Kara Burns

Psy2200

July 2, 2021

Parenting Styles

“The three parenting styles are defined especially on how demanding the parents
and their level of responsiveness. A parent’s level of demand is determined by
“the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole,
by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to
confront the child who disobeys” (Baumrind, 1991, pp.61-62). “Responsiveness,
on the other hand, is being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s
special needs and demands” (Baumrind, 1991, p.62). In other words, there is no
specific way that we should parent our children and some kids may need a
different kind of parenting than compared to other kids, depending on their
needs and demands. I interviewed a mother of three children ages 14, 12, and 8
and they are two girls and one boy.
The rules set by these parents is more age related than a general rule for
everyone, which I am sure a lot of parents use the same concept. A rule that may
apply to their older children may not apply to the youngest because of maturity.
Limiting electronic usage during the day and cell phones are an issue for a lot of
parents. Electronics have overtaken our children but as long as the guidelines are
set to make them still be a kid by going outside, enjoying the summer, and let
alone the type of exposure the kids could be susceptible on the internet. The
biggest issue is kids getting involved in things that could potentially harm them,
like talking to people they don’t know, even giving personal information that
could get used to get the child in trouble. So, setting more strict rules around cell
phones comes from kids sneaking and doing things they shouldn’t be doing to
begin with. These kids are expected to complete daily chores by the time mom or
dad get home from work. The chores are back-breaking things but enough to
teach respect and responsibilities, like doing the dishes, folding some laundry,
sweeping floors, and just maintaining a clean house while they are there. The
other rule was no hanging out or having sleepovers, until the kids were
introduced to the parents and the parents have meet, this is more of a security
because we want to make sure we are aware of who the kids will be around and if
we “trust” them. When kids get to certain age, it is easier to talk to them and
have discussions about what is expected of them with rules, what to expect if
rules are broken and accepting those consequences of their actions. Most of the
rules and expectations are within terms the kids don’t have issues with them but
when there are issues with the rules or misunderstandings about the rules, is
when the discussions normally happen. This can just be reiterating the rule and
explaining it again just in case there were some pieces forgotten. Chores are the
only rule open for negotiation because the kids can swap which chore, they had
with one another if the chore is being done. The other rules are easy enough to
understand and has been made clear on why they are rules.
When punishing your kids, you always wonder what the most effective way for
them is to get the point and not continue those behaviors. Normally we talk
about what the problem was but when something more extreme happens it turns
into a butt-busting or corner time. Sometimes yelling happens but it is not the
most effective way because tempers are high already and emotions seem to get
in the way of the original purpose for being upset. Yelling or raising your voice
when disciplining gets nothing accomplished but now everyone is more upset
than we the discussion started. There are consequences to breaking the rules and
disobeying and sometimes as parents those disciplines are harder to enforce. For
the oldest it was taking away all electronics for an extended period because of the
child being sneaky online and being inappropriate and unsafe. The other kids
didn’t seem to care much about the punishment of taking their things away so
this resorted to if you get told repeatedly what not to do, then you will get a butt-
busting. Some kids respond to discipline differently which is why as a parent you
must discipline according to the demands of each child. It is hard most of the time
to have to discipline harshly because what the kids do wrong isn't that bad
because they are pretty good kids most of the time.
Affection is a very important role as a parent because as parents all we want to do
is shower our children with love, affection and safety. Research highlights the link
between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future. Children
who tend to not have as much affection tend to have a lower self-esteem and feel
more alienated, hostile, aggressive and anti-social. But we can also be too
affectionate and responding to everything that happens to the child which could
lead to issues later in life like anxiety, narcissistic attitude and immaturity. Being
moderately affectionate, is always telling each other we love them, giving loves at
bedtime and anytime someone is leaving the house. Terrible perspective is we
never know when that moment could be our last with that person. Affection
provides a safety barrier between parent and child because we want to show
them that we care about them, we love them for who they are and setting the
expectations will help them exceed later on down the road. This also plays a role
in maturity and if our kids are at the level of maturity for their ages. Not every kid
will mature like the other kids and age does play a factor but being immature isn't
a bad thing always because kids will be kids no matter what. The oldest is where
she needs to be with maturity for her age, the middle is slightly less mature for
her age and the youngest is the most immature because of his age. Being the
baby of the group tends to allow you to get away with more things and that can
lead to immaturity but being 8, the expectations aren’t set in stone.
Looking down the road 10 years as a parent, most of the parents would say to
have children who are kind and successful human beings. By learning from past
experiences, the kids at the time of being young don’t understand the rules until
later in life but most appreciate how their parents disciplined them and will more
than likely use the same techniques or tweak them some to accommodate what
they didn’t like most. The greatest impact on parenting style can come from many
different directions but most of the time it is past parenting styles from the
parent's childhood. In this case, it is the father who has set a sort of expectation
list on how the kids should act. We set guidelines on what we want our kids to do
and how we want them to act. Yes, this seems a little harsh in the sense that we
are controlling but it is like a new puppy. We must control what a puppy does
until they learn how to not chew on things that aren’t theirs or going outside to
the use the bathroom and not in the house. Kids are the same way; they don’t
know how to do everything so we “control” the situation until they learn how to
do it right. As parents we also want to protect our children from everything but
most of that controlling instinct can have a negative effect on the kids, like leading
to intentional disobeying. We also always ask ourselves how we could be better
parents. It is the feeling that there needs to be a lot less yelling and worrying
about things that can go wrong and focus more on the here and now and truly the
small amount of time we have with our kids being kids.
The parenting styles I believe describes this parent the best is authoritative (high
demand, high responsiveness) and authoritarian (high demand, low
responsiveness). I chose both because this parent has communication and
expresses a lot of affection towards the kids but also the need to control the
children and when one of the has done something wrong the guilt and shame is
implemented on the kids to make them think about what they did. There is also
not much room for being lenient because the rules are simple enough that it
shouldn’t be an issue of disobeying it. I think the parent chose this approach
because as a parent we want to be strict but not too strict and that is way I think
this parenting style is a mix between the two styles. We set rules and limits that
are to be enforced but we also allow room for discussion and feedback on the
rules in place. I think that the part of the parenting style being used is working
because of the open line of communication, the amount of affection, the
discipline is more kid specific. Also, as a parent knowing some aspects of our
parenting style may not be working so we must adjust it, like not yelling so much
because of it accomplishing nothing.