Benefits of extracurricular activities for students' development

Phạm Huyền Phương Anh
In company with the traditional ways of teaching, namely books and notes, extracurricular activities also
play an important role in student’s development. First and foremost, they serve as an outlet for pupils to
destress after school and especially after exam seasons. The kids get to do what they love; therefore,
feeling more refreshed and ready when they get back to work. Thus, it reduces burnout and possible
improvements in terms of grades can be made. Another reason why youngsters should participate in non-
scholastic activities is that despite it being labeled as “extracurricular”, it can actually enrich their
knowledge in different areas. For instance, team sports like soccer and basketball can teach your children
leadership and teamwork, as well as improve their athleticism. In addition, music-related activities can
enrich a child’s musicality, along with their body coordination. Furthermore, these useful skills can make a
student stand out as they are not only decent in school, but they are also a active and dynamic person ,
further contributing in their chances of succeeding later in life. Safe to say, extracurricular activities most
certainly offer us great advantages, and subsequently it helps enrich the quality of our lives.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, có cấu trúc nhưng ý còn hơi lan man
- Xem lại một số chỗ lỗi diễn đạt

Kiều Đông Du
It is indisputable that extracurricular activities has brought tangible benefits to students. In the scope of
this essay, I will point out some of the benefits of extracurricular activities. First and foremost,
extracurricular activities play an important role in helping students unwind after stressful studying . Every
student has to deal with stress at school on a daily basis irrespective of how positive or easy-going their
lifestyle is. They have to work at full capacity in order to pass the high school’s entrance exam, especially
in the case 8th and 9th graders. Extracurricular activities like yoga can put them at ease and rid them of
stress, thus
boosting efficiency in their studies. Moreover, after-school activities can enhance students’ social skills
and teamwork skills. Taking part in sports activities means meeting new friends and cooperating with
them. This can result in considerable improvement in one’s communication. Teamwork skills, which is
crucial in one’s future workplace, can be developed thanks to active participation in clubs, sports and
group activities such as soccer or basketball. All things considered, extracurricular activities have been
proved to provide middle students with a surfeit of benefits. They can be rewarded with a well-deserved
rest after a stressful day of school along with considerable refinement in their social skills.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, cấu trúc được, ngôn ngữ được
- Xem lại diễn đạt một số chỗ
- Nên tập trung chủ yếu vào đề thôi, ko nên nói vấn đề khác quá dài
Trần Tuấn Linh
Extracurricular activities have several benefits to students. Firstly, extracurricular activities can help
students to develop their life skills. For example, students can gain many experiences from volunteer
work, they learn how to manage time and collaborate with peers. Participating in sports can help students
to train their body, make them healthier, and can improve their grouping skills and goal setting . Next,
extracurricular activities can also provide students social opportunities. When students participating in the
same activities, have the same goal, they can be able to make more friend, improve their communication
skills. They will have the opportunity to talk with many people and create good relationship that can help
in the future. Lastly, extracurricular activities can also help students to relieving stress at school. Outdoor
activities like sport, competitions can help students reduce pressure. Joining clubs can also provide
students times with friends to reduce stress after a busy day at school. In conclusion, extracurricular
activities are very beneficial to students with mentioned advantages.
Nhận xét:
- Còn một số lỗi diễn đạt, ngữ pháp phải xem lại
- Ngôn ngữ dùng còn đơn giản, chưa academic

Nguyễn Thái Dương
These days, the pressure on students is increasing day by day resulting in bad effects. Therefore, their
parents encouraged their children to take part in activities to relax called extracurricular activities. This
paragraph will analyze the positive impacts of extracurricular activities. First, these activities provide the
respite they extremely need. In fact, students have almost no chance for a nap after finish various
deadlines, so that these activities can be an effective solution. Additionally, extracurricular activities can
highly upgrade communication skills of students to a higher level that extremely helpful in the future . Not
only providing a comfortable break and communication skills, after-school exercises also help to add new
friends. Particularly, non-academic exercises allow kids to interact with their peers to socialize, expand
colloboration which result in new companionship was founded. To summarize, after-school activities will
bring benefits mostly on mentally and it will be a reasonable choice after a long day of studying and
stressful work.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại mở đoạn
- Có ý nhưng diễn đạt còn yếu, cần rõ ràng hơn
- Lỗi diễn đạt, ngữ pháp, từ vựng còn nhiều

Đỗ Bình An
Extracurricular activities help students gain experience in a variety of areas that will enhance their future.
Through participation in sports, students learn cooperation, teamwork and time management.
Extracurricular activities can also help students discover hidden talents, meet people they might otherwise
not encounter, and learn about things outside their own environment. But which activities should a student
choose? Should they choose activities that use talents they already possess and meet people with similar
talent? Some students are comfortable with growth while others will feel more comfortable with familiarity.
If a student enjoys outdoor activities, he or she may want to look into archery clubs, horseback riding or
other sports. If a student enjoys reading he or she may also enjoy literary clubs, writing clubs or
journalism activities. Extracurricular activities are also a good way to learn appreciation for new and
different activities. A student who would ordinarily choose football or baseball might think about exposing
themselves to archery or bird watching. Choosing something outside a student’s comfort zone widens
horizons and expands knowledge.
Being open to new avenues by joining the newspaper staff, the computer club or the decorative painter’s
club will expose students to new people and new ideas. A student may find that he/she flows towards art
and literature, while others may like more physically active activities like carpentry, welding, and few may
flow towards science and technology. All these help a student develop new skills, develop a more
confident approach towards the world, and add new colors to their lives.
Hence, extracurricular activities not only help students be skillfully equipped for their daily lives, but also
help them become more social and responsible. So students go and find a new dimension within life,
meanwhile setting and achieving new goals and to become successful human beings.
Nhận xét:
- Bài lấy trên mạng
- Bài viết ko được dùng câu hỏi, ko được lạc đề

Nguyễn Anh Thư
In this day and age, due to the changing of methods in education, students are provided with
extracurricular activities apart from their usual classes which brings many benefits to learners. There is
little to argue that these activities can broaden students’ necessary skills for the future. Specifically, while
taking part in these non-scholastic activities, students must balance the time they spend on studying and
joining the activities, Therefore, their time management will be improved helping them become more
independent and proactive in the future. Moreover, such activities usually require students to work as a
team in order to doing many works simultaneously; as a result, they can gain teamwork skills. In
conjunction with the soft skills, students can impress universities and employers with their resumes. This
is because colleges usually want to see if learners have gone beyond their intended studying area. In
addition, not only going to universities will be easier but learners’ chances of getting a job will be much
higher. Employers are more likely to choose who have experiences in social activities because people
who have higher leadership skill or cooperation will much likely to work effectively . In conclusion, the
merits of joining in extracurricular activities are numerous but as stated above, the benefits will surely
bring students advantages in the future.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý, có hệ thống, có thể thêm VD
- Nên xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt

Hoàng Vân Khánh
In recent years, for many schools and colleges, extracurricular exercises are becoming more and more
critical. Personally, I sincerely concur with this perspective and that my viewpoints on this important
articulation would be stated below. Firstly, it is well-known that extracurricular programms enable
understudies to be more dynamic. It is as to it helps with the advancement of the understudy's
attentiveness, permitting that person to get better grades, which is clearly critical when it comes to future
employment opportunities. Secondly, it is undeniable that having extracurricular exercises in schools and
universities would enable undergraduates to become advanced in various games and exercises. As a
result, there are various other occupation prospects would become available to one’s choosings since
besides scholastic, employers either require or prefer to hire one with one if not multiple certifications from
extracurricular programms. For instance, multiple surveys from world-renowed universities have pointed
out that over 80% employers would prefer to see diversities in one’s collegiate activities in one’s porfolio
rather than just test scores and rankings. To sum up, it is essential to keep an extracurricular program as
a component of the scholastic as they expand understudies’ cooperation, enhance their well-being, assist
them in gaining future occupations and motivate them to go to class consistently.
Nhận xét:
- Không nên dùng từ phức tạp mà ko đúng nghĩa
- Xem lại diễn đạt các ý, phải đơn giản và rõ ràng ra

Vũ Lê Anh Đức
Taking part in extracurricular activities has far-ranging benefits on people, especially on students for
several reasons. Firstly, extracurricular activities can be a great support to the regular curriculum. Outdoor
activities help students apply their knowledge into the real world. Therefore, these can enhance the sense
of belonging to the school, help students have interest towards subjects and reduce the odds of getting
failed. Secondly, students can learn a new skill through extracurricular activities. Students can pick up
skills by learning to play an instrument or playing football with their peers. Those skills can be the base of
a passion that will enrich their life throughout the years. Also, extracurricular activities can broaden their
social skills. Taking part in extracurricular activities means engaging with others in a social setting. It will
be a good opportunity for students develop new skills and make new friends whilst having fun. Last but
not least, extracurricular activities can also a great advantage to a student’s resumé. Universities can be
impressed by number of extracurricular activities in one’s CV and therefore would have a higher chance
to be applied. In short, extracurriculars can bring benefits to students’ lives.
Nhận xét:
- Thể hiện ý chưa tốt, ko rõ ràng, có ý đưa ra ko có support
- Cần hệ thống lại luận điểm rõ ràng hơn
- Xem lại diễn đạt

Phạm Hồng Đức
Extracurricular activities teach students to work as a "unit" and become team players. This is a non-
academic activity that is part of the development module, allowing students to think about themselves and
the world around them from a simpler perspective. Extracurricular activities are a learning method that
includes observation, practice and experience. Students can perform better in internal and external skills
such as self-acceptance, self-esteem, sexual orientation, and career goals. In the article on curriculum
planning, sustainable development and reform are embodied by the country’s educational purposes.
These activities are constantly working hard to further develop the individual's potential in a
comprehensive and comprehensive manner, so as to cultivate individuals with intellectual, spiritual,
emotional and physical balance and harmony based on a firm belief in truth and discipline. These
activities help improve academic performance and social life. Extracurricular activities train people with
knowledge and ability who have high moral standards, sense of responsibility and ability to achieve a
large degree of personal well-being and can contribute to the progress of the family and society.
In most cases, when we talk about extracurricular activities, we directly think of the different time periods
allocated to hockey, swimming, equestrian clubs, cooking clubs and other activities. However, we must be
aware that these activities are not only related to any school, club or uniform organization, but also
representative committees and student committees are also classified as extracurricular activities. There
are three main types of extracurricular activities. The first is social. For students who have a special
interest in social issues such as public speaking, society has been classified as a club or organization.
Second is the uniform agency, as mentioned above, an organization that involves them wearing the same
uniform as their identity. Finally, there are sports and games, which are the most common and popular .
Letting students spend time playing can keep their bodies healthy.
Nhận xét:
- Lấy bài trên mạng

Vũ Nguyễn Nguyên Anh
In the day and age, people are concerned about how to innovate and improve the effectiveness of
curriculum and learning acquirement. In my viewpoint, physical activities are an ideal choice for junior
high school for the following reasons. First of all, afterschool activity promotes students' physical,
intellectual and emotional development. An illustration of this is all the teens need to be nurtured in all-
round way by participating in noncollegiate activities. To be more specific, communication skill, leadership
and team spirit are crucial for middle students. In the second place, extracurricular activities help students
reduce their stress from school and family. Additionally, heavy burden of study and lack of sleep and
physical exercise lead to unintended consequence. Therefore, balancing between studying and
entertaining will be effective in the long run. On the whole, school should add more extracurricular
activities to increase teaching quality and it is also a great way to create unforgettable memories during
teenage.
Nhận xét:
- Phát triển ý chưa tốt, ý ko rõ ràng, mơ hồ
- Diễn đạt ý chưa tốt, ngôn ngữ còn đơn giản quá
Phạm Hoàng Anh
In today's world, extracurricular activities play an important role in benefitting students in various ways
depending on each individual's purposes. First and foremost, through after-school activities, students can
boost students' basic but needed skills . To be more specific, being capable of handling different
assignments at a time can help students acquire more skills such as: time-management, critical thinking,
communicating skills, and so on. Secondly, being engaged in different extracurricular activities can be
advantageous in terms of academic performance. For example, taking part in school clubs and after-
school lectures can both satisfy an individual's interests as well as acquire more knowledge. As a result,
when comparing a student who attend extra classes with one who only gain knowledge at school, the
student who is involved in more learning will clearly surpass the other in terms of education. Last but not
least, partaking in extracurricular activities will create opportunities of establishing new relationships.
Friends is considered a vital factor in various parts of life, therefore, meeting new people counts as a
huge advantage. To sum up, extracurricular activities can be beneficial when gaining knowledge and
skills as well as strengthening and creating relationships.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại cách diễn đạt một số chỗ
- Có ý tưởng, tương đối có hệ thống

Vũ Việt Hùng
In today's world, many students are not only studying in brick-and-mortar but they also participate in
extracurricular activities. After-school activities can bring students many benefits. This paragraph will
analyse the upside of extracurricular activities. First, extracurricular program enable students to acquire
skills that are not teach at school. It's inevitable that knowledge plays an important part in one's success
but, beside that, soft skills is also crucial. For example, students can only develop their communication
and team work skills through taking part in extracurricular activities which are the two important
contributors to their future career. Second, after-school activities will lighten the pressure that teens have
to face with. Students will find extraclassroom activities as an excellent chance to relax from long
frustrating hours of study. Also, they will may greet and befriend with people who have the same mind as
them. In conclusion, development of life skills and relaxation from pressure are the two main benefits that
extracurricular activities brings to students.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại các lỗi lặt vặt về ngữ pháp, dùng từ
- Xem lại thể hiện ý

Lê Hà Phương
In today's world, it is obvious that extracurriculars do wonder for students. Firstly, participating in sports or
going to after-school clubs help let off steam after lengthy academic lessons. Students enjoy hanging out
with their friends and doing what they love to do so that they can feel relaxed and recharge their batteries.
Secondly, extracurricular activities provide us with fundamental skills. For instance, playing sports
improves teamwork and social skills while discussions in clubs require logic and critical thinking. Thirdly,
students greatly enhance their experience by joining extracurriculars. For example, volunteering for
charitable organizations enables us to meet and work with different people in various conditions.
Furthermore, being experienced and skillful makes a better CV, so we will find it easier to get into a
prestigious university or apply for jobs in the future. To sum up, students now benefit from extracurricular
activities as it provides relaxation, important skills needed, and precious experience.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc, có hệ thống được
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt

Hoàng Trần Linh Anh
Extracurricular activities are mostly taken by students, especially teenagers in their spare time and there
are a variety of advantages that they can receive through these programs. Firstly, these activities prepare
children with broader knowledge in general academic fields and social skills. For instance, when a student
participates in a debate club, what he or she can earn is not only in-depth information about the cases,
but also skills such as public speaking and teamwork. Especially when students have found an activity
that gives them enjoyment, they will be more proactive in the learning process and grasp more
experience from their works than expected. Secondly, extracurricular activities are chances for children to
expand social spans and be open to more opportunities. Joining these activities is synonymous to
working in groups; therefore, students are required to interact with others who likely share the same
interests. They will form a community which lets students to step out of their usual circles and leads to
more opportunities like being offered spots in other projects by other members. To conclude, the
involvement in extracurricular activities will be beneficial for students in terms of knowledge enrichment
and social relationships.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý rõ
- Xem lại khai triển một số ý

Trần Thái Uyên
There is no denying that core curriculum aids students to broaden their range of knowledge; however,
what bring them pleasure while providing experience are extracurricular activities. This paragraph will
discuss the two major benefits gained from the trend of non-scholastic activities. First of all,
extracurriculars allow participants to reach the full potential of their social skills. In mandatory lessons,
there is little likelihood of coordinators giving tasks that enforce students to interact with each other.
Meanwhile, these extracurricular activities revolve around teamwork, as well as communicating. This is
certain to form rapports, which widen students’ network but also improve students’ social skills. It is vital
for youngsters to excel at socializing in order to thrive in life after graduation. Additionally, joining after-
school doubtlessly upgrade students’ profile, especially in the context of applying to higher education
institutions. This due to the fact that one’s participating in outside activities proves them to be able to
master leadership or other soft skills. Therefore, students’ chances of enrolling in their dream schools are
higher. To put it in a nutshell, extracurricular activities prove their beneficially through its developing
students' social skills and its revamping students' profiles.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý nhưng ý có thể nói sâu hơn
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, một số lỗi lặt vặt
Hà Văn Hưng
It is a fact that the number of middle-school pupils participating in non-scholastic activities is rapidly
increasing in today's environment. In this post, I will discuss some of the most compelling benefits of
participating in such activities. Firstly, non-scholastic activities provide opportunities for middle school
students to develop and improve their interpersonal skills. As a result, enhancing soft skills through
extracurricular activities can provide a student with a significant competitive edge in the short term while
also increasing his chances of landing a promising job in the long run. Participants can learn collaborative
skills by participating in volunteer projects and team sports, for example. Secondly, extracurricular
activities will strengthen students' eligibility by adding credibility to their academic record, which will
inevitably impress international educational institutions. Various universities are looking for candidates
that are dynamic and extroverted these days. Aside from academic credentials, people are emphasizing
interpersonal talents. The student's competence and potential are demonstrated through certificates of
participation gained through participation in various extra-curricular activities, which may provide her an
advantage over other candidates vying for the same slot. In conclusion, after-school exercises are of
extraordinary advantage to middle school understudies through refining their delicate abilities and
embellishing their resumes.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết tốt, có ngôn ngữ tốt, rành mạch

Nghiêm Thu Trang
In this day and age, it has become the norm for secondary school students to participate in extracurricular
activities, which is beneficial for the following reasons. Extracurricular activities are what students pursue
in addition to the standard course of study. To start with, non-scholastic activities help to boost learners’
academic performance. Contrary to popular belief that non-collegiate activities take up too much of
students’ time, those activities are bound to lengthen their attention span. For example, when middle
school students have their sports match, they will enhance their ability to focus. A further value attached
to after-school activities is that it will promote higher self-esteem. By partaking in a sports team, for
example, one may discover their potential and accordingly, it will boost their confidence. Not only is a
student better prepared for presentations in class, but they will also be eager to take risks in life . Lastly,
extra classroom activities will help students improve their time management skills. Having to balance
school work and extracurricular activities, secondary school students will learn how to manage their time.
All in all, extracurricular activities allow students to elongate secondary school students’ concentration as
well as boosting their confidence and promoting self-esteem.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý tưởng, có hệ thống ý

Phạm Minh Nhật
In this day and age, students are rapidly growing both physically and mentally, especially in secondary
school. Besides the standard curriculum, students are offered a plethora of opportunities to participate in
extracurricular activities, which are of great value. In this paragraph, I shall illustrate the benefits of
extracurricular activities. First and foremost, extracurricular activities help broaden students’ essential life
skills. For instance, when playing in sports teams, students may foster strong leadership and teamwork
skills. In addition to those skills, time management will also be acquired by students as they need to
balance between academics and extracurricular activities. Secondly, extracurricular activities help
students make new friends and boost their confidence. Partaking in such activities enables them to
interact with other students who share similar interests, which might result in long-lasting friendships. This
means students are likely to have more support and encouragement in life. Accordingly, owing to their
supportive friends, students may become more confident as they experience adulthood. To summarize, it
goes without saying that extracurricular activities play an important role in students’ lives since they help
students develop new skills and befriend new students.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại mở bài cần giản lược đi chút
- Bài viết tốt, phát huy nhé

Nguyễn Lâm Tùng
Extracurricular activities are very popular to students in this day and age. These type of activities are also
beneficial for students in multiple ways. First of all, extracurricular activities help students relax after a
long day studying at their classes. Thanks to this, students feel much more better when they get home
and get ready for the next day. It helps them to do better at class and get a higher mark on their exams .
Extracurricular activities can even help students develop skills and strengthen what they already had.
With these activities, they also familiarize themselves with planning and carrying out programs to help
setting goals. They gain more experience in management and teamwork so working in a group won't be a
problem to them anymore in the future. Overall, extracurricular activities benefit students a lot so it is
usually recommended by parents and teachers so everyone should join in an activity that you wanted to
do.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý, diễn đạt ý có thể hay hơn
- Xem lại một số chỗ cần support rõ ràng hơn

Dương Ngọc Hà
In this developing society, it is very important to provide knowledge beside the general education
curriculum. Extracurricular activities is essential in secondary environment for it offers several merrits as
follows.
Initially, extracurricular courses provide students with additional knowledge and skills not found in
textbooks. Through after-school activities, students can directly participate in social activities, which
brings in necessary soft skills in practice. Secondly, extra tutoring contribute to helping students release
their spirit after stressful study sessions. It can be seen that the major part of the students look forward to
joining this kind of education as they can let go all worries.
Nhận xét:
- Bài chưa hoàn thiện, sai format
- Hệ thống ý phải rành mạch, có support và VD đầy đủ hơn
- Xem lại các lỗi diễn đạt, ngữ pháp

Nguyễn Minh Hạnh
While it is true that academic subjects are important, I believe that extracurricular activities also offer
theirs benefit and should be concentrated on equally. First of all, subjects like music, arts and PE are
helpful for not only students’ physical health but also mental heath. As a result, their learning ability and
concentration will be improved, not to mention that their capability will not be overstrained. Those
activities can actually improve their performance by increasing their brain function, as well as
concentration. When students engage in extracurricular activities, they will be able to expand their social
network and help boost your confidence level. Besides, they can develop skills like debate professionally
or public speaking, which will come in handy when they are looking for jobs without much previous work
experience. Moreover, by encouraging students to take part in extracurricular subjects, schools can
discover their hidden talents and they will have opportunities to nurture their abilities. In conclusion, not
only students should focus on academic subjects, but also attend extracurriculars as they offer benefits
for their health, performance and future careers.
Nhận xét:
- Bài nên xem lại hệ thống ý, cần cân bằng và thêm support cho các ý + VD
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt có thể hay hơn

Nguyễn Bá Huy
In this day and age, extracurricular activities are undoubtedly becoming more and more essential, for it
grants the following benefits. First and foremost, extracurriculars help people get in shape and maintain a
healthy lifestyle. For example, sports such as football or basketball are entertaining and energetic
physical exercises due to them requiring players to run around actively. Because of that, people's
wellbeing can improve from excess fat being burnt, and their muscles can grow stronger than before as a
result of participating in physical activities. Secondly, extracurricular activities help people connect and
improve their social skills. To illustrate, people can join clubs which specialize in specific subjects such as
music or arts and meet people who share the same hobbies and likings. Consequently, they gradually
become more extroverted and outgoing, helping them in public interactions and situations in society. In
conclusion, extracurricular activities are crucial in improving people's health and social skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có hệ thống ý rành mạch, ý có support được
- Có thể đi sâu hơn một chút ở mỗi ý

Đặng Mai Thái Hoàng
Academic success is a concept that is highly valued in today's society, as it is imperative to students
wanting to lead a bright future with prospective careers. As a result, most students tend to be excessively
centered around the subjects within their syllabus and thereby overlook the advantages of activities
outside of school, most notably being the health benefits. Activities outside of school are usually
considered to be beneficial to both a student's mental and physical health. In other words, the redeeming
factors of extracurricular activities take the form of relaxation or even exercise, accounting for better
wellbeing overall. For example, an afterschool basketball club is highly likely to strengthen a student's
physical state via vigorous training and may also boost their morale, confidence, and their psychology
altogether by giving them another skill. In addition, with the aforementioned perks of this sort of activity,
they will be better prepared for upcoming exams and have a more positive outlook on school life. In
conclusion, there are numerous positives to non-scholastic activities, such as boosting students' strength
and their overall psychological health. Such qualities are bound to have a profound impact on a student in
general and should be utilized as needed.
Nhận xét:
- Mở bài chưa tốt, phải trực tiếp vào ý hơn

Hoàng Thùy Dương
Nowadays, extracurricular activities are instrumental in not only one's education and work, but also in
developing helpful personality traits and skills. For instance, teamwork or leasership skills are acquired
through playing sports, or playing an instrument for perseverance, patience and creativity . These skills
prove to be highly beneficial throughout one's life. Extracurriculars are also known to boost academic
performance, considering that skills earned from them can be applied during core academic subjects.
Education requires solid problem-solving skills, memory, and critical thinking, and so do activities like
chess or basketball. Moreover, activities outside of school include interaction with others in a social
setting, boosting one's social skills and confidence. It provides opportunities to communicate with others
who all possess something in common. Last but not least, extracurricular activities enable us to acquire
crucial time management skills. For example, students who have to balance their school time with their
clubs will need to set up calendars and schedules, which at the same time teach them planning and
decision-making skills. In conclusion, extracurricular activities are instrumental in one's educational life, as
well as their social life, presenting key abilities to achieve success.
Nhận xét:
- Có hệ thống ý, diễn đạt ý có thể hay hơn
- Xem lại cách dùng từ sao cho gọn gàng hơn

Đỗ Khánh Huyền
In this day and age, it is of paramount significance for adolescents to pursue non-scholastic activities
outside the framework of the educational curriculum. The merits associated with extracurriculars will be
discussed as follows. Firstly, these activities lead teenagers to better academic performance. Specifically,
via pushing themselves in extra-classroom endeavours, the students stand a higher chance of applying
practical applications of theoretical lessons; thus, they will acquire knowledge more effectively. For
instance, when learners take a tour of the National Park, they are inclined to pick up precious information
about local flora and ecosystems with thorough observation that may not be imparted wholeheartedly just
through educators’ lectures. Secondly, extracurricular activities facilitate creating an outstanding résumé,
thus enhancing students’ applications deliberately. In other words, when a trend towards overseas
studying is gaining in popularity, fruitful life skills earned through contribution in after-school activities
would inevitably be striking evidence that candidates are desired to excel in. To recapitulate, it is clear
that being involved in non-scholastic endeavours has provided benefits aplenty as it lends credence to
juveniles’ profiles and improve characteristics to thrive in social life in the long run.
Nhận xét
- Xem lại kết bài
- Ngôn ngữ được, bài tương đối có hệ thống rành mạch

Nguyễn Gia Khánh
In my opinion, extracurricular activities have many advantages. Firstly, doing overtime activities can help
you learn many social skills. By taking up extracurricular activities, you can learn how to do things like
cooking, cleaning and even improving your communication skills with other people directly. Secondly, you
can meet many interesting people. Doing these activities with other people is a must, so you can meet
many people with many unique backgrounds and interesting stories to tell. In addition, you can make a lot
of friends along the line. Many of the people who you meet while taking part in overtime activities may
have things in common with you, so you should be able to make a lot of friends. Thirdly, participating in
extracurricular activities can help you relax after a stressful day. As a student, taking part in
extracurricular activities can help relieve stress and make your mood if you are having a bad day. In short,
extracurricular activities may bring many benefits to your life.
Nhận xét:
- Bài đúng về cấu trúc nhưng phát triển ý chưa tốt, chưa thuyết phục

Hoàng Diệu Linh
In this day and age, extra-classroom activites play a crucial role in the development of children, especially
those at an impressionable age owing to its advantages. Firstly, extracurricular activities may enhance
soft skills for a child. Beside absorbing knowledge passively in class, students are supposed to take part
in other activities to improve skills such as leadership, teamwork, sportsmanship,.. Some children may not
be an academically inclined, but in the range of afterschool activities, they are very skillful and passionate.
Secondly, participating in extracurricular activities will lead to the decline of pressure that the student
might suffer. A child prodigy's success is not only put down to tight schedules or the amount of hours
spending in extra classes but also extra activities and living skills they gain. This kind of activities will help
the children feel less tense and therefore help them make more friends and explore themselves. As a
consequence, the students will know whatsoever they want and do their best to achieve that. In
conclusion, joining extra class activities is a good opportunity to improve skills and reduce stress for
children in the well-rounded development.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại hế thống ý, vẫn còn rối rắm và chưa rành mạch
- Ý đưa ra phải có support, ví dụ

Phùng Trần Minh Thư
During this day and age, there has been a boom in the number of school-goers pursue activities beyond
their curriculum framework. Indeed, it is irrefutable that one can derive a plethora of merits from
extracurriculars, some of which will be elaborated as followed. To commence with, scholastic endeavors
can embellish students’ curriculum vitae, which is of paramount importance. By presenting a CV filled with
a variety of after-school activities to admission officers of prestigious institutions or companies, they can
create a profound impression that not only do they excel in their expertise but they also possess a
considerable number of assets as well as a lot of experiences. Consequently, this might boost their
chances of being accepted to their desired position. Secondly, extracurricular activities can provide robust
opportunities for one to augment their life skills. When engaging in after-school clubs, teenagers will have
to strike a balance between schoolwork and extracurriculars, which might enable them to manage their
schedules flexibly to achieve optimal results. Additionally, the youth can also enhance their interpersonal
skills such as teamwork by cooperating with their fellow members, aiding them dramatically in their
adulthood as a result. All in all, it is advisable that one take up scholastic activities for it will come in handy
in making an impressive CV along with developing beneficial soft kills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý tốt, ngôn ngữ rõ ràng
- Xem lại ý 1 có thể nói rõ ràng hơn

Trần Bách
It is mentioned widely that extracurricular activities play an indispensable role in helping students acquire
new knowledge and health. While the statement may not be entirely accurate, i do think it is true to some
extent. Firstly, being able to experience the knowledge themselves, students can further understand what
they have learned with clarity. This may contribute to the stability of their fundamental knowledge , which
will benefit them in the foreseeable future. Secondly, students are brought into a stress-free environment
to study and entertain themselves through extracurricular activities, which will free them from the
unbearable pressure experienced every day. As a consequence, pupils will be in a much relaxing state,
refreshing them from the repetitive lessons in the traditional education system and empowering them to
increase their intake of valuable knowledge daily. In conclusion, extracurricular activities are a great
source of stress-free entertainment and a refreshing experience for inquisitive learners.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý nhưng support ý phải tốt hơn, rõ ràng hơn

Phạm Thiên Minh
Extracurriculums are proven to have a myriad of benefits for students. First, new skills can be learned in
the process of after-school activities such as teamwork, leadership and problem-solving skills. From
taking up a hobby with extracurricular activities, students can learn something that could stay with them
forever and instill key skills and traits. Second, it can boost your academic performance. The skills
learned from extraclassroom activity can be applied in classrooms to bring great results. Third, it can
boost your social skills. Working with likeminded people in non-scholastic activities gives opportunities to
broaden social skills, make new friends and have confidence communicating in groups. Moreover, it can
help refine time-manangement. After balancing school life and after-school activities, students can learn
time management skills which can be beneficial for the future. Last, it can enrich your resume to apply to
jobs or universities. For instance, jobs value experience and skills that are learned from extracurricular
activities. In conclusion, extracurriculars provide a considerable amount of benefits and students should
all take part in extracurriculums to enrichen their academic life.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý nhưng diễn đạt ý chưa tốt, support ý còn mông lung
- Xem lại diễn đạt, ko dùng you/your, xem lại lỗi ngữ pháp
Nguyễn Ngọc Đan Khanh
Extracurricular activities play an essential role for students for the following reasons. Firstly, these
activities help students to reduce stress and pressure after learning at school. Students will be immersed
in appropriate activities and related issues such as volunteering, environmental projects which support
unwinding from homework and lessons at school. Thus, learning would become more comfortable and
comprehensive. Secondly, students will improve their physical health and be more aware of society’s
knowledge and life skills. Participating in extra tasks, entertaining games exercise stamina, promote
leadership skills and personal abilities of individuals, thus boosting translating theory into practice will be
effective for students. Besides, students who take part in these activities would be encouraged to discover
hot topics in society. Finally, expanding relationships will become more enjoyable than ever through
extracurricular activities. Students meet, gather, and cooperate in playing games and finishing projects.
Therefore, these activities will be a bond to connect everyone. In conclusion, extracurricular activities
benefit students of various ages and should be cared for more in the future.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý nhưng support ý chưa tốt, còn sơ sài, thiếu cân bằng

Nguyễn Đỗ Uyên Khuê
It is undeniable that extracurricular activities play a necessary role in our daily lives as these sports or
hobbies not only have advantages but are also extremely enjoyable. It is a belief that the main two
benefits of them are broadening our social skills, as well as impressing university or companies. First of
all, non-academic activities such as joining local clubs or any certain communities help us to strengthen
relationships with new friends, as it is inevitable to work cooperatively in such environments. When people
meet new mates, their communication and social skills would automatically get better. Second of all,
nonprofit activities like volunteering, fundraising and others in fact always make your school records and
CV significantly more impressive. They say universities and companies perpetually seek for unique and
vivacious people because they know these students or employees can do wonders for them. To sum up,
there are numerous and various benefits that extracurricular bring but as a matter of fact, sharpening
social skills and improving your profile are the two main advantages.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý tưởng, diễn đạt ý có thể tốt hơn
- Xem lại mở bài, cần ngắn gọn hơn
- Xem lại lỗi sai diễn đạt, dùng từ

Nguyễn Lê Hiểu Minh
First of all, participating in after-school activities can give students something fun to do apart from the
usual demanding academic condition. Not only will this help them to lead a more productive life, but it can
also give you the chance to explore your passions to discover things beyond academics while taking
some time off hitting the book. Moreover, non-scholastic activities are the best way for students to
socialize by interacting with others and finding individuals with the same mindset to socialize with,
therefore initiating a network of understanding between each other and establishing a long-lasting
friendship. Lastly,
extracurricular activities can be pertinent for students looking for good resumes when they apply for
scholarships in prestigious universities or high schools overseas. Such universities are always looking
forward to applicants not only with high academic implementation but also numerous participation in
extracurriculars. The more purposeful activities that students partake in after school hours, the higher
chances that applicants have of being positively assessed and successfully granted into their sought-after
education facility. In conclusion, after-school activities have proved to be an indispensable aspect in
providing students with the essential social skills, as well as giving them well-earned leisure time.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có ý nhưng lại thiếu mở bài

Hoàng Hồng Minh
There are numerous advantages to extracurricular activities. To start, they broad students' social skills.
The nature of these activities is having students interacting and engaging with each other. Joining in non-
scholastic activities is a great opportunity to share interests outside the classroom. Furthermore,
expanding their social circle would boost their self-esteem and help them gain confidence. Secondly, a lot
of skills associated with extracurricular activities is the key to excel in academic subjects. These are two
opposite fields; however, they share the same requirements like creativity, critical thinking, problem-
solving skills and many more. According to researches, students who participate in non-collegiate
activities give out better academic performances. Last but not least, these activities are beneficial for
future plans. The majority of students apply for universities after school and experience other than in
school is an advantage. Having excellent academic scores is not enough to impress universities.
Concluding, extracurricular activities is just as essential as scholastic exercises.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý nhưng support một số ý chưa tốt
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, các lỗi dùng từ

Trần Hoàng An
While in class learning may play a major part in one's expansion of knowledge, I believe that
extracurricular activities also play a significant role academically. To start off with, extracurricular activities
can help with the development of one's personality. For instance, taking part in school clubs or charity
work can help tremendously with social and cognitive skills through working together as a whole and
focus on personal developments. Moreover, taking part in outside curriculums will help readers meet new
individuals, therefore creating more experiences for themselves. In addition, such activities can also be
beneficial to ones work ethic. Helping expand the participator field of view on a subject, and bring a better
understanding of such material.To clarify this point, readers who participate in extra activities will be able
to find themselves experiencing a broader view of each individual's opinions and thought process through
debation. Such can be acquired through joining groups of discussion outside of curricular activities and or
engaging in campaigns, therefore soaking up more information on the subject they were given . In
conclusion, extracurricular activities enables readers to ameliorate on their skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý nhưng thể hiện ý chưa tốt, ý cuối viết quá mông lung, ko nói ra ý
- Dùng từ ngữ, diễn đạt còn sai ngớ ngẩn nhiều, phải xem lại
Nguyễn Thùy Trang
Having extracurriculars have proven to be an essential part in every educational institution thanks to its
various benefits. First of all, it can be considered as a break from the normal curriculum, which is often
tiring for the brain, and therefore prevents them from being burnt out from too much school and
consequently helps improve the students' academic scores. Secondly, it improves students' social skills
as it allows them to experience rather than just learning about theories and doctrines in books . For
instance, activities that require teamwork can teach them leadership and ameliorate their personal well-
being. Therefore help them in the future as management is part and parcel of being a productive
individual whether it is time or work management, and personal wellbeing is strongly linked to their
happiness and satisfaction of life. In conclusion, extracurricular activities help improve students'
academics, enhance their social skills and thus develop their work ethic.
Nhận xét:
- Ý gần cuối phải xem lại vì chưa liên quan rõ ràng, xem lại kết bài
Nguyễn Hoàng Mỹ Anh
Extracurricular activities are proved to have a significant effect on adolescent's mental and physical
developments. This essay will discuss the advantages of participating in extra-academic activities. First,
extracurricular programs provide students a well-needed break. Specifically, after hours of arduous and
monotonous studies, students can restore their energy and excitement through interesting extra-
academic activities. Second, engaging in co-curricular programs can also limit the time students
wallowing in computer games and electronic devices and therefore enhance their physical and mental
well-being. Last but not least, through joining in co-curricular programs, students get the chance to
cultivate some professional skills that are fundamental in their workplace. For example, by participating in
football clubs, students' teamwork and goal setting skills, which are of paramount importance, can be
greatly enhanced. In sum, co-curricular activities provide middle school students with well-deserved
breaks, health improvement and professional skills cultivation. Therefore, every student should be
involved in extracurricular activities to make the most out of their teenage years.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có hệ thống ý được, tương đối rõ ràng
- Xem lại mở bài + diễn đạt một số chỗ

Phạm Trần Bách
After-school activities are gaining popularity among students. It is clear that is is beneficial to secondary
pupils. In this essay, I list several of them.
Firstly, extracurricular activities can grants new friends. Afterschool camps generally are filled of those
who people haven't ever met before. Students during the camping time should accompany with others to
do tasks. Thus, they could know more about decent parts of each other. It is common sense that learning
through doing is the most effective way of acquiring knowledge. Through joining extracurriculars, a
student can encounter real-world experiences and make valuable friendship along the way.
Secondly, non-scholastic activities can also boost one's self-esteem. Having self-confidence is possible
for anyone to possess. One's being able to achieve a goal has enabled his/her to gain confidence in
his/herself. For many students, a shared passion or interest is the first step in developing a friendship.
Extracurriculars facilitate an introduction among peers, encouraging teamwork and bonding to achieve a
shared goal. As students work together on an activity they enjoy, friendships typically blossom.
In addition, non-collegiate activities can improve learners’ social skills. As a result of the essence of many
extracurricular activities, learners will be communicating with one other since it is a great chance for
youngsters to meet other youngsters who share the same interests and get to know each other outside
the classroom. Their social experiences will be improved, they will make new friends and they will grow
more comfortable talking in groups because of this opportunity. Moreover, it is undeniable that self-
esteem and self-confidence may also be developed through extracurricular activities. When it comes to
psychic strength and prosperity, having a healthy sense of self is.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities can grants students essential life skills. In my opinion, pupils
should take part in any afterschool activities if there's a chance.
Nhận xét:
- Sai format bài
- Hệ thống ý rối rắm quá, cần phân biệt từng ý rõ ràng ra + support = VD
- Xem lại diễn đạt, cách diễn đạt còn mông lung dài dòng, ko vào ý
Viên Hoàng Khánh Linh
These days, besides main subjects at school, extracurricular activities are also believed to be of great
importance as it helps one to develop their own strength and also create a favorable condition for
students. To start with, the main reason why extracurricular activities are considered to be indispensable
in a student’s life is the way it forms a potential young generation. Given the chance to participate in after-
school activities, students are given the and widen their knowledge horizon. Experience and social skills
are of overwhelming importance when it comes to real life, however, those skills themselves cannot be
obtained at school. Extra classroom activity will help balance the theoretical and practical aspects of the
course. There are numerous non collegiate activities in which they can take part in and develop some
particular skills, ranging from arts to sports clubs. Additionally, through partaking in those clubs, students
not only get the chance to find out their own strength but it is also a way to relax after stressful hours at
school. Playing sports or any other kind of exercising activities are claimed to restore student’s energy
after tough hours at school, which helps make their minds more relaxed, and improves their study
productivity as a result. To conclude, the benefits of extracurricular activities are that it equipped students
with an all-round pool of knowledge and basic skills needed in their life, and also a short respite for them
after stressful hours at school.
Nhận xét:
- Hệ thống ý chưa tốt, ko rõ ràng
- Ý đưa ra quá mơ hồ, ko thể hiện được cuối cùng benefit là gì?
- Diễn đạt chưa tốt làm bài khó theo dõi, cần xem lại
Nguyễn Cẩm Châu
Taking part in extracurricular activities at school is one of the educational methods that has been applied
and implemented by many educational institutions for students in today's world. And indeed, going
through experiences and actual observation besides reading books and doing tasks is a way for students
to approach to everything around them in an intuitive and full of creativity way. Besides the traditional
methods of learning with printed textbooks, joining extracurricular activities after school like sports, arts,...
may not only seems to help the students to feel less boring and monotonous, but also provides them with
better apprehension at class. Firstly, taking part in non-scholastic activities will help reduce the pressure
of schoolwork for students. Thanks to extracurricular activities, student have a chance to be in a relaxed
and stress-free state after stressful and hardworking lessons at school. Participating in activities that you
enjoy and passionate about can help a lot in increasing your concentration, your brain function and also
help you to manage your schedule better. Secondly, the extracurriculars activities can provides you with
chances to make new friends and expand your relationship
Nhận xét:
- Cấu trúc bài có vấn đề, mở bài quá lan man, ko có ý rõ ràng
- Bài viết chưa hoàn thiện, các ý đưa ra mơ hồ
- Xem lại lỗi diễn đạt

Lê Trần Nguyên Khoa
Extracurricular activities are among the most important in schools nowadays, students are to participate in
them very often, but why? This paragraph will explain how it will benefit you taking part in extracurricular
activities. Firstly, as obvious as it seems, you will learn new skills or improve skills that you have. Whether
its a music club, a drama club or basketball, chess clubs; their purpose is all to teach you new things like
how to sing, how to act, to improve your skills such as playing sports. Secondly, extracurricular activities
help you to socialize more. After a densely packed school day, you get a chance to hang out with your
friends more, to meet new people that shares the same interest, that who knows, might be your next best
friends. Lastly, it helps you to relax, to nurtur your brains. A school day is very stressful, but getting past
all that, you get to do what you enjoy, to get away from all the schoolworks and be free! In conclusion,
extracurricular activities play an important role in schools nowadays, from teaching students new things,
or improving them to helping them in finding new friends, get to socialize more and most importantly, it
helps relaxing student's minds after a difficult school day, to chill out and have fun.
Nhận xét:
- Không dùng you/your, câu hỏi, câu cảm thán trong bài viết
- Diễn đạt ý chưa hay, ngôn ngữ còn hơi lủng củng, đơn giản
- Xem lại cách support cho ý

Lục Nhã Khanh
These days, extracurricular activities play an important role in mankind's life, especially among students .
This paragraph will display the benefits of the statement above and demonstrate the analysis of why.
Firstly, non-scholastic activities can help students to advance their scholarly production. Many of the
abilities developed via extracurricular activities may be applied in core erudite courses. Stable problem-
solving skills, representation, creativity, and analytical thinking are all required in education. Students can
decide on an extracurricular activity that has an influence on these areas to various degrees. Secondly,
non-collegiate activities can improve learners social skills. As a result of the essence of many
extracurricular activities, learners will be communicating with one other since it is a great chance for
youngsters to meet other youngsters who share the same interests and get to know each other outside
the classroom. Their social experiences will be improved, they will make new friends and they will grow
more comfortable talking in groups because of this opportunity. To sum up, extracurricular activities help
students to advance their production and improve social skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có hệ thống ý, support có thể tốt hơn

Nguyễn Ngọc Khuê
In my opinion, extracurricular activities are very good especially for students. Firstly, it will make students
improve their physical and mental health. It make students feel comfortable after learning hardly. We can
creative many new things so our wisdom will be improve. We also can learn new things and apply in our
life. We also have many skills to grow in general or make our life better. We can control our feelings and
avoid negative feeling. Secondly, we love our life and want to explore new things. We like to travel
anywhere. If you are in trouble, you can solve it well or you can harder to get through some bad things in
your life. In conclusion, I think extracurricular activities bring to us many benefits.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết còn lủng củng, hệ thống ý ko rõ ràng, nhiều đoạn lạc đề
- Xem lại các lỗi diễn đạt

Nguyễn Quang Huy
Nowadays, participating in extracurricular activities is a common practice for students all around the world
because they can reap various benefits from this. First of all, extracurricular activities is a chance for the
students to get away from their stressful studies and relax for some time. Although one might say that this
will just distract the children from their studies, in many cases it actually help them increase their
academic performance. Secondly, these activities also allow the students to practice skills and traits
which will be valuable for them in the future. For example, they can practice essential skills for their future
jobs such as leadership or teamwork by working in a group project with their classmates. Thirdly,
extracurricular activities consist of all kinds of events from sport events to a school trip, therefore for the
students it will be an opportunity them to have new experience and also make new friends . In conclusion,
extracurricular activities can bring a lot of benefits to the participants such as time to relax, opportunity to
sharpen various skills and finally new experience.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý, support có thể tốt hơn

Hoàng Văn Kiên
In this day and age, it is ostensibly that extracurricular activities are indispensible to our physical life.
Outdoor recreations, whose advantages will be illustrated afterward, have been proven to be absolutely
beneficial to their conductors. First and foremost, outdoor activities have an overwhelming impact on
humans' health and life, both physically and mentally. For instance, taking up team sports such as
football, baseball or basketball could aid in the process of strengthening muscles and heightening bones,
therefore enhances the players' appearence. Furthermore, having outdoor activities dramatically lowers
the chance of experiencing chronic and cardiovascular related diseases and ailments. In addition,
recreations conductors could provide themselves with opportunities to make new friends and colleagues.
Another striking benefit of extracurricular activities is that do-ers can learn new skills include
brainstorming, problem-solving and teamwork, which could enormously benefits them in their careers
after. To sum up, doing outdoor recreations is profoundly advantageous, it can boost conductors' abilities
to engross in works and occupations in the long term.
Nhận xét:
- Tập trung vào ý 1 nhiều quá, các ý khác bị sơ sài, thiếu support
- Chủ đề là nói về students’ extracurriculars thôi thì nên tập trung về students
Trần Diệu Linh
In this day and age, it may be considered the norm for citizens to participate in a variety of extracurricular
activities as they are believed to be highly beneficial to anyone's life. First of all, undertaking
extracurricular activities can boost students' academic performance. Students are able to enhance their
brainstorming, concentration, and time management skills, all of which contribute to better grades, by
partaking in activities that they enjoy. This benefits them when it comes to mastering core academic
subjects and taking examinations. Secondly, participating in extracurricular activities enables people to
enjoy a healthy and productive break from daily studying and working schedule. For instance,
volunteering helps people to gain exhilarating experience, boost their communicating skills, and improve
their physical and mental health. Last but not least, extracurricular activities aid in the development of
self-esteem, as well. The harder people learn and work to accomplish their goals, the more confidence
and self-esteem inculcate in them. For example, individuals who have an interest in art can join an art
club, which increases their love for the subject and motivates them to work harder in pursuit of their
passion. To conclude, I strongly believe that taking part in extracurricular activities provide a vast array of
benefits which play a vital role in people's life.
Nhận xét:

Phan Việt Hoàng
Extracurricular activities entail a number of advantages.
First of all, extracurricular activities equip participators with practical experience and traits. Through
partaking in various pastimes, people may develop a set of skills accordingly. For example, playing the
musical instruments like the piano, guitar improve hand-eye coordination. Moreover, teamwork skills,
which are of great importance in a good number of occupations nowadays can be boosted by dint of team
sports, such as football, basketball. Besides, adding more tasks to their daily routine inevitably means that
people will have less time to spare, which may encourage better time management.
Secondly, when indulging in non-scholastic activities, partakers are provided with social opportunities.
They are given the chance to meet and fraternize with like-minded individuals, hence creating long-lasting
bonds, as well as broadening their social network. This may significantly reduce the stress associated
with work and school, in addition to boosting self-confidence and self-worth. Furthermore, a wide network
of acquaintances may prove to be useful in finding a job because they may introduce you to different
businesses.
In summary, extracurricular activities help foster practical skills and personality traits, along with
broadening social networks.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được nhưng vì sai format nên mất điểm nhiều, chú ý nhé
Tô Anh Thư
Nowadays, the extracurricular activities have been attributed to an array of benefits, some of which will be
discussed below. Firstly, it helps to connect friends relationship. Collective activities to help children
communicate and connect with their peers, such as the School's team games, are tough and need the
entire group's attention. understand the concepts of camaraderie, sharing, and belonging. They will
collaborate, explore ideas, and do everything they can to overcome barriers, resulting in a stronger
partnership. Secondly, it helps to improve fitness. They will be able to exercise their bodies in a new way
when they participate in extracurricular activities at school, where they will play physical team games to
test their willpower, physical strength, and team spirit. thorough, supporting in the development of
physical and psychological resistance. Movement games help children control their body weight, are good
for their hearts, and make them more flexible. Thirdly, it helps to train life skills, expand social knowledge.
Through school-designed programs, extracurricular activities not only help kids become more agile and
active, but they also help them develop other soft skills such as teamwork, presentation, leadership, and
problem-solving skills. In summary, the three main outstanding benefits associated with extracurricular
activities.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc, có ý nhưng support ý có thể tốt hơn + xem lại ý 3

Nguyễn Khánh Huyền
After-school activities offer two main merits as follows: they grant students the opportunity to build crucial
skills and develop academic performances. First and foremost, extracurriculars broaden teenage
students’ crucial skills. To clarify, when taking part in several non- collegiate activities or being in charge
of a collaborative group, teenagers would have a chance to make friends and communicate with each
other in order to cooperate effectively; hence, they can refine their leadership skills and teamwork skills.
Secondly, extracurriculars aid students in improving grades at school. To illustrate this point, since
participating in physical activities after school may increase students’ quality of sleep and boost blood flow
to their brains, students who participating in those activities can have more mental strength and perform
well at school. In conclusion, extracurricular activities supply middle school students with a chance to
broaden several essential skills and improve their academic performances; students should get
themselves involve in non-collegiate activities so that they can make the most of their adolescent years.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, tuy đoạn body hơi ngắn, chưa đi sâu lắm

Trần Kim Ngân
These days, extracurricular events in educational institutes possess myriads of advantages. Firstly, they
aid in the physical development of students. Pupils have to move considerably instead of just sitting at
one place, resulting in the increasing flexibility and elasticity of their bodies. For instance, if a school
organizes a sports competition, students could participate in swimming, running, ..... which are highly
beneficial to their strength. Secondly, extracurricular activities play a crucial role in students' total well-
being. Given the chance to freely unwind with their peers, children could reduce the amount of pressure
that they are under. Consequently, it contributes predominantly to students' stable mental health,
improving their academic performance in the long term. In conclusion, additional events at school have
various benefits as mentioned, so pupils should regularly take part in those activities.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc nhưng bài còn ngắn quá, chưa đi đủ sâu vào ý

Mai Minh Châu
It goes without saying that extracurricular activities play a crucial role in every child's adolescence due to
a plethora of advantages. First and foremost, this is regarded as a healthy break for students after long-
hour lessons at school. Specifically, children need sufficient rest for continuing their activities throughout
the day as well as benefit a lot from these kinds of activities. To illustrate, playing team sports such as
football or basketball provides kids with a great deal of fun, especially when playing with friends, together
with developing team working skills, which is a vital element for future success. Another noteworthy point
for extracurricular activities is that it creates a good profile for students when applying to overseas'
universities. These activities, namely voluntary work, are sometimes the key factors that the authorities
consider while deciding whether or not a student meets their requirements. To sum up, it is undeniable
that after-school activities provide numerous perks for juveniles indicating providing relaxation and
creating positive CVs.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, tuy nhiên support cho ý có thể tốt hơn, sâu hơn
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt + connect giữa các ý

Nguyễn Trí Kiên
Extracurricular activities are a form practicing, observing and experiencing a wide variety of activities to
better one's self in different ways both physically and mentally. So throughout this paragraph, I will talk
about benefits that extracurricular activities bring to help improve an individual. First and foremost,
extracurricular activities can develop an individual's skills that are traditionally not teach in schools such
as leadership, teamwork, creativity, ect. It also can help an individual improves as a person like making
him or her more humble or more hard-working. For example, if a boy joins a football club, over time he will
be more hard-working and works with other people better due to the nature of the sport. Such skills will be
very beneficial for someone to have in society. Secondly, by joining an extracurricular activity you are
exposing yourself to a broader social network. You will meet more people with different personalities and
ethnicities, which then you will have a broader view on the world. Not only that but some of them might
become your friends and they will always lend you a hand when you're facing an issue. In conclusion,
extracurricular activities bring substantial benefits to a person in the most efficient way.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết nhìn ra được ý nhưng còn lủng củng, chưa rõ ràng

Nguyễn Nam Sơn
These days, students may be expected to participate in after-school activities that are helpful to their
physical and mental growth. In my opinion, these activities will have numerous advantages, which will be
detailed more below. First and foremost, after-school activities can enhance people's especially students'
soft skills besides providing necessary respite to them. First, extracurricular participants can greatly gain
some benefits from working in groups in myriads of way. Learners can be more encouraged to submit
some proposal or ideas when they work in a team productively. Second, students may learn how to
manage their time, which focuses on how to balance between curricular and extracurricular activities. Last
but not least, extracurricular exercises deliver center school kids a much-needed break from the
repetitiveness of scholastic weight. Understudies are more likely to get openings to revive their batteries
after being scattered in school assignments; therefore, they can get good marks at the examination. In
summary, extracurricular activities can help recharge secondary students’ batteries and teach them
numerous personal skills. Students today should participate in after-school activities to fully draw on their
teen years.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, nên xem lại hệ thống ý, support ý có thể rõ hơn

Lê Bảo Ngọc
To date, engaging in activities outside of the regular curriculum at school has become a common practice
among students for its several following merits. Firstly, extracurricular activities boosts an individual's
academic performance. In particular, partaking extra-academic activities also means that learners can
take part in activities of their personal likings, therefore enhancing various capabilities, for instance, brain
function, concentration, and time management skills, all of which might be attributed to higher scores. To
illustrate, playing high-intensity sports will help pupils improve their concentration and endurance in the
face of adversity. This would provide them with an advantage in terms of understanding essential
academic subjects and passing exams. Secondly, extracurricular programs aid in bettering one's
confidence. The more learners study and work to achieve their objectives, the more self-confidence and
self-esteem they develop. For instance, if a student participate in a club relating to a field that they are
interested in, their enthusiasm for the subject would grow, thus prompting them to perform better, as it is
gratifying to accomplish at something they are passionate about, especially after working hard. Hence,
their self-esteem will gradually form and become an essential tool for them to be more willing to take risks
in all facets of life. In brief, undertaking extracurricular activities supplies a plethora of benefits that
contribute to a student's growth.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, phát huy nhé
- Có một số câu có nhiều vế quá làm bị rối, nên xem xét giản lược lại
Cao Thị Minh Châu
In today's world, after-school activities are gaining in popularity. Taking part in these activities exerts
positive influences on each individual, which will be analyzed as follows. To commence with,
extracurricular creates a favourable environment where students can sharpen their practical skills. To
specify, participants may better such skills as criticial thinking, collaboration or leadership, which are
essential for not only their future career path but also in daily life. In addition, non-scholastic activities aid
youngsters in bettering their prospect of studying overseas. This is because foreign admissions
committee tend to appreciate candidates who possess not only relavant qualifications but also practical
experience. By getting involved in social activities, one résúme can be polished, which is undoubted to be
a clear advantage for teenagers in applying for high school overseas. Furthermore, a variety of
extracurricular namely sport meetings, field trips or parties create chances to meet new people and make
new friends. In that way, student’s social circles can be widened. In conclusion, there is no doubt that
extracurricular activities brings about substantial benefits. Hence, all students should join in after-school
activities to improve themselves.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có cấu trúc, hệ thống ý được, phát huy nhé
- Ý 3 còn hơi nông, xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt

Nguyễn Phương Trang
Non-scholatic activities are becoming more accessible to students, along with being more diverse in this
day and age. From my perspective, extracurricular activities prove to be fundamental to students. First of
all, academic performance may be increasingly boosted with the help of after-school activities. They
provide students a form of relaxation and freedom to pursue their interests. This helps them have a
thorough rest - especially students who take part in sport activities, since their health will also be
improved. Secondly, a wide range of skills can be acquired from extracurricular activities. Involvement in
group activities - which are frequent in after-school clubs - can benefit a student in numerous ways; such
as sharpening their leadership skills or collaborative skills. Moreover, depending on the club one
participates in, he can learn skills accordingly; for instance, if he joins an art club, he will have the
opportunity to know more about drawing. Last but not least, a student's social network may expand
having taken part in certain non-scholastic activities. He can make more friends who have the same
interest as him, or even long-standing relationships by attending a club at school. In conclusion,
aforementioned points have proved extracurricular activities an essential part of a student.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý tưởng, diễn đạt ý có thể trôi chảy hơn một chút
- Ko dùng ‘he’ để đại diện cho đại từ số ít  nên tìm cách nói vs đại từ số nhiều “they”
Trần Khánh Linh
In today’s world, extracurricular activities are considered as one of the most beneficial activities to
students’. Firstly, it can not be denied that participating in extracurriculars at schools or academic
institutions boost students’ confidence. For example, when taking part in the Debate Club at school, one
will be capable of practice speaking in front of the crowd, they will have the opportunity to discuss
problems with other participants and comprehend problems more wisely. Secondly, extracurricular
activities helps students enhance soft skills, which is extremely vital to their careers down the track. To be
more specific, if students partake in groups projects or team sports, especially when they are appointed to
be in the vanguard of the team, they will have to join forces with members, consider all the opinions and
make the best decision. By dint of that, students’ leadership skills will be enhanced. In brief,
extracurriculars is one of the chief contributors not only to children’s developing process, but also to their
career in the future.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, mạch lạc, rõ ràng, phát huy nhé
- Một số ý có thể đi sâu hơn nữa

Phạm Phương Nam
In today's world, non-scholastic activities are growing more accessible to kids, as well as more diversified.
There are several advantages to participating in afterschool programs, in my opinion. To begin with, these
activities allow pupils to acquire new abilities. Extracurricular activities, in essence, allow your child to
learn something that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. Directly, that expertise might become
the foundation of a long-term interest or love for them. They are under pressure to participate in
afterschool activities ranging from athletics to playing an instrument, which they might do anytime they
had free time. Extracurricular activities also inculcate important skills and personality qualities that might
be useful in other areas of life. Sports, for example, foster collaboration and lead to the development of
leadership skills. Perseverance, hand-eye coordination, and, most all, imagination are required when
playing a musical instrument. When it comes to applying for universities or employment, extracurricular
activities are also a huge plus on a student's CV. Top institutions appreciate prospective students who are
prepared to go above and beyond in their efforts to learn new skills. Extracurricular activities also show
that your child has a wide range of interests and a desire to study outside of the classroom. Finally ,
afterschool activities can assist children in developing new talents and achieving academic success when
applying to universities and employment.
Nhận xét:
- Kết bài phải là “conclusion” kẻo ng chấm nhìn nhầm thành ko có kết bài
- Còn giống bài mẫu, nên xem lại
- Xem laij một số câu nghe hơi lạc + các chỗ diễn đạt
Dương Hoàng Gia Thụy
Extracurricular activities such as sporting events, internships or volunteering and community services,...
play a crucial role in children's development. First of all, non-scholastic activities offer opportunities to
enhance much-needed soft skills such as leadership, time management and teamwork, as a good
amount of communication between the members is required. Furthermore, they supply an indispensable
break after pressuring academic courses, therefore improving physical fitness and mental health. It is
studied that thanks to the extra-academic activities, the risk of health issues namely high blood pressure
and high cholesterol is decreased, as well as demonstrating higher levels of optimism, lower levels of
anxiety and depression, hence performing better in scholastic courses. Last but not least, when students
involve themselves in these activities, they got to socialize with others who share the same interests,
widening social networks. In the long run, long-lasting bonds are created. To conclude, aside from
acquiring knowledge in school, students should engage themselves in extracurricular activities in order to
sharpen essential skills in life.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý, phần support có thể tốt hơn
- Ngôn ngữ dùng được, xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt
Đồng Minh Anh
In today’s world, it is undeniable that extracurricular activities have become a growing tendency towards
students of all ages due to their outstanding merits. First and foremost, extracurricular activities
encourage scholars to acquire better academic achievements. To be specific, these activities provide
students with relaxation from their stressful school hours and allow them to keep their bodies in shape
after being confined to wooden chairs all day long. Therefore, with relaxing mindset and also healthy
bodies, students tend to gain deeper insights into their lesson which will possibly result in more
impressive marks. Secondly, scholars are able to advance their skills when it comes to after-school
activities. Particularly, these activities can give students the opportunity to develop some skills that may
benefit them in the long term such as cooking, dancing, presenting in front of many individuals, playing
multiple sports, improving teamwork and so on. Thus, students are not only capable of gaining knowledge
but also achieving essential skills for the future. To sum up, after-school activities are becoming more
common because of their ability to provide relaxation and vital skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, ý tưởng có thể đi sâu hơn

Đỗ Ngọc Diệp
Citizens of this era are no strangers to activities beyond the compulsory educational program as these
provide major advantages for students across different academic levels. The most significant effect is the
development of essential skills that would prove useful later in life. For instance, camp models practice
discipline, hone leadership mindsets and teamwork capabilities, while affinity groups require
communication, collaboration, and other social skills. More professionalized projects that involve artistic or
athletic pursuits can also equip students with the background for future occupations. In a more practical
sense, these experiences are an invaluable add-on to resumes. Many higher educational institutions are
beginning to emphasize having certificates of certain activities or community services, thus participation in
volunteering campaigns or events can have a positive impact on an application, increasing chances of
being accepted into ideal universities and colleges. The collaborative activities also provide a great
opportunity for networking and socialization. Non-educational enterprises help create meaningful
relationships that are otherwise impossible to initiate in a strictly-monitored environment. Generally, most
of these projects, mainly camps, clubs and volunteering programs, involves a certain amount of
interaction between participants, which can decrease anti-social behavior. In conclusion, apart from the
standard academic curriculum, it is advisable that students engage in extracurricular projects and events
for the sake of knowledge acquisition, mental health enhancement, and social relationships development.
Nhận xét:

Trần Nguyễn Diệu Thanh
Nowadays, teenagers are spending too much time indoors, studying without going outside thus,
extracurricular activities should be included in their daily lives for its various benefits as follows. Firstly,
they provide students with a productive break from schoolwork so that they can balance their time
between academic and non – scholastic activities. These healthy breaks give them the chance to pursue
a new hobby or recharge their energy so that they can return to studying with a refreshed mind. In
addition, by taking part in various activities, teenagers may have a chance to meet others with the same
interest, build long-lasting friendships and develop social skills. These extracurriculars also help students
develop skills that learning at school only cannot promote. For example, teamwork and leadership can be
developed by joining sports teams such as football, basketball, hockey, and so on . While, time
management and problem-solving skills which are all very crucial in the workplace, can be achieved in
debate clubs. These skills prepare students for the real world more than academic subjects. In
conclusion, children should spend more time on extracurricular activities as they give students well-
deserved breaks and vital skills for the real world.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có hệ thống ý được, ngôn ngữ dùng được
- Đầu mỗi ý nên có câu đưa ra ý trước khi đi vào support

Đặng Châu Anh
Nowadays, extracurricular activities are becoming such popular that we can benefit a lot by participating
in them. But for many people from parents to children still think that these activities are just wasting time
students can spend on studying. So in this paragraph, I'll talk about the benefits of extracurricular
activities. First of all, you will get yourself new skills by participating, and maybe by learning them, you will
develop new hobbies and passion if you found joy in practicing those skills. Secondly, these requiring
engaging with a lot of strangers, so it'll definitely help boarded your skill, all kinds like critical thinking,
problem-solving, leadership,ect, and also allows you to boast your creative and memory, since these
activities requiring engaging with complete strangers, working with them to finish the given mission.
Lastly, taking part in these activities will help you in the future when applying to university, since they
appreciate applicants to join other social activities to get more social skills rather than just keep trying to
stuff their head with information from books.
Nhận xét:
- Thiếu kết bài, mở bài quá dài mà ko vào ý
- Xem lại diễn đạt ý, ngôn ngữ còn lủng củng, ko dùng you/your trong bài
- Support cho ý phải rõ ràng = VD, lập luận

Đỗ Nhật Bảo Anh
In this day and age, besides studying at school, extracurricular program is also of concern to a great
numbers of students due to its pivotal role. To begin with, it is undeniably true that participating in non-
academic activities is an essential aspect of any student's life. Students are likely to have the opportunity
to gain and perfect vital skills for their future employment them such as teamwork or problem-solving.
Joining a varsity football team, for example, allows a student to develop his team spirit, particularly
solidarity, as this sport necessitates strong bonds among teammates. Secondarily, participating in after-
school activities tend to improve your brain function, concentration, and time management, all of which
contribute to higher grades. High-intensity sports, for example, will teach students how to concentrate and
build stamina in the face of adversity. This provides individuals a leg up on the competition when it comes
to studying and tests. In conclusion, I believe that extracurricular activities are beneficial to students due
to its opportunity that they created to participants and also contribute to people’s academic performance.
Nhận xét:
- Đưa ra luận điểm thì phải nói rõ ràng
- Xem lại các lỗi ngữ pháp, ngôn ngữ

Dương Hải Minh
In today's world, extracurriculars have proven to play a vital part in high school education with numerous
benefits and several of them will be outlined as follows. Firstly, extracurricular activities give opportunities
for students to relax from their hard time studying. Through these activities, students may improve their
health and stay in shape by taking part in outdoor activities as breaks after studying. In addition, extra-
academic activities are well-known to be useful in enhancing students’ soft skills such as time –
management, and problem-solving skills. They provide ample opportunities for students to apply those
skills in real-life situations, which is highly crucial for students' future. Moreover, through after-school
activities, students are able to meet more people, hence developing more relationships outside their
comfort zone like school and neighborhood. In conclusion, extra-academic activities provide high
schoolers students with rest after their hard work and evaluation in integral life skills so that students may
adapt to the world easier when they grow up.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý nhưng ý đưa ra cần support nhiều hơn
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, cấu trúc câu

Lê An Phong
Extracurricular activities have a lot of benefits which can provides you with lots of valuable skills. The
phrase “extracurricular activities” means activities that are happening outside of the curricular or anything
outside of the designated school time. Extracurricular activities cover a wide range of subject from sports
to academics to skills which are necessary in the future. When you are doing sports, you usually train
your body, make your body stronger than before which can help you with your reaction time, meaning you
can react faster and make more informed decision. And if you want to improve your academics,
extracurricular can help you understand lectures more easily, or force you to write faster meaning you will
be able to jot down everything the teacher is showing or help reduce the time it takes to do tests that
require writing. Sometimes there are classes which help you learn skills like cooking or being able to
clean your room which will be of importance in the future when you move out of your parents’ house. In
conclusion, extracurricular activities are beneficial activities that ranges from sports to academics to
cooking and can help you become better.
Nhận xét:
- Không dùng you/your, cách viết academic chưa đạt, câu cú còn cụt và kể lể quá
- Xem lại ý tưởng, ý ko thuyết phục, ko có sức nặng thì bài cx ko thuyết phục
- Bỏ đi những phần lạc đề

Trần Phương Thảo
In today’s modern world, not only academic performances are emphasized but people, esspecially who
are being parents attach important to non-schoolastic activities. In the very first place, extracurricular
activities may helps boosting results at work or at school. Apart from classrooms and offices, people have
great opportunities to meet like-minded one, by participating in activities and making new friends, the
brain function, teamwork skills, all of which may resulted in a higher proficence can be enhanced . The
more students and even workers push themselves to join extracurricular endeavors, the better all these
life skills will develop thanks to the active involvement in clubs and events. For instance, if one join an
speaking club, they can improve their speaking skills in front of the crowds. In the second place, after-
school activities offer a productive break from stressful hours of just working. In particular, these outdoor
projects create opportunity to run away from full-time schedule from teachers and superior. In conclusion,
extracurricular activities can be very beneficial and people should take every chance to take part in them.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết lộn xộn, cần xem lại hệ thống ý, phân chia ý và support cho ý phải rạch ròi với nhau
- Xem lại diễn đạt, rất nhiều câu ko có nghĩa, viết còn lủng củng, không thoát ý
- Xem lại các lỗi về ngữ pháp + từ vựng

Phạm Thanh Thúy
In education today, students are under a great deal of stress as they are inundated with homework and
aptitude tests; therefore, extracurricular activities are included at school life for following plausible
reasons. First and foremost, co-curricular activities help students develop their social skills. To exemplify
this point, taking part in team sports such as soccer, basketball is a priceless opportunity to build strong
relationships and co-working skills because students have to play as a team. Moreover, they can hone
your sports skills and accrue experience, which is necessary in boosting their self-esteem and
confidence. Secondly, extracurricular activities are an effective break from school. After a stressful day of
classes, students can unwind by participating in co-curricular activities chosen based on their interest.
Last but not least, extracurricular activities are of great significance when students apply for high schools.
If you are long for a chance to study in schools overseas, join in non-academic activities. These are in the
field of your activities beyond classes undeniably can form a good impression, show that you are an all-
round student. With all aforesaid benefits, all students should consider joining in after-school activities.
Nhận xét:
- Bài tương đối có ý, có cấu trúc, support cho ý nên tốt hơn

Nguyễn Phúc Nguyên
Apart from schoolwork, extracurricular activities are undoubtedly indispensable and useful to our future
life. First and foremost, these activities can help to discover abilities that could become handy in the future
if we wanted to use them. Studying abroad or having to live alone are when these skills become useful as
our parents will not there to help us anymore. Moreover, it can also make our guardians less worried
since we now know how to take care of ourselves. Second, it can also be seen as a stress remover. Our
minds can be refreshed after a long day at school therefore make it easier to finish things that we haven’t
finished doing. In conclusion, extracurricular activities are a necessity in everyone’s life not only for the
significant abilities it offers but can also be used as a stress reliever.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc nhưng ý đưa ra mơ hồ quá, chưa thuyết phục

Nguyễn Minh Trang
In this day and age, the growing trend in participating in extracurricular activities has been attributed to
numerous benefits, some of which will be discussed below. Firstly, non-scholastic activities broaden an
individual's social skills. To be more specific, taking part in the activities means that youngsters will have
a chance to engage with like-minded children. This provides them an opportunity to develop their soft
skills such as teamwork, networking, and so on. Secondly, afterschool activities can set an individual's
mind at rest. To clarify this issue, extracurricular activities can provide a productive break to teenagers
from the stress and strains of school. Furthermore, being involved in extracurricular activities will be a
benefit to students' resumes regarding applying for universities. Specifically, the admission committee
might give his application precedence over those who don't participate in any afterschool activities. This
partly boils down to the fact that those activities indicate that one is considered superior to that of their
counterparts in terms of social skills. To conclude, extracurricular activities bring numerous merits to
individuals.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, ý support có thể rõ ràng và cụ thể hơn nữa

Nguyễn Diệp Linh
Nowadays, extracurricular activities have become more and more popular among students. Needless to
say, this popularity of them are due to its benefits. Firstly, extracurricular activities provide students with
opportunities to make new friends and broaden their social skills. They can easily find other individuals
who share the same interest and can become more confident communicating in groups. For example,
pupils who share the same interest in sports will find it easy to talk to others in their favorite topic. This
can make them feel more assured in crowds and enhance their social skills. Secondly, individuals can
develop confidence and self-esteem in extracurricular activities. As mentioned above, participating in non-
scholastic activities help pupils become more confident in crowds. However, these activities can also help
students develop self-esteem.
Nhận xét:
- Thiếu kết bài + xem lại mở bài
- Bài viết chưa phát triển ý đủ, ý 2 còn trùng ý 1
Trần Lê Tuệ Anh

In today's world, there is no denying that extracurriculars have a host of advantages. First of all,
participating in alternative activities allows one to explore their personal interests and possibly pick up
new-found pastimes. This is also an opportunity for people to wind down after a hectic day at work or
school. Second of all, extracurricular activities could lend weight to one's curriculum vitae, which is of
great benefit to young people who are applying to universities or jobs. For instance, besides having a high
GPA score, it is often favorable for students applying to universities to partake in voluntary activities
outside of school. Last but not least, taking part in extracurriculars could afford people the opportunity to
meet like-minded people. By joining in groups or clubs which organize extracurricular activities, one could
meet people from all walks of life who share similar interests and therefore develop valuable social
contacts. To conclude, extracurricular activities has numerous merits and hence should be encouraged
both in the classroom and in the workplace.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có hệ thống ý, tuy nhiên nên xem lại ý 1 về phát triển ý

Đặng Trần Hiểu Lâm
In this day and age, extracurricular activities are becoming more and more popular as it offers the
following benefits. To begin with, participating in extracurricular activities can be a ideal opportunity for
people to improve their confidence. As most activities require participants to interact with each others , it
put them into the situation that they are forced to step out of their comfort and become more out-going .
For instance, people are assigned to give public speech to a big crowd and they can learn to be more
confident from that experience. Furthermore, people can relieve stress and recharge themselves. People
can find the time spending on these activities therapeutic after a long hectic at the workplace or at school.
It give them a chance to restore their energy for working and become healthier both physically and
mentally. In conclusion, people engaging in extracurricular activities can be extremely helpful for them to
boost their confidence and relieve stress.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, tương đối có hệ thống, nên phát triển ý thêm (thêm VD)

Trần Hà Phương
In today’s world, a majority of prospective full-time university students need a lot of time to study .
However, these students also need to be involved in other activities. Firstly, after a hard studying day,
students need to spend time on physical activities. These activities help them to relax and refresh their
mind to keep studying well. Without a good health people can not do anything as well as they hope.
Secondly, to be involved in other activities, students can practice to be more active and stronger. they can
upgrade their social skills by using their theory theoretical knowledge studied at school to in real life .
Besides, they also learn many things from the playing in spare time with friends such as how is a fair
player is, how to communicative with teammates, and how to achieve their aim.
Nhận xét:
- Thiếu kết bài, mở bài chưa đạt vì chưa nêu đủ topic
- Ý đưa ra còn sơ sài, chưa nêu bật ý tưởng, thiếu VD, lập luận

Nguyễn Chí Bách
In today’s world, there’s no doubt about the benefits of extracurricular actives. First of all, extracurricular
activities can help students concentrate manage their time and improve their time management. As quite
a few researches has pointed out that students who partook in these activities perform better, faster and
have greater attitude towards school. Secondly, most students acquire new skills while taking part in
these activities and hone their existing skills such as problem-solving skills, creativity and management
skills or just simply spending their time doing something they enjoy. Thirdly, achieving success through
these activities can really boost one’s confidence. For instance, a student is exceedingly into
programming and he is encouraged to be engaged in competitions and then wins some prizes, he will be
extremely happy and realise his talents in this field, which gives him a massive boost in confidence . In
brief, extracurricular activities has been providing students with many beneficial factors. In my opinion,
extracurricular is vastly crucial to developing a student’s social skills and enhance one’s academic
performance.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, có cấu trúc, ý có thể support tốt hơn
- Xem lại diễn đạt, cố gắng dùng ngôn ngữ academic hơn, tránh cách viết thiên về kể
Vũ Linh Đan
Undertaking extracurricular activities has immense advantages that touch on numerous features of a
pupil’s development. To begin with, non-scholastic activities provide adequate rest for students to escape
the humdrum of academic pressure. This affords students chances to reinstate their dissipated energy to
spend on study workload, enhancing education attainment as a result. Moreover, extracurriculars allows
students to find like-minded individuals to socialize with, hence brodening a network of acquaintances and
creating long-lasting relationships subsequently. In addition to supplying teenagers with much-needed
rest and social interaction, teenagers can acquire a range of life skills from after-school activities. To be
more specific, extracurricular participants have the opportunities to learn about time management skills
which revolve around how to balance time spent between non-scholastic and academic activities.
Teamwork skills, which are of utmost importance in the workplace, can also be developed thanks to
interact and cooperate with other members in clubs and group activities such as football, basketball and
so on. To summarize, it is undoubtedly vital for people to participate in after-school activities for the
above-mentioned reasons.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý rõ ràng, phát huy nhé
- Ko cần quá lạm dụng các từ hoa mỹ mà làm bài rối hơn
Nguyễn Thu Trà
Supplemental activities which is added to the curriculum are definitely advantageous due to a couple of
reaons. First and foremost, participating in some non-scholastic activites such as sports or arts helps
students to foster their social skills. Children can befriend with their peers or with some people they have
never talked to but share the same hobby. In this way, they can practice to communicate more and alter
their atitudes towards society. Futhermore, by joining extracurricular clubs, students will be able to
improve their time management skills in order to balance between entertaining and studying. Last but not
least, students receive myriads beneficial knowledge from the seniority and their peers . Therefore, they
can broaden their knowledge, learn more effectively, and get a higher academic classification . To take
everything into consideration, students should take part in some non-scholastic activities so as to improve
their skills and also to widen their knowledge.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có nhìn ra được ý, tuy nhiên cần phải diễn đạt rõ ràng hơn
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, để ý những lỗi chính tả ngớ ngẩn
Lê Hoàng Tiên
Non-scholastic activities offer students numerous advantages. Firstly, students can obtain new skills by
engaging in after-school activities. Extracurriculars such as sports or club works often include
collaboration between members in the same team; therefore, participants can enhance their teamwork
skills when involved in these projects. Moreover, time management skills can be developed because club
members need to balance between their study and after-school projects. Secondly, non-scholastic
activities can boost students' academic performance. These activities provide students with adequate
rest, which enables them to recharge their batteries and achieve their goal. To be more specific,
extracurricular activities can increase participants' both physical and mental strength as well as reduce
their academic pressure. Therefore, students can boost their productivity and improve their educational
attainment. Last but not least, after-school projects can expand students' social circle. Thanks to
extracurriculars, students can socialize with people who share the same interests, so they can create firm
relationships. For instance, members of a football team can form long-term friendships through practicing
the sport together and exchanging knowledge about the game. In conclusion, students can gain
substantial benefits through participating in extracurricular activities.
Nhận xét:

Cù Ngọc Phương Trang
Extracurricular activities is said to be of overriding importance to students. In this paragraph, I will be
discuss the advantages of joining in those activities. Firstly, after-school activities provide opportunities for
students to explore a range of interests and broaden their horizons about the world. By taking part in
different roles in club, they can improve their social life as well as receive experience in time
management, leadership, or other soft skills. For instant, when a pupil attend in a music club, they will not
only learn how to play a new instrument, but also to work along with other students in order to produce a
perfect concert. In addition, having extracurricular activities qualifications in their CVs can promote the
chances of them getting into desired schools. Secondly, those extracurricular activities can loosen their
heavy strain that is put on them. These days, as the academic learning has become more and more
stressful, students need to have time to wind up. Otherwise they will be depressed and get mental health
problems. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that pupils should participate in extracurricular
activities.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, hệ thống ý có thể rõ ràng hơn = linking words
- Ý cuối chưa kịp giải thích tốt  có thể VD thêm / giản lược đi

Nguyễn Trần Nhật Hoàng
In today's world, there are some heated arguments about the benefits of extracurricular activites. From
my point of view, I strongly believed that extracurricular activites bring numerous advantages on the
grounds that it enhances student's physical health and gives them a sense of relaxation after hours of
studying. First and foremost, it is undeniable that it greatly improves student's health. Such activities give
students a chance to do physical exercise such as play sports, hang out with friends . Secondly, it plays a
crucial role in the process of studying of every students. It will put one's mind at ease, therefore, it will
reduce the ability of stress and depression and help individuals to be more effective in learning. To be
particular, it it clearly seen that the person who has activites in their routine has a tendency to be more
optimistic and energetic than the one who nearly has activites. To sum up, enhancing physical health and
giving a sense of relaxation are two of the reasons why extracurricular activites are beneficial.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc, tuy nhiên ý tưởng ko được thể hiện tốt
- Xem lại những chỗ diễn đạt còn tối nghĩa, cố gắng dùng từ + câu sáng rõ ra
- Ko lạm dụng ‘it’, phải dùng key words để bài coherent hơn // xem lỗi chính tả
Đào Thị Quỳnh Anh
Extracurricular activities have proven themselves to bring an ample of merits to both children and their
parents. First of all, non-scholastic activities bolster the schoolers' problem-solving skills. Through
partaking in games organized by the teachers, students can practice their sensibility in solving any
puzzles or problems that are presented, hence sharpen their existing endowment. Secondly, the
interconnection between the students and their colleagues is considerably strengthened. Were they be
involved in team-building games, joint force is inevitably required. Hence the students need to develop the
ability to co-work dynamically and eventually, the group will become more intimate as they overcome
challenges. Not only noncollegiate activities greatly benefit the youngsters but also their parents , on the
grounds that they provide a low-cost means for entertainment their kids. The mass of extracurricular
activities nowadays requires no fee, despite their highly appreciated educational benefits in conjunction
with their leisure-filled nature. This would evidently bring merits every child and family regardless of their
financial capacity. In conclusion, I would highly recommend the authorities and educational institutions to
further promote extracurricular activities, on the grounds of their commendable advantages to both
parents and children alike.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, có hệ thống, ngôn ngữ dùng được
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt để một số ý có thể ngắn gọn hơn
Lê Minh Giang
In this modern era, apart from studying in classes, many schools have started to organize more
extracurricular activities for students. There must be a reason why schools decided to do this for their
students, and I strongly believe those activities play an important role in students’ life. In the scope of this
paragraph, we will discuss various benefits that extracurricular activities might bring to education. First,
activities like outdoor sports, arts, visiting exhibitions can help students to realize their true hobbies and
talents, since these activities can give them opportunities to try out new fields. When they realize their
true strengths, it can greatly affect to which career path they would choose in the future. For instance, a
boy in an extracurricular visit to the history museum, then he found it interesting and decided to search
and examine more specifically about it. It may be just a leisure activity at first, however, this knowledge
could accompany and help him to choose which kind of job will suit him. Second, extracurricular activities
are good for students’ physical and mental health, after months of strenuous studying for tests, an
outdoor activity or a soft one may calm them down, students finally can forget about worries and enjoy
their moments, this will reduce their stress as well as burden, sometimes they need to take a break to
keep working and striving for their dreams. In conclusion, extracurricular activities can bring abundant
benefits to students’ study.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại support một số ý sao cho rõ ràng và ngắn gọn hơn
- Mở bài quá dài dòng, chỉ 1 câu nói về chủ đề là đc

Lê Nguyễn Ngọc Mai
In the academic world, there seem to be myriads of educational institutions providing their students with
an array of extracurricular activities. From my perspective, engaging in these activities is unquestionably
beneficial by virtue of these following justifications. In the first place, extracurricular activities can help
students to maintain physical fitness. Daily involvement in various sports can boost students' physical
strength as well as enhance their immune system, which in return can make them less prone to diseases.
Besides, participating in these activities also appears to be an effective remedy for their soul, as it can
relieve stresses in daily life. Absorbed in activities outside school can help students unwind and leave all
worries far away. What is more, extracurricular activities can hone multifarious skills and abilities. Outside
from the school curriculum, these activities enable students to fulfill their potentials. Progressively,
students will familiarize themselves with integral skills, namely time management, leadership, problem
solving, or teamwork. After all, it is my firm conviction that extracurricular activities are undoubtedly of
overriding importance, on account of the factors adduced above.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, tuy nhiên support ý nên sâu hơn để thuyết phục hơn (ý 2 phải rõ ràng hơn)

Đào Trọng Anh
Extracurricular activities, in my opinion, will create favorable conditions for people, especially teenagers,
to reap immense benefits which will be discussed in detail as follows. Firstly, students' soft skills can be
greatly enhanced as a result of frequent interaction with their fellow peers. Particularly, learners can
considerably benefit from working in groups in many aspects. Teamwork, needless to say, boosts
productivity level. When a team works effectively together, students feel more motivated to offer
suggestions and ideas, hence tend to procure greater work efficiency than what an individual can
generate alone. Secondly, when it comes to applying for overseas educational institutions or jobs,
extracurricular activities also lend plausibility to a student's resume. Foreign admissions committees, for
example, value qualities from their prospective students such as pertinacity and willingness to broaden
their horizons. Given the meaningful activities that students engage in, their applications will likely be
positively appraised so that they will be admitted to the targeted schools. In conclusion, extracurricular
activities not only enable teenagers to hone their soft skills, particularly teamwork abilities, but also
embellish their resumes.
Nhận xét:
- Support cho ý soft skills chưa sát đề bài về ngoại khóa cho lắm
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt // cấu trúc của bài + ngôn ngữ được
Phạm Thanh Mai
Extracurricular activities including sports, community services, arts, to name but a few are generally
considered to be important. This paragraph will outline some advantages of non-scholastic programmes.
Firstly, for interviewees, joining in these activities helps create an impressive résumé, enhancing their
candidacy strategically. To illustrate, interviewers are oftenmore impressed with people who master not
only at their areas of study but also at a wide variety of fields and this credentials can only be
demonstrated in non-collegiate activities. For instance, participating in team sports such as football and
basketball can boost their teamwork, decisive-thinking, problem-solving and time management skills. Soft
skills and experience accumulated from these activities are likely to come in handy in their future studies
and career paths. In summary, extracurricular activities are of paramount importance to form an
outstanding CV and improve essential skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài quá tập trung vào ý 1, cần giản lược đi về phần support để viết thêm cho ý 2
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt // bài có cấu trúc nhìn ra đc
Nguyễn Ngọc Linh Nhi
Myriads of merits are associated with the prevalence of extracurricular activities in recent years, some of
which will be discussed as follow. Firstly, after-school activities offer teenagers a worthwhile break from
their hectic school schedule. Particularly, the massive digital entertainment options have distracted
youngsters from engaging in physical exercises. Therefore, joining in recreational activities like sports will
ensure their physical development. Secondly, teenagers may also form friendships with peers due to their
attendance in clubs projects, thus honing their teamwork skills while generating healthy affairs which
might benefit them later on. Moreover, non-scholastic certificates received from such activities are an
addition to students' resumes. This virtue might benefit students when they apply for higher educations
since educational institutions often assess a student potential by comparing such qualifications of theirs
with others. In brief, after-school activities have created a favorable condition for students to reinforce
their adolescent well-being and lent credence to their academic backgrounds.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại kết bài, bài viết được, có hệ thống ý rành mạch, rõ ràng

Nguyễn Xuân Mai
After-school activities can be immensely beneficial to students for a host of reasons as follows. First of all,
they play a great role in student's CVs when they finish school. An list of certificate in extracurricular
activities such as working in charities definitely impresses employers, hence their high chance of landing
their desired job. Additionally, they equip students with numerous soft skills which are essential to one's
future. To illustrate, partaking in a project with other individuals can hone one's interdependent nature by
creating an environment in which people are required to coorperate. Thus, those people are able to
effortlessly deal with confrontations in the workplace later in life. To summarize, extracurricular activities
indisputably translate into several benefits in the long run, including both qualifications in one's CV and
sharpening practical skills.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, tuy nhiên khai thác ý phải sâu hơn nữa, thêm VD, lập luận

Ngô Nguyễn Thiên An
Extracurricular activities have been played an unremovable role in everyone's life, and they have had
different forms for each person. Nevertheless, it is undeniable that these activities contribute greatly to
one's state through many aspects. Firstly, extracurricular activites can improve a person's physical health.
It is known sports and exercises are the key to a person's healthy life. Since there are numerous types of
such activities, one can always try out many different sports and exercises before finding the one that
suits him or her the most. This applies for everyone, no matter the age, gender or disabilities . Secondly,
one can strengthen their mental health by doing various activities. Nearly every type of activity revolves
around thinking, concentrating and adapting to the situation, which is ultimately how a person learns
something. For example, one doesn't have to play chess or do complicated calculations in order to
practice their mental skills. Finally, extracurricular activities perfectly fulfill their originated purpose, which
is creating positive emotions for people. When a person finally finds an extracurricular activities suitable
for him or her, happiness will be felt and it will eventually lead to positive outcomes in that person's work
and personal life. Therefore, considering pros and cons, all must admit that extracurricular activities are
important, no matter how different each person's life can be.
Nhận xét:
- Ý tưởng đưa ra còn thiếu rõ ràng, phải có support đầy đủ hơn = VD và lập luận
- Ý đưa ra phải rành mạch, phân chia rõ hơn
- Giọng văn phải academic, ít tính kể hơn

Lê Anh Đức
Since time immemorial, extracurricular activities have been defined as activities that are pursued in
addition to the normal course of study. They provides mankind, especially students a reservoir of merits
including academic performance, higher self-esteem and university application. Initially, extra-classroom
activities is undoubtedly significant to foster academic performance. Participating in one's cherished
activities can increase brain function, help concentrate and reinforce time management, all of which
contribute to higher grades. To be more specific, high endurance sports, for instance, will train you to
focus and build stamina in the face of intense difficulty. Furthermore, non-scholastic activities implement
higher self-esteem. The students' challenges can lower their self-esteem and make school a stressful
place. To exemplify, many students have times when they feel like they are “not good at anything.” But
extracurricular activities are a great way for kids to focus on their strengths and passions instead. Finally,
noncollegiate activities enhance the university application. That being said, US colleges don't restrict you
to only one enthusiasm so assuming you need to concentrate on science yet in addition love filmmaking,
partaking in exercises, for example, scriptwriting, coordinating your own movies, worldwide film contests,
holding film evenings to fund-raise for an ecological science cause you care about and being the leader of
the science club nearby will tremendously expand your odds of getting into your fantasy college. All in all,
extracurricular activities provides an array of merits but it is monumentally important in academic
performance, higher self-esteem and university application.
Nhận xét:
- Nên giản lược một số câu quá dài để ý rõ hơn
- Xem lại ý cuối cùng, chưa rõ lắm

Nguyễn Ngọc Linh
In this day and age, extracurricular activities are becoming crucial in people’s life as they bring them
numerous advantages. First of all, they help people enhance their physical health. This means that by
doing more outdoor activities, their health, flexibility and agility can be affected positively, especially for
adolescents. Thus, people have more energy to work and study. In addition, working a lot at the office or
having a hectic schedule at school often make people feel stressful and exhausted and they can easily be
passive or lazy. Therefore, it is useful for people to join in some extracurriculars. For instance, secondary
school students are usually assigned much homework and deadline; hence, extracurricular activities such
as playing basketball or dancing may release the monotony of pressure and help them regain interest s in
learning. Moreover, extracurriculars can improve people’s essential social skills. Interpersonal skills and
teamwork skills which are useful on a daily basis will be learnt through some team activities. Also, people
will be more confident when presenting and expressing their own opinions in public. In conclusion,
participating in extracurricular activities can contribute significant merits to people’s development.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, xem lại support ý
- Chỉ tập trung vào HS và ngoại khóa của HS thôi

Phạm Thị Ngọc Khuê
At the present time, students are under tremendous pressure to perform well in academics, which may
overshadow the importance of extracurriculars. From my perspective, non-academic activities should be
fostered for the following reasons. First of all, students can relieve stress through extracurricular activities.
To clarify this point, since after-school activities allow adolescents to interact with like-minded people,
they are given opportunities to fortify their mental health by sharing their stresses and anxieties with their
peers. Secondly, middle students’ soft skills are broadened by participating in non-scholastic activities. In
particular, participating in non-scholastic activities requires balancing time between academic workloads
and after school activities, thus enhancing time management in students. Lastly, non-academic activities
bolster the chances for students to obtain overseas high school scholarships. In this aspect, foreign
admissions committee will appreciate applicants whose applications involve myriads of compelling after-
school activities including volunteer work and community service. The more the activities are, the more
likely they are to be admitted. In conclusion, the three aforementioned points have justified extracurricular
activities being such a beneficial part of students’ lives due to their strengthening mental health, personal
skills and lending credence to resumes.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết tốt, có hệ thống rành mạch, phát huy nhé

Doãn Phương Quỳnh
There is no denying that non-scholastic activities are of great significance to students. Firstly, students
can gain experience, learn new skills and enrich their knowledge. Partaking in extraclassroom activities
like voluntary events, political campaigns and social projects involves the use of many interpersonal skills
such as teamworking, leadership and problem solving, so they are golden opportunities for students to
learn and practise their soft skills. Students can also understand further about different cultures, making
new friends and meeting personages, which will broaden their minds and provide them with invaluable
experience. Secondly, participate in extracurricular activities will lend credence to students' resume and
boost their chance of being chosen for scholarships or jobs in the future. In today's world, academic
profile is no longer the sole factor that contributes to the choice of the judges. Candidates are required to
excel academically, and to be active in nonscholastic activities at the same time. Therefore, taking part in
extracurricular activities will be a huge advantage for a candidate, and make a great impression on the
judges. In conclusion, extraclassroom activities are in students' interests, as it provides students with
priceless experience and skills, and lend credibility to their curriculum vitae.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có hệ thống ý rõ ràng, rành mạch, phát huy nhé
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, support có thể sâu hơn
Nguyễn Duy Minh
In this day and age, not only knowledge, academic level but social skill is also used as a criterion to judge
students. Along with that is the massive development of extracurricular activities and their merits are
indisputable. Non-scholastic is believed to play a pivotal part and have a profound impact on either
students’ physical and mental health. There is no denying that extracurricular activities can enhance
students’ performances at school and afford them ample scope to study overseas. By taking part in
activities that please them, students can unwind and keep their mind out of problems which they fret
about and have to confront at school. Getting involved in activity that engrosses them is reckoned to be a
way to wind down and be more sociable in place of keeping themselves aloof from the others. As far as
participating in extracurricular activity is concerned, students might have a refreshing attitude, learning
quality will also be boosted and they will have higher chance to be applied to schools. Besides the
aforementioned advantage, non-scholastic activities also give students the chance to enhance their time
management skills as they have to make a move to balance between school and other activities. To
conclude, after-school activities bring about irrefutable merits such as enhancing GPAs, social skills and
time management skill.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết không có hệ thống ý rõ ràng, ý nhảy loạn với nhau rất nhiều, khiến bài bị rối
- Xem lại các chỗ diễn đạt

Nguyễn Cao Sơn
In my opinion, after-school activities has some main benefits that i will discuss below. First of all,
extracurricular activities could help students sharpen their skills outside the classroom such as sports or
teamwork. It's clear that those skills are important in the future but most schools won't teach us any sports
or just a little bit about teamwork. In the second place, after-school activities could provide the
entertainment and rest for all teenagers who have been through an exhausting day of studying . In
conclusion, extracurricular activities is beneficial for the two reasons that i mentioned above.
Nhận xét:
- Bài chưa hoàn thiện, có format đúng nhưng sơ sài
- Ý đưa ra phải có support, VD chứng minh

Phạm Lê Thảo Trang
Extracurriculars have said to play an indispensable role in every middle student’s life. From my point of
view, these after-school activities are often favourable due to following merits. To begin with,
extracurricular activities will offer teenagers a myriad of social opportunities. Particularly, these activities
offer them a unique occasion to interact and make friends with like-minded students who they hardly ever
talk to. And the more extracurriculars they participate in, the broader social circle they may create outside
the normal classroom. Secondly, contrary to popular belief, after-school activities will boost secondary
students’ academic performance. These activities provide students an acceptable break away from
studies and school pressure in which they can recharge their energy and prepare for their future plans.
Furthermore, many researchers have successfully carried out the relationship between extracurricular
and school performance in which students with reasonable time off in fact achieve higher scores than
others. In conclusion, extracurriculars is crucial to both middle students’ personal and academic success.
As regards its above-mentioned benefits, every student should involve themselves in these activities.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có hệ thống ý rành mạch, support cho ý có thể tốt hơn

Vũ Hà Trang
There are three main beneficial effects of extracurricular activities.
Nhận xét:
- Chưa hoàn thiện bài

Hoàng Ngọc Linh Đan
In this day and age, students are no longer have to be in class learning theoretical lessons. They can now
participate in some school's extracurricular activities, which have several merits as following. On the one
hand, taking part in outdoor activities enable children to socialize with each other, along with relaxation
after long-lasting lessons. Teenagers can develop not only social skills but also improve physical and
mental health. For instance, playing sports - what requires teamwork the most for some relaxation
afterclass will absolutely do you good. Moreover, you can also enhance organization and self-discipline
through these extracurricular activities. Nowadays schools requires students to balance activities and
classwork which you can somehow find a g
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết chưa hoàn thiện, còn 1 ý ở thân bài
- Xem lại mở bài, xem lại các chỗ diễn đạt chưa tốt
Đào Minh Tùng
From my point of view, there are myriads of benefits concerning afterschool activities. First of all, these
activities enable students to learn new skills. Fundamentally, extracurricular activities allow your child to
learn something that could stay with them for a lifetime. Directly, that skill could be the basis of a hobby or
passion that enriches their life for many years. Afterschool activities varied from playing sports to playing
an instrument, which they could do whenever they are free, are under pressure. Moreover, extracurricular
activities instill key skills and personality traits that can be helpful in other walks of life. For instance,
sports lead to development in teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving skills. A musical instrument
requires perseverance, hand-eye coordination and, above all, creativity. Extracurricular activities are also
a great benefit to a students’ resume when it comes to applying for universities or jobs. Top universities
would prefer to a prospective student that they are willing to go above and beyond to develop new skills.
Extracurricular activities also demonstrate that your child has varied interests and a curiosity to learn
beyond the conventional classroom. In conclusion, afterschool activities can help students in terms of
learning new skills and making the grade when they apply for universities and jobs.
Nhận xét:
- Còn giống nhiều bài mẫu, xem lại
- Nhiều câu có lẽ là paraphrase sai, thành ra ko có nghĩa

Trần Phương Ngọc Minh
Non-scholastic activities have become famous and accessible amid students, which provide fundamental
merits to the ladders . First of all, these activities assist in acquiring essential skills. Since adolescents
have chances to partake in various activities, some of the crucial skills will be practiced and improved
more preferable, which is extremely integral for their adulthoods. To cite an example, while participating in
a debate club, the argumentative and teamwork skills of oneself is prone to be enhanced thoroughly.
Moreover, after-school occupations allow students to relieve stress from school. By engaging students in
the non-scholastic activities, students are able to divert themselves from learning and homework for a
while therefore, it can destress their anxiety from school subjects. It is scientifically proven that some
sports or art can reduce the pressure and stabilize oneself. In conclusion, non-collegiate activities benefit
in refining imperative skills and they also play an important role in giving students balance.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, lỗi ngữ pháp
- Có ý tưởng, thể hiện ý có thể tốt hơn

Nguyễn Ngọc Minh
A great deal of universities nowadays place emphasis on extracurricular activities when it comes to
student's application. Not only in institutions, a lot of companies also create the opportunities for their
employees to participate in outdoor activities since the advantages of extracurricular activities are
irrefutable. Firstly, extracurricular exercises pave the way for health promotion. When one takes part in a
outdoor exercise, they will need to work and play for the teams or for their own as an individual. In order
to success or be the winner, it is significant for participators to do their best. In workplace environment,
outdoor activities among different companies will help employees to reduce stresses. Health in practice
will be ameliorated by this activities. Secondly, one stands a chance to boost his or her social
opportunities. Attending extracurricular activities requires people to communicate and work with one
another; therefore advance self-esteem. In this process, people will have the opportunity to cooperate and
enhance their social relationship, which is one of the crucial factors to be successful and gain promotion.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities not only improve one's health but also help people to promote their
social opportunities.
Nhận xét:
- Có format, tuy nhiên đề bài chỉ nên nói về HS thôi, nên xem lại
- Xem lại diễn đạt, những câu ko có nghĩa, còn lủng củng
Trần Khánh Nguyên
In this day and age, the demand for extracurricular activities has increased significantly as a result of the
favorable impacts they provide. Students can explore interests outside of standardized education and
enhance self–confidence and teamwork abilities by incorporating extracurricular activities into their
regular schooling. First and foremost, youngsters can acquire skills outside of the traditional classroom.
The more they push themselves in extracurricular activities, the more their skills will improve. Engaging in
social activities, for example, might help students enhance their self-confidence by allowing them to
spend time with non-close friends, perhaps extending their social relationship. Teamwork is required to
complete a task,the productivity depends on the harmony and evenness among teammates. Second,
extracurricular activities can help students boost their academic performance. Engaging in activities that
they enjoy may improve your brain function, focus, and time management, all of which contributed to
higher grades. It significantly impacts how students deal with deadlines and assignments in class . To sum
up, extracurriculars should be encouraged in standard education for the positive effects it offers to
students.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, có hệ thống, support có thể tốt hơn

Nguyễn Phúc Minh Anh
Owing to modern advancement, people are inclined to be spend endless time on browsing the web and
hence give little attention to the outside world. With that being said, various organisations and institutions
have encouraged individuals to engage in extracurricular activities.
Nhận xét:
- Bài chưa hoàn thiện

Hoa Thúy Quỳnh
Extracurriculars act as an integral part of secondary students for its remarkable merits to their
developments in various aspects. To begin with, partaking in after-school activities provide students with
quality time to take their mind off studying. Engaging themselves in a sport, a club enables students to
free their mind from school workload, thus having a better academic performance. Also, we need to take
into account that they get a chance to take part in different kinds of sports and promote their fitness as
well as their sport prowess and teamwork skills. According to several researches, students’ improvements
in academic learning are actually linked to their taking up non-scholastic activities. Another benefit of
extracurriculars worth noting is that they enrich pupils’ experience and lay foundation for their life skills.
Taking part in a sport or a club sustains an environment for like-minded students to join in, and eventually
improve their social skills. In order to partake in after-school activities effectively, students need to
develop time-management skills and self-discipline; otherwise, they will be overburdened by schoolwork.
In conclusion, non-scholastic activities draw out of students’ full potential.
Nhận xét:
- Có hệ thống ý rõ ràng, support có thể sâu hơn

Trần Hồng Anh
These days, it seems that many schools are too concentrate on compulsory subjects. Nonetheless,
especially for middle school students, having extracurricular activities is very significant and brings a lot of
profits. First and foremost, having experiences in extracurricular activities will make student’s resume look
more impressive. In addition to the required degrees and certificates, you have to prove your competence
not only in the academic area but also in many other fields. Besides, participating in extracurricular
activities will promote the development of students' skills, which is extremely crucial. Beyond that, they
will have opportunities to develop social skills which very essential for the future. For instance, when
students play team sports, they can improve collaboration skills, interpersonal communication skills. Last
but not least, these activities can improve the physical health of students. After tiring study sessions at
school, students can participate in sports activities to enhance physical strength to help improve immunity
and have good health. For example, swimming, football, badminton and other games are considered to
be a form of exercise. In short, having extracurricular experiences will help students have great benefits in
all aspects.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, ý có thể đi sâu hơn

Cao Phương Anh
It is a widely held belief that after-school activities play a crucial role in human life. From my viewpoint,
extracurriculars are of paramount importance to individuals considering the following advantages. Firstly,
it can easily be seen that non-scholastic activities prove to be a much-needed rest in our daily lives. To
illustrate, in today’s world, people are leading increasingly hectic lifestyles, resulting in their suffering from
enormous stress. Hence, a commitment to non-scholastic activities may act as a real escape from their
busy lives. Secondly, it is believed that extracurricular activities help people expand their network of
relationships. In particular, while participating in after-school breaks, individuals have the opportunity to
make friends with like-minded people, hence broadening their social network, which proves to be highly
beneficial. Lastly, via extracurriculars, participants may have the chance to develop social skills.
Specifically, non-scholastic activities, such as joining clubs and playing team sports, allow them to gain
profound knowledge of the code of conduct as well as to enhance their teamwork skills. In short, it is,
without doubt, highly beneficial for individuals to take part in extracurricular activities for the
aforementioned reasons.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý rõ ràng
- Một số ý có thể rõ hơn một chút

Bùi Thu Giang
Schools are built to give students wisdom and essential skills in life. While lessons teach them knowledge
on certain subjects, extracurricular activities help pupils develop a lot of soft skills that are definitely vital
later in life. First of all, afterschool activities improve students' cognitive and management skills. Joining a
club and having to orgazine events give them experience on how to use people and arrage things,
therefore they will be a better leader in the future. Second, enrichment actives give pupils confidence and
make them more out-going. Last but not least, they deepen friendships between classmates. In short,
extracurricular activities have various benefits, therefore students should try their best to take part in
them.
Nhận xét:
- Có format đúng, nhưng bài ngắn quá + các ý đưa ra mới sơ sài

Quách Diệu Linh
To begin, extracurricular activities provide students a period of relaxation, entertainment after long hours
of studying. Moreover, students can obtain invaluable skills from participating in afterschool activities. For
instance, playing team sports such as basketball or soccer would help children develop teamwork and
interpersonal skills. Through working on multiple projects, they can learn how to multitask, manage their
time schedule more efficiently.
Nhận xét:

Nguyễn Minh Anh
From my perspective, there are some indubitable merits that extracurricular activities may bring back . In
the first place, these non-scholastic undertakings can afford students a lapse to take up and rearrange
knowledge that they leant at school. It goes without saying that, with the high frequency of taking up
knowledge, students stand a chance of neglecting some learnt one. Therefore, relentless studying is not
the worthwhile method for students. And by virtue of some dynamic activities, they can wind down their
mind and be ready for the new understanding. In addition, their physical health may well be guaranteed
by joining in these activities, since all the stress and pressure from deadlines can provisionally be
dwindled. Just in the same way, extracurricular activities enable students to involve themselves in their
preferred sideline. Regardless to the study, they can outshine in other skills such as playing chess,
instruments, singing and so on. Different clubs can be erected for students to pursuit their dream . To
exemplify, different cooking shows as Master chef India or Master chef Australia, Tarla Dalal shows,
Sanjeev Kapoor Khana Khazana has raised the interset in cooking irrespective of the gender and
presenting many chefs to the world every year which is becoming a successful career these days. Out of
consideration for the aforementioned above, it can be concluded that different curricular activities are very
important for the life of a student physically and mentally.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại một số câu hơi dài và rối, diễn đạt lại
- Có ý, tuy nhiên cần xem lại support ý

Đỗ Quỳnh Anh
In this day and age, it is considered the norm for students to take part in extracurricular activities. From
my perspective, there are a plethora of benefits from associated with after-school activities, and several of
which will be outlined in my paragraph. Firstly, thanks to this kind of activity, students can relieve the
stress which deriving from monumental load of schoolwork at school. Unlike compulsory school
curriculum, extracurricular activities afford students an opportunity to learn their desired subjects, thus
rendering the learning process more riveting and efficient. Furthermore, extracurricular activities are can
be instrumental in enhancing one’s growth. Extracurricular activities enable students to be more active. It
is beneficial to let the student get involved in sports or art clubs. Secondly, extracurricular help to absorb
more life skills which are essential for their. Students who participate in extracurricular activities may gain
various skills such as leadership skills and improved interpersonal communication, which can allow them
to effortlessly build a relationship with others in the future. In conclusion, I am of the firm conviction that
extracurricular activities can positively influence students due to some above-mentioned claims.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại hệ thống ý nửa đầu, còn loạn và chưa rõ ràng, thiếu support

Lê Nguyễn Bảo Long
At the time being, besides the standard syllabus, students can choose to embark upon extracurriculars
and by that, they can gain myriad benefits. First of all, Extrascholastic activities can provide students with
greater social skills. Since attending to an after-school project means that youngsters have to co-operate
with the others to deliver a result, they will have the chance to not only get acquainted with the people
they did not know formerly but also figure out the way to process fluently with them which will either help
them strike up new friendship or if not, provide them with experiences of how to treat people in the least
Nhận xét:

Ngô Thái Uyên
Nonsholastic activities are thought to give much benefits to attenders. First of all, doing those activities
helps people be more productive, positive, and become friendlier. It connects people together, make all of
them be more understanding. Because of that, the person who attended that activity will have more
friends and build relationships with others. Secondly, taking part in extracurricular activities makes people
be more flexible to the situation, they have to fit in with others and try to join the conversations and
activities. In conclusion, extracurricular activities bring different effects to us, it helps not only relationships
but also minds.
Nhận xét:
- Bài còn quá ngắn, ý còn sơ sài
- Xem lại cách thể hiện ý, các luận điểm phải rạch ròi + có support = VD
- Diễn đạt phải tự nhiên + academic hơn

Nguyễn Ngọc Hà Phương
Nowadays, many students would prefer to have more extracurricular activities in their school instead of
boring lessons on account of the following plausible reasons. Firstly, extracurricular activities enable
students to broaden their horizons without reading thick book on the school. For instance, taking part in
an extracurricular activity such as going to the museum would help the students to gain knowledge about
history by observing real fossils and artifacts in the past. This would make the subject less boring to them
and let them discover new aspects of different subjects. Secondly, joining extracurricular activities also
provides the students with soft skills. To prepare for a trip day, the students must learn how to cook lunch
on their own, arrange the spare clothes, and get to know to first-aid skills when they accidentally get hurt.
This would allow the students to become skilled person in resolving problems in further future. In
conclusion, thanks to these aforesaid arguments, there is a wealth of benefits to taking part in
extracurricular activities.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có cấu trúc, có thể chọn ý sao cho thuyết phục hơn

Nguyễn Minh Ngọc
Nowadays, every students have gone for extracurricular activities. So what is the benefit we get from it ?
First, extracurricular activities will bring us experience.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết chưa hoàn thiện

Nguyễn Chí Tín
Psycho-physiological development play an important role in students' age. Therefore, extra-curricular
activities are required to relive students' stress. First and foremost, extracurricular activities is an ideal
solution to meet the students’ demand for adequate rest after going through stressful school hours. This
factor that can help them recharge and become sober leads to outstanding progress in academic learning
and discerning problem-solving. Besides providing students with sufficient recharge time and the
opportunity to form long-lasting relationships, extracurricular activities also help students to develop their
talents as well as various skills. To be more specific, teenagers ought to ameliorate their time
management skills to be scientific in the arrangement of time spent on courses related to study and non-
academic things. Eventually, participating in plenty of extracurricular activities is conducive to be recruited
in desired and honorable educational instituitions
Nhận xét:
- Mở bài chưa đạt, chưa bao hàm cả bài đúng
- Chưa có kết bài
- Ý đưa ra ko rành mạch, khiến bài đọc bị khó hiểu, xem lại hệ thống ý
- Support cho ý phải xem lại, xem lại diễn đạt

Nguyễn Hải Phong
After-school activities certainly play a crucial role in the development of middle school children.
Extracurricular activities, in my viewpoint, are absolutely critical for youths because of the following
advantage. First and foremost, non-scholastic activities offer secondary students with skills that are
critical to their education and future careers. To illustrate, extracurriculars assist teens in making more
friends with like-minded classmates, thus expanding their social network as well as honing their social
skills. Furthermore, teen students may strengthen their collaboration abilities by participating in group
activities such as team sports or joining clubs since they have the opportunity to interact and engage with
other members. Lastly, these activities can act as breaks for students from the stressful studying
environment. These rests can even be productive as teens can still sharpen various skills during these
time periods. This will further reduce the pressure teenagers are suffering, hence making them feel at
ease. To summarize, it is crucial for middle students to participate in after-school activities for the stated
reasons.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý tưởng, tuy nhiên ý cuối cần phải xem lại support sao cho sát và rõ ràng hơn

Đỗ Ngọc Diệp
Aside from school activities, extracurricular ones are also important, it brings back many benefits. Firstly,
students can make more friends through extension programs. Some activities need teamwork which will
force people to work together and eventually forms a new friendship between people. Secondly, these
activities can give students more skills that will be helpful soon. Most after-school programs include the
usage of skills like presentation, teamwork, or leadership. Students will use these a lot when they go to
university or work. On the other hand, the record of these activities will likely enhance their profile. Since
many students nowadays set their goal is to study abroad, extracurricular programs are definitely going to
be practical. In addition, these activities is a good way to spend your free time and get themselves out of
gadgets. In conclusion, extracurricular activities have many benefits in both the present and the future.
Nhận xét:
- Xem lại cách support cho ý (VD), ý cuối sơ sài  lược bỏ
- Xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt, những chỗ viết còn tối nghĩa
Nguyễn Như An
In today’s world, secondary schools are said to be a vital phase of teenagers’ developments. In my
opinion, extracurricular activities will generate encouraging condition for students to those great benefits
as followings. Firstly, extracurricular activities helps students to perfom better in many skills. These after-
school activities give the young more opportunities to have access to more knowledge than in school . For
instance, time management skill, students who partipated in these extracurriculars can know how to
balance the time spent between after school activities and academic activities. Secondly, for middle
school students, extracurriculars activities give them more chance to resume when they apply for high
schools. In this facet, overseas admissions juries usually look into certificates that are sent by
extracurriculars hosts to know more about students' capabilities. In conclusion, extracurricular activities
brought school students many benefits and advantages, resume their knowledge and refine their skills. In
my opinion, every student should participate in at least one after-school activity to make the best out of
their teenage years.
Nhận xét:
- Đoạn dưới còn giống bài mẫu
- Nhiều chỗ diễn đạt tối nghĩa, ko có nghĩa, phải xem lại
- Nhiều lỗi chính tả ngỡ ngẩn + những lỗi ngữ pháp ko đáng có
- Support cho ý có thể tốt hơn

Phạm Dương Khánh Ngân
In today’s world, besides normal studies, non-scholastic activities also play a crucial role in a student's
academic path. This essay will illustrate some advantages of extracurricular activities. Firstly, taking part
in after-school activities is a way to improve students’ mental health. It supplies rest and relaxation which
students need after stressing school schedules and activities. As a result, students can reap mental
benefits from extracurricular activities. Secondly, non-scholastic activities provide students with a range of
social skills. It can help students expand their social network by meeting with more people in relation to
the activities. Furthermore, students can also develop the skill of balancing between studying and
extracurricular activities, which is likely to be applied with work and family life in the future. In conclusion,
apart from academic performances, extracurricular activities are also of paramount importance to
students.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, tuy nhiên support cho các ý chưa tốt
- Giữa các câu nên có linking words cho bài mượt hơn
- Bài còn ngắn quá + xem lại một số chỗ diễn đạt
Trần Trung Hiếu
To date, extracurricular activities proves to be of paramount importance, especially to students' career
path. There are several advantages that comes with extracurriculars aside from the normal educational
course. First of all, these activities aid in creating an impressive resumes , thus enhancing students'
chance to being applied. Besides academic achievements, admissions committee also wish to see their
candidates' participation in non-scholastic activities. The more meaningfull the extracurriculars are, the
more likely students will be applied to their desired schools. Second of all, after-school activities also
broaden participants' social skills. In particular, when participants take part in team and group activities
such as football, basketball ; they can develop interpersonal and teamwork skills, both of which are of
overwhelming importance in all types of workplaces and environments. In summary, extra-class activities
not only lend credence to students' CVs but also help improving life and social skills
Nhận xét:
- Có hệ thống ý nhìn ra được, có format đúng
- Một số chỗ diễn đạt không có nghĩa, phải xem lại
- Support ý phải tốt hơn, bài có vẻ giống một bài mẫu nào đó thì phải
Nguyễn Hà Linh
Non-scholastic activities are widely considered to be important to a child’s development for the following
plausible merits. For starters, extracurriculars assist people in developing mental resilience and
confidence. The more challenges people meet and the more goals they achieve, the more self-esteem
inculcates in them. For example, students who are interested can join a Science Club, which enhances
their passion for the subject and broadens their horizons. Therefore, they can make their way in the world
by trying out new skills and igniting new passion all without the presence of pressure. Secondly,
undertaking extracurricular activities helps reduce stress and unwind after a hectic day. To be more
specific, in students, whose mental health has not fully developed, coupled with heavy academic burden,
are prone to fall prey to mild depression and other kinds of disorders. After-school activities will provide
them with a much-needed rest and boost energy to give better performance in school. In summary, for
these reasons, participating in extracurricular activities undeniably have far-ranging benefits.
Nhận xét:
- Có cấu trúc đúng, có hệ thống ý, tuy nhiên cách support cho ý ở cả hai ý có thể tốt hơn

Nguyễn Hải Phương
In today's society, most students not only study academic subjects at school but they also take part in a
plenty of extracurricular activities. This paragraph will demonstrate the pros of extracurriculars.
Firstly, extracurricular activities assist students in building their soft skills outside of the classroom. For
instance, summer camps helps the children know how to cooperate with other people and making them
be more independent. They will also acquaint time management skills because they have to balance
between study time and extracurricular activities time.
Furthermore, extracurricular activities are essential in résumé because they are evidences of well-
rounded interests and skills. Participation in sport can show that the students have teamwork skills, the
determination to reach the goals and self- discipline. If the students secure a leadership position- sports
captain, dance leader, this will make a huge impression on the universities.
In conclusion, extracurricular activities has many advantages such as building soft skills and making the
résumé look special. Students should take extracurriculars as an opportunity to become a better version
of themselves and to show their abilities.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, có hệ thống, nhưng sai format bài
- 2 ý đưa ra có thể nói sâu thêm một chút + xem lại diễn đạt
Lê Trọng Việt Anh
Extracurricular activities held many benefits to both the mind and the physical health of the children.
Taking a break from studies and homework by doing Extracurricular is an excellent idea. Most of these
kinds of activities usually happen outside so your children can take in a breath of fresh air and refresh
their mind from stress. In an outdoor environment, they can get a more in-depth look into certain subjects
that books can never do justice such as biology and geography . It can also get your children to involve
themselves in social engagement so they can feel a sense of belonging with those who share the same
interest. As for the physical aspect, there are many outdoor activities which require muscle work .
Activities such as mountain climbing, jogging, swimming,... can all make children break a sweat and
improve their physical health. In conclusion, extracurricular activities hold many benefits in children's
mental health by keeping them from stressful school work and making them socialise while also helping
keep them healthy in the physical side of things.
Nhận xét:
- Có nhiều ý nhỏ, hệ thống ý lộn xộn khiến bài khó đọc, thiếu linking words
- Xem lại những chỗ diễn đạt chưa tốt, chưa academic
- Xem lại support cho ý, còn mơ hồ và khó hiểu

Phan Đình Thịnh
Extracurricular activities are non-collegiate activities that make students more relaxed and gain self -
assured. Students nowadays are spending too much time on studies and deadlines which put their brains
in untiring conditions, and thus cause serious mental diseases. Therefore, extracurricular activities are
created on purpose to prevent negative things happen because it helps people get out of academic
pressures and reduce stress. To be more specific, students who are suffered from personal matters such
as stress particularly from low marks in examinations can join up a club that concentrates on non-
scholastic activities to reduce stress, relax, and gain self-confident to do better works after finding
momentum moments of themselves in those activities. To sum up, extracurricular activities are crucial to
students' life at school because they are the most effective mental pills to reduce stress and self-
conscious.
Nhận xét:
- Bài gần như ko có ý, phải xem lại cách nghĩ luận điểm và cách support
- Mở bài chưa đạt, phải vào bài luôn, ko dài dòng
- Xem lại diễn đạt, các lỗi dùng từ

Vũ Châu Giang
Being enmeshed in extracurricular activities has proved to have a great influence on a child's
development on account of the following plausible reasons. First of all, children can learn new skills and
gain experience. Only by facing new challenges or taking part in social activities can they learn how to live
in the moment and appreciate the little things. Secondly, if one has intention of applying for universities or
occupations, involving in extracurricular activities can be considered as a great lucrativeness. Needless to
say, those who have poor academic performances can still impress the admission committee by denoting
their outclass activities. In other words, universities tend to choose students based on their willingness to
improving social skills. Third, extracurricular activities can also help children manage their time better.
They will learn how to strike a balance between social activities and education. In summary, there is a
reservoir of benefits to getting in extracurricular activities.
Nhận xét:
- Có ý, tuy nhiên 2 ý đầu support đều chưa tốt, phải xem lại

Nguyễn Trần Nhật Anh
In this day and age, after-school activities are becoming increasingly common in schools, since they bring
myriads of advantages to students. In the first place, extracurricular activities acknowledge schoolchildren
about soft skills and daily issues. Taking part in these activities can help children learn how to behave
properly in daily life situations, study practical techniques such as time management and also
communicate more effectively with other people. For instance, knowing how to use first aid kits is
exceptionally crucial to students when other pupils are injured. Furthermore, teamwork skills may also be
enhanced when pupils participate in these activities. Secondly, schoolchildren can relax and find interest
when participating in extracurricular activities. For example, playing football after school hours may have
a positive effect on students as sports help them unwind, free from stress. Moreover, outside activities
can also strengthen a child's body and maintain his mental health. Last but not least, taking part in
afterschool activities may help students study overseas more easily, due to the fact that these activities
make their CVs more compelling. In conclusion, extracurricular activities benefit students in numerous
ways, as documented above.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có ý, tuy nhiên ý cuối còn ngắn quá, nên bỏ đi, xem lại cách support các ý trước

Nguyễn Thị Hồng Nhung
In this day and age, whether or not to take part in extracurriculars remain a point of contention. From my
perspective, non-scholastic activities are attributed to an array of benefits as follows. Firstly, participating
in extracurriculars concerned with sports can be a helpful way of increasing the feelings of physical and
mental well-being. This point is to help students build strong stamina and high endurance in the face of
intense setbacks in their lifetime. In this aspect, student will have more courage and a clear mind to tackle
the exams at school flexibly which improves their academic performances as a result . Secondly,
extracurriculars provide them with a stand-out curriculum vitae. Recruiters nowadays tend to assess the
capabilities of up-and-coming students through their non-scholastic activities because the typical resume
does not showcase their full potentiality. Hence, the more their resume is laden with certificates gained
via outside activities, the higher chances they stand of applying for a prestigious high school. In
conclusion, from the above-mentioned merits, outside activities play a pivotal role in student's life. It is
highly recommended that students go in for those non-collegiate activities to do their utmost during the
pupilage.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết được, có hệ thống ý rành mạch

Đinh Mai Phương
In this day and age, there are more and more students taking part in non-scholastic activities thanks to a
plethora of their advantages. To start off, by engaging in after-school activities, children can enhance
numerous invaluable qualities. To be clear, by playing team sports students can improve team working
skills while practicing an instrument will help them to be more sophisticated. Moreover,
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết chưa hoàn thiện

Vương Khánh Diệu Huyền
It is undeniable that extracurricular activities are of great significant in terms of supporting students in a
myriad of ways. Mentioning extracurricular, everyone would assert its perfect suitability in being a means
of refreshing after long hours of.....
Nhận xét:

Phạm Minh Việt
Extracurricular activities have numerous advantages for pupils. I'll go over a few of them in this paper.
Firstly, extracurricular activities play a significant role in enhancing the quality of a scholar's qualifications.
Extracurricular activities are supplemental conditioning that help in the preparation of students for their
major course of study. Scholars, for example, might derive a great deal of benefit from the skills they
learned outside of the academy. These certifications to the admissions commission provide further
evidence of the scholars' abilities beyond the essential educational standards. This additional data
demonstrates that the campaigners are not only successful in their chosen subject, but also in a wide
range of other fields. Furthermore, extracurricular activities provide students with necessary life skills.
Fresh chops that can be acquired include, but are not limited to, cooperation, prioritization, logical
thinking, and so forth. A remarkable illustration of this is that a significant amount of unnecessary work is
added to their regular timetable, which evidently excites the academics' to-do list. That's where
prioritization and time management skills - two of the many abilities gained from extracurricular activities–
come in handy. To deal with the frantic pace of those frantic schedules, the scholars must acquire the art
of prioritizing and time management.
Nhận xét:
- Bài viết có dùng ngôn ngữ phức tạp academic nhưng lạm dụng khiến bài khó đọc
- Chưa hoàn thiện, ko có kết bài

Đỗ Vĩnh Gia
Despite potential concerns that participating in extracurricular activities may consume too much time, and
thus negatively affect academic performance, it has been shown that participating in extracurricular
activities might have the opposite effect of improving your grades as well as your mental wellbeing . There
has been a substantial amount of scientific evidence suggesting that engaging in activities which one is
passionate about considerably boosts one’s concentration and cognitive abilities. A recent study
published by Khalfi et al. (2014) examined these effects by measuring the speed and accuracy at which
two groups of high school students, 7 males and 3 females in each, could perform a standardized
mathetical test.
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- Không lấy bằng chứng quá cụ thể, số liệu quá cứng nhắc
- Xem lại cách support cho ý

Nguyễn Cao Thùy Linh
It is almost undeniable that extension activities provide learners with very appreciative advantages. To
clarify, extracurricular activities are outside of school activities which students take part in with a view to
further improve themselves in certain aspects. Having said that, they should surely furnish the
participators with merits, few or many. For instance, learners may perform better thanks to the time
management skills they earned from those activities. Since agreeing to partake in extra undertaking
means extra work, so they will have to balance between the homework they get from school and that from
extension activities; accordingly, time management skills will be obtained sooner or later. Second of all,
they will most certainly be more disciplined, because more work means more order. The merits that
extracurricular activities aid them are surely very precious.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, tuy nhiên ý 2 gần như ko có, ý 1 thì phải xem lại diễn đạt
- Đoạn mở đầu chưa tốt, ko cần phải dài dòng, vào luôn bài
Lê Nguyên Vũ
It goes without saying that extracurricular activities offer students numerous advantages. Firstly,
youngsters can get new abilities by taking part in after-school exercises. For example, many activities
outside of the regular curriculum at school such as sports often require many skills like teamwork,
communication, ect... Moreover, children who take regular exercise build up their strength and develop
healthy bodies. They may also develop an interest in their favorite outdoor pastimes, such as playing
basketball, cycling, or swimming, activities which they can enjoy in their adult years. Secondly,
extracurricular activities will aid them in relaxing, diminishing stress. Nowadays, the expectation from
parents for their offspring to do well academically can be harmful; extracurriculars can help pupils ease
the pressure. In conclusion, the benefits of extracurricular activities are very substantial and cannot be
ignored; parents should encourage their children to take up at least a pastime.
Nhận xét:
- Bài có ý, tuy nhiên cần xem lại cho rành mạch + ý 2 còn sơ sài

Đào Minh Phương
Extracurricular activities are really good for ourselves. First, we can broad our social skills. If we
have more relationships, a lot of friends will help you when you are in trouble . We can have some
advice from our friends to get through the problems. You will feel more confident when talking
with a lot of people. Second, we can learn new skills from our friends . That can make you better.
We should do extracurricular often to have more opportunities in work and study.
Nhận xét:
- Bài chưa hoàn thiện, thiếu cấu trúc, hệ thống rõ ràng
- Không đưa ra được ý, cách viết còn mơ hồ chung chung, ko có support
- Ngôn ngữ dùng chưa tốt, xem lại diễn đạt

Ngô Phương Anh
In this day and age, it is argued that extracurricular activities is required on account that they
generate numerous benefits. One of those positive impacts is that they stimulate soft skills of
their participants. Taking part in such movements is likely to boost the member's confidence,
creativity, problem-solving skills and also offer them the technique for time management, which
seems certain to bring out
Nhận xét:

Phương Thùy Dương
Extracurricular activities are equally beneficial to students, besides regular classroom education.
In this paragraph, I will thoroughly discuss the benefits that extracurricular activities can bring. To
begin with, non-scholastic activities can give students a break from stressful schoolwork. When
students are less stressed, they are bound to perform better academically, and lead with a more
positive attidude. In addition to this, extracurricular activities are also proven to trigger children's
inquisitiveness. Activities such as field trips or experiments nurture their curiosity-which is crucial
to enhance the learning experience. While after-school activities like sports or music are
correspondingly pivotal. They play a key role in children's growth and development, in terms of
health and personality. Moreover, many extracurricular activities help students build necessary
life skills. For instance, enrichment programs that teaches students about traffic rules, or support
them to find their dream career; these are irrefutably important. In sum, extracurricular activities
are extremely helpful to students in helping them relieve stress, boost creativity and educate
them about crucial life skills.
Nhận xét:
- Support ý cần tốt hơn, xem lại một số câu còn mơ hồ, ko thấy ý

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Phạm Huyền Phương Anh

- Có ý tưởng, có cấu trúc nhưng ý còn hơi lan man

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