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Can't stand to be touched intimately

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3 posts • Page 1 of 1
by Laurier » Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:35 pm

I have had this problem with every relationship I've ever been in, since my very first boyfriend at 16. I'm now 30 and with the man I believe I will
marry and want to know if there is anything I can do to fix my problem.

I love being affectionate, I love hugs and kisses and will show my love to my boyfriend that way endlessly. And I'm attracted to him, I think about
wanting him, but when it actually happens, when it comes to any kind of sexual act - kissing more passionately, touching my chest or down below
and sex - I feel like I want to scream and throw up at the same time. Like he's violating me I guess, only he isn't. I can touch him and it's fine, it's
only when he touches me that I feel this way.

I feel like my reactions are the way someone would react if they had been abused or had something traumatic happen as a child, but that hasn't
happened to me. And I've always felt this way during sex, it's not about my relationship or my partner, this is something in me.

Does anyone have any advice on what I could do?

#1 (#p655875)
by user654321 » Sun Aug 28, 2011 3:54 am

maybe you learned at a young age that sex was wrong and immoral and have a fear of it. i was so scared to have sex because i remember hearing
that condoms dont always work, and i didint have a job and couldnt support a kid so i never had sex when i was young. i also remember feeling like a
perv because i was taught that guys just want sex and girls want romance and long relationships, so i felt weird when it came to sex.

perhaps you learned something that was total BS and its playing with your head making you sick. because as your having sex or w/e, in the back of
your mind your thinking that this is wrong.

people sometimes puke when emotions are high. so you are most likely getting emotional, but why?

#2 (#p656137)
by EKornevoy » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:07 pm

Recently I was watching a video where one enlightened teacher was answering questions.
One very attractive girl asked him that when somebody touches her, she gets extremely uncomfortable and tense and her breathing speeds up, heart
beat speeds up.

The video was on Russian, so I will tell you what he did to her.

First of all he hugged her, and asked her to feel this discomfort right now.
 Then he asked her to try to focus and locate the place inside where discomfort was coming from. He asked her few questions about this discomfort
for about 3 minutes - where exactly it locates, how does it feel, what size of the area of discomfort ,intensity, color, etc.

He asked her to try to imagine this discomfort inside.

She said that she imagined a dirty, ball shaped, area.
He asked her to move attention from this discomfort object to the surrounding area.
She said that surrounding area feels calm and peaceful.
He asked her to move here attention few times from the place where discomfit felt to the place where comfort felt in her mind, back and force few
times.
After a minute discomfort disappeared and she hugged the guy.

The teacher told her that the body has a memory and if in childhood somebody hugged her, for example, when she felt sick, uncomfortable, body
may remember this and connect hug with illness. So each time somebody hugged her, body was invoked the feeling of discomfort and illness.

There is only one way to remove this no verbal emotion, by truly experience it, through focusing on it, imagining it, feeling it - NOT HIDING OR
RUNNING AWAY from the discomfort.

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