Emotional Intelligence:

The Key to Personal and Professional Excellence!

 Joy Hou

Registered Psychologist/
Founder,
EmpathyWorks Psychological Wellness
What is Emotional Intelligence?
❖ Emotional Quotient (EQ)

❖ The ability to identify, assess

and manage one's own
feelings and those of others.

❖ A factor in personal and

professional success

❖ Can be learned and

improved
Importance of Emotional Intelligence

A core need for life, school, and work.

Emotional intelligence affects our

❑ Mental health
❑ Physical health
❑ Relationships
❑ Work performance
Importance of Emotional Intelligence
• 80% of adult success comes from
emotional intelligence - Goleman

• 75% of long-term job success

depends on people skills, while only
25% on technical knowledge
- Stanford Research Institute International and the
Carnegie Melon Foundation
 Signs of Emotional Intelligence
❑ Knows own strengths & ❑ Good listeners
weaknesses ❑ Able to read people
❑ Appreciates what he has ❑ Open-minded
❑ Know how he feels ❑ Handle criticism without
❑ Understands why he is denial, blame or anxiety
upset ❑ Willing to help others
❑ Does not seek perfection ❑ Apologize when wrong
❑ Lets go of mistakes ❑ Knows how to say no
❑ Forgives self and others ❑ Difficult to offend
❑ Stops negative self-talk ❑ Able to disconnect
❑ Shows appreciation for ❑ Motivated intrinsically
others
 Emotional Intelligence
5 Components
Self-
(Daniel Goleman)
Awareness

Self- Empathy
Regulation

Social
Motivation
Skills
 Emotional Intelligence
5 Components
Self-
(Daniel Goleman)
Awareness

Self- Empathy
Regulation

Social
Motivation
Skills
Can I Improve My EI ?
 Emotional Intelligence
ability to recognize and
understand your moods,
emotions, and drives, as
well as their effect on
Self-Awareness
others

Self- Empathy
Regulation

Social
Motivation
Skills

5 Components
(Daniel Goleman)
 Self Awareness
• recognizing one’s
emotions and their
effects

• knowing one’s
strengths and
limits.

• strong sense of
one’s self-worth
and capabilities.
How Am I Feeling?
 Emotions Thermometer

10 Ecstatic Boiling Hopeless Terrified Hate

9 Overjoyed Incensed Depressed Horrified Abhor
8 Fabulous Enraged Sorrowful Alarmed Revolted
7 Thrilled Furious Miserable Threatened Sickened
6 Excited Fed-up Distressed Fearful Loathe
5 Delighted Mad Burdened Insecure Repelled
4 Cheerful Frustrated Troubled Nervous Scorn
3 Pleased Irritated Gloomy Anxious Contempt
2 Satisfied Annoyed Moody Worried Disdain
1 Contented Uptight Blue Uneasy Dislike
Labelling your emotions is key.
If you can name it,
you can tame it.

- Marc Brackett
Ask “What”

Source: The Gottman Institute

1. What is your level of stress
currently? (on a scale of
0-10)

2. What are some

symptoms you are
experiencing right now?

1. What are some specific

stressors you are
experiencing at the
moment? (be as specific
as possible)
Character Strengths
 Useful Surveys

VIA Character Strengths

http://www.viacharacter.org

Emotional Intelligence
https://www.mindtools.com/pag
es/article/ei-quiz.htm
 How to Develop Self-Awareness
❖ Practice observing how you feel
❖ Pay attention to how you
behave
❖ Slow down (or meditate)
❖ Take responsibility for your
feelings
❖ Keep a journal
❖ Understand what motivates you
❖ Acknowledge your emotional
triggers
❖ Recognize your strengths and
weaknesses
❖ Ask for input from others
 Emotional Intelligence
ability to control or
manage impulses
and moods / think Self-
before acting Awareness

Empathy
Self-Regulation

Social
Motivation
Skills

5 Components
(Daniel Goleman)
 Self Regulation

• the ability to control

or manage
disruptive impulses
and emotions

• the ability to think

before acting
www.menti.com
6856 4630
 The Anger Iceberg

E Emphathize, look beyond surface

✓ Look beyond the

behaviour
✓ Look for the hidden
need or pain
✓ Empathize
✓ Do not judge
✓ Listen
 Ways to Manage Anger
❖ Identify your anger ❖ Take a walk
triggers ❖ Have a good cry
❖ Recognize when you ❖ Admit you are feeling
are feeling angry hurt
❖ Exhale longer than you ❖ Use time-outs to avoid
inhale outbursts
❖ Exercise ❖ Write in a journal
❖ Catch your negative ❖ Count backwards from
thoughts a random number
❖ Draw your feelings on ❖ Self-care: beware of
paper HALT
❖ Seek professional help
 peace slave

恕 怒 heart heart

FORGIVENESS ANGER
 Emotional Intelligence
ability to understand the
emotions/ perspective of
other people
Self-
Awareness

Self- Empathy
Regulation

Social
Motivation
Skills
5 Components
(Daniel Goleman)
Empathy
 Ability to understand
another person’s Ability to
perspective express care
Cognitive
by helping
Empathy
with what
you sense the
Ability to feel person needs
what the
person feels
Empathic
Emotional
Concern
Empathy
Emotions Charades!
• donut
 What you see Words
Tonality
Body languge
Gestures
Actions

Empathic Curiosity
Beliefs
Values
What is the deep Biases
Prejudices
structure underneath Past experiences
Fears
Needs
Dreams
Feelings
 Scenario
Your co-worker Jane has not
been able to concentrate at
work.

She shares with you that she

is feeling stressed and sad
because her husband has
just got retrenched.

She has 2 young children in

pre-school.
 Empathic Response
❖ Connect with their feelings.
❖ Acknowledge and validate their
feelings

• “Thanks for sharing and trusting me. I

know it must not be easy.”
• “This must be tough on you...“
• “Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”
• “That sucks! I hate you have to go
through this.”
• “I can’t imagine how you must feel.”
• “I can see that this is very painful for
you.”
DON’T Say
❖ Calm down!
❖ Don’t worry!
❖ It’s all in your mind
❖ The situation is not
that bad!
❖ I’m stressed out ❖ My situation is
too. worse off than
❖ Others are having yours….
it worse than you. ❖ Don’t think too
❖ At least you much!
are………. ❖ Why can’t you just
relax?
 DO Say
❖ How are you feeling?
❖ I am here for you.
❖ If you can, talk to me
about what’s going ❖ Your fears/ worries are
through your mind… not silly…
❖ That must be really ❖ I know you can’t
hard for you. control it…
❖ What would you like ❖ What strategies best
me to do to help? help you when you
❖ I’m always here if you are feeling anxious?
need to talk ❖ We can get through
this together.
How to Show Empathy?
❖ Fine tune our nonverbal
observation skills
❖ Withhold judgement and
consider others’ point of view
❖ Learn to get in touch with our
own emotions
❖ Active listening
❖ Offer kindness
 How do we
change the
world?
One random
act of
kindness at a
time.

~ Morgan
Freeman
 Emotional Intelligence
Which component
Self-
of EI are you Awareness
currently good in?
Self- Empathy
Regulation

Which component
do you need to work Motivation
Social
on? Skills
 When to Seek Help?
Seek professional help or advice when signs of
anxiety do not decrease over time.
❑ Symptoms persist over prolonged period of time

❑ Significant problems in functioning at work or at

home.

❑ Severe withdrawal behaviours

❑ Severe physical reactions (eg fainting, pain,

diarrhoea)
 Connect with Joy
Thank You ☺ EmpathyWorks

Email:
joy@empathyworks.sg

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