Parenting Styles

Arpi Orujyan

In this paper, I will try to examine the main four parenting styles which are used by
parents to raise their children. Different sources will be used to define all four styles and
carefully analyze their advantages and disadvantages. I will try to find out what influence
each of them will have on the child’s behavior and development and find out which parenting
style has more advantages and will mostly benefit both sides.
Parenting is one of the most important issues in today’s families. It is the process of
raising children. It also includes providing children with protection and care in order to
ensure healthy development. Nowadays more and more people are suffering while raising
their children. It is important for each family to find the right way of parenting to assure
somehow perfect development for the child. This can seem a small choice but it has the most
impact on the child throughout his/her lifetime. The characteristics and way of thinking about
the surrounding environment are mostly formed through the influence of parenting styles.
The degree to which parents manage and control their child’s behavior is called
parental control. Parents can have different degrees of control starting with very controlling
to setting few rules and demands. On the other hand, there is also parental warmth which
refers how parents accept and respond to the child’s behavior without being unresponsive and
rejecting. When we combine these characteristics, we come up with four parenting styles.
According to psychologists there are four main parenting styles which are authoritarian,
authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. (Kretchmar-Hendricks,2017).
Authoritarian parenting is the most restrictive, punishment-heavy parenting style out
of all. While using this style parents make their children follow their orders without any
explanation or feedback. In this case they focus on the child's and family's perception and
status. Parents use forms of corporal punishment such as spanking and shouting to keep
discipline. In this way parents think that they are teaching children how to behave in a harsh
and unforgiving society while preparing them for negative responses which can be anger or
aggression that the child faces in case of inappropriate behavior. In addition, parents of this
style often believe that the shock of aggression from someone from the outside world will be
less for a child who is used to this type of response. (Santrock,2007) Children who are raised
by authoritarian parenting style often are conformists, quiet and highly obedient. They mostly
have a negative mood and suffer from depression and safe-blame. These behaviors can also
continue into adulthood. The fact of being raised in authoritarian parenting style makes some
children angry, and these children tend to develop high behavioral self-confidence and rebel
in adolescence or young adulthood. Children who experience anger and resentment coupled
with the downsides of both inhibited self-efficacy and high self-blame often develop escapist
behaviors, including but not limited to substance abuse, and are at heightened risk for suicide.
(Berger,2011)
Authoritative parents encourage their children to be independent, but at the same time,
they are maintaining limits and controls on their actions. (Santrock,2007) In other words, they
are warm but firm. They do not make children do what they want just because they want so.
On the other hand, they are willing to listen to the child’s viewpoint and take it into
consideration while making a decision. (Kopko, n.d.) Authoritative parents help their children
to find the appropriate solutions for problems by themselves by just giving advice. In this
way, they encourage them to be independent with little limits on their actions. The verbal
give-and-take is highly encouraged by this type of parents because they are warm and
nurturing toward the child. Authoritative parents are usually not as much controlling as the
authoritarian ones. They are allowing the child to explore more freely, having them make
their own decisions based upon their reasoning. Therefore, often, authoritative parents are the
ones who raise independent and self-reliant children. Characteristics of the authoritative
parenting style are mainly high parental responsiveness and high parental demands.
Authoritative parents will set clear standards for their children and also allow them to develop
autonomy. Moreover, parents who use this type of parenting style expect their children to be
independent, mature and demonstrate age-appropriate behavior. Punishments for mistakes are
measured and consistent but also not arbitrary or violent. Often there is not punishment for
mistakes, but the child’s behavior is explored and discussed to allow the child to see his/her
inappropriate behavior and not to repeat it. (Santrock,2007) The study was conducted to
examine the independent and joint contributions of three core dimensions of authoritative
parenting-acceptance-involvement, strictness supervision, and psychological autonomy
granting to adolescent adjustment. The study examined a sample of 8,700 14 to 18-year-olds.
They completed questionnaires that included indices of authoritative parenting and a set of
instruments assessing different aspects adjustments. Behavior problems were mostly related
to behavioral control than to psychological autonomy granting. Psychosocial development
and internal distress were more strongly associated with both psychological autonomy
granting and acceptance-involvement than with behavioral control. Academic competence
demonstrated significant relations with all three parenting variables. (Gray, Steinberg, n.d.)
Permissive parents are tolerant, indulgent and passive in their parenting. They believe
that the way to demonstrate their love is to let the child do what s/he wishes. In other words,
permissive parents are the ones who are very warm and mostly undemanding. Some of the
phrases used by indulgent parents are “sure, you can stay up late if you want to,” or “you do
not need to do any chores if you don’t feel like it.” (Kopko, n.d.) Parents who use the
permissive style of parenting to raise children do not like to reject their children as they think
they will disappoint them. (Morin,2019) As a result, children are making important decisions
on their own without discussing alternative solutions with their parents and getting advice
from them. Therefore, parents are not active participants in shaping the child’s actions.
Instead, they think themselves as a resource and that it is the child’s choice to seek their
advice. Research findings show that children of permissive parents learn that there are very
few boundaries and rules and that consequences are not likely to be very serious. As a result,
teens raised with permissive parenting style may have difficulty with self-control and
demonstrate egocentric tendencies that can have a negative effect on the development of peer
relationships. (Kopko, n.d.) Overall, parents try to be friends with their children. According
to teens and alcohol study, the teens whose parents scored high on both accountability and
warmth usually do not have heavy drinking habits. Indulgent parents who were the ones with
low scores on accountability and high on warmth nearly tripled the risk of their child
participating in heavy drinking. And the authoritarian parents who had a high score on
accountability and low on warmth doubled the risk of their teen of heavy drinking. (Teens
and alcohol study, 2018)
Uninvolved parents are not warm, and they usually do not place any demands on their
children. The interaction time with the child is minimized, and even in some cases, they are
not involved in their child’s development and sometimes it can reach to the point of being
neglectful. (Kopko, n.d.) But not in every case the neglectfulness is intentional. It can be
because of the parent’s mental health issues. (Morin,2019) They are indifferent to their
child’s needs, whereabouts, or experiences at school or with peers. Examples of phrases used
by uninvolved parents are, “I don’t care where you go,” or “why should I care what you do?”
Uninvolved parents do not consider their teen’s input in decision making, and they generally
do not want to be bothered by their teen. These parents may be overwhelmed by their own
problems, or they may be self-centered. Some of the parents who engage in this style are
tired, frustrated, or have simply “given up” in trying to maintain parental authority. Studies
show that children raised by uninvolved parents learn that parents tend to be more interested
in their own lives and less likely to provide an appropriate amount of time for their children.
As a result, teens generally show similar patterns of behavior as adolescents raised in
permissive homes, and they may also demonstrate impulsive behaviors due to issues with
self-regulation. (Kopko, n.d.)
As mentioned above, parents have direct and the most powerful influence on their
child’s development and future behavior. Parenting style can affect everything from how
much the child weighs to how s/he feels about herself/himself. It is very important to be sure
that the parenting style that you choose is supporting healthy growth and development for the
child. Because the way of interaction with the child and how much control them will have an
important influence for the rest of their life. The main parenting styles are authoritarian,
authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. All the styles have their specific characteristics
which can have a huge negative or positive effect on the child’s development and
characteristics. The authoritarian parenting style is mostly based on orders and control. The
children who are raised by this style usually do not have the ability to do something on their
own as they are always following their parents’ orders. On the other hand, the authoritative
parenting style involves both sides in decision making and problem-solving. This helps to rise
independent and developed individuals who will be able to solve their problems by
themselves. Permissive parents allow children to do everything letting them solve their
problems and develop completely by themselves while uninvolved parenting refers to parents
who do not pay attention what their children are doing and mostly care only about
themselves.
Taking into consideration all the information and factors discussed above we can
reach to the conclusion that the most beneficial parenting style for both the child and the
parents is the authoritative one. In my opinion, out of all four of them, the authoritative
parenting style has the most advantages. It helps to maintain strong positive relationships
between the child and the parent. It will result in a healthier relationship in the whole family
as everyone will listen to each other’s opinion. In this way, everyone will take part in making
important decisions for the family. The child will learn how to be independent but at the same
time how to listen to other’s advice, take the best from everyone. They will also develop
highly developed thinking ability which will help them to consider all the alternatives,
analyze them and eventually come up with the best decision firstly for them then for the
whole family. Moreover, the child will develop trust towards parents, and in case of
difficulties in personal life s/he will have someone to talk with and get good advice to
overcome obstacles. Usually, this type of families are the most long lasting ones. I personally
think that authoritative parents are the ones who rise the most developed, independent and
mature children who will be able to make independent decisions, listen and understand
others’ feelings and be good parents in the future.
References
Santrock, J.W. (2007). A topical approach to life-span development, third Ed. New York:
McGraw-Hill.
Stassen Berger, Kathleen (2011). The Developing Person Through the Lifespan. Worth
Publishers.
Morin, A. (n.d.). 4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids. Retrieved from
https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045
Kretchmar-Hendricks, M. (2017, January 31). Parenting. Retrieved from
https://www.britannica.com/topic/parenting#ref311476
Admin. (2018, July 20). Teens and alcohol study: Parenting style can prevent binge drinking.
Retrieved from https://news.byu.edu/news/teens-and-alcohol-study-parenting-style-can-
prevent-binge-drinking
Kopko, K. (n.d.). Parenting Styles and Adolescents. Retrieved from
https://www.human.cornell.edu/sites/default/files/PAM/Parenting/Parenting-20Styles-20and-
20Adolescents.pdf
Gray, M. R., & Steinberg, L. (n.d.). Unpacking Authoritative Parenting: Reassessing a
Multidimensional Construct. Retrieved from https://www.jstor.org/stable/pdf/353561.pdf