Marriage: Proximate Preparations

MODULE 8

Names: _____________________________________________________________

Course and Block: _____________________________________________________________

Instructor/Professor: ______________________________________________________________

Date: ______________________________________________________________

Introduction. As continuation of Unit III, Education of Human Love, Module 8 presents

the proximate preparation in marriage. It describes what the couple, the man and woman
should prepare in themselves in getting married.

.
.

MODULE INTRODUCTIONS AND FOCUS QUESTION (S):

Module 7 of Unit III presented to us the remote preparation in
building a family. It discussed how we understand ourselves, especially
knowing our characteristics, personality and our sexuality. Module 8 will
explain to us the proximate preparation in marriage. It will discuss how
mature we are in dealing things in our day to day life. It will open the
notions on dating, courtship and engagement. In this module I ask Am I
mature enough to go on dating, courtship and engage in a relationship. Is
maturity (mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual and financial)
necessary in getting married? What are the dos and don’ts or boundaries
in dating and courtship? Is intimate relationship (sexual act) precede
engagement? At my present age do I need to listen to my parents or other
significant others reproach about getting married? Is dating app
advantageous and safe?
In this module, you should be able to ....
After completing the unit 2, the students will be able to:
1. DOCTRINE; Demonstrate understanding on the concept of Human Sexuality,
love and responsibility
2. MORAL: Manifest respect and desire to preserve chastity, promote inclusive
healthy relationship (sexuality) and unfailing love that prepare themselves to be
a responsible and mature individual.
3. WORSHIP: invoke God’s guidance and grace to be able to discover the
importance of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of
receiving one another from God.
As Dominican-educated youth, the students are able to practice the Dominican three-
fold mission at the end of the module, through:
1. Laudare —To praise God for the gift of sexuality and imbibe the values of giving oneself in
the context of conjugal love.
2. Benedicere — To experience a blissful life through the gift of human sexuality
S. Praedicare — To preach God’s mystery of personal loving communion in the context of
responsible marriage and family life.
Opening Prayer

and take from me the double

darkness in Which l have been
born,

an obscurity of both sin and

In the name of
ignorance.
the Father, and of
the Son, and of Give me a sharp sense of
the Holy Spirit. understanding, a retentive
Amen. memory, and the ability to
grasp things correctly and
Creator of all
fundamentally.
things,
Grant me the talent of being
true Source of
exact in my explanations,
light and wisdom,
lofty origin of all and the ability to express
being, myself with thoroughness and
charm.
graciously let a
ray of Your Point out the beginning, direct
brilliance the progress, and help in
penetrate into completion; through Christ our
the darkness of Lord.
my
understanding
In the name of the Father, and
of the Son, and of the Holy
Spirit. Amen.
 Let’s find out how much you already know about this topic. Think and
give your best answers to the question by clicking the Yes or NO. Please
answer all items. After taking this short test, you will see your score.
Take note of the items that you were not able to correctly answer and
look for the right answer as you go through this module.

Response “YES” Statement Response “NO”

1. Maturity plays a major role in the

success or demise of
relationships. Age and maturity
are not necessarily synonymous,
especially when it comes to
relationships.
2. Maturity plays a role in a person’s
ability to accept responsibility for his
or her own thoughts, feelings and
behaviors. It governs a person’s
ability to monitor his or her thinking
and control the various emotions
(anxiety, frustration, etc.) inherent in
any intimate relationship.
3. Maturity influences a person’s ability
to truly commit to a relationship for life
and understand that commitment
implies giving up all or knowing how
to compromise.
4. Infatuation are intense emotions
that one feels for another person.
Is the state of being completely
carried away by unreasoning
passion or love?
5. During courtship a couple gets to
know each other and decide if
there will be an engagement or
such agreement.
 Quaestio

ACTIVITY 1: Anticipation Reaction Guide (ARG)

What are your ideas when you think about being mature, especially in dating, courtship and engagement? Is it
proper that I give everything during the first date, during courtship or when I am already engage? Do I need to have
boundaries or limitations when I am dating or courting someone? Do I need to inform my parents that someone wanted
to date and court me? Is dating and courtship necessary before getting married? Start the module by answering the first
column of the Anticipation Reaction Guide (ARG)

Instruction: Respond to each statement twice. Once before the lesson and again after reading the discussion of the
lesson

 Write I believe if you agree with the statement

 Write I don’t believe if you disagree with the statement
Response Before Statement Response After the
the Lesson Lesson

1. A mature person is able to keep long-term

commitments.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or
criticism.
3. A mature person’s decisions are based on
character, not feelings.
4. A mature person knows how to prioritize
others before themselves.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude
consistently.

Engage yourself…
Inspiring you to know more about maturity, especially in dating, courtship and
engagement, please engage yourself by knowing your maturity level. Take a maturity level test
(California Maturity Index, CMI) from this link:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/just-listen/201309/how-mature-are-you-the-
california-maturity-index-cmi. Or if you are in dating or courtship situation try to engage by
taking the Dating Compatibility Test with your partner at
http://www.datingdiversions.com/dating_compatibility.html as a proximate preparation for
getting married. Please take the tests honestly, it is just for fun while learning.
California Maturity Index (CMI) by Mark Goulston

Rate the following statements about one of your friends and family or yourself:
1 = rarely; 2 = sometimes; 3 = nearly always

Thinking
1. I pause before I speak
2. I consider the consequences of my actions before I act
3. I weigh the pluses and minuses of decisions before I make them
Planning
1. I come up with long term goals
2. I develop a plan for reaching those goals
3. I develop a plan for dealing with potential derailers from staying on track to those long term goals
Accepting Consequences
1. I believe the results that I see
2. I accept non-begrudgingly the consequences of my decisions and actions rather than rejecting them
3. I agree to deal with the consequences of my decisions and actions rather than fight them
Being Accountable
1. I accept it is my responsibility to deal with the consequences of my decisions and actions
2. I commit to actions to deal with the consequences of my decisions and actions
3. I commit to a schedule for taking those actions and agree to further consequences of not following
through on them by the agreed time

Scoring:
12 – 19: You’re highly immature - it’s nearly impossible for you to delay gratification and is impossible for you
to willingly and calmly accept full responsibility for the consequences of your impulsive decisions. You tend to
be a hostile, belligerent blamer and grudge holder. If left unchecked, you run the risk of feeling bitter at the
end of your life.
20– 27: You’re immature – you can occasionally delay gratification and although you’re not happy about the
negative consequences of your hasty actions, you don’t go ballistic. You’re not as hostile in your blaming, but
you have a sizable unforgiving streak in your personality. At the end of your life, you run the risk of
feeling depressed and unfulfilled.
28 – 36: You’re mature – your decisions are more guided by your core values which extend beyond your
personal needs and wants to others and when things don’t work out, you’re disappointed, but you rarely
blame others (even if they are at fault) and instead focus on fixing problems that arise, correcting your course
and moving forward. You are the kind of person that people feel honored and privileged to know. At the end
of your life, you have the possibility of feeling satisfied, fulfilled and of being respected, admired,
appreciated and beloved.
If you really want to help yourself and some of the people you know grow up and have a better life, use the
CMI™ with them by having them: a) rate themselves, b) rate you on it. After they do that, ask them to c) rate
themselves the way they believe you would rate them. Follow that by asking them why they gave those ratings
in those three categories.
Then ask them what they believe the relationship is between their rating and the respect,
trust, confidence and regard that others have in them. Finally, have a dialogue with them about what
specific behavioral changes they would need to do to improve their ratings and then discuss what you plan to
do to improve your ratings and ask for their input about that.  Then ask them if you and they can revisit those
commitments informally every month to see how both of you are coming along.

Objectio
Online and dating apps are rampant now-a-days. Teenagers are lured to engage on this platforms thinking and
believing that they are safe. Most of young adults’ today objects to their prying parents. They believe that dating,
courtship and engagement is a personal thing and it is not the business of their parents. Sometimes, dating or courting
someone through online and dating apps is a means where they can find a meaningful relationship. Believing that
traditional dating and courtship is not anymore necessary, relationship with no string attach or cohabitation is better.
Watch the videos link below and discover how the modern society through online and dating apps not just twisted the
plan of God for marriage but ended themselves victim by sexual predators and scammers. Take note what you
understand from the video and write a personal reflection paper.

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFFTMfp5iQo

Format:
12 Times New Roman
Single Space
Short Bond paper
 Analysis/Sed
Contra

1. Maturity

Maturity plays a major role in the success or demise of relationships. Age and maturity are not
necessarily synonymous, especially when it comes to relationships. Therefore, it is essential for anyone to
understand how maturity affects a person’s ability to understand the concepts and implement the skills needed
to form and maintain healthy relationships.
Maturity plays a role in a person’s ability to accept responsibility for his or her own thoughts, feelings
and behaviors. It governs a person’s ability to monitor his or her thinking and control the various emotions
(anxiety, frustration, etc.) inherent in any intimate relationship. When tensions are high in a relationship, it is
common to handle the pain by blaming the other partner. In emotionally mature relationships, partners are able
to have realistic expectations about relationships, marriage and their partner. Emotionally mature individuals do
not blame their partner or others for any anger or anxiety they feel.
Maturity influences a person’s ability to truly commit to a relationship for life and understand that
commitment implies giving up all other partner choices. This, in turn, determines the level of trust and
dependability present in a relationship. Maturity allows partners to be supported in exploring individual
interests so their own uniqueness can be honored. It also maintains the integrity of the commitment and restores
trust when it has been violated.
The following isn’t exhaustive of being a mature person, but it is a list of characteristics that young
people who are unusually mature — intellectually, volitionally, emotionally, and spiritually. For that matter,
these are signs psychologist suggest for every person modeled for the generation coming behind them.

1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments. One key signal of maturity is the ability to
delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new
or novel. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don’t feel like it.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism. As people mature, they sooner or later
understand that nothing is as good as it seems, and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive
compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are
secure in their identity.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility. Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn’t thinking
less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren’t consumed with drawing attention to
themselves. They see how others have contributed to their success and can honor them. This is the opposite of
arrogance.
4. A mature person’s decisions are based on character, not feelings. Mature people—students and adults
—live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. They are able to progress beyond merely
reacting to life’s options, and be proactive as they live their life. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently. I have found that the more I mature, the more
grateful I am, for both big and little things. Immature children presume they deserve everything good that
happens to them. Mature people see the big picture and realize how good they have it, compared to most of the
world’s population.
6. A mature person knows how to prioritize others before themselves. A wise man once said: A mature
person is one whose agenda revolves around others, not self. Certainly this can go to an extreme and be
unhealthy, but I believe a pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to
meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. A mature person seeks wisdom before acting. Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don’t
presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get, the more they realize they need more wisdom. They’re
not ashamed of seeking counsel from adults (teachers, parents, coaches) or other sources. Only the wise seek
wisdom. (Tim Elmore, 2012. “The Marks of Maturity”. Psychology Today)

Notes: Infatuation are intense emotions that one feels for another person. Is the state of being completely
carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Is admiration for someone while not recognizing
that person’s flaws. Is a feeling of likeness to someone in a short period of time usually lasts for only a short
time, few weeks or maybe a few months? It can be described as a feeling of intense affection for someone  is
based on a true desire for the other person’s best interests.

2. Dating is a social activity which involves two or more people generally assessing each other’s suitability
for a potential relationship. It can also be enjoyed as part of an already active relationship.

3. Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage or it is
an establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship a couple gets to
know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or such agreement. A courtship may be an
informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair or a formal arrangement with
family approval.

4. Engagement is a period of agreement entered between two people in love for them to be able to know
each other and their families well enough to be sure that they are ready and are suited for life- long
companionship. It provides opportunity to develop interpersonal skills useful before and even within
marriage. Time of understanding and devoting much time to explore each other’s strengths and
weaknesses so they could adjust to one another.
 DEEPEN: (Making Meaning)

A. Maturity, Dating, Courtship and Engagement

Read and Watch: To deepen your understanding and find meaning on what and how man and woman should prepare
themselves by being mature psychologically, emotionally, mentally, physically, financially and spiritually before getting
married, please read all articles and watch all videos that will guide you in this module. Take note what you understand.
Go to the link provided below, read, watch and understand what the Christian vision of family and marriage in
Catholicism is, particularly in become a mature person before engaging to dating, courtship and engagement.

Reading and Video Materials

Success Depends Upon Maturity: https://uh.edu/~dsocs3/wisdom/wisdom/maturity.pdf

THE MARKS OF A MATURE PERSON: http://www.ubcmacomb.com/wp-content/uploads/sermons/james/01-The-Marks-

of-a-Mature-Person.pdf

MARRIAGE PREPARATIONS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt6T_m2nKOM

Write below what you understand from your reading and watching about proximate preparation in
getting married.
 Respondio

B. A Great Sign of Matured love!

Read and Watch: To deepen your understanding on a great sign of matured love. I would like to share a video that gives
us a meaningful realization of matured love. These three words will give us the essence of love: Accept. Grieve. Try
Again!

LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1nHGYgyLfw&t=327s

After watching the Video make a one-page reflection paper.

FORMAT:
12 TIMES NEW ROMAN
SINGLE SPACE
SHORT BOND PAPER

CREATIVE WORK: Propose a program in school or community you belong that will raise the awareness of
the students or youth regarding the detrimental effect of child marriages.
 Closure

Learning Skills Easy, I get Well, more

examples
OMG, I
It still need
please help

1. I can discern the right and mature

loving relationship.
2. I can design my personal future
marriage preparation and plans
 At the end of this lesson go back to ARG (Explore) and answer the third
column. Compare your answer to your previous answer.
Your understanding of the mystical truths about God will be increased
as you study the lessons and perform the activities in this module.

Let’s find out how much you have learned about this topic. Think and give the answers to
the questions by encircling the best answer from each question.
1. One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a
student is able to keep commitments even when they are no longer new or novel.
a. Virtue of Charity
b. Possess a spirit of humility
c. Unshaken by flattery
d. Long-term commitments

2. Mature people—students and adults—live by ________.

a. Carnal desire
b. Sexual Promiscuity
c. Vice
d. Values

3. A mature person seeks ______ before acting.

a. Wisdom
b. Indulgence
c. Favor
 d. Social acceptance

4. A mature person is teachable. They don’t presume they have all the_________.
a. Means
b. Power
c. Answers
d. Intentions

5. This is an intense emotion that one feels for another person. Is the state of being completely
carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love.

a. Consummation
b. Infatuation
c. Love
d. Gratification

CLOSING PRAYER
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of
the Holy Spirit. Amen.

May God the Father bless us.

May God the Son heal us.
May God the Holy Spirit enlighten us, and give
us
eyes To see with, ears to hear with,
hands to do the work of God with, feet to walk
with,
a mouth to preach the word of salvation with,
and the angel of peace to watch over us and
lead us at last, by our Lord’s gift, for the
Kingdom.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of
the Holy Spirit. Amen..
References:
 REFERENCES:

Catechism for Filipino Catholics (1997).

Catechism for the Catholic Church. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
Youth Catechism of the Catholic Church (2011). http://rokreligiouseducation.com/wp-
content/uploads/2015/11/50667YOUCATPgsp_00000007751.pdf
Do Catechism of the Catholic Church
Faith Seeking Understanding. https://fsubelmonte.weebly.com/uploads/1/9/7/1/19715887/fsu1.pdf
Ott, L. (1974). Fundamentals of Catholic Dogma. Tan Books and Pub, Inc. USA.