Project 1/Natalya Usachenko Page 1

Memorandum

To: Professor Thomson

From: Natalya Usachenko
Date: April 30, 2021

Introduction
Here is the analysis you requested of one of my prior pieces of writing. It contains an assessment
of weaknesses in the conciseness, precision, and directness of a biology lab report I wrote a
couple of years ago.
1. Concise Writing
Redundancy: There was a section in the report where I had tried to be detailed in a
description but ended up sounding unnecessarily redundant.

{example} “… to determine the presence of any recognizable species and

organisms.”

It would have been sufficient to just write “recognizable organisms”, since the term
“species” refers to that description. Writing both terms sounds excessive.

Unnecessary Modifiers: There were instances throughout this report where I added
unnecessary modifiers to certain phrases. I had likely been intending to be descriptive,
but this action resulted in sections of the writing becoming vague.

{example} This made locating and identifying the bacteria colonies slightly more
challenging.

The word “slightly” is an unnecessary modifier in this case. Simply stating that it was
“more challenging” would have gotten the point across to the reader.
2. Precision
Pronoun Consistency: I noticed that I was not consistent with my pronoun usage
throughout the entirety of my lab report. I began the lab report using the subject pronoun
“we” but later used the pronoun “I” before transitioning back to “we” when discussing
the results of the experiment.
 Project 1/Natalya Usachenko Page 2

“Although we could confirm the presence of organisms in our sample, it was a

small population with a lack of diversity. I observed 1 dileptus, 1 diatom, and 3
paramesium.”

In this case, there was no reason to use two different subject pronouns. This lab report
was based on a group project, and the same results were observed by all members. The
use of “I” in this case introduced unnecessary individualism.

3. Being Direct
Unnecessary Phrase in the Stress Position: There were moments in this report where I
included unnecessary or self-explanatory phrases at the end of sentences, which detracted
from the stress position. For example, in the following excerpt I added an unnecessary
phrase about the location in the report of the results of certain tests.

{example} 5 tests were run to assess the abiotic components in our sample which
included the following: Turbidity, pH, DO, Nitrate, and Phosphate, the results of
which can be seen in the result section of the report.

For this report, the inclusion of a results section was expected and made obvious to the
reader, so stating that test results were in the results section was an unnecessary statement
of obvious information.
Conclusion
In this assessment, I identified some of my primary weaknesses to revolve around the inclusion
of too many unnecessary phrases and/or descriptive words. When writing, I tend to try and make
sentences well-developed and complex, but this sometimes overcomplicates the content, which
ultimately has a negative impact on the clarity. Keeping the elements of concise, precise, and
direct writing in mind will be beneficial in future written reports.