Why Women Wash the Dishes

By Filomena Colendrino

Characters:
Narrator
Ka Ugong Neighbor
Ka Maldang Herb-man

Narrator:
In the town of Santa Rosa there once lived a couple named Hugo, a henpecked husband, and his wife
Imelda. Every mealtime they quarreled over the chore of washing the dishes. Imelda would scold Hugo if he
refused to wash the dishes. Sometimes she would become angry and call him names, and if he talked back she
would get her coconut midrib broom and chase him with it. He would run to the house of his ‘Compadre’ and hide
there, till his wife’s anger had passed. The neighbor familiarly called cross Imelda; Ka Maldang, and Hugo, Ka
Ugong.

The Play:

Ugong: I am not going to wash the dishes any more. He threw out his chest and lifted his chin.

Maldang: Why say so? (Asked Ka Maldang, holding up her chin higher)

Ugong: I say so, I worked hard in the field this morning. I am not going to wash any dishes.

Maldang: And who, Mister Hugo, is going to wash these dishes? (She asked angrily)

Ugong: Ka Ugong’s chest sank again. His chin also went down. He held on the edge of the table nervously. You,
(he said a much lower tone) You are the woman. You should do all the housework.

Maldang: And what do you do? You tie the carabao to the reeds in the field and then you lie down on the grass
to watch it gaze. You call that hard work? I cook, clean the house, wash your clothes; scrub the floor, I do all the
work that only slaves do. And you even refuse to help me wash the plate from which you have eaten?
(She raised the broom to strike him, crying) You, you lazy man!

Ugong: (Ka Ugong ducked under the table) Don’t strike me! Listen, let’s stop quarreling over the plates. Let us
have a bet. The first one of us who will speak after I have said the word “begin” will wash the dishes. Always.

Maldang: Only that? The first one who talks will always wash the plates, and bowls, and pots and pans. Always.

Ugong: Right, said Ka Ugong. If you even say just one word to me, or to anybody, or to anything, after I had
said “begin”, you will always wash the dishes.

Maldang: That’s easy. I can keep my mouth shut even for a week. You cannot. You even talk to your carabao.

Ugong: All right. Are you ready?

Narrator: Ka Maldang nodded her head, compressed her lips, and Ka Ugong said, Begin! They both fell silent.
They sat at the table looking at each other across the unwashed plates and bowls and spoons. They did not like
to leave each other for fear that one would talk to himself without other’s hearing. Soon it was getting late in the
afternoon but they went on sitting mutely at the lunch table.

Neighbor: Ka Ugong! “Comadre” Maldang! Yoohoo! “Compadre” Maldang! Yoohoo “compadre” ugong, May I
borrow your ax?

Narrator: Ka Ugong and Maldang did not answer so the neighbor decided to go up. When the neighbor went up
the bamboo ladder he was surprised to see Ka Maldang and Ka Ugong sitting silently at the table where plates
had dried up with left-overs.
Neighbor: What happened to you compadre and Comadre? Did you eat something poisonous? Some food that
has made you dumb?

Narrator: The neighbor was alarmed. He did not get the ax but ran out of the house to the rest of the neighbors
and told them that something terrible had happened to the couple. The neighbors gathered at Ka Maldang’s
dining room. They took turns trying to make them speak. But the two continued to sit staring at each other in
silence. They then decided to call the herb-man.

Narrator: The herb-man saw the motionless, silent husband and wife sitting at the table, he declared that they
were bewitched. He spread a woven buri mat in the sala and asked the bewitched couple to lie down. Ka Ugong
obediently lay down and closed his eyes. He curled up and went to sleep. But Ka Maldang refused to get up from
where she sat at the dining table.

Narrator: Ah, the spirit which has taken possession of her is very stubborn. I must break its spell.

Narrator: He then produced from a small bag which he always carries the nine pieces of bell leaf, a piece of
areca nut, a little lime from a tiny bone. He cut the nut into nine pieces. He spread a little lime on each betel leaf,
rolled them and wrapped them around each piece of areca nut. He now had nine rings of the leaves.

Herb-man: This represents the lost spirit of the couple. (He chewed the leaf and nut.)

Narrator: When he had chewed it, he spat on his palm, and dipped a forefinger of the other hand into the nut-
colored saliva and marked with it a cross on the forehead of Ka Ugong… Ka Ugong did not seem to feel the old
man’s fingers on his forehead.

Herbman: Come Ugong. Come back, Ugong! Come, Maldang…. Come home to your body now… Come,
Maldang.

Narrator: Both did not answer. Evening fall on the frightened village, frightened because the herb “doctor” said
that the spell might be cast on some other villagers besides Ka Ugong and Ka Maldang. He called to the
bewitched couple softly at first…

Herb-man: Come, Ugong, Maldang…(softer) Come, Ugong…Come, Maldang… (louder)

Narrator: But still they did not move. Ka Maldang soon became tired so she reclined against the bamboo chair.

Herb-man: This is the first witchery of its kind that I have met here. By their silence, I believe that they are
dead. Their spirits, have left their bodies. The only thing to do now to keep their souls in peace and to prevent
this witchcraft from spreading among us is to bury them.

Narrator: The herb-man ordered some of the men to look for bamboos to make two coffins immediately before
the illness would go to them. In no time, the two coffins made of bamboos, hurriedly tied together were finished.

Herb-man: We shall bury them at sunrise. Some of us have to stay to keep the wake for the dead.

Narrator: The men easily lifted Ka Ugong and placed him aside his coffin. Surely, Ka Ugong said to himself, he
would win the bet. He would not be afraid of being buried. Why, he would just get out of the grave when the
neighbors were gone.

Narrator: The herb-man approached Ka Maldang. Although Ka Maldang’s eyes were closed, she had been
listening to his instructions . She was afraid that he would surely force her into her coffin is she did not tell him to
go away. But she did not like to talk. She hoped her husband would object to the men’s lifting of her into the
coffin.

Ka Maldang: I am afraid to sleep in that coffin tonight. No, I will not let them lift me into it (she said to
herself.)

Narrator: Ka Maldang pushed the men, go to her feet and shouted.

Ka Maldang: Don’t touch me! Get out! Get out of my house! Stop meddling with our lives!
Ugong: Ka (Ugong leaped to his feet. He also shouted) You talked first! He jumped about clapping his hands and
saying to the astonished neighbors, She talked first. We have a bet. Now, she will always wash the dishes!

Narrator: Ka Maldang lifted the lid of Ka Ugong’s coffin to strike his head. Ka Ugong ran out with his neighbors,
still shouting happily and saying, I won, I knew I would win! Now I will never wash the dishes.

-END-