YOU ATTITUDE IN BUSINESS WRITING

Exercise #1
1. I have sent item #446 out of our Dallas location this afternoon; I've used priority mail, so the
package should arrive in no more than two days.

answer: The 18-volt cordless drill you ordered (item #446) is on its way to you via
priority mail; you should receive it within two days.

2. Customers will be glad to know that our new insurance cards are now honored by pharmacies all
over Canada.

answer: Now you can use your Blue Shield insurance card when buying pharmacy items,
including prescription drugs, throughout Canada.

3. We are happy to report that our diesel engines passed every EPA emissions test with flying colors.

answer: ACME diesel engines conform to EPA emissions requirements. [Remember, the
"you attitude" doesn't always require you to say YOU--but it doesn't normally allow prose
to focus on the writer's feelings.]

4. Next week the location of office thermostats is being changed; they will be placed near doorways.

answer: When you arrive at SafeCo Monday morning, you'll notice that thermostats have
been relocated near doorways for your convenience.

5. We are proud to announce our new line of impact-resistant, lightweight laptop computers.

answer: Work worry-free in a bumpy world, with your BrainBox UltraLight laptop
computer. [Envision a graphic or photo to accompany this ad! P.S.: "Work worry free" is
an elliptical construction; the reader understands it to say "You can work worry free."]

CHANGING THE NEGATIVE TONE INTO A POSITIVE ONE :

1. Not this: 

This letter is to inform you that you didn't win a Blakely Scholarship; we had to work our way through many
submissions, and the scholarships went to the most highly qualified applicants.

But this: 
Thanks very much for your fine application to the Blakely Scholarship. Competition for the scholarships was
very tough this year, and unfortunately we had to turn down many excellent applications, yours among
them.

2. Not this: 
Your accounting report is riddled with errors; maybe that's because you are ignorant of the latest
figures that have come in from Washington. We'll have to meet and get you straightened out.

But this: Some new figures have come in from Washington that will significantly impact the accounting
report; let's get together to discuss the changes and generate another report.

3. Not this: 

Even though Microsoft Word 5.1 won't work with OS 9, which you recently bought from Apple Computer, we
can't let you return the disk for a refund. There's nothing wrong with the disk, and you already opened the
package and loaded the software onto your computer. If anything actually does go wrong with OS 9, you
can call our tech support at 1-800-215-8888.

But this: 

We're sorry that our OS 9 for Macintosh won't run older versions of MS Word (such as Word 5.1, a favorite
of many users). OS 9, which makes your iMac such a powerful tool, isn't backwards compatible with many
applications. Even so, since you've opened the disk package and loaded the software, we can't refund your
money. We will certainly stand by our product, however, and give you all the technical support we can (just
dial 1-800-215-8888). If you decide to try a more recent version of MS Word--Word '98 or later--you'll find
that OS 9 will run it smoothly.

4. Not this:

 
Fred, working conditions in your wing are horrible! The floors are oily, handrails are loose, machinery is too
crowded. And the stink is disgusting. I'm amazed we haven't had more injuries over there. I'm amazed that
I myself, and our clients, didn't come out of your wing on stretchers or attached to oxygen tanks. What a
pigsty! What kinds of slobs are you over there?? I'm giving you notice right now that I'm not bringing any
more clients over to view your operations, nor am I myself going to set foot in your wing until you get your
act together.

But this: 

Fred, thanks for the tour of your wing that your assistant gave us last Friday. But I have to level with you:
the clients I brought over didn't come away with a good impression of working conditions over there. More
than one of them slipped on the oily floor and had to grab for a handrail--and then the handrails were
shaky! A couple of them complained about the odor, too. To be perfectly honest, I myself was watching my
step on the oily floor, grabbing (without much confidence) for handrails, and holding a handkerchief over
my nose during most of the tour. I know conditions in that wing are hard to control (especially the smell),
but we've got to do better. I think it best to keep clients away until we've had a chance to address these
problems.

Exercise #2

Give the following sentences a tonal makeover (negative to

positive).
1. We won't send you the materials until we make sure your check clears.

answer: Your materials will be on their way to you as soon as your check clears.

2. The print run won't be ready until Monday because we had to rework some of the poorer designs in
the pamphlet.

answer: Your pamphlet will be all ready for you to pick up Monday at 5 p.m. We delayed
the run in order to improve your pamphlet's design.

3. Your account is delinquent. We've sent you several notices, and this is your last chance. If you don't
pay up by the final deadline of February 10, you'll be hearing from our collection officer and this will
become a legal matter.

answer: Are you aware that your payment is past due? We've sent you several
reminders. As a courtesy, we've extended your payment deadline to February 10, but we
won't be able to extend it further or continue sending reminders. To avoid collection
proceedings, please send us your payment as soon as you can.

4. Neither you nor any other members of your documentation group may use the CAD-CAM computer
lab during maximum usage hours (10 a.m. to 5 p.m., MWF). The lab is strictly reserved during those
hours for our company's hardware engineers.

answer: You and your documentation group are very welcome to use the CAD-CAM lab all
day Tuesday and Thursday, and from daybreak to 10 a.m. Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday. You may also use it all weekend long, and any day after 5 pm, if you heroically
choose to use your flex time that way! But I'll have to ask you and your group to let the
hardware engineers have the lab during the peak usage hours of 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., MWF.
Thanks.

5. Mr. Jones: My subcontractor told me that when he broke through into your original structure, the
subfloor on the addition we've built onto your house is 2 inches too high. That is most emphatically
NOT our fault; we worked from the specs and measurements you yourself gave us, and in fact we
used a laser instrument to make sure we conformed to your directions. If you want any changes at
this point, you'll have to pay for them.

answer: Dear Mr. Jones, Southern Remodeling wants the addition to your home to be just
the way you want it to be. That's why we worked so carefully from your specs and
measurements--even using a "laser leveler" to make sure we achieved the exact
dimensions you gave us. We are very sorry about the problem (the addition's subfloor
turning out 2 inches higher than your home's subfloor). And we'll certainly stick with your
project and address the problem in whatever way you decide on. However, since the
mistake is not ours, you'll need to pay for any changes in the original plans.