Question 1:

Dear teacher,
I’m glad to hear that there will be a celebrity coming to our English class and to
give a talk
In my eyes, I think it would be great if a famous actor attended our class instead
of a scientist.(k nên ngắt câu ở đây e) Because an actor might be more friendly
and funny funnier , (chỗ này nên ngắt câu ).moreover there are so many topics
which we are always curious about films and actors. On the other hand, science is
too difficult for me and many members of our class to understand.
I’m a big fan of films, I watch them everyday. I’ve dreamed of becoming an actress
in the future, so I want to ask the actor about how to become an actress and how
to act well. I hope that I will get a helpful answer.
After the conversation, I think we should do a comedy play which is extremely
funny,. I hope that the actor will like it and give us some valuable advice. I can
play small positions (dùng từ chưa hợp lý) a role in this play.
Love
Mario
Nhận xét
Cái cụm a bôi green nó là dạng MĐQH rút gọn, do đó give a talk nó thuộc về ý
“coming to…” nên mình phải dùng “to” chứ k dùng “and”
Cả cái câu có chứa ý a bôi xanh, nếu e dùng MĐQH thì rất khó để diễn đạt, bởi cả
cụm Which we are always curious about là để bổ sung cho từ topics, do đó e
thêm từ films and actors ở sau about thì không đúng cấu trúc ngữ pháp. Suy đi
tính lại thì k thể nào có cách diễn đạt như e mong muốn mà đúng ngữ pháp được
nên mình bỏ hẳn đoạn a gạch đi
Chú ý cách ngắt nghỉ câu, Ví dụ như because mình nên viết liền trong 1 câu. Còn
Moreover, ở đoạn dài dài ngoằng như vậy thì e nên tách hẳn ra thành một câu.
Question 2:
COMPUTER GAMES
Nowadays, we no longer see some folk games but rather computer games
A lot of people are easily addicted to computer games, especially young people,
me (cái này dùng trong speaking thì được, với writing thì sẽ bị sai ngữ pháp)  I
and my friends are no exceptions. Although I’m always as busy as a bee, I still try
to spend at least 1 hours playing games with my friend every week because
games can make me relax and forget about pressureskeep my mind off
unnecessary things in life (giúp cho tôi không nghĩ đến những thứ lặt vặt, linh tinh
trong cuộc sống)school. I love farming games since it is designed very lovely with
a catchy sound effect and it’s easy to play.
In my point of view, computer games have both benefits and drawbacks. There
are some advantages including relaxation, improving our speed and reflexes
(phản xạ) and helping (e chú ý giữa các vế phải có sự hòa hợp giữa loại từ. k thể
vừa dùng N vừa dùng V-ing được ) us make friends with many other people who
live far away. On the other hand, playing games is time consuming. If you spend
too much time sitting in front of the screen or phone, you won’t have enough
time to work, study or talk with friends. Moreover, it is not good for your eyes.
Computer games are a great way to entertain but playing too much is harmful.
Nhận xét:
Nhìn chung thì bài viết của e khá tốt, nội dung đầy đủ
Tuy nhiên e nên chú ý một số lỗi a highlight nhất là chỗ a bôi xanh.