THE BURN CLEAN MODEL

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An Assertiveness Training Model

In communication, we want to be able to express clearly what we want.

We want also to do so in the way that is most likely to get the results we
want. Utilizing an approach that is assertive, as opposed to aggressive,
provides a positive framework with which to express what you want.

STEP ONE: Explain what has happened (the EVENT).

STEP TWO: Share how you feel about what happened (your
REACTION).

STEP THREE: Affirm the other person or the relationship.

STEP FOUR: Identify the change(s) you want.

STEP FIVE: Explain the consequences or results (positive and/or

negative) that will occur if you get or do not get what
you want.

(See further explanation of each Step on the next page).

 THE BURN CLEAN MODEL

STEP ONE: Your goal in each step is to explain what you want
from a “Centered” place. Instead of “Spitting Out the
Hook,” you now want to avoid “casting out your own
hooks.” Remember, “Do Not Awaken Resistance.”
State calmly and clearly what happened (the EVENT)
that motivates your desire to talk with this person.

STEP TWO: Share how you felt/feel about what happened. (Your
feeling may be one we often identify as “negative”
but you’re naming the feeling, not hammering the
other person with it. There are no “negative”
emotions, only emotions. Be real; be accurate.

STEP THREE: While this step may sound strange, it is a very

important part of the process. By “Affirming” the
person or the relationship, you’re letting them know
that you are there only to talk about one EVENT and
how you REACTED to that EVENT. You are not
threatening the person or the relationship. As a
matter of fact, you’re present expressing yourself
because you want to clear up something so you can
move forward.

STEP FOUR: State as simply as possible the change you want. “I

want . . . .).
STEP FIVE: We seldom talk about consequences. However, they
are always present. You’re just going to be clear
about what those consequences are. On the positive
side, “if I get what I want, then “X” will happen; if I
don’t get what I want, then “Z” will happen.

If it’s the first time you’ve talked with this person

about this EVENT and your REACTION, then you may
only want to mention the positive consequences if
you get what you want. You can assume that, in
many cases, they’ll want you to have what you want.

If this visit is your second or third visit, then you may

want to include negative consequences as well.

Consequences are not threats; they are an

expression of what you’re going to do.