BLAME IT ON BARBIE

A short play by

Arianna Rose

Arianna Rose
rockawayrose@gmail.com
718-954-0768

©All Rights Reserved

Member, Dramatists Guild of America
 BLAME IT ON BARBIE

Characters

Terry, a young college woman

Marie, her mother, Southern

TIME:
The Present.

PLACE:
Terry’s bedroom
 BLAME IT ON BARBIE ~ 1 ~

(Marie and her daughter Terry are in her bedroom)

MARIE
Do you have everything packed? Junior year of college! My future lawyer. We’re so
proud. ‘Course I’ll be turning this into my crafts room, but –

TERRY
That would actually work with what I -

MARIE
-There’s the couch, but your brother –

TERRY
MOM! I need to tell you something. This may come as a big surprise -

MARIE
You got a tattoo. Do not let your father see it.

TERRY
I didn’t get a tattoo, mom.

MARIE
You’re a lesbian?

TERRY
What? Why would you -

MARIE
(rehearsed speech) We love you and we fully support your choices. (end of speech.
Almost threateningly:) I still want grandbabies!

TERRY
Oh. My. God. Mom – I’m not gay, I don’t have tats, I’m – switching my-

MARIE
You’re transgendered? (goes into speech again) We love you and will fully -

TERRY
I’m switching my major to scenic design!

MARIE
You’re not becoming a lawyer?
 BLAME IT ON BARBIE ~ 2 ~

TERRY
They have a really great theatre department. I assistant designed Tartuffe last semester,
and this year I’ll get to design the mainstage show. My professor says I have real talent
and –

MARIE
You’re majoring in theatre?

TERRY
A BFA in Scenic Design, and I can intern in the summer theatre program – so you can
craft away! Yay! (beat) It’s not the end of the world, mom.

MARIE
You’re majoring in theatre!

TERRY
Just to be clear, you’ll support me if I’m LGBTQ, but not if I go into the arts?

MARIE
Law is safe. Lawyers make money. Artists never leave their parent’s homes. You’ll be
on the couch forever. With your brother.

TERRY
Eww! Thanks for the vote of confidence, mom. You know, women designers won the
Tony Award the last two years. It’s a real career.

MARIE
I never should have bought you that Barbie dream house.

TERRY
What?

MARIE
You cried and cried that everyone had the Barbie dream house except you. We finally
got it for you for Christmas. Your father stayed up half the night putting it together, and
what did you do?

TERRY
I gave it a makeover.

MARIE
You gave it a makeover! Snuck into the garage and covered it with primer -

TERRY
Who could live with that much pink and purple? Barbie and Skipper deserved a house
that wouldn’t make their eyes bleed.
 BLAME IT ON BARBIE ~ 3 ~

MARIE
You stole my crafts paints! and stippled the walls – what ten year old knows what
stippling is? Spray painted the furniture black and white…

TERRY
My art deco phase.

MARIE
I should have gotten you the Marie Curie science set instead.

TERRY
I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you, mom.

MARIE
Oh, honey. I never said –

TERRY
I used to sneak upstairs and watch you craft. You’d whistle and hum – the hours would
go by, you’d forget to feed us, you were so happy. That’s how I feel about scene design!
I love looking at the finished product and knowing I‘m part of the story –part of the
magic! Ephemeral…but lasting forever in someone’s memory who sees it…

MARIE
Do they teach you those fancy words in college?

TERRY
They teach me to find out what my passion is and give me the tools to pursue it. (beat)
Like you did. (beat) You don’t have to worry.

MARIE
I’m your mother, I’m always going to worry…but I’m glad you’ve found your next
dream house.

TERRY
Yeah, blame it on Barbie, I guess.

MARIE
Barbie doesn’t have any Tony Awards. But you will. Wait a gol-dern minute - does this
mean you’ll get a professional discount on craft supplies?

TERRY
Uh…My people will call your people.

END OF PLAY