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Rules of Etiquette

Basic Etiquette

Be yourself – and allow others to treat you with respect

Let this one sink in, ladies. Who you are is perfectly acceptable, and, you are worthyof being
treated courteously. Working out the rough edges can be a lifelong process, and now is a really
good time to start!

Say “Thank You”

When someone gives you a compliment or does something nice, the best response is a simple
“Thank you.” Please also remember, “Please,” “Excuse me,” and “You’re welcome,” which are other
marks of good manners.

Give Genuine Compliments

A fundamental rule of good manners is to give. When you meet someone, you can always think of
a genuine compliment to give, along with your attention and interest. A “Hello” or “How are you?”
is most often not enough. Be generous with sincere words of praise, warm greetings, sympathy, or
whatever is appropriate to the occasion.

Don’t be Boastful, Arrogant or Loud

When in polite company, always exercise self-control and good taste. Your voice, your behavior
and even your clothing should reflect understated elegance. Please do not brag about
accomplishments; a well-mannered person has no need for self-advertisement. Let your deeds
speak for themselves.

Listen Before Speaking

Respect for others is a requirement of good manners. Listening to others is a way to show respect.
Be genuinely interested in others; learn their names, and encourage them to talk about
themselves. Never interrupt. Look them in the eye, and listen carefully.

Speak with Kindness and Caution

Before speaking to others, consider what effect your words will have. Also remember the language
of the body (your posture and your mannerisms) is actually more important than the language of
words.

Do Not Criticize or Complain

Negativity in any form is to be avoided. Ignore gossip; don’t participate. If you disagree with
others, do so respectfully (agree to disagree). Since we all need to vent, reserve your ‘bitch’
sessions to your one or two closest friends/family members….period!

Be Punctual

Appreciate the value of time, yours and others. If you make an appointment, arrive on time. If you
must be late, call first. Never arrive early for a social engagement (this is fine in a business
setting). Lingering good-byes merely cause frustration and can ruin an otherwise good time. A
quick, simple exit at the proper time is usually appreciated.

Do Not Embarrass Others

Demeaning anyone with rude jokes or an unwelcome nickname is disrespectful. In conversation,
never ask embarrassing questions about relationships, or asking how much was paid for
something (my Grandmother said that discussing money is ‘vulgar!! Funny word, AND she was
right…. : D )

Act and Look Your Best

Take time and care in how you present yourself – both in appearance and in manners.

www.Rudebusters.com (http://www.rudebusters.com/) and www.courtesycounts.org

(http://www.courtesycounts.org/)

Etiquette for Gentlemen

In Social Etiquette, I have a secret for you – Women actually WANT to be treated like ladies,
even if they aren’t acting like one at the moment. In all things, there are exceptions to the rule.
97% of women will absolutely love being treated in a courteous manner and, while being well-
mannered, you may run across one of the 3% of snarlies who will chastise you for being polite. Oh
well……..

Business etiquette is a different matter as the social order here is based on power. In this arena,
men treat women as their equals, not in a chivalrous manner. Business etiquette is covered below
in a separate section.

Social etiquette

Handshake

Look the person in the eye/smile/use a firm grip (not death grip) and a firm wrist (limp is pretty
awful) /hold for no more than 2 or 3 seconds

Seating in crowded places

(http://gt20.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/seating.jpg)If seating is limited, and you are

sitting, offer your seat to a woman who is standing (older woman takes precedence over a young
woman)
Note to self – if the young woman is wise, she will offer her
seat to the older woman and you may offer your seat to
her.

Also appropriate is offering your seat to an older gentleman

(before offering it to a younger woman)

Seating in restaurants and parties

Stand until the host/hostess tells you where to sit

Be sure to help the women in the party be seated before you take your own seat

Pull the chair out slightly so they may be seated easily

Help to slide the chair in gently to the table

Opening doors

Open doors for ladies, elders, anyone loaded down with packages

Open car doors for a woman to get into the car and out of the car (you may have to tell the young
lady that you will open her door so she doesn’t catapult herself out of the car before you can get
around to her side)

Helping with jacket/coat

When you see a lady putting on a coat or jacket, gently hold the coat by the collar/shoulder area
and help her put it on (I say gently because women hate their clothes being bunched, scrunched
or man-handled – sigh, sad but true)

Offers of help

When you see women doing anything, the following questions are usually always welcome:

May I help you with that?

May I carry that for you?

Coasters (filed under ‘Picky little stuff’)

Before you set a glass/bottle/dish on a table or desk, ask if your host would like you to use a
coaster if you don’t see any available

Business Etiquette

Handshake

Look the person in the eye/smile/use a firm grip (not death grip) and a firm wrist (limp is pretty
awful)/hold for no more than 2 or 3 seconds

Seating in crowded places

Offer the seat to an individual in a superior position to yours by saying, “Would you like to take
this seat?”

Seating in restaurants and parties

Stand until the host/hostess tells you where to sit

Opening doors

Open doors for peers, superiors, clients, or anyone loaded down with items being carried

Coasters

Before you set a glass/bottle/dish on a table or desk, ask if your host would like you to use a
coaster if you don’t see any available

Etiquette for Ladies

Candace Simpson’s book, “How to be a Lady; A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy”, makes
the point that, since society has changed so dramatically over the past 50 years, the definition of a
‘lady’ has left everyone confused.