Toxic breeding

Why should parenting change in the new era?

"My husband is something else. It was given to me by my father, and I accepted it with
joy... On the first day I got a girlfriend with him I had already thought about the children...
I think many things, many, and I am sure that the things I think will be done by my son. I
gave myself to my husband for him, and I keep giving myself to see if he comes, but never
for fun...!
- Yerma, Federico García Lorca (1934)

Being a parent does not imply living through our children. Being a father should be a
pleasure, to accompany our little person in his decisions, whether good or bad and guide
him to learn from his mistakes and not commit them again; Today there are already
couples or even single people who want to have a child to give him the love and
understanding that they did not give them, or to be an excellent father / mother like the
one they had. But as we well know, the traditional way of parenting is: mother takes care
of the children and the house, while father works and has fun with his friends. More apart
from both physical and mental violence, really shocking!
But why do we talk about this? Well, the figures of family violence in Mexico increased to
more than 1100 cases in the first 5 months of 2022 , this marks an increase of 83.52% since
2015, with 595 child homicides in the first quarter of the year in question, being only 10%
caused by traffic accidents. Impressive, right?
However, why is this? Parents are not prepared to conduct this challenging task, since
they have suffered mistreatment and abuse all their lives; and if they have not stopped
normalizing such toxic behavior it is typical to commit the same violence and abuse in
their children. While there are other causes in which a child could suffer violence, violence
at home is usually the main one for a child not to communicate other types of situations,
since there is no necessary confidence or time at home to be able to alert us about
situations such as bullying, harassment, etc.
What is the point of all this? Well, have you noticed that everything comes from past
eras? We must remember that being a father is developing strengths that we do not have
and facing problems that we thought impossible. And sometimes to obtain the above, we
must be willing to change and precisely for that is what therapy is before being a father; heal
our internal wounds and become aware of our own limiting beliefs; this will give us the
option that through self-knowledge we can decide what father or mother we want to be.
Because while being a parent is taking children to the pediatrician, taking them to school,
feeding them, giving them recreational moments, among other things. It is also to maintain
your own emotional health and take care of your personal life, since having children does not
mean having to lose your autonomy, and you have to remember that the emotional
health of a father can affect the relationship he has with his child "You have to take care
of ourselves to take better care of them" Parenting goes beyond requirements to meet
children's basic needs. Parents have a noteworthy influence on the development of their
personality, emotional sensitivity and the acquisition of healthy habits and behaviors. It is
therefore advisable to adopt the new system of respectful parenting, which has been
adopted by 53% of current parents, having positive results in the behavior of minors , and
to this we can add the Montessori model for the development of skills as functional
humans and suitable for integration into society, as well as the psychological treatment of
parents during the upbringing of the child and even before conception.
Let us get more into the topic of respectful parenting; it has its basis in John Bowlby's
attachment theory. It is defined as a way of life and is based on the principles of
unconditional love, empathy, equality, and respect for our children. But moving from
theory to practice is not easy, so as psychologist Cristina Laguna said: "If we want to
educate consciously and respectfully, we will have to review and respect ourselves too."
Because although our parents did the best they could, they raised us in a different model
that we talked about at the beginning of this small essay, and we could notice that there
are still wounds that are not closed in adulthood.

Sources:
- https://www.unicef.org/chile/comunicados-press/study-of-unicef-reveals-that-
fathers-and-mothers-resort-to-violence-because#:~:text=The%20study%20sample
%20that%20one,violent%20as%20effective%20(47%25).
- https://www.semmexico.mx/en-los-primeros-cinco-meses-del-2022-las-cifras-de-
violencia-familiar-aumentan-a-mas-de-110-mil-casos/
- https://blog.derechosinfancia.org.mx/2022/09/22/homicidio-de-infancia-y-
adolescencia-en-mexico-a-agosto-de-2022/
- https://www.psicoemocionat.com/que-es-la-crianza-respetuosa-y-cuales-son-sus-
principios/
- https://blogs.iadb.org/desarrollo-infantil/es/papa-mama-su-salud-mental-
importa/