Name: Amin  

Level: 11 
 
Comments:  
- Good effort Amin!  
- It  is  clear  you  have  addressed  the  3  aspects  outlined  in  the  scaffold  and  developed  some  great  topic sentences which introduce what you 
will be discussing  
- Continue  working  on  applying  more  nuanced  nouns  and  verbs  in  your  writing  as  this  will  help  you  to  appraise  the  text  more  effectively  - 
some evidence of adjectives and adverbs used to add to appraisal which is great to see 
- Limited  evidence  of  foregrounding  phrases  and  text  evidence  -  continue  working  on  applying  them more intentionally and purposefully as 
this will help you to link your ideas and sentences more effectively 
- Fantastic to see you found some value in reading IKG - Kelly and Niimura would be stoked with ⅘ stars.   
- Ensure you proofread and edit before submitting even if it is just briefly - it is a great habit to get into as you move into years 11 and 12 
- Overall, I am impressed with your efforts Amin. Best of luck for your future studies!  
 
Language & Literacy  Level 8  Level 10  Level 12  Level 14 
Indicators 

Text structure & phases  Follows a teacher-provided  Begins to independently  Independently plans &  Experiments with adding 
scaffold  construct scaffolds to stage  constructs all stages and  new stages and phases to a 
texts  phases of a text   text 

Body Paragraph structure  Topic sentence partially  Topic sentence mostly  Topic sentence effectively  Topic sentence accurately 
  identifies the aspect for  identifies the aspect for  identifies the aspect for  and efficiently identifies the 
Aspect 1:   review, shows brief personal  review, shows brief personal  review, shows brief personal  aspect for review, shows 
Characterisation of  reaction to aspect; and also  reaction to aspect; and also  reaction to aspect; and also  brief personal reaction to 
Barbara Thorson  appreciates authorial skill in  appreciates authorial skill in  appreciates authorial skill in  aspect; and also appreciates 
  aspect realisation.  aspect realisation.  aspect realisation.  authorial skill in aspect 
Aspect 2:         realisation. 
Techniques used to         
illustrate Barbara’s inner  Elaboration partially  Elaboration mostly expands  Elaboration effectively  Elaboration accurately and 
life  expands personal reaction  personal reaction and  expands personal reaction  efficiently expands personal 
  and appreciation of  appreciation of authorial  and appreciation of  reaction and appreciation of 
Aspect 3:   authorial skill in aspect  skill in aspect realisation in  authorial skill in aspect  authorial skill in aspect 
Communication of the  realisation in terms of  terms of composition.   realisation in terms of  realisation in terms of 
theme of resilience  composition.     composition.   composition.  
         
 Concluding sentence  Concluding sentence mostly  Concluding sentence  Concluding sentence 
partially appreciates the  appreciates the aspect as  effectively appreciates the  accurately and efficiently 
aspect as worthwhile.  worthwhile.  aspect as worthwhile.    appreciates the aspect as 
worthwhile. 

Foregrounding  Little understanding of  Some demonstration; not  Good intentional and  Excellent intentional 
Connective/noun  language resource   strictly intentional  purposeful demonstration   demonstration for effect  
group/verb group at the 
front of the sentence  

Text connectives​ linking  Little used, basic, illogical  Sometimes logical and  Usually logical and  Always logical and 
(ideas) sentences and  and inappropriate to  appropriate to context but  intentionally purposeful  intentionally purposeful 
paragraphs  context   not strictly intentional 

Nominal groups describe  Basic, unexpanded; minimal  Little intentional expansion  Some thoughtful expansion  Carefully and intentionally 
things and carry appraisal  appraisal  or appraisal  to create effective appraisal  expanded, highly 
Noun + adjectives  descriptive, resulting in 
nuanced appraisal 

Verb groups and  Basic action, saying and  Begins to use more nuanced  Intentionally uses nuanced  Always intentionally makes 
circumstances to describe  sensing verbs; simple  action, saying and sensing  action, saying and sensing  delicate, nuanced choices of 
and carry appraisal   circumstances of place,  verbs to express shades of  verbs to express shades of  action, saying and sensing 
Verb​ + ​adverbs  time, manner and cause;  meaning and carry effective  meaning and carry effective  verbs to express shades of 
resulting in minimal  appraisal; uses a set range  appraisal; uses a wider  meaning in order to carry 
appraisal  of circumstances of place,  range of circumstances of  sophisticated appraisal; 
  time, manner and cause  place, time, manner and  uses an extensive range of 
  cause  circumstances of place, 
  time, manner and cause 

Tense movement  Mixed success; often  Sometimes correct;  Usually correct; some minor  Perfect  
incorrect and more than one  mistakes made that should  mistakes with complex 
type of error  be picked up in self-editing  tense changes 
Evidence of editing  Little to no evidence of  Some evidence of editing;  Clear evidence of editing;  Clear evidence of editing; 
editing; not picking up or  not particularly habitual or  intentional and for effect;  very clearly intentional and 
correcting simple errors of  intentional effect; simple  clear implementation of  for effect; actively seeks 
punctuation, spelling,  errors of punctuation,  teacher written feedback  clarification about teacher 
character names, text title,  spelling, character names,  written feedback 
and writer/illustrator  text title, and 
writer/illustrator persist