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My Life: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Understanding

My Nguyen

College of Integrative Sciences and Arts, Arizona State University

OGL 482: Pro-Seminar II

Dr. Janice Lawhorn

January 24, 2021

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My Life: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Understanding

As life has its ups and downs, I believe that we must adapt appropriately for us to be

prosperous and find meaning in life. There are times when we simply must play the cards that are

dealt to us and find a way to survive the game. In my mind, life is a game, and I must learn the

rules before I can play to win. Our capabilities and skills are the rules and true understanding of

each will give us some control within the game. In understanding ourselves, we can move

forward and play efficiently. Putting that into perspective, the more I understood myself, the

more chance I had at winning in this game. Reflecting on my past, this “game” of mine was

simpler as a child and adulthood added “expansions” that made everything complicated. When I

was younger, it was a game of chance and I simply had to deal with all of life’s ups and downs.

Conditions were poor and obstacles seemed to be around every corner. It was a matter of

surviving from one day to the next. As conditions changed, it became necessary to reexamine the

rules and thus, my journey of self-discovery became ongoing and complex.

My Childhood

Elbert Hubbard is said to have inspired the quote about making lemonade from lemons. My first

memories of childhood consisted of a run-down apartment and a crime-infested neighbor. The

sound of people arguing was the norm and cops made their rounds every night in my neighbor.

My parents were not the exception. A lemon tree was nowhere in sight so I could not even begin

to make lemonade. School was my time away from such toxic factors in my life. I grew to love

going to school and I put my nose into books rather than stay idle as I knew that if I stayed still,

the other kids would try to involve me in their activities. I count myself lucky that the close by

church established a homework club to help underprivileged children with their homework

during the weekdays. The church also established a Bible center that provided activities for kids
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to do on the weekends. I knew that I did not want to become a part of any gang or put roots

anywhere in the toxic environment and did everything in my power to keep busy. I discovered

that I excelled at math and chose to help tutor younger kids at the homework club. I watched my

three younger siblings while my parents were away at work. I spent time at the local, public

library and borrowed books to keep myself busy at home. If it did not require money, I

participate in as many events that I could on the weekend with the mentors at the Bible club. In

many ways, I tried to spend less time hanging out with friends and spent more time at home. This

made me unique as an individual from a young age.

The Path to Possibilities

In trying to win the game of life, it was mandatory for me to figure out what I was good

at and what moves I could strategically take next. For us to imagine the possibilities, Kouzes and

Posner encourages us to reflect upon our past, attend to our present, prospect the future, and feel

our passion (2017, p. 106). This is easier said than done. Depending on our current perspective,

reflection on the past could stand to have different meanings at different points in time. My

teenage self would look at my family circumstances as an obstacle to a bright future, but my

current self would argue that it pushed me to grow faster than people my age. It comes down to

the way we perceive experience and what we want to do with it. Looking back to the age of 10, I

would have to say that it was when my luck began to change. Family conditions improved and I

started to look towards the future. I began to ask myself, “what did I see myself doing in the

future?” While my parents did not pressure me toward any specific career, I found a fascination

in science and helping people. I excelled at math and science in school. This led me to choose a

career in the health field. The moment I made my decision to pursue a career was the moment

when I began to play this game called life.

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In gaining some control, I began to feel that I was living a life of my own. However,

there are limitations for which age plays a factor. Also, family circumstances did not allow much

room to explore my possibilities as I had obligations. At the age of 14, finding a job was out of

the question as well as finding the time to participate in extracurricular activities. Both of my

parents had to work, and I was tasked with watching my younger siblings and tending to their

schoolwork. Outside school and family obligations, I only attended church on Sunday mornings.

In my first summer of high school, my parents allowed me to go camping with my church group.

This opened me up to more social interactions and grounded my faith in Christianity. The more I

studied the faith, the more I perceived my surroundings with a positive attitude. This

enlightenment changed my world, and I began to create more goals for myself. My positive

perspective is one of my strengths and in understanding this strength, I further gained more

control of my life. With this perspective, I saw the good that came out of my past and discovered

unrevealed strengths. I realized my strengths in socialization and interpersonal skills. Using these

strengths, I felt like I was moving forward in the game at a good pace.

Life has its own set of trials and my drug-addicted father created setbacks for me time

and time again. In accepting the truths of my surroundings, I moved out at the age of 18 with the

support of several church members. Margaret and Kim Coutts became my second parents as I

stayed with them and attended junior college. In hopes of further my studies, I started to work

multiple jobs. However, the more I worked, the more my family asked for help. In my culture,

family is highly valued, and it is important that we support each other in times of need.

Therefore, I had an obligation as a daughter to step up to help financially support my family

when my father became consumed by drugs and set aside his parental duties. As time dragged

on, I lost sight of my career goals and it seemed I stopped playing the game. When I lost focus of
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myself, I failed to see the path that I envisioned for myself. When things hit rock-bottom for my

family, I realized that I was enabling my father to continue his habit and I stepped aside to force

my father back on the right path. This was a hard decision that I made as I felt that it was a

selfish act of mine to want to live my own life. However, I conceded that it was necessary for my

mental health that I remove myself from the picture. The Coutts reminded me of my future, and I

was lucky to have them around. In detaching myself, I set my feet back on my desire path and

picked up where I left off in my game.

Kouzes and Posner emphasized a connection between forward-looking behavior and

approach toward daily challenges (2017, p. 111). With a future to fight toward, daily activities

seemed to drain my energy and my determination. Once I realigned myself with my goals at the

age of 23, I could prospect my future. The struggle with my family circumstances delayed my

studies as I was more concerned with earning money than keeping up with my studies. In

reevaluating my situation, I found that I was running out of time to correct my setbacks.

Nevertheless, I pushed forward and sought counsel in moving toward the right direction. At 25, I

was volunteering at one of Kaiser Permanente’s location as well as a medical center. I applied to

surrounding nursing programs while I keep myself busy with analyzing my future workplaces.

However, the more I was involved with the health care, the more I saw a problem with the health

care system and my determination to enter the field was diminishing by the day. In the end, I

stopped all activities related to the health care and lost sight of a career path. I worked as a

bartender to earn money while I looked for passion elsewhere. The decision was not easy to

make but it was the right decision in the long run. Peter F. Drucker (1999) asserts that we may

have to make changes regarding our careers, or the work we do, if we are to make the greatest

contributions. At the time of the decision, I put the game on pause once again.
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In finding passion in life, I stopped to reexamine my present values and priorities. I

looked to find meaning in my actions and analyze my decisions. However, I believe that this

would not be possible if I did not meet Ryan, the man I am to spend the rest of my life with. I

realized that everything I did, before and after meeting him, was rooted in love. I love my family

and that is why I choose to support them. My love for them also brought about the tough love

necessary to encourage everyone involved to stand on their own two feet. However, love for

myself was a self-care for which I still needed to work on. In helping others first, I ended up

prioritizing myself last. It was not until Ryan came along that I understood that I need to love

myself first so I could be in a better position to provide the help necessary. This revelation taught

me that I must love and respect myself above others and trust that my intentions remain intact.

With a new understanding, I discovered that I was good at communication and had leadership

potential. This put me on my path toward Organizational Leadership.

Further Discussion

My educational journey regarding Organizational Leadership has pushed me to assess

myself as a person and as a leader. I have become more aware of the people around me and the

organizations for which I become a part of. In reflecting upon my past and examining my

previous work, I have discovered more about my strengths and have developed new

competencies. In understanding my position, I can better understand how I can contribute to the

world around me. Examining my competencies has revealed that I am a capable person and that I

can evolve. Knowing that I can be of use provides me with a sense of meaning and purpose. I am

reminded of my potential every time I add to my e-portfolio. This piece of writing also reminds

me of my capabilities and pushes me forward.

Conclusion
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On the journey of self-discovery, I have recognized my strengths and my weaknesses. I

found and lost my direction time and time again. My values and priorities were constantly being

rearranged. I struggled with all of life’s ups and downs. A reflection on my childhood has taught

me that my decisions today will influence my future. I have learned that my life bloomed in my

adolescent years. In reviewing my transition into adulthood, I have found that change can throw

me off my path, but I have the power to realign myself. After jumping over each hurdle, I found

that I am a resilient, determined individual. In moving forward, I found new passion and new

meaning to my life. I want to be a capable person that can provide support for others. I aspire to

obtain a career in human resources within a business setting. I have a dream to own my own bed

and breakfast with a built-in café. As I continue this journey, I look forward to understanding my

strengths and building on existing capabilities. With more understanding, I gain more control.

As my perspectives have changed multiple times over the years, I expect it to continue to

adjust and adapt. This will play a role in my resilience. Resilience can also be found when I

reflect upon my past. In attending to my present, I will be mindful of my actions as well as

maintain focus on my future. By maintain my focus on my goals, I can maintain my

determination and motivation. My strengths have carried me thus far and will continue to push

me toward a brighter future. With my career choices, I will look to sustain my passions and trust

in my abilities. In taking care of myself, I will not perceive this action as selfish but rather, I will

see it as essential for winning at this game called life. In the game, your strengths and

capabilities are the rules. Understand them and you are more likely to win.
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References

Drucker, P. F. (1999, January). Managing oneself. Harvard Business Review. 83(1), 100-109.

Kouzes, J. M. & Posner, B. Z. (2017). The leadership challenge (6th ed.). New Jersey: John

Wiley & Sons, Inc.