1/28/2021

Subtitles
Questions
Important thoughts/ideas
Comments
Summary

“The Mask You Live In” Notes

What is means to “Be a man”

Introduction: The man behind the story and what he says:

- His father told him to be a man he needs to be tough and do manly things such as learn
how to fight
- He hid himself behind football
- Wanted attention and love from his father that he never received
- “Don’t cry”, “fag”, “bros before hoes”, “man up” ( are these phrases/ statements more
modern? Or have these statements about men or labels been throughout history? For
example, “bros before hoes” seems more of a recent phrase that people say in modern
day…)

Summary: The man in the beginning of the documentary is telling his story of his experience of
the stereotypes surrounded around the idea of what it means to be a man. His father belittled him
when he felt emotions. He speaks upon how he longed for his fathers approval, but only felt he
could receive it when he was doing “masculine” things.

“If you really knew me…”

- “I feel like an outsider”

- “It’s hard to talk to someone” (Do men really have someone to talk to that would
understand their emotions?)
- “When i’m sad i don't say anything” (is it due to the stereotypes around the idea that men
cannot show emotion that makes them feel they have to bottle it all up?)
- “I hide emotions”
- “Sometimes i feel i can't be myself”
- “My dads in jail and i've never seen him out of jail”

“If you really knew me” is a statement that was said by interviewed boys/young men that shows
that they are judged before someone knows their story. Everyone has a story to tell, and many of
us are too quick to judge before we even hear their story. A lot of the boys within the
documentary stated things that would label young men/boys as a “pussy” or “weak”

Pressures on guys not to show anything associated with femininity

 - Starts in earliest moments of boyhood
- Proving to other guys that they arent girl or gay
- Taught as boys to lock down emotions
- Social system that threatens them as a low level of a man if they aren’t “man enough”
- Associate masculinity with athletic ability
- Masculinity associated with economic success - I feel this is built on society and not just
around men. Females feel this pressure too.
- “Comparison is a thief of all happiness” (Who compares themselves more to one another,
men or women?)
- Associate sexual conquest with masculinity
- “Bigger stronger faster
- Forced self into society
- Distanced self from people less masculine
- School was a way to perform and learn “masculinity

For guys, it seems to be about proving to others who they are not. There are so many ideas
wrapped around what makes a man “a man”, almost as if nothing else about them matters. Is this
society driven?

“Sex” as a biological term / “Gender” as a sociological term

- sex : x and y chromosomes

- Gender: society driven: femine/ masculinity

Gender stereotypes through social conditioning / media influences

- Through movies/ tv shows

- Gender is socially constructed
- Puts pressure on young men and women and puts them into boxes

Men can be sensitive and nurturing

- Not encouraged to talk about pain

- Learning how to be in the world and behave in ways that are socially acceptable
- Mothers are told that holding boys to closely are making them soft and hindering their
development
- Men are less likely to show emotion because they have been socialized into it
- “Men are tough, men are strong”
- Men can teach their sons to be sensitive and tell them it is okay to have feelings

Young boys learn pressures and powers of masculinity early

- Boys understand rules and consequences in life
- Boys know at a young age that they shouldn’t cry in front of classmates
- Dominance hierarchy
- Boys can hate something about another boy that they recognize in themselves
 - Discouraged through physical force to not show emotions

Male teens can struggle to feel close with other males:

- 15-17 boys open up about their emotions
- Start to interact with females
- Boys use secrets against eachother
- Signs of intimacy can seem gay

Acting out and struggling to cope:

- Feeling weird if your the only one sober
- Joining certain groups to look cool
- Depression causes boys to act out

What’s behind the mask:

- feelings that go unresolved

- Poker face
- Inner struggles

Unit 3, Journal #1

According to the film, “The Mask You Live In”, “the mask” the authors speak upon that
“we live in” is referring to to the ways we tend to cover our true selves behind expectations that
society put upon us causing us to not embrace our true identity without hesitation and fear.
These tendencies have created us to feel as though we need to fit within what society preaches
as “normal”, rather than being our own selves. We talk so much about “just be yourself”, but
how can we really be ourselves when it feels as though we will not be accepted by society.
Society has caused us to feel as though we need to exceed it’s expectations, and if we do not
exceed them, we are not good enough or do not fit in.
“The mask” that some people live in is based on the fear of not fitting in. We oftentimes
present ourselves differently than to who we truly are due to the fear of not being accepted.
Throughout the film we hear many stories of the socially constructed idea that men need to be
tough. This society driven idea causes many men to hide their inner selves behind this “mask”,
or inside their conscious awareness so they do not show what will not be accepted.
Within the film, some people live in “the mask” that they were nurtured to put on since
they were young. For example, many of the men within the film talked about how since they
were young, their parents told them to be “tough” and to not be “sensitive”. By teaching young
men at a young age to be tough and not show emotions, it causes them anxiety later in life as
though they cannot show feeling without looking weak. Another cause is not only family
driven, but as I said before, society driven. Society has these ideas formed upon the male
gender that if they show emotion, they are “pussies” or “gay”. Enforcing these ideas onto the
male gender causes them to bottle everything up inside.
The effects of putting on this “mask” creates almost a false society in my opinion. If
everyone is wearing a “mask” to exceed expectations, when do we know if someone is truly
hurting or truly being “real”.