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10.1

Motives for Sex

1. Curiosity
2. Emotional Maturity
3. Healthy motives
4. Unhealthy motives

Libido
● oxytocin is associated with the experience of pleasure during arousal and orgasm in
both sexes; feelings of love, attachment and protectiveness are also associated with
oxytocin (a hormone associated with pregnancy and childbirth).
● vasopressin is released only during male arousal; linked with male craving, persistence
and sexual assertiveness but there is speculation, based on animal studies, that
increases in this neuropeptide for women lead to a loss of sexual interest
● girls or young women may still be more reluctant than their male counterparts to admit to
their sexual behaviours, given that more social disapproval attaches to sexually
adventurous females.

Can boys control their sex drive?

● The implication is that restraint and respect for women cannot be expected once the
boys are aroused, and it is the responsibility of the girls to keep control.
● gender differences in arousability exist but, as social conditions change, there is
evidence that young women are admitting to being aroused by a greater range of stimuli
than was previously thought.
● adolescents perceive and accept gender differences in levels of sexual control in ways
which do not square with a healthy and sexually responsible society

Is there still a sexual double standard?

● from an evolutionary, psychoanalytic and a biological perspective, it is possible that
double standard reflects innate differential needs of the sexes.
● social conditioning may be able to moderate but never entirely eradicate gender
differences in the expression of sexual desire

Romance
● Love, romance and courtship are rites of passage for young people in western society
● Romantic love is the single greatest energy system in Western Psyche
● Adolescent romantic relationships
- have the potential to provide positive learning experiences about the self and
how to relate intimately to others.
- can contribute to overall self-esteem and to beliefs about attractiveness and
self-worth

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- can assist young people in renegotiating and developing more mature

relationships with their parents, raise young people’s status in the peer group and
- offer a safe environment for learning about and experimenting with sexuality.
- can sometimes hinder identity development through closing off options (such as
may occur with early parenthood) or through exposing the young person to
abusive and violent interactions or unwanted or coerced sexual activity
- romantic break-ups among young people are often associated with depression
● Attachment Theory
- infants form various kinds of bonds with their carers, and the quality of these
bonds affects adult relationships, especially close or romantic relationships
- Securely attached people are ‘good at’ relationships; they learn to trust in others
and to manage a healthy ‘give and take’ in their intimate associations.
- Insecurely attached individuals are either overly anxious and ‘clingy’ about their
adult relationships (anxiously attached) or relatively indifferent to others
(avoidantly attached).

● Unrequited Love
- fantasies about the other can be intense, sometimes leading to misinterpretations
that the feelings are reciprocated.
- In extreme cases this may result in maladjusted acting out behaviours such as
stalking, but usually the distress is turned inwards.
- Self-esteem can be damaged and would-be lovers may feel humiliated,
unattractive and inferior
- linked with depression, lack of relaxation and recent hangover.

● Requited Love
- associated with self-confidence, interest in the environment, better immunity
response and good general health.
● social constructions of romance influence how young people feel about falling in and out
of love, and how they act on those feelings.
● Five components of Romanticism
- love conquers all
- there is only one true love for each person,
- the beloved will live up to high expectations
- love at first sight is possible,
- one finds true love through the heart, not the mind.
● Intimacy and Commitment
- development of the capacity for intimacy, and its culmination in the formation of a
life partnership was a vital psychological task for young adults.
- referring to emotional as well as physical intimacy—the ability to share
- feelings with another, to self-disclose and to listen, to set mutual goals and to
compromise individual desires in order to work towards ‘couple’ goals—as well
as to share one’s body in harmonious and mutually satisfying sexuality.

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● Negotiating the sexual encounter

- lack of clear communication between young people puts them at risk of having
sex that is ‘unwanted, unanticipated or regretted’
- there is a desire to maintain the relationship and a belief that this will be very
difficult if the partner knows too much about past and concurrent boyfriends or
girlfriends.
- Women talk to negotiate closeness, to give and seek confirmation of themselves,
and to work out ways to gain consensus.
- Men’s talk on the other hand is designed to disguise feeling or vulnerability and to
assert power, control and independence.

10.2
Gender Identity: ​Who You Think You Are
● How you, in your head, define your gender, based on how much you align or don’t align
with what you don’t understand to be the options for gender
● woman-ness/man-ness
● Examples of common identities that aren’t listed include agender, bigender, third-gender,
and transgender.
● all about how you think about yourself
● how you internally interpret the chemistry that composes you
● Formation of identity is affected by hormones and environment just as much as it is by
biological sex.

Gender Expression: ​How You Demonstrate What You Are

● The ways you present gender, through your actions, dress, and demeanor, and how
those presentations are interpreted based on gender norms
● feminine/masculine
● “Androgynous” might be a new word, and it simply means a gender expression that has
elements of both masculinity and femininity.
● all about how you demonstrate gender through the ways you act, dress, behave, and
interact—whether that is intentional or unintended.
● Gender expression is interpreted by others based on traditional gender norms
● how the way you express yourself aligns or doesn’t with traditional way of gendered
expression, and can be motivated by your gender identity, sexuality, or something else
completely

Biological Sex: ​The Equipment Under the Hood

● The physical characteristics you’re born with and develop, including genitals, body
shape, voice pitch, body hair, hormones, chromosomes, etc.
● female-ness/male-ness
● “intersex,” which is a label for someone who has both male and female characteristics

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● “self ID” (self-identifcation) labels, which represent people who possess both male and
female characteristics but identify with one of the binary sexes.
● objectively measurable organs, hormones, and chromosomes you possess.
● being female means having a vagina, ovaries, two X chromosomes, predominant
estrogen, and the ability to grow a baby in your abdominal area;
● being male means having testes, a penis, an XY chromosome confguration,
predominant testosterone, and the ability to put a baby in a female’s abdominal area;
Attraction: Who you are Romantically and Sexually Attracted to
● who you are physically, spiritually, and emotionally attracted to (here we’ve broken it out
specifcally into sexual and romantic attraction), and the labels tend to describe the
relationships between your gender and the gender types you’re attracted to.
● Man -> men or other gender = bisexual
● Man -> men = gay
● man/woman -> anyone (no gender in factor) = pansexual
● man/woman -> no one = asexual
● man/woman -> trans and androgynous = skoliosexual
Dr. Alfred Kinsey
● Broke down sexuality into a seven-point scale
0—Exclusively Heterosexual
1—Predominantly heterosexual, incidentally Homosexual
2—Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3—Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4—Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5—Predominantly homosexual, incidentally Heterosexual
6—Exclusively Homosexual

Gender identity, gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation exist independent of
one another.

“cisgender” (when your biological sex aligns with how you identify), and it grants a lot of
privilege

10.3

Defining Sex
1. Sex as gender
● More articulated in the Filipino language “kasarian”
● More evocative of “sexual acts”

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● Activities before penetration are loosely categorized as ​romansa ​(romance-ing) -

lower-income respondents
● Warming up a ​ nd ​conditioning ​- upper income respondents
● Definitions about sex are varied but in general, discussions about sex are
guarded as people grapple with the dilemma of sex both being sacred and
profane
2. Gender
● Females tended to describe males in terms of social desirability characteristics;
attributes enter repeatedly into discussions of courtship and marriage
● Male descriptions of gender were more differentiated, there were sharper
descriptions of “not-male”
● There was a striking tendency to naturalize male-ness and female-ness, using
essentialist or biological explanations for gender: ​naturalization
● Naturalization is applied to ideas on homosexuality and lesbianism
3. Crossing-over and becoming sexual
● Families were often cited as sources for information on sex, information was
often restricted to gender roles and prohibitions and warnings about sexual
activity
● Father-to-son talk seems to exist for sexual talks, no such references for
mother-to-daughter relationships
● Learning about sex for males is more of learning about techniques
● Libog o ​ r lust drives a person to ​pagnanasa, ​to want sex
● Libido is described as ​tawag ng laman
● Initiation of males into sex is called ​binyag​ or baptism
● Becoming sexual is an almost exclusively male prerogative
● Process of acquiring information about sexuality seems to move away from the
home and from the domestic, into the public sphere
4. Courtship
● Expression of interest to the maintenance of a relationship
● 2 Important Dimensions:
- Spatial: notions of place and space, young adults talk about where they
might meet their “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”
Diskarte: the posturing, the search for an opening line; projecting of an
image that is desirable
- Temporal: one goes into a relationship where one is prepared, this
preparedness being tied to the prospects of marriage; the prospects of
marriage is, in a sense, a way of setting the horizon
● Loob, the inner self, is an important metaphor in Tagalog to describe the process
of coming to “mutual understanding
● In the early stages, one strives for a closeness of the inner selves (para lumapit
ang loob)” and with time, and constant companionship, one’s inner self falls
(nahulog na rin ang loob)

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● Pinakikiramdaman i​ s a transitive word: both parties feel each other’s feelings,

test the waters; starts even with first encounter
● The temporal and spatial aspects emerge as important in determining what is
decente
● Decente:​ one does not just meet someone who is decente, it is presumed that
one meets fellow decente people in particular settings; is also defined by one’s
appearance
- May determine the thresholds later in the process of courtship
● The male is expected to “carry” or “bring” the courtship and relationship
regardless of who initiates it
● The female, atleast during courtship, is expected to control this danger
● Courtship: the culmination of a process coming into a “mutual understanding”
- Involves processes of negotiations, in different times and settings, often
expressed in body space and boundaries

5. Marriage, Love, and Sex

● Marriage is so integral to people’s perceptions of sex and sexuality
● “Losing oneself” is a term used frequently to rationalize undesirable behaviour
● Marriage legitimizes sex, and both as a prerequisite and post facto mechanism
●

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