SELF-FIRST: NOT BEING SELF-CENTERED

By: Reynaldo A. Zamudio II

“I cannot give what I do not have.” This is a famous line about giving that is really

putting myself in to quest. “Do I have the capability to give? Do I have something in me that I

can give?” I asked myself: “How am I doing these past few weeks?”

Honestly, I feel so incomplete, I feel that there is lacking in my body routine, in my

lifestyle. I kept on wondering and ending up daydreaming or in a pause moment. I feel that I

cannot bless others these days, I cannot give what I must always be giving. It is like, I know

myself what should I do but I cannot do it because I am always stopping myself then

procrastinates. These days, I am hopeless. I just let the time passed by and not care about what

is happening in my world. I do not want to share this burden to anyone because I do not want

them to worry. I really wanted to give them blessings and not to give them burdens. The least

that I can do right now is to keep silent and figure out myself what is lacking. I am not used to

being such a fruitless person. As a matter of fact, I am a type of person who is a blessing to

others, by encouraging others that are feeling hopeless, by sharing my faith to them, by being a

model of Christlikeness and also by giving what I have that is overflowing. I am not greedy and

self-centered. But now, it’s just that I don’t feel anything about what is my current state.

I have read an article in Kerygma, entitled: “Is Your Cup Full?” By: Michelle Alignay PhD.

She pointed out that before having service to others, I must fulfilled myself first. It’s not that I

am being self-centered but it is my need to be full first. It is right, I agreed on her statement.

Like what I have stated above, I feel so lacking, I am not full. So, I think I am reasonable now.
She also advised everyone to “pause, move and retreat” that makes me think about what I

need to do now. Perhaps, I am always bombarding myself with lots of problems that I am really

pushing to solve it so instantly. I do not have time for myself, I am already failing with my daily

devotionals with God and I am always get pressured with lots of expectations.

I have to go back where I’ve started, for me to remember the reasons why I keep on

pushing so hard because I might be overlooking something that is important. Filling my cup is so

necessary for me to fill the cup of others. I need to have something, for me to give abundantly.

Giving is the best practice to improve our very own self. If we always practice this, we will know

the real essence of loving not just ourselves, but others.