Intro

Every day in our lives we are placed in different situations where we might have to alter the way we
respond or behave, this is Masking, we all do it for one reason or another

We will explain to you what masking is, how it works, and give you some perspective on if it is better to
live with or without a mask in society.

I-What is Masking then?

Masking is covering up one’s own natural outward appearance, mannerisms and speech in dramatic and
inconsistent ways depending on the situation. People with Personality Disorders often suffer from low
self-esteem, or have an inconsistent self-image which categorically shifts depending on their inner
emotional climate. That can change rapidly if they are susceptible to several mood swings, they may
even sometimes represent themselves publicly in quite inconsistent ways.

This practice of altering our behaviour or mannerisms is familiar to most people. Almost everybody
consciously or subconsciously puts their best foot forward when they want to make a good impression
on family, co-workers, authority figures or large social groups. Most of us adjust our behaviour for
different contexts such as cheering at a football game as opposed to sitting in a meeting. However, in
some people with Personality Disorders there is a marked inconsistency, involving rapid cycling and an
acute intensity of Masking which is beyond typical!

People are more complicated than the masks they wear in society.

II-How Masking looks

Sudden and drastic changes in voice, vocabulary or geographic accent;

Situational changes in one’s physical mannerisms;

Wearing different clothes – thoroughly copying the appearance of another;

Using different names, depending on who is being spoken to;

Change in taste of food, interests etc.;

Rapid as well as inexplicable changes in political views and/or religious beliefs

We understand how dangerous mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.

III-How Masking feels

It can sometimes feel a little frightening to watch someone close to you morph right before your eyes
when the phone rings or when someone else comes into the room!

It’s also common to feel they are being hypocritical or even fake. You may feel angry if they are so nice
or so humble and practically accommodating to one particular person while they show a drastically
lesser attractive side to you. It’s common for non- maskers to hope that the person who is masking will
be “found out” eventually.

Sometimes, it feels quite embarrassing to be a family member or spouse or partner to someone when
their Masking is obvious to so many others. You may even feel humiliated to be associated with them
and fear a loss of respect, contempt or ridicule of others!

We understand how dangerous mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.

IV-How to cope with Masking

While it may be quite tempting to pull off the mask, it’s important to remember that each person has a
right to their own thoughts and beliefs. It is important to remember your matter is yours, and their
matter is theirs, and you must remain more focused on yourself and your own behaviour. Wherever a
person’s masking does not affect you or even harm you, it is best to leave it alone; however if a person’s
masking does create harm for you (for example, involves either an emotional or a physical abuse), it is
important to get yourself towards safety.
A mask is what we wear to hide from ourselves.

V-The different types of masks people wear:

1. THE PERFECTIONIST:

I must do everything perfectly.

They seem to always have it together. Structure and organization help them to achieve things that the
rest of us struggle to understand. There’s always a deeper layer to anyone we meet on the surface,
though. When you crave perfectionism, it’s often because you’re afraid of the alternative. Who would
fear being a flawed human? The person who has been punished or ostracized for it. The person who is
hiding a deeper pain.

2. THE LIFE OF THE PARTY:

I tell the jokes, you laugh (with me, not at me) and you won’t notice my mistakes. The Life of the Party
loves the limelight when the response is positive, and people don’t see the clown within them crying.

3. THE SPACE CADET:THE type of people that have been told that they are stupid because they lack
concentration, but has learned to play dumb, in order that people don’t expect much from them.

4. THE SUPERHERO:

I do get a feeling of happiness and contentment when I help other people — the bigger the crisis, the
better. Generous to a fault, the Superhero wins “friends” by being indispensable but never ever asks for
help for themselves.

5. THE REBEL/THE HOTHEAD:

 I do it my way. If you don’t like it, tough luck! What is wrong with you? The Rebel/Hothead pushes
people away with angry remarks or even arrogance, using it as a protective shield against criticism as
well as intimacy.

6. Easy victimhood

People with an inability to take accountability. Someone else is always to blame. They are helpless in
their own lives, and that learned helplessness turns into an easy victimhood that allows them to
manipulate the emotions of others. It’s usually a mask, however, for an impossible pain and a person
who learned they had to use helpless to induce action in their lives.

7. Calm and collected

A person that stays calm in the worst situation they seem to have everything under control . The
opposite is usually true, however. Take off the mask and you find a person who lived through hell with
no choice but to keep their cool.

8. Busy butterfly

A social butterfly is a charming person, but beneath the surface, you can find someone entirely
unexpected. There may be trauma or insecurity, or even a desire to be constantly surrounded by those
who can affirm and validate. They are always busy numbing their pain or silencing their insecurities with
over-the-top social interaction.

9. People Pleaser

People pleasers give, and give, and give of themselves until there’s nothing left, pleasing others before
yourself — as a rule of thumb — is never a good idea, and yet for the people pleasers it serves as their
mask. It keeps people from seeing them as someone they don’t believe they’re worthy of being.

10. Brutal bullies

These people usually had a very difficult life and as a result they try to make others feel the same way
they feel.
All these folks yearn for more than anything else is to be loved for being who they are. No mask. The
first step to loving your Authentic Self is to come out of that closet without any disguises.

VI-However, there are some caveats:

Know and embrace your masks. When a mask has been in place for a long time, you forget you are
wearing it. Your masks have well protected you in the past, but release them with love.

Be realistic. Dropping disguises all at once is too drastic. Some of them may still serve you and revisit you
on occasion. Make sure you choose to use a particular disguise, and that you are not just going back to
old habits again.

It takes time and maybe the people closest to you may not like who you really are. But in the end, this is
the first step towards becoming better than you are.

Are you masking who you really are with your personality? It’s not a trick question. What is the face you
show most often to the world? Do you play the victim? Do you play bully? Or, do you prefer to put on
the mask of an overachiever and perfectionist?

Masks exist to conceal who we really are, or what we fear most. They exist as the wall between the
world and our pain. We hide our trauma behind them, our true desires. We put on the face of someone
else in order to create the connections we crave.

These masks do us a great disservice, though, when we place them between ourselves and the reality
we desire. For us to manifest a life that is safe, rewarding, and complete, we must break out of the
masks that no longer fit and become the type of person who can exist authentically within themselves.

VII-How to be more intentional in who we are…

Are you happy with these masks or would you rather get rid of them, The memories and marks left by
our masks rarely go away entirely but as we become more aware of them we can turn them into a
better mindset.

If you want to break away from your masks then you have to begin that process by:
Build your self-esteem

Anchoring in new beliefs

Choosing different actions

Take the first step in the process by building up your self-esteem. Breaking out of a mask sometimes
requires going against the grain of others (and our former selves). That requires courage, and courage is
held by those who love themselves enough to know they are capable and strong.

When we are making better choices and holding better beliefs about ourselves, then we are able to
choose different actions.

CONCLUSION
Finally, we have told you what masking is but more importantly, we pointed out how it can be both a
benefit and an inconvenience.

So the question now becomes would you rather wear the mask or live without its protection?

Sources:
Ifioque: https://ifioque.com/social-psychology/masking

Zig verve: https://zigverve.com/health/mental-health/masks-of-personality-what-is-masking-and-how-

to-cope-with-it/

Medium: https://medium.com/practical-growth/how-are-you-using-your-personality-to-mask-who-you-
really-are-18308f813492