Dr Jason Robert

Gastroenterologist This paragraph has irrelevant and secondary data which

Newton Hospital should not highlighted or even written in the first body
paragraph.
09/08/2020

Dear Dr Robert,
No Re: Ms Anne Hall, DOB (19/09/1972)
management
required I am writing to refer Ms Anne Hall, 48 years old, a 4-year-old patient, whose clinical features
are suggestive of Gerd with strictures. Your further assessment and endoscopy if required
and management would be highly appreciated.

Ms Hall is an overweight and is a known asthmatic patient since childhood. She has been asthmatic
since childhood. She also has a history of suffered from dyspepsia in (2012). Ms Hall has a positive
family history of hypertension, asthma and peptic ulcer. Please note, she is allergic to codeine, dust mites
and sulphur dioxide. In addition, she is a social drinker.
No need for this comma

Ms Hall presented to us on 8/6/18, with the complaint of dysphagia for solids, severe epigastric
pain radiating to the back at T12 level and weight loss for the past two weeks. Her symptoms
started after URTI, for which she took over the counter medicines and Chinese herbal products.
Additionally, Ms hall has increased her coffee intake and takes aspirin 2-3 times per month.
In my opinion, the plan is to perform endoscopy, decrease alcohol and coffee consumption, stop taking
over- the counter product medicines and commence pantoprazole 40mg daily.

In view of the above, I would be grateful if you evaluate Ms Hall’s condition. Should
there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely, This paragraph carry more than one theme, you have to
Doctor prioritize the visit data and write the recommendations in
another paragraph. In addition, her coffee intake and aspirin do
not follow this theme, it should be written with the history and
personal data paragraph.

The secondary data should be prioritized according to their relevancy to the gastro-oesophageal reflux
like that :

Regarding Ms Hall risk factors which might be the cause of her symptoms, she has increased her coffee
consumption and takes aspirin 2-3 times a month. She drinks socially (mainly spirits). Her family history
is noted for peptic ulcer disease related to her father. She has a history of dyspepsia (2012) and dermatitis
for which she was commenced on oral and topical cortisone.

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Reducing her coffee and alcohol intake have been recommended along with an advice to stop taking over-
the counter product. Additionally, pantoprazole was prescribed.

FEEDBACK:
1- Mixing data will reduce your grade because you have to plan your letter
before you write and decide what to include in the body paragraphs and
under which themes.

2- Do not ever give priority to secondary data in one-visit referral letter, in

this type you should start with today’s visit because it has the most relevant
data and then pick a theme to group data as secondary paragraph.

3- TENSES are very important because you it reflects the accuracy of the
data. You cannot use present simple with SINCE, FOR OR OVER, those are
the present perfect words.

4- This letter needs to be organized according to the order of importance and

written again.

5- Be careful while writing your purpose because you need investigations and
endoscopy if required, nothing mentioned regarding management at all.

Assessment Criteria:
Purpose: 2
Content: 5
Conciseness & Clarity: 4
Genre & Style: 5
Organization & Layout: 4
Language: 5

Total: 26 = 342 out of 500

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Corrected by Mrs Mahinour Salama. For writing correction service, contact us on Whats APP on these
numbers: 00201094998787-00201272757084. Our courses testimonials is on our page on face book:
https://www.faceb ook.com/AlexandriaEnglishCoachingCenter