ALPHA SERIES 01 - Stay With Me

We accept the love we think we deserve.

- Perks of being a wallflower

xxxx

Series Started: 

Series Ended:

xxxx

No parts of this book shall be distributed, printed or copied without the

permission of the Author. Plagiarism is a crime. Bear that in mind. 
Stay with me 

Alpha Series # 01 

A novel by:

xxakanexx

Read.at.your.own.risk.

Like O.M.G. 

"Saan ka pupunta?"

Maaga akong nagising nang umagang iyon. Aalis kasi ako. Inaayos ko iyong mga gamit
ko para naman hindi nagkalat iyon kapag binuksan ko iyong maleta ko. Nang lingunin
ko kung sino ang nagtatanong ay nakita ko si Kuya Fonso na nakatingin sa akin.

"Baka hanapin ka na naman ni Mamang, hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko. Saan ka
nga pupunta?"

"Sasakay ako sa barko." Nakatawang sabi ko. "May seminar kasi ng cooking sa Cruise
Line na iyon, Kuya kaya sumama ako. Malay mo, mas gumaling akong magluto mas
sasarap iyong pagkain at cakes sa coffee shop ko, lalo tayong yayaman." Biro ko sa
kanya.

Hindi naman mayaman ang pamilya namin. Mga business minded lang kaming magkakapatid
kaya mayroon kaming mga ipon na. Stable na kaming lahat, lalo na si Kuya Jufran. Si
Fonso, maliban sa isa siyang kilalang pintor, may negosyo rin siya, may stable nang
perang pumapasok sa amin. Sabi nga ni Mamang, pwede na kaming mag-asawa pero sinong
aasawahin ko? Kinuha na sa akin ang pangarap ko.

Hanggang ngayon, pangarap para sa akin si Mariake. Hindi ko alam kung kalian ko
siya makakamtan. Mukhang matagal-tagal pa kasi nga mukhang hindi naman siya
pakakawalan ng asawa niya.

"Ihahatid na kita sa bus terminal. Para makabili na rin ako nang pandesal." Sabi sa
akin ni Kuya Fonso. Isinukbit ko ang bag ko sa akin at sumunod na ako sa kanya.
Nakatira kami sa iisang bahay. Close kasi talaga kaming magkakapatid. Si Mamang
nakatira sa may Paombong, doon kasi iyong farm namin, may lupa kami, medyo malaki
iyon, may mga hayop kaming alaga, may mga tanim rin kaming mangga. Sa kabilang side
ng lupaing iyon, naroon ang lupain noong mga Arandia. Halos magkapitbahay lang
kami. Kilala na namin ang pamilya nila noon pa lang pero hindi nga kami malapit
kasi mayayabang ang mga Arandia, puro sila lalaking magpipinsan.

Inihatid nga ako ni Kuya Fonso sa bus station. Nagba-bye ako sa kanya at ibinilin
ang coffee shop ko. Hindi ko kasi mahaharap iyon dahil magiging busy ako ng sobra.
Sumakay ako sa bus at agad kong nilabas ang phone ko para naman hindi ako mainip sa
byahe. Marami akong porn na na-download kagabi! Aba dapat lang, baka walang
internet sa Cruise Line at baka mainip ako. Si Maryang Palad na lang ang maaasahan
ko.

Naisipan kong mag-Instagram. Hindi naman ako pala-post pero mahilig ang magtingin-
tingin. Pagbukas ko ng IG, mukha agad ni Pan Vejar ang bumungad sa akin. Hindi ko
ba alam kung bakit pagkatapos noong bugbugan namin sa CLPH ay naisip kong hanapin
lahat ng social media accounts niya. Doon ko nalaman na fashion designer pala si
Pan at napakayaman talaga ng pamilya nila, na ang pamilya nila ang may-ari ng
Philippine Airport, na may lahi silang Scottish at ang paborito niyang kulay ay
pink.

Typical na babae, pink ang favorite color, malamang lactacyd din ang gamit niyong
feminine wash. Naalala ko si Pepe, ginawang facial wash iyong lactacyd noong high
school pa lang kami.

Dahil maaga pa nga, hindi ako na-traffic. Agad akong nakarating sa Manila Port at
nakapag-check in sa barkong sasakyan namin. Ang pangalan ng barko ay Eireen. It was
a big ship and it contains a lot of people. Nakakatuwa kasi na-e-excite ako. First
time kong magbyahe mag-isa. Sobrang close kasi naming magkakapatid kaya sa lahat ng
out of town at out of the country trips ay magkakasama kami – pati nga sa pagtuli
ay magkakasabay pa kami.

I stayed in my cabin. Alas diyes pa nang umaga ang simula ng seminar namin kaya
pwede pa akong magpahinga kas alas ocho pa lang nang umaga. Mag-iikot – ikot pa ako
tapos magpi-picture tapos ipapadala ko kay Pepe.

Mukhang maraming tao ngayon, siguro lahat sila ay kasama doon sa seminar sa
culinary. I was looking around, raking pictures of the ship. Deep inside, tuwang –
tuwa ako pero siyempre hindi ko pinapakita iyon, baka kasi magmukha akong timang.

Habang naglalakad – lakad ako ay napatigil ako dahil may nakita akong kakilala.
Hindi ko alam kung pinaglalaruan pa ako ng mga mata ko pero sigurado akong siya ang
nakikita ko. I went closer and just like her, humalukipkip ako at tumingin din sa
dagat.

"So, uhm, like... uhm, what are you doing here? Are you making me sunod?"

Pan Vejar harshly looked at me. Her eyes widened.

"What the fuck?!" She hissed.

xxxx

"You are nothing but a brat, Pan! I didn't raise you to be like that? Ano bang
akala mo? Bakit mo ba palaging inaaway si Dione? Akala mo ba natutuwa ako kapag
nag-aaway kayo?! Ikaw ang mas matanda, ikaw ang dapat umintindi!"
I couldn't speak. I was sitting in the middle of Papa private office inside our
home and I am trying my best not to cry. I confronted Dione at the office earlier
because she ruined my dresses. Like, tomorrow na iyong show namin but she was
pissed at me kaya she ruined my designs. She put glue to all my dresses and I made
her sabunot. People saw it all but when it came to Papa, he favored Dione – like
always.

My mouth parted.

"But, Papa! She ruined the dresses! Bukas na iyong show!" I voiced out.

"Mas mahalaga pa ba iyang lintik na show mo na iyan kaysa sa kapatid mo? You
embarrassed Dione in front of everyone!"

"She deserves it!" I yelled back. "She's a bitch!" Papa slapped me. My tears fell.
I looked at him.

'I didn't raise you to talk like that, Pan! Take it back! You should never talk to
your sister like that!" He hissed at me.

"No!" I strongly said. "I will never make it bawi because it's true! Dione is a
bitch and he became a bitch because you sheltered her so much! You know she went
out of line when she told Danielle in her death bed those awful words, nagalit ka
pero napatawad mo agad siya! She threatened to make Ada paampon! She disses
Mariake! She hates everyone kapag hindi nasusunod ang gusto niya but what do you do
with it, Papa?! Nothing! You created a monster in her and you're letting her! She's
a heartbreak waiting to happen but you don't care as long as oh so perfect Dione is
happy! Well I quit!" I yelled at him. I quit being your daughter kasi baka na-
forget mong anak mo rin ako so I quit, Papa! I don't want to be your daughter
anymore! And I am leaving this house and I am giving up all the things your name
has!"

I walked away. He keeps on calling me pero hindi na ako bumalik. I took a bag, my
overnight bag and my Cruise Line ticket and called an UBER driver and then left.

And here I am now, crying while looking at the sea. I am so sad because I was so
hurt but I'm making panindig my desisyon. I gave up being his daughter, tutal, it's
Dione naman who's very important for him.

I was in so much emote when I suddenly heard a nakakainis na pangmahirap na voice

and when I looked I saw the Mahirap Toto Birada! The bastos na lalaking nag-kiss sa
akin ng many time, like the fuck is he doing here?!

"What the fuck?!" I exclaimed. He grinned.

"Like the fuck!" He mimicked me. Sa inis ko ay ni-hit ko siya sa arms tapos ay
tumalikod na, but as I walk, suddenly there was a very loud explosion and like the
half of the barko was like on fire and it's like lumulubog and like what the fuck
again.

I'm so in panic – like what the fuck so much!

"Oh my god!" I screamed. My eyes widened when I saw a pole about to fall in front
of me. Toto Birada pulled me to him and like when he pulled me, he lost balance so
we like fell to the dagat and I was so scared because I don't know how to swim –
and that was when I lost my malay.

Like O to the M to the G!

Chapter 1
The Island
Pan Vejar's

I was having a bad dream. I knew I was. I dreamed about being swept away by a very
tall wave. It felt so real – like I am drowning and while I am drowning, I hit
something really hard and my arm was wounded and I cried so hard but it was all a
dream and I know I will wake up inside my room in my bed and I am comfortable, but
then, I woke up because something hot made tama to my face and when I opened my
eyes, I saw blue skies.

Where is my chandelier? I wondered. I tried moving my feet to make kuskus my paa to

the mosquito net underneath my kumot but when I kuskus, I felt sand. Why is there
sand in my bed. And then, it hit me. I sat up and I saw the ocean in front of me.
And like I'm so basa to the highest level and then, I saw the mahirap na man beside
me, looking at me with amusement in his face.

I realized that I'm still buhay and that I have a big wound in my left arm and that
I am in an island with no bahay and that the nakakainis na man is beside me talaga!

"Oh my god! I'm stuck here with you! Oh my god! We're stranded! Oh my god! Ang
sakit ng wound ko!

"Iyong totoo, nakakailang oh my god ka sa isang araw?"

He made me loko. I tried hitting him but my wound is so sakit talaga!

"Oh! H'wag mong igalaw! Binalot ko lang ng panyo iyan para tumigil nang magdugo."
Napapa-shake pa iyong head niya while talking to me. I stood up. I'm so hilo. Like
I want to leave this island like right now, because I'm like so scared and I so
wanna go home!

"Hindi ako pwedeng magtagal here! I have things to do pa in my real life!" I said
to him. He nodded at me.
"Kahit abnormal kang magsalita, naiintindihan kita pero kasi, we're stuck here, Pan
Vejar. We're stuck here for now."

Bigla akong napa-cry but I didn't let him see my tears. I just took a deep hininga
and looked at him. My sugat is so kirot na talaga but I am not going to cry because
I'm no cry baby.

"Then we must do something!" I told him. "Why are you making upo there?! We should
call for help!"

"I tried, but there's no people here. I don't even know where we are." Sagot niya.
Lalo akong na-scared. What am I going to do? I so wanna go home na talaga. I bit my
lower lip and sat beside him again. I stared at him. His hair is so gulo and so
kadiri like hindi niya nilagyan ng mousse – it looks baho and it looks so unruly. I
ngiwi.

"Why is your hair like that? Like you didn't put mousse on it!"

"Stranded tayo sa isla, Pan Vejar, tapos iniisip mong maglagay ako ng mousse sa ulo
ko? Ni wala nga akong nasagip na gamit ko."

My mouth parted. He was right. I shouldn't be think this way. I should be thinking
about how we can get out of this island but while I was thinking, my tyan made a
sound, like what the fuck so much. I'm gutom na and I think he heard it na. He
looked at me, and then he smiled. He has dimples and that showed when he smiled at
me.
"I will make hanap food." He mimicked the way I talk. I pouted my lips. He made
tayo and I sunod him with my eyes. I was thinking that I should be thankful to him
because he saved me. I didn't know how to swim like if he didn't make me sagip, I'd
be the lunch of a pating under the sea. I sighed again. I looked at the ocean in
front of me and I realized how screwed I am. I am in the middle of nowhere with a
strange man with so much muscles in his katawan.

My eyes widened. What if he gets mad at me?! Oh my god! He will untog me to his
muscles and because he's not naliligo, I will die because he's mabaho! Oh m g!

He didn't get back agad but when he finally did, may dala siyang maraming bananas.
I wanted to make reklamo because it's bananas and whenever I eat bananas I feel
like I'm a minion but then why would I reklamo? I just have to be thankful that we
have something to eat. He gave me a banana and I thanked him. He also had some
coconut with him. He pukpok it with a big stone and it had a butas na. He gave one
to me.

"Wala tayong tubig, so bj bj lang tayo."

My eyes widened. "Like the fuck?!" I hissed. "I will not bj you and inom your sperm
cell even if I am going to die na!"

"Ano?!" Natatawang tanong niya sa akin. "Hindi blow job iyon! BJ as in BUKO JUICE.
Parang PJ sa Jollibee – Pineapple JUICE! Jusko kang babae ka! Kung ano-anong
iniisip mo!" He hissed at me. I pouted my lips and ate my banana. Then I looked at
him again.

"In my defense, I didn't know what it was. I'm as innocent as a flower. Plus, you
eat in Jollibee? Like that's pang-mahirap only! Are you mahirap?"

He sat in front of me.

"I'm mahirap but we're masipag so now, we have many ipon." He even rolled his eyes.

"Do not make me gaya! You're so nakakainis!"

"Eh bakit ba kasi ganyan ka magsalita? Por que mayaman kayo, ganyan ka na
magsalita? You can speak normal naman."

"I can speak normal but I got used to it na. Because in our home, Papa wanted us to
speak Filipino. I didn't speak Filipino until I am in Grade 7 no. Napilitan lang me
noon because I will fail the Filipino subject so Papa hired me a private tutor for
it. And then, my Mama, she talks like this. She always talks to me with this kind
of language and then, my brother Alele, he's a forme bakla, by the way, he talks
like this too. So, if you're naririndi to me, it's not my problem anymore."

He just shook his head. I looked at him and I smiled.

"By the way, I wanted to thank you for saving me. I didn't know how to swim and I'd
really die if you didn't save me. Thank you, Toto."

"Wala iyon. Kiss lang okay na ako."

"What?!"

Binato niya ako ng banana.

"Kumain ka na. Mamaya kailangan mo ng lakas kasi magtatayo tayo ng kubo." He said.
May nilabas siyang mini – knife. He smiled again. I just sighed.
"I'm wounded eh!"

"Kung di mo ako tutulungan, dito ka lang matutulog. H'wag kang papasok sa kubo ko."

"Like, duh? Hindi ka naman makaka-make ng kubo using that mini -knife!"

He just grinned at me and ate his banana and then he stood up na. I didn't make him
pansin. He's bahala na sa life niya.

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

Iyong simpleng Toto, kapag si Pan Vejar ang nagsasabi, nagiging Towhtowh. Hindi ko
nga alam kung matatawa ako sa kanya. Napakaarte niya. Iniisip ko tuloy ngayon kung
dapat ko ba siyang iniligtas. Samantalang mukhang magiging sakit lang siya ng ulo
ko. Iniisip ko ngayon, kung paano ako makakaalis dito sa isla na ito. Iniisip ko
lahat ng napanood kong pelikula tungkol sa pagiging stranded sa isang isla, naiisip
ko si Tom Hanks. Aabutin din kaya kami ng sampung taon dito o mahigit pa?

Iniisip ko iyong temptation island, iyong kinain nila iyonhg kasama nila dahil sa
sobrang gutom. Pero paano ko naman kakainin itong babaeng ito? Baka kapag kinain ko
iyong laman – loob niya, maging conyo rin ako at isa pa hindi ko maiisip na kumain
ng kapwa tao. Mortal na kasalanan iyon.

Nakailang balik na ako sa kasukalan para pumutol ng sanga – sanga ng mga puno.
Kahit paano alam kong makakabuo ako, kahit man lang iyong side ng kubo, para lang
may pahingahan ako habang nandito. Alam kong may sugat si Pan Vejar pero hindi
excuse iyon. She looks like she's a spoiled brat. Kung sabagay, anong aasahan ko sa
isang mayamang babaeng parang si Kris Aquino magsalita?

Ni wala nga siyang peklat sa katawan. Natitigan ko siya kanina, ang kinis ng mukha,
walang peklat sa binti o kahit sa braso, tapos ang pula nang labi kahit walang
lipstick. Habang itinatayo ko iyong kubo ay napangisi ako, naisip ko kasi iyong
gabi sa CLPH at kung anong lasa ng labi niya. Ang sarap ng labi niya –
pinakamasarap sa lahat ng babaeng nahalikan ko noon. Wala nang mas sasarap pa sa
labi niya, at sigurado na ako doon pero kung niyayamot niya naman ako, di bale na
lang. Bahala talaga siya sa buhay niya.

Napabuntong – hininga ako. Relo ko lang ang nadala ko, pati na rin itong swiss
knife ko. Wala akong nasagip na kahit ano sa gamit ko. Iniisip ko ngayon kung paano
ba biglang nagkaroon ng pagsabog sa barkong iyon. Pagmamay-ari ng isang kilalang
shipping lines iyong barkong iyon kaya napakahirap paniwalaan na basta na lang
magkakaganon. I sighed again. Alam kong nasabi ko kay Fonso kung anong barko ang
sasakyan ko. Inihatid niya ako sa terminal at nasabi ko iyon sa kanya bago ako
bumaba. Nabalita na kaya kami sa tv? Hinahanap na kaya ako ng pamilya ko? Kung
hinahanap na ako ng pamilya ko, sana hindi muna nila sinabi kay Mamang, mag-aalala
na naman iyon. Baka mag-iiyak na naman. Naalala ko noong mamatay si Papang, wala
siyang ginawa kundi ang umiyak nang umiyak. Alam ko kasi hindi ko siya iniwan noon.
I took care of her. Aminado naman ako na sa aming lahat, ako ang pinaka malapit sa
nanay namin. Tuwing may problema ako, si Mamang ang hinahanap ko.

Kapag uuwi ako sa bahay, bago ang lahat, hahanapin ko si Mamang, magmamano ako sa
kanya at hahalik. Iniisip ko pa lang ngayon na pwede siyang mamatay sa nerbyos ay
hindi na ako mapakali. Kailangan kong makabalik na sa Malolos. Ayokong mag-alala si
Mamang.

Sa kakaisip ko ay hindi ko napansin na natapos ko na ang ginagawa ko. Baging ang

ipinantali ko sa mga side ng kahoy. Tinakpan ko iyon ng dahoon ng saging at dahoon
ng buko. Medyo maaliwalas naman ang panahon at ayon na rin sa relo ko, alas tres
nang hapon na.

Nilagyan ko ng dahoon – dahon iyong loob ng kubo ko. Nakita kong nanood lang sa
akin si Pan Vejar. Maya-maya ay tumayo na siya at lumapit sa akin. Ngumisi ako.
Ngayon, makikusap siya sa akin na dito siya uupo. Huh! No one will sit inside my
kubo but my ass.

"Ano?" Sininghalan ko agad siya. Akala ko ay makikiusap siya sa akin na mag-stay sa

kubo ko pero nagulat ako nang bigla siyang sumimangot.

"I remembered my Mama. She might alala but then, I got sadder because I realized
that I am not Dione and they won't look at me because before I made sakay the
barko, Papa and I had a fight and I takwil myself. I told hm that I didn't want to
be his daughter anymore, and now, I am sad because no one will look for me."

I didn't know what to say to her. She looks as if she's gonna cry but she didn't.
What surprised me the most was when she smiled at me and said:

"Glad I took that out na! Like the fuck! Even though I drama-rama it will never
change the fact that I am not important to my family like fuck! What do I expect?!
Oh well, you have a kubo na. You stay here. I'll stay there naman and try to make
bantay the ocean 'cause a fisherman might see me and the it will take me back to
the city. Like now na!"

She turned her back on me and I found myself amazed and sad for her all at the same
time. Like why would she say that? Hindi pa siya pinapahalagahan sa pamilya niya?
Bakit naman ganoon ang naiisip niya? Mayaman sila diba? Kapag mayaman dapat masaya
sila dahil nakukuha nila ang lahat ng gusto nila. Hindi tulad kong normal na tao
lang, I have to work hard to get to where I am now and to have what I have and
since then, hindi na ako nagpahinga dahil kailangan kong mag-ipon, hindi lang para
sa sarili ko kundi para sa amin ng magkakapatid ko. Hindi naman kasi uso sa amin
ang pagdaramot. Lahat kami palaging handing tumulong sa isa't isa.

Naupo na ako sa loob ng kubo ko at tiningnan si Pan. She was sitting in the shore.
Yakap niya ang mga paa niya habang nangangatog ang mga balikat. Umiiyak siguro
siya, siguro natatakot siya o baka tulad ko, iniisip niya ang mga magulang niya. I
shook my head. Medyo nakakaawa pala ang mayayaman. Lumingon lang ako saglit at nang
muli akong mapatingin sa kanya ay nakatumba na siya sa dalampasigan. It was very
sudden kaya bigla rin akong napatayo.

Tumakbo ako papunta sa kanya at nang hawakan ko siya, noon ko naisip na ang taas
nang lagnat niya. Agad ko siyang dinala sa loob ng kubo ko at inihiga sa dahoon-
dahon. Nang itihaya ko siya ay nakita kong umiiyak siya.

"Mama... mama... mama..." She kept on saying. Napailing ako. Hinubad ko ang t-shirt
ko at binalot sa kanya. Agad akong naghanap ng bato, dahon at sanga para makagawa
ng apoy, iyon kasi ang kailangan niya. Init. Buti na lang talaga sumali ako sa boy
scout hanggang noong high school ako. Marami rin akong natutuhan.

Hindi nagtagal ay nakabuhay ako ng apoy. Bahagya kong inilapit si Pan roon
pagkatapos ay humiga ako sa tabi niya para ikulong siya sa katawan ko. She needed
warmth, Nanginginig kasi ang buong katawan niya. I have a bad feeling that it was
because of her wound.
Hindi ko pa naman alam kung paano gagamutin iyon. Nataamaan kasi siya noong
pabagsak na pole buti nahatak ko siya kundi, patay na siya ngayon.

"Mama... mama... please..." She kept on saying. I touched her forehea.

"Shhh... magiging okay rin ang lahat..." I whispered. Hinigpitan ko ang yakap ko sa
kanya.

CHAPTER 2
Getting to know you

Juan Antonio Birada's

Dalawang araw siyang nilalagnat at nilalamig. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko dahil
pakiramdam ko lalong lumalala ang sakit niya. Kung ano-anong dahon na nga lang ang
tinatapal ko sa noo niya at sa sugat niya para bumaba ang lagnat niya pero
nagchichills pa rin siya. Hindi ko na alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin. Ilang bj
na ang naipainom ko sa kanya pero hindi pa rin siya magaling.

"Mama... mama ko..."

Napapalatak ako habang gumagawa ako ng apoy. Tiningnan ko siya. Umiiyak na naman
siya. Bakit pakiramdam ko hindi siya masaya sa buhay na mayroon siya? Dalawang araw
na niyang tinatawag iyong Mama niya. Naisip ko tuloy iyong Mamang ko. Malamang
hinahanap na noon ako ngayon. Nag-alala na rin siguro ang mga kapatid ko. Hindi
kasi sanay ang mga iyon na hindi ako tumatawag sa bahay. Siguro ngayon, dalawang
araw na, baka hilong talilong na ang mga iyon. Malamang sumabog na sa balita ang
pagsabog ng barko. Sigurado akong hinahanap na nila ako. Kaya gagawin ko ang lahat
makabalik lang kami kaagad sa sibilisasyon at naniniwala akong si Pan Vejar ang
magdadala sa akin muli sa sibilisasyon.

Mayaman siya, kilalang tao ang pamilya niya. Alam kong sa ngayon ay hinahanap na
siya ng mga ito. I sighed again. Nilapitan ko siya. Sa totoo lang maganda itong si
Pan Vejar kaya lang baluktot ang dila. Naalala ko noong hinalikan ko siya, biglang
natuwid iyong pananalita niya. Mukhang nagulat rin siya sa mga sinabi niya noon
kaya siya tumakbo palayo.

I touched her forehed. Mainit na mainit pa rin siya.

"Hoy, Pan..." Sabi ko sa kanya. "Umayos ka na. Kapag magaling ka na, mas madali
tayong makakaalis dito." Huminga ako nang malalim tapos ay pinalitan ko iyong
dahong itinapal ko sa kanya. Wala akong makitang ibang tao sa lugar na iyon.
Malamang sa malamang wala talagang nagdadaan roon. Pero sigurado akong nasa
Pilipinas pa rin kami.

"Pan..." I touched her face again. I was thinking of a way I could do to help her
get better pero wala rin talaga akong alam. Sa sitwasyon naming ito, napakahirap
gumalaw. Nang mapansin kong kaunti na lang ang galaw niya ng panginginig ay
hinalikan ko siya sa noo at saka bumalik sa gawain ko. Kailangan ko nang magpa-
apoy. Magagabi na rin kasi. Sa loob ng tatlong araw ay wala akong ginagawa kundi
ang magpaapoy, manguha ng dahon- dahon na itatapal sa kanya. Hindi ko pa nasusuyod
iyong isla, hindi ko naman kasi siya maiwan.

"Dito ka lang, Pan. Susubukan kong manghuli ng isda." Sabi ko sa kanya. Kaninang
tangahli ay nakagawa ako ng matulis na sanga ng kahoy. Baka pwede kong magaya iyong
sa survivor, baka makahuli ako ng kahit ano. Tumayo ako sa may dagat. Mataman kong
tiningnan ang mga isda, hindi naman nagtagal ay nakahuli ako ng tatlo. Nilinis ko
iyon gamit iyong swiss knife ko at tinuhog sila sa sanga at saka inihaw. Habang
ginagawa ko iyon ay napansin kong nakadilat na siya.

"Okay ka na?" Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Umupo naman siya at saka niyakap ang mga tuhod.

"I thought it was just a dream." She told me. "Akala ko nakauwi na ako sa house
namin and that I am going to wake up in my bed but I'm still here." Napakalungkot
ng boses niya. I just smiled at her.

"Makakaalis rin tayo dito." I told her.

"What's that you're doing?" She asked me.

"Food." I showed her. Napangiti siya nang makita niyang isda ang niluluto ko.

"Glad it's not banana." She chuckled. Tumawa na rin ako. Nang maluto iyon ay
inilagay ko sa dahon ng saging at inilapag sa harapan niya.
I saw tears in her eyes.

"Huy, bakit ka umiiyak?"

"Nothing. It's just that I had never been so thankful for a fish." She smiled
again. "Thank you, Toto. Thank you for everything." Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang
may humaplos sa puso ko habang nagpapasalamat siya sa akin. Ngumiti na lang din ako
at kumain na. Hindi niya masyadong mahimay iyon, wala pa kasi siyang lakas, isa pa,
naiinitan siya siguro kaya iyong hinimay kong isda ay ibinigay ko na sa kanya.

"Here. Ako na diyan. Kumain ka na."

She smiled again. She started eating at habang kumakain siya ay naiiyak siya. "Ang
delicious ng fish mo, Toto. Like it's so sarap talaga and the fuck, I am crying."

Hindi ako komportableng may umiiyak na babae sa harapan ko kaya bigla na lang din
akong nagsalita.

"May mga kapatid ka diba? Kapatid mo iyong mang-aagaw ng dekada." Panimula ko. That
stopped her tears.

"Huh"

"Si Kairos Vejar."

"Oh, you know my Kuya? We're really close. Well, we sometimes fight but he's one of
my favorite persons in the world. When I was eighteen, the two of us went to
Universals Studios because we're both potterheads. That was his best gift ever. And
then when I turned twenty – one, he bought me my McLaren car and it was a blast!
Kairos is really sweet, it's just that he's a bit serious in life, especially when
it comes to his wife and kids."

"I hate him. Inagaw niya sa amin si Mary."

"Mary? Mariake? Are you kidding me? Wala siyang ni-take from you because it's had
always been the two of them. I'm really happy that he's happy now. I was a bitch to
Iake eh, like the fuck so so much bitchy but then, I started seeing her in a new
light when I realized how much my brother loves her. I mean, like, hindi naman siya
ila-love ni Kuya Kairos if she's a masamang person right like why would he do that!
He definitely see something good in her, like the fuck so much!" She started
laughing and then she looked at me.

"Ikaw, I saw your brothers. You were three right?"

"Apat kami. Lima kung hindi nakunan si Mamang. Ako iyong pangatlo." Paliwanag ko.
"Si Jufran iyong panganay, si Fonso, ako tapos si Pepe." Sabi ko pa. "Mahal na
mahal ko iyong mga iyon. Sabay-sabay nga kaming nagka-first time sa sex noon eh!"
Pagmamalaki ko. Tumawa naman si Pan. Kapag tumatawa siya, nawawala iyong mga mata
niya.
"Ang cute noon! I don't know when Kairos and Alele lost their virginities but I'm
sure hindi sila magkasama noon, 'cause like Kairos is straight and then Alele is a
bakla and then my Ate Amal is like so prim and proper and then there's my other
sister, the youngest, si Dione. She's like so kati kasi she gives away her pekpek
every time that's why I call her the pekpek giver."

Napabuntong – hininga na naman siya.

"You know, I don't know why I feel like it's okay to say these things to you, but
you know, Toto, I love my siblings so much. I love Ate Amal, but sometimes, I'm
nahihiya to her kasi I don't want her to alala me. And Kairos too, but he has his
own problems and my Alele, he's just starting his own life and then, si Dione sana
kaya lang I feel like she's pushing me away. You know when we were kids we used to
be really close. When it kulog and kidlat, we always sleep beside each other and
get through the night by holding each other's hand, but these days, she's acting so
weird and It makes me feel so robbed because I feel like I am losing my best
friend. She's my best friend kasi talaga – like we love, love love, each other but
she's pushing me away and then there's Papa, he always favors Dione. I don't know
why, but it's making me feel useless, like so much talaga."

Pinipigilan ko lang mapangiti sa mga pinagsasabi niya sa akin. I cleared my throat

and gave her a BJ. She said thanks. Share lang kami sa BJ ngayon kasi hindi pa ako
nakakakyat sa puno para makakuha ulit.

"Alam mo dapat maging magkaibigan na lang tayo eh." I suggested. Pan looked at me.

"I don't know."

"What?" I asked.

"I never had a mahirap na friend before and if we become friends, you're the first
mahirap na person in my friend list, but hey, there's always a first time for
everything. It's not like I have a choice. You're so swerte nga kasi I'm sure your
family is making you hanap na, while mine, I'm sure they didn't even notice that I
am gone."

A tear fell from her eyes.

"Why is it ganoon, Toto?"

"Ano?"

"Like we always want the love of those people who doesn't love us? It's so like
drama-rama but hey it's true."

Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko sa kanya pero ngumiti ako.

"Kung hindi ka man mahal ng taong mahal mo, ibig sabihin lang noon mas may
magmamahal pa sa'yo."

xxxx

Pan Vejar's
I was watching Toto as he gets some buko from the tree in the island. I don't get
why he's so domesticated like the fuck, I suddenly remember what Papa told me once,
the mahirap people cannot be minamaliit because they are so talented and these
mahirap na people helps the mayaman people to get to the top – like right now, I
understand what he's trying to tell me.
While I was watching Toto, I realized how much of a good person he is, like he took
care of me, kahit hindi naman niya ako kaano-ano. He saved my buhay and he makes
pagaling my wound and he took care of me while I have a lagnat. He's such a good
tao – like I like to keep him even if he's only mahirap.

When he got baba. I made salubong to him. I noticed that he had little sugat on his
biceps – maybe from getting the buko.

"Oi, look, you have tiny baby sugat!" I said while making turo his wound.

"Wala iyan, malayo iyan sa bituka."

"But it might get infected and then you'll patay and then, I'll patay too because I
can't survive here without you! Like what the fuck right! You're literally my buhay
right now!" I told him. He shook his head. Akala yata niya, I am joking, but I am
so not because I am so takot that he might wala and I might die.

My family won't hanap me, but I am counting on Toto. In his kwento, it seems like
he's very much loved by his family and I admire their family relationship. I know
mine loves me, but it's not enough for them to hanap me.

Maybe if I didn't takwil myself, Papa will look for me, but I did. Maybe by now
they're just thinking that I am somewhere and I am hiding myself. I sighed. But if
this happens to Dione, Papa will do everything just to get her back.
"Hindi ako mamamatay. Kagat lang ng lamok ito." He told me pa. He sat on the
buhangin and started making bukas the buko. I got excited because I am really
thirsty. I badly need some bj! I giggled at that thought.

"Anong iniisip mo?" He asked me.

"My family. I really miss them. Every day that I wake up here, I am really praying
talaga that I am already in my bed, but I am not, so I just thank God that we're
still alive even if my hair is messy and so tigas and my skin is so toasted na and
your hair is so kadiri na, but I always tell God that I am thankful for you, Toto."
I smiled at him. I don't know why I grew fond of this mahirap na guy, we've been
here for five days and ever since, I didn't feel alone. He makes sure that I am
okay.

"Like you're so madrama, Pan Vejar!" He mimicked the way I talk. I hampas his arm
but giggled. I helped him in opening the buko. After he opened one, he gave it to
me, after I drink the laman, he really opened the buko and the laman just came out.

"Oh! Can I kain that? I don't kain kasi things like this. Papa makes sure that I
only kain healthy and clean foods."

"So hindi ka pa nakakakain ng street foods?" He asked again.

"No! Like the fuck, so, so fuck! That's heap! I don't want to have a sakit in my
bato!"

"Alam mo paano kaya kung naging news caster ka o kaya man doctor tapos paano mo
sasabihin na may namatay. Sige nga!"

Hinampas ko ulit iyong arm niya.

"Tsk! You're making fun of me naman eh!" I hissed again. But I played along. I even
made a face. "Like, if I am a doctor and the patient is like namatay sa bugbog,
I'll tell them that Hey, Family, I am sorry but I have masamang news, like your son
or daughter was involved in an away and they tama their head and it was so lakas
that it made an impact to the ulo and kalog the brain and there was like, internal
bleeding, namuo that and that caused the patay of your kamag-anak. Like huhuhu."

When I looked at Toto, he was laughing hard. I saw his laway talsik pa nga. I made
sabunot his hair but he didn't stop laughing.

"You're so nakakainis na!" I said to him but of course it was only for show. I am
natutuwa rin naman kasi nagla-laugh siya like that's what we really need right now.
Kasi we're so lonely and like it's only him and me here so we have to amuse
ourselves.

Like kahapon, I sang so loud even though I have a masamang pakiramdam. I sang
Moana's song because I am missing my niece Ada. I miss her. I am really happy that
I get to spend time with her na ulit plus there's Xavi and Xhan and Iake is
teaching me how to change the diapers. I sighed again. Will Kuya Kairos look for me
kaya? Kahit sana siya lang. I silently pray that he noticed that I am now five days
missing with no calls or text. I hope he notices, he's my only hope.

"Oh, kainin mo na nga ito." Ni-give niya sa akin iyong white ng buko – like it's so
yummy pala. It's kinda sweet and juicy. He stood up.

"Are you gonna make huli the fish? Can you teach me how?" I asked him. He looked
back and nodded. I run to him and held his arm but I let go agad because I felt
awkward like why would I hold him – like I'm getting so close na to him! We're just
friends kaya.

We went to the dagat. I'm so glad that I wore my favorite tshirt dress and it's
like sira-sira na today, right now, but as long as I am comfortable, but if course
I worry because I'm like mabaho na, it's okay naman, because Toto's more mabaho but
I just don't mind it na lang 'cause like I have no other choice.

Nipa-hold niya sa akin iyong stick.

"You wait for the fish okay. Tapos kapag nakita mo na, tirahin mo."
He was behind me. I was kind of kinakabahan because he was behind me. I don't know
but all I could think about was how sexy his voice sounded behind my ear.

"Oh may isa, tira mo na."

I saw one. I made the tira and it was saksak agad. Like the fuck, I caught a
fucking fish and I am going to eat it!

I looked at Toto.

"Toto! I caught one!"

"You did! Congrats!"

I don't know what sapi to me but when he congratulated me. I jumped and kissed his
lips but it was only sandal because I realized what I did so I made layo, but he
sapo my waist and pulled me closer. Our eyes met and he took the stick from me with
the big fish and he kissed me like agad-agad.

My eyes widened. Am I attracted to Toto na ba? Like the fuck but he's kissing me. I
could taste his salty breath but I didn't mind. I suddenly loved the taste and I
kissed him back. I really think that he is a good kisser.

I had boyfriends before. I was kissed na sa lips but not like the way he kissed me.
If I kiss my boyfriends, it's just a smack but if before it deepens, I get away na,
but it's different with him because, I am pulling him closer pa.

"Ang sarap ng labi mo." He whispered in between. He pulled away and he was looking
at me.

"Ang sarap din ng lips mo." I whispered back. He grinned again and kissed my lips
again, this time, it's more deeper and hotter and I kissed him back too, just like
he way he's kissing me.
Like o m g!

CHAPTER 3
Saved

Pan Vejar's

"Toto, our breath stinks! Stop kissing me na! Like fuck! You're such a kissy
monkey!"

I hissed at him right after I hit his braso. We were lying on the buhangin and he
just kissed me while I am talking. He interrupted what I am saying just so he can
kiss me. It's okay naman, it's just that our breath stinks naman kasio. We don't
have sepilyo here in the isla. It's out seventh day already, and I am missing my
family. My wound is a little bit magaling na, but I noticed that Toto's tiny baby
sugat are so dami na – he said that it's mosquito bites. I wondered why I don't
have any of that, and then I realized why because when we tulog, he put his shirt
over me and then he hugs me so the lamok only bites his shoulder and his dibdib.
He's like so kawawa.

"Bored na ako eh!" He reklamo. I looked at him.

"And you think my lips is for your boredom?" My eyes widened. He just laughed.

"Hindi ah. Masarap iyong lips mo. Naisip ko nga kapag hindi na tayo mare-rescue
dito, aanakan na lang kita tapos gagawa tayo ng sarili nating sibilisasyon." I know
that he's only kidding but it made me sad. It's our seventh day and I really am
thinking that I don't matter to my family.

"Oh, why the sad face?" He asked me. I sat up. He did to. I hugged myself and
pouted my lips.

"I don't know..."

"Huh?"

I looked at him.

"I don't know if I wanna go back..." I really feel sad.

"Why is that?" Toto asked me again. I realized that he's good in using the English
Language. Nasabi naman niya sa akin naka-graduate siya ng college. Culinary iyong
course niya and I'm so happy for him 'cause he told me that his business is
boomin'. I giggled at that thought.

"Baliw." He said. I made laki my mata.

"I'm sad kaya no!"

"You keep talking like that no one will believe your sad."
"I don't like it when my family sees me sad so I never tell them what I feel
inside. My father thinks that everything is okay with me and it is. But most of the
times, I feel really sad and alone. Toto. 'Cause, Ate Amal is very busy at work and
her life, Kairos' too, Alele din and then si Dione she'sbusy training for the
Olympics. Equestrienne kasi siya. Papa is always busy with Mama. Nagde-date pa rin
kasi sila. They're taking care of each other kasi Papa is ill na, and Mama doesn't
let him out of her sight. So, everyone in my family has their own thing tapos ako,
I wanna be with them but I'm nahihiya kasi ako. Tapos now, I realize that even if
we seem close, we're not really close kasi look oh..."

"Where?" He asked.

"At me. I don't think I wanna go home."

"Why?"
"Kasi, Toto, I don't think I have a family to return to."

"Hindi iyan totoo. Ang pamilya kahit anong mangyari pamilya iyon. Parang kaming
magkakapatid lang. Hindi naman kami araw – araw magkasundo, siyempre nag-aaway din
kami pero dahil magkakapatid kami, we always work things out. Ganoon din dapat
kayo."

"Hindi naman kami nag-aaway. Alam mo, it's different between the mahirap na tao and
the mayaman na tao. We don't away, Toto. We have many things to do that we drift
apart and I feel like failure isn't accepted in out family. Kuya Kairos failed so
many times and he wa condemened by my siblings – well by me also." Sabi ko pa. "And
now, I realized that he did that for the family and I hated myself for questioning
him for a long time."

"We judge people. Nature natin iyon." He smiled at me. There's something really
about his smile that makes me feel good. Dunno if it was because we're the only
human in this island and were trapped in an artificial world but really, Toto,
helps me become sane.

So, I did the unthinkable. I cupped his face and kissed him kahit super stink nang
breath namin. I felt his hand on my waist. I am savoring his kisses because I feel
the need to – like it's so sarap. It's my favorite junk food right at this moment,
like tang ina, super duper duper sarap talaga.

His tongue lashed inside my mouth and I moaned, like I buka my bibig so much so he
can Stink French Kiss me kasi like so baho na out breaths but I can't help it naman
like so addicting right now.

He made me lay on the sand and he placed himself on top of me. He started tracing
my jawline with his basang lips. I noticed that he likes giving me basang kisses
every time. Like my tunog pa nga but whenever I hear the tunog, my utong gets tigas
like the fuck.

My eyes widened when he held my dede. I looked at him.

"Oh my god!" I hissed. "You hawak my dede!"

"Yes. It's so laki!" He giggled and dakma my right dede. He made it pisil and then
he paikot-ikto his thumb in my nipple and I like moaned kasi it's hot. We kissed
again while his kamay and daliri were on my dede. And I was a bit grinding pa like
the fuck so – so much. Parang ang sherep. But then he stopped.

"Hmmm, why ka nag-stop?" I asked.

"Did you hear that?" He asked.

"What?"

"May paparating." Sabi niya. Agad siyang nag-stand up and then he went near the
shore. I saw him jumping and then he turned to me. He was waving pretty badly and
when I went near him, I saw a boat. And my tears just started falling down. Habang
pa-near iyong boat, I saw the Philippine government seal on it. Then it stopped
near the shore and it made laglag some mini boats and seconds later, I saw three
men approaching, and then they stopped and they all run to Toto.

"To!" The other one shouted. I recognized the, they were his brothers. I saw them
in CLPH that night. "To! Toto!"

The one with the undercut run to Toto and hugged him tightly.

"Juan Antonio!" The other one said. Iyong may piercing sa nose. "Pinag-aalala mo
kaming putang ina ka!"

"Kuya!" Toto hugged the last one who approached them.

"Buti nahanap ka na naming. Uuwi na tayo, To. Nagluto si Mamang ng paborito mo.
H'wag ka na ulit sasakay sa barko."

I found the scene amusing but also sad. Buti pa si Toto, nahanap ng family niya,
while me, I might get stuck here for a pretty long time but no one will notice. I
found myself sitting on the shore remembering my Mama. I wiped my tears. I miss my
Mama, I know she misses me too, I hope she notice that I am gone. But even if she
does and if she told Papa about it already if Papa says that I takwil myself, no
one will ever look for me talaga.

I wiped my nose. I noticed that Toto and his brothers are walking towards me.

"Huy." Toto said. He smiled. "Pan, mga kapatid ko. Si Kuya Jufran, si Kuya Fonso at
ito si Pepe. Uuwi na tayo Pan. Isasama ka namin, hindi pwedeng iwanan kita dito."

"But I don't have a home to return to." I told them. Nagkatinginan pa sila. I
started crying like a little girl. I feel so sorry for myself

"You do. Ihahatid ka namin doon." Toto said again. I shook my head.

"You know, it was my birthday the day we rode the boat and I realized that my Papa
didn't know that and he didn't even look for me. I am useless to the family so why
would I go back to them? Clearly they can live without me. Filler lang naman ako sa
family ko. So, you can just go home, Toto. I'm happy for you but I'll stay right
here and wait for my death day."

I wiped my luha again. I envy Toto kasi kahit mahirap na person lang siya, he's
loved by his family. He's richer than I could ever be because he has love and
that's the one thing I can never have.

"Huy..." I heard someone mumble. "Huy, may barko pa."

"What?" I raised my head. There's another boat – a luxurious one. And then in the
sky, I could see two helicopters approaching. It has the Vejar Airlines seal on it.
My mouth parted.

"Wow!" Sabay-sabay na sabi ng mga brothers ni Toto. Toto smiled at me.

"Pa-grand entrance lang pala ang gimik ng family mo, Pan Vejar."
I stood up. There were three jet skis approaching. I walked slow and when I got
there, I recognized them.

"Panpan!"

It was Kairos and Alele and on the third jet ski was a medical attendee.

"Panpan!" Kairos called out. He run to me and hugged me tightly. I didn't know what
to do or say. He was crying but Alele was crying harder.

"Are you okay?" Kairos cupped my face. "Are you hurt? Are you sick?"

Hindi ako makapag-talk.

"May sugat ka, Panpan." He said. He was crying while checking on me. "I'm sorry
that I am too late, Pumpkin. I'm here now, and I am taking you home."

"Uuwi na tayo, Panpan." Alele told me. He held my hand.

"Where's Papa?" I asked them.

Kairos looked over my shoulder and that was when he realized who I am with.

"What are you doing here?"

"Toto saved me. He's the long haired one. I am grateful for him. Spare him. Where's
Papa?" I asked again. Alele was the one who answered me.

"He's at home. Dione had---"

I shook my head and cried. Up until now, I just couldn't understand why. I am going
to live this island who seemed to be homier than that house were my parents are.
Kairos carried me. I looked at Totoand waved at him.

"See you, Pan Vejar!" He waved goodbye. I rested my head on Kairos' chest and
cried. All I want is my Papa but I think that's too much to ask. 

CHAPTER 4

Morning After

Pan Vejar's

"She is dehydrated, her blood sugar is low, her bp is low, she has intestinal
infection. Her wound is infected too but her life isn't in danger. She just has to
get treated, so she'll be staying in this hospital for some time. But other than
that, Mr. Vejar. Your sister is okay."

Kairos thanked the doctor who checked me up. I am lying on a bed, with swero on my
left arm. Alele was holding my right hand while touching my forehead. I was looking
at him. He was crying but his stare is kind of reassuring me that everything will
be okay. I smiled.

"What happened to you?" He asked me. I just shrugged. I didn't want to make kwento
because I'm tamad. I wanted to know more about what happened to Toto. Where na kaya
is him? I wanna know if his brothers took him to the hospital too. I sighed again.

"Do you have an idea what happened to Toto? You know, the mahirap na lalaki in the
island with me? He's a friend now. He's the first mahirap na friend in my list."

"You don't have to know about him." Kairos spoke. I looked at him din. He sat on my
left side and held my other hand. "Pumpkin, you're safe now. You're home and that's
the most important thing right now."

"But, Kairos, he's a friend. He made me alaga in that island while I was sick. I
got sick. Like my lagnat is so taas and he gave me food! He helped me langoy! You
know I can't swim and he sagip my buhay! He also gave me lots of BJ so I can
survive."
And just like that, Kairos' eyes widened and he stood up. He growled at my face.
Alele went to his side and try to kalma him.

"What did he made you do?!"

I didn't know why he's acting like that but when I realized what I said. I laughed
like – so malakas.

"Why are you so galit? BJ is Buko Juice! God, Kuya! You're so malibog when nag-
iisip." I stopped laughing because I saw blood on my swero. I pouted my lips. "Ih!
Until when are you going to keep me here? I wanna go h—" I stopped talking. I don't
want to go home. Papa will be there. He didn't come to fetch me so I don't get to
come home. It means that he's payag when I takwil my sarili. I cannot live with Ate
Amal because Waldo – the mananabas is living with her. I cannot live with Kairos
kasi he's like trying to bawi to Iake. I can live with Elisha and Alele, they would
want that but I'm nahihiya so I'd rather live in my studio apartment. I have a tiny
unit in the Vejar Towers. I can live on my own naman. Like I already did that when
I was in Milan and studying.

"I will go home to my unit in The Vejar Towers after I am done here."

"No." Alejandros said. "Mama will be here later and she said you'll make uwi to the
mansion and she will take care of you when the doctors cleared you."

"Like no. I can very well take care of myself." I told Alejandros. He was about to
make salita when the door opened and my face lit up when I saw Alba, Eros and Ada
coming in. Eros had a bouquet of roses and I was sure it was for me.

"Hello, Tita!" Eros said.

"Awww! You're so sweet!" He climbed to my bed and he kissed me. I saw Alba making a
face.
"Like eww. Did you see that Ada. Eros kissed Tita Pan. Did she take a bath already?
Tita Mariake said she was in that island for seven days. There's no bathroom
there."

My mouth parted. Ada spoke.

"Okay lang naman di siya nagligo basta okay na si Tita Panpan. I miss you Tita
Panpan." Ada climbed to the bed to kiss me too. Alba stood there she sighed.

"I will kiss you, Tita Pan after you take a bath, okay? But I am glad to see you
again po."

"At least nag-po siya." Sabi ni Alejandros sa akin. I just giggled.

"Oh look, you have freckles." Ada made turo my freckles in my cheeks. "Ang dami po!
Papa parehas po kami ni Tita may ganyan din po ako sa shoulders!" She giggled.
Maya-maya nag-open ulit iyong door. Mariake and Elisha came in. Mariake's fully
made up.

"Hi, Pan! Glad to see you. Sorry, kanina pa dapat kami. I just came from a
photoshoot."

"Ah! That's why Kuya's nakasimangot. Did you wear a bathing suit? Say yes! Say yes
so Kuya will be asar."

Mariake's face turned red. Naka-coat siya tapos I can see her beautiful olive green
dress with lace details inside that coat.

"Who made your dress! Can I see it without the coat?"

"It's François who made the dress. The photoshoot involved all the Beauty Queens of
the decade."

Ohhh! I smiled when I heard the word decade. I remembered Toto and the way he
called Kuya.

"You're the mang-aagaw ng dekada!" I turo him.

"What?"

And then I remembered that Mariake is friends with the Birada Brothers.

"Mariake!" I called her. "You're friends with the Biradas right?! Do you know Toto
Birada?! The mahirap na guy with long hair and muscles and who's really good at
making kuha the Buko and biyak – biyak the buko, like bagong biyak na buko like
that?! Si Toto!"

"Of course. I know all of them."

"Great! Can you contact them? Any of them 'cause I really need to know what
happened to Toto! He saved me kasi and he gave me a lot of BJ so I can survive!"

"Huh?" Mariake's face was full of uncertainty. She looked at Kairos. "What?"

"Basta! Can you call them? Please!"

"I WILL HAVE SOMEONE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO TOTO!" Kairos said. Medyo high ang
voice niya na ikina-startle ko at ni Ada.

"Papa are you galit?" Little Ada asked her father.

"No! I'm not a violent person, Ada. I'm not mad."

"But it seems like you are mad, Uncle Kairos." Alba insisted.

"I am so not! I'm going to call my assistant! Stop asking Iake for favors like
that, Pan!"

He left. Mariake went after him. Elisha sat on the chair that Kairos was sitting on
kanina. She held my hand.

"Akala ko kung napaano ka na." Sabi niya to me. "You didn't call the me noong
Thursday, akala ko naggala ka lang kasi birthday mo eh. Don't scare me like that
again! Iyong cake sa bahay, na-spoil na. Kinain na ni Eros. Hindi mo man lang na-
blow iyong candles." Naiiyak pa si Elisha.

"Right." Alejandros spoke. "Birthday mo noong Wednesday! O M G! We have to

celebrate!"

"Oh no! It's okay! I celebrated it in the barko. It was a blast! Literally! Like it
sunk!" I laughed really loud. The door opened again and Ate Amal with Mama came.
Ate Amal was crying when she entered the kwarto. She hugged me agad and cried a bit
louder.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" She said to me. I just smiled. She gave way to Mama.
Mama sat on the bed and touched my hair.

"I felt it. I had my assistant looked for you everywhere but I didn't realize
you'll be in that boat, Pan. I thought you were in Scotland or Prague because the
last time, you told me that you wanted to come there for your birthday."

"Okay lang po, Mama. I'm alive. There's no need for tears, like fuck."

"We will celebrate your birthday the moment your doctors cleared you, alright?"

"No need naman na po. It's not my birthday anymore. And if we celebrate it pa, it's
just a waste of time and money."

"That's not true, Pan." Alejandros said. "We have a lot of money."

"But we don't have a lot of time." I told him and it made him shut up. "I'm okay,
Mama. Really you shouldn't be here right now. Papa's not here, he might look for
you in the bahay."

"He's with your Uncle Popoy and Hades. They have a meeting right now with the
investors and the board members. Yesterday, your Papa took Dione to Soul. May laban
ang kapatid mo."
"I'm okay. You don't need to explain. Really. Papa is a very busy person. Ate, I
think you should take Mama home. It's late na rin naman."

"Anong late? It's only four in the afternoon." Elisha said.

"Exactly. Dinner is at seven. Papa might be in the house na."

"Pan, I am your mother." She told me. "Ako ang masusunod dito. Your siblings can
come home but I will stay here."

I can here Alba from the background telling Ada something.

"See, Lola Gianna is galit. Tita Pan kasi is tigas ulo."

Ada being so innocent said. "But why doesn't she want to celebrate her birthday? I
would want a birthday, Ate Alba. Tita Pan should want that too."

"It's complicated being an adult, Ada. So, I sometimes wish I am like Peter Pan."

"You're bakla too, like Tita Alele."

I looked at my nieces. I giggled. I don't want to make pansin my Mama because she's
galit to me but that doesn't mean I want her to stay. Really, I am okay being alone
here this night. Kairos came back with Iake. She changed na from the dress to her
regular casual dress. They were holding hands.

"Pan, your friend Toto is at the hospital too. Pero nasa ibang ospital siya. He's
being treated."
"He should! He has so many tiny baby sugat 'cause he's being kagat by the lamok
while he's sheltering me from the lamok until I wake up. He's a good person talaga
and he's like very much in love with Mariake. Like fuck!"
"You shouldn't be friends with that kind of people."

"Why? Kasi they call you the mangaagaw of the dekada?"

Mariake giggled.

"Basta!"

"Ma, aalis na kami." Sabi bigla ni Elisha. "May school po iyong mga bata bukas."

"Yes, Ma." Sabi pa ni Alele. He kissed me sa noo. "I will come back tomorrow
morning. Anong gusto mong food? Bawal ang dairy products na sa'yo."

"Just fruits then." I smiled again.

Isa-isa na silang nag-alisan. Mama and Ate stayed. Ate sat on the couch. She was
texting. I know she was making Waldo kamusta. He's in the States now. Mama was on
the other side, she was staring at me.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, Pan." She said to me. "Were you scared?"

"No. Well, yes. I really thought I'll patay na. But Mama, Toto saved me and he took
care of me."

The door opened and my heart stopped beating when I saw Papa coming in. Kasama niya
si Tito Hades and si Percy.

"Panpan!" Percy yelled. Mama made bawal 'cause he's like so ingay.

"Hi!" He hugged me. May dala siyang teddy bear na small. He put that in my kama.

"Hello, Pan. Glad to see you're okay." Tito Hades said. I made mano to him. Papa
stood there smiling at me.
"Are you okay?" He asked me.

"I'm good."

"Great. I was worried."

"It's okay. You don't have to be. I'm good Papa. You can go home na."

"Pan, kararating lang ng Papa mo dito."

"I thought kasi he has a lot of things to do. Like when I was missing it took him a
lot of time before he noticed." That slipped. Ate Amal stood beside me agad.

"We looked for you, Pan." Papa said.

"After five days? I heard Alele kanina. It's okay, really. It's my fault because I
takwil myself and clearly it was okay for you so you didn't look for me."

Tito Hades suntok Papa's arm. "Noong nalaglag ka sa bangin, hapon pa lang hinanap
ka na namin! It took you five days before you look for you own daughter, Zeus
Alejandros! What the fuck is wrong with you man!"

"No, Tito, it's my fault. Papa and I away." I explained. "I takwil myself."
"And why would you do that?" Mama asked me.

"It was all in the past now. But yeah, Dione and I had an argument because of some
of the materials used in her designs, she got mad and was a brat so she put glue
all over my already finished dresses. She literally ruin everything. That's why the
fashion show was cancelled. And I confronted her but, Papa find out and of course,
it's my fault that Dione was upset, he scolded me and I got tired of all the BS so
I takwil myself. Really, I'm not mad you didn't look for me sooner, I am actually
amazed."
I laughed loudly to hide the pain and the tears.

Mama was crying na.

"Zeus naman eh!" She said to Papa. "Alam mo man lang bang birthday noong anak mo
noong lumubog iyong barko ni Popoy?!"

He didn't say anything.

"Tia's dead but I don't forget her birthday."

"It's okay, Mama. I am okay. Don't be galit to Papa." Ate Amal made pisil my
balikat.

"I looked for her the day after." Mama explained. "I thought she pulled another
Cambodia again, so I sent Tina to look for her name in the flight list! Zeus naman
eh!"

"Gianna, pinagalitan ko si Pan dahil napahiya si Dione sa office nila."

"Oh! Was that it, Papa?" Ate Amal said. "Paano naman iyong napahiya si Pan sa mga
investors ng kompanya namin just because Dione is a brat?"

"Don't talk about her like that Amalthea."

"Just please, uwi na all of you." I told them. "It's okay if I am alone. I am used
to being alone, Ma, Pa, Ate."

They all fell silent. Mama Gianna left the suite crying. Papa went after her. Tito
Hades kissed me on my forehead and then he left too. Sumunod si Percy. I was left
alone with Ate.

"Ikaw? Uwi na you."

"Remember? You took care of me two weeks ago in CLPH, I am staying here.
Ate touched my face and I just lost it.

"He doesn't love me..." My balikat is so nanginginig. Ate Amal hugged me.

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"WELCOME HOME FUCKBOI!"

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako sa banner na nilagay ng mga ugok kong kapatid sa
bahay namin. May home coming party pa silang nalalaman hindi naman kailangan iyon.
Masaya lang ako at kaasama ko na ulit silang lahat – lalo na si Mamang.
Nakita ko si Mamang na may dalang cake at nakatayo sa gitna ng mga kaibigan namin.
Agad ko siyang nilapitan at niyakap.

"Mang! I miss you!" Pinugpog ko siya nang halik. Naiyak si Mamang. Kinuha ni Pepe
ang cake dahil baka nga naman maibagsak niya pa iyon. Nanginginig si Mamang.

"Akala ko hindi na kita makikita. Tarantadong bata ka kasi! May pasakay-sakay ka pa

sa barko! Alam mo namang may balat ka sa likod mo at sinabi ko na sa'yo noon na
mag-iiwas ka sa tubig dahil tinatawag ng balat mong iyan ang dagat!" Iyak siya nang
iyak habang nakayakap ako. Hindi ko na lang pinansin iyong sinabi ni Mamang.
Matandang paniniwala na kasi iyon.

Si Papang, kaya pinag-resign ni Mamang sa pagsusundalo kahit na naghiwalay na

silang dalawa, palagi daw kasi napapaniginipan ni Mamang na nabaril si Papang sa
may dibdib, may balat si Papang doon, may paniniwala kasi ang pamilya namin na kung
saan ang balat mo, iyon ang magiging dahilan ng kamatayan namin, si Pepe, may balat
sa pwet kaya naisip kong baka mamatay si Pepe sa kakatae.
"Ay, Mang!" Sabi ni Kuya Jufran. "Tama na iyang drama! Kumain na tayo! Nandito na
iyong Tarantoda Boys mo! Namiss ka nila!" He laughed. Ginulo niya iyong buhok ko
tapos ay umakbay rin sa amin. Si Kuya Fonso ay binigyan ng camera iyong isa sa mga
toda boys ko tapos tinawag si Pepe.

"Magpicture muna tayo! Pe, kunin mo iyong picture ni Papang! Family picture tayo!"

And we did take another family picture with Papang's picture with us. Matapos iyon
ay nagkainan na kaming lahat. Maraming mga bisita, iyong mga kababata namin pati na
rin iyong ilang suki sa businesses namin. Lahat ng luto ay iyong paborito ko.

Masaya naman ako, kaya lang, naiisip ko si Pan Vejar. Hindi ko makalimutan iyong
huling sinabi niya sa akin bago kami umalis nang isla. Iyong ayaw niyang umuwi kasi
hindi niya alam kung may pamilya pa siyang babalikan. Isa pa, gusto kong malaman
kung okay lang ba siya. Ako kasi nagkaroon ng infection sa dugo. Pagdating ko sa
ospital, nag-chills ako kaya halos dalawang araw rin ako doon. Nadaan naman ako sa
gamot. Nagtaka pa nga ako kung bakit hindi ako nagkasakit sa isla, naisip kong
parag iniadya talaga kasi kung pati ako may sakit, walang mag-aalaga kay Pan Vejar.
Siguro pareho kaming napahamak na.

Medyo lumayo ako sa kanila. Naupo ako sa pasimano ng teraa namin at pinanood ang
mga taong naglalakad sa labas ng bahay.

"To, bukas daw gugupitan ka ni Kuya Fonso. Iti-trim lang naman niya." Tumabi sa
akin si Pepe. Inakbyan niya ako. Dalawang taon ang tanda ko sa kanya.

"To, nag-sex kayo noong kasama mo sa isla?"

"Ulol! Hindi! Pero naghalikan kami kahit walang sepisepilyo." Pagmamalaki ko. Pepe
made a face.

"Siya iyong nagtanong sa akin kung kumakain daw ako ng Pepe. Hindi niya lang alam!
Marami na akong pepeng nalawayan!"

"Ang bastos mo! Gago!" Tawa ako nang tawa. Na-miss ko rin naman ito.

"Pero seryoso. Noong nanood kami noong balita kinagabihan, kinutuban na ako agad –
hindi ko pa alam noon na iyon ang barkong sinakyan mo. Sinabi lang ni Kuya Fonso
noong nauwi na ako. Alalang-alala kami!" Kwento niya. "Nanghingi ng tulong si Kuya
Jufran doon kay Maria Juana, kasi diba, pulitka iyong tatay noon. Tapos tinulungan
naman tayo. Kaya nahanap ka namin! Laking tuwa ko noong malaman kong may tao daw sa
isla na iyon. Iyak si Mama nang iyak."
"Masaya ako nakauwi ako. Na-miss kita Pepe." Sabi ko pa sa kanya. Inakbayan ko ang
kapatid ko tapos ay huminga ako nang malalim. Kamusta na kaya si Pan Vejar?

May Trailblazer na pumarada sa tapat ng bahay namin. Mula roon ay bumaba si Maria
Juana at ang Papa niya. Agad na lumabas si Kuya Jufran para salubungin ang mga
bisita.

"Senator!" Bati ni Kuya Jufran. "Juana."

"Mary Jane nga!"

"Maganda iyong Juana, anak." Sabi noong Tatay niya.

"Senator, iyon po iyong kapatid ko."

Tumayo ako para makipagkamay sa kanya.

"Maraming Salamat po." Sabi ko pa.

"Wala iyon. Mabuti at nakauwi ka na! Naayos na ba ang mga legalities na kailangan?"

"Ano pong legalities?" Tanong ko.

"Idedemanda ang Vejar Shipping Lines, Mr. Birada. At isa ka sa mga taong iyon. Kaya
nandito ako kasi kakausapin kita."

Napakunot ang noo ko.

CHAPTER 5

Sweetest Thing

Pan Vejar's

"Eat up, Pan. You need that for energy. For getting better."

I smiled at Ate Amal. She was the only one who stayed and I am very glad that she
did. This is my third day at this hospital – and I am really complaining because I
really want to go home – although I can't call my unit a home but it's close to
what I have. Like fuck, I can be palagay here in the hospital. I need to get my ass
working para naman maka make bawi ako to the investors. Like so, so much.

"Ate, how much did we lugi because of my delayed fashion show?"

"Don't think about that, Pan." She said calmly. "Everything is okay and we aren't
lugi the most important thing is that you are here and you are safe."

"Hi everyone!" Kairos entered my suite. He's with Ada. Naka-school uniform pa ang
niece ko. Like she's so cute talaga with her chubby cheeks and full bangs, like so,
so much talaga! Like nakakalokang cuteness overload

"Hello, Tita Pan! I brought you some get well soon card and also, Kuya Rem and Rom
are praying for your recovery!"

"Hey, there cutie pie! Can I get a kiss?"

Ada climbed the bed and kissed my cheeks. She rested her ulo on my shoulders and
played with my hair.
"Pan, Mama told me you didn't want to go home." Kairos started. I rolled my eyes. I
am not having this conversation with him.

"I won't go home there. Did you see Papa when he came here? It was as if he was
just visiting a friend. You two, know so well that I have issues with how Papa
treats me. I don't think he likes me that much so I won't be going home to that
bahay. I'll be going to my unit in the Vejar Towers. I can live like mag-isa naman
eh."

"You can live with me." Ate Amal offered.

"Like duh! I don't want to live in the same house as Waldo."

Kairos looked at Ate. "You're living with Waldo Gallo?!"

"Yes. Is there any problem with that, Kairos?" Ate asked him. Mukhang napa-stop to
think si Kairos. I like, grinned at him and then made a face.

"No. I am just saying that she can live with us." I am amazed by the offer.
"Mariake said you can stay with us as long as you like. She already set up your
room."

"Really?!" I wanted to cry. "Like can I have friends over, Kairos?"

"Sure, pumpkin." He smiled.

"Can I like call Toto Birada and have him over to your house?"

"No!" He growled. Ada was nagulat. She looked at her father.

"Papa's galit."

"I am not. I'm just saying that you cannot have guys over my house. Makikita ng mga
bata, anong iisipin nila?"

"But Toto is friends with Mariake."

"No! She is not!"

"Why are you always galit ba, Kairos? Like you're always high blood! You better
ingat – ingat 'cause your ugat in the head might putok – putok!"

"Ay! Parang si Tito Pol po sabi po ni Tito Achill may putok po!"

I laughed really hard after hearing what the little girl had to say.

"Papa, can I stay here pa? I miss Tita Pan!"

"You can. Iiwanan kita kasi susunduin ko si Mama sa office niya." Kairos smiled at
his daughter. Like, maya-maya umalis na siya and all that. He promised to buy
pasalubong for Ada and I. I'm so happy because he said that he's gonna buy me
Starbucks! Like I missed it so much na!

"Ate, what's the balita with the Shipping Lines?"

"There is a case against the Vejar Shipping Lines. Sabi some people in the
government are behind it."

My eyes widened.

"Like fuck?! Why? Are they insinuating that Uncle Popoy is responsible for what
happened? Like they didn't know ba that I am a Vejar and that I am one of the
victims? He doesn't want to make me pahamak! Why are they suing him?!"

"It happened na rin naman before, remember when three planes in the Airlines
exploded? They sued us, too but Kairos did a great job kaya hindi nainfiltrate ng
government ang Airlines natin. They are also doing that now. Kairos and Alele are
helping Uncle Poy. You don't have to worry." Ate reassured me. I sighed. I looked
at the window and I suddenly alala Toto. I wondered what he's doing now. Like is he
okay ba? I hope he is.
But right now, I want to talk to Uncle Popoy. I wanna make sure that he's okay too
because I realized that I'm not the only affected one here but also him. I sighed
and sighed again.

I realized so many things while I am away. One of those is that the world doesn't
revolve around me, that there are many other factors affecting all the people
around me, like is Iake, affected siya sa mga naganap with us, but she's like not
minding us, and then si Ate Amal, affected siya sa nangyayari kasi she's the Ate
and she gets hurt every time we fight or we're upset and then si Papa, maybe he's
just always busy and I should just be thankful that I am his daughter kahit na
hindi niya ako palaging pinapansin kasi like, baka he's just busy and maybe he's
really taking care of Dione because she's the bunso and all and the bunso gets to
have a lot of attention because they need it more. Plus, Dione is my sister, I
should never be madamot to her.

Another visitor came in. This time, it's Papa. He was holding a bouquet of flowers
and I was so sure it was for me because he was all smiles.

"Hello Pa." Sabi ni Ate. She kissed him. He made lapit to me and gave me a kiss on
the forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me.

"I'm good. I wanna go out of this place, Papa. Can I? Can I?"

"But the doctors haven't cleared you yet, Pan. You should stay here until you are
cleared."

I smiled. "Papa, I'm sorry." I told him. "For acting the way I did last time. Bati
na po tayo ha." He made gulo my buhok.

"I'm sorry too for what I said before you left, Pan. I was just mad. You are loved,
okay?"

I nodded. I hugged him tightly. I miss my Papa. I really do, like so so much
talaga.

"Papa, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, Kiddo. What is it that you need?"

"Can you like make hanap Toto Birada? He was the one who took care of me in the
island. Kairos said he's gonna take care of it but until now, he's not saying
anything naman, can you?"

"Sure." He kissed me again in my forehead.

"Bati na sila." Ate Amal said. I smiled. I am now, happy. But still I am not going
home.
xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Ang hindi ko maintindihan bakit isasama ako hindi naman ako nasaktan masyado, saka
pwede ba iyon? Nasaktan rin naman si Pan Vejar ha!"

Kasalukuyan kong kausap si kuya Jufran. Nasa likod bahay kaming dalawa at nagwo-
work out. May sarili kasi kaming gym, maliit lang iyon at may ilang equipment lang.
Nagbubuhat si Kuya samantalang ako ay naglalakad sa treadmill. Ayaw niya akong
magbuhat dahil baka daw mabinat ako. Tatlong araw pa lang iyong nakakalipas mula
nang makauwi ako, ni hindi na nga ako nilalagnat, pero kung alagaan nila ako parang
bata pa rin ako.

"Hindi naman ganoon iyon. Million ang naging halaga nang pinsala saka maraming
nabiktima. Sa pagkakaalam ko, sasagutin noong mga Vejar ang lahat ng kailangan
noong mga nabiktima at iyong may mga malalang kondisyon. Very accommodating naman
sila. Mabait kausap. Napapanood ko iyong mga balita sa kanila."

"Hindi mo ba naisip na baka tinulungan ka nila dahil baka may hidden agenda sila,
Kuya Jufran?" I asked. Him. Hindi naman kasi maganda ang pakiramdam ko kay Senator.
Oo, mabait siyang kausap pero parang may laman ang bawat sinasabi niya lalo na
noong ang pinag-uusapan ay si Zeus Vejar. Sa pagkakaalam ko, sa pag-stalk ko kay
Pan Vejar sa mga social media accounts niya ay si Zeus Vejar ang Papa niya. Para
kasing ay lamang galit ang tinig ni Senator.

"Hindi naman siguro. Isa pa, bukal sa loob niya ang pagtulong. Public servant
iyon."

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Basta hindi ako sasali sa demanda. Naalala ko kasi si Pan,
mabait naman siya at kung magkakaroon ako ng pagkakataong makita siya, pupuntahan
ko siya at dadalawin tapos ise-celebrate ko ang birthday niya. Gusto kong malaman
kung saan ko siya matatagpuan. Habang naglalakad ako sa treadmill ay bigla kong
naalala si Mary.

"Hipag ni Pan Vejar si Mary!" I exclaimed. Napatingin sa akin si Kuya.

"Oo. Diba nga't iyong mang-aagaw ng dekada ang sumundo sa kanya kasama iyong
baklang sumabunot kay Luis Arandia noon?"

"May number ako ni Mary!" Napansin kong nakairap na sa akin si Kuya pero hindi ko
siya pinansin. Nag-text ako kay Mary. Nangamusta tapos sinabi kong napakaganda niya
– na mas maganda siya kaysa sa umaga o sa kahit anong oras sa araw. Pagkatapos ay
tinanong ko kung anong nangyari kay Pan at kung nasaan ito. Matapos ang thirty
minutes ay sumagot na siya.

From: Mary <Miss Universe ng aking Buhay>

Sorry, Anton, Late reply, may sakit kasi ng baby ko. Si Pan, she's in the Varres
Medical City. Okay naman siya pero pinag-stay siya ng doctors kasi may intestinal
infection siya. How are you? I hope you're good. Update me about your condition.

"Uhhh! Tang ina gusto ni Mary na i-update ko siya sa condition ko!"

"Ano ba?" Wika ni Kuya Jufran. "Mag-move on ka na. May asawa na iyong tao."

"Bakit? Naka-move on ka na? Nag-stranded lang ako sa isla naka-move on ka na?!

Bakit, kayo na ba ni Monaliza?" Tudyo ko kay Kuya. Si Monaliza ay iyong kababata
naming matagal nang patay na patay sa kanya na halos pag-alayan na siya ng panty ay
hindi niya pa rin pinapansin.
"Ulol! Anong Monaliza! Hindi na oy! Magpapakabaog na lang ako!"

"O? Kundi si Monaliza malamang si Juana iyong anak ni Senator!"

"Mas lalong hindi! Tang ina mo! Hatakin ko itlog mo!" Pagbabanta niya. Pulampula
ang mukha ni Kuya. Malamag naka-move on na nga siya may Mary pero ayos lang iyon,
mas mabilis silang maka-move on, mas kaunti ang kalaban ko.

Pero binalik ko ang isipan ko kay Pan. Kailangan ko siyang madalaw. Gusto ko ring
i-celebrate ang birthday niya. Naalala ko kasi kung gaano siya kalungkot noon.
Hindi ako komportable na naaalala ko ang malungkot niyang mukha. Gusto ko iyong
nakangiti lang siya.

Kaya nang hapong iyon, nagplano ako. Pupuntahan ko si Pan bukas at dadalawin siya.
Sa totoo lang nami-miss ko iyong aline niyang pagsasalita.

The next morning, hiniram ko ang kotse ni Kuya Fonso. Kasama ko si Pepe, dalawa
kaming dadalaw kay Pan, nasabi ko kasing hipag ni Pan si Mary kaya umepal na naman
ang bulbuling ito.

When we got there, tinawagan ko na kaagad ang mga kausap ko. Hindi naman lumipas
ang kinse minutos ay dumating na sila.

Dumating na iyong may malaking mata, bibig na lagging nakatawa, lakad ay kakaiba –
kumekendeng-kendeng pa!

Ang sabi kasi niya sa akin noon, hindi pa siya kumakain sa Jollibee kasi daw
pangmahirap iyon. Nag-order ako ng pagkain roon, limang bucket ng chicken joy,
chocolate sundae, tapos iyong masarap na peach mango pie. Ang sabi ni Mary ay nasa
sixth floor si Pan. Room 6213. Excited ako. Nang makarating kami roon ay biglang
napahinto si Pepe.

"To, gwapo na ba ako? Baka makita ako ni Mary na pangit ang dyahe kasi noon."

"Ulol!" Sabi ko. "Umayos ka nga at kahit kailan hindi ka magiging gwapo! Mukha ka
lang pwet ko! Umayos ka! H'wag mong lalandiin si Mary sa harapan ko! Mahiya ka sa
akin!" Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Kumatok ako sa pinto at pumasok na.
Pinauna ko ang mascot. Narinig ko ang boses ng isang bata.

"Oh! Mama! May baboy!"

"Hindi baboy iyan, Ada!" May nagsabi pa. Sumunod akong nagpakita – dala ko iying
red ribbon na celebration cake. Kakanta sana ako ng happy birthday nang mapansin
kong napakaraming tao roon.

May dalawang lalaking halos magkahawig na may green na mata na nakaupo sa couch,
katabi nila iyong batang babaeng may full bangs. Iyong dalawang pares na magkatabi,
sigurado akong iyon ang mga magulang ni Pan. Naroon rin iyong kambal na nakasapakan
namin sa CLPH noong nakaraang gabi at iyong lalaking nagpatumba kay Paolo Arandia.
May dala siyang cupcake na iniaabot niya kay Pan.

"Towhtowh!"

At siyempre, naroon ang mang-aagaw ng dekada. At katabi niya ang Miss Universe ng
buhay ko. Agad siyang tumayo.

"Ma! Pa! That's Towhtowh! He's the one who made alaga to me in the island! He gave
me lots of BJ!"
"What the fuck!" Sigaw noong Papa niya.
"Like Papa, BJ is buko juice. Just fucking chill! Towhtowh! I missed you!" I smiled
back.

"Hi Anton." Sabi ni Mariake sa akin. Sumingit si Pepe.

"Hello, Mary!"

"And Papa, Mama, that's Pepe he's what he eats!"

Pumasok iyong helper ng fast food chain.

"Uy! Fried chicken!" The two-green eyed man said. Agad silang tumayo para lantakan
ang chicken joy. Siniko ko si Pepe at saka ako nagsalita.

"Hello po. Maganda umaga, ako po si Juan Antonio Birada. Nandito po ako para
kantahan ng happy birthday si Pan kasi sabi niya sa isla hindi pa siya nakakapag-
celebrate ng birthday. And I really want to make her twenty-sixth birthday
memorable."

Everyone looked at me.

Pan smiled.

"That's the sweetest thing, Towhtowh. Thank you." She smiled again. "But, did you
bring me any BJ? I really miss your BJ."

Tinapunan ako ng masamang tingin ng lahat ng kalalakihan doon.

CHAPTER 6
Suprise!

Juan Antonio Birada's

Natagpuan ko ang sarili ko sa cafeteria ng Varess Medical Center. Kasama ko si Pepe

na kumakain ng spaghetti. Nakaupo siya sa tabi ko habang nasa harapan ko naman ang
mascot ni Jollibee. Nakapangalumbaba siya, ganoon din ako. We are looking at each
other. Napapangiwi ako dahil naggaganda mata sa akin si Jollibee.

"Tang inang ito." Bulong ko. "Bakla ka ba? Nababakla ka sa akin no? Untog kita sa
muscles ko."

Nanatiling nakatingin sa akin si Jollibee. Sasapakin ko na ito talaga.

"To, hindi pa ba tayo uuwi? Pinaalis ka noong mang-aagaw ng dekada. Hindi pa ba

tayo babalik sa Malolos? Pero ang ganda ni Mary noh? Wala yata siyang make up tapos
ang ganda – ganda niya pa rin."

"Mag-move on ka!" I hissed at him.

"Bakit? Naka-move on ka na ba? Siguro may ginawa na kayo ni Pan sa isla. Nag-sex na
kayo?" Tanong niya pa. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Si Jollibee naman ay
itinakip pa iyong mga kamay niya sa bibig niyang lagging nakatawa. Inambaan ko
siya.

"Ay! Papa ayun po iyong baboy!"

"Hindi nga iyon baboy, anak." I heard Kairos Vejar's voice. Karga niya iyong anak
nya iyong anak niya tapos ay lumapit siya sa amin. I stood up and looked at his
eyes. Oh! I hate his face so much. Dahil sa kanya nawalan kami ng pag-asa kay
Mariake Rojas. I hate him so much.

"Hello!" The little girl greeted us. She smiled. Ibinaba siya ni Kairos – ang mang-
aagaw ng dekada. Napasimangot ako pati na rin si Pepe.

"Baboy ito. Laki ng pwet niya." Narinig kong bulong noong batang babae.

"What are you even doing here, Mr. Birada? There is an existing TRO against you and
your brother plus Paolo Arandia. Hindi kayo pwedeng lumapit kay Mariake." He said
to my face. Nagpipigil lang akong masapak siya kasi ang yabang akala yata nito por
que naka-suit siyang ganoon, ang galing – galing na niya!

Ang init sa Pilipinas!

I looked at him.

"Hindi naman si Mary ang ipinunta ko dito. Si Pan kasi magkaibigan kami at unlike
all of you I made time and I never kalimot her birthday!" I said to him. Nanlaki
ang mga mata niya. Kitang – kita kong nakuyom niya ang kanyang mga palad niya.
Parang sasapakin niya nga ako kaya lang hindi niya na itinuloy.

"Kung ano-anong itinuturo mo sa kapatid ko!" He hissed.

"Wala akong itinuro sa kanya na hindi mabuti!"

"Oh pwes bakit alam niya iyong----"

"Ay Papa! Sinipa po ni Eli iyong baboy!"

Napalingon kami pareho. Nakita kong may isang batang kulot iyong buhok na nakatayo
sa nakahaluhod na mascot ni Jollibee. Hindi lang iyon, sinuntok niya pa sa noo.

"Eli!" Sigaw ni Kairos. Agad niyang pinuntahan iyong bata.

"Why did you do that?" He asked.

"Naiinis po kasi ako sa kanya Tito Kairos. Ang laki ng pwet niya."

"Baboy kasi siya, Eli kaya ganoon." Sabi bigla ng anak ni Mary. Maya-maya ay
napansin kong dumating si Mary na tulak – tulak iyong wheel chair kung nasaan si
Pan. Ngumiti siya sa akin. Si Pepe naman ay agad na tumayo.

"Hello, Mary!"

"Shut up!" Kairos said. "Anong ginagawa ninyo dito?" He asked.

"Kuya, I wanna kita Tohwtowh and talk to him kaya plus he's my bisita but you make
him alis-alis in the kwarto so I asked Mary here if she can take me here ba. She
said OO naman so we're here. Hello, Towhtowh! Thank you for visiting me!"

Napangiti na ako. Sinimangutan na naman ako ni Kairos saka niya kinuha ang dalawang
bata pati na rin si Mary. Napasimangot na rin ako pero agad kong tinulungan si Pan
para makalapit siya sa loob ng cafeteria. Si Pepe naman ay tinulungan si Jollibee.

"You brought that mascot for me. That's so sweet although Ada' doesn't know what he
is. She keeps on calling him baboy, like the fuck?! He's not a baboy naman. I think
he's an overly large bear."
"Hindi siya baboy, hindi rin siya bear. Bubuyog siya kaya nga Jollibee. Bee. Jolly.
Masayang bubuyog."

"Oh!" Pan looked at the mascot. "I think the mascot is making landi Pepe." She
giggled. I smiled. Iyong simpleng Pepe kapag si Pan ang nagsabi, nagiging Peypey.
Hindi talaga pwedeng hindi ako ngingiti kapag siya ang kausap ko. I shook my head.

"How are you, Pan?" I asked her.

"I'm mabuti naman. But I have bituka infections so I am still here. I'm so happy
because you're magaling na! Like I was nag-aalala to you and I also asked Kuya to
alam what happened to you! It's a good thing you're very magaling na. How's your
tiny baby sugat?"

"Ah! Wala na akong tiny baby sugat. Magaling na siya." I smiled again. Pan was just
looking at me.

"I do hope that this isn't the last of our pagkikita Tohwhtowh. I like you as my
friend. I don't have any kaibigan kasi I don't know if they like me because I'm
mabait or because I'm mayaman. In the end, I don't befriend people kasi I'm takot
that they're going to make sabi bad things when I'm nakatalikod. It's so sad, like
huhuhu so sad."

"That's not sad." I commented.

"That's sad! There's three huhuhu so that's sad."

Napailing na lang ulit ako. Kinuha ko iyong isang spaghetti na hindi pa nabubuksan
ni Pepe pagkatapos ay inilapit ko sa kanya iyong cake. Kumuha ako ng lighter
pagkatapos ay binuksan iyon para ipahipan sa kanya.

"Oh! I'm going to blow you na?!" She exclaimed. Napalakas ang boses niya kaya
napatingin sa akin ang ibang tao. Iyong ibang matatandang naroon napaantanda pa.

"Oo." I grinned. "Blow me, Pan. Naghihintay na ako."

"Ih! You kanta na happy birthday first!" She said to me. Kinantahan ko nga siya ng
happy birthday. Pumapalakpak pa siya pagkatapos ay hinipan niya iyong kandila sa
cake.

"Thank you, Towhtowh. For not forgetting me." She smiled. I smiled back and then, I
bent down to kiss her lips. He eyes widened but she smiled again. "You're hininga
is not salty anymore. It's like nakakapanibago!"

"Luka-luka!"
xxxx

Pan Vejar's

Mama and Papa took me to the bahay the next morning even though I keep on saying
that I will go to my unit in the Vejar Towers. Papa insistedso, I have no reklamo
na like, I felt touched with his gesture. When we got hom, Dione was there na. She
had a banner saying "Welcome Home, Pan!"

And then when she saw me, she made takbo to my pwesto to give me a bear hug. I
smiled and hugged her back like I missed her naman kasi even though, we're always
making away each other, I love Dione kahit na super-duper bitch niya.

"I'm glad to see both of you." I overheard Papa. Ni-kiss niya ako at si Dione sa
forehead and then he ordered the maids to take my gamit to the kwarto.

"I missed you. I was so worried about you. I realized that you're not home kasi the
ticket in the Cruise is missing! Why would you do that to yourself."

"Eh diba nga you made me away because you said that the materials in your designs
are low quality? So you're nainggit to me that's why you put so many glue in my
finished dresses."

Dione faced me.

"Like it's not your fault but you should've told me that you got the better
materials so we can split."

"Oh wait, you got the best materials naman. You're just maarte because you want all
the attention all for yourself."

I was shocked when Dione pushed me. My eyes widened.

"Why did you make me tulak?" I asked her.

"You deserve that! Your always saying things that's not true. Ngayon naman gusto mo
ikaw lang ang magaling! Fuck you ka, hindi pwedeng palaging ikaw ang mas magaling
sa ating dalawa!"

"And why not?!" I asked her. Napahawak ako sa balikat niya. She pushed me away kaya
napaupo ako sa floor. I made tingala to her.

"Bagay lang iyan sa'yo! Pabida ka kasi!" She hissed. My eyes widened. Tumayo ako
tapos I pulled her hair and made her sabunot like with so much force until she's
screaming.

Papa saw us. Mama rushed to us. They made us pigil.

"Pan ano ba?!" Sigaw ni Papa.

"Zeus! Kalalabas lang ng anak mo sa ospital!" Mama hugged me.

"That's not the point, Gianna! Hindi pa pwedeng magkasundo sila ni Dione!"

"She was the first one to attack me!" Dione cried.

"I attacked her because she said that I was pabida while the truth naman is that
she's the pabida and she always wants to get all the attention! I am not doing
anything to her!"

"Shut up!" Sigaw ni Papa.

"Zeus! Anak mo si Pan! Baka nakakalimutan mong muntik na siyang mawala sa atin!
Stop acting like that!"

"I am not acting like anything, Gianna!" Sabi ni Papa. "I just want them to stop
being childish!"

"Dione is the childish one! Why bitch out on me?!" I hissed at him. "It's like that
naman diba?" I said. I pulled away from Mama. "You act as if everything is okay
with me so you won't care but it's not Papa because you always set me aside! You
care so much about Dione, Kairos, Alele and Ate Amal but how about my welfare? Do
you even ask me what I want or how am I doing? I almost died in that island but you
were too busy taking Dione to Seoul that you have forgotten that I was stuck in
that fucking island for seven days without food to eat or clean water to drink! I
only had BJs every day! When you went to the hospital to visit me? You acted as if
you're not even happy to see me! I know that I don't matter to this family, Papa!
But can you sometimes try to act like you care about me?! Just once, Papa!"

"Nakita mo na?" Mama Gianna said. I pulled away and went up to my room. I can't
stay here with this and Dione. I can't. I takwil myself before and I'm not going to
change that.

I took my wallet and my personal money. I took a tiny bag and my phone and I left
the mansion. I didn't paalam to my Mama. I just got to the taxi and told him to
take me to the bus terminal. I am reading on my phone.

I need to get to Malolos fast. That's the only place I can think of right now.

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Ang akala ko, gagabihin kayo nitong si Pepe buti at naparami ang luto ko nitong
bulalo. Gustong – gusto mo ito, Toto. Ayan, kumain na kayo."

Alas ocho nang gabi at naghahapunan na kaming magkakapatid. Hanggang ngayon ay nasa
Malolos pa rin si Mamang. Bukas pa raw ang uwi niya ng Paombong. Sinisiguro niya
lang na maayos ako at hindi ako nagkakasakit. Kanina, sinamahan siya ni Kuya Fonso
na mamalengke. May stock na naman sa ref namin ng mga iiniting ulam kaya sigurado
akong hindi kami magugutom dito – at hindi rin ako mapapagod dahil ako ang tagaluto
sa amin. Ako kasi ang nagtapos ng culinary kaya sa akin naka-atang ang
resposibilidad na pakainin sila.

"Saan ba kayo nanggaling?" Tanong ni Mamang habang kumakain kami ni Pepe.

"Mang, sinamahan lang ako ni Kuyang sa Pampanga, may hinatid lang akong piyesa.
Saka nagpapabili si Kuya Fonso ng chicharron, ayun, binili namin. Nauna na pala
silang kumain. Bukas ko na lang bibigay iyong chicharron niya.

"Naku, hayaan mo iyong Kuya mo! Hindi ko maintindihan ang diet ng kapatid ninyo!
Puro karne! Baka ma-high blood iyon! Mamatay agad!"

"Mang, hindi mamamatay si Kuya agad. Masamang damo iyon." Sabi pa ni Peper. Ako
naman ang binalingan ni Mamang.

"Ikaw naman, kauuwi mo lang, gala ka nang gala, aba, Toto!"

"H'wag ninyo na akong pagalitan, Ma! Anong gusto mo, sasakay ulit ako ng barko? May
tubig iyon!" Sabi ko pa. Hinampas niya ako sa balikat.

"H'wag na h'wag mon ang uulitin iyon! Kapag namatay kay, papatayin ulit kita!"

I laughed. Ang cute ni Mamang. Hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi pagkatapos ay kumain na

ako. Tahimik lang ako dahil kanina, nag-text ako kay Mariake, nag-reply naman siya
at sinabi niya sa aking nakalabas na si Pan Vejar sa ospital. Hindi ko na siya
madadalaw. Natutuwa pa naman akong nakikita siyang ngumiti. Kahapon, nagtagal pa
kaming nagkwentuhan kasi nakipaglaro pa siya kay Jollibee sa garden ng ospital.
Kahit na halos maubos iyong kita ko sa loob ng tatlong araw, basta masaya si Pan,
masaya na rin ako.

"To! To!"
Napalingon ako nang marinig kong may tumawag sa akin.
Humahangos na pumasok sa bahay ko si Bruce, isa sa mga nagpapasada ng tricycle ko.

"To! May babaeng naghahanap sa'yo pero hindi namin sinabi kung nasaan ka! Nasa
paradahan siya sa may simbahan! Iyak nang iyak, nanakawan daw siya wallet saka ng
cellphone! Iyak nang iyak doon!"

"Aba'y sino iyon? Bakit hindi ninyo isinama rito iyong babae? Aba'y baka napano na
iyon!" Sabi ni Mamang.

"Sasama na po ako. Mang, babalikan ko iyong pagkain!" Sabi ko sabay tayo. Kinuha ko
iyong susi ng tricycle ko at sinundan si Bruce. Pagdating ko sa may simbahan nakita
kong nagkakagulo na iyong mga tao at may naririnig akong umaatungal ng iyak. Agad
akong nakipagsiksikan pagkatapos ay nakita ko si Pan na nakaupo sa mahabang upuan
at umiiyak.

Our eyes met. She stood up and walked to me.

"Towhtowh! It was so mahirap to get to you. I lost my cellphone. I have no pera

because I was nanakawan and then all the way here I was nakatayo in the bus and
there's a mama there and his kilikili is so mabaho, Towhtowh! I made layas because
Papa, he still treats me the same. I'm so malungkot like three huhuhu."

Yumakap sa akin si Pan. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko but I hugged her
back. Nang makalma ko siya ay isinakay ko siya sa tricycle ko at iniuwi sa bahay.
Pagdating ko ay naroon na lahat ng kapatid ko. Si Pan ay umiiyak pa rin. Si Mamang
ang sumalubong sa akin.

"Mang, siya si Pan. Siya iyong nakasama ko sa isla."

"Hello po. I'm Pan and I'm sad like three huhuhu in the end."

"Ano daw?" Mamang asked me.

"Mang, Kuya Jufran, dito muna siya matutulog ngayong gabi,"

"No. Not just tonight, but until the alikabok settles down. I made layas to our
home because my Papa doesn't love me po. Like he always favor the pekpek giver than
me – like it's so unfair and so sad with three huhuhu in the end po."

"Pekpek ano?" Tanong ni Mamang.

"Hayaan mo na, Mang. Medyo kakaiba talaga siya magsalita. Nanakawan pa siya ng
cellphone tapos nakuha rin wallet niya."

"Like, Towhtowh, can I borrow your phone so I can make tawag to the bank to locke
my accounts 'cause my pera might be withdrawn from the bank- all of it and like I'm
going to be mahirap like you,"

"Nangiinsulto ba siya?" Tanong ni Kuya Fonso sa akin. Pan faced him.

"Like, telling the truth isn't making you insulto no. Like you're mahirap naman
talaga. Look at your house, it's so dusty and luma, like amoy haunted house, like
that, like later tonight there's a white lady going to creep in the bintana like
she's gonna make you gulat like "WAAH!"

Nabigla ako noong sumigaw siya tapos nalaglag si Pepe sa kinauupuan niya.

"Like Peypey is so nagulat."

"Pepe nga ang pangalan ko." Sabi ng kapatid ko.

"Like you choose. I'm going to call you Peypey or Pekpek. Choose, either way, I'm
not the one being affected naman."

"Aba'y girlfriend mo ba ito?" Tanong ni Mamang sa akin.

"Hindi po, Mang."

"Hindi pa po, Mang." Sabat ni Kuya Jufran.

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata.

CHAPTER 7
Pan invades

Juan Antonio Birada’s

Nagising akong masakit ang likod ko. Like fuck – sabi nga ni Pan tuwing kausap ko
siya. Natulog ako sa kwarto ni Pepe, siya sa kama ako sa lapag. Wala akong
magagawa. Ayaw ni Mamang na magkasama kami ni Pan sa kwarto dahil daw baka makabuo
kami ng bata – actually binalak ko naman talaga iyon noong nasa isla kaming dalawa.
It’s better to build a civilization kaysa naman mamamatay kaming dilat, ‘di mag-sex
na lang kami kaya lang, nasagip kami kaya hindi natuloy. Hindi naman ako malungkot
doon, mga kaunting lungkot lang. Like three huhuhu in the end.

Ipinilig ko ang aking ulo nang maisip ko kung anong pinag-iisip ko. Bumangon ako
nang naglalawa ang pawis sa likod ko. Tang inang Pepe talaga iyon! Pinatayan ako ng
aircon. Palibhasa, ginawin siya. Tang inang buhay ito. Bumili pa naman ako ng Salem
Mattress tapos hindi naman ako ang gagamit. Tang ina talaga. Kamusta naman iyong
likod ko.

Bumaba ako ng sala. Natigilan ako dahil nakita ko si Kuya Jufran, Kuya Fonso at
Pepe na nakatayo sa may pinto ng bahay. Lumapit ako sa kanila. Si Kuya Jufran ay
umiinom ng kape. Naka-sando siyang pula na may butas sa likod at naka-boxers. Si
Fonso naman ay hubad. Nakasabit iyong sando niya sa balikat niya habang kumakain ng
pan de sal. Si Pepe naman ay nakatapi lang ng tuwalya.

“Anong meron?” Tanong ko.

“Wala.” Sagot ni Pepe.

“Weird.” Sabi ni Fonso.

“Nanay ba natin iyan? Parang may sapi.” Bulong ni Kuya Jufran.

“Ano bang nangyayari?” I asked. Lumabas ako at doon ko nakita si Mama, na may suot
na pang belly dancing sa baywang iyong tumutunog – tunog, iyong may lawit na gold –
gold habang si Pan naman ay nakatayo sa tabi ni Mama, litaw ang puso tapos
nagkekekembot din!

“Like you make galaw – galaw your baywang, Mamang so the bilbil beside you will
burn like fuck!”

“Like this ba, Pan?” Tanong ni Mamang. “Yes, like this no? Like fuck!”

Napamura kaming magkakapatid nang magkakasabay nang marinig kong nagmura si Mamang.
Hindi ako makapaniwala.

“Yes, Mamang like that po!”

Kinagiling – giling ni Pan ang baywang niya. Napamura ako nang makita kong
sumisilip na iyong mga miron sa gate namin.

Walang dalawang sabing nilapitan ko si Pan at si Mamang.

“Ano bang ginagawa ninyo?!” Nangigigil na sabi ko.

“Like duh?! We’re belly dancing so the bilbil of your Mamang will go away!” Pan
said. Lalo siyang kumembot. Napatingin ako sa dibdib niyang gumagalaw habang
kumekembot siya. Pagiling – giling pa siya. Sa inis ko ay hinubad ko iyong damit ko
at itinakip sa kanya.

“Like ewww! Your shirt is so mabaho! Did you ligo na ba?! Mamang oh! He doesn’t
want the bibil to go away!”

“Why ka naman ganyan, Antonio!”

“Mang!” I snapped at her. “H’wag kayong magsalita ng ganyan! Jusko! Kuya Jufran
nga!” Nakita kong palapit na si Kuya sa amin.

“Mang, tara ihahatid ko na kayo sa Paombong ngayon.” Sabi niya kay Mamang. Hindi
ako nagsalita. Nagpupumiglas si Pan sa akin.

“Hindi ka dapat naggaganyan dito! Jusko! Nakikita mo ba iyong mga tambay sa

paligid?! Pinagpepyestahan na iyong pusod mo!”

“Ano ba?! Make bitaw – bitaw my arm! It’s sakit na! Like now na!” She pulled away
from me tapos ay nagtago siya sa likod ni Mamang.

“Mamang, your mahirap na son is making me api!” Tinuro niya pa ako. Narinig ko
namang napatawa si Kuya Fonso.

“Hindi ko ba alam kung maiinsulto ako o matatawa sa sinasabi niya.” Komento pa ni

Kuya Fonso. Tiningnan ko si Pan. Kagabi pakiramdam ko hindi sila magkakasundo ni
Nanay pero ngayon naman mukhang close na sila.

“Mang, bihis ka na. Uuwi na kita sa Paombong.” Sabi ulit ni Kuya Jufran.

“Ay! Ako’y hindi uuwi! Dito na muna ako! At kami’y magba-bonding nitong si Pan!”

“Yes, Mamang! May tama ka! Like with four hahahaha in the end!”

“Gawin mo nang five hahahahaha!”

"Oh yes! That's meduim masaya! If you have ten hahahahahahahahahaha in the end
you're too masaya but it's nakakatakot because you might karma! Like so much
karma!"

“Jusko anong nangyayari dito?” Nagtatakang tanong ko habang nakatingin ako sa

kanilang dalawa. Hindi na ako nakakibo. Kinuha ni Mamang ang kamay ni Pan at saka
pumasok na sila sa bahay. Handa naman na ang almusal. Nakapagluto na yata si Mamang
o kung sinuman sa pamilya ko. Naupo si Pan sa pweston sa tabi ni Mamang – na dating
inuupuan ni Pepe.

“Saan ako uupo?”

“Hay naku, Peypey, you’re so madamot naman! It’s just a chair, you want me to buy
you like 12 chairs so you can sit?!”

“Pepe nga sabi ang pangalan ko!”

“I already told you! Choose between Peypey or Pekpek. It’s your decision kasi your
so malaki na, either way, I’m not going to be affected naman, like fuck,”

“Doon ka na maupo, Peypey, sa tabi ng Kuya Tohwtohw mo.”

“Mang!” Sigaw ko. “Mang naman!”

“What’s the problem ba, Tohwtohw?” Tanong pa ni Mamang sa akin. Si Kuya Jufran
naman ay tawa nang tawa sa upuan niya si Fonso ay nakatingin na para bang hangang-
hanga siya sa nangyayari. ‘

“Amazing!”

“Ay, Mamang, later, I will teach you to use make up kasi you have so many dark
spots and such so we will hide that!”

“Wala akong make up, Pan.”

“E di we will bili! Like I’m so mayaman kaya! I talked to the bank na Mamang and
they will give me money even if I have no card I just have to make punta there like
later. So, after this, you ligo na and we’ll alis. I will buy you anything, Mamang
unlik Tohwtohw here, he’s mahirap kasi so he’s not gonna buy you anything!”

“Mang!” I said again. “Mang naman! H’wag ganyan!” Sabi ko pa. Napapakamot ako ng
ulo.
“Hayaan mo na. Hayok sa anak na babae iyang si Mamang.” Wika pa ni Kuya Fonso.

“Pan, you can stay here as long as you want ha.” Sabi pa ni Fonso.

“Of course! I will. Like so, so much! I like it here even if your house is amoy
luma and it looks haunted and even if it’s bungalow type only. Like fuck, again. I
can only see this kind of bahay in movies like when the bida is mahirap and then
they have no money, and then the nanay will patay, the tatay too, the kuya, the
ate, the bunso, even the aso, they will all die, like it’s so huhuhuhuhu, that’s
depressing kasi there’s five huhuhuhuhu in the end.”

“Paano kapag ten huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu in the end, Pan?” Jufran asked.

“Oh! That’s easy, that’s hopeless na, as in magpapakamatay na siya. Like bigti and
such.”

“Mang-aagaw ka ng Mama.” Biglang sumabat si Pepe. Pan rolled her eyes.

“Like you’re so madamo, Peypey, I won’t agaw your Mama ‘cause I have my own Mama
like she’s just away no! If you want you can go back to your Mamang’s Pepe. I won’t
give a fuck about it!”

“Kuya ang bastos!”

“Damot – damot.” Bulong pa ni Pan. Hindi na nagsalita si Pepe. Hindi na rin naman
siya kumibo. After eating, umakyat ako sa silid ko para manguha ng damit. Mukhang
magtatagal si Pan dito. Hindi ko pa nga siya nakakausap dahil bigla na lang siyang
nawala kanina pagkatapos kumain.

Pagpasok ko sa kwarto ko napasigaw ako nang makita ko si Pan na nakapanty lang

habang nakaharap sa salamin.

“Ay! You’re making silip my body!” She said. But instead of covering herself,
namaywang pa siya at humarap sa akin. Napansin kong may tattoo siya ng lotus flower
sa may bandang tagiliran niya. “Ay! What the fuck! Na-forget kong mag-cover ng
body! Towhtowh, bakit ka ba nandito?”

“Hello?! Kwarto ko ito!” I hissed at her.

“Oh right! But I can’t labas because I have no clothes.”

I was just looking at her. Nakayakap na siya sa sarili niya. Dahan-dahan ko naman
siyang nilapitan.

“What are you going to do ba?” She asked me. “Oh my god, didyou sepilyo na! I don’t
wanna kiss you if your breath is maalat!” She warned me. I pulled her by the waist
and kissed her lips. Hindi ko alam kung anong mayroon sa labi ni Pan at ilang araw
ko nang hinahanap – hanap iyon. It’s like I couldn’t get enough of it, it’s
addicting I entered my tongue inside of her mouth. Nakikipagsabayan na siya sa
pakikipaghalikan sa akin. I pulled away.

“Hmmn, Tohwtohw, dakma my dede, c’mon!” She hissed and I did. I massaged her breast
while kissing her. Oh! It was divine.

“Kuya iyong--- Ay putang ina!”

Bigla kong itinulak si Pan at itinago siya sa likuran ko.

“Hoy, Peypey! Matuto ka ngang kumatok!” Sigaw ko kay Pepe habang dinuduro ko siya.
Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya.

“Tang ina mo!” Sigaw ni Pepe saka lumabas. “Matuto kasi kayong mag-lock!”

Tang ina! Panira ng moment! Nakakainis! Bwisit! Tiningnan ko si Pan. She was
covering herself.

“Suot mo na lang iyong shirt ko.” Sabi ko sabay alis. Napapailing ako. Mukhang
magtatagal ako sa banyo ngayon.
xxxx

Pan Vejar’s

“It’s my third day here, can you like tell me if I can help you with anything kasi
I wanna help with something po.”

Mamang was just smiling at me. I find her very welcoming and very warm. She treats
me like we’re really friends and I like her so much. Today, she’s laba – laba the
damit of her anak. Like it’s so madami and so laki and I asked her if she’s
napapagod but she said she’s not so I decided to just make her tulong because she’s
nakakaawa.

“Baka masugatan ka diyan, Pan.”

“Oh no worried, I’m sure they’re just Baby Tiny Sugat.” I smiled at her. I remember
my Mama. She also taught us things – like how to apply simple make up, cook and
make labi my panty when I have regla. Like it’s nakakadiri but I have no choice. I
also remember her teaching us to bake cookies. Hay, I miss my Mama but I have to be
firm to my decision, like if I am away, I am hoping that Papa will realize that he
misses me and maybe, just maybe, he can treat me like how he treats my siblings.

I put the white t-shirts in the washing machine. I ikot the button and waited.
Mamang went inside to get something to drink, like wow. She’s nauuhaw na pala. I
looked around and then, I saw a pair of pink sock. Like it’s the only one na lang
there so I took it and made it sama to the ikot of the washing machine and I like
waited.

When I heard the ting, my eyes widened.

“Oh my god!” I took one shirt. It’s pink! Oh my god! I forgot that it will stain!
Like it stained all! O my god!

“Oh my god!” Napatili ako. Napansin kong dumating si Towhtowh and his Kuya. Like
fuck! I’m so gonna cry na like five huhuhuhuhu in the end!

“Anong nangyari?!” Towhtowh asked. I pakita what happened. I am waiting for them to
be galit but the two of them laughed. Even Mamang laughed.

“Okay lang iyan. Basahan naman na iyang mga damit na iyan. H’wag ka nang
malungkot.” His brother said. I feel so nahihiya so later that afternoon, I went to
Fonso, he’s in the sala drawing something.

“Fonso…” I called him. “Can I do anything ba in this house? Iyong hindi

nakakaloka?”

He looked at me. “It’s half naked Thursday today.” He said.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Ito iyong araw na magtitinda kami sa compound ang naka-half naked lang. Maliban sa
coffee shop ni Toto!”

“Ay! I wanna helo make tinda!”

I told Fonso! So that night, we went to their compound with me, only wearing a very
maikling Dione style short and the very lace bra. I smiled. I noticed kasi that
they are all looking at me.

“Hoy!” I heard Toto. He’s half naked too – just like in the island. Lumapit siya sa
corner ko.

“Anong ginagawa mo?!”

“Mamang told me to have pakisama so I am helping.”

“Not like that! Jusko, Pan! I am going to die because of you!” He took my hand and
made me hatak!

“Iuuwi kita! Fonso, susi!”

We went to the car. He’s like so galit na galit.

“Why are you like that ba?!”

“Why are you like that din ba?! Hindi ka ba nag-iisip! Pan, baka magahasa ka sa
ginagawa mo!”

“Like why?!” I am so nagtataka.

“Like why? Hindi mo ba nakikita iyong sarili mo?!”

Why? What’s wrong with my hitsura?

CHAPTER 8
Away

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"Why are so galit?!"

Towhtowh made bitaw my arm as we make pasok their house. He cannot deny the fact
that he is galit to me. He's like so namumula and so nagpapawis because he's really
galit!!! With three exclamation points in the end! Like fuck!

"Hey! Why are you so galit?!" I asked him again. He faced me.

"Kasi nga look at your sarili like what do you think you're doing! Are you making
benta yourself at the people in the compound?! Like fuck!" His eyes are like
nanlalaki and his mouth is so tikom. I made hampas his am because his making me
gaya.

"Don't gaya me!"

He made a face.

"You go upstairs and you make bihis bihis! You look like a call girl!"

My eyes widened. That hurt a lot! There's four ouch! ouch! ouch! ouch! in the end.
I ran to the room they lent to me and locked the door. I cried. It was so masakit
talaga like why would he say something like that? But then, I saw myself in the
mirror and I really do look like a call girl. Like my malaking dede is showing and
my pusod too like what the hell was I thinking?

But still! Towhtowh has no right to call me that!

"I hate him!"

"PAN!"

My eyes widened when I heard Kairos' voice. Like is that really him?

"PAN!"

Oh my god! It is him!

I opened my door and I takbo until I reached the ibaba of the pangmahirap na bahay.
I saw Kairos standing in front of Towhtowh. He's galit but when he turned to me, he
became more galit. He turned to Towhtowh.

"What the fuck are you doing with my sister?!"

My eyes widened more when Kairos suddenly sapak Towhtowh. Nabagsak siya sa floor.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed.

He made sapak – sapak Towhtowh but I made him pigil but he's so galit!

"Kairos!" I called him. "Enough na! You're hurting him! You're hurting him so much!
Enough na!" I said to him. I made him tulak away from Towhtowh but he's too big.

"Kairos! Enough na! I'm scared na!" I told him. I bit my lower lip. I am trying so
hard not to iyak but it's too late. "Enough na! I'm scared na talaga!" I told him.
His nakakuyom na hand is hanging in the air while Towhtowh was still on the floor.
I was biting my lower lip. Kuya Kairos took a deep breath and faced me. He took off
his coat and put it over my shoulders. He hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

"We are going home, Pumpkin."

But I don't want to go home. I can't leave. I don't want to go home. But Kairos had
other plans. He took my hand and we left the pangmahirap na bahay. We rode his car
and he drove away. I was just beside him crying. Hindi ko rin alam if where we're
going but I finally told him that I didn't want to go home.

"Ayaw ko mag-go home. Papa doesn't want me."

"That's not true." He muttered.

"If it's not, the why isn't he here picking me up?" My voice broke. Kairos stopped
driving. He parked the car in the sidewalk and he took a deep breath. He looked at
me but before he can say anything he took something from the backseat. Clothes...

"Wear this so we can talk normally. I'll just be outside." He told me. Iniwan niya
ako sa loob ng car. I just looked at him. He stood beside it. The windows are
tinted so no one can see what's happening inside. I slowly took his coat off and I
wore the shirt and the pants. After a while I knocked on the door and he went
inside the car again. He looked at me.

"What happened, Pumpkin?" He asked me.

"Dione and I had an argument again. Papa, as usual, sided with her. I was napagod
na that's why I left."

"I couldn't call you." He said.

"My phone got stolen in the bus so is my wallet. I already called the bank to fix
the mess you don't have to worry about my money."

"I am worried about you and not your money. Sinabi ko naman sa'yo, Pan, na kung
gusto mo sa bahay ka na lang tumira. You are welcome in our home." I shook my head.

"I'm nahihiya to Iake. I treated her badly before and it's so nakakahiya if I live
with you. Plus, I am an adult. I have to live on my own."

"You aren't living on your own. You're living with that asshole!"

I gasped. "Towhtowh isn't an asshole! He's my friend. He became my friend when he

saved me in that island and gave me so many BJs so I can get well!"

"Stop with the BJs!" Kairos yelled.

"What's wrong with the BJs?! It's so masarap! Who wouldn't like a BJ! Hello! You
like BJs kaya! Doesn't Iake give you a freaking BJ?!"

"She does!" He said put of nowhere! "And that's why I keep doing things she likes
without me realizing it!" He's mata is so nanlalaki. Then, suddenly, his cheeks
turned red. "Damn you, Pan." He muttered again.
"That's a different kind of BJ. Like you're so Bastos with a capital B!" I spat.

"Don't!" He yelled again.

"Why are you galit ba?! You're just like Towhtowh! He's galit too even if all I
wanted to do is to make tulong to their Half – naked Thursdays. He didn't even say
thank you!"

"What the fuck is a half-naked Thursday?! Pan Alejandrina, you are coming home!"
"I am so not and don't fucking call me by my second name!"

"Hindi ako galit!"

"Nagagalit ka! You're so namumula! You're yelling kaya!"

"Hindi nga! Pero dahil mapilit ka nagagalit ako!" Nahampas niya iyong steering
wheel of the car. "Nagagalit ako kasi iyong mga lalaking kasama mo sa bahay na iyon
lahat iyon may gusto sa asawa kong hindi ko naman mahawakan at hindi ko malapitan
kasi nanghihingi siya ng putang inang space na iyan kung gusto niya ng space bakit
hindi na lang niya ako ayain sa outer space so we can have space together like fuck
with one hundred exclamation points in the end!"

He was catching his breath. I was trying so hard not to make tawa naman but it's so
hard. I laughed like a maniac. Kairos shook his head.

"Oh, kuya you just missed the BJs!" I commented but then I composed myself. "But in
a more serious note. I don't wanna go home. I don't have a home to go to. Papa
doesn't want me so I'll stay here na lang,"

"They aren't your family. We are." He said again. I looked at him.

"Family has time for each other, Kairos. We have all the money in the world but
even that isn't enough to buy as the time we need for each other. I am sorry, but I
am not going home."

I kissed his cheeks and get out of the car. I am not going home. We'll at least not
now...

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Bakit ba kasi pinaalis mo si Pan?"

Hindi ako makapaniwala na ako ang sinisisi ni Kuya Fonso ngayon sa pag-alis ni Pan
Vejar. In the first place, hindi ko naman siya pinaalis. Dumating si Kairos Vejar –
ang mang-aagaw ng dekada – dito at pinagsusuntok ako. Ni hindi nga napansin ng mga
kapatid ko na may pasa ako. Kung hindi ko pa sinabi, hindi nila makikita, ano ito?
Lokohan?

"Hindi ko nga siya pinaalis." I told them. "Dumating dito ang mag-aagaw ng dekada
at kinuha si Pan. Magkapatid sila kaya wala akong karapatang pigilan ang mang-aagaw
ng dekada sa pagkuha kay Pan."

Napailing si Kuya Fonso.

"Wala namang masamang ginagawa iyong tao sinigawan mo kanina." He even said to me.
Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. "She just wanted to help."
"Tama si Fonso." Segunda ni Kuya Jufran. "Mabait si Pan. Sure akong gusto lang
niyang tumulong kanina. Dapat kung nagalit ka man, kinausap mo siya ng maayos."

"Hoy!" I yelled. "Ako iyong kapatid ninyo dito, dapat ako iyong mas naiintindihan
ninyo." Sabi ko pa. Nagkatinginan silang dalawa tapos ay napailing.

"Sa akin, okay lang kahit wala na si Pan. Hindi naman siya kailangan dito." Wika pa
ni Pepe.

"Shut up, Peypey!" Kuya Fonso said.

"Malulungkot si Mamang." Jufran muttered. "Nakakatuwa naman si Pan. Nagkaroon ng

ingay sa bahay natin dahil sa kanya. Iilang araw pa lang siya dito. Sana naman
dalawin niya tayo." Tumayo si Kuya Jufran. "Pupuntahan ko muna si Mamang.
Nagpapahatid na siya sa akin sa Paombong, Wala naman na daw kasi si Pan."

I looked at Kuya Jufran, he seemed to be really disappointed. Hindi ko sila

maintindihan. Bakit ako ang masama ngayon? Hindi ko naman talaga pinalayas si Pan.
Heto nga at ako pa ang nabugbog.

"You can sleep in your bed now." Sabi pa ni Pepe sa akin. Hindi ako kumibo. I went
upstairs to my room and sat in my bed. Nakita ko iyong sarili ko sa salamin iyong
repleskyon ng mukha ko. Tang inang Kairos Vejar na iyon. May pasa ako sa gilid ng
mata. Hindi ito makatarungan. I shook my head.

Humiga ako sa kama.Napabalikwas ako dahil iyong mismong kama ko, kaamoy na kaamoy
ni Pan. I sighed. Muli akong nahiga. I closed my eyes and suddenly I could see her.
Her feisty facial expression, her pink lips, her everything... and I just couldn't'
understand why I am seeing her that way.

"Pan!" I heard Mamang's voice. "You're so here na!"

Sumilip ako sa bintana. Nakita kong nakatayo si Pan sa may gate ay niyayakap siya
ni Mamang. I shook my head. Bumaba ako para tingnan siya.

"Saan ka ba nagpunta?" Mamang asked her. Nasa may pinto na sila. Ako rin.

"Oh well, Mamang, my brother Kairos went here and he made bugbog Towhtowh like I
was so nagulat and my eye were nanlalaki! Like I'm so shocked with six OMG, OMG,
OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, in the end. I cried pa nga but then he tried to take me home
and I just made sabi that I didn't want to and I left him in the sasakyan."

"Bakit ba hindi ka pa sumama doon? Kuya mo naman iyon diba?" I spat at her. Naiinis
talaga ako sa kanya. She looked at me.

"Bakit ka ba ganyan, Toto?" Biglang nagsalita si Mamang. "Kung ayaw mo kay Pan,
dito, sa akin siya titira sa Paombong. Ang laki – laki ng bahay roon, Maraming
kwarto! Hala! Halika Pan, ilalayo kita kay Towhtowh na pangit!"
My brothers laughed at me. I shook my head. Isinakay ni Kuya Jufran si Mama at si
Pan sa kotse saka umalis na sila.

"Hay, naku, mang-aagaw talaga sila. Lahi nila iyon." Narinig ko si Pepe.

Hindi pa rin ako nakatulog nang gabing iyon. Iniisip ko si Pan at kahit na anong
gawin ko hindi ko talaga siya mawaglit sa isipan ko. I sighed again. Ilang beses
akong nagpabiling – biling hanggang sa naisipan kong tumayo para bumaba. Iinom ako
ng gatas, baka kasi makatulog ako kapag ganoon ang ginawa ko.
Pagdating ko sa kusina ay naroon si Kuya Fonso, gumagawa siya ng pan de sal.

"Gising ka pa." Bati niya sa akin. Ngumisa pa si Kuya Fonso. "Hindi umuwi si
Jufran, doon daw muna siya papaumaga. Nami-miss mo na si Pan no?"

"Hindi noh!" Sabi ko pa habang umiinom. "Tamang doon na lang siya kay Mamang, para
naman hindi ako nagugulo dito."

"Akala ko ba friends kayo?"

"May limitation din ang pagiging friends namin. Tama bang ipakita niya iyong
katawan niya. Half – naked Thursdays are for the boys only! Isa pa! Nakita mo ba
kung paano siya tingnan noong ga parokyano natin?! Hindi ba siya nag-iisip?!"

"In her defense," Kuya Fonso said. "She just wanted to help. She feels guilty na
nandito siya tapos wala siyang ginagawa. Mamang was trying to instill to her the
art of pakikisama. And it is my fault she joined the half – naked Thursday event.
You owe her for whatever it is, Toto. Mabait si Pan. I like her."

Kumunot ng noo ko.

"Kung nagkaroon tayo ng kapatid na babae, I will spoil her. I like Pan, napapasaya
niya si Mamang."

Inilapag ni Kuya Fonso ang luto nang pan de sal sa harapan ko. He looked at me. '

"Apologize to your woman, Towhtowh."

"She isn't my woman."

Fonso just grinned.

"Not yet."

CHAPTER 9
Sorry

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

Well, I can't tulog tonight so I just stayed awake while looking at the vast land
of the Biradas. They have this big land where they make tanim, mangoes, bananas and
coconuts. No wonder, Towhtowh knows how to make akyat the puno. I was just standing
on the front porch. From where I am standing I can see a long – like so long na
fenced which hati the land and I wonder who owns the other half. Like I am thinking
of many hacienderos and hacienderas in their horses. I smiled.

Horses makes me think of Dione – not because she looks like a horse but because she
loves horses and she's an equestrienne. I miss her. I remember when we were kids,
she used to cry a lot when were in public places and I let go of her hand. She's
scared to be alone. She's scared of the kulog and the kidlat. When the kulog and
the kidlat visits, we go to Ate Amal's room and sleep beside her. Dione will sleep
at Ate Amal's chest. I will make yakap naman her arm because it comforts me.

I miss her, even if she treats me badly now.

"Bakit gising ka pa?" I was a bit nagulat when I heard Jufran's voice. I didn't
realize that he was standing near the door and he's naghihikab. He was only wearing
a sando and a pajama. He looked at me. "Namamahay ka ba?"
"What's that? Namamahay? Like nagka-caroling every gabi when it's Christmas?"

"Namamahay, naninibago kasi bago iyong bahay na tinutuluyan mo."

My mouth parted. "Is this what you call bago, Jufran? Like it's so luma na. Kulang
na lang, cobwebs and some big spider, papasan ang haunted house itong house ninyo."
I told him. He laughed.

"Hindi ko talaga alam kung nang-iinsulto ka, but then, it's the way you say it." He
laughed again. He made upo to the long bench in the corner. I looked at the vast
land again.

"Kanino iyong land in there?" I asked.

"Sa mga Arandia iyan." Sagot niya. "Dati walang bakod iyan. Pero noong namatay
iyong Babaeng Arandia, binakuran nila iyan. Dati kasi friends iyong lolo ko saka
iyong lolo nila. And then, right after the untimely death, si Raphael Arandia,
binakuranan niya iyan."

"Why naman daw?" I suddenly became curios.

"Kasi, hindi si Raphael ang pinili ni Mamang. Nagpakasal si Mamang kay Papang.
Nagkagiitan sila. Ayun, hanggang ngayon may rivalry sa pamilya. Kaya yabang na
yabang kami kasi Paolo Arandia, inagaw niya pa sa amin si Mary."

I laughed really loud.

"Like what did he agaw to you, Jufran? Mariake isn't own by anyone. You're so
nakakatawa!"

Umiling si Jufran. "Matulog ka na. Kung ano-anong pinagsasabi mo." He stood up na

and he went inside the bahay. I made sunod naman to him and went to the room Mamang
lent me. She said that it was Peypey's room before and it had the nicest bed. Like
how the hell is a race car bed a nice bed? Like Peypey's is so matanda na for that.
Feeling yata ni Peypey, ka-age niya si Ada na iyong bed ni Ada kamukha noong
pumpkin carriage ni Cinderella. Like the fuck? Cars pa nga iyong design.

"Pan." Jufran called me before going inside the kwarto. He was smiling. "Thank you
for being kind to our Mamang."

"Oh!" I smiled.I went to him and kissed his cheeks. "Good night, Jufran." I went
inside the kwarto na and lay on the race car bed. I wondered if I will have fast
dreams here. I sighed. I miss my Mama. I have no phone, I cannot contact her pa
naman. But I miss her. I really miss my family.

I really thought that I have a perfect family. Now I realized that the only perfect
in our family is Rocheta Emilio – Consunji. She always say how perfect she is and
how beautiful she is. Siya lang talaga iyong perfect kasi, thinking about it, our
clan is one big bullshit.

And naisip ko, that's why I am so scared na magkamali because I always think about
what Papa would say or would think. Of all the people in the world, Papa is one
hard asshole to please. I wondered how Mama fell for him. Like, the fuck, right?

I stood up again because I really can't sleep. I left the kwarto again and while
walking, I saw Mamang going out of her room.
"Pan, why are you gising pa?" She asked me. I giggle every time I hear her make
gaya my talk.

"I can't sleep po kasi, Mamang."

Towhtowh's Mamang is very pretty. She's just simply beautiful. Her hair is very
long – like hanggang likod na, and she has upturned nose, almond shaped eyes and
full pouty lips. She looks like she's in her early forties pa lang, like Mama. But
she's a bit chubby so I am teaching her how to belly dance.
"I can't tulog po kasi."

She smiled. "Ay naku, halikan doon tayo sa silid ko. Susuklayan kita." I followed
her. I made higa to her bed and she started suklay my hair. I remember Mama used to
do this a lot. I also remember those slumber party with Tia and Dione and ate Amal.
Like when, I can't sleep, Mama will comb my hair, while Tita Hera and Tia were
doing the same thing, like magkaharap sila and they're like nakukwentuhan and then,
Ninang Casiel will barge in and she will make mura, then Mama Hera will make her
bawal because she speaks like a taga kanto.

I miss those memories. I miss Tia – even if she's a bitch, and Mama Hera, even if
she's the bitchiest of all.

"Matanong nga kita, Pan. Bakit ka ba umalis sa bahay ninyo?" She asked me.

"Kasi, Mamang, may Papa doesn't love me."

"Hindi naman iyon totoo. Walang magulang na hindi nagmamahal sa anak." Paliwanag
niya. "Maybe your father has some other way to show how much he loves you. We can
never really judge. Noong buhay pa iyong Papang ng mga barako ko, madalas mag-away
iyang si Jufran at si Toto dahil sa atensyon ng Papang nila. Kaya ang ginawa ko,
tinuruan kong magsaing si Toto at si Jufran. Ipinaintindi ko sa kanila na tulad ng
sinaing, kailangan bigyang pansin pero hindi dapat palaging binubuklat para
bantayan – parang iyong pagmamahal at atensyon ng Papang nila."

I stared at her.

"In my family, we weren't taught how to saing. We are taught that in an early age,
we have responsibilities even if we don't want it, we have to own it, live with it
and stand by it when the right time comes. That's why I understand Kuya Hyron now.
He didn't want to be the next Sancho Consunji or Helios Demitri. He just wants to
be his simple self but because of the money and the perks our clan has, we have to
live with whatever our name has to offer and mind you, Mamang, Uncle Ben was right
all along, with great power comes great responsibility, in our case, with lots of
money, comes lots of problem, controversies, betrayal and all those negative
things. That's why I never had real friends – other than my beshie Elisha." I
sighed. What I said naman is true. It seems like I am only realizing it now. Like
my family is strong when we're together but deep inside we're already falling apart
individually.

"Sinabi mon a ba ang lahat ng ito sa mga magulang mo?" She asked me. In a sadder
note, like four huhuhuhu in the end, I can't tell this to Mama, it will only make
her sad. I don't want to make her sad because she's already taking care of Papa.
Nalulungkot si Mama kapag sick si Papa. And he's always sick these last months.

"No. I don't want to make my family sad. We lack of communication and time." I
sadly admitted it.
Na-sight kong sad si Mamang. "But hey!" I said. "It's so nakakaloka that I feel
comfortable talking to you about this, like the fuck! You shouldn't be sad Mamang!
I don't want you sad! Let's just talk about Raphael Arandia!" I clapped three
times.

"Why didn't you marry my Uncle? I haven't seen him, I don't know him but I'm sure
his muy sympatico and gwapo! And oozing with testosterone because the men in my
family are like that?!"

"Aba'y kanino mo nalaman ang bagay na iyan!"

"Jufran told me kanina!"

"At Uncle mo si Raphael?" She asked me.

"Yes, like his Lolo Rafael made ligaw to my Lola Apollo before."

"Paano kayo naging magkamag-anak?"

"Well, we call them the lost legacy. We only knew about them like five years ago
when Uncle Yto discussed to the family reunion the last will and testament that
Lolo Sancho left behind. According to the last will, half of the Consunji Empires
will go to the Asuncion Consunji -Arandia's legacy. It's what out Lola wanted. But
we couldn't find them, not until the written letter by my Lolo Adam appeared na
lang out of thin air like, it says na nakausap niya si Ignacio Consunji – Arandia
telling him that their family doesn't want anything from our family because they
survived for decades without our perks. Like I don't understand them but
experiencing all of this now, I know na why they don't want anything to do with us.
Our family kasi is a big circus."

"Ay naku, Pan, h'wag kung ano – anong tinatawag mo sa pamilya mo ha. Ang pamilya ay
pamilya, magulo man kayo, hindi nagkakasundo pero sa huli pamilya pa rin kayo.
Tandaan mo iyan."

"Yes, Mamang. So, why didn't you mary Uncle Raphael Arandia?" I kept on asking.
Mamang sighed and told me to sleep. She didn't answer my question – like it's so
sayang.

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Wala dito si Jufran, Mary Jane, hindi namin alam kung kailan siya babalik."

Si Pepe ang humarap sa babaeng bisita ni Kuya Jufran. Nasa compound na kami noong
hapong iyon at nagtitinda nan ang dumating siya nang may kasamang abogado. Hindi ko
alam kung anong kailangan nila at wala akong balak harapin siya kahit na parang ako
ang kailangan niya. Hindi niya pinansin si Pepe.

"Si Juan Antonio ang kailangan ko." Iyon ang sabi niya sa kapatid ko. Nagtuloy siya
sa loob ng coffee shop ko. Nasa counter naman ako at nagbibilang ng cake sa loob ng
display fridge.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Birada." Sabi niya sa akin. "I want you to meet Atty.
Salandangan. Siya iyong may hawak ng kaso laban sa Vejar Shipping lines." Paliwanag
niya sa akin. "I escorted him here para magkausap kayo. He needs concrete statement
tungkol doon sa naging experience mo. We'll see if this can be a concrete evidence
for a lawsuit."

"Diba sinabi ko na noon? Hindi ako sasali sa mga taong magdedemanda sa kanila.
Hindi ko kilala iyonhg may-ari ng Vejar Shipping Lines pero kung mayroon man akong
alam, alam kong hindi niya ginustong lumubog ang barko. Why are you making gatong
the fire that's already big na?" Bigla kong naalala si Pan at ang pagtataray niya.
Tumaas ang kilay ni Mary Jane Sihurano.

"Look, pre, wala akong pakialam kung naka-survive ka. Kaunting tulong lang ang
hinihinging kapalit ng pamilya ko. Tinulungan ka naming makaalis sa isla na iyon.
If it weren't for my father---"

"Siguro nakabuo na ako ng sibilisasyon sa isla kung hindi kayo dumating." Mabilis
na sagot ko – na kaagad ko ring binawi. "Ang ibig kong sabihin, kung hindi naman
pala labag sa kalooban ninyo ang pagtulong sa akin, bakit ninyo pa ginawa?" I asked
her. Hindi siya nakasagot.

"Ayan na pala si Jufran." Sabi ko pa. Kararating lang ni Kuya at sinenyasan ko

siyang puntahan ako at si Mary Jane.

"Juana." Tawag niya. Kumunot kaagad ang noo ni Mary Jane.

"Mary Jane."

"Juana."

"Tang ina mo."

"Language please." My brother said. "Miss mo na ako no?" Tanong pa ni Kuya.

"Miss ko na iyong statement na ibibigay sana ng kapatid mo pero hindi niya magawa."
Mary Jane shook her head. "Babalik ako at sana sa pagbalik ko, you've made up your
mind, Birada."

Mary Jane left my coffee shop. Nakipagtitigan ako kay Jufran.

"Hindi naman pala maluwat sa loob nila na tulungan ako, sana hinayaan ninyo na lang
ako doon." Inis na sabi ko. Nagkaproblema pa ako ngayon.

"Hindi ganoon iyon. Pinepressure ka lang, kakausapin ko na lang si Senator ulit sa

susunod. Kausapin mo si Lulu, uuwi tayo ng Paombong ngayon. Birthday ni Papang
bukas. Gusto ni Mamang naroon tayo."

Napatawa ako. Si Mamang hanggang ngayon pinagdidiwang niya iyongh kaarawan ni

Papang kahit na nagkahiwalay na sila nang labing – apat na taon bago pa man namatay
si Papang. Kung sabagay, hiwalay na sila, nag-aalala pa rin siya kay Papang. Ganoon
yata talaga kapag nagmamahal, nakakasanayan mon ang alalahanin, isipin at gawin ang
mga bagay noon kahit na wala na ngayon ang minamahal mo.

"Sige."

"Mag-sorry ka kay Pan, pagdating doon. Sinabi niyang tinawag mo siyang call girl.
Iyong bunganga mo ha. Sawa na ang tao sa ruthless saka sa asshole, doon tayo sa mga
savior ng damsel in distress. Lahi natin iyon, panindigan mo." Nakatawang sabi ni
Kuya sa akin. Hindi na ako sumagot. Tinapos ko ang inventory para sa gabing iyon at
tinawag si Lulu para ipagbilin sa kanya ang shop. Matapos maayos ang lahat, sabay –
sabay kaming sumakay sa pick up ni Fonso. Si Pepe ang katabi ko.

"Tado! Amoy barbeque ka!" Sabi ko sa kanya.

"Natural! Matakot ka kung amoy Pekpek ako! Malamang barbeque ang binebenta ko!"
"Manahimik nga kayo." Sabi ni Fonso. Nakatingin kaming lahat sa kanya.

"Handa ka na ba? Uuwi tayo ng paombong, maamoy ka ni Monalisa." Nakangisi si Kuya

Jufran. Si Monalisa Arandia – ang ampon ni Raphael Arandia. Wala kasi silang babae
sa henerasyong ito kaya nag-ampon ng anak na babae si Raphael, at kababata namin si
Mona – matagal na siyang may gusto kay Kuya Fonso pero natigil iyon nang lumalim
ang away ng mga pamilya namin.

"Hindi na nga sila nagpapansinan, kasi nga magagalit si Raphael. Ayaw niya sa
pamilya natin." Sabi pa ni Pepe.

"Oo. Kasi amoy pekpek ka!" Sabay-sabay na wika namin. Tumawa si Fonso at sala
pinasibad na ni Kuya Jufran ang kotse. Hindi nagtagal ay nakarating na kami sa
lumang bahay namin. Bukas lahat ng ilaw kaya alam naming gising si Mamang. Pagpasok
sa bahay ay amoy na amoy iyong...

"Sinaing! Nasusunog!" Sigaw ni Kuya Jufran. Nagtuloy siya sa kusina. Sumunod ako.
We found Pan biting her lower lip while shaking her hands. Pinatay ni Kuya ang
kalan. "Bakit hindi ka sa rice cooker nagluto?"

"Mamang said na I have to be patient so she turo me how to saing. But I'm napaso.
Look oh!" She showed us her hand and my eyes widened seeing how many blisters she
got. Napailing ako.

'Bakit ba ksi nagpipilit ka? Hindi mo naman kayang gawin iyang ganyan bagay! Pabida
ka. Bakit hindi mo palitan doon si Jollibee?" Inis na sabi ko. Pan made a face.

"I don't give a paki what you sabi, Towhtowh, you're irrelevant naman!"
She walked away. Nang tingnan ko si Kuya Jufran ay masama ang titig niya sa akin.

"Gago ka. Tumutulong lang si Pan pero inaayaw mo! Ayusin mo iyon kundi sasapakin
kita."

Napilitan akong sumunod. Si Jufran ang Kuya sa amin at kapag sinabi niya obligado
akong sumunod. Sabi nga ni Mamang kung bumara si Kuya Jufran sa matres niya wala
kaming lahat ngayon. Kahit na masama sa kalooban ko, sinusunod ko ang mga sinasabi
niya sa akin dahil alam kong hindi naman siya maghahangad nang hindi makakabuti
para sa aming magkakapatid.

Hinanap ko si Pan. Nakita kong nakatayo siya sa may porch at nakatanaw sa may bakod
roon. Tinabihan ko siya.

"Sorry." I said. She looked at me.

"I will tanggap your sorry, if you specify what you're being sorry for. What are
you sorry for, huh? For calling me Jollibee? I don't have a big pwet kaya!"

"Sorry for treating you badly, Pan. It's just that nainis ako sa kapatid mo, naisip
ko ngayon na hindi naman dapat sa'yo ibunton ang inis ko sa mang-aagaw ng dekada.
Makakarma rin siya." Sabi ko pa. Sa gulat ko biglang tumawa si Pan Vejar. She even
hit my shoulders. Iyong tawa niya kasi nananakit siya.

"Ikaw talaga! If I know you had blue balls when you saw may malaking dede in that
lazy bra so you became galit kasi naniga iyong penis mo, like fuck! Don't make I
tanggi!" Namula ang mukha ko.

"Hindi iyan totoo!" I said. Tawa lang siya nang tawa. Hindi naman nagtagal ay
napatawa na rin ako. I kissed her lips, nagulat siya.

"Eww! Your breath taste like vanilla. It's not masarap. Chocolate is masarap. Next
time you eat chocolate before you kiss me."
It was my turn to laugh. We both sighed and looked at the land. Naaninag kong may
tatlong kabayong nakatayo sa may bakod na naroon. I couldn't see who they are pero
alam kong mga Arandia iyon.

"Who's that?" Pan asked.

"Arandias." I simply said. "Pumasok na tayo." Inakbayan ko si Pan at hinalikan siya

sa noo.

I kind of missed her. Like with three hearts hearts hearts in the end.

CHAPTER 10
Iba

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

I woke up like so maaga the following morning. I had trouble sleeping in Peypey's
bed because I'm worried that the car might be fast and I might meet an accident in
my dream – like who would want a race car for a bed – only Peypey! Good thing his
bedsheet is mabango and hindi amoy Pekpek like him.

I went downstairs to see if Mamang is already gising na. But I found Fonso and
Jufran there in the kitchen. They were cooking – well Jufran is, Fonso is making
bread, that's what I think it is. He's making maso something eh. It's definitely
bread.

"Morning, boys." I told them. They both looked at me. Both were half-naked. "You
remind me so much of my fucked-up cousin Ino. He's a chef, and he cooks half-naked
too!"

"Makapagsalita ka sa pinsan mo." Reklamo ni Jufran.

"He is fucked-up! He suffered from amnesia – thinking that he didn't have amnesia
and claimed the girl – Rocio – na sila daw iyong mag-boyfriend not realizing that
it's Constantino – my other fucked – up cousin who's really Rocio's boyfriend and
fiancé. It's so fucked –up 'cause there four fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, in the middle
of them all."

I pouted my lips because I realized something. "Come to think of it, all my cousins
are fucked-up! I have a cousin who was dead for almost a decade, his twin sister
used to be the mistress of her ex-husband, then my cousin Hyacinth doesn't want to
get married before, and then there's Apollo – my di na naliligo na pinsan, who
pretended to be his twin brother in front of the girl, married her and fucked
everything up! Achill, is fucked-up too because hes an asshole to Ate Betchay, then
there's Tia – who died, btw, who fell in love with a guy half her age and of
course, Percy! Who had a romantic relationship with my another fucked – up cousin
Haley Demitri and who will forget about Hunter!"

"Who's Hunter and what did he do?" Jufran pretended that he cares.

"First, Junko – his wife now – thought that he raped her, so she spent her whole
life hating him and as it turns out, hindi naman pala si Hunter ang rapist! Like
the fuck! Then there's Heath, oh he's a handful! He drugged this girl to sleep with
her and got her pregnant but lost the baby. And then, of course, the classic Yale
Consunji – the most fucked – up cousin I have – like the fuck again! He tried
getting rid of his own baby boy and he's making bugbog the wife before! Like wow!
Now I realize that my family is indeed a circus! Not to mention pa my former
baklang brother na si Alele and the most hated person in the whole Milky way –
Kairos Vejar –"

"Iyong mag-aagaw ng dekada? Oo, nakakabwisit nga iyon." Fonso and Jufran said. I
giggled. I finally walked to them to look at what they're doing. Jufran was cooking
eggs, hotdogs and other pang-mahirap na breakfast na food while Fonso, he's making
a bread – from scratch.

"I thought si Towhtowh ang baker sa inyo. Like I'm so shocked today! With four OH
MY, OH MY, OH MY, OH MY, then one GOD in the dulo." Fonso laughed.

"Towhtowh is the baker but pan de sal is my specialty. I call it, Pan de sal ni
Fonso." He said to me. Nahear kong nagsound iyong oven na big sa behind ko. I
looked and Fonso took out the pan de sal in the loob and gave me some. Like it's so
delicious!

"Aw! Masarap pala iyong pang-poor na food!" I noticed that he's putting the pan de
sal in the basket so I had to ask him why. He said na ibebenta niya daw iyon sa
outside people. Like three pesos per piece.

"Ay! Can I come?!" I asked him. "I want to make tinda! Please, Fonso! Please!"

"Okay. Maghilamos ka muna." He told me.

"Oh nag-wash na ako ng face! Let's go na!"

Fonso and I left their home. The mainit na pandesal was inside the basket. We rode
a bike that has a side car. I sat there holding the basket while Fonso drives. He
was also yelling Pan De Sal ni Fonso! I was giggling. People are looking at him
talaga with their eyes wide kasi nga Fonso is like half -naked while biking. I am
eating the bread naman that Fonso made when suddenly a yellow pick-up stopped just
in front of our bike – and it made Fonso lose his balance so we're like nataob sa
lupa. I was like nadaganan ng side car like ten ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch,
ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch under the side car.

"Pan!" Fonso yelled.

Someone made baba to the pick – up and I saw a girl with two bodyguard on her side.
Fonso made me tulong. My binti is bloody. Like there's a big daddy wound in there.

"Ano bang problema mo, Monalisa?!" Fonso yelled. I was biting my lower lip.

"Wala akong problema, Juan Alfonso. I was just driving around." She said to us.
Like I looked at her. She's more matangkad than me. She had a fair complexion,
short hair, and her collarbones were showing. She was wearing a white sando with a
matching vest. Also, she has an haciendera sombrero. Like what the fuck? There's so
many wrong things in her outfit.
"Driving around?! Kita mo nga kung anong ginawa mo sa paninda ko at kay Pan?!" I
nodded while pouting my lips.

"Hah! Wala akong pakialam. Arandia ako." She said. My eyes widened.

"I'm a Vejar." I said. The woman looked at me.

"Arandia ako. Legally adopted by Raphael Arandia. My clan owns half of this land."

"I'm a Vejar. No, scratch that. I'm a Consunji – Vejar and my family owns an
Airline, a Mining Corporation and Shipping Lines. Other than that, I am also a
Consunji and we're like the pillar of the business world. Mere mention of our name
and people shiver." I smiled oh so sweetly. "Plus, I am not adopted. Who are you
again?"

Fonso shook his head and carried me. We came back to their house in a tricycle that
he made para while we were walking. When we got home, Tohwtohw saw me.

"Anong nangyari diyan?!" He shouted. He took me from Fonso's arm and he made me sit
on the sofa. He was looking at my binti. "Fonso!"

"Sinagasaan kami ni Monalisa." He simply said. "Hindi naman malalim iyong sugat
niya pero nagdudugo pa. Pepe, first aid nga!"

Peypey took the first aid kit and Towhtowh made gamot my wound. When Mamang saw me
she was hysterically yelling.

"What happened to Pan?!" She hissed. "Anak, what happened to you, why ka may
sugat?!"

"Kasi, Mamang, Fonso and I are making tinda the pan de sal he made this morning
when suddenly a yellow pick up made us bangga, and Fonsi lost his balance so we
like taob to the lupa and I was nadaganan by the side car of the bike, my binti got
ipit and now, it's so nakakaloka and masakit with seven ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch,
ouch, ouch, ouch, in the middle 'cause in the end there's like seven huhuhuhuhuhuhu
kasi nga it's ouchie, look Towhtowh, there a big daddy sugat in my binti. Like
huhuhuhu."

Peypey came back with the first aid. He made tingin my wound and touched it. He
made a face later. I smirked.

"See, now you're Pepeng may dugo. Like fuck." I commented. "Like that's regla in
Filipino. Now, choose again, I will call you Peypey, Pekpek or Regla. Either way,
I'm not going to be affected naman. So, what now, Peypey?"

"Kuya Jufran oh! Inaaway ako!"

"Lumayo ka nga kay Pan, Peypey, sisipain kita sa itlog!" Towhtowh said.

Towhtowh keep on making linis my wound. I noticed Mamang left the room. A little
while lated, Towhtowh is making ballot na my already clean big daddy sugat in a
clean cloth.

"Is it still ouchie, Pan?" He asked me.

"No, like a little bit sakit na lang." I smiled. He sighed. I was nagulat when he
kissed the ibabaw of the cloth of my sugat.

"There, hindi na iyan ouchie. And then, he made tabi to me and put his arm around
me. I was just pouting my lips.

"Sorry, Pan. Hindi na mauulit ito." Fonso said to me.

"Oh no! Don't be sorry. It's not like you wanted that to happen. Maybe Mona is
tanga because she doesn't know how to drive like T – A – N – G – A 100 per cent na
tanga like she doesn't know talaga or maybe she's super sama ng ugali that's why
she wanted to kill us! Or maybe she liked the pan de sal. And she really want to
make bili but she saw me making it kain so—"
"Mang! Maghunos dili kayo!" We heard Jufran yelling. My eyes widened when I saw
Mamang with a rifle in her hand. "Mang!"

Mamang went out of the bahay.

"What happened?!" I asked.

"Galit na galit si Mamang. Susugod yata siya sa kabila."

"Ano?!"

The boys – all of them ran after Mamang. I was left alone in the sala but three
minutes later, Towhtowh went back. He was smiling at me. He kissed my forehead and
made bilin to me to not go anywhere.

"But I want to go! I'm nag-aalala." He took a deep breath.

"Okay, pero 'wag kang lalayo sa akin ha."

"Okay." I held his hand.

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

Nagulat ako nang makarinig ako nang apat na putok nang baril. Nakatayo ang ga
kapatid ko sa may bakod na naghahati sa dalawang lupain.

"Mang, umuwi na tayo! Halika na habang wala pang nagpupunta dito!" Jufran said.

"Aba! Hindi ako uuwi! Nakita mo kung anong ginawa nila kay Pan at Fonso?! Hindi na
ba talaga nila titigilan ang pamilya ko?! Hindi ko naman kasalanan na pagkatapos ng
halos thirty years, ampalaya pa rin ang inuulam niyang si Paeng!"
"Mang! Umuwi na tayo, please po!" Niyakap ni Pepe si Mamang sa likuran. "Mang!

"Mang, umuwi na tayo." Sabi pa ni Kuya Fonso.

"Oo nga, Mang." Segunda ko. "Umuwi na tayo. Tingnan ninyo si Pan, naglakad pa
papunta dito, umuwi na tayo."

Tiningnan lang kami ni Mamang pagkatapos ay muling pinaputok ang rifle niya.
Nabingi kaming lahat. Yumakap sa akin si Pan. She looked at me tapos ay nagsalita
siya.

"Towhtowh, I'm super scared like 100 times scared."

Kahit ayoko ay napapangiti ako. Kagabi ay hindi na naman ako nakatulog kaya naisip
kong silipin siya sa kwarto ni Pepe. Nakahiga siya sa kama ni Pepe na race car
habang pabiling-biling habang nakatingin ako ay naisip kong may crush ako sa kanya.
Crush lang naman, hindi naman iyon big deal. Natutuwa ako sa kanya, napapasaya niya
kasi si Mamang. Noong naghapunan kami kagabi, nakita ko kung gaano siya kaasikaso
sa Mamang namin. Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit natutuwa rin si Fonso at Kuya
Jufran sa kanya.

Tama sila, mabait si Pan. Hindi ko na lang papansinin kung paano siya magsalita,
basta alam ko at sigurado akong maganda ang nasa loob ng puso niya.
"Mamang..." Pan called her. "I'm scared na po. Can we just go home po?"

"Hindi ako papayag nang naaapi ang kahit na sino sa mga anak ko! Paeng! Ilabas mo
rito iyang si Monalisa nang masuweto!"

Hindi naman nagtagal ay may dumating na tatlong 4 x 4 na magkakaibang kulay. May

pula, asul at itim. Sa gitna, namataan ko si Don Paeng Arandia. Nakakunot ang noo
niya habang may hawak rin siya baril. Sa asul naman ay naroon si Mona at ang mga
kapatid niyang lalaki. Sa isa ay naroon si Luigi Arandia at si Yves Arandia. They
all have this smirk on their faces.

Bumaba si Don Paeng sa 4x4 at hinarap si Mamang.

"Luisa." Tinawag niya ang pangalan ni Mamang. Napamura ako nang tutukan ni Mamang
si Don Paeng ng baril sa mukha.

"Matagal nang tahimik ang alitan ng pamilya natin, Raphael pero iyang maldita mong
anak ang nagsisimula nang lahat ng ito!"

"At anong ginawa ni Mona? Wala siyang ginagawang masama, Luisa."

"Sinagasaan niya si Fonso at si Pan kanina!"

"Nakaharang sila sa daan, Mrs. Birada kaya hindi koi yon kasalanan!" Monalisa
answered back.

"God, she's such a bitch." I said. Napatingin ako kay Pan.

"Sandali lang naman." Sabi ni Kuya Jufran."Mr. Arandia. Don Paeng, hindi naman kami
nandito para manggulo, in fact inuuwi na namin si Mamang at wala kaming balak
makipag-away pero sana ho, ayusin ho ni Mona ang pinagagawa niya sa buhay. Kung
makaasta ho kasi siya parang wala kaming pinagsamahan. Magkababata kami." Wika pa
ni Kuya.

"Past is past, Jufran. Wala akong kaibigang Birada."

"At mas lalong wala kaming kaibigang Arandia!" Sigaw ko. Hindi na ako nakatiis.
Hinatak ko si Pan papunta sa harapan; Marahan lang naman kasi baka masaktan siya.
"Nakikita ninyo ba itong sugat sab inti ng Panpan ko?!" Galit na wika ko. "Dahil
iyan sa anak ninyong walang kinikilalang santo!"

Napatingin si Mr. Arandia kay Pan. Halatang natigilan siya habang nakatingin sa
amin.
"Who is that Pan?" He asked.

"My name is Pan Consunji – Vejar. I am the granddaughter of Laide Consunji-Dela

Monte."

"Do you know Fabian Consunji?" Don Paeng asked.

"He's my great great Lowlow. And yes, I know you. We call you the lost legacy. The
ones who doesn't want anything to do with the name we bear and frankly, I
understand why but although our family is like a circus and a big joke with all
these controversies, we do not touch or hurt people we just met in the road. If you
have a problem with me, my dear Monalisa, tell it to my face. Do not touch me, or
even look at me – especially now that you have injure my leg. If and when my family
finds out, they will crush you like ants and I am not even threatening you."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako napapangiti habang pinakikinggan ko si Pan. Natutuwa
ako sa mga sinasabi niya. For a while there, nagtago si Monalisa sa likod ng Papa
niya at humawak sa braso. Nagsalita na naman si Mamang.

"Hindi ko na makikitang sasaktan o titingnan niyang si Monalisa ang mga anak ko

Raphael kundi, susunugin koi yang hacienda ninyo!" Pinanlakihan sila ni Mamang ng
mata. Inalalayan ni Fonso si Mamang, si Jufran naman ay kinuha ang baril. Si Pepe
ay umakbay rin sa nanay namin saka tumalikod na. Ako naman ay hinawakan ko ang
kamay ni crush. We all turned away when suddenly, Don Paeng spoke.

"Miss Vejar."

Pan looked back at him.

"Has anyone in your family told you that you look exactly like Asuncion Arandia."
"No." Pan smiled. "They always tell me that I look like my Lowla Laide. Though I
have no idea because I was only three when she died. But thank you for that, Mr.
Arandia." Pan waved at them. Habang naglalakad kami ay hindi ko binibitiwan ang
kamay niya. Malayo pa ang lalakarin namin at alam kong hirap siyang maglakad kaya
huminto muna ako para lumuhod.

"Ay! What's that? Piggy back ride?! I like that!" Sukat ba namang tinalon niya
iyong likod ko kaya nagpagulong – gulong kaming dalawa sa damuhan,.

"Ay! Ay! O M G! O M G! O M G!"

Nahinto lang kami noong nasa may puno na. Tawa nang tawa si Pan. Napatingin ako sa
kanya at sa unang pagkakataon ng buhay ko, nakakita ako ng babaeng mas maganda pa
kaysa kay Mary – at walang iba iyon kundi si Pan Vejar. 

CHAPTER 11
Desires

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Okay na si Mamang?"

Nakaupo ako sa porch sa harapan ng bahay nang lumabas si Kuya Jufran at Pepe. Gabi
na niyon at katatapos lang naming kumain nang hapunan nang biglang sumama ang
pakiramdam ni Mamang. We checked her BP at medyo tumaas ito. Baka na-stress siya sa
ginawa niyang pagsugod sa kabilang lupain. Sino ba namang hindi? Kahit nga ako na-
stress ako nang makita kong dala niya iyong rifle na nakasabit sa second floor ng
bahay. Noong bata ako, akala ko, design lang iyon. Ngayon ko nga lang nalaman na
totoong rifle pala iyon. Jusko.

"Oo, nakatulog na pagkatapos bigyan ni Fonso ng gamot at painumin ng tubig. Si Pan

naman pinagpahinga ko na at nagdugo na naman iyong sugat."

"Matigas kasi iyong ulo ni Pan. Epalogs pa." Wika ni Pepe. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng
mga mata.

"Hindi epalogs si Pan! Suntukin kita sa itlog!"

"Kuya oh! Inaaway ako ni Toto."

"Umayos ka kasi!" Binatukan siya ni Jufran. Hindi nagtagal ay dumating na rin si

Fonso. May dala siyang tatlong bote ng gin, isang basong pineapple juice at cornik.
We sat on the floor, facing each other in a circle position. Hindi naman lumipas
ang minuto ay pinapaikot na ni Jufran ang baso.
"Kuya." Tinawag ko siya. "Naisip ko lang kanina, ano bang nangyari kay Mamang at
Papang at kay Don Paeng? Naaalala ko kasi noon palaging nandito si Mona at iyong
iba pang mga Arandia, ibig sabihin, Kuya, dati friends talaga tayo tapos diba
naging admirer mo pa si Mona noon kuya tapos noong grade 8 tayo nalipat ang
atensyon niya kay Fonso."

"Pero kay Kuya iyon noong grade 7 siya binigyan niya ng panty si Kuya Jufran!" Tawa
nang tawa si Pepe habang umiinom ng gin. Napangiwi si Fonso at si Kuya Jufran.
"Pero kuya, anong nangyari kay Mamang, Papang tat Don Paeng? Mabait naman sa atin
iyong ibang kapatid ni Don Paeng diba."

"Ewan ko ba?" Sabi ni Kuya Jufran. "Basta noong namatay si Senyora Sioning,
pinabakod ni Don Paeng iyan. Pagkatapos nag-friendship over na rin sila ni Papang."

Napatango ako. I guess it will forever be a mystery. I stood up. Naiihi kasi ako
kaya pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay. Medyo nahihilo na rin ako. Exit ko na rin iyon.
Alam naman nilang lahat na ako ang pinaka-weak pagdating sa pag-inom. Sa aming
apat, si Pepe ang pinakamalakas sa alak. Tulog na ang lahat siya puma-party pa.

Umakyat na ako sa itaas, papasok na sana ako sa kwartong nang makita ko si Pan na
nakaupo sa may terrace. Nakapangalumbaba siya at para bang napakalalim ng iniisip.
Nilapitan ko si Crush. I giggled at myself. Crush ko talaga siya. Tang ina
kinikilig ako ng mga one hundred!

"Pan, anong ginagawa mo dito?"

She turned to me.

"Masakit ba iyong sugat mo?"

"No."
"Then what's wrong?" Tumabi ako sa kanya.

"Kasi Towhtowh, I miss my Mama like there ten huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu... I really want
to call her but I have no cellphone. I wanna see her, it's her birthday tomorrow."
She pouted her lips. Hinawakan ko iyong kamay niya tapos ay inilagay ko iyon sa
pisngi ko. She was just looking at me.

"Gusto mo bukas pumunta tayo sa Metro, dalawin natin ang Mama mo?" Her eyes widened
with happiness.

"Really? You will do that for me?"

I nodded and right at that moment, I knew that I am willing to do everything in

exchange for that priceless reaction.

"Thank you, Towhtowh but can we do that in the later hapon, because I promised
Mamang that I will make sama to the mass tomorrow, she said that it's the bisperas
of the Fiesta here and I would really like to see the fiesta here, Towhtowh kasi I
had never seen a local fiesta before. I experienced it when I was in Brazil and in
Spain and it's so nakakaloka and nakakahappy, like mga ten hahahahahahahahahaha in
the middle 'cause in the end there's like five whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! " I
giggled as I listen to her.

"Ang cute – cute mo." Sabi ko pa.

"I know!" She even rolled her. Kinurot niya ako sa tagiliran, kiniliti ko naman
siya. She giggled. Again, she pinched me sa may dibdib kaya ayun, nawala sa loob
ko, napisil ko rin iyong dibdib niya. Natigilan ako, si Pan naman ay nanlalaki ang
mga mata.

"Oh my god! You made hawak may malaking dede?!"

"I'm sorry! Hindi ko naman sinasadya!" Napalayo ako sa kanya. I was catching my
breath. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko.
Nakakahiya! Nahawakan ko iyong dede ni crush! Tang inang juice!

Niyakap niya iyong sarili niya saka siya tumawa. Napakalma naman ako mukhang hindi
naman siya nagagalit pero napatitig ako sa kamay ko.

"Ikaw talaga, Towhtowh." She said. "You just missed making hawak may dede. Siguro
na-remember mo iyong sa island. Like you're so Bastos with a capital B." She
giggled again. Napailing ako.

"Matulog ka na nga! Kung ano-anong sinasabi mo! Maaga pa tayong magsisimba bukas!"
I hissed at her.

"Oh, why are you so galit na naman?! Like I'm not doing anything kaya!"

"Heh! Matutulog na ako!" I said. Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko. Share kami ni Pepe ng
kwarto ngayon dahil si Pan nga ay natutulog sa kwarto niya. I sat in the bed
feeling my erection.

"Tang ina, To! Chill! Crush pa lang bawal pang ikama! Tang ina!"

Pinilit kong matulog nang gabing iyon. Bandang alas tres nang madaling araw
naramdaman kong tumabi sa akin si Pepe. Nilingon ko siya, tulog na tulog na.
Niyayakap pa ako. Parang tang, lagi na lang siyang sumisiksik sa akin. Nang umaga
na ay ako ang pinakaunang gumising sa kanila. Magsisimba kasi kami, ayaw na ayaw ni
Mamang na male-late kami sa misa.

"Hoy, gising na! Magagalit si Mamang kapag na-late tayo sa misa! Gising na!"
Pinagsisipa ko si Fonso at Jufran, si Pepe ay hinubuan ko pa ng short para lang
tumayo na siya. Ganoon kasi kami noong bata pa, nakalakihan na ni Pepe ang ganoon.

"Kuya naman eh!"

"Bumangon ka na at maligo! Kukurutin kita sa Titi mo!" Pepe made a face. I just
laughed. Naligo na rin ako at nagbihis. Pagbaba ko ay nagkakape na si Fonso at
Jufran. Si Pepe, siya ang pinakahuling natapos maligo, sakto lang kami sa oras,
para pagbaba ni Mamang, siya na lang ang hihintayin namin.

"Dumaan na lang tayo sa palengke mamaya para ibili si Papang ng bulaklak. Nalimutan
kong bumili kahapon." Sabi ko kay Jufran. Sigurado naman kasing dadalawin namin si
Papang pagkatapos ng misa.

Naghihintay lang kami kay Mamang, maya-maya ay narinig naming may bumababa na.
Hindi nagtagal ay tinawag na niya kami. Sabay-sabay kaming magkakapatid na naglakad
patungo sa sala. We saw Mamang and it amazed us all.

"See! Mamang! You're pretty! Look at them, they're so natatanga to you!" Pan
exclaimed. Matagal ko nang alam na maganda ang Mamang ko pero sa suot niya ngayon,
lalo siyang gumanda. She was wearing a dress. May kaunting make – up rin siya tapos
itinirintas ni Pan ang buhok ni Mamang.
"Mang baka may manligaw sa'yo sa simbahan, 'wag na tayong magsimba!" Sabi ni Pepe.

"Hay naku, Juan Pedro! Manahimik ka diyan! Magsimba na tayo at dadalaw pa tayo sa
Papang ninyo. Birthday niya kahapon hindi tayo nakapunta baka magtampo iyon sa
inyo."

"Mang naman..." Sabay-sabay na sabi namin. Nauna na siyang lumabas. Dalawang

sasakyan kami. Sumakay siya sa kotse ni Fonso, sumunod si Pepe, kami naman ni Pan
ay sa kotse ni Jufran. Kami ni Jufran sa harapan, si Pan sa likod.

"Kuya, pahiram ng kotse mamaya. Naiwan ko iyong akin sa Malolos. Luluwas muna kami
ni Pan, birthday daw kasi ng Mama niya."

"Oh, talaga ba? Babalik ka pa ba, Pan?"

"Yes, Jufran, like I'm so gonna balik because I'm still tampo with my Papa. Don't
worry, I will help you in your business like so much help talaga, iyong nakaka-
happy na help like four hahahaha in the end."

I smiled again. Ang ganda – ganda ng crush ko. Naka-dress din siya ngayon, wala
siyang kung ano sa mukha. Ang kinis niya.

"Baka matunaw." Bulong ni Kuya Jufran sa akin. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata.
Dumating kami sa simbahan. Inalalayan ni Pepe si Mamang habang papasok kami. Habang
naglalakad naman ay hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Pan. Hindi naman niya tinanggal, so
okay lang talaga iyon. She looked at me and smiled.

Pagpasok namin simbahan ay napansin ko agad ang mga Arandia. Masama ang tingin ni
Monalisa kay Pan. Kinunutan siya ng noo ni Fonso, so she looked away. Nakapagitna
sa aming magkakapatid si Mamang at si Pan. Siyempre, katabi ko si Pan, si Pepe
naman ay katabi si Mamang.

Noong peace be with you na, isa – isa kaming humalik kay Mamang. Fonso kissed
Mamang forehead. Si Pepe naman ay sa pisngi ganoon rin ako at si Jufran. Pan kiss
Mamang too and she started kissing my brothers – sa pisngi lang naman, noong si
Pepe na, hinampas ni Pan iyong braso niya sabay baling sa akin. She smiled first
and then she gave me a smack on the lips sabay tingin sa altar.

Tang inang crush ko. Ang lakas magpakilig!

The mass ended.

"Saan po tayo kakain, Mang?" Pepe asked.

"Oh, you eat after the simba?"

"Yes, Pan. Bakit kayo ba hindi?"Si Jufran. Holding hands lang kami ni Pan. She
seemed to not mind.

"Well, we do simba. But after that it's our choice if we will make sama to Papa and
Mama sa bahay to eat but most of the times, it's just me who's making sama to them
because my other siblings have something else to do. And then, Papa and I will make
kwentuhan all afternoon and sometimes, when he's masipag, we will cook dinner for
Mama like it's so sarap kasi he's masarap mag-cook."

"Masarap rin ako." Bigla kong nasabi. "Magluto. Diba, Mang." Tumaas ang kilay ni
Mamang. Habang palabas kami ay biglang humarang si Don Paeng sa amin. Nasa gitna
kami ng altar.

"Hello, dear long lost Uncle!" Pan said. Nagmano siya kay Don Paeng.
"Magandang umaga, Luisa." He greeted our mom.

"Ano na naman ang kailangan mo, Paeng?"

"Monalisa has something to say."

We all looked at Monalisa.

"I'm sorry." She said. "Fonso, sorry for what I did yesterday and Pan..." She
gitted her teeth. "Sorry rin."

"Oh, it's okay. The big daddy sugat is healing na. But don't make me away na kasi
I'm going to make your face meet the imburnal like 100 times and I will also
sabunot you."

"Kung makapagsalita ka!"

"Monalisa!" Bawal ni Don Paeng.

"Sorry, Pops." She said. Nagyuko siya nang ulo.

"Sino bang mag-aakalang marunong humingi ng tawad iyang anak mo." Parang naiinis na
wika ni Mamang.

"At sino rin bang mag-aakala na pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon, magkikita rin tayo
sa altar, Luisa."
"Magtigil ka nga Paeng! Baka paputukan kita ng rifle ni Juan!"

Mamang walked out. Sumunod agad si Pepe sa kanya. Don Paeng watched our mom as she
leaves.

"Like what's meron? Are you ex-lovers or something?!" Pan asked. Don Paeng looked
at me.

"Kapag nakausap mo ang Tita Yza mo, pwede bang pasalamatan mo siya para sa akin?"

"Yes naman po, but for what?"

"Alam na niya iyon. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Pan."

"Same here po! Bye!"

Napapalatak ako. "Mukhang maliligawan pa si Mamang. Ano sa tingin ninyo, Kuya?"

"Sa tingin namin kanina mo pa hindi mabitawan iyang kamay ni Pan."

"Huh?" Pan looked at us. She even raised both our hands. "It's like so sarap to the
feeling." She grinned. Tang ina talaga! Pinapakilig na naman niya ako!

xxxx

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"Like, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi..."

"Pan, ano bang ginagawa mo? Kanina pa tayo dito, bumaba ka na. Mukha namang
maraming tao sa loob ng bahay ninyo."
I looked at Towhtowh. He was just telling me to baba na from the car but I still
don't want to. What if Papa is galit to me? Like duh! He's galit nga that's why he
never made me hanap.

"Wait, nagka-count pa ako ng Mississippi kasi I'm like so nikakabahan like fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck! What if Papa doesn't want to kita me? What if he's galit? What if
he made me sampal if I show my face to them? I takwil myself and then I'm sure that
he takwil me too that's why he never made me hanap!" I pouted my lips.

"Halika na. Sasamahan naman kita. Kapag sinampal ka ng Papa mo, ihaharang ko ng
sarili ko. I wouldn't let anything bad happen to you, Pan."

"Awww... you're so nice. Like I can feel that you crush me. Don't worry, I have a
crush on you too. We crush each other. Don't be hiya. You wouldn't dare touch my
malaking dede if you don't crush me." Napakamot siya ng head. "Don't worry, I'm not
makaluma, I'm going to date you na kasi I like you naman but don't be expect sex
ha, I'm a virgin pa kaya."

His eyes widened.

"What? Is that nakaka-shock like with seven hundred exclamation points? Hello? I
may look malandi but I'm a virgin and I have a shave pekpek no so don't judge me."

His eyes became wider even more. I went out na of the car and waited for him. He
took a long time before he came out – like medyo hirap pa siyang mag-walk.

"Like why are you like that, Towhtowh?" I innocently asked. He swallowed. "Oh my
god! Are you imagining may shaved na pekpek? Like there's no pinagkaiba naman from
the pekpek na you already saw – it's just a cute little triangle with no buhok and
if you stretch it, like stretch like that, mag – smile siya sa'yo like she's saying
HI."

I made balik pa to where he's standing and took his arm.

"Why are you so stiff? Is your titi stiff na? Let me hawak nga."

Bigla siyang nag-yell.

"Like no! Like four NO! NO! NO! NO!" He said.

"Why are you making sigaw to me?"

"Walang hawakang magaganap! Grabe kang babae ka! Kasisimba lang natin kanina
gumagawa ka na naman ng kasalanan. Like O M G!"

He just held my kamay and we lakad na to the gate. Nakilala ako ni Kuya Guard. He
smiled.

"Good evening, Ma'am Pan. Kamusta na po you?"

"I'm good Kuya. Is everyone inside na ba?"

"Yes, Ma'am Pan. Like 100 per cent fuck na po."

"Good, Kuya. Btw, this is Towhtowh, he's my date."

"Good evening Sir Towhtowh." I nodded at Kuya Guard and he made us pasok na to the
bahay. I was holding Towhtowh's hand very mahigpit. Later, we're already inside the
house and the first I saw is my former baklang brother Alele.
"Alele!" I called him. He saw me and he run to my direction. We clasped hands and
we like talon talon in a circular movement. We both said: O M G at the same time.

"Like I missed you!" I said.

"Like where have you been ba? I am nag-aalala to you! Kairos said you were in
Bulacan the other day and I was really worried because he said that your cellphone
got stolen! Why do you keep on making layas ba?!" He hissed at me. Like, I got a
bit upset.

"Kasi nga si Papa, he doesn't love me!"

"Pan?" Another voice popped out.

"Oh, Hi Ate!" Ate Amal went down the stairs. She hugged me.

"Are you coming home?"

"Uhm no. Ay, btw, this is my friend, Towhtowh. He's name is Juan Antonio Birada and
we're like M.U kasi he crush me and I crush him."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Another voice popped. A more galit one. And I
was sure that it's Kairos. And he's with Mariake – who was smiling so wide.

"Anton, nandito ka pala." He said. Mariake walked to Towhtowh and I know that she's
gonna kiss him sa cheeks, like beso – beso but I made her beso first.

"I missed you too," I told Mariake. I noticed that Kairos was grinning like fuck.
"Let's go na to Mama and Papa!"

When we got to the dinner table I saw Dione with Papa. My baby heart is kind of
ouchie, ouchie but I have to be strong. The kids are already in there, Ada and Alba
are sitting together, Rem and Rom where there too, the twin babies are asleep
somewhere in this house and Eros was with Elisha. He was already eating.

"Pan!" Mama stood up. "Oh my baby girl! Where have you been and why do you have
sugat in your leg?" She looked at Towhtowh. "And who is this?"

"Ma, this is Towhtowh, He's a friend. He's the one who gave me so many---"

"Stop with the BJs." Kairos commented. I made a face.

"Buko juice. Are you happy now, Grumpy Brother?" I am sarcastic. Mama smiled at
Towhtowh.

"Right, he's the one who went to the hospital weeks ago. Hindi pa ako
nakakapagpasalamat sa'yo, Hijo. Salamat sa pag-aalaga mo sa anak ko. Nakabalik siya
dahil sa'yo." Mama hugged Towhtowh. Papa spoke after that.

"Thank you, Mr. Birada. If there's anything else I can do to help, just let me
know. I owe you big time."

"Hindi na po, Sir. Masaya po akong tinulungan ko si Pan." Sabi niya kay Papa. I
smiled. I told him to sit na. We sat together. Alba spoke.

"Why is your hair like that? It's looks unhealthy. Do you wash your hair?"
"Alba, that's rude. Apologize," Elisha said.

"Oh well. Sorry but I really think it stinks."

"Tito Toto." Ada said. "Boyfriend ka po ni Tita Panpan?"

"Ada, you shouldn't be asking that." Kairos said.

"Pero papa nagka-holding hands po sila sa under the table. Diba ikaw din nigaganoon
mo si Mama kaya lang ayaw ni Mama kasi baho daw hands mo."

All of us burst of laughter – lalo na si Papa. Kairos is namumula naman.

Dione didn't make me pansin – so is Papa. I didn't mind naman as long as I can be
here in Mama's side in her birthday. The family dinner ended. We had coffee in the
gazebo. Papa came with a cake and we sang for Mama.
"Wish na, Ma!" Kairos said. Mama stood beside Papa.

"I just have a simple wish and that is for your Papa to be healthy and for our
family to be happy. Thank you for being here, mga anak. Alam kong may hindi kayo
pagkakaintindihan lahat, Pan, Dione, Zeus, but please make up already. Iake,
Kairos, I love how you're trying to make things work. Elisha, thank you for being
in Alele's life. We love you even more for that and to Zeus, I love you, thirty
plus years together and I can still remember that day you left me in the altar."
Mama laughed. Papa just shook his head and kissed Mama's lips.

"I love you more, My Sweet Little Gianna."

I watched as my parents dance while Kairos sings. I missed this. Dione keeps on
cheering for them. Everyone seems happy, happy rin naman ako pero kasi, I[m
nagtatampo talaga.

I didn't bother na. I just left. Towhtowh's inside waiting for me naman. I decided
to take some of my things with me in Bulacan. I called Towhtowh.

"Come, let's go to my room. I'm just gonna take some of my things before we leave."

"Sasama ka pa sa akin?"

"Oh yes naman, why? Don't you wanna make me sama na?"

"Gusto ko. Natutuwa sa'yo ang mga kapatid ko, well maliban kay Peypey. Natutuwa
sila kasi napapasaya mo si Mamang. Matagal na niyang gusto ng anak na babae. You
came, Pan and you made her happy. Pero, kung mas masaya ka naman dito..."

"I might be happy here, but right now I feel like I don't belong here kasi. I don't
tell this to my family but I'm so tampo like I was gone for a long time and they
didn't notice agad. Papa forgot my birthday, Papa treats me different. I so want my
Papa to treat me like how he treats Dione and Ate Amal but that's too much, and
when I am with your family, I feel like I belong, that I am loved and treasured." I
made hikbi pa. Towhtowh sighed and hugged me.

"Uuwi na kita."

"Yes, but wait, I'll get my bullet vibrator."

"What?"
I didn't make him pansin na. I came up to my room and to my surprise, Dione was
there and she's crying.

"What are you doing here in my room?" I asked her. I made her taray. I walked
around and look for my sketch pad and my vibrator. Dione hugged me from behind.

"Ate, dito ka na lang."

"Ayoko nga. You're always making me away. I'm not staying here no. Like no no no
no!"

"Pan, I need you." She cried. I faced her.

"No. You don't need anyone, Dione. You're one selfish bitch and if you feel alone,
like what you're trying to imply, then you're just and ungrateful bitch for not
appreciating all the things that you have. You have everything, Dione. You have the
one thing that I desire the most – Papa's affection. You don't need anyone.
Goodbye."

I closed the door. I heard her hagulgol but I ran to Towhtowh and hugged him. He
hugged me back.

I needed to leave. I promise that I will come back but right now, I have to leave.

CHAPTER 12
Gulo

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

We arrived in Paombong a little bit before midnight. Thanks to traffic in the

Metro, we were stuck there for a very long time. I kinda got hungry but I decided
to just sleep this one. Nakakainis kasi iyong self ko, I cannot help but think
about Dione and her crocodile tears. Towhtowh was quiet too, it's as if he's making
pakiramdam my feelings. We made akyat to the stairs he took me to Pepe's door.

"Goodnight, Pan." He said. He winked at me and then he turned away. I grabbed his
arm so he stopped and faced me again. "What's wrong."

"Towhtowh, can you make sama to me? I know that I can't sleep. I need someone to
make kausap to, because if I kausap myself, I will be baliw na like there four oh
no, oh no, oh no, oh no, in the end. Please, with fifty – two cherries on top." I
pleaded. He just smiled and nodded. Glad to know naman that Towhtowh's a very
mabilis kausap na person. I opebed the door of Peypey's room. We made pasok – pasok
na. He sat on the floor and I sat on the bed holding my bag which contains my
bullet vibrator and my other essentials.

"What's wrong?" He asked me. I looked at him.

"Kasi before we left, Dione made kausap to me. She's crying no. Like she wants me
to stay there na lang but I don't want to make uwi pa because she's only gonna make
me away and when she makes me away, Papa always makes kampi to her, like fuck, like
I'm always the masama one but in the truth, I am the kawawa one, like ten
huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. And even though I act like it's okay, it's not because I
always want to ask Papa why naman he's ganoon to me? Like am I not his daughter?
But Ate Amal once told me that I am Mama and Papa's daughter. She named me pa nga
eh, so I am left with the thinking that I am pangit that's why Papa doesn't like
me."
"You're not pangit." Towhtowh said. I looked at him. "Ibig kong sabihin, hindi ka
pangit. Pan, you're one of the most beautiful girl I'd seen. Like you're my top 2."

"Who's your top 1? Mariake?" I asked.

"Mamang is my number one." He truthfully answered.

"Yes, Mamang is very pretty especially if she knew how to used that beauty. I
wondered what happened to him and Uncle Paeng, like there's still fire in there
palitan ng mga salita. Like Towhtowh, let's make out na."

"What?"

I pouted my lips.

"Let's make out. You know, kiss. Diba you said you crush me, come let's make out!"
I laughed at him. I made lipat to the sahig and kissed him. He's so bagal na kasi
and like I really want to kiss him. I like Towhtowh, he's different and I can see
that. He kissed me, he's like nagpipigil pa but I opened my mouth – wide so he can
French kiss me. His breath tastes like min chocolate and I like it, I made higop
his lower lip and he moaned.

"Pan!" He made me tulak.

"What?!" I asked when he hissed. "Don't you like it?" I asked. He was taking a deep
breath. His itsura is like his itsura earlier. I grinned. "Oh, you're being stiff
again! You're titi is so stiff na! Like I can make it hawak na!"
"Hoy!" Napatayo siya. I kneeled naman in front of him.

"Come na Towhtowh!" I giggled.

"Akala ko ba virgin ka pa?! Why naman you're like that?! Saka sabi mo talk lang,
let's talk about Dione!"

"Ih! I don't wanna talk about her nga! It's her life and if she's sad, then I'll
let her be sad, like she cares naman if I am happy. Come na, Towhtowh! Don't be
maarte, you dakma kata my malaking dede!" I hissed at him. Bigla siyang nag-kneel
in front of me and takip my bibig with his hand.

"Shh! Baka marinig ka ni Mamang!" He hissed at me.

"Kiss me na nga kasi!"

He stared for a while but he kissed me na. He kissed me sa lips but I pushed him.

"Make sama your dila. God ha!"

He laughed but he kissed me again, with dila now. It's so sarap like our dila were
in a sword fight, like hindi ako magpapa-lose, it's so sarap with five ahh, ahh,
ahh, ahh, ahh, in the ned. I took one of his hands and out it in my malaking dede.
I want him to touch me like those in the porn movies I watch.

I like movies, but I like porn more, I watch it whenever I masturbate – there's
nothing wrong naman with that, I just like make galaw my clit and then it's
masarap. I never pasok the bullet vibrator to my pepe because I don't want to lose
my virginity to a machine – but here's Towhtowh, I dunno why but I feel like I can
take him, I can give to him this thing to him, he can make me think about sex – one
thing I never though while I was dating other guys.
His lips travelled down my neck, he made kagat that soft spot and I moaned.

"Ahh... ang delicious, Towhtowh. Oh my god!" I pushed him away. "Can you kain my
pepe? I want to experience that! I always see that on movies, like they're making
it kain and it's sarap. Dali, make kain my pepe!"

I lay on the floor and waited for him. He is as red as a beet.

"Are you waiting for pasko pa? Or you're waiting for my pepe to grow some hair?"

"Don't say Pepe, okay?"

"Why? That's my pepe. Kain na this. Hubad na my panty. My pepe is fresh pa kaya." I
said in a matter of fact tone. His face is red na red, I don't know why na talaga.
He took a deep breath and touched my legs. He slowly pulls down my panty, I hiked
up my dress and waited for him, when the panty is off, I looked at him.

"Towhtowh, meet my pepe, Pepe this is Towhtowh. He's gonna kain you so better get
ready."

"Pan! Stop with the PEPE already! From this day on, we're gonna call your PEPE,
BABY, alright?! Stop saying PEPE, it's a buzzkill!"

He's like galit na naman but then, he spread my legs and I waited in anticipation.
My eyes widened when I felt his tongue making dila my pepe – oh wait – my baby.
Yes, he said that it's baby so it's baby pepe. He made dila baby pepe back and
forth and all I can do is nganga my mouth like damn, it's really masarap.

Moments later, he was sucking my clit and it's making me so basa, like so basa na
talaga with four ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh in the end, that's all I can count because my
body is shivering with so much pleasure.

And then, I felt something exploded inside of me, Towhtowh made sipsip everything
like he's having some iced tea. His dila against my baby pepe skin is so sarap. I
don't want this to end kaya.

Minutes later, he lay beside me. I am looking at the ceiling, thinking about what
just happened, and then I looked at him looking at me. I bit my lower lip. He
kissed my forehead.

"I am gonna take care of you from now own, Pan." He smiled. I nodded. He kissed me
again – but this time, I made him pigil.

"Wait, mag-aamoy baby pepe iyong forehead ko kaya." I made ismid. He just laughed.

The next morning, I woke up, I'm already in the bed na, I feel different – like
good different and it was because Towhtowh – my eyes widened. Towhtowh's underneath
the kumot making kain my Baby Pepe again. I closed my eyes and let him do all the
things he wanted – like right now, I don't care na about the bullet vibrator as
long as Towhtowh's dila is there, like...

"AHHHH..." I released one long moan. I came kasi like so sarap in the morning.
After that, lumabas na siya from the linen and grinned at me.

"Good morning, Miss Vejar!" He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Why naman ikaw ganoon manggising, like it's nakakapangina, but I like it!" I
giggled again. He kissed my bunganga but I pushed him kasi he's like lasang Pepe. I
rolled my eyes.

"I will make ligo na, okay, you go na to your kwarto, Mamang might see us and we're
like patay to her." I stood up na to take a shower after forty-five minutes, I came
out of the bathroom, wala na there si Towhtowh, I made bihis na, after that while
combing my hair, I checked on my phone and I saw thirteen missed calls from Dione,
one message from Kairos – asking me if I am okay, two messaged from Ate Amal,
asking if we can have a meeting – sure that it was about the delayed fashion show
and then, one message from Mama telling me that she missed me.

But what struck me the most was the thirteen missed calls from Dione. Like why
naman is she gonna tawag me like that? There's no emergency naman, if there is, my
other siblings will tell me. Even if I wanna know what's her reason so bad, I
didn't call her back.

I went out of the room and joined Mamang in the kitchen, Mamang and Jufran are
cooking.

"Good morning, Mamang, Jufran! Where are the others?" I asked.

"Si Fonso namalengke, si Pepe saka si Towhtowh, nasal abas, nagkakabit ng

banderitas."

"Oh! Is it for the fiesta?! I love fiestas! I experienced it in Brazil and Spain
and it's so wow na wow!" I giggled. "Can I join them po, Mamang?"

"Oh sure, you go there na."

"Thank you!"

I ran to Towhtowh and Peypey. Towhtowh is up in the ladder making tali the
banderitas.

"Towhtowh, you make ingat up there ha! You might fall!"

"Oh he has fallen already." I saw Fonso getting down from the tricycle. He has so
many platics with him.

'Hi, Fonso! Peypey is here too, I smelled him. He's like amoy pepe talaga so ---
ohhh!" I suddenly realized why Towhtowh was galit last night. I called my pepe Pepe
– like Pepe his brother.

"OH M G! It's so funny!" I giggled like a little girl. Towhtowh made baba to the
ladder. He made me akbay and grinned.

"What are you laughing at, huh?"

"I now know why you were galit last time, like I called my Pepe, pepe like fuck you
remember pepe! Like five Ha ha ha ha ha!" He made takip my bibig and he widened.

"What happened last night?" Fonso asked.

"Towhtowh made kain my Baby Pepe!" I exclaimed.

"Pan!" He hissed.
"What? They asked, so I answered!"

Fonso laughed – so hard that he broke on his feet. Pepe just looked at us.

"So? Magiging sister – in – law ko na siya?!"

"Oh!" I said. "We're like nagkakainan only, it doesn't mean we're gonna get
married. Like, this isn't the 19th century na na-touch lang iyong hands, kasal na!
Fuck, nowadays, even if you made dakma na the dede or kain the pepe and the titi,
it's just okay. Towhtowh and I aren't making madali. We're enjoying each other."

Towhtowh nodded.

"Ewan ko sa inyo!" Pepe left.

"Like why is he galit to me ba?"

"Hayaan mo na iyon." Fonso said. "Pumasok na tayo at kumain, baka hinahanap na tauo
ni Mamang." Fonso said. We made lakad na but someone called Towhtowh's name. We
looked back and I saw one of his tricycle drivers.

"Boss, may naghahanap sa girlfriend mo."

"Me?" I asked. I saw a yellow car parked right in front of the farm. I already know
who it was. From the car, Dione Vejar emerged. She stood there while looking at me.

"What is she doing here?"

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Sino na naman iyan? Ano, aagawin niya rin ang Mamang ko?"

Binatukan ko si Peypey habang pinapanood namin si Pan at ang kapatid niyang si

Dione Vejar sa labas at nag-uusap. It's as if they are having a heated argument.

"Baka magkasapakan pa iyan, oh." Sabi ni Fonso.

"Ang ganda ng kapatid ni Pan, ha." Komento naman ni Jufran. Napatingin kaming lahat
sa kanya. Binatukan siya ni Fonso.

"You are ten years older than her – well probably. Pan is twenty – six, you are
thirty – two, Jufran, si Dione Vejar siguro mga twenty – one lang siya. She looks
like it."

"She's twenty – five." Sabi ko. "I know sinabi ni Pan sa akin. Ano kayang pinag-
uusapan nila?" I wondered. We were just standing near the glass window while they
talk. Iling nang iling si Pan, iyong Dione naman parang kaunti na lang magagalit na
siya. Hindi nagtagal, napansin kong paparating ang isang dilaw na trailblazer.
Napasinghap kami nang sabay – sabay nang mula roon ay bumaba si Mary Jane at si
Clarita Sihurano.

"Oh! Anong ginagawa ni Mary Jane dito?!" I hissed. Bigla kong naalala iyong huling
naging usap namin sa coffee shop ko bago ako umalis ng Malolos.

"Fuck!" I hissed. Lumabas ako para salubungin sila pero nakita na sila ni Pan.

"Oh, nandito pala ang mga Vejar." Mary Jane said.

"Anong ginagawa ninyo dito?" I asked them. Clarita looked at Pan and Dione Vejar.
She grinned.

"Akala ko namatay siya sa island." Clarita was of course pertaining to Pan. She was
looking at her from head to toe. "Ito ba iyong reason kung bakit ayaw mong sumama
sa magdedemanda sa Vejar Shipping Lines?"

Pan's eyes widened. She gasped and the she looked at me.

"You're going to demanda our Uncle Popoy?!" She exclaimed.

"You're the people behind the lawsuit?" Dione Vejar asked.

"Who else? May iba pa bang kaaway ang pamilya mo?" Clarita said. Napatitig ako kay
Pan na nakatingin lang sa akin.

"Nandito ako para kausapin ka ulit, Antonio Birada. Tomorrow is the press
conference, pumunta ka para naman mas lalong mapagtibay ang statement laban sa
Vejar Shipping Lines." Mary Jane told me.

"Why are you like that?" Pan hissed. "Do you think, Uncle Popoy wanted that thing
to happen? He's guilty! He's doing everything para naman sa mga people na na-hurt!
Isn't that enough?!"
"Hindi kami ang magdedemanda, but our father will gladly sponsor those people who
wants to file a case. Ang malas lang ng Uncle Popoy mo, magaling magkumbinsi ang
Papa namin. But this man right here, we need him, he experienced hell in that
island. Kaya siya tinulungan ng Papa para naman ibalik niya ang tulong na iyon."
Mary Jane even said while looking at Pan.

"Hindi ganyan ang usapan namin ni Senator!" Jufran said.

"Oh Jufran, you are so innocent! My father is a politician! Walang tulong na

wala---"

Natigilan ang lahat ng sampalin ni Dione Vejar si Mary Jane Sihurano.

"Dione!" Pan exclaimed.

"You don't know what my uncle is going through right now para gawin iyon sa kanya.
He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat, he goes around the hospital looking for wounded
people to help them, he spends time finding the families of the crew to give them
financial assistance! Of course, you don't know that! You only opted to see the bad
things in this world! Well surprise, Miss Sihurano, hindi masama ang pamilya ko,
hindi man halata pero may puso ang pamilya ko and we will never let anyone hurt our
kind."

"Coming from you, Dione Vejar? Diba ikaw iyong nambully sa pamangkin mong may sakit
Si Danielle Vejar? She died because of too much stress. Plus, inggit ka kay
Mariake."

"She died because of cancer!" Pan yelled.

"She died because she was hurt!" Clarita answered back. "Dahil iyang walang hiyang
kapatid mo sinabi sa kanya ang mga hindi dapat sabihin! Are you getting guilt now,
Miss Vejar? Imposible iyon kasi wala kang puso!"

Again, Dione Vejar slapped Clarita. Moments later, nagsabunutan na sila. Kahit si
Pan ay nakitulong na rin. Natigil lang sila nang biglang magpaputok ng baril si
Mamang. Lahat ay nagkalasan.

"Ano na namang kalokohan ito! Pasok sa loob!"

"We are not from here." Mary Jane answered.

"Pasok sa loob!"

Wala kaming nagawa kundi pumasok sa loob. Hinabol ko si Pan para hawakan siya sa
braso.

"Pan..."

"Let ho, Towhtowh." She said. "I can't believe that you're gonna do something like
this."

"Pero hindi ko idedemanda ang Tito mo."

"Kahit na. Di sana you said something. He's my Uncle. I love and I respect him. You
should've said something talaga."

xxxx

Pan's

When we got to the house, pinapila kami ni Mamang nang magkakasunod. Magkakatabi
iyong magkakapatid, me and Dione, tapos si Clarita at Mary Jane.

"Anong nangyari?" Mamang asked. Hawak niya iyong rifle.

"They attacked us." Dione explained.

"Sino naman ito?"

"Mamang, I would like you to meet my sister, Dione."

"Ganda niya no, Mamang." Jufran said. I looked at him and widened my eyes.

"Anong maganda sa payat?" Mary Jane commented.

"Anong maganda sa naka-boots pero hindi summer?" Dione answered back.

"Ang maganda tumahimik kayo bago ko kayo barilin. Bakit nagsabunutan kayo? Sa
lupain ko pa?! Nag-aaway kayo?!"

"Ma! Nandito si Don Paeng." Pepe said. We all looked at the yard. From there, ay
bumaba sa 4 x 4 si Don Paeng, he's with his pamangkin, Paolo, the other one is Yves
and the other one is Monalisa. Like there's really something wrong with the way she
projects herself, she's so boyish.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito, Paeng?"

"Nakarinig ako ng putok ng baril, Luisa. Akala ko may nangyayaring masama. Ang dami
mo namang bisita."

"Oh, Kuya Pao, syota mo iyan diba?!" Monalisa said while looking at Clarita.

"Yuck!" Clarita said.

"Oh," Dione spoke. "You were insulting me kanina telling me that I'm inggit to
Mariake, eh how about you? Nilawayan ni Mariake, kinain mo pa."

"Ang bitch ng bunganga mo!" Clarita spoke.

"Bitch is my middle name, I am proud of it."

"Hindi kami mag-boyfriend ni Paolo." She said again.

"Pero magkasama kayo noong party sa Metro. You left with her diba?"

"Shut up, Mona!" Paolo answered.

"Paeng, kung nandito ka at ang mga pamangkin mo para manggulo, umalis na kayo dito.
Hindi ko kayo kailangan sa pagdisiplina sa mga anak ko."

"Nag-aalala lang ako, Luisa."

"Hey," I looked at Dione. "Are they a couple?"

"No, but you know, D, I have a feeling they were. See, that's Uncle Paeng Arandia,
you know he's the cousin of Mama."

"Oh! The lost legacy!"

"Yes, and now, the other day we were in the church, Uncle Don Paeng said something
about being in the altar with Mamang." Dione keeps on nodding. I was smiling naman
like so wide because I like talking about chismis with her. Like so, fuck!

"And then..."

"Hoy, kung magchi-chismisan kayo, 'wag dito." Mamang said. Jufran laughed.

"Mang, ang cute noong Dione,"

"Walang cute sa bitch! Mamamatay ng bata!"

"Fine! You want me to admit it?! Okay, I triggered her stress, she bled because of
what I said. I am being eaten by guilt but I can't take back time anymore. I am
trying to make bwi to Ada but Kairos doesn't want me around his kids. Hindi ako
masaya, malungkot ako! I go to Danielle's grave every day asking for forgiveness,
one thing that I will never have – but the hell, this is the reality of my life,
that guilt will forever be in my heart."

"You don't have a heart." Mary Jane said.

"You're mean!" Jufran exclaimed.

"Shut up!" I exclaimed. "Shut the fuck up! Dione, I don't fucking know why you're
here but I don't want you here! I do miss you and I am worried about you but I
don't want you here. Clarita and Mary Jane, I don't have any idea why you're so
galit to my family but you don't see my Uncle Popoy on a daily basis! You don't
know what he's going through! And you! You said you have a crush on me but you
forgot to tell me about their plans and if you have any plans on making demanda my
uncle, then, I can't be here. You must always remember, Tohwtowh, that I am a
Consunji – Vejar and I was raised believing that blood is always thicker than
water."

I turned away. I am crying. I can't believe how mean the Sihuranos were and I can't
believe what just happened inside that. Ayokong nandito si Dione, she tends to make
sira the moments kasi but then, what can I do? She's my sister.

While I was walking, I heard her calling me. She's in the kotse na.

"Pan, get in na." She said.

"I am going to lakad."

"If you're going to walk, the kidnappers maybe around the corner, they will get
you, they will katay you and they will selle your laman – loob to the palengke and
the tinderas will halo it to the meat and yours will be eaten like in ADOBO."
"Kainis ka!" She stopped the car and I made sakay. She drove again. While she was
driving, I called Alejandros.

"The Sihuranos were the ones behind the lawsuit for Uncle Popoy. I wanted to tell
Kairos but I can't kasi I can't contact him, Alele. Plus, Dione is here. I don't
know why she's here. We're just driving around."

"Oh! Nandyan si Dione? Buti naman."

My forehead knotted.

"Why, Alele?"

"Hindi na siya umuuwi sa bahay, like four weeks na. Mama's crying again, Papa's
mainit ang ulo. She's staying at an orphanage, she surrendered all her credit
cards, the car she's driving is Elisha's. I don't know what happened to Dione, Pan.
But I am worried. But I'll tell Kairos about the Sihuranos. We're dealing with
another Sihurano here, Danilo Sihurano and Annabeth Sihurano."

The call ended.

"Who the fuck is Annabet Sihurano?" I looked at Dione.

"She's our pamangkin. Ate Amal got pregnant in a very young age. Like thirteen and
Annabeth is herd daughter. She's galit to Papa. Our family is fucked up, Pan."
Dione said.

CHAPTER 13
Questions 

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

Dione pulled up in front of a church not so layo from Paombong. It's like near the
Metro but not too layo from Bulacan.
"What are we doing here?" I asked her.

"It's my new home." She answered back. I am shookt.

"Oh my god! Aren't you natutunaw here?! Bawal ang pekpek giver sa church!" I
exclaimed. Dione just looked at me and shhed me. We walked side by side until we
reach the orphanage part of the church. We met a nun while we were walking and
Dione made mano to her – and I was like – fuck! I can't say fuck 'cause I'm in a
church. God might be galit to me and I'll go to hell – and I don't want that.

"Sister, this is my sister, Pan." Pakilala sa akin ni Dione. I just smiled. I made
mano too – 'cause I'm mabait naman unlike Dione. I am really worried about her kasi
nga she's here and she's not bagay here because like, fuck! She's bad.

We walked again until we reached the dulo of the corridor. There was a door there,
Dione opened it and I got the biggest shock of my life when she told me that she
sleeps here. Like seriously?!

The room is so small, just as small as the bathrooms in the public places. There's
one small bed, one pillow, one electric fan that's like so luma na and I have a
feeling that when I open it, it will explode – not like the explosion Toto made to
me the other night but it will explode and the orphanage will burn like O M G!

Dione sat on the bed.

"Why are you here?" I couldn't help but ask her. "Why are you staying here? Why did
you leave the mansion? Why are you doing this to Papa? You really are an ungrateful
bitch! You have everything but you gave it all up?! Why?!"

Dione just looked at me.

"It's 'cause I don't deserve anything." She slowly said. I shook my head. What is
happening to her? "Let's not talk about that." She said. "I missed you Panpan. I
really do. When I was in Korea, all I could think about is talking to you."

She held my hand. I smiled at her. I missed her rin naman kasi. We spent the whole
day in the orphanage. We played with the kids. I was making pakain the little ones
when I saw Done playing around with the bigger kids. They were making habulan and
she was laughing like crazy. I missed seeing her like this.

"Ikaw ba iyong kapatid ni Dione?" A man's voice was heard. I looked back and I saw
a priest. I made mano to him and smiled. I feel so mabait - like so much fuck! But
forget the fuck 'cause I'm in the simbahan and I should be an angel.

"Yes po, Father. We're magkapatid po. How about you, do you any kapatid?"

Father looked at me like I'm crazy, I wondered why, like fuck again!

"Mas matanda ka ba sa kanya?"

"Opo, yes, like isang year po. Like she's a bouncing baby girl now she's just
bouncsing around kasi she doesn't know what to do po eh." I smiled again. Nagulat
ako nang i-touch ako ni Father.

"She's a very misunderstood person. She has a lot of love inside her heart."

"Oh! Are you baliw, father?" I asked. His eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry!" The priest
just blessed me and left. When I looked at Dione, she was just sitting while
watching the kids. I made lapit to her.

"Hoy, what happened?"

"Wala. I'm just trying to catch my breath." I sat beside her and made hawak her
kamay. I looked at her.

"You do know that I mean it when I said that you were an ungrateful bitch diba?"
She nodded. "It's because you are. Papa loves you so much and yet you're here. Like
why, Dione? You have all the things I want."

"Papa loves you too." She told me. I didn't answer. "He loves you. He said that he
always sees himself in you. Like among all of us, you are the most resourceful,
most independent and he is proud of you. He's sorry for the things he said and done
but you know, most of the times, he's scared, because you might get hurt and he's
not the person you'll run too – like right now. He's always waiting for you to come
home."

I found myself making little iyak – kasi we're in public, big iyak isn't
applicable. Like little two huhu only.

"You're only saying that because you're trying to make me feel better."

"I'm so not. I want you inis kaya to me. I missed you, Panpan. I really do."

I just made a little smile too – like only two haha lang. I kurot her tagiliran and
I hugged her. I really love Dione even if she's demonya – moments like this – when
she's not demonyo – is the most treasured moment I can remember. I am sad talaga
kasi she just like seven years ago – she got so impulsive and irritated and all –
my god, I really think that something happened to her, maybe she got her heart
broken.

"I'm leaving." She suddenly said. I looked at her again.

"Where ka naman go-go?" I asked.

"Sa malayo. Away from al of these."

"Is that why you keep on calling me?"

She nodded naman. "Para hindi mo ako hanapin. Kasi, I feel like if I leave, ikaw
ang unang maghahanap sa akin. H'wag mo akong hahanapin, ha, Pan?"

"Why naman ganoo, Alejhandra? Of course, I'm gonna hanap you! You hanap me before,
we're sisters, I'll make hanap you!"

"Babalik naman ako. But I have to go away first – from all of these. Kasi I feel
like if I am still here, lahat ng tao masasaktan ko. Kairos is my favorite person
in world but now he just won't talk to me. I know that I am a bad person for what I
did to Mariake, Dani and Ada, and he's mad at me, I understand that now and I
understand that kasabihan, nasa dulo ang pagsisisi. If I had known, I would've just
shut my fucking mouth."

"Awww, it's okay. Recognizing your mistake is one thing, Dione. Mag-wait ka lang,
Kairos will forgive you. He cannot tiis kaya his first baby. Diba ikaw ang first
ever baby niya, tapos ako si pumpkin. He even learned to play dolls for us, so you
just wait. He loves you a lot!" I giggled again.
Dione kissed my cheeks. She put out her phone and we took a selfie. She was holding
on to me. After the meryenda time, we came back na to Paombong. By this time, Dione
was the one driving but as she was driving, she suddenly fell asleep and we're like
muntik nang mabangga so, I pushed her.

"Dione!"

She woke up.

"Pull up! Fuck you ha!"

"What?! What?!" She pulled up nga. I made baba and we switched. I made irap to her.

"You tulog! My god! We're like muntik nang ma-dead!" I yelled at her. She was just
looking at me like she had no idea what happened ba, but when I looked at her
again, she's asleep na. While I was driving, I couldn't help but think about
Towhtowh, Mary Jane, Clarita and how mean they are. Why do they want to make
demanda my Uncle? They don't know naman that Uncle Popoy is doing everything no!
Like fuck talaga!

But then, Towhtowh said that he didn't want to demanda naman my Uncle but really,
he should've said something, so I could've said something too. Anyway, I'm not
galit naman na to him. We just have to talk to each other later. Talk lang walang
make out.

When we got to the farm, I saw Jufran. He was holding a black cat. I made baba to
the car.

"Oh! Just in time for dinner. Meet my cat, Dione."

My forehead knotted. "You named your cat Dione - after my sister Dione?! You're
weird, Jufran."

I bukas the door. "Dione, we're here na. You make gising na."

"Dione is here? Iyong tao?!"

"Oo! But she's tulog naman."

"I'll make her buhat!" Jufran said. He let go of Dione the cat and made buhat nga
Dione the tao. We went inside. Mamang had cooked dinner and I kiss her. I also
noticed that Uncle Don Raphael was there.

He's eating na.

"Oh, Hi Uncle Don Paeng!" I giggled. I also saw Monalisa and Paolo there.

"Kumain na kayo. Kasama mo ba iyong kapatid mo?"

"Yes, Mamang. Like this is a family dinner. Paolo, where's your bitch girlfriend?"
I asked him.

"I don't have a girlfriend, your brother took her away," He said. My eyes rolled.

"Like, move on na! Oh M G! You're so tanga!"

Hindi na siya nag-talk. He just ate. We ate in silence. Peypey was looking at Uncle
Don Paeng with his eyes singkit.

"Why are they here?" Pepe asked. "Don Paeng, nililigawan ninyo ba ang Mamang ko?"
He asked.

"Pepe!"

"Like this is so kilig!" I muttered.

We finished dinner na. I went upstairs na but then Towhtowh grabbed my arm.

"Can we talk?" He asked me.

"Sure. Hindi naman na ako mad sa'yo. But next time, tell me things, Towhtowh." I
said to him. "Family is always important to me. Uncle Popoy is my uncle and I love
him. He matters to me."

"Sorry..." He said. I smiled.

"Okay! Let's go and make out na ulit! I want to kain your Titi!"

I giggled. 

xxxx

Juan Antonio Birada's

Hindi naman ako nakatulog nang gabing iyon. Wala ring nangyari sa amin ni Pan. We
just talked. She was lying beside me. Nakayakap siya sa akin habang tulog na tulog.
Tinitingnan ko lang naman siya at iniisip kung bakit kami napunta sa ganito – hindi
naman iyon masama pero iniisip ko lang hanggang dito lang ba kami? Noong nakaraang
araw, iyong sinabi niya kay Kuya Jufran, na hindi kami seryoso, hindi ko alam kung
bakit parang may kumirot sa puso ko.

I had my fair share of my own women, kahit isa sa kanila wala akong seneryoso,
maliban kay Mallory, na hindi rin naman ako seneryoso. Inisip ko na siya ang karma
ko. Na kaya ako nasaktan dahil marami akong sinaktan, pagkatapos ngayon, si Pan,
parang wala sa loob niya ang mga bagay na ginagawa naming, is she only in it for
the fun? Pampalipas oras niya lang ba ako?

Parang, parang hindi ko yata gusto na pampalipas oras lang ako. I am looking at her
and I am realizing what kind of world she belongs to. She has gone places I had
never been in to. Nakalabas na siya nang bansa. Nakarating na siya ng Brazil, sa
Spain at kung saan – saan pa. Habang ako, Davao lang ang pinakamalayo kong
napuntahan.

Malawak ang mundo ni Pan kumpara sa mundo ko – paano kaya iyon? Dahilan bai yon
para matakot ako? Sa ngayon kasi wala akong ibang gusto kundi ang makasama siya.
Napatingin ako sa may pinto nang makarinig ako ng mga hakbang. Dahan-dahan akong
tumayo para lumabas at doon sa ibaba, nakita kong paalis na ang kapatid ni Pan, si
Dione. Tinawag ko siya. Napahinto naman siya.

"Saan ka pupunta?" I asked her. She shrugged. Binuksan ko pa iyong ilaw.

"Aalis na ako. Alagaan mo si Panpan ha? Maarte iyon pero takot sa kulog at kidlat.
Madali siyang magtampo, a bit sensitive pero madali ring mawala ang galit niya. I
have a feeling you're a good man Toto, take care of her."
"Saan ka pupunta?" I asked again. "Hindi mo ba naisip nab aka hanapin ka ni Pan?
Mahal ka niya, hindi ka man lang ba magpapaalam?"

"I already said my goodbyes. Sabi ko h'wag niya na akong hahanapin. Uuwi rin naman
ako." She smiled. "And, a favor please, my brother, Alele will get the car
tomorrow, please tell him that there's a letter in the dashboard for him. Bye,
Toto."

Hindi ko na siya napigilan She left. Hindi na ako bumalik doon sa kwarto ni Pan.
Bumalik na ako sa kwarto ni Pepe. Doon na ako natulog. Kinabuksan nagising ako sa
isang matinis na pagsigaw.

Si Pan.

"AHHHH!"

Agad kaming bumaba ni Pepe. Natagpuan namin si Pan at Mamang kasama si Jufran sa
labas ng bahay habang nakatingala, doon, nakita ko iyong pusa ni Jufran, si Dione
na nakabitin sa mga banderitas.

No one dared to talk.

"Put her down! Dione! Dione! Oh my god! Put her down! Oh my God!" Si Pepe na ang
umakyat para kuhanin ang walang buhay na pusa. Ako naman ay lumapit kay Pan at
niyakap siya.

"You make it libing, it's so kawawa. Like four huhuhuhu." I kissed her forehead and
took her inside. Mukhang kanina pa siya gising. Nakaluto na rin nga si Mamang at si
Jufran. Inupo ko siya sa salas.

"Umalis na si Dione kagabi."

"I have a feeling she'll do that."

I kissed her bared knees. Pan played with my hair. I looked at her. Wala akong
ngiti sa labi. Kailangan kong sabihin sa kanya ang iniisip ko kagabi. I need to
know where I stand in her life.

"Pan, ayokong makipaglaro sa'yo. Gusto kita, at hindi lang ito basta laro para sa
akin. Gusto kita, ayokong isipin na nagagamitan lang tayo. Seryoso ako sa kung
anuman ito. Gusto kita, handa ka bang gustuhin rin ako? Handa ka bang maging akin
habambuhay?"

Her mouth parted.

CHAPTER 14
Sad

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

All I can do was to stare at Towhtowh with my mouth a bit parted, like why would he
ask me that?! I'm in this point of my buhay where I am not thinking of any
relationships no! Like, all I want to do right now is be free because that's what I
have been lacking of in my life, freedom.

"Pan, seryoso ako..." He said again. I bit my lower lip. Maybe he's just making me
biro.
"If I say yes, can I kain your Titi na malaki and so yummy?" I blinked after asking
him. That's what I really want to do last night pa. I wanna BJ him – not the buko
juice but his Titi, like I wanna see it, and it excites me like there's five OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG in the dulo, but he's madamot, he doesn't want me to dakma his titi
– like he's so pakipot pa, ako na nga iyong nag-vo-volunteer.

I am the virgin one but he acts as if he's the virgin. Like, what the fuck right?

Towhtowh stood up and looked at me with so much disappointment in his eyes.

"Iyan lang ba talaga ang habol mo sa akin? Iyong katawan ko, Pan? Alam kong malaki
ang katawan ko, banat ako sa gym pero hindi lang ako pangkama, panghabambuhay ako
at kung ayaw mo akong sagutin ngayon, then you can never touch this."

My mouth parted when he walked away na talaga for good this time. I don't
understand why he's like that to me.

The whole day, Towhtowh's not making me pansin. He's like Peypey Regla na, they're
not making me pansin na, tapos they're not making me kausap. Later in the hapon, I
couldn't see Towhtowh na, so I asked Jufran where he is.

"Ahh, si Towhtowh ba? Namasad. Malamang nagpapawala ng init ng ulo iyon." He said
to me.

"Why is his ulo mainit? Is it becayuse he ignored my BJ proposal?"

Jufran made ubo. His whole face turned red while looking at me. Even Fonso stopped
what he was doing to look at me with his eyes widened.

"What? It's normal. He made kain my baby pepe, so I asked him if he wants me to
kain his titi!"

"Pan!" Jufran made sigaw to me. "Jusko, paano kapag nagkaroon ako ng anak na babae
tapos parang ikaw baka maaga akong mamatay."

"Nagtatampo si Towhtowh sa'yo." Sabi ni Fonso to me.

"Like, why is he naman like that?" I asked him. My eyes widened. "Is it because I
didn't answer him right when he told me that he is serious about me? Like I'm no
thinking about that naman ngayon, because I am still enjoying my freedom, like
we're rich nga kasi but I didn't get to do a lot of things back when I was a kid.
So, right now, all I can think about is that I wanna be free. I wanna experience
life itself..."

"Pan, si Towhtowh, minsan lang magmahal iyan."

Nawala ang smile ko.

"Oh my! Like there seven Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! In just one
sentence! Are you making sabi to me that Towhtowh is in love with me?!"

"Could be." Jufran said. "Ang tagal na noong kay Mallory. Maliban kay Mariake, si
Mallory lang ang babaeng sinamba ni Towhtowh."

"At sinong Mallory iyon?" Inis na tanong ko.

"Kilala mo iyon. Si Mallory Mende. Former Binibining Pilipinas."

I am thinking. Hard. Not Towhtowh's hard on but about Mallory Mendez. And then, a
light bulb appeared in my head.

"Like OMG! Iyong nadapa sa pageant? Iyong hindi naka-answer ng tanong! OMG that
bobo girl?!"

"Grabe ka naman, mabait naman iyon." Jufran said. "Iyon nga lang pinagpalit niya si
Toto sa mga pangarap niya."

"Aww! That bobo girl talaga!"

But... it made me think...

What do I really want ba?

We heard a knock on the door. Fonso was the one who answered it, and when he got
back, he told me that my brother is here.

"Hindi iyong mang-aagaw ng dekada." He said pa nga. I smiled. Of course, it's

Alele, my former baklang brother. Maybe he's here to pick up the car. I hope Dione
didn't make any damage to Elisha's car. Alele will be so mad, like nakakabaklang
mad.

I ran to the living room and found him with Alba on his side. Alba is really cute.
Her eyes are so much like Mama's and sometimes, it scares me because they look so
much alike.

"Baklita!" I exclaimed. Alele stood up and widened his eyes.

"Gaga ka! Nandito ang anak ko?!"

"Like hindi naman niya knows! Hi, very beautiful niece! I missed you!"

I made yakap Alba and kissed her forehead. She... well, she just looked bored while
staring at me.

"Where's Dione?" Alele asked me.

"She left na this morning. She just made iwan the car. She didn't even say bye nga
to me. She only said bye to Towhtowh who's not making me kausap because I only want
his malaki and yummy na titi."

"Pan!" Alele yelled.

"Oopps! I forgot about Alba. Did you hear anything ba? Diba no naman?"

Alba rolled her eyes. Alele grabbed my arm and we went outside to talk na.

"You have to come home na, Pan." He started. "Ang gulo sa bahay. Ate Amal's galit
to Papa because he made tago Ate's baby, and now she wants to leave. Mama's always
crying, Papa keeps on insisting that he didn't do anything wrong. The Sihurano's
are trying to break us apart. Kairos is angry... although he's always saying that
he's not. Papa, he also disapproves of Ate Amal's relationship with Waldo Gallo.
You have to come home before our family falls apart."

He took my hand.
"Please, Pan, come home. Kung ayaw mo sa bahay, doon ka sa akin, ang importante,
magkakasama tayo."

"But..." I kept my mouth shut. I know that my former baklang brother is right. I
really do have to come home, especially now that our family is in crisis. I smiled
at him.

"I will, Kuya. I just have to make paalam to the people here."

"I will wait for you." He told me. I really didn't want to leave naman, but my
family needs me. We went back inside and we found Alba eating with Jufran and Fonso
in the dining area, Mamang is with them too.

"Pa, they asked me to eat. Even if I made tanggi, this nice old lady told me that
it is rude to say no to a food invite." Alba smiled. I was a bit startled seeing
her smile.

"Kumain na rin kayo." Sabi ni Jufran to us. Kuya just smiled at them. I took a deep
breath and looked at Mamang.

"Mamang, I have to leave na po. I want to thank you for letting me stay here for a
long while and for treating me like your family even though I'm so maarte and I'm
so conyo and all."

Naiiyak ako. I bit my lower lip. Mamang started sobbing na rin. She stood up and
hugged me na rin. Mamang and I cried for like two minutes and the we let go of each
other na. I made paalam na to pack my things, I can't eat naman na kasi it's like
so malungkot that I am living this beautiful family.

After a while I went down again. I saw my brother talking to Mamang. I hugged
Jufran and Fonso and then kissed Mamang's cheek. They all made me hatid na to
Elisha's car. Alele had a car of his own, I was the one who drove Lisha's car and
while I was inside, I couldn't help but cry my heart out...

I am gonna miss them.

xxxx
Juan Antonio Birada's

"Bakit ba ang init – init ng ulo mo?"

Tiningnan ko nang masama si Pepe habang naglalakad kami sa palengke. Naisipan ko

kasing mamili ng pantangahalian dahil pauwi na rin naman kaming dalawa. Namasada
ako para mawala ang inis ko kay Pan. Sa nangyari kasi at kinapuntahan ng usapan
naming dalawa para bang katawan ko lang talaga ang habol niya.

Napaisip tuloy ako, bakit ng aba kasi pumasok sa kukote ko na pwede niya akong
seryosohin? Sa klase ng buhay mayroon si Pan at sa dami ng mga tao sa paligid niya,
hinding – hindi niya maiisip na magseryoso sa akin. Kahit naman may pinag-aralan
ako, kahit may kaunti akong ipon, hindi pa rin siguro iyon sapat para sa kanya.

Her family owns a multi-million-dollar company, I own a coffee shop.

Tang ina, ano bang itong iniisip ko?!

"Wala kang pakialam kung mainit ang ulo ko. Nakakayamot ka! Amoy – pekpek ka!" I
hissed at him. Nang makapamili na ako ng ulam ay umuwi na kami ng bahay.
Ang una kong napansin ay kung gaano katahimik ang bahay namin. And it ticked
something inside of me.

"Bakit ang tahimik?" I asked Pepe.

"Huh? Ewan baka tulog silang lahat o baka naman namalengke."

There is something different with the silence around our home. Nang pumasok ako ay
kaagad akong dumiretso sa kusina. Natagpuan ko roon si Fonso na nagmamasa ng
tinapay. I looked at him. Inilapag ko iyong pinamili ko sa mesa.
"Nasaan si Pan?" I asked.

"Sinundo na siya ng kapatid niya." He answered me. I could only look at him. Parang
ayoko namang maniwala sa kanya but the silence in the house tells me something
else. I just can't put it anywhere. Bigla akong pumunta sa taas ng bahay – doon sa
kwarto kung nasaan si Pan. Nandoon dapat siya but when I got inside, wala na ang
mga gamit niya doon.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nangyari sa akin pero iyong puso ko parang
nalulukot. Nasaan ba si Pan? Bakit siya umalis? Iniwan na niya ako. I sighed.

Hindi man lang siya nagpaalam sa akin. 

CHAPTER 15
Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

It's been three days since I came home and I realized how big the change had come
to my family. Dione was nowhere to be found, I want to know where she is but I
can't because she told me and she made me promise to not find her. I don't go out
of the house. 'cause I'm natatakot that Papa might get sick, as of noe kasi,
everyone is galit to him because he hid Ate Amal's baby girl. I had no idea about
her early pregnancy, so everything right now, for me, is a shock!

Mama isn't talking to Papa. Ate Amal moved out of the house, she took all her
stuffs and made takwil her sarili, like what the fuck?! I think she's only making
me gaya because I was the first one to takwil myself but I really feel sorry for
Papa.

That morning, I woke up late. When I got to the dining area, there was no one there
except for Papa who was eating breakfast alone. I readied my smile and greeted him.

"Hello, Papa! I missed you!" I said. I kissed his cheeks and he looked at me.

"Good morning, Alejandrina. Eat. Please, come eat with me." And I did. I made sabay
kain to him. I wanted us to talk but I couldn't think of anything to say. He seemed
sad. He seemed to be thinking about a lot of things. I have no idea what going
inside of his mind but I guess that it has something to do with Ate, Waldo and Nilo
plus our niece, Annabeth.

"Papa, where is Mama?"

"Mama is with Ate Amal. She's staying with her right now. Nag-away kasi kami
kagabi." He said to me. Na-sad ako, like four huhuhuhu. In the years that they are
together, now lang sila nag-away like that. I guess that this is just a storm that
they will get through. I just hope that they make it.
"Papa... did you really?" I asked him. He sighed.

"Anak, I may have done a lot of things in the past, hindi lahat iyon maipagmamalaki
ko pero hindi ko kayang ipamigay ang sarili kong dugo at laman."

I stared at Papa. I believe him. I can see the tenderness in his eyes. Sincere siya
at kahit na palaging si Dione ang paborito niya, alam kong hindi naman siya gagawa
ng ikaka-hurt ng family namin. He's very loving pa naman. He loves like a love song
baby.

I made abot his hand and smiled at him.

"I believe you, Papa. I can feel it in my heart." I said. I said that because I
really do believe him. I'm not lying. I know that he's telling the truth. But does
that mean, iyong Annabeth na iyon, hindi siya daughter ni Ate Amal? Like why naman
is she like that? Ibig sabihin, she's pretending?! If she is, then she is luka –
luka!

"O M G! So, there's a malaking possibility that woman is making loko ate!" I
exclaimed. Papa nodded. "Then why don't you make sabi?"

"They don't want to listen to me, Pan. Kita mo lahat sila, pati ang mama mo, na kay
Amal. I can't question your mother's decision. Ina ninyo siya, alam kong nasaktan
siya. Mali rin naman ako na kinuha ko kay Amal ang pagkakataong maging ina sa anak
niya but I assure you, anak, hindi si Annabeth ang anak ng Ate mo. I will never let
my first grandchild suffer. I made sure that she got everything that she needs, I
made sure that she enjoys everything my name has to offer. Hindi si Annabeth iyon."
He sounded so sure. And I believe him more. I bit my lower lip. I will make gawa a
paraan to talk to them. They need to hear Papa's side.

That afternoon, I left the house and went to Ate Amal's unit. I was a bit shocked
to find Mariake, Mary Jane and Clarita inside. There's more, Mama was there too,
and that Annabeth, the fake daughter of my Ate.
"Pan!" Mama exclaimed. "I missed you, anak. Come here." I also noticed Waldo – the
mananabas. But the thing that caught my attention more is Ate's tummy. It's kind of
big.

"O M G! Like seven fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! That's all I can say!
You're buntis!"

"Yes, I am, Pan." She smiled and kissed me. I looked at Waldo.

"You buntis my ate. Like fuck, is it masarap than the unan?!"

"Pan!" Ate made bawal to me. I heard Mary Jane snorted. I looked at her.

"Not because you're wearing plaid and boots makes you maganda na no. Don't be
maarte. You're not maputi." I told her. Nanlaki ang eyes niya.

"Pan!" Mama exclaimed. "Be nice to the Sihuranos."

"They're not nice to me and Dione before! Plus, they want to make demanda Uncle
Popoy! They want to make ganti to the family for what Ate have done to them,
they're not nag-iisip naman. Like, Papa has a point when he made pakulong Nilo
Sihurano! Ate was young then, he's a cradle snatcher! And these people, they want
us to make bayad for that!"

"Pan, nag-usap na kami." Ate Amal said. "Okay na kami."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not naniniwala! I know these leeches! Like that girl
Clarita, she hates the fuck that she's fucking Paolo Arandia, pero kung makapintas
siya to me, because I'm like dating Towhtowh Birada, feeling high and mighty siya!"
Mariake's eyes widened. They all looked at Clarita who was very namumula. I rolled
my eyes again.

"Mama, can we like talk now..." I said to her. "Like both of us lang and Ate?"

"Fine. Doon tayo sa kwarto and please Pan, iayos mo iyang pagsasalita mo."

"What's wrong with the way I talk?" I asked while making sunod to them. We ended up
in Ate's room. Mama sat in the bed and I stood before them.

"Ma, Ate. Papa—"

"Pan, please. Ayokong makipag-usap kay Papa. Look at what he done to Annabeth..."
Ate said.

"Papa said that he maybe a lot of things but he's not a monster. He will never let
his first grandchild to suffer like that. You should know that, Mama, you're his
wife. You know him more than we do. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt."
I started talking.

"Sinabi rin ba ng Papa mo na hindi si Annabeth ang anak ko?" Ate Amal asked. I
nodded. She shook her head. "Match sila ni Nilo sa DNA."

"Bakit, ate? Nagpa-DNA ka na ba kasama si Annabeth?" I asked her back. Doon siya
natigilan. "Mama said na ayusin ko ang pagsasalita ko, fine, nag-DNA na ba kayo ni
Annabeth? Pwede match siya kay Nilo, Ate, pero match na siya sa'yo? Kasi alam
ninyo, kahit palagi kong nararamdaman na hindi ako mahal ni Papa, alam kong hindi
niya kayang gumawa ng isang bagay na ikasasakit ng sobra ng pamilya natin. He loves
our family and he will never do such thing – tulad ng ginawa kay Annabeth. Alam ni
Papa ang ginagawa niya, at naniniwala ako sa kanya."
Mama and Ate didn't say anything. That's my cue to make alis na. I didn't say
goodbye. I just left and when I saw the Sihurano sisters, I gave them my middle
finger, lalo na iyong Mary Jane na mahilig mag-boots na iyon. I made laki ng eyes
and I left the condo unit na already.

I made it through my car and drove. I wanna go home, I wanna be with Papa. While I
am driving, I was also thinking. I don't know what to do, I want our family to be
okay. Just like before, we can be anything when we're together. I sighed, things
are less complicated when we were younger. I sighed again.

Dati, even if we're nag-aaway ni Dione, we make ends meet. I was so inggit because
Papa adores her so much while ako... Hindi niya ako masyadong nigi-give ng
attention.

I made a u-turn... I was tapping my fingers on the manibela... when suddenly, a

realization hit me.

"O M G!" My tears fell. I don't know why di ko naisip agad, but fuck! Fuck and
fuck! What the fuck?! What if... what if...

I reached the bahay and run towards Papa's room. I saw him talking to Uncle Hades.
He looked at me. I am crying.

"Pan, what's wrong?" He asked me.

"You don't love me enough, you treat me differently, you never gave me the
attention I needed. You never told me that you were happy to be with me... Papa...
am I Ate Amal's daughter?" I asked sobbing while waiting for that answer.

Papa looked at Uncle Hades and then to my surprise... Papa broke down to his knees
and he cried.

"I'm so sorry, Pan... I'm so sorry..."

CHAPTER 16

Oh!

Juan Antonio Birada's

Ilang buntong – hininga na iyong pinakawalan ko habang nakatayo sa labas ng bahay

nang hapong iyon. Nakabalik na kami sa Malolos. Kasabay ng pagbalik namin ang
pagbalik ng normal naming buhay, iyong walang Pan, walang maingay, walang
nakikigulo sa aming magkakapatid. Wala na si Pan, at nami-miss ko na siya – sobrang
miss ko na siya. Three weeks na siyang wala dito at hinahanap – hanap ko siya. I
wished that I could have spend some more time with her. I sighed again.

"Pang – ilan mo na iyan?" Tanong ni Kuya Fonso sa akin. Nakatayo lang ako sa gilid
ng bahay, tinitingnan ko kasi ang mga tricycle ko. Hindi ko napansin na nagsisibak
siya ng kahoy malapit sa may gate. Napabutong – hininga ako bago ako sumagot.

"Miss ko na si Pan." I said.

"Diba nga di pa kayo okay noong umalis siya..."

"Kaya nga mas lalo ko siyang nami-miss. Hindi naman ako tanga, may nararamdaman ako
sa kanya, kaya lang, Kuya, alam ko rin na hindi kami para sa isa't isa kasi nga
mayaman siya, ako gwapo lang, saka katawan ko lang yata talaga ag hanap niya."

Natawa si Kuya Fonso. Patuloy siyang nagsisibak ng kahoy habang pinapanood ng mga
baklang nakasilip sa bakod namin. Naka-jogging pants lang naman siya at half naked
na naman. I shook my head.

"Sana pala nakipag-usap ako sa kanya." I sighed again. Isa – isa nang nagdatingan
ang mga driver ko. Nagbigay na sila ng boundary sa akin. I was thinking that one of
my drivers would show up and would tell me that Pan is looking for me in the
terminal, crying, just like the first time she was here pero hindi naman nangyari,
isa pa, alam naman ni Pan ang pauwi dito.

Miss na miss ko na siya.

Napakatahimik ng bahay ngayong wala na siya. Kung tutuusin ilang buwan lang naman
siya dito pero pakiramdam ko kasama na namin siya mula noon.

Tinawag na kami ni Kuya Jufran para kumain na. Even the dinner seemed to be so
quiet. Napatingin lang ako sa side na dapat uupuan ni Pan. Nagulat ako nang
maglagay si Peypey ng plato roon saka baso. We are all looking at him.

"Bakit? Nakasanayan ko na rin kasi." Paliwanag niya. "Hindi pa ba siya babalik?"

"Kita mo ito." Sabi naman ni Kuya Jufran. "Noong nandito si Pan, halos sumpain mo.
Ngayon naman nami-miss mo."

"Hindi ko siya nami-miss." Lumabi si Peypey. "Si Mamang lang naman ang nakaka-miss
sa kanya."

"Saka ako." Pag-amin ko.

"Bakit hindi mo na lang siya dalawin sa Metro?" Suggestion ni Kuya Fonso. "Tutal
naman, miss mo siya."

"Paano kapag tinanong niya ako kung bakit? Paano pala kung gusto niya lang akong
tikman tapos lalayasan na niya ako?" Alalang – alalang tanong ko. Tumango naman si
Kuya Jufran.

"Oo nga naman. Paano kung may mangyari sa inyo, tapos mabuntis ka at hindi ka
panagutan ni Pan, no? Nakakatakot." He made a face. Binato ko naman siya ng saging.
Nagtawanan ang mga kapatid ko at buong gabi nila akong hindi tinitigilan. Kung
kumilos at mag-isip daw ako parang ako ang babae sa aming dalawa.

Nag-aalala lang naman ako sa sarili ko. Gusto ko may assurance. Naka-move on nga
ako kay Mariake diba, so dapat iyong susunod na babaeng mamahalin ko, mamahalin na
rin ako. And for me, that is Pan. Si Pan talaga, I love everything about her, kahit
pa iyong pagiging vulgar niya.

Bandang alas nuebe nang gabi ay may naulinigan akong sasakyan. Sumikdo ang puso ko.
Baka si Pan na iyon. Baka bumalik siya. Kahit na nasa kalagitnaan ako ng paliligo
ay lumabas ako sa bathroom ng nakatapis ang tuwalya at may shampoo pa sa buhok.
Nang makarating ako sa sala ay nakita ko si Mamang na kasama si Don Paeng.

"Anong hitsura mong iyan, Pepe?!" Mamang exclaimed. Napaubo ako.

"Sorry, Mang. Akalako si Pan. Magandang gabi po, Don Paeng. Napadalaw po kayo..."

"Inihatid ko lang itong si Luisa. Masyado na kasing gabi nang umalis siya sa
Paombong." Maikling paliwanag ng Don. Napansin kong nagkatinginan si Jufran at
Pepe. Kunot na rin ang noo ni Fonso. He even cleared his throat.

"Don Paeng, I don't mean to disrespect, pero nililigawan mo ba si Mamang?"

"Alfonso!" Mamang exclaimed. Napailing naman ako.

"Hindi naman masamang magtanong." Wika ko. "Kung may gusto po kayo kay Mamang, wala
naman pong problema." Magalang na sabi ko.

"Naku kayong mga bata kayo! Hindi katanggap – tanggap ang mga sinasabi ninyo!
Jusko! Paeng, maraming salamat sa pagpunta at paghatid sa akin. Hindi na kita
aalukin na kumain dahil itong mga anak ko kay titigas ng bungo. Umalis ka na. Gabi
na rin naman."

Magalang na nagpaalam si Don Paeng sa amin. Ako naman ay bumalik na sa bathroom

pero dinig na dinig ko si Mamang nang sabihin niyang bilisan ko daw ang pagligo
dahil kakausapin niya kami. Malamang pagagalitan kami ni Mamang dahil sa naging
salitaan kasama si Don Paeng pero wala naman talagang problema kung manliligaw si
Don Paeng kay Mamang.

Pero akala ko talaga, si Pan iyon. Again, I sighed.

Nang matapos akong maligo ay nagpunta na kaagad ako sa sala. Doon ko nakita sila
Kuya na nakaupo sa couch na parang mga sundalo. Tuwid na tuwid at walang kagalaw-
galaw. Nakiisa na rin ako sa kanila.
"Hindi ba kayo nahihiya kay Paeng? Bakit ninyo siya tinanong nang ganoon?" She
asked us. Hindi ako makasagot. Kuya Fonso sighed.

"Ma, we want you happy." He said. "Matagal nang patay ang Papang---"

"Wala! Ayokong pag-usapan!" She walked out. Umakyat siya sa itaas ng bahay. Naiwan
kaming magkakapatid. Napapabuntong hininga na lang ako. Bigla naman nagsalita si
Pepe.

"Noong nasa Paombong tayo, sa inis ko kay Pan, naglinis ako ng mga gamit sa attic,
doon, nakita ko iyong diary ni Papang."

"May diary si Papang?" hindi makapaniwalang wika ko. Hindi naman kasi bagay kay
Papang ang magtago ng diary. Tumango naman si Pepe. Mula sa likuran niya ay
inilabas niya iyon.

"Wala naman gaanong nakasulat dito maliban na lang sa...

Isa sa apat ay Arandia, ngunit hindi ko kayang ipaalam sa kanila. Dadalhin ko ang
sikreto sa aking hantungan. Lahat naman sila ay mahal ko..."

Anong ibig sabihin nito?

xxxx

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"What have you done, Zeus?!"

Uncle Hades' voice boomed like thunder. I was still naiiyak because of the
realizations that have hit me. It's like nakakaloka. Why didn't I isip that before?
Like what the hell? Papa is galit to me because he's galit to the Sihuranos. Nilo
Sihurano is my Papa and I'm Ate's daughter. He's not giving me much attention
because he doesn't like me.

"No!" Papa hissed. "Panpan is my daughter! She is mine! Hindi siya ang anak ni
Amalthea." He said while looking at me. He's still crying. "I'm sorry, anak if you
feel that way. I know how unfair I am with you most of the times..."

I stopped. So, hindi ako anak ni Ate Amal? Why is he like that to me? I asked
myself. I swallowed hard and laughed.

"So, I am your daughter?" I asked. Papa nodded. I walked to him to hug him. I'm
okay na kahit palagi niya akong niye-yell and everything. I love being his
daughter. I love being with him. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.

"Don't ever think less about yourself, Pan because you are my daughter. You have
the female version of my name. I love you – so much. Siguro kaya kita tinatrato ng
ganito dahil I see so much of myself in you. I love you so much, Pan."

"I love you too, Papa." I said. I hugged him again. I kalma myself and when I am
calm I laughed, like ten hahahahahahahahahahaha in the end because finally, Papa
told me that he loves me and that he's happy because I am his daughter.

Not a moment later, we heard a knock on the door. It was none other than Kairos
laging mad. But he's not making it amin because he said and he thinks that he's
always calm.

"Pa, Mama and Ate are here. With Annabeth. They want a meeting. Hello, Uncle." He
smiled. Lumapit naman ako sa kanya para humalik.

"Where's Ada? I miss her."

"She's in Seattle with Rem and Rom. May two weeks break siya so we flew her there.
Sa susunod na linggo, susunduin ko siya." He said to me. "Welcome back, Panpan.
Where is Dione?"

"She said she'll be living for a while, she said that she'll be matagal and she
made me promise to not make hanap her kasi she needs space daw."

"Babalik rin iyon." Kuya looked at Papa again. 'Pa, let's go..."

"I will be coming." Uncle Hades said. We made pasok to the family room. Mama was
looking Regal and Almighty while she was sitting in that room. I kissed. Her. I
made irap to Annabeth because she's making loko everyone. I hate her. And then, Ate
just sighed.
"Zeus." Mama called his name. "Galit ako sa'yo for what you did to Amalthea. You
said namatay ang anak niya. How can you do something like this."

"Gianna, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa'yo na hindi ko kayang gawin ang
ibinibintang ninyo sa akin? I don't know about that woman. Oo, aaminin ko, Gianna,
alam kong hinahanap ni Pidong Sihurano ang anak ni Amal. I planted people para
maligaw sila – para hindi nila mahanap ang apo ko, but I have no idea about this
woman. Hindi siya ang anak mo, I am sure of that!"

"Sorry po." Annabeth spoke. "Napaka-unfair naman sa part ko na para bang naiipit
ako sa gulo ng dalawang pamilya. Kung hindi po ako anak ng anak ninyo, di hindi.
Akala ko mas masarap maging mayaman, pero hindi pala. Mahirap lang kami ng tatay ko
at noong mga kapatid na kinalakihan ko pero hindi kami ganito." Mangiyak – ngiyak
na sabi niya sa amin.

I know that my family isn't perfect, we lack of time and talking but we are happy
when we're together. We don't address this kind of issue but it's fucking reeking
now, kaya nga pinag-uusapan ng family ko but this girl – this pretend pabibo girl
is making us feel like we're wrong in so many ways!

"Hey, shut up!" I said. "You only matched Nilo Sihurano's we're not sure if you're
a Vejar so fucking shut up!"

"Pan!" Mama hissed at me.

"Let her bitch out, Gianna! Pan is right, she only matched Nilo Sihurano. Hindi
naman natin alam kung anong hidden agenda ng taong iyan! If she matches Amal's then
I am going to kneel in front of Pidong Sihurano and Nilo Sihurano, but I am not
going to because she's not my grandchild!"

I looked at Papa. He was catching his breath. Napahawak siya sa dibdib niya and
then he lost balance, suddenly, Mama cried for him.
"Zeus!" Agad siyang lumapit. Dinaluhan namin ni Kairos si Papa. Mama was holding
his hand already,

"I didn't do anything bad, My sweet little Gianna. I can't do that..." He

whispered.

"Oh, Zeus. Kairos, dalhin natin ang Papa mo sa ospital. We will talk again, Amal
but right now, your father needs to be taken to the hospital."

Kairos and Uncle Hades carried Papa. We all got to Kairos' car. I was sitting
beside him – holding his hand while praying so hard for him to be fine. Mama was
with Ate Amal and that bitch Annabeth in the other car. I sighed. I looked at Papa
and saw him looking at me.

"I'm sorry, Panpan..." He said.

"Pa, stop, okay, you don't have to say sorry." I sobbed. "Pa... please..."

"Tell ma, I love her... Tell Ate I'm sorry... it's... it's..."

"Pa, please..." He smiled...

"Dione..."

"I will call Dione, Papa... I will..." Is sobbed.

"Dione... it's Dione..." He said again. Suddenly, I stopped crying to look at him.

Is he telling me that...

"O M G!" 

CHAPTER 17
I love the feeling!

Juan Antonio Birada's

I took a deep breath. It's been really quiet in the house right now. Mulan ang
sabihin ni Pepe ang bagay na iyon ay hindi na ulit namin pinag-usapan. Ni hindi
namin magawang itanong kay Mamang. Ewan ko ba, parang lahat kami natatakot malaman
ang nalaman ni Papang noon.

I sighed.

"To, iniisip mo pa ba iyong sinabi ni Pepe noong nakaraan? Paano kung ako iyon?"
Biglakong narinig si Kuya Jufran sa likuran ko. Nakaupo ako sa may paradahan ng
todo boys ko habang nag-iisip nang tanghaling iyon. Hindi na rin talaga namin
kayang pag-usapan ulit pero mukhang may lakas ng loob ang panganay namin ngayon.

"Kasi, ako iyong panganay." Sabi niya. "Pwedeng nabuntis lang ni Papang ang Mamang
kaya nagpakasal sila pero si Don Paeng ang mahal ni Mamang. Halata naman kasi
hanggang ngayon. Lalo na kapag nagtitinginan silang dalawa. O baka naman parang
iyong palabas sa kapamilya na ni-rape ni Papang si Mamang tapos nabuntis, tinakot
kaya pinakasalan niya tapos... magkaka Alzheimer's din si Mamang sa huli tapos
tatanungin niya tayo kung sino tayo at bakit tayo nag-aaway sa bahay niya. Tang
ina, ang sakit noon."
"Joke ba ito?" I asked him. "Gago ka." Sabi ko sa kanya. "Pwedeng ikaw, pwede si
Pepe pwedeng kahit na sino sa atin." Sabi ko na lang para matahimik siya. "Pero
kung anuman ang naging desisyon ni Mamang at Papang at ni Don Paeng noon, hindi
tayo kasali roon at hindi natin pwedeng ikwenstyon iyon dahil labas tayo roon. Kung
ikaw man ang anak ni Don Paeng, hindi naman magbabago na mahal pa rin kita at ikaw
ang kuya naming lahat."

Muli kong tinapik ang balikat ni Kuya Jufran. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanyang
mamamasad. Kailangan kong aliwin ang sarili ko. Nasa loob naman ng coffee shop ko
ang manager ko kaya hindi mapapabayaan iyon.

Binagtas ko ang kahabaan ng mainit at sobrang traffic na daan ng Malolos nang

nahahati ang isipan ko, si Pan at ang katotohanan na isa sa amin ay hindi anak ni
Papang. Hindi ko maintindihan, kung ako iyong hindi anak ni Papang, kung isa akong
Arandia, kung sakali nga, ibig bang sabihin noon, hindi kami pwede ni Pan kasi
magpinsan kaming dalawa? Gusto ko na talaga siyang makita. Gusto ko na siyang
makausap kaya lang nahihiya akong magpunta roon. Anong sasabihin ko sa kanya? Sa
Parents niya? Wala naman kasing kasiguraduhan kay Pan.

Sa kakaisip ko, hindi ko napansin na may poste doon sa nilikuan ko, buti nga wala
akong pasahero kundi naaksidente rin iyong kasakay ko. Naupod ang body ng tricycle
ko. Nagdanan ako ng motor kaya hayun, dinala ako sa ospital, doon na ako sinundo ng
mga kapatid ko.

"Tang ina. To! Noong nakaraan na-stranded ka sa isla, ngayon naman naaksidente ka,
tang ina To, mukhang ikaw iyong unang mamamatay sa ating apat!" Sigaw ni Pepe sa
akin. Naka-cast ngayon ang kamay ko at hindi ako makagalaw masyado dahil sa sakit
ng katawan. Nakasakay na kami sa four by four ni Fonso. Si Jufran naman ay kausap
si Mamang sa phone na nag-aalala na rin pero hindi na namin siya pinapunta sa
Malolos dahil wala naman maghahatid sa kanya. Ayaw daw ni Jufran na ihatid siya ni
Don Paeng sa bahay kahit pa nag-offer si Don Paeng. I just shook my head.

Nang makauwi kami ay inalalayan ako ni Pepe pababa ng sasakyan at paakyat sa kwarto
ko. Minor injury lang ang nakuha ko. Hindi naman daw magtatagal ang cast ko pero
masakit pa rin.
"To, tawagan ko na si Pan? In-add ko siya sa fb kagabi, hindi ko pa lang sure kung
na-confirm na ako kasi naman, parang ang busy niya, Nag DM din ako sa kanya sa IG
pero hindi niy pa na-approve ang message request ko. Busy siguro siya."

"Mayaman iyon, walang oras sa social media iyon. Kuha mo ako ng inumin."

"Aba bakit? Paa ba ang napilayan sa'yo?! Kamay iyan, maglakad ka."

"Tang ina mo, sisipain kita! Kunin mo! Mas maaga akong tinuli sa'yo kaya kuhanin
mo!" Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Bubulong – bulong si Pepe nang umalis. Hindi
naman nagatagal ay bumalik siya dala ang tubig at ang gamot na iinumin ko. Pain
reliever that iyon at mukhang kailangan ko na nga bago pa mawalan ng bisa iyong
pain reliever na ipinainom sa akin kanina. Nakatulog na rin ako... pero halos
kaiidlip ko lang nang makarinig ako ng mga hikbi. Paliit nang paliit ang hikbi na
iyon. Nang magmulat ako ng mata ay natagpuan ko si Pan na nakatingin sa akin,
Nakaupo siya sa kama ko at namumula ang ilong kagat ang labi at lumuluha,

"Towhtowh! I was so nag-alala to you! I thought you're patay na! Peypey said you
were patay na so I came here without bra pa nga! Like I woke up like this pa nga
eh!"

Nagbigla ako nang yakapin niya ako nang mahigpit at saka siya umiyak sa akin.
Nanginginig ang buong katawan niya pero wala naman akong magawa kundi ang hayaan
siya.I slowly put my arm around her waist and pulled her closer. I missed her so
much. I wanted to breath in her scent para naman masulit ang mga araw na hindi ko
siya kasama. Hinaplos ko ang buhok niya, maya – maya ay kumalas na siya sa akin.

"You made me so nag-alala! Imagine my surprise when I got ten messages from Peypey
telling me that you're dead! I had to make away my former baklang brother to drive
me here! He keeps telling me kasi to change and wear bra but I told him to shut up
like five shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! And one shut the fuck up! In
his face 'cause like you already saw my malaking dede with pinkish nipples kaya and
like Alele was so shocked and he called me malanding puki but my puki is not
malndi! It only landi your malaking titi that's s yummy kaya!" She sobbed.
Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong tumatawa. Hinalikan ko si Pan sa labi, magaan lang
iyon. Hinampas naman niya ako sa balikat.

"Eww, Towhtowh! I didn't brush my teeth kaya!"

"I don't care, hinalikan na kita nang apat na araw tayong hindi nagsesepilyo. I
missed you Panpan. Dito ka na lang. Aalagaan at mamahalin kita." Hinapit ko siya
palapit sa akin. Kinagat naman niya ang labi niya.

"You love me? Like why?"

"Oo. Ewan. Kahit nga katawan ko lang habol mo, okay na iyon. Basta love kita."
Kinagat ko ang balikat niya.

"Ih, 'wag there, I have kiliti kaya!" She giggled.

"Love mo ba ako?" I asked her.

"Ih, you're not making me ligaw nga ihh!"

"Ihh! I kain na nga your baby pepe tapos you want me to ligaw pa you?!"

"O m g! Even if you kain na may baby pepe I' still a virgin and a dalagang
Filipina. I should be ligaw no." Lumabi pa siya sa akin. Lalo akong natawa.
Sinuntok niya ako sa balikat. "Ih! Make me ligaw first! Fuck you ha!"

"I will. Now, let's kiss muna."

"Okay but you have to feel my malaking dede kas it's sayang naman that I don't have
a bra and your not making them pansin, like they're just hanging inside my jammies,
I also think they miss you and your tongue eh."

Napalunok ako. Hinalikan ako ni Pan at habang lumalalim ang halik na iyon ay
nadadala ako. Kung hindi lang napadiin ang hawak niya sa injured kong braso, baka
kung nasaan na kami ngayon.

"Aray!" Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. "Masakit!"

"Like O M G! Are you okay?! Of course you're not! Come let's go downstairs, Mamang
is there she's worried too.

Nang makababa kami ay nakita kong naroon si Don Paeng. Kasama niya si Monalisa at
mukhang nakikipag-usap na si Mona sa iba kong mga kapatid – lalo na kay Pepe.

"Hi, To, nabalitaan namin ni Papa ang nangyari, okay ka na ba?" She even asked me.
Why is she suddenly nice all of a sudden? Kinakabahan ako baka bigla siyang bumuga
ng apoy.

"Oh, suddenly the ampon becae mabait, like why? Did you and Fonso had sex na?!"

"What?!" Don Paeng yelled.

"Oh! No! Papa! Hindi ko alam kung ano-anong sinasabi ng babaeng iyan?!" Mona said.
I laughed.

"Like I'm just kidding, like naman papansinin ka ni Fonso, he hates you nga, duh.
I'm just kidding Uncle Don Paeng, but did you and Mamang already did it?!"

"Pan!" Lahat kami ay sumigaw na. Nag-peace sign siya.

"I missed you all!" She giggled. Hinalikan niya si Don Paeng sa pisngi, gayon rin
si Mamang.I was shaking my head. Hindi ko talaga makuha kung hanggang saan ang
kakulitan ng babaeng ito.

Kumain na kami ng hapunan. Mamang and Pan were extra attentive of me. Si Pepe ay
nakasimangot na naman dahil nandito na naman si Pan. Isip unggoy talaga ang isang
ito. Si Jufran naman ay ngingisi - ngisi lang kay Kuya Fonso, hindi ko maintindihan
kung bakit. Wala naman akong masyadong pakialam kasi nandito si Pan at masaya naman
ako.

Pagkatapos ng hapunan ay tinulungan naman ako ni Towhtowh na maligo at mag-ayos.

Habang pinaliliguan niya ako ay pinag-uusapan namin si Pan.

"Anong oras dumating?" I asked.

"Alas dos na yata. Nakakapagtaka nga kasi nakapantulog pa siya. Ibig sabihi gising
prinsesa siya. Iyong tipong may pagkain na pagkagising niya. Ang yaman – yaman
siguro nila." Wika pa ng kapatid ko. Natawa ako. Isa iyon sa mga ipinag-aalala ko.
Hindi naman ako kasing yaman nila paano kapag hinanap niya iyong ganoon buhay?

"Dito daw siya matutulog, To, baka mag-sex na kayo, wag ganoon may masakit pa
sa'yo."

"Bakit ba concern ka sa sex life ko? Are you getting some ba? Bwisit ka!"

Nakaupo ako sa kama at sinusuotan ako ni Pepe ng damit nang bumukas ang pinto ko.
Pumasok si Pan, bihis na siya. May naiwan naman kasi siyang mga damit dito. She
smiled at me.

"You make alis na . I'm going to take care na of Towhtowh. You go na there, you
make ligo kasi you're amoy pekpek na talaga. Like so baho."
"Ang kapal mo Pan, mang-aagaw ka naman ng Mama!" He hissed at her. Natawa lang si
Pan. Si Pepe naman ay umalis na.

We were left alone. She was just staring, maya maya ay naupo siya sa tabi ko.

"So, kamusta ka na?" I asked her. Pan sighed. Alam kong mabigat ang mga susunod na
lalabas sa puso niya.

xxxx

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"It's so gulo in the bahay."

I started telling him. Towhtowh was injured and this afternoon, I got a message
from Peypey saying that Towhtowh is patay na and I was like crying here – didn't
even bother making suot my bra kasi nga I'm so worried like five huhuhuhuhu in the
end. And while in the byahe to get here, I made sabunot pa Alele's buhok kasi he's
telling me that I look like a monster, I don't naman, like fuck kaya.

"Ano bang nangyari?" He asked again.

"Apparently, the anak of Ate Amal isn't Annabeth, and the Sihurano's were furious,
they were telling us that we jinxed the DNA results. Eh that's not true naman. But
still, Annabeth matched Nilo but when it came to Ate Amal, it's negative and that
hurt ate more..." I sighed. "And Dione is missing, she the anak of Ate Amal. Our
family is so fucked up. Talaga."

Being here tonight makes me realize that I need to breath. It's so nakakasak na in
my family's house. I don't want to leave nga because I'm worried for Papa but I'm
also worried for Towhtowh like he can't be patay na no.

"Nahanap ninyo na si Dione?" He asked.

"No nga. We have no idea where she is. And I really wanna make hanap but I promised
her that I won't hanap her. I know she'll come back because we have that bond. No
matter how sama her ugali is, the fact that we are sisters, will never change."

Nagsimula na akong mag-cry. I sobbed pa, like four sobs. Sob! Sob! Sob! Sob!

"I envy your family kasi even though your mahirap, you have no secrets, like what
you see is what you get. Our family has money, power and so many skeletons in the
closet. Like why naman like that?"

I cried na. Like I didn't expect naman this but I cried na and I'm not nahihiya –
like four huhuhuhu and three, sobs! Sobs! Sobs! It's so sakit in the dibdib because
I just want to be back to that moment where our family is happy and complete.

"Lahat ng pamilya, Pan, may sikreto." He said to me.

"Yes, I know, like yours, there's a family member that's amoy pekpek." I giggled. I
don't want to be sad for a long time so I changed the topic. I smiled at Towhtowh.
"But I'm really happy you're okay."

"Thank you, Pan, for coming here." He smiled. I nodded. I suddenly remembered what
he said kaninang umaga. I smiled.

"Towhtowh, let's landi together. You said you love me diba. I love you na din but
you have to make me ligaw ha." I giggled. He made tawa but he also made huli may
mouth and we kissed. It was more of those playful kisses at first, until he made
pasok his tongue inside of my mouth and I was so nagulat at first but then, I made
gaya what he did and he was shocked to, when we kissed again, I bit his tongue and
he became galit. He made me mura and I was like naglibog, like four OMG! OMG! OMG!
OMG!

My eyes are like malaki when he dakma may dede.

"Towhtowh!" I made sigaw but he grinned. I made tayo and I like run around the
kwarto and he made me habol. He's like injured but he's horny na rin, I know, his
titing malaki and so yummy is like bakat na to his shorts.

"Towhtowh! Mamang will get galit!" I hissed.

"You're making me hamon!"

"I don't kaya!" When he got to me, I shrieked. Later, Mamang's voice was heard.

"Hoy, ano iyan?!"

"Wala po!" Towhtowh answered. He pinned me to the cabinet and he kissed my lips. He
made me open my mouth and we kissed so hard this time. I know that I am being
consumed by the fire and the lust and that I am going places with Towhtowh that I
had never been with any guys, but I don't care, really because I am happy and free
and that's what Towhtowh means to me.

He's the sign of my happiness and freedom.

"Fuck, Pan..." He muttered. Gamit iyong niyang hand, he pulled me to the bed. "Take
your clothes off. Help me out, I have only one hand.'

Because I'm so masunurin, I did take my clothes off – even my bra but I didn't take
my lacey panty off because my baby pepe might get cold. I lay in the middle of the
bed, waiting for Towhtowh. He was just staring at me and then he sighed before
climbing the bed, he made kain my dede and I was like nagpipigil mag-shout because
Mamang might hear.

His tongue was lashing back and forth my breasts and it feels like heaven. His
mouth is so wet and hot. Napapakagat na lang ako ng lips. I arched my back and I
made hawak his head so he can lick me more pa.
Suddenly he stopped.

"Ih! Towhtowh!" I groaned. He was catching his breath but he was grinning.

"Spread your legs, Panpan." It was almost like a whisper.

"Why? Do you want me to use my bullet vibrator? I don't have it eh."

"That is actually a good idea but you just need you fingers. Haven't you tried
that?"

I bit my lower lip.

"Don't do that. Lalo mo akong binabaliw." Sabi niya to me. I bit my lips more. He
sighed. I spread my legs wide and he took a peek of baby pepe. He started using his
finger, he put it in and out my baby Pepe at first it was good but when he made
dagdag a finger and two, I was like naloka sa hapdi.

"Ouch! Towhtowh! Like that's masakit!"

"Shh! I'm trying to lose you up. Shut up, baka marinig tayo ni Mamang." He said pa.
I bit my lower lip again. A little while later, I was sighing in pleasure. Like, it
is so sarap na talaga. He put three fingers in my pepe and I'm like cumming na.

"I'm cumming na!" I said. He giggled and he let me came in his hand. He made sapo
all the cum and he licked it off in front of me. I was so turned on. I was kind of
gulat when he laid beside me.

"Now, Pan, you can kain may titing malaki and so yummy."

And I clapped. Like five clap, clap, clap, clap, clap pa. Like O M G! This is the
moment that I have been waiting for.
I made hatak his shorts and realized that he's not wearing any briefs so, his Titi
said "Hello, Panpan." To me and I was like so happy.

"O M G! It's so laki and so taba! Can I make sukat? Do you have medida, ruler or
metric stick?!"

"Luka luka!" He said. I winked at him and started making dangkal his titi. "Stroke
it, Pan." He said and I did. I started stroking it up and down. When I looked at
him, he was biting his lip na.

"Is it kasya to my bibig?" I said out loud. I put it in my mouth.

"Tang... INA PAN!" Towhtowh made sigaw. I put all of it in my bunganga and took it
out again.

"O M G! Kasya at KINAYA!" I giggled and made subo his titi again. But then I took
it out because I remembered something. "Your titi is laki so it's not titi, it's
like burat. I love it!" I made it subo again. I started fucking my mouth with his
burat. It feels so good. I could feel him hardening inside of my mouth, I feel like
he's getting bigger and fuller and I am starting to choke again. Like so five ahh!
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

"Tang ina, Pan! Lalabasan na ako!"

I don't know what that means but I felt something shooting up inside my throat. It
was kind of hot but it feels a bit good. I was naubo pa ng mga seven times after I
took him out of my mouth.

"Bakit mo nilunok?!" He screamed at my face.

"I don't know! But I like it. Oh look! You're burat is very matigas pa! Make pasok
na it to may baby pepe!" I giggled. I was feeling excited.

"Injured ako!" He said. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so pabebe!" I hissed. I made him tulak and I placed myself on top of him.
He made alalay naman to me. I was a bit kinakabahan kasi nga I am a virgin pa, but
I wanna give it to Towhtwoh 'cause he's my freedom and happiness.

I slowly inserted his burat inside my baby pepe. He was so huge. His was bilog na
bilog and a bit fat and its kind of pinkish pa in the ulo. When I was looking at it
kanina, I thought that it's gonna smile at me pa, but it didn't so I Just subo it.

While inserting his in mine, I suddenly felt something was napilas and my eyes
widened. I stared to feel masakit. And maybe Towhtowh felt that too because he
started telling me that it was gonna be okay. And that I have to move so the pain
will subside. I was on top of him. He made alalay my waist and I was like
nakanganga only.

"Aw! Like five Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!"

"Aso naman iyon, Pan." He said. "Next time na iyon kapag sanay ka na." He said
again. "Now relax and slowly move, okay?"

I did.

"Giling ka, baby. Iyong giling na pan-sexy." I have no idea what that is but I made
gili and I felt every inch of him inside of me. I did that again and slowly, the
pain is nawawala na. Later on, there's that masarap na thingy na.
I was napanganga again.

"Sarap na?" He asked me. I nodded. "Gaano kasarap?"

"Like, there ten ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahhh!"

He sighed. Suddenly, my movements were being salubong by him. His hips were moving
up and down and it made me so wet. I could hear the sexy sounds of friction between
our bodies.

"Towhtowh, look, my dede is alog!" I said in between moans. He groaned.

"Tang ina, Pan, ayan na ako!"

Whatever he was saying, I guess, ayan na rin ako. Something inside of me was
building up. I felt that earlier, I am feeling it now.

"Ang sarap mo! Putang ina, ang sikip!" Towhtowh whispered in my ear. "Ayan na ako!
Tang ina!"

Again, I felt something shooting inside of me and it is indeed amazing.

I love the feeling!

CHAPTER 18
Bad... very bad

Juan Antonio Birada's

Nagising ako kinabukasan nang magaan ang pakiramdam ko. I was all smiles when I
turned to my left – I smiled wider when I saw Pan beside me. She was still asleep.
She looked like a sleeping goddess beside me. Kapag tulog si Pan, parang
napakahinhin niya, iyong parang hindi gagawa ng masama, hindi makabasag pinggan,
but I know her and despite that, I am in love with her. Well, yes, I am in love
with her. Naisip ko nab aka noong una ko pa lang siyang makita – noong nabangga ng
tricycle ko ang kotse niya o baka iyong sumunod na pagkikita namin sa CLPH. Hindi
ko alam, basta mahal ko si Pan kahit na walang kasiguraduhan ang lahat ng ito.

I kissed the side of her head and watched her. Mabagal ang paghinga niya. Iyong
buhok niya bahagyang nagkalat sa mukha niya. Her mouth was a bit parted. Napakagat
– labi ako. Napakaganda ni Pan. Hahalikan ko siya, right, gusto ko siyang halikan.

I was about to kiss her when suddenly my door flung opened. Pumasok doon si Pepe,
si Jufran at si Fonso. Lahat sila ay nanlalak ang mga mata.

"What the?!" Jufran exclaimed.

"SSH!" I told them. Si Pepe ay nakatitig lang sa akin.

"Ang lalaswa ninyo!" He hissed sabay takbo sa labas. Si Fonso naman ay napapailing.
"Patay ka kay Mamang." Wika niya pa. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"Ano ba kasing ginagawa ninyo dito?!" Mahina ang boses ko pero gigil na gigil na
ako.

"Nag-alala kami, kasi tanghali na hindi ka pa bumababa. Kaya naman pala, bumira ka
kagabo! Ang libog mo! Malibog ka?!" Sigaw sa akin ni Jufran na para bang sobra na
siyang nainsulto. Nanlalaki pa ang butas ng ilong niya, pati na rin ang mga mata
niya. I was thinking of a comeback pero naunahan ako ni Fonso.
"Hey, don't act all virginy and stuff – oh yeah, you're a virgin!" He said to our
brother's face tapos ay tumawa nang malakas.

"Shh! Baka magising si Pan!" Halos itakip ko na ang katawan ko sa kanya para hindi
siya makita ng mga kuya ko. Si Jufran ay sinuntok si Fonso sa braso.

"Aray! Tang ina! Susumbong kita kay Mama!" Sabi pa ni Fonso.

"H'wag nga kayong maingay!" I hissed again.

"Bakit, ikaw naman ang nauna! Tinawag mo akong virgin!"

"Nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo?!"

"H'wag nga kasi kayong mag-away dito?!" Sigaw ko sa kanila. Natigilan ako nang
maramdaman kong gumalaw si Pan. "Alis na! Alis doon kayo mag-away! Alis!"

Napilitan silang umalis na dalawa. Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag dahil finally,
safe na. Muli kong tinignan si Pan. Nakapikit pa rin siya – wala naman akong
magagaw kahit na gusto ko siyang gisingin kasi naman pagod siya – pitong beses
siyang napagod kagabi. Napangisi ako. Sobrang ingay niya buti talaga hindi nagising
si Mamang sa sigaw niya. I bent down to kiss her forehead, mukhang dahil doon ay
nagising siya.

She automatically smiled right after seeing me.

"Good morning! Don't halik me kasi I'm bad breath!" She giggled. I giggled too.

"Bihis na you, let's kain breakfast na."

"Uh! I thought let's kain each other! You know, 69!" She giggled again. Lukaret
talaga. Sa totoo lang feeling ko sobrang horny niya pero maganda naman siya saka
sisiguraduhin kong ako lang ang pagho-horny -han niya.

"Lika na, bihis ka na. Mamayang gabi na lang ulit." Kinindatan ko siya. Pan giggle
again.

"Ay! Wait, may bebe pepe is masakit pa. Can we really do that?"

"Finger na lang kita mamaya, masarap din iyon. HIHIHI."

"Ay! I like that?!" We both laughed.

"Ligo muna ako."

"Ay sama ako! I'll bj you under the shower then you come to my face! I like that!
Nawa-watch koi yon sa porn!" She giggled again and just like that, I have a hard
on. I took a deep breath.

"Hindi muna! Masakit pa si bebe pepe!" Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata. Lumabi si
Pan pero wala na rin naman siyang nagawa. Pumasok na ako sa bathroom, mabilis akong
naligo at nagbihis, nang lumabas ako ay wala na si Pan. Siguro ay bumaba na siya
para sumama sa iba. Hindi ko pa rin magalaw masyado ang braso ko pero medyo magaan
na ang pakiramdam ko.
Bumaba na ako sa hapag. Everyone was there – even Mamang. Nakaupo na siya roon.
Beside her was Pan. Balik na naman kami sa dati. Nakakatuwa. I hope to wake up to
this every morning.

"To, kain na!" Sigaw ni Fonso sa akin. Tumango naman ako at bumaba na talaga ng
hagdanan. Pan smiled at me tapos ay tumayo siya. Napangiwi ako nang makita ko
siyang iika – ika habang naglalakad papunta sa may ref. Napansin ko ring
nagkatatawanan ang mga kapatid ko. Napatingin tuloy si Mamang.

"Akala ko ba si Toto ang injured bakit pati si Pan iika – ika?" She asked. Pigil na
pigil ang tawa nila Fonso. Si Pepe ay nakatingin lang, si Jufran at nakakagat –
labi. Si Fonso ay napapailing. "Nalaglag ba siya sa kama?" She asked again.

"Uhm, Mang ano... kasi, nalaglag siya sa kam---"

"Oh my god, Towhtowh! Hindi ako na-fall sa bed! Like what the fuck are you talking
about ba? It's like this kasi no, Mamang, Towhtowh and I had sex! He made pasok –
pasok his titing malaki and so yummy in my bebe pepe and it's like so sakit at
first but it became masarap na like! So sarap! And there's so many ahhh! Ahh! Ahh!
– like I can't even count it! Like O to the M to the G!"

Pumalakpak pa ang luka-lukang babaeng ito sa harapan ni Mamang. Napa-face palm na

lang ako. Nang napatingin ako sa mga kapatid ko at nagtatawanan sila na parang wala
nang bukas.

"Tang ina! Birada nga!"

"Por dios por santo, Juan Antonio?!"

Pan was just all smiles. Naupo na siya sa tabi ni Mamang. Binelatan niya pa si
Pepe.

"I had sex, ikaw no. You're such a loser." Litanya pa ni Pan. Lalo kaming
nagkatawanan.

"Mang oh! Inaaway ako!" He hissed.

"Magsitahimik na kayo at kumain na!" Wika pa ni Mamang. Iyon nga ang ginawa naming
lahat. Napansin kong napakasaya ni Mamang at nandito na naman si Pan, kay Pan niya
talaga nahanap ang anak na babaeng matagal na niyang hangad pero habanfg nakatingin
ako sa kanya ay naisip ko iyong pinag-usapan namin nila Pepe noong nakaraan, sino
nga kaya sa amin ang hindi Birada? I sighed.

I wanted to ask pero tulad ni Jufran ay nawalan ako ng lakas ng loob. I guess, some
things are really better left unsaid. Kuntento naman na ako sa kung anong mayroon
ako dito, ng mga kapatid ko, si Mamang at si Pan – they all make me happy.

Matapos ang agahan ay bumalik na sa trabaho ang lahat, sumama kami ni Pan sa
compound. Wala naman akong gagawin doon kundi ang maupo, she said she misses the
place kaya nagpunta kami. Nakaupo kami sa loob ng coffee shop ko, she was tasting
all the cakes habang nakatingin lang ako sa kanya.

Wala, malakas talaga ang tama ko. Patay na patay ako – iyong naramdaman ko noon
para kay Mary, walang – wala sa nararamdaman ko kay Pan ngayon.

I love her – everything about her, her voice, her conyo ways, even if she has her
own dictionary and her own language, I still love her. Walang tapon, hindi ko alam
kung kailan nagsimula pero mahal ko siya at balewala sa akin kung hindi niya ako
masyadong mahal.

"Towhtowh, why are you looking at me like you've seen me naked?! O M G nakita mo na
ng apala ang sexy body ko! Like you even made dede my dedeng malaki!" Malakas ang
pagkakasabi niya kaya napatingin sa amin ang staff ko. Pinanlakihan ko sila ng mga
mata.

"Pan, h'wag mo namang ipagkalat na nagaganoon tayo."

"Why naman are you like that? Are you embarrassed kasi nag-fuck na tayo?" She
innocently asked me. My eyes widened.

"NO!"

"O, there naman pala, so why not be proud?
last night. I want pa nga this morning but
I tried peeking on my pepe parang naka-sad
kasi gusto niya ng titi mo, Towhtowh!" She
voice was a bit low. I took a deep breath.
Ako nga, I'm proud that you fucked me na
my pepe is so sakit. Like it's so sore,
smile iyong slit niya, siguro sad siya
giggled. I thanked the gods when her
Napakamot pa ako ng ulo.

"Ikaw talaga." That was all that I could say.

"Ay wait! I'm going to the bathroom, you want here!"

She left. Napapailing pa rin ako. I looked at the entrance of my coffee shop and
from there, I saw Mary Jane Sihurano entering. Agad siyang naupo sa silya sa tapat
ng kinauupuan ko.

"Hi, Juan Antonio."

"Hello." I said to her.

"So, alam mo na siguro kung bakit ako nandito, diba? I am still waiting on your
answer about the law suit that my people are going to file against the Vejar
Shipping Lines. Ang tagal naman na kasi. O baka talagang ayaw mo na kasi you're
fucking Pan Vejar and her pussy is enough payment for the damages?" Nakangisi at
nang-aasar pa siya. Hindi ako agad nakasagot. I took a deep breath. Nakakainis na
ang babaeng ito.

"Look." I stared at her face. Maganda si Mary Jane pero nakakainis ang ginagawa
niya. "Hindi ako magdedemanda, okay naman ako. Hindi naman ako namatay, wala namang
naperwisyo sa pamilya ko, nakabalik ako---"
"Dahil sa Papa ko. At napakawalang – utang na loob mo kung hindi mo ibabalik ang
tulong na ibinigay namin sa'yo."

"What do you want me to do? Wala naman akong reklamo. Ikaw ang meron kaya ikaw ang
mag-file ng kaso!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. She stood up immediately and left. That's good, sana
hindi na siya bumalik.

xxxx

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"Kailan ka babalik, Pan?"

Mamang asked me while I was standing near the door, waiting for Towhtowh. I'm going
our bahay na kasi. Papa called me this afternoon asking where I am and he told me
to go home na, and I was touched kasi I thought that he wants me to go to the bahay
kasi he misses me. It's like so O M G!

"Maybe on the weekends. I'm gonna miss Towhtowh naman po kasi Mamang and I'll miss
you too but remember don't subo Uncle Don Paeng. You fore play first, remember!" I
giggled when Mamang's face reddened.

"You talaga! You're making sabi kung ano-ano! We're so not like that no!"

"Oh I know! I'm just making you bilin!" I giggled again. When Towhtowh joined us,
he had this super sad na face and I suddenly don't want to leave because I'm gonna
miss him. We had sex three times this morning and it's so sarap. He taught mr a new
position, the dog style and so far, that my favorite. Like my eyes are tirik to the
max and my labi is muntik nang mapudpod kasi nga he's so galing mag-thrust inside
like there's something in there that he's hitting and it made me cum so many times.
"Owww, why are you so lungkot?" I asked him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and
made alambitin. He sighed.

"You're leaving. I will miss you."

"Ohh! No!" I giggled. "I'm going home lang naman. I'm not going abroad! When I get
to the house, inside my room, we can video sex! I'll use my mini bullet vibrator!"

Towhtowh made pikit. I tiptoed and kiss him. He made me hatid to the car that's
waiting for me. He wanted to make me hatid to the bahay but I said no kasi nga he's
injured pa. Like how can he drive, right.

We kissed a lot of time before I finally went inside the car. I was waving at
Towhtowh nang hindi ko na siya makita ay napa-breath out ako. I wish that it's
already weekend so I can finally be back.

I think that I am in love with Towhtowh. It's a happy feeling and I know that it's
right. I smiled.

"Kuya Mando, did Papa made bilin anything?" I asked. I looked at the mirror and I
had to stare a bit more and that was when I realized that the one in the driver's
seat isn't Kuya Mando. My eyes widened. "Who are you?!" I hissed. He just looked at
me.

He sprayed something to the air that made me fall asleep.

When I woke up, I was inside a very dark place, like my eyes rolled.

"Sobrang cliché naman na na-kidnap me and then they made me dala here, like so,
what the fuck?!' I hissed at the darkness. My hands were tied but I am not wearing
a blindfold, it's dark naman kasi. I'm like natatatakot but I know that I have to
be strong so I can come out of here alive.

"Where am I?" I yelled. "Where I am?! Anyone here?! Where am I?"

"Pan? Panpan? Is that you?"

I suddenly heard that very shaky voice and I will recognize that voice anywhere.

"Dione?!" I yelled back?

"Pan?! Where are you?!"

"Where are you?" I asked back. Bigla na lang akong napa-cry like four huhuhuhu.
"Where are you?!"

"Here! Here!"

"How am I going to see you, it's fucking dark!" I ranted.

"Right! So... how do we do this?" She asked back. She's a bit frantic. Kanina,
hindi naman ako scared, but right after hearing Dione's frantic voice, made me feel
scared.

"I don't—"

The lights suddenly went on. I saw Dione, finally – she was on the other side of
the room. Her hands were tied, her eyes were swollen shut, there was blood on the
clothes. Bigla akong napa0cry like seven huhuhuhuhuhuhu.

"Oh my god?! What happened to you?!" I asked her. She started crying but I cannot
reach her to hug her. I feel sorry for her. "Who did this to you?! Oh my god?!
Dione, who hurt you?!"

She just keeps on crying. I crawled t get to her and when I finally did, I raised
my hands to reach her, she cried even more.

"Who did this to you?!" I asked again. She shook her head.
"They took me last night. I thought I'm gonna die..."

"Oh my god..." I cried even more. She looked at me. Her right eye was shut and
swollen.

"Ada's here..."

"What?!" My voice raised.

"I don't know where they took her, but she's here. She was with me in the car when
it happened. She kept on crying. I think they want money..."

O my god!

"We need to find Ada!" I hissed.

I stopped when I heard footsteps. I hid Dione on my back. I could feel her
shivering with so much fear. I waited for the owner of the footsteps and my mouth
parted right after seeing her.

"Hello, Vejars." She smiled.

"Mary Jane Sihurano." I spat.

"Oh yes. Now, the tables have turned huh. Kamusta ang staycation?"

CHAPTER 19
Juan Antonio Birada's

"Miss ko na si Pan."

Magkasama kami ni Peypey sa bahay nang umagang iyon. Wala si Jufran dahil umuwi
siya ng Paombong para dalawin si Mamang, si Fonso naman ay namalengke dahil siya
ang nakatokang magluto para sa araw na ito. Mamayang ala una nang hapon, pupunta na
kami ni Peypey sa food compound para buksan ang mga shop. Okay naman ang araw ko,
kaya lang namimi-miss ko ang Panpan ko.

"Seryoso ka na ba sa kanya?" Tanong ni Peypey. Nanonood kami ng tv noon habang

hinihintay si Fonso. Tumingin ako sa kapatid ko.

"May gusto ka ba kay Pan?" Biglaang tanong ko.

"Wala. Ayoko nga sa kanya kasi nga inaagaw niya si Mamang, pero gaya ngayong wala
siya, hinahanp ng tainga ko iyong nakakabwisit niyang bunganga." Bigla akong natawa
sa sinagot ni Pepe sa akin. Ginulo ko ang buhok niya tapos ay tinapik siya sa
balikat.

"Ikaw pa rin naman ang bunso naming kahit na anong mangyari."

"Kahit na ako iyong hind anak ni Papang?" Tanong niya. Hanggang ngayon ay
palaisipan sa aming magkakapatid kung sino nga ba ang hindi anak ni Papang. Naisip
ko naman na hindi iyon mahalaga dahil kahit saan anggulo ko tingnan, magkakapatid
pa rin kaming tatlo.

"Kahit napulot ka lang sat ae ng kalabaw." Natatawang sabi ko. Peypey made a face,
kasabay niyon ay ang pagpasok ni Fonso sa pinto dala ang mga pinamili niya.
Tinulungan naman naming siyang magluto para mapadali ang pagkain namin, habang nasa
kusina ay nasabi ko na miss ko na nga si Pan. Nauwi lang kaming tatlo sa tudyuhan.

"Kung miss mo na si Pan, bakit hindi mo siya puntahan sa kanila?" Fonso suggested.
"Kung hindi mo naman alam ang bahay niya, madali lang silang mahanap. Maraming
nakakaalam sa bahay ng mayayaman sa exclusive subdivisions no." Sabi niya pa.
Napanguso ako. Gusto ko ngang puntahan si Pan. Kahapon siya umalis at sigurado
akong nasa bahay na niya siya ngayon. Kagabi ko pa nga siya ni-te-text pero hindi
siya nagre-reply. Nagtataka nga ako pero naisip kong baka busy lang siya. Alam kong
maraming pinagdadaanan ang pamilya niya ngayon and I want her to know that I am
here for her no matter what happens, hihintayin ko lang siya at hindi ko siya ipe-
pressure. Mahal ko iyon...

Mahal ko talaga siya.

Kaya lang, hindi talaga ako mapakali, kaya sa huli, sinunod ko na lang rin iyong
sinabi ni Fonso na puntahan si Pan sa bahay nila. Sumama silang dalawa sa akin ni
Peypey. Si Fonso ang nagda-drive, na-traffic pa nga kami papasok ng Metro pero
hindi ako nainis, naisip ko kasi na pagkatapos ng lahat ng ito, naghihintay sa akin
ang nakangiting si Pan. Alam na alam ko na ang sasabihin niya sa akin. Napangisi
ako. May kasama kasing kabastusan iyon.

"Tang ina, Fonso, naiisip ko pa lang si Pan, kinikilig na ako." I even made a face.
Binatukan ako ni Peypey mula sa likuran. Inirapan ko naman siya pero saglit lang
iyon, ayokong sirain ang love mood ko para lang sa kapatid kong kulang sa pansin.

We got stuck in traffic. Iba na talaga ang traffic sa Pilipinas, hindi na siya
basta traffic, tourist attraction na siya! Dalawang oras pa ang itinagal namin sa
kakahanap ng bahay nila Pan. May kakilala ksi si Fonso na kilala ang kapatid ni Pan
na si Kairos Vejar kaya iyon ang nagturo sa amin kung nasaan sila. Kinakabahan ako.
Paano kung hindi niya pala ako gustong makita? Paano kung pagkatapos noong nangyari
sa amin bigla na lang niya akong ayawan kasi nga nakuha na niya ang katawan ko?
Kakayanin ko ba?

Hindi naman siguro, I would love to believe that she feels something for me too.
Mahal ko si Pan at ang tulad niya ay hindi basta ibinabasura. I will treasure her
forever. I will love her for the rest of my life. Ganoon na kalakas ang tama ko sa
kanya.

Maya – maya ay nag-park na si Fonso sa tapat ng isang napakalaking bahay. Napansin

kong may mangilan – ngilang sasakyang naka-park sa tapat niyon. Akon a ang bumaba.
Kabado talaga ako, paano kung tanggihan na niya ako? Hindi naman siguro, naniniwala
ako sa lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin noong nagpaputok kaming dalawa.

Bukas ang gate, tapos wala pa yata iyong guard na naka-duty sa kanila. Pumasok na
ako. Wala naman sigurong asong nakakalat dito. I don't know where to go. Habang
palapit ako sa main door ng bahay nila ay lalo kong nakikita kung gaano kalaki ang
agwat ng buhay naming dalawa ni Pan. She has all of these habang ako, lupa pa lang
ang mayroon ako, ni wala pang pundasyon. I bet Pan owns multi – million things, I
don't even know if I can give her half of what she already has now. Habang
papalapit ako sa kanya, nagkakaroon ako ng duda, hindi para sa relasyon naming
dalawa kundi sa katayuan namin sa buhay.

"Yes, can I help you?"

Nakita ko ang isang may edad na lalaking lumabas sa main door ng bahay. He was
wearing a blue polo shirt and pants. May edad na siya pero mukhang bata pa rin siya
dahil sa kanyang ngiti. Nakakahawa iyon. Napansin ko ring kakaiba ang kulay ng mga
mata niya – it was silver.

"Hinahanap ko po si Pan, Sir." I have a feeling that he was Pan's Dad. Agad namang
sumeryoso ang mukha niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Kinabahan ako. "You have to
listen to me first, Mr. Vejar, I am in love with you daughter." I told him. I
assumed that he was her father and that he doesn't ike me for his daughter. Ano nga
ba naman ang magugustuhan sa akin ng Papa ni Pan? Wala akong kahit anong kayang
ibigay sa anak niya. Hindi ko kayang magpatayo ng ganito kalaking mansion o bumili
ng mamahaling sasakyan.

"Mr..."

"No. Just let me finish. I am in love with your daughter. And I want to spend my
whole life wither her. Ang dami kong duda sa isipan ko pero isa lang ang sigurado
ko at iyon ay ang kagustuhan kong makasama siya sa habambuhay. I know, I know that
I couldn't give her an extravagant life, or anything close to this, but Mr. Vejar,
I can and will give her all my heart, even my soul just to make her happy. Hindi
ako titigil magsumikap hangga't hindi ko naibibigay ang nararapat para sa kanya.
Hayaan ninyo po akong mahalin si Pan, hinding – hindi ko siya sasaktan..."

Nang matapos akong magsalita ay nakita kong hindi lang ang Papa ni Pan ang naroon,
naroon na rin ang isang may edad na babaeng hawig rin ni Pan. Siguro iyon ang Mama
niya.

"Zeus, who is he?" The woman asked the man in front of me.

"He's... Pan's boyfriend, I guess..."

"Oh..." Lumapit iyong babae sa aming dalawa. Humawak siya sa kamay ng Papa ni Pan.

"He came here to propose, I guess, Gianna... but... Mr..."

"Birada po. Juan Antonio Birada..."

"Yes Mr. Birada. Pan isn't here."

Napaawang ang labi ko.

'In fact, she is missing. Hindi siya umuwi the other day like what she promised.
Her car was found in the middle of a deserted road just outside Bulacan and we're
looking for her."
Para akong nasabugan ng kung ano sa ulo.

"Nawawala si Pan?!" I exclaimed. "Hindi pwede iyon! Nag-sex na po kami! Pakakasalan

ko naman siya!"

xxxx

Pan Alejandrina Vejar's

"Kamusta ang Staycation?"

I just couldn't believe what is happening to my life right now. Just when I thought
that everything is at it's place, this luka-lukang woman abducts me and tie me up
like this?! I mean, what's her karapatan! She's not Christian Grey kay! Like fuck!
What does she even want from me?!

"Where's Ada?!" Dione yelled. I saw how Mary Jane Sihurano's reaction changed when
she made tingin at may bugbog saradong baliw na sister, si Dione. I am so naaawa na
to her kasi her eyes are like so maga from crying na, and the the other eye is shut
because it's swollen. I can't believe that they did all of these! Dapat, talaga
valid ang reason niya for abducting us kasi, if not! I will sampal her in her
lalamunan!

"Ada? Why do you care so much about Ada? Kay Danielle nga wala kang pakialam, bakit
mo hinahanap si Adaline? But, if it will make you feel better, Ada is with Mariake.
I'm sure that she's not even thinking about you!" She hissed at Dion.

"Why did you do this?!" I yelled at her.

"Simple lang naman. Bwisit na bwisit na ako sa pamilya ninyo na kung umasta akala
mo kayang bilhin ang buong mundo! Iyong mga ginawa ninyo sa amin, sa Uncle Nilo ko
and now to Annabeth! Wala kayong awa! Walang awa si Zeus Vejar! He took away
Annabeth from your family, nakita mo ba kung anong nangyari sa pinsan ko?!"

Napakagat – labi ako. I have no idea about what happened to Annabeth, Papa and Ate
Amal, umalis naman kasi ako sa house because I thought that Towhtowh is patay na!
But he's not naman pala kasi and he was able to pasok his titi to may baby pepe. I
sighed, will that ever happen pa kaya? I'm sure naman that I will make hanap the
feeling of him sexing me – like so much.

It's so sarap kasi. I don't even know that there's such thing as that kind of sarap
– sarap na sarap like so bongga the sarap! But I shouldn't be thinking about that!
I am in a bit of a situation here! I am kidnapped by this luka – lukang woman, that
wears boots even though it's summer! Like there's no snow naman in the Philippines
and it's not malamig and such! Like why would she do that?!

"I hate your family! And I know that this is against the law and all, but I don't
care! Zeus Vejar loves you two so much! I just want him to know the Uncle Nilo's
feeling noong ilayo niya si Amalthea at si Annabet sa pamilya namin! This is a
lesson he will never ever forget!" She hissed again.

"Hey you stupid girl! God ha!" I said. "It's not Papa's fault naman that your Uncle
Nilo was put to jail. Ate Amlthea was only a teenager when that happened kaya,
don't you know ba? She's only thirteen and even though she had sex with consent
with you Uncle Nilo who is already of legal age, it is still illegal because she's
not in the right age and Papa made him kaso and made sure that he went straight to
jail, like can you really blame our father? If I made you pa-rape to these men, how
will your Senator father react kaya?! Syempre he'll be galit and he'll kill all
these men! You should be thankful pa nga that Papa only made pakulong your Uncle,
because we have an Uncle who's friends with an assassin family, you know, I'm
telling you, it could've been so much worse than kulong." My kilay raised when she
slapped me.

"Panpan!" I heard Dione. Mary Jane made baling to her.

"You don't get to talk you piece of shit!"

"Don't call my sister that?! She's not a piece of
ran to her like a bull in rage. Napahiga siya, I,
the side, I hit myself on those boxes. Like, this
kidnapped and was put inside a warehouse, this is
don't like being trapped into it.
shit! You are!" I stood up and
on the other hade made gulong to
scene is so cliché! I was
every Filipino action movie and I

"You bitch!" Mary Jane stood up and went to my side. She made me sabunot while
making pilit me to stand up. I buldged. I made her tulak using my head. I'm like so
nahihilo na but I have to fight for my right to live!

"You're bitchier!" I made suwag her tyan! Napaupo siya but she signaled the guys to
hold me. They did and when she was sure that I'm not going anywhere, she made me
suntok to my pisngi. I was like so shocked!

It's so sakit like fifteen, aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw aw!

"Ano? Di natameme ka!"

"Putang ina mo!" I heard Dione from the back. She was already standing up and to my
surprise she freed herself from all the tali! She was holding a big wood and she
hampas that to Mary Jane Sihurano. Napaupo uli siya.

"Ano pang ginagawa ninyo?! Hawakan iyan?! Ilagay sa van para itapon sa malayo!"
Sigaw niya. Oh no! I saw when they tried taking Dione but Dione ran like the little
kid that she is. But naabutan siya because her leg was a bit hirap na. She's ika-
ika nga. I'm so naawa to her!

"You let me go!" I said. I kagat the braso of the one holding me and I tried so
hard to get out of the tali but I can't. I just made takbo to Dione. I shouted when
the man slapped her face. I'm so naiiyak na. I saw the wood that Dione made hampas
to Mary Jane. I took that to make hapmas themama too. I ulit – ulit that until the
mama was down on the sahig na. I made him sipa and then I went to Dione. The side
of her lips is bleeding.

"Oh no! You're pangit na." I tole her even if I'm so naiiyak na. She managed to
smile.

"I'm so scared, Panpan..."

"You don't have to be! I am here! The important thing is that we are together, even
if this ends badly, it's a good thing that we're together." I held her hand.

"Ang drama! Kunin iyan! Pahirapan! Take a picture of them and well send it to Zeus
Vejar. Tingnan natin kung hindi niya maramdaman ang ginawa niya sa pamilya ko!"
They took us. I am still trying to get away. We were about to enter a very dark
place when I stopped walking because I saw something, a shadow.

"Ano pang ginagawa mo? Lakad na!" Sabi noong mama. I didn't budge. I stood there,
there was something behind those boxes.

"Lakad na!" Sigaw noong lalaki. He made me tulak, I was almost subsob – I don't
want to be subsob unless it's in Towhtowh's titi – like fuck talaga!

"Ang bad mo!"

My mouth parted when suddenly, behind those boxes, our sweet little Ada emerged.
She threw some stone to the mama beside me. Her eyes were swollen. She was still
wearing her school uniform.

"Ang bad mo! Isusumbong kita sa Papa ko! Inaaway mo si Tita Panpan! Ang bad mo!"

"I told you she's here!" Dione said. I looked at Ada. She was crying, she was
holding on to her bag and her favorite stuffed toy.

"Bakit may bata dito?!' The man who was holding Dione exclaimed. To my surprise,
they took Ada too, they tied her up. Nag-iiyak si Ada.

"Tita Pan! Tia Dione!" She was crying so hard. Hindi naman ako maka-move maayos
because I am being held too! "Papa! Papa! Papa!"

"Tumahimik ka!" The man yelled at her. Lalong na-scared si Ada.

"Don't yell at her!" Dione shouted. I gasped when the man slapped Dione too.

"Kapag hindi kayo tumahimik tatagasan koi yang tagiliran ninyo!" He said to us.
They put a duct tape on Ada's mouth. Awang – awa ako sa pamangkin ko. I started
crying na rin. They out us inside a small room without lights. The only thing
that's making me feel strong is the fact that Ada is with us.

When they left us, Dione started to feel Ada's face. Wala kasi akong masyadong ma-
sight.

"Baby, I will peel the tape off, okay? It will hurt just a little bit."

The next I heard was Ada's small cry. And then it became a little louder.

"Papa... papa... papa..." She keeps on calling Kairos. I am so naiiyak.

"It's all my fault." Sabi ni Dione. "I came back from... somewhere." She said. "And
I realized that I had so many faults these past years, I wanted to talk to Ada so I
took her from school. Ibabalik ko rin naman siya, Pan, but the guys took us. I told
her to hide but that tall man took my car too. So, we ended up here" Iyak siya nang
iyak. "Dapat ako lang. Kasalanan ko ito."

"No one wanted this to happen, Dione. So, just stop blaming yourself. Yes, you are
a big shit head and a pain in the ass, but I still love you, despite of all of
that. It's not your fault."

"Kairos will never forgive me."

"It's not an easy process..." I whispered.

"I know..." I heard her sighed.

"Papa... papa..." Ada said. "Tita hungry na po ako... gusto ko na pong umuwi kay
Papa at Mama..."

"Oh, Ada... Tita Pan and Tita Dione will figure something out, okay? We will get
out of here. You just wait. You pray to God for our protection, okay?" I reassured
her. I felt Ada touched my arm – as if she was trying to hug me. I let her.

I was silently crying. Who am I making loko?There's no way I can ever think of a
way of getting out of here. I really thought that everything in my life is okay,
this happened, I know that I am going to die here. Whatever they want to do to us,
I gave no power to make pigil. I'm just so sad because of Ada, she's too young and
she has a bright future a head of her. She doesn't deserve this.

I am also thinking about Towhtowh, we never reached the climax of our happiness
tapos ibabawi na nila iyon sa akin. I am going to miss him, wala pa nga kaming
masyadong sex scene and yet here I am, I am going to die.

I was nagulat when the door opened, the next thing I knew the lights went on too.
The guys who tied us up were there too. I looked at my side and I saw Ada sleeping
beside Dione. She looked so scared even in her sleep.
"Unahin ninyong picture-an iyong bugbog sarado na, tapos iyong maarte, bugbugin na
rin, iyong bata itali rin." The first tall man said. My eyes widened. "Mas maganda
siguro kung lalagyan atin ng pasa iyong bata para mas kapani-paniwala."

"You don't get to touch her!" I yelled. Umusog ako para matakpan si Ada. I will
never let them touch our baby!

"Pan..." Tinawag ako ni Dione. I looked at her. She was biting her lip. It's as if
she was in pain. Bigla siyang nagyell. "AHHHHH!"

"Oh my god! What happened?!" I asked.

"Ang sakit! Ahhhh!" Natumba siya. She's like namamalipit sa super sakit! Like O M
G! I'm so scared.

"I-video ninyo! Mas kapani-paniwala iyan!?" One man said. They did. I was just
looking at Dione. Later, she stopped fidgeting. I have a feeling she passed out.

They all turned to me. May hawak silang baseball bat. They were walking to my
direction slowly. Maya-maya, I saw Mary Jane entering with another two guys. She
was all smiles.

"Ang tagal, ready na kami sa labas. Nasaan ang video?"

"Oh yeah?! You need a video? I asked her. Okay. Take a video of this." I slowly
moved away to finally reveal sweet Ada sleeping beside me.

I watched Mary Jane's face. Her eyes widened.

"Ada..." She looked at her minions. "Why the fuck is she here?! I told you to only
take Dione Vejar! Why is Ada here?!" Galit na galit siya. "Pakawalan ninyo iyong
bata! Iuuwi ko siya ngayon!"

"Anong pakawalan?!" The tall mad said. "Walang papakawalan! Pagkakataon na naming
yumaman.! Naiintindihan mo ba kung anong sitwasyon namin ngayon, Miss Mary Jane?
Anak at apo ng mga Vejar tapos anak ng Senador, tiba – tiba kami sa ransom money na
makukuha namin! Ngayon, may choice ka, sasama ka sa amin o isasama ka namin sa
kanila!"

"Wala sa usapan na pati bata kasama!" I was just looking at them. They were nag-
aaway. I looked around to find something sharp for my tali and I didn't fail, may
nakita akong basag na glass. I reached for it. It was behind me. I was nagulat
because, nahiwa ko ang self ko, but I will make aray later, right now I need to
free myself.

"Isasama namin ang lahat! Naisip kong mas malaki ang makukuha naming kaysa sa
ibibigay mo sa amin!"

I bit my lip. I made kaskas the basag na glass to the tali and after for what it
seems like eternity, I was able to free myself. I untied Ada too, I made her gising
and I signaled for her to keep quiet. Dione was regaining her consciousness, I
slowly untied her too.

"Pan..."

"Shhhh! Keep quiet, we are going to takas ourselves here. Ada, make hawak to my
hand."

"Ibibigay ko iyong dalawang Vejar sa inyo pero akin iyong bata! How much do you
need, a million?" Mary Jane kept on talking.

"Mas malaki pa ang makukuha namin sa kanila kaysa sa million mo! Ipatutubos ko kayo
ng sampung milyon bawat ulo! Kapag hindi sla nagbigay, papatayin ko kayo, uunahin
ko iyong bata!" Sigaw nila. I gasped. I held tightly to Ada.

"On the count of three..." I said. "One...two... three!" Sabay – sabay kaming
tumakbo papunta sa may pinto. I know that they will see us but I would rather risk
that than stay here being tied up and all. I need to get away. I have a family to
go back to, I have Towhtowh and he's waiting for me.
"Boss, tumatakas sila!" Sabi noong isa.

"Ada, don't look back!" I said.

"Tita, hinahabol nila tayo!" She said to me.

"Don't look back!" Dione said too. Bigla na lang may napaputok ng gun! I gasped.
The next thing I heard was Ada's cry. Agad akong napa-look back because I thought
that she was shot, buti na lang hindi. I made her karga and we kept on running but
the men, they were fast. Even Mary Jane was running after us.

"We need to get out of her." I said. "We have to run faster."

"The tables have turned but Mary Jane was still running after us." Sabi ni Dione.
Another gun shot was fired. Palakas nang palakas ang cry ni Ada.

"I'm so scared!" She said. I am too, but I have to be strong for the three of us.

Bigla ay nadapa ako. Ada fell. I hurt my ankle. Malapit na kami sa exit.

"Pan!" Dione exclaimed. I looked back and I saw the guys were close to us. Dione
held Ada's hand. She, then cupped her face.
"You run, baby." Sabi ni Dione.

"Ayaw ko po, scared po ako."

"No diba sabi ng Mama mo, dapat strong ka. You take care of Tita Panpan, you get
out of here and call for help. You should never look back, Ada. Okay?"

"Dione... hindi ako aalis dito nang wala ka." Bigla kong sabi. Dione smiled.

"I am sorry for everything, Pan. It will never make up for everything but I really
am sorry."

I just stared at her. I am crying now.

Another gun shot was heard. Napaiyak na rin siya. Buth then she smiled.

"Go. Run. Never look back. Go, baby, remember your mom's mantra." Sabi pa ni Dione.
Ada took my hand and even if I'm umiika – ika. Ada and I ran towards the exit. I
wanted to look back, but Dione said to not do that. When we were just about to
exit, I heard another gun shot, I stopped running, I wanted to look but I can't so
I just left.

It was almost morning...that was the first thing I realized when we got out.

"Tita, magko-call po ba tayo ng police?" She was sobbing. "How can we take Tita
Mary Jane and Tita Dione?"

"I don't..." I cried. "know..." I bit my lower lip. Malayo na ang nalalakad namin
nang mapaupo ako. Ada stopped too.

"Is Tita Mary Jane okay?" She asked. I cupped her face.

"Everything will be okay, Ada," Sabi ko. As if on cue, nakarinig ako nang mga
sasakyan. I looked at the road, nasa gilid kasi kaming dalawa. And as if the Gods
in Heaven were really protecting us, I recognized the gray pick up.

"Oh my god." I said. I stood up took Ada's hand and walked towards the road.
I know that pick up. I know who it is.

"Hey!" I waved my two arms. "Hey!"

I thanked the heavens when they stopped and immediately, the car door opened and
Towhtowh got out of it. Napahagulgol ako. He ran to me and hugged me so tight.

"I'm so scared, Towhtowh! I'm so scared!" I don't know how they found us but he's
hear already. Another car came, this time, I saw Kairos getting out of it. He's
with Alele and Ate Amal.

"Papa!" Ada shrieked when she saw her father. Kairos ran to her, picked her up and
kissed her on her face.

"Oh Ada. My sweet Ada. What happened to you?" He was crying while asking that. I
also saw my father. Lumapit siya sa amin, kumalas ako kay Towhtowh to hug him. Ate
Amal was there too, eyeing us, she hugged Ada too and smiled at me.
Alele was sobbing so hard, iyong parang may na-dead.

"Pa..." Sabi ko. "Dione is still there... she told me to not look back..." I lost
it.

"Nandoon na iyong mga pulis." Papa said. "Good thing, Mary Jane Sihurano called
Mariake. I don't know the details but because of that, we were able to track you
down."

"We have to take you to the hospital, to get you checked. I will take care of
Dione. Please, Mr. Birada. Take Pan to the hospital."

"I will, Sir... I will..."

Sumakay si Papa sa kotse niya. Alele went with him. Ate Amal was so pregnant right
now kaya ayaw siyang pasamahin. I made sakay to Towhtowh's car. When I got there, I
saw Peypey and Fonsow.

I was only quiet. Towhtowh was holding my hand.

"Don't scare me like that again." He told me. He kissed my hand and hugged me. I am
very thankful that he is here but I couldn't get Dione out of my head.

We arrived at the hospital, Mama was there already. She stood up when she saw me.
They were waiting outside. She cupped my face.

"Oh, Panpan..." She took one look at me and hugged me again. I saw Kairos arriving,
sinalubong siya ni Mariake. She was sobbing so hard when she saw Ada, agad niyang
kinuha ito sa kapatid ko. Ada cried upon seeing her mom. I could still here her.

"Mama sabi mo maging strong ako, I tried so hard but I was so scared."

Humagulgol si Mariake. I was watching them. I feel so numb. I need to know what
happened to Dione.

They took us to the emergency room. They took my bp, they've done some tests, pero
hindi ako mapakali. I need Dione, I need to know where she is. After an hour and a
half, I was done, they said that I was okay but I am not feeling well. I need
Dione.

Ada was confined, she had a little blood infection but the doctors said that she is
going to be okay. Nagkalagnat kasi si Ada. She was inside the suite, Kairos was
with us outside and he's not talking.

"Kuya..." I called him. He looked at me.

"I will make everyone pay for what they've done to my baby girls." He said.
Napahagulgol ako at saka niyakap siya.

"I was so scared... I was so scared..."

"It's gonna be fine..." He kept on saying. Ate Amal was beside me, comforting me
too. Umalis lang ako sa pagkakayakap when I saw Papa with Alele. Mama stood up.

"Nasaan si Dione?" Mama asked.

Papa looked at us, but his eyes were fixed on Ate Amal. He went to her and to our
surprise, he kneeled in front of Ate.

"I'm sorry, Amal... I am very sorry."

Ate Amal started crying. "It's Dione, Papa, diba? She's mine..."

Papa nodded. Mama cried.

"Where is she?" Ate Amal asked.

"She's being transferred in the operating room. She was shot." Alele informed us. I
cried again. "But it's not major, Nilo Sihurano was there to save her. Nilo didn't
make it though... He's DOA."

My mouth parted again.

Ate cried. Itinayo niya si Papa at saka niyakap nang mahigpit. I know how hard it
is for her. As of this moment, she's very pregnant while Waldo Gallo is inside an
ICU in Varess Medical City, unconscious. I am so sad for her...

I let the family do their own drama. I need to breath. I was walking, I was
thinking of going to Dione's OR but I saw Towhtowh on the waiting lounge, palakad-
lakad lang siya,then he saw me. I smiled. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang
kamay ko.

"Mahal na mahal kita, Pan." Sabi nya sa akin.

"I love you too, Towhtowh."

EPILOGUE

Wala nang iba

Two years later...

Juan Antonio Birada's

"Laya na si Maria Juana."

Napalingon ako kay Jufran matapos ko siyang marinig na magsalita. Nasa Paombong
kami nang weekend na iyon para samahan si Mamang. Birthday kasi niya at gusto sana
naming i-celebrate ang birthday niya nang kami – kami lang. Family matter kumbaga.

"Paano siya nakalaya? Diba twenty – five years ang sentansya niya?" Tanong naman ni
Peypey. Nasa likod bahay kami at nagiihaw ng karne para sa birthday ni Mamang
mamaya. Hindi naman ako masyadong nagsasalita, yamot pa rin kasi ako kay Mary Jane
hanggang ngayon. Iyong ginawa niya kay Pan, hindi ko mapapatawad iyon, iyon rin ang
dahilan kung bakit mas pinili muna ni Pan ang lumayo at magpunta ng Seattle kaya
hindi kami magkasama ngayon.

Napabuntong – hininga ako. Miss na miss ko na siya. Noong mga unang buwan niya sa
Seattle palagi kaming nakakapag-usap na dalawa. Parang girlfriend ko pa ron siya
tapos boyfriend niya ako pero nagsimulang magbago iyon noong magbukas siya ng dress
shop sa Seattle. Naiintindihan ko noong nagsisimula ang shop niya, busy siya, na sa
gabi na lang niya ako natatawagan, walang kaso sa akin iyon, magdamag ko siyang
hinihintay, minsan iyong gabi sa kanila, madaling -araw na sa Pinas pero hinihintay
ko siya, para lang malaman ko kung anong nangyari sa araw niya, para lang makamusta
ko siya.
Pero iyong paminsan-minsan na iyon ay nabawasan pa hanggang sa natagpuan ko na lang
ang sarili kong naghihintay sa wala.

"Nag-apela daw kasi iyong pamilya. Nabuksan iyong kaso ulit, hindi naman na
nangialam iyong mga Vejar kaya ayon, nakalaya si Mary Jane. Hindi ko masyadong
nabasa iyong article tungkol sa details pero laya na siya. Mukhang okay naman
siya." Patuloy ni Jufran. Napailing na lang ako.

"Oh, To, bakit ang tahimik mo?" Tanong ni Kuya Fonso sa akin. Nagkibit – balikat
lang ako at saka nagpatuloy sa paghihiwa ng karne.

"Si Pan. Iyon lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit nalulugkot iyan." Banat sa akin ni
Fonso. Tiningnan ko lang siya ng masama pagkatapos ay tumalikod na. Ayokong pag-
usapan. Hindi ko gustong maalala na itinapon niya lang ako na parang tae. Sabi ko
na ng aba, once na makuha niya sa akin ang gusto niya, iiwanan niya ako.

Hindi ko nga mapaniwalaan iyon, hindi naman kasi ganoon si Pan. It was so unlike
her. Bago siya nagpunta sa Seattle ay madala pa kaming magkasama. Binabantayan
namin iyong kapatid niya sa ospital. Inaalagaan ko siya, nag-aalala rin siya para
sa akin. Talagang umakto kami bilang magkasintahan, but then again who am I to
assume, she never confirmed it. Sinabi niya lang na mahal niya ako – dalawang beses
lang iyon. She never told me she love kapag sinasabihan ko siya ng I love you.

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil nailagay ako ni Pan sa posisyon ganoon. Hindi nga
dapat ako nagkakaganito. Hindi ako dapat umaakto na parang ako ang babae sa
relasyon naming dalawa. I should man up. I should be the dominating one, ang siste,
ako iyong parang nag-iiyak at nag-iinarte na parang nanakawan ng virginity.
"To." Napatingin ako nang tawagin ako ni Mamang. Nakatayo siya sa may terasa at
naghihintay sa akin. Mukhang katatapos niya lang magbasa at magkape. Tumabi ako sa
kanya tapos ay ngumiti.

"Mahaba na naman ang buhok mo. Ipagugupit mo pa ba iyan?"

"Yes, Ma. Sa Lunes pagbalik ng Malolos, ipapagupit ko na ulit." Napangisi pa ako.

"Pero diba gusto ni Pan na mahaba ang buhok mo?"

"Mang, hindi na babalik si Pan. Masaya na iyon sa Seattle o kung saan mang parte ng
mundo."

"Bakit? Saglit lang naman siya sa Acapulco. Dapat talaga i-follow mo siya sa
Instagram!" Sabi pa ni Mamang sa akin. I just shook my head.

"Mang, ni-block ko na siya."

"Aba'y bakit naman?!" Sigaw niya sa tainga ko. Napangiwi ako.

"Mang, iniwanan niya ako eh." Sabi ko pa. "Hindi na siya nagparamdam. Walang
pasabi, walang kung ano, does she expect me to just wait for her. Naisip kong mag-
move on na lang."

"Kaya pala nagsimula ka na namang mambabae." Nakalabing sabi ni Mamang sa akin.

"Gusto ko si Pan para sa'yo. Mabait siya at siya ang unang naging manugang ko sa
lahat. Saka diba kinain na niya ang titi mo – it must mean something."

Napatayo ako sa sinabi ni Mamang. "Mamang! Grabe ka! Ano ba naman iyang bunganga
mo! God! O my god and o my god again!"

"Anong meron?"
Hindi ko napansin na nakabalik na rin ang mga kapatid ko galing sa pagluluto ng
karne sa likod bahay. Si Fonso ay nakatingin kay Mamang, si Peypey ang nagtanong
kung anong meron habang si Jufran ay tinabihan agad ang nanay namin.

Mama's boy talaga. Hanggang ngayon kasi iniisip niya na siya ang hindi anak ni
Papang sa aming apat. Sa akin naman ay walang kaso iyon, hindi rin namin pinag-
uusapang magkakapatid. Para bang iyon ang forbidden fruit na kahit kailan ay hindi
pwedeng galawin.

"Kinain na ni Pan ang titi ni Toto kaya dapat sila ang magkatuluyan."

"Ma!" Sabay-sabay kaming sumigaw.

"Mang, hindi lahat ng nagkakainan ng titi ay nagkakatuluyan." Sabi pa ni Fonso kay

Mamang na para bang kaswalan lang ang pinag-uusapan namin.

"Hay naku! Kayo talagang mga millennials kung ano – anong alam ninyo! Noong panahon
naming kapag nagkadaiti ang mga daliri ng dalawang tao, magpapakasal na sila!
Ngayon, nakain na, nasubo na at lahat! Wala pa ring kasal! Kaya kung sino – sinong
nabubuntis! Hoy! Kayong apat kapag nakabuntis kayo at hindi ninyo pinanagutan,
babarilin ko kayo ng rifle ko!"

"Yes, Mang." Sabay-sabau naming sagot.

"Hala! Ihanda na ang pagaganapan ng party, maya-maya nandito na ang mga bisita."

Agad ko namag inutusan ang mga tao ko para ihanda na ang lahat. Fiftieth birthday
ni Mamang kaya bongga ang handaan namin. Dapat nga surprise pero nadulas si Peypey
kaya nalaman kaaga niya at siya na ang nagplano ng lahat. We invited all her
friends, lalo na iyong noong high school siya.

Sigurado akong masayang – masaya si Mamang mamaya.

Pinagbihis na niya kaming lahat. Masaya rin naman ako kaya lang talagang sa mga
ganitong panahin at pagkakataon ay naiisip ko si Pan. She likes parties, she likes
to have everyone's attention to her. Kaya lang, wala na talaga siya, ni hindi na
nga niya ako tinatawagan, ni hindi na rin yata niya ako naaalala.

I sighed. Matapos kong ayusin ang sarili ko ay lumabas na ako ng silid. Namataan ko
rin na isa – isa nang nagdaratingan ang mga bisita ni Mamang. Ang nakaagaw ng
atensyon ko ay ang mga Arandia. Kitang – kita ko noong bumaba si Don Paeng sa pick
up niya kasama si Monalisa at si Ross. Napabuntong – hininga ako.

Classmate ni Mamang si Don Paeng noong high school, tinanong ko kay Peypey kung
napadalhan pa niya ng imbistasyon ang Don, ang sabi niya ay hindi, kaya sigurado
akong nalaman lang ni Don Paeng ang party sa iba pa nilang mga kaibigan. Nakakahiya
naman kung paaalisin ko pa siya. Akon a lang ang sumalubong sa kanya.

"Kamusta po, Don Paeng?"

"Maasyos naman, Toto. Nasaan si Luisa?"

"Nagbibihis pa po, pasok na po kayo. Magandang hapon, Mona, Ross." Tinanguan lang
ako ng dalawa at sumunod na sa Papa nila. Sinabayan ko sila ng paglakad, pagpasok
sa loob ay nagkasalubong si Mamang at Don Paeng. Kasama ni Mamang si Fonso. Siya
kasi ang mag-aalalay kay Mamang habang naglalakad ito papunta sa party para
kamustahin ang mga kaibigan niya.
"Luisa..."

"Raphael."

"Maligayang kaarawan." Agad na inabutan ni Don Paeng ng bulaklak si Mamang. Fonso

and I were just looking at them. Kahit si Mona at Ross ay ganoon rin. Tinanggap ni
Mamang ang regalo ni Don Paeng at saka ngumiti.

"Maraming Salamat, Paeng."

Mukhang may nais pang sabihin ang Don pero hindi na niya itinuloy. Matagal silang
nagtitigang dalawa. Ako naman ay naglilipat – lipat ang tingin kay Mamang at kay
Don Paeng pero bigla akong natigilan nang dumako ang tingin ko kay Fonso at kay Don
Paeng.

I mean, man... there's just... why didn't I noticed that before? Napakunot ang noo
ko. Lalong napaawang ang mga labi ko.

"Mang, dapat na siguro silang papuntahin sa party, sa labas." Sabi ni Fonso.

"Oo nga naman, Raphael, isama mo na itong si Ross at si Mona. Sana mag-enjoy ka-
yo."

"Muli, maligayang kaarawan, Luisa."

Nilagpasan na ni Don Paeng si Mamang pero pansin na pansin ko ang pagtatama ng mata
ni Don Paeng at Fonso, there was something in my brother's eyes that made me think
about this situation – a lot.

"To, ano pang ginagawa mo diyan? Lika na." Tawag pa sa akin ni Mamang. Wala sa loob
na sumunod na ako.

Everyone greeted Mamang a happy birthday, may maikling program pa, isa – isa namin
siyang isinayaw magkakapatid. She was all smiles and teary eyed nang makarating
kami sa gitna ng birthday niya. Nagsalita pa si Peypey para sa kanya.

"Kung nandito si Papang, he would be so glad to be you last dance, pero dahil wala
na siya, kaming apat ang nandito, kahit kailan, Mamang, hindi ka namin iiwanan,
kahit na makapag-asawa pa kaming apat, uuwi at uuwi kami sa'yo, aalagaan ka namin.
Mahal na mahal ka namin, Mamang, happy birthday."
Itinaas ni Pepe ang wine glass niya, everyone cheered for Mamang's new year.

"Cheers." I said. Ininom ko ang wine ko at nagpalinga – linga. Ngiting – ngiti ako
sa mga prospect kong babae dito pero na – freeze ang ngiti kong iyon nang makita
kong may kayakap na babae si Jufran.

Noong una ay hindi ko pa sigurado kung iyon nga ang babaeng matagal ko nang
hinihintay at sinukuan na. Hindi ako umaasa, hindi ako aasa. Kaya lang, tumibok
nang mabilis ang puso ko. Ang sumunod noon ay lumapit si Fonso at saka niyakap rin
siya.

Finally, they let her go and I was right, it was her. It is indeed her.

Si Pan Vejar.
She's standing inside my turf. She was wearing an olive green knee – length dress,
mahabang – mahaba na ang buhok - umabot na yata sa baywang niya. She smiled at
Mamang who was approaching her, kahit si Pepe ay niyakap si Pan.

"Ayun si To! To!" Tinawag ako ni Jufran. I shook my head and then I walked away.
Nilingon ko pa nga sila, kitang – kita kong nawala ang ngiti ni Pan nang lumayo
ako. Hindi ko alam kasi kung anong dapat naming pag-usapan. Ano nga ba? Dalawang
taon siyang hindi nagpaparamdam sa akin, hindi ko alam kung ano na kaming dalawa.

Bumalik ako sa bahay. Naisip kong magpahinga na muna para makapag-isip. Dumiretso
ako sa kusina, nabigla ako nang makita kong naroon si Don Paeng.

"Juan Antonio." He smiled at me. "Masyado nang maraming tao sa labas. Hindi ako
sanay. Pasensya na kung naisip kong maupo rito."

"Wala poi yon. May gusto po ba kayo?" Tanong ko. Pero ikinabigla ko naman ang sagot
niya.
"Si Maria Luisa."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Napangisi at saka naupo.

"Matagal na naming napapansin, Don Paeng. Wala eh, naunahan kasi kayo ni Papang.
Sayang po."

"Ako ang nauna." Magalang na sabi niya. Na-freeze ang ngiti ko. "Kami ni Luisa ang
mag-nobyo noon hanggang sa magtapos kami ng kolehiyo. Kasal na lang ang hinihintay
naming dalawa pero kinailangan kong umalis at magpunta sa Amerika dahil nagkasakit
ang aking Mama. Ilang panahon rin akong nawala at nang bumalik ako rito sa
Paombong, kasal na sila ng Papang mo, at tatlong buwan na siyang nagdadalang – tao
sa kapatid mo."

Punong – puno ang panghihinayang sa tinig ni Don Paeng.

"Minahal ko si Luisa na parang siya ang lahat sa akin kaya nang mawala siya,
nahirapan akong bumangon, minahal ko siya, at akala ko magkakaroon kaming dalawa ng
panibagong pagkakataon ay muli akong nabigo. Pinili niya ang Papang mo at ang
kapatid mo. Mas pinili niya ang pamilya ninyo. Matapos noon, naisipan kong gumalaw
na. Mahirap, Juan Antonio, kaya kung ikaw ay katulad kong may minamahal rin, h'wag
mong pakawalan."

Bigla kong naisip si Pan... nawala siya, naiwan ako.

"Bumalik naman siya kaya lang..."

Napatayo ako. Iniwan ko si Don Paeng at lumabas muli ako sa party. Patapos na iyon
at nagliligpit na ang mga tao ko. Nakita ko si Pan na kausap si Pepe, mukhang
paalis na rin siya. Tinakbo ko ang distansya naming dalawa.

"Pan!" Sigaw ko. Napalingon siya. She smiled a bit. Tinapik naman ni Peypey ang
balikat ko at saka umalis.
"Hi..." She said in a very small voice. Nakapamaywang ako at tiningnan siya mula
ulo hanggang paa. Napakasimple ng Pan na humaharap sa akin ngayon, walang kulay ang
buhok niya, wala siyang make-up, wala siyang alahas, maliban doon sa hikaw niya.
I'm sure her simple clothes are still branded, maybe that bag of hers is worth
millions and can feed thousands of family, but still she managed to look simple and
yet very elegant.

"You came back."

"Yes, Toto. Akala ko kasi may babalikan pa ako."

Lalo akong nagulat nang magsalita siya.

"But clearly, wala na. I'm going back to the Metro. Just tell Mamang I said bye."
Tinalikuran na niya ako. I was ready to watch her leave pero naalala ko si Don
Paeng. Hinagip ko ang balikat niya at saka hinarap siya sa akin.

"Ganoon na lang? Aalis ka na lang? Hindi ka man lang ba magpapaliwanag? I deserve

and explanation, why did you stop talking to me?" May panunumbat sa tinig ko. Her
tears fell.

"Because Papa got sick." She said. "And that I needed to be his daughter. I let go
of the shop, remember the shop I started in Seattle? I had to let it go because he
needs someone beside him and Ma all the time." She started sobbing. "I'm so sorry,
Toto that I stopped talking to you. I needed to adjust, everything in my life went
360. God knows how much I wanted to be with you in those moments. I know that it's
so easy to call but I can't, I was so sad that I didn't want to bother you.
Nakikita ko naman kasi sa social media how happy you are and I wad worried that my
sadness will affect you so much."

Namumula na iyong ilong ni Pan.

"And then, later in 2016, Papa died. Lalong hindi ako makabalik. Mama needed us. We
were given responsibilities in our family na kahit kailan hindi ko naisip na
kailangan naming gawin. You see, Toto, my family might be fucked up and messed up
but when it comes to tragedies like that, we stick together, we stay together, we
fall together and we stand up together. Hindi na pwedeng tulad noon na puro na lang
si Kuya Kairos. He needed a team and we were all there. I am so sorry if I put my
family first... or if I didn't tell you."

She doesn't need to be sorry. She doesn't need to apologize. I understand her and I
want to take away her pain. I know how painful it is to lose a father. I lost mine,
and up until now, napakasakit pa rin noon para sa akin.

"I wanted to come back to the Philippines as early as I could pero doon na namin
sinimula ang lahat. We moved to Arizona, Kairos and Alele started to built an
office there, doon na iyong main office ng company. Mama wanted to start a new in
Arizona, Kairos was terrified to go back because of what happened to Ada. Alele
migrated in Arizona with his family, lahat kami naroon na, lahat kami naga-adjust,
it's not easy starting a life without Papa."

"Pan, please stop." Lumapit ako sa kanya para yakapin siya. She rested her head on
my chest.

"And then when we all thought that it was okay, Dione... met an accident. Hindi na
siya makakalakad and I stayed with her and Ate Amal because you know how much I
love her." Napahagulgol na siya. Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. Hindi ko naman na
siya binitiwan. "Oh, Toto, I am just so tired.... So tired from all of these..."

Walang dalawang salitang namutawi sa akin, binuhat ko si Pan at dinala sa bahay.

Nakita kong nanonood ang mga kapatid ko. Lahat sila ay humawi nang dumaan ako. I
put Pan to bed. Iyak siya nang iyak. Hinawakan ko naman ang kamay niya.

I realized how selfish I was. I should've never thought of anything negative.

Naniwala dapat akong mahal ako ni Pan at babalikan niya ako.
"I'm sorry." I told her.
"Why?"

"Because I didn't believe enough, Pan. Akala ko iniwan mo ako basta."

"I had a feeling you might think that. Sorry din kasi hindi kita agad nabalikan.
But Toto..." She paused. "Will you still take me?"

Inayosko ang kaunting buhok na nalagay sa noo niya. I kissed her forehead.

'Will you still love me?"

"Yes. I do love you. Two years of being apart, I realized that Vejars are indeed
loyal. Madalas sabihin ni Papa iyon sa akin. Consunjis always fall for the
forbidden one, Demitris are chaotic when they fall, but Vejars are the loyal ones,
when we love, we love with all our hearts even if it destroys everything around us,
just like Papa to Mama... and me to you..."

Pinindot ko ang ilong ni Pan. Napabuntong – hininga ako.

"Why, Toto?"

"Wala... dapat malungkot tayo, kasi sa lahat ng sinabi mo, pero kasi, Pan,
kinikilig ako."

Tumawa siya kahit na iyak siya nang iyak.

"I tried dating last week," Kwento ko pa. "Wala eh. Lahat ng babae para sa akin
boring at hindi maganda. Ikaw lang talaga." Idinikit ko ang noo ko sa noo niya.

"Will you stay with me now?" I asked her.

"Yes, I will. Toto. With all my heart and soul. I will stay with you."
I kissed her forehead again tapos ay niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit.

"Aw.... Towhtowh, I can't like breathe no. Like four hu hu hu hu!"

Bigla ko siyang natitigan.

"O to the M to the G! You are really back! I love you so much, Panpan!"

We both giggled.

Habang lumalalim ang gabi, lalo kong nararamdamang nandito na si Pan sa tabi ko at
alam ko tulad ng sinabi niya sa akin kanina, hindi na siya aalis. I will make the
most out of our lives together. Yes... Our lives together for I cannot see myself
getting old with any other woman, si Pan lang...

Si Pan lang at wala nang iba.

xx A L P H A xx