VI.

Develop a Self-
Sufficient Attitude

Emotional Self-Sufficiency
Emotional self-sufficiency is absolutely imperative for someone to go into the field of
coaching.

‘Self-sufficiency’ is the quality of feeling secure and content with oneself, a deep-rooted
sense of inner completeness and stability. On a superficial level, it’s similar to ‘secure
self-esteem’ – it’s an estimation of oneself as a worthy and decent person. But it goes
deeper than secure self-esteem, in that it’s not just a cognitive but also an affective state
– that is, it’s a feeling of fundamental wholeness and well-being.

One of the key marks of emotional self-sufficiency is the ability to cope with the highs
and lows of life both on a personal and professional level. While almost everyone
experiences the ebbs and flows of life, some cope with it on a more self-sufficient level
than others. For example, if two people are both diagnosed with the same, fully treatable
ailment, the more emotionally self-sufficient person will know how to provide themselves
with self-care, find the information and resources they need and arrange for their support
and they can easily do this on their own. Some people, however, panic at the least
thought of a problem and stress themselves out trying to find huge layers of support and
some that are not even necessary. Research has shown that as we age we have a tendency
to be more self-sufficient than when we were younger.
People who are emotionally self-sufficient will have a tendency towards this type of
behaviour.

Determine their
own course; Trust in their Live an
make their own own instincts authentic life
decisions

Develop inner Happy with

stability and their own
wholeness company

However, as with all human traits and characteristics there can be both positive and
negative sides in terms of how they affect the individual. Some people who are self-
sufficient may also develop these tendencies.

Might have a
Self-immersed tendency to
and self-contained dissociate from
others

May behave
selfishly

Interactive Exercise
Do you consider yourself self-sufficient emotionally? Answer the questions below for
some personal insights. (Remember: there are no right or wrong answers and no
judgments to the responses).
Question Yes No Maybe Unsure
Do you believe having a partner will
make you happy?
Do you feel your partner has the
capacity to increase your happiness?
Do you appreciate having a significant
amount of time on your own?
When you’re alone do you need to fill
the void with distractions?
Do you get bothered if your partner
does something without you?
Do you feel it’s important to be with
your partner every day?
Are you comfortable being out on your
own?
Are you comfortable sitting by yourself
with no distractions?
Do you look to your partner to solve
your problems, or do you solve them
on your own?
If your partner has a problem, do you
rush to solve it for them?
There are probably numerous techniques for becoming more emotionally self-sufficient,
but here are 3 of those strategies to get you started.

Stop asking
Make your own Learn to dig
others for
decisions and deep and find
permission to
stick to them your strength
do things

1. Stop asking others for permission to do things: do you find yourself constantly
checking in with other people about things you would like to do? Are you asking
for permission from others? This tendency to overly rely on others is one of the
ways people rob themselves of their ability to be self-sufficient. In this pattern,
people run around asking everyone for permission – their family, friends,
colleagues and others they deem able to answer their questions. This behaviour is
borne out of extreme insecurity, low self-confidence and low self-esteem. The
people who do this are extremely sensitive to any form of criticisms, and the
moment they hear a critique of any kind they buckle under the pressure.

Here’s a great example. When J.K. Rowling first submitted Harry Potter and the
Philosopher’s Stone she was a completely unknown author. Just like many other
authors she received numerous rejections of her work. But, as we all know this
soon changed. She published her series, made them into movies and theme parks
and became one of the wealthiest women in the world. How? Because Rowling
believed in herself. In order to coach others to believe in themselves, you must first
develop this in yourself. So, take a tip from Ms. Rowling and create your own
magical kingdom.

2. Make your own decisions and stick to them: Once you become less reliant on
others you will soon be able to make your own decisions. But, this takes
considerable practice. Never assume this will take place overnight. But, one aspect
 of decision making is don’t keep changing your mind. Make your decision and stay
with it. Believe in your ability to make the decisions that will guide you forward.
3. Learn to dig deep: This might sound superficial but it most certainly isn’t. In
order to be self-sufficient we all have to find that inner strength we need to guide
ourselves. It’s immaterial whether we have a life-partner or not. At some point we
have to find the strength to carry on with something on our own. Turn defeats into
opportunities. Find ways to change situations and transform the moment.
Interactive Exercise

I could become more self-sufficient if I would do the following:

The reason I sometimes ask people for permission is because:

I could stop asking people for permission to do things if I would do this:

I have difficulty making my own decisions and sticking to them because:

I could use more inner strength for the following reasons: