Essay01: cause-effect essay

Maryam Mustafa Kadhem

ID:20198366
Section#02

A 7-step essay submitted as part of the course requirements of ENGL250

Department of English Language and Literature
University of Bahrain
October 2021
1|Page
 Step01: choosing a topic

Obesity

Date: 23 October 2021

2|Page
 Step02: Brainstorming

Why Bahraini children gain too much weight?

Not much activities to Not much physical

Can be joined
do in Bahrain activities due to Increased consumption
technology of fast food
-Due to weather

They’re generally
Related in a way? being influenced by their unhealthy
Parental neglect\ parents’ behaviors
unawareness Kids seem to consume
Too much sugar them the most
parents with bad diet habits will (unfortunately)
lead their children to follow their
steps

Kids recent source of

entertainment is technology, it led
Not much awareness
them to sit more (recently)

So, no playing around with friends

anymore (playing football etc)
they’re basically not being active From Parents

Not paying much attention to the

child’s diet may lead to consuming
unnecessary food and therefore
might lead to obesity

3|Page
Date: 23 October 2021
Step03: The outline
I. Introduction (paragraph1)
A. Hook: obesity is the source of most (if not all) health
diseases. And it’s befalling both adults and children
from all over the globe including Bahrain.
B. Thesis statement: Obesity is slowly spreading among
Bahraini children, but why has such a matter
happened? And whom should we blame this matter
on?
II. Body
A. Paragraph 2 (cause1) topic sentence: the over-
consumption of both fast and junk food, particularly by
kids.
1. These foods are generally known to be unhealthy
yet they’re still produced and consumed.
2. Parents tend to order out fast foods whenever there
aren’t proper meals at home.
3. Grandparents often buy a bunch of snacks to hand
out to their grandchildren to draw a smile on their
faces.
4. Supermarkets in Bahrain are easily reached by kids.

B. Paragraph 3 (cause 2) topic sentence: inability to do

much physical activities.
1. Bahrain’s weather and how it can relate to both
children’s and adults’ inactiveness.
2. Technology and it’s role on children’s inactiveness.

C. Paragraph 4 (cause 3) topic sentence: the children’s

general environment and the parents neglection and
unawareness.
1. Parents with bad habits will lead their kids to follow
up with their habits.
4|Page
 2. Some parents neglect the food their kids consume.
3. Parents don’t dedicate much time to educate
themselves on some health matters, they lack
awareness on such matters.
III. Conclusion (paragraph 5):
Obesity is spreading amongst children and adults are mostly the
ones to blame, and to stop such problem from spreading, adults
must get educated and they must pay attention to themselves and
their children’s usual habits and try to fix them.

5|Page
Date: 23 October 2021
Step04: first draft:
obesity
The most widespread health-related diseases nowadays are due to
obesity. Obesity’s harms are befalling both adults and children all
over the globe, including Bahrain. Obesity is slowly becoming an
issue that is befalling most Bahraini children, but why so? Why is
obesity befalling Bahraini children and who is to blame for such a
matter?
There are many reasons why obesity is befalling Bahraini
children. One of the main reasons is the overconsumption of both
fast and junk food by children themselves. Although it is widely
acknowledged that both types of foods lack a good nutrient record
and are harmful to the human body, the consumption and
production of both are yet to be stopped. Such foods are
frequently consumed by children mostly because we, as adults,
have implanted such behaviors and habits within them. For
instance, parents tend to order out fast food whenever there isn’t
a proper meal available in the house. Grandparents also tend to
buy lots of junk food to hand over to their grandchildren once
they come by to visit so it can draw a smile on their faces.
Supermarkets in Bahrain are also easily reached, particularly by
kids, since they’re tucked in every corner of every street in most
of Bahrain’s villages, allowing kids to buy whatever goodies they
want, anytime they want.
Another reason that causes obesity to spread among Bahraini
children is the lack of physical activity. Since Bahrain is known for
its continuous desertic weather, regular daily activities aren’t
usually formed physically but rather in other different methods or
ways. For instance, running daily errands is usually done by a car
instead of walking. Therefore, neither kids nor adults get to do
many physical activities in Bahrain. Recently, kids have also been
introduced to technology, which has made them more prone to
6|Page
being seated for a long time, either facing an iPad or a TV screen.
Furthermore, kids don’t get to play regular games such as
football with each other outside anymore; they instead face a
screen to play, so there isn’t much physical activity that kids
usually do.
The last reason, which happens to be the most significant and
influential cause of childhood obesity, is the parental influence and
the environment in which the child grew up. Parents’ habits are
usually the habits that their kids grow up to do. A bad nutritional
diet sometimes stems from parents themselves, and then it
eventually finds its way to their kids. In addition to that, some
parents tend to neglect the food that their kids consume, for some
think that it’s none of their concern since the kid is already eating,
why worry about what he eats, therefore leading kids to eat
whatever they want, which is surely an unreasonable way of
dealing with kids, for they will mostly indulge in unhealthy
snacks if it was up to them to decide their food. Bahraini parents
are also more prone to be fooled by food labels. They sometimes
think that they’re keeping up with a good, healthy diet for their
kids when they really are not, and that is due to the lack of health
or food awareness within parents; for most of the time, parents
don’t put in much effort nor the time to educate themselves on
such small but crucial matters, such as understanding food labels.
All in all, obesity and its harms are slowly spreading among
children of Bahrain, which is unfortunate since we, as adults, are
mostly the ones to blame for such a matter. If some adults took
the time to educate themselves and tried to pay close attention to
the food that most of their kids consume and therefore tried to
recover it, we wouldn’t have such problems befalling our kids
anymore.

7|Page
Date: 23 October 2021
Number of words: 624
Step05: peer review
1. Does the title of the essay give readers a good idea of what
the essay is about?
Yes, it does.
2. Does the introduction create interest in the topic for
readers?
Yes, interesting and it’s reality.
3. Does the introduction state the main idea and the focus of
the essay in a clear thesis statement?
Yes, it is clear.
4. Does the first (second, third) main supporting paragraph
have a topic sentence that clearly states the first (second,
third) main supporting point?
Yes, they do.
5. Does every sentence in that paragraph support the topic
sentence?
Yes.
6. Have irrelevant sentences been eliminated so that the
paragraph has unity?
Yes.
7. Are the sentences in the paragraph arranged in a logical
order?
Yes, they are.
8. Are there transitions (sentence adverbs) in the paragraph to
guide the reader from one idea to the next?
Yes, there are a few.
9. Do the supporting paragraphs provide adequate support
and enough specific information to develop and prove the
thesis of the essay?
Yes, they do.
10. Are the supporting paragraphs arranged in a logical
order?
Totally
8|Page
Date: 29 October 2021
Step 06: essay draft number 2
obesity
The most widespread health-related diseases nowadays are due to
obesity. Obesity’s harms are befalling both adults and children all
over the globe, including Bahrain. Obesity is slowly becoming an
issue that is befalling most Bahraini children, but why so? Why is
obesity befalling Bahraini children and who is to blame for such a
matter?
There are many reasons why obesity is befalling Bahraini
children. One of the main reasons is the overconsumption of both
fast and junk food by children themselves. Although it is widely
acknowledged that both types of foods lack a good nutrient record
and are harmful to the human body, the consumption and
production of both are yet to be stopped. Such foods are
frequently consumed by children, mostly because we, as adults,
have implanted such behaviors and habits within them. For
instance, parents tend to order out fast food whenever there isn’t
a proper meal available in the house. Similarly, grandparents tend
to buy lots of junk food to hand over to their grandchildren once
they come by to visit just so it can draw a smile on their faces.
Furthermore, supermarkets in Bahrain are also easily reached,
particularly by kids, since they’re tucked in every corner of every
street in most of Bahrain’s villages, allowing kids to buy whatever
goodies they want, anytime they want.
Another reason that causes obesity to spread among Bahraini
children is the lack of physical activity. Since Bahrain is known for
its continuous desertic weather, regular daily activities aren’t
usually formed physically in Bahrain but rather in other different
methods or ways. For instance, running daily errands is usually
done by a car instead of walking. Therefore, neither kids nor
adults get to do many physical activities in Bahrain. Moreover,
recently, kids have also been introduced to technology, which has
9|Page
made them more prone to being seated for a long time, either
facing an iPad or a TV screen. As a result, kids don’t get to play
regular games such as football with each other outside anymore,
they instead face a screen to play. Looking through all of these
reasons, we notice that there aren’t many physical activities that
kids usually do.
The last reason, which happens to be the most significant and
influential cause of childhood obesity, is the parental influence and
the environment in which the child grew up. Parents’ habits are
usually the habits that their kids grow up to do. A bad nutritional
diet can sometimes stem from parents themselves, and then it
eventually finds its way to their kids. Additionally, some parents
tend to neglect the food that their kids consume because they
think that it’s none of their concern. Since the kid is already
eating, why worry about what he eats? As a result, this would
lead kids to eat whatever they want, which is surely an
unreasonable way of dealing with kids because they would mostly
indulge in unhealthy snacks if it was up to them to decide their
food. Furthermore, Bahraini parents are also more prone to be
fooled by food labels. Parents sometimes think that they’re
keeping up with a good, healthy diet for their children when they
really are not. That is due to the lack of health or food awareness
among parents. Most of the time, parents don’t put in much effort
nor the time to educate themselves on such small but crucial
matters, such as understanding food labels.
All in all, obesity and its harms are slowly spreading among
children of Bahrain, which is unfortunate since we, as adults, are
mostly the ones to blame for such a matter. If some adults took
the time to educate themselves and tried to pay close attention to
the food that most of their kids consume and therefore tried to
recover it, we wouldn’t have such problems befalling our kids
anymore.

10 | P a g e Date: 29 October 2021

Number of words: 640
Step07: the final draft
obesity
The most widespread health-related diseases nowadays are due to
obesity. Obesity’s harms are befalling both adults and children all
over the globe, including Bahrain. Obesity is slowly becoming an
issue that is befalling most Bahraini children, but why so? Why is
obesity befalling Bahraini children and who is to blame for such a
matter?
There are many reasons why obesity is befalling Bahraini
children. One of the main reasons is the overconsumption of both
fast and junk food by children themselves. Although it is widely
acknowledged that both types of foods lack a good nutrient record
and are harmful to the human body, the consumption and
production of both are yet to be stopped. Such foods are
frequently consumed by children, mostly because we, as adults,
have implanted such behaviors and habits within them. For
instance, parents tend to order out fast food whenever there isn’t
a proper meal available in the house. Similarly, grandparents tend
to buy lots of junk food to hand over to their grandchildren once
they come by to visit just so it can draw a smile on their faces.
Furthermore, supermarkets in Bahrain are also easily reached,
particularly by kids, since they’re tucked in every corner of every
street in most of Bahrain’s villages, allowing kids to buy whatever
goodies they want, anytime they want.
Another reason that causes obesity to spread among Bahraini
children is the lack of physical activity. Since Bahrain is known for
its continuous desertic weather, regular daily activities aren’t
usually formed physically in Bahrain but rather in other different
methods or ways. For instance, running daily errands is usually
done by a car instead of walking. Therefore, neither kids nor
adults get to do many physical activities in Bahrain. Moreover,
recently, kids have also been introduced to technology, which has
11 | P a g e
made them more prone to being seated for a long time, either
facing an iPad or a TV screen. As a result, kids don’t get to play
regular games such as football with each other outside anymore,
they instead face a screen to play. Looking through all of these
reasons, we notice that there aren’t many physical activities that
kids usually do.
The last reason, which happens to be the most significant and
influential cause of childhood obesity, is the parental influence and
the environment in which the child grew up. Parents’ habits are
usually the habits that their kids grow up to do, and a bad
nutritional diet can sometimes stem from parents themselves,
causing it to eventually find its way to be followed up by their
kids. Additionally, some parents tend to neglect the food that
their kids consume because they think that it’s none of their
concern. Since the kid is already eating, why worry about what he
eats? As a result, this would lead kids to eat whatever they want,
which is surely an unreasonable way of dealing with kids because
they would mostly indulge in unhealthy snacks if it was up to
them to decide their food. Furthermore, Bahraini parents are also
more prone to be fooled by food labels. Parents sometimes think
that they’re keeping up with a good, healthy diet for their children
when they really are not. That is due to the lack of health or food
awareness among parents. Most of the time, parents don’t put in
much effort nor the time to educate themselves on such small but
crucial matters, such as understanding food labels.
All in all, obesity and its harms are slowly spreading among
children of Bahrain, which is unfortunate since we, as adults, are
mostly the ones to blame for such a matter. If some adults took
the time to educate themselves and tried to pay close attention to
the food that most of the kids consume and therefore tried to
recover it, we wouldn’t have such problems befalling our kids
anymore.

12 | P a g e Date: 29 October 2021

Number of words: 645