Strategic Marketing

Business English 7:00 am. - 8:00 am.

Thrid Semester

E-mail activity

Pamela Berenice Rodríguez Ocádiz

September 17th, 2021

Errors
To: Jeremy.Gibbons12@aol.com

From: Andrea Kelly

Subject: Improving Your Experience at Body Fitness Center

Cc:

Bcc:

Dear Mr. Gibbons, Body Fitness Center here in Scottsdale (Empty words) was probably chosen by
you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Southwest. Our principal goal has always been
(Flabby expression) making your workouts enjoyable.

To continue to provide you (Flabby expression) with the best equipment and programs,
(Punctuation) your feedback is needed.

An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent training programs (empty words)
has been provided by Body Fitness. (punctuation) However, more individual attention could be
given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. (punctuation) You have
probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. We wish it were
(dropping fillers) possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during
those hours. Although we can’t stretch an hour. We would like to (Long Lead-Ins) make better
use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. With more members coming later, we would have less
crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. (Avoid the obvious)

To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my
partner and me. (fillers) Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. (punctuation) This
matter has been given a lot of thought. (Long Lead-Ins) Although Body Fitness has never
previously had (Redundancies) an incident that endangered a member. (Filler)

Please fill in the attached interactive questionnaire. Which will give us instant feedback about
scheduling your workouts. (Long Lead-Ins) By completing this questionnaire (Redundancy), your
workouts and training sessions can be better planned so that you can enjoy exactly the equipment
and trainers you prefer.

Cordially
Correction
To: Jeremy.Gibbons12@aol.com

From: Andrea Kelly

Subject: Improving Your Experience at Body Fitness Center

Cc:

Bcc:

Dear Mr. Gibbons, Body Fitness Center was probably chosen by you because it is one of the

top-rated gyms in the Southwest.

Our goal is making your workouts enjoyable, to continue providing you the best equipment and
programs, your feedback is needed.

However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time
could be extended, the attendance increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.

To accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours, we would like
to make better use of the time with more members coming later.

To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered.

Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added although Body Fitness has never

previously had an incident.

Please fill in the attached interactive questionnaire. By completing it, your workouts and training

sessions can be better planned so that you can enjoy exactly the equipment and trainers you

prefer.

Cordially