Chapter 4

Which Needs Are Most

Important?
e were all created by God with

W certain physical, spiritual, and relational

needs. These needs are part of what
we all have in common as humans.
However, while we all share the same relational needs, their order of
importance may differ greatly from person to person. For example, your most
significant need may be for affection, while your friend or spouse’s greatest need
may be for security. One of your children may have a strong need for comfort, but
another child’s greatest need may be encouragement. Appreciation may be at the
top of the list for your neighbor, while someone you work with might need
approval more than anything else.

If we do not recognize this important truth, we may fall into the trap of attempting
to meet other people’s needs by providing them only what is most important to us
or what we think they need. For instance, if your greatest need is for affection, you
may sincerely inundate your spouse with affection without realizing that it may be at
the bottom of his or her needs list. You may then become upset when your spouse
is not overwhelmed with gratitude for what you perceive as your generous gift of
affection. It would be an innocent, well-meaning mistake on your part, but a mistake
nevertheless. Maybe your best friend needs encouragement but you with good
intentions consistently share appreciation; without realizing it, you have missed out
on loving them well.

Learning to love others well requires that we take the time to know them and to
discover their “high-priority” needs.

What determines the order of importance of our relational needs? Why might one
person’s greatest need be another person’s least significant one? In this chapter, we
will explore the concept of “high-priority” needs and how these possibly became so
important.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

DISCOVERING YOUR “HIGH-PRIORITY” RELATIONAL NEEDS

We have provided two tools to help determine “high-priority” needs. The Top Ten
Relational Needs Assessment (page 60) will simply ask you to select the three needs that
you believe to be of greatest importance to you based on their descriptions. The Top
Ten Relational Needs Questionnaire (page 61) will help you to create a more thorough
consideration of your needs by asking you to respond to a series of statements that
are designed to reveal the degree to which each of the ten relational needs is signifi-
cant to you. We will encourage you to seek opportunities to utilize these tools with
friends, family and others in order that you can better “know” and care for others.

After you have completed both the needs assessment and the questionnaire,
compare your two sets of results. Sometimes the questionnaire reveals that our
“highest-priority” needs are different from those that we selected on the needs
assessment. It can be insightful to consider why such differences occur, and it is
particularly important to reflect on whether some of the inconsistencies are related
to the fact that certain needs are harder for us to admit that we have. Another rea-
son our “guesses” might not match the inventory is that often we may not “know
ourselves” and “be aware of ourselves” in this relational way, which is often associ-
ated with others in our life not giving priority to relational connections. We also
encourage you to use this assessment and questionnaire with others in order to gain
greater insight into their unique mix of relational needs.

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

Top Ten Relational Needs Assessment

Instructions: Read the definitions below and select the three needs that you believe
are most important to you.

Acceptance: Receiving others willingly and unconditionally (even when their

behavior has been imperfect) and loving them in spite of any offenses or differ-
ences that may exist between you.

Affection: Expressing care and closeness through appropriate physical touch and
through words such as “I love you” or “I care about you.”

Appreciation: Expressing thanks, praise, or commendation, particularly in recog-

nition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts; appreciation has a specific focus
on what a person “does”.

Approval: Building up or affirming another person, particularly for “who” they

are (as opposed to what they do) and their characteristics. It is also met by affirming
both the fact and the importance of our relationship with another person.

Attention: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care. Addressing this

need requires us to take notice of others and make an effort to listen to them, give
them time, and enter into their respective worlds for their sake.

Comfort: Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emo-

tional responses, and appropriate physical touch.

Encouragement: Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts to attain

their goals, and by stimulating them toward love and good deeds.

Respect: Valuing one another highly, treating one another as important, and hon-
oring one another with our words and actions. Valuing another’s opinion, privacy,
and properties.

Security: Establishing and maintaining harmony in our relationships and provid-

ing freedom from fear or threat of harm.

Support: Coming alongside others and providing gentle, appropriate assistance

with a problem or struggle.
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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Top Ten Relational Needs Questionnaire

Instructions: Respond to these statements by placing the appropriate number
beside each item.

Strongly Disagree Disagree Not Sure Agree Strongly Agree

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

____ 1. It is important that people receive me for who I am, even if I am a

little different.
____ 2. It is important to me that my world is in order.
____ 3. I sometimes grow tired of trying to do my best.
____ 4. It is significant to me when others ask my opinion.
____ 5. It is important that I receive frequent physical hugs, warm embraces, etc.
____ 6. I feel good when someone takes a special interest in the things that are
important to me.
____ 7. It is important to me to know “where I stand” with those who are in authority
over me.
____ 8.It is meaningful when someone notices that I need help and then offers to get
involved.
____ 9. When I feel overwhelmed, I especially need someone to come alongside me
and help.
____ 10. I feel pleased when someone recognizes and shows concern for how I am
feeling emotionally.
____ 11. I like to know that who I am is significant and valued by others.
____ 12. Generally speaking, I don’t like a lot of solitude.
____ 13. I like it when my loved ones say to me, “I love you.”
____ 14. I don’t like being seen only as a part of a large group—my individuality is
important.
____ 15. I am pleased when a friend calls to listen to me and encourage me.
____ 16. It is important to me that people acknowledge me not just for what I do,
but for who I am.
____ 17. I feel best when my world is orderly and somewhat predictable.
____ 18. When I have worked hard on a project, I am pleased to have people acknowl-
edge my work and express gratitude.
____ 19. I am happy when others who enjoy my company are with me.
____ 20. It is encouraging to me when I realize that others notice my efforts and
accomplishments.
____ 21. I sometimes feel overwhelmed and discouraged.

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

____ 22. It is important to me to be treated with kindness and equality regardless of

my race, gender, looks, and status.
____ 23. To have someone I care about touch me on the arm or shoulder or hug
me feels good.
____ 24. I enjoy it when someone wants to spend time with just me.
____ 25. It is meaningful when someone I look up to says, “Good job.”
____ 26. It is important to me for someone to show concern for me after I’ve had a
hard day.
____ 27.While I may feel confident about what I “do” (my talents, gifts, etc.), I also
believe that I need other people’s input and help.
____ 28. Written notes and calls expressing sympathy after the death of a loved
one, health problems, or other stressful events are (or would be) very mean-
ingful to me.
____ 29. I feel good when someone shows satisfaction with the way I am.
____ 30. I enjoy being spoken well of or affirmed in front of a group of people.
____ 31. I would be described as an “affectionate” person.
____ 32. When a decision is going to affect my life, it is important to me that my
input is sought and given serious consideration.
____ 33. I am pleased when someone shows interest in current projects on which I
am working.
____ 34. I appreciate trophies, plaques, and special gifts, which are a permanent
reminder of something significant that I have done.
____ 35. It is not unusual for me to worry about the future.
____ 36. When I am introduced into a new environment, I typically search for a
group of people with whom I can connect.
____ 37. The possiblility of major change (moving, new job, etc.) produces anxiety
for me.
____ 38. It bothers me when people are prejudiced against others just because
they dress or act different.
____ 39. It is necessary for me to be surrounded by friends and loved ones who will be
there for me “through thick and thin.”
____ 40. Receiving written notes and expressions of gratitude particularly please
me.
____ 41. To know that someone is thinking of me is very meaningful.
____ 42. People who try to control me or others annoy me.
____ 43. I am pleased by unexpected and spontaneous expressions of care.
____ 44. I feel important when someone looks me in the eye and listens to me
without distractions.
____ 45. I am grateful when people commend me for a positive characteristic I
exhibit.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

____ 46. I don’t like to be alone when experiencing hurt and trouble; it is important
for me to have a companion who will be with me.
____ 47. I don’t enjoy working on a project by myself; I prefer to have a “partner”
on important projects.
____ 48. It is important for me to know I am “part of the group”.
____ 49. I respond to someone who tries to understand me emotionally and who
shows me caring concern.
____ 50. When working on a project, I would rather work with a team of people
than by myself.

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

Identifying Your Top Needs Form

1. Add up your responses to statements: 6. Add up your responses to statements:
1 ______ 5 ______
19 ______ 13 ______
36 ______ 23 ______
38 ______ 31 ______
48 ______ 43 ______
Total _________ Total ________
These responses relate to Acceptance. These responses relate to Affection.

2. Add up your responses to statements: 7. Add up your responses to statements:

2 ______ 6 ______
17 ______ 12 ______
35 ______ 24 ______
37 ______ 30 ______
39 ______ 44 ______
Total _________ Total ________
These responses relate to Security. These responses relate to Attention.

3. Add up your responses to statements: 8. Add up your responses to statements:

18 ______ 7 ______
20 ______ 11 ______
25 ______ 16 ______
34 ______ 29 ______
40 ______ 45 ______
Total _________ Total ________
These responses relate to Appreciation. These responses relate to Approval.

4. Add up your responses to statements: 9. Add up your responses to statements:

3 ______ 10 ______
15 ______ 26 ______
21 ______ 28 ______
33 ______ 46 ______
41 ______ 49 ______
Total _________ Total ________
These responses relate to Encouragement. These responses relate to Comfort.

5 Add up your responses to statements: 10. Add up your responses to statements:

4 ______ 8 ______
14 ______ 9 ______
22 ______ 27 ______
32 ______ 47 ______
42 ______ 50 ______
Total _________ Total ________
These responses relate to Respect. These responses relate to Support.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

1. What were your three highest totals? Which needs do they represent?
____________________ ____________________ ____________________

2. What were your three lowest totals? Which needs do they represent?
____________________ ____________________ ____________________

Pause and Reflect: Share with a partner or enrichment group:

As you have considered your “high-priority” needs, what surprises have you found?
What “high-priority” needs from the questionnaire would you have not anticipated?
What “low-priority” needs are surprising?

Considering my highest three needs I am somewhat surprised by:

____________________________________________________.

Considering my lowest three needs I am somewhat surprised by:

____________________________________________________.

Considering the three needs I guessed from page 60, I am somewhat surprised by:
____________________________________________________.

Next, we will explore four of the most common factors that tend to “drive” our
“high-priority” needs, i.e., Why do some people tend to need more security and
encouragement, while others tend to need more respect and appreciation? The four
factors we will explore relate to:
1. How God has made us.
2. Our current life situation
3. How needs were abundantly met in childhood.
4. How needs were missed in childhood.

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

1. HOW GOD HAS MADE US AS UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS HELPS

DETERMINE OUR “HIGH-PRIORITY” NEEDS.
Our childhood experiences cannot completely account for the development of our
“high-priority” needs. Our distinctive personalities play a significant role. Thus, if
we were to observe two children growing up in the same family, we might find that
one child exhibited a profound need for affection by desiring to be hugged and
held, while the other child did not respond to physical displays of affection, but
greatly valued words of approval. We were each created as unique individuals, and
our specific “high-priority” relational needs constitute one important way in which
our uniqueness is expressed.
Pause and Reflect:
Share with a partner or enrichment group:
You likely may not remember much about your own early childhood, but consider
these questions:
1. (If you had brothers and sisters) From my earliest memories it seemed like:
My brother(s) needed more ___________________________________.
My sister(s) needed more ___________________________________.
While I needed ____________________________________________.
2. Consider babies and young children you have observed:
My son, daughter, niece, nephew, friend’s baby seems to need ________
_________________________________________________________.
Share Together: Take turns reflecting on how unique each child has been created.

2. OUR CURRENT LIFE SITUATION HELPS DETERMINE OUR

“HIGH-PRIORITY” NEEDS.
Our high-priority needs may be partially determined by our present
circumstances. If you are starting your own business, your greatest need may be for
support. If you are suffering from a physical illness or have just lost a loved one,
your need for comfort may be very pronounced. If you have just moved to a new
city, job, or school, you may have a profound need for acceptance.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Pause and Reflect:

Consider your “high-priority” needs along with your current life situation. Do you
see any connection between one of your needs and current things happening in
your life?

My high need for _____________________ may relate to ________________

_______________________________________________________________.

Example:
My high need for security may relate to the economic times and the uncertaintly of
my current job.

3. NEEDS THAT WERE ABUNDANTLY MET DURING

CHILDHOOD OFTEN BECOME “HIGH-PRIORITY” NEEDS.
If you grew up in a very secure environment where your parents created a comfort-
able routine, there was predictability, harmony, structure to home life, and relation-
ships were relatively healthy with your family, free from the negative effects of
anger, abuse, and addictions, it may be important to you that your relational need
for security is consistently met in adulthood as well. Your basic attitude may be, “It
felt good to have that need met then, and it still feels good now.” This same princi-
ple holds true for each of the ten relational needs.
Exploring the relational strengths of our growing up experiences can provide
important insights.
Pause and Reflect: Share with a partner or enrichment group:
Drawing from your memories of childhood, consider the following questions:
1. What things did you like most about yourself when you were a child?
______________________________________________________

2. As you were growing up, how did your father demonstrate his love for you?
______________________________________________________

How did your mother demonstrate her love for you?

______________________________________________________

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

3. When you were a child, how would:

your father praise you? ________________________________
your mother praise you? ________________________________
Pause and Reflect:
Share with a partner or enrichment group:
My need for ________________________ might relate to my growing up years
when my father __________________________________________________.
My need for ________________________ might relate to my growing up years
when my mother _________________________________________________.
Reflections on the relational need for comfort:
Comfort: Caringly responding to a hurting person through words, actions, emotion-
al responses, and appropriate physical touch.
One of the most significant, but little understood, relational needs for close, healthy
families and friendships is the relational need for comfort. Life inevitably brings
hurts and disappointments, rejections and traumas, failures and criticisms; when
these things happen, we hurt!
When we are hurting, the key thing we need to experience is “does anyone care?”
Meeting the need for comfort is how we communicate to a hurting person, “I
care!”
Understanding Comfort
Situation: Your friend has just shared these feelings with you: “I don’t remember
hearing the words, ‘I love you’ from my Dad. I remember wishing he’d say them or even write
them in a card, but it never happened. I know he loved me, but I just needed to hear him say it.”
What does your friend need? COMFORT!
Here is what comfort is NOT:
Facts, Logic, Analysis: That probably happened to you because your Dad grew up during
very hard times. They just didn’t say many “I love you’s” in those days.
If your father didn’t get a lot of affection from his father, he would have a hard time giving it to
you.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Criticism/Advice: If you would’ve been a little more outgoing, maybe your Dad might have
been more verbally affectionate with you.
Complaint: I know what you mean. You ought to hear what happened when I was a child.
Pep Talks: Oh, I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. Besides, you said your mother gave you lots
of affection and attention.
Neglect: Let’s talk about some more positive things.
Here is what COMFORT may sound like:
I feel sad for you when I think about you missing your Dad’s loving words.
It saddens me to know that you didn’t hear “I love you” from your Dad.
I’m so sorry that you weren’t able to hear those words from your Dad. I know that must have
hurt.
Non-verbal hugs, gentle touch, even genuine tears also covey meaningful
comfort.

The chart that follows highlights this important need:

4. NEEDS THAT WERE NOT EFFECTIVELY MET DURING

CHILDHOOD OFTEN BECOME “HIGH-PRIORITY” NEEDS.
In contrast to our previous section, if your family of origin provided little security
with much conflict, turmoil and rejections, you may have a more pronounced need
for security in adulthood. In this case, your attitude could be, “I missed out on hav-
ing this need met when I was growing up, so I really need it to be met abundantly
now.”

This same principle can apply to any of the ten relational needs we have identified.

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

Giving “Comfort” to Others...Emotional Responding

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Pause and Reflect:

Each of the Ten Relational Needs is listed in the following section. Spend the next
few minutes reflecting on this list. Read each definition and examples. Then con-
sider: To what extent did your father, mother, or both consistently and abundant-
ly (as opposed to occasionally or not at all) meet these needs during your growing
up years?

If your dad met this need, put a half circle ( in the blank beside that need. If your
mom met this need, put the other half circle ) in the blank beside the need. Thus
if both Mom and Dad met the need consistently and abundantly, you would end up
with a full circle () in the blank beside that need.

If someone besides your mom or dad met this need for you, write their name
beside the need.
If no one met this need for you, then place an “X” beside the need.

__Acceptance: Receiving another person willingly and unconditionally, espe-

cially when the other’s behavior has been imperfect.
Looks like: Someone likes you even when they know you're
not perfect.
Sounds like: I love you even if you don’t change.

__Affection: Expressing care and closeness through appropriate physical

touch and saying “I love you.”
Looks like: Hugs, kisses, pats on the back, tickling.
Sounds like: You're really special. I love you.

__Appreciation: Expressing thanks, praise or commendation. Recognizing

accomplishment or effort.
Looks like: Someone noticing your efforts, certificates or
written awards.
Sounds like: Wow, you did a great job!

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

__Approval: Building up or affirming another; affirming both the fact of

and importance of a relationship
Looks like: Someone displays your picture, throws you a
party.
Sounds like: I'm proud of you. I'm glad you're my daugh-
ter.

__Attention: Conveying appropriate interest, concern, and care; taking

thought of another; entering another’s world
Looks like: Someone does what you like to do, with you;
enters your world.
Sounds like: Tell me about your day. How did your test
go?

__Comfort: Responding to a hurting person with words, feelings, and

touch; to hurt with and for another’s grief or pain.
Looks like: Someone putting their arm around you when
you're feeling down.
Sounds like: I'm sad for you. I hurt for you. I'm so sorry
that happened.

__Encouragement: Urging another to persist and persevere on his/her efforts to

attain a goal; and stimulating toward love and good deeds.
Looks like: A phone call just to let you know they are
thinking about you.
Sounds like: I know you can do it! You've got what it
takes. Just do your best.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

__Respect: Valuing and regarding another highly; treating another as

important; honoring another.
Looks like: A sincere apology; asking before making plans
that involve other people; listening without interrupting;
appropriate tone of voice.
Sounds like: I'd like to hear your ideas. I was wrong.
Please forgive me.

__Security: Harmony in relationships; free from fear or threat of harm.

Looks like: Not threatening to leave you; not harming you
in any way; setting appropriate limits and reasonably enforc-
ing them; providing for needs; not losing temper at you;
being dependable; keeping promises.
Sounds like: I am here for you. I am committed to work-
ing this out.

__Support: Coming alongside and gently helping with a problem or

struggle; providing appropriate assistance.
Looks like: Helping you with a big project. Teaching you
how.
Sounds like: I’ll be glad to help you. Just let me know. Do
you need help with your homework?

Pause and Reflect:

Share with a partner or enrichment group:

Look back over your list of needs. Notice the needs by which you’ve placed an X or
only one half-circle. Write one or two of those needs here: ___________________
_________________________________________________________________

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

During my growing up, I often missed receiving:

_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

(Or) During my growing up, I wish I had received more:

_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

Example:
During my growing up, I often missed receiving attention from my Dad, I remem-
ber feeling like his work was more important to him than me.(Or) During my grow-
ing up, I wish I had received more support from my Mom. She was good about giv-
ing hugs and encouraging words, but I remember wishing for her help with school
assignments.

Pause and Reflect:

Share comfort with a partner or enrichment group:

Now, demonstrate that you care about each other’s sadness. Listen attentively to
each other and then share words of comfort. Words of comfort might begin with:

I feel sad to hear about...

I hurt for you that you missed...
It saddens me to know that you didn’t receive...
I wish that you would have received more...

As your partner or group shares words of comfort, be sure to receive the words and
heart-felt care. Express your gratefulness for other’s comfort, “Thank you for your
comforting words.” or “Thank you for caring.”

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Gratitude for Love

Record the names of those who have met your needs in the past and those who are
currently meeting your ongoing needs. Then make concrete plans to express your
gratitude to these individuals through a phone call, letter, gift, or other appropriate
means.

Someone who gave to meet my needs when I grew up:

________________________________________________________________
How I am going to express my appreciation to him/her:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

Some friend in my life who has given to meet my needs:

________________________________________________________________
How I am going to express my appreciation to him/her:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

Some family member who has given to meet my needs:

________________________________________________________________
How I am going to express my appreciation to him/her:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

Finally, write a short message of gratefulness as you reflect on how your needs have
been provided for through other people.
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

Living It Out

Understanding the “High-Priority” Needs of Others

Truly “knowing” the people in our lives better prepares us to love them well!
Write down the names of your spouse (if married), children (if applicable), close
relatives, and/or best friends, and list what you think their three most important
needs might be. Then ask these individuals for their input using the Needs
Assesment(pg. 59) and Relational Needs Questionnaire(pgs. 60-63).
Top Ten Needs:
Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort,
Encouragement, Respect, Security, Support
(Name) __________________________________________________
My guess of what they need __________________________________
His/Her opinion ___________________________________________
Results of Questionnaire _____________________________________
(Name) __________________________________________________
My guess of what they need __________________________________
His/Her opinion ___________________________________________
Results of Questionnaire _____________________________________
(Name) __________________________________________________
My guess of what they need __________________________________
His/Her opinion ___________________________________________
Results of Questionnaire _____________________________________
(Name) __________________________________________________
My guess of what they need __________________________________
His/Her opinion ___________________________________________
Results of Questionnaire _____________________________________

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

Living It Out--With Children (Optional)

Review the list of relational needs below and focus on “Giving First”. Which needs
do each of your children, siblings, or others most enjoy receiving. Pick one need
for each of your children and take initiative to meet that need this week.
For example, if one of your child's top needs is:
•acceptance . . . initiate words of welcome and reception - "I like you just the
way you are."
•affection . . . initiate some tickling, pat on the back, kiss on the cheek, words of
endearment, a warm hug.
•appreciation . . . notice a job well done - "Thank you for putting your dishes in
the dishwasher. You're very helpful."
•approval . . . initiate a hug and say, “You’re a great kid. I love you." for no appar-
ent reason.
•attention . . . initiate a time when you do what your child is interested in - play
video games, play football, go shopping, play dress up, etc.
•comfort . . . initiate a hug and words of care, "I'm sad that this happened to you. I
know that must have hurt. "
•encouragement . . . initiate words that are positive and uplifting - "I know you'll
do well during school tomorrow. You've made such good effort in your studies."
•respect . . . initiate a conversation that invites your child to share their opinion and
ideas.
•security . . .initiate words of reassurance - "I just want you to know that I'll be
available to help you when you need me."
•support . . . initiate an offer of help - "I'd love to help you with your school proj-
ect. Why don't we go to the library together?"
Try some of these “Giving First” ideas and plan to report on them in the group

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Which Needs Are Most Important?

sharing times.
Enrichment Group Notes

1. Consider your gratitude and then take a few moments to reflect on how those in
your group have helped to meet your relational needs. Share your responses with
your partner or small group. Then take turns meeting one another’s need for
appreciation by thanking one another for the ways in which you have met each
other’s relational needs:
“It really meant a lot to me when you ___________________________________,
because that met my need for _____________________.”

2. Reflect on your “Living It Out” experiences as you “guessed” the needs of

important others in your life, then engage them in discussion, possibly using the
Assessment (pg. 59) or Questionnaire (pgs. 60-63).

3. Reflect on your “Living It Out” time with your children, as appropriate (pg. 76).

4. Now consider how you might be more of a “Giving First” person as you share
with those nearest you. Reflect on the high-priority relational needs of your spouse,
children, family members, and friends that you identified earlier. Take time to com-
plete the following sentences:

_____________ (spouse) could benefit from receiving more ________________

from me, particularly concerning ______________________________________.

Example: Teresa could benefit from receiving more attention from me, particularly
concerning my going on walks with her.

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 Top Ten Relational Needs

_____________ (child) could benefit from receiving more __________________

from me, particularly concerning ______________________________________.

_____________ (child) could benefit from receiving more __________________

from me, particularly concerning ______________________________________.

Example: Luke could benefit from receiving more encouragement from me, par-
ticularly concerning his sports activities.

_____________ (friend) could benefit from receiving more _________________

from me, particularly concerning ______________________________________.

_____________ (friend) could benefit from receiving more __________________

from me, particularly concerning ______________________________________.

Example: Anthony could benefit from receiving more support from me, particu-
larly concerning help with meals and cleaning our apartment.

Share your insights with your partner or small group, encouraging one another to
express love in action.

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