5

STEPS TO UNLEASH
YOUR INNER
CONFIDENCE
TABLE OF CONTENTS

1 PAGE THREE 6 PAGE TWENTY

Why Most People Never Be A Good Coach
Create Lasting Confidence

2 PAGE EIGHT 7 PAGE TWENTY-FIVE

Stuck In Shyness - Tell A Better Story
My Story

3 PAGE TEN 8 PAGE THIRTY

The Tipping Point Do What Scares You

4 PAGE TWELVE 9 PAGE THIRTY-THREE

Breaking Free - The Path Think Less Feel More
Out of Shyness

5 PAGE FOURTEEN 10 PAGE THIRTY-SEVEN

Complete Self-
The Four Biggest
Confidence Myths Acceptance
 “CONFIDENCE BUILDING SECRETS: YOU’RE ABOUT TO DISCOVER HOW TO
PERMANENTLY BREAK FREE FROM YOUR SHYNESS AND SELF-DOUBT!”

Yes, I know this is a bold claim. We haven’t

met – so how can I know you can overcome
shyness and create lasting confidence?

How do I know it’s possible for you

to dramatically improve your confidence
and change your life?

Because I’ve seen it.

First in my own life, and then in the lives of

hundreds of other people.

I worked with a man named Tim who was

so painfully shy he couldn’t even make eye
contact with people.

He couldn’t even ask a stranger on the

street what time it was.

Pursuing the career he wanted, meeting

and dating attractive women, and creating
a thriving social life... all of these were
completely out of the question for him.

He let go of the unreasonable

expectations he had for himself and
practiced the skill of self-compassion.

In short, he took action to change his life. As

he did this, he realized the most important
confidence secret of all – social confidence
is a skill. It’s something you can develop
through practice.

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When you know the right steps, building confidence can
be an incredibly rapid and enjoyable process.

I watched Tim start doing things he never thought possible. He started smiling at
strangers and getting positive responses.

He started initiating conversations with women and getting phone numbers and
dates. He stopped being his own worst critic and took action to pursue the career
that inspired him.

Now he’s pursuing a graduate degree in optometry, has a thriving social life, and
an amazing, beautiful, intelligent girlfriend. And more importantly, he likes who
he is
and feels confident in himself.

He believes in himself and moves towards what he wants in life. He got off the
sidelines and into the game.

if Tim can do it, anyone can! And I’ve personally witnessed as hundreds of other
people just like Tim have changed their lives for the better.

But, most people don’t do what Tim did. Most people stay stuck in a place of
shyness, social anxiety, fear, and self-doubt for many years (sometimes their
entire lives).

Most people think it’s not possible to transform your life.

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 Why Most People Never Create Lasting Confidence
Why Most People Never Create Lasting Confidence

You downloaded this book and have

made it this far... you must want more
confidence in your life.

My question for you is – where are you

struggling with confidence?

Where in your life are you held back by

shyness, social anxiety, self-doubt, or
fear?

You’ll know it immediately because in

this area there’s something you really
want, but you feel afraid you won’t be
able to get it.

Or you may even be telling yourself it’s

impossible for you to have it, and you
don’t deserve it anyway.

Do you lack confidence in the area of

dating?

Do you struggle to be yourself around

people you find attractive?

Do you see someone you’d love to approach and connect with, but instead you
freeze or flee?

Perhaps your struggle is in relationships. You can date, but you can’t ever really
let your guard down.

You can’t just be completely at ease, be comfortable, or be yourself without some

nagging fear if they see the real you, they’ll bolt.

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Maybe your struggles are in your career.

Do you avoid reaching out and speaking with coworkers or potential clients?

Are you afraid to speak up in meetings or to approach a supervisor about an

issue?

Do you have difficulty speaking in front of a group of people?

In all of these areas, the pattern is the same.

There’s something you want, something you need that’s important to you, but
you don't go after it because of fear.

Your quality of life is reduced because you’re not pursuing what you’re
passionate about and your life suffers as a result.

Maybe your relationship suffers. Maybe your business suffers. Maybe you suffer.
Maybe deep down inside you just don't feel confident in yourself.

You don't believe in yourself.

You don't even fully like yourself. You're struggling to feel like you're a worthwhile
man who’s competent, capable, and able to be effective in the world.

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I’m all too familiar with these feelings. I spent a decade of my life stuck in them.
In whatever ways it’s holding you back, a lack of confidence in yourself is a major
problem.

Because confidence is everything! Think about it for a second. If you’re confident

in yourself, then you take effective action in your life.

You deal with people well, you approach challenges head-on. You gain love,
respect, income, power, and in#uence.

More importantly, you like who you are and you feel a sense of purpose in your
life. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, then you feel self-doubt and social
anxiety.

You hold back, procrastinate, make excuses, and delay. You either take no action,
or you predict and expect failure and take poor actions that reflect this.

His leads to loneliness, poor relationships, mediocrity, and financial hardship. Life
feels like a drag and you’re plagued by a sense of meaninglessness.

Isn’t this true? Maximizing your confidence is not just about getting the girl or
making more money – it’s about pursuing and creating a life that fills you with
passion, joy, and purpose!

Even though it’s absolutely essential for a happy life, most people will
never create lasting confidence in themselves.

And here’s why…

It comes down to just two things. Here are the only two things that can stop you
from creating the confidence you want in your life...

1) You Don’t Believe It’s Possible

The biggest obstacle on the road to confidence is the one at the very beginning.
Most people will never even start down the path because they believe it’s not
possible anyway, so why try?

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The reason you might think it’s not possible is because of all the “Confidence
Myths” in our culture (which I’ll share and de-bunk in a moment). You might
believe some people just “have it” and others don’t. You may think there’s
something fundamentally wrong with you, or you’re too ugly, or too overweight
to be confident.

Perhaps you’ve tried something in the past (a self-help book, an Internet search,
or some counseling), and it didn’t work, so now you’ve concluded: It’s just not
possible for me. As Henry Ford said...

“Whether you think you can, or you think

you can’t, you’re right.”
If you believe it’s not possible, then you won’t even try… and you’ll never
achieve the level of confidence you want in your life.

Fortunately for you (and me), none of this is true. It’s completely possible to
transform your level of confidence. After over a decade of personal and
professional research (see my story below),

I’m absolutely convinced confidence is a skill anyone can learn. And I’ll teach you
how in this E-Book. But there’s one other obstacle that will stop you on your path
to confidence.

In fact, I’m sure it’s already tripped you up when you’ve tried to build your
confidence in the past.

2) You Don’t Take Consistent, Effective Action

Even if you believe it’s possible if you don’t know what steps to take, then
building confidence is incredibly difficult. This isn’t made any easier by the
abundance of bad advice out there telling you how to improve in this area.

Most of the stuff out there teaches you clichés and common sense stuff, like
“imagine everyone in their underwear before you give a talk,” or “just be
yourself.” Or, even worse, they teach you stuff that seems like it’ll help in the short
term but it actually hurts your confidence in the long run.

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Most of the “pickup artist” stuff falls into
this category.

They’ll teach you things like, “be sure to

criticize or mock her in some way so she
feels insecure and wants to get your
approval,” or “if she won’t make out with
you, become cold and distant.
Eventually, she’ll come around.”

Ugh.

All that pickup artist stuff just gives you

another rulebook to live by.

It teaches you that you have to be this

“suave player” in order to meet women,
get dates, and find love.

It teaches you the exact opposite things

you need to create a deep, lasting sense
of confidence in yourself… and the
advice is absolutely terrible if you
actually want to create a passionate,
sustainable relationship with a girlfriend.

In order to eliminate shyness and social anxiety and create rock-solid confidence,
you must take consistent action. You must learn effective skills that have been
proven to work, and then actively apply those skills daily.

This is the key to transformation. I’ll teach you the proven steps below, but just
reading them won’t change your life. In order to create the confidence you want,
you must commit to applying what you learn.

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 Stuck in Shyness - My Story

I know what it’s like to be held back by shyness, social anxiety, and self-doubt. I
spent about 10 years of my life living this way.

I didn’t have many friends, I was nervous to

interact with strangers, I hated meeting
people and I avoided most parties and
gatherings.

I didn’t like myself, hated my

appearance, and was constantly berating
myself in my own head.

That sounded stupid, why did you say that?

These people think you’re an idiot. You look
so awkward. Those circles around your eyes
are disgusting. No woman could ever want
you…

These were just a few of the motivating things I said to myself on a daily basis.
Of course, meeting women, going on dates, and getting a girlfriend was completely
off the map. I was convinced that no woman could possibly and me attractive. Sure
enough, I never went on dates or had a girlfriend.

On top of all that, I didn’t believe I was good enough to pursue the career I was most
passionate about. I loved creating elaborate models, settings, and animations in a 3D
art design program called 3D Studio Max. I dreamed of one day being a 3D artist for
a video game company.

In response to that dream, I would tell myself: You aren’t talented enough. Who do you
think you are? Other people are so much better than you are – what’s the point?

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And public speaking? Ha, yeah right! I couldn’t even look a stranger in the eye,
how was I going to get up in front of a group of thirty people and speak
confidently? No, I avoided public speaking like the plague.

So there I was -- feeling shy, lonely, hopeless, and miserable. Worst of all, I didn’t
think there was anything I could do about it.

I thought some people were just confident, charismatic, and good-looking, and
others weren’t. In short, I was a loser and this was just my lot in life.

I kept telling myself in my head things

would somehow just get better. Maybe
that’s how I kept some hope alive. When
I was in middle school, I imagined high
school would be better. More friends,
more women, more parties. Yeah, that’s
it. High school’s the ticket!

When high school was absolutely no

different, I started telling myself college
was
when the magic was going to happen.
Co-eds and parties everywhere! Certainly,
then I’d start having the life I want.

Was college any different?

No. Same old fears, shyness, and inhibitions. Same old Aziz.
I kept using the “someday will magically be better” strategy for another few
years, until one day something inside of me just snapped.

I wish I could say it was a glorious moment where I realized the truth and
immediately felt free. Actually, it came from one of the most painful nights of my
life…

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 The Tipping Point

As soon as I saw the look on her face, I knew she was done with me.
I’d been pining over Cindy for months.

She had long black hair, big brown eyes, and a bright smile she’d #ash after
making a witty joke. She was from L.A., incredibly stylish, and could speak
multiple languages. She was amazing, and I was in love.

After several months of working together, I finally worked up the courage to ask
her out to lunch one day. To my surprise and delight, she said yes! This was the
third woman I’d ever asked out.

I was 21-years old. I thought the lunch was fantastic. I asked her questions, shared
about myself, and made jokes. I was friendly, warm, and enthusiastic. Afterward, I
couldn’t wait to see her again.

The next time we met up at work, I was planning on asking her out
again. But something had shifted. She interacted with me less and was
more distant.

After our shift, I waited for her outside of the building. When she came out, I told
her I really loved hanging out and wanted to go on a date with her.

ere was a longer-than-what-you’d-hope-for-in-this-kind-of-situation pause, and

then a certain look. If you’ve ever been a shy guy who was failing with a girl, then
you know the look. It’s the “you’re a nice guy so I don’t want to hurt your feelings,
but I’m not that into you” look.

After the long pause she replied, “Yeah, that sounds great. We should hang out
sometime.”

After this, she took longer and longer to return my calls and began ignoring me
more at work. Ouch. About a week later, I finally got it. She doesn’t want to go out
with me.

She’s not interested.

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It felt terrible. I still remember the moment when I really got it. I saw her chatting
with another guy at work. She was laughing and having a great time. I had to get
out of there…

When I got home that evening, the lights in the living room were off. My
roommate was in his room with the door closed. I made myself a bowl of pasta
and went into my room to distract myself from my woes with some video games.

So there I was -- 21-years-old, alone at night,

unable to get a date, and playing video
games in my room.

Feeling pretty low. Things can’t get much

worse than this I thought.

And then I heard the light murmur of

female laughter. Such a sweet sound. It was
my roommate Chris’s girlfriend. She must
be in his room with him.

Then I could hear the muffled sound of his

voice, occasionally punctuated by the
the laughter of the woman who loved him.

I’ll never have that, I thought to myself.

I guess things could get worse.

I shook my head, trying to clear away that wretched feeling the best years
of my life were passing me by & there was nothing I could do about it.

Wait. Wait!

This isn’t right. I can’t take this. I can’t live like this anymore. Nothing’s going to
change on its own. Nothing is going to be different. If nothing has changed by
now, then nothing ever will. I have to do something about this now!

I closed the Warcraft startup screen, and opened up Google…

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 Breaking Free - The Path Out Of Shyness

Where did I go when I wanted to learn how to break free from my shyness and
start living my life?

The same place that anyone goes to and answers…the Internet!

ere I ordered my first self-help program – How To Get Women (or something to
that effect), by Pickup Artist Guy #1.

I tore through that material like a ravenous man-eating his first meal after a
month. It suggested things I was really uncomfortable doing… like talking to
women I didn’t know. Imagine that!

I was so desperate and in so much pain, I was willing to try

anything. And that urgency became my biggest asset.

I ordered more programs and began studying shyness and social anxiety more
and more. I ordered self-help books on Amazon.com and read those as well.
As I started to learn things and apply them, I realized the biggest confidence
secret of my life: Social con#dence is a skill. I’m learning it now. Anyone can learn
this!

I began sharing what I was learning with my few friends (who also happened to
be shy, single, lonely guys). They started asking me for advice on how to meet
women, and how to be more confident in other areas.

I became obsessed with learning this skill. Over the next ten years of my life, I
read over one hundred self-help books, listened to hundreds of hours of audio
programs, and went to dozens of seminars.

I sought out therapy, coaching, and a men’s group. I sought out training with
some of the world’s leading teachers and transformation specialists, including
Tony Robbins and David Burns.

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I took it one step further and actually
went to a doctorate program in clinical
psychology to learn how people can
make changes on the deepest level.
Most importantly, I was constantly
applying everything I learned about
confidence.

Anything that helped me, I shared with

friends and clients. As I did this, my life
completely transformed. I was able to
approach beautiful women, start
conversations, and get dates. I was able
to meet new people, chat with
strangers, and make new friends.

I went on crazy, fun, exciting adventures

I’ll remember and cherish for the rest of
my life. I was able to speak to people in
positions of authority and give confident
presentations and talks to groups of any
size.

I felt like Neo in the Matrix!

I began to see patterns of what helped someone break out of shyness and what
kept them stuck. I could see what people needed to do in order to get free and
do so quickly. And that’s what I’ve included in this book.

Below are the 5 most essential steps you must take in order to break free
from shyness & maximize your confidence. If you study these steps, &
commit to applying them daily, your life will transform.

But, before you can learn the steps, we have to take a moment to debunk the
biggest myths about confidence.

These are false beliefs that kept me (and many others) stuck in shyness for years.
Once you can see through these, then putting the !ve steps into practice will be
much easier.

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THE FOUR BIGGEST CONFIDENCE MYTHS

Confidence myths are the stories we’ve been told about the confidence that just
aren’t true. Many people believe them -- maybe even most people.

But they still aren’t true. And as long as you believe them, it’ll make it very
difficult to break out of your shell.

Let’s explore (and debunk) these top confidence myths, shall we?

Confidence Myth 1 – “Naturally Confident” (a.k.a. “You Either Have It Or You Don’t”)

This myth says some people are just born with confidence. They’re comfortable in
themselves, have high self-esteem, and people naturally like them.

They’re good-looking, popular in school, and go on to have successful careers.

They’re blessed with confidence. Others are just born shy and socially inept.
They’re awkward, weird, and unattractive. They’re destined to live a life of
solitude, mediocrity, and loneliness.

They’re permanently doomed to a pathetically low number of Facebook likes on

all their posts.

This myth says confidence is an innate trait (like eye color) and you can’t do
much to change things. It says there’s a fundamental difference between the
confident, popular people and you.

It says no matter what you do, you can’t change your lot in life and you’re never
going to be the kind of guy who women want to talk to.

This myth is complete and total bullshit.

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No one is born with confidence. Confidence is a learned response. It’s a pattern of
thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, all of which you learn as you’re growing up.
Some people happen to learn it earlier than others (if they’re lucky).

They might learn it from their parents or at school when they’re young. By the
time they get to high school, they’ve learned how to think, feel, and act
confidently.

You, on the other hand, might not have picked it up yet. And that’s okay. You can
learn it now. In fact, I’ll teach you how in the next section.

In order to do learn this skill, you must get rid of the idea confident people
are somehow different or fundamentally better than you.

They’re just like you. They’re not a different species.

Yeah...not so much.

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 Confidence Myth 2 – “Fake It Till You Make It”

This myth states if you aren’t feeling confident, you should just “act confident”
and eventually you’ll become confident. On rare occasions, this can sometimes
work, but it’s only temporary at best.

The problem with this is, how can you fake confidence when you’re really
nervous?

How do you fake confidence when you don’t have anything to say in a
conversation?

How do you fake confidence when you’re about to give a talk and your face is as
red as a tomato and your throat feels like Darth Vader is squeezing it with his
death grip?

I found this well-intentioned advice always left me feeling worse. It implied I

should somehow be able to just force my way out of shyness and into
confidence.

When I was unable to do this, I blamed myself for falling short and felt even
worse.

The reality is shyness involves a complex pattern of thoughts, feelings, and

behaviors.

You must learn how to address each of these inside of yourself systematically, so
you can transform from the inside out. Because confidence, as you’ll see in the
next myth, is an inside job.

The steps below will teach you how to identify and disarm each aspect of social
anxiety. Then, when you take a risk and try something outside of your comfort
zone, you’re doing much more than “faking it.”

Instead, you’re fundamentally changing the way you see the world, and behaving
differently as a result.

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 Confidence Myth 3 – “If Only I Had Better/More…”

“In this country, you gotta’ make the money first. Then when you get the
money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get the
women.” - Tony Montana

There’s an old Simpsons episode where Homer happens upon an upturned sugar
truck on the side of the road.

There’s sugar all over the pavement and Homer pulls over to fill his car to the
brim with the “white gold,” as he calls it.

After many failed attempts to sell the free sugar for profit, he’s reduced to
guarding his newfound treasure in the backyard.

After staying up all night to protect his pile of sugar from “sugar thieves,” he’s
utterly exhausted.

When Marge comes to greet him the next morning, he’s sitting in a half-asleep
stupor saying: “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then
you get the women.”

This describes the third confidence myth quite well. This myth states if I earned
more money, had a better job, owned a better car, or wore nicer clothes, then I’d
feel more confident.

It also states if I were better looking, thinner, taller, more muscular, or

otherwise more physically attractive, then I’d feel more confident.

This is a tough one to break free from. It feels so true, doesn’t it?

Jim Carey highlights this myth in this hilarious clip about how he acts differently
now that he has more money:

But this is just another confidence myth.

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I’ve met absolutely gorgeous women who are impeccably dressed and have
perfect hair and teeth.

Men who see them can’t help themselves from staring in awe at their beauty.
But on the inside, these women feel painfully insecure and self-critical.

They don’t like their thighs, their lips, their toes. They don’t feel competent in
their careers or as partners, friends, or mothers. In short, they don’t feel confident
at all.

I’ve worked with men who are incredibly wealthy – worth hundreds of millions of
dollars. They can go anywhere, buy anything, and do anything. And they imagine
people don’t like them because they aren’t funny enough, or relaxed enough, or
witty enough.

I hope this is resonating with you. If not, you just have to trust me on this.
Confidence is an inside job. It won’t spontaneously emerge when you obtain
perfection or reach some income level.

Confidence comes from what you do inside of

your own mind, and nothing else.

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 Confidence Myth 4 – “There’s Something Wrong With Me”

This is the most insidious and terrible of all the myths. This is the myth that exists
inside of your own mind and tells you deep down there’s something wrong with
you.

It tells you you’re somehow defective, weird, or otherwise unlovable.

It says if people got close to you, and really got to know all of you, they’d be
repulsed.

This myth is like Worm Tongue from Lord Of The Rings. It’s constantly there by
your side, whispering its toxic message into your mind.

Debunking this myth is essential if you ever want to create a life of confidence.

The truth is there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You’re a human
being with strengths & weaknesses, just like the rest of us

When your mind tells you others won’t like you because there’s something
wrong with you, it’s just being lazy. The challenges you’re having aren’t due to
some mysterious deep flaw or defect. They’re actually due to very specific, small
things you can address and change. Perhaps women don’t respond well because
you’re being overly approval-seeking.

Perhaps you don’t have the friendships you want because you aren’t taking the
initiative to approach people you’re interested in. Perhaps you don’t have the
position you want in your company because you avoided all opportunities that
involved standing out. There’s nothing wrong with you.

Any time you hear your mind saying that, catch it. Banish that slimy bastard
Worm Tongue, and bring your attention back to very specific, simple things to
which you can address and make changes. That’s where your confidence lies!
And now, The 5 Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence...

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 STEP 1 - BE A GOOD COACH

“A player’s best friend is a coach who believes in him.” - Robert Griffin III

The most important and essential ingredient in unleashing your inner

confidence is to become an outstanding coach to yourself.

Throughout the day, you’re coaching yourself in your own mind. This includes
how you speak to yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you guide yourself
through difficult times.

You must master this skill if you’d like to become more confident in yourself.

Coaching yourself in a positive, supportive, & encouraging way is more

important than any external achievement, success, or outside praise.

To get a sense of how you coach yourself, think about something that's
challenging to you.

Maybe it’s speaking in front of a group of people you don't know. Perhaps it’s
approaching an attractive woman you’re interested in and introduce yourself.

Pick a situation that’s a challenge to you, and imagine being in that situation
now. See the group of people, or that beautiful woman, and notice what you
typically say to yourself.

Before you give a talk or presentation you might be thinking:

Oh my god, I'm so nervous I can't do this. I'm going to mess this up. I better not
mess this up. I'm going to get up there and I'm going to forget my lines. It's
going to be so awkward and terrible. They’re going to wonder why they even
hired me. I can’t do this. I don’t want to be here.

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Or maybe you're going to go talk to an attractive woman and you think: I don’t
have anything good to say.

She’s going to be creeped out and think I’m a total loser. Besides she doesn’t
want to talk to me anyway. She’ll be annoyed and uncomfortable if I try to start a
conversation.

Does this kind of coaching sound familiar?

Is this effective coaching? Does it make you want to do the thing you’re scared to
do? Does it help you find creative solutions?

The Toxic Coach

Unfortunately, for many of us, our default

coach doesn’t offer support,
encouragement, praise, and inspiration.

It’s full of fear, doubt, and self-attack.

Is this the kind of coach you’d want to have
for your favorite team?

Imagine the coach of your team saying this

to his players during half time: Those guys
are so much better than you are. I don’t see
how you could possibly win.

You’re so terrible and you miss everything.

You guys are just not good enough.

Now get out there and don’t mess up.

Move over Tom Landry!

How’s the team going to perform?

It's ridiculous when we think about it in terms of an actual coach and a team. But
if you pay attention to how you talk to yourself, you might be surprised to hear
this type of coaching all the time.

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Imagine going to your favorite restaurant and taking a seat next to a table with a
father and son.

If the father were talking to his son in the same way you talk to yourself in your
own mind, you’d be outraged. You’d be appalled if you heard a father telling his
son he was stupid, awkward, and not good enough.

It would be totally unacceptable. And yet, you might be treating yourself like this
on a daily basis.

This is a toxic coach. Fire Your Toxic Coach

A toxic coach destroys your inner confidence, no matter

how much you achieve externally.

In order to create a lasting sense of confidence, you must shift how you coach
yourself. Before you change your wardrobe, or get a new car, or learn a pick-up
line, you must address how you coach yourself, how you speak to yourself.

To do this, first, start paying attention to how you already coach yourself. For the
next week, notice how you talk to yourself.

Pay particular attention before you do something that’s scary, or challenging, or

uncomfortable for you. This can include meeting new people, going somewhere
new, speaking in front of a group, dating, or doing anything where you perform
(job interview, presentation, etc.).

When you’re feeling down, or tense, or anxious, pay attention to what your coach
is saying. Usually, he’s giving a lengthy lecture about what’s wrong with you and
why you’re not enough.

Once you’ve noticed this coach in action, you must choose to change the way
you speak to yourself.

In order to develop confidence, you must fire your old toxic coach and decide to
hire a positive, healthy coach. This is a coach that encourages, inspires, and
motivates his team to believe in themselves, step up, take risks, and do their best.

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 We all need regular and frequent encouragement and support to succeed.

What would this success look like to you? It might be speaking in front of that
group, approaching that woman or doing something that really challenges and
scares you.

In order to pull this off, you need to be able to encourage and support yourself,
before during, and afterward. Regularly ask yourself: What would be the best way
to coach myself right now? How could I be a better coach to myself?

Think of good coaches you’ve had. Remember mentors, teachers, and other
supportive people who’ve believed in you in your life. Even if you don’t know the
person, you can draw upon the guidance of an author, leader, or sports coach
you admire.

Ask yourself, what would this person say to me?

Coaching Yourself To Confidence

Keep in mind the way you’ve been

coaching yourself, this toxic coach, is
simply a negative pattern or habit.

It might be a habit you’ve had for years,

but it’s still just a habit.

In order to shift this habit, you can use

what’s called overcorrection.

This means you overcorrect or use the

new coaching style way more than you
normally would until it becomes
conditioned as your new pattern. To do
this, actively speak and think the healthy
coaching phrases to yourself
throughout the entire day.

23
At least ten times a day, notice what you're doing and actively encourage,
support, and praise yourself.

For example, let's say I was going to give a presentation. I’ve spoken hundreds of
times in front of groups, and yet I still actively coach myself beforehand with
positive, healthy encouragement.

I’ll say something like:

You got this Aziz. You’re an incredibly effective speaker and communicator.
You’re playful, creative, courageous and you help people understand things with
great ease. To give this even more impact, you can use your own name.
Referring to yourself in the third person actually has a strong impact on your
mind.

You might be thinking this sounds cheesy at first but believe me, it’s incredibly
effective. Would you rather try something a little cheesy or continue to use the
default coach?

He might say: You can’t do this. You’re terrible at speaking. No one’s interested.
You aren’t good enough.

Which would you prefer? Which one is going to help you more?

To create a lasting change in your coaching style, you must do it regularly

throughout the day.

When you get up out of bed without hitting snooze, praise yourself for being
disciplined. When you eat something healthy for lunch, you praise yourself for
that choice.

You can do this in your own mind or out loud. It tends to have more impact and
be more powerful when you speak the voice of this coach out loud.

Keep your eyes open for when you do something well. A good coach is very
skillful at noticing success in his players, and highlighting this so he knows what
he’s doing right.

24
!
Take Action: Celebrate Your Success!

To further strengthen your healthy coach, try this exercise. At the

end of each day, sit down with a sheet of paper or a journal and
ask yourself: what are three successes from the day, three things
you did well in?

These can be small and personal successes or big public successes.

Making this practice part of your day will rapidly develop a healthy
inner coach that nourishes, supports, strengthens, and inspires you.

STEP 2 - TELL A BETTER STORY

“The only thing that stops you from getting what you truly want in life is
the story you have about why you can’t have it.” - Anthony Robbins

Whether you're feeling insecure and nervous, or confident and strong is almost
entirely based on the thoughts you’re having about a particular situation or your
story.

The fastest & most direct way to change how you feel about a situation or
about yourself is to shift the story you’re telling yourself.

The story that you tell yourself is how you describe what's happening around you
and inside of you. It's the way you make meaning out of the events in your life.

For example, let’s say you are single and you want to connect with a woman in
your life. Imagine you are at the supermarket and you happen to see a gorgeous
woman looking at fresh juices in the refrigerated aisle.

You’ve been practicing some and have gained some courage to follow your
desires, so you go and speak with her. She gives you a smile and kind of an
awkward grin. It looks more like a grimace to you. She then nods and moves
away. It seems like a polite rejection.

25
How are you feeling in this situation? Discouraged, embarrassed, worried,
hopeless, angry, humiliated?

What I just described is the event. The event does not automatically make you
feel anything. How you make sense of the event, or the meaning that you give
the event, will determine how you feel.

This meaning is your story. And your story determines how you feel.

All of us are making stories all of the time, about everything. Be quality of the
story that you make determines how you feel about yourself, your level of
confidence, and your level of success in life.

What would some typical stories be for the event I described above?

She rejected me, I was awkward, I was too nervous. I'm a loser, my feet are too
big, my pants are too baggy. I got these dark circles around my eyes. My ears
are too big. I'm just a loser. I didn’t sound confident enough.

Is this an empowering or a disempowering story? Does it inspire you to want to

try again and give it another shot?

Or does it make you depressed because you think there’s something wrong with
you and there's nothing you can do about it?

We all need regular and frequent encouragement and support to succeed.

Find A New Meaning

To create the lasting confidence you desire, you must learn how to tell a better
story. You can learn to tell stories that empower you, encourage you, that see you
and your possibilities in a positive light.

One way to start shifting the stories you tell yourself is to regularly ask: What’s a
better story? What’s a more empowering way to see this?

26
Another powerful way to shift your story is to ask yourself: What else could this
mean? What are three other ways to look at this situation?

Try this now with the situation of the woman looking at juice in the supermarket.
The old story was: she rejected me and I’m a total loser who will never get a
woman.

The event was she grinned/grimaced and moved away.

What are three things this could mean?

Don't just wait to read the alternatives, actually think about it now!

The more you can challenge yourself to see alternative stories, the more
flexible and empowered you become in your own life.

The simplest one that comes to mind is she could be having a bad day.

She could be tired, hungry, and grumpy.

Maybe it's a preference thing.

Maybe people who look like you aren’t her preference.

Maybe being approached in a supermarket is not her preference.

She goes there to shop and leave.

If you were to talk to her in a bookstore she might love it, but in a supermarket,
she doesn’t want to be bothered.

A third meaning is perhaps she’s shy.

Maybe she's uncomfortable. Maybe some attractive man comes and talks to her
and she doesn't know what to do so she gets nervous.

27
What do people do when they're nervous?

Most people will close down and escape the situation as quickly as possible.

Whenever you notice yourself telling a negative story, you have to check it and
ask yourself: Is this story helping me? Is there something else that this could
mean?

The Story Of Your Life

Beyond your daily stories about events

happening around you, you also have a
bigger story about who you are in your life.

We all have a story about ourselves, where

we came from, and the events that shaped
us.

Where we are now, where we're going, and

what is possible for us in the future, often
based upon our past.

This broad story is the saga that is your life.

What kind of story do you tell yourself
about your life?

Is it a tragedy, is it a comedy? Is it a hero's

journey, an epic tale?

Are you the main character, or are you one

of the supporting characters?

Are you in the main plot of the story or are

you on the sidelines?

Are you the hero or are you the villain? Are you the character that people love
and root for, or are you the good-for-nothing character that can never really do
much in their life and won’t amount to much anyway?

28
! Take Action: Write a New Story!

To further strengthen your healthy coach, try this exercise. At the end of each
day, sit down with a sheet of paper or a journal and ask yourself: what are three
successes from the day, three things you did well in?

These can be small and personal successes or big public successes. Making this
practice part of your day will rapidly develop a healthy inner coach that
nourishes, supports, strengthens, and inspires you.

What’s been the story of your life? Who are you? Where have you been and
where are you going? What’s possible for you? Are you a capable hero or an
ineffective supporting character? Write out a brief version of your old story.

Once you’ve written it out, ask yourself: Is this an empowering story? Is this the
story that’s going to get me to where I want to go in my life? Is this the story that
gives me confidence in myself?

Now write out a new story for your life. Make it the story you want your life to
follow.

Notice how you can use the same events and change the meaning to create a
new, empowering story. This isn’t about blowing smoke or just some “positive
thinking.”

This is about being flexible in your mind to see you can view your life through
many lenses, from many perspectives. Why not pick the ones that empower you
to succeed?

What’s your true story? Is it a triumph? A tale of overcoming great odds and
adversity to eventually achieve greatness? Is it a romance? Is it a hero’s journey?

Who is the main character? Is he strong, determined, a leader? How does he deal
with setbacks, conflict, and challenges?

Write out a detailed version of a new story for your life that empowers and
inspires you. Read this story over at least once a week until you believe it fully and
it just becomes who you naturally are.

29
 STEP 3 - DO WHAT SCARES YOU

“We gain strength, courage, & confidence by each experience in which

we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think
we cannot. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Once you’ve become a good coach to yourself and you’re telling yourself a better
story, the most powerful way to unleash confidence is to change how you deal
with the things that scare you.

When there’s something in your life you’re afraid of, what’s your natural impulse?

The most natural response to fear is to move away, to avoid the thing we’re
scared of. It could be approaching a beautiful woman, starting up a business, or
asking for a promotion. If we're scared of it, we tend to avoid it.

If someone avoids something no matter

what the cost, and has unreasonable
terror about something it becomes what
we call a phobia.

If someone were to come to see me to

treat them for a spider phobia, we’d do
what’s called exposure therapy where
we'd help them experience
the situation and see they can handle it.

We wouldn't take them and just throw

them into a spider pit. We’d use
systematic desensitization, which means
we expose them a little bit at a time so
they become
desensitized to it.

They don't feel it as much and they're no

longer as scared of it.

30
For a spider phobia, we’d start by having them think of a spider. The next session
we’d work more with imagination, and then eventually we’d have them look at a
picture of a spider.

In the next session, we'd have a spider in the room in a cage. Eventually, we'd go
to a pet shop and have them hold a spider until it no longer scares them to be
around spiders.

This process works exactly the same when it comes to building confidence in
your life. Having greater confidence means you’re more free to do what you want
in your life.

You’re more free to act without being scared.

It’s important to note fear is a natural part of being a human and everyone feels
fear. The idea men aren’t supposed to be afraid is a horribly unrealistic and toxic
notion.

The goal is not to eradicate all fear. The goal is to be able to go after
what you most want, even when fear is telling you to stop.

The Two Fears That Hold You Back

There are two main fears that hold people back. One is fear of rejection and the
other is fear of failure. Both failure and rejection can trigger that terribly
uncomfortable feeling in your heart and stomach that you’re bad, you’re not
good enough, and that no one could possibly love you.

The idea of not being worthy of love and affection is terrifying to humans. We’re
social creatures and being ousted from the pack meant death in our evolutionary
past.

Because this feeling is so uncomfortable to us, we’ll do anything to avoid

triggering it. As a result, we end up avoiding things that might cause rejection or
might cause failure.

What happens if you try to avoid all rejection or any failure in your life?

31
You end up avoiding success as well. Anything worth having requires you to take
a risk to obtain it. Whether it’s meeting a woman, developing a relationship,
going on a job interview, starting a new job, or starting a new business, it always
requires you to risk failure and rejection. You must learn to move towards what
you want, in spite of fears of rejection and failure.

Approaching what scares you isn’t a one-time action. It’s a

lifestyle. It’s a way of being in the world that continues to
strengthen and deepen your confidence in yourself.

If we took that person who was scared of spiders and we plop them down and
show them a picture of one spider and then they leave, they’re not cured. They

!
have to repeatedly expose themselves to what they're scared of.

“Too many of us aren’t living our dreams because we’re living our fears.
Life takes on a new meaning when you become motivated, set goals, and
charge after them in an unstoppable manner.” - Les Brown

Take Action: Face Your Fear

Think of one area in your life where you have consistent fear. It could be
in meeting women, dating, deepening relationships, speaking up at
work, calling clients, speaking in front of a group, or any other area.
Write out five things you’re scared to do in this area.

Pick the least scary of the five and do it sometime this week. The next week, pick
the second least scary thing. Do this over the course of five weeks until
you’ve done everything on your list.

Use the example of the spider phobia to help you realize exposing
yourself to fears is a process. You don’t need to jump into the spider pit
right away. In fact, doing that too soon can be counterproductive. The
best approach is to gradually challenge yourself to do things that are
just outside of your comfort zone.

Note: Exposing yourself to fear is an incredibly powerful tool of transformation. It

can also be difficult to do by yourself. If you’re struggling to do this on your own,
please contact me and we can discuss ways you can get support in this process
(www.SocialConfidenceCenter.com).

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 STEP 4 - THINK LESS, FEEL MORE

“I teach people that no matter what the situation is, no matter how
chaotic, no matter how much drama is around you, you can heal by your
presence if you just stay within your center.”- Deepak Chopra

One of the biggest obstacles to confidence is to be too much in your own head.
This means being lost in your thoughts during the day and not really present to
what’s happening around you?

Many of your thoughts are about things that are going to happen in the future,
either later that day or weeks or months in advance. Your thoughts might also
linger over events from the past – what happened earlier that day, months ago,
or years ago with your last relationship or your first job.

Many times, the things we worry about in the future are things that never
actually happen. What if I lose my job? What if I run out of money? What if my
girlfriend leaves me?

Each of these thoughts causes us to

react with fear or discomfort, even
though in the
present nothing bad is happening.

As Mark Twain said, "I've been through

some terrible things in my life, some of
which actually happened."

We spend a lot of our energy and focus

on what could happen in the future and
what
did happen in the past and how the past
should’ve been different.

Resisting the past or being afraid of the

future is just a recipe for pain.

33
Retreat To The Tower

Getting lost in thought also happens when we want to avoid feeling something
uncomfortable. Emotions like fear, shame, or inferiority can very painful. One way
to escape them is to retreat to a safe distance in our minds. It’s like retreating to a
tower high above our experience. From here, we can analyze what’s happening
and avoid the discomfort.

You may have noticed this when you have an opportunity to speak up in a group
setting, such as a meeting at work or social gathering. Instead of sharing freely,
you say to yourself: Now isn’t the time. What I have to say isn’t as good as others.
I don’t have to share that anyways.

And so you spend the next ten minutes, twenty minutes, an hour thinking to
yourself about the situation. The entire time you’re in your head—thinking,
planning, and imagining all kinds of scenarios. You’re doing this to avoid the fear
of your feelings; to avoid disapproval, conflict, rejection, failure, and any painful
emotions.

What you’re not doing during this time is noticing you're breathing. You’re not
feeling your body, hearing the sounds in the room, or your toes inside your shoes.
In a sense you’re not fully here, in this moment.

In any given moment, there’s an abundance of things happening right here and
now. The more present and aware you are, the more centered you become. You
can realize this moment isn’t as threatening or scary as your thoughts indicate.

The biggest drain to your confidence is being stuck in your mind,

stuck in your head, stuck in your thoughts.

The more you can notice your thoughts for what they are – passing events in
your own mind – the more centered and naturally confident you become. People
can feel someone who’s present in themselves and in the moment. There’s a
natural charisma and magnetism that comes from presence.

34
Presence In Relationships

In addition to affecting your ability to connect and start conversations, being

stuck in your mind is one of the biggest problems in relationships. One of the
most common complaints in relationships women have about the man they're
with – their date, their partner, their husband - is that he’s not present.

The man is often confused. He says: What do you mean? I was there with her all
day. She says: You were with me but you weren't present.

What does she mean by that? She means you were with her that day, but you
were in your mind. You were thinking about what you were going to do later,
about how to please or impress her. You were worried about what could go
wrong, or if she thought you sounded cool enough. Or you were thinking about
something else entirely, lost in a sea of thoughts.

A deep, sturdy, stable sense of confidence doesn’t come from your

thoughts – it comes from being truly present in this moment.

Developing Presence

You can start by becoming present in your body using the exercise below. When
you’re present in your body, it makes you stronger, firmer, and less impacted by
what goes on around you.

The next time you’re in a situation and you notice your mind grinding away on
what to say, take a moment to step back and actually just feel into your body.

Notice your breath coming in and out of your body, the weight of your body on
your chair. Notice the colors, shapes, and objects around you. Notice all the
sounds hitting your ears – voices, ambient noises, even the sound of your own
breathing. Simply breathe and feel your presence at this moment. How present
can you become?

35
That's the level of presence you can bring. And when you're bringing that level of
presence, you're radiating inner confidence that’s way more powerful than any
thought or fear.

If you’re truly present in yourself, it goes way beyond the words you say when you
speak. It’s something others feel in direct response to the presence you bring.

!
“Quite simply, if you're feeling anxious, angry, a sense of shame, whatever it is,
breathe in and agree to touch or feel it. Breathing out, offer space and care to
whatever's there. If there's blocking to touching it, emphasize the in-breath and
stay embodied.” - Tara Brach

Take Action: Build Your Presence Power

The power of presence comes from being able to reside in this moment.
It’s a skill developed over time by paying attention to what’s happening
around you and inside of your mind and body.

You can build presence power any time throughout the day. Simply shift
your attention from your thinking to your breathing. Notice what it feels
like to breathe in and breathe out from moment to moment. You can
direct your focus by saying to yourself: In this moment I’m breathing in. In this
moment I’m breathing out.

Continue to feel your breath and start noticing sensations in your body –
warmth, tingling, dampness, pressure, tightness. Notice the sounds
hitting your hears, seeing if you can count ten distinct, difference
sounds as they hit your eardrums.

It can be helpful to imagine you’re a distant human ancestor in a jungle.

During that time period, presence was essential to survive. See if you
can tune your senses to their highest, as if your life depended on it.
What colors are you seeing, what objects, what movements? What
sounds, smells, tastes or you noticing?

Continue this process for several minutes, opening to whatever you

notice with a nonjudgmental attitude.

36
BONUS STEP 5 - COMPLETE SELF-ACCEPTANCE

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” - Mark Twain

If there’s one decision that can radically change your confidence - and your entire
life - it’s deciding to practice complete self-acceptance. When it comes down to
it, self-confidence is self-acceptance. If you’re totally on your own side, your own
best friend, your own biggest fan, then it doesn’t really matter if someone rejects
you or you fall short of a goal. You know you’re a good guy and you can always try
again tomorrow.

Over the course of this book, you may

have noticed developing confidence is
a skill that takes regular practice. Much
like learning the guitar, you must
practice regularly if you want to see
your skills improve.

In fact, the first time you pick up the

guitar, you're not even going to be able
to hold it, let alone make beautiful music
with it.

The same goes for developing confidence

in an area of your life, whether it's dating,
or relationships, or speaking up in public.

The first time you try to do something

different, it’ll be like playing the guitar for
the first time. It may be messy and not
sound very good.

This’s why complete self-acceptance is an essential part of unleashing your inner

confidence. You must be able to support, love, and encourage yourself along
each step of the process.

37
Going at this process alone can be challenging. I highly recommend becoming
involved with groups, counseling, coaching, or any other form of personal
development as an ongoing part of your life. The counselors, psychologists,
psychiatrists, and coaches I admire most all have done years of their own
personal work.

Conditional Self-Acceptance

The biggest obstacles to accepting yourself are the conditions of worth you have.
These go something like this: If I do ________, then I’m worthy of love and
belonging. Otherwise, I won’t accept myself. For example: I'll accept myself if I
can give an amazing speech and amaze everyone in the audience. Otherwise, I'm
a failure and I'm not good enough. I'll accept myself when I lose 20 pounds. I'll
accept myself when I'm making $100,000 a year. I'll accept myself when...
This is a conditional type of acceptance and it often leads to not accepting
yourself most of the time.

Objections To Complete Self-Acceptance

Wait a minute, you might be saying... But, isn’t that how I motivate myself? If I
just accepted myself no matter what, I’d be a lazy slob! Also, what if I’m being a
jerk or an asshole, I shouldn’t just accept myself then.

These objections are very common and worth considering.

First, as far as motivation, withholding acceptance from yourself is like using a

whip on a mule. It might make him move, but it certainly doesn’t make him
happy. This type of motivation is like using dirty fuel in your car – it’ll run the
engine, but it’ll eventually eat out your insides.

The best trainers in the world can get whales to jump through hoops and dogs to
push shopping carts through a supermarket. These incredible feats are done
entirely through positive reinforcement. There’s no beating or intimidating the
animal to make it perform. The same holds true for us.

Healthy coaching and encouragement produce better results and

greater fulfillment than any sort of self-attack.

38
The second objection is that sometimes we’re being a jerk or an asshole and we
need to change what we’re doing. This is absolutely true. We all get into moods
or patterns where we can say hurtful things, avoid taking responsibility and
generally be a dog.

The purpose of complete self-acceptance is to allow us to own up to our

misbehavior so we can correct it, without rejecting ourselves. In fact, the less we
accept ourselves, the less responsibility we can take because we already don’t
like ourselves!

The truth is, the more you accept yourself, the more you can acknowledge
mistakes and shortcomings and take effective steps to correct them.

Making The Decision

If you truly want to create a deep, lasting

sense of confidence in yourself, then you
must make a decision.

You must commit to accepting yourself

no matter what happens. No matter
what you feel, do, say, or think. Even if
you make a mistake, make a fool out of
yourself, hurt someone’s feelings, or fall
short of a goal.

From this decision you commit to

accepting yourself even if you’re scared,
even when you have an awkward
interaction, even when you embarrass
yourself in front of an audience. Part of
this decision is realizing when you make
mistakes and fall short is the most
important time to remember to accept
yourself just as you are.

If you attempt to use them !ve steps above without a commitment to accepting
yourself no matter what, you may find your road to confidence is longer and
more painful than it needs to be. I know this because that’s the road I took.

39
Success Without Fulfillment

Many years ago, I decided I was going to develop confidence in the area of dating
and relationships. I was terrified of talking to women and the only girlfriend I had
was one that had pursued me. I studied everything I could on the subject and set
out to increase my confidence. However, I did so without realizing one key point.

A commitment to complete self-acceptance is absolutely

necessary to create deep, lasting confidence.

A commitment to complete self-acceptance is absolutely necessary to create

deep, lasting confidence. I learned this lesson the hard way when it came to
women and dating. I started from a place of zero confidence in this area. I
couldn’t even start a conversation with an attractive woman, let alone ask
someone out on a date. I didn’t even know how the whole process worked.

I was so fed up with failed attempts with women that always seemed to end in
the "friend zone” or the polite rejection after one awkward interaction. I decided
to throw myself into studying the process from the inside out.

I read everything I could find on dating and relationships. I discussed my

challenges in counseling and attended workshops on how to meet women and
date. Through this process, I realized confidence is a skill I can build through
regular practice.

This is an amazingly helpful insight, however, I didn’t realize one key point: e
journey to confidence must be supported by a commitment to accept yourself
no matter what. Without this commitment, I experienced great success without
feeling any different.

As I learned to approach women, get phone numbers, and go on dates I still felt
like I wasn’t good enough on the inside. I was always setting new goals just
outside of my reach.

If I set a goal to go to a crowded shopping center and start three conversations

with beautiful women, I would feel like I must achieve this goal or I was a failure.

40
Success Without Fulfillment

Worse still, even if I did start three conversations, my mind would say: Yeah, well
you didn’t get any phone numbers, so you’re still a loser. It was never enough.

It didn’t matter how far I progressed or how well people responded to

me, it was never enough because I didn’t accept myself.

This is success without fullfilment, which is one of the worst forms of pain. What
we’re really searching for through outward success is an inner sense of
fulfillment, satisfaction, and peace. And the only way to achieve this state is to
commit to accepting yourself as you are right now, in this very moment.

Once I realized this, I shifted my primary focus from outer success with women to
create a deep acceptance of myself no matter what. I wrote a doctoral
dissertation on self-compassion and focused my studies on what helps people
accept and love themselves. This is where true confidence resides.

As I shifted my focus, I found

meeting women and dating shifted
entirely. I stopped planning the right
line or what I needed to project in
order to “make her want me.” I was
able to be incredibly authentic
and honest with the women I was
just meeting.

I started saying things like: “Hi there.

I was noticing you
from across the way, and I find you
incredibly beautiful. To be honest,
I’m a little freaked out coming over
to talk with you, but I just had to try.
What’s your name?”

The same is possible for you, once

you’ve made the commitment to
accept yourself no matter what.

41
!
“I must learn to love the fool in me—the one who feels too much, talks too
much, takes too many chances, love and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises
and breaks promises, laughs and cries.” - Theodore Rubin, M.D.

Take Action: Commit To Complete Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is not a state you achieve once and are done with. It requires a
consistent effort to remember to forgive, accept, and love yourself no matter
what’s happening.

The biggest shift comes when you decide on a deep level to start treating
yourself well no matter what. When you decide you’ll no longer stand for self-
hate or self-criticism.

This decision comes from realizing life is better when you’re on your own side,
and you can achieve profoundly more when you're not battling yourself.

Are you willing to make that commitment now?

Confidence Tips

As you might guess, these steps don’t work in a linear fashion. It’s not like you
complete Step 1 and never have to worry about a toxic coach again. Instead, all of
these steps are a process. They’re things you do every day to steadily increase
your confidence.

We all want a quick result. We want to watch a video or read an article and feel
completely differently forever. But when it comes to creating a deep, permanent
sense of confidence in yourself, it takes practice over time. But I promise you, it
does get better.

The more you can improve your inner coaching, change your story to serve you,
approach what you’re scared of, let go of your unrealistic expectations, be
present in your body, and find love and compassion for yourself, the better your
life will be.

What follows are important confidence tips to help guide you on your path.

42
 CONFIDENCE TIP #1 - DAILY RITUALS

All the knowledge in the world won’t help you make a shift in how you feel.
Knowing in your head, you need to have more self-compassion won’t
automatically make you feel more loving towards yourself.

In order to truly transform, you must have things you do on a daily basis
that put these teachings into practice.

In other words, you must come up with a

daily ritual of building your confidence.

To do this, set aside some time each day.

Start with just ten minutes if your life is
really busy. I’ve never met anyone who
doesn’t have ten minutes.

No matter how busy, all of us are doing

things for at least a few minutes each day
we could skip (watching TV, surfing the
web, getting lost in the Facebook vortex,
checking email for the 30th time that day,
etc.).

Commit to taking some time each day to

practice one of the 5 Steps. Do the
exercises from the Take Action section of
each step.

Really write out your list of “shoulds” and

challenge them. Actually, pay attention to
your inner coach and spend time coming
up with different things you could tell
yourself.

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Everything I share in this book, I have practiced myself... and that’s what it takes
to create the confidence you want. Confidence is not something you just
spontaneously wake up with, it’s something you build over time.

So, what are you going to commit to each day? How much time are you going to
invest in yourself?

CONFIDENCE TIP #2 -
Progress, Regression, & The BIG Myth

As you embark on this journey to greater confidence, you may start to notice
progress. Once you challenge your old B.S. story no one will like you and do what
scares you, you might just find yourself meeting women or making new friends.
Huzzah! Progress!

This is a great part of the journey, and one worth celebrating. Really take the time
to notice your progress and highlight it. Don’t discount it by saying, “Oh who cares?
Anyone else can talk to people.

I didn’t do anything that amazing.” No! If talking to strangers is a big step for you,
then it’s important. Who cares if anyone else would think it’s a big deal? It’s a big
deal to you. And confidence builds from your successes, so don’t take that away
from yourself!

But, the journey to confidence is not one continuous rise to the top, Supreme
Confidence if you will. It’s not a straight line going from no confidence to maximum
confidence. It actually looks more like a stock market graph. Some days it’s up, and
some days it’s down.

This is called regression. It’s the opposite of progress. Regression means you’ll have
periods of feeling less confident. In fact, you might have a setback, failure, or
rejection that hits you really hard. You might feel so bad you conclude nothing
you’ve done helped because you’re right back to square one.

Don’t buy into this! Catch this toxic story and remind yourself regression is
inevitable. It just means you’re human and you’re still learning and growing.
Practice self-compassion and see if you can ease up on yourself. Remind yourself
this is a process and you’re committed to growing.

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 You’ll discover over time your periods of regression are often shorter than they
used to be. Instead of making you feel worthless for weeks, a rejection might only
make you feel low for several days, then several hours.

“Slow down, calm down, don’t worry, don’t hurry, trust the process.”
- Alexandra Stoddard

CONFIDENCE TIP #3 - SELF-CONCEPT TIME LAG

Your self-concept is your idea about who you are. It’s how you see yourself. It
includes all the adjectives you’d use to describe yourself: tall, short, thin, fat,
smart, dumb, funny, boring, attractive, ugly, etc.

If you’re shy and socially anxious, then you have a negative self-concept. This
means
you see yourself in a poor light. You tend to notice your flaws and shortcomings
and not your strengths (to learn how to completely transform this pattern, check
out my book – the Solution To Social Anxiety).

As you apply the steps above and notice progress, something funny happens:
You start getting different results than you’d predict.

For example, you might predict an attractive woman would be uncomfortable

and annoyed if you were to go talk with her because you’re an awkward, ugly,
weirdo. How’s that for a stellar self-concept?

But if you applied Step 3 and actually went and talked with her... what might
happen? If you practice this enough, you just might find you get a positive
response. She smiles and starts talking with you. But here’s where it gets weird.

Even after you start getting positive responses from the world around
you, some part of you continues to predict bad outcomes.

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I call this the Self-Concept Time Lag. That’s a mouthful, huh? Well, I don’t care! I
think it’s awesome and one day I’m going to trademark it.

It basically means you’ll start to become a more confident, assertive, outgoing

person long before you’ll realize you’re a confident, assertive, outgoing person.
Others will begin to see you that way, but you won’t. You’ll have a blind spot for
your own confidence.

One client of mine started getting feedback at work from the managers.

They said he was doing great work and he was really good at putting the
customers at ease and chatting with them. But he’d been so shy for so long, he
still thought of himself as the awkward guy no one wanted to talk to.

His self-concept hadn’t caught up to how he actually operated in the world.

Start paying attention to your self-concept. Is it behind the times?

If someone were watching you from the outside, how would they describe you?
Paying attention to this can help you more quickly change your self-concept to
reflect the new you.

You 2.0.

One final word on taking control of your life...

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TAKING YOUR LIFE INTO YOUR OWN HANDS

A state of natural inner confidence is your birthright. All little kids are naturally
confident. A toddler will take risks, yell out, make noise, and basically do whatever
he wants. He doesn’t care what other people will think of him, or about what he
“should” be doing. All that stuff comes later.

And if you’re stuck in shyness then there’s too much piled on. Too many rules,
ideas, and patterns you’ve picked up. The steps above will help you remove this
pile that’s blocking your natural confidence from emerging.

No matter how long you’ve struggled, it’s possible for you to change your life.

It’s possible for you to completely accept all parts of yourself, to believe in yourself
and your abilities, and to have the courage to pursue what you most want in this
life. It’s simply a matter of practice and determination.

I’d be honored to help accelerate your progress along this journey. It’s possible to
do it on your own, but I benefited tremendously from getting guidance along the
way, and I think you would too.

If you’re motivated to take action to transform your life, I strongly suggest getting
one of my confidence-building training programs. Below are descriptions of each
one, and how they can help you overcome specific challenges related to your
confidence.

Click the links below to learn more and order the program that’s right for you.
If you’re dead set on making a complete change in your level of confidence, and
you’re motivated to really invest in yourself, then Confidence Coaching might be
right for you.

This is a powerful one-on-one process that allows us to identify your specific

challenges and come up with a plan to live the life of confidence you truly want.

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 I only accept a small number of Private Confidence Coaching clients each year
because my time is limited and I only want to work with you if you’re ready to do
whatever it takes to transform your life. If you are, contact me about submitting a
Confidence Coaching Application. May you have the courage to be who you truly
are!

Dr. Aziz Gazipura

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ADDITIONAL CONFIDENCE TRAINING & BOOKS

CONFIDENCE UNLEASHED
“Unlock The Full Potential Of Your Masculine Power
In Dating, Business, And Life!”

An in-depth 8-week confidence training program that teaches you why you are
stuck and how to break free. You will learn about your “story” and how it stops
you from having the confidence you need in your life.

LEARN MORE

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ADDITIONAL CONFIDENCE TRAINING & BOOKS

SKYROCKET YOUR SOCIAL CONFIDENCE

“How To Maximize Your Self-Esteem And Master Your Social Life!”

An interactive DVD training program that teaches you the 2 fundamental

components of confidence — self-esteem and social skills. When you have
high self-esteem and you like who you are, confidence just comes naturally
to you.

LEARN MORE

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