REALIZING WITH DEEP DOUBTS

By: Sarah D. Cruta

I wholeheartedly concur with the statement that life's experiences shape a

person. What if you alter anything in line with your convictions only to find that other
people do not like it?
Everything was still clear to me when I first started college. I was full of energy
and enthusiasm. I completed my assignments on time, took notes, and then talked to
friends in my spare time. I was content at the time, but life suddenly dealt me a
curveball. I began to lose interest in everything, having difficulty processing my thoughts
and gradually progressing. And then comes overthinking, and I begin to doubt the path
I'm walking. Is this really what I want? Am I on the wrong track? Some of the questions I
couldn't help but ask myself. I felt disoriented and began to blame myself for my bad
choices.
Then all of a sudden, socializing becomes difficult. I have friends, but I don't feel
I have one. I want to seek assistance and reach out, yet I'm unsure where to start.
Perhaps I was tired of being disappointed by the people around me, which shaped me
into the person I am today. I no longer hold expectations for people, and if their words
don't reflect their actions, I don't care; life goes on. I feel numb, but what can I do? It is
my way of protecting myself. Sometimes I wonder? Am I changing for the better? Then,
why am I still suffering? Do I deserve this? Maybe the answer is a yes or a no.
I didn't understand what was happening in my life. I was puzzled. I was also
unable to understand myself. Is this what I want? All I want is to be acknowledged. I
yearned to transform myself and return to my former self. But changing something is not
that simple; I am unsure where to begin and where to go back.
At this point, I'm still waiting for an answer. An answer that, I have no doubt,
would restore my well-being. But when I was earnestly contemplating, I realized that
perhaps I'm just entering a phase that will teach me to be independent and to trust the
process, including myself. And what I'm going through now is normal as I move forward
to achieving my dreams. Whatever it is, I'm confident I'll get through it and find the
happiness I truly deserve. Not today, but someday, and I claim it.