CAES1000 Core University English

Semester 2 2018/2019
Task 3 Report Exemplar

*This exemplar is adapted from an authentic script from

the CAES1000 Written Exam.*

*Key academic features and suggested areas for improvements are

annotated in the comment boxes.*

Overall Grade: A

TASK DESCRIPTION
1. Write an academic report recommending sustainable ways to
prepare for a rapidly aging population. You may want to discuss the
negative effects of population aging, and the benefits (and/or
drawbacks) of various measures with reference to different contexts,
or provide any other information that can justify your recommendations.

An aging population: a challenge for the future

1. Introduction

As medical technology develops, human beings have witnessed a considerable increase in

life expectancy. However, a severely aging population is concurrent. For example, the Comment [A1]: Introduces the topic and
shows stance.

median age of the world population is forcasted to rise from 26.7 years to 38.1 years during
Comment [A2]: Uses alarming statistics to
illustrate the ‘severely aging population’.
2000 – 2050 (Goldstein, as cited in Kye & Arenas, 2014). Moreover, population aging seems
Comment [A3]: Uses secondary citation
accurately.
to be a more eminent problem in some developed countries, e.g. Korea and Singapore Comment [A4]: Good use of hedging.
Comment [A5]: Provides correct ordering of
information in citation when synthesizing
(Global-is-Asian, 2017; Key & Arena, 2014). This phenomenon has exerted great pressure on multiple sources.
1
the unprepared society in aspects of a declined labour force, pension system and social care

for the elderly. This report intends to examine some negative impacts of an aging Comment [A6]: Acknowledges the
complexities of the topic by introducing
various areas of concerns. Also sufficiently
population, then it will offer recommendations for the society to be better prepared for an prepares the readers the scope of discussion
in the following sections.

aging population. Comment [A7]: Shows a stance and

provides a specific outline of the report.

2. Negative impacts and challenges Comment [A8]: Uses clear numbering for
headings.

2.1 Unprepared pension system Comment [A9]: Shows a stance explicitly

with evaluative vocabulary in the sub-heading.
This sub-heading also reflects the main point
of the subsequent section.
Population aging has proposed some challenges to the income of the elderly. Admittedly,
Comment [A10]: Uses an effective topic
sentence to summarize the main argument of
this section.
some scholars argue that an older population is correlated with a richer population (Kluge &
Comment [A11]: Effective use of
‘admittedly’ to signal the counter-argument.
Zag & Loi & Vogt, 2014). However, this can be interpreted from another perspective. Comment [A12]: Improvement needed: this
correlation could have been elaborated to
show more clearly how this perspective is
Traditionally, income of the elderly comes from two sources, i.e. familial support and different from the other one.

pension. With the prevalence of nuclear family, i.e. a couple raises only one child, familial

support for the elderly may be reduced on average because there will be only one child to

support his/her parents in the future (Kye & Arenas, 2014). In light of this, the elderly may Comment [A13]: This rebuttal is well-
illustrated by comparing the past and the
present family structures on the elderly
rely more on the pension system. As Global-is-Asian (2017) points out, some countries’ support. The two situations are clearly
signaled with the use of ‘Traditionally, …’ and
‘With the prevalence of nuclear family,’.
pension systems are not adequately prepared to support a larger old population. Moreover, Comment [A14]: Good use of hedging.
Comment [A15]: Uses integral citations to
illustrate how inadequate the pension systems
the author also suggests that the contemporary pension system does not offer adequate are for supporting the expanding aging
population.
Comment [A16]: Replaces the name with
care for the lower and middle-income group. this pronoun reference to create sentence
cohesion without repeating the same name.

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2.2 Challenges in post-retirement lives Comment [A17]: Provides a brief, concise
and evaluative noun phrase as a section
heading.

Admittedly, the increase of average life expectancy is a vital advance in human history.

However, the quality of the concurrent lengthened post-retirement lives should also be Comment [A18]: Effective use of booster to
reinforce the need of considering this aspect
which could be perceived as a challenge to a
considered. Physically, old individuals usually face disease, disability and declining cognition society.
Comment [A19]: Effective cohesive strategy
to signal the first aspect of lives. The following
due to dementia. Considering the scarcity of measures that can effectively mitigate these paragraph will discuss the second aspect -
spiritual lives.
Comment [A20]: Missing citations.
symptoms, the quality of the post-retirement lives of the elderly may be severely impaired Improvement needed: this idea is adopted
from Sander, Jesper, & Kras (2015). This
reference could have been properly
(Sander & Jesper & Kras, 2015). acknowledged in-text.
Comment [A21]: Good use of hedging as it
could be speculative.
Moreover, the elderly may face some challenges in their spiritual lives. As argued in a

journal article, elders may face social isolation and detachment due to their loss of Comment [A22]: Incorrect integral citation.
This is an oral citation style.

professional network (Sander & Jesper & Kras). Moreover, the author suggests the Comment [A23]: Missing the year of
publication.
Comment [A24]: Improvement needed:
correlation between these spiritual challenges and a higher health risk. In conclusion, an plural form should have been used as there
are three authors in this source.

aging population has imposed great pressure on the society to design better social

mechanisms to care for the elderly both physically and mentally. Comment [A25]: This concluding sentence
helps readers anticipate the upcoming
recommendation relative to these challenges.

2.3 Declined labour force

An aging population will result in a lower ratio of qualified labour force. This argument can Comment [A26]: Shows effective link with
the section heading by using similar phrases.

be proved by the facts from Hong Kong and Japan where the society is concerned about this

decrease (Murakami & Gilroy & Atterton, 2015; Taskforce on Managing Hong Kong’s Aging
3
Population, 2018). Because the age structure is correlated with the producers-consumers

rate and the general productive rate of a society, it may be argued that an aging population Comment [A27]: Improvement needed: the
two concepts could have been elaborated for
clarity.
will have some negative impacts upon the long-term economic growth (Kye & Arenas, 2014).

3. Recommendations

3.1 Better pension system

As suggested in section 2.1, an aging population urgers the society to develop a better Comment [A28]: Enhances the cohesion of
the report by appropriately referencing
relevant sections.
pension system. The initiative to provide more pensions for every individual may seem to be Comment [A29]: Wrong spelling – urges.

attractive and easy to execute. However, this initiative may be controversial because it

entails the possibility to impose higher taxes onto the society. Some studies suggest that

elevating taxes levels may make workers less competitive and undermine the

entrepreneurship spirit (Global-is-Asian, 2017). This report maintains that though the

worries are valid, a reasonable rise in taxation to provide more pensions for the elderly may

still be taken into consideration in light of the direct benefits it will have for the elderly. Comment [A30]: Demonstrates a critical
evaluation of differing views. First, provides
counter-argument by acknowledging the
limitation of the suggestion ‘However…’,
Moreover, a more sustainable solution to this problem may lie in promoting the equality in illustrated with specific examples from
sources. Then, comments on the opposing
views as ‘valid’ and suggests ‘a reasonable rise’
pension system. For example, Singapore government has introduced a new pension in taxation as a rebuttal ‘though…., ….’.
Comment [A31]: Shows effective link back
to the final example in Section 2.1 ‘does not
programme in addition to its original one to provide better support for lower-income offer adequate care for the lower and middle-
income group’.

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seniors (Global-is-Asian, 2017). Such a policy may be a good example for future designers of Comment [A32]: Effective use of hedging as
it is just a suggestion.

the pension system to contemplate on.

3.2 Raising retirement age

Another solution to the imposing challenges an aging population proposed may be raising

the retirement and re-employment age (Global-is-Asian, 2017). It is argued by some scholars

that due to the expansion of education, the elderly are better equipped with knowledge and

are more productive (Kluge & Zag & Loi & Vogt, 2014). Consequently, this rise may reduce

the expected declines in economic growth due to an aging population (Kluge & Zag & Loi &

Vogt, 2014). Comment [A33]: Demonstrates an

effectively structured solution section and
good cohesive strategies. Proposes the
solution first ‘Another solution to…’, followed
3.3 Better social mechanisms by the justifications ‘It is argued by…’ and
possible results of the solution in economic
growth ‘Consequently,….’.

As section 2.2 implies, some measures should be taken in order to adress problems the Comment [A34]: Wrong spelling – address.

elderly may encounter in their spiritual lives. For example, Building age-friendly

communities enable the seniors to stay within the community networks instead of being

treated as peripheral citizens (Murakami & Gilroy & Atterton, 2015; Sander & Jesper & Kras,

2015). As section 3.2 mentions, seniors are different from those of the past because they Comment [A35]: Use of multiple sources to
reinforce the practicality of this solution.

are more productive and active. Thus, seniors today are capable of taking up the Comment [A36]: Effective link with the
previous section by using similar vocabulary
and summarizing the key idea.
responsibility of being the central figures of their communities. This difference should be
5
taken into consideration of future social policy designers to develop better social

mechanisms to adress the problems seniors may encounter in their post-retirement lives. Comment [A37]: Solutions are concrete,
relevant and well-justified.

4. Conclusion

Though society has been offering support for the elderly, e.g. pension system, existing

measures may not be well-prepared the handle the pressure exerted on them by an aging

population. Moreover, an aging population has proposed some new and unexpected Comment [A38]: Shows a complexity of the
topic and reiterates a clear stance by including
the counter-argument.
challenges for the society, e.g. spiritual lives of the seniors. This report has examined both

the deficiencies of existing measures and those new challenges. It has also proposed some

recommendations to adress these problems. This report maintains that the challenges will Comment [A39]: This summary is too
general.
Improvement needed: major challenges and
be adressed if the society develops resonable measures to embrace the impending aging recommendations could have been
highlighted.

population. Comment [A40]: Provides a future

implication.

References: Comment [A41]: Provides a complete

reference list.

Global-is-Asian (2017, April 7). Rapid aging exerts pressure on Singapore pension system.

The Lee Kwan Yew School of Public Policy at the National University of Singapore.
Retrieved from https://lkyspp.nus.edu.sg

Kluge, F., & Zag, E., & Loi, E., & Vogt, T. (2014). The advantages of demographic change after Comment [A42]: Arranges the reference list
and sources in alphabetical order of the first
author’s last names.
the wave: Fewer and older, but healthier, greener, and more productive? PloS ONE,
9(9), 96-112.
6
Kye, B., & Arena, E. (2014). Education, elderly health and differential population aging in

South Korea. Demographic Research, 30(26), 753-794.

Murakami, K., & Gilroy, R., & Atterton, J. (2015). The benefits of an aging population: Case

studies from rural Hokkaido, Japan. Local Economy, 24(6), 555-567.

Sander, M., & Jesper, A., & Kras, A. (2015). The challenges of human population aging. Age

and Ageing, 44(2), 185-187.

Taskforce on Managing Hong Kong’s Aging Population. (2018). Hong Kong faces challenge in

how to manage its aging population. Hong Kong: Hong Kong Hospital Authority.