How children deal with

grief Brinlee Mackay

 Children grieve differently from adults. Some young children may not
even understand what death means, or that people who have died won’t
be coming back. Some may worry they have done something to cause
the death. In other cases some children might not even seem too
concerned about it, or go from crying one moment to wanting play the
next.
The Social Work Today magazine shakes misperceptions on grieving children saying, “Despite
recent research, misperceptions about the very existence of childhood grief persist. According to
Mila Ruiz Tecala, LICSW, of the Center for Loss And Grief in Washington, DC, the notion that
children are too young to grieve remains prevalent. "That attitude is a disservice to children since
it deprives them of the ability to grieve." Research, she says, indicates that a child's core
personality is affected by any loss during the early months of life. Losing a primary caretaker,
however, especially the mother, "leads inevitably to changes in the daily routine that creates
uncertainty and instability in the child's life." Even infants, says Jana DeCristofaro, LCSW,
coordinator of children's grief services at The Dougy Center, The National Center for Grieving
Children and Families, are affected when a primary caregiver dies. "They will know that the
person who is holding them does not smell the same, feel the same, or carry them in the same
way."’
 2-4
What to expect in ages

At this age kids don’t have a real understanding of death and are unable to
process the permanence of it. They don’t understand that death means “forever”.
You may be answering the same questions over and over again from your child.
 “
4-7
What to expect in ages

Children at this age still might see death as reversible, they may try and
do things to bring them back. They may think they did something to
cause the death and might start to ask more questions about how they
died or where they are now.
 What to expect in ages 7-13

At this age kids are more logical with their thinking as they have matured. They
understand that death is final but still wish for it to be reversible. They may
become more concerned with other people’s deaths. They might become
concerned with the way other people death with death and try to figure out the
“right” way to react to losing someone.
Allow children to be involved in any rituals like a viewing or funeral, they
should be given the choice to be involved but not forced. Inform your child
on what they should expect. You might need to explain what will happen
after like a burial or cremation. Share your family beliefs on what happens
after death and where they go. Giving your child a role in the services is also
a good way to help cope. Invite your child to read a poem, share a memory,
or gather photos.
Some adults might think that if a child isn’t visibly grieving, they are grieving.
According to The Social Work Today magazine, "Grief is the internal response
and mourning is the external response to loss. Kids may not be showing grief
on the outside, but they're grieving tremendously on the inside. They go into a
shocked, numblike state. It seems as if a shutter comes down in our brain,
protecting us from the intensity of the grief experience, and as the weeks and
months go on, that shutter slowly goes back up. However, with children, that
shutter seems to stay down a bit longer."
Sources
Great Valley Publishing Company, I. (n.d.). How
children grieve - persistent myths may stand in the
way of appropriate care and support for children.
Retrieved April 10, 2021, from
https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/030415p
20.shtml
Aacap. (n.d.). Grief and children. Retrieved April 10, 2021,
from
https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/F
acts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Grief-008.
aspx
Rachel Ehmke is managing editor at the Child Mind
Institute. (2020, May 15). Helping children deal with grief.
Retrieved April 10, 2021, from
https://childmind.org/article/helping-children-deal-grie
f/
Lyness, D. (Ed.). (2016, September). Helping
your child deal with death (for parents) -
nemours kidshealth. Retrieved April 10, 2021,
from
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/death.ht
ml
Gunner, S. (n.d.). Home. Retrieved April 10,
2021, from
https://childrengrieve.org/resources/about-
childhood-grief
Helping children cope with grief.
(2020, March 27). Retrieved April 10,
2021, from
https://childmind.org/guide/helping
-children-cope-grief/
Pictures

Arkusha, A. (n.d.). Portrait of a pretty liitle Studio, P. (n.d.). Schoolgirls drawing with
girls [Photograph]. colorful pencils at home [Photograph].

Andrejchenko, M. (n.d.). Sad child looking Lukassek. (n.d.). Little boy

through window durin rain. Upset kid in
self isolation at home during lockdown.
Lifestyle, authentic, candid moment.
[Photograph].
Images, C. (n.d.). A little boy plays
with an alphabet puzzle.
[Photograph].
standing at the grave of his
parents [Photograph].
Shot, P. (n.d.). Little children hiding mouths
behind drawn smiles on color background
[Photograph].

Lund, J. (n.d.). Group of children playing with

soap bubbles [Photograph].