Exercise 1

Flabby expressions: dài dòng, chứa các từ sáo mòn, được sử dụng quá mức mà không mang lại
ý nghĩa gì, những từ cần được thay thế ngắn gọn hơn.
at this point in time -> now
due to the fact that -> because
in very few cases -> seldom
despite the fact that -> although
in the near future -> soon

Long lead-ins with unnecessary introductory words: lời giới thiệu dài dòng
This is to let you know that Monday is a holiday. -> Monday is a holiday.
I am sending this e-mail to announce that our internal audit begins on January 5. -> Our internal
audit begins on January 5.

Unnecessary fillers: there is/ are/ was/ were

There were more than 45 visitors who commented on her blog. -> More than 45 visitors
commented on her blog.
It was a hilarious animal video that went viral. -> A hilarious animal video went viral.

Redundancy: repeat meaning, hai từ nghĩa giống nhau dặt cạnh nhau, combine= together,
combine together is like combine combine
combined together -> combined
exact and same -> exact or same
my personal opinion -> my opinion

Empty word: không có nghĩa từ vựng, những từ cần được bỏ hẳn

In the case of Twitter, it increased users but lost share value.
We are aware of the fact that sales soared when pushed by social networking
Changing the name of a successful company that is successful is always risky.
1. After leaving the midtown meeting, Angela’s car would not start.
Dangling modifier
…., Angela couldn’t start her car.
2. All requests for iPods and BlackBerrys were combined together in our
proposal.
Redundancy
….. combined in our …
3. Although our last presentation bombed, beyond the shadow of a doubt our
new presentation will fly.
Pompous language
… presentation failed, our new one will succeed.
4. Are you aware of the fact that our budget has a deficit in the amount of
approximately $100,000?
Empty words
… aware that …. a deficit of approximately ….
5. As a general rule, we would not accept the return; however, we will in all
probability make an exception in this case.
Compound preposition
Generally, …., we will probably ….
6. As per your request, we will no longer send you e-mail offers.
Trite business phrase
At your request ….
7. Because of the surprising degree of response, the company expanded its free
gift program.
Empty words
Because of many responses,…
8. Because the proposals are exactly identical, we need not check each and
every item.
Redundancy
…. are identical, … check every item.
9. By advertising extensively, all the open jobs were filled quickly.
Dangling modifier
Being advertised extensively, …
10.d. Enclosed please find a check in the amount of $700.
Trite business phrase + empty words
Enclosed is a check of ….
11.Despite the fact that we lost the contract, we must at this time move forward.
Compound preposition + redundancy
Althoug … move.
12.He scheduled the meeting for 11 a.m. in the morning.
Empty words
… 11 a.m.
13.I am writing this letter to inform you that your homeowner’s coverage
expires soon.
Long lead-in
Your …
14.I have before me your proposal sent by FedEx, and I will distribute it
immediately.
Empty words
I will distribute your proposal immediately.
15.If you will refer back to the budget, you will see that there are provisions
that prevent blowing the budget.
Filler
If…., that some provisions prevent overspending.
16.Inasmuch as prices are falling, we will invest in the very near future.
Compound preposition
Because prices …
17.It is the CEO who must approve the plan.
Filler
The CEO must …
18.Management made a recommendation affirming abandonment of the pilot
project.
Noun habit
Management recommends abandoning …
19.Ms. Nelson gave an appraisal of the home’s value.
Noun habit
Ms. Nelson appraised the home’s value.
20.Our supervisor requested that team members return back to the office.
Redundancy
Our …. return to the office.
21.Our team must be willing to think outside the box in coming up with
marketing ideas that pop.
Pompous language
… willing to have creative marketing ideas.
22.Pursuant to your request, we are sending the original copies under separate
cover.
Trite business phrase
At your request, …
23.Thank you in advance for considering our plea for community support.
Trite business phrase
Thank you for …
24.The board of directors will give consideration to the contract at its next
meeting
Noun habit
…. will consider the contract …
25.The manager says that there are many employees who did not return the
health surveys.
Filler
…that many employees did not …
26.The manager’s rules were to be observed by all staff members, no matter
how silly they seemed.
Misplaced modifier
No matter how silly they seemed, the manager’s ….
27.The office walls were painted beige in color.
Empty words
--- beige.
28.There are many businesses that are implementing strict e-mail policies.
Filler
Many businesses …
29.There are several Web pages you must update.
Filler
You must update several web pages.
30.This is to warn everyone that the loss of laptops endangers company
security.
Long lead-in
The loss …
31.This memo is to notify everyone that we will observe Monday as a holiday.
Long lead-in
Monday is a holiday.
32.This message is to let you know that I received your e-mail and its
attachments.
Long lead-in
I received …
33.To apply for early admission, submit your application by November 1. 
NO MISTAKE
34.To complete the project on time, a new deadline was established by the
team.
Dangling modifier
…., the team established a new deadline.
 35.True to form, our competitor has made a snarky claim that we think is way
below the belt.
POMPOUS language
Our competitor has made an unfair claim.
36.Walking up the driveway, the Hummer parked in the garage was
immediately spotted by the detectives.
Dangling modifier
…., the detectives immediately spotted the Hummer parked in the garage.
37.We cannot fill the order until such time as payment is received for previous
shipments.
Empty words
We…. until payment …
38.Web-based customer service causes a reduction in overall costs.
Noun habit
…. service reduces overall costs.

Part 1

1. Every effort will be made to serve the long list of order from our customers
around Europe. 
Dangling modifier
We will made effort to serve the long list of order from our customers
2. The CEO will refer back to the budget in the meeting today. 
Redundancy
The CEO will refer to the budget in the meeting today
3. In the normal course of a product launch, giving free samples is a very useful
way to familiarize customers with a new product. 
Excessive exuberance+ Empty word
Giving free samples is a useful way to familiarize customers with a new
product
4. Those who accept bribery from corporations will be given an immediate official
dismissal.
Buried verbs
Those who accept bribery from corporations will be dismissed immediately
5. Some meeting agendas mispell the word “calender’.
Spelling errors
Some meeting agendas misspell ‘calendar’
6. Pyxl has offices in Knoxville and Nashville. They are a full-service digital
marketing agency.
Grammatical error
Pyxl has offices in Knoxville and Nashville. It is a full-service digital
marketing agency
7. I ensure you that Pyxl will complete your project on time.
Confusing word choice
I assure you that Pyxl will complete your project on time
8. All southwest airlines passengers will exit the Plane at gate 14 when they reach
Ontario international airport.

9. Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed.

Dangling modifier
Having arrived late for practice, you will need a written excuse
10.It is the CEO who must give her approval to the plan.
Unnecessary fillers+ Not courteous+ Buried verbs+ Gender biased
CEO will approve to the plan

12. Our companys heal benefits are available immediately.

Spelling/ Punctuations
Our company’s health benefits are available immediately
II. Message Revision: 10 points (2 points for each error)

There are 5 mistakes in the following message. Identify them. Rewrite the message
correctly.
Weaknesses
- Fails to double space between paragraph
- Fails to conclude with an action, date and time
- Fails to use numbered list to increase readability
- Cliché endings
- False structure of question

Dear Mr. Lee:

Can your company secure 18 computer workstations and 6 printers to desks or

counters?
Your company received strong recommendations because of its excellent services
and facilities. Please answer the following question about security equipment to
prevent theft of office computers and other devices. 

 When can you install your security devices?

 Can the devices be easily removed when we need to move equipment around

 Are we offered any prices and quantity discounts?

Answer to these questions and any other information you can provide will help us.
Your response before October 15 would be most appreciated since our planning
meets October 20.

Sincerely,

III. Message Composition (70 points) TEAMS ASSIGNMENT

American Southern Airline (ASA) had an unhappy customer. Annette Boyer-

Parker flew from New York to Los Angeles. The flight stopped briefly at Chicago
O’Hare, where she got off the plane for half an hour. When she returned to her
seat, her $400 prescription reading glasses were gone. She asked the flight
attendant where the glasses were, and the attendant said they probably were thrown
away since the cleaning crew had come in with big bags and tossed everything in
them. Ms. Tomlinson tried to locate the glasses through the airline’s lost- and-
found service, but she failed.
Then she wrote a strong letter to the airline demanding reimbursement for the loss.
She felt that it was obvious that she was returning to her seat. The airline, however,
knows that an overwhelming number of passengers arriving at hubs switch planes
for their connecting flights. The airline does not know who is returning. What’s
more, flight attendants usually announce that the plane is continuing to another city
and that passengers who are returning should take their belongings. Cabin cleaning
crews speed through planes removing newspapers, magazines, leftover foods, and
trash. Airlines feel no responsibility for personal items left in cabins.
Your Task. As a staff member of the customer relations department of American
Southern Airline, deny the customer’s claim but retain her goodwill using
techniques learned. The airline never refunds cash, but it might consider travel
vouchers for the value of the glasses. Remember that apologies cost nothing. Write
a claim denial to Mrs. Annette Boyer-Parker, 3560 Veteran Avenue, Santa Monica,
CA 90401.

 American Southern Airline (ASA)

Date line: November 9, 2021

Address: Mrs. Annette Boyer-Parker

3560 Veteran Avenue, Santa Monica, CA 90401.

Dear Mrs. Annette Boyer-Parker

Subject: Personal belongings from the flight

We know that you expect to receive reimbursement for the loss. That’s why we’re
writing personally about your request.

In our regulations, cabin cleaning crews speed through planes removing

newspapers, magazines, leftover foods, and trash to provide good quality services.
We did not intentionally remove your items, and we sincerely regret the
disappointment and frustration you must have suffered.
Although our airlines cannot be required to provide refunds, we are happy to send
you travel vouchers.

To receive this coupon, please call 809-666-3444. We are hopeful that in the
future, we will be able to have you as our passenger.

Sincerely,

American Southern Airline A.S.A

Jeremy Harper, a blogger and Web conferencing expert, responds to a request from
Christina Cruz, who wants advice for an article she is writing. His advice is good,
but his message is poorly organized, contains grammar and other errors, and is
hard to read.

YOUR TASK Analyze the following message and note five weaknesses with
examples. Then revise if your instructor advises. Remember that you can download
these documents at www.cengagebrain.com.

To: Christina Cruz

From: Jeremy Harper

Subject: Replying to Your Request

Dear Christina Cruz:

You have my sincere admiration for the article of Networking Voices. I am

honored that you asked me to contribute. As Web conferencing is an alternative to
in-person meetings, it is increasingly popular. Here is an extensive, and
comprehensive list of dos and don’ts for Web conferencing.
1.Plan ahead. All participants should be notified of things like the date, time, and
duration. You should send log-ins, passwords, and printed documents by e-mail.

2.Identify yourself. State your name the first few times you speak.

3.Mute (turn off) your phone. Because participants can hear your sound in the
background, you should mute your microphone.

4.Play with your microphone and speakers until you sound good. Don’t shuffle
papers. Don’t eat. Don’t move things while you are speaking.

5. Use a lobby slide to open. This slide tells the meeting details such as the start
time, audio information, and the agenda. This lobby slide should go up about 10 to
15 minutes before the meeting begins.

If you have any question, call or write to me at this email. Following procedure
helps you to prepare for the article.

Sincerely,

Jeremy Harper

[Full contact information]