Leader Identity Narrative

Alia Muhammad

Arizona State University

OGL 482: Pro Seminar II

Dr. B

June 6, 2021
 Ten years ago I embarked on this journey to finish my bachelor of arts degree in

Organizational Leadership. As I reflect on my life, it is surreal that I am three weeks away from

completion. There have been many challenges and obstacles along the way that almost allowed

me to accept defeat. As unpleasant or disruptive as the challenge may be, it also brings with it a

multitude of benefits (Foster, 2016). Which has been true for me personally. I have had high and

low points throughout my life that have tested my willpower to succeed. We all have a story that

tells the true narrative about how we come out on top despite our struggles. It has been strength,

courage, and perseverance that has had a direct impact in changing the course of me having a

success story to tell. These next significant turning points will explain my leader identity

narrative.

The earliest moment in my life that I can remember feeling accomplished was in third

grade. I wrote a story about a dog named “lucky”. I don’t remember much about what I wrote but

that I place 3rd in the competition. I also remember how I felt at this time. What a good feeling it

was to receive numerous amounts of compliments from my teacher and my family. I was

showered with love that day when I accepted my rewards. It was also a pretty big deal to win

twenty-five bucks as an 8-year-old. Please don’t ask me what I did with that money because I

probably spent it on items for my easy bake oven. It was also pretty cool that my grandfather

even named his jack Russel Terrier after my short story too. I didn’t have many responsibilities

as a child other than school and playtime. Winning a writing contest was an intrinsic reward that

I wanted to ensure I received going forward in my life. Even as a small child, when I was able to

bring joy to someone even through a small story was rewarding for me.

After 3rd grade, I didn’t write any more stories that won any competitions, unfortunately.

However, it did set the bar for me going forward. I maintained good grades throughout grade
school up until high school. Maintaining a good work ethic was of importance to me to go to

college. The problem was I was unsure about what university I wanted to attend after highschool.

Fear kept me from leaving my family and going away for school. I heard about some of the

challenges my brother faced with being a broke college student. I decided that I didn’t want that

for myself. Therefore, I decided to go to Mesa Community College. I was not happy with my

decision and also let many of my family members. Having an education is one thing my family

values. I have always had this high expectation that they wanted to make sure I meant. Frankly, it

Staying in the state for school allowed me to easily get a job while taking college courses. So

that is exactly what I did. My major at the time I started at Mesa community college was

psychology. During this time I also started my first real job as a technical customer service

advisor for Sears. I did well for myself despite juggling a full-time job and school.

Having a clear understanding of my goals kept me on the path to getting an education.

Finally, I transferred to Arizona state university. I was ecstatic to become a sun devil and so was

my family. The pressure was on at this point which left no room for failure. However, remember

those challenges that I mentioned in the beginning? Well, this is where they all started to show

up. I’m not sure what age one knows who they are or what they want to be but I certainly didn’t.

I had no clue about life and how to overcome real obstacles. On top of all of it, I was trying to

ensure I meant the high expectations my family set for me. I didn’t want to let them down by not

finishing school. The real truth was I was just tired of going to school. As much as I wanted the

degree I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything seemed to be going wrong. I

was failing my classes and struggling with effectively managing stress. My social life became a

priority over school. School was no longer enjoyable for me. It didn’t help that I choose a major

that was not for me and where my career was heading.

 Focus shifted from having an education to having a good career. I landed a new

position for an International Shipping Company that had promising career aspirations. As I

learned my role and became interested in my work school slipped further away from me. I was

able to promote to team lead and subsequently to drop out of college. It was a moment in my life

I tried to accept the story that school was just not for me. I let defeat win for the first time in my

life and it didn’t feel good. On top of that, I let my grandmother down. She was the last person

that I wanted to disappoint. I owe her a great deal as she supported and invested in my education.

Like myself, she faced many challenges and obstacles while she attended school. One reason

why I admire her until this day. She didn’t let anything stop her from reaching her goals. Our

conversations always helped keep me motivated despite all the doubts I had about myself.

Losing her was a significant impact on my life. I lost the number one person I was excited to see

when I crossed that stage to receive my diploma. I figured it no longer mattered if I attended

school or not.

Despite some of the losses I experience with my beloved grandmother and my education

things started to go uphill at work. I landed a supervisor job. At this point, school was just an

image I saw in my rearview mirror that I would never see again. I thought to myself, why do I

need school if I can secure a leadership position with no degree. Never thought of myself as a

leader before accepting this position. I’m grateful that a mentor saw something in me that push

me to take this career opportunity. I learned a great deal about myself. It also helped me work

through assumptions and generalizations that influence my behavior in adversity. These are

known as mental modes which we generally are not aware of. As a leader, it is important to

understand what these are and how we can overcome them. It will help break down barriers that

hold us back from organizational success. The discipline of working with mental modes starts
with turning the mirror inward and learning to unearth our internal pictures of the world to bring

them to the surface along with holding them rigorously to scrutiny (Senge, 2009, p.8).

Assumptions take us farther away from the goal. When we assume based on what we know our

world to be we can end up making the wrong decisions. Suppressing assumptions is a tactful

skill to have as it allows you to see and hear things for what they are. It allowed me to

understand that I needed to change my leadership style to ensure the entire team was able to

reach common goals.

It is with learning that we get to re-create ourselves and become able to do things we

were never were able to do (Senge, 2009). There are several different things I learned from real-

life experiences of being a supervisor. However, I needed to further my knowledge and

understanding of what it means to be a leader. In short, I needed to return to school. As much as

I wanted to eliminate school from my goals it still was an accomplishment I wanted to call my

own. I hated the fact I dropped out of school. There were competencies and organizational

structures that I needed to learn. This was the only way I could transform myself from one who

manages to one who leads. I could only effectively do so by enhancing my skills and knowledge.

I also found I was unable to continue to climb the ladder without the degree. It is funny that

around this time I received a phone call from ASU in regards to the Organizational leadership

degree.

It is easy to forget about what is important to us. Sometimes we have things that show up

in life that remind us of what our true purpose is in life. I quit my job in 2018 to return to

Arizona State University to complete what I started. I found that changing my major to

Organizational Leadership was the best decision I made for myself. Everything I learned in the

first OGL course was the confirmation I was where I needed to be all along. Not only did I return
to school refreshed but also with a new way of thinking. My mind was open to learning new

ideas and ways to reconstruct my leadership style. I am capable of adapting to the situations I am

now faced with. It may have taken me ten years to get here but the important part is I'm here. Our

paths are all different and I realized that I have to create what that looks like for myself. It is my

journey and my journey alone. I spent a long time dwelling on problems that I forgot about the

path I was intended to bark on. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
 References

Forrester, K. (2016, November 29). Life Without Challenges: is it Worth The Risk? Medium.

https://medium.com/thrive-global/living-without-challenge-is-it-worth-the-risk-

1a4fe0429905.

Senge, P. M. (2009). The fifth discipline: the art and practice of the learning organisation.

Currency Doubleday.