Tolosa, Jaybe N.

May 27, 2022

BSBA-MM 1st Year Block 1 Mr. Francis Castillo

The presence of incompatible or conflicting beliefs about oneself, with

negative consequences for the person's well-being, is referred to as
"self-discrepancies." According to Edward Tory Higgins, self-discrepancy theory
describes how people are likely to feel uncomfortable when they have contradictory
or incompatible beliefs about themselves. Furthermore, the type of discomfort or
unpleasant feelings is explained by the type of discrepant self-representations. We
must first know the three "selves" that comprise our self-concept: the actual, ideal,
and ought selves–in order for us to understand the theory furtherly. When there are
discrepancies between the aforementioned domain of the self, self-concept or
self-esteem might be influenced or affected.

Disturbed. If there would be one word that could describe the status of my
self-concept, that would be the word "disturbed". There is always a time that I feel
dejected, disappointed, agitated, embarrassed, ashamed, and lacking in myself
because my beliefs about and expectations for my actual and potential self do not
always match up with what I actually experience on a daily basis. Having a
self-discrepancy has never been as easy as pie to overcome as it will make you
think or reflect on yourself deeply. And, some of my related experiences are stated
below.

Actual self vs own ideals.

Growing up from an underprivileged family, I strive harder and aim for more.
Adding the fact that I'm the eldest who has been tagged as the "breadwinner" of the
family, kept me under pressure in everything that I do. The only thing that I can do to
help my parents in financing my study is by having a scholarship that could answer
all of my financial worries in school. This made me decided to apply to SM
Foundation Scholarship carrying my dreams and hopes for myself and family. I really
wanted to be one of their beneficiaries. That's why I allotted and dedicated three
months in reviewing all possible topics - making sure that I'm not skipping any
subjects - in preparation for the test. And, when the examination came, I have big
hopes that I will pass the test since I studied so much for it. But, it really broke my
heart as I opened their email stating that I didn't make it through. It is indeed
heartbreaking to know that my actual self (didn't pass the test) didn't match up with
my ideal self (would pass the exam). This experience resulted to a feeling of
dejection and disappointment since I didn't obtain my aspirations for myself.

Actual self vs other's ideals.

Polytechnic University of the Philippines was my dream school. Every time
people ask me about my dream school in college, PUP had always been number
one on my list. I personally chose that school since I myself have experienced the
quality education it has when I was studying there back when I was in SHS.
Additionally, it has no tuition fee and it also opened my eyes to the cruel society we
have. Also, according to my cousin who graduated from there, she passed many job
applications she applied to because of the name of the school she's carrying. She
was even chased and called by many companies when she was looking for work.
These aforementioned reasons have made me decided to study in PUP in college.
However, destiny didn't agree with my dreams. I passed in my dream school, PUP,
but in a financial management course--not my dream course. Meanwhile, I passed in
Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila (PLM) alongside my dream course which is
marketing management. Consequently, this situation has made me choose between
my dream school and dream course. After thinking profoundly, I chose the latter. And
this decision, which I think is a wise move, has consequently affected me emotionally
by the words I heard from my relatives who are also rooting for me. Many people,
especially my family and relatives, were expecting me to study in PUP because of
my cousin's experience there. They were all shocked and surprised when they knew
that I would not be entering college. I know that they were just concerned about me
since they were thinking that my chosen university could possibly affect my future.
And, this personal scenario is an example of actual self vs other's ideals. It can also
be actual self vs own ideals since I also didn't pursue my dream school. Again, I felt
sad and embarrassed of myself because of this discrepancy.

Actual self vs. other's ought.

This kind of self-discrepancy happens when our actual self does not match up
with what we believe others expect of us, we are not living up to the ought self that
we believe others have constructed for us, which can lead to feelings of agitation,
threat, and fear of potential punishment. One of the most unforgettable memory I
have in my mind which is also related to this was when my father told me to act
normal. When he said those words in front of me, I knew what he was talking about
that time. When I was a kid, I knew that there's something wrong with me - the way I
act and my likes and habits at that time. I knew that I'm not straight. However, since
my father is a strong-musculine-guy and looks courageous, he didn't want me to
grow up gay, in simple words he disagrees with my sexuality and didn't accept me as
his son. He was exercising authority over my actual self, that I should be a normal
boy who would also act properly. I know, for every gay out there, this scenario is
really heart breaking knowing that the person who you thought would accept you did
not. Fortunately, as the time passes by, my father has fully accepted me for who I
truly am. He has already embraced the real me in spite of what other people would
tell him. What matters for him now is that I'm happy - we're on good terms.

Actual self vs own ought.

As I've mentioned above, we are not financially stable but luckily we eat three
times a day. I think we are just surviving, not progressing in terms of economic
status. Ever since the pandemic started, our life also seemed to have been downed,
specifically our financial resources since my father's job at that time was not stable
too. I can see in their eyes that they were struggling even if they didn't tell me
directly. Due to this situation, as the eldest son and breadwinner of the family, I
thought of many ways to atleast ease the burden that was put on my parents. And,
the only way that I would like to do it was to look for a job, a BPO company to be
specific, since classes were only done online. However, when I told my parents
about this, they appreciated my will to help them but they didn't allow me to continue
my plan. For them, it will not be good for me to simultaneously work and study as it
will affect the latter. Despite this decision came from them, I still have disappointment
and discontentment with myself because I couldn't do what my ought self wanted me
to do.