Etiquette for Special Occasions (Unit-6)

There are general rules of etiquette that work all the time, while there are others that
are specific to each situation. It's important to know the basics of good manners,
regardless of where you go. The following are the etiquettes for special occasions:

Basic Social Etiquette

There are certain accepted behaviors in all social situations that you need to learn.
With few exceptions, putting them into practice can make a big difference in your
social life.

Social rules:

 Easy to have good manners – These basic rules of proper etiquette are mostly
common sense with a healthy dose of the Golden Rule thrown in for good measure.
 Be on time – No one likes to wait for others who are chronically late. However,
there are times when being late is out of your control.
 Personal space – When you see someone squirming as you step closer back off a
bit. Every culture has different comfort levels of personal space, so before you
travel, find out how close you can get to people without being rude.
 Men’s manners – This one is simple: All you have to do is be a gentleman.
Rudeness is never manly.
 Women’s manners – You can be a lady and still show strength. Times have
changed, and some rules have become outdated, but it's always appropriate to be
mannerly.
 Teens’ manners – Show everyone how grown up you are by demonstrating good
manners. Chances are, if you exhibit proper etiquette, you'll earn respect and
maybe even more privileges.
 Children’s manners – Be the kid everyone wants to play with. Even grownups will
want to be around you if you're polite.
 Host and Hostess Gift - Never show up empty-handed when you're a guest in
someone's home.
 Dealing with a Flaky Friend - It's difficult to deal with someone who is always late,
forgets to show up, or can't be relied on.

Manners at the Table

Elbow Placement
Elbows on the table are fine when you’re not eating. What you don’t want to do is
use your elbow as a fulcrum for bringing food to your mouth. Wrists on the table
are always OK.

Using the Right Fork

Work from the outside in: salad fork to dessert fork.

Using the Right Bread Plate

Think BMW. Your bread plate is on your left; meal plate, in the middle; water, on
the right.

Digging In
Wait until everyone has been served or the host gives you the green light. If there’s
a large number of people or a buffet, you can begin eating when you get your food.
At weddings and in other situations where there's preset food, wait until the host
gives you the OK to start.
Passing Food
For the first time around the table, dishes should be passed counterclockwise so
that the right hand is free for serving. (Sorry, southpaws.) If you’re asked to pass
salt or pepper, pass both.

Reaching
If you can get the item you need without fully extending your arm, go for it.
Otherwise ask to have it passed.

Leaving the Table

When you need to step away, say, “Excuse me. I’ll be right back.” No one needs to
know the details. Leave your napkin loosely on the table to the left of your plate,
not on your seat.

Manners for parties

RSVP’ing
Always do it, and do it on time. Websites like Evite have technology that allows
the host to see who has read the invitation (and at what time). In other words, a
snubbed or delayed RSVP comes off as ungrateful and careless.

Bringing Others
Whoever is listed on the envelope is invited. If your baby’s name isn’t included,
he’s not invited. If it says “The Smith Family,” then everyone living under that
roof is welcome.

Special Food Needs

For large parties, you’re on your own. Don’t mention dietary needs to your host.
For small dinner parties, let the host know as soon as possible. If you adhere to an
especially tricky-to-accommodate diet, ask if you can bring a dish. And be sure to
add, “I can’t wait to be there.”

Arrival Time
For a dinner party, show up 10 to 15 minutes after the scheduled time. Never show
up early, because the host may not be ready. Any later than 15 minutes and you
need to let the host know.

Mingling
To join a new conversation at a cocktail party, catch someone’s eye, smile, and
enter the clique on a break. And if you see someone who wants to participate, pull
her in when there’s a lull.

Ditching and Switching Crowds

Instead of pulling the bathroom ploy, get used to saying, “It’s been lovely chatting
with you. Please excuse me.” There’s nothing wrong with moving on to speak with
others. That’s the purpose of a party—to socialize.

Connecting People
Introduce the two parties and explain what they have in common. Then say, “I’m
going to leave you two to chat. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Saying Good-Bye
If there are fewer than a dozen people in attendance, you should say good-bye to
the host. If there are more than that, you can slip out and send a text or an e-mail
later saying, “What a great party! Thank you so much for having us.”
Leaving Promptly
Don’t be the last guest unless you’re a close friend. The evening is over when any
one of the following is true: The music is off, the lights are on, the drinks are
stopper, or the food is cleaned up.

Kicking Out Guests

When it’s getting late, you can say, “I have an early morning tomorrow, and I’m
going to have to start cleaning.” Or be blunt yet kind: “I’m so happy you came and
stayed until the end. But if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to have to turn in.”

Manners for correspondence

Returning E-mails
Try your best to respond within 24 hours.

Expressing Gratitude
When you receive a gift or someone does you a big favor, send a handwritten
thank-you note. It only needs to be a few sentences. (And it’s fine to continue on
the back of a card if you need to say more.) Completely at a loss? Use small
stationery and write one sentence (“I really appreciate…”). Include a warm
greeting and a sign-off. Mail the note as soon as you can, but definitely within two
weeks.

Business Thank-You
After a job interview, send an immediate e-mail of thanks and mention that a note
is in the mail. The latter has more impact because it’s tactile, visual, and emotional.
Some human-resources executives value this as a demonstration of strong
interpersonal skills. Also send a handwritten thank-you for a college or job
recommendation.

E-mail Greetings and Sign-Offs

It’s OK to drop the “hello” and “many thanks” after some back-and-forth. Also,
pay attention to a person’s signature. Does she go by her full name or a nickname?
Then opt for her choice in future e-mails.

Reply All
Click this when you need to address the whole group. But if what you have to say
concerns only the organizer, spare everyone else.

BCC on E-mails
Use bcc (blind carbon copy) only to maintain the privacy of addresses in a group e-
mail, not as a sneaky one-way mirror to a conversation. If you want someone else
to see what you wrote, forward the e-mail after the message has been sent.

Manners for planes, trains and buses

Armrests
The person in the middle seat gets both, because he doesn’t have the aisle armrest
or the window to lean on.

Overhead Storage
Unless the flight attendants tell you otherwise, use the compartment closest to your
seat.
Headphones
The volume shouldn’t be so loud that your seatmates can discern that you have a
soft spot for Katy Perry.

Putting Your Feet Up

Seats are for sitting. Keep dirty shoes off them.

Kicking Off Shoes

For trips under three hours (this includes commuter trains), footwear stays on. If
you do remove your shoes for longer flights, don’t go bare. Bring along a nice pair
of socks or slippers. Any issues with odor? Keep the feet contained.

Crying Kids
There’s not much you can do except slip on noise-canceling headphones and offer
a sympathetic look to the parents, who already realize that the sobbing is disturbing
everyone on board.

Giving Up Seats
Stand up for pregnant women, young children, the elderly, and anyone with a
physical impediment.

Bringing Food
Is it smelly or messy to consume? Never a good idea in close quarters.

Exiting Efficiently
To avoid a pushy logjam in a plane aisle, don’t get up until the person in the row
ahead of you has left her seat.
Manners for Evening out

Getting the Bartender’s Attention

Make eye contact and smile. Tip well for the first round so that he’ll check in with
you later. What not to do: snap your fingers, flash a wad of cash, or do the hailing-
a-taxi salute.

Squeezing Past People

In a theater row, face the stage so that if you lose your balance, you can grab the
back of the seat in front of you, not topple onto a stranger. When people scoot
past you, stand up so that the seat folds up, then step back. However, if the show is
under way, just move your legs to one side.

Cell Phones
Off the table at restaurants, and turned off and put away at the theater. Don’t
assume that you can sneak a peek. The glow of the screen distracts others in the
audience. Chatty Theatergoers Skip the public shaming. Alert an usher and let him
handle it.

Critiquing the Performance

Hold your two cents until you’re safely away from the theater. Family or friends of
the performers may be nearby.

Smartphone Syndrome

Posting about a Night Out When Others Weren’t Invited

It’s bound to happen occasionally, but try to be mindful of people’s feelings and
think before you post.
Group Texting
Refrain unless it’s necessary to address several people at once. Otherwise reply
only to the sender without dragging along the whole crowd.

Pressuring Others to Reciprocate a Follow

Every follow is a judgment call, and you need to determine if it’s a good fit for
you—as do others.

Caps Lock
YOU’RE SHOUTING! Use Caps Sparingly.

Early-A.M. or Late-P.M. Texting

You may give someone a very rude awakening. Unless you’re familiar with a
person’s schedule, check in during business hours or network prime time.

Scooping Someone’s News

Don’t steal a friend’s baby-announcement thunder by tweeting “OMG!” before she
has told her coworkers. Also avoid posting images from an event until you OK it
with the host.

Tough Talks
Don’t hide behind the keypad. If you get an upsetting text from someone you
know, telephone him or discuss it in person.
 (Next Topic) Meeting Etiquette

Adherence to the proper etiquette for a business meeting establishes respect among
meeting participants, helps the meeting begin and end on time, and fosters an
atmosphere of cooperation. A lack of etiquette and poor planning are two of the
main reasons why many business meetings fail. Teach your employees business
meeting etiquette to ensure that your business's meetings are effective. The
following are some meeting etiquettes:

Pre-meeting

1. Choose the best time for everyone.

Take into account where everyone is located. Are they calling in from home or
are they in the office? Check folks' calendars to make sure you're not double
booking. If people are attending from other time zones, try to find something
that'll work for everyone. This guide is a big help in getting people across time
zones in a meeting together with as little conflict as possible. Some compromise
may be necessary, but getting 90% of meeting invitees in attendance is better than
choosing a time that only works for your own office.

2. Find the right room for your meeting size and equipment needs.

Your meeting room has more of an impact on your meeting than you'd think.
Give everyone the elbow space they need and avoid packing everyone into a
room that's too small. If your options are limited to a huddle room or a room that
can't fit everyone, have some people video conference in from separate meeting
spaces or their desks.
Pick the right A/V equipment for the room to be respectful of your team and their
time. If those calling in can't see or hear those in attendance and vice versa,
valuable time will be spent fixing the A/V issues. Test your devices beforehand to
eliminate problems and quickly solve anything that comes up.

3. Make (and follow) an agenda.

Before setting up a meeting, make sure it's necessary. Use a meeting checklist to
decide if a meeting is required. Be effective with the time you have in your
meeting by setting an agenda ahead of time. Have attendees add their respective
sections as well and you'll be done ahead of time.

Try to stick to the agenda as much as possible; it'll keep you on track and get
everyone out on time. Moving through items randomly as they come up will
derail positive contributions for things directly tied to your meeting.

During your meeting

4. Show up on time.

This age-old piece of advice is useful for all aspects of life, especially meetings.
Preferably, five minutes early, maybe even earlier if you're the host. Although
you may think your team won't mind if you're five minutes late grabbing a coffee,
this type of thinking can have negative repercussions. Soon others will start
showing up later and later following your example.

Everyone has busy schedules, so respecting their time and using it well is
important for team harmony. Time is money, so make sure you know how the
cost of your meeting will be impacted by running long with this tool. If you want
to keep your team on track, distraction-free, and in-and-out in as little time as
possible, showing up right on time will do the trick.

5. Know what you're responsible for.

Nothing looks more unprofessional than being asked about your work and being
unable to answer questions about it. Know what you're bringing to the table and
be prepared for any questions people may have about it. Run through a list of the
questions before the meeting starts and be prepared to answer them.

If something does catch you off guard, don't panic. Rather than stumbling through
a response that makes no sense, let them know that you don't know the answer at
the moment but that you'll research and get back to them.

6. Introduce folks who are new or calling in.

Making introductions allows everyone attending the meeting to feel welcome if

they haven't participated with your specific group before. If you're calling in to a
meeting without video or speaking to someone who's calling in, be sure to let
them know who it is that's speaking to ease confusion. Otherwise, you'll talk over
them or make them feel unwelcome.

7. Mute yourself when you're not speaking in a video conference.

An unmuted microphone can lead to some pretty awkward moments if someone

doesn't realize they're able to be heard. A fan running in the background or
calling in from a crowded cafe can also bring annoying sound into a meeting and
distract your coworkers.
To avoid your team having to tell you there's sound in the background, mute
yourself when not speaking out of precaution. You'll save everyone's ears and
your potential embarrassment.

8. Pay attention!

Help your team feel valued with the work they're doing by paying attention to
them while speaking. It can be easy to lose interest and let your mind wander in
these meetings, but it's important to listen to everything that's going on.

Practice "active listening" by making eye contact, nodding occasionally, and

reiterating their points in follow up conversations. You'll be more productive in
meetings, and support your colleagues along the way.

9. Have a good posture.

Slouching in your seat communicates to everyone in the room that you don't care
about what's happening. As hard as it may be, sit up straight and stay still in your
chair.

Fidgeting or swinging back and forth is distracting, and a little unprofessional.

With good posture, you'll feel more alert and contribute more valuable points to
the conversation.

10. Share the conversation.

Making everyone feel valued in the meeting should be your number one goal, and
equitably sharing the conversation is one way to do that. Although you may have
some great points, talking over participants or continually interjecting can be
frustrating to others trying to join the conversation.
Add important points when needed, but ask others in the room for their input as
well. You'll get a more diverse array of opinions and probably discover
something you hadn't thought about before.

11. Speak loudly and clearly.

A common gripe about meetings is the inability to hear a person in the room or
online that's speaking. You shouldn't have to strain your ears to try to pick up on
someone's valuable points. Speaking in a clear and confident voice allows
everyone to hear you and have the meeting run on time. You'll save others time
without having to repeat yourself.

Speaking loudly also projects confidence, communicating to others that the ideas
expressed are solid. But, don't shout. Seriously. Protecting your colleagues'
eardrums should be your priority.

12. No eating or drinking (besides water or coffee).

We've all been tempted to sneak in some snacks to the Monday afternoon
standup. You might think "these almonds won't sound too loud". However, that
isn't usually the case. Unless you're attending a lunch and learn session, eating in
a dedicated time and space for communication and collaboration can be perceived
as unprofessional. Not only is it distracting, but it can make your other team
members hungry, ruining the meeting flow.

However, drinking water is acceptable. We all need to hydrate, and sneaking a

couple of sips isn't frowned upon. Coffee is a bit more tricky though. Most people
are ok with it, as long as you aren't running late (check out rule 4!) to get your
caffeine fix.
13. Ask questions at the appropriate time.

While asking questions is key to being on the same page, an endless stream of
them can push meetings over the edge. Time is everyone's most valuable asset,
and too many questions can become unnecessary and push a quick 10-minute
chat into a 30-minute ordeal.

Ask a question when it's vital for clarification of the whole team, or if people
generally seem confused. If you have a particular question about a point of
interest, save it for the end or for that person to discuss one on one. A good rule
of thumb is to ask yourself, "Does everyone need this answered?" before raising
your hand.

Post-meeting
14. Thank everyone for attending and presenting.

Meetings can be stressful, long, and even a little dry. So take your time to thank
everyone for attending and contributing.

You'll build up their confidence, make them feel valued, and show them that their
quality work is appreciated. They'll be more likely to do a good job in the future
if they know their hard work is being recognized and paying off.

15. Follow up with required deliverables.

To get the most out of this meeting, follow up on a specific list of deliverables
needed for the next time you all meet. You'll stay on top of your work, clearly
communicate who's expected to do what, and save time and effort for everyone
involved.
 (Next Topic) Dining Etiquette

Regardless of where you are eating, proper etiquette at the table is important. Even
when it's just you and your family having a meal together, you still want to set an
example for your kids.

The Dos and Don’ts of Dining Etiquette in Business

The Dos

1. Do eat something before you go to dine with a client or someone higher in

rank in your organization so that you won’t appear too hungry.
2. Do avoid talking with your mouth fill. Take small bites, and you’ll find it’s
easier to answer questions or join in table talk.
3. Do wait until you have swallowed the food in your mouth before you take a
sip of your beverage.
4. Do remember that with place settings, spoons and knives are on the right and
forks are on the left. Solids (food) are always on your left and liquids
(beverages) are on your right. An easy way to remember which plate or
water glass is yours is to think B.M.W – From left to right it’s bread, meal,
water (B.M.W.)
5. Do leave your plate where it is when you have finished eating–with the knife
and fork in the 10:20 I am finished position. Place the tips of the utensils at
10 o’clock and the handles at 4 o’clock.
6. Do look into, not over, the cup or glass when drinking.
7. Do butter bread on the plate, never in midair.
8. Do remember your posture at the table. Sit up straight, and keep your arms
(including elbows) off the table.
9. Do leave dropped silver on the floor. Quietly signal the wait staff to bring
another piece.
10.Do remove an object such as a bone or gristle from your mouth with your
thumb and index finger and place it on the rim of your plate.
The Don’ts
1. Don’t, in serving, overload your plate.
2. Don’t, in eating, overload the fork.
3. Don’t mop your face with your napkin.
4. Don’t saw the meat in a back and forth motion. Stroke it toward you.
5. Don’t touch your face or head at the table.
6. Don’t reach across the table or across another person to get something. If it’s
out of reach, ask the closest person to pass it to you.
7. Don’t pick your teeth at the table, either with a toothpick or with your
fingers. If something gets caught in your teeth, excuse yourself and take care
of the problem in the privacy of the restroom.
8. Don’t push your plate away from you when you’ve finished eating.
9. Don’t gesture with your knife, fork, or spoon in your hand. If you’re not
using the utensil, put it down.
10.Don’t eat your neighbor’s bread or salad. A right-handed person reaches to
the left across the dinner plate to eat salad. The bread and butter plate is
placed slightly above the salad plate. (Remember, solids [foods] on the left.)