DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES SELF-REFLECTION PAPER

Developmental Milestones Self-Reflection Paper

Brennan Hallock

COUN 637 Student

Chadron State College

Fall 2022

Dr. Nathan Favaloro

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Developmental Milestones

There are so many milestones throughout ones life. It is hard to pick just a few of them to

focus on. There are so many stages of my life where I have grown, changed, or enjoyed that I

maybe wouldn’t recognize if I didn’t stop to reflect. Some of these milestones continue to impact

the person I am becoming, the decisions I make, and the outlook I have on life to this day.

Making and Keeping Friends

I grew up in Gilbert, Arizona. My dad grew up there too, and his dad did as well. To say

that Gilbert was a part of our lives would be an understatement. My grandpa was mayor and

owned a local mini-storage and my dad was a teacher at the neighborhood school. We lived in a

nice cul-de-sac in a middle class neighborhood and I truly had the best childhood. Friends were

all over the cul-de-sac and we climbed trees, played sports together, got in some trouble together,

and ultimately looked out for one another.

I was 10 years old in the summer of 1997, having just finished the 4th grade, when a lot

of things started changing for my family. My sister graduated high school that summer and my

dad got a job as a Dean of Students at the local high school. This was an exciting time for our

family because my dad would be making more money and sure could benefit from that. It was

also a scary time for me. For the first time in my life, my dad wouldn’t be teaching at the

elementary school I attended. I sure was nervous, but my sister assured me that this was going to

be the best year yet.

Much to my surprise, my sister was right! My 5th grade year is still something I look back

on fondly. You see, what I didn’t realize then was that by not having my dad on campus, I gained

the freedom my peers had enjoyed for years. I didn’t have to look to see where my dad was or

what he would think about something. I had the chance to do things I wanted to do for my own
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motives and part of that included making friends. For the first time in my life, I would start to

make friends that were not just from my cul-de-sac. Little did I know, that this would be the year

I would make the best friends I would ever have in my life.

Mrs. Harrington, our teacher, put us into random groups in class and I was partnered up

with two students I didn’t know very well, Michael and James. Michael, James, and I all liked

football and movies. Having these things in common led to great conversations during class. We

quickly went from tablemates, to recess friends, to friends who hung out after school and on the

weekends.

The three of us would become the foundation of a larger friend group that we would have

throughout elementary, middle, and high school. To this day, I am still friends with them. These

friends that I made changed my life and helped me become a more confident person.

Evolutionary theorists would describe confidence I felt while being in this group as protection in

numbers (Newman & Newman, 2018). However, Cognitive Development theorists would say

that the safety I felt in that group would come from feeling understood, heard, and supported

(Friendship – friendship and healthy development, 2022). The long lasting implications of this

friend group, however, could be described by the psychosocial theory as providing the

framework for me to create and maintain friendships throughout my life (Gifford-Smith &

Brownell, 2003).

No matter which theory you choose to subscribe to, however, I look back on this

developmental milestone as one of the best things I have ever done. By creating these

friendships, my confidence to interact with others increased, my ability to identify traits I desire

in a friendship has improved, and I have learned how to be a true friend to others. Creating and

maintaining positive relationships is such an important skill and, while I feel that this ability first
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began in middle childhood, I think it has continued to impact and influence my life throughout

every stage of my life since.

Moving Away from Family

When I was 19 years old, the opportunity came for me to move to Spain on a service

mission. A chance like this really only comes once in a lifetime, so I decided to go for it! I had

never lived away from parents before, but I thought it was such a unique opportunity and that I

would thrive. The psychosocial theory states that we all want to feel like we are capable and I

certainly felt that becoming independent and moving to Spain would help me prove just that

(Miller, 2019). Flash forward to me living in an apartment in Spain, realizing how much I had

depended on my parents for support. I had always had a good relationship with my parents, but it

wasn’t until I was in this situation that I realized that social psychologists were right when they

emphasize the importance of maintaining strong ties to your family when you are in later

adolescence or early adulthood (Zarrett & Eccles, 2006).

It was such a new world! The idea of everything being different had initially excited me,

but was now the thing that upset me the most. The food was different. The times of day that

Spaniards ate were different. The language was different. The weather was different. I initially

found myself really hating it and wondering how I had gotten myself in this situation to begin

with.

My first nine weeks of living in Lleida, Spain I thought were pure torture. Then, I met

Juán and Zaida. They were a husband and wife from this little town and they were so kind. They

invited me into their home and helped me learn Spanish. They also helped me learn customs

about Spain and allowed me to ask any questions I wanted about Spain. They would ask me

about my life and our customs in America. I learned that we had many differences and many
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similarities. I also learned that there were some things I really loved about Spain and found to be

even better than how we do it here, while there were also still things I missed about the states.

Juán and Zaida wound up being my best friends in Spain and they taught me how to

cook Spanish cuisine, how to handle customer service in Spain, how to travel around Spain, and

many other necessary and useful skills. Eventually, I wouldn’t need them to guide me on

everything about Spain, but it sure was nice to have their friendship as I navigated new territory

without the assistance of my parents.

In the end, moving to Spain has been one of the best things I have ever done. I grew so

much, gained confidence in myself, and realized that I am capable of learning a new language

and trying new things. I also learned that the world is so much bigger than you can imagine. I

realized there wasn’t one right way to do something and that there are amazing people all around

this globe building their communities and living their best lives. I agree with Clinical

Psychologist, Jacob Goldsmith, who believes it is when we are on the cusp of adulthood that we

begin to clarify worldviews and beliefs (Goldsmith, 2018).

Beginning my Career

At 27 years old I found myself at a crossroads. I had moved back from Spain and lived in

the states for about six years at that point. I had graduated from college and I was working in

management at a local credit union. It was never a job I was passionate about, but it paid the

bills, so I didn’t have much to complain about. The job had fallen into my lap as a college

student and after graduating, the promotions continued to come and I continued to stay at the

credit union.

Despite the financial stability that I was provided at this place of employment, there was

very clearly a feeling of desperation I had. I knew deep down that this was not the place for me.
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The problem was, I didn’t really know what would be the right place. I was turning 27 and

suddenly, I felt trapped. “If I stay here any longer,” I thought, “I will work here the rest of my

life.” That idea haunted me and I knew, right then and there, that I had to get out!

I started soul searching and really determining what I wanted to do, when suddenly it

came to me. I wanted to be a school counselor. I had already gotten a degree in psychology and I

felt like working in education was the route I should take. I called a friend who worked at a local

public school and asked about entry-level jobs. Before I knew it, I had a job interview and I quit

the credit union with absolutely no regrets! It truly felt like the best thing I could have done.

A few weeks after starting my new job as a paraprofessional, I fell in love with the

classroom. Watching teachers make connections with students, imparting information that would

benefit these students for a lifetime, and seeing the light bulb go off when a student finally

understood a new concept. It was during this time that I found out that a lot of teachers on

campus were doing a program called “Teacher in Residence”, where they could get their

teaching credentials while working on a post baccalaureate teaching certificate. Another perk

was that it only cost four thousand dollars!

Soon after learning about this, and with the help of the school principal, I began my

Teacher in Residence and began my year as a Spanish teacher in 2016. Changing careers

changed my life. Teaching inspired me in ways that the credit union, even on its best day, never

could! Seeing students understand and be excited about Spanish was amazing! It was so

rewarding, I found a passion for working, a desire to do more at a job, and place where I truly

felt loved and supported. My last year teaching was the 2021-2022 school year. In May of the

2022 school year I was selected as Teacher of the Year for my school and it was truly one of my

greatest accomplishments.
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This career change came for me at 27 years old, which is quite common in early

adulthood. In fact, much of what I went through at that age would be typical. Levinson, known

for using psychosocial theory, says that typically adults commit to a career between the ages of

22 and 28 (Lazzara, 2020). Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological System’s Theory would explain my

career change to several situations throughout my life (Guy-Evans, 2020). The fact my dad was

an educator and I was heavily influenced by him, I was not happy with my job at the credit union

and was looking for purpose at the time, and even just knowing that my family would support the

career were all factors that could have influenced me to make this change. Psychodynamic

theory would say that I made this career move in order to have the opportunity to replicate

significant childhood experiences (Pines, 2000). I can see a portion of truth in each of these

theories.

Addressing Milestones

My three milestones: making and keeping friends, moving away from family, and

beginning my career could all be addressed by counselors in one way or another. I am actually

really grateful that, as I reflected on these experiences, that none of them were so tumultuous that

I needed counseling. However, as I look at all of these situations and experiences, I can see how

counseling could have made each of these situations a bit easier for me.

School counselors or mental health counselors could be crucial in helping a person in

middle childhood make friends. I am currently a school counselor and I am often asked to help

students make connections either during lunch or in classes. This is something I am happy to do.

I often try to pair them by common interests. If I am able to find something they have in

common, it is usually an easier match to make and, after the initial introduction, their

conversations flow much more naturally and friendships seem to be made authentically
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(Friendship – friendship and healthy development, 2022). If this were something much more

dire, however, perhaps a mental health counselor would need to work with the client to go over

social cues and communication skills in order to help the client make and keep friends.

My adjustment to living in Spain could have been much more difficult and required the

help of a mental health counselor. I was very lonely and quite scared, so I think that meeting with

a counselor could have been beneficial. The mental health counselor could have met with me and

discussed with me what I missed from home and helped me to find similar places or things in

Spain. I also think they could have addressed with me why I signed up to go to Spain in the first

place and what I hoped to gain from the experience. They also could have encouraged me to

keep strong ties with my parents to try and keep me positive and help me feel supported (Zarrett

& Eccles, 2006).

A mental health counselor or a career counselor could have also addressed my career

change. Had I not had a clear view on what I wanted to do when I left the credit union, I would

have definitely needed to seek help on career changes. I believe a career counselor would have

been able to give me an aptitude test and help lead me to different options that fit my personality

and personal goals. I could have met with them to go over my research and talk to them about

why a career did or did not fit with my goals. I truly think this service is underrated and should

be sought out more often.

Influences of Milestones

As I look back on these three milestones: making and keeping friends in middle

childhood, moving away from family in late adolescence, and beginning my career while in early

adulthood, I realize that, for me, none of them would be possible without my development
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occurring in this specific order. Each milestone led to the development of the next and have all

led me to where I am now.

Learning to make and keep friends has not only been a useful skill throughout life, it

genuinely saved my experience of moving away and living in a foreign country. Had I not gained

this skill, I never would have made friends with Juán and Zaida. And, without making friends

with Juán and Zaida, I doubt I would have overcome my fear of living in a foreign country.

Perhaps, I would have come home early and not had the amazing experience I had. Also, had I

come home early, I wouldn’t have the confidence I gained from living in and navigating a

foreign country. Without this confidence, perhaps I never would have had the courage to quit my

job at the credit union and start on an entirely new path. Also, had I not stayed in Spain, I never

would have learned Spanish and became bilingual. I never would have been able to become a

Spanish teacher at all, because I wouldn’t know the language. It is really neat to see how each of

these experiences prepared me for the next.

I also believe that these milestones will prepare me for things in the future. I will always

need to make new friends no matter where life takes me. Whether I get a new job, move to a new

neighborhood in the same city, or move to an entirely different country, I will need to make

friends. I may need the courage to do something difficult, or that feels foreign, and I may feel a

confidence because of my prior experience leaving my family and going completely beyond my

comfort zone. And I may need to start over someday, in a new career or in a new place, and I

will know the difference between a job that feels right and a job that is so wrong for me.

Conclusion

I look forward to many more milestones and hopefully many more developmental grade

ages. I hope my life will continue to grow, change, and be influenced by my experiences. With
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the knowledge I have gained in this course, I know I can look at these experiences and

milestones with new lenses. With this new knowledge, perhaps, I can understand my experiences

and milestones better and have a more optimistic outlook as my life continues to unfold!
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References

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acceptance, friendships, and Peer Networks. Journal of School Psychology, 41(4), 235–

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institute.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/csi-emerging-adults-relationships-with-parents.pdf

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