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6 Things Happy People Never Do

WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF // 133 COMMENTS

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Happiness is not something you postpone for the future;

it is something you design into the present.

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 Happy people do a lot of things. They spend time expressing
gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing
loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring
life’s little pleasures, and so on and so forth.

But they NEVER…

1. Mind other people’s business.

Forget about what others are doing. Stop looking at where they
are and what they have. Nobody is doing better than you because
nobody can do better than you. YOU are walking your own path.
Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we
compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone
else’s public highlight reel. We listen to the noise of the world,
instead of ourselves. So stop the comparisons! Ignore the
distractions. Listen to your own inner voice. Mind your own
business.

Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart
and dedicate time to them every day. Don’t be scared to walk
alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it. Don’t let anyone’s
ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you
can be. Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for
YOU. Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at
peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you. (Angel and
I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter
of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2. Seek validation of self-worth from others.

When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing

and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will
respect you. And even more importantly, you will respect
yourself.

How are you letting others define you? What would you do

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 differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you. People may have
heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they
can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR
life. So forget what they think and say about you. Focus on how
you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best
under your feet.

Those who accept you are your friends. Those who don’t are your
teachers. If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not
your problem because it’s true. If someone calls you something
and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true. Either
way, whatever they call you is not your problem. What other
people call you is their problem…

What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your
problem.

3. Rely on other people and external events for

happiness.

Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and

what we think we need. But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire
anything more to be content with what we already have. We don’t
need anyone else’s permission to be happy. Your life is
magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have
acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as
such. Don’t let your happiness be held hostage. It is always yours
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As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else

responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re
unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault. Take full
responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly
gain the ability to be happier. Stop seeking in vain to arrange
conditions that will make you happy. Simply choose to

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 appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the
right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you
seek.

The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon

your outlook, and not upon our situation. Even if things aren’t
perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you. A
good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap
into it any time you like. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)

4. Hold on to resentment.

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from
your past. What happened in the past is just one chapter in your
story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.

We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while
the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for
too long. Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain
over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.

Forgiveness is the remedy. It allows you to focus on the future

without combating the past. To understand the infinite potential
of everything going forward is to forgive everything already
behind you. Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed
and personal growth can never be achieved. It doesn’t mean
you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means
you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead
choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

5. Spend prolonged periods of time in negative

environments.

You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without
an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and
enjoyable. So protect your spirit and potential from
contamination by limiting your time with negative people and
the environments they inhabit.

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 When other people invite you to act like victims, when they
whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask
you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their
grievances, WALK AWAY. When you join in that game of
negativity you always lose.

Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for

yourself. Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make
you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling
you, and see how doing that changes your life. You don’t need
negative thoughts. They are all lies. They solve nothing. All they
have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.
(Read Buddha’s Brain.)

6. Resist the truth.

It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our lives learning how to

lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that
we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth. Lives
come apart so easily when they have been held together with
lies. If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the
truth haunts your thoughts every night. You simply can’t get
away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to
the next.

So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with
deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of
what’s popular. It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than
a false one. It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it
is the only way to truly live. Accept what is, embrace it fully, and
live for the possibilities that lie ahead.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list? What’s something you should
NOT do if you want to be happy? Leave a comment below and
share your thoughts.

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 Photo by: Danorbit

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Comments

Jessica says
March 18, 2014 at 12:24 am

What if you’re happy with yourself but you remain alone without
attracting anyone in your life who want you?

And what if you can’t find or if it is out of your financial means to

get into a positive environment?

Reply

cici says
March 25, 2014 at 9:49 pm

1. Happiness is realizing and accepting the “actual” truth of life i.e

this “life” is temporary and will end one day. Thus, don’t stress!

2. Happiness is all about making others happy. One does not

require “money” to make others happy. One can give: blessings,
one’s time, love, smile, a hug, a kiss, kind words,

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 emotional/spiritual support etc.

Reply

Keith says
May 28, 2015 at 7:52 pm

Yes, I get joy out of seeing others happy.

Reply

Ann says
April 22, 2014 at 12:51 am

I feel good reading these! It’s not me, it’s them.

Reply

Cliff says
April 22, 2014 at 6:35 am

This is one of the best articles I have ever read. And to add on to
that..happy people they never stop praying. They watch and hope.
Thanks

Reply

Sandra says
May 5, 2014 at 9:40 am

Live life with no regrets. The consequences from every choice or

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 decision you make in life is only there to make you stronger and
wiser. Obviously, take the time to think what is the worst that
could happen and then ask yourself, is it something you can live
with and learn from? A ‘mistake’ is just a “step missed taken” and
the steps you continue to take upward and forward from that
point on will eventually lead to happiness.

Reply

barbara stubblefield says

October 18, 2015 at 1:59 am

I so agree! Also, thanks for a great article, Marc.

Reply

Archie Manley says

May 8, 2014 at 11:54 am

Now is the only moment of power we have to be happy. All hopes

for the future, and memories of the past only exist now. This
moment is where the past and the future comes together.

Reply

Kumar Saurabh says

May 8, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Life is a book. I am the writer of my book. Thanks for reminding

me.

Hey, I am an introvert but kinda managed to say thanks. Thanks

for your real life platforms. May God bless you both

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 Reply

Freedom says
May 13, 2014 at 10:06 am

Reminds me that it is not life about breaking out of our shells and
doing things that make us feel alive – even if there are risks! It’s
never too late.

Reply

Katie says
July 29, 2014 at 4:38 pm

I am soooo guilty of #2…

But, with the help of my hubby, I’m trying hard not to define my
self worth with the views and opinions of other people.
Another great read from this site!

Reply

Natalie says
August 11, 2014 at 7:29 am

Although this is more about being content than happiness, faith

in Jesus as my savior is a good way to be happy as well as
content.

Also, physical exercise keeps my brain muscles going and

releases those happy hormones but a lot of people nowadays

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 forget to keep those faith muscles strong too.

Reply

Ellisheli says
August 31, 2014 at 6:36 pm

The one I would add to that list is never use the words “I can’t”.
Yes you can! There is always a way and always a solution it’s not
always the one you wanted or in the shape, color or time you
expected but it’s there. If you seek, think positive, work hard and
honest it will reveal it self.
When the light is dim just believe..

Reply

Cheryl says
September 12, 2014 at 5:40 am

Do not worry about the future. What’s meant to happen, will

happen anyway

Reply

PJ says
September 30, 2014 at 2:58 am

I think being happy for others is equally important as it increases

your happiness manifold. I am rarely jealous of others, i know
there is more than enough in this world for each one of us.

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 Reply

Rebecca Pursley says

October 22, 2014 at 6:49 pm

Happy people never neglect their spiritual side.

Reply

Karen Shatafian says

November 9, 2014 at 1:32 pm

This is a great perspective…looking at things that can’t bring

happiness instead of what needs to be done to be happy. I feel
happiness is something we choose not something we find. There
are simple things we can do to be happy. Love your quote, “Keep
your best wishes and biggest goals close to your heart and
dedicate time to them everyday.” Thank you for posting!

Reply

iam chopade says

November 24, 2014 at 10:38 am

Just dont expect anything from anyone… just give…..

Reply

Miranda says

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 November 24, 2014 at 11:47 pm

Most unhappy people are unhappy with themselves, whether

they internalize it or throw it out as negativity toward everything
and everyone. Empathy not apathy. People like that don’t have
the slightest clue who they are. Understanding that others may
have this limitation won’t draw you down with them. Enjoy your
own company. You’ll be happy no matter where you are.

Reply

Brad says
December 28, 2014 at 8:22 pm

I think number one on your list is HUGE. I spend a lot of time in

my day job dealing with people who have a difficult time with
that one. Keeping your mind on your own business keeps you
focused on solving your own issues, not letting other people’s
issues become yours.

As my dad always says “Don’t make your problem my problem”.

Reply

Zdravko says
February 17, 2015 at 6:15 am

Amazing post! I love the caption under the first image because it’s
just so true! Happiness indeed exists only in the present moment,
and never in the future.

If I have to choose between the presented tips, I’d say that all of
them are excellent, but for me personally number 3 and number 4

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 were the biggest contributors for my inner disturbance for a
while…

Thanks for this great article!

Reply

Lorie says
March 26, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Be a person of integrity…if you don’t know exactly what that

means..Look it up!

You will find that you have to rely on yourself a lot in life, so be a
person of integrity….you really don”t want to be relying on a
person of poor character.

Understand that we are always changing as humans.. it’s alright

to change your mind… If you find that what you have been doing
isn’t working..change it! change the way you think about it.
and I just recently learned for myself..and I truly hope this is
helpful to others…when the storms come in your life..”don’t run
from them.. hold on tight and wait them out. They show you the
weak spots in yourself. Just like a building structure needs to be
inspected after a bad storm, so do we.

Reply

Jam says
April 7, 2015 at 8:02 am

This is amazing very helpful. At first I thought I can find

happiness from external events. But after reading this I found out

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 that I should take responsibility of my own happiness or
unhappiness.

Reply

Dea says
May 4, 2015 at 1:43 pm

Happy people know the best way to predict future behaviour is

through past behaviour.

If somebody is abusive to them they get out of that environment

as soon as possible because you cannot change an abusive
person. Run and stay away form them and do not look back.

Reply

Donna says
May 28, 2015 at 2:02 pm

Never set yourself higher or lower than another, no matter if the

other is King or Bum. Just walk your own path and let the other
do the same! Thanks for your valuble words!

Reply

Penny wiegand says

May 28, 2015 at 8:26 pm

Two things:

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 1. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all–and

2. The less you say, the less you have to apologize for.

Reply

Carlo Cruz says

May 29, 2015 at 12:04 am

Thank you so much Marc! Your blog is really inspiring!

I think happy people also never settle. They are clear with they
want and they pursue it relentlessly.

They are also content. At the end of the day, if they take small
actions towards what they want, they are already content with
what they have done or accomplished. As long as they move the
needle on their dreams, they’re already happy.

Thanks again for the great posts! Keep them coming!

Reply

RAJA FAISAL says

July 8, 2015 at 12:03 am

I must say this is truly heart touching post

Reply

Aneena says
September 26, 2015 at 11:00 pm

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 Omg!! I just thank God for making me come across ur articles…
reading it I feel like I m not the only who feels this way! I hav
been hurt a lot becuz I m too nice nd people take advantage…I
always let others decide my worth but not anymore! I find tht
being thankful for ur life nd standing up for wat u think is right is
wat will make ur life awesome! Nd smile at those who r rude to u
cuz ur smile will “kill” them

Reply

Irene Wallbank says

December 16, 2015 at 12:54 pm

Happy people do not feel guilty if they cannot always help others
with their problems. If somebody needs a favour and you are
unable to help them on a particular occasion you should
remember that there are other people around and everything is
not down to you.

Reply

Lisa Jordie @TheDriftingDesk says

March 4, 2016 at 6:11 pm

Awesome post. As a blogger, it’s hard to not seek validation from

others! You’re always going to get a nasty comment here and
there, and at first it’s painful. But I appreciate what you said about
about being content with being yourself. It’s something I’m
working on every day [hey, we’re only human, right?] Thanks for
the super insightful read.

Reply

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 Tony Marino says
March 14, 2016 at 6:53 am

Attaching value to experiences instead of material things works

well for me. If one takes the time to embrace the simple events in
life, e.g. a sunset, he or she will attain pleasure, which will carry
over to a general feeling of well being.

Reply

Rima Sehgal says

March 17, 2016 at 9:23 am

One thing that needs to be avoided is being in ‘the victim’ mode.

Self pity will lead us nowhere but make one feel more sorry for
oneself and the vicious cycle of blame, feeling victim, grieving the
loss would begin.

Reply

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