Bài dự thi IELTS Xuân Phi Contest 2/9/2021

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1. The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who
visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland Scottish tourism
cominvisiting coming to four tourist 4 various attractions over the course of 30
years, starting in 1980.

Looking at the graph, it is immediately obvious that the tourists’ percentage to

all destinations fluctuated rate underwent a fluctuation over the period.
Whilst the figures for castle and zoo indicated an upward trend, a reverse
pattern was seen in from the aquarium as well as the festival.

In 1980, the number of tourists coming to festivals the festival figure was the
highest, precisely at three-tenths. Castle and aquarium were visited by fewer
visitors, nearly equal to a quarter and one-fifth respectively representatively.
The zoo proportion, however, was the least favorable by visitors lowest rate,
standing at merely around 10% per cent.
From the 30-year period30- years -period, the number of guests enjoying
festivals investing time to go to the festival experienced a gradual decrease
from 30% to merely one-fifth. In contrast, Castle attracted numerous visitors,
with a rapid increase ascended rapidly and reached to reach the highest point
of merely over 45% in 1995, followed by a notable decrease before staying
unchanged by 2010. previously staying consistently. From 1980 to 1985, the
aquarium figure rose dramatically and peaked at more than a third, which
surpassed the number of festival and as well as the aquarium visitors .
Nevertheless, the percentage of aquarium visitors decreased remarkably
number tended to have a gradual descent and hit the lowest point of roughly
one-tenth. Scotland visitors had growing preferences for zoos, with an increase
to 20% at the end of the period. Zoo’s proportion went up and down several
times, previously growing rapidly to one-fifth at the end.

OVERALL COMMENT:

Strengths:
- Bài viết có ý tưởng, phân tích có định hướng
Weaknesses:
- Em nên chia lại Body, viết theo từng line để đỡ rối em nhé
- Em đa dạng hoá cấu trúc ngữ pháp
- Em chú ý chủ ngữ sử dụng (ở đây là % khác tới thăm, chứ không phải %
vườn thú, lễ hội, …)
- Tránh viết câu dài, dồn quá nhiều so sánh