been the one to die. She didn't deserve this. I'm a fuck up. I always
have been. This is my fault."

"You can't do this anymore. Please. What can I do? Let me get you help. You need to talk to
somebody."

"What will that change? Talking won't matter." Talking won't bring her back.

"Fine. Don't do it for you then. Do it for us; do it for Emmett and for me!" I focused my
burning eyes on Jasper, who was crying beside me. "We've already lost a sister. Don't make
us lose a brother, too."
"What do you want me to do?" I asked dejectedly. "Nothing will change what I've done, so
you tell me what it is you want me to do, and I'll do it. My life doesn't matter to me, so if you
and Em need me to do something, then fine. I'll do it, but don't fool yourself into thinking you
can fix me. I'm not worth fixing." Not without Bella, I added mentally.

"You're not broken, Edward. You're hurting."

"That's just semantics. So tell me–what is it that you want?"

"I think we should go on the tour." I waited for the punch line. He had to be kidding me. He
himself had told Carlisle that the tour was a bad idea. I waited, but nothing came.

"You're serious?" I chuckled darkly to myself.

"Yes, I'm totally serious." Jasper lifted me from my knees and sat me back in my chair. "I've
spoken to Carlisle, Aro, and Em. After seeing you these last few days, I think you need a
distraction. You need to keep living, even if you're only going through the motions."

"You think people would pay to hear me sing? What a joke. I don't think I could squeak a
note out. This is asinine." I picked up my cigarette, took a final puff, and then snuffed it out
with all the other butts in the ashtray.

"You can. I know you can. Do it for us. Do it for Emmett and for me even if you can't do it
for yourself. I'm not going to say this is what Bella would have wanted, but you know she
would've been angry at you for blaming yourself and giving up on yourself." Perfect, this
would be the second thing I've done to disappoint her posthumously, I thought morbidly.

"Let me finish, okay. Just hear me out." I nodded for him to continue.

"I was against this at first, too, but the more I look at what is happening, the more convinced I
become that this is the right move. You can't stay here. Being in this place will slowly kill
you. You need to get out of here, and the tour is the perfect alternative. We'll be gone for six
months. Aro has agreed to have a counselor meet up with you once a week at various venues
to talk. I know the idea of talking to some stranger sounds like a shit idea, but I think it will
help."
"I'm not talking to some asshole about Bella," I snarled. The last thing I needed was to have
some doctor tell me I was going to be okay. I didn't want to be okay.

"I know you don't want to, but you need this. If you don't talk to a professional, you'll never
recover."

"Who said I deserve to recover, Jasper?" I deserved to suffer for what I had done.

"You said you would do it for me and for Em, right? So this is what we want. Go on tour with
us. Sing for us and talk to somebody to get the label and Carlisle off your back. You don't
have to recover, just keep moving."

"Whatever," I conceded. It didn't matter anyway. Without Bella, I had no other life options.
Going on tour and sticking with the band was as good a road as any at this point.

"'Whatever' as in you'll do it?" he questioned hopefully.

"Look, Jasper, I can't promise you anything. I don't feel like getting out of bed, let alone
getting up on stage and singing. Even if I want to do this for you guys, I'm not altogether sure
that I can." I was pretty sure I couldn't do it, but my life didn't matter anymore, so it what
difference did it really make to me.

"That's all I ask. Em and I will be there for you, okay? We'll be on that bus and on that stage
backing you up all the way."

"Can you do something for me in return?" He looked stunned that I had a request. I guess I
was, too.

"Name it."

"Can you do something with her–her ashes and her things, I mean? I need to clean out her
dorm room because some of her stuff is still there, but I don't think I can do it." Actually, I
knew I couldn't do it. Touching her clothes and her personal belongings would be torture.

"Absolutely. Emmett and I can head over there tomorrow to clean out anything that's left.
Most everything is already over here anyway, but we'll take care of that, too. We can box it up
and donate whatever you don't want." He looked at me questioningly.
"I don't want any of it, Jazz. I don't deserve it, and I don't think I could look at it anyway. It
just hurts too damn much." The truth was that I was a coward. I actually really wanted to go
through her things and engulf myself in her scent, but I was too frightened to do so. If I let
myself feel connected to her, I would probably lose every ounce of sanity I had left.

"Okay. Don't worry. We'll get rid of everything. I think Carlisle was appointed as
administrator of her estate so that he could handle any official paperwork. She didn't have a
will that we could tell, and she didn't really own much, so there wasn't too much to do. He has
actually been pretty great trying to help out and stuff. He knew you didn't want to handle it
personally. He said there was a bit of money in her savings account. Maybe it's the money
that Charlie left her, but I don't really know. She has no next of kin, so he thought he would
donate it to the Forks Police Department if you agreed."

"Yes, I think she would like that." I certainly didn't want her blood money. "Do you want to
have a memorial service or a funeral or something?" he asked tentatively. The idea of a
funeral stung me. I couldn't believe I was talking about a funeral for Bella. She deserved this
whether I could handle it or not. Bella Swan was the epitome of good, and she deserved to be
honored.

"I think that would be good. Just us though. I don't want anything public. People know us and
know who we are now. I just want it to be us." Bella wouldn't have wanted a spectacle
anymore than I did.

"I'll take care of everything for you. Do you want Esme and Carlisle to be there? I know they
will want to say goodbye to her, too."

"No. Absolutely not. I don't want Carlisle anywhere near this–I just want the three of us.
Please? I can't handle more than that." It may have been selfish of me to exclude Carlisle and
Esme, but I just didn't feel comfortable having them there. Carlisle had hated Bella for years,
and I didn't want to watch him put on a hypocritical show where he feigned interest. He would
be doing so for appearance's sake only, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I'll get on it. Thank you, Edward, for everything. It'll take time, but you can get through this.
It will get easier, man. I promise." I looked down at Jasper's hand which was resting
reassuringly on my knee. I looked him in the eyes, and I realized I couldn't hold it all in
anymore, so I spoke.
"You don't understand, Jasper, I can't let her go. I still feel her. I'm not sure I will ever move
on from this," I spoke my emotions, no longer trying to hide the tears I had been shedding.

"I know this is hard." Jasper's words were a joke. This was unbearable.

"You have no idea, Jasper. I will never love again." I won't allow my love to kill anybody else,
I thought silently. "I will love Bella Swan for eternity."
CHAPTER 5:
WITH YOU

Bella's POV - December 22, 2002 – University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Hospital

I was giving Jamie Lee Curtis a run for her title as "Scream Queen" and trying desperately not
to curse the little Michael Myers who was presently intent on filleting me from the inside-out.
I'm not sure what hurt more, the increasing labor pains or knowing that he wasn't here for the
birth of our child. I mentally blocked out the corporeal pain and allowed his voice to caress
me in the way his arms would never do again. Through his lyrics, he would be here with us
today, even if he didn't know it.

I tried to focus on the soothing sound of his velvet voice echoing from the small plastic buds
shoved in my hot ears. He had recorded an acoustic version of With You, which I had found
on iTunes, and today, it was my anthem. I had it queued on a repeat-loop so that his gentle
lyrics could coach my through my pain in his absence.

I tried to imagine him sitting beside me and singing to me the way he once did every night.
Intellectually, I understood that this could never happen again. Edward's father had surely
seen to that. But even Carlisle's torturous manipulation of my life couldn't stop me from
loving Edward. I would never stop hoping.

In this, the most sacred and frightening moment of my life, I needed to believe Edward was
with me, with us.

The intense pain in my lower back began to build again, volleying my attention away from
emotional anguish that had been monopolizing my mind only moments before. I suddenly
found myself wishing I had actually attended one of those stupid Lamaze classes my OB had
recommended. At that time, there had been no way I was going to subject myself to the
pitying stares of a bunch of coupled parents. Big mistake!
"Oh, that was a big one. Five, four, three, two and…okay, there it goes. Just breathe, Isabella.
Good job." A petite nurse that I hadn't noticed before soothed me from the side of my hospital
bed. "I'm Alice," she said as she moved across the room to write her name up on the dry erase
board below the television. "I'll be with you until midnight."

"Hi, it's just Bella, actually," I murmured, still a bit breathless from my last contraction. I
rubbed my hands over my firm belly, trying to soothe myself and my baby.

"Well hi Bella." She stepped back to my bedside with a tender smile. "So, can I get you
anything? Is there anybody I can call for you?" she asked gently. I could see the concern in
her eyes, but there was no pity.

"No, it's just us," I said, rubbing my hands over my taught, swollen belly. "I'm fine, but thank
you Alice."

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind. I see that your last nurse put in the request
for your epidural," she noted as she flipped through my chart. "The anesthesiologist should be
up here any minute to give that to you. Trust me, you'll feel a lot more comfortable once you
get it." She gently patted my arm and offered me an encouraging smile. I felt better with her
next to me, but I still ached for Edward.

"Okay." I tried to smile, but I'm sure it didn't look convincing. Sensing my sadness, Alice
shifted the topic of conversation to something she clearly believed would be a bit lighter. She
was mistaken.

"What are you listening to there on your iPod?" Alice asked in an effort to engage me. "I've
been wanting to get one."

"Um… Midnight Sun. They're kind of my favorite band," I replied hesitantly, using my left
hand to pick at the light blue hospital blanket covering me and squeezing my iPod more
firmly with my right. If she only knew that the only person I wanted to call was the man
serenading from the electronic lifeline I was desperately clutching. He should have been
holding my hand and watching his son come into the world, but that was impossible now. He
would never even know that he had a son.
"Oh man, I love them too. Oh and that bass player of theirs is just a dream." I had to stifle a
laugh at Alice's comment, happy to have something other than Edward to occupy my
thoughts. Ironically, Jasper would love Alice. She was completely his type. She wasn't tall as
a minute, and she had spiky black hair, two characteristics which likened her to a spritely
nymph. Her petite frame and flawless skin served as the perfect backdrop for her cheerful
disposition. I had only known her for a few minutes, but I could already tell that she was
carefree and good. Jasper would adore her.

"So, you're having a boy right?" I nodded silently and started gnawing on my lower lip as the
next contraction tightened its grip on my already aching body. My body lost all of the
relaxation I had gained from our lighthearted banter. She held my hand firmly in solidarity
and coached me through it.

"Good job, Bella. It's passing now. You're doing so great." She pulled the ticker tape from the
contraction monitor. She then swiftly folded it up, apparently content with my progress. "So,
does the little guy have a name yet?"

"Uh, yes actually." I hesitated a second considering whether or not it would be safe to say the
words. The name would be recognizable in light of the conversation we had just had about
Midnight Sun, but hiding at a time like this didn't feel right. So, pushing the fear out of my
mind, I spoke his name out loud for the first time. "His name is Anthony Masen Swan, but I
plan on calling him Tony."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I had spent the next six hours waiting impatiently for my cervix to dilate before Dr. Parker
finally told me I could begin pushing. Naively, I had been excited, believing I was almost
done–no such luck. Forty-five minutes later, my body felt like it had been put through a
harvesting, but my labor continued with no end in sight.

I kept one of my ear buds in the entire time, using Edward's voice to dull the pain. The other
tethered bud floated alone atop the sweaty bunched-up UNC hospital gown on my chest. My
pain was peeking now, so I focused my energy more intently on Edward's words.

"It's true the way I feel

Was promised by your face
 The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me"

I needed more than just Edward's eerily poignant lyrics to be with me. I needed the man
himself. We should have been welcoming our son into the world together as man and wife.
Instead, I was here alone, left with only a memory of the man I loved and mourning for all of
our losses. Edward would never know his son; I would never realize the beauty of seeing my
true love and son together; and most tragically, Tony would never feel the safety of his
father's strong arms.

Carlisle was a depraved monster, and I would never forgive him.

"You're not alone, Bella. I'm here," Alice whispered as if sensing my isolation. I concentrated
on her eyes and squeezed her hand as the next contraction began to swell within me. There
was hardly a breath between them now. "You can do this. Just a few more pushes and your
beautiful Tony will be here. You can do it. Push from your bottom like I told you. Now, take a
deep breath and push!"

I gritted my teeth together and pushed out a deep breath as I strained against the pressure.
"Holy Mary mother of… dang that hurts!" I laughed internally thinking about how many
curse words Edward would let fly at a moment like this.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward's POV – December 22, 2002 – Staples Center in Los Angeles, California

"Fuck, I feel off tonight," I cursed, waiting for my cue.

"You're going to be okay man. It's time, let's do this thing." Emmett pounded his fist firmly on
my shoulder and brushed past me to take his seat behind his drums. He waved his sticks,
beckoning me to get to my spot as well. I walked out to my mark on the stage and lowered my
head waiting for the lights to rise and reveal me to the stadium of eager fans. I'd have given
absolutely anything to replace all of them with the one and only person who really mattered.

I miss you, Bella.

Over the past seven months I had suffered quietly. I had pretended to be a whole man in order
to keep Carlisle and the damned shrink the label had hired at bay. I learned to deceive
everybody so that they would leave me the fuck alone. Midnight Sun had been relatively
unknown at the time of the accident, so the media never picked up on the story. Now that our
notoriety had taken over our lives, I hid behind a carefully fabricated façade of composure
and acceptance.

It was total bullshit. My entire existence was a ruse. To the outside world, I had moved on
with my life after enduring a difficult loss. That was my lie. I would never move on from her,
but my pain was my own, and I deserved to suffer it in solitude.

Jasper and Emmett asked me not to cancel the tour, and so here I stood, waiting for the show
producer to give me my cue to begin entertaining the masses. I was a hollow man, but at least
I had a reason to get up in the mornings. Jasper and Emmett had been right to force me onto
the tour. Had I remained home with no distractions, I would have suffocated in my own grief.
That being said, the tour itself was a huge disappointment. The majority of our songs weren't
even things we had written. They were somebody else's fabricated version of Midnight Sun. It
was all a fucking joke. I was a trained monkey for hire.

I had, however, insisted on keeping one very important original Midnight Sun song in our
lineup: With You. I had recorded an acoustic version of it just after her death. But I would
only perform the heavy, thrash-metal version on stage. I didn't deserve the peace that came
from singing it softly.

Tonight, as I sang it, I would think of her. I would sing to her. The stage would be my
confessional from which I would divulge the truth of my sins. I wasn't seeking forgiveness,
only an outlet. No amount of Hail Marys would return her to me. I would never attain
absolution for my crimes against her. On stage, singing the words I had written for her, I
wouldn't hide from the authenticity of my guilt. I would sing it resolutely on her behalf. That,
at least, was what I had intended to do.

The lights rose and Emmett and Jasper's overtures began reverberating through the cavernous
space with a pulsating rhythm. I opened my heart to sing my regrets to her, unaware of the life
altering shift that was about to overtake me.
 "I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
And I can't bring you back"

If only I had been faster to react. If only I could bring her back. Those were the types of
thoughts that kept me awake night after night. Bella and Edward died together in the car that
day. I was no longer that same sanguine man from months ago. I was a distant shell of my
former self, and in this moment–this very precise spec in time–I felt more alone and desperate
than ever. I was missing the life that I would have lived had I been a better man.

I was singing out to the screaming fans when a sudden gush of physical pain rippled through
me. I struggled to regain my balance so I could remain on my feet. Oh God! What the fuck
was that? I planted my feet on the stage a bit more firmly and tried to breathe in slowly, but
my heart wouldn't settle. Oh shit, I'm dying. This is it. My guilt is finally going to kill me.

The sensations coursing through my body as I attempted to sing were frightening and real. My
entire abdomen was clenched with spasms of pain. Something was happening to me that I
couldn't name.

I sung a few more bars before the pain changed as suddenly as it had started. It was becoming
tinted by a tangible surge of energy. Something was transitioning inside of me. Everything
about my world was quickly evolving in this surreal moment. Please let me get through this
song in one piece! I chanted internally. I forced my thoughts to Bella so that I could finish the
set without collapsing.

She would have been full term this month. In a parallel universe where I wasn't an
irresponsible prick, I would have been holding her hand as she birthed our child. Instead, I
was stuck on this God-forsaken stage trying not to buckle under this inexplicable physical
pain I was feeling.

What the hell is happening to me?

I closed my eyes and sang out to Bella and our baby. I pushed as hard as I could so that the
truth of my lyrics would reach my departed wife and child wherever they were. Heaven?
More than ever, I needed them to hear my apology or I knew that wouldn't survive the hour.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Bella's POV

"It's almost over Bella. You're doing it, Mommy." I steadied myself as Alice counted down
my latest contraction. Alice was my rock. I wasn't sure what I would have done if she hadn't
been her with me. But though she was keeping me grounded, but I still needed him. I took a
calming breath and let his voice take over my consciousness once again.

"I'm with you

You
Now I see keeping everything inside

With you
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes"

"You're doing great, Bella," Dr Parker's calming voice sounded from the foot of the bed,
interrupting my Edward-induced fog. "He's almost here. Just a few more pushes and you'll get
to meet your son."

I clenched my eyes shut and pictured Edward's face smiling back at me. I gnashed my teeth
and pushed as hard as I could to make him proud of me. Edward. I love you. Our son is
almost here, my love. You're about to be a daddy! I called to him silently in my mind, willing
him to hear my cries in his heart.

I mustered all of my energy and pushed again. I felt my body rip and tear as our son finally
began to emerge from the confines of my womb.

I knew I would have to live better for Tony. I would have to let go of the past so that Tony
could have a whole mother. He didn't need the half-woman that I had become over the last
seven months. He needed my entire devotion and my full protection. But I needed to let go of
Edward to do that. We will be okay, Edward. We all will.

"Oh Bella, he's crowning, and he has a full head of auburn hair!" Alice cheered me on
encouragingly. "One last push, Bella. You can do this!"

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward's POV

My heart had been palpitating uncontrollably as I sang, but something was changing. An
unnamed calmness was reaching out to me and soothing me. The pain was ebbing and being
replaced by a wave of purposefulness I hadn't felt since Bella's death. The feeling called to me
to sing… prouder. I poured my heart into my words. I was being overcome by this strange
healing release.

"Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it

Once it's been dealt with you feel like you've been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the karma when the problem's all gone"

Jasper stepped forward to play his solo, and I stepped slowly back to look out over the crowd.
I love you, Bella. I will love you forever. You were so good, Bella. I'm so sorry I stole your life
from you.

The guilt and hope battled within me. I was transforming into something I couldn't identify
specifically. All I knew for sure was that I needed to find a way to live again. I needed to
parlay this new energy within me into the strength necessary to move forward with my life.
Bella once told me how Charlie had made her promise to live her life even though he would
no longer be with her. I was beginning to believe that she would want me to do the same. I
just had to let go of the blame. Because somehow, in the last three minutes, truly living had
actually become feasible and important.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O
Bella's POV

With my last bit of energy I pushed my beautiful Tony into the world.

"Here he is! And look, it is 12:00 a.m. exactly," Alice said with excitement as she lifted a wet
and wrinkled Tony onto my chest. She quickly began wiping his face and head to clean him
for me. "Oh Bella, he is just so cute. Congratulations, Mommy," she beamed at me, bending
slightly to give me a light hug.

The commotion around me began to fade slightly as I looked at my son fully for the first time.
His skin was blotchy and red, but he was perfect just the same. I looked up to Alice and
smiled brightly.

"He's your Midnight Son," she joked with a wink, unaware of how ironic her cheesy words
truly were. I only nodded in response, never taking my eyes off of the innocent baby in my
arms. I could hardly make out the specific features of the little person crying on my chest
because of my own tears which were now streaming down my sweaty cheeks.

I listened to Edward sing, and I kissed our son for the first time. It was a kiss from both of us.

"I'm with you

You
Now I see keeping everything inside

With you
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes"

Tony was amazing. I hesitantly touched his cheek with my finger tip, testing to make sure I
wouldn't hurt him. He was soft and warm and fit perfectly over the arc of my breast. I traced
my finger under his blanket and down his arm until I reached his tiny fist. He responded to my
touch, and with the slightest movement, his warm hand was wrapped around my finger as
assuredly as I was now irrevocably wrapped around his.
I watched my son breathe in and out for a few minutes while the doctors cleaned and stitched
me up. His little eyes were closed tightly and his ruddy cheeks still glistened from our ordeal.
We were a team, now and forever.

"Bella, we need to take him for a few minutes just to make sure he's okay." Alice calmly
reached to take Tony from my arms. My first instinct was to coil up and protect him, but I
knew Alice meant him no harm. I slowly released him to her care.

I slowly released him to her care. "Bye little man, I'll see you in a few minutes, okay?" I kept
my hand on his until I could no longer reach him and then paused my iPod so that I could
keep my full attention on my new son. I watched as Alice took him across the room.

Dr. Brown, the pediatrician on call, had stepped into the room to assess his APGAR ratings. I
nervously watched her flex his feet and bend his legs. She then moved his head from side to
side and gently pinched his arm. Dr. Brown next puffed a warm breath onto her stethoscope
before placing it against Tony's bare chest. At contact, he showed us all how strong his little
lungs were. I had never been so happy to hear a sound in all of my life. The assessment only
took a few more minutes after that. My heart sang.

"Well, Ms. Swan, it appears you have a very healthy little boy," she said as she handed a
swaddled Tony back to me. I pulled him into my chest and gave him a quick kiss. I never
wanted to let him go again. "He looks just great. Are you going to be breast feeding?"

"Ah, yes, I suppose so," I stated in a timid voice. I hadn't really thought about that part of
things. "I mean, I don't see why not." Dr. Brown smiled and patted Tony gently on the head.

"I think that would be wonderful, Bella. I will send a lactation consultant up to help you, but
feel free to try whenever you're ready. Just cradle him in your arms like a football and hold
your breast to his mouth. You might need to nudge his lips slightly, but generally, instinct
kicks in, and they open right up for you. It can take a bit of trial and error to get him to latch
on correctly, but the consultant will offer you a few techniques to help. Just keep at it and
don't get discouraged."

"Umm, should I try now?" I looked to Tony with a bit of skepticism. It all just seemed a bit
overwhelming to me.
"If you want to do so then I think that would be just fine." Dr. Brown smiled broadly at me. "I
will step out and give you some privacy. I will stop back by in a few hours to check on him,
but if you need me in the meantime, just buzz, okay?" She motioned to the call button on the
wall behind my bed. I hadn't even realized it was there.

"Thank you, Dr. Brown," I replied with a gracious nod. "I really appreciate your time." Dr.
Brown gave me a final farewell and stepped through the door. Once Tony, Alice, and I were
the only ones left in the room, the pride of new motherhood finally started to saturate my
heart.

"My shift is over, but I could stay if you don't want to try it alone," Alice offered
considerately. She looked genuinely happy to help me.

I looked to Tony and then back to Alice. I wanted her to stay, but I felt bad asking her for
anymore help. She had already done more than I could have reasonably asked a nurse I had
only known for a few hours. "Please don't feel like you have to stay, Alice. I really appreciate
it, but I'll be fine. You've already done so much."

"It would be my pleasure, Bella, sincerely." Alice pulled a chair up to the bed and sat softly
beside me. She reached out and stroked Tony's hair with a gentle caress. "It's really no
problem."

"Are you sure?" I touched her hand softly, stilling the strokes she was making against my son.
I wanted her to look at me, so I could see that she really meant her words. I knew she did, but
I hated asking for help no matter how badly I needed it.

"Are you kidding? There is nothing I would rather do right now." She placed her other hand
on top of mine and gave me a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you," I finally accepted. I focused my attention back on Tony whose eyes were just
barely open enough to reveal his dark irises. "I think I'll probably need a bit of help with this."
I smiled back at her brightly. I was so thankful to have her with me.

"Of course, Bella. Here, why don't you put this back in to help you relax, so you try to feed
him. It'll help you relax." Alice softly placed the bud back in my left ear and lifted my iPod to
press play.
 X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward's POV

I took a deep breath in anticipation of finishing the song with a renewed energy. I felt
rejuvenated. Something had changed in the last few minutes. An invisible switch had been
flipped. Somehow, my world had dramatically shifted. I couldn't pinpoint how or why, but I
felt lighter. I felt alive. I opened my eyes and sang out to the cheering crowd.

"And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can't let be
Memories of the last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart
Where your inside's bruised
You can live if you're willing to
Put a stop to just what's killing you"

I owed it to Bella to make a life for myself. I would do my best to live again. I had to try for
her. All of my apologies would mean nothing if I couldn't at least try. I failed Bella in life. I
needed to stop failing her in death.

Give me strength, Bella. Please.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Bella's POV

I cradled Tony against my body as Alice had instructed me and gently bumped my nipple
against his lower lip. "Open up, little man." I smiled down and his squinty eyes. They were
dark and unfocussed, but breathtaking all the same. "Come on you can do it, buddy."

With one more bump, Tony opened up and sucked me tightly into his mouth in one swift
reflexive movement. After a few seconds, I felt a strange tingle through my breast and then he
was swallowing. I smiled up at Alice who nodded her approval back to me.

"You're doing it Tony," I whispered. I leaned my head down to kiss him again. I didn't want
to disrupt him with my movement, so only the very edges of my lips were able to make
contact with his soft skin. "Mommy is so proud of you. I love you so much. Always." As Tony
suckled at my breast, I felt the first twinge of optimism I had felt in months. I listened to the
last notes of With You and finally let tears of joy fall.

"No matter how far we've come

I can't wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we've come, I
I can't wait to see tomorrow"
CHAPTER 6:
SO LET MERCY COME

Bella's POV- December 24, 2002

I slowly flexed then pointed my feet a few times, trying to stretch my calf muscles. I needed
to restart the circulation in my legs without jostling Tony too much. He had finally fallen
asleep on my chest after a forty-five minute crying jag. I hadn't moved in two hours for fear of
waking him.

Surprisingly enough, no nurses, orderlies or doctors had entered my room during that time, for
which I was quite grateful. For a gal with no friends or family, I was rather annoyed that my
room had become Grand Central Station. Someday, somebody needed to explain to me
exactly why it was that it becomes necessary to check your temperature and blood pressure
sixteen times a damn day just because you've given birth. I mean, really, not much was
changing while I lay in bed all day doing absolutely nothing. It was totally ridiculous, and the
incessant intrusions into my room had woken Tony more times than I could count. That alone
was enough to make my blood pressure rise.

I looked at my precious angel as his crinkly lips puckered in and out gently in his sleep. It felt
amazing to have a family again, and I vowed to him and to myself that I would do everything
in my power to protect him for the rest of my life. We wouldn't have a conventional family,
but we would be happy together. We were a team.

I gently brushed my lips against his feathery hair. "I love you, my sweet boy." I gently
snuggled him up under my chin. I was relishing our closeness until our blissful solitude was
interrupted a few minutes later by a knocking sound. I didn't answer, but the door still opened
to reveal Dr. Parker. Decked out in mint green scrubs and a white coat, she entered and
looked at me with a pleasant smile on her face. I wanted to smack her for disrupting us.
"How are you doing today, Mommy?" she asked in a considerate whisper, which instantly
warmed my previously chilled disposition.

"We're good. He's actually been sleeping for a few hours, thank goodness."

"They can be a handful at first, but he's healthy. You should be very proud." She brushed her
blond hair over her shoulder and then bent down to get a closer look at Tony's face without
disturbing him. "He's absolutely delightful, Bella."

"Thank you." I kissed his head once again. He was more than delightful; he was divine.

"So, how are you feeling? Have you been able to get up and walk around some today? It's
really important that you get up and move as much as possible."

"Yes, the nurses have taken Tony a few times so that I could walk the halls." It felt good to
get up and stretch. I didn't want to stay in the hospital any longer than necessary, so I had
happily taken every opportunity to move around.

"Good, good. Have you had any trouble urinating?"

"Not after the first time." My mind instantly went back to the very uncomfortable twenty
minutes I'd spent trying to coax my aching bladder to let go and give me relief. "That wasn't
fun, but everything seems to be working now."

"Yes, that is very common after a catheter" she chuckled softly. "It looks like everything is in
order. The pediatrician and I will double check again in the morning, but if everything looks
good, we can discharge you in the morning. You'll be home for Christmas."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

After my rubbery Christmas Eve dinner of Salisbury steak, baby carrots and rice, I fed Tony
what I hoped would be a more appetizing meal. Once he had burped, I changed him and
cradled him in my arms, humming lightly to him in my dimly lit room. His smell was
intoxicating, like his father's. He cooed back at me for a few minutes until there was another
knock at the door. I was ready to be annoyed at the hospital aide who was likely coming to
poke me in search of my vitals, but was surprised when a middle-aged woman entered
instead.
"Hi, my name is Christina. We're caroling on the floor tonight. May we come in and sing to
you and your child?" The idea of listening to Christmas music was actually quite refreshing,
so I welcomed the four women into my room. I sat quietly as they began to sign O Holy
Night.

"O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;

It is the night of our dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn."

My eyes welled up with tears as I listened to the melodic sound of their voices lofting through
the room. I looked down at Tony, and his little eyes opened brightly to me. I held him tightly
to my chest and silently poured every ounce of my love into him. He gripped my finger
tightly in his, and then for the first time, he smiled at me. I raised his body toward my face
and gently kissed the tip of his nose and then soothingly rubbed my cheek against his. He
burrowed into me further, and we listened to the carolers serenade us with the spirit of
Christmas.

"Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!"

The music was haunting, romantic and spiritual. Tony and I were sharing an amazing
moment. No matter what other horror I had endured through the year, Tony was my shining
beacon in the storm. He was my reason to go on living. Come what may, I would love him for
eternity. His life was worth everything that I had given up. I would do it again, for him. I
closed my eyes as the soft voices surrounded me lulling us both into sleep.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Tony woke me two times during the night for feedings, but I was happy to be there for him. I
loved being his mother even if I had no earthly idea what I was doing. It was wonderful to be
needed again and to share love. At nine the next morning, the doctors cycled through and
signed my discharge orders. They said I would have to wait for the paperwork to come up for
Tony's birth certificate information, but that I was free to go home. I sat waiting patiently until
my peaceful room was disrupted by the ringing phone.

"Um, hello?" I answered hesitantly. I didn't think anybody even knew I was in the hospital. I
tried to convince myself that it was a wrong number, but the sinking feeling in my gut told me
what the ominous voice on the end of the line was about to confirm.

"I hear congratulations are in order, Ms. Swan," Carlisle seethed into my ear with a disturbing
echo. I never thought I would speak to him again. Fear was seizing me, and preventing me
from responding to the monster that had destroyed my life.

"I must say, he's a beautiful child. He looks so very much like Edward at that age, especially
that hair. I do wonder if little Tony's eyes will be green as well. Time will tell, I suppose."

"How…" My throat constricted around my words, and I couldn't verbalize the remainder of
my questions. How the hell does he know where we are? How does he know what Tony looks
like? How does he know his name?"

"Yes, I've seen him, you stupid girl," he barked, answering my unspoken question as if he had
a direct line into my brain. "It seems you've once again underestimated how vast and far-
reaching my power truly is." My entire body trembled as his words hit me.

"I have a little reminder for you, and you better listen to every word I'm saying." The tone of
his voice darkened as he continued. "You'd do well to remember the way you're feeling at this
very moment." Terror, agony, paranoia! "Remember that I am watching your every move. If
you or that bastard boy of yours so much as think of contacting or seeing my son, I will make
good on every single one of my promises to you. Do you understand me, you little slut?"

"Ye…yes," my voice quivered as I spoke my acquiescence. I clenched my eyes shut and

continued listening, waiting for him to remind me of his threats. Every muscle in my body
was rigid and stiff with terror.

"Then it appears we have an understanding. Merry Christmas, Isabella." The phone went dead
with a resounding click. I placed the receiver back on the cradle and quickly made my way to
Tony's bassinet. I scooped him up into my arms so I could position his warm face against my
chest, and then like the frightened child I was, I started to cry.
"Bella? Bella, are you okay?" I turned slightly to find Alice standing behind me with a
worried look on her face. She crossed the room toward me and pulled me into a gentle hug.

"Um, yeah, I'm okay." I took a deep breath and swiped the tears from my face and then placed
Tony back in his bassinet. "I was just freaking out a little. Sorry."

"Don't apologize, Bella." She took a step back and reached for my hand. "Do you want to talk
about it?"

"Thank you, Alice. Really, I'm just being silly. I guess my hormones are still all out of whack.
I'm just overly emotional," I lied. "Hell, I even cried when those carolers came through last
night."

"What are you talking about, Bella," she asked with a strange expression on her face. "What
carolers?"

"Last night," I stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "hospital carolers came
into my room. They said they were singing for the mothers and babies on the floor."

"Bella, we don't allow people onto the maternity ward. There were no carolers. Are you sure
you weren't dreaming?"

Carlisle. I wanted to scream and run away, but I couldn't alert Alice to my problem. I felt like
such an idiot. I hadn't even questioned them or asked for some sort of ID. My mind started
racing over the myriad of faces that had come through my room in the time since Tony was
born. All of them were strangers, and I just readily accepted their presence. Any one of them
could have been sent by Carlisle.

I held back the tremor that was trying to turn into a full-blown panic attack. I couldn't let
Alice know there was a problem. I couldn't do that because I knew Carlisle was watching me
somehow. "Alice," I began, crafting my lie. "I guess I'm just losing my mind. I think I read
about that happening in a magazine last week. I must have dreamt the entire thing." My story
was flimsy at best, but I hoped she would give me the benefit of the doubt.

"What are you doing here anyway? I thought you said you had today off with it being
Christmas and all?" I deflected with a question to get her thinking about something else.
"Oh, I am off today," she began speaking, ignoring my apparent caroler hallucination all
together. "But I just couldn't stop thinking about you. I know you're getting out of here and
well…" she paused and looked at me.

"What is it, Alice?" I queried.

"Well, it's Christmas, and I know you are getting out of here today," she spoke genuinely. "I
just couldn't stand the idea of you being alone. Do you have anybody picking you up?"

"Oh, um… that. No, it looks like it's just Tony and me this year. I was going to take a cab
home."

"A cab?" she pondered quietly. "Do you have a car seat?" Her voice was more laced with
concern than condescension.

"Of course." I pointed to the infant carrier and base in the corner of the room.

"Oh…um, good, I guess." I smiled at her. "Okay, so I'm just going to spit this out." I wasn't
sure where she was going with her little speech, but it soon became quite clear. "I like you,
Bella. I think we're going to be great friends, and I couldn't rest knowing that you were going
to be alone today. Please let me take you home and then you can come over to my house and
have Christmas dinner with my family." I was about to decline her gracious offer, but she
spoke up again before I could get the words out.

"And before you object, you should know that I won't take no for an answer." She looked at
me sternly as she delivered her message. "And my Christmas will be ruined if I am forced to
worry about you and Tony all day," she added. It was an invitation with a side of playful
manipulation. She knew she would have to pull at my heartstrings to get what she wanted.

"Alice, I appreciate that, really, but you don't have to do all of this." I felt so embarrassed. I
knew I looked helpless to her, but I couldn't explain anything. I couldn't tell her the truth
without putting her in danger. "I know I seem pitiful to you, but honestly, I'll be fine." I would
be fine. I had been fine for seven months, and I would be fine that night as well.

"This isn't pity, Bella." Alice rubbed my shoulder gently to reassure me. "I told you, I know
we're going to be great friends." Stepping back, Alice held her hands clutched in front of her
and continued to humbly plead with me. "So as one friend to another, I am asking if you will
allow me to give you and Tony a ride home and then have you to my house for Christmas
dinner with my family. Please?"

"Alice, really that's so generous of you, but…" before I could finish, Alice was cutting me off
again.

"Great, then it's settled." She hoped up and down and quickly clapped her hand a few times. I
wish I was so easily amused these days. "I'm going to go install the car seat base and then get
your paperwork pushed through so we can get you two out of here." Alice reached over to
give me a gentle hug, grabbed the base from the corner, and then exited my room with a wink.
It was hard not to like Alice. She was one of the happiest people I had ever met. Her joy was
infectious.

I smiled at Tony. "It looks like we're getting out of here, little man. It's good to have
connections."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"So this is home sweet home," I said ushering Alice into my eight hundred square foot
efficiency apartment. Alice stepped in and looked around quietly. She didn't seem pleased
with my accommodations.

"I know it isn't much," I defended, "but right now, it's all that I can really afford. I've been
accepted to Carolina for next semester, and with tuition and then whatever I'm going to have
to pay for daycare, I really have to be careful with my money."

"Bella, please, you don't have to justify anything to me," she said, nicely. "I think what you're
doing is amazing. It takes a lot of courage to raise a baby and go to school all on your own." I
believed she was sincere. She looked around a bit more. I could tell by the way she was taping
her fingernail against the front of her tooth that she wanted to say something, but she bit her
tongue for a good two minutes before she finally spoke again.

"Bella, I don't mean to pry, but we're in Carrboro. Isn't this a bit far from campus? You're
going to have to pay for parking or take the bus every day. How are you going to do that?"

"I haven't really figured everything out yet. Classes don't start until January sixteenth, so I
have a bit of time I guess. I still have to figure out child care, and I have to get a job, too. I
have some money that my father left me when he passed away and some, um, other savings,
but it won't last me too long without another source of income."

"Don't worry. I'll help you figure things out, okay?" I shrugged noncommittally. I wasn't sure
how she planned on helping, or if I even felt right about accepting her help. "Now, do you
want to get cleaned up or anything before we go?"

"Let me just drop my things and change my clothes and then I'll be ready. Does that sound
okay?"

"Of course, take your time." Alice picked Tony out of his car seat and proceeded to sit on the
couch and bounce him jovially on her knee with his head cradled securely between her two
hands. She had a natural way with him. And he seemed mesmerized by her.

An hour later, Alice and I pulled up to a large house on Glendale Drive in Chapel Hill. The
house was on a corner lot and took up nearly the entire block. It had beige siding, crisp blue
shutters and a wrap-around porch with a swing and rockers. "Wow, Alice, this place is
amazing. Do you live here?"

"No, this is my parents' house, but I grew up here." She hopped out of the car and started
grabbing packages out of the back while I grabbed Tony's carrier.

"Well it is absolutely beautiful," I complimented as we gathered our things.

"Thanks. Come on, my mother is dying to meet Tony. I told her all about him. She has quite a
baby fetish." I smiled at the idea of having a grandmother-figure around for Christmas. "Just
don't let her get a hold of his cheeks," Alice warned as she crossed the porch and pushed open
the front door. "She may squeeze them right off his little face." We both giggled.

"Mom, Dad, we're here," Alice called out as we entered the foyer.

"Oh Alice, we're in here darling." Alice and I followed the voice into a large living room
decorated to the nines with Christmas cheer. Three hand-made stockings hung from the
mantle, which was dotted with five hand-painted porcelain snowmen. A large Christmas tree
sat in the front window, decorated with thousands of tiny white lights, classic ornaments, and
topped with a Moravian star. The room was spectacular.
"Welcome back, sweetheart." Alice's mother hugged Alice before turning to me. "You must
be Bella. I'm Charlotte Brandon, and this is my husband, Peter." I extended my hand to her to
complete our introduction, but she pushed it away quickly. "Nonsense, dear, we Brandons are
huggers." Before I knew what was happening, Mrs. Brandon had her arms wrapped around
Tony and me in a warm embrace. She backed away slowly.

"Welcome to our home." Mr. Brandon offered with a warm one-armed squeeze around my
shoulders.

"Thank you for having us, Mr. and Mrs. Brandon. Your home is magnificent." I tried to hold
my shoulders back and look them in the eyes as we exchanged pleasantries. My father had
always taught me to be polite and engaging above all else when you go into another person's
home.

"Thank you sweetheart, but please, Mrs. Brandon is my mother-in-law. Call us Charlotte and
Peter," Charlotte offered, giving my bicep a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you, Charlotte… and Peter."

"Now, who is this precious little person?" Charlotte reached out to squeeze Tony's cheeks
with both hands, just as Alice had predicted. Alice giggled beside me and nudged my shoulder
as I worked to hold back my own snicker.

"Oh Peter, look, isn't he simply darling?" Charlotte looked at Tony intently. "Would you mind
if I hold him, Bella? It's been so long since we've had a baby in this house." I nodded and
carefully placed Tony into her gentle, waiting arms.

"Here, let me give you this cloth. I wouldn't want him to mess your blouse." I offered the pale
blue burp cloth to Charlotte, and she flipped it over her shoulder expertly.

"That is quite a handsome young man you have on your hands, Bella," Peter offered, all the
while looking over his wife's shoulder and making blowfish faces at my son.

"Dad, you should've seen him when he was first born. He let out the softest little squeak
you've ever heard. He was so cute." Alice was beaming at the sight of Tony in her mother's
arms and boasting over him as if he were her own baby.
"I'm sure just about everything this little one does is cute," Peter offered in return.

"Please, won't you come in a sit down? You must be exhausted. Can I offer you anything to
drink?" Peter gestured toward the cream colored sofa in the center of the room. I gingerly
took my seat beside Alice. My body was still quite sore, but the softness of the couch gave me
much welcomed relief.

"May I have some ice water, please?" I asked in response to his query.

"Of course." Peter stepped from the room and returned a moment later with one glass for
Alice and one glass for me. I accepted it and took a slow slip before smiling at him to show
my appreciation. He nodded and took his own seat once he was satisfied that his host duties
were complete for the moment.

"While I hate to give Tony up, I'm afraid I need to get dinner on the table." Charlotte placed a
soft kiss on his head and offered him back to me.

"My turn, my turn!" Alice bounced excitedly and extended her arms toward Tony. "You don't
mind, do you Bella?"

"No, of course not." She took Tony from her mother and then cradled him into her chest.
"Charlotte, is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Heavens, no, dear. You just rest. I need to set the turkey and dressing on the table, and then
we'll be ready.

We retreated back to the living room after the best Christmas dinner I had ever eaten. Charlie
and I had never made a big production over the holidays. Our Christmas dinners were usually
spent with Billy and Jake and involved store-bought, pre-cooked ham and potatoes. I was too
young to make much in the way of a fancy dinner, and the rest of them weren't very good in
the kitchen. Charlotte, on the other hand, was clearly an expert.

I chatted softly with the Brandons while Tony slept in his carrier in front of the tree. The
lights reflected off of his skin, and he looked like a Christmas angel. He was my angel and the
greatest Christmas gift I could have ever received. No matter how terrible my life had been
over the last seven months, I was incredibly grateful for my son.
"So, Bella," Charlotte started, "Alice tells us you will be attending classed at Carolina next
semester. You know, I was a Tar Heel myself."

"Yes, that is my plan. I haven't registered for classes yet, though. I'm still trying to figure out
if it's going to be possible. I'm thinking with Tony, I might need to defer my acceptance until
the fall." I had been giving it a lot of thought. I hadn't been able to arrange childcare for Tony,
and classes started in less than a month. Since I had arrived in Chapel Hill, I'd been working
at the local library. The money was okay, but I had not been able to save much. I had set my
small inheritance aside for tuition, but I knew that wouldn't cover my expenses for very long.
Tony had to be my first priority, so if I needed to delay school for a while on his behalf, then I
would happily make that sacrifice.

"May I speak frankly with you, Bella?" Charlotte looked at me with a kind smile.

"Please," I offered. I twisted the cuff of my sweater in my hand as I waited for her to speak.
Charlotte had been nothing but nice to me, but I still felt anxious about what she wanted to tell
me.

"I know I am not your mother, but as a mother, I can tell you that you shouldn't defer your
education. It's admirable that you want to put Tony first." She smiled over at Tony. I wanted
to scoop him up, but he was sleeping soundly, and I didn't dare wake him. "Your willingness
to make such a sacrifice shows that you're already a wonderful mother, but you need to think
about your future. Both of your futures." It felt nice to have someone offer me their motherly
concern. Charlie was a beyond amazing parent, but I had always missed that maternal bond.
My heart broke a bit realizing that my poor Tony would miss out on a paternal bond. Like me,
his childhood wouldn't be complete.

"Mom's right, Bella." Alice took hold of my hand and gently squeezed it. "Carolina is a hard
school to get into, but you did it. You can't give that up. There has to be a way to make this
work."

"I would love nothing more, but I just don't see how." I took a deep breath and folded my
hands in my lap. I wasn't sure where to focus, so my eyes darted back and forth from Tony to
the family that was showing me such unexpected concern. "I have no childcare for Tony, and
even if I could find somebody I could trust in time, I don't have a way to pay for it. I have
some savings, but between insurance, rent, tuition and baby supplies, my funds won't last me
more than a few months." I was surprised at how open I was being. I didn't want pity and I
certainly wasn't asking for their charity, but somehow, talking to the Brandons was easy and
comforting.

"Well, I think I can help with the job part," Peter piped in with an excited smirk. "Eleazar was
complaining over our golf game last week that his concierge quit without notice. It has left
him in desperate need of somebody to help out at the Inn."

"Only you would golf in the middle of December, Dad." Alice laughed under her breath.

"Oh, just hush up, Mary Alice. This is North Carolina, it isn't as if we're in the middle of
Colorado. It was nearly sixty degrees last week." Alice just grinned back at her father. "As I
was saying before my daughter so graciously volunteered her two cents," he said sarcastically
with a roll of his eyes, "I could call Eleazar and see if the position is still open if you would
like for me to do so."

"Peter, that's a wonderful idea." Charlotte sat forward in her chair with an animated burst of
energy. "Bella, the Carolina Inn is Chapel Hill's crowning jewel. I'm fairly certain they even
have a nursery for employees. It would be just perfect."

"Thank you. I don't know what to say. If you think they would give me an interview, I'd love
that, especially if they have an on-site nursery." Peter stepped from the room, cell phone in
hand. This was the sort of help I would be comfortable accepting. They weren't trying to give
me money; they were offering me an opportunity to support myself. It was perfect.

"Now, Bella if Peter works his magic as I know he will, then that job is as good as yours. That
leaves childcare while you're at school." Charlotte looked at Alice who nodded back at her. I
was totally confused by the silent mother-daughter exchange.

"Bella, what would you say to allowing me to watch Tony while you're in classes?" Charlotte
looked at me hopefully.

"Oh, my, Charlotte. I could never ask that of you. That's too much and I don't even know what
my schedule will be yet." It really was too much. They had just offered their assistance on the
job front. I couldn't take that, too.
"Nonsense!" she exclaimed. "It would be a great honor. As long as you feel comfortable with
me as a caregiver for your son, that is." The smile fell from her face a bit as she spoke the last
words. I really was comfortable with the Brandons. I probably should have been more wary
given my circumstances, but everything about them seemed decent and good. They had
certainly been more than kind to me in the brief time that I'd known them.

"No, it's not that. I just don't want to be a burden. Your offer is quite generous, but it's too
much. I just couldn't," I tried to decline the offer without offending her.

"I told you she had a baby fetish. Why do you think I became an L&D nurse?" Alice laughed
at her mother. "You would make her whole year if you said yes."

"I won't take no for an answer, Bella," she spoke genuinely.

"I…" I looked at Tony and then back to Charlotte. I wanted to say yes, but I was hesitant to
accept so much.

"Bella, this is perfect. Trust me." It was hard not to feel encouraged by Alice's tone. "You can
schedule all of your classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Mom can watch Tony
while you're in class and then you can work at the Inn on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.
It will be a lot, but I know you could make it work."

"I really appreciate that, and it does sound wonderful, but I couldn't afford to pay you much
right away."

"I wouldn't take your money if you offered it, dear. You would be doing me a favor by letting
me spend time with a baby a few days a week. Now it's settled. What do we need to
accomplish next?" I wanted to interject again, but I knew it was useless. I still worried that I
was being too trusting of the Brandons, but they were obviously established members of the
community and Alice worked at the hospital. Somehow, I just felt safe with them.

"They're a tough pair aren't they?" Peter chuckled as he walked back into the room. "You
have no choice but to submit when these two gang up on you. Welcome to my world, young
lady." Peter shook his head with a smile.

"Thank you both so much. I just don't know what to say. This is so nice of you all. I'm
overwhelmed. I don't know how I can ever repay your kindness." I crossed the room and
offered Charlotte and Peter big hugs. Tears were pooling in my eyes. Their generosity was
incredible.

"That's enough of that, Bella," Charlotte admonished playfully. "Peter, darling, what did
Eleazar have to say?"

"He was thrilled. He said to stop by next week for an informal interview. I can give you his
number and you can call and set something up directly."

"That is amazing. Thank you so much. I can't believe you called to get me a job on Christmas
day." Peter just waved his hand dismissively, to suggest that it was nothing. I would have
begged to differ, but it didn't seem appropriate.

"Now, Bella, what's next?" Charlotte asked.

"What do you mean?" I started before Alice cut me off, something which was starting to
become a bit of a habit for her.

"I would say living arrangements," Alice said as she eyed me wearily.

"I thought you liked my place?" I questioned with mock offense. My apartment left a lot to be
desired, and Alice had clearly sized it up quite accurately during her short visit.

"I was just being polite, Bella," Alice explained apologetically. "Mom she's living on Wayne
Street in Carrboro in a one room apartment. There isn't even a separate bedroom." Alice
wasn't trying to be ugly about my little apartment. She was right; it wasn't a very good space
to have a baby.

"Oh, that won't do at all. "It's too far from campus and it isn't a safe neighborhood. We'll need
to find you someplace closer."

"Actually, I think I can help with that." Alice clapped her hands. "Lindsay just moved out
because she's going to live with Tyler. You could take her room. I even have a third bedroom
that would be perfect for Tony." All of this seemed too good to be true. I walked over to Tony
trying to buy myself a bit of time to think. I rearranged the blanket which he had kicked off
his legs. He made a slight bubbling noise with his mouth, but thankfully didn't wake.
"Alice, you hardly know me and you're asking me to move in with you?" I was shocked to say
the least. I wanted to hear her reasoning before I agreed, but deep down, I was excited about
the prospect. Living with a nurse would make me feel a lot better about my ability to care for
Tony.

"Bella, I already told you that we're going to be the best of friends, and as your best friend, I
would love to live with you and Tony. Lindsay is moving out the first of the year and then
you can move in just in time for classes."

"Um, how much is the rent?" I bit my lip nervously waiting for her response.

"Well, what do you pay now?"she asked in a way that didn't seem intrusive. Her eyes were
light and her posture was relaxed.

"Six hundred per month, plus utilities," I answered honestly.

"And has that been affordable for you?"

"Yes, I suppose so." I stood up and walked back to the couch where I had been sitting
previously.

"Then your rent would be six hundred per month, plus utilities. I own the place, so I can be
pretty flexible if that's too much." I had to do a double-take at Alice. She seemed so young to
own her own place already, but if her parents' house was any indication, this family did not
lack for money.

"Alice, that is incredibly generous, but do you really want to live with some college kid and
her baby?" I questioned.

"How old are you, Bella?" Alice asked very matter-of-factly. She certainly knew how to get
right to the point of things.

I laughed a bit at her question. One generally shouldn't ask a woman her age, but I knew that
didn't really apply to this situation. "I just turned nineteen last September."
"Well, I am only twenty-three, so we are practically twins. You're not just some college kid.
You're my friend. Plus, if you don't take the room, then I'll just have to put an ad in the DTH.
Don't make me live with a stranger," she begged with a pouty face.

"I just don't know what to say. I came to dinner tonight expecting a warm meal and I'm
leaving with a potential job, a new apartment and childcare. Who are you people? You're like
a house full of fairy godparents." They all laughed at me in unison.

"Is that a yes, Bella?" Alice asked, standing up in front of me.

"Yes, I suppose it is. I don't know how I will ever repay you all." Alice pulled me off the
couch into a big hug. She was so excited. I could see the little wheels spinning in her head.

"Just be a good mother to that sweet baby, young lady. That's all the repayment we ask." Peter
smiled brightly at me and clapped me on the shoulder.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Later that evening, after returning home from the Brandon's house, or Oz as I had now taken
to calling it, I fed Tony and laid him in his bassinet for our first night at home. I was
exhausted from our long day, and my body was aching from all of the moving around I had
done. I was still recovering and had not had a full night's sleep since the day before he was
born.

I crawled into bed and booted up my laptop for the first time in a week.

I scrolled through the songs on my iPod waiting for the operating system to load. When it
finished booting, I opened up my email account to sort through the junk mail that no doubt
waited for me. I hadn't received any personal mail in months, except for a few notices from
school. After the day's events, I could finally allow myself to be optimistic about starting
classes again.

I scanned my inbox, deleting the expected penile implant and breast augmentation offers as I
went. I was just about to log off, when I noticed a familiar name in the sender column.
Edward. My heart began pounding fiercely in my chest, and I quickly shoved the laptop off
my lap.
No, no, no. He knows. He's found me! What am I going to do? Oh, God, Tony!

I stared at the screen for a good five minutes contemplating my options and trying to get a
handle on my fear. My heart twisted in my chest. I needed to know, but I didn't have the
courage to open the email. I rolled onto my side and opened my nightstand. I reached inside
of it and pulled out the tiny box that held my most cherished possession. I carefully opened
the lid and removed the perfectly folded paper from its spot. I looked at the image of my face
on the paper before me,

"Guarded Bella" By Edward Cullen 8/28/98".

I traced my finger over the indentation Edward's words had made in the paper. This was the
only possession I had from my old life. It had been in my pocket the day of the accident, and I
was able to keep it with me when everything else was stolen away. I looked at his artistry and
knew I had to read the email. I carefully refolded the sketch and returned it to its hiding spot.
Then, with shaking fingers and a twisting stomach, I pulled my laptop back onto my thighs
and clicked open the email.

All of my panic faded to love as his words flooded into my vision.

To: BellaSwan

From: EAMC

Date: December 23, 2002

Subject: I need you

Dearest Bella,

Okay, so I know it is batshit crazy to email one's dead fiancée, but I think it might be
therapeutic for me, so here goes.

I fucking miss you so much. Incredibly romantic start to a love letter, huh? I've been so
messed up, Bella. I hardly recognize myself anymore. God, you would be so ashamed of what
I've become. I can't stand the thought of you seeing me like this. Can you see me, love? Are
you with me? God, I hope so.
The past few months have been abject torture, but I have no one to blame but myself. I fucked
up, Bella. I should have been more careful with you. If I had had more control over my
hormones, you would never have become pregnant and your poor body would have been
strong enough to survive the crash. Christ, the crash. I don't know what happened. I'm so
sorry that I couldn't control the car. I tried, but it's like the car wouldn't respond to me and in
an instant, you were gone. All of a sudden my world changed, and you and our baby were
unceremoniously stripped away from me. I did this to you. I am so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I need to confess to you. The truth is that I can't live without you. My heart died
when you did, Bella. I've been going through the motions, but my life ended in that car with
yours. You were and are my forever love. Em and Jazz have been so damn strong. They've
tried to pull me through this, and I know I am a piece of shit for lying to them, but what else
could I do? I can't let my fucked up existence destroy any more lives.

Did you know they made me promise to go on the tour? Don't you find it rather ironic that
they thought the tour would be a good distraction from my grief? As if anything could distract
me from this pain.

All of this brings me to tonight. I had an epiphany, Bella. I was singing to you on stage, and I
was suddenly overcome with a powerful sense of purpose. It was crippling at first, but then I
remembered the story you told me about Charlie dying and making you promise to live. I can't
explain what happened, but after tonight, I know you would want that for me, too. I was such
a selfish prick while you were living. I feel like I owe you. I feel like I should put some effort
into being happy for you. I don't know if that is possible, but I need to try.

So here I am writing to an abandoned email address that will never be checked. Your "dead
letter mail box" as it were. I guess I'm hoping that somehow, if I make my pledge to you in
writing, I will hold to it, even though I know you will never read my words. I need you, Bella.
I need you to give me the strength to get through this. I would give anything in this world to
hold you in my arms one last time and to brush my lips against your warm skin.

I miss you, baby, but I will try. I will try for you and for our poor baby who never got the
opportunity to live. I wish I could see him or her. That thought is particularly difficult right
now. You probably would have been getting ready to give birth if you were still here. We
would have been parents together.
I will forever carry you both in my heart. You will never be more than a moment from my
thoughts. I love you both with everything that I am, and for you, I will try.

One day, in another life, we will be reunited, my love. I will make certain of it.

Eternally yours,

Edward.

I read his words three more times through salty tears. To say that I was stunned would be an
understatement. After so many months, Edward decided to write me on the day of his son's
birth. He described an "epiphany" he had had on stage during the exact time his son was being
born. I didn't know how it was possible, but Edward knew. He felt the power of a father's love
even though he couldn't put a name to it. His letter was proof that Edward and I were still
connected.

All of us were connected in a way that defied logic and science. Love.

After another pass at the letter, I took a deep breath, wiped away the tears, and began to
compose my reply. I told him everything that happened with Carlisle. I told him about the
birth of his amazing little boy. I told him about the Brandons and their incredible generosity. I
promised him my eternal love and devotion, and then I apologized to him for the agony I was
causing him.

His torture was gut-wrenching. I held the mouse arrow over the send button wanting so badly
to ease his pain. I wanted to let him know that Tony and I were fine and missing him just as
much as he was missing us. A final single tear pooled in my eye and then gently rolled down
my face until I could taste its salty presence on my upper lip. I felt guilty for having a
communication from him, when there was no way for me to return the favor. Carlisle's words
rang in my head. Replying just wasn't possible. We could never be together again.

I moved my mouse and clicked to close out of the browser window without sending my reply
email.

"Would you like to save your draft?" the computer prompted. I clicked the "Yes" button and
shut the lid of my computer. Edward would never know my response, but I would keep it for
him anyway. "Goodnight, my forever love."
CHAPTER 7:
ONE STEP CLOSER

Bella's POV – December, 2003

"Come on little man, you can do it." I extended my arms toward Tony, curling my fingers
back and forth in an effort to persuade him to walk to me. "Just take one step for mommy.
Come on, just try one step. You can do it!" I clapped my hands together hoping that my
jovialness would convince him. Apparently, I wasn't providing him with sufficient
motivation.

"Go on T-man, go get your mommy," Alice encouraged as well. Tony stood stoically still,
clearly not the least bit interested in walking. Alice and I had been practicing with him every
night for a week, and he still wouldn't budge. He had been standing on his own for several
weeks, and he could easily make his way around the coffee table as long as he kept one hand
firmly planted on the wooden surface. Ask the child to let go, however, and all bets were off.

"I think it's time to break out the big guns, Alice." I stood up from the floor and walked into
Tony's room to grab his best friend and favorite sleep buddy.

"Big guns, huh? What might those be?" Alice asked with interest. I reentered the room
shaking Tony's miniature stuffed beanie Winnie the Pooh at her from my extended hand. If
Tony wouldn't walk just to get to his mommy, maybe he would walk to get his Pooh.

"Incentives," I said to Alice with a chuckle. I shifted my attention back to Tony and waved the
Pooh bear at him. "Okay, little man, who does Mommy have?"

"Pooh Ba, Pooh Ba," Tony giggled and pointed at the stuffed animal in my hand.

"That's right Tony, and if you walk to Mommy, I will let you have your Pooh bear."
"Mama Pooh." Tony tucked his head into his shoulder coyly and batted his eyes at me. My
son, a born manipulator.

"Yep, mommy has Pooh. Come get him." As if trying to figure out a puzzle, Tony looked at
his feet and then back at Pooh whom I was now cradling in my arms like a baby. He looked to
the floor again and then started to move just briefly before hesitating abruptly. Is he going to
do it? I didn't want to verbalize my question and distract him, so I remained silent and kept
my fingers proverbially crossed. Unfortunately, patience wasn't Alice's forté.

"Don't you want your Pooh bear, Tony?" Alice was trying her best to help me out, but Tony
seemed to be the only person alive capable of telling her "no". Tony was strong-willed, and I
was certain that he wouldn't budge until he was good and ready to do so.

"Ton Pooh, Ton Pooh" Tony said with a giggle. Once again he looked at the toy in my hand
and then at the floor, which stretched out between us. A few seconds later, a huge smile lit up
his face, as if he had finally figured out the solution to a difficult riddle. The next thing I
knew, he had plopped himself down on his hands and knees and was scurrying over to me
with a determined crawl.

"No, Tony, you're supposed to walk, silly boy!" I tried not to laugh at my adorable son who
was now holding his arms up to me with the brightest smile ever.

"I guess that was one way to close the space between you," Alice said, mocking me. "Good
incentive, mommy." I ignored her sarcastic jeering.

"Me, Pooh," Tony said, requesting that I hand him the stuffed animal.

"Okay, buddy, here you go. You know, you're lucky you're so darn cute or this would really
frustrate me." I smiled and handed Tony his friend and completed the gesture with a soft kiss
to the top of his head. Ever the mimic, he swaddled Pooh in his arms and kissed him as I had
just done.

"Tank ku," Tony said contently.

"You're most welcome, little man." Tony made me so happy. While I couldn't deny that the
past year had been extremely trying at times, Tony made it all worthwhile. He hadn't slept
through the night until he was almost five months old. He never took a pacifier, so he had
trouble self-soothing. It wasn't until he ultimately found his thumb, that I finally got a full
night's rest. Tony had also been plagued by numerous ear infections in his first few months.
The pediatrician said it was normal for babies, but that didn't do anything to ease the pain they
caused my poor son.

Money had also been tight. While Alice and her family had helped me, I was still concerned
about saving enough money to secure Tony's future. I saved as much of my wages at the
Carolina Inn as possible so that Tony and I would be okay, should anything unexpected
happen that necessitated an emergency exit. I needed to be prepared above all else. Carlisle
would never leave us alone for good. He would always be a looming presence in my mind.

"Well, so much for walking tonight." I rolled my eyes at Alice's restatement of the obvious.
Tony had us both wrapped around his precious little fingers, and we both knew it. At this rate,
he wouldn't walk until his high school graduation.

"Come on, mommy. Why don't we let T-man watch a bit of Thomas the Train while we
chat?" Alice had mentioned her need to talk to me earlier in the day, but I had been so busy
between picking up Tony from Charlotte's house and getting his dinner made, that I hadn't had
an opportunity to sit with her to find out what she needed.

"Actually, let me run him a quick bath and get him down and then we'll have more time."

"That'll work. I'll open a bottle of wine for us."

"Wine? This must be a serious talk we are going to have." I looked at Alice questioningly.

"Let's just say that I know what incentivizes you, Miss Swan." She winked at me and shook
the bottle of wine in my direction the way I had done with Pooh minutes earlier.

"Yes, red wine, my own personal Pooh bear." We chuckled together as I scooped up Tony and
then laid him back playfully in my arms.

"My goodness, buddy. You're absolutely humongous," I chortled before blowing a raspberry
into his belly. "What's mommy going to do with you?"

"Ton big, ton big." Tony said excitedly as he tried to hop around in my arms to get away from
the tickling at his belly. I tightened my grip on him for good measure.
"Yes you are sweetheart. Come on, let's get you cleaned up and tucked into bed. Mommy will
read you some Thomas. How does that sound?"

"Ta Tran, Ta Tran!" Tony couldn't quite make out the words "Thomas the Train", but I had
learned how to decode his gibberish over the last few months. I marched us into the bathroom
and started my nightly tradition of bathing Tony and getting him to sleep. The entire process
generally took about thirty minutes. It was our special time together, and I cherished it. I
always finished our ritual with the same seven words of endearment and the same affectionate
gesture:

"I love you more than life itself," I said gently, echoing Edward's words to me on our last day
together. I then leaned in and placed two light kisses on his forehead, one from each of his
parents.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Okay Alice, hand over the wine and start talking." I smiled at her as I entered the living room
after tucking Tony safely away into his toddler bed for the evening.

"Come sit." Alice patted the sofa next to her.

"A full sit-down, huh? What's going on?" She definitely had my interest peaked.

"Okay, so you know I love your right?" That certainly wasn't the way I liked to have my
conversations with Alice start. It usually meant that I wasn't going to like what was coming
next.

"That sounds rather ominous, Alice." I arched my eyebrow at her.

"It's nothing bad, really. It's just… well… okay, the thing is, you've become a bit of a shut-in."
Alice patted my arm, as if to soften the blow of her words.

Insulted, I pulled away from her touch. "What? No I haven't!" I demanded. "I take classes
three days a week, and I work three days a week. Frankly, I'm hardly ever home. How does
that possibly classify me as a 'shut-in'?" I made obnoxious finger quotes around the offensive
words emphasize my point.
"Because, Bella, you don't leave the apartment unless it's for school or work. Sure you run
errands and do the basic stuff, but you never want to go out and have fun. When was the last
time you left the apartment to do something that wasn't some sort of obligation or chore?"

I stared at Alice for a moment, trying in vain to think of something. I knew she couldn't be
right. "Alice, I do things all of the time."

"Like what?" she challenged, crossing her arms over her chest dramatically. I sat silently
trying to think of the last time I had let loose, but she was right. I couldn't remember any
recent examples of doing anything social or fun outside of our apartment. "See, Bella. You
can't even recall one time when you've left the house to do something just for yourself. It's not
healthy. You need to get out."

"Alice, you have to be realistic. I'm a single working mother with a one year old little boy,
and I go to school. I don't have a lot of time to go gallivanting around Chapel Hill. Do you
expect me to carry my baby over to He's Not Here or Four Corners? Do you think Tony
would enjoy bar hopping like that?"

"First of all, party pooper, nothing beats a He's Not 'Blue-Cup' of beer on Thursday night, no
matter how busy you are. It's just something that one does, but that is a different story.
Second, I don't expect you to take Tony to a bar. You aren't some crazy woman in a Reece
Witherspoon movie. Third, there is a big difference between doing something for yourself and
doing something irresponsible. I just want you to do something for you."

"Okay, so if you aren't suggesting a romp down Franklin Street with my toddler in tow, then
what is it you are proposing? I know you have something up your sleeve, Alice."

"Ikindofsetupablinddateforyou." Alice spoke so quickly that I couldn't understand what she

said.

"Come again, Alice?"

"I kind of set up a blind date for you." Her words were just above a whisper, and she was
leaning away from me on the couch scrunching her face up as if expecting me to hit her. That
wasn't a bad idea.
"YOU WHAT?" I screamed at her. "Alice Brandon! What in the hell possessed you to do
such an asinine thing?"

"Okay with the big words, Miss Smarty-Pants, and don't wake up my god-son with your
screeching, missy." She was deflecting, but I wouldn't let her get away with it. "His name is
James, but before you say no, just hear me out on this, will you?" She looked naively hopeful.
She would certainly end up disappointed. This was a total non-starter for me.

"Alice, I'm taken." The words slipped from my mouth before I realized what I had said. She
looked at me blankly for a moment and then got serious.

"No you're not, Bella. You never talk about Tony's dad, and I sure as shit have never met the
man. You clearly aren't together. From the frustratingly little you have told me, I know you
must've loved him. I think I've been pretty good about not prying, which, by the way, goes
against my very nature as a know-it-all."

I did have to admit that Alice had been good about not pushing me for details about Edward.
All I had told her was that his name was Anthony, which wasn't really a lie, just not the full
truth. "You're right, Alice. We aren't together anymore, and we never will be again, but in my
heart, I just know I will never love anybody else. I just can't." I was being as honest with her
as I dared.

"Bella please," Alice started with teary eyes. "You can't live like this anymore. It isn't healthy.
How do you know you will never love again? You won't even try. What kind of example does
that set for Tony?"

"Tony is a one year old, Alice."

"He won't be forever, Bella. He will grow up and see you alone and afraid to love. You'll turn
him into a commitmentphobic womanizing man whore."

"Dramatic much?" Alice just looked at me waiting for a real answer. "Alice you don't
understand. I don't want to love anybody else, and even if I did, I don't think I'm physically or
emotionally capable of doing so. It will never ever happen, and I am okay with that. I made a
commitment to Tony's father, and I won't break it regardless of whether or not we're together.
If anything, Tony should appreciate the strength of that commitment." It was true. I would
love Edward Cullen until my dying breath.

"Okay, Bella. You have to give me something here. I can't take it. Please, tell me what
happened with Tony's dad. I know you don't like to talk about it, but please, just tell me
enough to make me understand."

"Alice, there really isn't much to tell. We had a complicated relationship, and we couldn't
make it work. That's just life, but it doesn't change how I feel. There was no big fight or
anything like that. We just can't be together anymore, but he still has my heart, and it wouldn't
be fair to waste James' time, or anybody else's for that matter." I hoped that my flimsy
explanation would placate her for the time being. I couldn't risk exposing anything further. If
Alice found out about Edward and Carlisle she would go ballistic and put herself in grave
danger.

"Look, Bella, I can tell you are being intentionally evasive about Anthony, and I won't push
the subject any further on one condition."

"Alice, this isn't a negotiation." I needed to stand firm. Alice was obviously about to move in
for the kill.

"Bella, you know I will pester you until you bend to my will, so let's save us both the trouble.
I won't push you to talk about Anthony, if you go on one date with James." Her expression
was both hopeful and devious. She was clearly quite proud of her blackmailing abilities.

The last thing I wanted to do was go on a date, but I had to shut her up. It would be too
dangerous for her to learn the truth. If I could get her to stop asking questions, then that would
surely be worth one night out on a dead-end date with this James character. One night with
James could save lives. I had my answer.

"Just one date? That's all you want and then you'll leave me alone about Anthony? Forever?"

"One date and an afternoon at the spa to get you ready, my treat, and then I won't bug you
about Anthony for at least six months." Naturally, I thought.

"Alice! I don't have time for all of that."

"Sure you do. You haven't taken any time off from work since you started, and it's been a
year. You can ask for one afternoon off and you will let me pamper you. Mom has already
said she'll take Tony and then I will watch him while you go out with James."

"How about we compromise?" I asked, hoping I could get out of the James date set-up. "I'll
go to the spa with you. I'll pay my own way, and then you and I can go out to dinner, with
Tony as my date instead of James. That would still be a healthy non-obligation/chore outing
for Bella."

"No deal, lady, and don't talk about yourself in the third person. It creeps me out. Here is what
we will do: spa, my treat, dinner with James, and if you're not careful, I'll make it two dates."

"How exactly would that be compromising, Alice?"

"I never said anything about compromise. That was all you. I gave you an ultimatum. Go on a
date with James, or sit down and tell me the entire Anthony story, so that I understand why
you won't go out with anybody."

"Fine, Alice. But I'm telling you that nothing will come of this." I made sure the edge in my
voice communicated my irritation. She was being unnecessarily meddlesome.

"Beautiful. He's picking you up tomorrow night at six and our spa appointments start at one.
You already have the afternoon off from work." Alice sat back looking very pleased with
herself. I wanted to wring her perky little neck.

"What if I had said 'no', Alice?"

"Impossible, Bella. I always get what I want. You know that." I fumed at her, but said
nothing. "So, how mad are you at me right now?" She asked with a smirk.

"You know that white tiger that mauled the shit out of Roy Horn a few months ago?" I asked
her with narrowed eyes.

Alice, clearly following me, said, "Noted. Bella doesn't like it when Alice performs her
magic."
"I thought you said talking about yourself in the third person was 'creepy'?" I plopped my
head into the corner of the couch and shut my eyes. I was hoping Alice would just disappear.

"What's good for the goose, my dear Bella."

"Okay, one date, Alice and then you drop all of this. Deal?" I asked without opening my eyes
to look at her.

"That's all I ask." She patted my knee and then mercifully left me alone.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I was seated alone at a table at Top of the Hill. The hostess had given me a table on the
balcony overlooking Franklin Street, so I could enjoy the fresh air and people watch. Alice
had told me that James would meet me here at six sharp. It was already ten after, and I was
hoping I was being stood up.

I looked down at the street below wondering if I could catch a glimpse of him. James was a
medical student at UNC. Alice had described him as "ruggedly handsome" with a blond pony-
tail and broad shoulders. He could be a hobbit with a mullet for all I cared. It wouldn't change
the fact that I had no desire to date anybody. So far, none of the passers-by fit the description.

At a quarter after six, I had finally resolved to get my check and take off. I didn't want to be
on this date in the first place, so I certainly didn't need to sit here being stood up by some
asshole doctor in training. Before, I could make my exit, however, a blue-eyed stranger
unceremoniously plopped himself down in the chair across from me.

"Are you Bella?" He asked between panted breaths.

"Yes. Are you James?" He nodded and extended his slightly sweaty hand to me for a shake.

"I am so sorry that I'm late. I got stuck in my anatomy lab this afternoon. Alice never gave me
your number, or I would have called. I also tried to call her, but she didn't answer." He was
still panting, clearly having raced to get here.

"No worries, James. I was just enjoying the evening." Lie. I was just about to leave, so I
wouldn't have to endure this torture.
"These heaters are wonderful out here. I love being able to sit outside in December. I'm a
warm weather kind of guy."

I nodded in agreement. "I hear you. I like the sunshine and warmth, too. I don't really like any
wet cold thing, weather included." A chill ran through me as I thought about my first official
date with Edward. It was freezing and we got drenched leaving the diner. It was such a simple
evening, but still so special – nothing like my current quasi-date.

"I'm with you on that. I'm more of a beach man myself. I try to get down to Morehead every
few weeks; my folks have a house there. The surfing isn't the best in the world, but it works
for my limited talent." He chuckled at himself and I gave him a small smile.

"I've never surfed, and I have a bit of a balance problem, so I'm sure even the small waves in
Morehead would be too much for me." We laughed together. The evening progressed
pleasantly enough, and I found myself actually enjoying James's company. He was in his third
year of medical school and was originally from Wilmington, North Carolina. He had one
brother and three dogs. Surprisingly, I could us being friends. We had one obstacle in our
way, however and it was time to address it.

"James, I have to tell you that I have really enjoyed meeting you and this has been a lovely
evening, but I'm not really in the market for a boyfriend. I'm a single mother and I'm working
my way through school." James looked a bit taken aback by my bluntness. His face quickly
grew stern and reproachful.

"I don't recall asking you to be my girlfriend, Bella." He looked seriously angry, and for a
moment, I was worried that I had really offended him. His tone scared me in a way I hadn't
felt in since my phone call from Carlisle while I was in the hospital with Tony. I was just
trying to be honest and set expectations. Before I could apologize, the serious look on his face
quickly morphed into a fit of laughter. "Relax, Bella. I was only kidding. Alice warned me
that you weren't really available before I agreed to the date. I think she just wanted you to get
out and meet somebody to have some fun."

"She did?" I was confused. Why would Alice even go through the effort if she was just going
to tell him I was unavailable?
"That she did. Look Bella, you are a beautiful woman and I won't lie to you. If you were
um… looking, I would be the first in line, but I'm more than content just to be your friend.
That's why I agreed to meet you even after Alice said you weren't looking for a romantic
relationship. I am a social person, and I think you're quite fun to be around. So no worries,
okay?"

"Thank you, James. That's very kind of you, and I would be happy to be your friend." We said
our goodbyes a few minutes later, and he ended our friend-date with a soft hug. I was still a
bit on edge from his harsh tone earlier in the evening, but I pushed the unsettled feeling from
my head and reasoned that it was merely an unnecessary overreaction to a joke. He walked
me back to my car and then took off in the other direction. All and all, I had to admit that the
evening wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. James was very nice and could actually turn out to
be a good friend. Alice was really my only friend, so that wouldn't be a bad thing. I needed to
keep my thoughts hopeful and optimistic.

What harm can come from having another friend, right?

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I reentered our building and heard a familiar pounding rhythm as I approached my front door.
Edward's voice was bellowing through the air calling out to my heart. What the hell is Alice
doing in there?

I quickly stuck the key into the knob and unlocked it. I pushed the door open and was
astounded by what was waiting for me on the inside. Alice was dancing around the room
carrying Tony in her arms as they listened to Midnight Sun which was being blasted from the
stereo speakers at a nearly deafening level. They both were singing into the mock-microphone
hairbrushes in their respective hands. Alice had mussed Tony's hair all about and it looked
like she had added product to it. Who the hell puts moose and gel into a one year old child's
hair? Honestly.

I didn't announce my arrival, but instead watched as my best friend paraded my son around
the room. They were swaying and giggling as they attempted to sing along with Edward.
Edward. Tony looked so much like him with his hair done this way. The scene before me was
so surreal. I wanted to bottle it for future use. I finally started laughing when Tony began to
wail incoherent lyrics into his small hairbrush microphone.

"Oh, sorry, Bella. I didn't hear you come in. Look Tony, Mommy's home." Tony instantly
started smiling and reaching for me. I walked over to the duo and took my son into my
embrace.

"How are you little man? Did you miss mommy?"

"Ton sing, Ton Sing!" He said with glee. I hugged him close and took a minute to look around
the apartment. What the hell?

"You were singing baby, but what did you and Aunt Alice do to this place?" I needed to
remain calm. I was about to break from the sight before me. How had I not noticed this
sooner?

"Sorry, Bella, Tony and I ran out to Target after you left to pick up some Pampers Cruisers
and a coloring book. I couldn't find one here. Anyway, we were standing in the music aisle
and Tony saw this and just started clapping and giggling and smiling so big. You should've
seen it, Bella. I've never seen him react like that. It was awesome. He was such a ham over a
silly poster. I had to buy it, so you could see. It was unbelievable."

My eyes fixated on the large poster hanging on the wall. Edward stood in front looking
devastatingly delicious and Em and Jazz stood behind him. It was the poster for their new
album. "Ah, I see. That is… um… interesting Alice." I didn't know what else to say. To be
sure, we couldn't leave it up. There was no way I could come home to Edward's face on my
wall every single day. It would be too painful.

"Alice, we're not leaving this up on the wall in here," I said sternly.

"Oh relax, Bella. Of course we aren't. I just put it up so we could show you." Alice took Tony
from my arms and walked him over to the poster. "Look T-man, what's that?"

"Mi Sun, Mi Sun!" Tony exclaimed in an exuberant voice. He was giggling and clapping just
like Alice had said. It was adorable, in an incredibly sad and depressing way. I smiled and
ruffled his stiffened hair.
"That's right buddy, Midnight Sun." I wanted to cry for what he was missing.

"You know what, Tony?" Alice started questioning Tony as she walked him over to the coffee
table, where she placed him down on the floor to stand on his own. "You were born at
midnight on December twenty-third last year. I told your mommy that you were her 'midnight
son'. Isn't that silly, Tony?"

"Mi Sun, Mi Sun!" Tony smiled up at us again and then started playing with the colorful toy
blocks on the table.

"So, how was it Bella? I want all of the details. Spill!" Alice was eying me expectantly.

"He was nice, Alice. Thank you for telling him that I wasn't looking for a relationship. We
actually had a decent time. He's a nice guy. There was no romantic spark, so don't go getting
your hopes up, but it was nice to get out."

"See, Bella, I told you this would be a good thing. You don't have to fall in love with the guy.
Going out and meeting new people is important."

"I understand, just please don't set me up on anymore dates. I'm just not ready. We can do
group friend outings if you insist on us going out, but no more dates. I really can't handle it."

"I get it and I won't push. Thank you for going." She gave me a quick hug and then turned her
attention to Tony. "We really did have a fantastic time tonight. I think you have a little rock
star on your hands." All of the blood faded from my face as her words reverberated in my
brain. I was about to cry when Tony broke me out of my trance.

"Mi sun!" He said pointing to the poster again. He looked down at his feet and then at the
poster across the room on the wall. He smiled widely and then let go of the table. My breath
caught in my throat, and I gripped Alice's arm with a tight squeeze.

"Oh my goodness, Tony, you're doing it!" She screeched as she watched Tony toddle his way
over toward the wall.

"Tony, you're walking!" I hollered encouragingly. Tony took two more slow steps and then
reached the poster. He started giggling again and pounded on Edward's picture. My heart
broke seeing my son walk to his daddy.
"Looks like we found what incentivizes Tony," Alice chuckled. "It turns out it wasn't Pooh
bear after all."

"I suppose not," I said swiping the concurrently happy and sad tears from my eyes. Tony
looked back over his should at us and then back at the poster before saying something that
shocked me to the core.

"Dada, Dada!" I looked to my son with a dumbfounded expression on my face. My mouth

hung slightly ajar. I didn't have words.

"Ha! Your mommy only wishes, T-man." Alice laughed hysterically at Tony and patted me
on the back. She didn't even attempt to contain her amusement. "I have an idea T-man," she
continued sarcastically. "Your mommy can have Eddie boy and I'll take yummy Jasper
instead." She was laughing even harder now. She continued to giggle as she walked away
toward the kitchen, calling back to us, "I like the way your son thinks, Swan!"

I ignored my best friend and knelt down next to Tony, who was still gazing happily at the
picture of his father. How does he know? I certainly had never told Tony who his father was. I
could never tell anybody. Tony just seemed to know it instinctually. They were connected.

I pulled Tony into my side and kissed his cheek lovingly. A single tear escaped my eye as my
heart was exploding with a sense of joy I didn't know I had been missing. For this small
moment, Edward, Tony and I were the family we were always meant to be.
CHAPTER 8:
SOMETIMES BEGINNINGS AREN'T
SO SIMPLE

Edward's POV: July 8, 2004

My breathing quickened and dirty water splashed against my ankles as each of my steps
pounded against the rain-saturated asphalt. Once the tour ended, running became my favorite
vehicle for releasing pent up energy. Europe was now just around the corner and I wouldn't
get to do this anymore. Without this outlet, I was worried about how I would purge my inner
demons. Will they start to terrorize me again?

A year and a half ago, I made a promise to Bella that I would try to move on and keep those
demons at bay. That fateful night in L.A., something had shifted inside of me. For the first
time in months, I had felt a sense of purpose and belonging. Something changed to allow me
to believe that my life was necessary even though I still couldn't pinpoint exactly why.

After the concert that night, I wrote Bella an email on her old Google mail account. I knew it
was stupid to think I could actually communicate with her. She would never read it, nobody
would. Even knowing my words would remain unseen; I found writing them to be
therapeutic. One email did more for me than seven months of psychiatrists had done.

Routine soon became a prerequisite for maintaining my sanity. Once we returned from the
road, the guys and I never discussed leaving the label or quitting the band as we had once
planned. I think we were all too worried to mess with the status quo for fear that I would
revert to my former desolation, so nobody broached the subject. Instead, I concentrated my
efforts on writing our new album and making it through the day hour by hour. Repetition
helped with that.
I would wake every morning and go for a five mile run, come home, shower, write for a few
hours, head to the studio to record or handle whatever promotional endeavors needed my
attention in the afternoon, eat, drink, smoke, crash and repeat. I felt like Bill Murray in
Groundhog Day, only I wasn't trying to be a hero. I was just trying to keep my promise to my
Bella for one more day. It wasn't as simple as I had hoped it would be, but I was working on it
day by day.

The tour had exponentially escalated our success and notoriety to near epic proportions. All of
this in turn led my schedule to become more hectic as time progressed. Midnight Sun had had
at least two songs on the Billboard Top 20 for the last year which helped me to quickly learn
that I didn't like to hear myself sing on the radio. My voice just sounded off.

It was pretty easy to avoid in most cases, but in January, when we were nominated for a Best
New Artist Grammy, our music started circulating across the airwaves ad nauseam. It was at
that time that I began using my iPod religiously. We didn't win the Grammy, but we did
perform at the show which had actually been rather exhilarating. In all honesty, we were
pretty happy we didn't win; the Best New Artist moniker was thought of as the "kiss of death"
in the industry. I didn't need any more of those.

Through it all, I had diligently perfected my practiced indifference. If I could continue to do

the things I needed to do, I wouldn't melt down. My repetitive nature allowed me to pretend to
be a whole man. The more I would pretend, the more I started to believe it. I couldn't say I
was over Bella, that would never happen, but I could say that I had learned to find some
happiness here and there. As long as life didn't throw me too many more curve balls, I hoped
that I could fulfill my promise to my love.

The thing that was concerning me now, was that Midnight Sun was getting ready to headline a
new European Tour and I would likely lose the ability to control my daily activities. Curve
ball number one, I thought bitterly to myself. This would also be my first time out of the
country and I didn't know what to expect. That wasn't a good thing for a guy like me. Curve
ball number two.

I made my way around the final corner of my regular route and finished off at the gate of the
house I shared with Jazz and Em in the Hollywood Hills. I punched in the code - Bella's
birthday - and slipped through. My bodyguard, Sam, followed closely behind me.
"Looks like you have some company," Sam said before plopping down in the grass to stretch.
"Isn't that your mother's car?"

"Shit, what is she doing here?" I hadn't expected to see Esme today. I loved my mother, but
given how I felt about Carlisle, I found it difficult to be around her at times.

"Hell if I know, she's your mom, Cullen." I rolled my eyes at Sam's sarcastic retort and jogged
up to the door to face the Spanish inquisition awaiting me on the other side.

"Sweetheart, you're back." Mom must have seen me come through the gate because her arms
were around me the moment I stepped into the house. "Oh dear, you are so sweaty. Run up
and shower and I'll make you some breakfast." She kissed my cheek and then pulled away.

"What are you doing here?" I wasn't trying to be rude, but Esme didn't make a habit of
stopping by unannounced.

"Is that anyway to greet your mother?" She admonished playfully. "I was just in the
neighborhood and decided to stop by and see my favorite sons." Esme was never "just in the
neighborhood", but I wouldn't push it for now.

"We're your only sons, mother."

"Exactly, that is why I came to see you!"

"So where are my partners in crime anyway?" I looked around the open living room, but I
could not see either of my brothers. If they're smart, they are hiding under their respective
beds.

"Your brothers are out back by the pool. I'm not sure how they can drink beer at nine am."

"Hey, you're lucky Emmett is even awake. We normally can't rouse him up until at least two
in the afternoon."

"Oh, I woke him darling. I couldn't let him sleep through my visit now could I?"

"I suppose not, mom. I'll be down in a minute. It's good to see you." I kissed her cheek and
ran up to do my thing. Am I a shitty son for hoping that she will be gone when I'm done?
 X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"So tell your mother what you have been doing, boys. I haven't seen you in what, two weeks?

"Let's see, the last two weeks, you say?" Emmett dramatically tapped his finger on his temple
and smirked. "Ah yes, I went to the Virgin Islands. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piña
coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. You know, the usual," Emmett finished
flippantly. I couldn't help cracking up at my brother's antics.

"Ignore him, mom," Jasper said, smacking Emmett on the back of the head. "Ever since he
saw Janet Jackson's boob at the Super Bowl a few months back, his brain has been stuck on
stupid."

"Ha, ha, Jazz. You know you liked that little wardrobe malfunction just as much as I did.
Fucking Justin Timberlake is always in the right place at the right time. I think we need to
look into getting a better agent, guys." At least a better manager, I thought silently. Fucking
Carlisle.

"You know, boys, your father took me to the Virgin Islands once. Of course, Carlisle was
more like a wild tiger than a sea otter. Rawrr!" Her growl was accompanied by an imitation
tiger swipe of her hand through the air. I think a bit of vomit actually entered my mouth.

"Gross, mom!" I said repulsed by the image that just flashed through my mind.

"What? You should be happy that your parents have an active sex life. It keeps us young and
vibrant."

Young and vibrant was the opposite of how I wanted to see Carlisle, but I kept my mouth
shut. My mother had always been completely supportive of Carlisle. It was like she was
oblivious to the fact that she was married to a manipulative asshole with a God complex. As
long as she was able to wear the latest Manolo Blahniks and carry the most expensive Gucci
purse, she allowed herself to remain blissfully ignorant. She was the perfect wife to her
mentally abusive prick husband. Not that I was bitter or anything.

"Okay, going back to the original question," Jasper started with a reproachful shake of his
head in Emmett's direction. "We've spent most of the last few weeks getting ready for the
tour, mom. We leave so soon and it just seems like there is a lot more to do for this trip than
there was on the last one." I cringed again, this time at the mention of our impending
departure.

"I am sorry I won't get to go with you this time around. You boys are a bit older now, so I'm
sure you don't want your mother tagging around any longer." She was fishing for us to invite
her, but none of us would dare do that. Having her on the bus last time had been a nightmare
none of us wanted to relive. It wasn't that we didn't love Esme, because we did. The problem
was that she was intrusive and meddlesome. Life was hard enough without having our mother
nipping at our heels constantly.

"I hear Rosalie Hale is coming with us, though. I'd say I'm looking forward to that." Emmett
waggled his eyebrows up and down and licked lips. "I wouldn't mind hitting that fine piece
of..."

"Emmett Cullen, you watch that mouth of yours!" Esme interrupted. "Rosalie Hale is a lovely
young lady who doesn't deserve to be treated that way." She clearly wanted to scold Emmett
seriously, but broke when she could no longer keep a straight face. She ended up laughing
with the rest of us. The truth was that Rosalie Hale, our new rep from the label, was a high
maintenance bitch in every sense of the word.

Despite this, Em had been crushing on her for months. She shot him down at every turn, but I
think he was hoping that the mass hordes of women throwing their undergarments at him
while in her presence would convince her that he was worth a chance. I'm not sure I followed
his logic, but it was fun to watch just the same. After all, I had to take enjoyment where I
could get it these days.

"Okay, my dear boys. I think it is time that I make my exit. I have things to do. You all must
promise to come for dinner before you leave or you will break my heart. We can watch that
Ken Jennings fellow on Jeopardy. I think he has one over a million dollars already." My
mother needed to learn better ways to incentivize us. Thirty minutes of Alex Trebeck certainly
wasn't the ticket. We all skirted the issue as best we could and sent her out the door. I would
avoid that dinner at all costs, just as I always did.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O
"So Edward, we have a little going away present for you." Emmett said as he and Jasper
flopped down on the couch across from me. I glared at Emmett, knowing his presents were
generally unacceptable. "And don't give me that look, this is a good present." I eyed Jasper for
confirmation.

"Don't look at me, this was all Emmett," Jasper defended. Fuck! Now I know this can't be
good.

"Okay, just spit it out, Emmett." I held my breath and waited for the inevitable.

"I have two words for you, my brother: Tanya Maddox."

"Kate's sister, the model? Why would that be a present for me?" The moment the words left
my mouth, I knew what my brothers were suggesting. "No! No way. You know I am not
interested in dating anybody." I stood up and started to leave the room, but Emmett was hot
on my trail and stopped me with two forceful hands on my shoulders. He swung me around
and began walking me back toward my seat.

"Look, I'm not saying you have to date her, right Jazz?" I was skeptical which they could both
obviously infer from the sour look on my face. "Come on, man, back me up here."

"I don't think it is a bad idea, Edward. Just hear Emmett out on this." I scowled at my
traitorous brother who was still sitting on the couch. Jasper usually had my back about
women, but not this time.

"Okay, if you aren't suggesting that I date her, what is it you are suggesting?"

"Edward, you need to get laid and Tanya is more than ready, willing and able to help you out
with that endeavor. She is a 'no strings attached' kind of girl, so she is perfect."

"No." There was no need to elaborate on this point. I had no interest in sleeping with anybody
other than Bella and since that was clearly not going to happen, I would remain celibate. The
thought of never having sex again for the rest of my life sent a chill down my spine, but the
alternative just didn't work either. There was nothing to discuss as far as I was concerned.
"For fuck's sake, Edward," Emmett rumbled brutishly. "You are the only rock star in the
world who isn't getting his knob polished on a regular basis. Haven't you ever heard the
phrase 'use it or lose it'?"

"Emmett, just because I don't feel the need to have mindless sex with a bunch of groupies,
doesn't make me less of a man. You know how I feel about this. Can we please just drop it?"

"No we can't drop it because I also know how you would feel if you got to cum without your
hand every once in awhile. Assisted orgasms are the best therapy out there, I promise."
Emmett was snickering at me. "Plus, from what I hear from Jazz, the Maddox sisters are quite
um…talented."

"Whoa there! I will admit Kate has been quite pleasant to have around on a few occasions, but
I wouldn't know a thing about Tanya's talents," Jasper added adamantly.

"Relax, man, this is about getting Eddie-boy some good lovin', we don't care who you fuck."

"Don't call me Eddie-boy, Emmett!"

"Whatever, man. You need to get laid. That's all I'm saying. Tanya and Kate are coming over
with a few of their friends later. You will talk to her, have a drink with her and then fuck her.
I'm not getting on a tour bus with your cranky ass again. You need to release some tension or
you will kill us all…"

"Emmett!" Jasper scolded him instantly. I just lowered my head thinking about "killing" more
people. Emmett's slip of the tongue was confirmation that he believed it too.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. You know that it was just a figure of speech. I was being stupid, man.
I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Em." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair thinking about Tanya
and whether or not I could really be with somebody other than my Bella. Intellectually, it
made sense. Bella was dead and would want me to move on with my life. It was healthy, but
there was still something deep inside of me, in the place where the feeling of her still lived,
that believed being with another woman would be a mistake.
Bella and I had always had an intense connection. From the moment I met her in our biology
class, we were inseparable. She took my heart that day and she had yet to return it to me.
Perhaps it was that bond that made her death so unreal to me. One would expect that the
feeling of her would have left me by now or at least faded, but it hadn't. I could still feel her in
my bones as surely as if she were just away on a trip instead of lost to me forever. Every
detail of our life together was crystallized in my mind and reflected on every surface around
me like splintered rainbows from a prism. The thought of her still affected me and the most
basic level. I knew Emmett was only trying to help me and I could understand his position,
but Bella still colored my world and that made her feel alive to me.

"Look, I know you still love Bella, Edward," Jasper said coming to sit closer to me. I gripped
Charlie's amulet which was hanging from my neck as always. I hadn't taken it off since the
day I left the hospital. I needed strength from it now. "You also said that you are trying to go
on living the way she would have wanted you to do. Don't you think that includes finding love
or at least trying to find love?"

"Jasper, I know she wouldn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life, but I don't think she
would have really appreciated me turning into a man-whore and fucking Tanya Maddox to
relieve a little stress in the name of my brothers being able to live with me on a tour bus." I
glared at Emmett even though my words were directed toward Jasper.

"Maybe not, but that is part of the process. You have to sleep with a few frogs before you find
your Princess Charming." I tried not to chuckle at his absurdity, but a tiny smirk escaped
before I could reel it back. Jasper had a point. I didn't see myself ever loving again, but it had
been over two years since Bella had died. I would never replace her in my heart, but I also
didn't want to be alone forever. Can I really be with somebody else? Is it time?

I let the thought of Bella wash over me the way it always did in moments like these. Funnily
enough, it was the small memories of her that generally brought me the most peace. I thought
of how she would twist her hair around her index finger when she was doing her homework as
if it helped her to concentrate better. I thought about how she hated strawberries and would
crinkle her nose at the very mention of them. I thought about how frustrated she would get
when she couldn't get her chop sticks to cooperate with the food on her plate. I thought about
the way she would rub her finger tip along the ridges of my face when I was sick. I let these
seemingly trivial details soothe me until I could focus again. I needed to remember my
promise to her. I needed to do this.

"Okay, Emmett. I'm not saying I will sleep with her or anything like that, but I do get it. I will
try, but this has to be natural. Don't go trying to push us together with some bullshit plan. I
will be open to the possibility, but I won't push it. Deal?"

"You got it, man." Emmett seemed pleased with my compromise. Unfortunately for me, I
knew he had difficulty holding himself back. "Okay, here is the plan, boys. The ladies are
coming over at five for a late afternoon barbeque and some swimming, bathing suits optional
of course." Jasper and I rolled our eyes at one another. We certainly loved our sex fiend
brother.

"They are going to bring a few friends with them. Edward, talk to Tanya and see if you like
her. Just keep your mind open," Jasper said encouragingly. The fact that he thought this was a
good idea spoke volumes. He had always been the most level headed of the three of us.

"Yea, Eddie, you don't have to do her today, though I still think that is a fantastic idea."
Emmett made a crude gesture which I refused to acknowledge. "Anyway, just talk to her and
keep an open mind like Jazz said. Kiss her maybe and see if there is a spark. Nobody is saying
you have to date the girl, just chill out with her. She doesn't expect anything. She just thinks
you're a hot guy and she is willing to see how it goes. She is one fine model. You could do a
lot worse."

"Okay, okay. I already said I would talk to her, so you can stop with the sales pitch. Just know
that I don't promise anything, and for the record, I don't really appreciate the fact that you
have spoken to her about this. That just adds a lot more pressure that I don't need." The guys
understood my point and I had to admit that I understood theirs as well. I was going to try
even if it killed me.

"That's all we ask, Edward," Jasper and Emmett responded at the same time.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I was standing at our outside bar looking at my lawn which was now covered with over one
hundred people I didn't know. So much for Kate and Tanya just bringing over a "few friends",
I thought to myself ruefully. Somehow, our little get-together had turned into a full blown
party. I would need to talk to the guys about this. Given our status and the number of crazy
people out there trying to get our attention, we couldn't just invite a bunch of strangers into
our house anymore. Things would end up stolen or worse.

"What has your mind working so hard there, Mr. Cullen?" I felt nails scratch at the side of my
head behind my ear, but they were the wrong nails. "You're looking mighty intense for a man
who should be enjoying his own party." I looked over my shoulder to see that Tanya had
found me. It was time. I turned to face her straight on and immediately took in her
appearance. She was wearing a bright red string bikini that left very little to the imagination.
No mystery there, I thought to myself. The ensemble was complemented by large-framed
aviator glasses and what Emmett affectionately referred to as "fuck me pumps". Tanya was
quite the package. She wasn't really my type, but I had to admit that she was beautiful. I
suppose I could try to get to know her and just see.

"Hey Tanya," I said trying my best to hide my recent social ineptitude. Alright, Cullen, you
can do this. She is just a person. No pressure. "I was just looking at all of these fine people
and wondering when my brothers decided to have a party."

"Ah, sorry about that." Her cheeks reddened, but it wasn't nearly as endearing as when Bella
would blush. Stop thinking about your girl, Cullen. I needed to focus if I was going to be able
to do this. Remember, this is about Tanya. "I think my sister may have had something to do
with it. I guess you don't like crowds, huh?"

"No worries. It isn't a big deal. I just worry about having a bunch of strangers in the house. It
can be dangerous for us, you know?"

"I totally get it. How about this? Let me put on my cover-up and then we can take a walk
together? Would you mind showing me around your house? It's spectacular from what I can
tell." I looked at her blankly, but that didn't stop her from prattling on about it. "I'd like to get
to know you better and maybe we can just talk some away from all of this." She gestured to
the people standing around us. "Does that sound okay?" Tanya looked at me with sincerity
and I actually did like the idea of getting away from the party. Of course, I also understood
that she might expect something physical to happen between us if we were alone together, but
I could deal with that decision if and when it arose.
I can do this. It's time. I said to myself. I took a deep breath and then took a leap.

"That sounds nice, Tanya. I would love to show you around."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I showed Tanya most of the house, being careful to avoid the bedrooms. I wasn't quite ready
to put an invitation out there to her, subtly or otherwise. "Edward, your house is gorgeous,"
Tanya said stepping closer to me and looking me dead in the eye.

"Um, thanks, my mom actually put most of it together. She decorated everything, but our
bedrooms."

"Hmm, I think I would like to see that." I knew what she meant, but I wasn't sure if I could
give in yet. I felt totally stupid for having mentioned them. I wasn't thinking.

"See what?" I asked dumbly. I was hoping she would shy away and move the topic elsewhere.
No such luck.

"Your bedroom, silly. I'm guessing it is one of the only parts of this house that is truly you."
She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "I want to see where the magic happens." Holy hell,
did she just purr at me?

"Okay, um, sure. It's up here." I walked her toward the stairwell at the end of the hall. My
room was the only room on the third floor. I was a bit of an insomniac at times, so the guys
gave it to me so I could have my own space. I led her up the stairs, willing my heart to slow
with every step.

"There sure are a lot of steps, Cullen," Tanya said in a suggestive tone. There were no more
steps here than in any other normal stairwell. I was about to question her on her strange
comment, when she placed her hands in my back pockets to support herself as she climbed.
Her need to hold onto me was completely unnecessary, but certainly arousing to my sorely
neglected body. No woman had touched me this way in over two years. My body began
reacting of its own accord, clearly appreciative of her proximity. I wasn't ready. It was too
soon. Down boy!
The last thing I needed was to give this girl more incentive. That would not help my cause.
We were just up here to talk. I needed to keep her more focused on words and less on my ass.
"I'm sure you can handle it, Miss Maddox," I said as I reached for her hand and pulled her up
the last step and into my bedroom.

"I'm sure I can handle it too," she replied emphasizing the word 'it'. She kept hold of my hand
and lowered her eyes to the bulge in my jeans and then slowly brought her attention back up
to my face with a knowing smirk. She had leapt right over playful and plunged right into full
on seduction. "And I must say that I was right on target with my suspicions. This room does
seem to be where the 'magic' happens." Dear God she knows she made me hard. I am so in for
it.

"So this is it." I gestured for her to look around while I stepped back from her to lean against
the doorframe. I needed to put distance between us to regain my composure. I was so out of
practice with this crap. "Feel free to take a look around if you like," I said hoping she would
give me a bit of space. Tanya walked across the room scanning her surroundings and I relaxed
a bit.

"Wow, you are really neat, Cullen. There are no clothes on the floor or anything." She turned
around and eyed me once more. "I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping to get the answer to that
age old question that all the ladies want to know."

"What question might that be, Tanya?" She arched her left eyebrow at me and then spoke.

"Does Edward Cullen wear boxers or briefs, of course?" I started to laugh at her. She certainly
was a brazen little thing.

"Well my hamper is in the closet, but you might cross over into the psycho stalker zone if you
go digging through it."

"Oh, I think I can figure out a more entertaining means of finding that answer." Tanya walked
back over to where I was standing and gripped my shirt with her hands before pulling me
from the doorframe presently serving as my lifeline. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what
to say, so I let her guide me. I was looking at her straight on and I knew the time had come. "I
think I would like to kiss you now, Edward. Would that be okay?"
All I could do was nod. I needed Tanya to help me through this. Sensing my apprehension,
she took over. Mere moments later, Tanya lifted herself up on the tip toes of her "fuck me
pumps" and gently placed her warm lips against mine.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"You are one disturbed individual, my brother." I scowled at Emmett as he poured what had
to have been his twentieth bag of peanuts down his throat.

"Yes well, the shit doesn't fall far from the bat, my friend! You are the one who has been
staring at that damn computer screen for the past two hours like some crazy man. We are on a
flight to Europe for fuck's sake. Put your shit away and relax. Who are emailing anyway?"
Emmett tried to look at the screen, but I quickly moved my laptop so that he couldn't see her
address. "Oh, I get it. You're sending a certain Maddox sister a love letter, huh?"

"Fuck off, Emmett. Don't you have nuts to suck or something?"

"No, but I am fairly certain that lovely flight attendant does." Without another word, Emmett
stood from our row and approached the poor unsuspecting flight attendant who was preparing
the in-flight meal in the galley. I diverted my attention away from my brother and his
conquest and returned it to the email I didn't know how to write. The first time I had written
Bella, I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders. This time, however, I wasn't sure I
would get the same results. This time my mind was clouded by something far greater than
despair. This time I felt the guilt of my betrayal.

Christ, she won't even read this. Why the fuck is this so hard? I took a deep breath, steadied
myself and began to type.

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Date: July 20th, 2004

Re: Please forgive me

Dearest Bella,
I'm not sure how to write this letter, but I feel obligated to do so. I love you more than words
can express, but I have done something that I fear will make you hate me for eternity…
CHAPTER 9:
BLACKBIRDS

Bella's POV: May, 2005, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

"Would you be careful, please?" He was making me so nervous up there. "Seriously Edward,
would you please get down? You're going to fall and break your neck." I was biting my nails
more with every branch he grabbed on his way up the tree.

"I'm fine, love. Trust me. I've been climbing trees since I was a kid." Edward shot me a
thumbs up in confirmation of his own abilities, but all I could do was cringe at the fact that he
had partially let go of the tree to do so.

"Both hands you fool! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I swear if you fall…"

"I made it and I'm okay, sweet girl," Edward interrupted. He reached his goal and was now
leaning over a large bird's nest nestled in the top branches of the Yellow Poplar he had so
skillfully ascended. "I told you there was no reason to worry sweetheart." Edward and I had
managed to get away from his father and band practice long enough to sneak away for some
private time at our meadow. As we cuddled on the faded wool blanket he kept in the trunk of
his car for just such occasions, he noticed a bird's nest in a tall tree away from the trail.
Clearly thinking of himself as the next Spider-Man, my all too breakable boyfriend insisted on
getting a better look and began the treacherous climb that now had me biting my nails.

"You're not down safe and sound yet, so until then, no 'I told you so's' okay? And for the love
of God, please don't let go again!" I wouldn't survive it if something happened to Edward. He
was everything.

"Bella, you have to see this. It's amazing. There are four tiny eggs in here."
"I'm good down here, baby, thanks." There was no way he was going to get me up in that
damn tree.

"Alright, Bells. I'm coming down and then I'm going to bring you up here with me. You need
to see this nest and these little eggs." Edward started down the tree quickly.

"Um, yea, that sounds wonderful and romantic, but I think I will just stay here. I've seen
plenty of bird nests before. I think I will survive without seeing this one." Edward landed at
my feet after letting go of the lowest branch on the tree. He kissed my cheek swiftly and then
turned around and put his back toward me.

"Hop on, love. I will carry you up. It's not that far. I promise that you'll be just fine and the
view really is wonderful from up there. I promise it will be worth it."

I held up my hands in protest. "No thanks Tarzan. Your Jane will stay on the ground."

"Oh come on, baby." Edward turned back to me and wound his arms around my body in a
warm embrace. I melted into his touch just a bit, without allowing myself to fall completely
under his alluring spell. "You know I would never let anything bad happen to you. Don't you
trust me? I love you more than anything in this world and if I thought you were in any danger
whatsoever, I wouldn't even consider it. It's an easy climb, we will be fine. You can ride up on
my back and I will do all the work."

"Edward, I do trust you. I trust you with my life, but I'm scared." I knew I was going to lose
this fight.

"Bella, baby, please. All you have to do is hop on and hold me. You can close your eyes until
we get to the top."

"Fine, Edward, I will do this, but I swear if you drop me, you won't get a blow job for a
month," I said somewhat playfully, but also needing to make sure he was fully incentivized to
be careful.

"First of all, never even suggest such a vile idea again," he said giving me a horror-stricken
look. "Secondly, you don't have to threaten me to motivate me to keep you safe. That is my
job. I won't drop you because I love you with my entire being. Your life is more important to
me than my own." He bent down and kissed me soundly. I tried to deepen the kiss, but he saw
through my charade. "No fair trying to distract me, woman!" He pulled away slightly and
gave me a distrusting eye.

"Okay, okay. Turn around and bend down."

"Hmm, I like the way you think, Miss Swan." Edward gave me his most sexy grin and then
followed my instructions.

"Shut it!" I said simply, before hopping onto his back. I really did like the feel of his firm body
between my legs, so I knew the trek wouldn't be completely unpleasant.

"Awesome! Just close your eyes. Here we go." A moment later I found myself being hoisted
into a tree while holding onto Edward for dear life. My eyes were clenched firmly shut and I
had my ankles and hands latched around him tightly to give myself more security. We had
absolutely no business being up in this damn tree.

"You know, I might get offended if you don't relax a bit, baby. I've got you." He climbed a bit
higher and finally stopped. "Okay Bells, open your eyes." Slowly, I opened my eyes to look
around at my surroundings.

"Oh my God, Edward, have you seen this view? Baby, it's amazing!" Edward started laughing
at my ridiculous question.

"Yes, baby. That is why I insisted that you come up here with me, remember?" He teasingly
reached around to pinch my belly and I squirmed a bit.

"Okay, so you were right. Thank you. It is gorgeous up here and look at those tiny eggs. Do
you know what kind of bird laid them?"

"No clue, sorry." Edward reached out to touch one of the eggs, but I quickly batted his hand
away before he made contact.

"No! Don't touch them. If you touch the nest, the mama bird won't ever come back." I was
pretty sure I had heard that somewhere.

"What are you talking about? Why would the bird abandon her eggs just because I touched
one? That makes no sense."
"No, it's true. I've always heard that birds will reject their eggs if you touch them in the nest."

"I see you've been talking to the Old Wives again, my love. How are the old bags?" Edward
started laughing at me lightheartedly.

"Ha, ha. Honestly, I think they can smell humans or sense the disturbance in the nest and they
abandon them out of fear. It's a survival instinct."

"Bella, birds have like the shittiest olfactory nerves ever. I doubt they can smell humans."

"You don't even know what type of bird eggs they are, Edward. How the heck do you think you
know about bird olfactory systems?"

"Okay, so I don't know for sure, but it still doesn't make sense to me."

"Why not?"

"Bella, I can't imagine that a bird's survival instinct is stronger than its parental instinct. I
would think the instinct to protect one's child would far out way any risk to itself." Edward
started down the tree as he spoke. "If I was a parent, I would risk my own life and happiness
for my child without a second thought. Wouldn't you?"

"Of course, Edward, but we are talking about birds here. I think it's different."

"I don't care what species we are discussing, I say always go for protecting your child over
all else. No questions asked."

"Is it wrong that hearing you talk about protecting a child really turns me on?" I squeezed my
legs around his waist and rubbed my foot slightly over the front of his jeans. I knew he would
appreciate the gentle friction.

"Bella, you might want to wait until I have you safely on the ground before you start trying to
sex me up," he said anxiously. I blew gently into his ear as he reached the lower branches. I
knew what it did to him and I was looking forward to his retaliation. "Bella," he warned. I
darted the tip of my tongue out and traced the shell of his ear in challenge. I couldn't wait to
see how he was going to get me back. I felt a lustful quiver ripple through Edward's body and
then through my own. He sped up to near super-human speed. Spider-Man indeed. Before I
could continue my seduction, he leapt from the bottom branch, landed and pinned me against
the ground. The full weight of his body pushed against me, sent all of my senses into
overdrive. I wanted him. Badly.

"Now that we are down however, feel free to seduce away, my love." Edward pushed his hips
into mine and nipped hungrily at my neck.

I reached up to stroke Edward's cheek. "God, I love you so much, Edward. Everything about
you inspires me and thrills me. You make me feel so alive. I feel so loved and I just want to
give that back to you. Will you let me do that? Will you let me make love to you?"

"You never even have to ask, Bella." Edward leaned toward me to fulfill my request and I
closed my eyes to await his touch, but it never came. "Open your eyes, Bella." His gentle
command confused me. I tried to open my eyes, but everything was slightly fuzzy.

"Open your eyes," the command came again. This time, however, the voice wasn't laced with
honey and sex. Instead, it was deeper and rimmed with something entirely different and a bit
unsettling. When I was finally able to focus my gaze, I did not see the emerald eyes of my
dreams, but rather the deep blue eyes of my reality. James.

"Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty. Not many girls would feel comfortable enough to pass out
in the middle of the quad." I rubbed my eyes trying to orient myself. Fuck. I had fallen asleep
outside.

"Shit, I'm sorry James. I've only had a few hours of sleep this week. Exams have been kicking
my tail. Oh my God! Where's Tony?"

"No worries, he's over there chasing a squirrel." My eyes quickly found my son playing safely
in the grass. "He's been at it for the last twenty minutes. Did you know you talk in your
sleep?"

"Yes, a few people might have mentioned that in the past. What did I say this time?" I held
my breath slightly, hoping that I hadn't used Edward's name.

"Actually, it was rather funny. We were sitting here talking and I turned to look at Tony who
was trying to climb up on those big roots at the base of that tree over there." I looked over to
where he was pointing. The tree was broad and the root system sprawled several feet across
the quad before tucking into the earth. "He was doing pretty well for his size and all, but then
I heard you call out to him."

"Huh? What did I say?"

"You told him to be careful and then mumbled something about giving you a heart attack. The
best part was that you were sound asleep. Pretty good maternal instinct you've got there,
Bella. Even in your sleep, you were telling your kid to be careful climbing the tree." I thought
about the irony of my dream. I dreamt of that day with Edward all the time. I suppose it did
me well today.

"I'm so sorry for falling asleep on you, James." I stretched and looked over to my son who
was now running in circles around the trunk of yet another tall tree. "What were we talking
about before I passed out again?"

"Apparently, nothing too exciting." James rolled his eyes in mock offense.

"I'm really sorry. Thank you for taking care of my boy and letting me get a few minutes of
shut eye."

"No worries. You know I love the little rug rat. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to trust
me with him." I wasn't sure I truly trusted anybody with Tony, but James had proven his
loyalty to me since I had known him.

"You know the legend of Silent Sam, don't you, Swan?" I looked at James, puzzled by his
sudden shift in topic. "Come on, Bella. Silent Sam?" James pointed to the large bronze statue
of a confederate soldier holding a rifle which was situated at the northern end of the quad
about thirty feet away from where we were sitting. Tony had left the tree and was now
running toward it.

"I must have missed that one, do tell."

"Well you see, the United Daughters of the Confederacy gave good old Sam over there to the
University back in 1913 as a memorial for all of the UNC students and alumni who died or
fought in the Civil War."
"Wow, really interesting, James, thanks for the impromptu history lesson," I said very
sarcastically with a hint of rudeness that he probably didn't deserve. I was still a bit cranky
from being awakened from one of my more pleasant dreams.

"I haven't gotten to the legend part, Ms. Swan." I nodded at him to continue and smiled to let
him know I was sorry for my rudeness. "Well you see that gun he is holding in his hand?"

"Yes, I see it."

"Well legend has it that whenever a virgin walks past the statue, Sam fires his gun." James
was laughing, apparently highly amused by his own story.

"Ah, hence the name 'Silent Sam'," I said with another roll of my eyes. He was such a pervert
sometimes. It seemed that my initial instinct to be rude to him had been right on the mark.

"Exactly! He's silent because there are no virgins in Chapel Hill!" James patted me on the
back and smirked.

"You are aware that you are a tool, aren't you James?"

"Hey, I didn't make it up, you can Google it!"

"I'll be sure to do that, thank you." He laughed at me and then stood to pull me up from the
ground.

"It is truly a shame that you are getting ready to graduate on Saturday and you don't know any
of the stories about your own university." James was right. I was here to go to school and not
worry about the silly things that consumed the lives of normal students. I couldn't afford the
distraction.

"I know, I suck as a Carolina girl, so shoot me."

"Nah, they only shoot virgins here, remember?"

"Touché, James. So, my last exam was yesterday," I mentioned trying to change the subject.
"I just have to finish up the final revisions on my thesis and get it turned in by Friday and then
I will be officially done. I'm pretty excited. What about you?"
"I just finished exams as well. I have one more year before the real hell starts. I'm really
hoping I can do my residency here, but we will see."

"I hope you get to stay here too, James. I'd miss you if you left."

"Me too, Bella. Me too."

"Mommy, I tursty, can I have some wada?" Tony looked up at me with a bright smile on his
cherubic and rather dirty little face.

"Okay, little man, lets head over to the well to get that water for you. What do you say?"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Tony started hopping up and down and running off toward the Old Well.

"Okay, Bella, at least tell me that you know about the well." James was walking backward in
front of me like a tour guide.

"Yes, I do know this one actually," I said proudly. "Students drink from it on the first day of
classes and on exam day to bring themselves good luck and lots of A's."

"Ding, ding, ding. Why, you are actually correct. I'm impressed, Swan. You might just be a
Carolina girl after all."

"James Taylor, eat your heart out." I smiled and James laughed. He turned around to walk by
my side. With his arm over my shoulder, we made our way over to the neoclassical well and
the marble fountain within it.

"Hurwe up, mommy! I still tursty." Tony was already inside the rotunda of the well trying in
vain to pull himself up on the fountain.

"I'm coming, buddy, just a second." James and I finally made it to the well and up the two
steps to where Tony was impatiently waiting for us. I made to pick him up, but James stopped
me.

"I got him, Bella." James picked Tony up and helped him sip while I held the lever, so that the
water would flow. Tony drank for a solid minute and then pulled back.

"Tan ku, Uncie James."

"You're welcome, Tony," James said as he sat Tony back on the ground. "Okay, Miss Swan,
as a soon to be graduate of this fine university, I think it is time for you to make a wish and
take a sip."

"This isn't so much a wishing well as a good luck well, James." I didn't want to make a wish.
My only wish could never come true and going through the exercise was depressing at best.

"Oh don't be a sour puss. Have some fun, try it." I decided to humor him and sat back to think.
One wish.

I wish for Tony to know his father one day and to feel the love I know Edward could give him.
I stepped forward and drank.

"Good job, Bella. Do I get to know what you wished for?" James was looking pretty excited
by this point.

"I don't think so, James. Aren't you supposed to keep your wishes private if you want them to
come true?"

"Nah, I say tell and you have more people to help you get it done." James and I started to
laugh, but I still wasn't going to share my wish with him. I needed to distract him.

"Okay, James, what's your wish?" James' face paled a bit. He took a deep breath and then
pulled a small black jewelry box from his backpack. "Oh my God, James!"

"I know, you think it's too soon, don't you?"

"James, I don't know what to say." I really didn't. I was completely speechless. James opened
the box and I peered down and a beautiful three stone diamond ring set in a thin platinum
band. My thoughts instantly went to Edward and my entire body trembled. I felt a bit weak
and took a step back to regain a bit of composure. "Are you sure?" I finally asked in a breathy
voice.

"I never really thought I was the marrying type, Bella, but that has all changed now. I'm
ready. I'm ready for all of it. I want to be a husband and a father. I want to come home to the
woman I love every night and feel the peace she brings me. A few months ago, my world
changed and I don't want to go back. I don't want to be that stupid guy you met a year ago. I'm
ready to be a man.

"James, I think it is amazing."

"Do you think she will say yes?" He looked genuinely nervous about proposing which I could
completely understand, but I didn't think he had any reason for concern.

"Vicky will love it, James. It's beautiful and if you give her a nice speech like the one you just
gave me, she will surely melt in your arms."

"Do you really think so?" He was so cute when he was vulnerable like this. James had truly
become one of my closest friends over the past year. He was awesome with Tony and very
supportive of me. He never questioned me about Edward and he was always just what I
needed him to be. Our relationship had always been platonic and that suited both of us just
fine.

"I know so, James, but you might want to go ahead and make that wish and take a sip for
good measure." Without another word, James began to drink. I hoped the well would bring
him better luck than it could for me.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

That night I finished the last of my thesis and printed out the final copy for my advisor. It was
due by the next day at noon and then I would be officially done with my degree in early
childhood education. I was graduating on Saturday, Phi Beta Kappa with High Honors. I
couldn't believe it was over. Charlotte had set up several interviews for me over the past few
weeks and I was offered a third grade teaching position at Estes Hills Elementary in Chapel
Hill to begin in August. I was beyond ecstatic. Almost everything was perfect. There was, of
course, one major missing piece, my Edward.

I pulled up the Google browser and hesitated before logging into my gmail account. He was
the only one who really ever sent me anything of substance to that address anymore. I had
received two emails from him over the three years we had been apart. The first was
breathtakingly beautiful and simultaneously gut-wrenching. I read it every night before I
slept. I had printed out a copy that I carried with me in my wallet. It was a lifeline that
tethered my heart to the man of my dreams. It was a tiny piece of Edward that I could pull out
whenever I needed him. I always needed him.

The second email was one I had read only once. It came about a year ago and it shattered my
selfish heart into a million fractured pieces. Edward had written to tell me that he was moving
on from me. I wanted that for him, I truly did. I wanted him to find somebody to love, but at
the same time, I wanted to believe that he never would. I was the worst type of monster. After
the first email, I believed that Edward could still feel our connection and that his heart knew I
was out here loving him, even though the world told him I was dead. I believed he could feel
our connection as I did.

When I received the second email, I knew that, connection or not, he had turned a corner
toward his future and I wasn't in it. It was a selfish notion. Of course I could still feel him. I
knew he was alive. I could see him on television and listen to him on the radio. He was
accessible to me in a way that I wasn't for him. I was a hypocrite. I wanted him to be happy
and to move on, but when he wrote to tell me that he had finally done so, a part of me was
devastated. The thought of my soul mate in the arms of another woman nearly killed me. If it
weren't for Tony, I probably would have let it.

The bittersweet email spoke of his first time with her. He slept with her during a pool party at
his house. She was able to taste and smell and feel him. She was able to find comfort in his
arms. She was able to console him and love him. My heart broke for having those things
stripped from me, but I was simultaneously comforted knowing that his pain was lessoning.
That was all I could legitimately ask for from this fucked up situation. No matter how badly
my heart ached when I read his words, I was thankful that his was healing.

I had seen a few articles here and there speaking about their relationship. I tried not to read
them much, but curiosity was a beast I couldn't fight off. The Tanya from his email was
Tanya Maddox, blond super model extraordinaire. The thing that got me the most was that I
was nothing like her. The woman he loved now was voluptuous and worldly while I was
homely and plain. Of course he would love somebody like that. In honesty, he deserved to
love somebody like that. He always had. Even still, I would never doubt the sincerity of his
love for me. I knew he would always love me as I would always love him. I just had to get
used to the idea that now he had another woman to love as well.
I opened my account and saw the two infamous emails now residing in my saved items folder.
I opened it and took a look at both emails. I then decided to do the unthinkable. I opened the
most recent email and read it for the first time since the day it arrived. My heart wept from the
first line.

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Date: July 20th, 2004

Re: Please forgive me

Dearest Bella,

I'm not sure how to write this letter, but I feel compelled to do so. I love you more than words
can express, but I have done something that I fear will make you hate me for eternity. I have
to tell you the truth. I have to admit it to you before I can give it a fair chance.

I've met somebody. God, that sounds so shitty even to me. Her name is Tanya. Her sister is a
friend (and I use that term loosely) of Jasper's. I don't know how to say this, Bella, so I am
just going to say it. I slept with her. It was at a pool party the guys hosted a few weeks ago.
She wasn't you. I wanted her to be so badly. I hope she couldn't tell. I'm a big enough asshole
as it is. To be honest, I couldn't even cum. I know you are up in heaven laughing your ass off
at me right now. I would have been embarrassed by it, but she was so wound up in her own
feelings, that I'm not sure she even noticed that I didn't finish. God, I'm pathetic.

The funny thing is that I don't remember making the conscious decision to do it. Is it a cop out
to say that it just sort of happened? I love you more than anything, Bella, but I can't live like
this anymore. I promised you a year and a half ago that I would try to live, but then I didn't
really do it. I have to do it now. I have to say goodbye to you and put you to rest in my heart
or I will never truly live. I can still feel you though, so it is hard. My heart still won't accept
the truth and because of that, I've been unable to move on from you. I have to find a way to
convince myself that you are truly gone even though every fiber of my being can sense you.

I know with great certainty that I will never love another the way I love you still. Nobody will
ever hold my heart in their hands the way you do. I am eternally bound to you and happily so.
That being said, I know that you would want me to find love again, even if I'm only capable of
giving a tiny fraction of my heart's potential. I'm going to try with Tanya, but to do that, I had
to be honest with you. I know you won't ever read this, but I'm still confident that you will
know my words somehow.

Bella, if I had my way, I would only ever hold you for the rest of my life. I would never feel the
kiss of any other woman. I don't have my way, though, do I? I'm writing to tell you that I will
love you for the rest of my life. I'm writing to tell you that you are still my forever love and my
soul mate. Nobody will ever take your spot in my heart. They won't even come close.

Forever only truly loving you,

Edward

I closed out the browser and let his words resonate in my mind. Tears were streaming down
my face. I wanted his pain to go away and I knew this was the right thing for both of us. I did
as he asked a long time ago. I chose our child. I just wished it didn't hurt so damn badly.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Congratulations, dear, I knew you could do it." Charlotte wrapped her slender arms around
me in a maternal embrace. "You've worked so hard, you deserve everything you are getting."

"Thank you, Charlotte." I pulled out of the hug, only to be swallowed up by Peter's open arms.

"Bella, you are a true gem, young lady. I'm very proud of you."

"I can't tell you how thankful I am to both of you," I said holding Charlotte's left hand and
Peter's right.

"It was our pleasure, Bella. You are family now." Peter kissed my cheek and then backed
away. I was sad that my father couldn't be here with me today. I would have loved to have
seen the pride in his face when I received my diploma. I absentmindedly grabbed for the
amulet that was missing from my neck. I needed to feel it now, but it was gone.
"Bella, you are a rock star!" I winced slightly at Alice's choice of words. She didn't mean
anything by it, but somehow she always seemed to link me together with Edward. It was very
strange, but I was sure it was innocent.

"Thank you, Alice. You have been my best friend and my foundation through all of this. I
really couldn't have done it without you."

"Thank you B, but really, you did this. I was just honored to watch it happen. Now, I think
somebody else would like to congratulate the decorated graduate." Alice handed Tony over to
me with a loving smile. He looked adorable in his little Carolina blue seersucker suit. He was
wearing a thin blue tie to match. He was quite chic for a two and half year old.

"Congrapoolachuns, mommy!" Tony hugged my neck tightly as I chuckled at his

pronunciation. Toddler-speak was too cute for words. "I wub oo mommy."

"I love you too, Little Man. Thank you." Tony rested his little head on my shoulder and I
breathed in his blissful scent. "How about a hug, Tony?" Tony wrapped his arms around me
and began to constrict them as hard as he could.

"Big squeeze," I said as I tightened my own arms around his little frame in response.

"Tiny kiss," he finished as per our tradition. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, granting his
request.

"Not that this isn't completely adorable, but we need to get going. We have lunch reservations
at the Inn in ten minutes. We need to get moving." The five of us took off on foot from the
Dean Dome, headed toward North campus and the Carolina Inn. We cut through the pit in
front of student stores on our way.

"Hey Alice, do you mind if I run in there for a second? I ordered one of those matted frames
for my diploma and they are supposed to be in today. Do you think there's time for me to grab
it?"

"Sure, Bella. Why don't I go ahead with Tony and mom and you run in and get it and then
Dad can escort you to lunch. Does that sound good?"

"Perfect. Peter, is that okay with you?"

"Of course, Bella, I would be happy to stay with you." Peter was always so chivalrous. I
kissed Tony goodbye and Peter and I quickly walked into the store. My frame was waiting as
expected, so I made quick work of grabbing it and getting in line to pay. As I stood amongst
my fellow graduates who were apparently doing the same thing as I, I noticed the cover of In
Touch Magazine and my heart dropped. It had happened. My entire body began to shake and I
started gasping for air. The frame dropped from my fist with a deafening clatter and a single
tear rolled down my cheek as I read the devastating headline:

"Edward Cullen to Wed Tanya Maddox."

CHAPTER 10:
NUMB

Carlisle's POV:

"Hello, Elizabeth." I knelt down and removed a decaying leaf from the bronze grave marker
anchored in the ground before me. "I suppose I should apologize for not visiting sooner, but
frankly, you're a dangerous woman." I had made a point never to come here. She was my one
weakness and always had been. Her existence, both in life and in death, was a liability to me
that I just couldn't tolerate. Visiting her reminded me that I was destructible, so I stayed away.
Being here today wasn't my choice and I would leave as soon as feasibly possible.

"Your bastard boy is well. He actually has the potential to become quite the little bread
winner, so I suppose I should thank you for that. It's all rather ironic don't you think?" I stood
up and backed away slightly chuckling at the turn of events over the last several years. I
couldn't have planned it any better. "Had I known back then that taking responsibility for
what was mine could potentially be so lucrative, I might not have had to kill you after all, my
pet."

I met Elizabeth Masen years ago at a hotel bar while in New York City for a medical
conference. Several years my junior, Liz was a statuesque concert pianist attending Juilliard
and moonlighting as a cocktail waitress in the evenings to earn extra money to complete her
education. She was exquisite in every way and I was enraptured by her from the very moment
I laid my eyes upon her. That should have been my first clue that the beguiling enchantress
would attempt to ruin me.

Esme and I had been married only a few months at the time, but even back then, I knew I
would never love her. My father had handed down an edict and crossing Caius Cullen wasn't
something one did. He was an entrepreneur turn United States Senator representing the fine
state of Washington and his connections were vast. I had been the recipient of his heavy-
handed discipline my entire life, but once I became a man, his punishments carried far more
serious implications than mere bruises. No, I would not and could not cross my father.

I was expected to marry of woman of appropriate pedigree and Esme Platt, being the oldest
daughter of the richest business banker in Washington State, fit the profile. Esme and I ran in
the same social circles and I had known her for years, though I had never felt any romantic
inclinations toward her. Once I graduated from medical school, my father informed me that it
was time to settle down and find a wife, so that I could have children and secure the future of
the Cullen legacy.

I resisted at first, but my father reminded me none too subtly that my family inheritance and
the power of the Cullen name could easily be rescinded should I defy him. As I had no
prospects of my own, he insisted that I make Esme my bride. Just as marriages were arranged
between dignitaries and royals in foreign countries in order to secure their political primacy,
our union would unite two of the most powerful families in the Pacific Northwest.

I did as I was told and courted the elder Platt daughter, ultimately convincing her to marry me.
We secured our union, and my inheritance, just over a year after my father had declared her as
my betrothed. The sex was satisfactory, but certainly not the most exciting I had ever had. She
was an obedient blue ribbon debutante who looked good on my arm and serviced me at my
pleasure. In exchange, I secured for her the elite socialite status to which she had become
accustomed under her father's roof. My plight certainly could have been far worse, but I owed
her no loyalty.

Esme was nothing to me other than a means to an end, so when I saw Liz that first night, I
didn't hesitate to make her mine. I waited until the barman announced last call to make my
intentions known to her. She was very receptive toward my advances and we quickly retired
back to my hotel room. The sex was ravenous and as the sun rose outside of my suite, our
sweaty bodies finally came down from our primal high. Liz and I didn't leave my room for the
next two days, the medical conference all but forgotten.

We set no expectations for future contact when I left to return to Seattle, but I did leave her
my card in case she was ever in Washington. She didn't reciprocate in kind, so I left knowing
that any future contact between us would be at her initiation. I was okay with that in theory,
but shortly after my return home to my vapid wife, my prurient thoughts of Liz began to
consume me. I needed her in a way I had never needed another human being in my life, but I
had a role to play and I could not pursue her no matter how much I wished to do so. Wishing
and longing for Liz, made me hate her over time. I despised the weakness she inspired within
me, so I purged every memory of her from my mind until her sudden reemergence in my life
made that feat impossible.

More than a year after our weekend in New York, she made the inevitable contact. Liz was in
Portland for a concert and wanted to see me. I immediately hailed to her siren call, needing to
know if my fixation with her was founded or just something I had built up in my mind.
Paramours had come in and out of my bed in our year apart, but Liz remained salient among
them. I needed to know her again, so against my better judgment, I drove the two and a half
hours to Portland to meet my enchantress. What I found there changed the course of my entire
life.

Liz and I met at a small bar in her hotel lobby. We shared a drink as she attempted to regale
me with stories of her final year at Juilliard. I nodded where appropriate, but to this day, I
couldn't tell you what she said. I was too preoccupied with the slow rise and fall of her pale
breasts as she spoke and the way her red lips curled around the martini glass perched in her
slender fingers. She was the living incarnation of every fantasy I had had in our time apart and
I was determined not to leave Portland without fulfilling several of them.

No seduction was necessary. Liz was as thirsty for me as I was for her. I fucked her hard in
the elevator on the way to her room and then again up against the window once we arrived,
but that wasn't what led to my change. My change was the result of my future knocking on the
door around nine p.m. that evening.

"You'll need your pants for this, Carlisle," Liz said cryptically as she rose from the bed and
slipped into a terry cloth hotel robe. She flung my previously discarded pants onto the bed and
made her way to the door.

"What's going on, Liz. Who is at the door?" She didn't bother to answer my query before
slipping out of the door. I stood and made quick progress with my pants, as I tried to discern
anything coherent from the muddled voices in the hallway. I didn't have to wait long. Liz
reentered the room followed by a young woman carrying an infant.
"Thank you Jodi, I really appreciate your help tonight." Liz took the child from the young
girl's arms and closed the door after her exit.

"What the fuck is this?" I said sharply pointing toward the unwelcome baby who was
invading my blissful tryst.

"This, Carlisle, is Edward Anthony Masen. He's your son." Oh holy hell!

"What the fuck did you just say?" I had heard her perfectly, but I couldn't believe her words as
they had registered in my brain.

"He's yours," she repeated unnecessarily. I fumbled for my shirt which had been thrown
haphazardly behind the chair during our earlier frenzied attack on one another's bodies. I was
leaving this crazy bitch and would never see her or her bastard child again.

"Look Liz, I don't know what makes you think that this kid is mine, but I can assure you that
you are mistaken."

"No Carlisle, I'm not. You're the only man I've ever been with." I looked at her nonplussed for
a moment. There was no way that the sultry vixen before me who had done unspeakable
things to my cock had been a virgin when I found her. She could have been a professional
perhaps, but certainly not a novice. She was lying to me and I would not allow her to damage
my reputation or my father's. The scandal of having a child as a result of an adulterous affair
could surely ruin me if my father didn't slaughter me first.

"I highly doubt that to be true, Liz." I picked up my keys and my wallet and then approached
to leave her with one final thought. I stepped close to her, sandwiching Edward roughly
between us, and gripped the back of her hair to pull her face back so that I could see right into
her narrowed eyes. "You are a slut and this child has nothing to do with me. If you try to
contact me or my family ever again I will destroy you and your bastard son. If you attempt to
slander me or defame my family with this nonsense, you will find yourself saddled with a fate
far worse than hell. Do we understand one another?"

"Carlisle, please I…" I cut her off before she could finish. Tears were streaming down her
paled cheeks and her body was trembling in my hands. Good, you should be frightened of me
you fucking bitch.
"No, Liz. If you value your life and that of your son, you will go back to New York and
disappear." I left the room and immediately fled back to Seattle. A scandal of this magnitude
would never be forgiven by my father or his constituency. I knew I would have to monitor the
situation, but I was hopeful that she would heed to my warning. It was clear from her reaction
that I had successfully intimidated her.

I spent the next several months going through the motions, but Liz and the child were always
present in my thoughts. I no longer had the capacity to banish them from my mind the way I
had been able to do prior to our fateful Portland encounter. I held no concern for their well
being, but I held great concern for my own. If Liz ever contacted my father or went public
with her story, I would lose everything. She was three thousand miles away, so if she stayed
quiet, I would let sleeping dogs lie, at least as long as the pressure didn't kill me.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

In those days, my father spent most of his time in Washington, DC with my mother while the
Senate was in session. I, on the other hand, was expected to carry on Cullen business on the
west coast. In addition to supervising Cullen affairs, I spent the next year and a half finishing
my residency and trying to conceive a child with Esme. It was expected that I would have a
son to carry on the Cullen name. My father made no bones about his feelings on that matter.
With my father's impending race to recapture his Senate seat for a third term, he was
pressuring me to secure his stoic grandfatherly image. My father had no love in his heart for
anybody, least of all children, but love wasn't at issue. The appearance of family values was
more important to him than actually having and living by such principles.

Be that as it may, Esme and I had been unsuccessful in our efforts to conceive. I knew the
problem wasn't me, as attested to by the secret I was harboring. Even though I still wasn't
convinced of the child's heredity, I knew myself to be a strong and virile man, so I insisted
that Esme get tested. We soon learned that she had advanced endometriosis. The scarring in
her fallopian tubes was too great and she could never have children of her own. My father was
disgusted by the news while I took a rather perverse pleasure in it. I found it to be a delicious
irony that the woman he had hand-picked for me against my will was damaged to his
detriment. It was a vindication, however, that I was only allowed to relish for a few days.
My father arrived in my office on a rainy Thursday evening with a photograph of a young
boy. "What is all this?" I asked, gesturing to the photograph on my desk.

"I've decided that you and Esme will adopt him before the campaign begins," he said sternly
showing no emotion whatsoever. His arrogance and condescension pissed me off, but I knew
better than to let it show. I looked at my father as if considering is preposterous proposal.
There was no fucking way I was going to raise another man's child, but I had to tread
carefully. Being disrespectful in this situation would get me nowhere. I needed to appeal
reverentially to his sensibilities.

"With all due respect, Father, one doesn't just adopt a child in a matter of months. These
things can take years. There is a screening process and interviews. I would also have to
discuss the issue with Esme, but even if she acquiesces, I can't imagine that we could
accomplish what you are asking of us in time for the campaign."

"Don't patronize me, you insolent and ungrateful boy! You haven't cared about that woman's
opinion a day in your life. You know as well as I that I have the power to easily cut through
any bureaucratic red tape. I find it rather amusing that you think this is a request. I have
already made my decision and this isn't up for debate. You have no say in this matter and
neither does your pathetic excuse for a wife." Carlisle picked up the picture and handed it to
me. "His name is Emmett McCarty. He is three years old and he comes from a distressed
family. His father passed away last year in a hit and run accident and his mother has been
stricken with breast cancer. She isn't expected to live, but another few months. I have already
approached her and she is willing to sign over full custody to you immediately.

"You and Esme will extend your assistance to her during her last months and allow her to
remain in contact with the boy. As a physician, you are well suited to extend such assistance
to her and it will make sense to the public. Once she passes, you will look like heroes and
young Emmett will become the new poster boy for family values."

"You certainly have it all figured out then, don't you Father?" I stood from my desk and
walked to stand before the man that had intimidated me my entire life. "I haven't a choice in
the matter then, have I?"

"No. I will place you in contact with the boy's mother by the end of the day. Her medical file
is in that folder. See that she gets that the utmost care. This needs to look clean because the
transaction will be fully vetted by both the media and my opponents." Without another word,
my father left my office.

Two months later, Emmett's mother had died and we were raising him as our own. The
adoption brought the anticipated media frenzy thanks to my father's entourage who made sure
the entire situation was picked up by the appropriate media outlets. Unfortunately, the
exposure also brought with it an unsolicited side effect, Liz.

Liz had read of the adoption and had become enraged by the notion that I would take in
another woman's child while simultaneously abandoning her to care for my own without so
much as a dime of financial support. She attempted to contact me to request monetary
assistance, but I denied her at every turn. Thinking herself immortal and forgetting my grave
warning, Liz took the matter to my father and sealed her fate.

My father beckoned me to D.C. for a meeting in his Georgetown home. He had given me no
intimation as to the subject of our meeting, but I had no doubt that Liz was involved. I pulled
up to the house and steeled myself to knock at the door. I was not welcome to enter on my
own.

"Carlisle," my father said without any trace of love in his voice. "You're late. Follow me. It is
best that we speak of these matters in private." My father led me down a long hallway to his
office at the back of the house. Once inside, he confirmed my suspicions. "I had a rather
disturbing phone call yesterday, son. Do you have any idea who it might have been?"

"I think I may, in fact." There was no use trying to deny anything. My father already had all
the details and a prepared course of action. I just had to wait it out to see what he would order
me to do.

"Indeed," he said harshly. "I suspect you do. The young lady in question was able to offer me
no proof of the child's paternity, but I suppose that doesn't really matter now does it?"

"Sir, if the child isn't mine, then her words are meaningless. She can't touch us."

"That is where you are wrong you ignorant fool. If Ms. Masen goes public with her
accusation, you will be branded as an adulterer who abandoned his son. She will erase every
bit of good publicity we garnered from the adoption and the scandal will overshadow my own
agenda. We need to deal with this."

"What is it that you are suggesting?" I hated to even ask the question. I rarely liked my
father's plans.

"I sent Jenks to New York to obtain a swab sample from Ms. Masen's boy." J. Jenks was my
father's attorney and lifelong confident. He no doubt knew where all of the proverbial
skeletons in the Cullen closet were buried. "He should be back momentarily. I have arranged
for you to have access to a private lab where you will complete the DNA testing. I'm
confident you have the expertise for such a task despite your obvious lack of judgment in your
personal life. After all, I spent well over a quarter of a million dollars on your education. One
would hope you can put it to some good when the situation warrants."

"Yes sir, I can do the test." I was surprised he would actually trust me to run the test myself,
but there wasn't much I could do to foil it anyway. My father always had a way of discovering
my treachery. He had a sixth sense for it.

"Good. If the test is negative, I will have my people start digging up dirt to discredit her
before she can make a statement. If the boy proves to be yours, however, I will expect you to
handle this matter yourself. Think of this as a test assessment of your loyalty to this family.
You have jeopardized us all. Fix the situation and I might allow you to remain as a
beneficiary under the Cullen Trust, but hear me well, Carlisle. If you fuck this up, I will use
every ounce of my power to see to it that you are stripped of everything you hold dear, your
inheritance, you name, your medical license and your home. Everything will be mine. Your
fate rests with me. It is time to step up and be a Cullen. This is your last chance."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

As Liz had accused, Edward proved to be my biological child. Jenks escorted me to New
York secretly so that I could deal with the situation. Jenks remained in the car in the alley
behind her building while I went upstairs to deal with her personally. Her reaction to my visit
was irrelevant. Her death certificate was signed the day she disobeyed me.

Liz was not at all surprised to see me. "Well Carlisle, I suppose you're here because the DNA
test confirmed what I have been telling you. Edward is your son," she said smugly. "I hope
you are finally ready to take some responsibility for him." She motioned to the young twenty-
two month old sitting on the floor playing with a wooden train.

"I'm afraid not, Liz," I said rubbing my gloved hands together. "Didn't we discuss this once
already? Didn't I warn you about what would happen if you ever mentioned this to anybody?
You really shouldn't have done this." I looked at the strong woman before me begin to cower.
She was still exceptionally beautiful and I was still besotted by her. It was maddening, but I
was here for one reason and one reason only. My father had sent me to shut her up and I
would do so by any means necessary.

I stood watching Liz quietly. The heat of my gaze must have frightened her because she
backed away from me and picked up our son from the floor and held him close to her shaking
form.

"You cannot protect him now, Liz. You had your chance for that. I gave you a chance to raise
him and love him, but that is no longer possible for you."

"What are you saying Carlisle? All I wanted was some support. I want my son to know his
father. Why is it wrong for a mother to want that for her child? Do you judge me so harshly
that you think I would do any of this for myself? This is for my son. This is for our son,
Carlisle."

"I am not the judge, Liz. I am the executioner." Emboldened by my own words, I allowed the
rage I held for my father, the anger I held for Liz and the ire I had for my own weaknesses, to
come fuming to the surface in a seething thunder of force. I back handed her and sent them
both flying to the floor. Edward's cries lofted through the room as Liz tried to grab for him.

I approached them both and used the side of my foot to push Edward out of the way, leaving
Liz alone at my feet.

"Please stop Carlisle! Please, you can't do this. Don't do this in front of Edward. Please!" She
begged in vain.

"Shut up, you whore! Your boy should see what happens to people when they disobey me!" I
kicked her soundly in the gut causing her to scream out in agony and to curl into the fetal
position.
"Don't make me shut you up, you stupid cunt. You won't like how I do it!"

"Please," she whimpered from the floor. "Please don't."

"It's too late, you cannot be trusted. I'm afraid this is the only way." I reached down and
picked Liz's head off the floor with both of my hands. Her green eyes widened as she looked
me dead in the face. "I want you to know before I kill you that being with you was the closest
I ever came to bliss. Your warm pussy cannot be rivaled. This really is a shame."

"Edward," was all she said before closing her eyes in acceptance of her fate. With a final fury
of fire, I crushed her head repeatedly against the hardwood floors until she went limp in a
pool of her own blood.

I took out my cell phone and quickly summoned Jenks. He arrived in her apartment moments
later and helped me to set the scene of a robbery. We took several items of value, including
jewelry and the few limited electronic components she actually owned. Jenks broke her door
lock to create the appearance of a forced entry and then we fled down the back fire escape
leaving Liz's body and my crying son on the floor. He could fend for himself. I didn't really
give a shit.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Over the next three years, I monitored the situation from a far as did my father. The police
ruled Liz's death a murder committed during the perpetration of a random robbery just as we
had planned. There had been a string of similar break-ins in the area and this was quickly
linked to those lesser crimes. When they caught the poor bastard responsible for those petty
incidents, the murder I had committed was pinned on him and the case was closed. Nobody
would ever know I was involved.

Liz's only living relative was an elderly grandfather, so Edward was placed in foster care
almost immediately after Liz's funeral. My father was satisfied with the outcome, but couldn't
stand the idea of a true Cullen heir being left in the system to be raised by strangers.

Thus, Esme and I were called upon once more to fulfill our familial obligations as dictated by
Caius. We had tracked Edward through the years and were easily able to find him in a foster
home in the small town of Arcadia in up-state New York where he was being raised by the
Larin family with another boy his age, Jasper Whitlock. My father believed less attention
would be brought to Edward if we adopted both boys contemporaneously, so that is exactly
what we did. I was then the not-so-proud parent of three children I never wanted, Emmett,
Edward and Jasper.

Esme, of course, had no knowledge of Edward's hereditary link to our family. She was thrilled
with our new additions. She showed off her sons to her Junior League friends and spent
unnecessary amounts of my fortune placing them in various musical and art-related activities.
I didn't object because Cullen men were expected to be well rounded. Added to which, it kept
them all out of my hair.

With the status quo restored, our lives progressed relatively well until eleven years later when
another change shifted my world on its axis. My father, the great Caius Cullen was brought to
his knees in a blaze of glorious shame.

In 1998, the Justice Department handed down indictments against my father on twenty-four
counts racketeering, extortion, bribery and tax evasion. Before he could be found guilty in
court, he suffered a massive stroke and died. All of his assets, including the Cullen Trust and
his several homes were seized. I was left with nothing, except Esme's family funds and the
relatively paltry wages earned from my medical practice. I moved the family from Seattle to
Forks as the cost of living was significantly less. I took a job with Forks Memorial Hospital
and began to work as a common man. I was livid. For all of the shit my father put me through,
he was the one who destroyed us.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

That was what led me to this damn cemetery standing over the grave of the woman who had
put my descent to misery into motion. After living peacefully in Forks for nearly two years,
Jenks contacted me about a week ago insisting that I meet him here of all places. I wasn't
inclined to do so, but he said the only two sentences that could have ever convinced me. "You
will meet me, Carlisle. I have proof that you killed Elizabeth Masen."

So here I stood awaiting my fate. Jenks was twenty minutes late and the sky had begun to turn
dark from the ominous rain clouds which were settling in overhead. I opened my umbrella
and looked at my watch one final time before finally meeting my caller.
"Carlisle, how nice to see you again," he said from behind me as if this were a social visit. I
turned to find a strapping J. Jenks standing before me. "The weather isn't on our side, so I will
get right to the point."

"By all means, old friend, why have you called me here?"

"Your father's death has left me in rather of a quandary, you see. With the seizure of his assets
and an inquiry into my own dealings as his attorney, I have been left in what one might call a
financial pickle."

"I'm sorry to hear of your trouble, Jenks, but I don't know what any of this has to do with me.
My father left me in much the same way. There isn't anything that I can do."

"Carlisle, don't be petulant. There is a great deal that you can and will do. I've spent the last
fifteen years as the Geppetto to your father's Pinocchio. He trusted me to keep his confidences
when we were young, but instead, I simply bided my time until I had enough evidence against
him to send him away for life. I used it against him over the years. Your father did my bidding
and I made a fortune off of it. I warned him about crossing me, but like your cold whore there
in the ground, he crossed me."

"It was you," I said as the pieces fell into place. I had been shocked that my father was
careless enough to be caught, but he wasn't caught at all. Jenks had turned on him. He had
manipulated a lifelong history of trust to his own benefit.

"Of course it was, you fool. Where do you think the US Attorney's office got their proof of
your father's misdeeds?"

"But why? You just said that the indictment and his death have crippled you financially. Why
would you have done it?"

"That was an unfortunate miscalculation on my part. I had struck a deal with the US
Attorney's office for immunity on the counts against your father if I provided them with all
the evidence they would need for his conviction. Apparently that deal wasn't as air tight as I
first thought. With your father's untimely death, they never had the opportunity to utilize the
evidence I had provided. Without a trial or a conviction, my deal was abandoned. They still
want their pound of flesh and I assure you I won't allow it to be me."
"It sounds like you are in a jam then. If they are coming after you, why would I entangle
myself with that? Why wouldn't I just let them get you?"

"There is no proof for them to obtain against me. There investigation is merely an
inconvenience, but it poses no threat to my freedom. What it does do is tie up my assets for
the moment. You will correct that for me."

"No, Jenks. I won't get involved. I can't help you."

"You are just as stupid as you always were. You will help me whether you like it or not. As I
said, they want their pound of flesh. I'm sure presenting them with one Carlisle Cullen would
do the trick." I made to interrupt him, but he cut me off. "I documented everything that
happened in Ms. Masen's apartment. When I visited her to get the DNA sample from Edward,
I planted a video surveillance bug in her living room. I certainly appreciate you killing her
there. It allowed me to capture the entire murder on video."

"I don't believe you, Jenks. This is just a desperate Hail Mary play from a pathetic man down
by seven in the final seconds of his game. I don't buy it for a second."

"Perhaps this will help to prove my point." He handed me a small video recording devise.
"Push play." I pushed play and all the life drained from my expression as I watched Liz die at
my hands. "Feel free to hold onto that copy, I made several copies." He gestured to the devise
in my hand indicating that I should keep it. "If anything happens to me, the right people know
what to do with the others." Jenks had played his trump card and I knew instantly that I was
completely fucked.

"Okay, Jenks. You win. What is it that you want?"

"Ten million dollars," he said simply. I started to laugh hysterically.

"Jenks, perhaps you have forgotten that I no longer have that sort of money at my disposal.
The government seized my family assets just as they did yours. Where do you expect me to
get that type of money?"

"That isn't my problem, Carlisle. I do realize that these things take time, so I will grant you a
slight reprieve and allow your payments to come in installments. I want one million dollars
deposited into this account on the fifth day of the year for the next ten years." Jenks handed
me a slip of paper with an account number for the International Bank of Grand Cayman. "If a
payment is late or if you ever try anything stupid, the tape goes to the police. Do you
understand everything I've told you?"

"I think I kept up, yes, but your threats don't make your demands possible. Even if I want to
do as you say, how can I? The Cullen name isn't what it once was and I don't have the
financial resources I once did."

"Your father had many strong alliances that are still available to you. There are many men
who benefited greatly from your father's abuse of power and would happily assist you in your
own endeavors if it were in their best interests to do so. Enough time has passed for the Cullen
name to have lost its stigma. You were always the shining star of the Cullen clan. You are
seen as a hero and a humanitarian. Your sons are seen as orphans who were victims of great
tragedy. Use that."

"As ever, it appears I don't have a choice." I was so totally fucked. I hated the loss of control.
I would do whatever necessary to reassert my dominance.

"Good, then we have an understanding and it is just in the nick of time. You should find
shelter before this rain becomes any worse. It was good to see you." Jenks turned and began
retreating away from me before pausing unexpectedly to turn back in my direction. "Don't
forget what I did to your father. A loss of a man's freedom is a punishment far worse than the
loss of his fortune. Oh and Carlisle," he started his final thought. "Tell the boys I said
congratulations on Battle of the Bands."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Where is he?" Aro was frustrated yet again at the boy's unprofessional tardiness. "Edward is
very talented Carlisle and this tour can make all of your boys famous and rich beyond reason,
but they need to commit. You need to get control over them or they will blow it. I gave them a
chance because I have a history and a respect for your father. I can take it all away if you can't
keep them under control. I won't continue to tolerate his lateness."

"I understand, Aro. Trust me when I say that I am very appreciative of what you have done
for them and I will keep them in line. Here he is now." Edward looked flushed as he raced
into the studio. I spoke to him for a minute and then pushed him into the booth where his
brothers were waiting. After today, his distraction would be gone. Edward was a musical
prodigy like his mother, but he was also equally passionate as she had been. His passion for
his precious fiancé was a problem I was looking forward to eradicating.

The car was set. When Isabella goes to meet him for their wedding, she will meet her maker
instead. I thought to myself as I watched my ungrateful son sing. I knew he would be crushed,
but it would make him stronger. He would have no reason to fight me anymore after she was
gone.

The practice went well and I allowed the boys to leave without interference. My man was in
place to follow Isabella and had been instructed to report back once she was dead. I paced my
office waiting for the call, but I wasn't prepared for the news I ultimately received.

"It's about time. Is it done?"

"Sir, we have a slight problem. It's your son, sir. He got in the car with her."

"What? What do you mean he is in the car? Edward was supposed to be meeting her there.
How did this happen?"

"I'm not sure, sir, but he showed up at the apartment and then they left together."

"And you didn't stop them, you idiot?" I was fuming. If anything happened to Edward,
everything would be ruined. He was the key. He was the true talent behind Midnight Sun.
Without him, there would be no band and I would be unable to make my payments to Jenks.

And I would be finished.

"I'm sorry sir. There wasn't anything that I could do to stop them. I didn't know he was going
with her until it was too late."

"Where are they now?" My entire body was becoming numb. Edward couldn't die.

"We're on Scenic Highway about three miles off of the interstate. They just crashed. The car
is overturned. I'm here with him. He still has a pulse, but he is unconscious and bleeding."

"Fuck! And Isabella?" I needed to clean this mess up immediately.

"She is alive too, sir. She woke up for a moment, but then passed out again. She didn't see
me."

"Okay, I want you to get out of there. I will clean up this mess. Expect to hear from me."

"Yes sir." We hung up the phone and I immediately placed two calls. One call was an
anonymous tip to highway patrol and the other was to Dr. Denali. I was going to need his
help.

On my way to the hospital I carefully calculated my next move. My initial instinct had been to
kill Isabella, but now I was seeing that such a move had been premature and perhaps too
hasty. Everything was quickly evaporating from my control and I needed to reassert my
dominance wherever possible. Toying with Isabella could be the key. I decided that allowing
Isabella to live could prove beneficial to me in the future. First, she was carrying a Cullen
heir. Second, she could be easily manipulated and would certainly make a rather nice play
thing as Liz once had. Third, and most importantly, I would be able to use her and/or her child
in the future should Edward get out of hand again.

I had decided. I would give Isabella the same choice I had given Liz so many years ago, but I
would do it better this time and should she disobey me, she would meet a similar end.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

BPOV: May 4, 2002

My entire body felt numb and I couldn't get my tired eyes to open fully. Where am I? I was
completely disoriented. I tried to raise my arm, but it was pinned down by something. I tried
the other, but still nothing. Come on Bella, focus. After several fluttering attempts, I finally
forced my eyes to open fully and I took in my surroundings searching for an explanation.

I was in a nondescript hospital bed. The walls were completely bare, lending no clues as to
my whereabouts which only added to my confusion. I looked at both of my wrists to find that
I had been strapped to the bed with padded white cuffs. What the fuck? Where the hell am I?

I didn't have long to contemplate my predicament before the door opened to an all too familiar
face. "Carlisle? Is that you?" I was completely mystified, but at least I was being an offered a
recognizable lifeline. Surely he could shed some light on the fucked up alternate universe in
which I now found myself an unwilling hostage.

"Hello, Isabella. I'm glad you're finally awake. Do you remember what happened?" I stared
into his icy eyes for a moment. Slowly my mind began to fill with images of a car flying
through the air. Oh God No! The wedding, the tire, the crash…Edward!

"Oh God, Carlisle. Edward? Is he okay? Please tell me that nothing happened to him." I
needed to get to him. If anything had happened to Edward my entire world would crumble
into oblivion. I couldn't survive without him. He was my everything. I needed him like I
needed air.

"How sweet. The gold-digging whore is concerned about her meal ticket. It's too bad you
aren't easier to kill, Miss Swan." Was he laughing at me? "You should worry more about
yourself and forget about my son you little bitch." His bitter words assaulted me and pounded
my frail heart into unrecognizable pieces.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean I'm not easy to kill? Did you do this?" A
million thoughts were now stampeding through my cloudy brain. I couldn't believe Carlisle
would try to kill me or Edward. Not even Carlisle was that cold, was he?

"You insipid little twit." He approached my bed and bent down to get right in my face so that
his hot breath battered my chapped face as he spoke. "You and that boy have been nothing but
trouble to me for years. I know about the baby and your little plans to run off and get married
behind my back. Did you honestly think I would allow that to happen? Did you honestly think
I would allow you to disrespect the Cullen name and trap my son that way? I would rather see
you both dead than see you bring that bastard child of yours into this world as a couple."

"Oh my God! What have you done?" I pushed my head back into the pillow and turned away
from him, but the sick fuck grabbed me and forced my attention back to his icy stare. I was
trapped with this monster, bound to his will.

"That's right, Isabella. Right now I am the only god that matters for you. I hold your life in my
hands. Your heart beats at my pleasure." He lowered his right hand down over my left breast.
"I can feel your heart pounding inside your chest and I have the power to stop it all together if
I so desire."
"I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" His hand felt heavy against my chest as I'm
sure he intended.

"Speaking of desires," he said eerily, stretching his hand up to neckline of the loose-fitting
hospital gown I was wearing. He slowly pulled it down so that my bare breasts were revealed
to him.

"Stop it! What are you doing you crazy motherfucker?" Carlisle's hand was around my jaw
instantly. He was painfully squeezing it inward preventing me from speaking any further.

"You best watch that mouth of yours, little girl. I can end you in a second. Now shut the fuck
up and let me get a better look at you." He let go of my jaw and sat back staring at my
exposed parts. Tears were streaming down my face and I turned away from him praying that
he wouldn't do this.

"Please just stop!" I begged quietly.

"I don't think so. I've been watching you for years. You should really learn to be more aware
of your surroundings. Oh those days you would change in our pool house or shower in the
guest bathroom. Did you know I was watching? I think you did. I think you wanted me to see
you and now that I finally have you all to myself, I think I need a little taste." I couldn't even
focus on his sick confession. I just kept praying he wouldn't perpetrate the personal violation
of my body that I knew was coming.

"I want to know what makes you so intimately appealing to my son, Isabella." Carlisle
gripped my left breast firmly in his hand and lowered his lips to my nipple. He sucked it into
his mouth and rolled it around his tongue. He then squeezed both of my breasts together
before repeating his oral manipulation on the other side. I could only cry. "You're just as
delicious as you look, my dear. My son was a lucky man."

Carlisle's words pulled at my heart. "What do you mean 'was'? Is he okay? Please tell me he is
okay?" The devil before me pulled away without covering me up.

"He is okay for now, but whether or not he remains that way is up to you."

"I don't understand. How is it up to me? I would do anything for him. Please, please stop this.
Please tell me where he is?"
"My son is in a hospital across town. He's been in a medically induced coma for the last
several days because of swelling in his brain. He should make a full recovery, but that is up to
you." My heart sank as I thought of my poor Edward laying helplessly vulnerable in a hospital
bed.

"He needs me. Please, let me go to him," I plead.

"No Isabella. The only way you can help my son now is from afar. I want to tell you a secret,
Isabella. Do you think you can keep your little cunt mouth shut if I tell you this?" I had no
loyalty to Carlisle. As soon as I was able, I would go to Edward and then to the police. I
needed to get him and my child out of here. I would say anything to placate Carlisle at this
point even if it meant a promise to keep his confidence.

"Yes, Carlisle." I hoped that he would believe me.

"I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I will spill my soul to you so that you
can use it against me. What you don't seem to grasp is that I don't need to trust you, Isabella. I
have an insurance policy that will keep you silent and under my total control whether you like
it or not." I looked at him confused. He wasn't making any sense.

"Edward has told you that he and his brothers were adopted, hasn't he?"

"Of course," I answered with a shaky voice wondering why he would bring up the past at a
time like this.

"Edward was adopted, but he is also my biological son."

"What? No he isn't. What the hell are you talking about? How is that even possible?"

"Edward doesn't know, Isabella. Nobody does. I met his mother years ago. Edward was an
unfortunate by-product of an affair I had with a talented pianist. She was exceptionally
beautiful, but she couldn't keep her mouth closed. Do you know what I do to little whores
with big mouths?"

I couldn't answer him. All I could do was continue to cry and pray as he turned on a video.
There was no sound. The video had apparently been muted. I watched as a Carlisle stood
talking silently to a woman holding a young toddler with wild bronze hair that I would know
anywhere. Edward.

"That is Edward and his mother." I looked up at Carlisle in shock. "Keep your eyes on the
screen. You need to see this. There is a moral to this story that you need to learn." I did as I
was bid and refocused my attention on the small screen just as video Carlisle was striking
Edward's mother across the face. I gasped in horror as she and Edward fell to the ground in a
jumbled heap. As he kicked her fully in the stomach, I knew that I couldn't look anymore.
Bile rose into my mouth and I almost lost it completely.

"Stop, I can't watch this Carlisle. Please."

Carlisle grabbed my hair and turned me back to face the video. "You will watch every last
moment of this. Don't make me tell you again." I did as I was told. I watched baby Edward
cry in the corner as Carlisle brutally murdered his mother with his bare hands. I was sobbing
with him as I watched the life leave his mother's frail battered body. When the screen went
dark, I lost control.

"My God! Why, why did you do that? Why are you doing any of this? I don't understand.
Why would you tell me this?" I couldn't get control over myself. This was all too much. I
began thrashing in the bed trying to free myself from the restraints. Carlisle's open hand
landed on my face in a resounding smack and I saw stars for a moment. The side of my face
was as numb as my splitting heart.

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me. The crash was a warning shot across the bow. I wanted to
show you that I am not above taking your life or my son's life if need be."

"Why Carlisle? Why would you do this at all? Why show me this when you could just kill
me?"

"Where is the fun in that, silly girl? I rather like having you as my pet. Your suffering is fun to
me. I like to see you squirm. You are also carrying a Cullen heir. If my father taught me
anything, it was that Cullen heirs are very important.

"I could kill you, easily so, but I think instead I will give you the same chance as I gave
Edward's mother. How does that sound to you, Isabella?"
"What do you want? Please, just don't hurt Edward or my baby."

"It is so sweet how you seem to care more about my son than your own life. It's very
endearing, actually. Maybe you aren't a gold-digging whore like Edward's mother after all. I
will definitely enjoy testing the theory so I know that I have made the right choice in keeping
you alive. This will be even more amusing than I once thought."

Carlisle lowered his head back to my face one more time and spoke slowly. "You are going to
disappear. I will let you and your child live, but you must never make contact with Edward or
any other member of my family. I will tell Edward that you died in the crash and that your
body was cremated. He will mourn you of course, but he is young and will easily get over it.
You're not that important in the grand scheme of things I suspect.

"I will make sure that the money your father left you is deposited into the bank account of
your choice. I will get all of your necessary paperwork, school transcripts and medical records
and have them sent to you for your use. I will also deposit an additional ten thousand dollars
into your account while you get on your feet. Think of it as payment for your services as a
surrogate."

"I don't want your money, Carlisle. Just let me go. I won't tell Edward about his mother or the
accident. I promise. I will never tell."

"I know you won't tell, but I need you out of Edward's life. He is quite lucrative to me when
he is focused. I am giving you a chance to raise your son and to have a good life. I am giving
you a running head start, but remember that I will always be chasing you because that is what
amuses me. All you have to do in return is stay away and keep your mouth shut. I will of
course keep tabs on you as that is half of the fun. I will always be watching you to make sure
that you are following the rules. You'll never know how closely I'm watching. As in the past,
my eyes could be on you at any time."

"And if I say no?"

"I don't think that is an option you will seriously entertain. If you say no, I will make sure that
Edward never wakes up from his coma. I will then wait until you have your baby and I will
make you watch as I execute it in front of you. I will then torture you. So you see, Isabella,
you don't have a choice in this situation."
"Please don't hurt them. I will do whatever you ask, just don't hurt them."

"I'm glad you see things my way, but let me give you just a bit more incentive to sweeten the
pot. If you ever try to contact Edward or if you ever allow your child to do so, then I will not
only kill you, but I will kill your child as well. It will be a slow death involving a great deal of
pain and suffering. I will maim and mutilate each of you before finally putting you both out of
your misery."

"I won't tell, Carlisle. I promise. I will do as you say, just please don't hurt them." I was
begging. I would never go against him. Not after what he had shown me. I now knew he was
capable of far greater atrocities than I could have ever imagined and I could not bear to have
such fates brought upon Edward or my child.

"Good girl. Your leg was injured in the accident and you had a concussion, but other than
that, I'd say you were very fortunate. Your clothes you were wearing are over there." He
motioned to plastic blue chair in the corner where my clothes were folded neatly. "When you
are ready, I will escort you to the airport. You can go wherever you like so long as it is far
away from here. You decide and then get dressed. I will be back shortly for your decision and
then we will leave."

Carlisle unstrapped my aching arms and then left the room in silence. I curled into a ball and
wept for my child and for Edward. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew my world
had ended. I would never see my Edward again.

I reached up to my neck to tug on Charlie's amulet for comfort, but it was gone. I quickly got
out of bed and limped my way over to the chair. I needed to find it. I pulled my dress into my
hands and searched the left pocket. It was empty. I then reached to the right pocket. All I
found was Edward's sketch of "Guarded Bella." The necklace was gone.

I dressed myself as best I could and then returned to the bed to wait for Carlisle. My life had
changed forever and I wasn't sure if I would make it a day without Edward, let alone a
lifetime. After a few minutes Carlisle reentered to escort me to my living hell. "Are you ready
then Isabella?"

"Yes sir," I said meekly.

"And have you decided where you would like to go?"

"Yes, I believe I would like to go to my mother's hometown in North Carolina."

CHAPTER 11:
LOST UNDER THE SURFACE

Edward POV: July, 2006:

"Edward, stop! That tickles." I kept attacking her sensitive sides with my fingers causing our
covered gondola to tip and rock as we rotated upward on the Ferris wheel. I loved the way
her warm body felt squirming below me. It was all I needed to motivate my continued assault.
Touching her was my version of heaven. "I can't breathe, Edward. Oh shit, please, you have
to stop, please. Mercy!"

"I don't think I can do that, baby. You see, you've been a very naughty young lady and I think
you need proper chastisement," I said sarcastically, renewing my efforts on her as she gasped
for breath. The wheel stopped to allow more passengers to board the gondolas at the bottom
of the ride. We were only three or four capsules up from the ground.

"Tickling…" she choked out between fits of laughter, "is not a form of chastisement, a
spanking is." My movements stilled instantly at her words and I gazed into her eyes dumbly.
She looked back up at me with an expression that could only be classified as pure
unadulterated lust as she realized the implications of what she had just said. Her argument
against tickling was far more provocative than even she had intended.

"Are you asking me to bend you over my knee, Ms. Swan? I think I might like that idea even
better than tickling." I gave her a crooked grin and waited for the playful smack that she
would surly deliver any second. Instead, the reddened hue of her cheeks deepened and she
chewed nervously on her lower lip to hold back her affirmative answer. Holy hell, she wants
me to spank her. My cock perked up at the very thought of a submissive Bella. "Oh my, you
are even dirtier than I thought you were, my love."
I pulled back and slid slightly away from her on the plastic blue bench to gage her intentions
more carefully. She took advantage of her newfound freedom and slipped to her knees on the
floor. She then raised her white tank top over her head and exposed herself to me. She was
wearing a simple white bra with a tiny pink rose nested between her heaving breasts. It was
sexy as hell to see her looking so innocent and so forward all at the same time. My angel was
playing with fire.

"Shit, Bella, somebody might see you from another car!" The majority of her body was below
the walls of the circular covered compartment in which we were currently sitting, but I still
didn't want anybody else seeing my girl this way. The gondola began to rise again and then
slowed to another stop while I took her into my eyes.

"Nobody can see us, Edward, and we don't have much time. Once the Ferris wheel is full, we
will pass by the bottom too frequently to have any real fun in here." She licked her lips and
peeled her skinny jeans down one leg at a time. She then leaned her elbows against the bench
and stuck her ass out toward me. Looking back over her shoulder at my stupefied face she
spoke the words that were my undoing. "Let me see if I can make this clearer for you. Take off
your pants and fuck me!" She lowered her panties and wiggled her ass at me, still eyeing me
expectantly. I wasn't sure what had inspired her new found sexual boldness, but I certainly
realized that this was a golden opportunity that may never resurface.

The cart began moving again and she raised an eyebrow at me to let me know I was quickly
running out of time. I couldn't believe we were going to do this, but I had to admit that the
idea of it had me ready to explode. I quickly tore at the button of my jeans and pushed them
down to my ankles before lowering myself down onto one knee directly behind her, so that I
would have better access to her sweet center. I kept my other foot planted on the floor under
my bent leg as a counter support against the swinging gondola which had begun to rise one
more. As it came to its next stop, I gripped her hips firmly in my grasp and teased her
entrance with the pad of my thumb. She was already dripping with sweet Bella juices and I
knew she was ready for me.

"You're a very dirty girl, Bella. I'm afraid I'm going to enjoy this more than you. I slapped my
hand relatively lightly against her bare ass cheek eliciting a writhing pleasure-induced moan.
I rubbed the area and then forcefully pushed my cock into her heated core. I pumped into her
forcefully as the gondola rose again, shaking more from my thrusts than from the gravity and
wind. I reached around below Bella to play with her clit as I fucked her.

"Oh God yes, Edward! Harder, please!" She pushed back into each of my thrusts as I
continued to pound away at her from behind. I smacked her ass again for good measure, this
time using slightly more force, and allowed the sweet sensation of her clenching walls around
my throbbing length to overtake me. I could hear the distant echo of the Washington State
Fair rumbling distantly below us as both the gondola and my orgasm reached the apex of
their respective climbs. The wind whirled around us and we both came violently against one
another.

I fell against her and let myself luxuriate in the feel of her sweaty back rising and falling with
her labored panting breaths. Fully sated, I hugged her close to me and then pulled us both
backward so that she was now sitting on my lap. "I love you so much Bella. You're my entire
world." I kissed her soft shoulder and burrowed my nose into her hair. We could only sit like
this for another minute before we would need to dress. I wanted to savor every ounce of her.

"I love you too, Edward. Always."

The obnoxious beeping of my alarm clock ripped Bella from my arms and forced me
unwillingly back into consciousness. I was alone as always in my bed, my chest a sticky mess.
The dreams had become increasingly more frequent and increasingly more erotic over the last
few months. Each dream was a jewel-like memory being relived in perfect color and clarity.
Grown men weren't supposed to have wet dreams, but if reliving my sexual past with Bella
kept my sexual frustrations at bay, I wasn't going to complain…much. Subsisting totally off
of memories to release my sexual tension was like only eating tofu. It's filling, but it never
quite satisfies.

I had attempted to have sex only once in the last four years, but even that had been a total fail.
I just couldn't get into it. I was such a pussy. A completely obsessed, quite possibly clinically
insane, still desperately in love with his dead fiancé, angsty son of a bitch, pussy. Yep, that
was me in a nutshell.

Everything always came back to her. With every passing day, my "sense" of her, for lack of a
better description, was becoming frustratingly more acute and it was becoming increasingly
difficult to get her out of my mind. I kept yearning for the day when I would wake up and
realize that I could no longer feel her as I knew that only then could I finally put her memory
to rest and let go of some of the pain. That day was most assuredly not today.

No, today I awoke to a familiar pang of longing pulsating viciously within me. Today, my
other half was still missing while the echo of her voice still reverberated in my ears and the
warmth of her touch still lingered on my skin. The cruelest of ironies, however, was knowing
that I would never see her again, while she would always possess me. The ever persistent
presence of Bella in my heart showed no signs of fading even though she was physically lost
to me.

When I first met Bella, I felt an instant hum of energy swell between us. At the time, I thought
it was a reaction to the intense attraction I felt for her. She was the most gorgeous thing my
fifteen year old eyes had ever had the pleasure of seeing and I was drawn to her kinetically.
The feeling was new, but it made sense. I could define it and identify its origins. As our
relationship developed, the hum intensified and I knew there was more at work than mere
attraction. It was something I could no longer classify. I always felt her and I could no longer
write that off as the boyhood giddiness that comes from falling in love for the first time. It
was as if there was a passive awareness of Bella that was always living just under the surface
of my consciousness. I couldn't control it and I couldn't change it. Whatever "it" was, had
taken hold of me permanently.

That is not to say that I could read Bella's mind or feel her every emotion. Hell, that would
have been a most handy power to possess on more than one occasion. Sometimes Bella's
reactions and mood swings shocked the hell out of me. Instead, my "sense" of Bella was more
of a subtle blinking beacon always on alert waiting to point me toward her. I was perpetually
aware of it inside me, but when she was near me, it would shine brighter so that I could find
her amid a sea of distractions.

My Bella beacon was my sixth sense. When Bella would enter a room, I could instantly feel
her presence even if I couldn't see her yet. I could locate her even when my ears had not yet
perceived the melodic tenor of her voice or the pat of her delicate feet against the floor. My
body just gravitated naturally in her direction. She was my true north at all times as I was
hers. I wasn't a particularly mystical thinking person. I had never believed in the supernatural
or anything of the sort, but even I had to admit that there was something between us that
defied the laws of basic logic.
They say some people feel symbiotically connected to their twin siblings even when they've
had no communication and are miles or even states apart. One twin breaks an arm and the
other twin feels the pain in that same appendage. One twin is depressed and the other begins
to cry inexplicably. One twin falls in love and the other feels euphoric. It's a constant
awareness that the twins feel for one another. They are so in tune, that they can just feel the
essence of their counterpart. Bella and I had that and it grew stronger and harder to categorize
as time progressed.

Though my feelings for her could never be classified as sibling-like, we began having our
own version of "twin-like moments" after we had been together for about a year. The first
time it happened, my family had been traveling in Washington, DC to visit my grandmother. I
can remember waking up on our second morning away feeling utterly dejected and almost
devastated. I couldn't pinpoint any real reason for my despondency. My first thought was that
my inexplicable morning moroseness was a fucked-up manifestation of pre-flu symptoms, but
I felt fine physically. The feeling continued all through breakfast and into the late morning.
Not being one to let things go, I tried to analyze the feeling, but the only thing I could define
about it was an underlying need to reach out to Bella.

There was a three hour time difference between us, so I had waited to call Bella to avoid
waking her. At eleven am, however, I couldn't resist the temptation any longer. I was
desperate for her.

"Hello?" Bella's voice was distracted and somber as she answered. Maybe she is feeling it
too.

"Baby, hey. I hope I didn't wake you. I waited to call."

"No, I've been up for a few hours actually," she responded sullenly.

"Oh, well good I guess. Listen, this is going to sound totally crazy, but I woke up this morning
feeling off. I can't explain it, but something has happened. Something is wrong and…God, this
is going to sound certifiable, but is everything okay with you? Did something happen?" I was
waiting for the laughter to start on the other end of the phone, but the response I received was
the opposite.
"Oh, Edward," she began sobbing. "No, I'm not okay at all. It's Oscar. He was whining early
this morning around four a.m." Oscar was the new puppy I had purchased for Bella for
Valentine's Day a few weeks earlier. He was a golden retriever and quite unable to sleep
through the night. "I thought the gate was closed, Edward. I swear I shut it last night when we
came back from our walk."

"It's okay, baby. I'm sure you did. What happened? Is my Buddy-O okay, did he get lost? We'll
find him, baby. Dogs are like homing pigeons, they know how to find their way back where
they belong."

"Not this time, Edward. I found him up by the cliffs over La Push Beach. Can you believe he
made it that far? He was in the road. I guess he got hit by a car. He's dead, Edward. He's
dead because of me." All of the wind was knocked out of my sails. She loved that dog. Hell, I
loved him too.

"Oh Christ, Bella. I'm so sorry. This isn't your fault though. You can't control what some idiot
driver did. Are you okay?" I felt tears come to my eyes.

"I left the gate open. I'm not okay at all."

Bella wept on the phone with me for the next two hours. By the end, the reality of what had
happened finally set into both of our minds. Oscar was gone, but more than that, I had
somehow felt her grief from three thousand miles away. Instinctually, I had known something
was wrong. It left me with a bizarre feeling I could only liken to the feeling one gets after a
particularly power episode of déjà vu. You try to wrap your mind around it, and in the
absence of true understanding, you accept and embrace it for the pretty fucking cool thing it
is.

Bella and I were devastated over Oscar, but also comforted to know that we, two orphans with
no real roots to speak of, had found such a powerful connection to one another. It was a
connection that meant everything to us. It was just ours and we were family. We wanted to
test our theory, but like déjà vu, we could never duplicate it. The episodes found us and not
the other way around. We never really had to discuss it, we just…felt.

There had been a few other similar occurrences over the years and each time we fell further
into love with one another and the humming inside us increased. What I couldn't explain now
was why the hum hadn't died with Bella. If anything, the powerful moment I had had several
years back at our first show at the Staples Center in L.A., was like one of our "twin-like
moments". How do you explain to somebody that you are having "twin-like moments" with a
dead woman? How do you explain it to yourself?

I had told my brothers bits and pieces of what I had been feeling and experiencing and I had
also spoken to Tanya. Fuck, if she didn't turn out to be a good listener. We became fast
friends after the failed "attempt". I regretted said attempt the moment it happened. I had
reached for a life preserver to stop myself from drowning in an ocean of despair, but instead I
ended up disrespecting myself, Tanya and my love for Bella. I contemplated dating Tanya to
justify my actions, but ultimately I decided that such a pursuit would only make things worse.
I had since taken responsibility for my actions and I wouldn't make that mistake again. If I
couldn't be with Bella, then I just wouldn't be with anybody.

I explained my position to the guys and they vowed to lay off me and to support me. They too
loved Bella. They had only wanted their brother to stop hurting when they pushed me toward
her, but now they understood that the Tanya debacle had only made things worse. Bella was
the only woman for me. I would never forget that again. As cheesy and weak as it was to say,
she was my past, present and future whether her heart was beating or not. There would never
be another. I just longed for it to get easier to live without her.

Tanya was actually helping me in that regard. We turned out to be far better platonic friends
than lovers. Of course the media sensationalized our friendship. If you believed the gossip
rags, we had been engaged, broken up, had a secret love child, eloped, divorced and cheated
on one another dozens of times. Carlisle relished in the news, and in all likelihood, was the
source behind most of the rumors. My link to a famous model drew attention to the band and
helped us to sell tickets for shows. Carlisle was all about increasing the bottom line, love and
family be damned.

I kicked the sheets off the end of my bed and sat up while still thinking over the past two
years since Tanya had entered my life. My body was still sweaty from my dream and the
humid California air. This was the hottest California summer on record in seventy years and
there had been rolling black outs for two weeks which forced me to spend several days just
sitting in my car with the air conditioning blowing. I used the solitude to write, every lyric
being a call to Bella. Today was slated to be sweltering and after last night's dream, I was sure
the lyrics would flow freely.

I padded my way into the bathroom to take a cool shower and then ran down to the main floor
where the temperature was several degrees cooler. Tanya was sitting at the counter sipping
from a tall glass of ice water while reading some fashion magazine that didn't interest me in
the slightest.

"You need to put that thing away. You could kill a girl walking into a room like that," Tanya
said mischievously eyeing my body up and down. I looked down at my near naked body. My
boxer briefs were hung low on my hips and there was still a bit of water clinging to the hair
below my navel. I began to flush realizing that my attire was less than appropriate for a
"platonic" friend. I decided to use humor to diffuse my embarrassment.

"We can't have that, can we?" I chuckled with an eye roll. "Whatever would become of our
secret love child?"

"Indeed. Luckily for us, no such child exists. I'm pretty sure you would've had to cum for that
to occur." She raised her eyebrow at me.

Fuck my life!

"Damn T, that was a bit harsh. Shit, I didn't even think you realized that." I couldn't help, but
laugh.

"Uh yea, it was pretty obvious, sweetheart."

"Hey, you still got yours, didn't you?" I responded defensively. "Given the way you were
screaming, I'd say you should have no room for complaints." I may not have gotten off on
Tanya, but I had seen her in a B movie a few months ago and I knew she wasn't a very good
actress. She had been plenty satisfied during our one-time tryst.

"How could I not? Look at yourself." Tanya burst out laughing as my cheeks flushed again.
She liked me blush.

"You're mocking me. That's really nice, T. Thanks for that. You can go home now." She liked
to flirt with me and that was okay. We both knew where we stood with one another and the
playfulness actually made me feel like less of a weasel for using her when we first met. She
was now one of the biggest Bella cheerleaders I had.

"Oh, I'm just teasing, you sensitive fuck. You know I got off. I'm good like that." She winked
at me and took another sip of her water. "So why exactly are you half naked again?"

"It's hot as hell and I didn't feel like getting dressed yet. Sorry, I forgot you were here." I
shrugged my shoulders before reaching into the refrigerator to grab the orange juice. The cold
air felt divine on my damp skin.

"Thanks a lot. I love you too, Edward," she said sarcastically. Tanya dipped the end of her
fingers into her glass to moisten them and then flicked the water at me playfully at me as I
walked back to her side of the breakfast bar.

"You'll live T, promise." I ruffled her hair and then sat down on the stool next to hers. "So, are
you feeling okay this morning? You sure you don't need a Bloody Mary instead of water?"
Tanya had become pretty drunk the night before as we all played on Emmett's new Nintendo
Wii. I insisted she stay in the guest room instead of driving. I ordinarily wouldn't walk around
practically naked in front of her, but I legitimately had forgotten. "You might need a little 'hair
of the dog' to get rid of what ails you."

"Actually, I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. I'm not sure I can say the same about
you, however. Did you sleep at all last night? You have dark purple bags under your eyes. I
should tell you that it doesn't really work with the green." She bumped my shoulder with hers
to show her friendly concern.

"I had another dream last night." Tanya knew a little bit about my dreams. I held back the
intimate details as those belonged only to Bell and me, but she knew in general that I had been
dreaming of Bella a lot in the last few months. "It was a good dream, but I still woke up
feeling a bit uneasy."

"Ah. So, you're still feeling like you left your oven on, huh?" Tanya queried.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean, T."

"You know when you leave town and you start worrying that you've left your oven on and
your house is going to burn down? The feeling irks your nerves and makes you anxious until
you can get home to double check it. Even if you try to distract yourself, it's a constant worry
in the back of your brain until you get tangible proof that things are okay."

"I guess I know what you mean and yea, I'm always thinking about her and…feeling her."
The more I thought about Tanya's analogy, the more I knew it fit. She had described my mood
perfectly.

"Okay, I don't want you to start thinking I'm coo coo for CoCo Puffs or anything, but I've
been giving this some thought and I have a theory."

"You've come up with a theory about why I can still feel my dead fiancé?" I looked at her
skeptically and waited for her to continue.

"Yes, actually. I know you are a bit cynical when it comes to these things, but have you
considered that maybe you still feel Bella because she hasn't moved on yet? Maybe she has
unfinished business here and she needs your help so that she can…'go into the light' so to
speak," Tanya remarked putting fingered air quotes around the phrase "go into the light".

"Thank you for the theory, Carol Anne."

"I'd like to think of myself as more of an Oda Mae Brown type, but thanks" Tanya looked at
me hopefully. She clearly wanted me to latch onto this hypothesis. "Just hear me out, Edward
and try to keep an open mind."

"I'm all ears." I had nothing to lose. It certainly wouldn't be the first time something of this
nature had occurred where Bella was concerned.

"I think there is something going on and you need to figure it out for your sake and for
Bella's. I think your instincts are telling you that something isn't right about the way she died.
Maybe you should look into it. From what you've told me, you just sort of accepted
everything you were told about her death. Maybe you should do some digging. Just like the
oven, you'll never feel better until you make sure for yourself that it's turned off."

"Let's say for the sake of argument that you're right and Bella is stuck in some fucked up
limbo between this world and wherever, what can I do?"
"Well, what do you know about what happened? What details do you have?" I thought about
what Tanya asked and realized that I really didn't have much to go on when it came to Bella's
death. I had remained purposefully ignorant about most of the details, finding the subject
matter too difficult to contemplate.

"I know that she died pretty much immediately. They had her cremated while I was still in my
coma and Carlisle handled her affairs, not that there was really much to do."

"What do you mean he 'handled her affairs'? Do you know anything specific?"

"Not really. I know he notified the University that she had passed and I guess he handled all
the necessary paperwork for her estate. We donated most of her stuff and Carlisle gave her
money to the Forks Police Department in honor of the Swan family. That's really about it."

"Kay, so why don't you start with the Forks Police Department?"

"What, you want me to call them to see what they did with the money?" I couldn't see how
such an exercise would benefit me at all.

"Why not?" She answered matter-of-factly. "This is the start of an investigation, so call them
and ask if there is a memorial or if they started a program or something. Just follow your gut
instead ignoring it for another four years." She handed me her phone and nodded toward it.

"What you want me to call now? I don't have the number."

"I just pulled the number up on my Blackberry browser. All you have to do is hit send." I
looked at the phone and then took a deep breath to reassure myself. As I let the weight of my
finger press against the small rubberized plastic key, the hum in my chest began to intensify.
This was right. This was what she wanted me to do. My hands were shaking as I put my ear to
the receiver. I kept my eyes on Tanya the entire time.

"Forks Police Department," the voice on the other end of the line answered swiftly. "This is
officer Newton, how may I help you?"

"Mike Newton?" I asked quickly recognizing the voice as an old high school buddy.

"Yep, that's me. Who's this?"

"Hey man, it's Edward Cullen. It's been a long time. How ya been?"

"Wow!" Mike exclaimed excitedly into the phone. "You're a big time rock star now. The guys
are gonna die when they hear I spoke to you today. What's it like to be famous? That Tanya
Maddox chick is hot as hell, man. Way to go with that." I rolled my eyes at his 'fan girl'
rambling. I had no idea why people felt they had the right to ask a bunch of insanely personal
questions just because I had a career that put me in the public spotlight.

"Yea, uh, thanks. It's definitely been an interesting ride," I said in a non-committal tone. I
wasn't about to go down the Tanya road with this punk. "Look Mike, I was calling about
Bella."

"Oh yea, you guys were pretty tight back in the day, do you still see her? I bet she hates
Tanya," Mike said jokingly. I was about to be offended by his comment, when it dawned on
me that he didn't seem to know she was dead.

"Actually, Mike, she died about four years ago. Didn't you know that? All of the money that
Chief Swan left her was left to the Forks PD in their honor, that's actually why I was calling."

"What? Oh my God. I had no idea. I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"She died in a car accident," I replied, trying to keep my response clipped. I didn't want to go
into details and relive it. This call was difficult enough as it was.

"Wow, I'm so sorry. I know you two were close."

"Yes, we were," I replied politely. "So, do you have any information about how the
department applied the gift funds?"

"Actually, Edward, I never seen anything about a gift from the Chief and Bella. Charlie is an
icon around here. That kind of thing would have been big news. Hell, they probably would
have named the building after him or something. I don't even think folks in these parts even
know about Bella's death. I've always assumed she was still living large in Seattle."

My mind and heart began racing in tandem. I didn't get it. None of this made sense. I knew
Carlisle had said he donated the money. He was very clear about it. I couldn't comprehend
how nobody in Forks knew about it.
"Are you sure, Mike? Maybe you could check around or something and let me know?" I
wasn't too excited about giving him my number, but I needed this information. Something
wasn't right.

"Sure. I'll ask some of the guys and I can let you know if I find anything. Does that sound
good?" I gave my cell number to Mike and ended the call more confused than when I had
started it. I looked at Tanya in shock.

"I think you were right, T. I think Bella is trying to tell me something and I'm going to find
out what it is if it's the last thing I ever do." I knew exactly where I was going to start my
search, my lying son of a bitch father.
CHAPTER 12:
CLOSE TO SOMETHING REAL

Bella's POV: December, 2007

Tony and I sat on the floor of his room, sifting through five years worth of toys, which didn't
even come close to fitting into the four multi-colored baskets I purchased to corral them.
Organizing his stockpile of playthings was a tedious process, but we were on an important
Christmas mission. A week ago, I had run into James's new wife, Vicky, at the grocery store
while she was handing out flyers for Chapel Hill Family Haven, a shelter for victims of
domestic violence. The shelter was asking for the donations of gently used toys for the kids of
the women residing there. Tony had instantly warmed to the idea.

"Mommy, how many kids are at Family Heaven?"

"It's Family Haven, buddy, and I don't know for sure, but I could call and ask Vicky." I pulled
him into my side and snuggled his warm body close to my mine as I placed the call. Vicky
was able to tell me that there were currently fourteen children under the age of ten who were
living at the shelter. While my heart broke for each one of them, my son hopped up
determinedly and began sorting through his abundant collection.

"I have to make sure I pick out really good toys for them," he said tossing several plastic
action figures out of the red basket. "I want to make sure they each have something special to
open on Christmas morning." He looked up at me with wide spirited eyes, his munificence
melting my heart.

"Well, I think that is very generous of you, sweetie. Once, you're done, do you want to help
me wrap them." I knew he would like that added perk.

"Awesome!" He said excitedly. Tony had become a tape-dispenser extraordinaire when we

wrapped the gifts for our friends earlier in the week. "I like being mommy's helper. Can I do
the tape thing-a-ma-dooper again?" I nodded and chuckled in response, and then I let him
filter through his toys on his own.

"Mommy, look!" He said, pulling out his stuffed Remy the rat doll, which he had begged me
to buy him after we saw Ratatouille in the theaters last summer. It was his favorite toy and he
played with it non-stop. "I think there is a little boy or girl there who would really like this,
don't you?"

"I do, sweetie, but are you sure you want to give that one away? It's one of your favorites." I
had intended to have him give away the toys he was no longer really using. My plan to
involve Tony in this project was well intentioned, and I wanted to be careful not to traumatize
him. I thought it would mean more and be a less intimidating experience if he chose his own
offerings.

"You're silly, mommy," he giggled and shook his little head at me with a roll of his giant
emerald eyes. He had become quite exuberant in his expressions lately. "That is exactly why I
want one of the kids to have Remy. I like playing with him so much, and I know they will
love him too."

"But don't you think you will miss him?" I prompted.

"Sure, but that's okay. They need him more than I do." Without waiting for my response,
Tony put Remy off to the side and continued on his hunt. My eyes welled up with tears as I
watched him pick out fourteen of his most favorite toys. For such a small child, he had an
enormous heart.

Tony and I wrapped everything up and ate lunch while waiting for James and Vicky to arrive.
They had volunteered to take Tony to deliver the toys to the children, so that I could have
some "mommy" time. I was going to use it to pack for our big New York trip.

Charlotte and Peter had graciously offered to take us all to New York City so that Tony could
ice skate at Rockefeller center and sit on Santa's lap at FAO Schwartz. It was their all too
exorbitant birthday present to him. "It's not every day that a man turns five, Bella," Peter had
said quite seriously when I protested that the gift was more than we could rightfully accept.
As always, there was no arguing with the Brandons.
Tony's birthday was on Sunday this year, and classes at my elementary school let out the
Friday before, so we all planned to fly out that night. We were scheduled to return on the 24th
in order to spend Christmas day at the Brandon's house. That meant I had two more days to
finish up the remainder of my holiday preparations.

I had to admit that I was pretty excited to go to New York. The idea of spending Tony's fifth
birthday in the same city where his father was born just seemed fitting to me. I only wished
that Edward could be there to see his son's hopeful eyes light up at the famous sights he was
sure to encounter. I still longed for Edward in every way.

After the engagement scare a few years ago, I had learned not to take anything I read about
Edward too seriously. I wasn't sure about the extent of Edward's relationship with Tanya, but
his emails never mentioned her, so I self-servingly assumed she was no more than a friend.

The thought of Edward's emails sparked a bit of giddiness in my belly, so I jumped up and
powered on my laptop to see if anything might be waiting. About a year ago, the emails began
arriving on a fairly regular basis when Edward began looking for answers about the events
surrounding my "death". He had learned that Carlisle never donated my father's estate funds
to the Forks PD, and that triggered him to start questioning Carlisle's actions. When Edward
confronted Carlisle, he naturally had a convenient answer ready. According to Edward's
account of the situation, Carlisle said that he had requested that his attorney handle the
donation, but that it had slipped through the cracks. I knew Edward well enough to know that
he wouldn't let it go. I prayed to God every single day that Edward wouldn't push Carlisle too
far on the issue. He had no idea how dangerous his father truly was, and it was impossible for
me to warn him.

Since Edward's investigation began, I sometimes received two or three emails a week. When
he was on tour, they arrived less frequently, but they still came. He seemed to be using his
emails as a diary of sorts. I lived for them. His beautiful words were a window into his life,
and they helped to sate the burning longing I felt for him in my heart.

I always wrote back to Edward begging him not to cross Carlisle and pouring out my love to
him. Much like Tony's toy baskets, my "Drafts" folder was filled to the brim. I couldn't stand
the thought of Edward being in pain, but there wasn't anything that I could really do to
alleviate it. I simply couldn't put Tony or Edward in the line of fire. I just wouldn't do it, not
matter how badly it hurt me to hold back.

My lips curled up in a bright smile when I noted that Edward's name was on my screen.
Today was a good day.

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Date: December 19, 2007

Re: My Christmas Wish

Merry Christmas, my beautiful angel.

I did something rather stupid this morning. Shocking, right? I guess I was feeling nostalgic
from all the holiday cheer in the air, so I went digging through some of the old boxes from the
apartment in Seattle. I've kept that shit locked away for five and a half years, but my
masochistic side finally got the better of me. I'm not sure what I was hoping to accomplish by
unearthing such painful memories. Maybe I was hoping you would send me a clue or a tiny
hint as to what you've been trying to tell me. I miss you so damn much, Bella. Christ, just
seeing remnants of our life together nearly killed me. You do realize you could make things a
lot easier if you just replied to one of my emails, right? I know, dead girls don't email right?
But hell, you can't blame a guy for wishing.

So yeah, digging through our life together was pretty fucking painful, but I found something
quite interesting to make it worthwhile.

Do you remember that bracelet you made me for me on my sixteenth birthday? You spent a
week trying to hide your progress on it, only to find that it was too small when you tried to
wrap the braided threads around my wrist. I can remember thinking that the way your cute
little nose scrunched up between your flushed cheeks was just about the best birthday present
you could have given me. You were always so fucking adorable. The bracelet still doesn't fit,
of course, so I think I will carry it in my pocket instead. It makes me happy, and I need more
smiles in my life. It really was a thoughtful gift, so thank you. Truly.
I'm getting ready to get on a flight in a few minutes, so I need to wrap up this note. I want you
to know that I love you, and if I could have anything in the world for Christmas this year, it
would be the blessing of just being under the same roof with you again the way we were in
that old apartment. I just want to be close to you. Can you make that happen? Is it possible
for ghosts to visit their loved ones on command? I'm sure you know that I've always been
greedy where you are concerned, my love.

Please come to me. I'll know you are there. I love you and our child more than life itself.
Merry Christmas, baby.

My heart belongs to you and you alone. Always,

Edward

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I immediately noticed James's car when I pulled into the parking lot of the park around the
corner from the shelter. There were several kids horsing around on the swings and the large
play structures, but Tony was nowhere in sight. The chain link fence gate creaked when I
entered the play area, alerting James and Vicky to my arrival. They were sitting on a wooden
bench just a few feet away.

"Hey guys," I called out, waving my hand to complete the salutation. I made my way over to
them, still scanning the playground for Tony. "Where's Tony, I don't see him?" My heart was
beginning to race a bit. Something just felt off. Perhaps I was overly paranoid, but given my
history, I knew I had earned the right to play the part of the over protective mother.

"There's a tire swing under the rock wall on the big play set just over there," James said,
calmly pointing to the largest play structure on the playground. I knew the tire swing well, but
my nerves were still on high alert. "One of the fathers was over there swinging the kids
around on it," James added. "Don't worry, Bella. We've been keeping an eye out for him. He
pops out from under there every few minutes and then darts back again. He seems to be
having a lot of fun."

"Okay," I said a bit hesitantly, only listening to part of what James was saying. I was still
trying to put my own eyes on Tony. "I think I'm just going to walk over there and let him
know I'm here." I walked away at a brisk pace, anxious to see my son. What I saw upon
arrival made my blood run cold.

"Hi mommy!" Tony jumped off the tire swing and into my trembling arms. There were two
other little boys on the swing still, whom I recognized from Tony's pre-kindergarten class.
What had me freaked out, however, was the man pushing the swing.

"Yes, hello, mommy," he quoted in a dark voice.

"Tony, baby, come with me right now," I commanded. "We need to leave." I picked him up
into my arms and backed away from under the play set.

"Now, now, Isabella. Is that how you greet an old friend?" Carlisle stepped out next to me and
placed his hand on my arm. "What, no hug?"

"What are you doing here?" My voice was small. I moved my arm out of Carlisle's icy hand
and clutched Tony closer into my chest.

"Do you know Daddy C, mommy? He's been pushing us on the swing. He's really nice."
Daddy C? I thought to myself. What the fuck?

"Yes, baby, mommy knows him," I said looking at my fragile child.

"Tsk, tsk. I would have hoped you would have taught our boy here not to talk to strangers."

"You're not a stranger, Daddy C," Tony said with a playful laugh. "You're Joey's daddy."

"He isn't Joey's dad, sweetie." Joey was one of the boys on the swing, and I would admit that
Carlisle held a slight resemblance to his father. I bent down to place Tony on the ground and
kissed his forehead. "Can you go over and sit with James and Vicky? Tell them I'll be there in
just a minute."

"Okay." Tony skipped across the park to James, who was now standing and giving me a
concerned look. I acknowledged him with a nod and held up my finger to ask for a minute of
privacy.

"What the hell are you doing here, Carlisle, and what are you doing talking to my son?" I was
on my last nerve, and I wasn't sure what to do.
"I just wanted to stop by and see my grandson. I must admit that you've done an amazing job
with him. I can't tell you how much he looks like Edward and Liz. You do remember Liz,
don't you Bella?" Of course I remembered Liz. How could I not? I would never forget the fear
and pain in her eyes as Carlisle murdered her. I would never forget the fear that coursed
through my own body as I watched it happen. Carlisle's intimidation tactic was not lost of me.

"I've done what you've asked," I pleaded my case desperately. "There is no reason for you to
be here. Please just leave us alone." Carlisle was silent for a brief moment as he contemplated
my words. I snuck a quick glance over my shoulder at James, who was still cautiously
appraising our conversation from afar.

"You should be aware that Edward is putting his nose where it doesn't belong," Carlisle
continued menacingly. I already knew this from Edward's emails, of course. It had bothered
me to no end, but what could I feasibly do about it. I was sending him scores of subliminal
messages to cease and desist, but I knew Edward well enough to know that he wouldn't stop
searching until he found his answers.

"In light of my son's sudden curiosity, I felt it was important to remind you how easily I can
get our young Anthony all to myself," Carlisle continued his intimidation unnecessarily.
Finding Tony practically alone with Carlisle had been the only reminder I needed. Carlisle
had gotten to tony too easily. I knew had to do a better of job protecting my son, but
something inside me also knew that I was completely impotent against Carlisle's will. "As
long as you keep your fucking mouth shut, I can take care of Edward. But Isabella, if you
misstep, even a touch, then next time I will return your son to you in pieces."

"Don't you dare touch him," I seethed angrily at the manipulative monster before me. "I have
done absolutely everything you have ever requested of me. There is no reason for you to be
here. Please leave."

"You forget yourself, girl. I go where I like. Now call our boy over here, so I can give my
grandson a proper goodbye," Carlisle finished with a threatening glare that conveyed my lack
of choice in the matter.

"Tony, sweetie, come here for a second, okay?" Tony spotted me and ran to my side
obediently. I tucked him under my arm as Carlisle lowered himself down to one knee.
"I just wanted to say goodbye to you, Tony. Can you give Daddy C a big hug?" Carlisle shot
me a warning glance and then opened his arms to Tony.

"Mommy, do I have to?" Tony was generally an affectionate child, so I hoped his resistance
was a sign that his self-preservation instincts were finally kicking in where Carlisle was
concerned. His comfort around Carlisle when I found him on the tire swing had been highly
alarming.

"That's okay, Anthony," Carlisle answered before me. "You be a good boy and mind your
mother, young man."

"Yes sir," my son responded, pressing himself into my side more firmly. Carlisle rose from
the ground and simply walked away without another word. James was on us in a second
inquiring about our creepy visitor. I lied and made an excuse to get out of there as quickly as I
could. Knowing Carlisle was in town, I couldn't get to New York fast enough.

X-O-X-O-X-0-X-0

The city was alive with an electric energy, which was somehow infused into every towering
building and every stylish person we passed. I'm quite certain that Tony and I were equally
mesmerized by the new sights and sounds around us. We'd taken a carriage ride through
Central Park, we'd visited Ground Zero, we met Santa, and now we were ice skating at
Rockefeller Center before the largest Christmas tree I had ever seen. It was all quite magical,
but I was unable to fully enjoy it. Carlisle's impromptu visit had left me feeling uneasy, and I
was waiting for the next shoe to drop.

"Mommy, watch this!" Tony called to me as he bravely let go of the retaining wall
surrounding the rink to glide unassisted across the ice.

"Good job, buddy!" I clapped my hands in encouragement. Neither Tony nor I had ever been
ice skating before, but while he seemed to take to in naturally, I was apparently less equipped
to balance my body on the two thin blades adorning my cold feet. I therefore found myself
anchored to the wall at the north end of the rink, watching the Brandons and the cutest little
daredevil in the world circle before me.
"Mommy, did you see me?"Tony plowed into me with an excited thump. "I made it around
the entire circle all by myself. Did you see it?"

"I sure did, birthday boy! I'm so proud of you." I tugged on his hat to make sure his little ears
were fully defended against the bitterly cold wind swirling around us.

"Hey Tony, you did so well," Alice said after pirouetting to a graceful stop next to us. "Dad
says there is a wonderful café just a few blocks away, which boasts the best hot chocolate in
the city. Mom and I thought that perhaps the boys could go check it out while we do a bit of
last minute Christmas shopping. How does that sound to you two?" Tony's rosy face generally
lit up at the mention of any sort of chocolate, and we soon found ourselves sitting at a table
for three against the rear wall of a crowded café. I had opted to stay with Tony and Peter in
lieu of shopping with the girls. I didn't want to be away from him for a minute on his birthday.
Life was too precious for me to miss a moment of his fifth birthday.

"Yummmmeeee," Tony drawled, his normally faint southern accent becoming more
pronounced by his exaggerated exclamation. "I sure do love marshmallows!" He took a giant
slurp off the top of his cup. "Look their melting, mommy!" Tony suddenly shoved his cup
toward me, causing it to topple over on a crash course with my lap.

"Ouch!" I yelped as the hot liquid splashed against my chest and slacks. Tony's little face
began to contort with the fear of having hurt me. Peter, ever the gallant gentleman, was on his
feet to help in a heartbeat. "I'm okay, I'm okay," I tried to calm Tony with my words. "Don't
worry, buddy. It was just an accident."

"I'm sorry, mommy." His little eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he watched us blot at
my chocolate drenched clothes. "I promise I didn't mean to do it."

"Your mommy knows that, big guy," Peter picked up his hand in reassurance. "Why don't we
go get you a refill while your mommy goes to the bathroom to clean herself up, okay?" Tony
smiled and nodded his head as Peter motioned to the waiter. I kissed his head and scampered
away to clean up.

X-O-X-O-X-0-X-0
"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath as I tried in vain to clean the chocolate stains out of my
soiled clothing. The one Shout wipe in my purse wasn't going to come close to getting out the
stain. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I cursed again. I heard a flush from within one of the bathroom stalls
behind me, causing me to preemptively roll my eyes at the pitting stare I expected to receive
at any second. What I didn't expect was that the stare would come from a familiar and rather
unsettling face.

"Wow," she said as her beautiful face twisted into a slight cringe when she took in my
disheveled appearance. "That's not good. Can I help you?" I looked at her striking features,
unable to formulate any sort of coherent words for a moment.

Oh dear God, this is not happening. Please Lord, don't do this to me.

"You're…you're Tanya Maddox," I sputtered dumbly.

"Ah, yeah, I am. You look like you had a bit of a run in with your drink," she motioned to my
clothes. "Is there anything I can do?" I suppose running into a super model in New York City
wasn't an all together uncommon occurrence, but what were the odds that I would run into his
super model?

"I'm not sure that anything can be done at this point," I said, still feeling unnerved by her
presence. My heart was beating heavily in my chest, and a strange hum I hadn't felt in a long
time was starting to monopolize my consciousness. I didn't know if it was the fear of Tanya
figuring out who I was or the knowledge of her closeness to Edward, but the room was
beginning to spin, and I was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Sure there is, don't worry." She reached into her bag and pulled out a white button down
sweater. Why don't you step into the stall, and take off your clothes." She handed me her
sweater, which I was sure would look more like a dress on my short frame. "You can put this
on while we wash your clothes in the sink. They'll dry pretty quickly under the hand dryers. It
won't be perfect, but it will at least get you dry enough to go outside in this cold weather."

I gaped slightly at the woman who had spent the last few years with the man I loved. While I
gathered from Edward's emails that their relationship was no longer romantic, I still couldn't
fight the jealousy bubbling within me. She had slept with him. He had held her next to his
warm body and kissed her. She had been able to run her fingers through his sensually thick
hair and to taste the salt on his skin. I hated Tanya Maddox, her current altruism
notwithstanding.

"Thanks, but really, you don't have to do that. I appreciate it really." I wasn't sure if I could
keep my composure for long. While I wanted to pick her brain and beg her to tell me about
Edward, I was fairly certain that I wouldn't live through the pain such a conversation would
trigger. One of us was bound to end up writhing in pain on the nasty bathroom floor.

"Nonsense," she said waving me off. "Fashion emergencies are my forte. I insist. Go change,
and let's do what we can with your clothes." I didn't have the strength to fight her. I stepped
into the stall and peeled off my wet shirt. I used a few wads of toilet paper to dry the moisture
on my skin and then slipped into her sweater. I couldn't pinpoint the perfume saturating the
garment, but it smelled divinely when mixed with the scent of my chocolate-stained skin. I
followed suit with my pants and then exited.

Tanya smiled at me and took the dirty shirt from my hands. "Here, I have some shampoo in
my bag. It will work better than the restroom soap. Just dab a bit on, and you can wash your
pants. I'll work on your shirt."

"Thank you. This is very kind of you. I'm sure you have better things to do than help out some
stranger in a café." I wasn't sure what I wanted her to say. Silence seemed like an alternative
that was equally unbearable as talking.

"No worries." She turned on the sink and started working diligently on the fabric in her
perfectly manicured hands. "I'm actually here with a friend from out of town. He was acting a
bit strangely, and I think he could probably use a few minutes to himself. He gets a bit
emotional and introspective at times." Suddenly the hum in my chest made perfect sense. The
visceral reaction my body was having wasn't directed toward Tanya at all.

Edward is here. Oh God! Tony is out there.

"Edward," his name slipped from my lips of its own accord before I could stop it.

She chuckled slightly at my expression. "Yes actually, that's right. I guess you saw us when
we came in, huh?" I nodded, but said nothing. I hadn't seen them, but it would explain my slip
up, so I didn't contradict her. I couldn't stop myself from asking the next question.
"I've…um...read that you two are…" She quickly caught my drift and laughed gently.

"You can't believe everything you read in the tabloids. Edward and I are great friends, but that
is all. Not that I would mind being more, mind you, the man is utterly lickable." She winked
at me, and I suddenly wanted to punch her in her flawless, perky nose.

Mine! I growled internally.

She obviously saw the look on my face, and she misinterpreted my territorial reaction as
something less personal, suspicion perhaps. "I'm mostly teasing," she giggled. "Edward and I
are better as friends. I really only see him once or twice a year. A relationship between us isn't
in the stars."

"I suppose not," I responded, trying to calm myself so that I wouldn't bash her face into the
porcelain sink. It really wouldn't be polite, especially given that she was helping me with my
clothes.

"I think I've got this clean." She turned off the water and then waved her hand under the dryer
to activate it. I was thankful for the noisy distraction. I needed a plan. There was no way I
could get out of this bathroom with Edward sitting out there waiting, but I also couldn't stay in
here forever. Peter and Tony would start to worry before too long.

I finished working on the spot on my pants and activated the second dryer. Tanya smiled
sweetly at me, and I instantly felt guilty for the violent thoughts I had been harboring. She
was obviously a good person, and Edward was lucky to have her. I just couldn't stomach the
thought of him touching her. I loved him too much.

"Well, I think my work here is done." She handed me my remarkably clean shirt. It wasn't
perfect, but the stain was hardly visible anymore.

"Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it Tanya."

"You're most welcome…ah...what was your name again?"

"Oh," I stalled for a moment trying to think. "It's Marie."

"Well it has been a pleasure, Marie."

"Thanks, um, I guess I'll just go change. I'll hand you your sweater over the top. I'm sure you
and Edward probably need to get going." I shut the door and quickly, removed the sweater,
and handed it to her. I hoped that she and Edward would leave the café quickly.

"It was nice to meet you, Marie. Try to hold onto the next cup, okay?" she giggled playfully at
me.

"Thanks again."

"No problem. Merry Christmas!" She didn't wait for my reply. She was gone. I leaned back
against the stall and worked to steady my breathing. All of my senses seemed to be on high
alert. I didn't have to look out of the bathroom to know that Edward was still there. I had to
give them a few minutes. Surely, they wouldn't stay too much longer.

Carlisle warnings were swimming around in my brain. I didn't know how Tony would react if
he saw Edward face to face. The last time he had seen a picture of him was four years ago. At
the time, he had known instinctively that Edward was his father. I didn't know what would
happen if he saw him in person. I also worried about what Edward would think if he saw
Tony. Carlisle had been right when he said they looked just alike. It was uncanny.

I had to do something. I needed to get us both out of the café before it was too late. I took a
calming breath and tried to focus my energy on Edward. The hum had lessoned slightly, so I
opened the door just barely wide enough to scan the café. I instantly spotted Tony and Peter,
who were still sitting at our table. Tony was smiling and messing with something on his arm
that I couldn't quite make out. I looked around, but there was no sign of Edward or Tanya.

Thank you, God!

I crept wearily over to the table and stood looking at my son. He seemed completely happy,
and he was showing no signs that anything out of the ordinary had occurred.

"There you are," Peter stood and pulled my chair out for me. "I don't know how you did it, but
I can't even see the stains."

"Yeah, mommy. You're all clean!" Tony gave me a toothy grin, which I returned happily. I
was thankful that everything had worked out, but a bit disappointed too. Part of me wished I
could have run into Edward's arms and ended both of our suffering. Part of me wanted to
stand by him and fight against his father as a team, but I just couldn't take that risk. I couldn't
put my own desires, or even Edward's, above Tony's safety. Tony had to come first, and I
would protect him at all costs.

Tony hopped up from his chair and threw his skinny arms around my neck in a tight embrace.
He squeezed with all of his might as he giggled into my neck. "Whoa there, buddy, not so
tight." I gripped at his wrists to loosen his hands and then pulled them down in front of me. "I
love you, birthday boy. I still can't believe you're five."

"Uncle Peter and Mr. Edward said I'm a man now!" He said with a burst of energy.
Everything slowed down to a slow motion blur as his words crystallized in my brain. Peter
was nodding with a proud smirk and Tony was bouncing in the background, but all of my
senses were being drawn to a surreal tingle in my palm.

I looked at my hand, which was still wrapped lightly around Tony's wrist. All comprehensible
sounds around me gave way to the pulsing echo of my heart in my ears. I carefully pulled
back my fingers one at a time to look at my son's arm. I gasped when I saw what was there.

The bracelet.

Tony looked at me with a puzzled expression. I pulled him into my chest and held him tightly.
Edward's Christmas wish had come true and so had mine.
CHAPTER 13:
WHAT I THOUGHT WAS NEVER
REAL

Edward's POV January, 2008: New York City

I was struggling to keep my eyes open as I padded into the bathroom of the Marriott Marquis
suite that had been my home for the last week. I stared at my scruffy appearance in the mirror,
noticing that deep purple bags had taken up residence under my eyes. It also appeared as if a
small family of squirrels had taken up residence in my hair. "Nice, Cullen," I said with a
slight chuckle, my voice scratchy from singing outside in the cold winter air the previous
night. The guys and I had played the Time Square New Year's Rockin' Eve Show with Ryan
Seacrest, and then we'd stayed up partying in celebration until five a.m. I was getting too old
for such shit, but I had to admit that it was fun to let loose with the guys for once. I had been
on a high for days, and a night with my brothers was the perfect way to start 2008.

I had only been in New York for a short time, but I already felt as if my life had been
irrevocably altered. After a year of dead ends and Carlisle's evasive maneuvers, I was finally
going to get some answers, or at least that was the plan. I had a few days before I was needed
back in L.A., and I planned to focus my attention entirely on my search. I still had no idea
what Bella was trying to tell me, but I had resolved to follow my instincts wherever they
might take me.

That is what had led me to Tony. I still couldn't get his cherubic face and docile manner out of
my head. If I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that he was the reason why the past
few days had been so amazing. I only spent a few minutes with him just over a week ago, but
that was all it took for him to make an indelible impression on my heart. There was just
something about him that called to me. I didn't know why he was so important, but somehow
I just knew that he was. Smiling at the grungy face in the mirror, I thought back to my fateful
encounter with the child who, now that I thought of it, could have been my childhood
doppelganger, purple bags and squirrel's nest notwithstanding. It was a experience I wouldn't
soon forget…or understand.

"Are you coming, Edward?" Tanya's impatient and somewhat shrill voice broke through my
mental haze with jarring precision. "I'm cold, and I want to get inside."

"Sorry, T. Do you mind if we stop in here for a minute?" I asked hopefully, gesturing to the
brightly lit café calling to me from the window. We had been walking back to her studio
apartment when a familiar warm tingle began to move across my skin and a hum began to tug
at my heart. I had no idea what I would find inside, but I couldn't ignore my instincts.
Warming up for a minute would be an added bonus, so I decided to use that theory as my
bargaining chip with Tanya. "It's cold as a motherfucker, and I could really use a cup of
coffee."

"Bella-dar again, huh?" she quipped knowingly with a smile. She hadn't bought my coffee
excuse for a second.

I nodded my head with slight hesitation. "It's probably nothing. I just feel a bit…off." The
sensations were familiar to me. This time, I was feeling anxious and excited. Tanya was quite
familiar with my sudden bouts of "Bella-dar" as she had playfully taken to calling them. They
usually turned up nothing, but it felt better to follow my instincts than to suppress them.

"I need to use the restroom anyway, so I'm game." I held the door open for her, and she led
the way into the warm café. I scanned the room, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Several waitresses moved around the tables where patrons sat minding their own business. It
was a typical New York City café, nothing more, nothing less. A few eyebrows had risen in
recognition when Tanya and I entered, but nobody had approached us yet. That was the
beauty of New York City; we weren't novelties.

Tanya skipped off to use the bathroom while I ordered us two coffees and found a spot at the
lone empty table against the back wall. I only hoped that its partially secluded location would
afford me a modicum of privacy. I sat down and was instantly met by the most adorable pair
of spritely green eyes I had ever seen. They belonged to a young boy, not more than five or six
years old, who was bouncing in his seat and eating ice cream. I smiled cordially at him, but
didn't speak.

The little boy continued to stare at me, now scrunching his eyes together, puffing up his
cheeks, and puckering his lips like a blow fish. He was making faces at me, and I couldn't help
but laugh. "Hi there," I acknowledged his playfulness. The little boy instantly looked to the
man next to him with excitement, but he said nothing. My first guess was that he must
recognize me, but understanding soon followed.

"It's okay, Tony. You can say hello," the man said with a nod in my direction. I could only
assume he was the boy's father.

The boy turned his attention back to me and finally began to speak. "Hi there!" He gave me a
toothy grin. "I'm Tony, and I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, but Peter said it was okay,
so now I get to talk to you. What's your name? Do you like ice cream?" he spoke hurriedly
without taking a breath. I laughed at his energy. I got the impression that little Tony had
already consumed a great deal of sugar. Peter, who I now knew was not Tony's father, shook
his head, clearly having found the boy's verbal binging as amusing as I had.

"I'm Edward, and I love ice cream, actually. What about you?"

"Oh, I love it! I like strawberry with chocolate sauce the best, but my mommy says
strawberries are yucky. She likes mint chocolate chip the best, but that kind makes my nose
tingle." My mind instantly flooded with images of Bella turning her nose up at all things
strawberry. She too, was more of a mint chocolate chip kind of gal. Perhaps, that is why she
led me here. Maybe sitting next to this boy who reminded me of Bella was her way of sending
me a holiday hug. I was happy to accept it.

"I like cookie dough the best," I responded, now fully engrossed in my conversation with the
young boy.

"Oh yum! That kind is really good, too," he said in agreement. "Are you getting any?"

"Nope. I'm too cold to eat ice cream. I'm just having some coffee." Tony considered my words
for a second, but then shrugged his shoulders and shoveled a heaping spoonful of strawberry
ice cream and chocolate sauce into his mouth. I didn't even try to hide my amusement.
"You know what?" he asked seriously after swallowing his treat.

"What?" I asked back with equal deliberateness.

"Today is my birthday. I'm this many." Tony held up five chocolate smudged fingers. "I got to
come to New York for my one of my birthday presents. Isn't that cool?" Tony looked so excited
as he told me about his birthday and the trip. His smile was infectious, and I couldn't stop
myself from grinning at him.

"Wow, you're five years old? I guess that means you're a man now. Happy birthday!" The fact
that my own child, had he or she survived, would have been turning five around this time of
year pulled at my heart. It was another coincidence that was making my body prickle with
sorrow. Bella's Christmas hug was turning painful. I bit back the tears before they could
surface. I didn't want to spoil Tony's day.

"That's right, kiddo," Peter agreed. "You're all grown up. I think that means you get to pick
up the tab, right?" Tony looked at Peter with a bit of shock, but started laughing when Peter
did. "I'm just kidding, buddy." Peter rustled Tony's hair with his hand and then motioned for
the waitress, mouthing the word "check" at her.

"So where are you from, Tony?" I asked curiously.

"I'm from Apple Chill," he said proudly. I looked at Peter with a confused expression. I was
fairly certain that I had never heard of "Apple Chill".

Noting my confusion, Peter clarified. "That's Chapel Hill, big guy," Peter corrected kindly.
"We're from North Carolina. We thought ice skating at Rockefeller Center would be a nice
birthday treat."

"Wow, how was the ice skating?" I asked, but didn't listen to Tony's answer. If meeting Tony
hadn't been enough of a Christmas hug from Bella, this certainly was. Bella had told me
several times that her mother had originally been from Chapel Hill. Her family had left the
area when Bella's mother was still a girl, but Bella always thought of it as a place where she
would like to live one day. Bella's father had always romanticized it to her. Neither Bella nor
I had ever been, and after Bella's death, it was the last place I would ever have wanted to go.
I knew it was a fairly popular college town, and it certainly wasn't unheard of to meet folks
from the area, but the irony that Tony was from a place that meant so much to Bella was
almost too much for me.

When the waitress delivered two coffees to my table with a smile before placing the requested
bill on Peter and Tony's table, I finally realized that I had zoned out. I refocused my attention
on a now silent Tony while Peter was fishing his credit card out of his billfold. He was giving
me the most curious look.

"What is it?" I asked.

Tony leaned in and whispered to me. "Mr. Edward, I know who you are, but I won't tell, so
don't worry." I could only assume he meant that he knew I was part of "Midnight Sun", but I
couldn't help feeling that there was more to it than that. I was happy, at least, that he wasn't
going to call attention to me. I was too absorbed in our conversation, and I didn't want to be
distracted by fans, but there was still something in his tone that suggested he knew more
about me than my profession, though I couldn't imagine what.

"Um, thanks, Tony," I responded in appreciation, albeit still somewhat perplexed by what he
had said. I felt a bit uneasy, and part of me realized that I didn't want to know what Tony
meant. Somehow, I felt it was best to leave that question unanswered for the time being. I sat
back and stuffed my hands into my pockets, still trying to wrap my brain around what was
happening. The entire encounter had been so surreal. My finger tips traced the braided ridge
of Bella's bracelet where it lay tucked in a loose ball.

"I'm really glad I got to meet you on my birthday. This is so cool."

I smiled. "I'm glad I got to meet you, too, Tony. You seem like a very special young man."
There was something about Tony that I still couldn't place. There was a familiarity about him
that drew me in. I felt as if I was being compelled to engage him. I pulled Bella's bracelet out
of my pocket and began twisting it around nervously in my hand.

"What's that, Mr. Edward?" Tony asked when he spotted the colorful threads in my palm.

"Oh, this," I began, holding it out so that Tony could get a better look, "is a bracelet that a
friend gave to me when I was young." Tony tentatively picked it up out of my hand, so that he
could inspect it more closely.
"It's really cool," he said. "Is it a friendship bracelet?"

"That is exactly what it is," I replied, trying my best to keep my shit together. "I carry it
around because it makes me think of her."

"That is really neat." Tony was riveted by Bella's bracelet. His unexpected reaction was a bit
peculiar to me, but it made me happy just the same. I instantly knew what to do.

"Why don't you try it on and see if it fits," I volunteered. If you had told me a week ago that I
would give my Bella's bracelet away to a stranger, I would have told you that you were
insane. The bracelet was one of the few treasures I had left to connect me to her. But, sitting
here, talking to this young boy, it somehow just felt like that was exactly what Bella wanted
me to do. I knew I was feeling something powerful even if I couldn't quite define it.

I hadn't known Tony long enough to call my feelings toward him prideful or even loving, but
those were the only names that I could appoint to them. No other words in my vocabulary
seemed to fit. This young boy just meant something to me. I believed in my heart that Bella
had something to do with this encounter. I didn't know what the lesson was or what the goal
was, but I knew she was behind it. It was my "Bella-dar" that had guided me into the café. It
was the way he spoke about his mother that made my heart ache for my own lost love. It was
his age that reminded me of the child she was carrying. It was his familiarity to me that made
me want to know him fully. All of it was just…right.

Bella and Tony had given me a gift of hope for Christmas. I wanted to give something back
that was equally important. He would likely never understand or appreciate the power of the
gesture, but I would always know, and that was enough.

Tony carefully slipped that bracelet over his hand. "Hey look! It fits me perfectly!" Tony's
eyes lit up as he held his arm out where Peter and I could see it.

"Look at that," Peter remarked, giving me a quick grin.

"You know what, Tony?" I began.

"What?"

"I'd like to think we are friends now, wouldn't you?"

"Of course, we're friends, silly!"

I smiled again. This kid was too damn cute for words. "Well, since we are friends, I think you
should keep that bracelet. That way, when you wear it, you can think of your friend Edward.
How does that sound?"

"Wow, really?" Tony's eyes were wide and unbelieving.

I looked to Peter to make sure he was okay with my offering Tony the gift. I probably should
have asked him first, but I was too caught up in the moment. When he nodded his approval, I
answered Tony. "Sure, think of it as a fifth birthday present from me to you."

"This is totally awesome!" Tony hopped out of his chair and threw his little arms around my
neck before I could stop him. My entire body was instantly flooded with an electric current,
which I took as a sign that Bella was pleased with my offering. I hugged Tony back briefly
and then let him go. Peter seemed fine with our interaction.

"I can't wait to show mommy," Tony said, plopping back down in his chair. "She is going to
think this is so cool."

"What's cool?" Tanya's voice sounded from behind me. I turned slightly to face her.

"Tanya," I said, gesturing to my new friends. "This is Tony and Peter. Today is Tony's fifth
birthday, so I gave him my bracelet." Tanya shot me a surprised look. I had told her how I
found the bracelet and the importance it carried for me. She was understandably surprised
that I was willing to part with it. I would explain it to her later.

"Well happy birthday, Tony. It is a pleasure to meet you both." Tony and Peter said hello to
Tanya, who still had not taken a seat. I could tell she was ready to leave. I wanted to stay and
talk to Tony some more, but I knew she had places to be, so I stood as well.

"Tony, it was so nice to meet you. Tanya and I need to get going, but I really hope you have a
very happy birthday."

"Thanks so much, Mr. Edward. I love the bracelet."

"You're welcome, buddy. Peter," I said holding my hand out to him. He shook it and offered
his own farewell in return. I then turned my attention back to the incredible child seated
before me. "You have a merry Christmas, okay Tony?"

"You too," Tony smiled at me happily. For the first time in months, I felt content. I silently
thanked Bella for her gift.

My memory of meeting Tony would forever be crystallized in perfect detail in my mind. I had
been on a perpetual high since that day. I was amazed how something so seemingly simple
had affected me so greatly. He was a breath of fresh air, and I could only smile at my
memories of him. I emailed Bella that night when I returned to my hotel room to share my
experience with her. In my heart, I knew she had been there with us, but putting my thoughts
into words for her felt good, cathartic even.

Even though the guys and I were working the entire time, the high carried me through
Christmas and New Years. Jazz and Em even commented that I seemed sublimely happy. In a
way, I guess I was. The entire experience was the only confirmation I needed that I was doing
the right thing by following my instincts. I had two more days in New York, so I planned to
continue on my quest.

All of my attempts to uncover more about Bella's death had ended in frustration. Other than
the forgotten donation to the Forks Police Department, there had been no other suggestions of
any wrong doing or nefarious activity. Perhaps it had been my own wishful thinking to hope
that there was some other secret being hidden about her death. That, at the very least, would
have lessened my guilt somewhat.

Still, I felt there was something she was trying to tell me. I wasn't into any sort of new age
bullshit, but the idea of Bella trying to communicate with me, was soothing and even
encouraging, so I went with it. No longer suspecting anything was amiss regarding her death,
I decided to look elsewhere. After some contemplation, I realized that the only other area of
my life that still felt completely unsettled was my past. I didn't know what Bella would know
about my past, but again, I would follow my instincts wherever they might lead me.

There were only a few things that I really knew about my history. First, I was given up for
adoption at birth. The story I had always been told was that my mother had me in her teens
and couldn't handle raising a child at such a young age. After she gave me up, I bounced from
foster home to foster home until Carlisle and Esme adopted me when I was a five. Second, I
knew that Jazz and I were both living with the same foster family in New York when my
grandfather's attorney, J. Jenks, located us. As the story went, my grandfather had tasked
Jenks with helping my father locate potential children to adopt. Jenks was from New York, so
that is where he focused his search. Third, and most importantly, my given name was Edward
Anthony Masen. I hoped that this last detail would be the key I needed.

There were still so many gaps in my story. Therefore, my new hypothesis was that Bella
wanted me to figure out who I really was. For all I knew, this was all complete bullshit, but at
least having a purpose was better than wallowing in my fucking agony for another six years. I
decided not to share my questions with Jazz and Emmet. They had been very supportive when
I started looking into Bella's death, but since that search had turned up no new information, I
decided to keep my newest investigation to myself until I had concrete details to share. I only
had two days until I was needed back in L.A., so I was dead set and determined to make the
most of them.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Welcome to the New York State Office of Children and Family Services, how may I assist
you today?" the middle aged woman behind the counter recited robotically. She didn't bother
to make eye contact with me as she spoke, and I knew instantly that she would be less than
helpful.

"Yes, I am trying to get information about my adoption please," I replied trying my best to be
respectful when I all I really wanted to do was scream at her ironic lack of interest in actually
assisting me.

"You'll need to fill out this form," she said blankly, sliding a single piece of paper across the
counter to me. "We will get back to you in six to eight weeks. Next!"

"Six to eight weeks?" I asked in a frustrated tone of voice, holding my hand out to waive off
the next person in line behind me.

"Sir," she said in a clipped tone. "There is a formal process here. Fill out the form, and we'll
get back to you."
I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I appreciate that, and I will certainly fill out the form,
but I was hoping somebody might be able to give me some answers today." She looked at me
blankly, showing no interest in anything I had to say. "Look, I'm begging you. I just want to
figure out who I am. Surely you can understand that. Isn't there a way you can look me up in
your computer, and just tell me if I am in the right place?"

The woman sighed dramatically to emphasize her frustration with my basic request. Fuck,
where do they get these damn people? I silently thought to myself.

"Name?" she responded again in a bored manner.

"Edward Anthony Masen."

"Date of birth?"

"June 20, 1983," I replied immediately. The woman typed my information into the system and
tapped her long manicured fingernail against the laminate counter top while her computer
figured my information.

"I'm sorry, but your file is sealed. I can't help you unless your biological family requests to
unseal the file. I can put a notation in here that you are willing to accept communication from
them, but that's it," she stated without emotion.

"Um, yes, please do so. Can you give me anything at all? Is there a name or anything you can
give me?" I knew the answer before I finished formulating the question, but I had to ask.

"Sir, did you hear what I just told you? Your. File. Is. Sealed," she stated in an obnoxiously
patronizing manner.

"If you want more information or want to release your information to your biological family,
then you will need to fill out the form as I told you five minutes ago. Okay?"

"Um, yeah, thanks." I took the form dejectedly and moved over to a free area down the
counter to complete it. I had only filled in the first three blanks when I realized somebody was
trying to get my attention.
"Psst," the voice whispered from around the corner. I looked up and saw a young woman
wearing a name tag. You motioned for me to step around the corner, so I did.

"Hi," she said, looking over her shoulder to make sure we weren't being watched. I followed
her line of vision to the unhelpful woman, who was now pissing off another unsuspecting
orphan.

"Hi," I responded.

"I'm Bree Tanner," she said, pointing to her name tag. "You're Edward Cullen, right?" Fuck
yes, being a celebrity pays off for once in my miserable fucking existence!

"Yes, I am. Do you think you can help me?" I didn't want to cross a line and hurt my chances
of getting extra help, but I figured it was worth a shot.

"Look, I really shouldn't be talking to you. This is the second job I've had in the last three
months, and I can't afford to get fired. I am just such a huge fan, and frankly, Martha over
there is a bitter shrew. I want to help you, but you can't tell, or this will be the shortest second
job a girl has ever seen."

"Bree, if you can help me, then you will be my new hero, and you will have my word that I
won't let on where I got the information." I looked at her with pleading eyes, hoping that I
could convince her that breaking the rules for me was a good idea.

"Okay, come with me," she said as she turned on her heel and quickly scampered down the
hall to an office. She opened the door and led us both to a desk. "Do you know the name on
your birth certificate?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes. It's Edward Anthony Masen and my birthday is June 20, 1983," I volunteered before
she could ask.

"Perfect." She typed my information into the computer and bit her lip while my information
loaded. "Shit!" she cursed under her breath.

"What? What is it?" Her reaction had me nervous as hell. We were already breaking rules,
and possibly laws, so reactions like hers were more than unsettling.
"Well, I can see your information, and I'm not sure it is really what you are looking to hear."

"Bree, seriously, anything you tell me will be helpful. Please, I just need the truth." I gave her
my most imploring expression, hoping to appeal to her emotional heart strings.

"Okay, your mother's name was Elizabeth Anne Masen. No father is listed, which is actually
pretty common." She looked up at me to gage my reaction so far. I just smiled and nodded for
her to continue. She hesitated for a moment. "Edward, I'm really sorry, but according to this,
your mother is dead."

"What?" I wasn't exactly sure how to react to this news. Part of me had hoped that Bella was
trying to lead me to my mother. Clearly, that wasn't the case.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It says here that she was the victim of a homicide during a B and E,
breaking and entering in 1985. God, she was only twenty-five years old." She looked up at me
with sad eyes and then continued. "Your maternal great grandfather appears to have signed
the paperwork for the adoption. He was in his eighties at the time, so I suspect he is deceased
by now. There is no further information about him in the file."

I tried to process the information that Bree had just given me. My mother had been murdered.
Somehow, the idea seemed to make sense to me. I didn't have any memories of my mother,
but part of me was happy that she hadn't given me up of her own accord as I had always been
told. If I was going to miss out on a relationship with her, I was almost glad that it had been
against her will. The idea allowed me to feel loved, even if in a skewed self-serving way.

"I'm sorry, Edward. There isn't much else here."

"Does it say where she is buried?"

"No, I'm sorry. That's all that is here. I really wish I could give you more, but that's it," she
said apologetically.

"No, listen, you have been so kind and helpful, really. How can I repay you?"

"Just don't tell, please. That's all I ask."

"Of course, Bree." I owed her so much. I wanted to do something. "There has to be something
I can do to repay your kindness. I can get you tickets to a show or maybe give you some
money?" I posed my suggestions as a question.

"No, I can't take anything from you. I helped you because it was the right thing to do. I just
hope you can find peace. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you, Bree. I can't tell you what this means to me."

"No problem, now get out of here before Martha-I have a stick up my ass- comes looking for
me."

"Thank you so much," I said while laughing at her accurate characterization of her co-worker.

"Go," she said, opening up the door. "Good luck."

I left without any further fanfare. I went back to my hotel and immediately Googled Elizabeth
Anne Masen. Apparently, it was a fairly common name because thousands of hits loaded from
my query. I refined the search further using key words like "murder", "New York" and
"1985". Finally, I hit pay dirt, when I revealed an article about her death. One Oscar Williams,
petty thief turned murderer, had been sentenced to life in the New York State penitentiary for
her murder. He had committed twelve other break-ins in her neighborhood in the months
leading up to Elizabeth's death, but hers was the only life he took.

According to the article, I was found in the apartment next to her dead body. I was two years
old. I pushed back from the computer when the realization hit. My mother hadn't been a
teenager at all when she had me. If she was twenty-five in 1985, then she had been in her
twenties when I was born. She also hadn't given me up of her own volition. She had been
murdered in my presence. The idea that I had witnessed my own mother's murder made me
sick to my stomach. I couldn't imagine what kind of twisted monster would murder a woman
in front of her young child. Only a special kind of evil would be capable of such an atrocity. I
wondered sardonically if perhaps Mr. Williams was related to Carlisle Cullen. They certainly
seemed to share a few personality traits.

What struck me most about the entire situation, however, were all of the lies. I could
understand the desire to shield me from the murder, but there was no reason I could see to lie
about my mother's age or my age at the time she gave me up. Carlisle and Esme had been
telling me bold-faced lies for years, and I wanted to know why. Everything Carlisle Cullen
had ever told me seemed to be unraveling. This lie was clearly only the tip of a very large
iceberg. It was time to figure out what else the motherfucker was hiding from me.

I picked up my phone and called Jasper. The phone rang only twice before his voice sounded
through the receiver. "Hey bro, what's up?"

"Hey Jazz. Listen, I just found out some pretty interesting shit and I'm going to need your
help."

"Absolutely," he replied instantly. "Anything you need."

"Good. Get Emmett. I have a plan."

CHAPTER 14:
I WOKE WITH THIS FEAR

Bella's POV: 2009

There are certain milestones in a woman's life that she will always cherish: her first kiss, her
first date, the first time she falls in love, and the birth of her first child. I was grateful that so
many of my firsts had been gifts from Edward, but this was a gift I had bestowed upon
myself. This was something I had worked hard to achieve, and I was damn proud of having
done so on my own.

From the day Carlisle banished me from my life, I had known that it was up to me, and me
alone, to make my goals realities. I was blessed to have the love and support of Alice and her
family, but I still knew that, ultimately, the buck stopped with me. Unfortunately, those bucks
had become few and far between over the years. The money from my father's estate ran out
before I even graduated, and I had set aside the money from Carlisle to go toward Tony's
college education. I wouldn't touch it for my own use. I just couldn't do that.

So much of my life was being dictated by Carlisle, but I vowed early on that I wouldn't let
him dominate everything. In my own act of respectful defiance against his control, I furthered
myself and made a good life for my son. Carlisle likely would have preferred to see me
disintegrate and waste away with self-pity. I refused to do that.

Instead, I worked my tail off and graduated from a top-rated university with honors and
distinction. I built a solid career, I tutored on the side for extra cash, and I even still worked a
few weekend shifts at the Inn to make extra money. Most importantly, I did all of this while
raising the most amazing child to ever grace the Earth. My hard work was paying off because
today, I was buying my first house. Today, I was finally giving my son his first real home.
"I think that's everything," I said, looking around the space where I had lived with Alice for
the past six and half years. My voice echoed in the empty room, and despite my excitement
for the things to come, a bit of sadness crept into my heart and brought moisture to my eyes.
Our little apartment held a million beautiful memories that I had spent the past week
cataloging in my mind. While I was ready to move on, I knew I would miss this place and
Alice.

My own desire to spread my wings had coincided perfectly with changes in Alice's life. She
had been offered a new nursing position at the Women's Pavilion at WakeMed in Raleigh, so
she wanted to move into town to be closer to work. For weeks, we each danced around our
feelings, too afraid to broach the subject for fear of upsetting the other. Once we both finally
opened up, we realized how in tune we truly were. I should have known Alice would support
me. She was my best friend and my greatest advocate. She and her family had given me
support when I needed it the most, but I was ready to stand on my own two feet as she was as
well.

"I'm really going to miss this place, Bella," Alice said with a bit of her own sadness seeping
through her words. "We've had so much fun here."

"I know. It kind of feels like the end of an era, doesn't it?"

Alice put her arm around my waist and leaned into my shoulder. "I think it does," she said,
hugging me closely to her side. "You know we'll still see each other almost every day, right?
We're still going to be best friends, and I'm still going to be T-man's God mother."

"I know, Alice. This is all a good thing. We all need this." I squeezed her back. I would miss
her tremendously, but we were both ready for our new adventures. I had said goodbye to a lot
of people in my life, but this time, I was doing so on my own terms. Alice and I wouldn't be
roommates anymore, but we would always be best friends. Twenty miles wouldn't change
that. Hell, I was a pro when it came to separation. Twenty miles was a piece of cake.

"Okay ladies, enough of this emo crap. Let's get this show on the road!" James bounded into
the room behind us and draped his arms over our shoulders. "Bella, what time is your
closing?" I looked at my watch and instantly realized I was late.
"Shit, I need to be there in fifteen minutes," I huffed in a bit of a panic. "I really need to get
going."

"Alrighty then. Let's do this thing. We'll take the truck to Alice's place and unload the last of
her stuff first, and then we'll meet back at B's place after she's done."

"Sounds like a plan, Stan!" Alice chirped excitedly. I could no longer hear any sort of sadness
in her voice. Perky Alice was back. "I love you, Bella. Good luck and call me if you need
me."

"Will do. I'll see you guys in about two hours, okay?" We said goodbye, and I left to sign the
paperwork. Everything went like clockwork, and I quickly found myself standing alone in the
front yard of the property I had worked so hard to buy. My new three bedroom house wasn't
one that would stand out against the others in the neighborhood. It was a quaint ranch with
simple blue shutters and a fenced-in yard. It wasn't opulent or grand, but to me, it was
absolutely perfect.

It was all Tony and I needed.

I stood at the front door and slowly inserted the key into the lock. When the bolt turned easily
with a twist of my wrist, I knew I was home. I stepped cautiously through the threshold, my
feet making the first impressions on the freshly vacuumed carpet. I hugged my arms around
my chest and let tears of joy spill over my cheeks as I took in my new living room.

"I did it!" I screamed out loud with giddy excitement. I twirled around several times in the
empty space and felt freedom for the first time as my arms whirled through the air. I felt
powerful and energized. I had lost so much in my life, but this was something good and right.
I had earned this moment. Tony and I could really build a life in this house, and I was finally
starting to believe that we would be okay.

It was a perfect moment, save for one detail.

I closed my eyes and allowed his image to overtake me as it tended to do during significant
moments in my life. It was an image that made me smile, in spite of the loss it symbolized.
Not a single day went by that I didn't think of Edward and long to hold him again. Today was
no exception. We should have been buying this home together as man and wife. That my left
hand was devoid of an emblem of our union was irrelevant to me. That we weren't able to go
through with the ceremony didn't matter in my heart. Edward was my husband in every way
that truly mattered. My accomplishment was bittersweet because of his absence, but I knew
that he would be proud of me if he could be here to see it, and that alone was enough to make
me smile.

"God, Edward. I wish you were here to see this," I called out to him, knowing that he wasn't
close enough to hear my words. I longed to call him on the telephone and hear his beautiful
voice in my ears. I longed to touch his skin and kiss his lips. I longed to breathe in his woodsy
scent. I just wanted him.

I still had a few minutes alone, and I knew exactly how I wanted to focus my energy. I pulled
out my laptop and eagerly thumbed at the touch pad to bring it out of sleep mode. Edward's
emails had been coming almost daily in the last few months, and I waited for them
desperately, obsessively even. His words connected us in more ways than he could ever know.
And for every word he wrote to me, I responded with two of my own, but never sent a single
one. It was too dangerous. I wrote the words anyway and secretly hoped to one day be able to
hit the send button.

Seated alone in the center of the room, I held my breath and waited for his name to appear.
"Paydirt!" I giggled when I saw "Edward Cullen" written in a crisp black font on the screen. I
quickly opened it, so that I could incorporate him into the memory of this once in a lifetime
moment, which I so desperately wanted to share with him.

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Date: August 21, 2009

Subject: Missing you always

Hi Love,

Today has actually been a pretty good day. Jasper is out doing whatever the hell it is Jasper
does when he isn't at home, and Emmett is out registering for china patterns and cutlery with
Rosalie. I still can't believe he is taking the plunge and getting married. I never thought I'd
see the day, but she is so good for him. It's actually quite amusing to see her take charge the
way she does. He's like a little poodle when she's around, but he wouldn't change a thing. He
loves her so much. I can't help but feel envious that he has found somebody to love. I can tell
how happy they are, and I'm eternally grateful that he has been blessed in that way, but it
makes me miss you all the more. I miss us.

But like I said, today was a good day. With the boys out of the house, I've had a chance to get
some writing done. In the early days, when the label wouldn't let us write our own stuff, I felt
so disconnected from our music; we all did. Save for a song or two that we wrote in high
school, our first record belonged to other people. I felt like such a sell-out, Bella. Now, they
trust us, and we pretty much have full autonomy when it comes to what we record. I would
still prefer to be curled up somewhere with you, but since that is impossible, playing my music
on stage has become a nice outlet for me. I use my songs to be close to you in my heart since I
can't be close to you physically.

Did you know that I write about you, Bella? I do. The last three records we've made have
been full of allusions to you. The guys don't mind. They know I need to feel connected to you.
Okay, so perhaps I sound a bit pathetic, but what can I say? You inspire me. You always have.

So while I was writing today, I had a mini-epiphany. For years, I've kept all pictures of you
locked away because the idea of having to see photographs of you every single day was just
too painful. Today, however, it occurred to me that since singing to you is so therapeutic,
perhaps seeing you would be too. I figured I needed to start slowly, so I tried to find that old
sketch of you from the day we met. I wanted to frame it and hang it on the wall in my
bedroom. I searched and searched through all of the old boxes, but I couldn't find it
anywhere. Then I realized that you had it folded up in your pocket on our wedding day. One
of the last things you did before you died was show me that sketch and tell me how much you
loved me. I don't know how I forgot that, even if it was just for a few minutes.

A year ago, that sort of incident would have sent me into a deep depression, but I realize that
I'm getting stronger. Don't get me wrong, I still miss you like crazy, but I'm finally starting to
cope more. I kept going through the boxes and found an old picture of the two of us at the
Washington State Fair. That was an amazing night. You look so young and vivacious in it. I
put it on my nightstand. I don't know why I have been so frightened to look at you all of these
years. You're so incredibly beautiful. Even now, you take my breath away. I've been such a
fool, Bella. There will never be another day, when I won't look at your beautiful face and tell
you how much I love you.

God I wish I could touch you right now. I want to kiss your lips and feel your warm satin skin
under my finger tips. Fuck, I need to stop thinking about that or I won't be able to finish this
email. I love you so much, baby. Do you even know what you meant to me? What you still
mean to me? I don't think you possibly could. I dream of you every night now. I hold my
pillow tightly to my chest and some nights I actually cry because it isn't you. But I'm not
afraid of the pain anymore. It is who I am, and I'm okay with that.

There has been so much pain, but when I think of you, all I feel is love and gratitude. You
chose to love me. Your life was tragically short, but I was blessed that you wanted to share it
with me. You've left an imprint on my heart that will never be matched.

You were and are my everything. You are my home.

Eternally loving you with every fiber of my being,

Edward

I closed my laptop and laid back on the carpet to think about the beautiful email. Edward had
called me "home". He had no idea how appropriate his sentiment was today of all days. He
would never know that he was my home as well. The most ironic part of this whole ordeal
was that our separation actually seemed to have strengthened our bond. I could honestly say
that I loved Edward Cullen more today, than on our wedding day. We were still so in tune
with one another, and we hadn't been together in years. I liked to think of our growing bond as
a cosmic slap in Carlisle Cullen's face, and dare I say, it gave me…hope.

I reread Edward's email and focused on "Guarded Bella". He had wanted to frame it and hang
it on his wall. I could do that for him. I could cut his name off the bottom and frame it. I
looked around the room to find the right place for the small piece of our history. It would need
a place of honor in the living room so that it would be the first thing I saw whenever I opened
my front door. Every time I came home, I would know that he was here with me, at least in
spirit.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O
"Bella Homeowner!" James and Alice yelled in unison from outside my door. "Let us in,
woman!" I quickly scrambled off the floor and opened my front door for my two best friends.

"Welcome to my new house!" I said with an excited bounce.

"Oh Bella, I'm so happy for you. This place is just wonderful. You and Tony are going to love
it here." Alice hugged my neck affectionately and skipped through the door to look at
everything, clearly decorating and measuring in her mind. She had been with me when I
picked out the house, but her enthusiasm and interest was natural for her, and honestly, I
would need her help to make everything look good.

"Alright, we have a lot to do. My buddies should be here in a few minutes to help me with the
big stuff, but the three of us can go ahead and get started on the boxes," James, the newly
pragmatic mover, dictated as if we were his troops. "Let's get a move on, ladies."

We all filtered out of the house and began moving boxes. As promised, a few of James'
friends showed up to help move my furniture. I didn't have a lot of my own yet, so there
wasn't a ton of heavy lifting for them. They were gone almost as quickly as they had arrived,
leaving James, Alice and I to finish with the boxes. On what was likely my fiftieth trip up the
ramp into the back of the U-Haul truck, I heard a familiar voice call from behind me. Every
hair on my body stood at attention, and the sky darkened slightly as his voice permeated
through my ears.

"Bells? Holy shit! Bells, is that really you?" Alice looked at him with a puzzled expression
and then back at me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Slowly, and with more fear than I had felt in years, I turned to face the boy I had known my
entire life.

Jacob.

"Jake?" It came out as a question for some reason I couldn't even fathom. He was the one
looking at a ghost, yet I was the one petrified by what was happening.
"My God, Bells. It is you." Jake was on my in a heartbeat, spinning me around in his arms. As
he sat me down, I noted that both James and Alice had stepped toward us with great interest.
Neither of them had ever met anybody from my past. "I haven't seen you since Dad's funeral.
Last I heard, you were living large in Seattle. How the hell did you get all the way over here
in North Cackalacky?"

"Umm…" I didn't know what to say. Jake didn't seem startled to see me alive, only to see me
in North Carolina. "I ah…moved here several years ago," I answered carefully, trying to keep
the tremor out of my voice. I wasn't sure how it was possible that he hadn't heard of my death.
I needed to get information without raising any undue suspicions. "I thought you were living
in Forks," I probed subtly.

"No, I left right after the funeral. I couldn't stay on the Rez anymore. There were just too
many memories. There was nothing there for me, so I got on my bike and I left. I haven't been
back since. I don't ever plan on it either."

I let out a slight breath. He hadn't been around at the time of the accident, so he hadn't heard
about it. His explanation made sense, but I still needed to know if he had any connections
back in Forks. Jake could casually mention something to an old friend, meaning absolutely no
harm, but the potential result would be no less devastating. If Edward heard that Jake had seen
me, Carlisle would likely kill us both.

I looked at Alice and James, who were still silently watching our exchange. I realized that I
might have to run. If Edward learned the truth, I would have to hide Tony away where
Carlisle couldn't reach him. That would mean leaving my new life, and everybody in it,
behind.

"Wow, so where have you been?" I needed to get more information out of him. While I was
slightly comforted to know he had no intentions of ever returning to Forks, it was still a
potentially dangerous situation.

"Well, let's see. I first went to California. I was there for a few years, but the cost of living
was pretty high, so I kept moving east. I've lived in about six different states since then, and
most recently, I made the Tar Heel state my home. I'm renting the place next door. You
moving in, I guess?"
"Yes, I just bought this place today, actually."

"Nice, Bells. Congrats. It looks like we're going to be living together again, huh?" he joked.
About that time Alice cleared her throat. Shit! I could only imagine what might be running
through her head.

"I'm sorry, I'm being terribly rude. Jake, I'd like you to meet my best friends. This is Alice and
James. Guys, this is Jake. Our dads were really close back home, and we sort of grew up
together. When my dad died, I moved in with Jake and Billy, his dad, while I finished up high
school."

"Hi Jake!" Alice jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck as if she had known him
her entire life. "It is so nice to finally meet somebody from Bella's past. This is perfect!"

"Nice to meet you, Alice," Jake returned her affection with a less affectionate, yet still polite
reply.

"Hey man, I'm James. It's great to meet ya." James held his hand out to Jake, who accepted it
willingly.

"You too." Jake looked into the truck and then back at the three of us. "You all need an extra
set of hands? I'd be happy to help."

"Jake, you don't have to do that, but thank you." I wasn't really ready to invite Jacob in quite
yet. I was still a bit anxious about him being here. If he spoke to anybody back home,
everything would be destroyed. I couldn't get that fear out of my mind.

"Oh please, Bells. I'm happy to help."

"The more the merrier," James replied, clapping Jake on the back. The two of them trotted off
into the truck and returned moments later with a few boxes each. With the extra hand, it only
took a few more trips to empty the remainder of the truck. Once we were done, the four of us
settled in on my new porch, enjoying icy bottles of water from the cooler. My guard was still
up, but I was beginning to relax. It was honestly nice to have a touch of Forks so close by.

Peter's car pulled up while we were resting, and Tony jumped out and instantly ran up onto
the porch. "Mommy! Can I go see my new room?" he asked energetically.
"Hello to you, too," I responded sarcastically, ruffling his soft hair with my hand.

"Sorry, hi. So can I go?" I pointed toward Alice and James. Quickly catching my drift, Tony
hugged Alice hello and gave James a high five. "Okay, now can I go?"

"Well, let me introduce you to an old friend of mine first. Tony, this is Jake. Jake, this is my
son, Tony." When Tony didn't respond to my introduction, I continued my explanation.
"Mommy knew Jake when she was a little girl." Tony turned Jake and scrunched his face at
him slightly.

"Wow, you're a mom, Bells," Jake said to me before turning his attention to my son. "Nice to
meet you, kid. I live next door, so if you ever want to throw a ball around, let me know."

"Cool. Thanks Jake."

"No problem, kid."

"Now can I go in, mommy?" Tony apparently had a short attention span when it came to
social civilities.

"Sure, baby. Do you remember which one it is?"

"Of course. Bye, Jake!" Tony opened the door and rushed inside, clearly uninterested in
spending more time with the adults. I looked back to Jake who was shaking his head.

"What," I questioned.

"I guess I don't need to ask who his daddy is. You must have the most inferior genes in the
world because that boy is the spitting image of his father." Jake was laughing hysterically, but
my heart started to sputter at his words. I needed to be so careful with what I said next.
Unfortunately, Alice beat me to the punch, pouncing on the new-found source of information.

"Oh really? Tell me more, Jake." I couldn't let Jake say his name.

"You know what?" I interrupted. "I think that is about enough of this conversation." I glared
deliberately at my best friend, telling her silently not to try it.
"No way, Bella," Alice dismissed me. "I am quite interested in what Jake, here, has to say
about Tony's dad." There was no way Alice was going to let this drop. Jake looked at me with
a confused expression. I tried to tell him to shut the fuck up with my eyes, but he wasn't
getting the message any better than Alice had.

"What's the big deal, Bella? Is 'Mr. High and Mighty' a deadbeat dad? I knew you were too
good for that guy. I guess things started to go his way and he forgot all about the people who
got him there. What an asshole!"

Alice was listing with rapt attention. I needed a distraction, but when nothing came to me, I
decided that acknowledgment and deflection were my best tactics. "Something like that," I
said dismissively. "Look, as great as this is, I have a lot of work to do. Jake thanks so much
for your help. Alice, I think I need some decorating advice, do you think you could help me
with that?"

Finally catching on, both Alice and Jake allowed my distraction without a fuss. I had no idea
what to do about this newest complication in my life, but if I knew one thing for sure, it was
that Alice and Jake could never be left alone together.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

After tucking Tony into his new bed, I undressed and slipped under my own soft sheets. There
was nothing better than the feeling of a freshly made bed against my skin. The day had been
emotionally and physically draining, but while sleep was beckoning to me, a sinking fear was
also plaguing me. With Jake in the picture, I knew I would never feel truly safe. He could
inadvertently bring so much devastation into my life. I knew he would never intentionally set
out to hurt us, but Jacob Black had to potential to destroy my life. I had to come up with a
plan…tomorrow. I was too tired to do anything now.

I closed my eyes and let sleep consume me. I prayed that Edward would come to me in my
dreams.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O
I melted into him. Our souls danced together, and our bodies followed. We were uninhibited,
tangled together in an intricate weave of passion and unadulterated love. He owned me, body
and spirit.

"I will love you forever, Bella. One day, when all is said and done, you and I will look back on
our lives and know that we truly lived and loved because we shared it all together. You're it
for me. I burn for you. I breathe for you. I believe because of you. I am…because of you." His
warm lips crashed into mine, devouring my very being with his powerful kiss. I felt him
everywhere.

"Say you feel it, Bella," he pleaded. "Tell me that I haven't imagined you. Tell me that this is
real." His words were laced with a fear that I too was feeling. "I can't lose you. Please, tell
me you won't leave me again. Please, Bella!" I could never deny Edward's love, but I also
couldn't give him the reassurance he was seeking.

I felt his hard body above me. Without words, he anchored himself against my center and
made us one. The trembling began in my toes and quickly skipped up my legs and into my
chest. He consumed me, and I welcomed him into me. I lived to satisfy his hunger…our
hunger.

"I feel you, Edward," I replied sincerely. "I'll always be your Bella. No matter what happens.
I will love you always." I savored the heaviness of his warm form pressed against me. I could
no longer differentiate between his body and my own. I could no longer distinguish his
thoughts from my own.

We were one.

His body began to shake within me, and his arms tightened around my own. "I can't hold on
anymore, Bella," he spoke frantically. "You can't leave me. Please, don't go!" His tone was
becoming desperate, and my heart was beginning to race. "It hurts. I can feel you slipping,
and it hurts!" His movements began to slow inside of me. He was soaking up every last ounce
of our connection, stockpiling memories for the inevitable hibernation we both knew would
come. "Please don't let this happen, Bella. Please!" External forces were pulling us apart like
impotent pawns being pushed about on somebody else's chess board. The decisions were
being made for us. We had no choices.
He pushed into me one more time, and my body soared. His absolute love saturated every
crevice of my body, sizzling first on the surface and then branding the deeper parts of my
heart with its undeniable mark. The voice within was telling me to reach out and hold onto
him with all of my might, but I couldn't convince my arms to move. I was paralyzed by the all-
consuming love and the terror of knowing that it was slipping away from me against my will. I
couldn't stop what was happening. He was being pulled away from me and I couldn't hold him
any longer.

And then, in a sudden disarming flash, he was gone.

"Edward!" I called to him, hoping beyond hope that he would hear me. "I'm here, Edward."

"Bella," his voice was weak and distant, every bit of strength having been stripped away by
the monster who was selfishly choreographing our lives. "Please, Bella, I can't do this without
you."

I called out to him in response, but even I couldn't hear my own words. Silence engulfed the
growing space between us. Time was running out. I only had moments to save what was left of
us before the monster destroyed it for good.

"It hurts, Bella," Edward's voice cried out in agony. "Please make the burning stop!" I could
see the tears in his eyes, but I couldn't reach him to wipe them away. "Please end this for me."
His fingers clawed at the air, searching for some sort of relief, but there was none to be had.

"Please hang on, Edward. Please wait for me. I'm here!"He couldn't hear my cries. He would
never hear them. He would never know the real reason why we were separated.

I watched as his weathered body crumbled in the distance, and I longed to comfort him. He
was too far away. He screamed out in agony, and I knew he was hurt. Something was terribly
wrong, but there was nothing that I could do to fix it.

He was out of my grasp, possibly forever. I watched as his body contorted in pain. He was
pulling at his hair and arching his back off the floor as his body convulsed uncontrollably.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I couldn't let the monster win. I needed to fight this. I
needed to save Edward. I tried to run toward him, but every step I took only placed me further
away from where I wanted to be. The scenery blurred around me, taking my hope and Edward
out of my field of vision. I was no longer running toward the man I loved; I was running away
from the monster who had orchestrated our pain.

"Isabella," the monster's cold voice called to me. "You'll never get away from me, Isabella."

I ran from him, praying that I had the strength to survive, but I knew it was all in vain. His icy
hand reached out and grabbed my neck easily, and I was instantly immobilized. "I told you to
do as I say, bitch!" He grabbed a fist-full of my hair and yanked my head aggressively to the
side, exposing my neck. "Now you're mine." That was the last thing I heard before his teeth
sunk into my jugular and my mind became foggy as he sucked the life from my body.

My final coherent thought was of my love for Edward and Tony. I only hoped that they would
find one another once I was gone.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Edward!" I cried out as my eyes shot open. I sat up abruptly, panting heavily while I tried to
gain my bearings. I ran my fingers through my sweat-dampened hair and pushed the tangled
sheets off my legs. A light air lofted over my skin in a cool warning. My instincts were telling
me that something wasn't right, and I had learned long ago that those instincts were generally
right on target. I laid back down in the bed and took deep cleansing breaths while I waited for
my heart rate to stabilize.

The dreams had begun soon after my encounter with Carlisle in the park and my near-miss
with Edward in New York. Each dream was a subconscious reminder that Edward and I could
have no future together. Running wasn't an option. Carlisle would always find us. He would
slaughter us all like the monster in my mind. Tonight, however, the dream had been different.
Tonight, Edward was in pain. He was hurt, and I couldn't reach him. I knew instantly that
something was really wrong.

Edward had been searching for answers, and from his emails, I knew he was getting closer
and closer to learning the truth about Carlisle. I wanted to warn him. I wanted to send him a
message to tell him not to confront his father, but I had no way of doing so without risking his
life and Tony's. Risking Tony's life simply wasn't an option.
I closed my eyes and tried to reassure myself that it had only been a dream, but something
about it just seemed too real. I didn't know if Jacob had said something to somebody back in
Forks or if Edward had finally pushed Carlisle too far, but I knew without a doubt that
something had happened. Something had changed. I could feel it.

For the moment, I would remain silent and wait for the source of the shift to reveal itself to
me. If pushed, however, I knew that I couldn't allow anything to happen to Edward or Tony.
No matter what, I would do what was necessary to save the ones I loved. I would fall on the
knife myself if it came down to it. Carlisle's problem was with me. If I was out of the picture,
then Tony and Edward would be safe. The realization calmed me. I power was in my hands.

I always knew that I would sacrifice myself to save my boys when the time came. After
tonight, I knew that things had been set in motion which could no longer be stopped. My
sacrifice would come sooner than I had ever expected. I needed to prepare.
CHAPTER 15:
LYING TO BEND THE TRUTH

Edward's POV: L.A. - August, 2010

She was seated primly at an outdoor table, her impeccable couture and precise posture
unmistakable even at this distance. "She's already here," I said quietly as Jasper and I
continued our solemn trek down West 3rd toward Toast, Esme's favorite Sunday brunch café
and one of L.A.'s hippest daytime eateries. His body tensed beside me, indicating that he had
spotted her, too.

"You ready for this, man?" Jasper questioned with a slight tremor in his normally composed
voice. I could usually count on my brother to calm my nerves, but today, he was as frazzled as
I was. I looked down at my feet, watching them scuff against the cement as they pulled me
closer toward what would likely be a life-altering, and potentially explosive, conversation.

The answer to Jasper's question was clear. "No, actually, I'd say I'm pretty fucking far from
ready."

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

After learning that my birth mother had been murdered and that Carlisle and Esme had lied to
me about my adoption, I called upon my brothers for help. I was still in New York at the time,
and they were both back in L.A., but even with such a large distance between us, they were
more than happy to help me. Even if we didn't share blood, we were still family. We were
brothers.

When I first shared the story with the guys, Emmett's instant response was a trusting one. He
tried to argue that Esme and Carlisle had probably been trying to spare me the pain of
knowing the truth about my biological mother's untimely passing. It had been Jasper who
correctly pointed out that Carlisle didn't have a compassionate bone in his body. He wouldn't
have given a flying fuck about guarding my feelings. Additionally, they could have spared me
the agony of knowing the gruesome details of my mother's passing without incorporating so
many lies into the story. Jasper was right; they were clearly hiding some greater secret.

The point that kept sticking in my mind, however, was that I wasn't the ideal candidate to
carry on the Cullen Legacy. At the time of my adoption, my grandfather was a powerful
politician. There was no way a man of his political prominence wouldn't have fully vetted a
potential Cullen. Both my father and my grandfather had sufficient resources to uncover the
details of my mother's murder. For all they knew, I could have been traumatized and damaged
beyond repair as a result of horror I had witnessed. I couldn't understand why they would risk
bringing a potential ticking time bomb into their fold when there were surely more suitable
children available for adoption.

When I thought about Jasper's well-made points in light of my own questions, the evidence
against Carlisle was damning. And while I didn't know how deep Esme's involvement ran, I
had no doubts about my father. Carlisle knew the truth, but he had hidden it for his own
selfish purposes.

We needed answers to four crucial questions: Why had Carlisle and Esme adopted me in the
first place? Was Jasper's adoption somehow involved? Did Esme know the truth? And if so,
why had they both lied to me my entire life?

I couldn't just come out and ask my parents for answers. Carlisle would either lie, something
he was obviously quite adept at doing, or he would get angry and deflect. No, if we were
going to learn the truth, we needed a plan, and our plan had a name. Jenks.

Jasper really wanted to be with me when I confronted Mr. Jenks about what I had learned in
New York, but as he had already flown back to L.A. by that time, I was left to do it alone. The
guys were going to distract Carlisle from my absence for a day or two to give me time to dig.
I found Mr. Jenks easily. He had a Manhattan apartment, which was conveniently located
only a few blocks from my hotel.

"Edward, how wonderful to see you again." I didn't recall ever meeting Mr. Jenks the first
time, but if he was involved in my adoption, then his familiarity with me seemed appropriate.
Mr. Jenks was an older gentleman with a head of receding grey hair. I wasn't sure exactly how
old he was, but if I had to posit a guess based on his relationship with my grandfather, I would
have said that he was in his mid-seventies. Looking at the man in person, however, I wouldn't
have guessed that he was a day older than sixty. He seemed unusually muscular and healthy
for his age, slightly imposing even.

"Mr. Jenks," I acknowledged with a firm handshake.

"Please, just Jenks. Your grandfather was one of my dearest friends. You're practically family,
son." He motioned for me to have a seat on the black leather sofa and then returned to his own
chair across the room. "So, your call was quite unexpected. What can I do for you?"

"First, Jenks," I said looking at him straight in the eye, "I'd like to ask you for your
discretion."

"My discretion?" he questioned, knitting his eyes together in concern. "Are you in some sort
of trouble?"

"No. It's nothing like that," I answered cautiously, needing to tread lightly. I couldn't afford to
have Jenks tell Carlisle about our meeting. I wanted to be able to confront my father in my
own time once I had more information. If Jenks tipped my hand too soon, Carlisle would
likely throw up roadblocks to protect whatever secret he was hiding.

"I'd like to talk to you, but I need to make sure that this conversation will stay between us. I
can't have…anybody knowing that I was here." Jenks pursed his lips in a manner that
suggested I had his attention. "I'd be willing to pay you for your time so that we can make this
a more official meeting," I added to sweeten the pot. I wasn't above buying his loyalty.

"I won't take your money, son, but I suppose since I helped with your adoption, we can stretch
the definition of 'client' a bit on this particular occasion," he responded, using fingered air
quotes to emphasize his point. "Let's agree that attorney-client privilege will prevent me from
speaking to…anybody," he repeated the word 'anybody' with a deliberate pause, obviously
understanding that 'anybody' really meant Carlisle.

"Thank you." I took a steadying breath. "I want to know about my mother, Elizabeth Anne
Masen." Jenks' body tensed infinitesimally at the mention of my mother's name. He instantly
relaxed his frame, but I hadn't missed his discomfort. For the first time since I had arrived, he
began to fidget, his hands picking nervously at the slightly fraying upholstery on the arm of
his chair.

"How do you know her name?" he asked carefully. "It's been over twenty years, so you'll have
to forgive me, but I could have sworn your records were sealed."

"How I know isn't really important," I said with falsely mustered confidence. I wanted to
capitalize on Jenks' apparent uneasiness. "Please, just tell me what you know."

"Okay," he replied hesitantly. "I don't know too much, and as I mentioned, it's been over
twenty years since I've even thought about any of this," he said, shifting forward a bit. He had
my full attention.

"From what I can recall, your mother couldn't raise you anymore, and you were placed up for
adoption. You and Jasper were living with the same foster family when I found your file." I
noted that Jenks had carefully avoided stating who had placed me up for adoption. He had to
know more. My father and grandfather would have demanded more information before
making me one of their own.

"Jenks," I started with a deliberate stare, "I think we both know that there is a great deal more
to the story than that." Jenks sat back in his chair and brought his tented fingers to rest just
below his closely shaven chin, his lips just barely revealing a slight smirk. All of his previous
nervousness was gone, leaving me with the sinking suspicion that I had been had. I
understood now that he hadn't been nervous at all. Like any well-trained poker player, Jenks
had thrown out a deliberate "tell" to see if I would take the bait. He had been sizing me up to
see if I was a worthy opponent. I just needed to figure out why in the hell we were on opposite
sides.

"Edward, what exactly have you heard?" He looked serious as he appraised me from his chair.
My outward confidence, while partially contrived, had shown him that I was indeed a
formidable adversary. No matter what the conversation revealed, I knew that I couldn't show
any weakness if I wanted to keep him talking. So, with that goal in mind, I remained quiet in
the hopes that he would damn himself. "You seem to think that something is amiss, or you
wouldn't have requested this meeting."
"Isn't it natural for a man to want to know about his parents?" I shot back quickly. I did want
to know about my parents. All four of them.

"Of course it is. What have Carlisle and Esme told you?"

Lies.

I needed to give him something, or I wouldn't get anywhere with my line of questioning.
"They've always told me that she was a teen mom who couldn't handle raising a child, so she
put me up for adoption as soon as I was born. But we both know that isn't the case, don't we,
Jenks?" I may have come across a bit too harshly, but I wanted to show him that he couldn't
just brush me off.

"Why do you assume your parent's information to be inaccurate?" There was no wavering in
his voice. Jenks was cool and collected. He was actually much like Carlisle in that way.

"Public record," I answered with equal coolness. The change in Jenks' demeanor from the
time I had entered his home until now was disconcerting to say the least, but I couldn't let him
see that I was rattled. The entire meeting had been surreal. I felt like I was watching a movie
instead of living my own life.

"I see. So then you know your mother was really a victim of a home invasion?" he said
deliberately, no longer trying to feign ignorance or a poor memory.

"Jenks, I'm not here to play games or to talk about what I know. I want to know what you
know. I want to know why Carlisle and Esme have been lying to me my entire life."

"I can't speak to your father's motives, Edward. I can only guess that he has been trying to
spare you the pain of knowing that your mother died violently." Given the sensitivity of the
issue we were discussing, one would think that Jenks would have softened his words slightly,
but they were hard. His face showed no emotion.

"Does that really sound like my father's personality to you, Jenks?" I raised my eyebrow at
him and crossed my arms over my chest. He was still trying to play games with me.

"Perhaps not, but again, these are questions you should be asking your parents."
"I'm asking you, Jenks," I yelled at him, losing all of the composure I had worked so hard to
maintain. I couldn't stand his dismissive responses. I could tell he knew the truth, but he
wasn't going to budge. I scrunched my hands through my hair, knowing I was defeated. Jenks
would never give me any real answers. Our entire meeting had been a waste of my time.

Jenks features relaxed as he spoke. I didn't even have to listen to his words to know that
anything he said from here forward would be an attempt to placate and distract me. "Edward,
I really wish I could give you more information, but I just can't. I honestly don't know much
more than you do." Jenks was once again shifting into gentle granddad mode, clearly thinking
of me as a disgruntled boy he could manipulate.

"I can tell you that your mother was killed in her New York apartment. The man who was
convicted for her murder has been in prison for years. Your mother had a living grandfather,
but that is the only relative that was listed in your file. He was the one to give you up. I'm sure
your mother was buried in state, but I really don't know where. I'm so very sorry." I almost
laughed at his fake condolence.

I already knew everything he was telling me. Jenks really hadn't supplied me with anything
new or concrete. What he had confirmed, however, was that my father did know the truth.
The lie had been intentional. I had assumed as much, of course, but now I knew for sure. If
Jenks knew, then Carlisle knew, too.

"What about Jasper?"

"What about Jasper?" Jenks questioned back.

"We were adopted together. Is he my real brother?" I had been wondering this since I learned
that my father had been lying to me. The only thing I could think of was that perhaps Jasper
was really my brother and not just a child who happened to be living with the same foster
family as I was. We didn't particularly look alike, but I still held onto the hope.

"No, Edward. I'm afraid he isn't. Jasper's parents are unknown. He was abandoned as an
infant. The authorities found him in an alley behind a restaurant." I had never known these
specific details, but they didn't seem out of line with the stories we had heard. Esme and
Carlisle had admitted that they didn't know anything about Jasper's biological family. "Your
father saw that you and Jasper were close, and since he had the means, he chose to adopt you
both."

For the second time, I cocked my eyebrow questioningly at Jenks. While his story made sense
for most human beings, my father had hardly displayed the characteristics of a man who
would be moved by the closeness of childhood playmates.

Jenks was lying to me, too. "Okay, what about my biological father? Where is he?"

"According to your records, your great grandfather didn't know who your father was. I
suppose your mother never told him. I'm really quite sorry that I can't tell you more."

"Can't or won't?" I responded flippantly. Jenks' mouth once again hinted at a smirk that never
quite formed on his lips. He was playing me again. His body language and shifting
countenance had been a subtle ruse. Jenks knew more than he was telling me and he wanted
me to know it. I stared at him in silence for a moment, trying desperately to comprehend how
and why he could play this sort of game with me.

"You've been evasive and dismissive this entire conversation. Why are hiding things from
me?" My question was a bit direct, but I figured I didn't have anything else to lose by asking.

"Edward, I know you think I am hiding things from you, but I'm not." Lying cock-sucker, I
thought silently as he spoke. "Everything happened a long time ago, and it's understandable
that your parents would want to shield you from the less… settling details surrounding your
mother's death." Jenks stood and walked over to me. I stood to meet him, and he escorted me
to the door, obviously done with our conversation.

"I'm an old man, Edward," he said softly as he patted me on the shoulder. "I have nothing to
gain by deceiving you. Things are as they are, and that's it. I'm very sorry that I couldn't be of
more assistance to you, but I'll do as you asked; this conversation will stay between us. That's
all I can offer you."

I was more confused than ever, but knowing that I wouldn't get any further with Jenks, so I
thanked him and left.

I should have known that my visit to him would be less than revealing. I now had more
questions than when I started. The only thing I could think to do next was go to somebody
who was there at the time when everything went down, Oscar Williams, my mother's accused
murderer.

Getting to Williams proved more challenging than I had hoped. I tried to visit the prison, but
apparently, unless said prisoner had you listed, you weren't allowed any contact. It took eight
months before I was finally able to get to him. I found his attorney and he was able to put me
on the list of approved visitors. Luckily, he was a Midnight Sun fan. I had never been one to
abuse my celebrity, but in that instance, it was a necessity.

The prison wasn't at all what I had pictured. The inmates didn't wear orange jumpsuits; they
wore nondescript blue jeans and light blue button-up shirts. There were no Plexiglas barriers,
and we didn't talk through telephones in a booth. Instead, I was led into a large cafeteria-style
room with multiple round tables, which had black numbers stenciled onto their surfaces. The
guard assigned me to a table to wait for Williams.

My foot tapped nervously as I sat looking for the despicable, heartless man who had murdered
my mother and left me there with her corpse, a crying toddler who certainly could not
understand why his mother wouldn't wake up. When he finally entered the room, I recognized
his face from the newspaper articles I had read online. He was older, but it was clearly him.
He looked a bit puzzled when the guard led him to my table. To him, my face was that of a
stranger.

"Uh, hi…do I know you?"

"We met once, yes." I didn't stand to shake his hand. I simply remained in my seat and waited
for him to sit across from me. He looked to be about Carlisle's age, perhaps a bit younger, but
I couldn't be certain. I wasn't sure what I had expected to find, but this certainly wasn't it. He
didn't look like the hardened criminal I had anticipated meeting. For a man who had been in
prison for over twenty years, I expected him to seem grittier or angry perhaps, but he didn't.
He was calm and almost gentle looking. Jenks, a seventy-something year old man, had
seemed more hardened than the serene man sitting before me.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember that," he responded. "Pardon me for saying so, but you seem
quite young. I've been in here for a really long time. Are you sure it was me you met?"
"My name is Edward Masen," I volunteered as stoically as I could. He sat passively for a
moment until understanding finally flickered across his face. He closed his eyes for a few
moments and then opened them again. What he said next, and the calm way in which he said
it, shocked the hell out of me.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Edward. I'm very glad to see that you seem to be okay after
going through… well… what you did." Oscar looked down at his hands, which he was
wringing together nervously. Finally looking back up to my eyes, he continued. "I don't mean
to seem patronizing, but I've worried about you over the years."

His empty words pissed me off. He didn't even know the half of it. I had suffered so much
tragedy in my life, and he was the root cause of all of it. I lost my mother because of this
monster. I had to spend my life with fucking Carlisle Cullen, and all this monster could say
was "sorry"? He didn't have the right to worry about me. I clenched my fists below the table. I
wanted to launch myself across it and rip his throat out, but I couldn't do that, at least not
while the guards were looking.

I took a few steadying breaths, but otherwise remained silent for a few minutes. I hadn't
expected him to show compassion toward me, and I found it maddening. The entire encounter
was so much more difficult than I had ever imagined it could be. I didn't remember my
mother, but I still loved her. He had taken her away from me and now he was being polite
about it. His fake sympathy was the worst kind of disrespect. I didn't want his kindness or
pity; I wanted his story. I wanted his version of the truth. With my goal in mind, I ignored his
comment and began probing him for information.

"I'm trying to understand what happened. I'm trying to get answers about myself, and I'm
hoping you can help. Can you tell me why you did it?"

"I understand your position," his words were even and calm. "Truly, I do. And please don't
take this as typical prisoner denial, but I didn't kill your mother. I'm guilty of many crimes,
Edward, but murder was never one of them."

"Excuse me?" I was pissed again. I hadn't considered that he would still deny his guilt after so
much time. I figured he would tell me something. What the hell did he have to lose? "You
were found guilty. Nothing from this conversation will change your sentence. You have to
know that." Realizing my tone had become a bit harsh and my voice a bit loud, I eyed the
guard and tried to calm myself. "Please, I just need to know the truth. After what you've taken
from me, don't you think I deserve at least a little bit of honesty."

"Yes, and I want to give you that truth, but I didn't kill Elizabeth Masen." My heart sank. His
answer was absolute and steadfast. His eyes were unwavering. He seemed compassionate, and
I didn't know what to make of that.

"How can I believe you? A jury found you guilty."

"I can't make you believe me. I can only tell you what I know. It's up to you to decide what to
do with that information." I didn't say anything. I just let him continue. "I was nineteen years
old when I found out that my own mother was sick." I looked at him with shock. I hadn't
expected this answer, yet it seemed… plausible. I wondered what kind of illness had led him
to take such drastic actions.

He answered my unspoken question on his own. "She had stage four lung cancer. The hospital
said that if we couldn't come up with the money, they were going to have to discharge her and
stop all treatments. We didn't have any insurance, and I needed cash fast, so I started stealing.
I wasn't proud of it, but sometimes you do what you have to do. I knocked off a few houses
and broke into a few cars in your mother's neighborhood, but not hers." Williams looked
down for a moment, appearing remorseful. "Look, I did bad stuff, but I was trying to save my
mom's life. I could never have killed yours, and in front of you, no less. I just don't have it in
me; I never did."

"What about the evidence? Surely they wouldn't have convicted you based on the pattern of
your crimes alone."

"I couldn't afford an attorney anymore than I could afford a doctor. The state appointed one
for me, but he wasn't much older than I was. I was one of dozens of cases he was handling.
He thought I was guilty and really didn't fight for me. There were a lot of similarities between
my break-ins and your mother's, so I got pinned. I didn't have a good alibi that night, and
there were no other suspects. All arrows pointed toward me, so here I sit."

"Okay, assuming I believe you," which I still wasn't sure I did, "what is the alternative? Who
did this if it wasn't you?"
"Do you really believe I would still be in here if I knew what really happened? All I can tell
you is that it wasn't me. I didn't kill your mother. I'm very sorry."

I thanked Williams for his time and left soon after. I had had a lot of time to think about
everything that I had learned from Jenks and Williams. I did check out Williams' story about
his sick mother. Public records confirmed that she had died within just a few months of his
incarceration. Everything he said just made sense to me, and no matter how much I wanted to
hate him, my instincts told me that Williams wasn't the one lying to me.

Williams' demeanor and kindness stood in stark contrast to the way Jenks had acted. Jenks
had carried himself like a man with a terrible secret, while Williams acted like a man who
only wanted me to have the truth. Between the two, Jenks seemed more criminal-minded.

When I first read about my mother's murder, I remember thinking that only a sick and twisted
person could kill a woman in front of her toddler. I had seen sick and twisted first-hand, and it
wasn't the man sitting in that prison. The more I thought about everything I had learned, the
more convinced I became that Carlisle and Jenks were both in on a very big secret. I didn't
know anything for sure, but my instincts told me that Williams was innocent.

Oscar Williams didn't kill my mother, and I would follow Bella's clues until I figured out who
did.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

"Hey, Edward?" Jasper snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. "Are you home in there,
man?" Sometime during my musings about my past encounters with Jenks and Williams, I
had stopped walking.

"Shit, Jazz, sorry. I guess I just started thinking about Williams and Jenks. Tell me why we
decided to do this in public again?"

"Because we needed to talk to Esme without the possibility of Carlisle interrupting us and
because she cares enough about her image not to throw a huge fit in public." His answer was
instantaneous and very matter-of-fact. He was right. We had to do this.

"And why did we let Emmett get away with not coming?"
"Because he's on his honeymoon with Rosie, and we really don't need her knowing what's
going on anyway. She might tell somebody at the label and give Carlisle a head's up." It was
true. Carlisle had always liked Rosalie. While I would never begrudge my brother anything,
her relationship with Carlisle pissed me off. Carlisle had done his best to break up my
relationship with Bella because he saw her as a distraction. But because Rosalie worked with
us and promoted us, he loved her.

"Okay, you're right. I'm good. Let's do this." Jasper and I walked the remaining distance to
Toast. Beige awnings and umbrellas were rolled out and extended to shade the tables from the
imposing California sun. Esme was seated just under the awning at a table set for three.

"My boys!" she gushed in an overly dramatic voice when she saw us, no doubt trying to get
people to notice her famous companions. Like Carlisle, Esme had a materialistic streak and
relished her quasi-celebrity status, but her delivery was far more kind. "Come give your
mother a big hug." Hugging one's very loud, very boisterous mother in public was no less
embarrassing as an adult than it had been in high school.

"Hey mom," I hugged Esme close and then sat down quickly to avoid attracting too much
unwanted attention. Toast was a popular venue for celebrities, so prying ears and cameras
would surely be close. I didn't need this conversation landing on the cover of some gossip rag.

We ordered our food and discussed the wedding and other passing pleasantries for the first
few minutes of our visit. Really and truly, I knew Jasper and I were both just procrastinating.
How do you ask your mother why she has been lying to you your entire life? How do you call
her out on something like that? How do you tell her that you are about to do something that
will effectively cut her off financially?

"Jasper, Edward, look at the two of you? You're both positively ashen. Are we going to dance
around this all morning, or are you two going to ever ask me whatever it is you brought me
here to ask?" I was taken aback by her bluntness. Esme was typically more of a stick-your-
head-in-the-sand type of woman.

"Ed, man, why don't you start," Jasper, my fuckhead, traitorous brother, volunteered.

Thanks a lot, asshole!

I gave him disgusted glare and then did as he told me. "Okay, so do you remember when we
were in New York about a year and half ago for the Times Square show?"

"Of course I do. I remember watching Dick Clark when I was just a girl. Ryan Seacrest has
nothing on him, but I was still so proud of you boys." Esme reached out and patted Jasper and
I on the hand, giving us both an affectionate squeeze.

"Thanks, but, um, while I was there, I went to get information about my birth parents." Esme
pulled back from me instantly, her eyes wide with shock. She looked at the single flower in
the center of the table in disbelief before turning her gaze back toward me.

"I see," she began. "I didn't know you were looking for your birth parents. I mean, aren't
Carlisle and I enough for you?" Her voice was small; her jovial tone was nowhere to be
found.

"Of course you are, and I wasn't looking for them, per se. I was more looking for answers." I
twisted the napkin around in my lap. This entire conversation made me so nervous.

"And were you looking for answers, too?" Her question was directed at Jasper, who had yet to
contribute anything to the conversation. She didn't sound accusatory, just sad.

"No, I was here in L.A.," he responded simply.

"Okay, Edward, where is this going?" she asked, taking a deep breath and nervously twisting
the strap of her purse, which was dangling off the edge of the table. She didn't look like a
woman with a secret. She looked like a woman with as many questions as I had, but I still
needed to be sure.

"I know the truth, mom." I had hoped my big reveal would throw her off balance. If she
became defensive, then I would know she had lied.

"The truth?" she asked, looking at me for an explanation. I remained silent, so she turned her
gaze to Jasper for an answer. He was silent, too. "I don't understand, Edward. What truth do
you know? Did you meet your mom?" Esme gasped, and her hands flew up to cover her
mouth as she considered the possibility of her own words.
"Are you trying to tell me that you have met your real mother, and you don't need me
anymore?" Tears were forming in her eyes. I had never seen her look so stricken in all of my
life. "You did, didn't you? That's it. You brought me here to tell me that I'm not your mom."
My heart instantly clenched as I realized that she had been duped as well. Esme wasn't a good
enough actress to pull off this sort of scene. She honestly believed I had met my biological
mother. I reached over and pulled her into a one-armed hug. She trembled in my arms, and I
tried to whisper soothing words into her ear while Jasper just hung his head.

"No, mom, it's nothing like that. You're my mom; you always have been. I love you. I swear."
Esme dabbed at her nose with her napkin and nodded in response to my words.

"I understand you wanting to meet her. Really I do." Esme wiped at her eyes and tried to
regain her composure. "I would never begrudge you a relationship with your biological
parents, Edward. I just don't want to lose you. I couldn't stand that."

"You're not going to lose me," I soothed again. "Mom, listen to me. My mom – my biological
mom that is – she's dead."

Esme's hand covered her mouth as she once again gasped audibly. "Oh, Edward! I'm so sorry.
How? When?"

"She was murdered when I was two years old. Somebody broke into her apartment and killed
her. I was there. She was killed in front of me." I said the last part in a quiet voice. Her eyes
widened in shock. "The killer left me there next to her body, helpless and crying."

"What? Edward, no. That can't be right. Carlisle was very careful about checking your
history. Your mother gave you up at birth. She was a teen mom. She was too young to raise
you." Tears were freely flowing down Esme's cheeks now. She appeared to be stuck between
her emotions and her confusion.

Carlisle lied to her, too.

"Mom, I've done a lot of research since then. It's true." I looked at Jasper for a bit of support.
He gripped Esme's hand and nodded for me to continue. "My mother was killed in front of
me. She was in her twenties when she gave birth to me. She wasn't a teenage mother. She was
a pianist and a Julliard graduate." I looked at my lap and spoke the next words in a sad
whisper. "She never wanted to give me up."

"But your father, he told me…" Esme's words trailed off, and she lowered her face into her
hands. "He lied to me," her muffled voice came out in a puff of tears.

"Yeah, welcome to the club," Jasper remarked, channeling Emmett. "We even have shirts and
a secret handshake." I glared at him, and he held up his hands, apologizing silently.

"I'm sorry for that, Mom. We know this is difficult." Jasper placed his hand on Esme's back,
rubbing soothing circles just below her neck. "But there's more."

"What?" She looked up in a panic. "Oh Jasper, did he lie about your parents, too?"

"No, Mom. From what we've been able to tell, my story checks out." We had investigated the
abandonment story, and to date, nothing seemed off to us on that front. Jasper's history, while
no less tragic than my own, hadn't been manipulated.

"Then what else could there possibly be?" The confusion was back in her eyes.

"We think Carlisle is hiding something more serious, and we need your help to figure it out,"
Jasper said, finally asserting himself into the conversation. I nodded at him to continue.
"Edward spoke to J. Jenks."

"Your grandfather's attorney?" she asked, but before I could answer, she did so herself. "Of
course you did, he set up the adoption." She looked at both of us expectantly. "So what did he
say?"

"Not much, but he did confirm for me that he knew my mother was murdered. He made it
perfectly clear that there was more to the story, but he wouldn't elaborate."

"Naturally," Esme commented with a huff and a roll of her eyes. "I can't believe your father.
He's done some seriously distasteful things in his life, but I don't understand what he stood to
gain from lying about this. It just doesn't make sense."

"Mom, you can't confront him on this," Jasper pleaded instantly, knowing what Esme was
thinking.
"I know I can't, but I'm just so angry. He didn't just lie to you boys. He lied to me too. Don't
you think I have a right to know why?" Esme asked with fire and determination in her voice.

"Look, we need to get to the bottom of this before you do anything. If you show our hand too
soon, we may never get the answers we need," I explained.

"So what are you going to do?" I could hear the frustration in her voice.

"We're going to fire him." Jasper's words were concise and sharp, leaving no room for
misinterpretation.

"You're what?" Esme asked flabbergasted. She reached for her mimosa and took a long sip
and then another.

"We're really sorry, Mom, but we can't have him managing the band anymore. We don't trust
him." Esme didn't respond to my explanation. She just sat and listened. "I've spent the last ten
years of my life being bullied by Carlisle Cullen. He controls every move that we make.
We're grown men. He has no right, not as our father or our manager. I feel like we've caught
him in so many lies, and he always has a slick answer. All the while, he pushes us to do just
what he wants. He tried to destroy my relationship with Bella, and he has scoffed at every
relationship Jasper and Emmett have ever had…"

"Wait, Emmett just married Rosalie. He didn't undermine that relationship," my mother
interrupted.

"Rosalie works for the label. She makes money for the band and helps to focus Em. Carlisle
has no reason to dislike her. She puts cash in his pocket," Jasper pointed out. "Trust me when
I tell you, that if he didn't approve of her, she would have been gone, too."

"Edward," Esme began, "I know your father is controlling and rather particular about things,
but you can't fire him. What will happen to me if you do? He won't be able to earn a living,
and we'll lose everything."

"Mom, I'm really sorry, but we just don't trust him. I can't deal with it anymore. We've kept
him around out of loyalty to you, but we just can't do it anymore. I'm very sorry," I said in the
calmest voice I could summon from within my anxious body.
"Jasper, please, you can't agree with what this," Esme fumed in a loud whisper as she gestured
animatedly at me. "If you fire Carlisle, we'll have nothing. He hasn't practiced medicine in
nine years. He gave it up for you all. He can't just jump back into it with a snap of his fingers.
You can't just cut us off like this." Esme was practically hyperventilating as she spoke.

"Mom, please." Jasper wiped a tear from her cheek. "You aren't going go broke or become
homeless. Dad has made a ton of money off the band in the last few years. You will both be
fine for money, and if you need something, we're here for you." She nodded at Jasper's
explanation, but still seemed unconvinced.

"You have to understand," I took over the explanation for Jasper. "We've wanted to get rid of
Carlisle for a long time, and we haven't done it out of loyalty to both of you, but we can't trust
him with our livelihoods when he keeps showing us how dishonest he is."

"We just can't do it anymore, Mom." Jasper's words mirrored mine. We all felt it. It was time
for a clean break.

"Okay, will you wait a bit at least? Just give it time. Let's talk to Carlisle and figure out why
he's been lying. I'm sure he has a good explanation for everything. I can try to get him to
lighten up on your personal lives, I promise." Esme's words were quick and strained as she
desperately tried to convince us to change our minds.

"Mom, he's as controlling of you as he is of us. You can't change that about him, and you
know it," Jasper explained. "We won't do anything until after Emmett gets back, but once
we're all together again, Carlisle's out."

"Edward, are you sure about this? What does Emmett say?"

"Emmett agrees with us, Mom. The only reason he isn't here right now is because he's on his
honeymoon."

"Emmett will be back in just a few weeks. You have to give me more time than that. Your
father is going to go ballistic. You can't think he will just accept this. He will try to destroy
your careers. You know he will."
"Mom, don't you get it? That is exactly why we have to do this now. What kind of man would
destroy his sons' careers because they don't want to work with him anymore?" I tried to reason
with her, albeit unsuccessfully.

I knew Esme truly did love us in her own way. Her reaction to the news had been expected.
She was concerned about her own well-being, perhaps even more than she was concerned
about ours. I couldn't begrudge her that. She meant well; she just had never learned how to be
a true mother. Carlisle never really afforded her that luxury. He had controlled her and
manipulated her for nearly thirty years. For all intents and purposes, she was his submissive.
All he ever allowed her to control were the trivial things, so that was all she had.

"Edward, your father will be so angry," she whispered in a nervous tone. "He won't just take it
out on you boys. You have to know he'll take it out on me, too." Tears dripped down her
cheeks as she spoke, and I could literally feel the fear rolling off of her in waves. "I just don't
know what will happen after you confront him."

The truth of the matter was that I didn't know what would happen either. All I knew for sure
was that hell was about to break loose.
CHAPTER 16:
THE CATALYST

Bella's POV: September, 2010

When I was seven, my father was my hero. He wore a crisp brown uniform with an American
flag on his arm and a gold star over his heart. He took me fishing and carried me on his
shoulders. He tucked me in at night and called me "princess." Above all else, he loved me and
protected me. He was my world, and I felt safe in his arms.

When I was seventeen, I was angry at my father for abandoning me. He stepped in front of a
spray of bullets to save an eight year old boy without any regard for his own safety or for the
devastation his loss would bring into my world. He chose a stranger over his own daughter,
and I hated him for it. My adolescent brain couldn't comprehend why he would chose to
orphan me for some kid he didn't even know. I was mad. I was selfish. But then I met Edward.
He brought hope and light back into my life. He helped me to heal and to forgive. My world
changed for the better because of him, and I fell in love with my savior.

Now, on the eve of my twenty-seventh birthday, I no longer had my hero or my savior, but I
wasn't alone. I had Tony, and while my love for my son would never completely fill the
hollow emptiness caused by the absence of my father and Edward, it gave me perspective and
peace. Like my father, I made a choice to save a boy from certain death even though two lives
were destroyed in the process.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

As the mother of a soon-to-be eight year old, I now appreciated my father's sacrifice. He gave
up everything for a child just like Tony. He paid the ultimate price so that an innocent boy
could have a chance at life. As a teenager, I was disappointed by my father's seemingly
callous decision. As an adult, however, I was proud to be Charlie Swan's daughter. He was
courageous and died as the hero I had always thought him to be. I no longer felt anger or
resentment; I felt inspired.

I would take a thousand bullets to save Tony or Edward.

I let my finger trace the edge of the faded photograph sitting in the album that I had been
putting together over the last week. The book was open to a faded picture of my father and
Billy taken the day my father was named Chief of Police. My father looked strong and proud
as he held his shoulders back and his head high. This was the Charlie Swan I remembered.

When Carlisle forced me out of my life, I had to leave with only the clothes on my back and
Edward's sketch in my pocket. For years, I tried to remember my father's face, but the finer
details were getting lost with time. Thanks to Jake, I now had pictures to refresh my fading
memories.

When I realized that Jake was going to be my neighbor, fear swept over me, and my entire
body went into panic-mode. With one sentence to the wrong person back home, he could
destroy everything in my life. I contemplated running, but I knew deep down that any such
attempt would have been futile. Carlisle's appearance in the park had proven to me that he
was always watching, whether I knew it or not. I decided the best defense was a good offense,
so I started spinning a new web of lies that would hopefully convince Jake to keep his big trap
shut.

Jake had always hated Edward, so I capitalized on those feelings. Since Jake already knew
that Edward was Tony's father, I explained to him that Edward had turned his back on us
when he found out that I was pregnant. The story was easy for Jake to believe and about the
same as he had surmised on his own. I told him that Edward had decided he wanted to pursue
his music career in lieu of taking responsibility for his son. It was the opposite of the actual
truth, but it was what Jake expected to hear, and that worked in my favor.

I told Jake that I moved to North Carolina to escape the pain I felt as a result of Edward's
rejection. Jake was aware that my mother had originally come from North Carolina, so my
choice was plausible in his eyes. I explained that I was fearful that Edward would change his
mind and decide that he wanted Tony back. He had power and money now, while I was just a
poor teacher. I begged Jake not to mention that he had seen me. If Edward couldn't find me,
then he couldn't lay claim to his son. The irony of the situation was that my greatest wish was
for Edward to do just that.

I felt terrible about playing into Jake's hatred for Edward, but it was the only way I could
ensure that he would remain silent. I stressed the importance of it, and he seemed to take heed
to my warning. I still worried that he might let something slip, but there wasn't much more I
could do to prevent it. As had been the case for the last eight years, I was a prisoner of
circumstances beyond my control.

A year had passed since Jake had become my neighbor, and so far, nothing bad had occurred
as a result of his presence in my life. While fear still lingered in the corners of my mind, and
probably always would, I also recognized that Jake had brought something into my life that I
had been sorely missing, my history. He was my only connection to home, and I loved him
for that. He had even brought over an old box of photographs that Billy had collected before
he died. Alice had been the one to suggest that I create an album for them. I decided that it
was the perfect way to preserve my heritage for my son.

"What's that, Mommy?" Tony asked as he climbed onto the stool next to me, carefully resting
his elbows on the counter so that he could see the album a bit better.

"Mommy is just looking at some old pictures that Uncle Jake brought over a few days ago," I
responded as I slid the album over to where he could see it without having to stretch. "This is
your Grandpa Charlie. Doesn't he look handsome in his uniform?" I watched Tony ponder the
picture as he used his own finger to trace the outline of his grandfather's form.

"I think he looks like Woody from Toy Story," Tony teased before flipping to the next page.
This was the first time he had ever seen pictures of my past, and he appeared anxious to soak
in as much as he could.

"A bit, but you know he wasn't a cowboy; he was a policeman." Tony nodded in response, but
didn't say anything. I leaned in to kiss him on the head and watched his facial expressions
change with each picture.

"Hey, is this you?" he laughed as he pointed to a photograph of Jake and me taken at Lake
Crescent when I was only a few years older than Tony. I was clutching a slimy coastal
cutthroat trout with both of my hands and had my head turned to the side. I was scrunching
my face up and sticking out my tongue in disgust while Jake stood off to the side laughing at
me.

"Yes, Tony," I giggled with him, "that's me. I wasn't too excited about holding that nasty
thing. It stunk to high heaven, but your grandfather insisted that we document my first catch
for posterity's sake and bragging rights, of course. It was a good size though," I said, tapping
my finger on the subtle red markings on the side of the fish. "If I remember correctly, it was
just shy of twenty inches long."

"Is that Uncle Jake?" he questioned again.

"Yep, Billy, Jake, your Grandpa Charlie and I were all out on the lake that day. You'll be
happy to know that Uncle Jake didn't catch anything," I noted playfully, lightly nudging him
with my shoulder. "Your grandfather talked about that trout for the next two years."

"Go, Mom!" Tony exclaimed before bumping his shoulder back into mine to show his
appreciation. A bittersweet tingle nipped at my heart as I thought about it. Catching my first
fish with Charlie's help was one of my most cherished memories, but it hurt to know that
Tony would never have a similar experience with his grandfather, or even his father, for that
matter.

"Did you play sports when you were a kid?" I looked at my son's excited face with a bit of
confusion over the sudden shift in conversation. Apparently, his mother's "big catch" wasn't
interesting enough to hold his attention for very long.

"I was never coordinated enough to play sports, actually." Tony didn't look surprised by my
response. He had seen me trip over my own shoes on several occasions. "Why do you ask,
honey?"

"Well, I want to try out for pee wee football. Uncle Jake says I'm a natural, so can I? It only
costs one hundred and fifty dollars, and I will get a jersey with my name on it and a trophy at
the end. So can I, pleeeeease?" he wined, drawing out the "please" and making a pouty face
for added emphasis.

My mama bear red flags went flying as the words left Tony's mouth. The idea of my little
baby being tackled didn't sit too well with me. He was a small child; he could be easily buried
by the bigger boys. But how could I say no to that face? He was too damn cute for his own
good, a bit like his father in that regard. I was quite certain Alice taught him that if he looked
at me in just the right way, I would crumble every time. He had clearly learned her lesson
well.

"Do you know how often practices are?" I needed more information before I would commit
myself or my son to anything.

"I think they're after school a few times a week, and games are every Saturday," he replied
hopefully. I took a minute to mentally rearrange me schedule. I would need to figure out a
way to coordinate everything I had going on in the afternoons, but that was something I was
happy to do for him.

Sensing hesitation instead of contemplation, Tony spoke up. "Come on, Mommy, I'll eat my
green beans for a whole month, and I won't even complain that they're yucky. 'Cause they are,
you know?"

"You should eat them without complaint anyway, Tony," I pointed out in my best motherly
tone. "And it's okay that they're yucky, that's how you know they're good for you," I teased,
poking him on the nose to let him know I was kidding. Tony shifted on the stool trying to
think of what else he could use as a bargaining chip. I had already decided that I would let
him play, but I wasn't above milking this for all the chores it was worth.

"How about if I promise to make my bed every single morning during the season, and I'll pick
up my toys, too?" It's a start.

"I think your manipulator is showing," I chuckled mostly to myself, knowing he wouldn't
understand my joke. It was an expression that Peter frequently used against Charlotte
whenever she would start trying to sweet-talk him into doing something he didn't want to do.
As expected, Tony just looked down at his body and then back to my eyes with a dumfounded
expression on his precious little face.

"Umm, I don't know what means, but can I do it?"

I laughed at his cuteness. "Okay, Tony," I ruffled his hair as I spoke. "You have to make your
bed, clean up your toys and eat every vegetable I give you during the season. If you can
promise to do all of that, then I will let you play," I bargained, knowing he would only make
good on his promise for about a week, if that.

"Deal!" he shouted as he hopped off his stool and into my lap. The force of his body colliding
with mine nearly sent me flying off my own perch, but I righted myself before disaster struck.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he mumbled into my cheek between slobbery kisses. I
felt a bit bad for bribing my son, but hey, a mom's got to take every opportunity she can to get
her kid to eat healthy food and clean his room. It was seven-year-old 101.

"I love you, buddy, so just promise Mommy that you will be careful, okay?"

"I will," he promised. "Uncle Jake said he would help me practice, so I will be the best kid on
the whole team."

"Hey, Lucy, I'm home!" Jake called out as he came through my front door without knocking,
per usual.

Speak of the Devil, and the Devil appears.

"Jake, have I ever mentioned to you that you're like the little brother I never wanted?" I leaned
my chin into my palm and watched as Jake crossed into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and
started pulling out sandwich fixings. "You are an adult, you know? You're fully capable of
buying your own food." I rolled my eyes as he assembled a sandwich big enough to stuff a
sumo wrestler.

"Oh, come on, Bells. Your food just tastes better," he kidded me.

"How can you eat like that at ten in the morning?" I asked as the sandwich got bigger.

"I'm a growing boy," he responded with a wink. "What's happening, T?" Jake reached across
the bar to give Tony a high-five, effectively ending my scolding.

"Not much, Uncle J. Look at this picture of you and Mommy when you were little." Jake
swiveled the book around so he could look at it right-side-up.

"Ha! The Great Trout Catch," he teased. "Charlie wouldn't shut up about that stupid fish for
years," he said, laughing. "You were mortified when he told you to pose with it for that
picture." I stuck my tongue out at him in silent response. "That's pretty much the last time you
ever caught a fish as I recall, Bells."

"Hey, at least I caught a fish that day," I teased right back. I stole the book back from Jake
and closed it. Jake just took a large bite of his sandwich and winked at me again. For a man
that was nothing more than a lifelong, platonic friend, he had a habit of doing that a bit too
much for my liking.

"So, did you ask her, big guy?" Jake asked, turning his attention back to Tony.

"Uh huh. I'm going to play football!" Tony jumped around, banged his knees together a few
times, and made the number one sign in the air with his waving hand.

"Nice touchdown dance, buddy!" Jake cheered. "You're ready for the big-time."

"Who's ready for the big-time?" Alice's chipper voice questioned as she opened the door. I
smiled at my best friend and pointed to my son who was still dancing happily in circles.

"No 'big-time' for anybody," I started. "I'm pretty sure I only agreed to pee wee football." I
smirked at Alice who was now standing in front of Tony with her hands on her hips.

"Did I hear that right? My lil' T-Man is going to play football?" Tony looked up at Alice with
a huge grin on his face.

"Yep, Mommy said I could, and Uncle Jake says I'm a natural." He gave Alice a big squeeze
around the waist and then ran out of the room, singing the Monday Night Football song to
himself. "Are you ready for some fooootballlll?"

"No running in the house!" My voice trailed off at the end as I realized that it was already too
late; my words had fallen on deaf ears. "You," I said pointing at Jake, "have created a
monster. You know you get to be the one to take him to practices now, right?" I gave Jake a
stern eye, but he just took another bite of his sandwich instead of responding.

"I can help, too, Bella. Don't worry. We'll make sure he gets there."

"Thanks, I don't even have the specific details yet. I'm not sure when practices are."
"Oh, I have a form that they were handing out down at the fields the other day, Bells. I'll give
it to you." Jake winked at me playfully for the third time in as many minutes. God, I wish he
would stop doing that.

"Okay, so now that the football stuff is settled, you need to go pack!" Alice started jumping
up and down doing her own version of a slightly more fluid and sexy touchdown dance.

"Alice, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere. Why do I need to pack?"

Alice stopped bouncing and gripped both of my shoulders firmly. "Bella Swan," she began in
a serious tone, "you're turning twenty-seven on Monday, so tonight, you and I are going on a
little adventure."

Fuck!

"Alice, nothing good ever comes of your adventures." I stepped back from her and retook my
seat on my stool. I knew there was no way to get out of it, but I would still try.

"That just isn't true, Bella. When have I ever led you astray in the past?" She tapped her foot
impatiently as she waited for my response.

"Hmm, how about when you tried to set me up on a blind date with James, or when you told
me I needed to try your hair dresser, and I ended up with purple hair? Oh, and did I mention
the time you decided that we should go Myrtle Beach for the weekend, and we ended up
staying in that seedy motel where somebody tried to buy your um… services for a hundred
bucks?" I crossed my arms over my chest and dared her to deny my accusations.

"James is one of your best friends now, so that doesn't count," she said quickly. I was
unmoved. "And the other things were character-builders. This will be great. Seriously, so go
pack!"

"Alice," I started fiddling with the edge of the album as I spoke. Twiddling with random
objects had become a nervous habit I had picked up over the years. "Where exactly is it that
you plan on taking me?"

"It's a surprise, silly." She pulled me up from the stool and started tugging me toward the
hallway leading to the bedrooms. "I assume you can see yourself out, right Jake?" she called
back into the kitchen where Jake was still devouring my food. She wasn't being rude. Jake
was a bit of a fixture. We would never be romantically involved, but he tended to be at my
house more than a boyfriend would have been.

Jake shouted goodbye as we made it into my room. Alice started grabbing my things, and I
just flopped down on the bed in defeat. "Alice, I'm a mother, I can't just pick up and leave
without making arrangements and telling people where I'm headed."

"Mom and Dad already agreed to take T-Man for the night, so don't try to pull the mommy
card on me," she said with a knowing look. "We'll be back by late tomorrow afternoon. This
is going to be a fun girls' night away. You'll love it. I promise!" Alice was squatting down in
my closet searching through my meager shoe collection, sighing with dissatisfaction as she
dismissed me.

"Oh come on, at least tell me something, so I know what to expect."

"Okay, we're going to New York City for the night, but that's all I'm going to tell you, so don't
even try to ask for more." She returned her attention back to the shoes. "Girl, I let you out of
my sight for a year and look what happens to your shoes? Where are those silver strappy ones
I made you buy for your graduation?"

"They're there somewhere," I said gesturing to the now very messy floor of my closet. "But
can you forget about the shoes?" I threw a pillow at her to get her attention. She just batted it
away without looking at me. "Seriously, I can't afford to fly off to New York for the night. By
the time we get there, it will be pretty late, anyway. What's the point?"

"Look, the flight leaves at one and gets in just before three. That means we only have an hour
or so to get our butts in gear. We can drop Tony off on the way. Tomorrow, our flight gets
back by two-thirty. The tickets were only one hundred and eighteen bucks round-trip, so
consider it my birthday present. No more arguing, we have things to do, and I've already paid
for everything, so it's too late to back out. Now move it!" She commanded she charged into
the bathroom.

I stood up and started peeling off my clothing so I could get into the shower. "It looks like
we're off to the Big Apple," I said with a shrug.
 X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Alice's POV

I had been planning this trip for months. It was supposed to be a birthday surprise for a
woman who hates birthdays, something I found frustratingly odd and that I was trying to
change. Why anybody would turn down a reason to celebrate was beyond me. Bella Swan
was just an odd duck at times. Today, however, the little idiosyncrasies that made my best
friend unique unraveled to reveal a woman I hardly knew. Bella had been harboring a secret
that was bigger than I ever could have imagined, given her quiet, introverted demeanor.

When our flight arrived into JFK, Bella and I were both bubbling with anticipation. Though
she would never give me the satisfaction of admitting that I had been right about her need for
a New York City birthday getaway, I could tell that Bella was genuinely excited about our
night away from real life. The concentrated scowl that she had been sporting on our way to
the airport had dissipated in favor of a more relaxed, and dare I say happy, countenance.

We took the subway into Manhattan at Bella's insistence; she found it frivolous to waste
money on cab fare. The dark tunnels, which were home to my least favorite method of public
transportation, were infused with stale, muggy air, but I didn't complain. I had learned to pick
my battles with Bella. I knew well enough that if I let her have this small victory early, then I
would encounter less resistance during the remainder of the trip. I wanted Bella to be putty in
my hands during our later activities, so I armed myself with sanitizer and silently endured the
extremely long ride.

My plan for our evening had actually been pretty ingenious, or so I thought. One of the nurses
at the hospital had a brother whose girlfriend's cousin was a producer for the Jay David
O'Brien show. Because of this Ferris Bueller-worthy connection, I had been able to score two
tickets for a Saturday taping of the show. On Saturdays, they taped three shows for the
following week. Given the time crunch Bella's subway excursion had put us in, we were lucky
that the last of those three tapings, and the one for which we had tickets, didn't start until
seven.

We barely had time to scarf down a salad at the hotel bar before catching a cab to the theater.
Bella didn't object to the cab in this instance because the theater was a good fifteen blocks
away, and she was in heels. When we pulled up the curb a few blocks down from the theater,
Bella's eyes sparkled with excitement as she read the name on the marquis. What she didn't
know was that Midnight Sun would be performing.

It had been nothing short of divine intervention that Bella's favorite band happened to be
playing on the show the weekend before her birthday. When I saw their name on the show's
performance roster, I knew my gift would be perfect. Bella didn't talk much about the band,
but I often heard their lyrics blaring through her ear buds. Bella didn't know that I knew, but
she had also kept the Midnight Sun poster I had purchased for Tony when he was a toddler.
She had kept it rolled up in the corner of her closet for years, not even getting rid of it after
her move. I found it sad that she had never been to one of their concerts, so I vowed to
remedy that for her birthday.

Unfortunately, the night didn't pan out quite the way I had anticipated.

I had never seen Bella like this. She was usually the level-headed voice of reason in our
friendship. Tonight, however, she was all over the place. Waves of tension were rolling off of
her, and I couldn't say that I blamed her after what I had learned in the last hour. Bella, my
introverted, seemingly asexual best friend had been harboring a secret that was bigger than I
could have ever imagined.

Edward fucking Cullen was Tony's father, and equally shocking, he believed she was dead.

"What the hell did you do?" I practically barked into Bella's ear after I heard Jasper say the
words that had thrown me for a loop for the second time this evening. "Why does he think
you're dead?"

Bella's panic was visibly growing. Her entire body was shaking and she looked stricken with
something that I could only categorize as terror. She hadn't answered my question, and I
feared she would end up having a full blown melt-down or become comatose and pass out. I
verbally pushed her again, trying desperately to get her attention. "Bella, what's wrong?
Answer me!"

"I just..." she started, staring off to the side of the stage, "Carlisle."

"What?" I placed my hand on her leg trying to soothe her in any way I could. "Who's Carlisle,
Bella? What's going on?" I started rubbing circles into her back, but my efforts weren't
enough to calm her. She pushed herself further down into her seat and took three deep
breaths. They didn't do much good. Soon tears were pooling in her eyes.

"Bella, sweetie, don't cry." I couldn't help the hot tears that were spilling down my own
cheeks as I looked at my friend in such obvious pain.

I looked to the stage. Edward appeared equally as tortured. I didn't think it was possible that
he had seen us, but something was definitely up with him. He looked as if he was searching
the crowd for something. It didn't make any sense that he would be looking for a woman that
he presumed was dead, but somehow, that seemed to be exactly what he was doing.

"Thank you, everybody and goodnight!" Jay's voice broke Bella from the fear-laden trance
that had overtaken her. I watched Edward and his brothers stand and exit the stage. I wanted
to wave my arms and call out to him. I wanted him to reunite Bella with the man she so
obviously still loved and who clearly loved her in return.

"You did it, Bella. Let's get you out of here and then we talk." I gripped her hand tightly as the
lights in the studio came to life and burned my eyes. Everything around me was a blur of
movement and voices as I guided Bella from the theater. "Come on, Bella, we're almost out of
here," I whispered encouragingly as we exited the studio, crammed between hoards of
chattering people. I focused on her hand around mine and led her toward safety.

"Alice," she stuttered in desperation. "I don't know if I can make it. I need him." I looked into
Bella's pleading eyes. She looked so fragile and broken. It scared me to death.

"Are you okay?" As the warm air of the New York night hit my face, I slowly exhaled the
breath I had been holding for the last hour. "Bella, babe, are you okay?"

"God, Alice. I can't even tell you what just happened. I just…"

"Sweetie, you're okay. I'm here. Nobody saw us. Everything's okay." She didn't respond. She
let her body relax against the brick wall on the outside of the theater and slowly tried to draw
in a stabilizing breath while I stood helplessly at her side.

"I think we'll be okay, Alice. He didn't see me. We're okay." I hugged her to me and then
stood back with a bit worried expression on my face as something potentially troublesome
occurred to me.
"Bella, where's your sweater?" I looked around her, but didn't see it anywhere. Heaven help
her if she had to go back into that studio to fetch it.

"What?" was all she managed to say.

"Your sweater, Bella, where is it? You had it with you when we got here. It was the blue one
that Tony gave you last Christmas." Suddenly the meaning behind my words hit her. She
couldn't go home without it. Tony had a memory like a steel trap and would easily notice its
absence. He and I had gone shopping together, and he had been so proud of his purchase. He
used some of his chore money to buy it. I never told him that I chipped in the balance of the
price.

"Fuck!" All the calm that she had gained since exiting the building was gone.

"Calm down, Bella. I'll go get it. Just stay here. There are plenty of people around. You'll be
safe here, okay?" I looked at her. I didn't want to leave her, but there wasn't much choice.

"Okay, I'm good. I think the fresh air is actually doing me some good. I'll be fine now. Don't
worry." She let her body slide down the scratchy brick surface until her fanny was resting
comfortably on her heels. She gave me a thumbs up, but I wasn't sure if I truly believed that
she was okay.

I pushed my way inside the door against the current of people exiting the building. My
mission was to extract the missing sweater from the studio and escape without being detected.
Channeling, my inner Ethan Hunt, I bent down and forged ahead until my body finally broke
free of the last few stragglers. Two crew members stood off in the corner, but otherwise, the
set was quiet.

I silently walked back to our row and started surveying the chairs for Bella's sweater. I didn't
see it, so I crouched down onto the floor to check under the seat. It was there, rumpled up in a
loose ball, having fallen from between the fold in the back of the seat cushion. I stretched my
arm out and grabbed it tightly in my fist. I was golden.

"Lose something?" a low, seductive voice sounded from above me. I turned my head to find a
face I never would have expected. He was beautiful, and my entire body began to tingle as I
looked over his lean form.
My breathing became shallow as I spoke. "Um… yeah. My friend forgot her um… sweater." I
held it up as evidence. "I came back in to get it for her." I looked at him with what could only
be classified as a star-struck, stupid expression. Noticing that I was still holding out Bella's
sweater, I quickly retracted it so as to appear a bit less deranged.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I chastised myself. Be cool, woman!

"Well, I'm glad you were able to find it." He shifted his weight to his left foot and stuffed his
hands nervously into his pockets. Why the fuck is he nervous?

"Thanks… I guess." I looked at him carefully, trying not to let on how mesmerized I was by
being in his presence. I was pretty sure that ship had already sailed, but this was a unique
opportunity. I needed to hold my shit together. He was spectacularly handsome and all sorts
of lustful thoughts were flooding my brain. I had always thought him an attractive man, but
standing two feet away from this glorious specimen of a man, I was spellbound. Everything
about him exuded sexiness. I wanted to scrape my fingers across his skin and make him
scream my name, or vice versa. That would work, too.

In a word, he was: hot.

"So, um… your question during the show… it was… insightful." He chewed on his lip a bit,
still seeming a bit nervous for some reason that I couldn't begin to comprehend. After all, he
held all the cards. With one word, I would give up everything and become his willing slave
for the rest of my life. What the fuck, Brandon?

"Thanks, Jasper. I've always been a fan." Always been a fan? Could I be a bigger moron at
this moment?

"Jazz, you coming, man?" Those four little words broke the spell that had been enchanting me
for the last few minutes. Suddenly, the seriousness of the moment stuck me. The fear I had
witnessed wrenching my best friend apart flooded my consciousness. I looked at Edward as
he ascended the aisle.

"Yes, I'm coming. I was just talking to…" Jasper looked back to me in silent question. "What
did you say your name was again?"
"Alice," I supplied, extending my hand out in greeting. Jasper took my hand in his and a
warm tingle zipped up my arm. I tried to hide my reaction, but when he squeezed my hand
and gently smiled, I knew he had felt it, too.

"Alice," Jasper repeated without letting go. My name sounded like sex on his lips, and I
wanted to beg him to say it again.

"Jazz, man, we've got some important shit to take care of right now. You think this can wait?"
Edward was impatient. Something to which I wasn't privy was obviously going on behind the
scenes of the exchange between Jasper and Edward. "Em needs us. Right now."

"Hi, Edward," I acknowledged him politely with a small wave of my left hand, my right still
tucked safely in Jasper's. "It's really nice to meet you." Edward looked at me for a moment
without speaking. It was as if he was sizing me up or trying to figure something out. I couldn't
read him, and it made me nervous. Just being in his presence was nerve-wracking. His
resemblance to Tony was uncanny. I wasn't sure how I had missed it before. Thinking of the
similarities led my mind back to Bella. She was waiting for me. I needed to get back to her as
soon as possible.

"You, too," Edward replied politely, albeit seemingly confused. I had to be careful about
everything I said. My loyalty stood with Bella. As much as I wanted to tell him about Bella
and Tony, I knew I couldn't do it. I knew that Bella wanted to keep herself hidden even if I
didn't know the reason why. Yet. I would need to tread lightly; I didn't want to betray her
confidence.

"Okay, Jazz, two minutes, man. Alice, it's been interesting." Edward gave me a small smile
and then gave Jasper a pointed look and started walking casually back the way he had come.

Ignoring Edward completely, Jasper pushed to continue our conversation. "You have a
beautiful accent, Alice," Jasper purred in a distinctly sexy voice. "Where are you from?"

"Chapel Hill, North Carolina, originally, but now I live in Raleigh," I responded instinctively.
I shouldn't have said anything with Edward still within earshot, but I had once again been
pulled into a Jasper vortex, and my brain was only functioning at half-power.

"Where?" Edward stopped and spun on his heel, questioning me in a trembling voice.
"Um… North Carolina," I responded with less specificity than I had used in my initial
response. I wasn't sure if I had already said too much, but lots of people were from North
Carolina, so I hoped I hadn't let anything too important slip.

God, Bella is going to shoot me.

"We've played Walnut Creek a few times, I think. It's a nice place." Jasper added, giving
Edward a serious look.

"Yes, it is," I agreed, glancing to my feet as a strange shyness came over me. I noticed Jasper
balancing on the outside of his heels. Everything about this moment was just surreal.

"I should probably get going," I mumbled. "My friend is waiting for me outside." As much as
I really wanted to stay and chat with Jasper for the next few hours, I couldn't do that to Bella.
She seemed okay when I left her, but I still didn't feel right leaving her for too long. I'd
already left her out there for a good five minutes. I didn't want her to start worrying about me.

"Yeah, I should probably get going, too," he agreed, pointing his thumb back over his
shoulder toward Edward, who was still standing motionless in the aisle.

"I, um, I..." I knew it was a mistake, but I couldn't help myself. I had to say one more thing
before I left, or I would never feel right again. I looked past Jasper and spoke directly to
Edward. "I noticed that you were, um, uncomfortable up there today." My words clearly
caught Jasper off guard. He glanced between Edward and me a few times, worry etched
heavily in his expression.

"Okay, I suppose so," he responded questioningly. I knew I was entering dangerous territory
by probing like this, but I just couldn't stop myself.

"Pardon me for saying so, but you just seemed to be looking for something or… someone," I
hedged not so carefully. I took a deep breath before the next words left my mouth. "Just
promise me that you will follow your instincts. Don't give up on that… someone."

My heart was thundering as Jasper looked at me skeptically. Edward was silent for a few
moments, but then nodded his head. I wasn't sure if he knew what I was trying to tell him or
not, but I could only hope that he did. "Okay, well," Edward said dismissively, shaking his
head as if to clear his thoughts, "I'll be sure to do that, Alice." He thought I was crazy. He had
contemplated my words for a minute and then totally pushed them away as the insane
ramblings of a fan. It was probably for the better. I had already said more than I should have.

Edward turned and jogged slowly down the rest of the aisle before disappearing behind the
side of the set. He was gone, and I felt waves of guilt wash over me. I had already let too
much slip. I needed to get back to Bella right away before I said anything else that might be
damaging.

"I should get going," Jasper said as he finally released my hand. I had forgotten that he was
still holding it. We both flushed slightly at the realization. It just felt so natural to touch him. I
looked down at my bare fingers, silently cursing the cold, empty feeling that had replaced
Jasper's burning touch.

"Of course," I volunteered. "I really need to scram, too. It was nice to meet you." I looked into
Jasper's eyes. Everything about him was mesmerizing. I pulled Bella's sweater into my chest
and sucked in a breath. I looked him in the eyes again, willing myself not to become lost in
their depths. My heart was beating, and an anxious sweat was beginning to form on my back.

"It was lovely to meet you, too, Alice." He reached for my hand again and pulled me gently
toward him. "I… um…" he started to speak, but then leaned in for a quick peck to my cheek
instead. "Right, so, goodbye then," he looked at me in the eye as he spoke those final words
before releasing me and backing away.

"Goodbye," I said softly. I let my hand trace the spot where his lips had just blessed me with
their gentle caress. I wanted to get his number or set up a time to meet him again, but I
couldn't do that to Bella. The nervous knot in my stomach was tightening, but I had to leave.

I watched him turn around to walk away, and I couldn't handle it. All reason left my brain,
and I did something incredibly stupid. "Jasper, wait!" I called out to him desperately. He
stopped in his tracks and turned instantly to face me, but he didn't walk back in my direction.
"Thank you," was all I could say.

He turned again and started walking away slowly. I stood immobilized watching him retreat
and longing to run into his arms. I had never felt anything like this in my life. So many
emotions were flooding through my heart and brain.
"Hey, Alice," he called back to me just before he was about to turn the corner and exit my
field of vision for good. "I really hope I see you again." He didn't say anything further. He
simply gave me a relaxed two-finger salute and flashed me a giant smirk. And then, as if he
had never been there at all, Jasper was gone.

"I think you can count on it, Jasper," I said to myself. "Divine intervention has nothing on
me." I ran out of the studio with a new mission.
CHAPTER 17:
SHADOW OF THE DAY

Edward's POV: New York City

There are times in every man's life when he views the world through self-correcting lenses.
He subconsciously ignores imperfections in favor of his less flawed expectations and
preconceived notions. He reads a sentence missing multiple words, but his brain automatically
fills in the pieces without him even perceiving their absence. He drives his regular route to
work without noticing the broken down truck on the side of the road. He looks at his child and
sees flawless skin where scars have formed. Whether out of habit, desire or love, his brain,
and sometimes his heart, blinds him to the truth staring him in the face.

Such had always been the way I viewed Carlisle. I shared no genetic connection with the man,
but he was the only father figure I had ever known, and that, in and of itself, was meaningful.
I wanted him to be a true father to me; I needed to feel loved and wanted. Therefore, while I
despised his methods and often felt constrained by his tyrannical ways, my heart blinded me
to the true depth of my father's depravity. I justified his actions in my heart. I convinced
myself that his transgressions came from a loving and fatherly place instead of their true
conceited origins. But recent years, and recent events, had helped to remove my rose-colored
glasses, and I had begun to see Carlisle for the heartless coward he truly was.

After our meeting with Esme, Jasper, Emmett and I hired an attorney to look into our
management contract with Carlisle. The contract stipulated that Carlisle would receive
eighteen percent of our gross income, and because Carlisle also managed our money, we
naively assumed that was what he took. After our attorney recommended that we hire a
forensic accountant to study our books, we learned that Daddy Dearest had been skimming
much more than his legal share off the top. The accountant needed more time and more
detailed records to give us a true picture of how much damage Carlisle had done, but his
preliminary findings were indisputable… and horrifying.
We were disgusted. Not only had Carlisle lied about my adoption, he had been stealing from
us for years. I had thought my father to be many bad things in the past months, but I never
dreamed he was a thief capable of embezzling from his own children. Any second thoughts
we had been having about firing his sorry ass were gone. We were resolved to do it
immediately.

I was experiencing a full spectrum of emotions as I waited for my father to arrive. The first,
and probably the most prominent of said emotions, was fear. Undoubtedly, his reaction would
be negative. I had seen my father angry, and I knew being cast aside by his sons would give
him ample provocation to unleash his inner beast. What I couldn't predict was the intensity of
his anger and the extent to which he would take out his revenge.

Whether his retaliation was immediate or delayed, I knew it would be targeted and vicious.
Hell hath no fury and all that shit. And, unbeknownst to my brothers and Esme, my plan was
to do everything in my power to draw the focus of my father's ire toward myself. Of all of us,
I had the least to lose, so I would happily take whatever Carlisle wanted to throw at me in
their stead.

The second emotion coursing through me was guilt. Esme had been beaten down by years of
Carlisle's emotional abuse. Her initial reaction to our news had been self-centered, but I fully
understood her response. We knew she loved us. She just didn't know how to be a good
mother, and Carlisle had made sure she would never learn. Like our money, he had stolen her
free will over time. He manipulated her to the point where she no longer had a voice of her
own. She lived as he dictated, never allowed to veer from the course he set out for her. She
was the silent victim of a sadistic megalomaniac, and after we fired him, she would become
his collateral damage as well.

The final sentiment whirling inside of me was relief. It was such a strange juxtaposition of
emotions to feel relief while being simultaneously guilt-ridden and fearful, but I felt it just the
same. We were moments away from ridding ourselves of the man who had governed our
every move for the last ten years. We were about to take back our lives for good, and fuck if
that wasn't empowering.

We were ready.
I heard the key in the front door and quickly gave a knowing nod to the guys. We had been
waiting for Carlisle in his living room. We decided it was best to confront him in his own
home. Jasper had suggested that if there was any shred of fatherly decency left in him,
something I highly doubted, then he would feel it here where he would be surrounded by
pictures of our childhoods. Our timing was also decided strategically. To protect Esme, we
didn't want her in the house when we confronted Carlisle. We wouldn't allow her to be
physically harmed should his reaction become violent. Hence, we chose a day when we knew
she would be tied up with board meetings at the Beverly Hills Women's Club.

"It's go time, boys. Let's do this," Emmett said, standing up and clapping his hands together
like a pumped up boxer about to climb into the ring. I rubbed my palms nervously against my
jean-clad thighs and rose to my feet to stand beside my brothers.

"What's all this?" Carlisle questioned sharply as he entered the room, offering us only a
discourteous glance. He kept walking over to the bar and poured himself a Scotch, silently
implying that he wasn't moved by our resolute visages. "I assume by the fact that you are
standing uninvited in my living room that you want to discuss something with me," he said
before taking his seat in a brown leather chair, which was prominently situated in the room as
his ersatz throne.

We followed suit, retaking our own seats. "Well? Get on with it, already. I don't have all day
for your nonsense. Some of us have actual work to do before we head to New York tonight."
Carlisle took a long pull from his glass and arched an eyebrow in my direction. Apparently,
he expected me to be the spokesman of the group.

I picked up the manila envelope that I had placed on the couch next to me and tossed it onto
the coffee table in front of Carlisle. "We brought you a little something," I said, gesturing
toward my sealed offering.

"Okay." He made no effort to look at it, but instead remained silently unimpressed for several
moments until Jasper spoke.

"We hired an attorney and a forensic accountant. I'm sure you can imagine what's inside the
envelope," Jasper said bravely. I sucked in a quick breath and looked for a reaction from
Carlisle that never came. His features revealed nothing as he took another sip from his glass
and then set it on the small rounded glass table next to his chair. His coldness reminded me a
great deal of Jenks. Luckily, I was now practiced in this sort of faceoff. He wouldn't rattle me.

"Are you insinuating something, Jasper?" our father finally asked calmly – too calmly.

"You think, asshole?" Emmett responded abruptly. One of the reasons we hadn't brought him
with us when we spoke to Esme was that he often lacked the tact necessary to deal with
delicate situations. I rolled my eyes at his words, wondering if perhaps we should have left
him out of the current meeting as well. He meant well, but we needed to keep control of the
situation. If we acted like boys instead of men, then Carlisle would dismiss us as such and
walk away as the victor.

"Do you have something you would like to say?" Carlisle pounced on Emmett's disrespectful
insertion in the conversation. Jasper and I both glared at Emmett. He held up his hands in
resignation, allowing us to take the lead.

"Carlisle," I began formally, "we know what you've been doing." I leaned forward and rested
my elbows on my legs as I spoke. I did it as much for support as I did to close a bit of the
distance between us. I wanted my body language to convey that I wouldn't cower away from
him.

"And what's that, Edward?" he asked disdainfully.

"That envelope contains evidence that you've been stealing from us. Contractually, you're
only entitled to eighteen percent, but it seems you have been taking closer to fifty. Care to
explain?" I looked into my father's eyes and dared him to deny it with my glare. I was ready to
call him out as a liar next. I scrunched my toes together nervously in my shoes. It was the only
place on my body that I could tense without him knowing.

"I'm not sure where this accountant of yours got his information. Your records are locked
upstairs in my office. Anything you might have in that envelope is fiction." He took another
sip of his drink and showed no reaction to having been called out.

"Funny thing, Dad," Emmett piped in again, "but when you marry a woman who works for
your record label, she tends to be more than happy to use her privileges to access your client
file." Emmett's tone was arrogant and hostile, but more restrained than his previous outburst.
His nostrils were flaring, and I feared that he was moments away from launching himself at
the cold-hearted bastard who claimed to be our father.

"What kind of pathetic man needs to steal from his own children?" Jasper spoke angrily. "We
trusted you with our livelihood and you stole from us."

"I don't know what you think you know, but you would all be wise to watch your tone with
me. I'm your father, and I demand to be treated with respect." Carlisle gritted his teeth and
grabbed at the envelope. He ripped it open and dumped out its contents onto the table, picking
through it quickly.

"This is a very one-sided view of things. You do realize that you can't just look at income;
you must also look at the band's expenses." His cursory observation was accurate. The band
had high expenditures, but there was money set aside for most of that in a separate account,
and Carlisle was paid before expenses. We hadn't hired some schmuck off the street to
complete the investigation; we knew the numbers were accurate.

"Not when you get paid off the gross, asshole!" Jasper's dramatic retort shocked me. He never
cursed, so hearing him do so instantly grabbed my attention. My anger was building. Carlisle
was not only lying to us, but he was essentially calling us stupid, too.

"Are you actually going to sit there and lie to us?" I seethed, rising to my feet and taking a
predatory step toward my father. He stood to meet me as I continued. "Are you really going to
deny this shit? We hired a forensic accountant," I sneered, emphasizing the words clearly.
"I'm pretty sure he understands Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, so why don't you
man up and admit what you've done?" Jasper was on his feet and at my side before I finished
yelling. He was ready to restrain me, but I didn't believe it would be necessary. I wouldn't
strike my father first, but I would sure as shit defend myself.

"How dare you come into my home and accuse me of something like this, you ungrateful
shits!" Carlisle grabbed the front of my shirt as he spat his words and bits of saliva in my face.
I held my ground and let him continue. "I've made you what you are. Midnight Sun would be
playing seedy, shit-hole bars in Port Angeles without me, so don't you dare come into my
home with some envelope of flimsy evidence and accuse me of being dishonest." Carlisle
twisted my shirt harder and pushed his knuckles forcefully into my ribcage. It hurt like a
bitch, but the pain was nothing compared to the loss of my father. Any delusions I might have
been harboring that underneath the asshole exterior was a man who might feel guilty or
repentant died in that moment, along with any hope I had that he could be a true father to me.

Jasper placed his hands on my shoulders to steady me. "Dad, you need to let go of Edward,
right now," he demanded firmly. Carlisle untwisted his grip slightly before releasing it
completely and stepping back. I tugged gently at the bottom hem of my shirt to right it, but I
didn't dare to touch the tender spot on my chest. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"How can you call yourself an honest man? You've been lying to me my entire life." It was
time for me to lay it all out there. We would have fired Carlisle for his dishonesty and
domineering attitude whether he had been stealing or not. I had to tell him everything I knew
if I had a chance of getting the truth out of him.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I've had just about enough of your insolence. All
of you are disrespectful, ungrateful children, and I'm ashamed to call you my sons." Carlisle
turned his back to me and picked his glass up from the table to take another sip.

"I know you lied about my mother," I spoke succinctly, letting my words hang in the air
before I continued. He turned and looked at me. For the first time, I saw a trace of fear in his
eyes, but it was gone before I could speak again. "She wasn't a teenager. She didn't give me
up voluntarily. She was murdered when I was two fucking years old. I was there in the room
when it happened. You lied to me. You told me that she never wanted me. You said she threw
me away. That scenario hurts far worse than the truth, so tell me why!" I moved forward and
spat my words in his face as he had done to me moments earlier. Jasper was still tugging at
my shoulders.

Carlisle turned and laughed. He fucking laughed at me. "You pathetic boy," he fumed
ferociously. I balled my fists up at his blatant disregard for my feelings, now rethinking my
stance on decking the motherfucker. "Is that what all of this bullshit is about?" He threw the
handful of papers he was still holding onto the table. "You're upset that I lied about your
mommy, so you concoct some story about me stealing from you?" he questioned with a
patronizing tone.

"So you admit that you lied?" Jasper was quick to pounce on Carlisle's confession, and I
almost smiled, knowing we were painting Carlisle into a corner.
"I admit that I tried to spare your brother the pain of knowing what really happened to his
mother." I didn't buy it for a minute. He was hiding something bigger.

"I call bullshit!" Emmett yelled from my left side before I could do it myself. "You don't give
a damn about Edward's feelings. You never have. You know you lied. We may not understand
why, but we know it had nothing to do with sparing Edward pain." Emmett was now at my
side ready to pounce.

"Why did you really do it?" I demanded. "What did you stand to gain from adopting me?
What are you really hiding, you sick fuck?" I yelled bitterly at the coward in front of me. If
Emmett's earlier comments had been disrespectful, then mine had been downright rude. But I
didn't give a shit anymore; I was done playing the good cop.

"I will warn you one more time," Carlisle said in a low menacing voice. "You will not speak
to me like this, especially in my home." He used both of his hands to push me back into Jasper
and Emmett. He didn't exert much force, just enough to show a bit of dominance.

"How about this, then? You're fired!" The words flew from my mouth with an ease I never
would have expected given that I was firing my own father. I crossed my arms over my chest
and glared at Carlisle.

"You can't fire me, you fool. We have a contract, and even if we didn't, I own you. I own all
of you," he continued as he looked at each of us one at a time. "You three are nothing but a
lackluster garage band without me. I made you, and I can easily destroy you. Test me if you
like."

"You breached your fiduciary duty to us under the terms of the contract, Carlisle," Jasper
responded reverently as he stepped from behind me. "In doing so, you gave us grounds for
early termination of the contract. Be grateful that we're only firing you and not calling the
cops."

The guys and I had discussed bringing the police into this mess. There was enough evidence
to throw Carlisle's crooked ass in jail, at least for a few months. Ultimately, however, we
decided that such an action would only harm Esme in the long run. He'd come out angrier and
more evil in the end. We didn't want her to be harmed anymore than necessary. We also didn't
want to cut off Carlisle's ability to earn and honest living down the road. We would all gladly
take care of Esme, but none of us would lift a finger to help Carlisle. If we left him in a
position to take care of himself, then we could extricate him that much farther out of our lives
and out of our pockets. Of course, we still had every intention of pursuing him civilly.

"Leave my home this instant!" Carlisle demanded and pointed at the door. "And if you think
this is over, you have another thing coming. This isn't over by a long shot. I'll see to it that the
three of you regret this."

We followed each other up the few steps to the entry, and I opened the door with a weight
lifted from my shoulders despite the pain in my heart. Emmett held my arm, either for
reassurance or to make sure I didn't turn back and attack. But Jasper, who was less restrained
than I, turned to address Carlisle before closing the door.

"By the way, Carlisle, I'd get out of the habit of saying 'my home' about this place. It's going
to be ours very soon." We heard the shattering of leaded crystal just as the door clicked shut.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

We took the redeye to New York several hours after leaving Carlisle and Esme's house. The
Jay David O'Brien Show would be our first performance without Carlisle at our sides as our
manager. We were all a bit shell-shocked by our encounter, but we didn't have time to focus
on it. We had several days of meetings set up after the show so that we could deal with our
new independent status. After that, however, I needed a break.

I picked at the label of my Amstel Light as we sat in the green room waiting for our call time.
My nerves were completely fried, and I just wanted to sleep. Performing was the last thing on
my mind, but we had committed to the gig and couldn't back out at the last minute. I mentally
wrote an email to Bella in my mind that I would later type. Her birthday was only days away.
After the show and our subsequent meetings, my plan was to lock myself away and do
nothing but dream of her.

"Five minutes." A young woman popped her head in the door and waved her right hand at us
while covering the microphone at her lips with her other. Jasper mumbled an
acknowledgement while Emmett messed with the large buckle on his belt. None of us spoke.
We were all feeling uneasy from the events which had transpired during the preceding
twenty-four hours. But even the morose feelings flowing through me prior to the show
couldn't compare to the emotions that were about to overtake me.

The familiar sensation slammed into me the moment the studio lights hit my face. It was her. I
hadn't felt her that strongly since the day I'd met the young boy, Tony, in the café. I closed my
eyes and formed a mental picture of the boy that now had Bella's bracelet. My stomach
muscles clenched from the nervous knots that had instantly formed there and my skin heated
as a warm prickle moved through me.

My ears were flooded with screams and cheers from the audience, but all of that was a distant
thought in my brain as I was completely overcome by the stimuli bombarding my other
senses. Somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear the guys begin to play "Shadow of
the Day", but I wasn't ready to sing. I uncharacteristically missed my cue, being too taken
aback by what was happening for me to focus on my job.

Panicked, I turned to Jasper for some sort of acknowledgement that he could feel it, too. He
offered no such assurances, but nodded his encouragement for me to sing as he restarted the
song. I turned back to the microphone and opened my mouth. I filled my lungs and the lyrics
left me on auto-pilot as the Bella sensation got stronger. I felt like I was being pulled. I
wanted to run off the stage toward the feeling, but that couldn't happen. I had a job to do, and
acting like a lunatic wouldn't get me anywhere.

Mistakenly, I tried to look out into the audience, but I was blinded instead by the rows of
large can lights hanging overhead. My vision became clouded by bright splotches of glowing
white where the lights had stained my eyes. I knew better than to look at lights directly, and
now, because of my mistake, I could see almost nothing. I ran my hands through my hair and
tugged gently at Bella's amulet, which was hanging from my neck.

Please, baby. What are you trying to tell me? Please! I begged silently behind the music. My
heart was racing and the tactile warming I had been feeling had now turned to a full-fledged
tingle across my skin. Waves of something powerful, that I couldn't quite identify, were
rolling into me from the audience. I began to wonder if he was here.

Tony.
That was the only explanation that I could come up with in the moment. I had no idea why I
felt so connected to the young boy from North Carolina, but I did. It was unlikely that we
were both back in New York again at the same time, but who knew. Our appearance on the
show had been promoted. Tony had said he knew who I was. Perhaps he came for me.
Perhaps he felt a similar pull to the one I thought I felt for him. I dismissed the idea as stupid
the moment it entered my mind. He was only a child… and he was sane, two things I clearly
wasn't.

As the song ended, thoughts of Bella inundated my mind, simultaneously calming and
stimulating me. "You okay, man?" Emmett spoke quietly into my ear, discreetly walking me
to our seats next to Jay on the set.

"Not sure," I muttered in response. I shook Jay's hand and sat down next to Jasper. Still on
auto-pilot, I tuned out Jay's voice and my own responses. I was too focused on deciphering
the feelings I was experiencing. Finally, a young woman's voice resonated in my head. The
humming grew infinitesimally as she spoke, alerting me to pay attention.

"Hi, I'm Alice," she said confidently. My vision was almost fully restored, so I tried to focus
my eyes on her petite form, being careful to avoid looking directly at the can lights again.
"I've noticed that a number of your songs either reference bells or have bells ringing in them.
There are also many references to… to birds. Is there any particular significance to bells and
birds?"

What the fuck?

I was floored by her question. It was extraordinarily rare for somebody to note this about our
music, but to be asked that question at that moment was beyond mere coincidence. Hell, it
was beyond comprehension. I studied the girl carefully as Jasper responded to her. She was a
small woman and she wore a simple red sweater with a pair of dark skinny jeans. She was
attractive by most standards, but there was nothing particularly striking about her. What made
her salient tonight were her words, not her looks.

"And where is this friend now?" Jay probed, looking at me for an answer. I wasn't sure if I
could even speak, but I knew I was expected to try. I turned my attention toward him and two
things happened at once. First, the warmth of my Bella-inspired daze was crushed by a sense
of anger. And second, I spotted Carlisle standing smugly off the edge of the set with his arms
crossed over his chest and an evil smirk cast over his face. Why the fuck is he here?

I yanked again at Charlie's amulet and finally spoke my answer to Jay's question from
moments ago. "She's dead," I said, somewhat curtly.

Jasper clearly hadn't noticed Carlisle yet, given his smooth attempt to soften my words. I
forced myself not to look at Carlisle again until the show was over. I concentrated on calming
myself. If I spoke to Carlisle before I was centered, I would quite possibly kill him.

Knowing he was here, I naturally felt anxious and angry. But the unexpected and perplexing
emotion that kept rolling over me was terror. Initially, I had been afraid when confronting
Carlisle, but once he put his hands on me, I graduated from fear to pure anger. To be
experiencing fear again didn't quite compute; I felt oddly disconnected from it. It was as if I
was tapping into somebody else's emotion, but personally living and breathing the power of
the reaction at the same time.

As Jay spoke his parting words, I nonchalantly bumped Jasper's leg and motioned for him to
look at Carlisle. Jasper in turn did the same to Emmett. I wanted to give them both a head's up
before they came face-to-face with our asshole father. We didn't need bad press on top of
everything else, and if Jasper or Emmett ran into him without a moment to first think
rationally about the situation, then fists would surely fly.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Emmett stood right in Carlisle's face after we exited the
set, his chest protruding out and almost touching Carlisle's. We were about to go for round
two with him.

Carlisle didn't flinch as he responded in a low, steady voice. "I'm your manager and your
father. What do you think I'm doing?" Carlisle stepped a bit closer to Emmett. He didn't speak
again until Emmett stepped back to regain his personal space. Looking pleased that he had
won the standoff, Carlisle spoke again. "Why don't we take this conversation someplace a bit
more private, boys? We wouldn't want those cameras out there to document our little family
squabble now, would we?"

I didn't bother to respond to my father. I pushed by him and crossed the backstage area to
enter the hallway which led back to the green room. I was so done with all of the drama. My
life had turned into a damned soap opera, and I was ready to purge all of my demons for good.
I grabbed a bottle of water and plopped down on the couch. I closed my eyes and waited for
the others to join me. My thoughts were back to Bella. I thought back to the lingering
sensations of her which were still fresh in my mind. I could only think that perhaps it had
been my gut trying to tell me that Carlisle had followed us to New York. She was trying to
warn me.

"So why are you here? We fired you. You have no business here anymore." I opened my eyes
to see Emmett glaring at Carlisle. Jasper had not come into the room with us. Lucky bastard.

"If you think I'm going to just back away with my tail between my legs then you don't know
me very well. You can't just dismiss me. I'm Carlisle Cullen, and I do as I please. You will be
grateful for my assistance." I scrunched my hands through my hair in frustration. I can't
handle this right now. I was starting to sweat and my stomach was twisting again.

"Look," I started as I moved to where they were both standing. I rubbed my finger along the
ribbed edge of the bottle top in my hand to release a bit of my frustration. "We've said all we
have to say about this. We won't work with you anymore. If you don't back off, we'll call the
police." I looked dead into Carlisle's eyes expecting to see him shy away from my threat, but
he didn't. He only laughed. Again.

"You have no idea who you're messing with," Carlisle growled at me. "You have a lot more to
lose than you know, Edward." His words surprised me, but he quickly continued. "All of you
do. I made this band. I can destroy it in a blink. I warned you not to test me on this."

"You can't do shit to us," I growled back with an equally acidic voice. "You may have helped
us in the beginning, but I'm fairly certain we can stand on our own now." It was true. Our
popularity had grown to such a level that we no longer had privacy. Our faces graced the
covers of countless magazines and our calendars were booked for the next two years. There
wasn't much he could do to harm our careers. Even if he could, I wasn't altogether sure I
cared.

"You have no idea what it takes to manage a band. This is a business, not some game. Don't
underestimate my power. I've got lots of friends and lots of pull in this industry. I can use it
for you or against you." Carlisle's cold blue eyes were focused on me and me alone. His
reaction was just another example of why we needed to get rid of him. His threats were more
evidence that he didn't love us. He only loved what we could give him: power and money.

I had never hated anybody in my life the way I hated Carlisle in that moment. I looked to
Emmett to help. I knew if I said anything further, I would go ballistic on him. Quickly
realizing that I was on the brink, Emmett stepped in as a buffer between us.

"E, why don't you go find Jasper so we can get out of here? He stayed out there to talk to one
of the producers." I nodded toward Emmett and left the room in search of my brother. I didn't
acknowledge Carlisle again.

When I found Jasper, he wasn't talking to a producer at all. A wave of nervousness swept over
me when I realized who had captured his attention. He was standing unnecessarily close to
the perceptive young woman who had asked us about the Bella references in our song lyrics.
During the show she had introduced herself as Alice. I couldn't remember most of what had
happened during the show, but I definitely remembered her name.

I walked slowly up the aisle trying to get my brother to look at me without drawing too much
of Alice's attention. We needed to get back to Emmett, but Jasper seemed a bit mesmerized,
and his acknowledgement was more of a dismissal of me than anything.

"Jazz, man, we've got some important shit to take care of right now. You think this can wait?"
I knew I was being an ass, but I needed to get the fuck out of that studio. "Em needs us. Right
now." I emphasized the last words as sharply as I could without being overtly rude.

"Hi, Edward," Alice commented politely. "It's really nice to meet you." I shoved my hands
into my pockets and just stared back at her for a a few seconds. She seemed to be sizing me
up. Her interest didn't appear sexual; she looked curious about me in a way that was different
from basic fan interest. The way her eyes carefully focused on me suggested that she was
studying each of my features. I felt exposed by the force of her gaze, so I shifted my weight to
my back leg and turned my body slightly away from her.

"You, too," I finally returned her greeting allowing my finger to fiddle nervously with the
bottle top once more. "Okay, Jazz, two minutes, man. Alice, it's been… interesting."
Uncomfortable and bizarre was a more accurate description. Alice indeed. I felt like I had
fallen down the rabbit hole today.
I turned to walk out of the theater, but my body was moving slower than I was willing it to go.
There was something about Alice that made me want to listen to what she had to say. I
carefully focused on their conversation, hoping to snap myself out of the strange mind-meld
this girl had over me.

"You have a beautiful accent, Alice," Jasper charmed her in the voice he reserved for his
conquests. I didn't doubt his sincerity in wanting to learn more about her, but it wasn't really
the time. "Where are you from?" Strangely, I too suddenly longed to hear her answer.

"Chapel Hill, North Carolina, originally, but now I live in Raleigh,"

"Where?" I stopped short of my next step and spun on my heel, questioning her in a trembling
voice. Dear God. Tony! Something very strange was happening. This was more than just my
Belladar going haywire. I'd spent the last hour thinking of Bella and the young boy from
Chapel Hill only to be confronted by a woman from that exact same town, a woman who was
questioning us about references to bells and birds. It was too much. Bella was not only trying
to tell me something, she was trying to hit me over the head with it.

"Um… North Carolina," Alice responded with a strange uncertainty. She nervously hugged
the light blue sweater in her arms. She was as uncomfortable as I was intrigued.

Everything inside me became a blaze of sensation. I could feel my pulse thundering

throughout my entire body. I tuned out the words that Jasper and Alice were exchanging, too
lost in my own Wonderland to comprehend what was unfolding before me.

Alice's eyes found me again and pulled me back to the present. She had started talking to me,
so I tried to concentrate on her words. I could barely hear her. I felt like I was submerged
underwater. "I noticed that you were, um, uncomfortable up there today."

Understatement of the century, sweetheart.

"Okay, I suppose so," I responded, carefully trying to figure out where her line of questioning
was going. I pulled at the amulet again, hoping that it would ground me a bit.

"Pardon me for saying so, but you just seemed to be looking for something or… someone,"
Who the fuck is this girl? I stood completely still as she continued saying what she wanted to
say. I felt like I was listening to some fortune teller looking into a crystal ball and seeing my
soul. "Just promise me that you will follow your instincts. Don't give up on that… someone."

Holy fuck!

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stand there anymore. I couldn't catch my breath.
Something was very wrong. I wanted to sit Alice down and beg her to explain herself, but I
couldn't do it. I felt the beginning twinges of a panic attack starting to overpower me. I had to
leave. "Okay, well," I said as blinked my eyes and shook my head slightly in a wasted attempt
to clear my foggy brain. "I'll be sure to do that, Alice." I was being incredibly rude, but I
couldn't help it. My chest was tightening as my body trembled. I couldn't say anything else. I
jogged away, desperate for a moment of solitude,

Once I could no longer hear or see my brother and Alice, I sank to the ground behind the rear
set wall and positioned my head between my knees trying to catch my breath. My brain was
running a million miles per hour, but what kept returning to me were Carlisle's cryptic words.
"You have more to lose than you know, Edward."

I don't know why they struck me so deeply. Perhaps it was that he had singled me out so
specifically. Of my brothers and myself, I was seemingly the one with the least to lose. Sure,
he could make things harder on the band, but we were big enough now that such threats were
mostly the empty ravings of a desperate man. Carlisle wasn't one for hollow intimidation.
There was something more to his words, and I knew exactly what I needed to do to figure it
out once and for all. I had vowed to myself that I would follow my instincts, so that is what I
was going to do.

"Why are you sitting here?" Jasper knelt down beside me and put an arm on my shoulder. I
looked into his concerned eyes and finally told him everything that had happened in the last
hour. Emmett joined us mid-way through my explanation, having finally escaped Carlisle's
unwanted presence.

"Edward," Emmett began supportively after listening to the end of my story. "You know what
you need, man. Just do it." He gave my hands an encouraging double fist pump and flashed
me his trademark smirk.
"I do know," I affirmed confidently. Finally, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I had no idea
what I would find once I got there, but there was no more turning back. "I'm going to Chapel
Hill."
CHAPTER 18:
SOMEWHERE I BELONG

Bella's POV: September, 2010, Chapel Hill, NC

To: Bella Swan

From: Edward Cullen

Sub: Changing of the guard

Date: September 12, 2010

Hi Beautiful,

I miss you so much that my heart literally aches. I apologize for not writing you over the last
few days, but things have been crazy around here. We finally did it, baby. We fired him. We
met him at his house Friday evening, and we confronted him. God, Bella, he got so violent
with us. I never expected that. I knew he'd be angry, but his physical aggression shocked me. I
think it's fair to say that I'm done underestimating the depths to which my father (pardon me,
my ex-father) will sink to get his way. He won't best me again.

I will refrain from boring you with the details of the confrontation (I'm sure you could see it
from where you are, anyway), but suffice it to say, we haven't seen the last of him. He actually
had the balls to show up at our gig in New York last night. He acted as if nothing had even
happened. Emmet and I confronted him again after the show, but I don't think we made any
progress. Now, he seems to have vanished. I know he is up to something, but for now, I have
other things occupying my thoughts.

You.

I felt you at the Show, Bella. I know I must sound certifiable to you, but it's true. I promised
you years ago that I would follow your clues. I'd let my heart be my guide. It led me to the
truth about Carlisle. I thought that was all you were trying to tell me, but now I believe there
is more. I'm still missing part of the picture. Please show me the answers. Please!

There was a woman at the show, Alice. I'm fairly certain Jazz fell in love with her at first
sight. She said some strange things. I swear, Bella, it was as if she reached into my head,
pushed aside my mess of a brain, and read my truest thoughts. She honed right in on my inner
struggle and told me to find you. She told me not to give up on you. I never would. You are
everything.

So now, the clues seem to be leading me back to the boy. Do you remember when I told you
about Tony? I gave him your bracelet because I felt so drawn to him. Well, at the show last
night, I was convinced he was there. I felt pulled by something in the audience; it was a pull I
haven't felt since I met him. I think you're trying to tell me something. I think you want me to
find him. I don't know why yet, but I'm going to do it. I'm going to find him for you.

I love you, sweet angel. Whether you're here in person or not, you're here always.

Forever yours,

Edward

"Okay, woman, spill it!" Alice's words broke me out of my Edward-induced trance. His email
had monopolized my mind since it had arrived in my inbox, thrilling me and scaring me in
equal parts. Alice tucked her arms around her right leg which was bent up under her chin. She
had a hopeful, excited expression on her face, which told me in no uncertain terms that my
time had run out.

I'd dodged her questions for a week. When we first got home from New York, she tried to pry
me for details, but I managed to brush her off. I think she realized I needed time, so she didn't
push too hard. Though I was fairly certain that she could no longer be dissuaded, I focused my
mind and tried for one last diversion.

"Why don't you spill first?" I held my hand out in invitation. "You said you spoke to Jasper
when you went in for my sweater. Tell me more. I bet he flashed you those sexy dimples a
few times. The man has a unique charm, doesn't he?" She had already filled me in bits and
pieces of the conversation, at least to the extent that I was confident she hadn't revealed
anything specific about Tony or me. After Edward's email, I had been fearful that she had said
too much, so I had done some gentle probing. A convenient byproduct of my subtle
inquisition was my new knowledge that my dear, sweet Alice was completely smitten with
Jasper, a fact I wasn't above exploiting to buy myself some extra time.

"What do you want to know? He's gorgeous, and just holding his hand made my heart flutter
and my toes curl. There may have even been thoughts of licking him running through my
head." I briefly bit back a slight grimace. I thought of Jasper like a brother, and visualizing
him being licked sexually gave me the heebie-jeebies. But, because my distraction technique
was working, I pushed forward.

"And…" I questioned, casually fiddling with the plastic which was peeling off the end of my
tennis shoelace. I gave playfully provocative smirk to encourage her.

"And… when I marry him and give birth to his perfect blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired babies,
he's going to notice that my best friend and the godmother to his children, is none other than
the dearly departed inspiration and long lost love of his brother." I cringed as she spoke,
knowing that I hadn't outrun her questions after all. Fuck! "Oh, and he might also notice that
my godson, his secret nephew by-the-by, is the spitting image of said brother. It's just a
hunch, but I'm pretty sure he'll pick up on those minor details. So stop trying to distract me
and SPILL!" she barked at me.

Alice grabbed the pillow from behind her back and whacked it against my shoulder. She
raised her eyebrows at me in challenge, silently warning me that any further attempts to divert
her would be met by her full wrath.

It's time to pay the piper, Swan. I closed my eyes and began to speak.
"Um… well… Edward is Tony's father, but I guess you figured that part out already," I said
just above a whisper, my breath hitching slightly as the words left my mouth for the very first
time. I had never admitted that truth to anybody. Jake knew of course, but I never actually had
to speak the words. I nervously traced my finger along the edge of the pillow waiting for her
to acknowledge my confirmation of Tony's paternity.

"Yeah, no shit, Bella," she responded sarcastically, clearly frustrated with me and completely
unmoved by my distress. "The child looks like he was carved off the side of the man's body.
They're fucking twins, for Christ's sake. I'm just surprised I didn't figure it out sooner. Now,
quit stalling. I want details."

"Fine, I'll tell you everything, but you have to promise me that you won't say anything to
anybody." I searched her eyes for confirmation. I felt light-headed by the weight of the
moment. I was teetering on the knife-edge of my sanity, and I wasn't sure which way I would
fall when the time came. Her only response was a curt, dismissive nod and it stung.

"I mean it, Alice," I snapped impatiently. "This isn't some joke. If the truth comes out to the
wrong people, lives will be at risk." I needed her to understand that this wasn't gossip hour.
We were always playful with one another, but this was serious.

In fairness, I had only myself to blame for her nonchalant attitude. I had been playing games
with her for days. She had no way of knowing the true implications of having this
conversation. But she would. By the time we were done, her life would be in danger as well,
but I no longer had a choice. Rogue Alice was a far greater threat than enlightened Alice.

Possibly sensing my inner conflict, Alice's demeanor began to shift from that of a
meddlesome girlfriend to a concerned confidant. This was the Alice I needed. "Bella, you
know you can trust me. I would never betray your confidence. You're starting to scare me.
Please, just tell me what's going on." Alice scooted slightly closer to me on the couch.

"Edward, Jasper, Emmett and I all went to high school together," I began carefully.

"Jake, too, right?"

I took a sip of my water to clear my throat and then set it back down on the coffee table before
responding. "Actually, Jake went to school on the Quileute Indian Reservation. I was living
with Jake and his dad after my father died, but I was still allowed to finish up at Forks High. I
was technically out of district, but given that my father was the fallen police chief, they made
an exception for me."

"Got it. Okay, so what happened? Were you and Edward high school sweethearts?"

"Something like that," I said as memories of laying in the meadow with Edward flashed
through my mind. I couldn't help the smile those peaceful memories inspired. "Actually, we
were way more than that. Edward and I were cut from the same cloth. We'd both lost our
parents. He was adopted, and I was taken in by Jake's dad, Billy, but we both felt a sense of
loss. The Cullens weren't the most nourishing parents." I looked to Alice to see if she was
going to interject anything, but she just smiled and invited me to continue with a squeeze of
my hand.

"Edward and I became very close, very quickly. We fell in love hard and fast. I know it
sounds like some cheesy Lifetime movie, but our connection was incredibly strong. We
shared all of our firsts together. He's actually the only man I've ever been with." I looked
down at my nervously twisting hands.

"Oh my God, honey." She moved across the couch and cradled me in a soft embrace. Tears
were now slipping from my eyes. Telling the story was rather cathartic, but it was also
extremely painful to vocalize my memories. I explained everything that happened through
high school, Battle of the Bands, our move to Seattle, the pregnancy, the wedding plans, and
everything else in the days leading up to the crash. She asked occasional questions, but for the
most part, she just let me tell unload the burden that I had been carrying.

"When I woke up in the hospital, I was strapped down. I couldn't move and then he was
there." I shuddered at the memory of Carlisle entering my hospital room like an angry
predator ready to devour his prey.

"Who? Who was there?" Alice questioned in desperate need to hear how the story played out.
Tears had now filled her eyes as well. I offered her a tissue and took one for myself before I
continued.
"Carlisle. He… he caused the crash." I looked up at her dumbstruck face. She scratched her
cheek briefly and cocked her head, showing a true confusion which closely resembled the
feelings I had experienced upon learning the same news all those years ago.

"I don't understand. What do you mean he caused the crash?"

"He rigged it somehow. He didn't really give me the details, but he bragged about doing it. He
was trying to kill me. He thought I was a distraction, and he wanted me out of the picture. He
didn't much care if Edward was killed, too. I'm telling you, Alice, the man is twisted." My
body reflexively cringed with a cool tingle when I thought about everything Carlisle had done
and said. He had violated me.

"He's sick," she whimpered.

"Alice, he is so much worse than sick. He… fuck, he touched me." I couldn't look at her when
I said the words. Tears were spilling from my eyes, dotting the pillow in my lap with little
salty droplets. The revulsion I felt was caused by more than just his physical violation of my
body. I was plagued with guilt for having had a sexual encounter with Edward's father. I felt
cheap, damaged even. If my prayers were ever answered, and Edward was safely returned to
me one day, I knew he would never be able to look at me the same way once he knew that
vile truth.

"What!" Alice was on her feet in an instant. "What the hell do you mean by that? Did he, oh
shit, Bella, did he…?"

"No," I assured her quickly. "He didn't rape me. But he admitted to watching me in the
shower for years, and he put his mouth…" I winced, choking back bile at the thought. "I was
in restraints, and he pulled down my gown – said he wanted a taste." I felt shame telling her
what had transpired. Admitting it out loud made me feel as dirty as I had when it happened, so
I just motioned to my breasts so that she would understand. Alice crawled into my lap and
held me tightly. I wasn't sure if she was offering or taking comfort, but it felt good to be held.
Although reliving my story was painful, I felt like I'd finally begun to expel something rancid
and horrible, something I'd been holding inside for too long.

"He admitted things to me that day which changed everything." Alice sat back onto the
cushion beside me, but never let go of my hands. "He's Edward's father."
Alice scrunched up her face and bit the corner of her lip. "I don't get it. Didn't you already
know that Carlisle had adopted Edward?"

"Yes, but that isn't what I meant. Carlisle is Edward's biological father, too. And as much as it
disgusts me to think it, he's also Tony's biological grandfather."

A sharp breath left Alice's lips. The delicate features on her petite face contorted further with
worry. "Fuck. How is that even possible?"

"I don't know all of the details, but Alice, he killed Edward's mother. He showed me a video
of it. He slammed her head into the floor until she finally stopped struggling and went limp
beneath him. But that wasn't even the most frightening part; it was Carlisle himself. He didn't
look crazed or possessed like one might expect. He was cold. His face looked eerily calm
while his body carried out the most violent, gruesome execution you can imagine. Edward
was sitting right there next to him, Alice. He couldn't have been more than two years old at
the time, but Carlisle paid him no mind." My heart was in pieces as I thought about the poor
little boy watching his mother's life leave her body in front of his innocent eyes.

"Oh, Bella. Why? Why would he do that, and why the hell would he tell you? I don't
understand. What did he possibly have to gain?" Alice was asking all of the questions I had
asked myself. I didn't have all of the answers, but I was able to explain that he used the video
as leverage to make me leave Edward. It was his scare tactic. He knew he had to do
something drastic to keep me away, and it worked beautifully.

"So all this time you've been in hiding," she spoke with understanding. She wasn't asking a
question, she was finally putting the last of the pieces together.

"Yes. Carlisle has… made contact…" I shivered at the memory of every appearance and
phone calls he'd made, shattering my sense of security with his very existence. "He's shown
up and called a number of times to remind me of his power and to prove that he is always
watching me."

"Bella, we have to do something." Alice seemed desperate to change my situation, but she
hadn't lived the reality of looking over your shoulder for the monster lingering in the shadows.
She hadn't feared for her life and for that of her child. I didn't know how to explain it to her.
"I love Edward so much, but there isn't anything that I can do. I want to be with him. It kills
me that he and Tony have missed so much of each other's lives, but I have to do what I can to
keep them both alive. I was nineteen at the time. I didn't have any family or any education.
There was nothing I could do then, and I don't know that there's anything I can do now." My
head dropped back, my eyes closed… defeated. That was what Carlisle had done. He'd beaten
me. Broken me. "So, while I have more going for me today, I now also know how far-
reaching Carlisle's power is. He's always watching me. Always. I can't risk my little boy's life.
I won't."

"If that goddamned sociopath tries to lay so much as a finger on my T-Man, I will gouge his
fucking eyes out with the five inch heel of my new Fever Jimmy Choos!" Alice snarled and
made a fisted stabbing motion with her hand to demonstrate her technique. An image of her
jumping on Carlisle's shoulders and going medieval on his ass with the heel of her zebra print,
platform pumps shot through my mind, and I couldn't help but shake my head. Who knew my
pixie best friend could be so violent?

"I wouldn't try it. He's way too dangerous. There isn't anything I can do." I want to believe
you, Alice. I want there to be a way.

"We can fix this," Alice said once she had regained her composure. "You need to talk to
Edward. He can protect you. You aren't teenagers anymore. You both have resources and
families that love you. We'll protect all of you." I smiled at her appreciatively, but it was all
just words. She noticed my skepticism.

"God, I really want to, Alice, but I can't risk Tony's life like that. Seeing Edward in pain this
weekend and being unable call out to him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to
endure. But then I saw Carlisle standing on the side of the set and I totally panicked. I thought
for sure he had seen me. He looked so angry."

"Edward still loves you, Bella. You saw him on that stage. He was so lost. He was searching
for you." Alice stopped speaking rather abruptly and sat up stiffly. "Oh shit, I think I may
have really fucked up."

The panic in Alice face leapt across the couch and slammed into me. "What did you do,
Alice?" my voice quivered with fear.
"I'm sorry," she blubbered. "I thought I was doing a good thing. I thought I was getting you
back together." I didn't say anything. I couldn't even move. "Bella, I told him to follow his
heart and to keep searching. I may have also mentioned to Jasper that I was from Chapel
Hill." She scrunched her face up as if she was expecting me to slap her. I would never have
done that, but, damn, I was angry with her.

"Alice!" My entire body began to shake. "Why did you do that? You saw how freaked out I
was. Why would you say something like that to him?" I didn't know whether to hit her or hug
her. Alice's meddling could have had deadly repercussions, but it could also lead Edward back
to me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know. I mean, yeah, I knew you didn't want him to see you, but I
figured you were being normal self-deprecating Bella and just staying away because of his
fame. I had no idea that a psychotic monster was after you." She threw her hands in the air,
but then pressed them to her face and hid. "How could I have known that?"

I knew that Alice meant well. She hadn't known why I was running, and I couldn't expect her
to predict this sort of story. "It's okay, Alice, really." I swiped the tears away from my eyes
and pulled her hands away from her face. "I don't want to run anymore, but what do I do?"

"I don't think he understood what I was saying anyhow. He looked at me like I was crazy.
Fans say crazy shit to superstars all the time. He probably just assumed I was some new age
hippie or something. Don't worry, we'll figure this out and we will keep Tony safe."

"How?" That was the question I had been asking for the last eight years.

"Well, first, you go to the police." Alice had truly lost her mind this time. I stood up and
crossed the room away from her. I was pacing, trying to keep myself calm.

"I can't do that. I have no proof that Carlisle has done anything, and even if I had proof,
Carlisle has shown me plenty of times that he has lots of connections helping him. Any one of
them could easily get to Tony. I can't risk my son, Alice."

"So tell Edward. We can figure out a way to send him a message secretly. We let him know
that you're alive and need his help. Jasper and I can help you. Carlisle has no idea who I am.
We can make sure that we figure everything out before Carlisle even gets wind of anything."
Something about Alice's determination made me hopeful. I hadn't dared to hope for years.

"Maybe," I said, giving her a soft commitment. For the possibility of having Edward in my
life, I would open the door at least that much.

"That's a start. I promise, I'm going to get you two back together if it is the last thing I do.
Carlisle Cullen is a twisted bastard and he will not win. I can promise you that." I pulled Alice
into a hug and whispered my tense thanks into her ear. We sat and talked for a few more
hours, before fatigue finally overtook us.

Alice picked up her purse and made her way to my door. "Do you still need me to take the T-
Man to his practice tomorrow?" she offered.

"Actually, if you don't mind, that would be great. We're having curriculum night at school on
Wednesday, so I need to stay late tomorrow to prepare." I walked over to the laundry basket
resting on top of the dinner table and fished out Tony's jersey. He had been so excited when
they gave it to him. He had even slept in it the first night. "How cute is this?" I asked, flashing
the back of the jersey at Alice so that she could see Tony's name on the back. Alice took the
fabric from my hands and inspecting it.

"Ahh," she cooed with a pouty face as she hugged the jersey to her chest. "He's going to look
so adorable, Bella. I can't wait for his first game." She extended it back out once again before
folding it up and placing it on the dining table.

"I really appreciate this," I thanked her again as she came back to the door. "I know you work
all the time, but I just feel better having somebody walk him over to the field. It's only a few
blocks, but with everything going on, I just think it is too dangerous for him to go alone."

"No problem, babe. I don't particularly want him walking over there alone, either. Plus, you
know how much I like to fawn over anything in miniature. I'll be in hog heaven with all of
those little guys dressed up like football players." I smiled at my best friend. Those little boys
were cute as hell, and she was certainly in for a special treat. "I'll get him after school and take
him over there. I don't have to work for the next two days."
"That'll be great. Thank you, Alice. For everything." I pulled her into another hug, but this
time I didn't let go. "I don't know what I would do without you," I spoke genuinely into her
ear. "You're my best friend."

"I always will be, Bella. Don't worry. We'll fix this." She kissed my cheek and then
disappeared out my door. As it shut behind her, I let a small smile spread across my lips. I
believed her. Alice would help us.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

Edward's POV: Chapel Hill, NC

I'd been in Chapel Hill four days, and I still knew nothing more than I'd known when I first
arrived. I had realized quickly that I would need a disguise. Rock stars loitering around
college towns were liable to draw attention, and I needed to remain incognito. I was off the
grid; only my brothers knew my whereabouts, and I wanted to keep it that way. I couldn't
afford to have Carlisle track me to North Carolina. He'd tried to interfere in New York, and it
ended in a nasty altercation. I couldn't let that happen here, so I donned a baseball cap and a
pair of shades to mask my more notable features. Sure my cover was more Clark Kent than
Simon Templar, but its perfection was in the simplicity. Nobody expected to see me, and with
my college kid getup, I seamlessly blended into the masses.

Once I had finally resolved that I needed to make the trip to Tar Heel country, the guys and I
had work to do to clear my path. Our first effort was to finish what Emmett and I had started
offstage with Carlisle, but when we returned to the green room, he had vanished. Because I
had expected him to be waiting for us with guns blazing, his stealthy departure left me on
edge. He was planning something. Carlisle Cullen had never backed away from a fight in his
life, and there was no reason for him to start on that occasion.

My trepidation carried over as we spent the next several days in meetings with the label and a
myriad of new management prospects. Carlisle never made an appearance, but I couldn't
shake the feeling that I was being watched. It was him, and because I was no longer naïve
when it came to his devious ways, I resolved to remain vigilant. And while I understood that
complacency would leave me vulnerable to a sneak attack, I was confident that I had escaped
his surveillance without detection when I boarded my flight headed for Raleigh-Durham
International Airport.
I was shocked by how quickly I was lulled into the easy flow of small town life, thoughts of
Carlisle pushed to the back of my mind. While there was a lot of activity in and around the
university, folks didn't seem as rushed and anxious as their L.A. and New York City
counterparts. I liked it – a lot.

My initial goal was to find Tony. With that accomplished, I would just wait to see where
things would lead from there. So far, however, I'd had no luck. Naturally, I had to tread
carefully in that regard. I couldn't just go to local elementary schools and start asking about
little boys named Tony. The teachers and administrators would have my sorry ass arrested for
being some kind of pervy pedophile. Instead, I surreptitiously scoped out parks and
playgrounds, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I didn't know if he was even still living in
Chapel Hill, or if finding him was what Bella intended me to do, but it was the only clue I
had.

I kicked the dirt pebbles around with the side of my sneaker and rested my forearms against
the top row of the wooden bleachers in front of me. I'd been watching a few coaches
unloading footballs across the field, so I figured I'd stick around and watch their practice for a
bit. I stepped around to the side of the bleachers and climbed up to take a seat where my arms
had previously been resting.

A few boys in football helmets were already running around, though it appeared the practice
hadn't started yet. They looked fairly young, but I wasn't skilled enough to judge their ages
precisely. If my math was right, Tony would have been turning eight in a few months, so I
was cautiously optimistic that I might find him, not that I knew what I would say or do if I
did.

Jesus, Cullen. Stalker much?

A few parents were getting comfortable in the stands around me, but there was no one
familiar among them. The coaches blew their whistles and the boys huddled expectantly on
the field. Bending slightly with their hands on their knees, the mini Tom Brady's and Eli
Manning's listened to their coaches with steeled intensity. Their little faces couldn't have been
more serious had they been professionals huddled up for fourth and goal during the final
seconds of the Super Bowl. The whole scene was actually quite humorous, given their small
statures and the fact that they were at pee-wee football practice. I had yet to see Tony, but the
little squirts were so damned entertaining that I couldn't think of a better way to spend my
afternoon.

The boys began running simple drills up and down the field. I chuckled more than once as I
watched them topple awkwardly over one another in eager scrambles for the ball. I was fully
engrossed in one such skirmish when I noted movement in my distant peripheral vision. My
quickening heart told me who it was before my eyes had a chance to focus on his face.

Tony. I found you.

Air began to whoosh around my ears, drowning out the sounds of the junior scrimmage until
it was just a dull echo in the background of my mind. I watched Tony run up to his coaches.
They exchanged a few words, and then, with a pat to his back, he was pushed out toward the
other boys. I studied him more intently as he joined his friends. He looked older and slightly
taller, but all in all, he was the same kid I had met in the coffee shop. He lifted his helmet over
his short bronze locks, and for the first time, I was struck by his marked resemblance to
myself. I was utterly spellbound as my mind raced to connect the dots.

What are you trying to tell me, Bella?

I was so overcome by watching him that I hadn't noticed the young woman who had taken her
seat next to me until her familiar voice sounded in my ear. "You know, Cullen, some might
find this sort of behavior odd. Do you make it a habit of staring at little boys?" Alice didn't
look at all surprised to see me. I, on the other hand, was shocked as hell to see her.

"No, I suppose you don't," she said, answering her own question while I was still trying to
stop my head from spinning. "So can I ask what you're doing here, other than sending up red
flags for the neighborhood watch moms? I know I told you to follow your instincts, but I must
say that I'm a bit anxious to learn how they led you to pee-wee football practice."

I glanced out at Tony on the field and nodded in his direction. "Him," I said simply.

"Hmm… okay." Once again, Alice didn't seem surprised. She simply considered my words
and waited for me to continue. I rubbed my shoe over ribbed aluminum below my feet,
hoping the subtle vibration up my leg would ease my nerves.
"I met Tony about two and a half years ago at a café in New York City," I finally said. "He
was there with a man, whose name escapes me at the moment, and he was celebrating his fifth
birthday." I looked at Alice to verify that she hadn't begun dialing the police. Even to me, my
story sounded crazy, but I had to tell it, and up until then, she appeared willing to listen. I
nervously tugged at the brim of my new Carolina cap with both hands, bending it inward to
mold it into the perfect arched shape.

"Peter," she said softly. My mind must have been in snail-speed mode because I had no idea
what she was telling me. Too many emotions were bombarding my senses for me to focus on
any one of them, let alone this girl's cryptic words. My face obviously showed my confusion
because she clarified before I could ask. "The man with Tony was Peter, my father."

Holy shit! Suddenly Rod Serling's eerie voice was running through my mind:

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of
mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the
signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone."

The doo-do doo-do music was still running through my head when I realized I'd lost my
focus. I scrubbed my hands over my face trying to clear my mind. There was no question that
I had indeed entered Mr. Serling's famed "Fifth Dimension". I looked back to the field where
Tony was playing happily with his buddies. I wanted to talk to him, but my heart told me I
needed to finish talking to Alice first. For now, just watching him seems to be pretty satisfying
anyway.

"Did you know?" I asked apprehensively, my voice barely loud enough for her to hear over
the chattering around us.

"Know what?" Her response was equally hesitant.

"At the show, did you know that I had already met Tony? Did he ask you to come?" I looked
into her eyes hoping to glean the truth from them. I still didn't know what it was about the boy
that called to me or if he was drawn to me in the same way. I really wished Bella would just
speak to me and explain it. Guessing what her ghost was trying to tell me was not only
becoming spooky as hell, but also quite frustrating.
"No. This is the first I've heard of it." She tucked a finger between her front teeth and began
nervously nibbling on her nail. I was about to ask her what she had meant by what she told me
at the show, when a commotion from the field distracted us both. Several of the boys were
screaming and the coaches were charging toward a fallen player.

Tony was down!

Alice and I both leapt off the bleachers with supernatural speed and crossed to him. "Tony!"
she screamed from slightly behind me.

I reached the scene first, but remained back a bit to give Alice room to pass through the crowd
of boys who had formed a circle around Tony's crumpled body, which lay motionless on the
ground. My heart was in my throat. I didn't dare get close enough to touch him, but when
Alice arrived, she was less restrained.

"You okay, T-Man?" she asked calmly. "Can you tell Aunt Alice where it hurts?" Ah, so that
is her relation to him; she's his aunt. She placed her hand gently on his chest and knelt over
his face so he could see her through the opening in his helmet. The coaches on the other side
of him were immobilizing his head.

"It's my ankle," he whimpered. "It hurts." Tony made to sit up, but the larger of the two
coaches stopped him, albeit a bit more forcefully than I thought was necessary to restrain a
child.

"Lay still for a minute, Tony. We need to make sure you're okay before you try to get up. Can
you tell us if it hurts anyplace else?" the man asked. I said a silent prayer and listened closely
for his response.

"Nah, I'm okay, it's just my leg." Alice and the coach quickly determined that there was no
risk of neck or back injury and helped Tony sit up so that he could remove his helmet. I wasn't
sure how they could be so confident. My overprotective nature thought calling an ambulance
would have been the more appropriate response, but I decided to stay back unless called upon
to help.

Fuck, what is my problem. Why am I acting like an overprotective dad all of the sudden?
"I don't think it's broken, buddy, but you should probably sit out for a few days," Alice
commented after touching his leg a few times, feeling the joint. The coached concurred, but
Tony wasn't having any of it.

"I'm okay, Aunt Alice, really. Please let me play some more." Tony poked out his lip as far as
he could and blinked his eyes several times in mock sadness. It was the same thing Bella used
to do to me when she wanted her way. She knew I couldn't stand to see her cry, even if they
were only fake tears.

"Hey, Tony, I think your aunt is right," his coach said. "Why don't you go home and ice that
ankle? If you're feeling okay, then you can play next time." Tony nodded and made to stand
up. When he put pressure on his foot, however, he winced in pain and quickly lifted it back
off the ground.

"Ouch," he grumbled. "It really hurts." I could tell he was fighting back tears, not wanting to
appear weak to his friends who were all concerned spectators around him.

"Do you need help getting him home?" the coach asked Alice. She looked at Tony and then at
me, silently asking for my aid.

"I can help them," I said as I stepped into Tony's line of sight for the first time. Tony's eyes
went wide when he spotted me.

"Thank you, Edward," Alice beamed. "That would be really great. It's only a few blocks," she
quickly amended, as if I needed to be convinced. I smiled and looked at Tony again. I was
anxious to see if he truly remembered me. To my great pleasure, he did.

"Hey, Edward!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Is that really you?" I nodded happily in response.
"What are you doing here?"

I smiled down at him with the most sincere face I could manage. "I'm just visiting. It's
awesome to see you again." I held out my hand so he could give me a high five. He did so
without missing a beat.

"You, too. Wow, this is so cool." I thought so, too.

"Alright, Tony, if that leg still hurts, have your mom take you to the doctor." Tony and Alice
expressed their appreciation and said their final farewells to the team and the coaches.

"Do you think you can walk?" I asked Tony, who was leaning into Alice, still favoring his
right foot. He gingerly tried to put a bit of weight on it and then winced again. "I'll take that as
a no." I was pretty worried about his ankle, but I didn't want to alarm him, so I forced myself
to remain calm.

"Do you think maybe you could give him a piggy-back ride, Edward?" Alice's voice was
hopeful, and she had a strange glint in her eye. I wasn't sure what Alice was trying to do, but I
saw no problem with it, and Tony seemed excited by the prospect, so I bent down to let him
up. It felt wonderful to have him on my back. I felt so protective of him; giving him a ride
while he was hurt made me feel oddly proud.

We walked a few blocks and chatted mostly about football. I noted that Alice kept giving me
sideways glances. She was studying me again and seemed to know something that I didn't. I
could see her plotting, I just didn't know why. Our situation was beyond bizarre. We finally
arrived at a modest ranch-style home with blue shutters. There was nothing particularly
special about the house, but somehow it seemed… perfect.

I'm going fucking insane.

Alice unlocked the door and quickly stepped over the threshold so that Tony and I could
follow. "Why don't you set him down on the couch over there," she said, pointing over her
shoulder. She was heading toward the kitchen, presumably to get ice. I did as I was bid and
sat Tony down length-wise against the left corner of the light brown ultra-suede couch. I
plucked two pillows out of the opposite corner and propped up his leg.

"Thanks, Edward," Tony beamed at me. Alice was back with the ice, which she had wrapped
in a green kitchen towel.

"Here you go, T-Man." She gently placed the pack against the side of his foot and stepped
away. "If that gets too cold, let me know and we can take it off for a bit." I studied Tony's face
to make sure the ice wasn't causing him any extra discomfort, but found no such indications.
"Did you know Alice is a nurse?" Tony asked me. I looked at Alice, who blushed slightly and
nodded. Hearing that Alice had medical training made me feel a bit better about having
moved him without calling an ambulance, though I still wasn't against the idea.

"No, I sure didn't. That's pretty cool, isn't it?" Tony smiled at Alice and then at me. I was
finally able to study his features carefully. All traces of baby had faded in the years since our
last meeting. His face had thinned and his nose had become a bit more pointed. He actually
reminded me quite a bit of myself at that age. It was strange how connected I felt to him.
Everything about him felt familiar and natural.

"Yep, she was there when I was born." I looked at Alice who instantly confirmed Tony's
story.

"Guilty as charged. I'm a labor and delivery nurse." She smiled politely at me. I wasn't sure
what to say. I was beginning to feel slightly odd, just standing there next to the sofa. "I'm
sorry, Edward, I'm being terribly rude. You're probably parched after carrying T-Man all the
way from the field. Let me get you something to drink." I tried to swallow, but my dry tongue
got in the way. A drink would be good, and it would give me a bit more time with Tony.

"Um, sure, water would be great if you don't mind." Alice hopped up and returned moments
later with a half frozen bottle of water from the freezer. I quickly downed half of it, grinding
my teeth over the icy slush while Tony laughed at me from the couch. I just shrugged.

I turned slightly away and scanned the room when Alice sat down next to Tony and ran her
hand through his hair. I listened to their exchange, but didn't contribute anything to it. "We
should probably call your mom and let her know what happened," Alice said, handing Tony
her cell phone.

"Noooo!" Tony grumbled in response. I chuckled below my breath and looked at a few titles
on the bookshelf. I felt a bit awkward looking at the personal things in the room, but I didn't
want to interrupt their conversation either. "She'll freak out and make me quit. Please don't tell
her." Tony grabbed onto Alice's shirt and rested his head against her shoulder. He was giving
her the same puppy dog eyes I had seen earlier. Once again, I tried to disguise my amusement
by sucking both of my lips into my mouth.
"She will let you play, I promise, but we have to let her know that you were hurt. If she finds
out that you didn't tell her, she'll be even more upset." Tony took the phone begrudgingly and
pushed a few buttons. A moment later he was talking.

"Hi, Mom. Aunt Alice wanted me to call you. I sort of hurt myself at practice. I'm home now,
but I'm fine. Don't worry. So, okay, love you. Bye." The plastic edges of the phone clicked as
he folded it shut. "Her voicemail picked up," he said with a shrug, handing the phone back to
Alice. "I guess we can tell her when she gets home, okay?"

As Alice conceded her agreement, I noticed something on the wall behind Tony's head. He
had begun speaking to me, but I couldn't understand the words he was saying over the ringing
in my ears. I stared at the framed picture, finally realizing exactly what it was. All of the air
left my lungs as a sudden flash of heat washed over me.

How the fuck?

I blinked a few times and tried to steady myself. Everything was spinning around me except
for that one stationary object in the room. From its dark frame on the wall, the sketch zeroed
in on me like a tractor beam and began sucking me toward it. Nothing else in the world
existed in that moment except for that thin, white piece of paper and the ink I had personally
laid upon it.

"Guarded Bella," I finally croaked out in a breathy stutter. My legs pulled me closer of their
own accord until I was standing directly in front of the picture I had sketched years earlier.
The paper was slightly dimpled and creased into twelve sections as if it had been folded into a
tight square and then unfolded again.

"Edward," Alice's strained voice called from somewhere behind me. Still not fully
comprehending what was happening, I dragged my eyes away from the sketch and focused on
the petite woman next to Tony. My entire body was swaying back and forth, and I felt like I
might pass out at any second. I took two steps toward her, but I was overcome with dizziness.
The dining table was within my reach, so I grasped it tightly.

I used my hands to buttress myself against the wooden surface and let my head fall between
my flexed arms. What does this mean? How is this possible? What's happening? A million
questions were flying through my mind, but I couldn't calm myself enough to recognize the
answers. Alice called my name again, and I slowly raised my head toward the sound of her
voice. As I did so, my eyes landed on a loosely folded football jersey with the letters "SW"
printed in a large white font around the folded edge.

I tentatively reached for the cloth and tried unsuccessfully to slow my breathing. I squeezed
the material between my fingers without lifting it from the surface. I already knew what
would be revealed when I did; I just couldn't get my mind to wrap around the idea. Ever so
slowly, I lifted my hand and allowed the shirt to unfold into the silent air. It swung gently in
my hand, clearly spilling its secret. Everything finally clicked into place. One word had just
changed my entire life.

Swan.

"Edward, please," Alice called again. I turned my attention back to where Alice was standing
over Tony, but I didn't look at her. I looked straight at him. His green eyes locked with mine,
telling me the truth I'd been seeking for so long.

He was mine.

Hot tears began streaming down my face as I collapsed to my knees under the weight of my
revelation. I couldn't take my eyes off of his stunned face. He was beautiful and perfect. He
was everything. He was my little Christmas miracle grown up. He was strong. He was…
alive.

An inaudible wail left my lips as my hands curled into the carpet in search of support.
Everything I had thought was real had been a lie. I was overcome by the power of what was
happening. It could have been pain or relief that was stinging my soul; both feelings were so
close. It was too much to comprehend. I needed to get to my son, butI had no strength and no
voice.

The sound of keys in the door caught my attention and a new thought floated to the forefront
of my consciousness. Bella. As if in slow motion, the door pushed open and she appeared like
a heavenly apparition before me. All of the hurt, all of the suffering, and all of the anguish
dissolved, leaving the love of my life in its place.

My perfect angel resurrected and returned to me at last.

All sound became muted as I realized I was no longer in the room. Like a distant observer
hovering in the rafters, I watched the scene unfold in slow motion before me. Bella's look of
concentrated concern, focused on our son – our son – because he was hurt. I watched her
body flitting across the room and carefully kneeling before our son – our son – lifting the ice
wrap to make sure he was okay. My vision simultaneously captured every wrinkle of her
clothing and every twitch of her muscles. I could see every detail in crystal clarity, but seeing
wasn't enough. I needed to reach her.

The pull I felt toward her – that I'd always felt – was now drawing me back to my own body,
my need to make a connection struggling to speed things back up. Bella, my living angel, was
completely unaware that my body knelt paralyzed on the floor only a few feet away. I needed
to make her see. It was time for our separation to end.

Then, as if the power within me finally switched back on, everything sped back up to real
time and all sound returned. I couldn't move my arms or legs, but I dug deep into my need for
her and found my strength at last. It was only a raspy whisper, but I had finally found my
voice.

"Bella."
CHAPTER 19:
I'LL FIND MYSELF TODAY

Bella's POV: Chapel Hill, North Carolina

I crept up behind him as slowly as I could, considerably distracted by his tight back muscles,
which were glistening with sweat as he scrubbed the hood of his used 1992 Volvo. His pure
yumminess made my body tingle with anticipation. My very own Wild Things car wash
fantasy was coming to life before my blessed eyes; only, instead of Denise Richards, my hunky
boyfriend was the one getting soapy. I shook my head to dislodge the distracting thoughts and
deviously continued my stealthy approach. Ever so slowly, I lowered my body down and
picked up the spray hose, which he had conveniently discarded several feet behind where he
stood, vigorously scrubbing. As carefully as possible, I rose back up, steadied my stance, and
aimed the metal spray gun at his enticing body.

"Hey, babe," I called out casually. His body began to rotate in my direction as my hands
squeezed firmly against the trigger.

"Hey back, beautif…" his words were clipped short by the burst of cold water hitting his face
and chest. I reveled in the smell of the water traveling through the warm air while I doused
him thoroughly from head to toe. Laughter rumbled up from my chest as he stood, stunned,
before me. Once I was satisfied that he was sufficiently soaked, I relaxed my hand to stop the
spray and took in my masterpiece: wet teenage boy. Perfect!

Edward looked at me intensely, but said nothing. I took a guarded step backward and held up
my hands to calm him. "Not amused?" I questioned rhetorically, flashing him an exaggerated
smile in hopes it might save me. Slowly and silently, he dunked his oversized sponge in the
sudsy bucket at his feet.
"Bella," he said, the menacing tenor of his voice sounding far too calm. "You really shouldn't
have done that." My eyes grew wide, and I took another step away from him. "I suggest you
run, sweetheart." Frozen, I stared into his dark green eyes for two or three seconds until my
imminent drenching flashed in my mind.

"Oh, shit!" I dropped the hose and took off around the side of the house, making a beeline for
the trees at the edge of the property, Edward hot on my trail. I had no shot at escaping, not
that I particularly minded getting caught. But because the chase was half the fun, I gave it my
best effort. I looked over my shoulder to find that my delicious boyfriend was much closer
than I anticipated. I made eye contact with him as my feet continued in vain to propel me
forward. I already knew I was done.

Edward leapt through the air, tackling me in a twisting motion so that his body hit the ground
first. We landed in a messy heap, and he instantly flipped our positions and straddled my
waist. With a satisfied smirk on his gorgeous face, he began to wring the soapy sponge above
my head. His body was actually getting me wetter than the sponge, which was clearly his
plan. He tossed the used sponge over his shoulder and began tickling my sides relentlessly.
"Say mercy, Bella." I giggled and tried to squirm away from him, but to no avail. "Say it!"

"Mercy," I choked out between fits of laughter. "Mercy, mercy!" His assault of my ribs didn't
cease.

"Who is the sexiest man you know?" he demanded.

"You are!" I pleaded with breathy words. It was becoming difficult to breathe under his
trilling fingers.

"Who makes you wet, Bella?" he asked in a huskier voice. He wasn't talking about the water.
We both knew it.

"You do," I replied confidently. "Only you, Edward."

"Good girl." His finger attack stopped in favor of more sensual ministrations to my chest.
Leaning down, he kissed me firmly on the lips. "Now, what do you say we get out of these wet
clothes?"
"Bella." Jane's squeaky voice ruined my perfect daydream. After seeing Edward in person
again at the show, my mind had been taking me on regular trips down memory lane.
Unfortunately, I always seemed to get distracted right as I was getting to the good part. At
night, when I had more time to dream, I was restless and plagued by visions of Carlisle
instead of Edward. I just couldn't win. "You alive in there?" She waved her hand in front of
my face, finally pushing away the last of the bliss that I had been experiencing before she so
rudely interrupted.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," I replied politely, even though I really wanted to smack her for disrupting
my fantasy. "I must have zoned out for a minute. What's up?" I straightened my back and
gathered a stack of student papers in my hand, tapping the ends on my desk to right them. My
desk didn't particularly need to be cleaned, but I hoped the action would help me look more
like a professional and less like a space cadet.

"I was just coming by to tell you that there's a package in the front office for you. It was
delivered by messenger earlier this afternoon." I looked at Jane with a puzzled expression.

"That's odd. I'm not expecting anything. Did they say who it was from?" I stood and walked
with her toward the door to my classroom.

"I don't think so, sorry." She patted me on the forearm and then crossed the hall to enter her
own room. I called my thanks out to her retreating form, but was offered only silence in
return. Dismissing, her odd behavior, I began hypothesizing about the package as I made my
way to the office. I wondered if it might be from Edward. Oh my God, has he found me? I
knew it was a long shot, but after talking to Alice, I had renewed hope that a reunion was
possible.

The speed of my walk increased with excitement, causing me to trip slightly as I rounded the
corner. Mrs. Cope spotted me and did her best not to laugh. "Bella, dear, I have something for
you." She bent down and pulled a large manila envelope out from under the counter. "This
was delivered about an hour ago."

I took the package with a smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Cope. What are you still doing here? I
would have thought you would be on your way home by now." The envelope burned in my
hands as I gently squeezed the edges, taking care not to crumple the contents. I was anxious to
find out what was in it, but I didn't want to be rude either.
"I have programs printing for tomorrow night. I'll be heading out to fix my Henry dinner
soon." Mrs. Cope gave me a loving smile, which I returned. "Make sure you don't stay too late
either. That son of yours needs his mommy." And his daddy, I added, my silent wish stinging
my heart.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cope. I'll be heading out in just a bit." I left the office and quickly scurried
back to the privacy of my classroom. I laid the package on my desk and gently smoothed it
out with my hands. I took a deep breath as my trembling fingers gently pulled the prongs
together on the sealed end. I slid my finger under the lip and carefully pulled out the contents.

It wasn't from Edward.

I gasped with shock, dropped the package, and tightly clasped my hands over my mouth.
Before me was photographic evidence that dashed any hope Alice's enthusiasm had inspired.
It was visual proof that Carlisle Cullen was always watching and could always get to me. I
closed my eyes tightly, so I could purge the despicable image from my mind, but my effort
was fruitless. The image would forever be burned into my brain.

It was a picture of Tony. He was asleep in his bed with his Power Ranger sheet tucked up
under his arms. A dark gloved encroached upon the peaceful scene from the side, holding a
long serrated knife angled toward Tony's exposed neck. I studied the photograph carefully,
searching for any clues which might be useful. If I could prove that Carlisle had taken it, then
I would have enough to go to the police. I noted that it was taken from an odd angle at close
range, suggesting that the bodiless hand belonged to the photographer. Other than that,
however, I could find no hints about the perpetrator's identity. All I could see for sure was that
my baby was completely vulnerable to the assailant in his room. He was unaware and
unprotected.

A wave of nausea swept over me as I realized that somebody had been in my house. I shoved
the entire package into my bag and raced out of the room, curriculum night preparations
completely forgotten. I had to get to Tony. I had to find him and go away. I had no idea where
that would be, but we had to escape.

Fuck. It might already be too late.

I drove to the field as quickly as I could, but when I arrived, Alice and Tony were missing.
"Why aren't they here?" I cried out loud to no one in particular. It was Carlisle. He had them. I
had opened my stupid mouth and Carlisle knew. I sickeningly realized that he could have been
in the house, listening, when I told Alice my gruesome story.

For eight years I had held his secret close to my chest. I had lived my life obediently. I never
told anybody, and I never reached out to Edward, no matter how much my heart told me to do
so. When I finally relaxed enough to share my story with my best friend, he attacked.

Oh dear God; what have I done?

Crestfallen, I backed away from the field, my eyes filling with tears as I realized that I might
have just killed my son and best friend. Coach Anderson noticed my panic and reached my
side in moments.

"Ms. Swan, are you okay?" He tried to touch my shoulder in comfort, but I instinctively shied
away. "Tony's not here. Ms. Brandon took him home." I looked at the coach with
bewilderment. I couldn't quite make sense of what he was telling me.

I wiped a tear away from my eye. "What? Why? Practice isn't over." I pointed dumbly to the
boys, who were obviously still scrimmaging on the field. I couldn't comprehend why Alice
would take Tony away if something wasn't very wrong. There would have been no reason for
that.

"Tony took a little spill," he said calmly. Alarm flared up within me again. "There's no reason
to worry. It was just his ankle. I don't think it was broken. He probably just twisted it funny.
I'm sure he'll be just fine."

I nodded with understanding, but I couldn't speak. My heart was still hammering away in my
chest. "Ms. Brandon and her gentleman friend took Tony home. They're probably already
there."

"Gentleman friend?" I questioned. My insides twisted with fear and agony. Alice wasn't
dating anybody and there was no reason why a man would have been with her. Especially
now, with everything that was happening. It wasn't a friend at all. It was Carlisle. I was
certain. Carlisle had found them and forced her to leave with him.
"Thank you, Coach Anderson. I really have to go now to uh… check on Tony." I raced over
to my car without waiting for his response. It didn't matter. I had to get to Tony. My instincts
told me that I needed a plan before confronting Carlisle, but I didn't have the time or the
mental capacity to come up with one. I had to get to my son, and I had to do it immediately. I
reached in my purse to grab my cell phone so that I could call Alice, but it was missing. Shit. I
left it at school. I wouldn't be able to reach her.

Our house was only a few blocks away from the field, so I was home within minutes. I looked
around my car briefly to find some sort of a weapon, but finding nothing, I hooked a key
between the knuckles of my forefinger and middle finger. It wasn't much, but a swift jab to
Carlisle's throat with the end of the key might buy us enough time to escape.

Nervously, I climbed the steps to the front door. I paused a moment and listened for any
sounds of distress. Hearing none, I slowly entered. The room was quiet. Tony was sitting on
the couch with his injured leg propped up on a pillow and wrapped in ice. Alice was standing
next to him with an unreadable expression on her face. It wasn't the fear I had been expecting
to see. She looked almost… smug.

There was no sign of Carlisle, so I shut the door and quickly rushed to Tony. A vague thought
in the back of my mind told me to lock it, but I needed to see my little man. I needed to hold
him in my arms to make sure he was safe. Alice stepped back to give me room, but I didn't
acknowledge her. "Hey, baby. Are you okay?"

"I'm good, Mom. Don't worry." I ran my hands through his disheveled hair and bent over to
gently kiss his soft forehead. I struggled to quash the panic bubbling up within me; I didn't
want to alarm him. His familiar smell was tainted with sweat, but it still comforted me. I
quickly gave him a visual inspection, but saw no signs of damage, other than his iced ankle. I
slowly lifted the ice to take a closer look. His skin was red and clammy, but there were no
signs of bruising yet.

"It's a little swollen, buddy, but it doesn't look too bad. Are you sure you're okay?"
Desperately needing contact with him, I rubbed my hands up and down his leg. During the
hour leading up to that moment, I had experienced a thousand different emotions, the most
prominent of which was fear. The uneasy feeling was still swirling inside me. Nothing was
right with the picture before me. Nothing would ever be right again.
"Uh, Mom?" Tony looked at me with a strange expression. Realizing that my behavior was
probably scaring him to death in spite of my best efforts to seem rational, I tried to compose
myself.

"Everything is okay, buddy. You're okay. We're okay." I leaned in and kissed him again. I still
sounded frantic, even to myself, but I couldn't control it.

"Yeah, but um…" Tony spoke again, but didn't finish. He turned his head and I followed his
line of sight up to Alice's face. She had her hands clasped together in front of her face. She
looked excited. For the life of me, I couldn't understand what about the situation could
possibly be making her smile. Our lives were all in danger, and she seemed fucking giddy.

I was about to demand she explain herself and the mystery man who had helped her home
with Tony, but my question was answered before I could vocalize it.

"Bella."

My eyes closed of their own accord when the gentle voice caressed my heart. A calming
vibration webbed out from my stomach until it had reached every corner of my body,
soothing and exciting me as it traveled. "Bella," the word sounded in my ears again, this time
with a bit more power. Everything else faded away. Every other sound and image disappeared
around me.

His voice was all I heard.

Our eyes connected. Deep swirling pools of green rimmed in red pierced through me,
mirroring every thought and emotion that I was feeling. I clasped my hands over my mouth to
muffle my sobs. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run to him and pull him into my arms,
but I wasn't sure if he would welcome me back so easily.

He was on his knees, in a stance of pure submission less than five feet away from me.
"Edward," I said softly, my chest visibly rising with my every labored breath. I stood up and
took a tentative step toward his kneeling form, but stopped short. He looked dazed, and I felt a
new terror. What if he hated me? What if he couldn't forgive me for abandoning him? Sensing
my reticence, he nodded. It was barely perceptible, but still enough to communicate
everything I needed to know. He wanted me. He was calling to me with his body and heart.
"Edward!" I launched myself forward, closing the distance between us and collapsing into his
lap. His arms closed around me, and I finally felt complete. For the first time in eight long,
agonizing years I felt peace. I was in Edward's arms at last. I was home.

"Oh, Jesus!" his voice quivered in my ear. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he chanted. He
pulled back from our embrace and firmly clamped both hands on my cheeks. My vision was
distorted by the tears pooling in my eyes, but I didn't have the strength to blink them away. I
wrapped my hands into the back of his shirt and pulled him closer.

Agreeing that we needed more contact, he began peppering my face with frantic kisses, each
one leaving a searing prickle on my skin. I desperately wanted to return them, but I was
immobilized by his grip. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?" he asked between kisses. "Please tell me
this isn't a dream, Bella? Are you really here?"

"Yes," I whispered, a happy laugh leaving my throat of its own accord. "It's me. I'm here."
Every bit of terror I had been feeling disintegrated into his protective hold. His presence alone
made everything alright.

"How? How is this even possible?" he questioned as his kisses finally stopped. "I thought you
were dead. They told me you were dead." He was pleading for answers that I didn't know how
to give. The anguish in his voice was as palpable as it had been in his many emails. There was
so much to tell, but I didn't want the vile truth to mar our moment. I'd been too afraid to hope
for this, and now that it was happening, I couldn't risk ruining it, not yet.

"I didn't want to leave you," I offered. I knew those words wouldn't be enough, but I hoped
that they would placate him for the time being. I wanted nothing more than to forget about
everything around us and crawl inside of him. I couldn't get close enough. I couldn't hold him
tightly enough to satisfy my craving. I needed him completely. "I've always loved you,
Edward. Please believe that I've never loved anybody but you."

"I know, baby. I feel it. I love you, too. Oh, God, I love you so damn much." He pulled me all
the way into his arms and buried his face into the crook of my neck. I held him even closer,
trying to absorb him into me to make us one. "I've prayed for this," he continued. "Every
single day for the last eight years, I prayed that I would somehow hold you in my arms again,
and here you are. How is this happening?"
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm so very, very sorry." I couldn't give him an explanation yet, so I
hoped my apology would reach his heart.

"It doesn't matter, sweetheart. Nothing else matters, but this. You're back. You and Tony are
both here. That's all I care about. That's all I need. We'll figure the rest of it out." I sank
further into his embrace. He was taking me back. He would make it all okay.

Suddenly remembering that Tony and Alice were witnessing everything, I pulled out of
Edward's arms just enough to welcome them into the reunion. When I looked over my
shoulder, however, they were gone.

"They left a few minutes ago," Edward laughed. "I think Alice realized we needed a…
moment." He leaned his forehead into mine, closed his eyes, and slowly inhaled the air
between us as if it held the aroma of a freshly baked apple pie. I thought the gesture strange
until he spoke. "You smell so good, Bella. I've missed your smell. I tried so hard to remember
every detail of you, but I could never recreate your smell." His words sounded desperate, but I
understood exactly what he meant. It had been the same for me.

Still forehead to forehead, I opened my eyes and allowed them to adjust to our close
proximity. We were so close, his every exhale being sucked into my lungs and vice versa. I
tried to return his sentiment, knowing they would in no way come close to conveying the
depths of my devotion to him. "You were always with me. You sing me to sleep every night.
Your hands caress me in my dreams. Memories of you have kept me alive."

I squeezed my hands into his shirt once more and then it happened. His lips reached out to
mine. Tentatively at first, his mouth tapped lightly at my upper lip. I could taste the salt of his
tears as they mixed with my own. His tongue gently swept across the surface where we were
connected and finally dipped into me. My weakened moan escaped into his kiss, spurring him
to deepen our connection. Our tongues performed the sweetest waltz, choreographed by a
higher power and brought to life by a love that had endured through our separation. It was
pure and beautiful. It wasn't about lust. It was about connecting and sharing the deepest parts
of ourselves. It was a kiss that affirmed what we both had always known. We'd never really
been apart.

Finally, we were one.

The rhythm of our ministrations slowed until we were left with only fluttering brushes against
the outermost parts of our lips. When the kiss ended, Edward's head dropped to my chest. He
just held me and cried gently into my blouse. We didn't speak. We just felt.

I leaned my cheek into his hair and breathed him in again. The texture reminded me of Tony.
I had so much to share with Edward. He'd already missed so much, but I didn't want him to
miss another second of our lives. "I named him after you," I said quietly. I wasn't sure where
else to begin my story, but Tony seemed a natural starting point.

"Hmm?" Edward pulled back and looked at me. He used his thumb to swipe away the tears
under my eyes.

"Tony," I answered. "His name is Anthony Masen Swan. I named him after his father." The
corners of Edward's mouth turned up in a smile. It was the first smile I had seen on his
glorious face since we'd been reunited.

"Thank you, Bella," he spoke genuinely before quickly brushing his moist lips against mine
once more. I could kiss him for eternity. I planned to. "He's so beautiful."

"He looks like you," I confirmed, softly running my hand over the surface of his face.

"I'm here because of him." Edward said between kisses. His words confused me, and I told
him as much with my expression.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"He led me back to you, Bella. I met him on his fifth birthday, and I just felt drawn to him. I
couldn't explain it. There was this pull between us. God, I was so close." Edward's words
were starting to scare me. So far, he hadn't pushed me on our separation. I'd kept him away
from our son for eight years. I knew it would only be a moment until the euphoria of our
reunion washed away and was replaced by the anger that realization would surely bring. "I
felt him, the way I'd always felt you. Somewhere deep inside, I knew you were still alive, but
I wouldn't let my heart believe it. I could always feel you, and after I met Tony, I could feel
him, too."
"I know. I've always felt you, too." It was true. I didn't know how or why, but Edward and I
had always been connected. It made sense that the Tony, the result of our love, would be
bonded to us as well.

"Why, Bella? I don't understand why this happened. Why did you leave me?" he sadly begged
for an explanation I wasn't sure I could give. This was it; this was the moment I had been
dreading. My heart was beating with renewed intensity. Everything was about to come out
whether I wanted it to happen or not.

"Please, Edward, I'll explain everything, but please let us have this moment first. I just need
you to know how much I love you. How much I've always loved you."

"I know, baby. I love you, too. I just, I don't understand what's happening." I could see the
shift in his eyes. Our moment was ending too soon. I wasn't ready to let it go, but I didn't have
a choice. "Please, I have to know why."

"Edward, I…" I was about to tell him everything. I was ready to explain it all, but fate stepped
in and delivered a blow I never expected. Four unwelcome words from my unwelcome
neighbor destroyed everything.

"Hey, honey, I'm home!"

Jake's melodic call echoed across the room as he bounded through my front door without
knocking. Edward tightened his grip on my arms as he looked to Jake and then back to me.
Jake hadn't seen us in our spot on the floor. He helped himself into the kitchen and called out
to me, probably thinking I was in the bedroom. "Got anything good cooking, angel? Your
Jakey's hungry!"

The adoring features on Edward's face morphed into pure anger as he misinterpreted the
situation. "Edward, please, it's not what you think," I pleaded as he pushed away from me and
rubbed away his tears with the back of his hand. "Please." For a moment, Edward doubled
over as if he were in physical pain, but when I touched him he jerked away from me, his eyes
narrow and empty.
"Bella? What's going on over there? Who's here?" Jake asked, stepping out of the kitchen and
immediately spotting us. Edward stood, and I scrambled to my feet to stop him. "Whoa, there,
Edward. What the hell are you doing here?" Jake's proprietary tone didn't help matters at all.

"Edward, please," I begged. I knew what he assumed. I could see it in his eyes. All the love
had now been replaced with hate. It hurt too much to guess whether that hate was directed at
me or Jake.

"What have you done?" Edward's question was laced with disgust. I tried to close the distance
between us, but he stopped me abruptly with his hands. "No!" he shouted. "Don't you dare
touch me!"

I cringed away as sobs screamed out from my throat.

"Back off, man," Jake interrupted, putting his broad forearm across Edward's chest to block
us. Edward hadn't been trying to hurt me; he just wanted me away from him. Jake's physical
restraint was unwelcome and unnecessary. Edward hadn't physically harmed me in the
slightest.

"Jake, please stop!" I begged, trying to calm the situation before it escalated any further.

"Get your arm away from me before I break it in half, asshole," Edward seethed at Jake,
nostrils flaring. Jake stepped back, keeping a protective shoulder between Edward and me.
"You've been with him this entire time, haven't you?" False realization showed on his face.
He was jumping to conclusions and getting it all wrong. "Is this why you left me, Bella?" he
said gesturing toward Jake. "You left me for him? You never even liked him! Or was that just
a lie?"

"No, please. I haven't been with Jake all this time!" I needed him to understand, but I couldn't
form an articulate sentence to explain.

"But you are with him?" He spat the words at me, his face contorted with pain and rage.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm with you, not Jake. I only love you, Edward." The tears Edward had
so delicately removed from my cheeks were back in spades. My life was crumbling apart
before my eyes like a runaway train I couldn't catch.
"I don't believe you!" His words were bitter and hateful. This wasn't the Edward I knew, but
how could I fault him? He believed I had betrayed him, because I was standing in front of
him. Did it matter how? From his perspective, I had faked my death, kept his son away from
him and run off with a childhood friend. The balance of the evidence pointed toward this
conclusion. What else could Edward assume in the heat of the moment?

"Edward, don't do this. Don't believe the lie. Listen to your heart. Hear what I'm telling you." I
knew I was asking the impossible. Our emotions were heightened to the nth degree. He wasn't
thinking clearly. I wasn't thinking clearly. He'd just learned he had a son and seen a ghost.
How could he be thinking clearly? All of it was too much... for both of us.

"You killed my heart, Bella. When you walked out the door and hid my child from me, you
killed my faith. All this time I've dreamed about you and held out for you, but I was a fool.
You never wanted me. You did this." I collapsed to my knees as Edward's vengeful words
slapped me in the face. He moved quickly to the door and yanked it open before delivering his
final resounding blow.

"I've got to get out of this place before I do something I'll really regret, but make no
mistake… I will be back. You've kept my son away from me long enough and I won't allow
that to continue. I coming back for him, and I'm bringing a full arsenal of attorneys with me,
sweetheart." He slammed the door behind himself, taking my hope and heart with him.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Jake was at my side in an instant, trying to lift me from my spot on the
floor.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I spat as I shoved away from his hand. "This is all your fault!"

"Bella?" Alice appeared from down the hall. Noticing me on the floor, she rushed to my side.
"I heard yelling, what's going on? Where's Edward? Are you okay?" She pelted me with
rapid-fire questions that I couldn't begin to answer.

"He's gone, Alice," I wailed. "He was here… and then Jake… and Edward thought…" I
sputtered my words, hoping that Alice would follow my broken communication. She looked
to Jake for an explanation, but he was just as confused as she was.
"It's okay, sweetie." She wrapped me in her arms, stroking my back and trying to soothe me.
"Edward knows you love him. In his heart, he knows. He'll calm down. I promise. He'll calm
down, and you can explain everything." I wanted so badly to believe her, but hope wasn't an
emotion with which I had much experience.

"Jake, I think it's best if you left now," Alice directed calmly. I was glad she had been the one
to ask him to leave. Had I done so, the command would have been far more aggressive than
he probably deserved. Obliging, Jake kissed my head and made for the door.

"I'm so sorry, Bells. I didn't know." Jake looked crestfallen, but I didn't have it in me to
comfort him. He'd never respected my boundaries, and this time, it had cost me dearly.

"Just go," Alice said again. Without another word, Jake turned and left. Alice carefully lifted
me from the floor and walked me over to the couch. "It's okay, sweetie. We'll make this right.
I promise. You two have been through too much. We'll fix this."

I let her words wash over me. I'd spent Tony's entire life – his entire existence – completely
defeated. I let other people dictate my life. I let a cold-hearted monster destroy everything.
Then Edward reentered my world and kissed life back into me. I'd be damned if I was going
to let everything fall apart again, especially over a stupid misunderstanding.

I didn't fault Edward for assuming the worst. I couldn't even begin to imagine what was
happening in his head. He'd spent years believing a lie. How could he trust his judgment
anymore? I had no doubts that his soul believed me, but his heart and mind had been trampled
upon, pulverized by deceit and manipulation. But I would believe enough for both of us. It
was my turn to believe in us. It was my turn to reunite us.

Edward had awoken something inside of me. For years he believed I was dead, and I lived
like I was. Now that he knew the truth, I could feel it, too. I felt empowered. I would never
roll over again. There was too much at stake for all of us. Carlisle dominated my past, but I
was the master of my fate, so I decided my future right then and there.

I'm going to get my man back, and together, we're going to kick the ever-living shit out
Carlisle Cullen!
"I know what to do, Alice. I know what to fucking do!" Alice looked at me with shock. She'd
never seen me with so much fire. Edward had given me that light, and it was time to use it.
Edward and I were both victims, but we were older and stronger now. We would survive this
and we would do some serious damage to Carlisle in the process.

I got off the couch and rushed to my car, adrenaline powering my quick movements. I yanked
open the back door and grabbed my computer bag. I had one sure-fire way to explain
everything to Edward. I'd already explained it. I'd written thousands of words professing my
love and commitment to our bond, and it was finally time for him to read them.

I wanted to scream in frustration as I waited for my unbearably slow laptop to sluggishly boot.
Valuable seconds were ticking away. I needed Edward for me and for Tony. I needed the love
of my life back, but with a knife-wielding Carlisle on the loose, I knew it would be impossible
to protect Tony without Edward. We both needed him.

Finally, my salvation appeared as my email window came to life on the screen. I opened my
saved items folder and clicked the button I'd been yearning to click for as long as I could
remember: "Send All". I confirmed the prompt and watched as the green processing bar ticked
slowly to the right. After what seemed like an eternity, a new window appeared before me,
"462 items sent".

Now, I just have to pray that he'll read them. "Come on baby, listen to your heart."
CHAPTER 20:
THE SUN WILL SET FOR YOU

Edward's POV: Chapel Hill, North Carolina

When the door slammed against the frame, my heart pounded with equal force against my
sternum. I pushed the rage as far out of mind as I could and took off running. My destination
was irrelevant. For years, running had been the tool I used to clear my head, and right now,
the clouds were threatening to overtake me. I wasn't seeing things clearly. I'd done everything
backward, and nothing was right. In fifteen minutes, my world had been irrevocably altered,
forever changing the pitch of every sound I heard and hue of every color I observed. I needed
to get a grip. I needed to chill the fuck out. I needed to think.

As time ticked away, the pavement turned to dirt below my thundering feet and the houses
gave way to towering pines. My thoughts were all over the place. I bounced from elation to
anger, anger to frustration, frustration to relief, before repeating the cycle all over again. I
couldn't focus on any one bit of it. There was too much. I was a father? Bella was alive? She
was with him? Nothing made sense. Everything was right and wrong all at once.

I wasn't sure how far I had gone, but the sun had begun to sink into the distant horizon. Even
its brilliant amber rays were lost on me. My feet finally slowed as the last of the light
disappeared. I bent at the waist to rest my hands against my knees, my throat burning as I
tried to control my breath – and my thoughts. As my body stilled, my new reality came
crashing down around me.

Tony was at the forefront of everything. He was perfect. I'd been drawn to him from the first
toothy smile he'd offered in New York. Even before I knew he was mine, I'd loved him
instinctively and unconditionally. That alone was magical. But magic or no, my head was
spitting rapid-fire torpedoes that my heart couldn't dodge.
You have no idea how to be a father, Cullen.

It's too late; you've already missed too much.

He'll hate you for not being there.

You'll fuck it up; you'll fuck him up.

I collapsed onto a small patch of grass and crossed my sweaty arms over my eyes, unable to
stand under my crippling emotions. I didn't know how to be the father Tony deserved. But
fuck if I didn't want my boy. From the moment Bella told me she was pregnant, I'd wanted
him. That truth didn't change when I thought he was dead, and it certainly wouldn't change
now that I knew he was alive.

My path was murky, but I knew I would do everything in my power to make things right for
all of us. Tony could teach me what he needed me to be. I wouldn't give up; he meant too
much to me. Bella could help me. She'd help me be a good dad.

Bella.

The thought of Bella and I raising a child together was everything, and as I considered it,
images of my little boy slowly faded in favor of more intimate visions of my beloved. I sat up
as a memory-induced adrenaline surge stimulated my muscles. It was too much. I couldn't
wrap my stunned brain around the idea that she was actually alive.

She's alive.

You can win her back.

I tried to smother the panic that was close to destroying me. Forcing myself to relax, I let the
tension drift out of my body and attempted to focus on what was real and what wasn't. My
eyes had shown me a picture, but it didn't feel right. Not just because it hurt, which of course
it did, but because it didn't seem feasible. Bella loved me. She'd said as much. Her kiss
couldn't lie to me even if her words could.

She would never leave me for Jake.

"Shit! What have I done?" My voice echoed in the darkness, slapping my face with a resentful
palm. I never should have doubted her heart. It was the biggest mistake I could have made. I
couldn't explain what happened. One moment, my world made sense. The next, she appeared
and sent me into an emotional tailspin.

A thousand questions were on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them back, so that I
could take her into my kiss instead. I hadn't felt so alive in eight agonizing years. Holding her
in my arms would forever be the best feeling imaginable. But then I ruined it. Jake hadn't
ruined it, I had.

I'd been stupid. I led with my overwhelming need for her, and in doing so, I ignored the
nagging questions which had been planting seeds of doubt in my brain during our entire
reunion. I'd spent eight years willing myself not to hope, convincing myself that I'd never find
love again. But seeing her changed everything. In one moment, the floodgates were opened. I
tried to push my questions away, but that only served to build up an uncontainable pressure
that erupted when my fantasy world was ultimately tested.

Like a starving man, I'd feasted on my need for her instead of reintroducing her slowly back
into my system. The result was catastrophic; I'd over-indulged and completely flipped out on
her. Instead of getting the answers I so desperately needed, I carelessly dove into her affection
and practically drowned under the weight of it. I wasn't using my head. I wasn't even using
my heart. I was just swinging at every new piece of information that was thrown at me. I
jumped to conclusions and retaliated as if I had been dealing with Carlisle instead of the love
of my life. Now, as my mind wrapped around the truth I'd finally learned, my callous actions
hit me with blazing intensity.

Shit, what have I done?

Bella wasn't the type to hide a man's child from him. Bella wasn't the type to cheat. Bella
wasn't the type to fake her death. Bella wasn't the type to lie to me for eight years without a
damn good reason. Believing that she was any of those types was the path of least resistance
during a moment of weakness when my emotions were ruling my actions. That didn't make
any of them true of her.
I reacted. I hadn't given her the chance to explain. I had run at the first sign that my hopes
were being dashed again. I owed her more respect than that. I owed our love more respect
than that.

I dug my hands into the dirt as I laid sprawled in the grass, the black inky sky silent above me,
save for the sounds of cicadas and crickets chirping in the distance. I needed this respite from
the turmoil of the evening, so I could search my heart for truth, a truth which was slowly
beginning to unwind from its tight coil in my heart.

I know she loves me. I feel her love. That is the truth. Everything else is a façade. Her eyes
cried for me. Her lips kissed mine. Her words promised her love and devotion. She was true.
She was mine. Across time and distance, she was mine. Always.

"Fuck! I need her to forgive me!" My words to Bella had been beyond hateful. They were
unjustified and wrong. When I did get my answers, I knew I would have to supply my own. I
owed Bella a major apology.

I have to win them back.

I hadn't paid attention to where I was running, so getting back to make said apology would
prove challenging. As I started walking down the deserted dirt path, I pulled out my cell
phone and held it up in the air, praying that a least a bar or two of service would light up the
darkened screen. Thankfully, Emmett had loaded a GPS application onto it for me. Score one
for my brother!

When the phone finally powered up, it wasn't the bars of service that surprised me; it was my
email count. Over four hundred emails had flooded my inbox in the last two hours.
Nervously, I rolled my finger over the track ball and clicked on the over-stuffed folder. Her
name appeared instantly.

What the fuck?

I scrolled through the list and slowly read the subject lines.

Re: I need you;

Re: Please forgive me;

Re: My Christmas wish;

Re: Missing you always;

Re: Changing of the guard…

My understanding was instantaneous. I knew what this was. She had actually responded to
every email I had ever sent to her. I'd been emailing her multiple times a week for years, using
her supposedly abandoned email account as my personal dead letter journal. But those letters
weren't dead. She had read them, and she had responded. She knew everything I was feeling.
There had to be a reason she hadn't returned them. I clicked on the very first email and slowly
began reading as my feet moved forward mindlessly.

To: Edward Cullen

From: Bella Swan

Re: I need you

My Dearest Edward,

I need you, too, baby. So much! I can't begin to tell you how amazing it was to see your email.
I haven't seen you in months, but I feel more connected to you in this moment than I have in
my entire life. You wrote to me tonight of a feeling you had while on stage. You described a
new sense of purpose overtaking you, even though you didn't know what that purpose was.

I know.

We have a beautiful son, my love. While you were singing on that stage, I was giving birth to
our son, Tony. He was born at precisely midnight on December 23rd. Our midnight son. He's
breathtaking. He's everything I could ever have imagined and so much more. I listened to you
sing "With You" on repeat as I labored. Your voice coached me through each contraction.
Your voice filled my ears as I touched his red cheeks for the first time and kissed his lips. He's
ours, baby, and I will do everything in my power to keep him safe.

I've missed you every single day. Please know that I didn't leave of my own accord. I would
never leave you voluntarily. I left to save you. I left to save our son. I vow to you that I will
protect you both. I will make sure that he is safe. I won't let that monster near our baby. He's
already taken so much from us. I won't let him have our precious baby, too. Tony is the best
part of both of us, and when I kiss his head each night, I'll make sure to give him one from you
as well. Always.

I'll fight to protect you both until my last breath.

Your forever love, and in my heart, your wife,

Bella.

I reread her words. The feelings from that night began regenerating within me. Standing on
that stage, it had been as if a light switch had flipped in my brain, I stopped sulking and felt
empowered, motivated even. Knowing that Tony had been born around the same time finally
clicked the puzzle together in my mind. It was him. I hadn't missed it. Bella and I became
parents together.

I reread the email, trying to spot more clues. Something was very wrong. There was an
underlying fear in her words. She was trying to protect Tony, but I had no idea why. Who was
the "monster" threatening them? I'd kill anybody who ever tried to harm either one of them.
Nothing was making sense. I clicked on the next email, and my heart sank a bit more.

To: Edward Cullen

From: Bella Swan

Re: Please forgive me

My Dearest Edward,

How could I fault you for trying to live your life without me? I don't want you to suffer. We've
both lost so much. If you can find a way to move on, I want that for you. I won't lie and tell
you that it doesn't hurt. Frankly, it hurts like hell. But you deserve to be happy. I'm no longer
in a place where I can give you that. I've been defeated, but you haven't. You can go on from
this.
No matter what, know that I love you. I will remain true to you and to the vow I would have
given you had our car not crashed. I gave you my heart a long time ago. I don't ever want it
back. I am only yours.

Live, Edward. For me.

Tony and I love you ALWAYS. Your wife,

Bella

Images of magazine covers flashed through my mind as I thought back to the email I had sent
to her after I slept with Tanya. I had gone against my instincts that night and broken the purest
heart I had ever known. A disgusted shiver quaked through my body at the thought of her
actually reading my confession of infidelity. I choked back bile, knowing that her heart must
have broken as she no doubt watched my media-fabricated relationship with Tanya play out in
the headlines. I couldn't imagine the hurt that had caused her. Bella had stayed true to me. I
was the one who cheated.

I closed my mailbox. I couldn't read anymore. Not now. Not until I talked to her. I needed to
get to Bella and explain myself. I had more to apologize for than I thought. I looked around
for the first time to figure out where my feet had walked me while I read Bella's soulful
words. A small smile crossed my lips. I was at Tony's field. My body had led me back to my
family again. I ducked into my car and quickly turned over the ignition. I knew how to find
Bella, and I was ready to get her back.

X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O

I opened and closed my fists a few times as I worked up the nerve to knock on her door. I
wasn't entirely sure what awaited me on the other side, but I had faith in Bella. My asshole
reactions hadn't shown it, but I did. I believed in her. I believed in us, and I would never
forget that again.

I took a final breath before lifting the heavy brass knocker and pounding it against the plate
with three quick taps. The door opened almost immediately. She was waiting for me. The
thought made me smile. There was still hope for us.
Bella stood looking at me in all her glorious beauty. Her eyes sparkled and cheeks flushed as
she took me in fully. "Hi," I said dumbly.

"Hey." Her lips offered a welcoming smile. I could see a hopeful glint in her eye. I wanted to
pull her into my arms and wrap my body in the embrace I'd been missing, but I couldn't do
that again. Not yet. We needed to talk first. Instead, I settled for returning her smile and trying
to convey my own sincere hope for us. I wouldn't rush our reunion again. This time, I would
do it right.

"Do you want to come in?" She stepped to the side and motioned for me to enter. I couldn't
help staring at her. A faint trace of her scent wafted below my nose as I passed her. I sucked it
into my lungs like a greedy child smelling freshly baked cookies. I needed more, but pausing
to ask her if I could put my nose to her neck and sniff her properly would have been akin to
waving my freak flag at her. It would also have sent my libido into overdrive again, thus
ruining my whole "take it slow" plan.

"Thanks," I said calmly, trying not to breathe until I was a safe distance away from her. "After
how I acted, I wasn't sure if you would speak to me." I looked at her sincerely and stuffed my
hands in the front pockets of my jeans. I was so nervous. She didn't seem angry, but I wasn't
sure if I still knew how to read her cues the way I once had. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Edward, don't." She rushed to close the space between us, but she didn't touch me, though I
needed her to do so. "You've been through a lot today, and your reaction was completely
understandable. You have to believe me, Edward. I'm not with Jake. I never was." Her words
were quick and pleading. I looked down at my feet, feeling guilty as hell. I believed her. I just
prayed she would forgive me. "Can I get you something to drink?" she offered, changing the
subject abruptly before I could apologize completely.

"A glass of water would be great. Thanks." I needed the space and a moment to compose
myself more than I needed the hydration. I figured that her offer stemmed from a similar
need.

For the first time since our reunion, I took a moment to really study her. She seemed older to
me, but not in the obvious way that time marks its passage upon one's face. The change wasn't
in her looks. She was as strikingly beautiful as she had ever been. If anything, her beauty had
only been enhanced during our time apart.
The change was in her demeanor. She had a strong presence about her, a seriousness that had
chipped away the innocence of her childhood. She looked determined. All that remained was
figuring out her intent. Is she determined to let me go or is she determined to get me back?

"So, um… is Tony here?" I took the glass from Bella's small hand, being careful not to make
contact with her skin. I looked down the hall for signs of movement, but saw none.

"No. I… well, I sent him away." Bella looked at me straight in the eye. I was ready to ask her
to explain, but she volunteered the information before I got the chance. "I wasn't comfortable
having him here anymore. Some things have happened, which I'll explain tonight, but I just
felt better having him stay elsewhere. Alice took him to her parents' place. They're wonderful
people, and they love him as if he were their own grandchild. They'll keep him safe."

"Peter," I noted. She nodded, understanding dawning on her face. She must have known that I
had met Tony and Peter in New York. That was a topic I wanted to discuss with her, but it
wasn't the most important thing that needed to be discussed, so I let it go.

"Yes, Peter and Charlotte," she confirmed. "They've done so much for us, and I'd trust them
with my life." She was nervously trying to reassure me that she had made a sound choice to
have Alice's parents watch our son. I trusted her judgment; their resume wasn't necessary.

"It appears you have entrusted them with your life," I said, assuming our son was her life. She
smiled brightly at me and took a demure sip of her drink. She understood that I needed to pace
our discussion. She was giving me what I needed. She always had.

"So how do we do this?" I knew she had a story to tell, but I had a few answers that I needed
to get first. There were two things I needed to know beyond all else. If she answered the way I
hoped, we could work through everything else together.

"I need to hear your story, but before you start, I have to ask you two questions." Bella
adjusted body on the couch so that her feet were tucked under her body and her chest was
angled toward me; she was silently inviting me to begin. She looked so confident, so mature.
She'd really changed over the years, and it was sexy as hell. "No matter what, Bella, I need the
truth, okay?"
"Edward," she said quietly, taking a large breath. "You don't have any reason to believe me
right now, but I would never lie to you." I did believe her. I trusted her. I slowly lowered my
hand onto her knee. The gesture was meant to show my appreciation for her tone and my
acknowledgement that I did, in fact, trust her.

"Thank you." I looked at her carefully. I wanted to see the changes in her expression as she
answered my questions. "I need to know if… I need to know if you meant what you said
before." She furrowed her brow a bit, and I removed my hand.

"Um, before?" she questioned.

"Before… when we kissed, you said you loved me. I need to know if you meant that, Bella.
Are you still in love with me?" I'd been dying to ask her this exact question, but now that it
was out of my mouth, I was petrified to know the answer. I wanted to take it back. My hands
fidgeted in my lap as I awaited her response. I could feel that she still loved me in a general
sense, but I needed to know if she was in love with me romantically.

"Edward," she looked into my eyes and spoke with an unwavering voice. "I've been in love
with you since I was sixteen years old," she confidently. "That is as true today as it was then.
I've never loved anybody but you. I will never love anybody but you." I closed my eyes and
let her words make their way from my ears to my heart. I wanted to scoop her into my arms
and return the sentiment, but I needed more answers.

I slowly opened my eyes and peered at her. A few gentle tears had trickled down her cheeks,
but she was still, as if stoically waiting to be chastised. I did this to her. Of course she was
frightened of my reaction. The next question was equally important, but I was less sure of its
answer. I was entering uncharted territory.

"Then tell me why, Bella. Why did you leave me?" Bella raised her hand to touch my face, but
stopped short of making contact. She didn't know her boundaries anymore. She didn't' know I
craved her touch. Slowly, I reached out to her hand where it rested on her bent knee. I nodded
slowly as I picked it up. I needed the connection to her, and I sensed she needed it as well.

"I never left you," she began softly, "not the way you think, at least." I didn't respond. She
slipped herself a bit closer to me, for which I was grateful. Everything was easier when she
was close to me. Her presence, alone, soothed my nerves. "It was Carlisle, Edward. He did
this to us."

Her words hung in the air, causing a red hot flame to ignite in my chest. I didn't specifically
know what he had done yet, but the anger was already there. Her words resonated with me.
They made sense to me already, and I only had the smallest snapshot of the picture.

"Bella, please," I implored her to continue. I wasn't even sure I wanted to know, but I couldn't
live in denial either.

"When I woke up in the hospital after the accident, he was there." She had just told me that
Carlisle was the cause of our separation, but for some reason, the depth of his lies didn't really
compute until she put this specific piece together for me. Fuck. He knew she was alive all this
time. He watched me suffer for years, knowing that he had the power to make it end.

"He… he caused the accident, Edward. He was trying to kill us." Her sorrowful words
wrecked me. My own fucking father had tried to kill me. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. My girl
had been Carlisle's victim for years, but instead of worrying about herself, she was concerned
about how I would take the news. I wanted to comfort her, but I was too angry. I had to let it
out.

I pulled my hands away from her and rose aggressively from the couch. Bella flinched
slightly at my swift actions. My breathing was increasing, but I wasn't deterred. I had to get
the rest of the truth. "Why? How could he? Why would he?" I screamed into the room. My
anger wasn't aimed at her, but at my father. I knew he was depraved, but this was beyond
comprehension.

"I don't know," she cried. "I've wracked my brain for answers, but I don't have any good ones.
He knew I was pregnant, and I guess he thought you were going to leave the band. He had a
reputation and money to lose. He didn't explain himself to me. I've tried to figure it out. All I
know is what he told me to scare me, and it worked. I've spent the last eight years looking
over my shoulder and waiting for that monster to attack." Bella's sobs tore at my heart.

I went back to her and knelt in front of her. "Baby, I'm so sorry." I was angry with my father,
but more than that, I was devastated that Bella had to face him alone. I had my two brothers
when I had to confront him, and I had still been frightened. I bent my forehead against her
knee and wrapped my arms frantically around her legs. I needed her security. It was all too
much.

"I know you were scared, Bella, but why didn't you come to me?" I asked, my voice a muffled
sob. "You can't think that I would have abandoned you." I looked up into her eyes. Her
fingernails scraped through my hair as I angled my head up toward her face. "We could have
fought him together. Why did you run without me?"

"You don't understand, Edward," she pleaded with me. "He… he showed me things and said
things. I was so young and so scared. I couldn't let him hurt you or our baby. I just couldn't
risk that." She lowered her forehead to mine. Her words were urgent and her skin clammy.
She was pulling me toward her, but I still couldn't comprehend why she had kept me out.

"We would have been stronger together, Bella. I just don't understand." I tried to pull back
again, but she held me tightly to her forehead. She wouldn't let me go.

"I know that now, Edward, but I didn't know it then. I was alone and frightened. There so
much you still don't know. Please let me tell you…"

I cut her off before she spoke again. "Bella, I would have protected you. You have to know
that."

"Please, Edward. You need to hear the rest of this and it won't be easy. You need to know
everything," she said, forcefully asserting herself. She wasn't going to let me drive the
conversation anymore. She was taking over. When I didn't move or respond, she finally
pulled away and took both of my hands.

"Okay," I said, not sure whether or not I could deal with any more.

A light tremble flitted visibly through her body before she spoke. Her small fingers tugged at
the edge of her shirt, but she never took her eyes away from mine. "Carlisle is your father."

Her words bounced around my mind, not making any sense and making perfect sense at the
same time. "Wh… what?"
"He's your biological father, Edward. He admitted it to me." I felt her fingers expand in my
hand. I hadn't realized how hard I was squeezing it until she tried to loosen my grip from the
inside.

I relaxed my hand and rose from my knees to retake my spot on the couch next to her while I
contemplated her revelation. Carlisle was my father. My fucking father tried to kill me. I
thought finding my son and Bella was overwhelming, but finding out why was numbing.
Everything stilled around me. Bella's face was etched with concern, but I couldn't respond.

A deep rumble began in my gut and slowly began to scrape its way up my chest, exiting my
throat in a guttural cry. "Nooooo!" Bella rose to her knees and pulled my head into her chest
as my body began to shake uncontrollably.

He can't be my father. I hate him. He did this. That fucking bastard did this to us.

Learning that Carlisle was my father killed any last vestiges of hope I had for my messed up
family. I would never have parents. My brothers and I had been raised by a monster. We had
never really had true parental love, and we never would. Bella hummed gently just above my
ear, her soft vibrations pulling me back from the precipice of despair. I knew she wasn't done.
I could feel it in her tense frame.

"Is there more?" I needed to get all the information. I couldn't take finding out piecemeal that
the life I had been living wasn't real. I needed to know it all. I needed her to rip the bandage
off all at once.

"I'm sorry, baby, there is," her voice quivered. I braced myself waiting for the next bomb to
crash down upon me. Every detail she shared was progressively worse than the previous one.
I couldn't fathom what she might say next, but I knew she was building up to something that
would devastate me. I felt it coming, but never could have anticipated what she was about to
say.

"He killed your mother, Edward." Bella's body was practically in my lap now. She'd snuggled
right into my side trying to comfort me. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't understand. I just… um… I don't… um," I stuttered. Bella pulled me into her arms,
hugging me tightly. I squeezed her back, holding her for dear life. She was my lifeline.
Without her, I would surely sink under the dark swamp of vile truth, which was trying to
swallow me whole.

"He was trying to scare me. He wanted me out of your life." I didn't understand what she was
telling me. I tried to focus on her words, but they were convoluted and frantic. "He showed
me. He knew I wouldn't leave you. He knew I wouldn't go unless he made it real for me."

"What did he do?" I pushed her back and searched her eyes. I didn't want to know, but I had
to hear it.

"He showed me a video of the murder." As she described her encounter with Carlisle in the
hospital room and what happened in the video, I began to retreat further and further into my
mind. Carlisle's inhuman behavior being rehashed by my delicate Bella was more than I could
stomach. Bile twisted in my throat, threatening to come out as more and more despicable
phrases reverberated around the room.

Even still, I could tell she was censoring her words. She was leaving out details that were no
doubt ingrained in her memory, replaying in her mind as she gave me some edited version of
her own hell. As much as I wanted to know everything, I didn't want to put her through
retelling those details. I would get the information from the source.

My mind was a blur, but what stung more than anything was what he'd done to my girl.
"Bella." I cupped my hand across her cheek and gently kissed her tear-stained cheeks. "Did he
try to… did he hurt you?" I could tell that her story wasn't over. Her eyes left mine. For the
first time in recounting the nightmare, she couldn't look at me. My hands were still on her
face, but I extended my arms a bit and bent my head down to enter her field of vision.

No, no, no… please, God. Please tell me he didn't…

"What did he do, baby? I need to know."

Bella took a deep breath and looked back into my eyes. I could see fear. I could see
humiliation. I could see guilt. My mind was racing to all sorts of nasty conclusions. I needed
the truth or I would lose it. I was on the edge as it was.

"I was strapped to the bed. Restraints. He…" She closed her eyes and took a tentative breath.
"He touched me," she whispered. My blood was boiling now, but I was still holding her. I
didn't want to scare her. Now I was the one comforting her. Where her arms had cradled me,
mine now cradled her.

"He told me that he had been watching me for years and then he pulled down my… He put his
mouth on my…" She cried into my chest, unable to finish the thoughts. I didn't need or want
her to say the words. My father had violated the most precious thing in my world, and I would
see to it that he would burn a fiery death for it. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry I let this
happen."

"Baby, no. You didn't do this. You didn't let him do anything. He was the monster. You…" I
pulled her back into my embrace. She needed me. I couldn't break down on her. "You were so
brave, baby. Don't you ever apologize for that." She needed my strength. I hadn't been there
for her during the last eight years. She fought my father all by herself. But I was here now.

"It's okay, baby. I promise, he won't hurt you again. I'm here now." I tried to soothe her, but it
wasn't working. I was too stressed to offer any real warmth, no matter how much I truly
wanted to help her. She began twisting out of my hold and pulling away from me.

"No, Edward. You don't understand. He said he would kill you if I ever told you we were
alive. He threatened to kill Tony the way he did your…" She didn't need to finish her sentence
for me to understand why he had shown her the video. "He wants to kill Tony."

"He will not touch our son! We'll go to the police and let them take care of it. He won't mess
with us again." I didn't want to go to the police. I wanted nothing more than to get Carlisle
alone in a room for just five minutes, but that wasn't what Bella needed to hear.

"No, Edward!" I was shocked at her adamant response. "We don't have proof of anything. If
we go to the police, it will be our word against his. He might go to jail for a few months, but
then he'll come after us. He's sent reminders to me over the years about how serious he is – to
show me he's always watching. I think he knows you're in town. He sent me something today
and…"

She pushed back from me and went to the table. She rifled urgently through her bag and
pulled out an envelope and then handed it to me.
"What's this?" I turned it over in my hand, but didn't open it until she nodded at me to do so.
The contents chilled me. It was a photograph of Tony with a large knife held up to his throat.
"Oh my God!"

"That's why I sent him to Charlotte and Peter's house. I don't know when the picture was
taken, but I do know that it was taken in his room, and it's recent. I got him those pajamas
about a month ago. I didn't feel safe having him stay here. Peter and Charlotte's house was the
only option."

"Why didn't you go, Bella?" I put the picture onto the table and pulled Bella into my arms
again. "It's not safe for you here, either." I wanted to whisk her away. I wanted to get to our
son and make them both safe, but I didn't know how to do that.

"I couldn't lose you again. This was the only place you knew to look for me. I couldn't leave."
I was nauseated. She'd put herself in mortal danger because of my actions. I had acted like a
hothead and refused to listen to her. I'd left her alone in the lion's den. I failed her.

"Stop. I know what you're thinking, and you need to stop right now." Bella brought my hands
to her lips and kissed my knuckles gently.

"The man is a murderer. You're not safe here, but you stayed because of me." I couldn't
believe I had been so reckless. I let my emotions get the better of me, and it could have killed
her for real.

"I'm actually glad that you left like that, Edward. I needed to face losing you again to realize
that running will never work. I want to fight him. We can do it together."

"Bella, it's not safe here." I tried to pull her toward the door, but she held her ground.

"I will not let that asshole run me out of my house, Edward!" Her words were forceful and
confident. "He took my life away from me once; I'll be damned if I'll let him do it again. We
have to fight him, and we have to make sure he goes down for good."

"Bella," I said pulling her into my arms again. I needed her touch. "I'm so sorry for
everything, Bella. And we will fight him. I won't let you down again. We'll do this together."

"Edward," she whimpered gratefully into my chest.

"We need to get Tony. I need to know he's safe." I looked down at her and pleaded with my
eyes. She brought her hands up to my chest and stroked it lightly.

"It's after midnight; we can't go now. Tony's asleep and he's safe. Alice, Charlotte and Peter
are all with him." After everything I had heard, I couldn't get comfortable until I knew Tony
was safe. I didn't know Alice or her family the way Bella did. But I did know Carlisle, or
thought I did. Before I knew any of what I'd learned that night, I'd already learned that he
could be treacherous. But with what had come to light in the last few minutes, I needed more
reassurance.

"Can we text Alice, maybe? If she's sleeping, it won't disturb her. But if she's awake, we can
make sure he's okay." Bella moved across the room to fetch her cell phone. My heart pounded
in my chest as the distance between us extended. I felt like I would start hyperventilating if
she didn't return to me soon. So much had happened in the last few hours. I needed her touch
to maintain my sanity.

"Hey girl, Edward's here. We've been talking. Just wanted to check on T-man. Is everything
okay?" She recited the message aloud as she typed it out on the phone's keys. Her words were
to light in comparison to the heaviness in the room, but somehow, they soothed me, and I
even grinned a bit at her nickname for Tony. She walked back over to where I was standing
and leaned gently into my side. We spent the next few minutes waiting and staring at one
another, hovering somewhere between relief and panic.

Her eyes looked tired and sad. She'd been through so much, but we were finally together.
Carlisle is no match for us now. I would make it my new life's mission to destroy him for
what he had done. "Here she is," Bella said gently, pulling her hand from mind to read the
incoming text.

"We're good, babe. T's asleep across the hall. The door's open so I can see him. Stop
worrying. How's E? I want details, damnit!" Bella chuckled and rolled her eyes after she read
Alice's words to me. "That's Alice for you," she quipped, brushing a lingering tear from her
cheek before sending her response.

Her voice was choppy as she shared her response, fingers flying across the keys. "Later. We
can talk in the morning. E and I will come get him first thing, okay? Love you. Night." I
couldn't help but smile internally at the idea of being with Bella until morning. She didn't
necessarily intend that, but her text suggested that we would be together "first thing". I hoped
that meant she wanted me to stay. I was fairly certain I didn't have the strength to leave her
ever again.

"So," I said awkwardly. I wasn't sure how to approach the subject. There was no way in hell I
was leaving Bella alone tonight. I just needed to convince her to let me stay.

"Edward," she began softly. "I know you've been through a lot today. I can't even imagine
everything you must be feeling." She looked down again. To be honest, my mind was chaos. I
was literally experiencing information overload. My brain was beginning to shut down to
preserve my sanity.

"It's a lot," was my less than articulate response.

"It's just that… well, I'm I don't want us to be apart." She searched my face. I knew what she
was trying to ask me, and I felt an immediate sense of relief. I cupped her face and pressed my
thumb softly to her lips to silence her. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed or exposed by
putting herself out there. Reliving her story had been torture enough for one night. I wouldn't
make her feel any more discomfort.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I asked calmly. Her stiff shoulders instantly relaxed and
she nodded gently. "Or, if you prefer, we could go to my hotel. I don't want you to have to
stay in this house if it makes you uncomfortable." I wanted to give her the option one more
time. If she wanted to stay, I would check the house to make sure we were sealed in and
alone.

"Thank you," she responded. "I really appreciate that, but this is my home." There was no
question that she could feel the pull between us, but we hadn't been together for eight years.
While being around her felt natural, we both knew there would need to time to reacclimate to
one another.

We couldn't handle anymore deep conversations for the night and watching television seemed
off, too. Instead, Bella gave me a tour of her home, and I checked all the windows and doors
as we went. Her house was small, but very Bella. It was homey and warm. She proudly
pointed out her diploma on the wall and told me about her teaching job. I was so fucking
proud of my girl for making a life for herself. She'd done so well, especially in the face of
such adversity.

Tony's room was perfect. A mural of a race track was painted against the far wall and an
actual stop sign hung on the wall next to the door. She explained that Peter had given it to
Tony when they moved into the house. He had friends with the North Carolina Department of
Transportation, and was able to get it after some road work was done in town.

She'd done an amazing job giving our son a home. I had so much still to learn about her. She'd
been so resilient, and had provided for him all by herself. I wanted to cry knowing how much
I'd missed, but those sorts of thoughts wouldn't help either one of us. We needed to be strong.
We had a war to fight, and we needed all of our strength if we were going to be victorious in
the end.

The last stop on our tour was Bella's bedroom. As we stepped through the doorway, a felt a
familiar current come to life between us. Our hands had been intertwined since we had left the
living room, but now that we were in this intimate setting, the electricity between us was more
tangible. Her hand was no longer merely warming my hand; it was sending tantalizing
vibrations up my arm as well.

"I get that you're going to need time to digest all of this," she said out of nowhere.
Understatement of the century. "But I have a question for you. I know it's probably too soon
for me to ask this, but I have to know." Bella turned to face me. She made to let go of my
hand, but I wouldn't let her. I wasn't ready to lose our connection. She sucked in her breath at
my action.

"You can ask me anything, sweetheart." She smiled and took a small step toward me. She was
so confident now. I took hold of her other hand to steady myself. She looked up at me,
searching my eyes for the truth.

"Is there… is there a way that you can forgive me?" My eyes widened at her words. There
was absolutely nothing to forgive. She'd acted selflessly and had probably saved our son's life.
I was about to tell her as much, but she kept talking, her next words practically knocking me
to the ground. "I love you so much, Edward. Every single day, I've dreamt of you and missed
you." She took a deep breath and then continued. "Before, when I said I was in love with you,
you didn't respond. God, I know I'm a shit for putting this on you so soon, but I need to know.
Do you still… want me?"

I looked into her chocolate eyes, which were glistening in the dim light of the room. "You're a
very silly woman, Isabella," I chuckled. I tucked a strand of her hair behind her left ear and
closed the last of the space between us. My hands were on either side of her face again, her
hands tightly gripping my wrists.

"I love you more than life itself and I will always want you."

"Really?" she questioned as tears began to spill over. I nodded at her and returned her smile.
"I want you back, Edward."

"You never lost me. I've always been yours." I couldn't resist the pull between us any longer. I
crashed my mouth into hers. Even after all of our tears, her lips were sweet on my tongue. A
soft moan flowed between our bodies, but I couldn't tell if it was hers or mine.

"Please, Edward." Her words came out in frantic puffs between our kisses. "I need you. Please
make me yours."

There was no way I could resist her. I lowered my hands over the gentle rise of her ass and
lifted her to me. Her legs instinctively wrapped around my waist, spurring me forward. I
tumbled forward as her sudden weight shifted my body off-balance. We fell onto the bed with
a bouncing thump. Bella giggled and elbowed her way back toward the headboard. I crawled
above her as she moved and then frantically descended upon her again.

I had thought our first time back together would be gentle and soft, but there was no way that
was going to happen. Our need was too great. Eight years of pent-up sexual energy was
exploding between our heaving bodies. We were about as capable of slowing our pace as we
were capable of slowing a moving train with our bare hands.

There are just some things that are so impossible that they shouldn't even be attempted.

Her fingernails scraped down my chest as her hands searched for the hem of my shirt. Our
tongues were a tangled mess that I didn't want to disconnect, but the desire to feel her skin
against mine was sufficient motivation to pull back momentarily. Straddling her, I sat back on
my heels and allowed her to sit up slightly to remove my shirt for me. She made for her own
shirt, but I stopped her.

"Nuh-uh, I get to do this." I raised her delicate pink tank top over her head, exposing her
creamy breasts in the process. Her hands were at the top of my jeans as soon as her arms were
out of her shirt. I rose up onto my knees and lifted one leg off the bed, so that she could
shimmy the denim off my body. I returned the favor and then took in the prize lying on the
bed below me.

"So fucking beautiful," I sighed, feeling whole for the first time in eight years.

"Take me, Edward. Please. I need you." I lowered to kiss her. Our movements were desperate
and frantic. My hands found their way to her breasts and began pushing them together. They
were mine. Nobody but me would ever touch them again.

"More," she whimpered. I was more than happy to oblige her. My hands traveled south to her
warm folds. I was trying to be gently, but my need to feel her was too great, so I explored her
freely. She squirmed below me, which only served to encourage my movements. My lips
were at her throat as my middle finger slipped into her wetness, my thumb circling her clit.

"My God, Bella. You're so wet." I was aching for her, but I knew she'd be tight after so much
time. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her, no matter how badly I wanted to bury myself
inside of her.

"Only for you, Edward. Always for you." I added a second finger to her slick entrance,
stretching her slowly. Her back arched at the sensation, sending a lightning sensation straight
to my groin. I couldn't wait any longer.

"I need to be inside you, Bella." I licked up her neck and then over her chin until my mouth
found hers again.

"Yes, now," she mumbled between kisses. "Need you, too!" I didn't need any further
encouragement. I lined myself up at her entrance, but didn't enter her. I looked into her eyes to
make sure she was okay, I had to be sure. She hooked one leg over my hip and nudged me
forward until the tip of my cock was sheathed inside her. I had to steady myself, so that I
wouldn't hurt her – and so that I wouldn't cum on the spot.
Ever so slowly, I slid the rest of the way into her tightness. Her body tensed slightly at my
intrusion, but then relaxed again. My head fell to her shoulder allowing her full access to my
right earlobe. She capitalized on the new-found proximity by sucking it between her teeth.
The sharpness only impassioned me further.

"Oh, God, Bella. Fuck!"

Feeling her nibble at my ear while I pumped inside her was quite possibly the most
spectacularly erotic moment of my entire life. I was on the verge of having the most explosive
orgasm of my life, but I wasn't ready for it to end yet. I tried to still myself while I regained
control, but Bella clearly wasn't interested in a tantric moment. She wanted more. When my
body slowed, hers sped up to compensate for the loss of friction. She slammed her hips up
against mine, showing remarkable strength.

"God, baby, you've got to stop that… Fuck, I'm going to lose it." I tried to force her hips
against the bed with mine, but the movement only pushed me deeper inside of her, causing a
rasping growl to escape my lips of its own accord.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she chanted as her chamber suddenly began to spasm around my cock. I
had no idea how she was managed to reach her climax through what had to be a very
uncomfortable reunion, but fuck me if I wasn't glad she did. I thrust into her a few more
times, as her walls milked me through the end or her orgasm. With one final resounding
thrust, I erupted deep inside her.

It was the most intense feeling I'd ever had. I couldn't breathe, and I certainly didn't want to
move. I wanted to stay inside of her for the rest of my life. I collapsed on top of her and just
squeezed her to my chest. She responded in kind, digging her fingers into my shoulders. We
were both panting and completely unwilling to let one another go, and nowhere near sated.

"Thank you," I mumbled into her neck. She smelled of sweat, sex and Bella, a combination I
decided should be bottled for my own personal enjoyment.

She pushed me gently onto my side, so that she could look into my eyes. I kept my leg hitched
around her, but otherwise allowed her to move me. "Why are you thanking me?" She dipped
her head into the space between us and kissed the tip of my nose lightly. "If anything, I should
be thanking you. That was… well, it was perfect." We were both still panting from the hottest
we had ever had.

"God, Bella. There are so many reasons for me to thank you. You protected our son. You
fought my father alone for years and then took me back without question after I was a
complete asshole about Jake. I said some really horrible things. Your capacity for love and
forgiveness is boundless. So, yes, thank you." I traced her collarbone with my finger. He skin
was still slick, which triggered sense memories of the incredibly hot reunion make-up sex
we'd just had.

Bella brought her hand up to mine, stilling to my finger's trek across her neck and forced me
to look her in the eye. "I love you," she said sincerely. "Jake is only my neighbor. He was
already living here when I bought the house. It was just a coincidence. There has never been
anything between us. It's always been you – only you."

Just the idea of Jake spending time with my family, when I hadn't, killed me. But at the same
time, I could be nothing but thankful to every person who helped them in my absence, Jake
included. Bella stayed true to me despite having Jake next door. That was more than I could
give her in return. And while it probably wasn't a discussion we needed to have while
wrapped naked in one another's arms, I needed to clear the last of the air between us, so that
we could officially be us again.

"I'm sorry to do this now, but I have to tell you how sorry I am for Tanya."

"No you don't. You did what you had to do to survive. We both did," she said simply. Her
expression was genuine, but I hadn't given her enough, so I continued.

"I thought you were dead, but I could still feel you. I felt so drawn to you, and it left me lost. I
tried everything to let you go, and that included my epic fail with Tanya. It was only the one
time." Her face tightened around the edges as I referred specifically to sex with another
woman. Even my own stomach twisted. I could only imagine the flip flops happening inside
the belly across from me.

She pulled the sheet down to her chest, squeezing it tightly into her fist. This had to hurt her.
Shit, this is fucking hard.
"I know you probably saw all sorts of things in the media, but you have to know that we both
immediately dismissed the idea of any sort of relationship." She looked surprisingly pulled
together as I spoke. I, on the other hand, was ready to vomit, but I had to explain it to her. "I
was still too connected to you. Tanya was my friend only after that night. I've never been with
anybody else. I knew there was no need. My heart was happily taken." I swept the hair out of
her eyes and tentatively leaned in for a kiss. She was slow to respond at first, but finally let
me in fully.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." An apology was all I could offer her.

"I know it was only the one time," she finally replied. He voice was shaky, but she was
speaking. "I read that in your emails," she said, her voice stronger this time. "I thought there
was more between you at first, and it nearly killed me. I felt horrible for being upset that you
were happy, but I couldn't get over the idea of you being with somebody else." I wanted to
stop her and beg for her forgiveness, but I knew she had more to say. I held her silently and
let her continue. "But your emails, Edward, they saved me. I don't think I would have made it
without them. I read your emails, and I knew you could feel me. I knew you still loved only
me."

Bella smiled and nuzzled her head under my chin. Her arms wrapped securely around my
waist, so that our bodies were pulled more tightly together. "I love you, and I always wanted
you to be happy." She looked down at my chest and picked at the small line of hair below my
bellybutton. It was an innocent action, but it sent shivers through me.

"I love you, Bella." I cradled her closer to my chest. "I can't take back what happened, but I
can promise you that I always carried you with me. You've always been the only woman for
me."

"I'm glad you could feel me." She looked up at me and then pressed a warm kiss against the
base of my throat.

"I could," I said, lifting her chin so that she would look at me again. I kissed her gently before
continuing. "I couldn't explain any of it, but that feeling I've always had when you were close
was there. It was always there. Just like the night Tony was born. I had no way of knowing
what was happening, but somehow my soul knew."
"We're connected, Edward. All of us are connected. You gave Tony my bracelet. I was
stunned. I had just had a run-in with Tanya, of all people, in the restroom. When I came out, I
realized you were there. You were with our son on his fifth birthday. When I saw you had
given him the bracelet, I knew you had been drawn to us. Something bigger than both of us
was trying to pull us back together."

"We'll never be apart again, baby. I promise you that. I'll never doubt my gut again. It took me
years to start following my feelings for you, but even then, I thought you were pushing me
toward the truth about Carlisle. I never let myself believe that you might still be alive."

"Say it again, Edward." I looked down into her pleading eyes. I smiled at her knowingly.

"We'll never be apart again. I love you."

I pulled her into a tight kiss as she returned my love. I rolled us back over so that I was
situated in a protective stance above her. Our eyes were open as we kissed. It takes an
unbelievable amount of trust and comfort to watch somebody completely as you kiss them.
Bella and I had that trust. Even after so many missed years between us, we were still Edward
and Bella.

We made love again, never letting our gazes drop. It was slower and more deliberate this
time; it was intense and beautiful. Our bodies glided together in perfect synchronicity as we
took from one another and gave simultaneously. We were one. And as we came down from
our euphoric high, I reaffirmed my promise to her and to us.

"I love you more than life itself, Isabella Cullen.

CHAPTER 21:
AS THE PENDULUM SWINGS

Bella's POV: Chapel Hill, NC

I pushed my toes along the curve of his calf and off the edge of his ankle before finally
pointing them straight down into a delicious stretch. My hands followed a similar trail down
his etched abdominal muscles. "Mmm…" I moaned as I finally opened my eyes to stare at the
gorgeous man sharing my bed.

"Sleep well, love?" he whispered in the husky morning voice I remembered from my dreams.
His left arm pulled me closer while his right hand scrunched through the tangled nest of hair
at the back of my head. A small shiver tickled up my spine as I thought back to the wanton
activities which had left in such blissful disarray. I nuzzled my face into his warm embrace. I
was in heaven. "No more nights apart – ever," he avowed groggily.

I chuckled at him, running my finger along the line of his angled jaw and then tapping it
lightly against his chin. "As heavenly as that sounds, baby, I don't think it's altogether
feasible. There are going to be a few nights we have to spend apart."

"Unacceptable," he grumbled petulantly. He closed his eyes and rolled us over, pinning me
possessively as he rested his head on my chest. I tried to shift my lower body a bit, but he
instantly restricted my movements. "Mine," he huffed again as his leg bent to hitch over my
own, taking away the last of my mobility. I was his willing prisoner for as long as he would
have me.

I relaxed into his snuggle, allowing myself to revel in the safety of his hold. My bladder didn't
agree, but my heart never wanted to leave the bed again. This was home. "Maybe you're
right," I surrendered happily as his morning whiskers scratched against the top of my breasts.
"Waking up to Caveman Edward for the next eighty years sounds pretty damn good to me."
"Atouk make zug zug with Tala!" Edward declared in a whimsical Neanderthal voice,
startling the rest of the sleep out of my system. I tried not to crack a smile. It would only
encourage him further.

"Are you going to hit me over the head with your club and drag me back to your cave, big
boy?" I teased. Edward looked up at me as if contemplating my suggestion, but then quickly
shook his head almost bashfully.

"Atouk no hit Tala. Atouk alunda Tala." He kissed me chastely on the cheek as if to affirm
his pronouncement of love. He may have been a slapstick comedy-quoting dork, but he was
my slapstick comedy-quoting dork, and it felt nothing short of amazing to have him back,
wrapped in my arms.

"I love you, too, caveman. Now, let me up so I can pee." I pushed him playfully to the side
and squirmed my way out of bed. I loved the light-hearted feeling between us. There was so
much darkness in our path, but we both desperately needed this time to reconnect, so we were
taking it. It would make us stronger for the fight ahead.

I quickly pulled myself together and peeked at my watch. It was just after six a.m., still too
early to get Tony. I was nervous about formally introducing Tony to his father. Tony hadn't
asked too many questions about his father, but that didn't surprise me. Tony was a very astute
child, and I suspected that he never felt a total loss of Edward in his life because of connection
we all shared. Even if he had no idea who Edward was, I thought the idea of something
missing hadn't occurred to him. Soon, however, I would be giving Tony the father I had kept
from him, and that both thrilled me and scared me. I wanted the reunion to be perfect for both
of them. After the horror and pain, they deserved nothing less.

The vision before me when I stepped out of the bathroom took my breath away. Edward was
sitting up against the headboard flipping through the photo album I had put together of my
pictures of Charlie. The comforter was pulled just to his waist, leaving his chest exposed in all
of its sexiness. Time had certainly done my man justice. Where he was a trim teen before, he
was now a cut specimen of pure man. I bit my lip contemplating the numerous things I
wanted to do to him with my tongue. Compose yourself, woman.

"If you keep looking at me like that, I won't be responsible for what I do to you," he noted
calmly without even looking up from the album. He knew me too well. Even after so many
years apart, he could read me like a book. His words sent a second lustful shiver through my
body. I was quite interested in learning what he might do to me, but we didn't have much time
before we would be able to get Tony, and I was already a bit sore from our previous reunion
escapades.

I crawled across the bed and snuggled back into his side, gripping his arm tightly to my chest.
I pecked him quickly on the cheek, and he leaned his head into me in appreciation. "These are
great pictures, Bella. How do you even have them?"

"Oh, ah… Jake, actually. He had these and thought I might want them. After Billy died, Jake
went through some of his things and kept a lot of these old pictures. It's been wonderful to
finally be able to show Tony pictures of his family." Edward tensed and let the album fall
from his grasp as the word "family" left my mouth. We'd been living in a delicate bubble, and
with one word, it popped.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I said softly as I pulled the discarded book from his lap. When he looked
at me, the tears I saw collecting in his deep green eyes broke my heart. Edward had lost so
much. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, baby." He pulled me into a gentle kiss. It wasn't deep and passionate, but it
made me swoon as if it had been. "This is just… fuck, this is just really hard." Edward rubbed
he free hand over his eyes and let his head fall defeated against the headboard.

I squeezed his hand in support. Edward had been so brave when he learned of the vile things
his father had done. Every truth he thought he knew had been turned inside-out, leaving him
raw and exposed. I couldn't kid myself anymore. While our love would give us the strength to
move forward, it couldn't erase the past. We would all need extensive counseling in order to
recover from the damage Carlisle so viciously inflicted upon us.

I used my index finger to gently massage the furrowed skin around Edward's brow. I wanted
to take his pain away, but there wasn't anything I could do yet. Edward and I needed a solid
plan, or Carlisle would win. "I know, and I'm here for you," I told him honestly. "We'll make
this right together," I offered in support.

"Yes, we will. I'll make him pay for what he's done to you and Tony, Bella." Edward pulled
my hand from his face and clutched it to his heart. "Mark my words; he will not get away with
this." There was intensity about Edward that I had never seen before. His reaction to
everything was remarkable. To have been bombarded by so much all at once, and to still be
functioning, was incredible. But to be strong enough to fight, was astounding. I would help
him win that battle. We would do it together.

"Are you ready to introduce Tony to his daddy?" I asked, trying to shift his attention away
from Carlisle. Tony had been my shining beacon of hope, and I hoped he would be the same
for Edward. He looked at me and smiled again. The smile reached his eyes, and his entire
demeanor grew lighter.

"You have no idea. Do you think it's too early to go get him now?" Edward looked so hopeful.
It was still early, but I didn't want to wait either. We all needed this.

"A bit," I replied honestly. "But by the time we shower and run by your hotel to get a change
of clothes for you, he should be up and done with breakfast." Edward's eyes lit up instantly.
He pulled me into another quick kiss and then slid his legs out from under the covers to get
up. His kiss was altogether unsatisfying; something I would take great pleasure in rectifying,
especially now that he was flashing me his glorious bare ass.

I poked out my lower lip dramatically to tell him, without words, how completely insufficient
his quick, tongueless kiss had been. It was selfish, but I needed more of him before I had to
share him with anybody else. Sensing that I hadn't moved from the bed, Edward looked back
at me over his shoulder and quickly noted my disapproval. He cocked his eyebrow at me and
smirked before lunging back to the bed and tackling me hungrily. My giggle was stifled by his
lips giving me what I craved, a searing passionate kiss.

When we finally came up for air, he pulled back to look into my eyes. "Better?" he asked with
mock seriousness.

"Much," I confirmed, with a mischievous smack to his ass. I liked toying with him and was
rather looking forward to his retaliation. "Tala ugh," I chortled, letting him know I liked it.
"Tala alunda Atouk." And with that, Edward kissed me again.

**YVWAIH**
"You ready for this?" In response to my question, Edward smoothed his hands over the front
of his shirt and then swiped his hair away from his eyes. I found his nervousness incredibly
endearing. He'd spent more than a couple of minutes searching through his clothes at the
hotel, clearly overwhelmed with making a good impression – on a seven year old he'd already
met. My throat tightened and a tear ran down my face as I grabbed his button-down and
giggled appreciatively at his apprehension. I knew he was going to be an amazing father to
our son. He already was.

"Yeah, I'm just anxious, you know?" He looked at me for reassurance.

I could hear footsteps approaching on the other side of the door, so I quickly leaned in to give
him one last bit of encouragement. "He's going to love you just as much as I do," I offered
with a quick hug. "Here goes." The door slowly opened to reveal the ever elegant Charlotte
smiling back at us.

"Bella, my dear," Charlotte looked at me happily and then carefully looked over toward
Edward, who was surreptitiously twisting my sleeve lightly in his hand. "Won't you two
please come in?" She moved to the side to allow us to enter. I thanked her and offered her a
quick hug as I passed her – our standard greeting. The house smelled divinely of pancakes,
sausage and fresh coffee, reminding me instantly of how much I loved breakfast at the
Brandon's.

"Is that Miss Bella I hear down there?" Peter appeared at the top of the stairs, looking quite
dapper for only seven in the morning.

"Hi, Peter," I called out as he made his way down the steps into the foyer. I met him mid-
stride for a hug. After he kissed my cheek, he looked to Edward.

"Who do we have here? Don't I know you, son?" Edward stood straighter as if being
appraised by my real father, instead of the man who had only played the part for the last seven
and half years. I appreciated his desire to make a good impression. He understood how
important Peter and Charlotte were to me. He was making such an effort to become a part of
my new life, and I loved him all the more for it.

"Edward Cullen, sir, we met in New York City a few years back, on Tony's fifth birthday."
Edward extended his hand to Peter and shook it firmly. "It's a pleasure to see you again."
"My goodness, you're right. It's nice to see you as well. How on Earth did you come to be in
my home with our Bella?" Peter appeared understandably puzzled by the turn of events.

Edward looked to me to answer, not wanting to step on my toes. I, in turn, took a quick look
around to make sure Tony's ears weren't in range of what I was about to say. I didn't see him,
so I spoke. "Edward and I are old… friends," I said pointedly. "I haven't seen him for about
eight years." I didn't want to say the words out loud until I was able to say them to Tony. He
needed to hear it directly from me.

"Friends?" Charlotte probed. She looked between Edward and me a few times and then her
hand flew to her mouth as realization struck. "As in…" I was a bit surprised that Alice hadn't
mentioned it to her already, but I supposed she was saving that for me. I nodded a
confirmation to Charlotte.

"Oh my goodness, come here, boy!" Charlotte eagerly pulled Edward into a welcoming hug.
"He looks just like you," she said softly as she pulled back. "Peter, isn't it uncanny?"

"Indeed." Peter clapped Edward on the shoulder to show his acceptance. "Please, won't you
both come in and sit down. I can tell there is an amazing story here, and we can't wait to hear
it." Edward and I followed Charlotte and Peter into the kitchen where the coffee I had been
smelling was brewing. After pouring us each a cup, we sat at the table.

"So tell us everything," Charlotte stated, getting right to the heart of things.

"Dear, they'll tell us what they wish, don't push," Peter calmly tried to settle his wife. I gave
him an appreciative smile, though she really hadn't been overstepping. I was excited to share
my truth with them; I'd kept so much bottled up over the years. It had always made me feel
like a liar and a fraud. Telling them the truth was something I had dreamed about doing, and I
was happy to finally have the opportunity. First, however, I needed to see my son.

"Actually, we'd be happy to tell you, but right now, would you mind if we see Tony? We want
to… well we want to properly introduce him to Edward." Edward looked at me with an
excited glint in his eye. This was it. It was time to reunite father and son. Edward had missed
experiencing a father-son bond his entire life, so I knew that his relationship with Tony would
be particularly special.
"While I would be honored to be present for that reunion, Bella, I'm afraid I don't know what
you mean. Tony isn't here with us." Peter's words paralyzed me for a moment. Edward
gripped my hand tightly, feeling the same rush of fear that had just swallowed my heart.

"Peter, I d… don't understand," I stuttered through clenched teeth. "Where is he? Alice
brought him over last night to spend the night. Where did they go? It's so early." I knew the
answer, but I had to hear the words. My entire body was beginning to shake and tears were
brimming in my eyes.

"Sweetheart, I haven't spoken to Alice or Tony in two days. They weren't here last night. Are
you sure she wasn't taking Tony to her house?" Peter leaned over in his seat and offered me a
gentle arm around the shoulder. He never could stand to see women cry.

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. Tony, Tony, Tony.

"Okay, calm down, Bella. Just call Alice. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Maybe
she's at her place. Just call her," Edward suggested, his stiff frame betraying his external
calmness; he was a scared as I was. I made no move for my phone. I couldn't. I'd been playing
house with Edward while Carlisle had my son. My breathing was starting to accelerate. This
can't be happening.

"Bella, baby, calm down. We don't know anything." Edward reached into my purse and pulled
out my phone. I watched as he scrolled through my contacts lists and then hit the send button
to call Alice. He held the phone to his ear and waited, never letting go of my hand. "Alice,
this is Edward. I'm with Bella. Please call us right away." He ended the call and my hopes.

"What's going on here?" Charlotte demanded. "Peter, call Alice at home. See if she's there." I
knew she wouldn't be, but I followed Peter toward the phone across the room and watched
silently as his called his daughter. He shook his head and returned it to the cradle after several
moments.

"Bella, please, why was Alice bringing Tony over here?" I still couldn't respond. Everything I
had done in the last several hours was coming back to me. I'd let my son out of my sight,
knowing that there was a maniac after him. I'd let him walk into danger, foolishly thinking
that Carlisle would come after me. It had never been about me. I'd ignorantly believed that
Tony would be safer the further away from home I could get him. I never would have let him
out of my sight if I'd thought otherwise.

"Baby, it's okay," Edward said in an attempt to comfort me as he pulled me into his arms.
"Don't for one second think I'm going to let him get away with this. We'll get him back."
Edward pulled back and gripped my face with both hands. I looked into his eyes and saw truth
and determination. I couldn't crumble. Tony needed me.

Edward nodded at me again and kissed my forehead. As if he could see my inner struggle, he
looked into my eyes and silently communicated his support. I knew he was right. I had
Edward back and we'd reaffirmed our bond; we could do this together. We wouldn't let
Carlisle get away with taking our son.

"O… okay," I said breathlessly, nodding back at Edward. I looked to Charlotte and Peter who
were visibly shaken by what was happening.

"Last night," I began telling them, "Edward found us. I'd had to… well, we were forced apart
before Tony was born. There's a lot of… um history. I'm sorry, I just… um… I can't go into
that story right now." I knew my explanation sounded rude, but there simply wasn't time to
rehash it all. "Edward got upset and left when he saw Jake." Edward squeezed my hand again
as I mentioned his rash departure. He took the opportunity to pick up on my explanation.

"My father is the reason we've been apart. Yesterday, he sent Bella a threatening photograph
of Tony." Edward looked crestfallen as he said the words. I could see him internalizing and
blaming himself.

"I stayed at the house waiting for Edward, but I didn't want Tony to be there. Alice said she
would bring him over here for the night." I could hear my voice becoming shrill, but I couldn't
control it. "She said she'd call you on the way. Neither one of us figured it would be any sort
of problem."

"We didn't hear from Alice at all last night," Peter said sharply. "What kind of threatening
photograph was it?" I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope with a trembling hand,
thankful that I had returned it there after showing it to Edward. I didn't want to have to
describe it. That would have been too much for me. I handed it to Peter, who took it carefully,
making sure to only handle the very edges of it.
"Oh, dear Lord!" he exclaimed as the sickening photograph slipped out of the end of the
envelope. "This was taken in his room?" he asked with a disgusted sneer. I confirmed as he
showed the picture to Charlotte, who was equally disturbed by it. "Did you take this to the
police, Bella? We need to go to the police."

"I didn't," I realized my mistake now, but at the time, I was too afraid to involve them.
"Everything happened so quickly," I defended my actions. "I was at school when the photo
was delivered. All I could think about was getting back to Tony." Tears were stinging my
eyes. "When I got home, Edward was there. I didn't want to involve the police until I had
some sort of proof that it was Carlisle."

"Bella," Peter pulled my arm, and by extension, my body, toward him and away from
Edward. "I don't know who this Carlisle is, but how do you know he… isn't part of this?" His
question came out as a whisper as he quickly glanced in Edward's direction with an
accusatory glare.

"No, Peter, no." I needed him to understand, but Edward interrupted before I could explain.

"What?" he asked, looking questioningly between Peter and me. I could tell from Edward's
tone that he had been offended by Peter's insinuation.

"Bella, I find it rather convenient that you haven't seen this man for eight years; then he shows
up the same day this mysterious photograph is delivered to you at school. This could be some
sort of scheme." Peter pulled me behind his shoulder and took a menacing step toward
Edward, who stiffened and stood noticeably straighter under the scrutiny.

"Where is Tony, Edward? What have you done with my daughter?" Edward looked
dumbstruck by Peter's misplaced interrogation.

"Sir, I love Bella and Tony more than anything. I would never do anything to intentionally
hurt either one of them." Edward easily could have given them his alibi for the evening, but
he preserved my reputation instead. He was a true gentleman and his honor shouldn't have
been questioned. Peter didn't look impressed by Edward's admission.

"With all due respect, we don't have time for this. All signs point to the fact that Carlisle has
kidnapped my son and your daughter. If that's the case, he's had them for over twelve hours.
They could be anywhere by now. I appreciate your caution, but I can assure you I'm not the
threat."

"Peter," I pushed my way around his protective stance. "Edward and I have been together all
night," Edward hung his head a bit at my admission. "He didn't have anything to do with this.
It was Carlisle. I know it was." Edward stepped back to his rightful place at my side and took
my hand.

"Peter, please," Charlotte interjected, "this isn't helping. This boy clearly loves Bella. We need
to focus on Alice and Tony. Please, Bella, who is Carlisle?" Charlotte had not lost her cool,
but I could tell that the threat against her daughter was tugging at her. She was on the edge.

"Carlisle is my… father, and he's made threats in the past." Edward flinched slightly as he
claimed Carlisle as his father aloud. "I believe he took Tony to get back at me for making
contact with Bella." I leaned into Edward for support, knowing in my gut that his words were
true.

"We need to call the police immediately!" Charlotte scampered to the phone and dialed the
three emergency numbers. None of us made a move to stop her. We needed professional help.
I wouldn't let anything happen to them. "Maybe there was an accident. They could be in the
hospital."

"No, Charlotte, Alice works in the hospital system and I'm sure she had identification on her.
We would have been contacted by now." I tried to be kind as I spoke to her, but I knew that if
we spent an hour checking with the hospitals in town, we'd be wasting valuable time we could
be spending searching.

"I can't just stand here and wait," Edward said with tempered frustration. "God only knows
what Carlisle is planning. I need to do something." Charlotte was still on the phone explaining
the situation to the emergency operator. Edward was holding both of my hands and pleading
with me through his eyes, begging me silently to let him go.

"I won't let you go alone. We can't let him split us apart, Edward!" My voice sounded shrill
even to my own ears. I couldn't let him go again. "We're stronger together," I pleaded.
"I know, but I won't let him put you in more danger. Stay here with Charlotte and Peter. It's
me he wants to control. I'll be okay, I promise." Edward gripped my neck and pulled me into a
tight hug. He was trying to convince me, but his attempts were all in vain. There was
absolutely no way that I was sitting out of this fight.

"Listen, I've spent the last eight years looking over my shoulder for that monster." I gestured
toward the front door as if Carlisle, himself, were just outside. "He has our son. There is no
way in hell I can just sit here and wait while you go out there alone." As painful as it was, I
pulled out of Edward's reach. He needed to see my strength. "I'm going with you. That's
nonnegotiable."

Edward smirked slightly, apparently amused by my resolve. "Bella, I understand what you're
saying-" he began dismissively before I cut him off.

"Don't even try it, Cullen. We're doing this together." I put my hands on my hips and stared
him down, channeling my inner Alice. "I'm not backing away, so stop arguing with me. That
man has our son. We don't have time for you to play overprotective Edward right now."

"Edward," Peter interrupted. "As much as I want to keep Bella safe, that man has my baby
girl, too. The more people we have out looking for them, the better."

"The police are on their way over to Bella's house," Charlotte added as she joined us. "I told
them you would be right there." She placed her hand over mine and looked me dead in the
eye. "We're going to get our babies back, Bella. Don't worry." I tried to smile back, but I
couldn't find it in me.

"I'm going to drive over to Alice's to make sure there isn't anything over there. Charlotte, you
stay here and call some of the local hospitals, and you two go back to Bella's." Edward looked
at me and mentally calculated his options.

"Okay, I don't think I have much of a choice in this," he conceded finally. "Let's go." We said
our goodbyes and hurried back to the car. A million different possibilities were running
through my mind. Alice had seemed so calm when we texted.

"Holy shit, Edward, the text!" I pulled my phone out and started scrolling through my
message history. I reread through them out loud as Edward drove back toward my house.
"I don't get it. She seemed so calm. You don't think she is involved in this do you?" Edward's
suspicions were completely off base. First Peter's accusations about Edward, and now Edward
was questioning Alice. We had to stop turning on each other and focus on Carlisle. There was
no way in hell that she was involved with Carlisle. It was impossible.

"Never!" I said emphatically. "Alice loves Tony. She was there when he was born. She'd
never do anything like this." As the words were coming out of my mouth, a damning thought
flooded my brain: somebody on the inside had been feeding Carlisle information for years. He
knew what Tony looked like in the hospital when he was born. There was some sort of mole
there keeping him informed. Somebody knew we would be at the park all those years ago
when he cornered us. Somebody had to have helped him get into the house to take the
photograph. Alice?

"What is it Bella? I can see it on your face. You think she could be involved, don't you?"
Edward kept his hands on the steering wheel, but flashed me quick glances to check my
reaction as he maneuvered the car toward my neighborhood. I was replaying everything that
had happened since I'd met her in my mind.

"No," I said dismissing the idea again and feeling incredibly guilty for even considering it.
"Alice has been there for me. We've been through so much together. Hell, she's the one who
hinted to you about following your heart to Chapel Hill. She led you to my house from Tony's
practice. If she was working for Carlisle, she'd be trying to keep us apart, not facilitating our
reunion."

"Bella, anybody who would work for Carlisle is a few cards shy of a full deck. Carlisle's plan
may have changed once the guys and I fired him. They both have medical backgrounds, so
there could be a connection there somehow. You can't just discount her involvement because
she seemingly helped me find my way back to you. Maybe that was just a ploy to distract you,
so that he could get to Tony." Edward tugged my hand into his chest, lacing our fingers
together. His words made logical sense, but I couldn't wrap my brain around what he was
suggesting. My heart wouldn't let me believe it.

"I'm not going to jump to a conclusion like that about my best friend." I turned slightly in my
seat to face Edward as I spoke. "You don't know her the way I do. She would never kidnap
him. I trust her, and I'm not going to give up on her. She didn't do this. I can't explain it to
you, but I'm telling you she is a victim in this, just like us."

"Okay, baby. My mind's just all over the place. I'm sorry. I… I just don't think we can take
anything at face value anymore." I could tell Edward was losing all of his composure by the
way he was gripping the wheel. "If you trust her, then I'll give her the benefit of the doubt
until she gives me a reason not to." I leaned my body over the center console to rest my head
against Edward's shoulder. I used the contact to communicate my thanks. He only had faith in
her because of his faith in me. I watched the road in silence, hoping to find Tony when we
reached our destination.

As we pulled around the corner, a flash of red caught my eye. "Edward, stop!" I sat up with a
burst of energy.

"I see it," he said, making an illegal u-turn across the median and pulling up behind the blue
Volkswagen. The front end of the car had careened through guardrail and had become wedged
between the remaining rail and the embankment. The rear of the car had sustained pretty
severe damage along the bumper and right fender.

"It's Alice's!" I hopped out of the car and raced toward the wreck. "It's been here the whole
time. My God, Edward! We went by your hotel this morning. If we had gone straight to Peter
and Charlotte's house, we would have seen this." Edward reached the car before I did and
instantly put his face and hands to the window. "Please tell me he isn't hurt in there!" I yelled
as a reached the crash site.

"It's empty," Edward called from the far side of the car. "I don't even see a purse up here." I
made to open the back door, but Edward's abrupt shouting stopped me short.

"Don't touch the car!" I called to him. Growing up as the police chief's daughter, I had learned
a few things about potential crime scenes. The first of which was that you never touch
anything to preserve evidence.

"What? Why? We might be able to find a clue," he questioned stubbornly. He looked at me

over the roof of the car, wondering why on Earth I had stopped him.
"This is a crime scene, Edward. From the damage in back, it looks like her car was forced off
the side of the road by another car. We need to get back to my house and tell the police about
this, and we shouldn't touch anything more than we already have. We need all the proof we
can get to link this to Carlisle."

"Bella, I get it, but I don't really have a lot of faith in the police when it comes to Carlisle and
Tony. Cops have procedures they have to follow, and that just takes too damn long. If we can
figure out what happened, we can get to Tony faster."

I didn't want to argue with Edward. We didn't have time for that, so I just looked into the car.
Superficially, everything on the interior of the vehicle looked normal, but something I
couldn't place still seemed off. I looked through the front window next, the same feeling
tugging at me.

"What is it, Bella?" Edward came up behind me and looked through the window. "Do you see
something?" As he asked the question, the answer finally dawned on me.

"No, Edward. That's the problem. Tony's booster seat is missing."

"His what? Isn't he a bit old for one of those things?" Edward wasn't getting the connection.

"No, no, he has to by law. But that isn't the point, Edward!" I was beaming with happiness at
my revelation, but Edward was still missing the source of my new-found joy. "Come on,
we've seen enough, let's get to the cops."

"Okay," Edward replied following me back. "Okay, so why is this missing seat thing good?"
he questioned as he pulled away from the crash.

"Don't you see? He's okay. If Carlisle is the one who drove them off the road, then he must
care about Tony's safety because he brought the booster seat with him. He didn't just throw
them in the trunk of his car or something." Hope flushed through me, and I smiled again.
"That, or Alice forced the issue. Even under duress, she would make sure Tony was okay."

"That just makes me think Alice was involved in this all the more, Bella. Carlisle wouldn't
give a shit about a booster seat. I don't think he would even focus on something like that."
Edward was shaking his head and totally ignoring the silver lining we had just unearthed.
"No, Alice couldn't force herself off the side of the road; it isn't physically possible. It doesn't
even make sense. If anything, this exonerates her."

"If not Alice, then who, Bella? Carlisle doesn't like to get his hands dirty. He had to have
help. Alice just makes the most sense. She had access."

"It couldn't have been Alice, Edward." I demanded again. "She's always so careful with Tony.
She would never do anything to put him in danger, and that includes putting a knife to his
throat or kidnapping him! Plus, the hand in the photo clearly belonged to a man. Alice is tiny,
it couldn't have been her." The look on Edward's face began to contort slightly as he
contemplated what I had just said. "What? What is it?" I questioned as building panic
tightened its hold on the knot in my chest.

"There's… something else… something you just said..." Edward pulled the car to a slow stop
at a red light and grabbed my purse from the floor board at my feet.

"What are you doing?" He tugged the envelope out and discarded my purse to the backseat.
"Edward?" I tried again. "What did I say?"

"The picture," he mumbled. Edward pulled the photograph out of its envelope again, being
careful to only touch the edges at the opposite corners as he studied it.

"What? What is it? Do you see something? I looked at the picture with Edward, but nothing
new stood out to me. I didn't know what he was thinking.

"I'm not sure, but I want to check something out." He didn't volunteer more information. He
let the photograph fall back into the envelope and took off driving again, this time, much
faster than before. We were only about a mile from my house.

I looked at Edward, but he wasn't being forthcoming. My foot bounced against the carpet
nervously. I couldn't calm down. I wanted to get to the police. Edward did have faith in them,
but I did. Charlie had been an amazing cop; he would have found Tony. Images of Charlie
final heroic act filled my mind, making me cry again. He had died saving an eight year old
boy's life. The eerie similarity gave me a bit of hope. I knew going to the police was the right
thing to do.
Edward still hadn't offered me any sort of explanation, so I probed once again. "Are you going
to enlighten me anytime soon?"

"I don't want to say anything yet." We were moments from the house, and it wouldn't do any
good to force the issue, so I didn't press Edward. As we pulled toward the house, as sense of
relief flooded my body. The police were already standing at my door waiting for our arrival.

Edward stopped the car in the driveway and bolted over to the two officers waiting at the
door. He didn't even bother to stop before he slammed through the front door like a man on a
mission. The officers tried to stop him, but he wouldn't be deterred.

"I don't know what's happening," I said to them as I followed Edward into the house. He
disappeared down the hall, and I turned to the officers to explain. "My seven year old son,
Tony, is missing. I think he's…" Edward stormed back into the room effectively cutting me
off.

"Sir, you need to calm down please and tell us what's going on here," the larger of the two
officers warned Edward. Admittedly, Edward was acting a bit crazy. Even I didn't understand
what he was doing.

"Edward, what's going on?" I tried again, keeping my voice calm as I questioned him.

He didn't answer. Instead, he took the photograph from my hands and placed it on the table
next to the picture album he'd just fetched from my bedroom. Without a word, he flipped
through the book to the picture of my first catch. It was the picture where I was making a
funny face at the stinky fish in my hand and Jacob was standing behind me laughing. "Shit,"
he mumbled to himself.

"What is this?" one of the officers questioned. "Is this the missing boy?" He gestured to the
picture of Tony in bed with the knife to his throat.

"Yes, sir," I responded. "That's my son, Tony. He disappeared last night. My friend Alice was
driving him to her parents' house, but her car was driven off the side of the road about a mile
from here. We just found it driving back here from their house," I explained.

"Did the kidnapper send you this photograph?" I looked at the officer and then back to
Edward who was staring at me with wide eyes. He was waiting for me to understand.
"Um… yes, I think so, yesterday afternoon, before Tony was taken," I responded, not sure
what I was missing.

I carefully studied both photographs while the officer spoke into the radio on his shoulder.
"This is unit thirty-two. We're going to need another unit out to 640 West Maple Avenue.
We're also going to need an Amber Alert. It appears a seven year old boy has been abducted
by a man with a large hunting knife."

Hunting knife.

Time stood still as I looked at the knife at Tony's throat and then back at Jake's childhood
image. Oh my God, Oh my God. I had no idea how I'd missed it before. It was plain as day,
staring me in the face. I couldn't think. I swallowed the bile in my throat as I looked at the
aged picture of Jake holding the exact same hunting knife in his hand. "No!" I screamed as I
forcefully shoved the album across the table. "Please tell me this isn't true. Edward, please tell
me!"

"Ma'am, what's happening?" I couldn't answer the officer's question. I could only stand there
crying as the truth unwound its sordid details in my mind.

"I'll tell you exactly what's happening," Edward finally said, stepping back from both photos
and raking his hands through his hair. His words were dripping with disdain. "Jacob Black
helped my father kidnap our son."
CHAPTER 22:
CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

Edward's POV: Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Five goddamn hours.

I'd spent five agonizingly long, wasted hours caged in police academy purgatory instead of
hunting down and scalping the motherfucking cocksuckers who kidnapped my son.
Meanwhile, Barney Fife et fucking al. had set up shop in Bella's living room with some
archaic phone tapping device, which I was quite certain had become obsolete about the time
Woodward and Bernstein finished snooping around Watergate.

Honestly, who uses a damn landline anymore? Chapel Hill's finest, my ass. Fucking morons.

Naturally, the search of Jake's house – the warrant for which had taken three hours to obtain,
incidentally – had turned up no beneficial information whatsoever. And, to add insult to
injury, Detective – and I used that title loosely – Riley informed us that the court had denied
the request for issuance of a warrant to search Carlisle's home, citing lack of jurisdiction or
some equally nonsensical horseshit.

They also claimed there was lack of evidence against him. Apparently, my girl's story didn't
give them sufficient probable cause to get the LAPD involved. Did I mention they were
fucking morons? There was a missing child involved for Christ's sake. What more do they
want? Evidently, until they had actual evidence, Jake, and not Carlisle, would remain the
focus of their investigation. Perhaps it was just my own righteous indignation rearing its ugly
head, but I was ready to kick them all out of the house, so that I could do things my way.

"Shouldn't we be out looking or something?" I fumed with frustration. "It seems stupid just to
sit here and wait. We should be out searching for them." As I exhaled an aggravated sigh, I
felt Bella tighten her hand around my arm. She hadn't let go of her grip on me all morning,
not that I was complaining about that shit. She was the one thing that made the morning
bearable. But she wasn't holding up so well. Between her lack of sleep and the emotional
roller coaster we had been riding for the past twenty-four hours, she was hanging onto her
composure by a thread.

My frustration must have been evident because Detective Riley instantly started trying to
placate us. "Listen, Mr. and Mrs. Swan, we're going to do everything we can to get your son
back. The boy didn't just wander away. He was taken, so we need to investigate, not search.
You just have to trust us to do our jobs." I bit back the sarcastic comeback I had cocked and
loaded for the asshole, who couldn't even get our names right. Bella didn't need me flying off
the handle, no matter how good it would have made me feel.

While Dudley Do-Right hadn't inspired me with any sort of confidence in his abilities, I had
to admit that the idea of being "Mr." to Bella's "Mrs." didn't bother me in the least. We had
never formalized our nuptials, but that was a technicality that I planned to rectify as soon as
we had our family back together safe and sound.

"Why don't you two go lay down for a bit," Peter suggested with a concerned tone after
arriving, empty-handed, from Alice's house. "You both look exhausted. There isn't much we
can do but wait for now. If the phone rings, we'll get you." I was about to decline the offer,
but after looking at Bella, it was evident just how beaten down she had become. She needed to
get some rest, and I knew that wouldn't happen unless I was there with her.

"Come on, baby." I tugged Bella gently and met no resistance. The sheets were still a tangled
mess on her bed, evidence of the physical rekindling of our bond. She just stared at them
blankly.

"Don't do that, Bella." I turned her away from the bed and backed her up until she was forced
to sit down. I knelt at her knees and gently kissed her knuckles. "We didn't know."

"I just… I should have… What if he…" She closed her eyes and leaned into me as the pain
shook through her body. "I should have listened to you. You wanted us to go get him last
night, and I told you he was fine. We lost precious time because I was selfish and wanted to
spend time alone with you."
"No, you can't go there. We couldn't have known. We're going to get him back, and we're
going to be a family. I will not let Carlisle do this to us anymore." Bella had been so strong
through everything, but she was finally cracking under the enormous pressure. She needed to
expel the tears and allow herself to really feel it. And so I told her as much, delicately, of
course.

She finally broke down and let out all the pent up sadness and frustration inside of her. She
wept into my shoulder, and then, when her body had exhausted itself, she fell asleep. I
guarded her slumbering form in silent vigil until the best idea I'd had all day finally occurred
to me. I fished my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my contacts until finally
landing on the person I hoped would be our saving grace.

"Yo, bro! How's it going? Find anything yet?" Emmett sounded excited on the other end of
the line.

"Hey, um, yeah actually, I did. Is Jazz there with you?" I'd called our house in hope that they
would both be there, and I could kill two birds with one stone. I was going to need my
brothers to get my son back, but first I had to tell them the truth. I knew it would hurt them as
much as it had hurt me.

"Yeah, he's here… Jazz!" Emmett called out, practically deafening me through the phone. I
held the receiver away from my ear for a moment, shaking my head. "Hey, E's on the phone.
Okay, you're on speaker, E. What's going on?"

"Hey, Jazz." I hesitated and looked back at Bella, who was still resting on the bed. I stepped
into the bathroom and cracked the door slightly so I could keep an eye on her; I didn't want to
wake her.

"Hi, what's up?" Jasper questioned.

"I have a lot to tell you guys, but I guess the most important thing is… Shit. There's just no
easy way to tell you any of this." Exhaling quickly, I dove in. "Bella's alive." I held my breath
waiting for their reaction, but the line was silent on the other end. "Hello?"

"Edward, man, I think you should come home," Jasper began with a concerned edge to his
voice. "I know you want to believe that. Shit, we all do, but it isn't true. She's gone, man."
"No, really, she's alive. She's in the next room, sleeping. I'm looking right at her." I went on to
explain everything that had happened with Carlisle and my birth mother. To say they were
shocked would have been an understatement. Sharing the rage helped. Somehow, just
knowing they'd feel this almost as viscerally as I did, helped to calm me. We'd been through
so much together; only my brothers would process the facts I'd laid out to them without
hesitation and help me figure out what came next.

"I don't know what to do, guys," I babbled into the phone. "I can't just sit here. I need to be
out there looking for my son and Alice, but the cops are telling us to stay out of it."

"Edward, listen, man, I get that you want to help, but you need to trust the police to do what is
right. They'll find Tony and Alice." Jasper was trying to stay calm, but I could hear the tremor
in his voice as he spoke Alice's name. He hadn't said so, but I knew he was concerned about
her. He had felt a connection to her in New York. Jasper was a good guy, though, and he
wasn't going to make this about him.

"I get that, Jazz, but we should be doing something. There has to be a way." I heard Bella
stirring in the other room, but when I poked my head out the door, her eyes were still shut. I
backed away from the door and sat on the edge of the tub, resting my temple against the cold
tile on the side of the wall.

"Okay, so let's do something then!" Emmett was energized. "I'm not going to let that fucker
mess with us anymore."

"Yes, but what, Emmett? It's not like we know where they've taken them," Jasper said with an
attitude that sounded more realist than defeatist.

"Here's what we do," I offered. "I can't do much from here, but you two can try to track
Carlisle. I'm sure Esme has credit card records and such. See if you can find out where he's
spending money. Maybe call some of the folks from Forks and La Push and see if anybody
has spoken to Jake."

"We can do that," Jazz agreed hopefully. "Mom's going to flip out though. We need to be
careful what we say to her. I don't think we need to share Carlisle's infidelity and the murder
right now. Let's just keep it about Bella, Tony and Alice."
When we ended the call a few minutes later, I felt more hopeful than I had all morning. I crept
back into Bella's room to find her curled up on her bed, tightly gripping a pillow in her fist
and muttering Tony's name despondently in her sleep. She was in pain, and there was nothing
I could do to help her.

A soft knock at the door interrupted my plans to join my sleeping beauty on the bed. "Come
in," I called quietly toward the door.

"Hey," Peter whispered as he stuck his head through the small opening he'd just created.
"Sorry to bother you, but Detective Riley has some news." I nodded an acknowledgement and
then turned my attention to my girl.

"Bella, sweetheart," I breathed gently into her ear. "You need to wake up for me, okay?" I slid
my hands up her arms and pushed the hair back behind her shoulders. When she finally
opened her eyes, they were bloodshot and heavy. She hadn't slept long enough, but it was the
best she was going to get for now.

She took a moment to focus her eyes on me, fear and pain flashing behind them and sending
her into an instant panic. "What is it?" she questioned, sitting up in a flash. "Is it Tony? Alice?
Have they found something?"

"Come on, Detective Riley is here with some information for us." Bella and I were out of the
room and down the hall in moments. Several of the officers who had been standing together
turned their attention to us as we entered the room.

"We have some new information," Detective Riley began. "The amber alert we put out
contained information about Mr. Black's vehicle. It appears that airport security at RDU
located the vehicle in one of the long term parking lots." I looked to Peter and then to Bella,
who were both hanging on Detective Riley's every word. While they looked hopeful, my
muscles were beginning to seize under my skin.

"That's a good thing, right?" Bella questioned hopefully, though she still clung to my hand
desperately.

"Actually, no," I interrupted pessimistically. "We've been sitting here wasting so much time,
and now they could be anywhere in the world." My tone was harsh, but I was livid that I had
been held hostage in this house while my son was being swept farther away from me by the
moment.

"Actually, I think it is good," Detective Riley countered, siding with Bella. "Mr. Black's name
hasn't appeared on the passenger manifests for any flight in or out of RDU in the last day, but
a private jet which departed RDU for Sea-Tac last night around eleven listed three passengers:
a man, woman and a child. Based on descriptions from the ground crew, we think Mr. Black
was on that flight with Alice and Tony."

Without a word, I bounded down the hall and slammed into Bella's room with her close on my
heels. "Grab a bag with whatever you need for the next few days, baby," I suggested to Bella,
who was already doing just that. We were completely in sync. We were out the door within
minutes.

Officer Riley tried to stop us, but I was done listening to them. Carlisle wasn't going to call
with some bogus ransom demand. This was about control and power. He wanted to hurt us.
He was sending us a message: fuck with Carlisle Cullen and pay the consequences. I had a
message I planned to send right back. Can you say disembowelment, motherfucker?

Bella apologized to Peter as I pulled her through the front door, but he only smiled in
response. He knew his place was here with Charlotte. He couldn't leave his wife anymore than
I could leave mine.

**YVWAIH**

"Can you tell me about him? His life, I mean. I've just missed so much, and I want to know
everything about him." I looked at Bella intently as our plane darted its way through the air
toward Seattle. Bella and I had immediately agreed that we needed to follow Tony if we
wanted a chance of getting him back. We were sick of sitting back and letting Carlisle dictate
our lives. We were ready to fight.

"He's amazing," she beamed proudly as she stroked my arm, which was resting lazily across
my left thigh. We had raised the partition between our seats to minimize the space between
us, neither one of us being ready to lose contact even for a moment. "He's always looked just
like you; it was hard sometimes." She looked a bit sad again, and tears started filling her eyes.
"He was so beautiful, but it made me miss you all the more."
"I'm here now, baby." I pulled her into my side and let her rest her head against my chest, at
least as much as I could within the confines of our first class seats.

"When he was about a year old, I went out to dinner with my friend James." I cocked my
eyebrow at her and felt my body tense at her words. Sensing the emergence of my inner
green-eyed monster, she kissed my cheek and smiled. "He's now married to Vicky; we've only
ever been friends." I knew it was silly to feel jealous of a platonic relationship, but I couldn't
fight the envy when I thought of people who were able to share Bella's life while I'd missed
everything.

"Okay," I conceded, hoping that she would move along with her story so I could forget about
said James character.

"So, Alice was babysitting Tony that night. When I got home, I could hear music pounding
from down the hall. When I entered the room, they were dancing around to Midnight Sun with
hairbrushes as mock microphones. She had his hair all dippy doo'd up on top of his head. It
was absolutely hysterical. Tony was so little – he wasn't even walking yet – but there they
were, singing along with you," Bella chuckled at her memory while I smiled at her
amusement.

"I wish I could have seen that," I lamented, agreeing that it must have been adorable even if it
pained me to know it was one of a million moments I'd never get back. "I bet he was a total
ham."

"You have no idea," she replied. "He was only babbling the words of the song since he
couldn't really speak very well yet, but it was still precious. I almost fainted when I saw him.
He's your mini-me, always was. I thought for sure Alice would figure it out when she saw him
all done up like that next to your poster." Bella was laughing heartily now.

"My poster?" I questioned.

"Oh, yes. That's the best part," she chuckled. "While Alice had Tony out, she walked by a
Midnight Sun poster, and he started going crazy over it. She bought it so she could show me
his reaction." The idea of Tony reacting to a picture of the band, of me, was incredible. We
really were all connected. "It was unbelievable, Edward," Bella continued. "Alice and I had
been trying to get him to walk for weeks. But that night, when your poster was across the
room, he finally did it."

"What do you mean?" I felt like I was missing something. She looked so excited telling me
the story. I loved it.

"He walked for the first time crossing the room to get to a picture of you. And when he got
there, he pounded on your picture and said 'dada.'" I looked at her with shock and pride. "It's
true," she confirmed as she squeezed my arm again. "I don't know if he really understood or if
he just thought of all men as dads, but I like to think he knew. After all," she said, her eyes
glistening with unshed tears, "he didn't point at Jasper or Emmett. He picked you."

"I was there," I whispered in a watery voice. "I didn't see his first steps, but I was still part of
the moment. For him and for you, I was part of it. That means the world to me. Thank you so
much." I pulled Bella into a tight hug. I don't know if she could really understand how
meaningful her story was for me. To know that Bella and Tony had felt my presence, even if I
wasn't there in person, was an amazing feeling.

As we got closer to Seattle, our conversation shifted more toward strategy. I had called the
guys again to let them know about the new developments. They were still working on things
on their end, but so far, they had been able to find neither hide nor hair of Carlisle or Jake.
Esme, of course, had been devastated when she learned about what her husband had done.
After that, she wasn't much help, so Emmett promised to meet us in Seattle.

I easily spotted Emmett's burly frame as we walked up the air bridge toward the gate in
Seattle. Bella turned into a little jumping bean at my side. She had spotted him, too.

"Bells!" Emmett pushed his way through the passengers to get to Bella while Jasper
approached me for a one-armed chest hug/back pat greeting. I looked over Jasper's shoulder
to see Emmett spinning Bella around a few times while she laughed at his exuberance. "I've
never been so happy to see somebody in all my life," he declared sincerely, unwilling to set
her down on the ground.

"Are those tears I see?" I teased Emmett, coming up next to him to pat him on the shoulder.
"Hey, Eddie, are you trying to say you didn't cry like a little baby when you first saw this
beautiful thing?" Emmett questioned while holding Bella's petite chin in his giant oaf-sized
hand.

Of course Emmett was correct, so I backed away with my hands raised in surrender. "Carry
on," I said with an acquiescing nod. There was no need to go into detail about my man tears.
Bella grinned knowingly at me. She had witnessed my meltdown first-hand, and had
obviously enjoyed it.

"I've missed you, too, Emmett," she echoed his sentiment, turning her attention back to the big
ogre. "So much." Bella hugged Emmett in return, and then broke free of his embrace to say
hello to Jasper.

"I've missed you, sweet girl. I'm so glad you're… hell, it's just so amazing that you're alive."
Jasper pulled Bella into a far less obnoxious embrace than the one with which Emmett had
encased her. "I can't believe you're really here." He studied her features carefully, no doubt
noticing the many subtle ways in which she had changed. "You're as beautiful as ever, little
sister."

"Thanks, Jazz," Bella whimpered through her own streaming tears and runny nose. "I've
missed you, too." Bella snuggled into Jasper's neck, returning his affection. "Thank you for
helping us," she acknowledged their efforts earnestly as the reality of our situation resurfaced
in the worry lines on her face.

"You're family, Bells. We aren't just helping you; we're helping ourselves by rescuing the
ones we love." I'd always known Jasper thought of Bella as a sister, but hearing him claim her
made my heart swell. The irony of the situation was palpable. My closest living blood
relative, other than my son, was a man who did everything in his power to control and destroy
me. Meanwhile, those who were my family by choice, namely Bella and my brothers, were
the truest illustrations of a kinship.

"We should probably get out of here," Emmett noted after a few more minutes of bonding in
the middle of the terminal. "People are starting to stare even more than they usually do, and
my nephew is waiting for me." Emmett picked up Bella's carry-on bag and swung his arm
over her shoulder to escort her toward the ground transportation area.
"Rosie arranged for a rental, so we should be good to go once we get outside," Emmett
announced as he thumbed through his most recent text messages. "She said to let her know if
we need anything else."

"Congratulations on being married, big guy," Bella chortled. "I would have bet money that
you'd be the last of us to take the plunge, but here you are hitched while the rest of us are
playing catch up." Bella reached out for my hand and gave me a sad smile. We were certainly
playing catch up.

"Yeah, well, you guys were really first, you know? But Rosie is my Queen, so what's a guy to
do?" Emmett was being modest. Rosalie was perfect for him in every way. Her actions were
measured, while his were haphazard, at best. She was thoughtful, and he was playful. They
balanced one another and loved each other fiercely.

As we rounded the final corner and exited the security of the concourse, my senses were
assaulted with bursts of radiating flashes and the high-pitched clamor of intrusive voices and
catcalls. "What the fuck?" I snarled under my breath. "How the fuck did they know we were
going to be here?"

"Somebody must have seen us at LAX," Jasper theorized as we moved closer to the
presumptuous vultures eagerly trying to secure their next bylines. They didn't give a shit
about truth or privacy. They wanted the meat off our bones and the hearts out of our chests.
Questions ricocheted off the walls, bombarding us from all sides as we ducked our heads and
plowed through toward the sunlight just beyond baggage claim.

"Edward, who's the girl?"

"Does Tanya know you're cheating on her?"

"Why are you all back in Washington?"

"Isn't it heartless to fire your own father?"

One after another, the mob pelted us with questions, which we deftly ignored. I'd learned
early in my career that it was best to evade, dodge and push forward in times like these. If I
stopped to contemplate how insensitive they truly were, I'd become enraged. I needed to keep
my wits about me. We were in Washington to find my son and Alice.
"Just keep moving," I breathed into Bella's ear, pulling her tightly into my side. She was
shaking under my arm, so I maneuvered us such that we were positioned right behind Emmett
and Jasper, who were now serving as human shields. "We're almost outside," I encouraged
her.

The paparazzi followed us into the parking garage and all the way to the Hertz pick-up area.
They didn't relent until we were safe inside the black SUV that Rosalie had reserved for us.
Even then, they swarmed around the truck, making it practically impossible to drive until
airport security finally backed them away from the vehicle.

"Is it always like this?" Bella queried, nervously biting the edge of her thumb nail and looking
out the rear window at the fading press in the distance. She'd been there in the beginning
when we first started gaining popularity, but in the years since then, our fame had catapulted
us to the forefront, and the gossip mongers were never far away. There was no way to explain
it to somebody; it was something one just had to experience personally to fully appreciate.

"It'll be okay," I whispered into her hair, avoiding her question for the moment. I didn't want
her to start stressing about what my fame might mean for our relationship. That was a hurdle
we would face soon enough, and I was anxious to postpone it as long as possible.

"So where are we headed?" Emmett asked as he drove us out onto the interstate. "Forks, I
presume." He glanced at me quickly over his shoulder for confirmation and then returned his
eyes to the road.

"Yeah, I think that's the best place to start. We figure maybe we can check Billy's old place in
La Push and maybe Bella's old house." Bella twisted her fingers into the edge of my shirt as
she listened to me speak. The events of the past day were taking a visible toll on her, both
physically and emotionally.

"You got it." We spent the next three hours comparing notes and hypothesizing about what
Jake and Carlisle might try to do. Esme hadn't been much help at all. Carlisle had covered his
tracks for the most part, and her grasp on composure had been all but extinguished by the
news that Carlisle had kept Bella hidden all of these years. She didn't even know the worst of
it, yet she was already a basket case.
"So how do you think they got their hands on a jet?" Emmett asked out of nowhere. I looked
down at Bella, who sat up a bit as she thought about the question. "I mean, it's not like he has
one parked in some secret hanger or anything. Somebody else must be helping him."

"Maybe we should go to the police when we get there," Bella volunteered. "I know most of
those guys; at least I did eight years ago. I know they'd help me. They can track the plane to
see who owns it." As sensible as that sounded, I didn't want to involve the police again.
They'd restricted our movements in Chapel Hill, and I couldn't afford to sit back while they
got all over protective with Bella. "Don't roll your eyes, Edward. I know you aren't a big fan
of the police, but they do serve a purpose. These were Charlie's men. They'd do anything for
his grandson and daughter."

"I get that, but we've already wasted so much time."

"Please, if it hadn't been for the police, we wouldn't even have known anything about the jet."
I was about to refute her argument, but she kept going. "How about a compromise?" she
offered. "I'll call Peter and ask him if they've tracked the plane yet. That way we can keep
doing what we're doing here without involving FPD… yet." Her big brown eyes looked so
hopeful, and because I couldn't fault her plan, I handed her my phone and kissed the end of
her nose. "That tickles," she half complained as she scrubbed her palm over her nose and
nudged me with her shoulder.

"Just make your call, woman," I teased back. Bella and I were going through what was
arguably every parent's worst nightmare, but the playfulness we shared as a couple was still
present. It was that part of our bond that kept us from drowning under the intensity of the
situation. Even after eight years apart, we still fit together perfectly and were able to support
one another. I'd be lost without her.

As Bella made her call, I nervously picked at the ribbed surface of the door lock and watched
the towering trees pass in a blur outside my window. The Olympic Peninsula had not changed
much over the years. The scenery was still painted in hues of dark green and brown shadowed
by low lying nimbus clouds that gave no hint of retreating. Visibility along the 101 was
typically poor, and today was no exception.
"Okay, I'll let them know. Thanks, Peter…. I know, I'm scared, too… Love you, too. Bye." I
looked at Bella expectantly when she ended the call. "Well," she offered. "It looks like the
police had already looked into the plane," Bella said meekly, her expression almost blank.

"Who is it?" Jasper asked hesitantly. "You obviously seem to recognize the name." Jasper was
twisted around in the front seat staring back at Bella. I rubbed my hand over her knee to
console her.

"What is it, Bella? You have to tell us."

A tiny tear slipped from Bella's eye as she spoke. "Edward, I…" She looked down and took a
deep breath. "The police determined that it was a commissioned Marquis Jet." She paused
and looked into my eyes before she spoke the next words. "The jet was commissioned under
the name Elizabeth Masen." As if all the air had been vacuumed out of the truck, my head
started spinning and my lungs struggled to push the air in and out of my tightening chest. I let
my head fall back against the seat and closed my eyes, as Bella traced her dainty hands across
my jaw to soothe me.

"Motherfucker!" Emmett bellowed from the front seat. Jasper slapped his arm against
Emmett's chest and muttered something indiscernible under his breath. "Oh, a… yeah. Sorry,
man, I guess that would be Carlisle, not Elizabeth."

"Emmett!" Jasper and Bella both chastised simultaneously, Bella still trying to comfort me.
"Just calm down, Edward. We don't know anything for sure, yet."

"Yes, because every other fundamental truth in my life hasn't just been overturned," I spat
sarcastically, rubbing circles in my temples to fend off my intensifying headache. I wasn't
made at her, of course, just the situation.

"Edward, please," Bella said gently. "I saw that video. There's no way in the world your
mother survived that. Carlisle probably just used her name to cover his tracks, and to send you
into a tailspin." Her explanation sounded plausible, but something inside me wasn't setting
right.

"Carlisle doesn't have the money to hire a private jet. Plus, you guys looked into his credit
card activity. Surely, that's a transaction that would have been flagged as odd. Somebody else
is working with them, and if not my mother, then who?" I bounced my foot nervously against
the front center console causing Jasper to glare at me. The others were mulling over ideas, but
nothing resonated for me.

"What about Jenks?" Jasper suggested, breaking me out of my mental rumination. "I'm sure
he could finance something like that, and he was probably in on everything from the start." I
perked up as Jasper spoke. Jenks had been too calm when I met him in New York. It was clear
to me that day that he had been hiding something. He was toying with me by dangling bits of
the truth above my head and watching me perform in my attempts to get more.

"That actually makes a lot of sense," I said, sitting up and re-engaging myself in the
conversation. "Jenks is a complete prick. He had to know the truth about my mother.
Attorney/client privilege probably prevented him from saying anything, but the ethics there
are sketchy. Carlisle's probably holding it over his head." My mind was still buzzing, but now,
it was for a totally different reason than loss of oxygen. I felt like we were getting closer to
the truth.

Within an hour of arriving in Forks, our presence was already causing quite a stir with the
locals. Folks were coming out of the woodwork to see the Cullen brothers, returned home
from L.A. We should have known better than to walk around, but we had more important
things on our minds than trying to mask our appearances. Unfortunately, the trail ran cold
when we reached La Push. Nobody had heard from Jake in years. Billy's old house was
boarded up, and from what we could tell, the place was abandoned, the interior showing no
signs of any recent visitors.

"Where to next?" Emmett queried as he leaned against the front fender of the truck,
mindlessly kicking clods of dirt and clay with his boot.

"Embry's Garage, maybe," Bella suggested. "Jacob used to work there back in high school. He
and Quil were best friends. Maybe he's heard from him." Embry's Garage was the only service
station on the reservation and just a few miles away from Billy's house. A few young guys
tinkered under a lift in the left bay, and the right bay was empty.

I didn't recognize anybody, but Bella apparently did. She quickly jumped out of the truck and
ran over to a middle-aged man sitting on a rickety metal stool. "Embry," she called out with a
wave.
"Well as I live and breathe. Bella Swan. How are you, honey?" Embry gave Bella a warm
hug, which she returned graciously. I wasn't willing to trust anybody new at this point,
especially an old friend of Jake's.

"I'm great, Embry," Bella lied as a traitorous tear slipped from her eye, revealing her inner
struggle. "We're actually here looking for Jake," Bella said, thumbing toward us over her
shoulder. "Have you or Quil seen him around lately?" Embry looked toward us and silently
sized us up before returning his attention to Bella.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I haven't heard from Jake in well on eight years now. He left town after
his father died. He said he had a new job with some big wig in Seattle." My wheels were
spinning again as I wondered just how long Jake had been working for my father. I had
assumed that he didn't start until he found out that Bella was his neighbor. I was beginning to
realize how naïve that assumption had been. That motherfucker had been Carlisle's lackey
from the start.

"Hello, sir. Edward Cullen," I introduced myself and extended my hand toward Embry.

"I know who you are, son," Embry retorted a bit coldly. "I sure didn't expect to be seeing the
likes of you around here. Aren't you supposed to be off singing in Hollywood or something?"

"Yes, sir, but we're back visiting for a few days." Embry looked at me skeptically, but kept his
thoughts to himself. "Do you know anything about the man Jake was working for in Seattle or
what he was doing for him?"

"What do you all want with Jake, anyhow?" Embry questioned as he stood up from the stool
and took a step toward us.

I was about to answer, but Bella shot me a quick stink eye and stepped in before I could say
anything further. "I haven't seen Jake in years. He was like a brother to me, and I just really
want to reconnect with him. He's practically the only family I have left. I'd just love to see
him. I was also hoping he maybe had some old pictures of Billy and my dad. I don't have
much of those old things." Bella was so collected. I was proud of her. She read the situation
perfectly and understood that she'd catch more flies with honey.
"I know Jake was always fond of you, Bella, though I doubt he'd characterize you as a sister.
That boy had it for you something fierce. He wasn't your biggest fan," he said, looking at me.
"I don't think he liked sharing our Bella here." Embry patted Bella on the back, and she just
smiled and blushed slightly. She was a great actress.

"I'm sure it was nothing," she said modestly. "Did he say anything else when he left? I'd really
like to find him."

"I honestly don't know much, Bella. He was working here after Billy died, and then one day
he just quit. He said he was offered some job working for a rich man in Seattle to do some
contract work. I think he had some car work he needed to have done and Jake hoped he could
parlay that into a long term gig. Jake never came back, so I assumed it worked out."

We thanked Embry and left the garage. I had all the confirmation I needed. The "car work"
had been fixing the brake lines on the car that I had crashed. For years, I tormented myself for
not handling that car better, but I'd never had a chance. Carlisle fixed it to crash with Jake's
help. I couldn't imagine that he would have tried to kill Bella over a simple crush, though.
There had to be more to the story than that. If he was infatuated with her somehow, he
wouldn't have wanted her dead. My gut told me that his resentment stemmed from something
deeper.

"Sounds like Mr. Jake had quite the crush on you, Bells," Emmett teased as he drove the car
back toward Forks where we planned to stay for the night.

"More importantly," Bella noted with a roll of her eyes, "is that it sounds like he was the one
who helped Carlisle rig the car to crash." Bella was right on point, showing once again that
we were on the same wavelength. I squeezed her hand in mine.

"I agree. I think Jake's been involved from the get-go. That fucker's been helping Carlisle for
years," I seethed. I felt Bella tremble in my hand as the depth of Jake's betrayal sank in
further. "What I don't get is why he'd help. If he was crushing on her, why kill her? There has
to be something else."

"We aren't really getting anywhere with this," she redirected the conversation with a quivering
voice. "Tony needs us, and we aren't any closer to finding him than we were when we arrived
in Washington. I think we're going about this all wrong." Jasper and I looked at Bella waiting
for her to continue. "Edward," she started, turning in her seat to face me as best she could,
"you found me by following your instincts. Your heart told you where to go. I think we're
being too methodical about things. We need to step into Jake's shoes and follow our hearts."

"Isn't that a bit new age for a manhunt?" Jasper asked. "I mean, I get that you all have this
deep connection, but do you really want to focus the search for your child on some emotional
whim?" I understood his point, but Bella was right. We needed to trust our instincts if had any
hope of finding Tony.

"I don't think she's suggesting that we ignore logic, here, but she's right about using our
instincts, too." Bella rubbed her leg against mine and smiled to show her appreciation. "Now
we just have to get into that shithead's twisted mind."

"Bells, you knew him better than the rest of us, where would he go?" Emmett asked, glancing
at her in the rearview mirror. "What did he like to do? Where did he go to get away and
brood?"

"I don't know. I mean, other than cars, he didn't really have many hobbies. We really weren't
the best of friends when we lived here."

"What about that picture?" I suggested, thinking about his potential hobbies. "That hunting
knife looked pretty serious. It's not the sort of thing one buys just to go fishing a time or two.
Was he into that, or was that more Billy's thing?" I asked, tossing out the first thought that
popped into my mind.

"Oh my God! That's it!" Bella yelled, startling the rest of us. "You're a genius, Edward."

"What?" Jasper asked hopefully.

"Billy had a hunting cabin up at Lake Crescent. It'd be the perfect place to go if you were
looking to hide out. That's where he's holding them. I just know it." For the first time all day,
Bella's smile actually reached her eyes.

Emmett drove like a bat out of hell toward Lake Crescent, getting us there in record time. All
of our nerves were completely shot, but we still had a big problem. Bella couldn't remember
exactly where the cabin was located. She knew it was off an old logging road, but she couldn't
really remember any specific details. "Emmett," Jasper finally spoke up. "Why don't you call
Rosie to see if she can look up deed records for Billy Black. Maybe she can find more
information on where the cabin is."

Rose was quite a sleuth when it came to getting information about people. It was part of her
nature as a nosy client rep for a major music label. Our cell phone coverage was spotty, but
once she finally got back to us with a rough location of the cabin, we realized we were only a
few miles away.

The road leading up to the cabin was overgrown with weeds, but it was clear that a vehicle
had been through recently. My heart pumped faster as the car moved slowly forward. Bella
was squeezing the shit out of my hand, experiencing the same nerves as I was.

"There it is!" she called out as the old dilapidated cabin came into view through the trees just
beyond the crest of the hill in the distance.

"Quick, Emmett, back up out of view, so they don't hear us or see the truck. The element of
surprise is all we have." Jasper was right, and Emmett followed his command. Once hidden, I
bolted from the truck only to be tackled by Emmett and Jasper.

"What the fuck?" I roared angrily, as I pushed them off of me. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You, my brother, need to calm the fuck down," Emmett barked into my ear. "You run in
there like a crazy man with no weapon and you're going to end up with a bullet in that pretty
head of yours. We need a plan, and we need to do a little reconnaissance so you don't get us
all killed."

"Okay, okay, let him up," Bella cried, pushing the guys off of me and lending me a hand.

"I get it," I relented as I brushed the dirt off my jeans. "I just want to make sure Tony's okay. I
know he's here. I can feel it."

"Em's right. We can't charge in there completely unarmed," Jasper said. Bella was already at
the back to the SUV lifting up the matt in the cargo area.

"Tire iron," she explained her actions with a grin as she waved the makeshift weapon at us.
"Charlie taught me that they make the perfect defensive tool in a pinch. I guess it pays to be a
cop's daughter after all, huh Edward?" I'd been spewing police hate all day, so I understood
her sarcasm. If we weren't in a situation where a weapon was necessary, I probably would
have found her actions rather sexy.

"Score!" Emmett cheered.

"Shut up, you buffoon," Jasper reprimanded him. "Bella, why don't you hold onto that?
You're the most vulnerable of all of us." I couldn't have agreed more. We split up into pairs;
Jasper and Emmett took off through the woods toward the north end of the cabin, while Bella
and I went in the opposite direction around the south side.

"Put your phone on vibrate," I whispered to her. "We don't want them to hear it ringing once
we get close." Bella quickly silenced her phone and then retook her position, latched to my
arm. Once we were just along the tree line at the edge of the cabin, Bella tapped my shoulder
and pointed to the roof of the cabin, where smoke was billowing out of the chimney. The
cabin was definitely occupied.

We watched a moment longer, looking for any other signs of life. I counted the shadows of
two male figures just inside a side window toward the front of the cabin. Even in outline form,
I could easily identify them as Carlisle and Jake. We were in the right place.

From where we stood, we wouldn't be able to make it to the house without risking exposure,
so I pulled Bella further down the tree line toward the back of the house instead. I put a single
finger up to my mouth indicating that she should be quiet. As we stepped together out of the
cover of the trees, a few branches cracked below my feet. I stopped short to make sure there
was no movement around the cabin. Hearing nothing, we ran quickly up toward the back of
the house and pressed our backs against the outside wall.

I could hear Bella's labored breathing next to me. I looked down at her and squeezed her hand
tightly. There was no turning back now. We were about to enter the fight of a lifetime, and we
hadn't even had the forethought to bring so much as an army knife to protect us. Bella had her
tire iron, of course, and I'd picked up a reasonably sharp looking stick in the woods, but it
wouldn't get me far; we were hunting lunatics, not vampires.

Bella nodded to me, indicating that we needed to move. Slowly, we crept our way down the
back wall of the house toward a window. Motioning for Bella to remain quiet once more, I
slowly turned just enough to peek inside. After seeing its contents, I ducked down
immediately and covered my mouth to choke bake the bile that had risen in my throat. Bella
started panicking, so I waved her off, unable to form actual words. I took a few deep breaths
and then returned to look again. I didn't want to do it, but I had to be sure.

The room was devoid of furnishings save for a rusted metal bed turned over on its side in the
corner. A few of its springs were twisted away from the frame and still dripping with blood.
The walls and floor were coated with smears and splatters of the same crimson evidence that
something catastrophic had happened… recently. And that something was murder. For there,
in the center of the dirty floor, was a body covered by a blood-saturated sheet.

I let my forehead fall against the window, which separated me from the death chamber within,
and said a silent prayer to thank God that it was an adult sized body. It wasn't Tony.
Unfortunately, that left only one devastating alternative. I didn't want to face Bella. I didn't
know how to look into her eyes and tell her something that I knew would destroy her.

Alice.
CHAPTER 23:
TRUTH OF A THOUSAND LIES
PART 1

Bella's POV

I coiled my fingers around the makeshift iron weapon in my hand and waited for Edward to
tell me what he had seen. His head and forearms were propped against the windowsill as his
lungs worked overtime to pump oxygen into his body. As if hearing my silent plea for an
explanation, he turned his head away from the glass and rested his cheek against his shoulder
until he finally allowed himself to focus his full attention on me. He looked deflated, beaten
down by whatever nightmare he'd witnessed.

"Say something," I whispered. Nothing.

"Edward, please, what is it?" I tried again. Nothing.

Unable and unwilling to let it go, I stepped around his static frame to see for myself, but my
forward motion was abruptly halted by a muscular arm firmly planted across my chest. "No!"
he thundered desperately, having found his voice and apparently his strength. I allowed him to
pull me away from the window, hyperventilating from the panic caused by his sudden
movement.

"Don't look in there, Bella," he begged through clenched teeth before gently pivoting us
around so that my back was pinned against the splintered wood siding of the cabin. Ever
protective, he raised his arms and formed a defensive cage around me. "Please, it's okay," he
said, trying to ease my fears. I continued searching his eyes, but was unable to push away my
concern. "Calm down, sweetheart. Just breathe."
I heard his words, but my mind kept racing with terrifying possibilities. Even through his
whispered assurances, my breaths kept coming in shorter huffs as my mind conjured horrific
images to fill in the gaps left by his lack of explanation. There was only one reason why he
would act so aggressively. There was only one thing that he wouldn't want me to see. There
was only one thing he wouldn't want to tell me. I couldn't handle that reality.

"Who… is it? Oh, God Edward, please tell me it's not… Tony?" Panic seized my chest again
as I said my son's name out loud, vocalizing my deepest fear and making it more real. An
uncontrolled sob escaped my mouth as the unfathomable became more possible.

"No, baby, no. It's not Tony." He crushed his body into mine, causing me to drop the tire iron
into the dried pine needles below. "I'm sorry," he soothed in vain before pulling back and
holding my face tenderly with both hands. I couldn't make sense of what was occurring. What
doesn't he want me to know? If it isn't Tony, why is he sorry? "I didn't mean to make you
think…" Edward's words were suddenly clipped short as I watched his blazing eyes turn
blank above me.

Something was very wrong.

My body cringed as I looked at Edward's stone cold face, the cool chill descending down my
spine having more to do with his eyes rolling back in his head than the crisp September air
whirling around us. His body slumped against me in a futile attempt to maintain his balance
before finally crumbling in a lifeless heap at my feet.

"Edward!" I screamed, giving up all pretenses of remaining silent for the sake of our sneak
attack. "Baby, wake up." I hopped over his body and tugged at his shoulders to roll him onto
his back and then frantically put my ear to his chest. The faint staccato of his beating heart
echoed gloriously below his ribcage, but he remained frighteningly motionless as a deathly
pallor settled into his cheeks. "Edward!" I shouted again, trying to get him to open his eyes.

"Oh, God! Please, Edward!"

"I'd say he's going to be out for quite awhile," a menacing voice sounded from somewhere in
the shadows around me. I turned my body away from the voice and focused on Edward. I
wasn't ready. My tears dripped onto Edward's shirt as I continued to run my shaking hands
over his body, praying for him to wake. I needed him. We were supposed to fight our demons
as a team, and I wasn't sure if I could do that without him. "He was never good enough for
you, Bella. He turned you against your family."

"What?" Carefully keeping one protective hand on Edward's chest, I finally twisted my upper
body around to face Jacob, trying to make sense of what he'd said. The sun had only just
begun to set, but with the shade of the trees, visibility was becoming more limited. But even
the growing darkness didn't hide the hate I saw burning in Jake's eyes. "Why did you do this?"
I screamed at him. "Where are Tony and Alice?" Jake thumped the now bloody tire iron
rhythmically into his hand and then the sick fuck actually had the gall to smirk at me.

"We've been waiting for you," he said, completely ignoring my questions. Jacob took a few
steps toward me and then knelt down just within reach. "I'm actually surprised it took you so
long to get here." He made a movement toward Edward's wrist, likely in an effort to check his
pulse, but I batted his hand away before he could make actual contact.

"Don't you dare touch him, you fucking maniac!" I seethed as bits of spit left my mouth and
landed on his dirt-smudged cheek. I felt like a protective animal guarding her wounded mate
from a wild predator. "Where is my son? What have you done with him?" I demanded again.

Jake held his hands up in submission and took a few steps back. "Tony's just fine, for now,"
he finally offered. "Whether or not he remains that way is up to you."

"Don't you fucking touch him!" I was ready to pounce on Jake and maul his eyes out with my
dirty fingernails, but I knew he would overpower me, and I couldn't leave Edward
unprotected. I pushed down my desires to destroy him and remained where I was on the
ground next to my love.

"It isn't me you should be concerned about, Bella. You've got far worse enemies than me."
Jake nodded toward the cabin to indicate that the real villain remained within. I knew this to
be true already, but it didn't make me hate Jake any less.

"Why, Jake? Why would you do this to us? You were supposed to be my friend. We were
practically family. I don't understand how you could do this!" The slow rise and fall of
Edward's chest below my hand calmed my nerves, but only slightly. I waited for Jacob's
answer, not that anything he had to say would make me forgive his trespasses against us.
"An eye for an eye, Bella," Jacob purred sadistically. "It's a simple, finite principle, really.
You killed my father," he said, shooting hateful daggers at me with his eyes. "You deserve
nothing less in return."

I shook my head in confusion. "Billy had a heart attack, Jacob. I was a hundred and fifty miles
away."

"Exactly, you ungrateful bitch! My father gave up everything for you when Charlie died, but
you were too busy making goo goo eyes at your fucking boyfriend to show any respect."
Jacob took another step toward me and crouched right down in front of me, his hot breath
hitting my face as he spewed his vile nonsense.

"I loved Billy," I defended. "I was always grateful and he knew that."

"Bullshit! Do you know what it did to my father to see you so broken after Charlie died? He
wasn't in a position to raise a teenage girl, but he was too loyal to let down his best friend. He
watched you cry for months. No matter what he did or how much love he offered you, you
wouldn't snap out of it."

"You're pissed because I was depressed after my father died?" I asked incredulously. "That's
pretty rich coming from a man who kidnapped a defenseless woman and child because his
own father died," I spat toward him again. His revisionary history was so off-base it was
bordering on ridiculous.

"No!" Jake bellowed. "My father gave up so much for you. He didn't have enough money to
take you in, but he did it anyway. He wouldn't let you touch the insurance money. He wanted
you to go to college because that was what your father wanted, so he postponed his retirement
to make sure you had everything your selfish heart wanted. He gave you love, and you spit it
back in his face." Jake was closer now. I tried to lean away from him, but I was stuck. I didn't
want to put any pressure onto Edward's injured body, so I couldn't keep more than a few
inches between us.

"Jake, I loved Billy. You have to know that."

"I know you loved that," he sneered, jabbing at Edward's defenseless body. "You were a
zombie until he came into the picture. My father tried so hard with you, but once Mr. Edward
Cullen captured your attention, it was like you were too good for us. Sure you stayed at our
house and ate our food, but you did nothing to contribute to the household. You did nothing
to show your appreciation for the man that gave up everything for you. Then, as an extra slap
in the face, you ran off to the big city with Mr. Wonderful as soon as you graduated. You took
and took and then left us behind without a second thought."

"I… I loved Billy," I stammered again. "Billy and I spent lots of time together before I left La
Push. And when I did leave, it was with his blessing. We spoke daily while I was in Seattle.
He understood." I twisted Edward's shirt in my hand, willing him to wake up so that he that
we could face this flaming nut job together. I needed Edward to be okay, and I needed him to
help my fight Jacob, who was now looming well into my personal space.

"That's a lie!" he fumed adamantly. "You didn't give a shit about either one of us. I loved…"
he stopped himself short of declaring his love for me, but I already knew from Embry's earlier
revelations that Jacob had once had feelings for me. "You made my father worry for you. You
took so much away from him, and he finally died under the pressure and guilt. After he died, I
vowed to make you pay for what you did to us."

"Don't you mean what I did to you, Jake?" I questioned callously, calling him out on the real
truth of the matter. "That's what this is really about, isn't it? I didn't return your affections.
You couldn't stand that I chose Edward over you, so you fucked with our car and tried to kill
us on our wedding day. Then, when that failed, you wormed your way into my life and then
kidnapped my son and my best friend."

Jake pulled back from me, a hint of remorse dampening the anger in his eyes. "I would have
been so good to you," Jake said in a low, sad voice as the back of his hand gently traced the
edge of my cheek. I cringed away from his touch, but he didn't stop. "I would have loved you,
Bella," he lamented. "We could have had a beautiful life together. You were too good for him.
He never appreciated you the way I did."

I wasn't sure if Jake even realized that he had admitted to every accusation I had just thrown
at him. It was as if he was finally spilling all of the truth and hate he'd bottled up for so long. I
couldn't figure how I'd missed it, but now that he was unloading his true feelings, I needed to
use them to my advantage. Edward's eerie stillness wasn't changing, and it finally occurred to
me that he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. I had to do this on my own.
I had to sooth the monster myself if I was going to have any chance of saving us all, so I tried
to keep Jake talking. "I'm sorry, Jake," I lied softly and reached out to caress his hand. "I
didn't know. I never knew you felt that way about me."

He looked at me intently for a moment before gently lowering his mouth to mine. I willed
myself to remain still as his coarse, chapped lips brushed against mine. The thought of kissing
Jake was repulsive, but I needed him on my side if I had any hope of surviving this and
getting to Tony.

"I've always loved you, Bella," he whispered almost reverently.

"Why then?" I couldn't help but ask the question. "If you loved me so much, how could you
try to kill me? How could you take Tony?"

"I couldn't stand to see you with him," he said with disgust. "You denied me. You denied my
father. You pushed us away, and I just couldn't let that go."

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I lied again, hoping my apology would win him over.

As if he hadn't heard me at all, Jake kept spilling his inner misguided secrets. "I couldn't sit
back and watch you marry him." Jake visibly shuddered and his hand tightened where it
rested at the back of my neck. "You belong to me, Bella. You always have," he explained
before leaning in to kiss me once more. "If I can't have you in this life, I'll have you in the
next," he whispered between stale breath kisses. "Either way, I can't allow you to be Cullen's."

"Well isn't this touching," Carlisle said in a perversely sarcastic tone, ironically rescuing me
from Jacob's revolting molestation. Without warning, Carlisle's foot landed heavily in Jacob's
stomach, catapulting him onto his back with a disarming thud.

I gasped at Carlisle's violent assault on Jacob, but I couldn't find it in my heart to care for the
man that had once been my friend. Even though Carlisle was the Antichrist in my mind, I
found myself feeling grateful that he'd stopped Jacob. It was a strange emotion to feel toward
him, but that didn't stop the hate. Edward was bleeding below me and Tony and Alice were
still missing and potentially hurt. Every bone in my body called for me to kill Carlisle. I
wanted to see him suffer for the pain he'd caused my family.
"I've always known you were nothing but a nice piece of ass, you little slut. Here my son
lies," Carlisle pointed to Edward's still body, "while you're making out with this dog." I let my
hands tighten on Edward again and Carlisle turned his attention to Jake, who was slowly
lifting himself off the ground. "I thought I told you to bring them inside. This isn't the time for
your little heart to heart. We have business to which we need to attend."

Jake nodded at Carlisle as he stood, slightly crouched over, and smoothed out his shirt. "Get
them into the cabin, now!" Carlisle demanded coldly.

"Yes, sir," Jake acknowledged to Carlisle's retreating back. Jake came over and, with another
sad glint in his eyes, yanked me from my curled position and dragged me toward the front of
the cabin. I struggled against him, but it was no use. His large hands were firmly clamped
around both of my arms as he pulled me through the front door.

"Put her in with the others, and then go back for that ungrateful, traitorous son of mine,"
Carlisle ordered with contempt. My eyes closed of their own accord as they attempted to
adjust to the bright lights inside the cabin, having previously grown accustomed to the
twilight outside.

Jake pushed me aggressively down a dusty hallway and then paused just in front of a closed
door. "If you're smart, you'll be quiet and thankful that you aren't dead," Jake whispered into
my ear, sending a prickling shiver across the skin on my neck.

"Comfort your son and don't do anything stupid. Don't make it harder than it has to be." With
those final cryptic words, Jake opened the door and shoved me inside. I landed on my hands
and knees as the door swiftly shut behind me.

"Mom!" Tony's quivering voice sounded out from across the room. I looked up to see him
rushing over to me. "Are you okay?" he howled into my ear as his arms swallowed me in a
crushing hug. I was painfully tired, but simply holding him in my arms was quickly renewing
my energy.

"Oh, Tony!" I bawled in return. "Thank, God. I love you so much." I pulled myself up enough
to return his hug. I burrowed my head into his hair and sucked in a deep thankful breath as my
hands patted down his body to make sure he was all in one piece. My son was alive. He was
okay and in my arms. Nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. He was everything.
"Bella!" Alice's voice called with an exuberance that almost equaled my seven year old son's.
"How are you even here?" She joined our hug, allowing her body to crumple into our tangle
of arms and legs on the floor. We all sat there, holding one another in a cluttered embrace
complemented by a soundtrack of sobs and tears.

Even after we unraveled ourselves, I didn't fully let go of Tony. If I had my way, I would
never let him out of my arms again. "Thank God you're okay," I spoke softly into his ear. "I
love you so much, baby." He held me tightly in his little hands as Alice gave us a teary nod. I
smiled at her over Tony's shoulder. She understood our need for connection, but I felt bad for
not including her more.

I reached my hand out to her in support, and she took it willingly before repeating her
previous question. "How did you get here, Bella? How did you find us?"

"Once we discovered that you all never made it to Peter and Charlotte's house, the pieces
started falling together. We found your car. We called the police, and after a few hours, they
determined that you all had been passengers on a private plane headed to Washington.
Edward and I tracked you to La Push, and then I remembered the cabin."

"Is he here?" she asked hopefully. I nodded with sad eyes, not wanting to say anything out
loud in front of Tony, but still trying to communicate to her that he wouldn't be of much help
to us in his present condition. My baby didn't need to hear the graphic details. I could only
imagine what he had experienced so far. He was so grown up, but he was still my baby. I'd
protect him and shield him from the horrors in his life until my dying breath.

How soon will that be?

I steadied myself, knowing I'd need to keep it together for my family. "We're going to get out
of this, okay? I'm here now; just hold on." I tried to offer them both support and reassurance,
but I wasn't sure how convincing my words were. I needed somebody to reassure me, but that
somebody was unconscious on the cold ground outside. All I could do was pray that Emmett
and Jasper would help us.

For now, Tony, Alice and I were all alone in this cold, empty room with nothing to comfort us
but each other.
 **YVWAIH**

Edward's POV

My head was throbbing as I slowly blinked my way back to consciousness. My face was
pressed against something cool and gritty that I could only assume was some sort of flooring.
The room around me was blurry, but I could tell I was inside by the hum of a refrigerator
somewhere in the cloudy distance. My first thoughts were of Bella and Tony. I needed them
to be okay. I wouldn't survive losing them again. I hadn't heard anything from Jasper and
Emmett, so I could only pray that my brothers had been able to rescue them.

"I'm disappointed that you were taken out so easily, Edward. Cullens have always been strong
men. I suppose you have failed your lineage again." I could tell the deliberately hateful voice
belonged to my father, even though I could yet to make out the specific features of the blurry
figure seated before me.

"What have you done with my family?" I managed to ask, still trying to get my head to stop
spinning. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out; it could have been minutes or hours. I rubbed
my palms into my aching eye sockets and tightened my body into a smaller ball in an effort to
alleviate some of the pressure on my spine. It didn't work. My back and neck were still stiff
and throbbing, and if I wasn't mistaken, the collar of my shirt was soaked with what I could
only assume was blood.

Everything had happened so quickly. I remembered Bella making a move toward the window
and then using my arm to pull her back before she could see the body. I remembered trying to
get her to calm down before a sharp pain landed on the back of my neck and head. After that,
everything went dark.

"I think you should be more concerned about yourself for now, Edward. Did you really think I
would just sit back and let you destroy my livelihood? Did you really think you had that sort
of power over me? You're nothing without me. You exist because I allow you to do so. Don't
forget that."

I outwardly ignored Carlisle's threats while internally cataloging them on my growing mental
list of his deplorable actions. The fog in my mind was finally subsiding, and I was able to sit
myself up, though I still lacked the strength to stand.
"I wouldn't be too hasty, son," he said curtly, his sneer making the word "son" sound more
like a pejorative slight than a fatherly term of endearment. "You took quite a nasty hit to the
head," Carlisle chuckled arrogantly at me.

"Why do you even care?" I questioned with a snide tone.

"Did I give you the indication that I actually care about your well-being? I must apologize. I
wouldn't want to give you any sort of hope that I could ever love you. I simply meant having
you try to stand and passing out again would be an inconvenience to me." I heard a rustling
sound behind me. I hadn't been unaware that there was anybody else in the room with us until
that moment. I tried to stand once more, but a firm hand pushed against my shoulders.

"Stay down," the unmistakably Jacob sounding voice murmured from above me. The full
color spectrum had finally returned to my vision, allowing me to take in my surroundings.
The room was brightly lit by an overhead ceiling fan light and a second lamp on a table in the
corner. Carlisle was seated in upholstered wicker chair, which was next to an empty couch
crafted from the same material. A small kitchenette was just beyond him, equipped with the
refrigerator I'd been hearing and a small microwave. I searched the counters for any sort of
weapon, but saw nothing that would be useful.

"There's nothing that will help you in there, son," Carlisle said tersely, inching his chair a bit
closer to me with a tug of his feet. He was taunting me with his words, using the name "son"
because he knew I hated it. "Though, I must say I'm proud to see my offspring using his brain
for a change." He looked at me for some sort of reaction to his acknowledgement that I was
his biological son, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I see she's already told you. Stupid bitch never has known what was best for her." I growled
at his comment. The fucker had no business saying a word about Bella. She was better than
him. She was better than both of us.

"Look at you getting all protective," he said mockingly. "Did you know your dear, sweet
Bella was outside making out with Jacob while you were unconscious on the ground next to
her? She looked rather enamored with her old beau, but she didn't seem to give a damn about
you." I looked over my shoulder and focused on Jacob for the first time. He waggled his
eyebrows at me suggestively, but I knew it was total bullshit.
Bella loved only me.

"I don't believe anything you have to say, Carlisle. You'll have to try harder than that if you
want to drive us apart." I kept my voice even as I spoke, my previous experiences with Jenks
and my father finally proving their worth.

"You don't have to believe me, Edward. Deep down, I think you already know that she and
her neighbor have had quite an affair going for years." I looked across the room at my father.
His manipulation was so transparent now.

"You set it all up, did you?" I questioned, not really needing his confirmation. "Somehow you
knew I was there, and you told this shithead to interrupt our reunion. You wanted me to doubt
her, didn't you? Well guess what, Dad, I trust Bella implicitly, and there's nothing you can say
to make me doubt her."

Carlisle laughed at me, but otherwise, he didn't move. "Oh, Edward, you're so very gullible.
It's a shame that you won't ever get the opportunity to know for sure. You'll die with that bit
of lingering doubt in your mind." He looked at Jacob and then back to me. With an evil smirk
on his face, he lowered himself off the chair and took my face into his frigid grip.

"She is delicious," he said as he looked into my eyes, "isn't she, Jacob?"

"Indeed," Jacob responded maliciously.

"I might have to taste her again before I kill her tonight," Carlisle whispered so that only I
could hear him. "Using my tongue to tantalize her pert, warm nipples was one of my life's
greatest pleasures. You do know how to pick them, Son."

My anger finally reached its boiling point, and I launched myself at my father, tackling his
lanky body to the ground and unleashing my ire and contempt on his jaw through my tightly
wound fist. "Don't you fucking say another goddamned word about her, you sick, sick fuck!"
Jake was on me in a nanosecond, pulling my flailing body off Carlisle. I wanted to destroy
him. I wanted to see both of them bleed and suffer for the pain they'd caused my family.

"Ah," Carlisle said amusedly as he rubbed a light trickle of blood away from his lip. "There's
the passion I've been waiting to see. You don't like to think about what that little whore's been
up to, do you?"
"Don't you dare say another fucking word about Bella! She's ten times the person you are, you
egomaniacal motherfucker!" Jake was still holding me down. I tried to shrug him away, but
he shoved his knee into the back of my already injured neck to keep me against the floor.

"I did fuck your mother, so I suppose I am a motherfucker. She squealed like a stuck pig when
I killed her. She was a little slut, just like your precious Bella." I snarled angrily at my father's
words, but I was unable to move under the weight of Jacob's body. "She did have a nice pussy
though. I'll have to find out if your Bella's is as sweet."

"Don't you fucking touch her!" I sneered again. "I'll kill you!"

"Oh, you'll do no such thing." Carlisle walked across the room and dug through a duffel bag
on the kitchen table before returning with a rope. "Our bill is quite full this evening. Would
you like to hear the itinerary?"

I didn't respond. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Jacob laughed above me and twisted his
denim covered knee more forcefully into my neck, sending shooting pains down my spine and
lighting my every last nerve ending on fire.

"First, Mr. Black is going to tie you to the cabin stove over there. I followed Carlisle's gaze to
the rusted, old wood burning cabin stove at the edge of the living area, its round chimney
raising up into the ceiling above. "It might burn a bit, but it won't kill you." I looked at the
stove again and quickly noted the amber glow seeping out around the edges of the front hatch,
telling me that Carlisle was right; it was going to burn.

"Next, he's going to bring your bastard son out here." I writhed and twisted under Jacob at the
mention of Tony. "Oh, you're concerned about him, are you?"

Jacob was now lifting me onto my back and dragging my battered body toward the stove at
Carlisle's direction. I tried to pull out of his grasp, but I was too weak, having yet to regain my
full strength and feeling dizzy from Jacob's assault on my neck. I felt the promised burning
between my shoulder blades as Jacob twisted my arms back at an awkward angle and secured
me to the rounded corner of the stove. I could feel the heat, but thankfully my sweater created
a buffer between my vulnerable skin and the hot metal, and though painful, the heat wasn't as
scalding as I'd feared. The ribbed edges of the stove's decorative finials dug painfully into my
spine and the intensity of the heat slowly increased, but those physical pains were the least of
my worries.

"Get the boy," Carlisle ordered and then retook his seat. Jacob tested the ropes, and once
satisfied that they were tight enough, he left the room, presumably to get Tony.

"Leave him alone, Carlisle!" I tugged at the ropes, but was unable to move. "He's an innocent
kid. If you have a problem, take it out on me."

"Oh, I intend to take it out on you, but you see, Tony is a liability to me. I can't afford to keep
him alive, kin or not." Carlisle's words were robotic. There was no love or compassion to be
found anywhere. I couldn't say I was surprised by his callousness, but I hoped he still had a
shred of decency left inside his cold heart. It could be our only salvation.

"He's your grandson!" I implored, still struggling in vain against my restraints. "How could
you hurt your own blood like that?"

"I told you, he's a liability," Carlisle said as he leaned back in his chair, looking smug and
calmly psychotic. "For one thing, he's seen my face now. He knows too much. Secondly, he's
your heir. I can't afford to keep him alive." Carlisle dabbed at the corner of his mouth to
staunch the blood that was still flowing there before standing once more and crossing the
room for me. "Now that you've fired me, you're far more valuable to me dead than alive.
You'll die intestate, of course, so as long as you don't have any other legal descendants, I'll get
everything, including the rather sizable insurance policy I've taken out on you."

"This is about money?" I questioned in shock. "I'll give you however much money you want,
just stay away from my son!" I wasn't above begging. I couldn't let him hurt Tony, not if there
was something I could do to stop it.

"Do you have any idea how common it is for celebrities to take out astronomical insurance
policies on themselves?" Carlisle asked me before shoving a dirty rag in my mouth, which
prevented any sort of response. He covered my lips and the protruding rag with a wide piece
of duct tape before continuing with his explanation.

"Singers insure their vocal chords for millions. Athletes insure their hands and legs for sums
that could feed small nations for months. Nobody even thought twice when I took out a life
insurance policy for you. I did it years ago, just after the accident. It made total sense, and
now, I'm ready to collect the dividends of my efforts." Carlisle stepped away from me as
Bella's blood curdling scream echoed from the end of the hallway.

"No, Jacob, please!" she screamed. "Don't take him." I heard a door slam and then her
muffled cry tore through me again. "Tony!" she shrieked, her voiced laced with terror. I
wanted to comfort her. I wanted to rescue my family, but I was imprisoned and helpless to
stop the atrocity being perpetrated before my eyes. I mumbled against my gag and tried once
again to pull myself free, to no avail.

As Jacob dragged Tony into the room, his green eyes met mine and widened with fear, but he
said nothing. He was so strong. I was proud of him. Even now, while facing pure evil, he was
brave. Jacob pulled him over to Carlisle, who grabbed Tony by the back of the neck like a rag
doll. Tony let out a small cry and squirmed under Carlisle's bone crushing grip.

"You know what?" Carlisle asked mostly to himself. "I think we should double the stakes and
make this game a bit more interesting. Jacob, get Bella." I watched Jacob disappear down the
hall again and then quickly return with a red-faced Bella. Jacob was holding his hunting knife
toward her throat as he nudged her forward, the tip pushing into her skin and drawing a hint of
blood.

"Mom!" Tony cried, causing Carlisle to smack his face to silence him. Tears were pouring
down his cheeks. I tried to twist out of my bindings again, but they were too tight.

"Tony!" she screamed out when she saw what Carlisle had done to him. But before she could
say more, Carlisle's hand landed heavily on her cheek as it had just done to Tony. She fell
against Jacob and gripped her face where the blood was beginning to flow.

"Shut her up, Jacob, or I'll do it for you, and as I warned her years ago, I don't think she'll
appreciate my methods." Jacob twisted Bella's arm back and used his other hand to push the
knife a bit further into her neck. His knuckles turned white from the force he was exerting on
her, and I vowed, once again, to kill him.

"Stop!" Tony screamed again. "You're hurting her. Stop!" Tony's pleas were cut shot by
Carlisle's forearm around his neck. Tony pulled at his captor, but he wasn't even close to
being strong enough to get away. He was stuck. We all were.
"Have you seen the movie Sophie's Choice, Edward?" Carlisle asked rhetorically. "It's the
story of a Jewish woman, who, while being held as a prisoner in a concentration camp during
the Holocaust, was forced to choose which of her children would be sent to the gas chamber."

Dragging Tony along with him in his choke hold, Carlisle took a few steps toward me and
then placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "I think it would be rather… poetic… to reenact
that here tonight. What do you say? You get to pick who I'll kill. I'll even do it quickly as a
favor to you." He looked me in the eye and shook his gun at me to show his intended murder
weapon, but I turned my head, refusing to acknowledge him. "Come now, I was about to
torture and kill poor little Tony in front of you. Now I'm giving you a chance to save him, or
at least to delay his death a few hours, yet you turn away from me."

I refused to look at the monster above me. I couldn't believe that he was sadistic enough to do
what he was suggesting. We'd probably all end up dead, but he was offering me a chance to
buy Tony or Bella time. Jasper and Emmett were out there somewhere. Time could change
everything. But he wanted me to choose. How could I do that?

I exerted as much force as I could on the ropes, but though they cut into my flesh, they didn't
loosen. "So, Edward, who will it be? Who are you going to sentence to death? Your son or
your soul mate? The choice is yours, so long as you make it. If you refuse, I'll be forced to kill
them both right now, and I'll make it very slow and painful as an added treat for your viewing
pleasure."

"Carlisle?" Jacob questioned with a slight tremor in his voice. "What are you doing? This isn't
what we discussed." My eyes snapped to Jacob. He looked almost as pained as Bella. He
looked almost… human.

"Shut the fuck up, Jacob, or you'll find yourself dead as well!" Carlisle snapped. Jacob
lowered his head in defeat. Fucking coward. "Now, where were we? Oh yes, Edward's
Choice. What's it going to be? Who gets to die? Blink once for Bella… or twice for Tony."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked between Bella and Tony. I knew the answer, but I couldn't
bring myself to give it. I couldn't send either one of them to their death. It was an impossible
choice, one I wouldn't ask of my worst enemy.
"Tick, tick," Carlisle clucked, indicating that my time was quickly running out. He forcefully
twisted Tony to his knees on the floor in front of me. "Jacob, put her on her knees next to
Tony," Carlisle sternly instructed as he motioned toward Bella with his gun. Jacob hesitated
for a moment, but when Carlisle turned his gun toward Jacob's face, he pushed Bella to the
floor, albeit a bit reluctantly.

There was so much fear in their faces as they kneeled side by side on the floor. Bella's hand
carefully reached out to grasp Tony's, using everything inside of her to offer what little
comfort she could while standing before their executioners.

"You have one minute, Edward," Carlisle noted, waving the gun back and forth behind each
of their heads. Tony's eyes were angled toward the ground as he whimpered and shook with
fear. I wanted him to close them completely, but I had no way to communicate that
instruction. I didn't want his innocent eyes to witness this horror. I didn't want him to know
this pain.

I prayed silently for some sort of miracle. I darted my eyes around the room, frantically
searching for a way out and wondering where the hell my brothers were. I hadn't heard or
seen them since we'd parted at the car. I hoped they were okay, but that seemed unrealistic at
this point. Carlisle had to have found them before he found us. I knew them; if they were
physically capable of rescuing us, they already would have done so. I eyed the door, hoping
that they would barge through it, but it feeling in my heart that my wish would remain
unfulfilled.

"Time's up, Edward. Who's it going to be? Who dies?"

I searched Bella's face, wishing I could ease the pain I saw there, but knowing that I didn't
have the power to do it. As impossible as it was, we both knew the answer. Tony came first.
We had to save our son above all else. Always.

Even through her agony, Bella looked strong, stoic even. A single tear fell from her left eye
and then she blinked one slow, deliberate blink, telling me to let her die in Tony's place.

I nodded, and never taking my eyes away from her beautiful brown ones, I blinked.

Only once.
CHAPTER 24:
TRUTH OF A THOUSAND LIES
PART 2

Edward's POV

"Time's up, Edward. Who's it going to be? Who dies?"

I searched Bella's face, wishing I could ease the pain I saw there, but knowing that I didn't
have the power to do it. As impossible as it was, we both knew the answer. Tony came first.
We had to save our son above all else. Always.

Even through her agony, Bella looked strong, stoic even. A single tear fell from her left eye,
and then she blinked one slow, deliberate blink, telling me to let her die in Tony's place.

I nodded in agreement, and never taking my tear-filled eyes away from her beautiful brown
ones, I blinked.

Only once.

Never in a million years would I have dreamed that I would have chosen to let Bella die, but
that was the agonizing verdict I'd just been forced to cast. We both knew that saving Tony
was the most important thing either of us would ever do in our lifetimes, no matter how short
our lifetimes ended up being as a result. But as I opened my eyes from the most excruciating
decision I'd ever made, several things seemed to happen all at once.

Carlisle's voice said something I couldn't make out as he moved his small caliber gun to the
back of Bella's head. I heard the ominous click of the gun as he cocked back the hammer.
Bella mouthed the words "I love you", and then a massive, dark blur of black hair and muscle
passed through my field of vision.

That blur – that blessed saving grace – was Jacob.

With wolf-like ferociousness, he lunged for Carlisle and used his forearm to deflect the gun
barrel away from Bella. As Jake made contact, the gun sounded with a deafening crack, firing
an errant bullet into his own burly shoulder. Jacob's subsequent roar of agony spurred Bella
into action. She dove over Tony and pushed his body to the edge of the room in a brave effort
to shield him from the scuffle behind her. Bella pressed her head into Tony's hair, where she
whispered loving reassurances that I wished I too could hear.

Knowing they were out of the line of fire, I turned my attention back to our captors. I watched
with rapt attention as the gun landed on the floor, sending Jake and Carlisle into a frenzied
battle for dominance. Though Carlisle was on his back in the weaker offensive position,
Jacob's profusely bleeding wound severely limited his ability to keep Carlisle adequately
pinned. As if smelling his opponent's weakness, Carlisle plunged his left thumb into Jacob's
torn flesh and used a forceful right elbow jab to dislodge the hunting knife from Jacob's
outstretched hand, sending it spinning across the floor toward the kitchen.

"Mother fuck!" Jake howled, gnashing his teeth and convulsing in pain as he aggressively
grabbed at Carlisle's wrist to extricate his finger from the bullet hole. Jake pushed himself
back from Carlisle and brought both of his hands up to guard his wound, but in doing so, he
neglected to protect the rest of his body. The instinctive defensive action was all Carlisle
needed.

Capitalizing on his new-found freedom, and Jake's vulnerability, Carlisle stretched his arm
out to pick up the gun. Before Jake likely even had a moment to register the dark object in
Carlisle's hand, a single bullet penetrated the front of his skull. Jake's body was propelled
backward by the force of the close-range shot. He landed in a contorted heap a few feet away,
his eyes still open and a steady stream of blood pouring down his ashen face.

I turned away, and choked back the vomit that had risen up toward my gagged mouth. My
eyes landed on Bell, who had just raised her head to look at me. Her terror was evident behind
her eyes as I watched her cup her hands over Tony's ears. Mustering all of her strength, she
used her legs to slide Tony and herself across the floor in my direction. She did her best to
keep his head tucked into her bosom as she moved them into position at my side. I wanted to
reach out to her, but I couldn't. She extended a single hand in my direction and linked a finger
over my bound hands. Her touch, though small, was filled with a promise of hope.

Carlisle staggered carefully to his feet and leaned over the back of the wicker chair as he
panted out deep breaths. "It would appear you've been offered a brief stay of execution, Ms.
Swan," he huffed, brushing his arm over his cheek and forehead, using his sleeve to clean
away the splattering of blood and sweat that had collected there. Despite what I expected, he
made no advances toward Bella and Tony, who were still huddled on the floor next to me.

"You know," he began talking inexplicably, almost as if he were musing to himself. "I had
everything perfectly planned out. Manipulating Jacob was simple enough. He was such an
angry, hurt teenager when I got my hands on him. He was so pathetically bitter over Bella
happiness and his father's death; it made him such a malleable, obedient little pawn. I should
have known he would never be strong enough to follow through when it came to crunch
time."

I looked down at Bella to see her reaction, but she remained protectively wrapped around
Tony as my father continued to speak. "His failure to successfully kill you eight years ago
should have been evidence enough of his weakness, but he begged me for another chance." I
pulled at my restraints as Carlisle spoke, but my attention was on Bella, who returned my
gaze as she listened intently to Carlisle's disturbing soliloquy.

"He was the perfect man for the surveillance job, though," Carlisle added as if delivering a
demented eulogy. "He was more than happy to spend his days watching Bella for me. Did you
know he was there in the hospital when your little Tony was born, Bella?" Carlisle didn't wait
for her answer, and Bella didn't offer one.

"He was. He even paid a group of women to go in and sing some Christmas carol to you, so
that they could get a picture of the baby as I'd requested. He knew your favorite and used that
information to distract you." Carlisle stepped around the front of the chair, but didn't sit.
Something was very off about him. He looked distant, altered even, and his hands were
twitching around the gun he still clutched in his bloody hands.

"Imagine my shock and awe when his devious little plan actually worked," Carlisle said with
a smirk as he offered Jacob's body an appreciative glance before returning his focus to Bella.
"You looked so peaceful holding Tony with your eyes closed as you listened to the music,
Isabella. Clearly, you were a shitty mother from the start. Your lack of maternal instincts was
spectacularly disappointing, but certainly not unexpected."

I winced at Carlisle's words. Bella was an amazing mother. She sacrificed everything for
Tony. Carlisle just continued rambling. He'd finally lost his mind. I could see it. Carlisle had
snapped, and that made him exponentially more dangerous than I had ever thought. There'd be
no reasoning with him. He was a madman, pure and simple.

"He continued to follow you over the years, and when he reported that you'd ratified a
contract for the purchase of a house, I decided it was time to reintroduce him into your life.
Your real neighbor was more than happy to rent Jacob her home given the sizable monetary
incentive I offered. It was a pittance really, but for such a low-income family, it was too good
an offer to pass up."

Carlisle stopped talking for a moment and walked over to where Jacob's bleeding body lay
dead on the floor. He nudged him a bit with his foot, but there was no response. As he bent
down to inspect Jacob more closely, I noticed movement outside the window. While my
father continued talking in the background, my attention was being held by the big blue eyes
peeping between the curtains.

Rosalie. What the fuck is she doing here, and where the hell is Emmett?

"It's a shame," Carlisle said, drawing my attention back to his speech, "but his death warrant
was signed the moment he boarded the jet to come here. He never fully understood that I had
to tie up every last loose end if my plan was going to succeed. You see, Edward, I can't leave
any of you alive. You all know too much. Poor Jacob never guessed that he himself was one
such loose end that needed snipping." Carlisle made a scissor chopping motion with his
fingers and chuckled darkly toward Jacob's body. The man had come completely unhinged.

As Carlisle unraveled his plan for us, he confirmed my earlier suspicions. He'd tortured me
into choosing between Bella and Tony, all the while planning to kill both of them no matter
what decision I ultimately made. He wanted me to suffer the choice, and he wanted my family
to suffer from having seen me make it. What he failed to realize, however, was that people in
love act as a team. He didn't anticipate that Bella and I would make the decision together, an
act which served to strengthen our bond, instead of weakening it as he'd intended.
While I was quite engrossed in Carlisle's verbal spewing, I was infinitely more interested in
what my sister-in-law was doing. She placed her palm against the glass and then moved away
out of sight only to be replaced by Esme. What the fuck? I had no idea how they had gotten
there so quickly or why they had come.

Knowing Rosalie, I had to assume that she had been in Washington all along. She had never
been one to pass up on the action, but this time, it quite possibly could get her killed. She had
probably decided to follow us after we called about the cabin, but that still didn't account for
Esme's presence, or Emmett and Jasper's notable absences, for that matter.

Esme caught my eye and nodded toward the hallway. I had no idea what she was saying until
she flashed me two fingers and mouthed the words "two minutes." Holy fuck, these
defenseless women are going to try to break into the house.

I never thought I'd be the one to think it, but I was now regretting my stubbornness about the
police. They could have helped us. The men in blue had held us back in Chapel Hill, so I'd
decided irrationally that we could move faster without them. My intentions had been
honorable, but I was so desperate to save Tony and Alice that I didn't think about the potential
hazards of going in alone. We were all stupid to storm in here unprotected, and now my
arrogance on that matter was bound to get my entire family killed. I'd never forgive myself if
any of them were hurt on my watch, as it was, we'd all need a shit load of therapy.

I pleaded with my eyes to get Esme and Rosalie to stop before they got themselves killed, but
Esme disappeared from my sight. My Cartier-wearing, tennis-playing, country club mother
had gone rogue. Of all people, she was the last one I expected to mount a rescue attempt.
There was no way that this would end well.

I said a silent prayer for their safety before trying to think of a way to distract my father.
Unfortunately, I had no idea how to accomplish that while half hog-tied to the stove. Bella's
finger gripped my hand again and then started tugging at the ropes, which were now rubbing
my wrists raw as they anchored me down. I looked into her eyes and could tell that she had
seen them, too. Like me, she knew we couldn't sit back and let Carlisle destroy our family.
She had to free me so we could save our son together.

I looked back at my father, who was still talking, oblivious to the entire nonverbal
conversation that had just transpired in front of him. "You see, Edward," Carlisle continued,
"once you fired me, there was only one possible result. You forced my hand and brought this
upon yourself. Your old buddy Jenks has been blackmailing me for years over your mother's
death." I was stunned. It made perfect sense, but I hadn't considered the possibility that Jenks
had been in on my mother's death from the start. I bit down on the rag between my teeth, my
frustration building by the moment. Carlisle's next words made my anger spike again.

"I don't know if your little bitch told you or not, but he filmed her murder and then used the
evidence to extort money from me. That's what started this whole mess. Once you cut off my
main source of income, I no longer had a way to pay him. You tied my hands and sealed your
fate. I needed to eliminate you to get the money to pay him off for good. He'd take his last
payout and know my cash cow stopped giving milk with your death."

I looked at my father, not understanding why a murderer like him wouldn't just kill Jenks and
be done with it. My father obviously noted the confusion on my face. "I couldn't kill him,
Edward," he answered my unasked query. "He said there were copies of the video queued for
release should he turn up dead. I just couldn't take that risk without a good reason."

Carlisle tucked the gun back into the waistband of his pants and wiped his soiled hands on his
slacks before continuing. "Of course, that was all before he followed me here." Carlisle
nodded toward the hallway, and it all became clear.

Jenks, and not Alice, was under the sheet.

As happy as I was to hear this revelation, I suddenly realized that Carlisle's gaze was now
trained on the one spot I didn't want him to look. In an effort to divert his attention back
toward me, I started thrashing around and moaning as loudly as my gag would permit. An
amused expression crossed Carlisle's face. "You look displeased, Edward," Carlisle began,
still blissfully unaware that we had company. "I suppose you're none too pleased with Jenks
now that you know of his involvement in your mother's death." Carlisle continued pacing
back and forth in front of me, so I tried to speak behind my gag, hoping to draw him further
away from the hallway.

He was ignoring me, so I mumbled again and started banging my body back and forth with
more force, each hit sending shooting pains down my spine. "Do you have something to say,
Edward?" he laughed at my poor attempts to move. I nodded my head immediately. "Well,
consider this the last favor I ever do for you." Carlisle ripped the tape from my cheek, tearing
away bits of my skin in the process. I cried out in pain, which amused my father even further.
"You're so pathetic. Speak!"

I tried to obey, but my words came out in a choking cough. My mouth was dry, but after a few
moments, I managed to swallow away the dust from the rag. "Wh… what did you do… do to
him?" I questioned. I already knew, but I needed to distract Carlisle from the rescue attempt
behind him.

"Jenks wanted to control me like my father had done before him, but I'm done being
controlled. So I ended him. I had to risk it. I don't think he really has any copies out there.
That would be potentially damning to him, and he was too smart to take such a gamble. I
could never be sure of this, of course, so until tonight, it hasn't been worth the risk to test my
theory. But like you, he forced my hand, so I finally called his bluff."

"So, what? You murdered him and now you plan on murdering the three of us? I can't
conceive how even your delusional brain believes that you can get away with a crime of this
magnitude." I looked to Bella on the floor. She was still shielding Tony's eyes and ears while
watching me carefully, knowing full well what I was trying to do.

"Ah, you silly boy, you've always underestimated me. It gets you into trouble every time."
Carlisle moved closer to Bella and Tony and smirked as he noticed her body tense from his
proximity. He reached out to her, but she kicked at his hand, only making him chuckle harder.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Esme stick her head out from around the corner of the
hallway. She nodded quietly and then ducked back out of sight. I couldn't believe that Esme
Cullen was the one attempting to rescue us from our predicament. But there she was, waiting
for an opportunity to get farther into the room without being detected. She poked her head out
again and motioned for the kitchenette.

Sweat or blood, I couldn't be sure which, had beaded up across my neck and was slowly
trickling down my back. I had no idea what the plan was, but so far, I wasn't confident that
any of us would escape my father alive. Carlisle was armed with a gun, and from what I could
see, the best weapons we could manage were a few pots and pans. Still, I did my best to pave
the way for my mother.
Carlisle rubbed his hand up Bella's leg, ogling her like the sick molester he was. "Stay away
from her, Carlisle," I screamed as his hand stretched further up her body. He looked at me and
laughed. "I mean it. They haven't done anything to you. Leave them alone," I yelled loudly
enough to fully distract Carlisle as Esme finally darted into the kitchen, and Rosalie and Alice
slid onto their knees behind the couch.

"I can't do that, Son. You know I've always found your precious Bella quite delicious." I hated
that Esme had to listen to her husband sexually harass another woman, but right now, Bella
and Tony were my priorities.

"Stop touching her, you fucking pervert!"

Carlisle ignored my plea and continued rambling like a lunatic. "Here's how history will
remember your deaths," Carlisle explained, still rubbing his hands over Bella's quivering
body. "Jacob and Bella had been having an affair and hiding your child from you for years
after she faked her death. When you found them, Bella became convinced that you'd seek
custody of the little brat and possibly press charges against her. So your slut and her lover
faked Tony's kidnapping to lure you to this cabin, intent on eliminating you for good."
Carlisle paused briefly to lick his lips as his fingers found the hem of Bella's shirt. I shouted at
him to stop, but he dismissed me once again and continued outlining his delusional scheme.

"Ever a strong Cullen man," he said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes, which communicated
that he believed me to be anything but strong, "you managed to kill Jacob in self-defense.
Bella tried to avenge her soul mate's death by killing you, but she shot poor Tony by accident
before finally finishing you off as well. Bereft and stricken with grief over the deaths of Jacob
and her son, Bella killed herself in a final selfish act." Carlisle rocked back on his heels and
patted my leg in mock condolence. Fucking bastard.

"Nobody will ever believe you!" I hissed

"Sure they will," he cooed evilly. "I can see the headlines now: Rock Star Falls Victim to
Tragic Kidnapping-Murder Plot." Carlisle smirked at himself proudly. "It's perfect. The world
will mourn you, the Cullen name will be preserved, and I'll cash the multimillion dollar
insurance check."
"What the hell are you talking about? There're missing persons reports filed in Raleigh. They
know that Tony and Alice were kidnapped. How do you account for her, huh? Bella and I
filed the reports together. She's already told the police everything about what you've done to
us. You killed Jacob, Carlisle. Not me. I'm tied to a fucking stove!" I nodded toward my
restraints to prove my point.

"Yes, Son, but the police are fools. I'll admit, you bringing them into things, instead of
figuring it out on your own, was a disappointment, but I should be used to your disappointing
me by now. They'll just assume Alice was in the wrong place at the wrong time and that Bella
made up the story about me to cover her own tracks."

He leaned down and licked Bella's cheek. I yelled again, and pulled at the ropes, but would
stop touch her. "The police will believe what I want them to believe," Carlisle affirmed
egotistically. "Hell, you were gullible enough to believe that Jacob and Bella were lovers
when I planted him in her house during your precious reunion. You are supposed to know her
better than anybody, yet you easily believed she had betrayed you. Why wouldn't the world
believe the same?"

"I hate you, Carlisle. This will never work!" Bella finally screamed. She'd worked so hard to
stay quiet to soothe Tony, but he'd pushed her too far. She batted his hands away, but he
gripped her tighter in return.

"Sure it will," he said with a smile. "I'll be the perfect grieving father to the press. I'll share
how Edward spent years in therapy after your untimely death, only to discover you'd tricked
him to be with Jacob. They'll eat it up."

"It will never work! The police already suspect that you're involved. They'll know you did
this!" Bella countered angrily as I watched Esme step forward. Rosalie tried to pull her down,
but she pulled away from her grasping hands. Esme was completely exposed, and Bella was
starting to lose her shit. We were totally fucked.

Damn it!

"Are you forgetting about Jenks?" I interrupted as I continued tugging at my restraints. The
ropes were now loosened enough for me to rub them against the bear claw foot on the cabin
stove. "How will you explain that?" I challenged as a continued diversionary tactic.
Carlisle shook his head before answering. "I admit that his death poses more of an issue than I
had expected, but his elimination was mostly beneficial regardless. I'll bury his body
somewhere he'll never be found. I'll clean the bedroom. The police will be so distracted by the
carnage in here that they won't even bother much with that old empty room. A dead child can
be highly distracting," he quipped insanely. "Meanwhile, I'll turn up in New York, with hotel
receipts to prove that I've been there for weeks. The police won't be able to pin anything on
me."

"You'll fry for this!" I argued. "You've forgotten a few very important details."

"And what are those? Do you mean your idiot brothers? I took care of them in the woods;
they won't be coming to your rescue. They'll be passed off as collateral damage just like
Alice."

My panic and fear were interrupted by my mother's cool and collected voice. "No, dear
husband, I think he means me."

Shocked, Carlisle spun around to face his wife, who for the first time in my life, looked strong
and in control. She didn't look like the scared woman who had been emotionally abused for
the past thirty years.

She looked pissed.

Bella's hands immediately went back to work on my ropes, while Carlisle's back was turned.
He pointed his gun at Esme, who had picked up Jacob's knife and was now turning it over in
her hands as if admiring it. "Ah, my darling wife is here as well. Color me surprised. Why do
you always pop up where you aren't wanted?"

"Put the gun down, Carlisle," Esme's uncharacteristically firm voice demanded.

"I don't think that will be happening." Carlisle laughed, shooting me a brief glance over his
shoulder. He didn't believe she would actually attack. I kept my mouth shut and relaxed my
hands, so that Bella could work. "What are you going to do with that knife, darling? You're as
pitiful as Edward. You're nothing without me," he spat as he began predatorily crossing the
room toward his wife. "I've put up with you because you make a pleasant trophy to carry
around on my arm. But I want you to understand one thing. I've never loved you."
"I've put up with your tyranny for years because I didn't think I deserved better," she
responded with an equally dark tenor in her voice. "I let you belittle me and manipulate our
children because I believed it wasn't my place to interfere. Well that ends now, you fucking
bastard. I'm taking my life back!"

"You're a useless excuse of a wife, Esme. You're nothing!"

"That's where you're wrong, Carlisle," Esme rebutted as she expertly raised the knife above
her head. Faster than I could blink, she snapped her arm forward, sending the blade spiraling
through the air and right into Carlisle groin. "I'm an excellent shot."

Carlisle crumpled to his knees, screaming at the top of his lungs. "You goddamned bitch! I'll
kill you for this! Fuck!" He raised the gun and fired it toward Esme from his spot on the floor.
The bullet hit her arm, sending her flying backward into the kitchen counter where she landed
in a broken twist. I could tell she was alive, but I wasn't sure how long that would last.

"Who's the good shot now, Esme?" Carlisle bellowed, half in agony, half in hate. He rolled
his body around until he was able to redirect the gun at me. I could see the knife, which was
clearly imbedded between his legs, shake as his body jerked with pain. He looked at me and
just smiled. I tugged at the ropes, understanding that if I couldn't break free, my life was over.
This was it.

The next thing I knew, Bella had charged Carlisle. "Bella!" I screamed as her agile body
pummeled his chest. With a strength I hadn't known she possessed, she landed an open palm
strike under his chin, causing his teeth to slam together in a sickening crunch before she
proceeded to claw at his eyes.

Their bodies were a flailing mix of hands, feet and blood as they struggled over the gun. It
fired once into the wall, causing an old fishing chart to clatter to the floor. Bella brought both
her hands around the gun in an attempt to twist it out of his hold, but even in his injured form,
he was too strong for her.

Rosalie suddenly appeared from behind the couch to join the fight, landing a solid elbow
strike on Carlisle's chest. His reaction was that of a rabid animal, her hit serving to incense
rather than subdue him. He tore the gun free of Bella's fingers and swung it around to pistol
whip Rosalie in the face. Losing her balance upon impact, she fell to the floor, giving Carlisle
enough time to bring the handle of the gun forcefully down on Bella's shoulder. Both women
cried out in pain, but refused to stop fighting.

"Mom!" Tony called out. It was the first time I'd heard him speak since she'd tackled him and
the violence had begun. The look of terror in his eyes killed me. I was stuck. I still couldn't
move to help him. Alice popped up from behind the couch and ran to where Tony was now
screaming beside me. She tried to shield him, but he could easily see around her diminutive
frame.

"Get him out of here, Alice!" I called to her. He didn't need to see anymore than he already
had. Alice yelled an acknowledgment and started dragging him to the doorway. His eyes
didn't leave his struggling mother until he was forced out the door. I was thankful that he was
safe, but Carlisle was far from tamed, and I couldn't relax yet.

Bella and Rosalie had regained their dominance over Carlisle, his actions having done little if
any physical damage. "Get off of me, you whores!" he screamed. As if the world had
momentarily stopped spinning, the three bodies stilled as the realization of what was about to
occur struck them all simultaneously. Bella looked down at the knife and then back to Carlisle
with a smirk. She raised herself up, and then, with her knee firmly curled beneath her, allowed
her body to slam down on the end of the knife, driving it further into Carlisle's most sensitive
spot.

"Ahhh! Fuck you!" he screamed. Bella's move gave her enough leverage to slam Carlisle's
gun-wielding hand into the floor. He held on tightly until Rosalie's foot came down heavily
upon it, finally dislodging the gun.

As she kicked the gun away, I heaved against my restraints once again. I hadn't expected them
to give, but as the bindings gave up their hold on my hands, I felt a surge of energy. I
scrambled to my feet, but my vision blurred as I stood. I pushed my way through my growing
dizziness and rushed, half blind, to where Rosalie and Bella had Carlisle pinned.

"Rose, can you help Esme?" I shouted to Rosalie. She leapt up and did as I had requested. I
took her spot holding down Carlisle and then gently pushed Bella away. I didn't want to risk
Bella being hurt anymore than she already had been, and I wanted my own shot at the man
who dared to call himself my father.
As Bella moved away, I felt Carlisle squirm below me. I still hadn't settled from my head
rush. I assumed I had a concussion, and I knew for certain that I had lost a great deal of blood,
but the adrenaline pumping through my system was enough to fuel me. I just wasn't sure how
long it would last. "Bella," I called out. "Can you get the ropes?"

I didn't know if she couldn't stand or just wouldn't, but Bella crawled away from us to fetch
the ropes from the base of the stove. Her face was red and angry, but there were no tears as
she made her way back, still on her hands and knees. "Here," she said lightly as she handed
them to me. She looked understandably shaken, but she still had the presence of mind to pick
up the gun.

My girl was a cop's daughter. She knew how to handle a firearm, and I smiled as she rose to
her knees and aimed it at Carlisle's head. All of his fidgeting stopped when he saw it. He
knew she wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger. I bound his hands to his ankles, making sure to
bump the knife as I worked.

"Bella," I huffed, finally satisfied that Carlisle couldn't escape. I pulled away and made it to
her side. "Are you okay, baby?"

"I'm good," she answered, resting her head on my shoulder without lowering the weapon. I
held her tightly in my arms. She sounded out of breath, but she was alive. That was all that
mattered now.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded to her, and looked back at Carlisle, whose eyes were
scrunched shut as he sputtered and panted in misery.

"The police?" I asked, hearing the sound of sirens blaring in the distance. I wasn't sure who
had called them. We were too far out in the woods for anybody to have heard the commotion.
I looked up at Rosalie, who was smiling at me from her spot next to Esme.

"What? You and my husband may not be smart enough to call the police, but I sure as hell
am. I called them just before we broke in." I smirked back at her, pleased not only because
she had indeed called the authorities, but also because Esme looked to be okay. The thought,
however, suddenly triggered a new fear.
"Oh, God, Rose, where're Em and Jazz? Are they okay?" She nodded, but I could see the
worry return to her eyes as well.

"They're hurt, but I think they'll be fine. I'm pretty sure Jasper's leg is broken and Emmett
took a nasty blow to the head. He was disoriented, but conscious. I didn't want to leave them,
but they said you needed us." I could see how torn she was being here with us instead of with
her husband, so I told her to go to him. She looked to Esme, who weakly managed to shoo her
away with a promise that she'd be fine on her own. Rosalie touched Esme's cheek lightly with
thanks and what looked to be a hint of remorse. Esme touched her hand and simply nodded to
the door.

As the police flooded the room, Bella handed the gun over to one of the officers and took off
to find Tony. She'd stayed by my side so we could fight our demons together, and then she'd
returned to her most important role, mother. Bella's courage and fortitude were inspiring.
Without her, I would be a lost shell of a man. But with her, and with Tony, I was complete.

I looked at Carlisle and felt the need to leave him with one final parting thought before I
rejoined my family for good. I sidestepped the medic and the officer kneeling at his side, so
that I could be close to my father one last time. I put my mouth next to his ear and whispered
as he released gurgling puffs of air from his mouth.

"I'm going to see to it that you spend the rest of your life behind bars playing the eunuch ass
bitch to some thug named Bubba. And while he's raping you, I want you to think about my
mother. I want you to think about Bella. I want you to think about Esme. And I want you to
remember that it was the women in your life that put you there."
CHAPTER 25:
IRIDESCENT

Bella's POV

I've lived in fear and solitude for eight excruciating years, teetering on the edge of my sanity,
only barely keeping my head above water for the sake of my precious son. I spent every day
looking over my shoulder and constantly wondering when Carlisle would make his next
sadistic strike, but being happy to do so if it meant that my boys were safe.

Eight years was a long time for my son to miss out on a relationship with his father. Eight
years was a long time for Edward to spend alone, deprived of precious moments in Tony's
life. Eight years was a long time to spend missing the other half of my heart.

He stole that happiness from all of us.

Carlisle twisted and manipulated us for his own viciously self-centered motives. But I refused
to spend the rest of my life hating the man who tried to destroy us. He didn't deserve that
much of my attention. I would never forgive Carlisle Cullen for his trespasses against my
family, but once I made sure that his ass was solidly behind bars, I would forget him.

I understood that Edward, Tony, and I would all need therapy in the years to come, but as I
stepped over the threshold of the blood-stained cabin into the crisp night, neither Carlisle nor
Jacob mattered. There was only one thing that was important to me in that moment.

"Tony!" I called out to my son. Scanning the area, I spotted him easily amongst the mess of
vehicles and people swarming the area. He was sitting on a stretcher in the back of an
ambulance while a medic held a stethoscope to his pale chest. The sight of his frail form
tugged at my already aching heart. Alice was at his side, shadows of flashing blue and red
lights dancing over her face as she offered him comfort in my place.
My best friend, who was always there to smooth over life's rough spots, put others first at
every turn. She had just experienced something horrific, but like quintessential Alice, she was
pushing that aside for the sake of my son. My loving best friend was the epitome of goodness.

Tony hadn't heard me over the clamor of the officers, so I navigated my way to him as
quickly as I could. A few officers approached me, but I pushed past them, barely
acknowledging their presence and ignoring their questions. I could give my statement later.
My son needed me. I needed my son.

"Mom!" Tony leapt off the stretcher and into my arms as I climbed into the back of the
ambulance. Throughout the entire ordeal, he had been so brave, but here, in the safety of my
arms, the floodgates opened. His entire body quaked under my embrace and tears streamed
down his ruddy, soiled cheeks.

"Shh, baby. It's okay. It's all over," I said softly, trying to soothe him, though my own nerves
were completely spent. Alice and the paramedic offered silent, sympathetic condolences with
their eyes as they regarded us from their respective corners. I pulled back and looked over
Tony's body. A brown wool blanket was wrapped over his torn clothing, but I saw no visible
evidence of blood or physical injury other than a good-sized bruise on his left cheek. I
suppressed the flare of anger that bubbled inside of me over that single sign of what Carlisle
had done to my little boy. I cupped his face with both hands and simply stared into his watery
green eyes. "I love you so much, sweetie."

"Love… you… too," Tony stuttered and hiccupped through his tears. "I just… I was afraid
that…" Tony didn't finish his thought; he didn't have to. He buried his head under my chin
and just cried as I held him tightly, wishing I could take it all away, but feeling defeated by
the truth. I couldn't fix this alone.

You aren't alone anymore. The thought gave me hope, but it was one that would take time to
truly believe.

Either in an effort to distract me or console me, the medic took that opportunity to fill me in
on Tony's condition. "He's okay, Ma'am," she stressed reassuringly from her kneeling position
next to the stretcher. "He appears to have been hit in the face, but the injury looks superficial.
He's showing signs of dehydration, however. According to Ms. Brandon, they weren't given
anything to eat or drink during their…" She stopped short, clearly not wanting to say anything
which might upset Tony more.

I looked to Alice in shock. She looked sad and apologetic, though I couldn't fathom how she
could reasonably believe any of this had been her doing. "We haven't had anything," Alice
confirmed. "Neither of us has eaten since before Tony's football practice." The knots in my
stomach twisted when my watch revealed that it was after two in the morning. Neither one of
them had any sort of sustenance in over thirty-five hours. "I begged them to at least feed
Tony, Bella. I swear it. They just… wouldn't." Alice swiped a few tears from her own soiled
cheeks. I smiled sadly at her and nodded my understanding.

"I'd like to start him on IV fluids," the medic interrupted gently. "I think he and Ms. Brandon
should go to the hospital to get checked out. I'd like to have you checked out, too." The medic
looked at me with concern. My body felt numb, but I was fairly certain I didn't have any
injuries, at least not physical ones.

"Of course," I said, compliantly nodding my agreement. "Don't worry about me. Right now,
please just take care of my son and Alice." The medic offered me a blanket as well and then
proceeded to hook a needle up to Tony's arm. Tony squirmed a bit as the sharp point
punctured his skin, but then relaxed into my side, adamantly refusing to lie down or be out of
my reach. I didn't mind, of course. I wasn't thrilled about letting him go anymore than he was
thrilled about being released. What I did mind, however, was Edward's absence. I was
beginning to get highly frustrated that he wasn't out yet. We needed him.

I looked to Alice, whose trickling of tears had now turned to full blown sobs. She was
shivering under a blanket while a second paramedic fitted her with a similar set up of fluids.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. You trusted me with him, and I failed you." Her sudden admission
silenced me. I looked at her nonplussed for a minute.

Shaking off my shock, I spoke. "Alice, don't be ridiculous. This was Carlisle. And Jake. And
if it hadn't been for you… You didn't do anything wrong." I reached out my hand to her as I'd
done inside the cabin. She looked so alone and frightened. Her normal effervescent, bubbly
demeanor, that I usually relied upon for comfort, was missing.

"I should have protected him," she cried as the blanket dropped off her shoulder. "You trusted
me to take care of him, but I let you down." Alice looked down at our joined hands and shook
her head slightly. "Everything just happened so quickly. Jake used his car to drive us off the
road. I couldn't stop him, Bella. I'm so terribly sorry."

"No, Alice. Look at me. This wasn't your fault – none of it, you hear me? You protected
Tony. You made sure he was safe. Lord only knows what Jake and Carlisle might have done
if you hadn't been there. Don't apologize. Ever. I'm indebted to you," I promised. "I thank God
you were with him." She looked back at me with a bit of surprise. I knew the conversation
would be revisited later, but after a quick glance at Tony, she let it drop.

Edward still hadn't come out of the cabin. To say that I was anxious to see him would have
been an understatement of the greatest proportions. Though it felt like hours, we'd only been
apart for a few minutes, but the distance was driving me insane. Still, I knew the police would
have a lot of questions for him, and that the paramedics were probably insistent on treating
him before he moved. I also knew that he wouldn't leave until his father was carried away.

He needed to bear witness to his father's formal arrest. He'd already expressed his guilt for
allowing his father to get away with so much under his nose. While I didn't blame Edward for
any of Carlisle' actions anymore than I had blamed Alice, I knew he blamed himself. I was
certain that Edward was desperate to get back to us, but I also knew him well enough to know
that he needed proof that his father wouldn't cause anymore damage.

Edward's guilt, however misplaced, was driving him to follow through with this to the end,
his own injuries and desire to be with us notwithstanding. Edward felt duty-bound. He had to
ensure our safety before he would allow himself the comfort of being with us. But that was
Edward. I just wanted my man at my side, Carlisle be damned.

I rubbed my hand across my face thinking about everything that had transpired. We'd arrived
four strong, but it seemed I was the only one left uninjured. "Have you seen Emmett and
Jasper?" I asked Alice, worrying as much about my brothers as Edward.

"Um, yeah, actually." There was a small glint of something behind her eyes that looked to be
a cross of worry and… anticipation. "I think they're in one of the other ambulances that
already left. Rosalie was with them," she answered as she picked at her lip, still looking
highly concerned and torn. "I couldn't see too much from here, but it looked like they were
both awake, though they weren't walking. Jasper… well, he looked at me as they were lifting
him into the ambulance. I think he was okay."
"Ma'am." It was the paramedic tending to Alice who interrupted this time. "I think it's time for
us to head to the hospital, so I'm going to shut the doors." He started to stand up and move out
toward the back of the ambulance.

"No!" I shouted as I lunged off the stretcher and fortified my arms against the closing doors.
"We can't go without Edward. He's still in there." I pointed toward the cabin. There was a lot
of activity on the porch, but still no sign of the crazy bronze locks that I longed to see. I
looked through the window, but all I could make out were shadows through the years of grime
that had accumulated on them.

"Ma'am, we can only take two injured at a time. Your boy and your friend need to be checked
out, and your husband is being taken care of inside." I flushed at his assumption that Edward
was my spouse, overcome with emotion about so many things. "Listen," he continued calmly.
"There are two other ambulances here and one more on its way. Once the police are done,
he'll be on his way, but I'd really feel more comfortable if we had your son checked out
sooner rather than later."

I looked at Tony and couldn't argue. Edward and I were on the same page when it came to our
son; Tony came first for both of us. I shrugged my acquiescence, albeit reluctantly. As the
paramedic shut us in, I strained to see if I could catch at least one glance of Edward.

I couldn't.

**YVWAIH**

Edward's POV

"We're going to keep you overnight, but barring any complications, I think we'll be able to
release you later this morning," the boy, who was entirely too young to be a doctor, said as he
looked at my chart one last time. A nurse had already started my IV and Doogie Howser-I-
still-can't-fucking-believe-your-adolescent-ass-is-an-MD had already gone over the results
from the litany of tests they had run during my three hours in the hospital. I had a concussion,
several broken ribs, and I had lost a significant amount of blood, hence the plastic tubing
delivering somebody else's O Negative into my arm. But I didn't give a shit about my injuries.
I still hadn't seen my family.
Being without Bella and Tony was literally killing me.

Over the next few hours Rosalie and Alice both popped in to give me regular status updates.
Apparently, Carlisle had snuck up on Jasper and Emmett from behind. He shot Jasper in the
back of the leg, blowing out his knee. When Jasper fell, he took down Emmett, causing his
head to collide with a large rock. While Emmett was severely concussed and being held for
observation, Jasper was in surgery. The doctors had indicated that Jasper would need months
of physical therapy, but I had it on good authority from Alice that she would see to his
recovery personally. I had no inkling how that would work logistically, but she was downright
giddy at the prospect.

If I hadn't fallen head over heels in love with Bella within an hour of meeting her, I would
have thought Alice's declarations for my brother to be premature at best. But knowing how
quickly love had devoured me, I couldn't fault her or second-guess her sincerity. She was the
perfect woman for Jazz, and though I hadn't spoken to him much about the boisterous pixie
since the New York show, I knew he was equally smitten.

Like Jasper, Esme was also in surgery. The bullet had made a clean exit out of the back of her
shoulder, but it had caused bone and muscle damage that needed to be repaired. She would be
kept in the hospital for several days, but all and all, she had been very fortunate. According to
Rose, the bullet had hit only a hair's breath away from Esme's axillary artery. Had Carlisle's
aim been better, she likely would have bled out and died before the paramedics ever arrived.
As it was, she would survive to be spoiled rotten by me. Esme Cullen was my new hero.

All hail Queen Esme, Dagger–Throwing, Cock–Splitting Goddess Extraordinaire!

For a woman who had always cowered in the shadow of Carlisle's oppressive dominance, she
certainly chose the perfect time to assert herself. She stuck it to Carlisle in the most painfully
poignant way. It was classic and absofuckinglutely perfect. The prick – pun intended – was
going to have a pronounced limp, and hopefully a catheter, for the rest of his miserable
existence. Good thing Bubba won't really care if the equipment works or not. Did I mention
that Esme was my hero?

But even as relieved as I was that Carlisle would never piss without medical assistance again,
I wouldn't relax until I was able to hold Tony and Bella in my arms. Both of them had already
been released from the hospital, and Bella had taken Tony to a hotel.
Word was that some of the guys from the Forks Police Department caught wind through the
night that Chief's Swan's little girl and grandson had been involved in a murder/kidnapping
standoff out at Lake Crescent. They flocked in droves to the hospital to lend their aid to the
family of their fallen leader. I was astounded by the support they were giving her almost ten
years after her father's death. I even had to admit that I felt a twinge of guilt for not involving
them sooner – okay, a large, crushing wave of guilt. It had been an irresponsible and
impetuous decision that I would regret for years to come.

Though Carlisle was cuffed to a bed in this very hospital, Bella refused to leave Tony's side
for minute. I appreciated her protectiveness even if it left me pining away for her in a stark
hospital room. Not that I was bitter or anything. I was just anxious. She had been able to call
me, which was the only thing that was keeping me from clawing my way out of the hospital to
get to them. Hearing her voice was like hearing an angel. She said she loved and missed me,
but that we would be together soon. I trusted her. I would just have to wait.

I completely understood Bella's rationale, even before I'd had the opportunity to discuss it
with her. She'd left because she didn't want to risk traumatizing Tony any further. She had
allowed her extended police family to put her up in a hotel until my release. Tony needed his
rest and her comfort, and it would be selfish for either one of us to deny him that.

As much as I wanted to see her and hold her, I knew Bella had made the correct choice. I
didn't want to be reintroduced to Tony – this time as his father – while hooked up to a bunch
of tubes in a hospital bed. Tony had already seen me as the weak, vulnerable man that Carlisle
had made me in the cabin. I'd been bound to a stove and forced to beg my father to spare my
family. I couldn't do anything to help them. I failed them. My own father, King Asshole of the
Universe, hadn't been the only one castrated in front of Tony within those log walls. My
castration had been metaphorical, but it was no less degrading. I was too ashamed to let Tony
to see me that way again. He deserved better.

Tony deserved to have a father who would protect him, and I refused to be reintroduced to
him until that was what I could give him. I felt like there were already so many obstacles in
our path, so many years missed. I was willing to do anything for him to see me as a real dad. I
wanted him to view me as a strong protector and guardian. Giving Tony his moment was
worth delaying our reunion a few hours.
In honesty, that was part of the reason I remained in the cabin until after Tony and Bella had
left for the hospital. I felt so guilty for allowing my father to hurt them. I had to make sure he
couldn't do it again. It was my responsibility to make sure that his reign of terror was truly
over. Until then, I had known I couldn't be a worthy father to Tony or a worthy husband to
Bella. So I stayed. And now that I had witnessed Carlisle literally being shackled to his future,
I could let go of the self-loathing and guilt. I'd made sure that Tony and Bella would be safe,
and then I'd let it go. For them. For all of us. I just had to wait a few more hours while my
body recuperated, but then I would join them as a man of whom they could be proud.

That was how I came to be twisting with frustration beneath the starchy hospital sheets,
casting disdainful glares at the interminably slow clock and mentally willing the hands to spin
faster around its face. It was after nine in the morning, and my sole source of companionship
was the nurse who was casting fuck-me eyes in my direction as she took my blood pressure
and disconnected my IV.

"You're all set, Mr. Cullen. The doctor should be in shortly with your discharge papers, and
then you'll be free to go." I smiled at her briefly, but said nothing. "I uh… I normally wouldn't
say anything, but I am such a huge fan," she said coyly, her face blushing in a way that wasn't
nearly as endearing as it was on Bella.

"Thanks," I muttered politely.

"I mean, I know you must get that all the time, but I've been listening to Midnight Sun since I
was in college. I just can't believe the three of you are in my hospital." I smiled again, but
because I didn't want to encourage her, I continued to bite my tongue. "You know, you've
always been my favorite, Edward," she purred in a way that I'm sure some might have found
attractive, but which I found disturbing. "Your eyes are just so… gah." I arched a brow at her
reproachfully. Was she really flirting with me? It was so fucking unprofessional.

"I'm getting off in a few hours," she continued, digging herself deeper into the mire of
tawdriness. "So if you'd like to… well… you know… get off, too… I could give you my
number."

"Lauren, is it?" I asked, reading the name off her ID badge. She smiled brightly in
acknowledgment. "I appreciate the interest, but I'm already very much taken. If you really
want to do something for me, however, you can find Doogi… I mean, you can find Dr. Harris,
so I can get out of here sometime this millennium."

"Oh, of course, I'll just go see about that." Lauren scurried out of the room, her proverbial tail
tucked neatly between her legs, and within fifteen minutes, I was dressed in my own clothes
and leaving the hospital with Alice pushing my wheel chair. I knew hospitals wanted to
minimize their liability, but I didn't like being treated like a fucking invalid. I wanted to walk
out like a man. My family was waiting for me.

"Patience, thy name is Edward," Alice mused sarcastically, reading my mood perfectly.

"Shut it," I deflected playfully, rubbing my hands together in anticipation as she pushed me
into the fresh air.

"Bella and Tony are in that park over there," Alice said with a chipper tone as she pointed at
an opening in the tree line across street from the hospital entrance. "Rosalie leaked a rumor to
the press that you guys were staying at some hotel in Seattle, so there aren't any
photographers around. We've already checked to make sure."

I offered Alice a thankful smile and stood up from my chair. My chest hurt like a bitch and
my head was still throbbing, but I couldn't care less. "Thank you, Alice, for everything." I
kissed her cheek gratefully. Alice had done more than just protect Tony during the abduction;
she had been there for Bella and Tony during the eight long years when I wasn't.

She held Bella's hand as she delivered our son into the world. She cheered as he took his first
steps. She helped Bella sneak into Tony's room to plant a dollar under his pillow after he lost
his first tooth. She had been a de facto parent to my son and a faithful best friend to my girl. I
owed her the world, and at a minimum, my thanks.

"My pleasure, Edward. Just promise me that you'll take care of them. They're my family, too."

"You never have to ask."

"Go, they're waiting for you," she offered again, gesturing toward the park. "Be happy." I
squeezed her hand again and then took off as quickly as my weakened body would allow.
I was so ready for this moment, but scared shitless at the same time. I wasn't sure what I
would do if he didn't love me back.

*YVWAIH*

Bella's POV:

I let out a deep breath when I saw Edward crossing the street. I could see the frustration in his
eyes. His injured body was limiting his range of motion, and he couldn't move as quickly as
he wanted. I, however, was partially grateful for his slow approach. I'd dreamt of introducing
Tony to his father for as long as I could remember, but now that the moment of truth was
upon us, a tinge of fear bubbled in my gut. I had no idea how my son would react, especially
in light of the emotional trauma he'd endured.

As Edward entered the park, our eyes locked. We exchanged silent affirmations of our love
while he closed the distance between us. Before I had time to register his movement, Edward
had one arm securely wrapped around my body and the other wrapped around Tony.

It was our first family hug, and quite possibly, the best moment of my entire life.

"I love you so fucking much," he whispered into my ear so that only I could hear him. I'm
pretty sure he even sniffed me, but I didn't say anything. I had no problem letting him have
that little bit of me. I'd happily give him all of me. He didn't even have to ask.

I leaned into his embrace and hummed back into his ear. His arms were home to me, and I
would never let him go again. But we had an introduction to make. I sluggishly pulled away
from Edward until only our hands were touching. Without letting go, I knelt down and looked
into my son's eyes. Edward mimicked my action, squeezing my hand tightly and trying
unsuccessfully to hide the visible tremor running through him.

"Tony," I began carefully, still unsure how to have this conversation. "You remember
Edward, right?"

"Of course, Mom. I know Edward." As green eyes met green eyes, Tony offered his dad a
happy "hey".
"Hi," Edward replied from behind a shaky breath. He looked to me, silently begging me to say
the words for him. It was only appropriate that I make the introduction; I just had no idea
what to say.

"So, um…" I began dumbly. "Tony, Edward is… um." I took a deep breath as Tony laughed
at my less than articulate mumblings. I tried again using a different approach. "So, you know
how Uncle Peter is Alice's dad and Grandpa Charlie from the pictures was my dad?" Tony
just nodded and glanced at Edward before looking back at me. "Well, Edward… you see,
Edward and I... Well we…"

"Mom, let me just stop you right there," Tony said with a borderline humorous air of maturely
as he patted me on the shoulder. "I really don't need this whole song and dance you've got
going on here. I already know that Edward's my dad."

I was pretty sure my jaw was on the ground. "You knew that?" Edward questioned, his jaw
evidently working perfectly.

"'Song and dance?'" I stammered as laughter erupted through the tears that were now spilling
out of my eyes. "You're only seven years old," I added with another small chuckle and a bit of
a snort as I tried to clear my running nose. "You sound just like Aunt Charlotte."

It was most likely my body's response to the tension of the situation, but I just couldn't choke
back my amusement. I knew my entire line of questioning was insignificant given the topic at
hand, but I just couldn't help it. I was completely tickled by the whole thing. Okay, so I also
may have been trying to deflect the feelings of guilt creeping in as I considered what I may
have done to clue Tony in on his paternity. That was something I would have to deal with at
another time. It was too much for my brain to process. Things were emotional enough as they
were, so my natural inclination was to turn to humor.

"Technically, I'm almost eight. I'm not a kid anymore, Mom," Tony boasted with a smug
cuteness that I wanted to eat up with a spoon. "And of course I know you're my dad," he
confirmed as he turned back toward Edward. "I've known for a long time."

"You have?" Edward and I both questioned simultaneously, the humor having vaporized as
quickly as it had appeared. I had no idea how Tony had figured it out, but the number of ways
in which that knowledge had been dangerous for him were staggering.
"Well, of course I have, silly." Tony let go of me and placed both of his hands on Edward's
big ones. Edward let go of my hand to hold him back. This moment belonged to them, so I
stood up and backed away, still silently obsessing over how Tony had known.

Edward brought both of his hands up to Tony's cheeks. He kept them there for a few moments
as he studied each feature, no doubt noting how many similarities they held to his own. I don't
think I'd ever seen Edward or Tony look so content – or so alike. They were each mesmerized
by the other. It was a breathtaking sight to behold.

"I love you," Edward vowed, officially claiming his son. "I've always loved you." Tony
swiped a tear off his cheek with the back of his hand. His vulnerability was finally showing.

"You do?" he questioned Edward with trepidation. "Really?"

"God, yes," Edward reaffirmed, tugging Tony into a tight hug. "I'm your dad, I'll always love
you, and I'll always protect you, no matter what."

Tony's little arms reached around his father's back and his hands dug into Edward's dark shirt
as he hugged him back. "I love you too, Dad," Tony said assertively before pulling back to
look Edward in the eye again. "I love you more than life itself," he repeated proudly, using
Edward's own words, which I had diligently repeated to Tony every night of his life. Tony
leaned in and placed two kisses on Edward's forehead, the way I always did when I tucked
him into bed. How he'd known that was a sign for his father was beyond me.

Edward pulled Tony back into a warm embrace, but kept his eyes trained on me. He knew I
had shared his words with our son. He knew I kept him in our lives even if only in that small
way. He mouthed the words 'thank you' to me. I nodded in response and walked back over to
the two most important men in my life. I pulled both of their heads into my stomach so that I
could hold onto them. Life had never been more beautiful.

Everything became clear in that moment. I would never have to kiss Tony goodnight for his
father ever again. Edward would always be there to do it himself. We were a family. Always.

*YVWAIH*

Edward's POV: November 27, 2010:

I couldn't stop my foot from bouncing up and down on the concrete step. I wasn't nervous,
just anxious. I'd waited years to marry Bella, clinging to hope even when everyone and
everything told me it was futile. Somehow my heart knew even if I was unable to comprehend
it myself. No matter how much time slipped away or how many people told me to let her go,
my heart knew better. It held out for her even when holding out for her meant I was crazy. I
could feel her in my bones and in my soul. She was, and always would be, my forever love.

Today, as I waited on the steps of the Old Well where she'd wished upon a sip of water that
we would be reunited, I'd never been more confident of anything in my life. The fountain
behind me held the source of the hope that flowed through her body and ultimately brought
her back to me. There was no better setting in the world to make her my bride.

"Relax, I promise she'll show," Tony reassured me wisely with a slight chortle. There was no
way this kid was turning eight in a month. If I were a betting man, I'd say he was eight going
on twenty-five, but then again, that could just have been my fatherly bias talking. My kid
could do no wrong in my eyes. Bella called me a sucker. I just called myself a dad in love
with his son.

"You think, man?" I teased back. Tony would be standing by my side at the altar, but even
before hurricane Alice touched down into my life with a twisting flurry of wedding
preparations, he had already become my best man. It broke my heart when I thought of the
many years I lost with him. I missed all of the milestones by which most parents mark their
child's growth. I wasn't there to comfort him after particularly bad nightmares. I wasn't there
to let go of the back of his bike when he finally learned to balance on his own. But even with
all I had missed, I gained more.

I held an appreciation for my son that I was uncertain I would have had under normal
circumstances. Tony was the coolest kid I'd ever known. He was like a little adult. And damn
if he couldn't recite every lyric to every Midnight Sun song in our catalog. I think he got a
kick out of telling all of his friends who his dad was. I didn't mind. Before telling him who I
really was, I remember wondering if he would love me back. To know now that he not only
loved me back, but that he was actually proud of me, well, that was just about the greatest
thing in the entire world. There was no measure to the way I loved him.
I'd always longed for a genuine father/son relationship. It went without saying that my own
father was devoid of any true human emotions, let alone fatherly esteem. Carlisle had actually
pled guilty at his arraignment, but sentencing wasn't scheduled to take place until January.
The District Attorney assured us that he'd get life without parole. That sounded pretty nice to
me. Meanwhile, Oscar had been released from his New York State prison.

Bella and I both felt the need to do something for him to help him get back on his feet. He had
an uncle in Georgia, so we'd set him up with an apartment Atlanta, and I called in a favor to
get him a job as a stage hand at Philips Arena. It was a popular venue for concerts and
sporting events, so it was perfect. He didn't need any experience and there was a lot of room
for growth. We also helped him enroll in a high school equivalency program. He was as much
a victim of Carlisle's fuckery as we were, so it was our pleasure to help were we could.

Knowing that my father would rot away in prison and Oscar would walk free, gave me the
comfort I needed to let go all of the last vestiges guilt I'd been holding. Perhaps it was because
I finally accepted the lack of a true father figure in my own life, or perhaps it was because I
finally felt worthy of Tony and Bella's love, but I had started to look at life from a more
optimistic perspective. Tony was an amazing person, and I approached the role of father with
open arms. Soon, I'd get the honor of doing the same with the role of husband.

I had loved getting to know Tony over the last two months since we'd returned to North
Carolina. The photographers and reporters had been a bit of a problem, not that I expected
anything different. When we first got home, the press had already figured out the connection.
They'd camped outside of Bella's house for several weeks, and we were forced to hide out
with Peter and Charlotte.

Bella ultimately determined that she didn't particularly want to go back to her house anyway.
Given Jacob's involvement in Carlisle's plot, the house felt tainted to her. I hated that. She'd
worked her ass off to buy that house. She accomplished so much, but my father had destroyed
that for her. But we both vowed not to let the past dictate our future.

I could afford to buy her ten houses, but Bella didn't want that. She wasn't interested in having
me swoop in to take care of her. She'd become fiercely independent in our time apart. I found
that new character trait to be equal parts sexy as hell and intensely maddening. Ultimately, it
led us to compromise. I insisted that security and privacy were of the utmost importance, so
we purchased a large home in a secluded area on the outskirts of Chapel Hill.

Our closest neighbor was three miles away, but I still installed the best security system that
money could buy. In fact, had Bella known exactly how much I'd spent on the gates, cameras
and sensors, she probably would have flogged me until I was black and blue. For her part,
Bella paid for groceries, utilities and taxes out of her own paycheck. If contributing would
make her happy, then by God, I was going to let her contribute, no matter how loudly my
inner caveman growled.

Not everything had been as easy a compromise as the house had been. The fate of Midnight
Sun was still up for debate. Jasper was still recovering, so the remainder of our North
American tour dates had been cancelled. That gave us all a few months to decide what to do
next. My initial inclination had been to quit. Now that I had Bella and Tony back, there was
no way I would voluntarily leave them for months on end while I toured around the world. I
knew the guys would back me up, even though quitting would put a cork in the upward
potential of our livelihoods. We'd all continue to clear highly respectable incomes off our
royalties and album sales, of course, but I still felt guilty taking away their careers.

Bella wasn't convinced that quitting the band was the right decision, my brother's acceptance
notwithstanding. The money wasn't a consideration for her. To Bella, it was about what would
make me happy. She suggested that what I had grown to hate about my career was Carlisle's
control, not the lifestyle. When it came down to it, she was correct. I loved the music. If I
could figure out a way to have the band without leaving my family, then that would be pretty
amazing.

Family was the one area where absolutely no compromise was necessary. Bella and I both
knew that we wanted to formalize our marriage immediately. I proposed again within a week
of being home. I was willing to run to the closest courthouse right then, but Bella and Tony
insisted that we all deserved better than that. Not one to deny the two loves of my life
anything, we quickly agreed to an intimate ceremony at the Old Well.

"Uh, Dad, you in there?" Tony asked, knocking his hard fist against my head.

"Sorry, buddy, I guess I just zoned out there for a minute." Tony stood up and reached his arm
around my shoulder to offer some manly support.
"You know, Mom gave me a present for you. Maybe you should open it now," he encouraged
excitedly. "It might help you calm down a bit."

"A present, huh?" I questioned, trying to imagine what Bella had done. I had sent her a special
gift as well. I had returned Charlie's amulet to her shortly after we arrived in North Carolina.
Its rightful place was around her neck and always had been; I merely kept it safe for her. But
Bella had insisted that it belonged to Tony. She believed that Charlie would have wanted him
to have it. I couldn't fault that logic.

Still, I could see a bit of sadness as she gave the amulet away. So, with Tony's help, we took
the amulet to a jeweler and had it replicated into a smaller charm of white gold. We picked
out an accompanying bracelet. It was a series of interlocking white gold links held together by
a delicate toggle clasp. I added a two carat diamond heart charm and Tony added a starburst
silver sun with his initials engraved on the face.

"Mom always says I'm the 'light of her life'," Tony had exclaimed, beaming up at me when he
picked it out. "And Alice called me her 'Midnight Son' when I was born. It's perfect, Dad. Can
we get it, please?" I agreed, and quickly purchased the sun charm to round out Bella's
bracelet. Alice would be delivering the gift to her, along with a personal note, at any moment.
The note, of course, was part of the gift.

My Bella,

I love knowing that when I write to you now, you will actually read my words. There will be
no more dead letter mailboxes in our future. I have enclosed a gift for you. I hope you've
opened it and that you understand the significance of each of the pieces. In case you don't, I'll
take a moment to explain.

First, there is the heart. Yes, it is a diamond, so cease and desist with the eye rolling, love.
You are going to be my wife, and I wanted you to have a symbol of my love made of the
strongest stone. Our bond is everlasting. You have my heart and always will.

Next, Tony picked out the sun for you. I'm sure you noticed the engraving. He said you called
him the "light of your life", and the sun is the perfect representation of that.
Finally, I have included the crest. There are two reasons for this. Charlie's amulet is now
safely secured around Tony's neck, but I wanted you to have it as well, so Tony and I had it
replicated for you. The other reason I wanted to give this to you is because I want us to all be
Swans.

The Cullen name isn't about family. You and Tony are my family. As such, I'd like to ask if you
would do me the honor of allowing me to share your name. It is okay if you don't want that,
but I would like nothing more than for us to start our lives together and Mr. and Mrs. Swan.

Bella, you are my heart and my soul. I will love and cherish you for all of eternity. Thank you
for being the love of my life.

I love you more than life itself,

Edward, hopefully Swan.

"So, do you want to open your present, Dad? We don't have too much time left." I took the
box from my son's hands and looked up into his green eyes. A few members of our family
were milling around behind us arranging flowers and polishing off last minute details, but
they weren't focused on us. I was thankful for that. I had a feeling that Bella's gift would make
me emotional, and I didn't particularly care for an audience to my weepiness.

Tony nodded for me to continue. Slowly, I pulled the paper away from the box and revealed
my iPad. Completely confused, I looked back to Tony for guidance. "I don't understand. Why
would she give me my own iPad as a gift?" Tony was smiling widely and just handed me the
card he'd been concealing behind his back. I took the card and began to read.

My Dearest Edward,

In my heart, I've been your wife for the last eight years. The vows we were meant to take that
fateful day remained in my heart even when we were so cruelly torn apart. I was incomplete
in your absence, a shadow of the woman I am at your side.

But today, you make my heart whole again, healing it with your promise of forever. We've
both missed so much time, but I sincerely believe that our souls were never apart. We share a
connection that defies all logic and science. Our spirits are intertwined and call to one
another.
So as I sat down to contemplate what I would give to you on our wedding day, there was only
one thing that really stood out. When we were apart, I had our son to love. I watched him
grow and mature as you sang into my ear. You were always there with me, but unable to see it
with your own eyes. I want to change that. I want to give you back some of those stolen
moments.

If you open the videos folder on your iPad, you will find a new movie entitled Anthony Masen
Swan. I put together a video collage. There are pictures and home movies pieced together and
set to music – your music. It's the music that carried me through our time apart.
Subconsciously, I think I always knew you'd be back in our lives, so I preserved as much of
Tony's history for you as I could. I didn't know if you would ever see it, but I couldn't stand to
have it lost to you forever.

Watch your son, my love, and then meet me at the Well and make us a family forever.

I love you more than life itself.

Yours always,

Mrs. Edward Anthony Masen… is it wrong that I'm hesitant to write Cullen? What would you
think of taking the name Swan? Is that too much to ask? I'll leave the choice up to you. Tony
and I will choose what you do… always.

I clutched the note to my chest, chuckling slightly through my tears. That she and I were
clearly on the same wavelength wasn't a surprise. It made me fucking ecstatic. For me,
making a clean break from all things Cullen was just an added incentive to change my name.
The real impetus behind my decision was my desire to share a last name with my son and
Bella.

"Dad, are you ready to watch the video?" Tony was bouncing at my side. "I helped Mom put
it together, and let me tell you, I was a darn cute kid." Tony kept a straight face for all of ten
seconds before he busted up in a fit of laughter. I think his Uncle Emmett's lack of modesty
was rubbing off on him.

"You still are, buddy," I said, ruffling his hair with my hand. "You still are." I followed
Bella's instructions and easily found the new download in my video folder. With Tony under
my arm, we watched together. It wasn't as good as being there in person, but to finally see my
son as a baby and then a toddler took my breath away.

She had captured every birthday and every Christmas. I watched as he sat only in a diaper and
had a one baby food fight with his first birthday cake. I watched as he climbed the steps onto
the bus for his first day of Kindergarten. I watched as he hit his first baseball and had his first
piano recital. It was all here, and it was perfect. Bella had given me the best gift imaginable.
She'd given back some of the precious moments that Carlisle had so willfully stolen. I would
never be able to repay this gift.

"Okay, Dad. Time to pull yourself together," Tony encouraged, nudging my shoulder and
using his thumb to brush away my tears. I pulled him into a tight hug. I needed him to
understand that this day was about him, too. "Okay, okay. She should be coming in just a few
minutes. Let's do this."

Jasper and Emmett were already present and a few of our guests had also arrived. We had
only invited our nearest and dearest. Most of the university students were out of town for
Thanksgiving break, so the campus was mostly deserted. The press was also blissfully absent.
I assumed Rosalie had worked her magic once again, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in
the mouth, so I didn't ask for specifics.

Alice was Bella's maid of honor and Rosalie was an attendant. Jasper and Emmett were of
course standing up for me along with Tony, my best man. Peter would be walking Bella down
the aisle, Charlotte was going to sing, and Esme was going to recite a poem for us. James and
his wife Victoria, who had become very close friends, were going to be photographing and
videoing the ceremony.

As the bell tower chimed five o'clock in the distance, I looked up to the sky and was struck
with awe. Iridescent with radiant hues of the setting amber sun, the clouds glowed,
announcing that our time had finally arrived. Letting go of the sadness and guilt was the
wisest decision I could have made. Having done so, I could now see the spectacular beauty of
the world around me. I had a million things for which to be thankful. Everything was perfect.
The people I loved most in the world were with me, I had the most amazing son imaginable,
and I was about to marry the woman of my dreams. At last, all was right in the world.
She appeared like a vision, her creamy skin glowing around her flowing gown as she stepped
toward me on Peter's arm. When she took my hands before the fountain, I could physically
feel the strength of her love. We were bonded well before this moment. But looking into the
eyes of the woman I'd loved, I knew I was home.

We were about to right a very painful wrong. We were about to commit to one another before
God and our family. We would never be apart again. Our souls would never ache again. She
was and would always be my forever love.
EPILOGUE:
IN THE END

Fifteen Years Later…

I'd been a performer for as long as I could remember, singing to sold-out crowds of screaming
fans whose faces blurred together from one city to the next. I loved it. Everything about it
energized me. The music was in my soul; it was part of my identity. And when I took the
stage, I was able to express myself to the world on my terms. It was liberating and fucking
perfect.

A single spotlight trained at my feet slowly began to rise, illuminating my body from amidst
an opaque cloud of simulated fog. I could taste the sweet, metallic vapors in the back of my
throat as beams of light cut across the stage behind me, creating jagged strikes of electric
lightning between thunderous pulses of bass and drums. But as the narrow light finally
revealed my face, the rest of the stage went quiet and dark.

This moment would alter my entire existence forever. This was the ceremonial passing of the
torch, all attention had shifted in my direction, and it was my turn to shine. The beat of my
heart fell into rhythm with the steady beat of Emmett's percussions, which were slowly
reintroducing sound to the arena. I'd waited so long for this, and as the glorious crowd cheered
in recognition of the familiar melody building in the air, I felt the bittersweet pang of loss that
necessarily accompanies change. Nothing would ever be the same again.

But for as much as tonight was about the future of Midnight Sun, it also meant so much more.
Every ounce of pain and loss I'd ever felt, the years of hard work, the triumphs and the let
downs, the passion and heartbreak, they'd all culminated in my ultimate realization of one
self-defining truth: without her, it all meant nothing.
No matter whose name the crowd was chanting, tonight wasn't about me. It was about us.
We'd sealed our fates to one another before the show. I loved her with every bit of my being,
and by some miracle, she loved me back. She was grace, beauty, kindness, and love all
melded together into one shining beacon of hope in my life.

She was my everything – my lovely Christine – and we were sublimely happy.

Bella's POV

"My God, he's breathtaking," I whispered to Alice, squeezing her hand as I watched the amber
light sparkle across his skin. "Do you hear that?"

Alice cocked her head at me, but seemed at a loss. "The ballad?" she questioned, still trying to
figure me out.

"No, listen to him." I paused to follow my own instruction. There was a tone in his voice, a
new quality that I'd never heard. It was a soulfulness that had always been just out of his
reach, but not anymore. He'd found his muse at last. "I can hear his happiness, Alice. He's
okay. He's better than okay. He's thriving."

Alice leaned into hug me as I swiped a proud tear from my cheek. "Well of course he is, silly.
You and Edward are amazing parents. How could he not thrive?" I looked at my best friend
and grinned. From the moment we met, she'd been a lifeline. I owed her more than I could
ever tell her. She could see the adoration on my face. "Ah, hon, I love you, too," she gushed,
resting her head on my shoulder.

"So are you two going to keep yapping through the entire show, or are you going to cheer on
my big brother?" Beth interrupted our love fest.

"Your mom's just proud of Tony," Alice defended. "And you know how emotional she gets
when she's happy." Beth stepped up and put her arms around me, hugging me tightly and
offering a reassuring kiss on my cheek in a way that her typical teenaged sensibilities usually
didn't allow in public.

"I hear it, too," she confessed into my ear. "He really is going to be able to hold his own
without Dad up there. He's doing it." Beth had always looked up to her big brother. Edward
and I hadn't tried for a second child right away. We wanted to give Tony time to get to know
Edward before we introduced another person into our fold, but two years after we were
married, Edward held my hand as Elizabeth Anne Swan was born.

Of course, we should have known that Tony would adore his little sister. The quintessential
big brother, he teased her mercifully at home and protected her fiercely in public. But our
Beth gave as good as she got. When Tony first introduced us to Christine, Beth had been the
first to interrogate her to make sure that this new arrival was with Tony for the right reasons.
Tony had never brought a girlfriend home before, so we knew she had to be special.

Beth quickly gave her seal of approval, seeing, as we all could, that Tony was genuinely in
love. I couldn't have been prouder to have her wearing my engagement ring. Edward and I
had offered it to Tony when he told us he was going to propose. By conventional standards, at
twenty-three he was a bit young to be getting married, but Edward and I certainly weren't
ones to stand in the way of true love. We offered him our blessing, and my ring, with our best
wishes. He had planned to ask her before the show. I could only assume that the smile on his
face meant that she'd said "yes".

Tonight would mark so many milestones for all of us. After Beth was born, Edward and the
guys began touring again on a limited basis. He was never gone more than six weeks at a
time, and his tours always coincided with our school breaks, so that we could travel as a
family, at least for a portion of the tour. From the day we were reunited in Chapel Hill, we
hadn't spent more than a few days apart at a time. Neither one of us could bear it.

When Tony got into high school, the early predilection he'd shown toward music turned into
something far more profound. He was insanely talented. At the age of fifteen, he gave Edward
a song he'd composed. It became the first release off Midnight Sun's next album. Edward had
brought Tony into the studio to help produce the song and ended up adding his vocals to the
track as well. Tony's involvement in the band only increased after that.

Tony provided backup vocals on several more tracks, which he and Edward wrote together.
Much to Tony's dismay, however, we wouldn't allow him to drop out of school to join the
band officially. But once he graduated from high school, there was no more holding him back.
He stayed close to home and entered the University of North Carolina as a music major, but
he coordinated his schedule so that he could also be a full band member.
Watching Tony and Edward perform side by side on stage was nothing short of spectacular.
My boys had missed so much time together, but on stage, they moved in perfect harmony.
They became best friends and confidants. I couldn't have asked for more, but now, I was
ready to settle down. I was ready to have a normal life, or at least as normal as we could have
given Edward's celebrity.

"I hate to say it," Alice whisper shouted into my ear, "but I'm insanely jealous." This time, it
was I who looked at her like she had two heads.

"Why on Earth are you jealous?"

"I want Jasper to quit, too," she pouted. "I'm ready for a quiet life with my husband and little
girls." Alice stuck her lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. She and Jasper had gotten married
in an elaborate affair when I was four months pregnant with Beth. They'd tried for several
years to have children without success. Alice had become discouraged, and they finally quit
trying. Jasper was going away for a small tour with the band up the Eastern seaboard, and she
had been unable to accompany him due to work constraints. Mid-way through the tour, she
drove up to Washington, DC to surprise him for the night, and their now six year old twin
girls had been the result.

She was an amazing mother, and her babies were gorgeous. I could completely sympathize
with her desire to have Jasper all to herself, but I also knew she didn't really mean it. "Alice,
you don't really want him to quit and you know it," I challenged mockingly. Alice couldn't sit
still to save her life, and she loved the fast-paced lifestyle she and Jasper were living.

Alice scrunched her face up and bit her lip as she considered my words. "Okay, you're right. I
love our life, and I don't want him to quit. Maybe, I just want him to take a nice long vacation
for a few months. Ooh, Italy is divine this time of year." I laughed hysterically at her rapid
shift in temperament.

"Is somebody going to Italy?" a velvet voice purred into my ear, sending goose bumps down
the side of my neck. I turned into his embrace and put my arms around Edward's neck. I
hadn't been expecting him.

"What are you doing down here? I thought you were going to watch the end of the show from
backstage?" The plan had been for Edward and Tony to open the show together, and then for
Tony to take the last set on his own as the new lead singer of Midnight Sun. I hadn't expected
Edward to join me on the floor. He was wearing a hat as a disguise, but I was pretty sure this
particular crowd would recognize him in short order if he wasn't careful.

"This is his first time being solo on that stage. I couldn't miss it. I wanted to hold you in my
arms, so we could watch our boy together." Edward kissed my shoulder and spun me back
around so that my back was leaning into his chest. He reached over and gave Beth a quick
one-armed hug and a wink. She winked back, but didn't join us, preferring to dance with Alice
instead of us. I couldn't much blame her for that.

"He's doing so well, Edward. He's really come to life tonight; it's truly something to behold."
Edward hummed along to the music as we listened to our boy serenade the crowd. He was
singing classic Midnight Sun hits, and several new tracks off the latest album. The crowd
cheered him on, accepting him as the new front man without any hesitation. The transition
had been seamless.

Everybody we loved was here to watch the amazing moment. Peter and Charlotte were here,
though they opted to watch from the box seats with Esme and her husband, Laurent. Rose was
here with her son, Riley, who never had any interest in joining his father on stage. James and
Victoria were also present for the celebration. It was perfect.

I let my thoughts drift to Carlisle, as the final encore began. I'd hoped that I would never think
of him again once he was put away, but I couldn't help myself. He'd been sentenced to life in
prison. We had no contact with him whatsoever, but our lawyer did provide occasional
updates. He'd had several run-ins with other inmates, and he'd spent a great deal of time in the
prison infirmary as a result of severe beatings. I had forgiven Carlisle a long time ago. I would
never accept him into my life, and I would never have any feelings of love toward him, but I
did wish peace for him. He had his own demons; he didn't need my ill wishes as well.

As the music finally quieted for the last time, Edward whispered softly in my ear one more
time. "What are you thinking so hard about, Love?"

"I'm just so happy, Edward. You've given me amazing children, and I feel so blessed." I
leaned into his embrace, feeling the security of home. I arched my neck back and allowed him
to capture my lips with his own. Even after fifteen years of marriage, the feel of his lips on
mine still sent tingles down my spine. I turned back around in his arms and looked him in the
eyes, effectively halting the peppering of kisses he was providing.

"I'm the one who is blessed, my sweet Bella. I love you more than life itself."

He held my face gently in his hands and looked deep into my eyes. I knew the crowd was still
cheering and begging the band for one more song, but I couldn't hear them at all. They were
just a distant vibration on the periphery of my consciousness. At that perfect moment in time,
Edward's voice was all I heard as he leaned in and offered me his heart once again.

The End