沟通（不良）的七大禁忌

作者: 陈恩怡 Nicole Chan

清晰与准确的沟通能化解偏见。其中，有七项禁忌需加以注意。

“需要沟通的人必会觉得沟通有用。” —John Powell

如同学习骑自行车，如果我们想有效地与他人沟通，我们就需要不断地去发展
和磨练。不幸的是，某些可能不利于我们的无意识偏见往往会阻碍我们的发展。简而
言之，认知偏见是我们在与他人的日常互动或做出决定的过程中所忽视的盲点。由于
无意识偏见与我们的潜意识紧密相连，这将导致在我们还没有意识到的情况下，危害
我们对周围环境的看法。

研究人员 Norton、Mochon 和 Ariely 近期发现了一种新的认知偏见，即消费

者高估自己创造的物品的价值。该现象被贴切地称为“宜家效应”。该词源于宜家家
具商店在短时间里用现成家具吸引并累积了一大批的追随者。结果，消费者不只是将
自己视为价值的接收者，也开始将自己视为价值的共同创造者。我们甚至在抖音和
Clubhouse 等流行社交平台中发现了这种现象，这些社交平台鼓励用户创建独特的内
容来推广其社区。
 
那么，在沟通时，你无意识地犯下了哪些禁忌呢？让我们深入了解一下您的潜
意识。

1． Spotlight Effect 聚光灯效应

 
正如其名，当我们与他人沟通时，聚光灯效应会吞噬我们内心深处的不安全感，让我
们感觉对方对我们的看法比他们实际的更多。根据个人具体情况，你可能会觉得你的
同事在从各个角度来审视你，包括你的年龄、说话方式、穿着打扮、甚至是工作质量 。
这将牵涉到你的信心并有可能分散你对沟通对象的注意力。你很有可能会因此错过对
方所传达的关键讯息和有效沟通的机会（如果他们刚好是你的重要客户，情况更是如
此！）。

2. Affinity Bias 亲和力偏见

当你遇到住在附近的陌生人，甚至得知他们也喜欢你最喜欢的运动队时，你是否会立
刻感到更自在？这就是亲和力偏见在起作用。亲和力偏见也被称为内群体偏见，是指
人们倾向于积极地看待与彼此相似的对方（无论是种族、宗教、爱好还是工作）。相
反的，外群体偏见是指人们倾向于消极地看待与彼此不同的对方。如果我们在表达想
法之前就对对方抱有刻板影响，我们可能会做出不合理的决定，进而影响彼此的沟通
方式。

3． Curse of Knowledge 知识的诅咒

知识不一定代表智商，它可以是指你相当熟悉的任何事物。 举个例子，如果你擅长编
程，编程的一些术语可能对你来说耳熟能详，但对外行人绝非如此。正因如此，我们
可能会在交谈时忘记对方没有与我们相同的知识背景，进而导致交谈理解错误。

4． Confirmation Bias 确认偏差

当我们在试图验证（有时夸大）他人对我们的观点和意见而感到顾虑时，就会
造成确认偏差。造成确认偏差的主要原因是对反对或拒绝的恐惧。这一现象通
常发生在当我们想要满足某具体成果或主张固有观念时。以三星产品的狂热粉
丝为例，他们只会寻找有关三星产品的正面评价，而忽略了其他数码品牌的优
点。为了自我肯定而排除他人的观点将会阻碍到富有成效的沟通。

5． Courtesy Bias 礼貌偏见

太过礼貌未必是一个好事！在交谈时，如果我们想取悦客户或避免冒犯我们的
朋友，我们可能会可以隐瞒我们的真实想法，并给予我们认为对方会想听到的
或是可被社会接受的回应。这种礼貌可能会导致无效的对话，尤其在工作场所
上。
 

 
 6． Illusion of Telepathy 心灵感应错觉
身为人类，我们总是自然而然，不自觉地进入内心深处并依赖内心的声音，以至于形
成了以自我为中心的偏见。这可能会让我们以为，既然我们能清楚地了解我们自身的
感受，其他人也应理所应当。正因如此，如果我们没有清楚地表达意思，却期望他人
去理解我们的想法，这一行为可能将导致严重的沟通障碍。 

 7． Hallo Effect 光环效应

光环效应解释了我们如何改变对人、产品甚至组织的判断。如果某人的某种品质给人
非常好的印象，我们对这个人的其他品质也会给予较好的评价，即使俩者之间毫无关
系。在沟通中，仅仅因为沟通对象有某种好品质而将对方抬高是十分危险的，这会使
我们倾向于接受并支持他们所说的表面价值和观点，并抛弃我们自身的观点。
 

既然如此，我们该如何克服这些无意识的偏见并实现有效沟通呢？首先 ，
我们可以尝试实践换位思考。换位思考也被称为“心智理论”或“心智化” ，
指的是在心理上能设身处地理解他人的观点和立场，进而更好地理解他们背后
的行为动机。除此之外，我们还可以尝试练习倾听他人，避免独占对话。 我们
也可以向对方积极提出问题以建立更有效的对话。就如学习掌握生活技巧和爱
好一样，多多实践方能熟能生巧！

作者简介 ：
陈恩怡 (Nicole Chan)
陈恩怡，兼具创意，叙事和有关数字化的才能，使她在所热爱的相关领域急速成
长。身为爱丁堡大学语言学和社会人类学本科生，陈恩怡的成长也受到人类心理
和社会转型等主题的启发。点击这里在 LinkedIn 上联系陈恩怡！
  
 

 
 
 
The 7 Deadly Sins of (Mis)Communication 
 
Byline: Nicole Chan 
 
Standfirst:  Communicating clearly is about clearing the bias, and there are seven of them.  
“Communication works for those who work at it.”  — John Powell 
 
Just like learning how to ride a bicycle, communication is a fundamental skill we need to consistently
nurture and hone if we wish to execute it successfully. Unfortunately, our progress can often be hindered by certain
unconscious biases that might work against our favour. To put it simply, cognitive biases are the ‘blind spots’ we
overlook in our day-to-day interactions with others, or our decision-making processes. Since they are hardwired into
our subconscious, the danger lies in the fact that they can influence the way we view the world — without us being
aware of it at all. 

For example, researchers Norton, Mochon and Ariely recently discovered a new cognitive bias in which
consumers place a disproportionately high value on products that they have a hand in creating. This was aptly dubbed
the “IKEA Effect”, as the Swedish furniture store had quickly amassed a cult following with its ready-to-assemble
home goods. As a result, consumers began to view themselves as “co-creators of value” rather than just a recipient of
value. We even see this subliminal preference in the burgeoning of social media platforms like TikTok and
Clubhouse, where users are encouraged to create unique content to foster communities.  

So, what are some of the deadly sins you have been unconsciously committing while communicating? Let’s
take a deep dive into your subconscious... 

 
 
#1 Spotlight Effect 
 
  
Photo via Ahmed Hasan on Unsplash

This bias is exactly what it sounds like. When we communicate with others, the spotlight bias preys on our deepest
insecurities to make us feel like our listeners are judging us more than they really are. Depending on the individual,
you could feel that your peer or colleague is scrutinising you on a variety of factors — from your age, the way you
speak, the way you dress, to the quality of content you are delivering. This could lead to ineffective communication as
it might affect your confidence and distract you from the crucial issues at hand that matter to your listeners (even
more so if they happen to be important clients!). 
 
#2 Affinity Bias  
Have you ever felt immediately more at ease when meeting a stranger who lived near you, or even shared a liking for
your favourite sports team? This is affinity bias at work. Also known as ingroup bias, humans tend to perceive people
who are similar to us (whether it be ethnicity, religion, hobbies, or profession) more positively. On the other hand,
outgroup bias refers to the exact opposite, whereby we view people who are different from us more negatively. If we
already hold preconceived notions about them even before presenting our ideas, we can make unjustified decisions
about the other party, impacting our conversation with them.

 
#3 Curse of Knowledge 
 

 
Photo via Jason Goodman on Unsplash 
 
In this case, knowledge does not necessarily refer to your IQ. Instead, think of a certain topic, product or service
which you happen to know very well. For instance, if you’re adept at coding, certain terms might be familiar and
simple to you but not to the layman. As a result, we might forget that our listeners do not have the same context or
background as us, leading to a case of lost in translation! 
 
#4 Confirmation Bias 
Confirmation bias occurs when we attempt to validate our (sometimes magnified) concerns about our listeners’
opinions and views of us, which are generally rooted in fear of disapproval or rejection. It usually occurs when we want
to favour a specific outcome or our entrenched beliefs. Take for example a die-hard Samsung fan, who   looks for
positive reviews that support Samsung’s products while neglecting the pros of other technology brands. Shutting out
other people’s opinions at the expense of validating our own negates the benefits of a productive conversation. 
 
#5 Courtesy Bias 
Being overly polite might actually be a bad thing! When we want to please a client, or avoid offending our friends, we
might hold back our honest opinions and instead, give socially acceptable answers we think the other party wants to
hear. This can result in an unproductive conversation, as the ‘courteous’ answer might be a seemingly comfortable
solution in the short term but create more drastic complications in the long run, especially in the workplace.
 

 
Photo via Icons8 Team on Unsplash  
 
#6 Illusion of Telepathy  
As humans, it is natural for us to be in our own headspace regularly and relying on the voice inside our head, so much
so that we form an egocentric bias. What this means is that we might think that because we know what we’re feeling
so clearly, so can everyone else. This can lead to major breakdowns in communication if we do not clearly articulate
what we mean and expect the other party to read our mind and behaviour.  
 
#7 Halo Effect 
The Halo effect explains how we alter our judgements of a person, product or even an organisation. If someone excels
in a certain aspect, we might also view them positively in other aspects, even if they are unrelated. Putting someone on
a pedestal during a conversation solely because of one positive area can be dangerous as we might be prone to believing
what they say at face value, and champion their views instead of our own. 
 
 

 
Photo via Brett Jordan on Unsplash 
 
So how do we combat these unconscious biases and work towards effective communication? For starters, we
can practise the art of perspective-taking, also known as “theory of mind” or “mentalising”, which refers to the
empathetic process of mentally stepping into someone else’s shoes to acknowledge their perspective and position,
hence understanding their purpose behind their actions better. We can also practise active listening, to avoid
monopolising the conversation and to ask the listener productive questions to facilitate better conversations. Like all
life skills and hobbies, practice makes perfect!
About the Author: Armed with creative chops and a penchant for storytelling and everything digital, Nicole thrives
the most in areas where passion meets purpose. As a Linguistics & Social Anthropology undergraduate at the
University of Edinburgh, she is also driven by topics like the human psyche and social transformation. Connect with
her on LinkedIn here!