CHAPTER 1

What will I be in my next life?

Am I gonna be a bird? Just freelingly flies towards the sky and into the sunset.

Am I gonna be a cloud? Confidently starring down on everything and everyone.

Am I gonna be a tree?Bravely standing tall and dancing with the wind

Or am I gonna be human... again

capable of so many things but being happy isn't one.

I was cut through my thoughts when I heard the phone aggressively rang across the table covered by
paper works I can't finish because I was merely distracted again by some random thoughts as I stare
vacantly at the window and into the sunset.

Geez it's 4 pm, was I lost in thoughts that long?

I checked the name of the caller and it's my dad. That's suspicious knowing he only calls me just in
special occasions like birthdays, christmas and other holidays.My dad and I are not that close though,
more now that I'm an adult and is living on my own,but that doesn't really mean we don't check on each
other. I do visit him sometimes when i'm not in the city.We casually grab beers, that's considered as our
thing but that's just it. Our talk most likely consists of work and politics, other than that he doesn't ask
me much about my life.He doesn't even worry about me... He has this huge trust on me, like whatever
it is that i'm doing, i'm doing great at it. So yes, getting a random call from him is actually ODD.

I picked up my phone as I wonder what it is that made him call.

“Hey ,dad? What's up?” There's a long pause before I heard my father's voice replied

“Son, I.. I.” dad replied as I hear him breathe hardly and I instantly panicked

“Dad, what's wrong? What is it?” another long pause before he finally break the ice

“It's your mom...she's....Son, she has passed.”

I heard muffled sounds from the end of the line, it's my dad's .. choking from his tears.

Though I am devastated by the news, I still managed to reply to dad with bold and flat tone.

“Dad, you want me to come over?” My dad replied with a weak yes and I hang up the phone.
I don't know what to feel.
I should be crying right now.
But there's no tears.
There's no heavy thing in my chest
There's nothing.

Let me reanalize what my father told me awhile ago via phone call.
My Mom who has been gone for 20 years has passed away.
Nothing. Still nothing.

I feel guilty for it, because I couldn't remember her.

I coudn't remember her because I forgotten about her.

Or did I chose to forgot her?

I stare at my clock and it's almost six, I promise my dad to come over so I better get going. I grabbed
the keys and hop into the car and drove, but my thoughts were still clouding, trying to remember her.

My mother
Who is she again?
What is she like?

Why did she left?

I arrived in an hour and half drive, my father's house isn't that far from the city. It's the same small
house near a lake I grew old to, so I walk my way into the house with the same key I had since when
was a kid. I saw my dad at the living room he's...sitting with a bowed head and the only light
illuminating from the room is the light from the television.

“Hey, you okay?” he jumped in my approch obviously lost in his own thoughts. But he still smiled.
I sat on the couch next to him and then we sat silent for about a minute until he spoke.

“You should go to her funeral” I looked at him with a puzzled look.

“You want me to go?” I asked still confused. But he just smiled and nodded

“You want me to go? Dad ...I can't even remember her.”

His face fell down and then looked at me, I never seen my father looking like this, he never showed me
this face before.. even when he's alone raising me. Even when mom left, he didn't look anyone with this
face. His eyes.. they're... so sad. Too sad from sorrow. All this time he never showed anyone he missed
her. He was strong. So,why?

“Don't you wanna remember her?” Dad asked, a tear fell from his eyes.
He loved her.I thought.
I wrapped my arms around the old man in front of me, who's drowing with his own tears. And who I
wish I could share the same pain to right now. But my next thoughts wanders to what he asked me to.
He wants me to go to her funeral. He wants me to remember her.

I'm not mad at her. I don't hate her. In all honesty I don't feel anything about her.
Growing up without her, it doesn't make me envy others who has a Mom.
When my friends asked me where's my mom. I just told them that she left us when I was 8 and then
that's it. I dont get sad at the sympathy that they thrown out me. I'm used to it, besides it's not much of a
deal to me having only one parent. Like I told you my dad was strong, depending on him on my
younger years was enough.

Don't I wanna know her though?

Why now?
What really is there to know?

I laid my dad on the couch, he fell asleep while I was lost in thoughts. The amount of pain in his eyes
even in his sleep actually pains me. Seeing him like this is hard. This strong man bravely raise me,
alone, weeping for his dead wife who he had lost a long time ago. He deeply loved her.
I covered his body with a blanket and I turn of the television. I was about to head out of the living room
when I heard him say her name.

“Aubrey,... I'm sorry.”

Chapter 2

My last clear memory of her was when she's making egg sandwiches at the kitchen and was dancing to
a song from the radio. I remember her floral dress, it's blue. It perfectly fits her skinny figure. It's
probably summer that day because I remember her planning for a picnic at a beach. I can't recall the
sound of her voice but I know it's very lovely.

I tried to remember the last day I saw her but I can't pick up anything. I couldn't remember what kind of
day was it, where am I that time. What's the last thing she said to me or what's the last thing she did.
I can't even remember her leaving.

It's just like I woke up and she's gone. Like she's deleted from my life.

The only thing I know was that she left.,, me and my father. Ran off with a man who already have a
child and they left out of country- atleast that was aunt Josephine told me when I once asked where my
mom was. I don't know where she was at the first few years, when I asked my father he just answered
with a small and flat “Gone” I never knew what that mean until I learned that information from aunt jo
and used it as the answer to every “Where's your mom?” “Why you don't have a mom?” those repeated
questions I was always asked and so I answered with the same response repeatedly.

I was broken from my thoughts when I heard a voice saying that we landed. Well, the plane landed
here. At my mother's homeland. Thailand. She's from here. Grew up and went abroad where she met
my father. I've never even been in an asian country. This is my first, so yes it's gonna be a struggle.

My father managed to make me flew here and attend my mom's funeral. I couldn't say no to him,
seeing him that way it really hits me.And a week wouldn't hurt me anyways, she's my mom after all. I
wouldn't be here without her. So this.. it's necessary. I let out a huge sigh as I walked out of the airport
trying to find my lift. They said they're going to pick me up, I talked to my mom's sister Jenn. She's the
one to inform my dad about my mom's passing.She seems like a nice person, talked to her on the phone
giving me details about their wherebouts and how will I able to get there but I can't clearly undestand
her so we ended up with the decision to just pick me up at the airport but where were they?

I scanned the area, it's about 30 minutes now. I texted Jenn that i'm already here, I checked almost
every minute for a reply. I was about to check for the 10th time when I heard my name from a distance.

“Ai Tommy?” I smiled to the owner of the voice, A middle age woman is coming towards me
smilingand waving. I smiled not actually knowing what to do to this moment, it's currently occuring to
me that this is the first time i'm meeting my relatives from my mother's side.

“Hey, Hi ,You must be aunt Jenn right?” Then Jenn nodded still smiling she said something in thai that
I have no clue about. This is gonna be difficult.

She noticed my confusion and then turned around to call someone, probably asking for help.

A man walks towards us, He's a tall guy, very tall. His skin is fair not that tan but not as pale either.
Even though he stood big I could say he's maybe younger than me. Dark haired and brown eyes, he
looks simple yet elegant. He smiled and greeted me with a bow. “ Hello, welcome to thailand” He
spoke with a broken accent.
“Thanks, I can't speak your languange im very sorry.” I apologize at him
“No, it's fine. I'm Jimmy” He softly said
“Nice to meet you, I'm Tommy” I smiled wondering about my relation to this guy.

He smiled again and gestured me to follow him. Aunt Jenn and Jimmy helped me with my baggage as
we headed to a pick up truck which is probably our ride.

“We're very far from home actually, it may actually take 3 hours to get Rayong, would you mind P'
Tommy?” The boy spoke again with an accent I can't help but hardly understand but im glad that atleast
someone in them knows how to speak english.

“Yes, I don't mind. It's fine” I smiled and hop in the vehicle. I sat next to Aunt Jenn. Jimmy drives and
we were quiet for awhile. When were out of the city, I gazed out of the car's window and had a good
look. Looking at the place my mom probably loved... I'm starting to get a little nostalgic. It's like i've
been here before.

“Aubrey.. you look like Aubrey” Aunt Jenn suddenly said that and I shivered at the sudden mentioned
of my mother's name. Just like the night I heard my dad said it.

I smiled not knowing what to say. Even being in here... I still don't know how to feel.
Chapter 3

We arrived nearly at noon. After a very long car ride I hopped out the car. Scanning the place we
stopped at. It's a provincial hometown. I smiled at how different it is from the states, How different it is
from the city. House were built with bamboos at hays. There are rice fields, wide landscapes
everywhere. It's very nice seeing one of these existing. I was just standing there looking at the details of
this place until Jimmy tapped my shoulder signaling me it's time to go.

I followed them until we're in a house, it was a really big house. Very vintage type but it has it's beauty.
It kind of reminded me of the dress my mom was wearing that day at the kitchen. It's simple yet
elegant.

“This is our house, this is where you'll be staying for awhile” Jimmy said smiling while leading me
inside, Aunt Jenn followed and I was greeted with a familiar view. I chuckled as I wandered to the
insides of the house. It has the looks of our own home. The decorations... it's her.
She definitely designed this. How did I know? Well I've seen something similar in here and at home.
The sunflower.

She likes sunflowers..

My hands touched a sunflower figurrine and starred at it for a while forgetting that im a visitor in this
place and I shouldn't be touching someone elses stuffs.

“My little sunflower”

I heard her voice.

I was again tapped in the shoulder by Jimmy and I apologized for spacing out and touching their things
but he smiled as usual and told me I shouldn't worry about it

“ I'll show you to your room, come” He waved I followed him.

Though, I still have no idea who he is exactly im comfortable following him around since he's the only
one I understand right now. He lead me to a small room with a single bed.

“This is my room, but you can stay in here for awhile, until Ma's funeral was held” He smiled
bitterly,remembering what I'm really here for.

I figured, he was her child too.

“Our guest room is filled with stuffs I haven't moved yet so, it's best for you to stay here instead.”

I studied the boy, he doesn't look like the woman I knew, at all. He has a charming face, sharp face. The
details of his face screams perfection but no he doesn't look like my mother. So he's probably the kid
that Aunt Jo' said she chose over me. Looking at him, he seems … loved. Even if mom died, his smiles
kept on showing up. His eyes were maybe swollen from crying but his smiles are still there. Mom
probably loved him so much. The first emotion have been cleared for me. Envy.
“Thanks.” I said looking down. I put my bag into the bed also resting my tired limbs from carrying it.

“ If you need anything just call me” His accent is becoming bearable to me,

“Um... were you my mom's son?” I asked, it didn't surprise him though

“Yes, I was” he's smiling again but I can feel his voice breaking just pronouncing the word 'was'

“Not biologically though, she's my step mother, but she was the mother I grew up to.”

I nodded, Silenced filled the room.

“He loved you so much.” I was surprised by what he said but I was more surprised to see his eyes filled
with tears saying those words.

“She talked about you... a lot” I hang there frozen, not knowing what to do.

“I barely remember her, I was so young when she left so..” I said in a tone so low

Jimmy looked down wiping a tear in his eyes, “I should go, if you need anything I'm just on the other
room across you”

I nodded and let out a small smile. He left and closed the door behind.

If she really loved me then why did she left ?

A/n : YOW THIS BOOK IS SO SAD IM ACTUALLY CRYING BITCH WTF?

A/n (update): Okay so this was supposedly a MewGulf fic but I wanna change the characters,
because atm i'm a Mii2 fan and I feel like Jimmy and Tommy would fit the role of a city boy with
a country boy because Tommy is from Bangkok while Jimmy is from Rayong a province in
Thailand another thing is Tommy fits the main role of what I have in my mind (A serious guy,
mostly quiet, a perfectionist, kind of introverted) and Jimmy really fits the role as his lover (Very
extroverted, bubbly, a guy who always smiles, laid back and very patient) just thinking about
them makes me want to give this novel a chance so yeah I hope the I will continue this For now,
Ciao!
Chapter 4

I woke up being greeted by sun rays hitting my eyes in an unfamiliar surrounding. This is gonna be a
different morning of course. After sleeping for the rest of my day yesterday, I finally sat up in bed
contemplating what to do next. I really have no idea how will I get over this whole thing honestly. My
mind says just get it over with it's that simple. All I'm here for is to pay respect to my deceased mother.
I don't have to pressure myself into knowing every relatives I have here. While I am spending
uncountable minutes of good existential crisis a knock was heard from the door of the room.

The door flew open and a smiling boy revealed himself.

“Um, hey, Good morning” Jimmy says beaming. Does this boy never gets tired of smiling?

“P'Tommy, let's eat breakfast. You're maybe so hungry right now you haven't eaten since last night. I
thought of waking you up but you seem in deep sleep because of the flight so I didn't. Come
downstairs” He said this cheerfully, like he didn't just knew a day ago.

I smiled and nodded, as he leads me downstairs to the kitchen. I expect people to be there so I prepared
myself for an awkward social interaction but surprisingly there's no one in there, just a food in a table.
I looked at Jimmy as he motions me to take a seat.

“Where is everybody?Aunt Jenn?”

“My dad, doing stuffs for the funeral tomorrow. Aunt Jenn, at the market.” He sat in front of me folded
his hands to thank the food and dig into it. He saw me staring at him and there he smiled again,

“You should eat, it's delicious. These are Thai dishes you should try, Phi” He started putting food in
my plate, I had no choice but to eat all of it.

I eat quietly. The goal is to stay here for the funeral and that's just what I'm gonna do.

“You really do look like Mom” I look up to Jimmy starring at me

“Very handsome krub” He added and again, smiled.

I don't know how to react so I just asked for water. I've seen photographs of Mom and I probably may
look identical to her, atleast the upper part of my face, there's no denying I got it from her.

I changed the topic to drift from the thought of my mother.

“Are you still studying?”

“Yes, I'm in college of agriculture, few more years and I'll graduate.” He kept the conversation running
by telling me about his course, what it's like, how hard was it. All I do in response is to nod because I
don't know what to say. But it worked anyways because I managed to survive breakfast with him.
I helped him clean up. As I put away the dishes while standing next to him I noticed how tall he is for
his age. As he said earlier he's only 20 year old that makes me 8 years older than him. I feel like a
midget beside him, I mean i'm not a small person, he's just really tall.

“P'tommy would you help me go through my moms things? I have to find some of her photo albums to
put at her funeral would you mind?” He looked at me waiting for an agreement at the question he asked
which I had no right to say no to because i'm his guest and that's our Mom we had to do favor for.

“Sure” I smiled at him as he smiled back and gets back to cleaning dishes again.