“NOTHING”

Love is a wonderful thing to experience. People say that love is the only
thing to create peace and harmony. Others believe it while others do not. Loving
is not compulsory. It is not a task, a responsibility or an obligation. Love is an
anonymous thing. You cannot explain it verbally but you can feel it in your body,
mind and soul.

There are different kinds of love. Love is not only in romantic ideas. There
are love present for our own self, for our family, for friends, for a special someone
and lastly our love for the Lord. In 18 years of existence, yes I experienced love
but not fully and not real. Why? I just know it and I feel it. The world is so unfair
but you cannot do anything but to accept the slap of reality. The world will make
you happy now and then makes you sad later. In the end you will just sigh and
whisper into yourself “that’s life”.

I already experienced different hardships in life. I am not a happy go lucky student

but it seems that I am because of my actions. I faced problems in my family,
studies, my relationships with my friends and especially to myself. But the saddest
part of it is that I carry the entire burden. I am always the independent variable in
the scene. I understand what is happening that is why I just need to move on for
the better. Then we will now have the forgive and forget story. But is that really
fair? Will it just continue forever? What about if I get tired of understanding the
story? What will happen? Are they going to do the same understanding as what I
did? I think it is no because they will misinterpret the change of my attitude.
Instead of understanding, they will just judge and tell you “Oh, what is happening
to you? You’ve changed!”. Funny? Yes, but that is reality and you can relate on it.
 Life is challenging that is why we need inspiration. But being alone in life
leads you to surrender everything. There are people who are not alone but are
still lonely. Others may seem happy but deep inside they are crying for help. The
very best example for inspiration is the family. Family is the heart of the society.
Family is your living guidance, protection and grace. Having a family surely is
amazing and it is priceless. But did you already feel of having family but can’t
really tell that I am at home? It is really painful living like that. Sometimes
questions keep popping on my mind like who am I going to call if something bad
will happen to me? Is it my family? I think no, I don’t want to make them worry.
My friends? It’s still no, I don’t want to become a disturbance to them. I almost
tried all the dumbest thing to do. I am too happy at little things. I laughed like
there’s no tomorrow. I can easily cry and I’d frequently tried to cry all day. I can
easily appreciate even the smallest thing someone had made for me. I also think
about suicidal acts. I feel loved and appreciated but it’s just to make me happy. In
a little while it feels like hell.

I am always thinking that God really loves me that He gave me challenges.

He is really testing me and I’m in the brink of surrendering right now. There are
people who make me happy and I’m thankful for them for loving me even though
I can’t recognize myself anymore. Life is sacrificing that is why I will and always be
relying to God. In the end, I am still thankful that I am alive. I am thankful that I
can still laugh and cried. I’m happy that I am sad and in suffering because I believe
that I will get its sweet reciprocal someday with Him. I am assuming. I am hoping.
I believe in Him and I surrender my everything in Him.